#and frantically add my favorite spices and flavorings (it usually turns out alright)

[glacialheart]

i know you need recipes to cook but i laugh in the face of recipes

[you-can-call-me-jennifer]

Here for Moral Support

You and Spencer have been dating for almost a year, and you still have yet to tell the rest of the team (excluding Penelope, who found out the week prior in the most unfortunate of ways). When you realize that Spencer forgot to replenish the condoms in his go-bag, you’ve got one thing on your Target list and one thing only. The mission: get in, buy condoms, and get out before anyone notices.

A/N: I am all for the idea that when he’s in a long-term relationship, Spencer is secretly a flirt/tease. Enough said.

Rating: T (mature topics mentioned, but nothing explicit is written)

(Y/N): Your Name

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Late-night Target runs with the BAU team before a case are tradition, leaving the plane and immediately heading for the nearest Target. We have to get all the supplies we will need for the duration of our stay within the time the store is open for, making it a treasured, yet stressful, experience.

“It closes at midnight, everyone. We’ve got one hour,” Emily announces as Hotch pulls the van into a parking space. “Let’s do this.”

The entire team pours out of the van as soon as it’s in park, speed walking into the store. Spencer and I purposely hang back from the group just far enough to be out of earshot.

“Did you restock the condoms in your go-bag?” I ask quietly, and his eyes grow wide.

“Dammit. I forgot,” he hisses. “We’re going to have to get more here.”

“They’ll all be suspicious if they see them with you,” I warn. “Get in and get out. That’s the mission.”

He nods, but grabs my wrist suddenly. “I forget what kind they are.”

“You have an eidetic memory and you forgot what condoms we get?” I respond, laughing slightly. “I vaguely remember the box, but that’s it.”

He raises an eyebrow. “See? I’m not the only one who doesn’t remember.”

“In my defense, you usually buy them,” I tease, and he rolls his eyes.

“In my defense, I usually order them from Amazon. They’re saved to my favorites.”

I snort. “I think they’re in a blue box, but that’s pretty much every condom ever.”

As soon as the team enters the store, we all head our separate ways. With a quick scan of our coworkers’ directions, we decide it’s safe to head to the condom aisle.

“How are there so many ones to choose from?” Spencer wonders aloud, and I laugh.

“Variety is the spice of life.”

He chuckles. “Oh, all right. How about —“ he picks up a random box, reading it. “Glow in the dark condoms.”

I erupt into a fit of loud laughter. “Your dick would look like a glow stick. Or a lightsaber.”

Spencer laughs, putting the box back on the shelf. “Let’s shelf that idea for now, pun intended.”

“Okay, okay. Are these it?” I take another box off the shelf, turning it around in my hand.

“Mm, nope. Orange flavored,” he reads, scrunching up his nose. “Ew.”

“Ew is right,” I agree, putting them back. “Why are these all specialty condoms?”

He laughs again. “That makes it sound like a drink. Ma’am, what are your specialty condoms?”

“Artisanal condoms,” I gasp out, laughing hysterically, and that sends Spencer into a fit of his own frantic laugher.

“What the hell, guys?”

Both of us immediately turn to the familiar voice, and I can see Spencer die a little bit inside at the sight of Morgan.

“Uh,” he gapes. “Um —“

“Artisanal condoms,” I snort, falling into another fit of uncontrollable laughter.

Derek quirks an eyebrow. “Reid, are you buying condoms?”

“Attempting to,” he blurts out, mentally kicking himself as soon as he says it.

“...with (Y/N)?”

“I’m here for moral support,” I joke, but suddenly spot the familiar box just in front of me.

In a rush of absolutely not caring, I grab it off the shelf, double-checking the size, and throw it into the basket Reid grabbed as we walked in.

“Holy shit,” Derek half-laughs, half-scoffs. “No way.”

Spencer simply sighs, fighting back a smile as he runs his free hand over his face. “I am too tired for this.”

“When did this start?” Derek motions between us, grinning wildly. “Because I so called it.”

“You never know, Derek, we could just be friends with benefits,” I raise an eyebrow, crossing my arms as I fight to keep from laughing at both his and Spencer’s entirely unimpressed faces.

“Nah, I know you two,” he rebukes. “You’re not the type. How long’s it been?”

“Our one year anniversary is a week from tomorrow,” Reid answers, and Morgan’s jaw drops.

“An entire year? Damn. Good for you two. Have you told anyone else?”

“Garcia knows. JJ suspects something, but she didn’t say anything,” I reply. “We were planning on telling the team, but this case came up and we felt like we should wait until afterwards.”

“But you couldn’t wait to buy condoms,” he teases, and Spencer rolls his eyes.

“We ran out!”

Morgan chuckles. “I get it, I get it. Are you going to tell the team now?”

“What, now that our secret is slowly being leaked?” I grin. “Maybe. That’s up to Spence.”

He shrugs. “The only one who would have an issue with it would be Hotch.”

“He loves us,” I respond. “He’s going to give us the whole love vs duties of the job spiel, but we both knew that was coming.”

“He’ll be happy for you both,” Derek adds. “I won’t say anything, though. But I have your backs no matter what.”

Spencer smiles. “Thanks, Morgan.”

He nods, beaming at both of us. “Now, I’d buy those quickly, because even if you’re planning to tell the team, I can’t imagine you want to do it this way.”

“That is very true,” I laugh, grabbing Spencer’s hand and pulling him in the direction of the self-checkout. “See you in a few, Derek. Thanks for everything.”

“Of course, kid.”

“You’re so cute,” Spencer muses, pressing a kiss to my cheek as we walk to the front of the store. “I feel all giddy all of a sudden.”

I laugh. “Well, your best friend finally knows about an important part of your life. That’s got to feel freeing.”

“I guess so,” he sighs happily, swiping his card to pay. “I want to tell the team tonight.”

“Tonight?” I repeat. “That’s fine, but are you sure you’re not running on the high of relief?”

“No, that’ll happen later tonight,” he winks, and I roll my eyes, slapping his arm as he laughs.

“Okay, fine. We’ll take an order of one awkward car ride to go.”

******

“Seatbelts on?” Hotch asks, and I can barely hear Emily’s muttered “Yes, dad.” Spence and I stifle a laugh, and JJ rolls her eyes.

Rossi inputs the hotel’s information into the GPS, setting us up for a fifteen minute drive, and he then begins to read out our room assignments. “Alright, looks like we’ve got Reid and Morgan, JJ and Prentiss, Garcia and (Y/N), and Hotch and I. Any questions?”

“I have one,” Spencer interjects, and I catch the highly entertained look Derek shoots in our direction. “Can I switch roommates with Garcia?”

“Oh, happily,” she agrees, but confusion sets over most of the van.

“Why, Reid?” Hotch asks. “We usually try to pair same-sex roommates together.”

“Well,” he continues. “It’s hard for me to sleep without (Y/N).”

“Oh my god,” Emily gasps. “I knew it!”

JJ smiles, reaching back and patting Spencer’s knee. “I’m so happy for you both.”

“You kids are good for each other,” Rossi remarks from the passenger’s seat. “Congrats.”

“Well, given the circumstances,” Hotch comments, “I don’t see anything wrong with switching roommates, Reid.”

“Thanks, Hotch.”

Hotch smiles, meeting our eyes in the rear view mirror. “I’m happy for you two.”

“Oh, God, finally!” Penelope sighs. “I have known for almost a week, and I have been positively dying!”

“How’d you find out?” Emily asks, then looks to Derek. “Did you know too?”

“I only just found out in Target,” he replies. “So yes, but no.”

Garcia raises her eyebrows, and I groan, burying my face in Spencer’s shoulder.

“I found them coming out of my bathroom post-quickie.”

“Oh my god,” JJ laughs slightly, more at our embarrassment than at the initial circumstance. “Well then.”

“Kids,” Rossi chuckles quietly. “I remember those days.”

“I hope you were on your breaks and not on company time,” Hotch admonishes, but not without the obvious hint of a smile.

“Yes, sir,” I nod, and Derek snorts.

“So, how long have you been together?” Rossi asks.

“It’ll be one year a week from tomorrow,” I respond, and the van erupts into protest.

“An entire year? And you didn’t tell us?” Emily exclaims. “That’s impressive.”

“We wanted something for ourselves for a little while,” Spencer explains. “But we’re ready to share now.”

“Especially since I’m going to have to change my address on my tax forms, Hotch,” I joke. “We’re moving in together when we get back from this case.”

“Oh my god, you’re going to carpool,” Garcia says excitedly. “That’s so cute!”

“I hope you know that you won’t have any personal life outside of work anymore,” Rossi teases, and Spencer smiles.

“We know. That’s what happens when you’re a family.”