#and he kept complimenting my voice which was nice bc i am still insecure over it

[callixton]

i adore my department head to death but i do wish she wasn’t so transphobic. hurts sometimes

[pies-writes-and-more]

HIHIHI I HAVE A REQUEST IF YOURE UP FOR IT KASJHDASKD i was wondering if you could do tsukishima, akaashi, and kageyama (you dont have to do all of them if you dont want to) with a s/o who loves giving affection but doesn't really take it *seriously* when they recieve it? like they think that the character is joking bc they could never actually be that amazing? (sry if this made absolutely no sense just ignore it if you want kaskjasd)

Warnings: potentially some swearing, Akaashi saying “good girl” which I do think deserves a warning, Y/N having some insecure moments, but all fluffy endings promise!

Characters: Tsukishima Kei, Akaashi Keiji, & Kageyama Tobio, all with a fem!Reader

A/N: okay @lucyheartfilias-wife i know this took foREVER for me to finish and I’m so sorry xD but i kept going back and forth between ideas so this is what we ended up with! I hope they’re decent enough!! <3 Not of the following gifs are mine! Creds to the original creators :)

Haikyuu Masterlist

Tsukishima Kei

If Tsukishima knew one thing, it was that he was a lucky boy. Somehow he had managed to make a girl who was probably made of sunshine and rainbows, like him back and somehow figured out how to keep you around.

Although he always had an annoyed look on his face when they did, anytime the team asked about you or mentioned you to him, he was always happy to subtly brag about you.

“Our little Tsukishima has grown up hasn’t he?” Sugawara laughed, slapping pats to the back of the tall first year. “You’re not blackmailing her are you?” Tsukishima just rolled his eyes in response.

“It must be nice to have such a pretty girl around!” Noya whined loudly, punching the wall angrily.

“It is,” Tsukishima smirked, enjoying the immediate anger that Noya tried to turn on him. Daichi held the wild libero back with an exasperated smiled, shaking his head.

“She’s really smart too isn’t she?” Hinata gaped, having only really heard of this girl that Tsukishima was dating but Yamaguchi said it was a girl in their class so she had to be smart.

“Anyone’s smart compared to you,” Tsukishima scoffed but shrugged. “She’s the top of our class.”

Everyone made sounds of excitement and surprise, the upperclassmen nodding in approval, “Who knew this salty bean pole could find someone smart and pretty to like him back?” Tanaka snickered and Tsukishima just rolled his eyes.

You hadn’t meant to overhear the conversations happening in the club room but you were just waiting for your boyfriend against the railing. To say you were a bit embarrassed was an understatement. And that embarrassment was probably written all over your face because when Tsukishima finally came out, his cheeks turned pink seeing your expression.

“What?” He asked after a beat, avoiding your eyes as he started to walk towards the stairs.

“You know you don’t have to lie to your teammates right?” You asked him eventually, giving him a small smile. “I’m sure they know you’re just being nice.”

For once, you had actually surprised Tsukishima. Normally he could tell exactly what you were thinking but this time, he actually stopped in his steps and looked at you like you had grown a second head in the last few moments.

“Lie?” He asked, tilting his head up in thought before scoffing a bit, “What part of what I said was a lie? For that matter, how much of that nonsense did you hear?”

The word nonsense rang in your ear repeatedly, echoing all your insecurities further into your subconscious, “I dunno, how much were you saying?” You retorted, glancing at him with a shrug. “Come on, I wanna get home before it gets too dark,” you decided when he didn’t answer right away. The two of you started walking, Tsukishima clearly deep in thought because for once on your way home, he wasn’t complaining about the boys or listening to music. He was just… walking.

“When did I lie?” He finally asked at your doorstep, as if realizing if he didn’t ask now, he never would. He grabbed your wrist before you could turn away and leave without answering him, tugging you closer so he could look right into your eyes (he could always tell when you were lying to him).

“What?” You squirmed a bit. You knew exactly what he was asking but did you really want to admit it?

“You said I lied to my teammates. What did I lie about?” His frown was tight, eyes as serious as ever. “I’ve been thinking about everything I said to them and I can’t think of a lie that I told. Was it about everyone being smarter than Hinata? Because I really was telling the truth.” The little smirk at the end made you feel like he was trying to keep this lighthearted. But the topic weighed so heavily on both your shoulders.

You could feel Tsukishima keeping your gaze right on him, and knew if you looked away, he might just get more upset. So you were forced to just look at him awkwardly, as if he was looking through your very thoughts.

“I asked you out didn’t I?” He continued when you didn’t respond right away. “Doesn’t that make you my girlfriend?”

You let out a little laugh, surprised that that’s what he had come up with after that very silent walk home. “Yeah, I suppose so,” you smiled, finally pulling your eyes away from him and staring at your hands as you fiddled with your fingers.

“So what-”

“They’re just being nice,” you tried to tell him awkwardly, cutting him off from asking one more time. “I’m not… I’m not everything they’re pretending I am. And you don’t have to keep up the charade with them.”

Tsukishima’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, what charade could you possibly be talking about.

“I know I’m not as pretty as your managers,” you explained quietly. “And I’m sure being surrounded by them all the time has got you having some high expectations and standards for girls. That’s why I was surprised when you asked me out… but I know it’s probably just cause we’re always together and we study together. I know I’m pretty helpful when it comes to schoolwork so-”

Tsukishima started laughing. Like genuinely, throwing his head back, from the bottom of his belly kind of laugh. Your eyes widened as you watched this normally cool and collected idiot snicker himself practically to death.

“T-Tsukishima?” You blinked, poking him a little to make sure he wasn’t just having some sort of weird seizure.

He finally ran out of breath, standing back up straighter than ever and hitting the top of your head (not as gently as he should’ve, how rude), “Listen here, shortie,” he huffed, leaning down slightly so you were forced to look at him. “I have high standards for anyone I even keep around me. The only one who’s exceeded my standards for dating though, is you.”

You watched him, blinking nervously as if he was going to laugh in your face again and tell you it was a joke.

“I didn’t lie to them, idiot,” he shook his head, flicking your forehead. “You’re way too pretty to be as self-conscious as you are.”

Words would never solve your self-consciousness, you knew this. But if there was ever a moment that would ever come close - it would be this one.

“Go inside alright,” he grinned at you, pressing a quick kiss to your forehead and shoving you closer to your door. “And the next time I compliment you, you better accept it.”

You couldn’t even retort anything back before he ushered you inside, gave you a cheeky wink, and started to head home.

You were still very bad at accepting Tsukishima’s compliments and almost felt tortured with how much he could try to get you to understand how much he loved you. So naturally, Tsukishima just did it more and more.

Everything you did became a compliment, just to make you all hot headed and make him chuckle. He would praise you for being one of the smartest people he knew after a test or assignment, he’d say you were the cutest person up on the stands after his volleyball games, would just shower you in aggressive amounts of affection (well aggressive for him).

And then one day…

One day you day you didn’t fight back as much. And Tsukishima just smiled because he would never say anything to you he didn’t mean.

Akaashi Keiji

Akaashi was literally an embodiment of everything that someone could want. He was calm and wonderfully humble, his voice was like a mellow song that you could fall asleep to and he had the most amazing biceps that just made your heart flutter every time you saw them.

He was everything you could ever dream of which was both incredible… and not at the same time. It almost hurt to know that he was this unobtainable boy standing near you. Sure, you were dating - but how long until he realized you were beneath him? How much longer would it take him to realize that there was better.

You couldn’t hide these thoughts from Akaashi and more often than not, he’d give you a look like I know what you’re thinking, stop that, and then tell you he loves you before you just nod and smile and try to focus on something else. He’d let it go there, but he’d probably spend the rest of the day with you trying to convince you he really meant it.

But today he wasn’t next to you to read your face. Today, he was going to be down on that court, showing off his incredible reflexes and sports ability, and you would be up here. Blending in with the crowd. You were a filler character - something to fill the stands with and not be noticed. Unoriginal. Boring.

“Y/N!” Bokuto ran to you, grinning as wide as ever. “Look what I brought you!” He held up Akaashi’s jacket happily, waving it over his head as he jumped up and down in front of you.

You tried to put on a smile, as if you hadn’t just been spinning in your insecurities a few seconds ago. Your eyes focused on the jacket that Bokuto was trying to put on you, blinking as you came to the realization that he had 100% stolen this from your boyfriend without his knowledge, “Bokuto, won’t he need this?” You offered with a small laugh.

He shook his head with a grin, “He practically discarded it somewhere. I thought I’d come bring it to you! It would probably make him super happy to see you in his jacket! And you look so cute in our colours!” Bokuto declared, patting your head. You tried to start telling him that he should bring it back and that you weren’t really sure Akaashi would want you wearing it, but suddenly you could hear his coach on the court screaming from him to get his ass back down there. “Whoops! Gotta run! Cheer hard for us!” Bokuto gave you a thumbs up before running down.

You stood there for a moment, face feeling hot as you start to smell Akaashi’s scent on the jacket. How did he manage to smell this good all the time?

You could hear whispers from people in the stands, some people wondering who you were or if you were Bokuto or Akaashi’s girlfriend, since it was Bokuto who gave you the jacket.

All the ruckus from his coach made Akaashi actually look over, smirking a bit while Bokuto was getting scolded. He sheepishly made his way over, trying to seem all innocent to his best friend.

“Where the hell even were you?” Akaashi asked, throwing him a toss as the boys warmed up.

“Oh! Just dropping something off to Y/N for you!” Bokuto grinned, nodding in your direction as he received the ball nice and high.

Akaashi shouldn’t have looked over. But he did. His eyes locked onto you and saw you in his jacket and for a moment, he definitely spaced out. His whole brain was just thinking about you and nothing else and he didn’t knock himself out of it until Bokuto’s pass knocked him right in the head.

“Akaashi! Are you okay?” Bokuto laughed, knowing the pass had been pretty soft. Akaashi’s cheeks turn a bit pink as he shook it off, running after the ball.

You were wearing his jacket. And you looked so good in it.

After a complete win for the game, Akaashi was so hyped up to see you. You had worn his jacket the whole game and he had to avoid looking at you because you were just so distracting.

But now that it was over, he wanted nothing more than to swoop you into a hug and admire you. You gave him a huge grin when you caught up with the team, excitedly cheering them for their win and giving Bokuto high fives.

Akaashi watched you with a small smile on his face. You glanced over at him and gave a nervous sort of smile, noting there was a difference in how he was looking at you. “Oh! Here, you’ll get cold soon when your adrenaline stops pumping,” you said, pulling the jacket off.

“It’s alright,” he insisted, smirking a bit down at you. “You look gorgeous, I don’t want you to take it off,” he admitted with a smile, patting your head adoringly.

Your face gets all hot again, avoiding his eyes quickly, “Alright alright, Mr. High Off Of A Win,” you laughed nervously, poking at his chest gently. He raised an eyebrow at your dismissive behaviour.

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t go spreading stuff that isn’t true,” you shrugged, shoving your hands in the jacket pocket. Sure, you liked the jacket but there was no way you were as pretty as he was making you out to be. Gorgeous? No way.

Akaashi’s eyes darkened slightly hearing this, taking your chin into his fingers and tilting your chin up so you were forced to look at him, “You think I’d lie to you?”

The question made you shrink inside, noting his hardened expression. He didn’t like it when you were hard on yourself, always made you notice all the little great things about you. But this wasn’t a private conversation, and people were starting to stare, which just made your face go even warmer. “N-No,” you mumble out shyly, trying to look away but he kept your gaze.

“Good girl,” he smirked at you, tapping your nose gently, “Now take the compliment. And wear my jacket more often, alright?”

You couldn’t help but nod at that point, Akashi smiling in his satisfaction before dragging you off for the team’s celebratory meal. The pit in your stomach that liked to tell you you were a filler character was slightly less intense now, after talking to your boyfriend. Akaashi had such an effect on you and there was no denying it. How could a guy like that be with a girl like you, you would never understand. But there was such an honesty in his eyes, and he was right after all, he wasn’t the type to lie about these things… so maybe. Just maybe. There was some truth to it.

Kageyama Tobio

Kageyama wasn’t the best at noticing hints and subtle things, and honestly, he’d rather if people were just blunt and to the point with him. But with you, he knew that he would have to learn between the lines. It wasn’t because you weren’t great at communication (and let’s be honest, even if you were bad at it, Kageyama was in NO place to call you out on that), but rather, Kageyama understood that at some point in relationships, it was important to see what the other person wanted.

So when he started really trying to read you, he found himself almost discouraged by a reoccurring instance.

It was real subtle at first, and in that moment, Kageyama probably wouldn’t have noticed. But he probably just smile at you and press a kiss to your forehead, thanking you for always thinking of him.

“You’re always so thoughtful, Y/N. I appreciate what you do for me,” he told you, almost like he was thanking a teacher for their help on homework which just made you laugh.

“Don’t be silly, Kageyama, it’s just a milk box,” you insisted, giving a little wave to his teammates before he left.

But it wasn’t just a milk box and even Kageyama could see that. He had forgotten his lunch today and you had shared yours with him. But he always had a milk with his lunch and you didn’t have one, but he didn’t have the chance to actually buy one before he had to head back to classes. He didn’t think he had mentioned anything about the milk, or even hesitated to eat without it. But you had still gone out of your way to buy one for him and bring it to him after classes.

You had even apologized that it was later than he usually had his milk, as if you should’ve known to get it earlier. Kageyama was amazed that you even went and bought him one. He held the box in his hands for a moment before getting called over to start practice, promising himself to have the drink right after practice.

It wasn’t just that you brushed off his appreciation for what you did for him. Kageyama always felt something was wrong when he complimented you. So much so, he had to awkwardly ask his upperclassmen for help.

“Oh our little Kageyama needs help with his girlfriend hmmm?” Tanaka laughed, hands on his hips like he was some sort of relationship expert.

“I dunno why you’d come to us,” Daichi admitted with a smirk, leaning against a nearby wall as he considered the question. “It’s not like any of us are really all that experienced with girls.”

“But you know how to… communicate,” Kageyama explained, playing with his fingers as he shyly stared at the floor. “I’m just worried I’m… doing that thing that Hinata says I do. Where I think I’m complimenting her but I’m actually hurting her.”

Sugawara chuckled and threw his arm around his first year’s neck, fluffing up his hair playfully, “Aw! Little Tobio is growing up!”

“What kinds of things are you saying to her?” Asahi asked, offering Kageyama a smile as the blueberry boy tried to fix his now messed up hair.

Kageyama thought about it for a moment, not having to think that far back to remember an example. “This morning, she was wearing her hair differently,” Kageyama told them, gesturing towards his hair as if to act out how her hair was. “And I told her she looked very pretty.”

The boys just looked at him, as if expecting for there to be more. “Okay and?” Noya piped up, shrugging.

“That’s it,” Kageyama blinked. “Should I have said something else?”

“Why would you say something else, Kageyama?” Daichi raised an eyebrow, noting the distress in the setter’s eyes.

Kageyama huffed, remembering how you awkwardly turned away, as if he had said something brash, “She just said ‘you don’t have to do that, Kageyama’ and changed the subject. But I don’t know what she meant. Was… Was I not supposed to tell her? She did look very pretty but should I have kept that to myself?”

Sugawara gave him a sympathetic smile, “I think you did fine, Kageyama, don’t worry! Maybe she was just embarrassed.”

The others agreed, Tanaka explaining to him that some people were bashful when it came to their appearances.

“But she’s the most perfect being in the whole country!” Kageyama burst out, his forehead creased with concern. “Why shouldn’t I tell her?”

“Just in the country?” Asahi chuckled and Sugawara smacked his arm.

“Don’t tease him, I don’t think Kageyama has ever left the country!”

“Maybe she’s just not used to you complimenting her. Like how you weren’t too used to holding hands with her at the beginning of your relationship,” Daichi offered, remembering how red the boy’s face was you first took his hand at a tournament. He didn’t even know he had to hold your hand back and just had his hand staying there stiff.

Kageyama nodded slowly - he could understand that. It just took some time and then he was okay with it eventually. Now he would grab your hand out of instinct and it wasn’t something foreign to him.

After talking to his upperclassmen, Kageyama felt a little better. Perhaps it wasn’t his words then, maybe he just had to do it more.

But after a week of trial and error, Kageyama still couldn’t understand why you still seemed so uncomfortable. The day after consulting the second and third years, Kageyama had told you he really liked the way you hummed and that you had a really nice voice (he really did like it, it was his favourite thing to listen to).

But you just flickered your eyes away from him, offering a nervous laugh, “It’s nothing,” you mumbled before quickly asking him about his practice schedule.

So Kageyama thought maybe you just didn’t like talking about your singing. So when the two of you were studying, you noticed his laser focus wasn’t on his work but instead on you. His eyes were so trained on you, it was like how he was on the volleyball court.

“Kageyama?” You blinked in surprise, catching him staring at you. “Are you alright?”

“You’re really smart, Y/N!” He blurted out, a firm nod afterwards like confirming what he was saying. “I appreciate you always coming to help me work!”

But you just squirmed in your seat, turning your eyes back to your work, “I really don’t know all that much.”

It had been a week of this back and forth, Kageyama desperately trying to find what was going on. Was it him? Was he just not using the right words? Could he actually be being really rude and didn’t realize it? Was it his face? Was he supposed to smile more?

Finally, Kageyama felt like he was at the end of his rope. He didn’t know what to do now.

“The sunset is really pretty today!” You beamed as the two of you walked home from his practice. He glanced over and noticed the brilliant colours in the sky. It looked nice sure, but how could you understand that that looked pretty and you didn’t?

“I think you’re prettier.” He stated simply. Kageyama didn’t really know what lines were cheesy and what weren’t. But you did and your face just overheated immediately in response.

“K-Kageyama, don’t say things like that!” You insisted, staring to walk ahead.

“Wait!” Kageyama yelped, grabbing onto your wrist and pulling you back to him. “What am I doing wrong?” he asked you desperately, his eyes wide and searching yours for some sort of answers.

You stared at him for a moment, confused by his words, “Wrong?” You repeated softly, noticing how upset he looked.

“I…” Kageyama’s voice faltered as he watched your eyes. “I keep trying to tell you how amazing you are. You do all these things for me, you help me when I’m upset and you always help me train. You throw balls for me and Hinata, even when you’d rather be at home. You call me during my jogs just to keep me company. You bring me milk when I forget mine. And you always compliment me when I’m feeling like I’m not 100%… so what am I doing wrong? Because everything I say to you… it doesn’t seem to work.”

Something in you clicked. Is this why Kageyama had been acting so weird this week?

“Kageyama… I do all that because I like you and I want you to be your best,” you explained softly. “And I compliment you because I mean it! Not because I’m trying to make you feel better. Or try to boost your self-esteem.”

There was something in your tone that Kageyama couldn’t place. What was that in your voice?

“Why are you sad when I try to tell you things?” Kageyama was practically begging you for an answer. He didn’t understand how to read things from your tone, he wanted to desperately to understand but he just couldn’t grasp it. “Sugawara told me that complimenting people on things makes them feel good… am I doing it wrong? Please just tell me, I’ll be better! I’ll be the best boyfriend!”

Your smile was almost sad and Kageyama’s heart tugged a little in his chest, “I don’t want you to say things because you feel like you have to say them,” you sighed softly, now avoiding his eyes. “I know my hair is a mess most of the time, I know that my singing isn’t some professional level shit, and I know I’m not the model kind of girl or those gorgeous girls who come to your games. I don’t need you to try and convince me otherwise…”

Kageyama’s mind felt like it was blowing up. What were you talking about?

“Don’t be so stupid,” Kageyama whined, huffing at you and poking your forehead, “You think I’m lying about these things? You think I say them because I feel like I have to?” Kageyama shook his head, taking your face into his hands. “I’m not the best with words, I know this. But you are…” Kageyama’s face twisted into a funny expression as he tried to find the words he wanted, “the most perfect thing. You’re like when I make a perfect set and the spike goes right past the blockers!”

You couldn’t help but smile as he went on talking about volleyball. You weren’t surprised - he often related things to volleyball to understand better.

“You… are the perfect jump serve. Seeing you is like I’m winning full sets at Nationals!” He expressed, looking at you with wide eyes in hopes you were understanding. “I’m not trying to make you feel better about yourself, Y/N. You are everything I could possibly want. You make me feel like volleyball isn’t the only thing that matters anymore. I want to hear you sing all the time and I love your hair no matter how you think it looks.”

Your eyes were welling up with tears as he spoke dramatically, looking up at the sky as if that would help him figure out his sentences better. When he finally looked back at you, he jumped back almost immediately in fear.

“N-No! Don’t cry! I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have brought up volleyball again! I-”

You laughed and quickly shook your head, grasping his hands in yours, “Happy tears, Kageyama,” you explained softly, almost immediately burying your face in his chest as you drew him closer for a hug. “Thank you,” you whisper.

Kageyama wasn’t really sure what you were thanking him for but he hugged you tightly anyways. He hated seeing you cry and he would squeeze them all out of you until there was none left if he had to. “You are very pretty.” He stated, pressing a kiss to your head.

And this time, you didn’t argue. You just stayed there in his arms, and listened to the genuineness in his voice.

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[viperssvenom]

Slept over baby boy’s Friday and Saturday. I wasn’t supposed to sleep over but I got to and I’m so happy I did. Friday night we watched some basketball, cuddled, and talked about my blog. I also let him go through my notes and bby boy found the note with all of my dreams and he saw the 4/19/17 one. We talked about it for a while, and then he said I love you first. I almost actually cried lmao. he said it again when we were kissing and said how good it felt to say it, and I agreed, I love you so much baby boy. He also told how he knew he loved me from the day we went to Bella and when he walked me home and I called him to make sure he was okay. After talking about that, I showed him some of my blog. I told him up to the picture of us and he went like two posts past that lmaoooo. AHHH he also read my notes for him, w/ the list of why he’s the bestest and he read what I wrote about him “settling” and he told me he wasnt just “setting” for me. He told me that even if he was, he wouldn’t want to be with anyone else anyways. I don’t remember much of what else happened, but I think we just went to sleep after that. I love sleeping next to baby boy so much 😭. I love that whenever we sleep together we have to hold hands, not just one, but both hands lmao. I also love waking up next to him, it feels so nice lol. But when we woke up, the first thing we did was watch get out. The movie wasn’t as good as it was hyped up to be, and it was a lot funnier than it was scary, but it’s categorized as horror??!? but then, we watched Star Wars: ep VII with Philip, and it was a pretty good movie. Finally met bb-8 tho, he’s (??) so cute lmao. But we fell asleep during the middle of the movie :) I was out like a light lmaoo. But when I woke up we finished watching Star Wars, then we went to get Wendy’s and I swear it wasn’t raining when we were walking to Wendy’s, but it definitely was raining when we were walking back. lmao, ray if you’re reading this, I’m not taking that back! Love you thooo. We went outside for a while after he got Philip into bed. I could tell he was upset, so I just hugged him and let him talk when he was ready. I’m not going to lie, it was hard for me to listen to him because I wanted/ want to help and i didn’t know how to. For now, the most I can do is keep baby boy calm when I can, and talk to Philip and check up on him when I can. Saturday night, we went to sleep very late again lmao. baby boy gave me space to do my homework, so I worked on that until like 1 am. After that, baby boy suggested to practice dancing, and I refused bc I cannot dance lmaoo, so then he asked me what I wanted to do and I suggested a scary movie, but he didn’t want to watch one 😭😭 but then I remembered he said we would watch a Jenna marbles’ video, so thats what we did. He still didn’t laugh as much, smh. but after that, he also still didn’t want to watch a scary movie, so I asked him what he wanted to do and he said go through his tag 😭😭 but I let him anyways lmao. I told him not to comment on anything, and he did anyways lmao. basically he said he felt the same for most of what I wrote. and idk, it just feels nice to have finally shown him, but at the same time very embarrassing lmao. After he read everything, he went through his tag again and commented on stuff esp parts where I talked down on myself. But before that, I’m pretty sure we talked about him overthinking, and how he worries that maybe we’re just getting along because he’s my first and that he’s afraid someone might come along and do it better. But, I just want him to know that I love him so much for reasons I can’t explain. I just love him for him, maybe one day I will be able to explain it though, because I want him to know why I do. and there is no one on this earth that I would rather be with, spend my weekends with, walk around town for closed ice cream shops, FaceTime late at night, and sleep next to. After talking about his insecurities, we talked about mine, most importantly my stomach. He told me my body is beautiful, and I know he thinks that and wants me to remember that, and I will remember that, but I want to be able to accept my body without needing other people’s opinions about it and needing other people to compliment me for me to feel good about myself. Bc I was sitting facing him, he laid me down and pulled my shirt up to show me that my stomach was literally nothing, I still don’t feel like it’s nothing, but I have been feeling better about it since. Also, he had his hand on my stomach when he said it, and it felt nice. I love whenever he puts his hands on my stomach or my back, it just feels really nice lmaoo. but then after that we both agreed not to talk about poopy stuff anymore so he suggested dancing again and I told him I would dance if it was on the couch, so we danced while sitting on the couch lmaooo. he let me play my music so I played some songs off of digital druglord, ballerina by belly, some of his songs of choice, and then cherry hill by russ 👀😜 LMAO. towards the end of the song we started to kiss and then it got pretty intense (in a good way). he felt my boobs and kept asking me if it was okay and I told him yes everytime, but he was still nervous lmao. At first it did feel weird bc it was new for the both of us lmaooo. but after a while I got used to it and it felt nice, mostly bc I love having his hands on me. he told me like twice to move my hands lmaoooooo, I didnt want to move them because I didnt want to let go of him lmao. but he laid me down a few times and each time he did, I could feel how fast his heart was beating, I was going to point it out but I didnt because I didnt want to ruin the moment, plus I love listening to his heart beat, esp when we’re just chilling. But anywayss, yeah so we were getting pretty into it and at one point he lifted up my shirt and asked me if it was okay, I said yes and then he proceeded to kiss my boobs lol, it was nice but also awkward, so we just laughed it out lmao. but thats basically what we did for like 45 minutes lmaoo. During that time though, he also kept asking me how far and I didnt know what to say, and I still dont lmao, but he said that sex was not an option and honestly I am relieved he clarified that lmao. But after that, I sat on his lap again and then we talked about how we might not get that kind of chance again because its going to be harder to slip away and sleep over his house once ate is outtie :(. But then we went to sleep, and all I can remember is laying on top of him and then falling asleep like that and then sometime in between that switching back to our normal position lmao. Last night when we were talking about consent and everything, he told me how he wanted to be transparent about everything between us, and I appreciate it so much. like he’s not afraid to talk about anything with me, and I wish it was as easy for me to talk to him about things as it is for him to talk to me. Also bby boy said how he thinks there’s nothing to be embarrassed about, regarding his tag, but uhhh it’s pretty corny sooo yaah also, he commented on the post where I said he is out of my league and told me it was the other way around, but false because he’s too lovely  he also said how he’s considered dating me even before Matt’s party, but like I can’t imagine why before Matt’s party bc I don’t think id ever really spent time with him before then

On Sunday morning though, I woke up to him holding my face and also felt him trying to hold my hands. I also love when he does that because I love knowing he’s there even if I am already laying down next to him. he asked me what the best part of waking up was and I said I don’t know and he said waking up next to me 😭😭😭 I don’t remember what else happened but I remember him asking to send himself some posts so I let him and he said that he’d consider starting to write stuff too. When he was going through my blog, he saw the post about the phone call from when we went to the diner, and he said how he did say “love you” 😭😭 ALSO HE COMMENTED ON THE POST WHERE I SAID HIS VOICE IS SEXY LMAOO and then teased me about the abs post, boy I should have never posted it lmaooo. but then we chilled for a little bit, and watched one punch man, and I got hungry before we were supposed to leave so I asked to eat and we made lo mein, and ah the asian jokes will never get old lmaoo. but we ate and watched some more Star Wars. while we were eating though I saw him picking at his thumb and I saw how bad it was (the worst I have seen it yet) and I got worried and tried to get him to stop but he said he does it whenever he’s stressed, so I left him to it for a little bit, but then he kept picking at it more and I got upset and tried not to stress but got really sad when he said it was time to go home, I don’t know why but those words just triggered something to make me really sad, not about going home but more of leaving baby boy. he pulled me into the kitchen and I couldn’t pull myself to tell him what was on my mind. I told him we should start going, but he said he wasn’t moving until I told him so we just stood there in each other’s arms for a while. and I tried to go into the living room again, but he sat down and pulled me to him so we just stayed there for a while again. But I still couldn’t tell him, so I went into the living room and I got my stuff ready and put the dishes in the sink and walked over to baby boy again. He got up tho bc I tried to walk away again and told him that it was nothing, but then he told me that I was killing him by not telling him and that hurt me a little so I hugged him and he let me write out what was bothering me, which was his thumb and how it just felt like a minor form of self harm to me. But he told me that it was nothing to worry about and how its been like that since he could remember, but it still worries me. after we got that over with though, we starting walking to my house. I still think my way is faster but imma let bby boy rock lmaoo. but we got to mcquillan and I still didnt want to leave him but he’s going to be outtie at the end of this week and I will get to see him on Friday so I feel a little better about that. but that was my weekend, pretty much a rollercoaster of everything lmao. 

oo also, he also pointed out how I called him baby boy on my posts even before we established it lmaoooo oops also there was a point before we talked about our insecurities where we talked about uuuuhhhhhhhhhh (forgotti what I was going to say) oo, but we do pretty much have our handshake down tho, its litttyy also going through his phone was really nice. to see that he saves legit every picture he takes of me/ we take together lmao he said he could tell I was dreaming, but honestly I can’t remember lmaooo walked me home, when I got home, I jumped into bed and hugged my body pillow. closed my eyes for a few and thought I was still at baby boys :/ he also plays with my earrings, I don’t know why or how but it makes me happy lmao Also I love looking into his eyes just bc their beautiful lmao ahhhh we also talked about college difficulties, like how its going to be a lot harder to see each other but he said we would figure it out and said he’d even take the train for me :// also every time I say “ow” he apologizes even tho like he knows he only “hit” me lightly, idk why but I think its funny lmao he’s only “thi” lmaooo also baby boy wrote his own <3 lol i shall go into further detail in other post, maybeee….  baby boy also made sure that we didnt go to sleep without saying I love you to each other <3 after crying about myself baby boy kissed me and I told him how he had just kissed snot and idk it was just really cute because he would literally do anything/ risk anything just to kiss me when he can lmao also there was a point when ray walked downstairs shirtless and I looked up and it was awkward bc he just goes “hey” and was like “hi” but in my head I was going “asdfghjjk oooo dsddyy ???!!!!!!! 👀👀” LMFAOOO Im going to get teased about this too when he reads this 😭 baby boy also pointed out the old spice post lmfaooo. And then he also pointed out the “you feel like home” post and when we were hugging, he said “this is home” 😢😢😢😢😢 after we told each other I love you, baby boy was like if I had known this all along I would have checked your phone a long time ago 😭

I love you so so much baby boy