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merakiaes · 4 years

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Self Care - Finn Shelby

Pairing: Finn Shelby x reader

Requested: By @foggysportsbananawagon and anon.

Prompts: #20, #21, #22 and #32 from the angst-list.

Warning/notes: This is a combination of this, this and this request. It turned out a bit messier and more angsty than I originally planned so I’m warning you for cringe xD (NOT PROOFREAD)

Wordcount: 3667

Summary: Following John’s death, Finn has been trying to fill the empty space left behind by taking on too much work, something that causes conflict between the two of you.

Finn Shelby was way too good for the business his family was running. Hell, he was too good for all of Birmingham, and probably too good for you, as well. But still, you had been together for a year now.

You had grown up jumping around between families and orphanages and most of the orphanages and families had treated you alright.

But you were a handful growing up, acting out because of the lack of stability in your life, so you never got to stay very long at the same place.

As you entered your early teenage years, you cleaned up your act. Or, well, you got better at concealing your anger, and this resulted in your final family keeping you for all time to come.

Unfortunately for you, however, the final family ended up being the only one to not treat you alright.

The family consisted of a woman, her husband and their three sons, all of whom were older than you by a minimum of seven years, and all of whom were going to mentally and physically abuse and sexually harass you for the next five years of your life.

The first three years, between the ages twelve and fifteen, you were still a weak, lanky little thing who, despite already having quite the temper, was too scared to actually do anything when the three brothers started asking, or rather demanding you, for… favors.

You guessed you were lucky in a way that your body blossomed very late as you during those first years “only” had to touch them but got away without being touched yourself.

But once you passed fifteen you grew into your feminine shapes, which caught their attention in an entirely different way. They tried to force themselves on you, but curves weren’t the only thing you developed.

With them, your muscle mass also increased, which made you able to defend yourself, which in turn, caused the sexual exploitation to take a more violent turn.

Everyone in your neighborhood knew what was going on. They saw the bruises on your arms and the vulnerable look behind your eyes.

But everyone turned a blind eye to the entire situation, shrugging it of with the reasoning that ‘war did that to a man’ and that it was ‘only natural for them to crave physical intimacy after being alone and scared for so long’.

This went on until you neared your eighteenth birthday, when finally, someone stepped in and did something.

The Shelby brothers.

They were passing through your town on business, heard the yelling and cursing coming from both you and your supposed “brothers”, and discovered the four of you in an alley behind a shop, where you were cursing them out and swinging at them with a metal pipe while they laughed and tried grabbing at your dress.

Now, violence against women wasn’t unusual in the slums of Small Heath, and usually, they wouldn’t bat an eye. But you were young, they were three against one, and you had a certain fire to you that they couldn’t turn a blind eye to.

John was the first one to come to your rescue, taking you under his arm and pulling you away to allow Arthur and Tommy to do what Peaky Blinders did best; slash their eyes out with their blades and leave them to bleed to death.

Even though you had been fighting back with more ferocity than most women sported, you were really shaken up and refused to leave John’s side during the entire ride back to Small Heath.

And even when you had arrived at the Shelby household where Polly greeted you with open arms, they noticed by the way you would glare at everyone else, that John wasn’t going to be leaving anytime soon.

So he stayed the entire time Polly cleaned your cuts and took care of you, and by the time Finn arrived back home from the boxing ring with Isaiah in tow later that night, you had calmed down and was sitting at the kitchen table playing cards and joking around with John and Arthur while Tommy and Polly sat by watching.

You hadn’t had the most gracious first meeting with the youngest of the Shelby siblings, seeing as this was the time he had began developing his whole hostile “I can do what I want because I’m a Shelby”-attitude.

But after a cuff upside the head with the kitchen towel from Polly, he had to get to terms with the fact that you were going to be staying with them. And only a few days into it, it was all good.

John tried keeping you out of the family business to his best ability, but once in a while he allowed you to come along on the safer jobs, where he was certain no violence would be involved.

You basically either followed John around wherever he went or helped Esme out with the kids when he wasn’t able to. And Finn, he followed you around wherever you went, which wasn’t all too appalling.

John took care of you and you started taking care of Finn once your relationship took a romantic turn, and that’s how it continued for almost a year. Until John passed away at the hands of Changretta, breaking the entire family apart.

You had never felt such an intense sorrow as you did at John’s passing, not even over your own parents. After all, he had been the one to look after you for the past year, taking you in as if you were one of his own.

Two months had passed since his funeral, and although you got along with the rest of the family, you weren’t as close with them as you were John and Finn, so the latter was pretty much the only one you had left.

At least that’s how it felt. And now you were losing him too.

Ever since John died, he had been trying to fill in the empty space he left being, trying to walk in his footsteps by taking on more work and responsibility than he was able to handle, pushing you away in the process.

You had tried voicing your worries a few times, but he had always waved it off and walked away. And you didn’t want to pressure him, knowing that he was mourning and therefor wanting to give him the time he needed.

But now it was getting ridiculous, and you couldn’t be quiet any longer.

The walk from your shared house to his office wasn’t very long, but it felt longer today as the weather was absolutely horrid.

Rain was pouring down and hitting the top of your head roughly, and no matter how hard you hugged your coat around your form, you still couldn’t stop the slight tremble that was going through your body.

To say you were happy to get inside once you reached your destination was a huge understatement.

You stopped in the doorway briefly to shake the rain off your arms, unbuttoning your black coat and slicking your wet hair back so that it wasn’t sticking to your face before continuing into the building and in the direction of Finn’s office.

His door was closed, something that rarely happened unless the two of you were fooling around, which instantly caused suspicion to arise inside of you.

You quickened your pace, the heels of your shoes clicking against the hard wooden floors, and you wasted no time in flinging the door open upon reaching it, your eyes instantly spotting Finn snorting a line of snow from the surface of his messy desk.

He instantly raised his head at the sound of the door hitting the wall, sniffing and using his fingers to rid of the excess powder from his nose.

He didn’t have the chance to say anything though, as you were already marching over to him with furious steps and wasting no time in wiping the two remaining lines off of the desk, watching the white powder spread into the air.

“What the fuck, Finn?!” You exclaimed, dropping the bag in your hand to the floor. “You told me you quit with the snow!”

Unlike the soft eyes he would usually look at you with, his eyes only showed pure anger, staring back at you harshly.

“I did.” He glowered down at you. “I just needed some fucking release.”

“Release?!” You yelled, throwing your arms out. “You’re addicted, Finn! It’s not healthy, none of this is healthy!”

“It’s my life! I’m an adult and a fucking Peaky Blinder, I can do whatever the fuck I want and you don’t get to decide what’s healthy and not for me!” He yelled back, which only made you more agitated than you already were.

“How daft can you be?!” You demanded. “Open your eyes! This behavior is the result of your brothers constantly using you to do their dirty work and not sparing a single thought to how it’s affecting you! They’re working you to an early grave!”

Finn stepped around his desk quickly at that, raising a finger and pointing it in your face while his other hand stayed in a fist at his side.

“Don’t talk about my brothers like that.” He snapped. “You have no right.”

You scoffed at his words, crossing your arms over your chest.

“I have every right.” You corrected him, glaring fiercely and fearlessly into his eyes. “I love them like my own flesh and blood but they’re idiots. Tommy has the emotional range of a fucking teaspoon, Arthur is as independent as a five year old and no matter how much I love and care for them, I love you more, and I’m fucking tired of how they’re just turning the cold shoulder to how you’re turning out. It needs to stop and if you’re not going to tell them to lay off on you, I’ll do it myself. In fact, I’ll go do it right now.”

Without waiting for his response, you turned whipped around and moved to head back the way you had just come from, but you only got to take one single step before Finn’s hand clamped down around your upper arm.

Your brain instantly went into panic mode at the feeling of his tight grasp squeezing your flesh. It didn’t hurt, but the feeling triggered the hundreds of traumatizing memories you still struggled to bury from your years spent with your last family.

The feeling of the three brothers’ hands on your body, trying to feel you up, and then hitting you with all their might when you wouldn’t let them.

“Why can’t you just stop putting your nose in other people’s business, (Y/N)?” Finn yelled at you, still holding on to your arm. “I can’t take it, no one can take it! You’re fucking insufferable!”

In any other case, his words probably would’ve brought tears to your eyes, but right now, you could barely even register them as they were spoken. Instead, the cause of the uncomfortable stinging feeling in your eyes was the painful memories being brought back to the surface by the familiar and dreaded feeling of being manhandled.

Your eyes slowly looked away from his and to the side, glazing over as your breathing got heavier and heavier.

Finn was still speaking. You couldn’t hear him, but you could see his lips moving in the corner of your eyes. When you suddenly stopped responding, however, your arm now handing limply in his hand, he instantly came to his senses and let you go.

And the second he did, your senses returned to normal and you began coming back to reality, now being able to hear his voice again.

“I’m sorry.” He told you, his voice coming out as a breath. He took a step back, seeming to get lost in thought for a moment before he regained his composure and walked up to you again, grabbing a hold of both of your upper arms but this time a lot gentler.

“I’m sorry.” He repeated, bringing his thumbs up to your cheeks. “Please don’t cry.”

You hadn’t even realized the stinging in your eyes had turned into fully developed tears until you felt the wetness between his thumb and your cheek.

Raising your eyes back to meet his, you noticed that all of the anger previously held behind his baby blues were gone and replaced with guilt.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He whispered, taking another step closer to you and joining the hand that wasn’t wiping away at your cheeks with one of yours. “I’m sorry.”

As he closed his eyes and leaned down to press his forehead against yours, you took a deep breath, responding to his actions by squeezing his hand in yours.

“You didn’t hurt me you idiot.” You whispered, causing him to open his eyes again. “What’s hurting me is that you’re hurting yourself.”

You swallowed, feeling a new set of tears building up at the brim of your eyes. “You’re killing yourself by trying to fill John’s shoes. I cared for him just as much as the rest of you. He was the one who got me out of that horrible place, out of the grasp of those even more horrible people. He saved me and now he’s gone and it breaks my fuckin heart every day. But you’re not him. You’re not supposed to be him. No one is, but him, himself.”

You paused briefly, squeezing your eyes shut in an attempt to stop the tears from falling, but it was to no use.

“I know it hurts and that you’re scared.” You continued with a shaky voice. “But it’s not your fault and no one is going to hurt you. I’ve tried to help; I try to talk to you about how you feel but you just keep pushing me away.”

You opened your eyes to look at him again. His nostrils were flaring slightly and his jaw was tense, a clear sign that he was trying his hardest not to let his walls down, and the words leaving his lips a second later did nothing to prove the opposite.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” He shook his head, removing his forehead from yours and taking a step back. “I’m fine.”

Your body grew cold again when he walked away from you to lean on his desk, and you instantly found yourself missing the feeling of his skin against yours.

“That’s what you always say, but it’s not true, is it?” You inquired. “If you don’t want to talk about it then say so, don’t lie and pretend you’re fine when you clearly aren’t.”

You wrapped your arms around yourself in a desperate attempt to get some of the warmth he had taken with him back, but it did nothing. You let out a shaky breath, squeezing at your own arms.

“You can’t make everyone happy.” You sniffed. “You can do anything, because quite frankly you’re fucking amazing, but you can’t do everything. The person who tries to keep everyone happy often ends up feeling the loneliest. Just look at your brothers. They have families that love them, but they’re both fucking miserable because they keep pushing everyone who care about them away. John was the only one who didn’t. You want to be like him? Follow his example on that. Don’t try to be like him with the sole purpose of proving yourself to Tommy. I know you think you have something to prove but you don’t. And either way, you shouldn’t even feel like you have to prove your worth to your own fucking brothers. They’re supposed to see it by themselves, and if they don’t, then fuck them. In fact, fuck everyone else. A lot of what weighs you down isn’t yours to carry to begin with. If someone asks you to do more and you have a big reaction inside, it may be a sign that you’re already doing too much. You can’t live your life for other people. You’ve got to do what’s right for you, even if it hurts some people you love. You have to think about yourself, Finn.”

You finished your long rant with a deep breath, barely even having taken a second to breathe in between sentences and being left winded.

Finn was still leaning on his desk, his hands squeezing the edge of the wood to the point where his knuckles were turning white. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, another clear sign that he had been working way too hard, and his back was rising and falling as he breathed heavily.

Even though he was turned away from you, you could see clearly that he was trying his hardest to keep his cool as he listened to your rant, without a doubt just as conflicted by his own feelings like he always was these days.

“They need me.” He responded without moving an inch. “They need me to step up and fill the space he left behind. You just… you don’t understand.”

But you did. You understood better than anyone.

“You’re wrong.” You shook your head. “They don’t need you. I’m the one who needs you. I’m all alone and I-“

You had to cut yourself short as you were overcome with sadness, having to bite down on the inside of your cheek to keep the sob from leaving your lips.

“And I… I don’t know how much longer I can stand by and watch you destroy yourself. I already lost John. I can’t lose you too.”

This time, you couldn’t keep the sob in no matter how hard you tried, and Finn perked up immediately at the sound, pushing himself off the desk as you continued, now staring down at the floor.

“You’re slipping through my fingers, Finn, and I can’t seem to stop you from slipping further and further away. If this is how things are going to be, I don’t know if I can stay with you. With any of you. I can’t take the helplessness; I can’t take all of the chaos. I need something stable, and besides John when he was still alive, you were the only stable thing I had. And now you’re just…”

You couldn’t find the right words, but you clearly got your point across as Finn whipped around faster than a man finding out the pregnancy test results.

“No.” He shook his head, marching over to you and taking your face in his hands, pressing his forehead against yours and looking into your eyes so desperately. “You can’t leave me. You’re all I’ve got. I’ll change, I promise. I’ll start listening to you. Please.”

You could barely comprehend the words spilling out of his mouth, they were coming out so rushed.

“I don’t want you to listen to me.” You answered, giving him a stern look. “I want you to see things for what they are and stop trying please everyone and listen to and take care of yourself.”

He looked at you, scanned your face and searched your eyes for something you didn’t know. You stayed like that for another few seconds, just looking at each other. And then he nodded, moving his hands away from your face to the small chest pocket in his vest, pulling out a small bag of the same white powder you had caught him snorting when first arriving.

Your eyes hardened at the sight of the substance, your mouth turning sour. “What are you doing?” You asked, glaring slightly.

But he was completely unbothered, simply answering; “I’m taking care of myself.”, before turning around and walking over to the fire to the right of his desk, where he tossed the small bag into the flames, the plastic letting out a loud sparkling sound when it met with the heat.

“Finn.” You called out, wrapping your arms around yourself once again to make up for the warmth that he had taken with him.

But he didn’t listen, simply going over to his liquor cabinet and grabbing the two half-full bottles standing on the middle shelf, walking straight past you again and heading directly for the window where he started pouring out the contents of the first bottle.

You furrowed your eyebrows slightly, calling out again. “Finn.”

But yet again, you got no answer. He just put down the now empty bottle and picked up the second one, starting to undo the lid.

With a sigh, you uncrossed your arms and walked up to him, ignoring the chill that overcame you when the cold air from the window hit your clothes that were still wet from the rain, and grabbed a hold of the bottle just as he was about to start pouring it out.

You pulled it out of his grasp and put it down on the windowsill, and then proceeded to grab a hold of his upper arms to turn him to look at you.

He was breathing heavily and looking like he was on the verge of crying, which only proved further how broken and overworked he really was.

Your tears had finally stopped falling, and your sobbing had ceased. You sniffled, bringing his face down to yours like he had done to you only moments before, but rather than resting your forehead against his, you pressed a kiss to his lips.

His hands moved to your waist out of pure instinct, pulling you closer.

You pushed your lips harder against his before breaking apart slightly, not enough to stop your lips from touching but enough to allow you to speak.

“I’m not going anywhere.” You whispered, moving your hands from his face to the back of his head. “I promise.”

He closed his eyes, letting his head fall into the crook of your neck and pulling you closer by your waist. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled into your skin, and you took a shaky breath, letting your eyes fall shut too.

“I know.”

#Peaky Blinders #peaky blinders x reader #peaky blinder imagine #peaky blinder fanfic #peaky blinder headcanon #finn shelby #finn shelby imagine #finn shelby x reader #Tommy Shelby #thomas shelby #john shelby #arthur shelby #ada shelby #polly gray #michael gray

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dallonm-archive · 3 years

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Hi! I love ur WIP oh revelations revelations, and I was wondering if you could give ur characters physical descriptions?

hi thank you so much!!! not gonna lie i ~suck~ at character descriptions (really I’m just not confident in them) and the ones I do aren’t overtly detailed and feed a lot more into showing their personality combines with appearance. Plus as a reader I will create my own image in my head if I don’t get something from the author lmao. So this will just be some rambles with some picrews and IRL photos (I don’t do official faceclaims and will get into that, but I do use some to help visualise what’s in my head), and also fashion because I love fashion and I love 80s fashion and I have to stop myself from writing 389424 outfit descriptions <3 feat. some barely edited prose!!

only doing the “main five” (are they truly the only main characters? I have no self control <3) because I lose track of which characters I’ve talked about so this is far from all the cast! And picrew/photo limitations mean these aren’t how exactly they look but it gives you an idea! Also I wrote this out and then lost it t w i c e :) Here are the two picrews I used: x x

Beau

My KING. It’s kinda funny to me because his description comes from the POV of a man who’s going to fall in love with him so whilst it’s not like “oh my god he’s so hot” I feel like you can DEFINITELY tell there’s something there. Beau and Felix aren’t exactly a slow burn couple lmao

Beau mirrors his mother. Same complexion, same smile, the only difference is his eyes are lighter and his curls are wilder, one absentmindedly coiled around his index. He wears a pistachio coloured button up with palm tree prints, oversized. A necklace with a shell charm, a brown beaded bracelet. He still grins at Felix, charmingly, as he continues to ramble about the music. Beau is effortless. He swims in the San Francisco colours.

This picrew captures him pretty well although I wish they had a facial hair option as he does have a bit of stubble

It’s all about the curls! He has a head full of them and they’re my favourite thing about him. This is a good example of where I don’t have a faceclaim but I do have pictures of a model that help visualise what I see: these pictures of Miles Frank were the first that resembled what I saw in my head, but only these two resemble him lmao. He’s not his faceclaim. Again, it’s all about the curls! (and the leather jacket)

He kinda has an athletic build not not overtly? Like he’s not muscular but he used to do a lot of sport as a teenager and he’s 100% the type of person who wakes with the sunrise to go on runs. Cannot relate but good for him! He’s around 5′10/5′11

Style is definitely important for his self expression but he also values comfort over fashion. It’s all about the oversized printed button ups (I found one in a thrift store that looks EXACTLY like the one in the description and I didn’t buy it I’m so mad!!! I failed both Beau and the queer community in that moment). He will wear All The Colours but he especially likes greens and pinks/reds. Leather jacket is a staple when the weather allows it.

He also loves jewellery, especially bracelets, especially homemade bracelets. 100% makes friendship bracelets.

Dorothy and Felix

I’ll put these two together because they’re not identical but like, they are twins lmao. Life hack: if you hate description for the POV character give them a twin and make them lowkey hate each other so you can ~compare~

Brother and sister. Born minutes apart on a dreary January night that wheezed rain. Bundled in identical bloodstained blankets, porcelain limbs and faces indistinguishable - but as they grow, the mirror their reflections share starts to crack. Dorothy grows taller, then Felix overtakes at 16. Dorothy’s features soften, but she grows a glare that digs deeper than Felix’s ever could. Dorothy aims for the moon; Felix accepts that he’ll never leave. Dorothy maps out a survival plan for the outside world; Felix maps out how he’ll work for the Church. But they still share the cinnamon hair, the freckles peppering their nose and cheeks, the grey-blue irises and heavy eyelids. They grew into different people with the same face made of different stitching, the same blood infected with different sin.

Dorothy is the only one who kinda has a faceclaim but not really? I struggle with faceclaims beyond inspo/resemblance because like I said, I don’t have the most exact image in my head but I am still very picky so I can look at a pic and immediately be like YES or NO lmao. But also, an issue I have is that a lot of faceclaims come from models/actors; I have no issue with pretty characters (I would call mine pretty lmao but it’s never like. a character trait), but there is that element of conventional attractiveness as well as editing/posing/lighting for professionally shot photos. That’s just me personally though, love them for helping visualise ideas! Since Dorothy was really difficult to get an image of, a “faceclaim” really helped. I made her after Felix so her only descriptor was “brown hair like her brother, similar facial features”, until I saw these pictures of Jane Birkin from the 60s. Again, not an official faceclaim (Dorothy isn’t as skinny as her), but that was where I first got an image of her as an individual character and was definitely the foundation. Her hair looks exactly like that!

She doesn’t really wear makeup, it’s not a statement or anything I just don’t think it suits her haha. 100% wears astronomy themed jewellery though

Her favourite colours to wear are red and violet. I’d describe her fashion as quite casual and flowy? She loves blouses, especially ones with floral prints. 100% rocks double denim (we are pro double denim here). I’d say her style is also more 70s inspired than 80s

She’s 5′9 which makes me 😳

I first made Felix because of a picture of Luke Powell, and I have to laugh because he is SUCH a common faceclaim on Pinterest but also suddenly I was just like ??? NO???? I held onto him as a FC for way too long when they don’t really look alike

Fluffy hair! Floppy hair! This isn’t canon in the book yet because I’m not sure how to present it beyond a bunch of hair descriptions, but I can see his hair being much shorter whilst he’s still in the cult and then he slowly grows its out (not much longer, just messier and unkept until its like the picrew) - again I have no idea how to show it in prose but I think in a movie/TV Series that’d be a cool way to show passing of time but also him settling into his identity. If he wasn’t a coward he’d grow it to mullet length

He and Beau are similar heights - 5′10/5′11. I love height differences in couples but I don’t think that suits them? They’re more likely to argue over who’s the taller one because the inch or so difference is so subtle they can’t even tell LMAO

I know this man just has the ugliest fashion taste but like in good way? Like you know when you see a sweater in the store and you’re like that’s so UGLY I need it? 100% owns both of these:

I think he’d wear a lot of yellows/oranges/browns but also blues. Would love a brown corduroy or bomber jacket, or dark/moss green??

Jolie

The way she was LITERALLY meant to be the main antagonist and then I was like wait but she’s hot lol. Jolie is a very interesting character to me - she won’t be in the next update but she’ll be talked about a lot in the one after 👁️ (Not obvious in the excerpt but the idea is Dorothy’s listing the “colours” of Jolie)

High waisted, baggy jeans distressed at the knee; matching denim jacket rolled up to the elbow. Faded blue. Cheap band print shirt. Blondie. Kitchen scissor-cut fringe. Bleached – originally chestnut. Chipped nails. Cherry lacquer. Round glasses with scotch tape around the bridge. Silver. Triangular face, straight nose. Pale. No makeup besides red lips. Whatever the cheapest red shade at the drugstore was in 1984. Combat boots with heels nobody else would travel in, but Jolie would. Leather black. 5’2. She smiles at Dorothy with her teeth. Lipstick stains her incisors.

Jolie’s been the hardest to nail appearance wise and it honestly this picrew is the only thing that visualises what’s in my head.

At 5′3 she’s the shortest out of these five. She’s plus sized, which is another thing I find a lot of picrews don’t show very well unfortunately

She bleaches her hair just before we meet her in the book, and later on we see her cut her hair into a messy mullet style, before that it was shoulder-length. Would never pay for a haircut because hairdressers cannot give her what she wants

A lot of her style is a blend between masculine and feminine. She has a very complicated relationship with her gender identity which she navigates through her expression but she does embrace some elements of femininity, although to her it’s redefined to suit her perception of it. Her style is very similar to Jamie’s from Bly Manor. I think she’d also be influenced by punk and rock fashion.

She’s a gardener and it shows, definitely the type to tuck a little flower behind her ear.

Isaias

No character description for him because I scrapped and am currently rewriting the whole chapter where he’s introduced so :( but I will make sure to include it in the next writing update! I love him, he has such pleasant vibes

There is one picture that is very similar to how I see him, especially because the person in it is wearing a denim jacket and an oversized denim jacket is an Isaias STAPLE. The only problem is the photo is in black and white, also I’d like to see him smile.

I’ve been struggling to nail his hair but the picrew shows it quite well, albeit in a cartoon style. It’s all about the long side part

Besides the denim jacket he wears a lot of turtlenecks when the weather allows it, otherwise he’s a big fan of dress shirts. Loves to wear deep blues and purples. Depending on the weather, he’d also layer up with two jackets over a dress shirt. On the flip side I can see him wearing a pastel coloured blazer as well, like lavender? LOVE that.

He’s a pretty average height, not short and not very tall. Around 5′8?

Pretty much always has some kind of bag/backpack with him because he likes to have his notebook on him at All Times.

I’ll stop myself there because this is getting long! Like I said, I don’t have exact images in my head but I do have well, an image lmao. I do like the idea that people can develop their own image in their head too based on what I’ve described so I hope that was interesting! I’d also love to do some art of these guys so I can show better what I see, but unfortunately my tablet is at my dorm and I’m at home and we are on strict lockdown for the foreseeable future :( someday!

#Anonymous #revelations revelations #omg i have to change the tag on all the posts ive made #thank god for xkit

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cianmarsfanfiction · 7 years

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Kiddo Chapter 17. FF.net

The adults exited the bedroom with David leading the way Neal snuggled in his arms, David and Mary Margaret had agreed to not tell Emma, on account of there being no other choice, though it was with heavy hearts... or heart considering they only had one half of one heart each.

“Coffee or tea Regina?” Mary Margaret offered pleasantly.

“Tea, please, I’ll help you.”

“Daddy’s going to have some coffee, isn’t he,” David lifted Neal close to his face and pressed a kiss to his cheek, “he is.” He continued to coo at his son. “because daddy has to keep up with his troublemakers, doesn’t he?” As though on cue he walked out of the bedroom into the kitchen and found Emma and Henry already in there. “Look, buddy, there’s two troublemakers now.” Emma was sat on Henry’s shoulders and was reaching both of her arms up to grab the cookie jar from the shelf.

Emma froze and slowly looked at him while biting her lip. “Oops…?”

David had to force himself not to laugh at Emma’s face, while Henry was looking slightly abashed, Emma really did look like a little kid with her hand caught in the cookie jar. He turned back to Mary Margaret to share a brief amused look as he put Neal into her arms. He walked over to his daughter and grandson, and swooped Emma into his arms, taking the cookie jar from Emma and placing it down on the counter in one swift movement. He looked at her with one eyebrow raised, but he couldn’t hide the amusement on his face.

“Whoops?” Emma offered again, this time from in David’s arms.

David chuckled and rolled his eyes playfully. “You need to be careful with your arm, no more using it.” He gave her a long look reminding her of their conversation not too long ago until she sighed. He scooped out three cookies from the jar and passed them a cookie each, keeping one for himself.

“Honestly, David, you’re as bad as the kids.” Mary Margaret chided but she had a smile on her face. She walked into the kitchen with Regina following behind her, she noticed Regina was trying to hide a smile herself.

Regina shooed David, Emma, and Henry out of the kitchen. “Mary Margaret and I are going to make apple pie for desert, while whoever is the most mature of the three of you can babysit… that’s probably Henry.”

“Let’s play Mario Kart!” Emma suddenly decided, her face lit up at the idea of being able to play the video game against Henry and her father, it also stopped David from being about to bite back at Regina.

“Em,” David reminded her gently, “you can’t hold the controller with your broken arm.” His heart broke at seeing her face fall. He sighed internally and tried to figure out a way to make her smile again. “…But me and you could go on the same team? We’ll easily beat Henry that way.” He watched her smile slowly appear.

She thought it through for a couple of minutes. “You could steer and I’ll do the boxes.” She smiled fully.

Henry smiled at the pair, he could see that his grandparents were really going out of their way to make sure that Emma was comfortable, not that he expected anything different from them. “I’ll set it all up.” He announced as he sped to the living room.

David shared a smile with Mary Margaret, he nipped back into the kitchen with Emma still in his arms, he pressed a kiss to the top of Neal’s head, then kissed his wife.

“Ew, come on guys!” Emma protested with a whine despite finding them sweet really. “Children present! Do you really have to scar us for life?”

“You notice how she only ever calls herself a child when it’s advantageous to her?” David smirked and didn’t even wait for Mary Margaret to reply when he ducked down to quickly and loudly kiss his wife, purely to wind Emma up.

Emma threw her head against David’s chest, hiding her face against it, and groaned loudly. “Daaaaaaaad!” She protested but didn’t move her head from where it was tucked even as the noise quickly stopped.

“David.” Mary Margaret chastised but there was laughter in her voice which even Emma could hear the muffled version of.

David chuckled and started to walk out of the kitchen with Emma in his arms. He ran his hand through her curls which had only been made messier during her nap. “Em, it’s safe, you can come out now.” He grinned down at her as she looked up at him with a playful glare and a pout, he couldn’t resist but to press a kiss on top of the golden ringlets he had just been stroking. “Come on, let’s go show Henry how it’s done.”

~OUAT~

Henry had set up the controllers in the steering wheel accessories, and the game was ready for them to pick which characters they wanted to be, he had already selected Mario as he always did. He watched David settle down onto the couch beside him, leaning against a cushion with Emma in his lap, Henry held out the control to his grandfather when he realised that his mother wouldn’t be able to take it with her one good hand and once David had tucked a throw over his and Emma’s laps Henry was free of it. “You’re going down old man.”

David looked down at Emma with one eyebrow raised. “Do you remember when he was just a nice little boy who wanted to just be taught how to fight with wooden swords? Now he’s just a sassy teenager.”

Emma laughed at David’s overly dramatic tone, he sounded as though he was trying too hard to be in a high school production of a Shakespearian play. “A sassy teenager who’s going to lose.” She corrected.

Henry chuckled and rubbed the back of his head before smoothing his hair down again. “Sure I am, mom, sure I am.”

“Which one do you want to be kiddo?” David asked his daughter, he held the Wii remote so that Emma could press the plus shaped button to choose which one she wanted.

Emma pressed the button until she got to the character she always chose. She heard David chuckle quietly and looked up at him confused. “What’s funny.”

David smirked good naturedly. “Well, if I knew that you were going to pick Toad yet again I’d have just pressed it straight away.”

“Yeah, Gramps, why didn’t you just assume it and press it straight away?” A smirk appeared on Henry’s face which was a perfect copy of the one his father used to pull.

Emma rolled her eyes at the pair of them nevertheless she pressed the button to pick the red toad. “Dad,” She pouted up at him, “you’re meant to be on my team.”

He took the remote back and flicked their character so they were on the red team, he knew that Emma tended to pick the red team. He had figured it was her favourite colour but after their conversation, he started to wonder if her favourite colour was still yellow like when she was younger, or if that really was her favourite colour when she was however old she had been acting, if not when had it changed?

Henry pressed the buttons to choose his kart and waited while David and Emma decided which to use. He watched them as they talked and Emma kept trying to take the remote from him which David kept lifting it up just out of her reach. He was glad that his mom was looking better, from being ill anyway, it was still weird for him to see her looking like a little kid – one even younger than Roland…. But she looked happy, and he figured she was probably an even happier when she was unaware that she wasn’t always just a kid. He still wanted his mom, she was his mom after all…. but if his other mom couldn’t find anything, if there wasn’t any safe way for her to turn back into an adult again he would be cool with it. He heard the noise as David and Emma finally picked a bike – Emma had clearly thought that it was enough to just be quick while David had tried to tell her that a combination of all the parts were important. Henry turned his attention back to the screen and grinned when he realised his grandfather had given in and his mother had won the fight.

“Mushroom-“

“I know mom.” Henry said with laughter in his voice, he had already pressed the button and the music as the racetrack was shown on the screen played. “You didn’t even have to tell me, you always want to play the mushroom cup… though even that won’t work to your advantage, I’m still just better than you at video games.”

“I taught you how to play them!” Emma protested.

Although Emma couldn’t see him, David smiled sympathetically down at her, he knew that she and Henry were only bantering as they usually did but now that Emma physically looked and sounded like a toddler her words came out in a whine they sounded slightly like they weren’t true because of it – as though Emma was Henry’s younger sister, not his mother. His mind was about to drift back to the morning and Regina’s warning, or fear, that Emma would be such a young child permanently. Henry would lose one of his mothers, they would lose one version of Emma, but would gain another version of Emma who they could raise alongside their other child and give her a happy and safe childhood. But there was no time to think about that, the game was about to start and Emma hadn’t tried to take hold of the steering wheel yet, it took David a moment to see why, Emma was right handed as was the steering wheel accessory, she wouldn’t be able to press the buttons to release the boxes as she had been planning on doing. He quickly hit pause before the game could start and Emma looked up at him surprised that he was waiting to find a way which would mean she could play too, he hated that she clearly still wasn’t used to having people wanting to spend time with her and want her to be part of the fun no matter what. He gently took hold of her left hand and guided it to the left side of the steering wheel. “Here, you take that side, I’ll take this one.” He told her and smiled when her tiny hand gripped onto left side. “Just let me know when to fire at Henry’s team, you’re much better at this than I am.” If truth be told she was, the Wii had originally been bought when the curse had broken and they needed a way to bond with each other, Mary Margaret had deemed it was at least slightly healthier than other games consoles. He didn’t expect Emma’s hand-eye coordination to be up to the level she was when she was an adult, but he figured she could still boss him about – very much her mother’s daughter.

The three of them started to play. The first race David and Emma lost, it had taken them two laps to get used to playing together and by then Henry’s team had won. But the next lap they were ready, they quickly started to race through the farm style lap, the two falling back into their usual dynamic of working together, David followed Emma’s directions leading him to take shortcuts to make them fly through the air, and they swerved past the cows perfectly. As they used the ramp during their last lap Henry was right on their tail, David was surprised when suddenly Emma turned the wheel to make them knock Henry off as they started to fly, apparently it surprised Henry too.

“Hey! No fair!” He protested though it was clear that he was amused by it.

“All is fair in love, and war, and Mario Kart.” Emma retorted without missing a beat. She and David sped over the finishing line, beating Henry’s team easily.

“Yes!” David and Emma cheered triumphantly at the same time. David held an open hand in front of her and Emma obliged in giving him a high five.

“I’m so going to beat you two this time.” Henry growled playfully.

“In your dreams, kid.” David laughed him off as though he had just claimed that he would beat his grandfather in a sword fight.

Emma had a similar laugh to her father, but coming from someone the size of a three year old it sounded a looked a lot more adorable, as though she was a toddler copying her father. “Yeah, Henry, you know this next course is mine.”

Henry rolled his eyes but he didn’t even try to argue that bit, although he had his natural ability with video games which seemed to come with being a teenager, his mom loved the Mushroom Gorge track to the extent he was pretty sure that she would even be able to do it with her one arm and blindfolded while putting barely any effort into it.

The three started to race once again, David and Emma speeding off as soon as the screen told them to go, they raced towards the first set of the bouncing mushrooms and David led Emma in turning the wheel ever so slightly to knock Henry off of the mushroom.

“Hey! Grandpa!” He had expected it from his mother, but for his grandfather to lead the sabotage of his race was rare.

David chuckled. “Sorry, Henry, but me and your mom are gonna win.”

Emma, at a contrast to Henry, was beaming. “Dad, next time we jump, flip the control up.”

“What? Why?” David asked somewhat distractedly.

“Just trust me.”

Sure enough the next time they jumped on one of the mushrooms, they flipped up the control, the control vibrated slightly and their avatar did a trick in the air, when they landed their bike got a boost edging them way in front of all of Henry’s team. Emma pulled the wheel up, David copying her so they would skid off the track, though he wasn’t sure why she was doing it. Emma and David did a wheelie over the line as Henry turned the corner of the last stretch.

“Yes!” Emma threw her arms into the air in celebration, she winced a little at the heaviness of the cast on her arm, a dull ache, soothed by medicine already taken, vibrated through it but it wasn’t quite pain it was just uncomfortable. David’s hand carefully took hold of the cast and gently tugged it down so that it was lying in her lap instead, she rolled her eyes, she wouldn’t admit it but it did feel a little better.

“Careful of your arm, kiddo.” David gently reminded her, he knew that he had only just reminded her of it, but he was sure that she wasn’t doing it to be insolent she had just forgotten.

The points came up on the screen for each team, Emma and David were ahead but if Henry’s team won the next race he would win, Henry noticed this and leant forward his elbows were on his knees and he stared at screen intently. Emma, on the other hand, stayed leant backwards, comfortable using her father as a cushion.

The race began, the three of the playing, they trash talked each other as they raced through Toad’s Factory, they swerve to grab the object boxes and avoid being squished into the ground, they zigzagged to the arrows to speed their way through the mud, and they eventually launched themselves off of the ramp. They repeated this three times. In the final lap, Henry’s and David and Emma’s vehicles were head to head as they jumped off of the ramp for the last time, Henry landed slightly in front of them and Emma pulled the steering wheel accidently slowing them down. David desperately tried to steer them onto the right track and speed up. Henry crossed over the line first and erupted into a cheer.

Emma sighed, she let go of the steering wheel and slouched down a little bit, she tried to plaster on a fake smile so not to be a sore loser, but she was doing a bad job. She normally didn’t mind so much she didn’t get why it was bothering her so much. She noticed her dad staring at her with an amused look on his face. “I let the kid win.”

David chuckled and couldn’t even bother to hide his amusement anymore. A mock serious look appeared on his face, his brows lowered and his lips narrowed to a thin line though the corners were slightly pulled up, he nodded his head. “Of course you did, kiddo, of course you did.”

Henry watched his mom and grandpa’s conversation while laughing slightly, his face was completely lit up with amusement and joy, his mom wasn’t usual a sore loser (his grandma on the other hand was) and it was hilarious to him. He gave her a cheeky smile. “It’s okay mom, I can teach you how to actual play the game if you want, that way you might actually stand a chance at winning.”

Emma grabbed a cushion from the seat beside her and tried to throw it at her son, but it was too heavy for her to gain trajectory, it flopped pathetically onto the floor and Henry fled from the room laughing loudly.

~OUAT~

Mary Margaret walked past Henry, who was still laughing loudly as he headed into the kitchen to grab a drink, she shook her head and smiled fondly as she headed towards the living room, she was glad to see him smiling and that he could get to spend some time with his mom as his mom. Her fond smile stayed on her face as she reached the den. Emma was still sat on David’s lap, the pair were laughing at something and it took her a moment to realise that David was tickling their daughter, Emma’s laughter filled the room better than any music at any ball she had ever been to. Mary Margaret slowed her walking by a fraction so she could take in the sight, she was slightly surprised that Emma hadn��t objected to the hooded lion sweatshirt she was still wearing, she either hadn’t noticed it or didn’t care. How could she and David lie to her? No not lie, she had to remind herself they wouldn’t lie to her, but they would be keeping something important from her even for a little while. She had to shake the thought from her mind, if it was for Emma’s health they would keep it from her, even at the possibility of her being less than happy at them. She just hoped she understood. Mary Margaret walked over and sat beside David and Emma, smiling broadly at them, David must have noticed the look in her eyes as his smile turned both comforting and sympathetic it was clearly on his mind too.

Emma didn’t notice, she did however take advantage of David’s distraction to wiggle off of his lap and sat in the small gap between her two parents, she beamed proudly at having been able to escape David’s tickling.

Mary Margaret tucked one of Emma’s curls behind her ear, smiling lovingly at her, her thumb brushed her cheek as she did so, her skin was baby soft and as paled as Mary Margaret’s was. She stroked the back of her fingers against the cheek, she was still warm, but it wasn’t hot enough to be classed as a fever any more. The medicine for her arm pain would take care of it anyway.

Emma smiled up at her mom, as the fingers were brushed against her cheek, she leant her head against them in response. She watched her mom’s smile get bigger. “Mom?”

Mary Margaret brushed another invisible strand of hair behind her ear. “Yeah baby?”

“What’s for dinner? It’s not something healthy, is it?”

David and Mary Margaret laughed at the whine in her voice. The laughter was still evident in Mary Margaret’s voice when she answered her. “Well, I can always find you something healthy to eat.” She offered, “but otherwise I suppose takeout pizza will have to do.”

Emma’s face lit up despite the teasing in her mom’s answer. It was very rare they would have actual takeout pizza. In her excitement she quickly bounced closer to her mom, and wrapped her arms around her, Mary Margaret responded in like by gently squeezing her daughter. “That sounds good to me, mom.”

David chuckled at the pair of them. He grabbed his wallet to get some money out of it to pay for the pizza, he had figured out that that was what his wife had originally been going to get money from her purse, but he didn’t want to interrupt her and Emma’s hug.

~OUAT~

The family all crowded into the living room to eat the pizza when it arrived. Regina was sat in an armchair, she ate her pizza with a knife and fork, and split her time between watching the movie and smiling at Neal who was sat in his bouncy chair next to the couch. Emma sat in between her parents on the couch, although the pizza was in boxes on the coffee table for everyone to help themselves to slices, Emma’s was cut into smaller pieces so it was easier for her to eat. “I still can’t believe you two haven’t seen this.” She commented to her parents, her mouth was full of the cheesy goodness, and she had sauce around her mouth.

Mary Margaret had been splitting her attention between her kids, food, and The Mummy movie they had on. She managed to restrain herself from wiping Emma’s mouth, judging from the smirk on David’s face he knew it was killing her not to, she rolled her eyes playfully at her daughter. “Well, you’ve only just made us watch it, I was stuck with a VCR and movies from pre-1983.” She reminded her. “I didn’t even own a DVD player until you moved in.”

Emma smiled back, she had forgotten about that, it felt as though she had been in Storybrooke forever not how long she really had been. “Well, you’ve missed out.”

“Me and mom used to watch this when I was little,” Henry mused he said mom the way he always did when he meant Regina, he smiled over at his adoptive mother, “it was the only slightly scary movie I was allowed to watch.”

Regina grinned back, she knew that before the curse there was problems with her parenting style partially due to the anxiety of the curse possibly being broken, but there was plenty of good times too. She chuckled slightly in answer to his comment. “You still ended up sleeping in my bed most times because you were scared that Imhotep would be in your room.”

The entire family laughed good naturedly, finding Henry cute instead of laughing at his expense, both Mary Margaret and Regina could remember Henry as a small boy, though of course the boy’s grandmother’s memories were from afar.

Emma looked at the grinning boy, her and Henry’s fake memories from New York had faded they were now more like memories of a distant dream, but she could still slightly see the young boy in her teenager’s face. “I went to see this movie too,” she felt her parents’ eyes upon her so she continued, “I went to the movie theatre to watch it. I ended up sleeping with all of the lights on.” The lights had been the ones in her bug, she had been sixteen and had only recently run away, stolen the car, and met Neal; the pair had snuck into the movie theatre to watch it, it was a good memory for Emma now she was at peace with her past with Neal, but she didn’t tell her family the details of it.

Emma felt as though her parents were watching her, but she whenever she glanced in their directions they were looking at the screen or would comfortingly smile at her, she didn’t that anything was necessary wrong her parents were just acting weird. But she knew that her parents would tell her if something was actually wrong.

~OUAT~

The family carried on eating and watching the movie, every so often one of them would make a comment, but mostly they were just captivated in the movie. Emma found herself associating Rick and Evie with her parents, the banter was the same as her parents had every day which also seemed to end up in kissing which Emma made a big deal about but she found it sweet even if she did prefer it happen far away from her, plus like the characters her mother and father hadn’t exactly been fond of each other when they had first met, that was putting it mildly she supposed. Somehow the movie meant more to her now, as though she had been able to know what her parents were like, before she had actually known them. Emma was the first to finish, only eating two slices of pizza, which didn’t seem like much but considering she was only just better from the flu and was so small it was quite an achievement. She leant forward so she could put her plate onto the coffee table.

David grabbed hold of the back of Emma’s sweatshirt as Emma leant forward to stop her from falling face first from the couch, he lowered his arm to help her lower herself down then pulled her back up in a crane like manner. When she sat back up she had her phone now in her hands too, and was grinning at David, David shook his head but couldn’t keep the smile from his face. “Trouble.” He chided playfully as he grabbed another slice of pizza.

Emma just stuck her tongue out at him and settled back in between him and Mary Margaret. She tried to unlock her phone to search the web to find out the actor who played Rick, she knew his face and was sure she had seen him in other things but just couldn’t quite remember his name or what those things had been. She placed her thumb on the home button for it to read it and unlock, her eyes were on the screen when she felt her phone vibrate and read ‘try again’, after the third time that happened the numbers appeared on the screen and she was told to use her touch I.D or to enter her passcode. She growled in frustration and slowly entered the numbers, she did it wrong the first time and growled again, she concentrated hard the next time and finally unlocked her phone. She brought up google and the keypad automatically appeared and Emma looked at the letters and found herself feeling a bit lost. They were familiar enough that she knew how to spell everything she wanted to search out, but it felt as though she really needed to concentrate on it, like it was in slow motion or something… like she had just learnt it. It didn’t seem as though she should be as impacted with it as she was, but it made it slow, it was frustrating and worrying and she found herself huffing and mumbling in frustration under her breath.

Her mumbling and noises were always quiet enough that they didn’t disrupt Henry or Regina, but her parents heard her, David and Mary Margaret shared a look above Emma’s head. They could see her taking her time and deleting letters as she concentrated, growing more frustrated by the nanosecond. It made sense, their looks said, after all they were warned that she would start to become more childish something which would only increase. “She’s going to notice something’s wrong with her reading and writing.”, David’s look said, “How are we going to be able to keep what’s going on from her?” His eyes flickered down forlorn upon Emma’s white blonde hair, but she was too distracted to notice her father looking at her.

Mary Margaret bit her lip for a half second, she had no idea how they were going to keep it from her either, how could they? She sent David a sympathetic yet encouraging smile. She engaged in their silent conversation once more. “It’s going to be one of the hardest things we’ve ever had to do, but if it makes it even a little bit safer for Emma, it’s worth it.”

David nodded his head, but like Mary Margaret he knew it would be hard, and wondered how long they’d be able to keep it up. He glanced down at Emma again and saw how frustrated she still was and could see the worried crease between her eyebrows, he glanced up at Mary Margaret who just shook her head and swiped the phone from Emma’s hands.

Mary Margaret made sure to keep her voice bright and cheerful as Emma looked up at her in surprise at her phone’s sudden disappearance. “Why don’t you just watch your movie.”

Emma pulled her knees up to her chest, her mom had clearly caught her, a quick glance up at her dad made her realise he had seen too. The girl sized woman sighed. “I just wanted to figure out what I had seen him in.” She mumbled. She felt David’s hand rubbing circles onto her back as she watched Mary Margaret stand up and place her phone in one of the drawers of one of the many cabinets of different sizes and styles which filled the room, though she didn’t see which one it was exactly, and at that moment it didn’t really matter. She just focused on hoping her fast beating heart wouldn’t give her worry away to her father, she didn’t look at him as she knew her face would betray her worry over her sudden reading difficulties, she took a minute to recompose herself.

“George of the jungle?” Regina suggested after a brief pause, where only the movie filled the silence, and David, Mary Margaret, and Emma pretended that they were all absolutely fine.

Emma looked up with a small fake smile and nodded though looked confused, she hadn’t expected Regina to have seen that movie, even if it were the one which she had .

“Henry had a time of about four months when he would only watch that movie, on repeat.” She laughed as Henry rolled his eyes playfully. “Until he decided to jump from the landing of the stairs in an attempt to become like his hero.”

“It was totally worth the broken arm.“ Henry laughed along with the rest of his family, he did notice that Emma’s laugh was slightly fake, which was what she had been hoping for.

~OUAT~

As the night wore on, it was clear to the others that Emma was starting to tire, she didn’t even want to eat any of the pie Mary Margaret and Regina made. Emma leant against her mother as they watched the end of the movie, she rubbed her eyes with her fist, and the corners of her mouth tugged up into a smile as her mom dropped a kiss onto the top of her head.

Regina cleared her throat and looked over at the rest of her weirdly put together family, she could see the resemblance between Emma and Henry when he was around her size, and although she’d never admit it to anyone (not even Robin or Henry), Emma did look rather adorable in that hooded sweatshirt Henry had a similar tiger one when he was little. “Well, Henry and I should go, Henry has school tomorrow and I told Robin we’d be home in time to say goodnight to Roland.”

“Yeah, I promised to read him a story from my book.” Henry grinned, he liked having Roland around and being like a big brother to him, the younger kid had seemed to attach himself to Henry straight away. Henry also got along with Robin, who, despite having to try and work out everything with Regina and Marian, had been making sure to bond with Henry too – clearly he was clearly planning on being around for a long while.

Emma smiled at Henry, she was glad that he got along with Robin and Roland, she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t going to miss him when he was gone, but she also didn’t want him to see her like that… it was probably hardest for him, at least she could spend much needed time with her parents. David and Snow stood up to say goodbye to Regina and Emma found herself suddenly being hugged by Henry.

“I love you mom. You’ll be fine.” He assured her, because he knew that his grandparents would never let anything bad happen to her, and he would have a part in her life even if she did change. He resolved to try and help Regina search for a way to help Emma, he could look through his book, maybe even talk to people who would have any clue – like Jefferson or if it came down to it Blue.

“I love you too, kid.” Emma squeezed him back and reassured him with her own words. “I know I will be. Hey, once this is over, we’ll go and get sundaes.”

Henry beamed back at her. “Good, chocolate ones with extra toppings, we probably shouldn’t tell grandma or she’ll make us eat every green vegetable she can name for like a week afterwards.”

Emma chuckled at that. “You’re right.” She held out her hand to shake on the promise of sundaes.

~OUAT~

Mary Margaret closed the door behind Regina, after she had warned David and herself again to try and keep it from Emma, at least until she could research it some more, even just a couple of days could be beneficial. She walked over to David as he was tucking their son into his crib, she watched him kiss two of his fingers then press them to Neal’s head, she couldn’t help but smile at what an amazing father he was to Neal and Emma, no matter their daughters age. She carefully stroked her finger down Neal’s cheek and smiled softly as he moved his head close to her touch but stayed fast asleep. She looked up and saw her husband smiling just as softly at her, she felt him duck his head slightly and kiss the top of her head, she leant against his side and the pair just watched their son sleeping peacefully for a minute. But eventually she had to break the silence. “We need to talk to Emma, about the pullups, she doesn’t remember any of what happened last night or this morning, she doesn’t remember agreeing to wear them… even if she could remember that we would have to talk to her again as it wasn’t this Emma who agreed.”

David sighed at the inevitable. “I know.” And he did, he also knew how hard this was going to be, much harder than convincing the child Emma that she needed them. “We’ll just explain that it’ll be better for her, I hate seeing her being terrified when she wakes up and feels like she has to try and change her bed covers before we see.”

“Not to mention the nightmares, their impact only seems worse when she has to go through all that hassle.” Mary Margaret agreed, they were so clearly psyching themselves up, but they also knew that they needed to do so as this was going to be a hard task to complete.

David nodded his head at his wife and gently squeezed her hand. They both walked over to the table where Emma was putting one of the walkie talkies.

Emma had to stand on her tiptoes with the packet in the air to be able to even nudge the box onto the table, and that was by using her sore arm too, she turned and saw her parents looking at her. “Henry left his one here.” Her own walkie talkie was still on the coffee table, she didn’t want to put them both together in the off chance that someone would put both of the walkie talkies into the box and Emma would be left without one for a short amount of time, in which she could have been talking to Henry in.

“You have to be careful with your arm, kiddo.” David reminded her gently, he watched Mary Margaret pick her up and sit her down on her lap at the head of the table, he took a seat beside them.

Emma looked at her dad then tilted her head back up at her mom. A deep sense of worry filled her, out of habit, she knew the tension of a hard conversation too well. “Guys? What’s going on?”

“You’re not in trouble, Em.” David promised her, he took hold of her hand which was resting on table and took hold of it, and gently squeezed it. “I promise.”

Mary Margaret hummed her agreement with David’s statement. “We wanted to talk to you, honey, about the accidents you’ve been having at night.” She felt Emma’s entire body tense so she rubbed circles against her stomach. “You’re not in trouble, baby, we’ve just been noticing how hard this is on you, and that it’s making you wake up really distressed-“

“-And pretty out of it, because it makes your nightmares worse.” David added. He figured he could play the night before off as her being out of it, for the time being, he wasn’t completely lying as she had been rather out of it but he was still planning on apologising when it was at least slightly safer for Emma to know the truth. “Do you remember me finding you last night?” He watched her shake her head with a frown. “You were huddled, soaking wet, between the machines in the laundry room while still half asleep.”

“Sorry,” Emma apologised straight away, she didn’t like how this conversation was going, it was so similar to others she had had when she was younger and had caused too much hassle for foster carers so was being sent back to a home, “I didn’t mean to wake you up, I promise I won’t again.” She stared at her father, then mother, then father again, willing them to believe her. Visions of what felt like a million different ‘homes’ flickered through her head, black trash bags of her handful of belongings as care kids weren’t given suitcases, it was only the bags she had gained when she was twelve which marked the passage in time in her head, she hadn’t gained many belongings within the sixteen years in the care system, maybe a few books here and there. Then there was always a file, a thick file her social worker carried, her file. It only got bigger, full of medical reports, teachers’ reports, and police reports. It was passed around as she moved, full of pictures of injuries which she looked disgusted at whenever she looked at them, partially at the injuries themselves partially at the knowledge of the pity they would reward her should any of those whom she loved ever saw them.

David sighed. “No, Em, you’re not supposed to try and deal with this by yourself I’d much rather you woke me up. I’m telling you because it’s dangerous for you. You’re being woken up because you had an accident, then when you’re heading down the stairs without even realising it to try and deal with it on your own, you could get hurt by falling down the stairs.”

“Or if you fall asleep between the machines and we go up we might think you’re missing, and that would scare us, more than you could imagine.” Mary Margaret added. She knew Emma well enough to know that she was probably panicking and it was important to get to the point before she had a panic attack. “We’ve come up with a solution, of sorts, we know this will be hard for you, but it really is for the best.” She reached for the shopping bag which had been left on the table, the other one with the Dory pullups had been hidden in the closet belonging to the downstairs bedroom, and pulled out the packet of the plainer packet of pull ups.

There was a beat of silence.

“You’ve got to be fucking shitting me.” Emma said with her usual linguistic eloquence. Her mouth hung open when she wasn’t speaking. She knew her mother wasn’t a fan of her cursing, normally pointing out that she wasn’t a sailor so there was no reason why her language should match one, but Mary Margaret clearly decided that now wasn’t the time to get into that one.

The silence remained.

Emma studied David’s face and saw he was being serious. She half turned around so she could examine her mother’s face, desperately hoping that her mother would tell her that she had a magic solution she had only just thought of, she would have thought her parents were playing a particularly cruel joke on her but that simply wasn’t who her parents were. There was clearly no fix all solution as Mary Margaret gave her a tight lipped sympathetic look.

“No.” Emma breathed out. “No.” She repeated louder. She pulled her hand from David’s hold and managed to climb down from her mom’s lap one-handedly. “No!’ She shouted, shocking not just her parents but herself, but she just repeated it a couple more times. She felt the fire of her anger fill her tiny body. It was overwhelming, suffocating, uncontrollable. She was not in control of her body as she stomped her feet then carried on stomping them away from the table to the living room. As she stomped she carried on shouting “No!” though sometimes she threw in a “I don’t want to!” She kicked the television stand, pain seared in her foot but she couldn’t stop, she kicked a side table where a vase was precariously heading closer to the edge. Her shouts had taken on a sobbing tone and she only absently heard her brother’s cries. She felt a pair of big hands lift her up by her waist and place her down a few feet away from where she had been stood. She pulled herself from where David’s hands were barely holding her, she dropped to the floor, lying flat on her front her feet kicked the ground, and she cried loudly weaving ‘No.’ into the sobs every now and again, though the word had lost all its meaning.

David and Mary Margaret had been watching Emma in shock as she moved to the living room and started to tantrum, they understood why she was feeling angry and upset, but they knew that she would normally have protested something by using more than five words so this was clearly in part due to her toddler emotions. Somehow they could tell that Emma was still in her adult mind, though that was probably only because of their natural parenting instincts, it made them feel even worse for having to hide Emma’s possible fate from her. Neal started to cry at the noise having woke him up. Mary Margaret sighed, barely audible above the shouting and sobbing and kicking, she stood up and headed to the crib to soothe the baby.

David stood up too, and headed over to watch Emma play out her tantrum, not planning on interfering unless Emma was in danger of hurting herself, he saw the vase edging closer to her and decided to step in, he wasn’t prepared to let the vase to fall on or near his daughter, and wasn’t too keen on her possibly hurting her foot by kicking all the solid furniture. He picked her up, barely off the ground, and felt her struggling in his hold. He placed her feet back onto the floor and crouched in front of her, though she clearly didn’t really see him as she threw herself onto the ground, he stayed crouched next to her feeling helpless. It felt as though he and Mary Margaret had been thrown into parenting head first. They had been parents, of course, for about three decades but they had only known it for a couple of years and that definitely hadn’t been in a conventional way. But all of a sudden they had a new born son and a daughter who was sometimes a toddler and sometimes an adult who acted like a toddler. David watched his daughter kicking the ground and cry. He rubbed circles onto her back, at first she tensed at them, but eventually he felt her back muscles relax. A few more minutes later and her feet stopped kicking, a few more passed and David became aware that she was no longer shouting no and was just crying, he gave it one minute more before he chanced picking her up. She did not resist. He held her to his chest and felt her burying her head against his chest, her hand grabbed onto David’s open plaid shirt and held onto it so her knuckles turned white. He sighed in sympathy for his daughter, he made sure that her yellow casted arm was against him in a way which meant she wasn’t about to hurt it, then he cradled the back of her head with his hand, as he always did, while she cried. He stood up with her, and rocked slightly side to side in a natural attempt to soothe her, he made gentle shushes to encourage her to calm. He looked across at Mary Margaret and saw she was doing the same with Neal. They shared a bittersweet smile but didn’t talk as their babies cried.

Neal stopped first and fell asleep, and after a while Emma was simply sniffling into David’s chest, his shirt and t-shirt were drenched by her tears and running nose, but he did not mind.

Mary Margaret walked over to David and Emma and placed her hand on Emma’s back, rubbing gentle circles onto it as she shared a look with David, they could tell that although it was the pullups which started this all off, Emma’s reaction was a combination of all the things which had happened recently, the loss of some of her reading skills had clearly been weighing on her mind. David sat down on the chair Mary Margaret had previously been sat in with Emma, but this time Emma was with him instead. She stayed cuddled to his chest, clinging on and sniffling, so David held her close to him and continued to rock himself and his daughter as Mary Margaret rubbed her back from the chair to David’s left.

Eventually the sniffling died down and her grip on his shirt loosened, David would have thought that she had fallen asleep against him, but Emma mumbled, her voice was so quiet it would have been hard to hear ordinarily, but now her words were distorted entirely by being spoken while pressed as close as possible to David’s chest. He gently pulled her away from him and sat her sideways onto his lap, she was facing Mary Margaret and he could see her face too, he wiped stray tears from her bright red cheek and sighed internally at how miserable she looked, he wanted to just wrap her in blankets, cuddle her close, and never let go. He didn’t have to look at Mary Margaret to know that she felt the same. “What did you say kiddo?” He asked her, so softly that he became aware only after he had spoken that it was said in the same way which he would have spoken to a small child, though he would argue that he had spoken to her like that before even as an adult.

Emma bit the corner of her lip until she tasted the faint hint of blood. She looked at her mom then at her dad, her eyes were somehow even bigger than usual, but she looked down when she spoke, too embarrassed and desperate to face looking at either of them as she tried to bargain. “I can… I can clean up any mess myself, and I’ll try really hard, I promise,” her words were spilling out of her, stumbling over one another as they rushed out, dripping with desperation, “you won’t have to know, I can keep it secret, I promise.”

Mary Margaret watched Emma’s despairing rambling come to a stop, as David pressed a firm kiss to the top of her head, as though David had broken a curse with a true love’s kiss. Mary Margaret reached across and stroked her hand down Emma’s tiny, hot cheek. “Sweetie, we don’t mind having to change your bedsheets, you shouldn’t have to change them, you should never have had to do that.” She paused as Emma looked from her to David, when she looked back her bottom lip was jutted out still but there was also a look on her face which showed Mary Margaret that Emma was believing of her mother’s statement. “If there was another way which we thought would help you as much as this will, we would take that in a heartbeat, but this is the best way. This is the best thing for you, baby.”

“It’s not fair.” Emma’s bottom lip wobbled and before she knew it she was crying once again. This crying was different. This crying was barely audible, as though Emma didn’t want them or anyone else to hear, it was one which Emma had learned to do at a very young age. It was the cry of a child who had learnt not to be heard or face the consequences.

Mary Margaret and David’s shared heart broke. They knew, yet again, that this wasn’t just about Emma having to use pullups during the night time, this was everything. This was Emma having been sent back in time and ending up as a toddler size child as a result, this was having to concentrate with all of her might to remember how to spell ‘how’, this was all the emotions which seemed to constantly be bubbling under the surface of her skin, this was the memories of her past behind her eyelids whenever she shut her eyes.

“It’s not.” Mary Margaret’s agreement was barely above a whisper, a shared statement which Mary Margaret yet again voiced on behalf of herself and David, and she meant everything Emma did, and more. She meant having to keep something from Emma, Emma having nightmares because she had grown up neglected and abused, Emma having had to grow up without them, Mary Margaret having to tell David to put Emma into the wardrobe in the stray hope that their new born baby who hadn’t even been given the opportunity to feed would not be killed, David having to put the baby into the wardrobe. And the fact that there was a possibility that they would be able to raise Emma and give her a happy childhood, but if that happened it was because they had lost the adult version of Emma, and so far, they had no way to stop that happening.

Emma resumed her position against David’s chest as she resumed her crying.

Mary Margaret rubbed Emma’s back, and David rocked her in his arms, trying to soothe her the best they could. The parents had tears in their eyes, they hadn’t needed a shared heart to feel the same when it came to their kids, particularly Emma.

Eventually Emma stopped crying but she stayed cuddled close to David. By now her medicine had worn off and her broken arm was starting to hurt once more, she held it instinctively towards her chest, she felt David rocking her and her mom rubbing her back making soothing shushing noises and gently assuring her that everything would be okay, Emma didn’t want this moment to end. “Okay.” Emma reluctantly agreed, finally, and she did not have to say what it was she was agreeing to.

David smiled softly at his daughter, he dropped another kiss to the top of Emma’s head, he could see his own small smile reflected on Mary Margaret’s face. “Good girl.” He squeezed her tight for a half second as Mary Margaret grabbed one of the pull ups. “Why don’t you let your mom go help you get changed and I’ll make some hot chocolates,” he saw her open her mouth and he smirked, “yes with cinnamon. You can take some medicine for your arm then we can all have our drinks and watch a movie.”

A small smile appeared on Emma’s face, it was barely visual, but it was there nonetheless. “Okay.” She agreed. “So long as we get cookies too.”

David smirked, he was never one to turn down cookies, whether they were for Emma or himself. “Deal.” He placed her into Mary Margaret’s arms and watched his wife carry his daughter up the stairs before setting about making the hot chocolates.

~OUAT~

Emma woke in the early hours, she had been having a bad dream, not up to the level of her previous nightmares, but bad enough that she didn’t want to go back to sleep in her room. She had dreamt that she had been living in the loft with her parents and brother, then suddenly Petunia, one of her old social workers, had turned up and taken her from the home, now when she shut her eyes all she could see was that huge file and hear the knock at the door. She shook her head to try and rid herself of the memory of the dream, it didn’t work, but it did spur her into action. Her bedroom was fairly light from the lamp which had been left on, so she was able to see as she put on the child size dressing gown her mom had bought her along with a pair of slippers. She grabbed her blanket and a flashlight which was on top of one of her bedside tables. She noticed her walkie talkie had found its way up to Emma’s room, no doubt put there by Mary Margaret, Emma placed it into her dressing gown pocket, finding comfort in its presence.

She walked down the stairs with her things, finding her way with the help of the flashlight, there had been a lamp left on in the kitchen but the loft was still rather dark, winter was close so the dark and cold had settled onto the town in a way it never had before Emma had moved there. She walked past the table on her way to the couch, she remembered that Henry had left his walkie talkie there, she knew it would be a while before her parents woke up so perhaps she could busy herself by texting him to let him know that he had left it… perhaps that way she could figure out why her literary skills had been playing up earlier, she hoped that it was just a one time thing, if not she had no idea what to do.

She placed her blanket down on the couch as she searched for her phone, she didn’t bother to turn on any lamps as she searched the tops of tables and usual cupboards and cabinets, she had no idea why the curse had equipped her mother with so many of them, they matched the higgledy piggled style of the loft, but it made searching a whole lot harder. She sighed and put the flashlight into her other pocket, it pointed up illuminating the room and shining around as she moved.

She looked at some of the more unusual cupboards. Eventually she got to one she couldn’t remember her mom ever using, it was in the style of a trunk like the ones people used to travel with in the olden days, or in Harry Potter, except it was upright and had drawers. She opened it up and shined her flashlight into it, not expecting much, then the light flickered to a big file, just like the one in her dream.

Her heart skipped a beat. No. It couldn’t be.

She placed the flashlight down on the ground so she could pick the file up. She grabbed it and sat on the ground, maybe it was all a misunderstanding, she hoped, but then she saw that her name was on the front. She flicked it open and found pages and pages full of numerous doctor’s notes and scans, x-rays, and results of other tests. She tried to read some of them as her mind raced with memories of files almost identical to this one appearing whenever she was about to be moved, often to some place much worse, because she had become too much bother. But she hadn’t… had she? Her eyes filled with tears which only made trying to read the typed writing even harder, the handwritten notes were near impossible, the file was too hard to hold and so all of the pages fell out of the manila folder along with photos of various injuries at various ages.

She picked up her flashlight, she wanted to know what was going on, to shout, to demand answers from her parents, hope for any reason which would wash away the worry she was being sent away. There was the only too familiar worry that she had done something which had made Mary Margaret and David decide that she was too much hassle, it didn’t take long before her mind drew its conclusions, after all they had a new born baby now that was a lot of work and stress, then all of a sudden she had been turned into the size of a toddler and seemed to be having the troubles of one too. She was too much for them to handle anymore. They didn’t sign up for this. The curse had broken, and she was twenty-eight, they wanted to stay in her life with her as an adult, an actual adult not an adult who couldn’t even work as she was the size of a three year old.

Her flashlight flashed back into the drawer and she spotted a familiar yellow fabric. It was only when she pulled it out that she realised that it was the same lion from the dream she had had earlier on. If her mind had been spinning before it was on a carousel now, one which was spinning out of control, she had thought that it had been a dream but now she wasn’t so sure. She had no idea what was going on. She tried to remember the morning or even the night before, David had said that she had woken up after a nightmare and gone to the laundry room, she couldn’t remember a second of it. But then she had a strange feeling that she had had a bad dream within that dream of her where she was a toddler with her parents… unless….

Could she be…. Was she…

She had been a child that morning without remembering it… she was turning into a child again.

She had no idea what she could do to stop it.

In her dream she had been happy, not a dream it had been real, with her parents and brother she had been happy.

She thought that they had all been happy. But evidently not.

She was too much for her parents to handle. They hadn’t signed up for this, they had her file, and were just waiting for her to be taken away. She would be gone by the end of the week.

She was not going to wait that long. She didn’t want to say goodbye to them, it would hurt too much. She’d find her own way to a different place, she’d run away, as she always did.

She was fighting tears as she placed the flashlight into her dressing gown pocket and grabbed her blanket. She didn’t want to leave, she didn’t want to leave the loft it was the first home she had ever known, and she didn’t want to leave her family they were her only one. But she clearly wasn’t making them happy, her being there, and she would do anything to make them happy or even to make them smile.

She walked to the door and was thankful that it was not locked. She managed to reach the door handle, she opened the door shivering as the hot air from the loft rushed out, she took a step into the hallway.

She looked back into the loft, she wanted her mom or dad to suddenly wake up, and rush to stop her to tell her that they love her, or for Neal to cry and wake them up, to stop her from having to run away. She needed, desperately needed in a way that she had never needed anything before, an explanation which wasn’t the same as she assumed and feared.

The loft was silent.

Emma closed the door of her one and only home behind her as she set off into the frozen night.

#Charming Family #The Charmings #Daddy Charming #Mama Snow #Emma Swan #David Nolan #Prince Charming #Mary Margaret Blanchard #Snow White #ouat #fanfiction #charming family fanfic #charming family ff #charming family feels #ouat ff #Regina Mills #Henry Mills

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