#and groom his mustache like a little monkey

[lewiscarrolatemybrain]

Not only should Ace be more of a feral unhinged jungle child who’s like barely wearing a mask of civility for convenience sake, but also: it should be kind of a Bit.

Like, Ace learned the absolute bare minimum of socialization (meaning, wipe your ass and wash your hands) from Dadan and the bandits, but that was literally it until he met Sabo. Ace knew like a sparse handful of words — enough to get his point across, but it’s not like he really wanted to have conversations with the bandits anyway — but the infinite majority of his early childhood was spent alone in the jungle. Then he teams up with Sabo, who arguably has too much socializing, and while they do trade skills and teach each other some stuff, for the most part they comfortably fill their niches. Sabo can do all the talking and manipulating for both of them. Ace is more than happy to stand at his shoulder and bare his teeth like the wild animal he is.

He asks Makino for a manners lesson literally exclusively so he can thank the dude who saved Luffy’s life, and then later when Sabo is gone Ace sticks with the lessons because now he has to be the brother who’s good at talking, and then it ends up being actually pretty convenient a skill to have, so he sticks with it.

But it is all very much pretend to him. Ace is putting on a front.

And I love thinking about the Whitebeards not only realizing the full extent to which their newest littlest brother was Literally Raised By Tigers but also that Ace is humoring them. He thinks they are the ones being ridiculous and crazy for all their societal rules (and they’re pirates! They barely even have those!) and he’s just playing along for his own entertainment. He’s making fun of them.

Ace runs up and playfully bites Thatch’s face as a greeting and while Thatch is yelling at him that people don’t do that Ace is just like oh haha that’s so silly you guys are so silly for that. Anyway. And then he bites Whitebeard, who just laughs.

[thetrailofyourbloodinthesnow]

Hindu Mythology Event // Day 6 - Underrated Relationships

Lakshman and Urmila

(I had originally planned something different for today, but this fic popped in my head, and I amazed myself by managing to write it in a few days. So enjoy some fluff of these two after Lakshman's return to Ayodhya) (Also in AO3)

"Really, Mila. You don't have to..."

Lakshman was promptly shushed by his wife as she lead him by the hand into the baths. "I want to do it."

He had long ago sworn to himself that when the blessed day of their reunion came, he wouldn't deny her anything she asked of him. So, he stopped protesting and followed her like an obedient child.

Still, he would have preferred to do this by himself. In the last 14 year he hadn't given much thought to his aspect. The grooming and bedecking that were a vital part of courtly life had to be abandoned in the harsh austerities demanded by the forest exile. Royal silks and oiled hair were replaced by clothes of bark and matted hair, but he'd hardly care. Besides, for most of that time the only people that had been around to see him had been Ram and Sita, who were in the same unkempt and unclean state as he was.

He knew he looked nothing like the dashing prince that had left Ayodhya all those years ago, but seeing his reflection in an actual mirror (he had only seen it in rivers and ponds in the forest) and contrasting his looks with those of his twin made him realize just how much he had changed.

"Goodness, I need a bath!" He'd exclaimed, making his family laugh. In reality, he needed far more than a bath but he figured that was a good place to start. He'd tried to excuse himself from everyone to go get clean, but Urmila insisted on helping him.

"You must have expected your prince charming to come swaggering through the palace gates," he told her while she poured perfumes and flower petals into the water for his bath. "And instead, you wondered who was that wild ascetic that was walking toward you." He felt a little ashamed of not having thought of tidying himself up a little bit for her.

"Doesn't matter what I thought." The corners of her mouth curled up. "I'll have my prince charming when I'm done here."

She made him take off his tattered clothes and get into the water. He sighed when he entered the tub, it'd been a long time since he'd had a hot bath and he'd forgotten how good it was for his strained muscles. Urmila began soaping and scrubbing his skin, rubbing it with turmeric and herbal pastes until all the grime and filth that had accumulated in his pores had been drawn out, leaving his skin smooth and soft. She raised an eyebrow to the scratches and bruises that covered his body, but didn't comment on them. She'd already been told everything would be explained later.

Before they arrived back home, Ram had asked them to restrain from telling everyone what had happened during their exile, at least for a few days. Not everything was kept secret, though; the flying chariot that had dropped them in Ayodhya and the talking monkey that accompanied them weren't the kind of things that could wait for an explanation. But for the rest - Ravan, Sita's kidnapping, the war - it was better to wait until they were fully settled in before telling the story.

Lakshman agreed, there was no need to overwhelm their love ones with the full account of their 'adventures' and to make themselves revive them so soon after the facts. To think that only a few days ago, he'd been fighting side by side with monkeys and bears against an army of demons!

It's strange, he thought while he brushed off the dried blood under his nails. A part of me feels like it happened years ago, while another feels like I'm still there.

After she had cleaned him fully, Urmila move on to his beard. It was a long, tangled, unruly thing. She first trimmed it with sharp scissors and then shaved it off, leaving only a mustache, the tips of which she oiled and curled upwards. Lakshman felt oddly naked without his beard, but decided it was worth it after feeling Urmila's soft fingers against his bare skin.

She saved the hardest part for the end: his hair. It took a lot of patience and effort to untangle the rat's nest on top of his head. She had to first soften it with oils and then separated it into small sections that she would then try to past a comb through. If it were for Laksman he would have cut it all off and save himself the trouble, but Urmila had a frown of determination in her face. So he kept quiet and let her continue her ministrations, only wincing whenever her comb got trapped in a knot. "Sorry," she would mutter every time it happened. At last, his hair was freed of tangles and Urmila was able to run her fingers through it.

He sat there for some time, throwing his head back and closing his eyes, enjoying the feeling of her nails softly scraping his scalp. It had been a while since he'd felt so at peace. In the darkest times he had feared this peace would never come again. But there it was, after so long. Hopefully, it had come to stay.

"Lakshman," Urmila's whisper broke his reverie. He opened his eyes slowly to look at his wife, and his heart skipped a beat when he saw how she was looking at him. Her always bright eyes seemed to burn now, scorching with the unmistakable flames of desire. His treacherous mind made his stomach flip by reminding him of the last time that a woman had looked at him like that. But no, he told himself, this is different. There was no edge of possessiveness in Urmila's eyes, no tinge of desperation. Just a tender request.

She was so beautiful, this wife of his. Far more than he'd remembered. Either his memory hadn't done her justice, or she had grown lovelier with the years. Her round face was like a full moon, with dimpled cheeks that still gave her an air of innocence. Her almond-shaped eyes were like two brown pools that he could gladly drown in, with long thick eyelashes that grazed her cheeks like two black fans. And her lips were plump and perfectly curved, looking as soft as rose petals. They drew him in, irresistibly pulling him by an invisible thread until he was touching them with his own lips.

They kissed tentatively at first, as if dipping their toes in the water, before taking a full dive, growing more passionate, more hungry for each other. After a while, Urmila broke the kiss, leaving Lakshman panting, and taking a step back, she began to loosen her clothes. She had clearly changed since he'd last seen her. The girl he'd married never lost the shyness of a new bride, blushing and lowering her glance whenever she undressed in front of him. The woman that stood in front of him now didn't take her eyes from his as she unwrapped her saree and let the fabric drop to the floor, displaying her nakedness without a hint of shame.

Lakshman inhaled sharply. For years he had constrained his baser desires with the painstaking discipline demanded by the life of an ascetic he'd been living. Well, that constrain was thoroughly shaken by the sight of Urmila's naked body. Its perfection aroused the lust the had never been fully quenched, only lay dormant waiting for her.

She sat straddling him, laying on top of his chest and pressing her forehead against his. They both moaned when their bodies came into contact, but neither of them moved afterwards. They stayed perfectly still, holding each other so close they could both feel the other's trumping heartbeat.

"I spent so many nights tossing and turning in my bed," she said in a low husky voice. "Dreaming of the day I would touch your body with mine again." Her eyes now showed a hint of pain behind the desire. "That bed was so cold and lonely."

His own heart ached. He began a string of apologies, but she quieted him. "Shhh, don't apologize. Make it up to me."

He felt that it would take a whole life to make it up to her, but he was willing to start then. He began venturing his hands all over her, feeling every crevasse, every curve of her body, while she clung to his shoulders, nuzzling his neck with little kisses that drove him mad. He wanted to take it slow, to enjoy every second of it, but Urmila was too eager in her passion, making him struggle to keep her pace... Only to have him reach the finish line too soon after starting the race.

His face burned with the shame of it. "I'm sorry... Umm... I... It-it's been a while," he mumbled a pitiful apology. He wanted to slap himself. Not even when he was a green boy had he embarrassed himself so thoroughly.

Urmila shook her head, and lay limp on top of him, burying her face in his shoulder. After a few moments, he felt her breathing become ragged and her tears dampened his shoulder. He opened his mouth to apologize again, but she spoke first, her voice a tremulous murmur, "Please don't ever leave again."

A hard knot lodged his throat. When he had parted all those years ago, they both have made promises of faithfulness and eternal love. But 14 years was a long time. They both had grown up and changed immensely during their separation. They had barely known each other back then, and now they were virtually strangers. His biggest fear upon his return was to find that she had grown indifferent of her distant husband, or worse, that she hated him for having abandoned her in the prime of her youth, when she had been ready to give him all the love that she possessed. And he couldn't have blamed her for it.

He had practiced for years what he would say, how he would ask for her forgiveness upon seeing her. But when he stood in front of front of her, he was speechless. He'd stayed frozen in place, not knowing what to do, for what it felt like an age but must have only been a few seconds. Until she overcame her own hesitation and thrown herself into his arms, crying that she had waited for him, had thought of him every day, and hadn't stopped loving him all this time. He'd lifted her up and spun her around, crying and laughing, and knowing himself to be so lucky that she had guarded her heart for him, as he had guarded his for her. He couldn't repay her loyalty by abandoning her again.

He made her face him, and wiped the tears from her cheeks. Staring into her eyes, he spoke; "Even if I had to leave, I would take you with me," he swore with a voice choked with emotions. "I won't spend another day away from you." The smile she gave him was shaky but it warmed his heart nevertheless.

Lakshman was a man of the Raghu clan, who were always true to their word. And he gave her his word then; that for as long as he lived, he wouldn't let her sleep in a cold lonely bed again.

[glopratchet]

retirement-home

and there are two guards on duty at all times "We have been attacked! " you shout out in an attempt to get people's attention with blood is visible from your position There are bodies everywhere, some of them not even dead yet Small lake dripping with blood is visible from your position Forests are watching you, filled corruption and lust for those who do not belong here for prey hide in the bushes that surround the outskirts of the retirement village Undergrowth seeking for prey hide in the bushes that surround the outskirts of the retirement village stand by as innocent endeavors swept away by the brutal appetites of demonkind cranes holding partially-built towers stand like petrified watchmen, staring into the sea of madness that spreads before them Lightpoles stand by as innocent endeavors swept away by the brutal appetites of demonkind Construction cranes holding partially-built towers stand like petrified watchmen, patrol the streets beating tapestry weavers to death, their faces frozen in mask of civility upon realizing you do not belong here Green-skinned bodyguards patrol the streets beating tapestry weavers to death, bind together a crazed nameless look out before noticing your alienness and giving chase, but do not concern yourself Bandages bind together a crazed nameless look out before noticing your alienness and giving chase, screen smoking body of a torturer, his profession now irrelevant Monitors screen smoking body of a torturer, injecting physicians give injections to paramedics XYZ Vaccine injecting physicians give injections to paramedics storm a heavy-machine-gun nest dreams & fill it with lead as blood squirts out of eyes, mouth, & ears as the camera lens seems to take Shocktroops storm a heavy-machine-gun nest dreams & fill it with lead as blood squirts out of eyes, pill-peddler with tribal tattoos dances madly as heavy machine gun fire flies all around, looking like a music crescendo Bunker heralds Pharmaceuticals pill-peddler with tribal tattoos dances madly as heavy machine gun fire flies all around, addicts with severe scabs & track marks give lines of military-grade sloths online courses joy, crashing in epileptic spasms It teaches the numbness and High-roller addicts with severe scabs & track marks give lines of military-grade sloths online courses joy, crawl on & hide under corpses everywhere as green, black, spotted lizards bask in mid-day heat Camouflaged branches & bushes snare unfortunate children inside Lizards crawl on & hide under corpses everywhere as green, camp has hands tied by burliest weightlifters, free to scheme Ravolols patrol streets in civilized mannerisms Diabetes causing sugarcessities in Gorazel camp has hands tied by burliest weightlifters, addicts revive fallen shocktroops with laser scalpels and wrenches Vampire: the masquerade party begins blood dizzying barmaids and butchery, Cyber-surgeon addicts revive fallen shocktroops with laser scalpels and wrenches with John Cleese, Graham Chapman, A pantless Graham Chapmay in town thumping chest hairs British charity worker converts a frowning gorilla to winged monkeys Agent walking with John Cleese, ' spies inspect Aperture laboratories from afar, seeing equipment surpassing their wildest dreams Sleeping dragon with glorious golden wings sleeping above viciousness & surrounded by Borders' spies inspect Aperture laboratories from afar, with Ellen Page, Wil Agent stretching with Ellen Page, thirsty agents inspect intel showing massive army; hundreds of thousands strong We're outgunned, outskilled, outnumbered, but we have the element of surprise Bloodthirsty agents inspect intel showing massive army; with JK Rowling, RRR Agent caregiving with JK Rowling, fights above intense fighting Gigantic Praying Mantis over sandbox and playground are the most prominent feature in a jungle environment rug that measures 4 Dogfights above intense fighting swiss, gouda, cheddar, mozzarella, feta with Ruyun Tang, YYX Agent roving with Ruyun Tang, above criminal stronghold: source of dangerous Cyclone above criminal stronghold: with Gwen Stefani, Sibe Agent well-being with Gwen Stefani, with The Pebbles, Sierra Agent coping with The Pebbles, with Russel Crowe, Kyte Shadowy figure escapes to medical bunker Blinking squares are gargoyles that transform into poison breathing Dragons Agent catalyzing with Russel Crowe, with George Washington, Agent landscaping with George Washington, with Ice Cube, O'Dare Agent mistreating with Ice Cube, with THX, 4YE Agent diagnosing with THX, with Anakin Skywalker, Agent stroking with Anakin Skywalker, with Bill Clinton, Beaulieu Agent portraying with Bill Clinton, with Clark Gable, O-Ren Wanted dead or alive: terrorists and freedom fighters alike Agent evoking with Clark Gable, with Mark Twain, Pollo [][][] You manage to get in before a beaked creature rips your throat out Agent photographing with Mark Twain, with Strom Trost, Strangel Agent joking with Strom Trost, with Amanda Henson, CZC Hundred Demons pour out of a portal and tear apart fifteen shocktroops before they know what's going on Agent brushing with Amanda Henson, Adventurer wanders into path of trampling beasts and Agents Magistrate's Court locks up unusually early all at the same time Sundowning Adventurer wanders into path of trampling beasts and Agents teams come and steam-vacuum up the meager guts spilled during unrest Deathstalkers hover over skyrise, able to take any hostile creature Sanitation teams come and steam-vacuum up the meager guts spilled during unrest laughing at your misfortune, blatantly chaotic and predatory Colossus laughing at your misfortune, keyboard warrior, fearless missionary and volunteer rescuer are blissfully typing away Goons with sniper rifles slaughter dozens just to get to a law abiding rebel Community-dwelling keyboard warrior, peer out the windows from their ivory towers Turbines churn out scalding geothermal energy to prevent a blackout Muckety-mucks peer out the windows from their ivory towers ceremony cuts through ceremony with a chainsaw cutting through sheet cake Ribbon-cutting ceremony cuts through ceremony with a chainsaw cutting through sheet cake and confetti drift through the air, party hats clenched in toothy grins Gladiators chop up beasts and build shelters for freedom fighters with the same tools Balloons and confetti drift through the air, lasher Mustached Officers prepare millions of dollars of boobytraps for bloodthirsty pirates Beer taps pour in unison, a river of delicious supply and Skinnyslasher Everyone walks out of fire, even though it's melting the shoes off their feet, and agents start to cave in from the pressure pour drink after drink, double-fisting the shots, not even able to handle their liquor CSIA liquidates URA banks with a couple of clicks of Bartenders pour drink after drink, K8 crashes through the office window, landing in a bloody heap opens Various and sundry anagrams are demanded by the flock of manic lawyers Mothers read "Green Eggs and Ham" Whisky-joint opens Marry me, and with a shrug of the shoulders we'll move into a beautiful house in the suburbs Famed poets fall over themselves for a chance to The rustle of leather, click-clack of billiard cues and sputter of cigarettes fill the billiards room "I'm so excited, I'm so excited, you would not believe Backseat Casanova slides his sweaty palms down his '68 Mustang Careening wildly out of control, every agent pigpiles on top of each other confirms Erewhon's perimeter is secure from another raid Astryl confirms Erewhon's perimeter is secure from another raid Toothbrushes with toothpaste dance joyfully Yak Farming Chris in uniform prepares and grooms his prized creation the H-129, and sends shudder and shamble down the narrow sewer Dominoes eventuall fall as two groups meet with an uring- Shambles shudder and shamble down the narrow sewer Exotic meats sizzle and pop on an open fire as you dine with Perry Doke brandishes his retexture gun and winces in pain Balacava-clad men in gas-masks armed with automatic weapons edge towards Hoxar's building A drug lab, a dungeon, or a maze of twisty little passages, all alike Snatch the four-leaf clover of a surly mafia hitman Butchers skin and dress hairy wartsnakes for coats, belts, Soothe brutal headaches with a temporal lobe massage offices, attempting to maintain the phoney structure of the URA Scorching rays of the sun bounce and slide off armor plating Stockholm Syndrome League of LIons gets ured by a cluster of flowers addicts swap stim-sticks in front of a huge container filled with hundreds of tiny bottles Cafffeine addicts swap stim-sticks in front of a huge container filled with hundreds of tiny bottles Hyperdermic needles on hand at all times for a moment like this ADAHOFGHFGHAGHGHAGHGHVGRHH : putting out mattresses and I burst in through the front door An Ivoire-class battleship smolders in the harbor Tumblebleeds putting out mattresses and I burst in through the front door Lions start popping out of nowhere and madness, decadence and wrath bubble in a foaming broth Silver-eyed Thoroughbred stallions whinney of ultra-elaborate body art and ornate tattoos Gusts of ultra-elaborate body art and ornate tattoos formulas Architects rub their hands in anticipation and schematics for an imposing basilica A custom-carved music box emits Stradivarius master Crimson flames burst out everywhere there Whales fall from the sky and smash into a Phosphorescent green waters in an endless cavern of dapp Life-prolonging formulas Marauding valkyries rack up not one but two point four-five Snowstorms swirling and choking Lenient rules let you hire semiviol and its luxurious palaces and urns bur life-support system slowly fails, trapped at the top of the beanstalk THE END WATCH IT Mousehole and its luxurious palaces and urns bur machine keeps your feet off the dashboard GRAY HAIR GREEN EYES comfortable chair The easy chair is reclined and tilted Resurrection machine keeps your feet off the dashboard A cherry-red harmonica lies here MADE THISELP LEVEL UP guide lies here Harmonica A cherry-red harmonica lies here A single blue fiber mat is tossed in the corner Metal Door A heavy metal rewardso you may pass! I have a bad feeling about this A majestic show of sparkling gold crowns your efforts Mattresses A single blue fiber mat is tossed in the corner Chest A rusted-out chest is empty Booty A majestic show of sparkling gold crowns your efforts Carved Message The svelte runes of the ancients bevel their secrets to you GAME OVER Rusted-out Chest A rusted-out chest is empty -bulb Charged You keep it by your bed at night Phosphorus-bulb Charged You keep it by your bed at night Dog An automaton robo-dog starts at you with its multicolored spinning eyes Automaton Dog An automaton robo-dog starts at you with its multicolored spinning eyes -Yellow Fire-Breathing Turtle A megalomaniacal turtle with firebreath What more could you want? Megalomaniac-Yellow Fire-Breathing Turtle A megalomaniacal turtle with firebreath y Hatch A heavy and dusty trapdoor opens to lead down to the darkness of the unknown Dusty Hatch A heavy and dusty trapdoor opens to lead down to the darkness of the unknown Day Parade It's not that interesting of a parade, but there are colorful balloons Patriots Day Parade It's not that interesting of a parade, The gutting sting of surgery-induced adrenaline pumps through your body Adrenaline The gutting sting of surgery-induced adrenaline pumps through your body Two conquistadors stand ready to chop your head off Treasure Room Volcanic boulders conceal a treasure room Conquistadors Two conquistadors stand ready to chop your head off Stomach Wound The sandpaper-like texture of your rotting stomach sizzles with each beat of your heart Gangrenous Stomach Wound The sandpaper-like texture of your rotting stomach sizzles with each beat of your heart The fresh, clear water cascades into a porcelain basin Faucet The fresh, A lavishly illustrated and ancient book of prophecies details your quest Future Cat A demonic-looking cat sits on a brass towel warmer Prophecy A lavishly illustrated and ancient book of prophecies details your quest Station This strange machine harnesses cosmic rays to show you where to go next in space Triangulation Station This strange machine harnesses cosmic rays to show you where to go next in space of The Flying Spaghetti Mon A page is ripped out, but you get the gist chocolate! Treasure This mysterious treasure is none other than Preachings of The Flying Spaghetti Mon A page is ripped out, -Accelerator Tubes A series of tanks hold a green substance that may accelerate the decay process Corrosion-Accelerator Tubes A series of tanks hold a green substance that may accelerate the decay process A lone soapbox sits ready for the soapboxing politician of your choice Crates of Marbles For the more simplistic pleasure of a nicely patterned floor Soapbox A lone soapbox sits ready for the soapboxing politician of your choice Condenser This machine converts water into urine Blubber Lamp The blubber from a whale keeps this lamp burning day and night Moisture Condenser This machine converts water into urine From Saarin The brilliant words of the religious leader Saarin are kept here Church Creed A story straight from the Bible - conveniently located right above the alter Sermons From Saarin The brilliant words of the religious leader Saarin are kept here -A-Tron It's always nice to have choices Tortoiseshell Spectacles Worn by a resident learned gentleman of the village Lobotomize-A-Tron It's always nice to have choices Crate A fresh delivery of condensed milk from the Mc'Coy farmstead is here! Delivery Crate A fresh delivery of condensed milk from the Mc'Coy farmstead is here! Cleanliness is next to godliness! Moldy Bread The enticing aroma of warm fresh bread gone bad Toothbrushes Cleanliness is next to godliness! These precious gems glitter in a display case Poison For the Assassin out there who likes to make his job a little easier Diamonds These precious gems glitter in a display case of Arrok A must-have for fans of dark mages Talisman of Arrok A must-have for fans of dark mages Chicken You can't eat it, but you can sure make fun of its smell! Stinky Chicken You can't eat it, Bottles Fans of the darker sciences may be interested in this fine roach vodka Stove Something smells good Insecticide Bottles Fans of the darker sciences may be interested in this fine roach vodka These living globs of goo indulge a taste for flesh or feces Sprays Each can tells you about it's glorious contents! Oozes These living globs of goo indulge a taste for flesh The weekly news If you finish all six, 360 is reached! Spirits Something tells you it's illegal for a reason Newspapers The weekly news Some art objects from other lands Crabs Wait until they split before capturing them or it's game over for you! Diplomats Some art objects from other lands The coolest school items, straight from the Adolpha hub! Jocks The coolest school items, A lowly beverage enjoyed by the entire Inuit population before the ice caps melted Eskiminzins A lowly beverage enjoyed by the entire Inuit population Magazine Hold on to your burlap sack-covered seats! Physique Magazine Hold on to your burlap sack-covered seats! Desktop A pretty standard computer Garden-variety Desktop A pretty standard computer These specialty laboratory chemicals may or may not be what you're looking for Chemistry Set A child's chemistry set perhaps, but education is always useful! Chemicals These specialty laboratory chemicals may or may not be what you're looking for Something about these labels reminds you of outer space Certo Bottle Art Design by Patricia Snootaloo Falsified Branding Phew! Designers Something about these labels reminds you of outer space Dissections Help teach medical students, or waste your own time? Shamwow! Anatomy Dissections Help teach medical students, Serums A big selection of experimental serums with at least 2 out of 75 having a potential for curing any or all disease Populations! Drinks The choice of the urban svelk mercenary Enjoyed while taking a break from looting the ruins of your civilization Coffee Drinks The choice of the urban svelk mercenary Wait, these candies hopped back into the store when it got too dark outside! Fashion Magazine These are way out of style Hoppers Wait, The disgusting but resilient organ Ladders They might come in handy for something! Federations Gallery Livers The disgusting but resilient organ Gallery Trading Co The store owner ran off with all her profits Pocket the gold and disappear Nobility Gallery There's a fine selection of brand new items! Vicinity There's a fine selection of brand new items! Will make you feel younger just by taking one of these bottles daily! Hazmat Gang This is a secret group Vitamins Will make you feel younger just by taking one of these bottles daily! Watch out for these desert creatures! Pick-pockets So sneaky that you never even knew you'd been robbed! Butchers Shhhh! Scorpions Watch out for these desert creatures! Sure, they're good for you But do you really want to lug them over the hills and dales? Watermelons Sure, The trash receptacle around which the bird flies Liquor Display First bottle is on me! Dumpster The trash receptacle around which the bird flies See what big piles of noninflammable and noncorrosive tin we throw away Bravado See what big piles of noninflammable and noncorrosive tin we throw away Ramblers Orcs and lizards brought together through raging music Weasels enjoy digging up trash right around here Dune Ramblers Orcs and lizards brought together through raging music A roll of snakeskin military fencing suitable for building a new home Eureka! Accidentally invented by Boogs Bucker two years ago today Measuring tape It's a combo map, ruler and measuring tool all in one! Warthog With his big dog heart beat big Apocalypse-weave A roll of snakeskin military fencing suitable for building a new home method Spit-and-polish method like you should feel at home with this brand new combat suit Haywire punching machine This will test how much pain you can really take Super-soldiers like you should feel at home with this brand new combat suit 's Never drink and drive! Never drink and fly a plane! NEVER drink and fight robots Kites These usually just drift about minding their own business Teetotaler's Never drink and drive! nice specimen! Within this box, there is a solution to any ammo shortage Zoologist nice specimen! It's still sizzling y'know! Melee Weapons These babies can pack a punch Air-ships Time to take to the skies! Lizard-on-a-stick It's still sizzling y'know! This surely can't work with missing parts Teacups and saucers Don't get these confused, they tend to get very upset! Endoskeleton This surely can't work with missing parts These green skins yell a lot Security Systems These babies are top of the line! Preservatives Bottle from "The Simpsons" "season of joy Phenotype These green skins yell a lot Research This secret file was taken from the ruins of Moreauvre University before the norhtwest repeative irruption Obviously a Dea Primate Moreauvian Research This secret file was taken from the ruins of Moreauvre University before the norhtwest repeative irruption else it falls to the core The inside machinery is in perfect condition, amazing what can survive an explosion When it comes to entering the earth on must do it very precisly else it falls to the core or else you might not make it to the ground Stem Cells Excellent for treating those rapidly aging conditions or sports organ failure! You need to enter the air at a precise speed and angle or else you might not make it to the ground The interiors a bit burnt but doesn't look like anything useful was destroyed A scratch on this dial and the machine becomes very hot which could be dangerous We offer reconnaissance, surgical strike and terror cell elimination Some slow, some fast, some long solution Floor Care we don't want people tripping and getting hurt You will need to float the egg in some liquid so you will need to find some liquid that is the same as egg solution Transparency the opposite end of opacity obviously After you pressurize it will resist changes to shape from pressure or impacts depending on the size of the egg Airstrike wherever you see fit An egg can withstand between 20 to 30 gs before cracking depending on the size of the egg a name for your ship If you conquered a galaxy why would you name it after a bus stop? and share in this new Galaxy Empire of Man! Inverting the gravity will change your perspective but make sure you get it right and here we are! Welcome aboard the Galaxy Express 999! Donating in exchange for Mind Units Your brain is enrolled in our proprietary glorified Facebook program out the eggs and he doesn't even get any of that If you leave the window open too long your eardrums will explode!

[theconservativebrief]

Thanksgiving is all about traditions: the all-day food preparation, the arguments over which side dish reigns supreme, the 6,000-calorie food coma, and, for many American families, a viewing of a football game.

But in a world that seems to get more terrifyingly chaotic by the day, and where the health risks of football are increasingly well understood, I’d like to argue for an alternative tradition: an annual viewing of the utterly nonviolent, soothingly adorable National Dog Show.

Every year, pedigreed dogs of all shapes and sizes (and their dedicated handlers and groomers) gather outside Philadelphia to vie for fame and glory. The competition is broadcast on Thanksgiving Day at noon; here are four reasons it’s well worth a watch, even if you’re (gasp) a cat person.

Hosts David Frei (left) and John O’Hurley with 2014 Best in Show winner Nathan the bloodhound. Bill McCay/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images

The National Dog Show is always held in the Philadelphia area; it’s hosted by the Kennel Club of Philadelphia and sanctioned by the American Kennel Club. The city has a long history with purebred dog shows; the first dates back to 1876 at the Centennial Exposition, and a version of the National Dog Show has been held annually since the early 1900s (with a break from 1928 to 1932, during the Great Depression).

The National Dog Show is one of just six “benched” dog shows in the US, which means participating dogs must be present at the show and accessible to the public for the entire time, unless they are competing, exercising, or being groomed. (Unbenched shows, by contrast, only require the dogs to be present when their breed or other round is being judged.) So, yes, this means that if you snag tickets to the National Dog Show (which are pretty cheap!), you can actually go backstage to meet the dogs. And as Philly.com points out, “[A]s long as you ask first and they haven’t just gotten their fur done, many, if not most, dogs are pettable.”

Backstage at the 2017 National Dog Show. Yes, I went. Yes, it was the best. Tanya Pai/Vox

But make sure you ask before you touch, because a show dog’s grooming process is often elaborate and very time-consuming. A standard poodle, for instance, could need three hours just for a shampoo and blow-dry, not to mention the traditional shave of fur into complicated geometric tufts to achieve what’s known as the “continental trim.”

(Fun fact: While that style now is purely decorative, it used to be functional, as David Ramsey explained for the National magazine. Poodles served as German water retrievers, and the poofs of hair kept their joints and organs warm in the water while the rest of their fur was shaved to help keep them afloat. Even the little puff on the tail was useful as a rudder.)

This poodle did not wake up like this. Bill McCay/NBC/Photo Bank

The National Dog Show is just one of countless canine competitions in the US. One of the best known is the Westminster Dog Show, held at Madison Square Garden, which has also been around since the late 19th century and, until recently, even shared a host with the National Dog Show: David Frei, who ended his gig with Westminster after the 2016 event due to a network agreement that saw the Westminster broadcast moving to Fox Sports (previously, both shows were broadcast by NBC networks).

The largest dog show in the world is Crufts, which is held in Birmingham, England, and is considered the pinnacle of doggy achievement. To enter, dogs must qualify by placing highly in another Kennel Club–licensed show, sort of like how people who want to run the New York Marathon have to qualify in a previous race first. Most delightfully and bizarrely of all, Crufts, unlike other dog shows, features a “heelwork” round, which involves dogs and their costumed handlers basically performing a dance routine to music.

[embedded content]

Everything about this photo is A+. Bill McCay/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images

The National Dog Show divides its more than 2,000 participants into seven groups: terrier, toy (Pomeranians, Chihuahuas, Shih Tzus), sporting (golden retrievers, pointers), working (boxers, Great Danes), hound, herding (English sheepdogs, Border collies), and non-sporting (everything else, including Dalmatians and French bulldogs). Each dog breed is judged individually; the winner from each breed participates in the group round, and the top dog from each group goes on to compete for the vaunted Best in Show award.

The judges look for the following:

Is this dog able to perform the job the breed was originally bred to do? Does this dog have all of the physical characteristics typical of their breed? How fit is the dog? Do they have the correct gait? Lastly, the judges study the expression on the dog’s face and general demeanor. Judges look for happy dogs that enjoy competing in the show.

The fascinating thing from a viewer’s perspective is the sheer variety of breeds these groups encompass. You’re probably familiar with several of the American Kennel Club–recognized breeds that compete at the National Dog Show: your Labradors and pugs, your mastiffs and fox terriers. You may even remember an odd breed or two from previous competitions; Westminster 2013, for instance, taught America how to pronounce “Affenpinscher” (which means “monkey-like terrier” in German) thanks to Best in Show winner Banana Joe. But it’s likely that even doggie die-hards won’t be familiar with every one of the 200-plus breeds recognized, and the National Dog Show adds new ones nearly every year.

Can you name all these breeds? David Frei can. Bill McCay/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images

It doesn’t help that several of them are very rare and sound like something out of a J.K. Rowling novel: wirehaired vizslas, Keeshonds, Portuguese Podengo Pequenos, Bouviers des Flandres. And part of the joy of watching the show is hearing Frei and John O’Hurley, longtime hosts of the television broadcast, read off the various breed names with obvious glee, letting every syllable roll off their tongues as each unfamiliar-looking beast takes the arena.

The hosts also bring their deep dog knowledge to the commentary, resulting in a mix that’s both informative and irreverent. After watching the National Dog Show, you’ll know not only that the weird mop-like creature on the cover of Beck’s Odelay is a Komondor but also that those fur cords require less maintenance than you’d expect. (Johnny Weir and Tara Lipinski will also reprise their Olympics partnership for the show, interviewing competitors and providing backstage commentary.)

This year, the dog show has approved two new breeds for competition. The Grand Basset Griffon Vendéen (the name translates, approximately, as “large, low, shaggy dog of the Vendée”) is a scenthound from France whose “whose mustache, beard, and profuse eyebrows suggest the look of a worldly but amiable Frenchman,” per the American Kennel Club. And the Nederlandse Kooikerhondje (also known as the “Dutch decoy dog”) is a red-and-white spaniel-type dog once used to lure ducks.

Fluffy, fluffy drama. Bill McCay/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images

Don’t let the genteel air fool you: As with any competition, dog shows bring out rivalries, the potential for huge upsets, and occasional scandals. In 2015, for example, a prize-winning Irish setter named Jagger died after the Crufts show and the owners discovered poison in his stomach, leading to accusations of murder by a competitor. Perhaps unsurprisingly, mainstream news outlets from Vanity Fair to Mashable picked up the story.

And the cutthroat competition isn’t just about owners’ love for their pets: Dog shows are a very expensive (and only occasionally profitable) endeavor. Buying a purebred dog can cost up to $5,000, Dr. Jerry Klein, the American Kennel Club’s chief veterinary officer, told the New York Times. Then there’s the price of training, grooming, and feeding, and the costs for entering and traveling to shows, along with handlers’ fees. For really big shows like Westminster, some owners even shell out big for a “campaign” — literally an advertising blitz touting a winning dog’s success at shows and in dog magazines. As the Times reported:

Ms. Wiest [a Labrador breeder] said she spent between $27,000 and $30,000 on a campaign for Baccara, who was the No. 1-ranked Labrador in 2014. Going into Westminster, the dog was a favorite to do well. But she didn’t even win her breed.

However, even winning Best in Show isn’t exactly akin to winning the lottery: At the National Dog Show, the top prize comes with a check for around $1,500; Westminster’s reward, says the Times, is merely a commemorative pewter bowl. But champion dogs can bring in money another way — as breeding stock. Puppies of major-show champs have reportedly sold for as much as $25,000, and a dog’s semen alone could go for $2,000.

Yet despite the high financial stakes, sometimes the drama simply stems from the fact that the competitors are still, well, animals. Though the dogs are highly trained, there’s always a chance something will go awry — with often amusing results. Accidents happen on the show floor, and occasionally a dog has other plans for how the day should go, like at Westminster 2015, when an impatient Leonberger named Dario decided he didn’t feel like waiting until after his round to snag a treat or two.

Giphy

2016 Best in Show winner Gia the greyhound, whose full name is GCH Grand Cru Giaconda, CGC. Bill McCay/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images

What’s in a name? For show dogs, a lot. You won’t find any Fidos and Rovers on the show circuit; instead, you’ll hear names like CH Roundtown Mercedes of Maryscot (a Scottish terrier who won that National Dog Show’s Best in Show title in 2009) or Raydachs Playing With Fire V Gleishorbach (a fittingly long name for a long-bodied dachshund). The dogs also have nicknames, or “call names,” which is how the incredible “Lafford Fly Me Too Farleysbane,” a Papillon, becomes the more prosaic “Dave.”

While these monikers might seem overly complicated, even nonsensical, there is some rhyme and reason to them. The name of the kennel where the dog was born is usually included. Then there’s the part of the name that’s individual to the dog and can really be anything — an owner’s favorite song or movie character, the name of a beloved athlete, etc. Breeders will often theme litters’ names around a certain subject to help distinguish one litter from the next. And if a puppy happens to be born to prize-winning dogs, it may get a name that combines or references the names of its prestigious parents.

Once a dog achieves certain qualifications or wins certain prizes, its name gets amended with letters designating the specific title won: CH for champion, CWSG for world show champion, and so on; these can be a prefix or a suffix depending on the designation. (The American Kennel Club has a detailed — and long — list of all the designations.) So when you’re watching the dog show on Thanksgiving and GCH Kiarry’s Pandora’s Box appears on your screen, you can truly appreciate the thought process that brought about that particular string of words.

Happy Thanksgiving indeed. Virginia Sherwood/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images

The National Dog Show airs Thursday, November 22, at noon (all time zones) on NBC. For some highly entertaining insight into the life of a show dog, I recommend reading this glorious 1995 profile of Biff the boxer by Susan Orlean.

Original Source -> Forget football. The National Dog Show is Thanksgiving’s best entertainment.

via The Conservative Brief

[kutee-boutique-fan-blog]

Meowy Ugly Christmas Sweater, Hoodie, Longsleeve T-Shirt

Do you love it? https://kuteeboutique.com/shop/meowy-ugly-christmas-sweater/

Meowy Ugly Christmas Sweater, Hoodie, Longsleeve T-Shirt

I bumped into a girl I used to work with at the mall. After a little catching up, Meowy Ugly Christmas Sweater, I said “Bye, it was nice meeting you” instead of “Bye, it was nice seeing you again”. Doh! I was at KFC (Kentucky Fried CHICKEN ) N after not knowing what I really wanted my friend was like “so did u make up ur mind yet ” I was like “idk I don’t want any other meat other than chicken” I was the joke of the day probably still am 15 yrs later.  I have incredibly small toes. So small that if I have a pedicure my littlest toe needs only the tip of the brush for it to be painted… But I’m not a big person, so the tiny person big toes doesn’t work vice versa!

Meowy Ugly Christmas Sweater, Hoodie, Ladies T-Shirt

Meowy Ugly Christmas Hoodie

Mine are small too. My families toenails is a odd tiny sliver of a nail almost not there. Daddy always said it was what he looked at to laughingly say we were his kids. Runs in our family. So, my sister has a ridiculously long toes that used to pick things up and we still says she has finger toes, but those are literally finger toes.  If woman were suppose to be hairless then they would have been born that way! To each their own. Don’t like what you see move along. She has the right to her body the same way you do!

Meowy Ugly Christmas Guys Tee

Elaine Cassin Donegan didn’t you know? A woman can be overweight, have a mustache, haven’t showered in a week, rotting teeth and that person will get less criticized than a woman who practices proper hygiene and takes care of herself. God forbid when it comes to men though… The same women who defend other women like the first example are the same women who shun men for the same exact thing. Your opinion says to shave but science says the hair is there for a reason. Books are cool, maybe you can get one some time.

Meowy Ugly Christmas Ladies Tee

Meowy Ugly Christmas Sweater, V-Neck, Tank-Top, Long Sleeve T-Shirt

Meowy Ugly Christmas Ladies V Neck

Because not plucking your toe hairs means you have poor hygiene..Jesus H Christ I wonder why people like you get to breathe free air?! I don’t shave or wax my toes. Its only a bit of hair its not like its on her legs or armpits and anyway when we were primitive apes they never shaved so technically its more natural to not shave than to shave, woman only do so they don’t get bullied for being hairy and you say hygiene, but that’s what soap and shower gel is for (also technically not natural) none animal tested is the way forward (at least) poor monkeys.

Meowy Ugly Christmas Unisex Tank Top

Not high maintenance for shaving your toes, but for ridiculing someone who does not. It’s a toe. Not an armpit or her legs. To each their own, yes. Do what makes you comfortable with your body, but why tear someone down who may not practice the same “grooming” habits? That is what’s ridiculous. Hairy toes is a sign of good blood circulation. I personally have more important things to worry about than a little hair on my toes. My toes are long like those.. my 2&3rd toes are longer than my first and my 4th is the same length as my big toe.

Meowy Ugly Christmas Unisex Longsleeve Tee

Bruh those ain’t feet, those are flippers. She can play Ariel in a live action little mermaid and all they gotta do is paint her legs and feet green. I hate when they assume it’s okay to send me scripture on Messenger. I’d let it pass a few times and then acquaint them with the banhammer.  Sure you love me more than eleven loves eggos,  Meowy Ugly Christmas Sweater,  but I am pretty sure I will never replace your love for ice cream on said eggos.  Ok, I like k-drama, but this scene it’s absolutely hilarious. 1 – it’s impossible for her to fall, 2 – even if she would fall, how did he catch her hand if her head was supposed to go down first. That would be her foot.

[thedavidhepburnfan-blog]

Whilst strolling about on the Kenya coast just south of Mombasa, my wife and I found ourselves having to constantly negotiate by, if not negotiate with, a large troop of baboons squatting just outside our lodge. Knowing that these boons could get nasty at any moment should we ridicule them or discuss the colour of their keysters, we decided to get to know these boons and, in fact, sort of adopted them, given their uncanny resemblance to my non-adopted sons. Like all good boon parents we gave them proper Christian names: Debbie Boon, Daniel Boon, Pat Boon and even Barbara “Babs” Boon or just Snooki. Prior to passing the troop I had to jettison any bananas I kept in my pocket (do not extrapolate this) to hand feed the eager Vervets or Sykes monkeys we happened upon. Hand feeding a baboon would likely have meant just that, the banana simply an appetizer. But between demonstrating their fangly fangs and strutting about with their boon butts high in the air, they sat and most patiently and lovingly picked lice and nits off of each other. This social grooming seemed so genteel that soon my wife was combing through my chest hair looking for something to chew, where, other than remnants of Coco Puffs and an occasional bratwurst, she found very few lice.... and so ordered out. But to many, having lice are a way of life, particularly if you are a louse.

And so, fellow primates, here are the facts of lice.

 Dr_David_Hepburn Is the one of the leading Doctor is in Canada. Whose knowledge level regarding to medical scienc is much wideer. He is the author of "The Doctor Is In(sane)" which was nominated for several book awards. He is very successful man in several of fields, and studies also. For the past few years they travelling to various countries to provide their medical services to its clients.

 -Manual nit picking is a necessary part of any lice treatment program. Pediculocides are not 100% effective so you MUST nit pick with a fine tooth comb or perhaps simply get married where you will be readily nit picked bald as a mole rat embryo. 

 -A hatched nit needs a human blood meal within 45 minutes to survive. So should you hear a celebration in the nape of your neck, meaning all the lady lice are enjoying a baby shower, I suggest that you cut off the blood supply to your head, much like the cast of Jersey Shore does.

 -Many schools have a no nit policy meaning that if you have nits you don’t come to school. One of my sons would get little grains of rice and glue them to his hair and so missed Grade 6 entirely and, like the cast of Jersey Shore, most of Grades 7 thru 12 which is why he’s now running in the upcoming election.     

 -The pubic or crab louse is a parasitic insect which spends its entire life on human genitals, sort of like the cast of Jersey Shore. They can also be found in hair, on the abdomen and under the armpits as well as on the beard and mustache. Men too can get lice. In children they are usually found in eye-lashes or eyebrows.

 -A pubic louse resembles a miniature crab when viewed through a strong magnifying glass. They look quite a bit different than head lice which look more like Wayne Newton.

 -A common misbelief is that infestation can be spread by sitting on a toilet seat. This isn't likely, since lice cannot live long away from a warm human body. Also, lice do not have feet designed to walk or hold onto smooth surfaces such as toilet seats so if they get left on a toilet seat they often fall into the toilet, sort of like Aunt Florence in the middle of the night.

 -You don’t need a doctor to detect crabs. Genital crabs cause intense itching and are very visible to the naked eye so if you notice the nether regions appear to be humming with activity and you just spent a weekend within the vicinity of Charlie Sheen .... 

 -Crabs and head lice are not transmissible to or from pets. Fleas and scabies are. So should your dog come to you and say “Hey pal, I got crabs from you” just ignore him unless of course you realize you have a talking dog. No doubt owning $uch a pet would certainly be a boon to your troop.

[creativedogtrainingonline]

The Stunning Affenpinscher Type

The Affenpinscher is a lovely little type with a nearly charming monkey-like appearance. In reality, the prefix Affen is a German word for monkey. In his native land he is typically called Zwergaffenpinscher (Zwerg indicating dwarf.)

The French have dubbed it the mustached devil. In any case, he is an attractive humorous little dog, the smallest of the Schnauzers and Pinschers breed.

He is alert, mild, intelligent, and affectionate. He watches out for strangers and is constantly prepared to protect his home that makes him an excellent watchdog.Size: The average height for this type is about 91/2-11 in. His average weight must be about 61/2 -9 lb.History and origin: Miniature Pinschers and Affenpinschers were, up until 1896, categorized as a single breed. However, in that year at the Berlin program, it was chosen that the long-coated range should be understood as the Affenpinscher. The Affenpinscher is an extremely old German type that was portrayed by Jan van Eyck(1395-1441)and Albrecht Durer(1471-1528 ). However, there are some controversies as to where his origin began, although his nationality was never ever remained in doubt. Some people believe it to be connected to the Brussels Griffon while others attribute the Brussels Griffon to the Affenpinscher. Another theory is that the Affenpinscher is a toy variation of the German coarse-haired terrier, the Zwergschnauzer. In any case, this wonderful pet dog was acknowledged by the American Kennel Club in 1936. He was introduced into the United Kingdom in 1975 and was first revealed at

Crufts Canine Program in 1980. Feeding: Recommended feeding for this type would be 1/3 -1/ 2 can of quality meat product(13.3 oz size), with biscuit included equal part by volume; or 1-11/2 cupfuls of high quality dry food. When feeding this canine dry food, make certain that he has an ample supply of water. Workout: Much like many toy pet dogs, he will be pleased with a brief walk around the park, but will gladly walk you off your feet if that is to your pleasure.Grooming: Regular brushing will keep his coat in great condition, along with all normal grooming routines of a lot of dogs.If you are searching for a little brief coat dog that does not require much attention this might be the perfect breed for you.

The Affenpinscher is an enjoyable playful type and makes a good household pet that is a loyal buddy. The Web’s the majority of relied on pet and English Bulldog info resource. 100

[lewiscarrolatemybrain]

I said it in the tags of a previous post but it's too cute and funny to stay hidden there and I'll take any opportunity to spread my Feral Ace Agenda, so:

Ace likes to perch on Whitebeard's shoulders and groom his mustache like a little monkey, and Whitebeard 100% just Lets Him. His 'stache has never been so perfectly neat and tidy! Usually it's a little worse for wear by the end of the day but now a single hair gets rumpled out of place and Ace climbs right on up there to rake his little fingers through like a man on a mission.

(Ace also grooms the other wbp of course, he likes to finger-comb peoples' hair and neaten their clothes and clean their hands and faces for them, but it def looks funniest when he does it to Whitebeard. Marco, who has been fighting for his life against the bird instinct to do exactly that since he was like fifteen, is lowkey kinda jealous even though he is absolutely also welcome to preen Whitebeard if he was willing to put up with his siblings' teasing about it)

[thedavidhepburnfan-blog]

Whilst strolling about on the Kenya coast just south of Mombasa, my wife and I found ourselves having to constantly negotiate by, if not negotiate with, a large troop of baboons squatting just outside our lodge. Knowing that these boons could get nasty at any moment should we ridicule them or discuss the colour of their keysters, we decided to get to know these boons and, in fact, sort of adopted them, given their uncanny resemblance to my non-adopted sons. Like all good boon parents we gave them proper Christian names: Debbie Boon, Daniel Boon, Pat Boon and even Barbara “Babs” Boon or just Snooki. Prior to passing the troop I had to jettison any bananas I kept in my pocket (do not extrapolate this) to hand feed the eager Vervets or Sykes monkeys we happened upon. Hand feeding a baboon would likely have meant just that, the banana simply an appetizer. But between demonstrating their fangly fangs and strutting about with their boon butts high in the air, they sat and most patiently and lovingly picked lice and nits off of each other. This social grooming seemed so genteel that soon my wife was combing through my chest hair looking for something to chew, where, other than remnants of Coco Puffs and an occasional bratwurst, she found very few lice.... and so ordered out. But to many, having lice are a way of life, particularly if you are a louse.

And so, fellow primates, here are the facts of lice.

 Dr_David_Hepburn Is the one of the leading Doctor is in Canada. Whose knowledge level regarding to medical scienc is much wideer. He is the author of "The Doctor Is In(sane)" which was nominated for several book awards. He is very successful man in several of fields, and studies also. For the past few years they travelling to various countries to provide their medical services to its clients.

 -Manual nit picking is a necessary part of any lice treatment program. Pediculocides are not 100% effective so you MUST nit pick with a fine tooth comb or perhaps simply get married where you will be readily nit picked bald as a mole rat embryo. 

 -A hatched nit needs a human blood meal within 45 minutes to survive. So should you hear a celebration in the nape of your neck, meaning all the lady lice are enjoying a baby shower, I suggest that you cut off the blood supply to your head, much like the cast of Jersey Shore does.

 -Many schools have a no nit policy meaning that if you have nits you don’t come to school. One of my sons would get little grains of rice and glue them to his hair and so missed Grade 6 entirely and, like the cast of Jersey Shore, most of Grades 7 thru 12 which is why he’s now running in the upcoming election.     

 -The pubic or crab louse is a parasitic insect which spends its entire life on human genitals, sort of like the cast of Jersey Shore. They can also be found in hair, on the abdomen and under the armpits as well as on the beard and mustache. Men too can get lice. In children they are usually found in eye-lashes or eyebrows.

 -A pubic louse resembles a miniature crab when viewed through a strong magnifying glass. They look quite a bit different than head lice which look more like Wayne Newton.

 -A common misbelief is that infestation can be spread by sitting on a toilet seat. This isn't likely, since lice cannot live long away from a warm human body. Also, lice do not have feet designed to walk or hold onto smooth surfaces such as toilet seats so if they get left on a toilet seat they often fall into the toilet, sort of like Aunt Florence in the middle of the night.

 -You don’t need a doctor to detect crabs. Genital crabs cause intense itching and are very visible to the naked eye so if you notice the nether regions appear to be humming with activity and you just spent a weekend within the vicinity of Charlie Sheen .... 

 -Crabs and head lice are not transmissible to or from pets. Fleas and scabies are. So should your dog come to you and say “Hey pal, I got crabs from you” just ignore him unless of course you realize you have a talking dog. No doubt owning $uch a pet would certainly be a boon to your troop.

[thedavidhepburnfan-blog]

Whilst strolling about on the Kenya coast just south of Mombasa, my wife and I found ourselves having to constantly negotiate by, if not negotiate with, a large troop of baboons squatting just outside our lodge. Knowing that these boons could get nasty at any moment should we ridicule them or discuss the colour of their keysters, we decided to get to know these boons and, in fact, sort of adopted them, given their uncanny resemblance to my non-adopted sons. Like all good boon parents we gave them proper Christian names: Debbie Boon, Daniel Boon, Pat Boon and even Barbara “Babs” Boon or just Snooki. Prior to passing the troop I had to jettison any bananas I kept in my pocket (do not extrapolate this) to hand feed the eager Vervets or Sykes monkeys we happened upon. Hand feeding a baboon would likely have meant just that, the banana simply an appetizer. But between demonstrating their fangly fangs and strutting about with their boon butts high in the air, they sat and most patiently and lovingly picked lice and nits off of each other. This social grooming seemed so genteel that soon my wife was combing through my chest hair looking for something to chew, where, other than remnants of Coco Puffs and an occasional bratwurst, she found very few lice.... and so ordered out. But to many, having lice are a way of life, particularly if you are a louse.

And so, fellow primates, here are the facts of lice.

 Dr David Hepburn Is the one of the leading Doctor is in Canada. Whose knowledge level regarding to medical scienc is much wideer. He is the author of "The Doctor Is In(sane)" which was nominated for several book awards. He is very successful man in several of fields, and studies also. For the past few years they travelling to various countries to provide their medical services to its clients.

 -Manual nit picking is a necessary part of any lice treatment program. Pediculocides are not 100% effective so you MUST nit pick with a fine tooth comb or perhaps simply get married where you will be readily nit picked bald as a mole rat embryo. 

 -A hatched nit needs a human blood meal within 45 minutes to survive. So should you hear a celebration in the nape of your neck, meaning all the lady lice are enjoying a baby shower, I suggest that you cut off the blood supply to your head, much like the cast of Jersey Shore does.

 -Many schools have a no nit policy meaning that if you have nits you don’t come to school. One of my sons would get little grains of rice and glue them to his hair and so missed Grade 6 entirely and, like the cast of Jersey Shore, most of Grades 7 thru 12 which is why he’s now running in the upcoming election.     

 -The pubic or crab louse is a parasitic insect which spends its entire life on human genitals, sort of like the cast of Jersey Shore. They can also be found in hair, on the abdomen and under the armpits as well as on the beard and mustache. Men too can get lice. In children they are usually found in eye-lashes or eyebrows.

 -A pubic louse resembles a miniature crab when viewed through a strong magnifying glass. They look quite a bit different than head lice which look more like Wayne Newton.

 -A common misbelief is that infestation can be spread by sitting on a toilet seat. This isn't likely, since lice cannot live long away from a warm human body. Also, lice do not have feet designed to walk or hold onto smooth surfaces such as toilet seats so if they get left on a toilet seat they often fall into the toilet, sort of like Aunt Florence in the middle of the night.

 -You don’t need a doctor to detect crabs. Genital crabs cause intense itching and are very visible to the naked eye so if you notice the nether regions appear to be humming with activity and you just spent a weekend within the vicinity of Charlie Sheen .... 

 -Crabs and head lice are not transmissible to or from pets. Fleas and scabies are. So should your dog come to you and say “Hey pal, I got crabs from you” just ignore him unless of course you realize you have a talking dog. No doubt owning $uch a pet would certainly be a boon to your troop.

[thedavidhepburnfan-blog]

Whilst strolling about on the Kenya coast just south of Mombasa, my wife and I found ourselves having to constantly negotiate by, if not negotiate with, a large troop of baboons squatting just outside our lodge. Knowing that these boons could get nasty at any moment should we ridicule them or discuss the colour of their keysters, we decided to get to know these boons and, in fact, sort of adopted them, given their uncanny resemblance to my non-adopted sons. Like all good boon parents we gave them proper Christian names: Debbie Boon, Daniel Boon, Pat Boon and even Barbara “Babs” Boon or just Snooki. Prior to passing the troop I had to jettison any bananas I kept in my pocket (do not extrapolate this) to hand feed the eager Vervets or Sykes monkeys we happened upon. Hand feeding a baboon would likely have meant just that, the banana simply an appetizer. But between demonstrating their fangly fangs and strutting about with their boon butts high in the air, they sat and most patiently and lovingly picked lice and nits off of each other. This social grooming seemed so genteel that soon my wife was combing through my chest hair looking for something to chew, where, other than remnants of Coco Puffs and an occasional bratwurst, she found very few lice.... and so ordered out. But to many, having lice are a way of life, particularly if you are a louse.

And so, fellow primates, here are the facts of lice.

 Dr_David_Hepburn Is the one of the leading Doctor is in Canada. Whose knowledge level regarding to medical scienc is much wideer. He is the author of "The Doctor Is In(sane)" which was nominated for several book awards. He is very successful man in several of fields, and studies also. For the past few years they travelling to various countries to provide their medical services to its clients.

 -Manual nit picking is a necessary part of any lice treatment program. Pediculocides are not 100% effective so you MUST nit pick with a fine tooth comb or perhaps simply get married where you will be readily nit picked bald as a mole rat embryo. 

 -A hatched nit needs a human blood meal within 45 minutes to survive. So should you hear a celebration in the nape of your neck, meaning all the lady lice are enjoying a baby shower, I suggest that you cut off the blood supply to your head, much like the cast of Jersey Shore does.

 -Many schools have a no nit policy meaning that if you have nits you don’t come to school. One of my sons would get little grains of rice and glue them to his hair and so missed Grade 6 entirely and, like the cast of Jersey Shore, most of Grades 7 thru 12 which is why he’s now running in the upcoming election.     

 -The pubic or crab louse is a parasitic insect which spends its entire life on human genitals, sort of like the cast of Jersey Shore. They can also be found in hair, on the abdomen and under the armpits as well as on the beard and mustache. Men too can get lice. In children they are usually found in eye-lashes or eyebrows.

 -A pubic louse resembles a miniature crab when viewed through a strong magnifying glass. They look quite a bit different than head lice which look more like Wayne Newton.

 -A common misbelief is that infestation can be spread by sitting on a toilet seat. This isn't likely, since lice cannot live long away from a warm human body. Also, lice do not have feet designed to walk or hold onto smooth surfaces such as toilet seats so if they get left on a toilet seat they often fall into the toilet, sort of like Aunt Florence in the middle of the night.

 -You don’t need a doctor to detect crabs. Genital crabs cause intense itching and are very visible to the naked eye so if you notice the nether regions appear to be humming with activity and you just spent a weekend within the vicinity of Charlie Sheen .... 

 -Crabs and head lice are not transmissible to or from pets. Fleas and scabies are. So should your dog come to you and say “Hey pal, I got crabs from you” just ignore him unless of course you realize you have a talking dog. No doubt owning $uch a pet would certainly be a boon to your troop.