#and even if its not the intended purpose too late yall fucked up

[marrow-minded]

not me just realizing that this was the "poisoning and almost dying" of her snow white allusion i hate it here

[journeywithmo]

Moving with Intent!

So, you know how you want to do something so bad and you like so scared, don’t know where to start, don’t know how to go about it, just don’t know shit? Well if you haven’t, I’ll be the one to tell you that I know all these things all too well. They are the things that have kept me stagnant in life. Let me tell ya’ll I am a dreamer and a hopeless romantic all in one okay? So that keeps my mind going, keeps me on a thousand. But when I get some elaborate idea, I start to think like girl you really getting above yourself! To the point of putting that whole idea to the back of my head. Even with this blog I told yall all my reservations and my fears. But I also had reservations about school. I put that thing off for so long. I doubted myself and my level of intelligence. I didn’t really have a passion for anything that involved school, so I said forget it altogether BUT today honey I put all those things to the side! I let every reservation go but before I get into the now, I’ll give you a little background on my story.

I attended Cody High School and for those who don’t know. It really ain’t the best of schools, you had a lot of gang rivalry going on and it was just plain ole hood!  Before that school and even up to my 10th grade year. I was smart and on my shit okay?! Then I got caught up in trying to be popular, trying to be seen or even going as far as being accepted in one way or another. I would skip class all day long. Stay in the gym or in another one of my teacher’s class trying to be in the know of things. I neglected all my other classes and when I would go, I would be so far behind that it wouldn’t make sense for me to go anymore. I would promise myself every semester that I would do better, but I still fell victim to my surroundings.  So being smart or being on my shit with school was no longer a priority of mine and really nobody close to me. I went thru a major transition from 10th grade to 11th grade. My mother and my stepfather separated. My brother moved away to Chicago with his godparents. My youngest brother and sister moved with their father. My mom didn’t have a job or nowhere to go so we moved in with my auntie whom already had a thousand people staying at her house. With my mom having no job and an absent father who was in jail and minimum support it became harder and harder for me to make it to school. In result of that I moved out from with my mother in the 11th grade to move in with my Godmother. Here I am in a whole new environment but still had the same thing going on and the reality of things was I really didn’t have anybody riding my back checking to see how I was doing what were my grades like. I had nobody holding me accountable for graduating so with that I fucked off the whole senior year to the point of having to graduate out of summer school. How embarrassing is that? And you know what I think that set the tone for me not feeling like I was good enough to go to college or be too much of anything successful. It was always taught to you to go to school, go to college and then become successful but who’s there to hold your hand show you the ropes and guide you. Yea, I know for some people they can just do things with little to no motivation. But for me during that time I needed that push that I needed that person to hold me accountable.

 So, for years after that I would get jobs that didn’t mean nothing to me even the one, I have now is like “what the hell am I doing?”  I was satisfied with making $10 an hour because I thought that was all I was worth. I remember when I thought I wanted to be a nurse but with me going to school for PCT I quickly found out that it was not for yours truly! After all of that I didn’t dream anymore I didn’t believe in me I just went with the flow of life grateful for whatever looked like a gleam of hope. Now that is a 20-year-old Mo maybe and it wasn’t until maybe two months ago at the valuable age of 28 that I decided what I really wanted to do with my life which was become a social worker. I’m drawn to kids especially girls! I have a tender place in my heart for girls that have been neglected in one way or another, girls who just don’t seem to have a fair shot at life, girls who just don’t know any better and don’t have anybody to look up to. I want to be somebody that comes in their life and makes a difference in one way or another. I just want to be the hope that I didn’t necessarily have.  I got the revelation for my career path and to go back to school while I was at work, so I ran home and applied to school. I was so anxious that I was prepared to start school the summer semester. God had a different timing for me though.  Now today here I am a student at Oakland County Community College. It may not mean much to some folks, but to me, it means everything to me!  It wasn’t long ago when I didn’t have a vision for myself, when I couldn’t dream, when I was satisfied with working at Chrysler because what more could I be?

Those thoughts are no longer mine. Today I took my life back! I literally had to talk to my feet and say” we have to move; we can’t stay in this place no more God has called us to something bigger and something better. It’s okay for us to be scared, its okay for us to not know and it’s perfectly normal for us to be doubtful but what we can’t be any longer is STILL!  This time and this season doesn’t call for that. This season for me is about doing all the things God has been gave me the go ahead for. I tell you I was watching an episode of Sunday’s best and Kelly Price told a contestant “ God been said yes he was just waiting on you” that very statement that I’ve heard many of times before in my life meant so much more to me in that moment. That was my motivation and drive to get to moving. So slowly I’m saying goodbye to procrastination. I’m starting to look fear in the eyes and tell him who I am. I’m starting to take back my mind and my thoughts. Let me tell you it’s a whole process but when I start walking in the fruits of God labor the prize is so rewarding to know that God is pleased with what I’m doing and is saying” well done my daughter it’s about time I’ve been waiting on you” brings me tear ( literally as I’m typing) of excitement joy and just pure bliss! So, my girl, my sister, my bestfriend don’t stop dreaming don’t stop believing don’t give up on yourself. It’s okay to not know right now. It’s okay to be fearful and doubtful but it’s not okay to stay still. Just Move! Don’t matter where just move and he’ll start to make everything make sense he’ll start to direct your path and give order to your walk. Believe in you like I do. My prayer is after you read this everything will start to make sense to you. You will begin to walk in purpose with passion. You will begin to see things and yourself thru different eyes. You will begin to be who you are intended to be! It’s never too late to believe in yourself and start over. It’s never to late to start dreaming again. Count yourself in because you already have enough people counting you out!

 As always sister I’ll leave you with this scripture

Proverbs 16:9 In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.

Remember sister I believe in you!! I love you and most of all I support you!