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simblorbo-bracket · 4 months ago

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Round 3 - Simblr's Saddest, Wettest Meow Meow - Mainline

Cody Graves (@nakasumi-sims) VS. Thrum (@ssspringroll)

(polls are presented left -> right unless stated otherwise)

Who's sadder? Who's wetter? Read on for more information, and vote with your heart!

What is a ‘Meow Meow’?

(taken from tumblr user @/torturelabyrinth) “The thing about a true poor little meow meow is they have to be 1) downtrodden 2) morally questionable at best 3) deeply and pathetically miserable”

Cody Graves

I mean, you can't get as pathetic and meow meow as this man. He's the literal embodiment of a scraggly feral cat. A bisexual disaster who wouldn't hesitate to fight you if you looked at him wrong. He'd live in the middle of woods out of his van while running his paranormal investigation business if he could.

You see this? This is basically him.

Might as well start from the beginning:

Cody wasn't a wanted child but was kept because his parents are religious and might as well have something to keep around as a prop to pretend you're a good family and use him to boost their social status.

One reason his parents hate him, especially his mom, is due to his ability to interact with spirits. As a toddler, he'd act strangely as if he were talking to nothing and reply strangely to his parents when asked about it. He would talk to these spirits fairly often up until about age 4. It creeped his parents out enough that they made him shut up about it and tried to keep any weird creepy stuff away from him in an attempt to make him normal. It didn't work.

He was heavily neglected and abused throughout his childhood and into adulthood due to not being how his parents wanted him to be. He was almost constantly injured either from his own parents or his own accidents. Since he had a lot of his own accidents, his parents blamed any serious injuries they gave him on Cody being clumsy.

Whenever Cody's dressed as he likes, his parents refer to him as a wet rat. Many times of coming home absolutely filthy from exploring abandoned places while looking for ghosts and monsters didn't help this.

He ran away from home multiple times starting at age 13 and ran to another state to live out in a cave he found after he fell down a cliff and broke his arm. It's been his secret spot to run away to ever since. He still goes there as an adult if he wants to disappear for awhile.

He's often very combative, distrustful, hateful towards other people and rarely sees other people as human and just things due to his upbringing. He gets into violent fights often either picking them himself or by others antagonizing him. He sees the paranormal as more 'human' than actual humans and is more comfortable dealing with that vs people.

He has most of his criminal record hidden since his mom has a lot of contacts and she can't let her garbage excuse for a son ruin her image.

His crimes (if they stuck) include: Multiple counts of trespassing, assault and battery, aggravated assault, and disorderly conduct. Though most of the time, he's able to get away from the police on his own to avoid trouble.

Only in recent years being part of the Paranormal Club, he's learned to accept some people as ok and his friends try to help him be better. In his 3 years of friendship with them, he's grown a lot and is a lot less likely to immediately resort to violence (depending).

Due to his unapproachable nature, he's only been in 3 romantic relationships. His first relationship in high school was going ok with some rockiness due to "sexual incompatibility" until he brought her home and his parents drove her away by saying vile things about Cody and treating her like dirt in the most polite way possible. His second was in his first year of college and she also ultimately dumped him due to "sexual incompatibility". Which in both cases was...he got dumped because his dick is too big. Currently, he's engaged to another (probably worse) meow meow, Satoru, the god of karma who he's helplessly attached and devoted to. They're poor, wet meow meows together causing problems~

It's uncertain, but if Satoru got taken away from him to go back to god baby jail, Cody would become infinitely worse. This man would become the most pathetic, horrible mess to get him back. Starting it out with becoming a depressed, sobbing mess that would put Bella Swan to shame. He'd do everything in his power and spend every waking moment searching the world to find him again and abandoning everything else. His conspiracy wall would become overtaken by pictures, drawings, and clues to finding Satoru. He'd keep everything Satoru's collected waiting for him except for the rotting food, but he'd cry before throwing it away. He'd bawl every time he saw a fox and would fight gods to get Satoru back even if it was futile.

And now just a list of ridiculous recent examples and memes:

Threatened and tried to attack a group of men who were making fun of him and Satoru while they were at a restaurant. Would've fought them if Satoru didn't stop him.

Almost died from getting stabbed in the lung with a stiletto by his mother during a campaign event.

Got drunk at a bar and got way too handsy with Satoru on the dance floor then both almost killed a guy for trying to join in. Along with multiple other public acts.

Committed fraud by saying he was his father while renting a hotel room which started a rumor that his father was cheating and made him pay $200 in damages.

Walked into a different fancy hotel, covered in demon blood vomit.

Made out in the rain in a taco bell parking lot.

Got into a situation with a serial killer and injured him a few times while surviving the ordeal.

Was going to murder, torture, and let Satoru eat the girl who got him into the situation with the serial killer and hurt his best friend.

Helped start a cult.

Growled at and threatened a woman who tried flirting with Satoru.

Thrum

What makes Thrum a sad, wet little meow meow? His own fucked up, twisted little romance life.

Try to keep up.

Thrum, you see, is incredibly loyal. So loyal, and so, so jealous.

Another thing about Thrum, is that he's polyamorous. He really prefers having more than one partner. His partner, Wither, is not into the whole poly thing. But, for Thrum's sake, he agrees.

Enter Ke'a.

Thrum is the one that notices Ke'a at a bar one night, and instantly has a crush. Has to get him in this newly-opened relationship.

Ke'a is also not too keen on the polyamory, but agrees to give it a try.

He hits it off with Wither almost right away, which is a relief because you'd think that the two dudes in this polycule who aren't into the idea of a polycule might fight over the guy they mutually like.

This is not the case.

Thrum, boiling with white hot incandescent rage and jealousy at the mere thought of either of his partners talking to someone else leads him to violence.

Drinking, to cope with the rage

His outbursts are almost constant, he can't exist in the same room as his partners without further driving a wedge between himself and them. And that's not the end of it, all of Thrum's hot-and-cold back-and-forth feelings about this polycule he built have driven Wither and Ke'a even closer to each other.

They go on dates behind his back, bonding, forming a closer relationship with each other than either of them had ever built with Thrum.

Thrum was always doomed to fail. To push himself out of his own relationship. But can you blame him for craving love? All of the love? Forever??

Thrum, Wither, and Ke'a are all original creations. While Thrum and Ke'a were literally made for each other, Ke'a entered the situation organically, and that's when it all started crashing and burning to the ground.

The throuple that flew too close to the sun 💔

#sswmm m round 3 #sswmm #inactive

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rawinternets · 7 years ago

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Star Wars Episode 7: A rediscovery.

I said before that Episode 1 / the prequels were the main impetus for this whole exercise. That is true, in a way. But it is only true in that I needed to see the prequels and the originals so I could compare my feelings about them with my Ep7 and Ep8 feelings.

If Ep7 and Ep8 didn’t exist, I doubt I would have undertaken this exercise. See, as I mentioned in the opening post, I had a suspicion that the new episodes were all the things many have criticized them for: derivative, overly commercial, written by committee. The magic of the originals has been lost, and we are left with simulacra.

It’s important that I come clean with a fact: I hate JJ Abrams. I think he’s a hack. He is fantastic at opening stories and god-awful at closing them. My hatred for JJ and his trademark approach began with the TV show Lost, where JJ opened an incredible number of fascinating storylines in the first 2 seasons, only to ad-lib the next four seasons to a highly unsatisfying ending. He re-made Star Trek by essentially cribbing from all the best Star Trek movies in the past, and I enjoyed that movie - while watching it, but not much upon reflection. For example, Young Cap’n Kirk is driving his father’s sexy car through the cornfields of Iowa - until he drives it over a ravine as big as the Grand Canyon. in the middle of Iowan corn fields. It’s a beautiful spectacle until you stop to think for a half second... wait, what? But by that time you’ve moved on to the next spectacle.

Like eating a Big Mac, JJ Abrams tastes good in the moment and then you realize what you just ate is mostly soybean paste, flash-frozen low quality meat, spongy bread, rubber cheese, all buoyed by artificial aromas that trick your brain into thinking that this is delicious, but only in the moment.

In short, a Big Mac is not good food, and JJ Abrams movies are not good movies.

But I really wanted to give this movie another chance. I wanted to know - was Episode 7 the “one beer too many” on a big night out, the one that feels good in the moment, but you later regret? Turns you off the beer brand once and for all? Is Episode 7 the extra Halloween candy that you eat at 10:30pm that makes you nauseous, impels you to throw the whole bag out? Did I lose any love and hope for Star Wars because Episode 7 delivered too much of the same thing, a Disney-ified, Abrams-ified, unoriginal pastiche of a pastiche?

The answer is “yes” and “no,” but mostly “yes.” This movie starts off amazingly - classic Abrams - but quickly loses its way, and tries to find it again by running into the same grooves we’ve already worn well over the past 7 Star Wars releases (in this respect, Rogue One gets the pass and Ep7 gets hurt because of my order). And while I was still eager to see Episode 8 (review to come), I was far less optimistic for the franchise, as I could see the blueprint for the future, and it is the same as the past. JJ Abrams is set to direct Episode 9, if you didn’t already know.

But of course -- JJ Abrams filmmaking is perfectly attuned to this kind of review. Taking poll on my feelings in the moment is the best way to watch an Abrams movie. That way, I can’t think too deeply about the fact that we’ve seen this before - in copy or rhyme - in nearly every scene shot. So even though this movie grades out not great - I feel even less great about it the more I think about it.

Onto the scores.

Average score: 6.57 Standard deviation: 2.01

Scroll. 7. Wait, why is there a new empire and a new rebellion? Why doesn’t a new republic have the ability to amass more forces to defeat a fragmented group of Empire loyalists? Are we saying the Empire never fell? If so, what were we celebrating at the end of Ep6? (Movie moves too fast to have these thoughts in the moment... these come to you afterward).

Jakku. 8. A cool star destroyer shot, Very cool stormtrooper visuals. BB8 is pretty cool. "This will begin to make things right." Poe is cool. Great and tangible feeling on the raid. Super scary. But wait... how did the First Order not scan for the X-wing? And Poe didn’t try to hide it? Even an awning or some covering would be fine. But still... good tension in the scene. Flametrooper! But wait... Another secret piece of info goes with a droid in the desert... mmmmmmm OK... Really like humanizing the stormtrooper, with a dramatic bloody handprint on (we later know is Finn’s) stormtrooper head. PTSD. And then comes Kylo Ren’s badass ship (that looks a lot like Darth Vader’s....).

Kylo Ren. 9. Kylo freezing the blaster bolt is superdope. I can forgive his Darth Vader wannabe character mask. I'm fine with the subtle "you talk first? I talk first?" joke by Poe. Fine to make fun of the mask as well. FUCK Captain Phasma - I immediately have distaste for this character. Finn’s Stormtrooper regret @ the massacre is cool. I like that.

Finn’s break. 7. Finn taking his mask off - a really powerful first shot. Captain Phasma is worthless. Did you know that this character was created because someone made concept art of a chrome stormtrooper for fun, Kathleen Kennedy walked into someone’s office and saw it and said “that has to be in the movie, it looks so cool,” and then they decided it should be a woman soldier for marketing purposes? What I’m trying to say is, the storytelling process was not the purest here. Phasma is exhibit A.

Rey intro. 9. JJ at his best: Really cool atmospherics on Jakku. Amazing wide shots of the empty destroyer bay. Rey is hot. Amazing shots. Huge scale of the desert and the downed star destroyer. Speeder... fine. Tie fighter wing down. amazing speeder shot with another downed destroyer. Fine with the stupid bird. (But... we have another mysterious sorta-poor desert dwelling force-sensitive hero?)

Trading. 9. Pretty beautiful shots (although borrowing heavily from Ep4?). Fine with the trading. I like the weirdo aspect of this girl idolizing the rebels and meticulously counting days. making a cool bread loaf thing. Lives in an ATAT, that's awesome too. Wearing silly rebel hat.

BB8 meets Rey. 8. Sorta bad dialogue (and “classified droid” of course). Nice desert shots.

Torture of Poe. 8. The mind reading is intense. Hux is fine. (But haven’t we seen a main character get tortured by Darth / Kylo before?)

Trading Part 2. 8. Why doesn’t Rey take the money for the droid? She’s so pure and perfect? Serendipity?

Finn Rescues Poe. 7. Wait... why? I guess Finn heard a good pilot is on board and he wants out. I don't love Finn’s heavy breathing. (Have you seen this? In bad action movies or even good ones, the actors are constantly hyperventilating to amp up the tension. I’m seeing it even in Harry Potter, particularly with Ron. Once you see it, you can’t unsee it ... like the Wilhelm Scream). The dialogue is fine but not great between the two, trying to get the vibe together. Tie fighter leaving the hangar bay... Kind of like that. Turrets on the outside of Star Destroyers never hit anyone... why do they exist? One tie fighter can escape a star destroyer!? Why do THEY exist?

They crash. 8. Fighter gonna crash. Hux is fine. Phasma is fine. Kind of a cool shot on the Tie fighter crash. I like the wide desert shots. Tie fighter sinking is cool. Finn stripping is humanizing. Desert shots are great here. (But we’re again following some crashed droids/people on a desert planet?)

Kylo and Hux bicker. 8. What's with the bickering? But they do a good job. Kind of harkens back to Tarkin and Darth (too much similarity?)

Finn meets Rey. 7. I like the monster kicking him out of the way from drinking the water at the watering hole. This is the point in the movie where I started to think - Rey is a Mary Sue? BB8 shocking Finn is fine. Finn laying it on a little thick with the humor.

Escape in the Falcon. 8. Stop taking my hand! Meh. The Falcon! “That one’s garbage! ... The garbage will do.” Fine, pretty good. Cool shot of the Falcon escaping. BB8 in free fall in the Falcon is fine. "I'm getting pretty good at this" says Finn. You got one Tie fighter, dude. (The longer this goes the more this feels like old sequences from Ep4...) Going inside the destroyer is cool (and then feels like being in the Death Star in ep6...). The shut-engines-off-flip-downwards-and-shoot was a cool move, and some good shots in that sequence.

Kylo temper tantrum. 8. I like this part. It's petty and stupid, but it's a good contrast to the control of Vader.

Falcon and Han/Chewy. 7. Finn says “Droid please” (eye roll). BB8 gives a flame/lighter “Thumbs up.” Meh. Rey is a Mary Sue perfect mechanic... Finn being into her is a little meh. Tractor beam is meh. Han and Chewy discover them, meh fine but how the fuck did they just so happen to be there? They explain away that Han and Chewy just happen to be right where the Falcon is, moments after it flies for the first time after sitting on Jakku for years. Classic JJ. Pretty blatant sentimentality by Han that I'm not really getting drawn into. Luke Skywalker map. All this said, Harrison Ford is good as always.

Rathtars. 7. Death gang, Mantoon, Rathtar... meh. How did the second gang get on without him knowing? Fine with this I guess. Sad that Han is a sad old man hauling freight and swindling people. 7 movies and nothing changed. Rathtar monster is fine. (A little like Indiana Jones with large ball-like thing rolling down a hallway-like thing). Not huge on this chase sequence. Another alien tentacle monster dragging hero somewhere without eating hero. (Where have I seen this before?)

Snoke. 6. This is where I really start turning on the movie as it relies more and more on worn tropes. Another massive hologram... who the fuck is this guy? Another... weapon? This speech sucks by Hux. Who is this ultra powerful force sensitive villain? Kylo Ren is Han Solo's kid... mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmeh. Where did this new emperor come from? Is he a Sith? What the fuck is all this.

Rey and Solo fly. 7. Comedic + Mary Sue Mechanic is meh. Lots of references to old Star Wars here. Luke is running away? Why? (Is JJ opening mysteries that won't be closed?) Rey saying “I didn’t realize a planet could be this green” is a nice touch.

Han offers Rey a job. 7. Why is Rey so attached to Jakku and her parents who have been gone for so long? Meh.

Maz Kanata's. 5. Cantina 2... I really expected to like it better than I did, and I didn’t expect to like it that well. Really shitty music. So derivative as a scene. Relationshp advice with Leia? mmmmmmmeh. Empire again. Mmmmmmeh. Finn is a runner. Meh. Maz is a New Yoda, sorta. Meh. What's the point of Maz climbing on the table to look at Finn?

Kylo has feelings. 8. Crushed Darth Vader helmet is pretty cool. Have you seen the “Emo Kylo Ren” twitter? Worth it.

Finn tries to run. 7. This storyline is fine... Finn's a coward. He's in love with Rey for "looking at me" meh. They aren't so much conversing as just saying sentences at each other. Do they even know each other? it doesn't feel like a solid connection. (Kind of like another heterogeneous faux-mance of yore?)

Rey finds Luke's lightsaber. 8. I wrote: “At least it was a pretty interesting vision. Captivating. Lightsaber calls to her! interesting. Nobody waiting for you in Jakku. She runs away... interesting, OK, good.”

Starkiller. 1. Wait... the new base is a planet. It's a third fucking death star. Hux makes a shitty Nazi speech. What the flying fuck is this shit. Are we in the same system here? How did they build this weapon so easily when the Empire collapsed? How come people can see the weapon destroying the entire planetary system? What the shit. Fuck that. It looked cool at least, but this is a fatal and inexcusable flaw in this film.

BB8 Macguffin. 4. Sick of BB8 as the macguffin too, now. Rey wants to run, fine.

First order attacks Maz's. 2. Meh. Give lightsaber to the team. How is the First Order here? Is everything in the galaxy really fucking close to each other? What is going on? Kylo is here too? And now Finn is going use a lightsaber. And Han can shoot without looking. And there's a TR8R droid with a like handheld weapon that fights lightsabers? And this novice can use the lightsaber and not die? And Han saves him and then gets captured? Big bowl of Nope.

Resistance saves the day... 6. Why are these guys here? for the droid, sure, I guess. Everyone's looking for Luke. I'm sick of this battle already. Nice tracking shot of Poe I guess but sorta meh. Maybe I’m still hung over from the Starkiller reveal.

Kylo meets Rey. 8. Force freezing Rey in place is cool enough. Kylo with Rey is good. Han watches her get kidnapped. Finn gets balls.

Han sees Leia. 6. I'm supposed to be sentimental about this but it's just sad. C3PO still sucking, all these years later.

Rebel base. 7. Finn’s Reunion with Poe Dameron... fine. In the rebel base, fine. Leia is... fine. Old woman. Still fighting. Sad. What a treadmill this saga has been for her and for everyone. Map is partially complete, meh. R2 nostalgia. Meh.

Leia and Han. 7. Is this good? I can't tell if it's good. It's fine. Snoke seduced our son. Mmmmmmmeeeeehhhh. Still good in the kid! Good vs evil hooray! Turn the evil man good! (Where have we heard all this before?)

Rey and Kylo battle of wills. 9. Kylo takes off his mask. Good drama and reveal. Rey is attracted to him. Good, interesting, sort of sexually charged energy and tension here. Really well done scene - particularly well acted.

Snoke angry. 6. I wrote: “Just meh. Fuck Snoke.”

Rey mind trick. 8. Sure, I like it, she's organically discovering the force. Preternatural. Fine, OK with that. I like the stormtroopers walking away from Kylo’s temper tantrum.

The starkiller base again? 1. Charging the weapon from nearby sun... just... pure spectacle. "It's another death star" says Han/Leia. No shit. Power of the sun... MMMMMMmeeeeeeeehhhhh. So unoriginal. "There's always a way to blow it up" says Han. Thermal oscillator.... mmmmmmm. Disable the shields (just like Ep6). Gotta be there on the planet! Of course, as always! (Let's attack another fucking Death Star the same fuckin' way as before - with a bombing run and a sneaky secret force on the ground).

Han and Leia bye. 6. Meh, is how I feel.

Han et al assault base. 3. Meeehehhhhhhhhhhhhh let's land at light speed Hollywood style! The ship hangs off a ledge, duh! "That's not how the force works" meh. Yeah that's fine, but what a stupid plan. 15 minutes until death! of course! Phasma walking around by herself of course! Finn in charge! Meh. Not loving Finn. Rey sneaking around. Meh. Not a big fan of Boyega's over-acting comedic. "Yeah there is a trash compactor” meeeehhhh. More comedic tensiony stuff. Too much fan service, too much hokey.

Another death star assault. 3. It's pretty, but stupid. C3PO "it would take a miracle to save us now" meehhhhh.

Kylo kills Han. 5. Emotionally pretty sterile feeling. I’m just not there with them. And another infinite column for Han to fall down (like the Emperor, Darth Maul, Luke in ep5...) And everyone there to dramatically watch... just... meh. Snoke... boo. This dialogue is just kinda shitty. "You know it's true. search your feelings." Adam driver does very well in this scene with Rey. He's really great. John Boyega sucking... overdramatic. No connection to Leia here as she feels Han’s death. Just don’t care.

Kylo vs Rey and Finn. 7. Kylo is pretty badass. Amateur lightsaber fight: not a big fan. Pretty small fan, actually. Rey is badass but still amateur. Another ledge to hang off! Still, the fight is pretty cool. Snow steaming is cool after the lightsaber slices through. And even, a whole other ledge, a chasm in fact! Meh fine.

Trench run two. 6. Another trench run. Poe flying inside = another DS2 core reactor shot.

Starkiller blows up. 6. Snoke really sucks. Here comes the Falcon to save the day of course! In your darkest hour. Pretty shot. Pretty Death Star 3 explosion (and another death star blows up again...)

Celebration. 5. Dramatic Leia blows by Chewy and hugs Rey, but they never met.

R2 wakes up. 6. C3po *still* sucks. Why is his arm red again? The part of the galaxy that has the map that is unknown and uncharted is right in the middle of the damn galaxy??

Rey goes to Luke. 9. Beautiful scenery (Skellig Michael in Ireland). Dramatic. There's Luke! OK I like this scene. This is good. Super dramatic and memorable and iconic. At least the movie ended on a strong note.

VERDICT

Is there anything else to say? The plot hangs together like a disintegrating, snotty piece of tissue paper. Everything is a crib of something else in the SW universe. The visuals are pretty and the beginning is fire, and most of the rest is obnoxious. Kylo and Rey are actor highlights, to be sure... but Leia is wooden and virtually inaccessible, Han is on autopilot, Finn is trying too hard, and Poe is fine (but not captivating to me). This movie really lost me and even though the numbers went up and down after ~Maz, my feelings were pretty low for the last 2/3 of the journey. Five “9″ scenes - mostly at the beginning or the end - and a fair amount of 7/8′s but also a lot of bad scores. A score of every number, except 10. A movie that scores better than it maybe should have, and it didn’t score all that well in the end.

REVIEW LINKS:

Introduction: Star Wars, a rediscovery.

Rogue One: 6.92 / 10.00 (stdev 2.06).

Episode 4: A New Hope. 8.00 / 10.00 (stdev 1.34).

Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back. 8.00 / 10.00 (stdev 1.29).

Episode 1: The Phantom Menace. 5.00 / 10.00 (stdev 2.08). But probably worse than that, actually.

Episode 2: Attack of the Clones. 5.48 / 10.00 (stdev 2.07).

Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith. 7.00 / 10.00 (stdev 1.77).

Episode 6: Return of the Jedi. 7.90 / 10.00 (stdev 1.91).

Episode 7: The Force Awakens. 6.57 / 10.00 (stdev 2.01).

Episode 8: The Last Jedi. 6.31 / 10.00 (stdev 1.89).

Verdict: Star Wars, A rediscovery.

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racingtoaredlight · 8 years ago

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The degenerate’s guide to 2017 college football TV watch ‘em ups: week 10

The season seems to be accelerating beyond our control at this point.

Now that CFP polls have been released and the World Series is over there’s nothing much to distract from all of the football. Yeah, there’s basketball now but the season is so young and there’s so far to go to even know who’s actually good that it seems weird to put much stock in it just yet.

This week’s watch ‘em ups are being affected by the same thing that hurt the RTARLsman last night: the ever-dreaded out of town visitors. We’ll see how much I’m even able to watch football as “friends” count on me to “host” them and make their weekend “enjoyable.” Gross.

Times are from FBSchedules and gamble talk is premature (it’s Wednesday here where I’m writing this) and from Vegas Insider. Good luck to you all, you’re going to need it.

youtube

Saturday, Nov. 4, 2017

Matchup Time (ET) TV

(14) Auburn at Texas A&M Noon ESPN

Baylor at Kansas Noon FSN

RTARL Game of the Year! It’s finally here and the winless Baylor Bears are an 8-point favorite. Which means Kansas is probably the worst team in college football, yet again.

East Carolina at Houston Noon CBSSN

I wouldn’t trust Houston as a 24.5 point favorite but this could be a nice statistical opportunity for Ed Oliver. East Carolina is a very bad team that throws an average of 39 passes per game.

Florida at Missouri Noon ESPN2

Randy Shannon has a great chance to build up his resume a little this week in his first game as UF head coach. First of many games, I presume. Hey, if Ed Orgeron can hang on at LSU then why not Shannon, who probably received some coaching from Orgeron back in 1988 and had a much better record at his previous coaching failure? Missouri is actually favored right now because Florida has been that messy but I think a slightly above average high school team from the state of Florida could beat the Tigers if they really concentrated for three straight hours.

Illinois at Purdue Noon BTN

It turns out that Jeff Brohm might need just a touch of seasoning before he moves on to a much better job. OR!!! Maybe he really is on track to take over for Bobby Petrino in Louisville. He’s right on track for that if Petrino goes looking for greener pastures this year. Or now. Or has already accepted several jobs while trying to figure out which one he actually wants.

Kansas State at Texas Tech Noon FS1

This is a bad game between two middling Big XII teams but for gambling purposes, maybe not so bad? Over/under is at 63 right now but the weather looks pretty inviting and it is a Big XII game with Coach Heartthrob on one side of the field.

(7) Penn State at (24) Michigan State Noon FOX

If Sparty can contain the nation’s 26th leading rusher, who fittingly wears #26, they might have a shot to spring the upset. I hope that anybody associated in any way with the Penn State football program spends the rest of their lives laden with guilt for whatever part they’ve played in the continued existence of said program but I really hope it’s the players and coaches who are feeling bad about themselves this week. There’s a lot of money on Penn State right now and Vegas is still trying to get people to bet Michigan State so what’s the rule here? Let’s go with stay away from the public money and put your faith in a kind universe that is also rooting for the green and white this week.

UMass at (16) Mississippi State Noon SECN

The best tight end in the country takes on the worst top 20 team in the country, something’s got to give! UMass is going to get throttled. That’s what’s going to give.

(9) Wisconsin at Indiana Noon ABC

Indiana doesn’t have much, either as a state or as a football team, but they do a decent job of shutting down the run. Wisconsin is due for a reckoning. Seems like a good time for those two things to converge, no? No. Jonathan Taylor is like Rashaad Penny but twice as fast and Wisconsin should beat the spread for once even though it’s on a rapid rise throughout the week. 13.5 points right now, I’d take the Badgers up to about 18 and feel OK with it.

WKU at Vanderbilt Noon ESPNU

Vanderbilt is a 10-point favorite playing at home but Western Kentucky might be a better team. My voice is going up at the end of the sentence in my head. Might be true? I don’t think so but it’s not crazy?

Syracuse at Florida State 12:20 pm ACCN

FSU settled for a field goal at the end of the first half against Boston College last week and the players on the FSU sidelines took that as a signal the game was over. The offensive line being terrible was actually known before the season but the supposedly ultra-talented defense has looked like garbage most of the year, too. Derwin James looks like a Jabrill Peppers clone to me at this point and the QB situation is not great in Tallahassee. Now the running backs are starting to get hurt, too. Odds are that Florida State is just having extremely bad luck, similar to Notre Dame in 2016, but getting run over by Boston College isn’t really acceptable even in the midst of that.

Appalachian State at ULM 3:00 pm ESPN3

Appy State as a 10-point road favorite might be a little dicey but that 61.5 O/U is interesting. It’s supposed to rain the day before so the field might be soggy but ULM has a tremendously bad defense that could easily give up 60 all on their own.

Georgia State at Georgia Southern 3:00 pm ESPN3

GSU is definitely going to win this. Fun Belt action at its finest!

Georgia Tech at Virginia 3:00 pm RSN

UVA has turned back into UVA over the past couple of weeks but they were so good at pretending to be decent earlier in the season that this game has postseason implications! On this day, 27 years ago, UVA lost their two-week reign as the #1 team in college football when they dropped in both the AP and UPI polls following a last second loss to Georgia Tech at home. Fun fact about that game: the game was played on turf borrowed from the baseball stadium after vandals set fire to the football field’s regular turf. UVA’s season fell apart after that and Georgia Tech won half of a national championship by blowing out Nebraska in a bowl game, as was the tradition for teams winning national championships at the time. Getting back to this year’s game, if UVA loses and Miami beats Virginia Tech tonight, Miami wins the Coastal division. And UVA should lose.

New Mexico State at Texas State 3:00 pm ESPN3

A Sun Belt rivalry classic as the Aggies and the Bobcats battle it out for fourth worst team in the conference.

Rice at UAB 3:00 pm CUSA.TV

My only thought on this is that I always think of Rice as a Big XII team. This is incorrect.

USF at UConn 3:00 pm ESPNU

USF blew a shot at a big, fancy bowl payout last week against Houston but UConn is a lot worse than Houston so let’s see how Charlie Strong gets his team motivated this week. If they hold it together for the rest of the year it’s still possible for them to end up as the lower conference rep in the former BCS bowls.

Army at Air Force 3:30 pm CBSSN

The Commander-in-Chief’s trophy is maybe up for grabs? Vegas still thinks Army is bad but they’ve won four in a row. Air Force has three in a row of their own and they’re favorited by 6.5 points at home but I’m not 100% clear on why AFA is that big of a favorite. 3 points maybe, just for being at home, but this is a full tilt option on option affair that should be down to the wire. Also, the O/U of 56 seems comically low to me. When Air Force and Navy played the final score was 48-45 in basically the same conditions.

Charlotte at Old Dominion 3:30 pm ESPN3

Amazingly enough Baylor and Kansas is actually worse than this.

(15) Iowa State at West Virginia 3:30 pm ESPN2

This will of course be the game where Will Grier looks like a future all-pro. Things never happen when you want them to happen.

Maryland at Rutgers 3:30 pm BTN

In terms of pure entertainment value this is way worse than Baylor and Kansas but I think both of these teams would be favored over either of those teams. And that’s not meant as a compliment to either of these teams.

North Texas at Louisiana Tech 3:30 pm Stadium

“UNT! UNT! UNT!”

“LAT! LAT! LAT!”

This is how I’m imagining the cheering going in this game and I’ve got to let you know it’s very enjoyable as a thought.

Northwestern at Nebraska 3:30 pm BTN

Nebraska is favored by 1 this week so that’s sort of like progress, right? If the Huskers can pull off a miracle win not only will they have a winning record but they will have beaten a power 5 team that has a winning record. Get that coach an extension!

(6) Ohio State at Iowa 3:30 pm ESPN

Now, back to our regularly scheduled program of hoping Ohio State fucks up and loses to a clearly inferior team.

South Carolina at (1) Georgia 3:30 pm CBS

Georgia can win and clinch the SEC East but if they lose then South Carolina is in the running to steal the division. Has any SEC team in your life ever been perceived so poorly while being 6-2 as this South Carolina team? NC State, also 6-2, lost their season opener to South Carolina and it’s considered a bad loss. We are in some sort of transitional period here.

(4) Clemson at (20) NC State 3:30 pm ABC

So much depends on the QB position here. Both QBs are going to have guys in their faces all game long and it’s going to be interesting to see how they each handle things. My gut says this is going to be low scoring and close until the end with Clemson not getting anywhere close to the rushing output Notre Dame got against the Wolfpack last week.

(21) Stanford at (25) Washington State 3:30 pm FOX

Bryce Love is a “gametime decision” again which probably means he’s not playing again and even though he’s injured I’m still blaming David Shaw for taking that little bit of sunshine away from us.

Wake Forest at (3) Notre Dame 3:30 pm NBC

Another week another ACC opponent traveling from North Carolina to get blown the fuck out by Notre Dame. I have a very bad feeling about the way this season is shaping up.

Cincinnati at Tulane 4:00 pm ESPN3

I only mean I have a bad feeling about the Notre Dame being very good thing, though! I love Tulane getting to the middle of the pack on their way to conference contention in the coming years.

Coastal Carolina at Arkansas 4:00 pm SECN Alt.

Remember last week in the second quarter when twitter fired Bret Beilema? I liked that moment more than when they came back and won even though they were beating the racist south.

(5) Oklahoma at (11) Oklahoma State 4:00 pm FS1

BEDLAM!!!!!!!!! I think the matchup here actually favors OK State heavily in spite of the 2.5 point spread and the history and the fact that Oklahoma is the better overall team. I just think the Pokes have their strengths at exactly the points where the Sooners are weakest. Cue the final OU 73, OSU 12 but I’ve got a real hunch here and I’m giving it to you.

University of Mississippi, Oxford at Kentucky 4:00 pm SECN

Mississippi was mighty impressive in blowing a 31-7 lead against Arkansas last week but for some reason I don’t think they’re a solid bet this week.

UL Lafayette at South Alabama 4:00 pm ESPN3

I think USA is doing the same dumb thing they did last year where they start off terrible, win a bunch of games in a row, get some preseason hype to win the Sun Belt then maybe go through the process again.

Oregon State at California 5:00 pm Pac-12N

Transitive property game of the week! The Antifa Bears will probably beat the Huckabeavs by 20 points and people will point at Stanford and laugh for last week’s stupid game but the results will really not be corollary at all.

Utah State at New Mexico 5:30 pm ATTSNRM

The Sheriff Lobos are favored by 4 in an extremely low stakes game that carries basically no implications for bowl bids or the MWC standings. This is what degeneracy looks like!

Hawaii at UNLV 6:00 pm MWN/Spectrum PPV

Regardless of other options there is something very aesthetically displeasing about where UNLV plays and I never check on them because of it. It’s like the when the Rams were in St. Louis and the Edward Jones Dome made every game look like a high school championship being played on an Arena league field.

Colorado State at Wyoming 7:00 pm CBSSN

CSU had to go and get whipped by Air Force while Bad Josh Allen went out and looked good for a week. Now my preconceptions are a shambles. I think Allen probably pulls himself together just long enough to go to the Browns at #1 or #2 next year and then reverts to form for the rest of his life.

Nevada at Boise State 7:00 pm ESPNU

Look at Boise right back in the driver’s seat for the MWC title. They were in a similar position at this point last year, too, for what it’s worth but this is probably the least likely place for them to screw up this year. At home, vs. Nevada, a 22.5-point favorite, with their 2-QB system the new talk of the conference, Boise should roll like the old days.

UTSA at FIU 7:00 pm Stadium

Butch Davis coaching against the program that Larry Coker built isn’t really an interesting storyline but I dig the fuck out of it. Both teams are surprisingly 5-2, with FIU’s version of surprise more good surprise and UTSA’s more bad surprise but here we are with HUGE!!!! CUSA title race implications. Again, more so on the FIU side than the UTSA side.

Texas at (8) TCU 7:15 pm ESPN

TCU ain’t shit. Texas isn’t, either, but Texas isn’t ranked highly. If the 7 point line and the 47 point O/U are confusing you then let me tell you that I don’t get it, either. This is nominally a defensive struggle in the making but let’s not kid ourselves on what we have here: a Big XII game happening in perfect weather under the bright lights.

(18) UCF at SMU 7:15 pm ESPN2

UCF scores a shit ton of points and Scott Frost is the anointed next great CFB coach but I’m not really ready to buy the book on them. SMU doesn’t exactly play defense but I’ve still got a feeling that they can run with UCF and at the very least keep things close. A 14.5-point line on the road for UCF seems a tad excessive given how low this program was in the very recent past.

Minnesota at Michigan 7:30 pm FOX

The posted lines for this game are hilariously B1G. Michigan is favored by 15.5 in a game with an O/U set at 41. So 28-13 or thereabouts is the expectation. I think the obits for the Harbaugh era in Michigan are crazily overblown here in year 3. If we’re still wondering why the offense sucks in 2019 then it’s probably too late for him but until then I think he’s got a shot to make his juggernaut yet.

Southern Miss at Tennessee 7:30 pm SECN

Butch Jones, on the other hand... This guy is scum, an idiot, and a bad coach. That’s quite the triple threat! There was a time when UT being favored by 6.5 at home against Southern Miss would have made a lot of sense and not be an embarrassment for the Vols. 1989 was a long time ago, though, and for this program at this point in time, with all of this talk on the outside - things are looking grim.

UTEP at Middle Tennessee 7:30 pm beIN SPORTS

This year has been mostly a lost one for Richie James and the MTSU Blue Raiders but UTEP offers a decent shot at a blowout and could finally give James the kind of numbers he put up routinely last season.

(19) LSU at (2) Alabama 8:00 pm CBS

Leonard Fournette saw his numbers get worse every season against Alabama but Guice has a sneaky advantage over his predecessor - he’s only carried the ball twice ever against the Tide. Which seems weird considering how last season went but I don’t think anybody has considered LSU an offensive powerhouse or even nominally innovative on offense in quite some time. Matt Canada is making a bunch of money this year to be nominally innovative but there hasn’t been a lot to show for LSU’s money so far unless you count humiliating Mississippi. Big deal, though, even Bert can do that. Bama is favored by 21 and I don’t have a good reason for anyone to bet on LSU to beat the spread.

(13) Virginia Tech at (10) Miami, FL 8:00 pm ABC

This gambles action, though, this one I’ve got feelings for. Miami and Virginia Tech are really close in almost every metric you can find. As far as head-to-head matchups go the objective differences between these two are as slight as is possible to get. And still, somehow, VPISU is favored by 3 on the road and the consensus is heavily with the Hokies. Is it just the UNC thing? Because their other shared matchup (Duke) produced startlingly similar results. Is Vegas counting on Miami to run out of luck? That doesn’t seem to me the way numbers are supposed to work. The Hokies are statistically better on defense and the teams are about even on offense but the Hurricanes have produced more big plays on both sides of the ball. Maybe the lines are predicated on Malik Rosier being more injured than Miami is letting on? I think the Canes take it and clinch their first ACC Coastal crown on the way to getting beat up next week by Notre Dame.

Colorado at Arizona State 9:00 pm Pac-12N

Arizona State is, weirdly, still hanging around in the race for the Pac-12 South but they needed to beat USC last week for that chance to be realistic. They did not beat USC last week in any phase of the game. I hate Arizona State’s running game with a fiery passion and I hope the Buffs destroy them.

Oregon at (12) Washington 10:00 pm FS1

UDub is in a precarious spot as far as national title hopes go but they can still get a Pac-12 title and major bowl bid out of this season with no help from anybody else. Chances are that the loss to Arizona State will continue to just look like a fluke that ruined loftier aspirations.

San Diego State at San Jose State 10:30 pm ESPNU

Rashaad Penny is still plugging away as the second most productive running back in the country but SDSU has two losses and needs a lot of help to even make the MWC championship game. That’s not a reason to give up on watching them but the Pac-12 After Dark offering that’s up 15 minutes after this one is probably a way better use of your time.

(22) Arizona at (17) USC 10:45 pm ESPN

This is probably acting as the Pac-12 South championship game and with USC’s front 7 a little banged up it could also be the Khalil Tate “breakout” game. I don’t want to put my heart into Arizona too much here because the potential for USC to completely obliterate them seems credible but if Arizona does beat USC their next three games are extremely winnable.

BYU at Fresno State 10:45 pm ESPN2

Fresno State was looking like a pretty good surprise team in the MWC until they lost to a very bad UNLV team last week. Now things are looking a little rough for them with Wyoming and Boise State still on the schedule. Vegas likes the Bulldogs by a lot (-14.5) but I don’t know how you trust a team that lost to UNLV against anybody.

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#football #college football #tv watch em ups #saturday post #fbschedules #vegas insider #degenerate football

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simblorbo-bracket · 4 months ago

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Round 3 - Simblr's Saddest, Wettest Meow Meow - Losers Bracket

Cody Graves (@nakasumi-sims) VS. Nancy Landgraab (@fallstaticexit)

(polls are presented left -> right unless stated otherwise)

They may be down, but they're not out yet! Who deserves a shot at redemption, to prove that they, truly, are the saddest and wettest of meow meows despite all the odds?

What is a ‘Meow Meow’?

(taken from tumblr user @/torturelabyrinth) “The thing about a true poor little meow meow is they have to be 1) downtrodden 2) morally questionable at best 3) deeply and pathetically miserable”

Cody Graves

You see this? This is basically him.

Might as well start from the beginning:

He has most of his criminal record hidden since his mom has a lot of contacts and she can't let her garbage excuse for a son ruin her image.

And now just a list of ridiculous recent examples and memes:

Threatened and tried to attack a group of men who were making fun of him and Satoru while they were at a restaurant. Would've fought them if Satoru didn't stop him.

Almost died from getting stabbed in the lung with a stiletto by his mother during a campaign event.

Got drunk at a bar and got way too handsy with Satoru on the dance floor then both almost killed a guy for trying to join in. Along with multiple other public acts.

Committed fraud by saying he was his father while renting a hotel room which started a rumor that his father was cheating and made him pay $200 in damages.

Walked into a different fancy hotel, covered in demon blood vomit.

Made out in the rain in a taco bell parking lot.

Got into a situation with a serial killer and injured him a few times while surviving the ordeal.

Was going to murder, torture, and let Satoru eat the girl who got him into the situation with the serial killer and hurt his best friend.

Helped start a cult.

Growled at and threatened a woman who tried flirting with Satoru.

Nancy Landgraab

What makes Nancy a Sad, Wet Meow Meow? Our famously known townie turned OC is the Queen of Melancholy. She's closeted, she's religiously repressed, she's h*rny, she's rich, she carries the burden of her deceased elder brother, she's the bane of her mother's existence. When she's not internalizing her self loathing, she's gazing longingly into the distance thinking about a life free of her mother's judgement and status that she never wanted in favor of running free through a sunflower field kissing beautiful women. And when she manages to actually show up for her two sons, she's still so emotionally detached that this will very much come up in a therapy session later. Her husband is almost on his knees begging for her to smile but she's still pining after her first love while being married to said husband (who's a second runner up for SWMM tbh).

She's a cheater, she's a liar, she's about to get into some risky, sketchy business, she disappoints her children, she's morally grey, she's a top, she's catholic, she's a cougar, she likes to splurge on dr*gs and strippers, the list goes on. ahhh.

#sswmm l round 3 #sswmm #inactive

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