#and also like how much they gender entirely non gender specific things (see: pranking)

[999999999inadream]

toby fox needs to add like a bit of narration in deltarune abt kris like "they themmed they/themily down the stheirs" cus i cant go on seeing them constantly get he/himmed in yt comment sections

[t-word-kpop]

Stray Kids - Ler head canons (SFW)

A/N: I’m keeping these SFW unless the request states otherwise! Especially since there’s still some stigma around writing smut of Stray Kids. I don’t want to upset anyone! Also, I know you said I could choose, so I’ve decided I’m going to get all the ler head canons out of the way then I will start on the lee ones, unless lee headcanons are requested of course. I really hope this isn’t super repetitive...

Requested by: An anon

*WARNING: THIS IS A TICKLE FIC!*

Reader Gender: Non-Gender Specific

Bang Chan

A really cute and playful ler...

Unless you piss him off. He will DESTROY you if you piss him off, seriously. It’s not pretty.

He is so playful and his teasing is the cutest when he’s feeling playful.

But if you try to distract him while he’s working, prank him, tickle him back or something along those lines. Just know that you’re dead.

Like you will not make it out of his punishments alive.

After wards though he’s always so worried he went to far, but when you assure him that he didn’t he gets SO cocky all over again.

“Yeah, that’s because you deserved it.”

And you’re just like 🙃🙃🙃

He works A LOT. So, whenever he can he’ll try to satisfy your lee mood. Sometimes though he really doesn’t have the time, and that can really frustrate him. He just wishes he had more time.

But when you both get to actually spend time together, you’re either, cuddling and chilling out or he’s tickling you.

Woojin

Super playful, and doesn’t really like punishments, but also totally not afraid to fuck you up if you REALLY deserve it.

You’d have to do something awful to get a punishment or anything like that. He’s not as intense as Chan.

His teasing is pretty brutal though, and he is NOT afraid to do it in public. He just LOVES watching your face turn bright red as he wiggles his fingers while you’re talking to one of the members.

Then he loves how confused his members face gets when they see you blushing.

He’s the type (with your permission of course) that would bring some of the other boys in to help too.

He just wants to see you dead constantly, because he knows how much you love it, and that makes him super happy.

He is SUPER smart when it comes to wrecking you and really likes to do things that make it different and more exciting for you.

Lee Know (Minho)

Fucking.

Evil.

Seriously though. So, so evil. He will DESTROY you with no mercy.

He basically just loves to push you right to the very edge of your sanity, and honestly finds it hilarious.

If you ever complain about how ruthless he is, he will just brush it off.

“You asked for it, so why should I go easy on you?”

The most frustrating and cocky shit on the planet. He will just smirk at you the entire time, and by the end you’re about ready to smack him upside the head.

But don’t do that, because that would just earn you a punishment, and if you thought that normally ler Minho was bad, you don’t even want to meet angry ler Minho.

The type to tickle you after he’s had a bad day, so he can let off some steam.

He’s also dead silent most of the time, which is sometimes worse than teasing, because he teases you more with his facial expressions and you can never tell what’s coming.

Changbin

The softest oh my god.

ALWAYS terrified that he went to far, especially the first time you ask him to be a bit more brutal, he would be so worried about you. Asking you if you’re okay a million times, he only stops when you admit that you loved it... (with a bright red blush on your face).

He will always ask you if you’re okay after a session.

He also always asks if he could improve on anything, or asks is what he does is good.

Now.

He may be soft, however his teasing is...

Amazing awful.

“Aww, look at the little lee. So desperate, but I’m not going to start until you’re begging for it.”

Always makes you ask for it, and in some more evil cases makes you beg.

Hyunjin

Okay. Softest ler.

Softer than Changbin, if that’s even possible.

I sorta feel like Hyunjin is more lee honestly, but as a ler he’d be such a soft bean.

I feel like his teasing would end up making him giggle and cringe at himself.

I feel like he’d lack confidence when it comes to teasing, and would find himself cringing slightly at what he’s saying. He’d constantly be worried he was bad at it as well.

I know Hyunjin lacking confidence is unheard off, but let’s be real here the boy is a SOFTIE.

He’d ALWAYS laugh along with you, like WITHOUT fail.

There is basically no such thing as evil ler Hyunjin.

He’s too soft for this, and seeing you laugh and giggle as he has you pinned down just makes him feel even softer, and he just never has the heart to fully wreck you.

A fantastic ler for if you ever need some cheer up tickles.

Han (Jisung)

Mean. To put it simply.

Fucking LOVES to call himself and have you call him the tickle monster.

Like seriously though, he will make you call him that. Some times he would completely refuse to tickle you until you call him that.

Totally do NOT (do it) imagine him straddling your waist, chuckling as you giggle trying to get the word out so he will just START already.

“Please... T-t-tickle monster.”

“Aww, see that wasn’t so hard was it?” Cue him laughing at how fucking adorable you are.

Like Woojin, he would love to stand behind a member you’re talking to and wiggle his fingers, giggling as your face flushes a bright red.

A HUGE tease and an even HUGER little shit.

Not afraid to tease you in public. Like at all.

If you’re being a real little brat he will start to make threats and just watch you melt into a puddle as you imagine them.

Like turning to you and whispering stuff like this; “If you don’t fucking behave, I will pin you up against this wall and wreck you in front of everyone in this restaurant.”

Then he smirks and watches your demeanour change almost automatically.

Felix

Okay, so Felix stumped me a bit.

I feel like he’d kind of be a mixture of all of them. A bit evil but also a super giggly ler that laughs along with you.

One thing I do know is that he’d be SUPER teasy, and I think most of you would agree with me on that.

He would take SO much pride in the fact that he could make you a flustered mess from such simple things. Sometimes only by saying a single word.

Like, he will throw it into conversation casually to try to catch you off guard then will tease you about the cute blush that’s risen onto your cheeks.

 Basically loves to find ways to mess with you.

“Every time I say the word ‘tickle’ you blush, is something wrong? Are you ‘ticklish’ perhaps?”

He would emphasise the word SO much and honestly just wants you so flustered that you’re dead.

Seungmin

EVIL!

Oh my god. Such a sarcastic shit when it comes to being ler.

Will literally wreck you into next year every single time.

He’s pretty much a little Minho, he will destroy you in every way, he will push you to the edge of your sanity.

However, unlike Minho he would have his soft moments, where you’re just wrapped up in his arms, and he’s holding you in his chest tickling you until you’re squealing for him to stop.

He also wouldn’t be super silent like Minho, he’d be a bit teasy, but I feel like his teases would come more before and after the sessions, or during breaks.

He would love raspberries!!! Oh my god would he love them. He would ALWAYS love the adorable little squeals you would produce from it.

Basically wants to make you scream and cry with laughter during every session.

He just wants you dead by the end.

I.N (Jeongin)

Such a fucking little shit.

Has zero remorse and mercy, oh my god.

He will also CONSTANTLY bring up the fact that you like it or that you asked for it, especially if you ask him to stop during a session.

“Oh quit asking for me to stop, you don’t really want me too otherwise you would’ve used the safe word. You’re loving this.”

Soft boy, always giggles at your adorable blushes and giggles and squeaks and snorts.

Basically, just loves your random little noises. They make him so happy.

They make him realise that, “Oh okay, I am doing a good job.”

Will 100% (with your permission) bring in some of his hyungs to help wreck you. He would let you pick too.

You always picked who you thought would wreck you best. (becuase you’re tickle thirsty lol).

[norgad-vcd]

Revised Text

What goes on, online?

Anything and everything. It’s a beautiful and vibrant mess of human interaction. Everything from trivial and thoughtless acts to the most sincere and genuine deeds. It’s grounds for the vicious and the virtuous alike. The internet is what you make of it; a tool as good or bad as it’s wielders.

It’d take a thousand lifetimes to see it all.

How about a quick glimpse instead?

Hiya, I’m Tom! I’ve spent enough of my life online that I can confer some of my findings to you. This book is a smörgåsbord of experiences, phenomena, and memories I’ve been witness to and participant in during my time here. While not a full picture, it should help you navigate the ballpark of possibilities out there. My experiences are just one sample from billions; perhaps after this you’ll seek to venture out further into that world-wide web, or - at the very least - understand a little better those who do.

Friendships don’t care about how you nourish them, just that you do.

Catching up online is great for keeping friends close. It might be raining, someone might be away from home, or even sick and stuck at the hospital; the reason doesn’t matter. It might not be perfect - and sure, we could all get a little more sunlight - but for what it’s worth it’s good for the soul and sometimes the best thing on hand.

How do I put this?

It’s not all the same thing though, there’s different tools for different jobs. There’s a difference between how I talk to people in an idle chat and talking to someone in a formal meeting; different modes of communication for different settings and people. It’s the same thing with online modes of communication. Sending a message on Discord to one of my friends, I’d take a casual, grammarless, and very loose style of typing. Contrast that with an email to my grandmother; that’s much more structured and considered, like a half mimicry of a handwritten letter to be delivered by post. People still sign off emails with their names at the end, as if emails don’t also just tell you who they’re from in the ‘sender’ info.

Occasionally I’ll need to message someone I only vaguely know. In these circumstances it can feel a bit standoffish and unfamiliar. I’ll type out sanitised and unambiguous sentences; without tone of voice - or a history of talking to the person online before - it’s hard to judge sarcasm, emotion, and everything else conveyed nonverbally in a conversation. Erring on the side of caution seems to be the best bet, until we both get to know each other’s style of writing a bit better.

Over the first 2020 lockdown, me and most of my real-life friends started a minecraft server together and played through it for the duration of our stint stuck at home. It was like a little clubhouse, each time we logged in and saw things change slightly since last time. We left each other notes and set up gifts and pranks for when people left and returned. It was a great way to keep in touch when we were otherwise very isolated from social contact.

On a lot of platforms there’s a little indicator that tells you if someone’s online, offline, or possibly busy. This is really useful to see if someone might be free to talk or hang out. It’s also really good at betraying to someone the fact that I still have not gone to sleep, despite the fact that I said I was going to sleep about four hours ago.

To be fair, they said they were going to sleep about four hours ago as well.

[JOSH TEXT]

A big benefit to text chat is that if I’m preoccupied and all my friends are talking about something, I’m not left behind and out of the loop. I can always re-read what everyone wrote once I have time, pick up all the new inside jokes and keep up to date with people’s lives. The same can’t be said for voice chat; if I miss a hangout there I’ve missed it for good. This can get a bit weird if people are using both at the same time though; the text portion of the chat devolves into a complete mess of contextless strings of text and images out of nowhere. With a keen eye and a bit of detective work I can often piece together the general gist of the missed conversation, but other times it remains a mystery forever.

Whenever someone sends me a meme, I’m elated. I get to look at a funny picture, but I also get to send that same funny picture to someone else. Who knows how many hands the image passed through before it reached me, and how many more hands it will pass through before it reaches its final viewer. Maybe it’ll never reach a final resting place, instead getting recycled and remixed into memes anew until the end of time.

[ANOTHER GUEST SPEAKER TEXT]

Who are you, on the internet?

Online, your real-life identity isn’t attached to you by default. Of course there’s places where the expectation is indeed a connection to real identities - like Facebook for example - but this is not a requirement. I’m not known as ‘Tom’ online, people know me by my username.

It’s not a fake me, or a way to lie to people, it’s just an alternate expression of myself. We act differently to different people in so many social situations, - from time with family, to at work, and to hanging out with friends - the internet allows even more possible ways to express parts of ourselves. For me, it’s liberating to exist in a state that’s disconnected from the tangle of my real life self, and to keep the tangle of my internet presence away from real life as well.

On the internet, nobody knows who you are.

Unless you divulge them to others, your identity, physical appearance, background, nationality, gender, race and so on are completely unknown; this is the great equalizer. Free from biases based on your physical self, you can be perceived as purely another person.

A clean slate can tempt some however to act recklessly. If an identity and history can be shed so easily, some people feel emboldened to act without the threat of consequences; verbally beat someone up, and then wash their hands of the whole incident.

It’s important to remember that people online are still people; while their faces might be obscured, they still have thoughts and feelings. In general, talking to people online has about the same potential as real-life to be great, awful, or somewhere inbetween; it’s mostly luck of the draw who you’ll run into.

I don’t know the names or faces of some of my closest friends.

That doesn’t mean I don’t care about them; I just care more about who they are as an individual. I still know their personalities, their sense of humor, what they like and don’t, and everything else you’d know about a friend. We still have inside jokes, favourite group pastimes, and all the rest.

Who are you talking to?

When I was younger and my parents would ask who I’m talking to on the computer, I wouldn’t know how to respond.

Do I tell them “I don’t know” and spark images in their heads of catfishers and criminals?

Do I tell them my friend’s username and get told “that’s not a real name”?

Most of the time I’d just try to give a vague non-answer and hope the conversation goes elsewhere. Keep my little world safe.

[SYDNEY TEXT]

Perfect is the enemy of good.

Because everyone lives in different time-zones, it can often be difficult to pre-plan hangouts. Oftentimes me and my friends have planned to have a movie night at a specific time, and then once that time rolls around, one or two people are still offline, probably asleep. Oftentimes whoever was missing will come online several hours later and be sorry and upset that they held everyone up and wasted everyone’s time. Of course, we had all just postponed the movie night and just hung out and chatted instead.

Oftentimes we have to accept that it’s near impossible to have everyone hang out at the same time; it’d require half of us to be up at god awful times or to wake up at 4am for something. Instead of trying to plan big ‘everyone’ events every once in a blue moon, we try to have frequent but smaller hangouts. It might mean that we don’t get to see everyone at the same time, but it’s still workable. If we were to hold out till everyone was free at the same time, we’d never end up hanging out at all.

She should have been back by now.

A while ago, someone in one of my friend groups noted that someone hadn’t been online for two weeks. Dread set in. We all knew that our friend was very prone to getting ill, and we didn’t want to say it but we were worried she might have died. Since we don’t know each other in ‘real life’ it was entirely possible that someone could drop dead one day and we’d never get any confirmation; just left wondering what happened. We asked around in common friend circles, and nobody had heard from her, coming up on about three weeks at that point. We had to do something.

Multiple friend circles of people from all around the world, scrambling to find any scrap of information about our lost friend. One person had ‘maybe’ an address that they sent something to once, but it might have been an old house. We found about three different possible legal names, and had no way to be sure which was right. We ended up sending a letter addressed to the name we thought was most likely to be right, or to “the family of”. Someone tried ringing her house, but the people on the other end of the line didn’t know who we were, and we didn’t know who they were; we got hung up on because they thought we were stalkers. It was all desperate fumbling in the dark, but we were worried sick.

There were only ever two possible outcomes; if she came back we would find out she was alright, if she didn’t we would be left eternally hoping she would. Nobody wants to be the one to say “Hey guys, I think our friend might be dead, we should give up.” Time soon gave us our answer; she was alright. She had been stuck in hospital for a while and didn’t have access to a phone to let us know what had happened. We were all so relieved and had a laugh over how everyone overreacted, but it really did scare me. I’ve learned to really value the time I get to spend with my online friends; next time might not be so lucky, and if something were to happen it’s hard to ever get closure on it.

There’s never been a better time to pick up a new hobby.

One thing the internet’s really helped with is connecting like-minded individuals. Before the internet, if you had a niche hobby, you were probably the only person you know in your town with that hobby. Kinda lame, yeah? Nowadays, you can reach across the globe and connect with everyone who’s into the same stuff as you! Mainstream topics can have gargantuan communities, but what I find even more interesting is the weird obscure hobbies and groups, the kind that would never survive without the internet.

People online dedicate huge amounts of their free time to making resources and guides to almost everything. Need more bespoke help? You’d be hard pressed not to find someone who’s keen to chat more about their favourite pastime, if it means welcoming a new person into the fold. Guides and resources, instructional videos; it doesn’t matter if you’re trying to get into carpentry, cooking or, (mine)crafting; you’ll find support along the way.

Some things really should have stayed niche.

Conspiracy theorists. Hate groups. Radical extremists. The internet’s power to connect people can also amplify voices that really didn’t need amplifying. What once were lone people with fringe beliefs - isolated and ‘alone’ - are now monstrous communities with the power to warp people’s sense of normality. There’s a critical mass where people don’t need to interact with people with outside views, they’ve got plenty of people to talk to in your own bubble. They don’t need to ‘go outside’.

We’re all susceptible to this; it’s only human. However, it’s important to stay vigilant. While you shouldn’t keep people around that make you miserable, you shouldn’t block out the first sign of dissent. Maintain a healthy variety in the people you talk to, and the content you consume.

[ANDREW TEXT]

In the rules discussion channel of a board game group I’m in, I swear sometimes it’s like I’m stuck in a time loop. I watch a random person ask a common question about the game, and then someone else will get the rules clarified for them. A few hours will pass, the conversation drifting elsewhere as people drop in and out. Suddenly, I spot it; the same question from before, but from a different person. Like clockwork, another nameless devout will rise up and deliver the answer. And again. And again. It’s like a two-line stage show where the audience is also the cast, over and over and over.

Since profile pictures and usernames are self-selected, every time I talk to someone new I get a weird little keyhole view of what who I’m talking to might be like.

This person has a picture of a cat as their profile image. Is it their cat, or did they just think the cat looked nice? Their username is ‘Millie’, is that their real life name; maybe? Or what if it’s the cat’s name? Are they pretending to be their cat? Are they a cat?

[RAZEK TEXT]

I do a wee bit of online gaming, and in a lot of these games the people you get paired with are completely random. I know nothing about this motley crew I’ve been thrown into, and yet we’re all expected to conform into a cohesive team and work together to win. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes the luck of the draw has it that I’m paired with a bunch of inept clowns, and sometimes I’m paired with intelligent and skilled players who I mesh with really well. On the odd occasion, I might even strike up a good conversation with my team, build up some rapport. Start cracking jokes and bantering.

There’s a strong but ephemeral connection..

Sooner or later, the game ends. We say our goodbyes, and the game throws us back to the wind; like two ships passing in the night. There’s a slim chance we’ll ever both be in the same game again, but it doesn’t matter that much. We still had a good time, made a brief but positive impact on someone else’s day; and hey, there’s always the chance one of us sends the other a friend request before we leave.

Having a large presence online - that is, having other people follow or be ‘fans’ of you - is a mixed bag. For me it’s been really good in allowing me to get my art out there and get clients, but it’s also weird. It feels a bit like I’m up on a stage sometimes, everyone’s watching me. I’ve lost the feeling of being ‘just another guy in the crowd’. What if someone reads something I posted the wrong way? Do I keep being aloof and carefree, or will that hurt my image. Should I care?

[CHAI TEXT]

People with large presences can feel familiar, friendly, like you’re already friends. I’ve caught myself falling into this in the past. The brain’s great at filling in the details you want to be real. I realised that I had it written in my head that this person was super cool and the best and that it’d be really cool if we hung out; all extrapolation. While it’s entirely possible that they were everything I had imagined them to be, until it’s tested it’s all just imagination and fantasy. If I’ve never talked to them, how could I even know?

[DAVID TEXT]

What happens when the digital and the physical self have to intersect?

The two identities are from the same person, but they’re not the same.

One time, my parents sent me a text along the lines of “Your sister showed us your art; looking really cool Tom!”.

How.

I’d never sent my family any of my online profiles. I check my Twitter; sure enough in front of my eyes the screen tells me my sister has followed my twitter account. Abject horror. How much did they look at? What did they think? Should I start looking for a flat?

It’s not that I had anything to hide, it’s just that it felt… misaligned. Like two worlds coming together that shouldn’t. I’m sure for them it was just “Wow, look at our son go!”, but for me in the moment it was a sudden wave of confusion and dread.

One time, I was lucky enough to have a few of my internet friends visit in real life. I was showing them around my house, when I ran into my mum. It hit me. Who do I even introduce these people as? We all know each other by our online names and had been using them in conversation minutes earlier, but that would make no sense to my poor mum. And so, awkwardly, one by one my friends rattled off a set of names entirely alien to me. We all barely managed to keep straight faces as each of us discovered “Wait, this person’s called WHAT?”.

We all promptly forgot each other’s names within about two minutes.

Thanks to the internet, I met my partner.

Almost four years later we’re still going strong, twelve thousand kilometers apart. It helps a lot that a lot of our common interests can be done online, chiefly gaming and movies. But even the other stuff, we can still do together in some aspects. We always say good morning and goodnight to each other on the phone, and fill each other in on what we’ve been up to that day. If we go somewhere and see something cool, we can still share pictures and videos. If I make a really nice dinner, I can send them the recipe and they can have a taste (though that last one might depend on their cooking skills).

Of course, it’s not identical to an in-person relationship. We have to put a lot more effort into reaching out to each other and making time to hang out and talk; it won’t happen by accident. We’re both really looking forward to being able to move together, but until then, being together apart isn’t all that bad.

[WESLEY TEXT]

Listen a moment, before you go.

I am only one person. My field of view is limited, as is my experience. Take my advice with a grain of salt, I can’t prepare you for everything. There’s so much more waiting out there for you to uncover, some good, some bad; be sensible.

[CREDITS ‘N’ SHIT]

[notesfromthepen]

INAPPROPRIATE

     Weinstein, Al Franken, Louis CK, Tom Cole, Blake Farenthold, Matt Lauer, Charlie Rose, Donald Trump. The list goes on and on. I wonder where this road lead is leading. But first a disclaimer:

Predatory sexual behavior is not okay. Sexual assault is not okay. Sexual harassment is not okay. Abuse of power and aggression towards women is definitely not okay. In no way am I demeaning these very serious things. And in no way am I excusing these behaviors. Or mitigating the actions of the perpetrators.

     I humbly make this disclaimer as a plea for conversation. To say that we should never be above a worthy discussion or deem a subject below our effort. I only ask for a discussion free from the dogmatic judgment and reactionary anger that clouds the conversations in our society. 

Too often, at the first chance we get, we label any person or idea as either friend or foe, no matter how premature or inaccurate these labels may be. Some of you may even be doing this as you read these words, even before I've said much of anything. I simply wish, as much as is possible, to make observations about these 'hot button' issues without stirring the self righteous rage or reactionary indignation that drowns out voices and blinds our vision. 

This is just a plea, to put down our preconceived notions and emotional baggage, so that we can talk about the issues that we face as a society. Because we must come to some understanding.

This disclaimer might be misleading and it's unfortunate that it is even necessary. It might lead you to assume that I will have an offensive position or controversial stance. Something that will stir the preverbal pot, but this isn't the case, or at least it isn't intended to be. I sincerely pose these questions with humility and compassion, intended, only to spark conversation. I have no real agenda or preference for the out come or the answers put forth. 

I've come to see that our need to view issues as either 'completely black or white' is more of an illusion than a reality. So once again it is our responsibility to hash out the causes, the repercussions, and the solutions to the problems we face. 

We all know that this type of sexual behavior is a problem, or at least we should, but almost everyone I hear seems to be content with just claiming a superficial outrage. This is the safest and easiest stance but it does little in the way of a pragmatic analysis of the root causes and possible solutions to these harmful actions. Unfortunately this is all too common these days: Safe and easy, over, difficult but necessary.

Regardless of our preferences, there must be a line drawn when it comes to the issue of indecent sexual behavior. Especially in the work place. This piece is me, simply wondering out loud, where the line is to be drawn and what the consequences should be for crossing it. My attempt at a conversation that I can't have in here.

With that being said I want to make a prediction: That the nearly constant revelations of celebrities accused of sexual harassment will not stop anytime soon. At some point I think we will find that, in many instances, if we dig deep enough and reach back, far enough into someones past, that most people have had at least one moment worthy of shame, disgust, and embarrassment, depending on where our ever changing level of acceptable behavior currently settles. Especially when it comes to something as complex as human interaction.

Because most men, at some point in their lives, are flawed, confused, flailing idiots, stumbling through life trying to figure out how to deal with other complex people within social conventions. All while trying to figure out how to orchestrate the awkward, nuanced, and often ridiculous dance of courtship and sexuality. And like most bumbling idiots, many people get it wrong. 

It's obvious that, 'getting it wrong' or making mistakes is entirely different, than a habitual pattern of sexually aggressive or abusive behavior. I'm just wondering how low the bar will be set for an 'indecency' worthy of severe repercussions. If set low enough, we will find, few who are able to clear it.

OK, as I'm writing this, with my TV on in the background, more details involving the Matt Lauer accusations are being revealed and I can no longer continue this piece in the same direction without addressing these overt behaviors. I still have the same questions but his actions are ridiculous, seemingly ongoing, and overtly irresponsible. This asshole distracted me from my whole point. 

So with that being said I guess I'm going to have to be completely specific with my references as not to be confused with these types of acts. Dropping your pants and expecting someone in the workplace to give you a blow job or giving a sex toy as a secret Santa gift with a detailed and explicit note of suggested use is pretty indefensible.

But I guess that brings me to my first question: Are all acts of sexual harassment/inappropriateness equal? I'd assume not. First of all we must make clear that sexual assault is different than sexual harassment, which is different than sexual indecency, right? One is criminal in nature another other is 'wrong' and out of place in nature, and the last is 'creepy asshole' in nature. No doubt they are all wrong in varying degrees.

When it comes to, say Al Franken pretending to honk a pair of boobs over a flack jacket vest while smiling for a photo, compared with Matt Lauer having a secret button installed on the desk in his office, allowing him to lock the door without getting up, so he could drop trow without worry of a coworker escaping before getting a regrettable eyeful of 'unwanted Lauer', Are they equal? And if they're not equal, should the punishment or repercussions be the same across the board? 

The next question is: where do we draw the line? Sexual assault, is clearly not okay. Sexual harassment? Not okay. Sexual 'indecency'? This is where we need to figure out where to draw the line of what is unacceptable. And once we deem something unacceptable is it also unforgivable?

This is where things can get blurry. Indecency, is relative. Right? What one person views as acceptable behavior, another may deem as offensive or indecent. And if a vague 'indecency' is where the line in the sand is drawn, we will continue to see men of every position, in every industry, of every age and of every class outed as predators and ousted from their place of employment. Because, by definition, nearly every man, at some point in his life, has probably done something that could be considered sexually indecent. Depending on where you set the bar. 

A major part of the problem that we face is that people want to have sex. It's a fact of life. It is THE fact of life. And as long as people have this desire, the initiator of an unreciprocated advance will wind up as the asshole in the situation. Which is fine, I guess, but should the consequences, no matter how far in the past or regardless of the severity, be: public shaming and the taking of livelihood? 

I'm honestly asking because I'm not sure that we are all on the same page.

Should Lauer lose his job? If the allegations are true, which they seem to be. Absolutely. Should Franken lose his job, for an 'indecent' though obviously non malicious, prank photo? I'm not so sure. If he was asleep and a female comedian, like Amy Schumer, posed for a picture pretending to grab his ass, or crotch, should she lose her job? Is there a double standard? Should there be?

Another aspect that makes this subject less clearly defined is the 'wanted' versus 'unwanted' advances. 

Can a phrase or act be defined as appropriate or inappropriate depending on the reaction of the recipient? If that's the case, it can be a roll of the dice whether or not an advance is looked on as innocent flirting or an unwanted act of sexual indecency. And, in those questionable situations, where it is unknown whether or not an advance would be reciprocated, what should one do? Is the appropriate response to never risk it? This seems to be the intelligent and responsible way to behave in a professional setting, and that is fine. Why risk it?

If we do draw a clearly defined line between appropriate and inappropriate sexual behavior, is the line retroactive? Can someone, who committed an act of insensitivity or made a tasteless advance twenty years before the line was drawn, be held responsible for a line that he or she didn't know existed at the time?

I ask these things with honest curiosity. Because these are the questions that we need to answer as a society if we are to move forward. I worry that without some honest and pragmatic discussion, free from overwhelming emotion, we will get caught up in a reactionary lynch mob mentality, in which we will blindly equate all acts of indecency, sexual harassment and sexual assault. In our understandable fervor and outrage, will we lump together any person who has made a crude joke, an insensitive comment, or idiotically misread a situation at some point in the past, with those guilty of sexual assault or rape?

I want to make a few things clear: When it comes to sexual harassment and indecency, the bar must be moved to reflect the equality that we like to consider ourselves worthy of. No one should have to deal with such avoidable bullshit in the workplace. Assault of any kind, and specifically sexual assault, is unacceptable and we, as men, must listen and be empathetic to the experiences of women, both in and out of the work place. We as human beings must listen to each other, no matter our differences of; race, age, sexual orientation, or gender. For, without the ability to view the perspectives of others, we will continue to be brothers and sisters divided. Don't ever think that this need for a glimpse into someone else's perspective doesn't apply to you. It does. Victim or perpetrator, hero or villain, male or female, black or white, none of us are above our responsibility for empathy. And I pray that none of us are above the desire for more understanding. 

What does it mean, that sexual indecency, sexual harassment, and sexual assault is unacceptable in the entertainment industry but is acceptable when it comes to our politicians? Where are we as a country when we ask more from our celebrities than from our elected officials? 

The fact that numerous accounts of alleged sexual assault isn't enough to disqualify someone from the highest office in our county, disheartens me to the chances of reaching an agreement of what is acceptable and unacceptable sexual behavior. When pedophilia can't be agreed upon as a disqualifier when running for senate, as the nominee of a major political party, then what are our chances for agreement? 

This is yet another symptom of refusing to look objectively at issues. We have become so tribal and so unwilling to do anything against those we view as our 'team mates' or 'tribal members', that we have placed tribe loyalty over our own morals, decency, virtue and justice. 

So without the leaders worthy of leading or, more importantly, without the citizens capable of viewing issues objectively enough to intelligently elect the officials, worthy of the positions they seek, it is left to us. 

The responsibility is on those of us capable of putting our egos, our emotions, and our tribalism to the side to discuss the issues we face. As difficult as it maybe, as uncomfortable as it may feel, we must do the work of engaging in honest discussions of any and all subjects. We mustn't use shame or spite as weapons. We must remove the vitriol and emotion in order to pragmatically discuss, and, or debate, in order to agree upon a direction to move in.

So where is this road headed? There is no doubt that a reckoning is taking place. A reckoning that stems from a righteous cause.. But I wonder, is there anyone at the helm? Is it being steered or guided by anything other than raw emotion and vengeance? And if not, haven't we learned anything from the past? 

When a movement is left to be driven by emotion, vitriol, self righteous indignation, and the fervor of a mob like mentality, no matter how genuinely positive its roots are, it always loses its purity and becomes ugly in it's results. Such a powerful and unguided motor inevitably pulls unintended and undeserving victims into its gears, crushing them under the justification of a righteous cause. 

The true righteous and lasting endeavors of history were compassionate to all involved. Oppressed and oppressor, victim and perpetrator. Martin Luther King, Gandhi, and Jesus, all let the righteousness speak for itself to enact the lasting change that was necessary. Their missions were never tainted by the smog of emotion, because they realized the tendencies of human nature, to become defensive and to relinquish control to such strong emotions. 

As transparency grows, seemingly exponentially, with the information and accessibility of the internet, I suspect that we may eventually be brought together by our common bond, of our flawed nature. As time passes, our weakest moments and our, once secret, indiscretions will become exposed. And as terrifying as this may sound, I believe it can be a good thing. Hopefully this vulnerability will shower us with some much needed humility. With such raw exposure maybe we'll have less places to hold our critiques and less right to pass judgements.

Here in this present moment, in the midst of this reckoning, we must be willing to learn and also willing to teach. We have to come together to understand the affect that our words and actions have on our sisters and brothers. We have to discuss the parameters, with reasonable expectations, for defining unacceptable behavior. 

Or better yet we should teach and practice empathy, so that there isn't a need for a universal, all encompassing rule to guide our every circumstance with every person. This way we can treat each other as fellow human beings and discover where each persons individual boundaries lie. Where we can get to know and understand each other. Maybe we can stop seeing each other as objects or villains and we can listen to each other. 

Hopefully we can also release our expectation to go through life without being offended. Bad things happen to everybody and though this fact shouldn't stop us from doing what we can to curb these experiences, and hold people accountable, but it should prevent us from being irrevocably damaged and defined by those negative experiences. There is a huge difference in perspective between a survivor mentality and a victim mentality. 

This life is a chaotic, messy, and often painful ride. We all are a part of this experience, where none are veterans and all are rookies. The best we can do is to lean on each other (please, no groping!) using compassion, empathy, brutal honesty, and love to learn from our mistakes, fix what we have broken, and to become better brothers and sisters to one another.

This is just my plea. A plea for conversation...