#and he keeps going at it. keeps telling me how fucning stupid i was i guess

[armandism]

not me crying because my fathers an asshole lmfao like whats new weve all known that

[t4lxs]

Update: I went away for the weekend with my boyfriend and our friend group, we rented a small house.

Me and my boyfriend were doing ‘it’ and he called me by the name of his ex. He said he was drunk and confused, it didn’t mean anything, but it just hurts like hell to think he could’ve been thinking about the girl I’m so jealous of. She’s so ducking skinny but still has a big ass, and since she’s on birth control she has boobs too. I want to sink thru the floor and suffocate. A few days before that he even commented about it (I posted abt that too) so he definitely noticed.

The 2nd night me and my friend were changing outfits in me and my boyfriend’s assigned room and I told her about the sex part. She took it as ‘he has feelings’ when he told me (I’m sure of it myself) that there are none, so our miscommunication led to a secret spilling that she was supposed to keep. My boyfriend apparently cracked his ex’s back (he does that by standing really close behind you, and since her ass is so big I’m sure they touched, I want to die) and my friend said that ex FELT something (emotionally, not physically. If it was physically I would’ve jumped off a cliff by now) and got reminded of their time together. She was mumbling cuz she was drunk but she said that her reply to something ex said was my boyfriend would never leave me for ex. So what the duck did ex say that made my friend say that back? I hate her but I don’t but I hate her so much. This means she’s ducking interested in him again and I really don’t want that. I trust him but not her

Also, ex always makes a competition about stupid stuff. Like, this weekend we tied in a board game and whenever she won we stopped playing. When I won, we went on on till she won. It’s just so minor but it’s with everything we do and it’s triggering me. Not to sound messed up but she can starve herself for days when I can’t, so she’s even better at disordered eating than me. This weekend they also made a joke about gag reflexes (for the life of me can’t tell you why) and she said she had none. I said that I’m also weirdly good at that. She said it’s because of her bulimia. I said same. She shrugged it off and walked away. Does that make sense? She always has to be better at everything, whether it’s something positive or negative.

I just wish she wasn’t apart of our friend group. I like her because we can get along and she’s quite funny, but I hate her so so much because she reminds me of everything I’m insecure of + the fact that she’s my boyfriend’s ex and might even be interested again. How do I even compete with her? She always wins anyways

I know no one is going to read this but I just want to DUCKING scream my lungs out

When I told my boyfriend about how I felt he said the most important thing should be that he loves ME. I know this but I don’t care, I don’t want anyone in our friend group to have a crush on my boyfriend, especially not his ducking ex who’s DUCJINFN PERFECT. Before that me and a guy (who used to like me, but he’s now crushing on a girl that came along on the trip) were hanging out together but since he was drunk he didn’t get the hint that I wanted him to leave, don’t get me wrong, we had fun and he’s funny but I don’t want to give him the wrong idea. But apparently when I told my boyfriend about my feelings he asked me if I hung out with guy friend to make HIM jealous and get back at him for whatever he did with his ex. FUCK I can’t get over that, why is it always that you don’t trust me but I’m just supposed to fucning trust you in every way? Why would I want to make you jealous and why do you always make shit about you? Fuck I cried and I just I couldn’t even tell him why. He started saying stuff like ur the sweetest ur the best I love you ur way better than ex ur way prettier u have a way better body etc etc and THEN, can you guess what he fucking says??? ‘You’re the way better version of ex.’ How can this man fuck everything up even more I hate it I hate it I hate this I hate everything I KNOw ur fucning drunk but you’re only saying stuff that confirms my worries

I’m sorry for this rant I always try to make it readable and use grammar but I’m so emotional and angry right now I don’t even use fuck I always type duck but I’m so in my feels

Can you believe he called me ex’s name TWICE?? I know he was drunk he was confused he didn’t mean it he even took me to another room to apologise because he knows it hurt me and I don’t want him to feel bad but FUCKCNFHC FUCKFUCK agsgxgdhdhg during SEX you call me HER NAME what do you want me to think???? I hate everything I hate my face my jaw my double chin my nose is fucning huge and I always have dark circles my hair is so awkwardly long and my posture sucks and my fucning teeth stick out when I laugh and my nose flares when I laugh or cry or am out of breath and my shoulders are so fucking broad that I literally look like a dude but I have no ass so my rib cage and my back are fucking huge everything on my body moves when I walk and I’m so fuCKING TALL so I can’t ever really be cute and petite or 110 lbs and I just want to die but if I die they’re gonna put my pictures on display and I’ll even be fucking ugly and fat in death and reminded that way forever