#and had complicated feelings there both bc fascinating implications

[blackwaves]

i went through a decent amount of biographical information on higuchi ichiyo before i touched the translations of her writing and: i think i've seen people commenting on her unrequited love for her literary mentor as adjacent to her love for akutagawa, which is understandable + probably a part of it, but the aspect of it that had eluded me before was that... akutagawa doesn't have many similarities with that mentor beyond higuchi's senpainoticeme-isms (/affectionate).

the mentor in question was insincere and charismatic and untrustworthy, and ichiyo was bitterly disappointed in + eventually disillusioned by him. which this is just to say that it took going through her prose writing to see: what ichiyo did love that i think asagiri pulled from was unfortunate characters who were raw/unpolished/sincere/angry and just needed a chance to be saved.

[kendrixtermina]

Ship Meme Time! [ReiShin / LRS]

I felt like doing this one.

PRE-RELATIONSHIP

How did they first meet?

Actually probably not in episode 1 - the presence of Mini Rei in the Leliel sequence suggests that maybe Shinji saw her during the nubulous “3 years ago” incident.

What was their first impression of each other?

On Shinji’s end: mysterious? slighty unnerving?

On Rei’s end: mild interest, since he’s Gendo’s kid & protecter her in ep 1, though I doubt she grasped the full implications. 

Did any of their friends or family want them to get together?

Rebuild! Gendo’s nefarious plot does NOT count. 

I’d presume Touji & Kensuke would be on board & Misato would tease & encourage any possible relationship that Shinji would get.

Who felt romantic feelings first?

It was probably more or less simultaneous, at the end of ep 6.

It’s possible that there was some mutual vague interest/fascination before that, but it’s hard to say how much of that is just of Shinji being Gendo’s kid & maybe feeling vaguely reminded of Yui, before he gets to know Rei properly.

Did either of them try to resist their feelings?

They got 99 problems but being tsuntsun isn’t one. 

Though Rei would perhaps at first feel that it’s futile/doomed since instrumentality is around the corner. 

If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think? What would their lives be like if they had never met?

It’s possible that Rei would have met another friend and/or love interest, but it’s not likely. She might’ve still had her doubts, but she’d probably still have gone along with Gendo’s plan, causing him to “win”. I think she’d have looked at her existence as a quasi-human as only painful rather than something that was both good & bad. 

With Shinji it’s harder to say cause he has other people to possibly inspire him & more complicated reasons to stay. I’d say he would’ve been more resentful overall, though, because he’d only have ambivalent motivators (Gendo, wanting to be needed etc.), not anyone who had no agenda & would be affected as an innocent if he “left”, & maybe that resentment woudl’ve come out as an emotional outburst at an inoportune point. 

GENERAL

Who initiated the relationship, and how did it go?

I strongly believe that it would definitely be Rei, she can be straightforward enough once she got her feelings figured out. 

Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like?

I don’t think they’d be into the whole ‘date’ ritual, it would just be a nice moment like having tea or going for a walk in nature together

What was their first kiss like?

Well there was that discarded storyboard from the rebuilds where the angel having taken Rei’s form “pulls EVA 01 in an open-mouthed kiss”... with their luck it could be something fucked up like that ^^°°

If we assume some reasonable AU, it would defiitely be all soft & tender & emotional. 

Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)?

Shinji  would definitely be Rei’s. Her first friend even since she had none before :( 

As for Shinji, ovsly Asuka and/or Mana/Manga!Kaworu/Misato got to him first, but kissing someone on a whim & bc you rly like them would be very different. 

In my experience, it really matters a lot. Romantic kissing is something very different from just foreplay kissing & compatibility matters a lot. 

What’s their height difference? Age difference?

None, at least physically. 

What’s their relationship with each other’s families?

Rei doesn’t have a family :(

Who takes the lead in social situations?

It depends on the situation. Generally Shinji is friendlier & more conventional while Rei is braver. If it’s a garden party, it’s Shinji, if it’s comfronting someone about a problem, it’s Rei. 

Who gets jealous easier?

Probably Shinji cause he’s insecure in a preuccupied way sometimes

Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear?

Neither.

LOVE

Who said “I love you” first?

Rei. Too bad she can’t seem to do it without immediate death. 

Shinji comes the closest in the manga ending or the end of 2.0.

What are their primary love languages?

Both are big on the acts of service.

Who uses cheesy pick-up lines?

I can see Shinji resorting to one when he’s very very nervous

How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA?

They’d be too shy to do it in public. 

Neither was hugged very much growing up so they’d probably have to ease into this slowly. 

Who initiates kisses?

Could be either

Who’s the big and little spoon?

This is probably the one case where Shinji would be the big spoon

What are their favorite things to do together?

Just chill peacefully in each other’s presence with music

Who’s better at comforting the other?

Rei. 

Who’s more protective?

About equal. There have been near-apocalypses on both counts. 

Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?

~The handholding~

What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise?

the OG franchise already has If I can’t be yours, Tsubada Kudasai, Beautiful World, Dillematic triangle opera, the first verse of ‘repeat’...

Otherwise, the first thing that comes to mind is The Fragile by Nine Inch Nails

What kind of nicknames do they call each other?

none rly. 

Who remembers the little things?

Both. They’re all about the little things~

DOMESTIC LIFE

If they get married, who proposes?

Could be either

What’s the wedding like? Who attends?

It was probably a small, private affair, with Misato, Kaji (if alive) the other pilots and the classmates. 

Gendo is probably not present.

How many kids do they have, if any? What are they like?

Since Rei most likely can’t have kids, they took in a bunch of orphans who reminded them of their younger selves. .

Do they have any pets?

Remember the pregnant cat from the Thrice Upon a time trailer?

They adopted some of the kittens. 

Who’s the stricter parent?

Definitely not Shinji

Who worries the most?

Shinji

Who kills the bugs in the house?

They probably have a strict “catch it & put it outside” policy

How do they celebrate holidays?

chill, low-key & cozy

Who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning?

Rei

Who’s the better cook?

Shinji

Who likes to dance?

Rei.

[hobidreams]

This is the beginning of a long ask bc i have so much to say! I found your tonight MLT randomly but as soon as i realised you were the author of MOTH i had to follow you immediately. You make the most amazing intriguing fanfics i have ever seen and MLT is one of the best examples. I am in luv w the fic you don’t understand. I come to your page almost everyday to see other’s questions, your answers, your announcements and even get happy when you get complements YOU DESERVE THEM 🥰🥰 okay let’s get into the matter now. Yoongi is my ultimate bias wrecker and when i tell you MLT is breaking my heart i mean it 😭😭 why is he so complicated. Oc really out here giving him chances when i would give him the middle finger every time he opened his mouth bc of the way he treats her. It’s so obvious they both love each other but yoongi UUURRGH. The last update gave me so much hope i just want them to be happy 😭😭 pls rain stop breaking my heart (PLS CONTINUE I love the pain 🤪) Also going back to 2nd chapter you mentioned oc has rumours about her being a whore. I was hopping you would expand on that. Does yoongi know? If so what does he think? I mean he removed all concubine from the rooms close to him so it was obvs that some rumours would start but to the extent the king would hear? Also don’t the advisors be on his neck for not looking for a queen? Or to have an heir? You said she is from the a lower status in the series but is there a way yoongi can make her a concubine? I want them to be together so much but so far I can’t see how😭😭😩 Lastly you said the fic will have 45 parts. If by any chance you have to leave tumblr for whatever reason (many of my favs left bc of the fandom and to take care of their mental healthbc of tumblr. Feel free to do so if needed you should put yourself first before anyone!!) do you think you might end it short, leave it unfinished or finish the series completely and then leave? I get extremely anxious whenever i start a new series on a big page bc ik they get stressed out bc of the hate, deadlines and trying to cope w outside life and life in social media so they end up disappearing without finishing them and i get worried something happened to them or they are having a hard time so pls take care of yourself especially now more than ever ❤️-🐬

hi babe this is such a sweet ask 😭💗 i will put my answer under a cut so i don’t clog dashes!

wahhh seriously i’m so glad that this blog is a space that makes you WANT to come back so often. i’ve never really run any type of blog like this (or at least never on this level) before i joined tumblr & i’m delighted to have found a space here. everyone’s questions are so fascinating & i love answering!!!!

hahah yes, i think an inherant part of my interest in historical fiction is all the regulations/rules that result in SO MUCH PINING. i love yearning, and MLT is no exception. RE: your questions... some of them will be addressed in the series so i won’t spoil them now hehe. but i will mention that in december 1868, Yoongi removed the concubines that “remain” from Hamhwadang Hall. maybe think about the implications of that word 👀 though it won’t be too clear until... probably after drabble 16. normally, OC could not be made an official concubine because of her/her mother’s rank, but we’ll see how the story shapes up, hm? ;)

& thank u for worrying abt me! the chances of me leaving Tumblr before the series is done is very low, but i can't promise that the series will be uploaded on a weekly basis until. my motivation wanes as the school year goes on so we'll have to see ;; but i made a commitment to start it so i'm determined to finish it! i've actually never gotten any anon hate on this blog before, which makes me so happy that this can be a kind space, so you don't have to worry abt my leaving bc of that. more like i lose motivation altogether 😅 but kind comments like this charge me right up!!! if, in the worst case scenario, smth does happen, i'll probably make a post detailing how the story would have ended. so at least u would know how it would have gone!

[ccsthemovie2]

Character-Clow Reed

(avril lavingne voice) WHYD YOU HAVE TO GO AND MAKE THINGS SO CLOWMPLICATEEEED I SEE THE WAY YOURE ACTING LIKE YOURE SOMEBODY ELSE GETS ME FRUSTRATED- ok jokes aside LETS GOOOOO 

Why I like them:

for all my angry yelling and kicking and complaining you may be surprised to learn that clow(riol) is one of my favorite parts of ccs! 

i think that having the Mystery and Legend of a long-dead wizard that hangs over sakura’s head at the start get light shed on it more and more so that we can see he’s just a person makes the world of ccs feel small and personal. it really stabilizes the heart of the series, what i love most about ccs- that it’s a story about individuals and the choices they make. the magic itself all traces back to one man and the way he felt it was right to act and to treat other people. i think he’s a fascinating character and a very very good choice of central figure.

Why I don’t:

THAT SAID, AAAAAGHHHHH HE IS HORRIBLE HE IS JUST A TERRIBLE LITTLE MAN I HATE HIM I HATE HIM SOOOO MUCH. even putting aside everything he* pulls as eriol, just the things he does as clow reed make me SO upset....LYING ABOUT HIS DEATH??? ELABORATE SETUP TO PRETEND KERO AND YUE HAVE A CHOICE IN THE MATTER OF CHOOSING THE NEW CARD MASTER BUT ACTUALLY KNOWING ALL ALONG AND HAVING A SPECIAL MAGIC ITEM MADE TO SEE THAT IT GETS DONE??? BREEZING INTO A TOWN TO STEAL A FORTUNE TELLER’S BUSINESS, GETTING HER NICE AND KATE BEATON NEMESIS.PNG’D, AND THEN IGNORING HER FOREVER??? it’s bad!! *(it’s complicated,) ive said this jokingly before but i think he just doesnt even think about other people having agency, that he’s not trampling but Guiding and Helping. i think part of his controlfreakiness is also a deep fear that he’s not enough, that he can’t keep a friend on his own merits so he’s gotta get his claws sunk in as much as possible, whether by emotionally living rent free in people’s heads or magical dependance. and that’s not a uniquely horrible belief, yknow, i think it’s very human and normal, but the problem is no one can criticize him. not with the amount of control he has over the people he surrounds himself with, the fact that he can physically shut down kero and yue any time he likes, etc. it’s not that power inherently Makes You Evil, it’s that power made it harder for people to say “hey stop that”, and if no ones telling him to stop then he must be doing fine!

Favorite episode (scene if movie):

GENUINE TIE BETWEEN THE BACK TO THE PAST EP OF THE ANIME AND THE SAKURA SEES THE TRUTH SCENE IN MANGA. i think both of them are great- the tightly controlled dreamy guided tour where she sees just what he wants her to see, AND sakura outpowering him and seeing the reality of his lies. in the manga when sakura sees him gives gentle headkisses to kero and yue before putting them to bed and eriol+fujitaka-ing i go AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ....... THEY LOVE SOMEONE WHO IS TERRIBLE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUU MY HEART. i headcanon that’s when he mind-messed with them, too, i think he had to touch them to do it and that was how.

Favorite season/movie:

bold answer but im going to say the implications left behind in the clow card arc of Why Do Cards Act Like That/Have Those Specialties. what about clow made him want to make a voice-stealing card, a small-object-moving-card, a body-swap card, etc? it’s good questions.

Favorite line:

in the mokona book when they say he said dogs dont have owners they have housemates, bc that explains SOOOOO much abt him and how he treated kero and yue lololol. if you think being a pet owner and a roomate are the same you’re gonna treat your roomates, uhhhm, bad.

also if eriol counts its him in the wonderland ep like YOU DONT KNOW IF IM NOT THE KINDA PERSON TO PRETEND TO BE A CAT and I THINK YOU AND LI ARE SO DUMB I HAVE TO BITE MY TONGUE CONSTANTLY TO NOT INSULT YOU and BUT I CANT ACT LIKE THIS OR KERO AND YUE WILL KNOW IM CLOW. so like. was clow just like that then.

Favorite outfit:

uh his regular clothes are cool. theres an illustration on him in this cool coat with like a sun pin on it too. whenever i draw him in something frilly i have a huge brain. cant deny the guy has style and aesthetics. sakura’s first staff, look at it!! the style it has!!! 

OTP: 

im neutral-positive on clowyuuko cuz i havent holic’d since high school. you can refer to the answer i gave abt yue for clowyue thoughts (tl;dr: [touches ground] “something terrible happened here” ). madoushi is just kate beaton nemesis comic. 

i think it would be funny if albus dumbledore was his ex.

Brotp 

yuuko again i guess? and him and all his creations. headcanon territory even though that’s actually the next question but you asked for my thoughts so here they are: i think of him as trying to be a sort of fun camp counselor or teacher type for kero+yue and the cards- specifically a role with an authority behind it, but without the same sort of responsibility that a parent would have. or, i guess, lacking an unconditional love, always an undertone of you having to prove yourself. someone who you go to to learn from, but if he likes can also go “no no im just like you, now let’s have fun!”. it’s hard to explain, but there’s a difference. 

what i’m trying to get at here is i think it’s significant that the only creations he has that we see him truly ‘raise’, (going by the info+lack of it we have, anyway, i fill in the blank for myself that kero and yue and the cards all showed up full of knowledge, fully formed, CLAMP DO NOT INTERACT!!!!!), were the mokonas, with yuuko. it was another person’s influence that brought a parental attitude in, it’s not something he ever wanted to be. there’s also a healthy dose of “yue textually had a crush on clow and i will not, no way, let you make that any more unfortunate than that already is”, i’ll admit, but i think that’s just a puzzle piece of the whole theory here. i think it would also be funny if he knew people like tolkein (eriol’s a tolkeinverse name if i remember correctly) and c.s. lewis (side note, i find the fact that clow is an actively practicing christian really funny), but i dont want to think too deeply about that sort of realworld mix, yknow.

Head Canon: 

i think pranks were highly encouraged in his house and none of the clow cards are being intentionally destructive, just acting in ways that were totally normal at home, and are genuinely shocked to learn that people will get seriously injured without clow there to cushion their damage.

Unpopular opinion: 

evil

A wish: 

i wanna know what his pre-story days were like, his life with the cards, his life BEFORE the cards,

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: 

^ same the above but i find it out from clamp

5 words to best describe them:

did you know? clow sucks

My nickname for them: 

clown, :kingboo: (discord emoji of him with a 🚫 over it), “the bastard jester himself” (which is, or at least was, in comedian-podcaster stephen buckleys twitter bio and i think it abt clow frequently, sorry stephen buckley), king of living rent free in people’s heads

[elizabethrobertajones]

I'm behind on meta so please feel free to ignore this if it's been already talked about, but I thought it was interesting how - as weird or sort of unusual that fight scene was with dean and the demon, or at least i don't recall anything like it - by making it look sexual and obviously violent, it kinda parallelled Mary's struggle with that asshole hunter. What weirds me out is that it puts Sam & Lucifer in the same role of saviour which is never good, but maybe they just wanted to connect them

like that bc they both want a connection w/ Jack, maybe even see themselves in Jack, who knows lucifer;s side, since they were unable to provide dialogue 4 him besides repeating how Mary is weak bc she gets tired & is all humany and they need to get out and he might need her. ANYWAY, shitty writing aside, do u think it was a parallel and if so what are they trying to say? Was it to show that maybe Sam’s intentions aren’t the purest either, not in an evil way but like bc he’s so intent on gettingMary back that he might be blind - for different reasons than Dean - to Jack as a person? He’s trying so hard & almost doesn’t even entertain the thought that Jack might be corrupted by his power at some point, or by Hell which we see almost happens bc of lack of info. Sam seems to hold on to as much hope as he can, while Dean is at the opposite end of the spectrum (hmm I wonder who could balance it out?). But what do you think of Sam having been weirdly aligned w/ Hell like, he even unwittinglygave the info to Amodeous about how powerful Jack is, while Dean, without even trying, seems to be Jack’s role model for Good (& I love how Jack has a Dean decoder built in) and he even throws him a Bible to read (which, if presented without commentary can be risky, he’s better off reading the Supernatural books, but still, it’s the Holy Book).

Hi! What an ask :D Also I am ALSO so behind on meta so I’m just going to answer this like it’s all new to us, sorry everyone who has already been over this, me and anon are going through this together ;)

To go through chronologically because I’m super tired so I need to break this down…

Yeah, awesome weird fight scene. I loved it - Tink said something about them having a new fight coordinator? There’s been 2 incredible fights back to back for Dean so far and I’m loving it. This one was great I think with the director as well - I feel like he of all of them takes liberties with BL scripts and puts in extra nuance and missing implications that their writing didn’t pick up… He’s 99% responsible for the crypt scenes for example, and in 11x21 included ALL the nuance that made the longing retcon magic happen between Amara, Cas and Dean, just by visual implications. He also super digs the prison imagery and bunker porn and generally using the locations really well… I don’t know much about all the different directors but I’ve learned that seeing his name means it’s time to get excited and nerdy about what I’m going to SEE :D

So yeah, good combo. It made a great parallel with Mary’s fight which I liked first of all just for the Mary and Dean paralleling, especially as she needs connections back to the main storyline just for asserting she still exists, because as you say it was pretty bad writing especially around Mary in that episode, where she just dragged herself around after Lucifer and needed saving. Putting Dean in a parallel situation somewhat defuses it in overall handling of the nonsense, even if I don’t like that it was written this way in the first place. I have still not had time to explore my dash much but I hope people have been making posts about the parallels to female fight scenes, especially Black Widow in the marvel movies… In my notes I just commented he was straddling people to death and left it at that (even though that obviously wasn’t what he was doing - it was a shorthand for the fight style :P) but really it also mirrored 10x15 and Dean in that weirdly charged scenario with whatisface, where he got straddled and had the worm coming out Cole’s throat while leaning over him etc and it put Dean in a very submissive role to all that. In the same way, having Dean fight back by getting his legs around the guy and ending the fight literally *cowering* on a bed with the demon standing over him with the phallic knife, was a fascinating staging of power dynamics where he actually looked more vulnerable than Mary did.

I think Lucifer nice guy’d it - he said he needed Mary and when she wouldn’t go along with him, immediately started whining more and hurt Mary just to make her complacent and remind her that he was still in charge and more powerful than her. Sam of course has no such dynamic with Dean, but I think overall he’s going to be more assertive this season and carrying on - according to the PR - with having more of a leadership role in the dynamic. He’s definitely making the better choices right now while Dean urgently needs a personal day or six. So I think first and foremost it’s a compare and contrast rather than a direct parallel. There’s a great gifset I reblogged somewhere or other about Lucifer in 12x23 saying hurr blurr I can’t raise my son from a prison cell, and then Sam in the cell with Jack just captioned “HOLD MY BEER”, and Sam currently is the only positive father figure - and actually the ONLY father figure *on the board* for Jack, since the pool is Cas - dead, Lucifer - in the AU, Dean - not interested right now… Meaning Jack is pretty much Sam’s sole responsibility and the Lucifer vs Sam stuff may be being played as an oppositional thing. So Lucifer being a dick to Mary after saving her but doing it conditionally and in an attempt to make her go along with him (and that he only wants her to trade for Jack anyway) vs Sam just saving Dean because they love and trust each other already forevers and there being no terms and conditions except for not wanting his brother dead for well duh reasons is… nice. 

But yeah it does also put Sam in a weird place where he’s being paralleled to Lucifer in any way and he has that long history with him. And I think by and large this is supposed to be positive for Sam and all but I agree with you that Sam can and maybe will fuck it up, and being oblivious to the dangers is the main way. In the “Donatello” conversation he doesn’t notice that Donatello switched from “Jack’s nature wins” to “let’s try moulding him” which was Asmodeus’s idea (and Sam’s) - but because Asmodeus was AGREEING with Sam and Sam was assuming he meant for the better, then he didn’t notice that Donatello was suddenly agreeing with him.

I think it’s pretty inevitable Jack’s going to have some sort of wobble - we’ve seen Lucifer is a tiny bit in his head even if he already picked Cas as his father and it’s clear he has a good heart, Asmodeus showed how easily some trickery and the path of good intentions can open a portal to hell (aww season 4 Sam) and that is something Sam himself has to deal with and his his hugest character thing overall - his arc led to that, and then on the other side of it has been about repenting for it and feeling awful that this was what he was basically raised to do >.> He should hopefully be a good influence on Jack to guide him away from repeating his mistakes but only if he can see the problem in the first place.

(Also yeah I love Sam and I’m excited and positive for his relationship with Jack but like you I think we do need to think about the problems, Sam’s lack of experience, this being a complicated time for him to take charge of a thing when historically almost every time he has been in a position of responsibility or strength he’s fucked it up when handling things himself, or else gone down some really dark paths… I think he CAN help Jack and ultimately WILL but that doesn’t mean it might not be rough along the way and I think people need to be prepared for that if they’re getting invested in it… Maybe even more so than the people who want Dean to be good with Jack and are getting upset about how hard it is because in a way that is a much more obvious problem and we were warned about it from the start, while Sam and Jack seems like such a good and pure thing it might be easy to let your guard down that the show can easily insert trouble and darkness into it…)

I wonder if there will be some tension to come between Sam and Dean about Jack kinda latching onto Dean though? Because I’ve wondered before that he is the moral centre of the show and Jack was mimicking him because he’s sort of needing Dean’s approval too, not just in a survival way but because Dean is so SURE of what is right, so being like Dean is default being right. (I think Sam has said something similar in 3x07 about always following Dean around trying to be like him when he was young? In that “i know when you’re scared” argument) And of course Dean being so sure of what is right and Jack not meeting that standard by default has been a massive part of why Jack levelled up in Winchester self-doubt and self-hatred in just a few days. Took less than a week to ruin him and Dean’s standards are probably a large part of it >.> So yeah, I hope Sam understands all the nuance of why Jack might have been mimicking/idolising Dean when Sam is the one trying to be the positive role model to Jack, just because he knows the force of Dean’s personality. I hope he doesn’t take it as a bad reflection on himself, ESPECIALLY if/when Jack fucks up as I feel will inevitably happen. 

I think it does sort of reflect Sam and Dean’s long-standing alignments though… I just remember the season 6 poster where Sam has the snake and Dean has a literal freakin’ halo because subtlety? What is that? :P

[1dicta]

dicta do you have any larry fic recs? nothing specific but just any fic that you loved a lot? thank you, your opinion on fics means a lot to me, and i feel like you'd probably know the really good ones!

Oh my gosh anon I love the wording of this ask so much. I’ve been meaning to make a larry rec list for going on a year but it just feels so official/overwhelming? But this, fic I loved a lot??? I can absolutely do that!!! and aaaaah there are SO MANY!!! I am not as organized about larry fic as drarry fic so this is, basically, like, a list of fics that stuck in my brain and/or heart and that are all so so good. SO GOOD! (and tbh there’s a whole other list of stuff that i’d rec but would want to reread before attempting commentary, and I have so many things marked for later and like….yeah….there’s a lot of good fic out there) And really, what better rec is there than “this is a fic that stuck in my brain and/or heart”?? Everyone should read them all!!

an act of faith against the night by @elianefics​ - M, 65k - It’s a clear path, drawing itself in Harry’s mind – where they began, how they ended up here. It’s not hard to convey all the events that led them to this very moment, with all of their twists and turns, not when Harry has been going through them again and again every night, albeit searching for something else.  “Did you know?” When Harry replies, it’s a question, not an answer. “Did you know, that it would end like this?”[Harry and Louis had never imagined that, when they would finally go back to New York, it would be as spies.] (part two of the landscapes of war series)

The war from ‘a prayer for which no words exist’ (recced below!) is over, or at least as over as war can be for the people who were there, which is to say….not all that over, just taking different shape. I have endless love for the way this fic treats that aftermath, the way it shows how deeply and irreversibly harry and Louis were shaped by being fighters, and it is a stunning mix of beautiful prose and important ethical questions. It also does some really fascinating meta work with Simon Cowell, the Azoffs, and the Cordens taking on central roles in the post-war nation-building project. It’s a lot for one fic to do, and this one manages it beautifully, and throws in some more beautiful NYC cityscapes, heartaching and conflicted nostalgia, and taut but unwavering H/L love, you know, just for good measure.

another hazy may by deLILAh - M, 41k - louis is a terrible poet and harry lives in the now and they have six weeks to fall in love but, really, it only takes six seconds. bookshop meets military meets summer romance au ft. marlboros, the backstreet boys, and underrated literary devices.

It’s been over a year since I’ve properly read this all the way and I can still see parts of it as vividly as if it had been last night. Harry’s hair, cigarette smoke curling upwards, hardwood floors, the rhythm of Harry’s feet as he runs to stay in shape for the job that will take him away from Louis, the feeling of seconds slipping away, and each of them more precious for being so few in number. This is one of those fics that made me nostalgic for somewhere I’d never been - except who hasn’t felt as though time was moving simultaneously quickly and too slowly, as though there is something precious that could fall apart at any second? And that’s one of many things this fic does beautifully: gives us the universality of their story, and reminding us of our own.

Auf Wiedersehen, Sweetheart by @conscious–ramblings​ - M, 19k - Louis and Harry had been childhood best friends, but had been separated by evacuation as the city they grew up in was destroyed around them. Now, twelve years later, they are both back in London, and through chance they meet again. In a time when you can’t admit to being gay, for fear of arrest, admitting to your best friend that you love them seems like an insurmountable obstacle.Featuring boxer Harry and mechanic Louis, much pining, and a lot of post war Britain

There’s often a moment in fic where they’re trying to figure out if the other one is gay and/or available, that’s full of a certain kind of tentative hope because there’s some kind of attraction there and what if, what if it was everything they think it might be? This fic takes that to 11 in the most meaningful way, because it’s the 40s, and being gay is a crime, and it’s not a question of whether they’re reading the right signals - neither of them can afford to send any - but of trying to accept that it could never, can never be. Set against absolutely simmering chemistry (the moment Louis first sees Harry in the ring is a thing I’m still not over) and wonderful research and settings (loved the feel of it, the way it all came to life, how present the remnants of the war were as they went about their lives) and fab secondary characters (Niall is a gem, and Liam is so how I think of him, and really everyone was just perfect) and this incredible click where you can feel the ease and understanding between them, feel the sense that they are destined and absolutely belong together…it takes that tension and longing, already at an 11, to a 12, and the ending is cathartic and beautiful and means so much more for knowing how rare and lucky and precious that moment is, and how much they’re willing to risk, and how it’s kinds of risk that are sometimes very specific to being queer in a moment when it’s illegal and how many of them are universal, and how incredible and enormous and moving a thing it is when both kinds of risk pay off.

Don’t Look Down by zarah5 - M, 92k - AU. In which Louis is a solicitor at one of London’s most prestigious law firms and Harry happens to apply for the position as his trainee. And everyone else is around, too.

Harry is unbelievably charming here, and it makes total sense that Louis falls for him, and as the story unfolds the clarity and meaningfulness of their connection gets more and more apparent even as Louis is fighting it tooth and nail. But it’s not miscommunication and it’s not self-loathing, it’s that Louis’ reasons are genuinely thoughtful and important (professional ethics!!!!!! With real implications!!!!) and that they’re genuinely in a difficult position and can’t be together without betraying things that mean a lot to both of them, which made me love this version of him even more and root for them that much harder. And I was already rooting for them pretty damn hard. They fit together beautifully from the first, understand each other on so many levels, are drawn together just magically…and then there are these beautiful moments (Venice omg) and heart-wrenching moments (after that dinner and that one morning and then that other one omg) and hold-your-breath moments (what is Louis gonna dooooo) and heart-pounding momebts, and I could not put it down.

Fake you’re full and feel tomorrow by theglitterbee - NC-17, 21k - Louis is a high class prostitute and the best at what he does. Harry is a hard to please 17 year old who wants to give himself completely to another man. [It contains prostitution, d/s, daddy kink, silly banter and two idiots in love.](The one with the text messages.)

listen this is gonna sound like a weird rec but bear with me. this fic was one of the first 1d fics I read, and on face is almost entirely made of things i don’t like, and yet, here it is. It did that alchemical thing where it just worked and it did all these things really well - like daddy kink was 100% squick for me before this and it’s still like 80% squick but this fic explained it in such a way that i got it and could understand it and see why it worked for them and what it meant for them and that psychology made it work (and made me get why it was hot? which is pretty massive for something in the squick category). and i was hesitant about their ages but it wound up being (i think not unrealistically) part of a fundamental kind of self-discovery that was part of why things between them felt so critical and important. and i was v skeptical about social media stuff in fic but this one did it so well that i got it and felt like it really enriched the story and showed a particular kind of progress and dynamic in their interactions that needed to be done that way (and wound up being really cool and impressive). and i was nervous about the potential for the dynamics to not work but they are both full people who needed each other in this very specific way and fit together beautifully and it did some of the best stuff kink fics do imo, where the kink reveals something about who they are and what they need and why they work and who they are individually and together, and so here we are, a fic with tags i wouldn’t usually touch, reccing away and considering a reread. this kind of rec can be kind of ~, i know, but the tl;dr is that this fic is so good it overcame every hesitation and left me totally engaged and impressed and invested.

Hold Me Closer by balanceds - NC-17, 36.5k - Louis Tomlinson is one of the most promising dancers of the English National Ballet, on track to become the youngest principal dancer in the company’s history. That is, until forces conspire to significantly complicate his life, including: a surprise ballet, an unfairly attractive guest choreographer, and being pushed into a rivalry with his best mate. Featuring lots of wine, dancing, pining, and a happy ending.

I was so surprised when I looked up the word count for this bc I would have sworn it was at least twice as longc there is so much story, and so much development, and so many moments that stick that. Watching Louis come to terms with who he was as a dancer and and person was this beautiful process that was so rewarding to read, and it was unusual and fresh in this way I really want to talk about but really don’t want to spoil. Along the way there is spectacular chemistry, zayn and Louis taking on gay swan lake, so much yearning and despair and happiness and reckoning and growth, an amazing and deeply satisfying Simon moment, and one of those h/l relationships where they make each other strong.

like a boomerang by @youwilll​ - M, 52k - AU in which Harry gets trapped in a lift, Louis gets stuck in a Wednesday, and it’s always February 2nd. Until it isn’t.

This fic is so so utterly charming in like nine different ways. Harry and Louis slot together so beautifully you can practically hear the click, and then they do it again and again and somehow every time feels fresh and important, and through it all the stakes get bigger as Louis contemplates the meaning of their repeated day and all of these deep questions sneak in, and a bit of a mystery, and a bunch of self-discovery, and a bunch of personal growth as Louis learns and thinks, really thinks, about what he needs to do, and realizes how willing he is to do it. It was so perfectly balanced between being gentle and exciting, between destiny and action, between grand gestures and quiet moments, and it settled like a warm blanket and I looked forward to every chapter so much.  And then, at the end…it was one of those stories that made me want to add and place to my travel list because the relevant moments are so well located and satisfying that you just want to be there, and it captured this particular instant - the way it wound sound and smell and how the air would feel and the electricity of it - so vividly. Lovely through and through.

Love Is A Human Right by @conscious–ramblings​ - M, 41k - The one where Louis has spent years getting over his ex, Harry Styles, and was almost successful. That is until Harry is elected as an MP, and Louis is given the task of getting him to support an Act of Parliament. Through tears and arguments and a heavy dose of LGBTQ+ politics, their lives finally line up. Will Louis be able to forgive? Will they still want the same thing? It’s difficult to let go of five years of hurt, but even more difficult to be close to the love of your life and let them walk away again.

This fic is basically everything I want in a fic, but together so amazingly well that I would never be able to put into a prompt because it’s the *how* that makes it so perfect. I mean, politics, check, LGBTQ politics, check, larry, check, vivid settings, check, emotional stakes, check, pining, check, everything, check. But the kicker is the beautiful complexity to all of it, that the story really truly understands the complexity of coming out and why people  do and why they don’t and what it mean and how it works and the ways it plays out in queer communities, and these gay leads aren’t incidentally gay, but engaged in identity and politics in a way that feels true and resonant, and that manages to both say really important things about queer communities and tell a beautiful love story about coming to terms with who you are and what you stand for and how love shapes (but doesn’t always determine, and I love that about this fic too) your priorities. Then add some simmering UST and simmering RST (hot damn i mean really) and viscerally, deliciously painful pining and hilarious side plots (SGIL!! Ziam!! Nick’s guessing games!!) and a background story that had my heart twisting for them from the first and settings that felt so real they were popping back into my head for weeks and just…superb. Superb.

a prayer for which no words exist by @elianefics​ - M, 65k - “Louis is a few seconds away from blowing up a rather important section of the New York subway when he sees Harry for the first time.” (part one of the landscapes of war series)

War!AU in NYC! Another one that I will admit fit my interests beautifully but it’s the execution that makes it work so beautifully. From the second they meet, there’s an urgency and fragility to Harry and Louis’ relationship that is a perfect fit for the politics and the newness of it all. At the same time, their connection is so certain and solid, and whether they’re waking up in the Brooklyn penthouse loft that I am still not over or getting ready to run into battle, their love casts everything else into relief and brings out some of he human consequences to why people fight and what they have to gain or lose, and shows what all they’re risking. Left me breathless in the best ways, and so glad to have gone on this journey.

Pull Me Under by zarah5 - NC-17, 140k - AU. As the first British footballer to come out at the prime of his career,  it helps that Louis Tomlinson is in a long-term, committed  relationship. Even if that relationship is fake. (Featuring Niall as Louis’ favourite teammate, Liam as Louis’ agent, and Zayn as Liam’s boyfriend, who just happens to be good friends with one Harry Styles.)

This was the fic that tipped me right over the precipice and properly into the fandom; how could I not rec it? Even if I wasn’t personally attached, how could I not rec it? It’s so bloody beautiful, watching Louis come to terms with the idea of being out, and to take steps towards it, and to see how his interactions with Harry change that and what develops between them. The pacing is amazing, the depiction of internalized homophobia is chest-tightening in the good illustrative moving way, the world is so immersive (like I went to get the link and 20 minutes later I was still reading and totally entranced), and their relationship 100% made my heart sing, in both the big triumphant moments and the little ones.

things have gotten closer to the sun by starseas - M, 49k - it’s strange, making the choice to face his past—it almost feels like he’s heading for the sun straight on, like he’s screaming come on and burn me, i deserve it.-when a solar flare is announced to end the world in twelve days, harry reunites with the people that he used to know better than the back of his own hand.

I’m not even entirely sure what to say about this fic that won’t give it away or send people running because here’s the thing: it is heartbreaking. It is worth it. It is sad, yes. It is also exhilarating and beautiful and about why love, platonic and romantic, makes the risks worthwhile, and how we know, viscerally know what is important to us. Real talk pt. 1: read it because I had terrible pms and really needed to cry. Real talk pt. 2: it worked, in that very particular way thar also made me sit and think about who and what is really important and had me sobbing in the best, most cathartic way. That lasting, deep way that’s making my chest a little tight just thinking about it, but that also means that I can smell the snow and feel the frost and see the brilliance of the sun and feel the boys’ love as - more - constant than the sun, and what the heck else could you ask for?

These Inconvenient Fireworks by mdasch and everydayslike - NC-17, 190k - Future AU in which nobody tries out for X Factor but the boys end up finding one other eventually anyway. Louis is a jaded bastard who owns a cat named Duchess and teaches drama to teenagers, Harry is an idealistic aspiring photographer/part-time footy coach, Zayn teaches English lit and wears leather jackets, Liam saves people from burning buildings, and Niall is Niall.

this is one of the top ten most affecting things i have ever read in my life. i don’t know how. i don’t know why. i do know that i couldn’t put it down for days and wound up finishing it in a blanket fort on a friend’s couch at 4am, literally doing that feet-kicking thing where you’re so full of feelings you can’t actually physically contain it but have to be quiet and still because the rest of the world is asleep during your emotional revelation. it restored my faith in love and hope. i am still not recovered from the thing on the soccer field at night before the train or the star tattoo or harry taking picture after picture or basically anything about it. clear your calendar if you have to but read this fic and then pls come talk to me about it because like i said i am deeply affected and possibly forever changed.

walk my days on a wire by sunshiner - M, 38.5k - Harry hums, staring at his hands in his lap, and Louis can still feel their smoothness, how solid they were in between his own. “Do you think it’s the same for us? Are we here only because of the likeliness of our jobs? Of our lives?”“We’re here because we have inventive managers,” Louis says, giving Harry’s leg a little nudge with his knee, but all that’s going around in his head is, I think I’d be in the same spot in every possible universe.  or, when actor Louis Tomlinson used to daydream about dating Harry Styles, this is not what he had in mind.

There’s this one moment in Cannes when they kiss and I both really want to talk about it bc it is amazing and really would not dream of talking about bc you have to go read it yourself. So like the summary suggests, they’re in a fake relationship, and they know that that’s what it’s supposed to be, but of course - of course - there’s more to it than that. Like instantly more in this way that you can feel rolling off the screen, that is about sexual chemistry but also a certain kind of very precious fitting together. Watching them see themselves through each others eyes is beautiful, as is seeing how much it means to them to have someone else who understands the pressured of this rarefied, panopticonic world of celebrity, and who loves and validates the ott celeb performer and the human underneath the facade. It’s interesting to read in the context of this fandom, and entirely universal at the same time - who doesn’t want a partner who can love them at their most extreme and most mundane, most accomplished and most afraid, right in the middle of a stadium or right in the middle of taking up the whole damn bed?

whispering of fields half-sown by @elianefics​ - PG-13, 7k - “And how ironic is it that even now, at the end of all things, Louis’ mere presence makes Harry want to believe that anything is possible again. That the earth isn’t close to collapsing on itself, that the tomorrows are bright and shining and full of promises. Harry hates Louis for giving him something to look forward to when the sky only keeps getting darker. Harry loves Louis for it. ”[All of his boys come back to him in the end, but it’s Louis, Harry has been waiting for all this time.]

heartbreaking, lush, moving apocalypse!fic wherein it is absolutely the case that through fire and water and earthquakes and ice, there is one person Harry needs by his side. There’s Liam and Niall and Zayn, too, and what it would mean for all of them to say goodbye, really goodbye, who they all are and what those friendships mean. And Louis. Oh, Louis. My eyes got mysteriously damp in the really good way, and it made me want to sit down and write just to make words like this. The conversation at the end of this stayed with me like whoa, and my chest is getting a little tight thinking about it again. That may make some people want to X it off the list; think twice before you do. This is worth it.

Young & Beautiful by velvetoscar - M, 227.5k - Louis, to his horror, attends an elitist university in which the name Zayn Malik means something, Niall Horan doesn’t stop talking, there are pianos everywhere, and Harry Styles, only son of a drug-addled, clinically insane ex-rocker, has a perfect smile and empty eyes.

absolutely beautiful. so vivid i dreamt about it and then went and got a whole bunch of flowers and spent a while wandering around in fancy clothes just because it felt as though i was already living in the story so why not? And how could you not want to be part of this world that is complex and nuanced and subtle and gorgeous (which is not a way i expected to feel about a fic about rich kids btw but this fic makes them so full and the story so engaging that it happened and not only a little). Dimensional characters, wonderful tension, simmering slow burn, complexity, believable and complex psychological motivations,  theme parties, a falcon named cleopatrick, long nights, loaded touches, meaningful subplots, love, resilience. The only possible complaint is it made me want a champagne fountain, and that is not any sort of complaint at all. (lmk if you have a champagne fountain though, it’s been a few weeks and i am really still about wanting to live inside this fic, and also champagne)