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allswellthatendswithmonique · 5 years

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Monique’s Top Ten

It’s that time of year when we all reflect on the year that was and make our top ten lists. As you can imagine, it was actually very difficult for me to pare down my list to just 10 roles. I also faced issues of what constituted a role . . . as my fans are well aware, I perform an improvised one-woman show on a daily basis. You may remember my triumphs in Monique Buys a Shower Curtain and Monique and the Waiter Engage in Small Talk, or of course my acclaimed performance piece Monique, Dream or Nightmare?

However, many of the unenlightened believe that improvised acting is not acting at all, or if they see one show, they have seen them all and there is no reason to return even though it is in fact a different show every time and there is a lot of skill and practice involved in creating an improvised show and even though nobody will review it because they relegate it to “comedy,” like stand-up, improv is a very visceral art, much more similar to theatre than to stand-up and, in some cities, the improv and theatre communities are much more intertwined and the similarities and comparable skills are celebrated and supported, because honestly lots can be learned about “being in the moment” watching talented improvisers do their thing.

But I digress.

May I present Monique, Ten Performances That Changed the World . . . in 2019.

1. Monique in Urinetown at TheatreLab. My performance as a citizen of an icky town of fishnet stockings and expressions reminiscent of the national cheerleading finals (one would think cheerleaders would be happy, but if you’ve ever watched those tournaments, they all cultivate an “Don’t Come For Me Unless I’ve Sent You An Engraved Invitation” look) stunned even the other actors. One of them actually had to drop character and rip up my prop program, clearly because she felt upstaged by my fishnets. In case you were wondering, I thought outside the box and constructed my costume out of fishing nets and live and almost dead and surely dead fish.

2. Monique in Once at Virginia Rep. My performance as Girl was highly lauded. Now, to be fair, there was another actress also playing a character named Girl. But I am a Girl, and I was at the show.

3. Monique in Every Brilliant Thing at HATTheatre. While I am always delighted to perform in HATTheatre’s charming black box, I must honestly say that, crazy as it sounds, the producers must not have been familiar with my previous work. They clearly were not convinced that I was professional and would obviously be off book. Instead, they handed me my lines (along with a cue number) when I arrived. Naturally, I tore them up and delivered my lines when, and only when, the moment was correct. The dramatic pauses were achingly anticipatory. Unfortunately, many others remained on book. Sad.

4. Monique in The Mystery of Edwin Drood at Swift Creek. I voted for myself. Rosa Bud is a well-known Russian operative, and I do not accept my defeat. I feel strongly that, even though I may have lost the popular vote, the electrician’s collage would have named me the winner. I’ve never really understood how the electrician’s collage works, but it sounds like a blue-collar vision board, which I fully support.

5. Monique in Falsettos at Richmond Triangle Players. Four Jews in a room bitching. None of them actually on stage, but me and a few other tribe members appreciated the shout out.

6. Monique in Lost Boy at Whole Foods. I was practicing my drag and became confused in the organic kelp granule aisle. Riveting, I am told.

7. Monique in Taming of the Shrew at Quill Theatre. I was pleased to lead a protest against this shrew-shaming show. Bullies of any kind are unacceptable. What’s next? Mean-shaming? Forgerer-shaming? Wicked stepmother-shaming? The protest began with a fruit and cheese spread on the lawn of Agecroft and ended with the protestors rising to their feet and slapping the palms of their hands together in a heartwarming show of solidarity for shrews everywhere. Now that I have shined a light on this oppressed group, catch my upcoming performances in A Shrew, Good Men; The Shrew Story; and Shrew Christmas.

8. Monique in Seven Homeless Mammoths Wander New England at Richmond Triangle Players. A very challenging role where I looked as though I was a woman in the audience of a show in Scott’s Addition, but all my lines were lines of audience members around me, and I was frozen in one position. Very, very challenging. And I wore fur.

9. Monique in Cinderella at Virginia Rep. With a different costume for each act, as well as a “traveling” costume for my end-of-show exit, I performed the near impossible. I changed my costume right in my seat in the audience to gasps and complaints. It’s true that my costume changes were not quite as smooth or fast as Cinderella’s, but then she was the title character. Good for her. I chose the more challenging role of Patron Whobravedalotofpuddlesdowntown. The budget for my costumes may not have been as large as Cinderella’s, but, ask the patron in D8, sometimes using “look over there” as misdirection can work just as well as a fortune’s worth of snaps, ties, and Velcro.

10. Monique in BINGO at CAT Theatre. I received so many varied compliments on my performance as Bingo Winner Eating Popcorn it’s hard to narrow down why this performance touched so many. It may have something to do with my good luck charms: a botox syringe, my mink ballgown, and the aromatherapy wind chime I hung above my seat.

Happy New Year Everyone!

#topten #2019

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