#and honestly killing off anna good call bc i do love her w all my heart and immediate heartwrenching effect

[chintzwife]

okay i saw people on here mention cinderwings one too many times and i streamed it all day today all like 181k words or whatever and. GOLD

[clarenecessities]

5/1/17

son i have just had the most delightful day of my got damn life. i know a daily clare post where i’m not just complaining about my life in unnecessary detail is unusual but honestly i just had a swell time

we had language class this morning & admittedly i did ask way too many questions and tell a girl she was pretty bc i have no filter when i’m tired (she is pretty, it was just a weird time to say it)  but i learned a whole bunch! sean has been good with like, maidin mhaith and such but most of it is in one ear and out the other (except conjugation, which is blessedly simple) but we have a new teacher up from teelin & she has us repeat stuff like, excessively. it’s actually pretty reassuring. icr what she was having us chant but at one point we were just going in like gregorian style.

only complaint about anna (the new teacher) is that her accent is different from sean’s so she says ‘dh’ as a [Ghy] instead of a [dJ] so simple shit like “god” and “second” is absolutely fucked. i’m hoping she’ll give us some leeway bc i learned from the Horslips if we’re being quite honest. she’s really adorable though--she taught us how to say we were tired (thank god; a sentence i can use) and she was like miming falling asleep. Ta.. tuirseach oram, i think? she didn’t spell it for us but sean said she’ll teach me on wednesday how to spell everything so i’m flying blind for a while.

we went up the cliffs to look at the napoleon-watch tower--it was pretty chill but the journey nearly killed me. between classes i went up to the store & got some deodorant and a popsicle-thing (it sucked, it was like unsweetened frozen orange juice) and the deodorant here is weird it’s all either spray on or roll-on liquid, so it feels like you’ve just put mosquito repellent on your armpits lmao. anyway yeah it was about four miles but it was a little too steep for a malnourished cripple such as myself to tackle on pepsi & popsicle alone. only fell once though, and saw a load of sheep. the girl who i inadvertently complimented taught me about flowers (i asked the name for harebell because i’d forgotten it, and then i was like “hey what’s this one! what’s this one) which made me feel better bc i’d been a bit worried i’d made her uncomfortable. she was singing a song from the last unicorn at one point & we ended up gushing about that for a bit.

up at the top, when we got to the tower, a small parade of our classmates attempted to scale the side & get up to the door (about ten feet) while our guide was distracted--he hadn’t told us not to do it, he just went back for stragglers and didn’t see. we were all sort of standing around speculating & saying it looked like reasonable holds but nobody really wanted to try after the hike, except, cue hunter, the oft-pseudo-offensive manchild i grow less fond of every day (yesterday he was saying sauron was the good guy & like while it was clearly to ‘troll’ people he was also saying some straight up fascist shit in his too-well-assembled arguments). anyway hunter got up onto the pile of rocks, reached the handholds, and immediately surrendered, saying he’d do it the day he could do two chinups. next up was ben, who was volunteered by a few of us because he’s tall and relatively strong--he also got his hands in the holds, but retired immediately on the basis of being too lazy to actually haul himself up. third was chris, who (if you ask me) saw it as a sort of challenge and just went through the effort to show off, which was what hunter was trying to do but couldn’t back up. frankly i’d have been more impressed if i wasn’t a bit leery of chris--he’s not said anything bad to me, he just has a very condescending vibe that i find Incredibly Irritating.

hmm but then we looked out over the cliffs, and our guide told us a story about a sea stack called “the devil’s dick” and we found our way back down about an hour after it was supposed to have taken. idt he was counting on so many of us being so slow, but he had about five of us lagging for various immutable reasons.

class was supposed to start up again at 7 but we’d only gotten down the mountain at about 6, so i decided to forgo the half hour line for the chipper & grab something from the shop (ultimately some pound cake, bc i’m so healthy). outside the shop, who should turn up, but the black cat i’ve been trying to impress for three days!! she was waiting outside the cafe for food (despite having already been fed) so she didn’t run away, but she wouldn’t let me pet her until ashley--one of the workers i met yesterday--came out to smoke, and sort of.. cat-vouched for me? the cat was wary but she clicked to it, and since she’s the one feeding it i think it trusts her opinion heheh. she advised me not to pet it since it was probably covered in fleas but i was like God Himself cannot stop me from petting this cat.

it was wonderful, she just laid down and rusted in the sun, and she looked so happy and peaceful. i hope this means she’ll let me pet her in the future bc i think i love her

she went off back to the shop after a while, so i headed back down the road for class & ran into kelly and matt waiting for their chipper food, and they were like “hey come hang” which i was thrilled to accept. kelly may be the only one who understands how incredible the cat situation was heheh. we decided to call her heather--kelly had been considering matilda but she’s saving that for her own black cat. chris came out the pub & joined us around then, and he and kelly have this sort of pseudo-aggressive banter going where like they’re both clearly not crazy about each other but neither is offended so much as annoyed, and they play it off like a comedic rivalry. it’s actually an interesting dynamic lmao--it’s like the ways that people cope with each other & the things we’ll do automatically you know? interesting.

ben and adrionna came up around then, i think they’d been in the pub too, and they were sweet as always. adrionna and i talked some more about the last unicorn, but were sidetracked by the arrival of: another cat. This one’s a tuxedo tom with crusty eyes and dandruff but he’s so sweet, he’s so good. he was clearly angling to get some of kelly and matt’s fish and chips, but i didn’t mind. we didn’t name him bc we weren’t sure if he was the one named tinkerbell or if it was the other black and white cat, who lives up by our cottages. 

we had to head back down bc class was supposed to start at seven, only come to find out it was seven thirty now, so we just sat out front and waited. the black and white cat who may or may not be named tinkerbell made a brief appearance, but took off down a sheep field before i could approach her. on the way down kelly and i went over our beeves w people, which is probably the oldest and fastest bonding method known to man--we agree on people for the most part, which isn’t too surprising given our mutual affinities for cats & communism

while we were sitting out front we were blessed by a visit from--get this--a fourth cat. at first i thought it was heather bc it’s also black with green eyes, but as it got nearer it was clearer it wasn’t. he’s a tom, older, bigger than her, with a square jaw and less rust in his coat but much more in his purr. we decided to call him gorse to keep up the theme. there’s some speculation that he’s heather’s father, as she’s still quite young, but i expect we’ll find out. if the crusty-eyed potential-tinkerbell isn’t in fact a tom, they may be the mother, and then heather and smaller-potential-tinkerbell would make good sense as their offspring. a black and white cat and a black cat birthing a black and white kitten and a black kitten? almost poetic, in a way.

evening class was awesome, not the least of which because i’d gotten to pet three cats by that point. we had a professor out from galway who’s co-writing a book with sean about joe heaney, and he’s an o’leary himself (well; an o laoire) so i kept joking he was my grandson (sean was the only one who laughed but it may have been pity). he talked for a long while about folklore and living traditions, and bealoideas and etymology and poetry--he recited the Planter’s Daughter, which i’d never heard before--it’s really good tbh. he also said at one point that folklore was sort of viewed as the domain of “slightly deranged maiden aunts” & i was like finally, a calling for me!

we learned the first few stanzas of a song--it was really nice because he took us through the lyrics talking first, instead of jumping right to singing like sean (yes we learn it faster, but we learn it wrong bc we don’t know what we’re saying). as i was looking over the lyrics i realized ONE of the words looked FAMILIAR--a gconra chlair. i was like hey,,,,, that can’t mean what i think it means can it, so i flipped it over and the translation was “coffin”.

heheh so i asked him about it and i was, in fact, right--it’s a coffin of boards. a wooden coffin, really, a poetic device, but there it is, folks--the etymological origin of my name put to practical use!

my first time seeing it in a sentence and it’s about a coffin. what’s better than that honestly

he also told me there’s a different pronunciation of “gconra” down in Cork (i had mentioned my people were from Cork (he laughed and said mine too--i told him they were the same people but tbqh i don’t think he heard me)), so whereas in Galway they’d say it like “groan-rah” in Cork it’d be “G-cone-ah”

so of course, me being the tremendous nerd i am, i asked him about cnudanai, which i happened o have written on the back of my notebook (see: tremendous nerd) and he taught me the cork pronunciation as a counter to sean’s donegal/connemara blend of “croo-dah-nai”. in Cork it’s “c‘noe-daw-nai” like the word canoe’s been truncated. good shit grandson. good shit.

mm and aftter that i just came on back up to the house! we got off at 9:30 so i’ve been slacking off since then tbh. i got a bit of planning done on the hike for my spooky fic, but i’ve not written it down yet. got weirdly sidetracked by fanart of inuyasha’s parents haha

but now it’s 1 am here so i’m out. pray for my muscles to heal miraculously in the night, please

[but-ur-not-mine]

Okay so rant about my dear fantastic Valborg that honestly topped all other years ever. We started off at Camilla's house where we made tacos and talked and talked and it was cozy as always. At first the thought was that me & carro was gonna go to Uppsala for Valborg but she realised she worked all day so we skipped that and I suggested we'd go to this club called Sommar instead bc a few other friends were going. Time got closer where we had to go & Carro did not at all wanna go but I literally dragged her after waiting another 30 minutes. The whole club was a bit messy in the beginning bc it was free entrance but they didn't let ppl in etc etc but we got in eventually after joining Rebecca and Paula who had been queuing for like an hour. So we got in left our stuff, I bought a drink for me & carro bc I promised her one to convince her to go. We sat and talked for a while bc there was no one inside bc of the messy system so we waited for ppl to be let in. Then we got up to dance at this quite empty dancefloor but it was too cold to be out so we stayed there and danced and had fun. Then all of a sudden I fucking see a well known silhouette walking in and I literally freeze. I turn to Carro, literally scream IS THAT HÅRET nO WAY and she turns around and I point at them. We laugh our asses off bc wHAT are the chances of them being there I mean I haven't seen that boy since last June. Carro then dragged me the way they were going (bathrooms and wardrobe) and we got in line to the bathrooms and saw it was freaking really them. Later back at the dancefloor we joined our friends, and all of a sudden I see them (Niklas, Emil, Oskar, Saga, Jacob) dancing not too far away from us and I was surprised to see Jacob bc I kinda half know him (aka met him 2/3 times out w friends before). And I honestly don't know how but they came closer to us and ended up joining our dancing circle and after that it was kinda on off all night dancing with them, like at least one of their crew was always with us and they other went and came back a few times. God my mind was spinning bc me 1 year ago would've been on the floor in disbelief of this ever happening. A long time they left the floor and we too a little later bc it was getting sweaty af. We took air and landed on a bench, seeing they sat just around the counter. Then Anna came up to us (another friend she joined us sometime in the beginning I forgot to mention lmao) and she had been making out with Oskar shortly and apparently she was sitting with them and came up to me & Carro and asked if we wanted to join for an after party. I asked where and with who ANd it was with all the babes and I did not fucking think a second though. Though I had to find Rebecca and Paula bc I was supposed to go home with them bc we live at the same place so I went to find them and we asked them if they wanted to join but they said no even tho I tried to convince them. Anyways they left shortly after and we other sat and talked for a while and it was all nice and lovely and Oskar gave me & Carro a drink bc he accidentally got 2 lmao. That caused Nicklaus to borrow Carro his gloves bc cold but then I stole them bc I was holding the drunk and I have no blood circulation in my hands. A bit later we went in to dance a little more go heat up. Me Carro and Oskar got up on this kinda scene thingy and danced and god I had so much fun this whole night. Maybe at 2:30 we decided to head to Oskar's apartment and we twisted around deciding if we were gonna take a taxi or walk or bus. On the way Niklas gave me his gloves and I took his hand feeling it was freezing too and I said "but omg you're freezing keep them in fine" but he insisted and gave me them and gosh he's an angel and I thanked him very much. Eventually we got there after me seeing a poster to the 1975 screaming about them once again as I always do while drunk. We got in and sat down around the table where they all had been earlier that night drinking before the club. I had brought out my disposable camera and Emil was so terribly fascinated by it saying over and over again he hasn't seen one since he was a kid. I said "of course I have one" "what do you mean 'of course' who has these things???" And I just laughed and showed him how to do it and he literally went on and on photographing he took at least 10 photos and fuck my life I've never been so excited to see a couple of pictures before. I know he took at least one of us all selfie mode (if he managed to frame it who knows) and one of Niklas flexing lmao. Meanwhile the Carro Anna and Oskar had gone up to get drinks so I said to Emil you're in charge of this camera & I went to get a drink. Oskar was so kind offering us all this not minding we drunk his wine or anything what a sweetheart. Then all night we played this game where someone says a statement and everyone has to point at the person they think the statement is most suitable for. It was very fun and one of the statements was "who's the shyest" and ducking guess what everyone pointed at me hahah what do you expect, I said well cheers to that and drunk the rest of what was left in my glass, I mean they're not wrong. And ugh can I just say that they all were so sincere and sweet and genuinely kind. Like on all the questions like "who's the cutest/prettiest/most good looking in here" he said "but... that's up to each and every person themselves, it's subjective you're all cute" AND MY HEART MELTED. I did fucking not expect him to be like this, I didn't think any of them would be this kind and funny and lovely. Also one question was "whos the most romantic" and all friends pointed at Niklas saying he's the most romantic person ever, once again killing me. Also one question was "who's most single" and that caused Emil & Oskar to say well I know at least Niklas for sure is the only one of us in a relation rn" and this was literally like stabs in my heart fuckk but honestly it's fine. His fucking genuinely brilliant personality makes me honestly just wish him to be happy and I hope he has an equally brilliant girlfriend, even if it kills me it's not me. After idk 1,5h we moved to the sofas and played music and Anna got the control once and I told her PLAY GOOD MUSIC and she played somebody else and that was the que for my ranting about my babes and Saga apparently also liked them since fall 2016 and her mind was blown when I said I'd liked them since 2013. And we ranted over Gröna Lund and the fucked Europe tour and the guys were so wowed when I said I'm flying to Munich to see them too. And Carro tried "but why see them several times it's the same thing all over again" and lmao that made me go on and on you can guess it. Never shutting up about my music. Time passed and at around 4:30 maybe Niklas crashed down in one of the sofas and slept the rest of the night. That was the que for the rest of us to find somewhere to sleep too and maybe around 5am we were all asleep. Fast forward to 7:35 I wake up clear as a day and I cannot believe my mind. Staring up at the ceiling and I can't help but smile at everything. Saga sneaks out the door at around 8:20 and me being the only one awake waved goodbye to her. I had to take the train that left 9:19 and I woke up Carro so we'd leave together. We gathered our stuff and just as we were about to open the door and I catch Niklas laying in the sofa looking at us. I smile at him and wave goodbye and he does the same, smiling back. And I swear. I swear I will never forget his messy bed hair and sleepy smile as we waved goodbye this morning. My little poor heart. Me and Carro left and was met by this sudden warmth outside, a warmth I haven't felt in months. And I don't know if it was last night or the weather or Carro next to me or everything all at once, but as we were waltzing down the sun drenched sleepy streets of Stockholm I could do nothing but smile at the world. It's stupid how something that insignificant can make me so insanely happy. Maybe I was still a little drunk or just drunk on happiness, but this was truly one of the best nights in a a long long time.

[mycasandstarrs]

SPN 4x21: “When the Levee Breaks”

Better go find a nearby cliff to jump off of after I finish watching this episode.

Red light on Sam v white light on Dean. Nice.

This is denial at it’s finest.

(Very irrelevant question here, but how did they make it so Sam couldn’t just open the door from the inside?)

Sam completely forgot that the panic room could ward off ghosts, hence this wouldn’t be possible...

Part 1: Alastair.

I’m not meta-intelligent enough to figure out why he would appear as one of Sam’s hallucinations.

Bobby!! omg, I missed him so much.

“Suck dirt and die, Rufus.” lmao

Rufus probably telling Bobby to check out the news.

Part 2: Younger Sammy

Facing your younger self after becoming something you never wanted to be is very difficult.

If I had to face Younger Me, I’d be afraid of it going about as “well” as this.

Seals are breaking left and right.

“Where the hell are your angel pals?” More like angle “pal”...well actually, it’d still be plural because of Cas *and* Anna.

Bobby suggesting they let Sam use his powers to stop Lilith, oh dear.

“I love that boy like a son. All I’m saying is maybe he’s here right now instead of on the battlefield because we love him too much.” *cries*

Sam is really going through it.

Part 3: Mary.

So she’s the “if she did a terrible/shady decision, in the name of saving a loved one, so can I.” part of Sam.

I h i g h l y doubt real!Mary would react like this??

Sam is just feeding himself lies, good lord.

(Sam’s interpretation of Mary always somehow leans to “you’re my favorite son, not Dean.”)

Dean and Cas time?

Dean and Cas time!!!

He’d been praying for 2 and a half hours!! And it shows, good lord his voice is hoarse.

“Well, nothing of import.” lmao. I gotta start saying that.

There’s an urgency in Cas’ “I can’t”, and it's the most genuine he’s been so far.

“Consuming the amount of blood it would take to kill Lilith would change your brother forever. Most likely, he would become the next creature that you would feel compelled to kill.” g o d n o.

“There’s no reason this would have to come to pass, Dean.” I’m just now noticing how...lowkey manipulative that sounds. Cas is playing Dean’s biggest card: protecting Sam.

“We believe it’s you, Dean, not your brother.”

“You are the one who will stop it.”

(I’ve seen too many movies/read too many stories to know if someone is told that they’re the “only one”, it’s most likely bull.)

Dean willing to bear the full responsibility of preventing the Apocalypse just so Sam can be protected.

“God, you’re a dick these days.” “these days” So in the past days, he was getting better?

Cas looks like he’s screaming internally at Dean to NOT DO THIS.

The camera stays on Cas and Dean just...looking at each other for 11 seconds. I fucking counted it.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but you willingly signed up to be the angels’ bitch? I’m sorry. You prefer ‘sucker’?” lmao I love Bobby.

“Shady politicians from planet Vulcan.” That’s actually a great description of most angels (minus Cas, of course.)

0 to 100 real fucking quick.

Dean being so affected by seeing Sam in pain, that he zoned out and Bobby had to snap him out of it.

Part 4: Dean.

The brother Sam failed.

The conversation Bobby and Dean are having is breaking my damn heart, and we’re not even at the most brutal part of the episode.

Hallucination!Dean calling Sam a monster.

Real Dean willing to die for Sam again as long as Sam can stay human.

Of all his hallucinations, Sam is most affected by Dean.

I was beginning to question how Sam even got out of there...and now I’m being shown.

C A S W H Y

Awww at Bobby and Dean sleeping. The one moment of peace they get in the episode.

Cas actually looks guilty.

At least Cas’ first words to Anna were a fair (albeit vague) warning.

Anna is just shaming him, lol.

:( Anna’s been caught.

See you next season, Anna.

AAnnndd now Cas feels even more like shit.

I love how Bobby opted for a shotgun, bc it wouldn’t necessarily kill Sam (it’d just hurt very much). And he STILL can’t hurt Sam.

Sam becoming his own version of the “shoot me” vine in the saddest way possible.

We have back to back moments of Team Free Will members doing something terrible and feeling more like shit than they already do.

Did Sam take the Impala? How long was Bobby out there before either Dean woke up to the sound of the car and went outside to investigate or Bobby woke up on his own and ran inside to alert Dean of what happened.

Fuck yeah, Dean, go kill Ruby please. (Even though i know you won’t yet but still.)

So did Sam keep hallucinating or did they end with Dean?

(Also, I was convinced that Ruby withheld demon blood on purpose. Any other time Sam has called Ruby to come to him, she’s there almost immediately. But the time that Sam urgently needs her, she stays away...but then I thought that maybe she did arrive to Sam’s location, and saw that he was with Dean and didn’t dare approach. She might’ve followed Sam throughout that entire episode and found that there was never a window of opportunity to approach him, without risk of getting caught. Then Sam got taken to Bobby’s and it was game over for her, so she had to lie low until she heard from Sam again.)

Ah ok, so my attempt at explaining unseen things kinda went out the window: Ruby was looking for Lilith the whole time, aka three weeks.

(Which would actually kinda confirm my half suspicion that she purposely withheld blood from Sam. Ruby’s so manipulative, there’s no way of telling what’s true until it’s too late.)

“I’m sorry you’re hurting. Really.” Ooohhhh, what a manipulation.

Ruby’s tone and micro-expression when she says “I mean, he knows you better than anyone.” seem to suggest that she wanted Sam to say she knows him better.

Oh, don’t pretend to feel sad about Sam and Dean falling out.

It’s so sick and twisted that Ruby got Sam addicted to her blood. She was most likely the first demon he drank blood from.

Dean knows Sam so well, even when Sam is trying his hardest to throw him off.

Oh, they definitely had sex again.

Ruby does a good job hiding her excitement at getting closer to the final seal, everything she’s been working for.

Lilith’s personal chef.

NO ONE IN THEIR NORMAL MIND WOULD CALL A BABY “DELICIOUS”

How many times did Ruby have to tell Sam that it was “okay” to drink demon blood before he could do it?

YOU ARE NOT SORRY, STOP LYING.

“When this is all over, I hope we can fix things.”

Ruby looks...unhappy about Sam still wanting to patch things up with Dean. Like, she almost fully has him, but there’s one strand still attached to Dean and she wants to cut it.

“It’s gotta be about  bringing him back, not pushing him away.” Yeah, let’s see how long that lasts until it goes to shit.

Bobby is everything as a father than John never was.

OOHHH KILL HER DEAN (even tho I know it won’t happen in this episode but stillll)

Damn it, Sam.

I feel like Dean had genuine intentions to just talk to Sam...but then he saw Ruby, the one responsible for Sam’s demon blood addiction, and just completely threw it out of the window.

That, and the fact that Sam let Ruby go.

OOHHH Dean is confirming my half suspicion about Ruby purposely holding out demon blood from Sam.

Ahhh ok. Sam just tossed aside Ruby’s knife so they could talk, hence how Dean has possession of it in the next episode.

Sam playing the “team work” card at Dean.

Sam and Dean’s “I’m the one who’s gonna stop Lilith” “no, it’s me!” discussion. 

How come Sam and Dean didn’t question the fact that they were being told by the opposite ends of the spectrum that they were the “one”? (Actually, I can answer my own question: they were to busy worrying about each other and justifying making their decision as doing it for the other brother to protect them, etc...)

Sam pulls the “Dean’s not strong enough” to DEAN HIMSELF. I now realize this is Sam's “good reason” for doing the shit he’s been doing, but it comes off so terrible and disrespectful and flat out ignorant.

That little moment where Sam almost loses his temper on Dean, then catches himself and is honestly so scary.

I understand Sam’s need to be independent, make his own choices, and to have Dean trust him as much as he trusts Dean. I sympathize with Sam wanting to lead every now and then...but not like this, Sam.Would anyone trust a strung out addict that is being manipulated and puppeted by an untrustworthy person (demon, in this case)?

Oh god no, here it comes.

Dean pls. Dean you don’t hAVE TO NOOOOOOOOOOOO

That shot of Sam as we see him as a potential monster...he’s almost unrecognizable.

And with that, the Winchester blow out fight begins.

JESUS CHRIST SAM NOOOO

LOOK, AT WORST I LIKE TO THINK DEAN WAS JUST GONNA BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF SAM ENOUGH TO KNOCK HIM OUT THEN DRAG HIS ASS BACK TO BOBBY’S

BUT SAM ACTUALLY ALMOST WENT IN FOR THE KILL, JESUS

“You don’t know me. You never did, and you never will.”

“You walk out that door, don’t you ever come back.”

Friendly reminder that if Cas hadn’t interfered and told Dean the truth, and if Cas hadn’t sacrificed his life to get Dean to Sam, that could have been Sam and Dean’s last interaction, period.

[survivorhogsmeade]

Episode #11 - Finale: I Can Do It. -Elmo

I am SO SAD :( :( :( I can't believe Alex outsmarted me AGAIN, i hope he is the next to go so i can tease him.  I'm really rooting for Anna and Madison to win but all in all it was a really fun game and I'm SO glad I had a chance to be a part of it! <3

I really should have kept my vote Anna, huh?  

SHE BETTER WIN THIS GAME!!  I swear I am SO hurt right now that Alex did that.   I wish Elmo would have tied it so it would have gone to rocks or so it would have scared Alex and Stephen enough to change their vote. I'm sorry for the spam confessionals.

So it all went well, the vote was split Anna-Ruthie, and Ruthie went on the revote. Now Annas angry but I think I can convince her that it wasn’t an attack on her and I do want to take her to the end.

Alex has tried to turn Anna against me but surprise bitch i have receipts (well copy-pastes because we cant use receipts). And now Anna sees that it wasn't me evilly in the corner excluding, it was a joint move.

https://vocaroo.com/i/s144RrJFFXlW

conf from last night I think I forgot to link this here

https://vocaroo.com/i/s0fO7PbJPQLM

https://youtu.be/qjXW6Tfnm9g

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKK YEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS MOOOOOOTTTTTHHHHHHHEEEEEEEERRRRRR FUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKKEEEEERRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSSS

https://vocaroo.com/i/s1lGDf0PD7vp

im so scared of alex convincing anna and stephen to boot me like he's amazing at talking to people and he definitely could do that and that would mean bye bye Elmo. Hats off to King Alex S <3 I love him to pieces

Me watching the “get out ftc threats” train looking at alex knowing full well it'll be me or anna next in line: https://78.media.tumblr.com/7544457920da87e2b1124d923442a3e3/tumblr_inline_p678uaK13U1sdkexy_500.png

idk if that link worked of if people will even relate to the emotion it expresses but w/e. Anywho Alex is definitely next, things worked out well in that I didn’t have to do any work with except let her know I’m behind her 100% If this all works well and Madison and Elmo dont vote with Alex who is undoubtedly trying to vote me out I can gun for Elmo next. Besides not being able to get Madison and Anna not to vote me out instead of Elmo my biggest concern is a final immunity challenge, where who knows what could happen.

So elmo had a power that let him talk to a jury member, he talked to Olivia and found out me and Ruthie were the biggest threats to win... while yes that makes me feel very happy about my game and i've def proven that i'm a fuckin beast it also sucks bc i kNOW if i didn't win immunity i'd be gone and same with until the rest of this game.... 

obviously i know that i need immunity streaks to get to the end so why would i keep alex s who has beat me almost every time lol Madison Alex is really trying to fool me into not voting for him tonight! Little does he know I DONT CARE ABOUT WINNING!

https://vocaroo.com/i/s1AXOIUHNbBn

Oh my god the tension is killing me. Now that we know theres only one round till ftc everyone feels very on edge, because we are all trying to judge who we should take to the end. It is a risk voting out Anna as its a huge betrayal, and taking the likable elmo is a bit worrying, but i think Anna would win against anyone at ftc now, and she has to go. I guess I just have to hope people can see that while I played loyally for most of the game the last few rounds called for something different.

So i just finished the final immunity challenge and i got 17 minutes.... i think thats pretty good and i know if i lost then im gonna go home BUT regardless, i had so much fun playing this game. it honestly was such a breath of fresh air compared to what im used to in orgs. the hosting was impeccable, the challenges were literally so much fun and i really LOVE this community. thank you for casting me you guys, this is one of the best org experiences i have ever had and i hope to play more with these people in the future.

im just really proud of myself because coming into this game i was like "ok im gonna play different" and i really did. i usually don't hold back and go all out balls out physically and let my social/strategic game fall to the back burner but this game my social was ON POINT. i got to know so many people, was in 2 controlling alliances and just overall fuckin killed it. even if i don't win i know i played a winners game and i can sleep happy with knowing that!!

but i really wanna fuckin win haha

Its almost certainly me or Anna tonight, there are only three very unlikely scenarios that would stop that: Anna wins immunity at its a tie breaker between me and Elmo and I win; Anna wins immunity and votes with me and Madison against Elmo; Anna doesn’t win immunity and wins a tiebreaker against Elmo/Madison. More likely than not it will be Elmo and Madisons choice which of us goes home if neither of us win immunity, but god I hope I do. This may sound overly confident but without Anna there I think I’ll win this game, with Anna I still have a chance but who knows. A tiebreaker would be good for my resume but im not really a challenge beast.

ONE DAY I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL WIN A DAMN INDIVIDUAL IMMUNITY!!!! But yeah I’m pissed because not only did I not win immunity but Anna won, so now I have to hope shes either stupid enough to keep me or I somehow win a tie breaker. And as is clear now I suck at challenges

I WON FINAL IMMUNITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FTC HERE I COME!! I'm so relieved I could CRY

https://vocaroo.com/i/s19CFSgR4obc

https://youtu.be/MuxtX1hPBAk

im about to go to the final tribal council and im beyond nervous. im just hoping that i get my message across and that people really see that i deserve to win this game because I DO. i played the best game hands down and idk i just don't want ppl to vote for who they like the most bc then elmo wins...... we'll see i have so much irl stuff going on i just wanna win lol

So this is it. We’ve done our FTC and it’s all in the jurors hands now. The jurors who all seem to like Elmo a lot more than me, the jurors who have 2 of them as inactives, the jurors who just don’t seem like they are going to vote me to win. To say I’m feeling defeated is an understatement. I personally do believe that I played the best game, sure I pissed some people off but this is Survivor… sometimes the moves I make aren’t gonna make you happy. I went to every tribal council, breaking Athena HISTORY, and only received 3 votes to evict. I voted in the majority every time except once. I won 3 individual immunities. I worked my ass off to win this game and losing is going to be one of the biggest defeats I will have faced since the last time I got second. I just want to win so bad. I’ve worked SO hard and I want to get 1st. I think my FTC was amazing and what I said was great. I was honest, articulate and CONVINCING. I think that if I didn’t get through to the jury and they don’t vote me to win then that’s not on me anymore. At this point it’s either you are voting for someone who annihilated the game and strategically, physically and socially dominated or you’re voting for someone you LIKE. And if you are a juror who votes for your friends or someone who you think is nice then you shouldn’t be playing orgs. You should vote for the person who deserves the win and played the best game. If you don’t do that then what are you doing and why are you playing? This isn’t a game of “Best friends” its a game of SURVIVOR. 

I’m just so irritated and I wanna win so bad and like sure, if I played a bad game and wasn’t deserving I wouldn’t be so upset but I freaking DESERVE THIS. Second will hurt me so bad and I know that’s what I’m going to get.

And that concludes Survivor Athena: Hogsmeade! Thank you all for an amazing season!