seedlessbuns

[blobbei-art]

I recently archived all of the old art on my DeviantArt accounts I still have and 14 year old me actually was onto something with pixel art?

Also I dearly miss the experience of this Team Rocket Roleplay(ish) DeviantArt group I joined 2015/16. Having a public group where your OCs just exist very close to one another/live together so you included each other a lot. Very good times!

I hope all these people with their edgy Pikachu OCs are doing good out there nowadays.

[ofdemonsandangels]

I wanna start off by saying that I by no means am an avid Griffith/Femto dudebro defender but the amount of people who constantly look over the pain he went through before he turned into Femto really messes with me.

For starters, I don't understand how people are okay with making memes over Griffith basically selling his body to Gennon. I am not kidding when I tell you that I have came across multiple memes on pintrest how that whole situation made Griffith a "weak little slut" and a "gay femboy".

Also the fact that barley anyone considers this as borderline SA. (considering there was a huge indifference of power and although Griffith gave his body to Gennon physically, I think its clear as day that he didn't want to do it mentally).

And I mean... I shouldn't be surprised considering the amount of people who gloss over the fact that Griffith got tortured for over a year but idk people always tend to diminish Griffiths character so much and it makes me so mad:/

I feel you anon! I totally feel you. It's almost impossible to have a decent conversation about Griffith with anyone that's not in my little Berserk friend circle. I love him but he's not a good person by any means. You won't ever see my trying to say that the Eclipse rape wasn't a terrible act either. He's an extremely complex character that people completely mischaracterize.

I should start off by saying that the Berserk community is not a place for new and different opinions to thrive. If you dare to even voice an opinion or interpretation that's different from what the majority agrees on, you're called all the names in the book and/or you're treated as someone who has a complete lack of critical thinking. The community has such a set in stone opinion about Griffith that any attempt of conversation about him is shut down or becomes an absolute hate fest. People aren't allowed to think for themselves and when they finally do give up and decide to join the others, no other opinion can exist.

Griffith is a heavily queer coded character. Everyone, even the dudebros have picked up on it (although when they talk about it, lots of slurs are thrown around). Throw in the thinly veiled homophobia into the mix of "no other opinions can exist but mine", then you have something pretty vile. People let their hatred of him stop them from genuinely understanding his character. He's the big bad, sure, but compared to antagonists like Darth Vader (who's killed wayyyy more people than Griffith has), he's not allowed to be a nuanced character. So many of Griffith's Golden Age actions are completely misinterpreted and a lot of people tend to shove the stereotype of the predatory gay onto him. He's the big bad gay that wants to control everything and everyone around him, including Guts, the man that dudebros place on an immovable pedestal. He raped Casca too, which was him assaulting Guts' girlfriend/lover. There will be a time where I talk about how in the eyes of the community, Casca isn't a character and instead an extension of Guts.

As for your point about Griffith selling himself, the way people talk about it is not exclusive to Berserk. The particular part Banana Fish fandom has a deep disdain for the character of Yut Lung, and like Griffith, he's unwillingly sold his body. Both Griffith and Yut Lung are severely traumatized by this but it's completely overlooked and mocked in Griffith's case because of people's perceptions of him.

So to answer your ask in short anon, homophobia is the answer.

[theboyzuniverse]

Finding Love (Part 1)

POV: You're part of a co-ed K-pop group called Boyz and Girlz aka BGZ, which consists of 11 boys and 3 girls. The 3 girls are Hyeri (97 liner), Eli (98 liner), and Y/N, maknae of the whole group. The girls dorm is a small apartment slightly apart from the boys for privacy, but it is connected to the boys dorm by a common living room, and there's also a shared kitchen to promote good team-work.

The whole dorm was quiet when you got home from your morning walk with Sunwoo and Eric. Haknyeon was in the kitchen half eating, half asleep. Everyone else was probably at the gym. It was a free day for you guys but no one ever really slept in on off days except for Eric who you had forced to wake up, that boy is one hell of a heavy sleeper.

"I'm gonna go back to sleep," Eric muttered.

"Ew, take a shower first." You told him, "And don't fall asleep in there."

"No promises."

You head back to your room to wash up, then headed back to get something to eat. Haknyeon was face-down on the table when you went to the kitchen, you gently wake him up to tell him to head back to his room. He complies easily and you giggle at the way he walks like a zombie.

"I'm gonna play some games today, wanna join?" Sunwoo asked.

"Maybe later, I wanted to do a V-Live today."

Sunwoo and Eric were your bestfriends, you were in the same class and went to the same school before you all graduated together. It was because of them that you didn't have much girlfriends, because you always hung out with either them or their guy friends.

"I'm home!" You heard Juyeon shout as he slammed the door.

"No one cares!" Sunwoo shouted back as he headed back to his room with two juice pouches.

"Wanna do a live with me?" You asked Juyeon as he comes into the kitchen.

"Sure," He replied immediately.

Your oppas and unnies rarely said no to you, and you had to admit you were a brat sometimes but they loved you anyway. You loved them just the same.

"Where is everybody?" He asked you surprised at the quietness of the dorm.

"I don't know, probably at the gym. Sunwoo's playing games, and Eric and Haknyeon are sleeping."

"So everything's still the same."

"You were gone for a week oppa, not a whole year."

He smiled that little smile that the fans loved so much. It really did make him look like a little cat boy, well not so little. Juyeon had gone home for a week for his cousin's marriage, and you had to admit that even though it was just a week as you mentioned, you had really missed him. Juyeon was the type of person who paid attention to the people around him, he adored all of you and always showed it even though he himself might not be aware.

"I'll go wash up, come when you wanna do it."

"Aren't you hungry?"

"I'll just order some food later."

"Order for me too."

"I thought you already ate."

"Yeah, but I wanna eat again. Chicken okay?"

He laughed, "Okay, aegi."

It was a nickname that Sunwoo had started for you because you were the maknae, regardless of the fact that he was only a few months older than you. They all babied you so you couldn't help feeling like their baby sometimes.

The members all arrived home as you were about to head to Juyeon's room for the live, and the chaos that ensues when all the members were home immediately started. Chanhee and Changmin were bickering about which one of them was supposed to buy milk while Sunwoo was shouting at Kevin in the room not to disturb him, Kevin was also a brat sometimes.

"Y/N, is Juyeon home?" Hyeri asked you amidst the chaos.

"Yeah, we're gonna do a live."

"Okay, you guys can have this."

She hands you two big slices of cake. Apparently they all went shopping for food after going to the gym. You stand there, plate in your hand, confused.

"What's this for?" You asked, they rarely bought cake unless it was for someone's birthday.

"Just a special treat, no reason." Sangyeon answered.

"Okay," You shrugged as you head to Juyeon's room. "They're so loud, but I can't even complain."

Juyeon laughs at you knowing what you mean. You were one of the noisiest members so you couldn't even really complain about the chaos. However, there were times you wished for some peace.

"Are you ready?"

"Yeah."

He starts the live and the viewers tune in little by little. You could see a lot of ship comments but of course you had to pretend not to see some of them. Shippers were inevitable, especially being a co-ed group. All of you were constantly paired together, but you had noticed lately how many comments there were about you and Juyeon.

"Everyone, should we do a question and answer round today?"

Juyeon and you took turns to read and answer questions. Most of them were about new songs or our current favourite dramas or songs, and even asking you to sing. Then there were the ones asking about other members, and then the shippers, the ones who made you most nervous. Juyeon had always been surprisingly good at handling these, he was natural. The things he's good at he was really good, but if there's something he was bad at, the boy was utter chaos.

"Pose for screenshots," You read a comment that had popped up several times.

Juyeon immediately leaned over to do a heart with you, and you complied. You did little winks and acted cute, of course the fans loved that and it made Juyeon smile, which warmed your heart. If it was any other member they would've playfully cringed at you but Juyeon was just too sweet.

You end the live after about an hour, now a little hungry so you both order some chicken and coke. You lie down on his bed as he pulls you into a tight hug that had you gasping for air. The whole group was pretty cuddly and free with skinship, but Juyeon had these moments where he would just pull someone into a tight bear hug and wouldn't let go until the latter struggled hard against him. He really enjoyed it and the boy was strong so it was close to impossible to break away sometimes.

"Oppa!" You whine as he tightened the hug around you.

He smiles cheekily as you struggled to pull out. Hyunjae comes in to see your struggle.

"Ah not again," He says as he slaps Juyeon's butt.

"Hyung!"

"What?"

"This is fun."

"Yah!"

You protest as they both laugh at you struggling and he finally lets you go.

"Ah so annoying," You mutter as they both smile at you.

"Your chicken is here, we're not paying!" Kevin calls out to you.

"Let me eat too." Hyunjae immediately says as he hears the words chicken.

"Pay for half." You retort back.

"What? That's not fair."

"Yes it is, because you'll probably eat half for yourself." Juyeon replies as he comes in with the chicken.

Hyunjae just laughs not bothering to deny it.

"Eat up aegi, you have to grow more." Juyeon teases you.

In addition to being the youngest, you were also the smallest and shortest. You weren't that short though, the rest of your other members were just too tall, that included Hyeri and Eli who were taller than the average female K-pop idol.

"I always eat well."

Hyunjae cleans up in exchange for not paying, but you let it go since neither you and Juyeon now felt like moving. You both lay down on his bed looking up at the wall, then he takes your hand. Your heart skips a beat catching you off-guard.

Its not like you haven't held hands before, you did it all the time with him and all the other members too and never felt any different. Maybe its just because we're being close and intimate like this, you try to reason with yourself. You almost stop breathing when Juyeon suddenly turns his head to look at you.

"You feel that too don't you?" He asks as he clasps his fingers with yours.

Your heart starts beating faster as he waits for you to answer. Your thoughts are all jumbled up as you stare back at him, your eyes widening and blinking a few times, flustered.

"If you look at me like that I can't think," You finally tell him.

He lays his head back down on the pillow, one hand behind his head and closing his eyes. He holds your hand with your palm against his face as he lets out a sigh.

"I've been feeling it for a while." He tells you. "I confirmed it when I went home, I missed you so much."

You stay quiet at his confession, still in shock. You tried to process everything all at once but it was impossible. The two of you stay like that in silence for a while, the sound of Juyeon slowly breathing in and out helped you calm down. After some time, you muster up enough courage to get up and rest yourself on his chest, and he opens his eyes.

"I think I like you too," You barely manage to whisper.

He gives you a soft smile as he tucks your hair behind your ear, and caresses your cheeks. You put your hand over his hand as you look into his eyes. The same feeling of warmth spread all over you as it always did when you looked at him smile.

How did you not notice it before, this kind of warmth wasn't something you felt with the other members. It was exclusively a feeling associated with Juyeon. He was always there for you, especially during the time when Hwall, a close friend, had to leave the group. You remembered how hard it was for you when he decided to leave due to his injuries, those sleepless nights you spent in front of the T.V. trying to accept reality. Times when even Sunwoo and Eric were at a loss for words, it was always Juyeon who stayed right beside you and lent you a shoulder to cry on.

"Y/N," The door opens then quickly closes with Hyeri exclaiming, "Oh sh*t sorry-"

You both quickly sit up on the bed as she closes the door and disappears, she probably thought you were kissing or something. The atmosphere was tense as you sheepishly turn to look at Juyeon who was running his hand through his hair in slight confusion. As he sees you looking at him he gives you his signature smile, assuring you that you had nothing to be worried about.

Kinda lame and unrealistic cause it was something that suddenly popped into my head but oh well, a girl can dream right?

Thank you for taking time to read it. <3

[destieltropecollection]

Destiel Trope Collection 2019 Day 17: Friends To Lovers

No Longer A Bat-chelor | @envydean Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 6787 Main Tags and Warnings: Wildlife Rescuer!Dean, Wildlife Vet!Cas, fluff, blanket sharing Summary: Dean's always been too busy for a relationship, but, after a visit to the wildlife vet with his latest rescues, Cas asks him out and Dean agrees. Maybe the universe just needed him to wait until the right time.

Catch 22 | @dmsilvisart Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 3664 Main Tags and Warnings: friends to lovers, pining, halloween, swearing, suggested or mild sexual content Summary: Their entire town knew that Dean or Cas were a sure thing if you wanted meaningless sex and you were in for a damn good time. Word got around and neither man left their partner wanting when the night was through. DEAN A year ago, at this Halloween party, Cas and Dean ended up tumbling into bed together after the festivities. They had been friends for ages and occasionally fuck buddies when one of their dates hadn’t panned out. Since then, they’ve been a regular for each other but still not exclusive. Dean knew Cas occasionally had other partners and so did Dean. Truth be told, it had been a couple months since Dean got any enjoyment out of sex that wasn’t with Cas. CASTIEL Cas was leaving his schedule open in case Dean called. It was pathetic but that's what it was. He wanted his best friend around as more than just a hookup, He wanted Dean to himself. He hadn’t enjoyed sex for months unless it was with Dean. Don’t get him wrong, he still had sex, but there was no connection. He couldn’t leave fast enough when all was said and done. He always spent the night with Dean though.

C Is For... | @spinnerjen Rating: Mature Word Count: 24369 Main Tags and Warnings: Major Character Death, Cancer, Terminal Illnesses Summary: Summary: Health expert and dietician, Castiel has just been told he has two years to live... He plans to make the most of it.

Since Always | @casbeanwrites Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1936 Main Tags and Warnings: friends to lovers, fluff, mutual pining, best friends, first kiss Summary: They are best friends, they always have been. Or so Dean constantly tells himself.

Memories Can Hurt or Heal | @fangirlingtodeath513 Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1606 Main Tags and Warnings: Alternate Universe - No Monsters Summary: Dean moved into this house months ago. There's one box on the top shelf of his closet that remains unpacked. A rainy Saturday morning seems like the perfect time to reminisce, doesn't it?

Goddamnit, Cas! | @imbiowaresbitch Rating: Explicit Word Count: 3932 Main Tags and Warnings: Friends to lovers, human Cas, porn without plot, fluff Summary: Human!Cas has an oral fixation and it is positively destroying Dean's ability to think. Cas isn't trying to be a cocktease, but Dean is about to burst. And yeah, Cas is a total cocktease.

Not a couple | @huntersandwerewolves Rating: Explicit Word Count: 2426 Main Tags and Warnings: school reunion, friends to lovers, confessions, first kiss, frottage Summary: Castiel had had enough. After years of sexual tension, unrequited feelings and being teased by their friends, he was done. Dean wasn’t in love with him and he was fine with that, but he didn’t have to rub it in. The length Dean went through to make sure people knew they WEREN’T dating was ridiculous and frankly, Cas had had enough.

trustworthy for such work | @reallyelegantsharkfish Rating: Explicit Word Count: 7474 Main Tags and Warnings: Dragon Castiel, djinn dean, Dragons, Djinni & Genies, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Demisexual Castiel, Mutual Pining, Magic, Wishes References to Addiction, References to Knotting Summary: Cas hugs his pillow, and he’s mostly asleep when a memory works its way in. His father watching Fox news, a fearmongering piece about ifrits in healthcare. His father’s voice, saying, Blood is how they take your wishes. Cas always assumed that meant through feeding. But —

First Words | @suckerfordeansfreckles Rating: General Word Count: 1051 Main Tags and Warnings: friends to lovers, mild hurt/comfort, mentions of alcohol, Cas had too many drinks, love confessions Summary: Cas isn’t sure why he decides to text Dean now, at 3:24 a.m. — but with how his stomach is roaring and his head is pounding, his mouth still tasting like cheap tequila, all he wants is his best friend to take care of him. Cas: I don’t know why i even let Meg drag me out to party, but this isit Cas: i think i’ll die Cas: i didn’t realize i had such a low alcohol tolernce

Untimely Confessions of Love and Other Things - A Hunter's Realization in 5 Parts | @lemonsorbae Rating: General Word Count: 1732 Main Tags and Warnings: Post-Canon, Pining Dean, Oblivious Castiel, Love Confessions, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers Summary: They’re dangling off his tongue again, those three little words; the three most terrifying words in the entire English language. It’s getting harder and harder to hang on to them, to keep them imprisoned.

Adventures in Problem Solving | @blueeyesandpie Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 5726 Main Tags and Warnings: no warnings, fluff and goodness, College/University AU, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Christmas, Fluff, Russian Castiel, Human Castiel, Student Castiel, Student Dean Winchester Summary: Dean and Cas have been living together since freshman year and despite their many differences, that's how Dean wants to keep it. Then senior year rolls around and Castiel reminds Dean that his student visa expires soon after he graduates. Dean has a mad plan, but can they keep up the charade long enough for Cas to stay in America where he belongs, or will Dean's growing feelings get in the way?

i need you | @breathingdestiel Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1688 Main Tags and Warnings: au, actor!cas, actor!dean Summary: Dean and Cas are acting in the same movie after a long time. This would be fantastic if Dean didn’t have a huge crush on his best friend.

Sweeten My Heart | @breathingdestiel Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 2332 Main Tags and Warnings: hs!au, pining Summary: Cas is in love with his best friend who is straight and could never love him back. But why is Dean all of a sudden calling him sweetheart, sunshine, and other pet names? Is it possible that Cas's love isn't unrequited after all?

Pen Pal | @peanutbutterjelly-pie Rating: General Word Count: 5246 Main Tags and Warnings: Alternate Universe, Pen Pals, Friends to Lovers, Fluff Summary: “Hey, Cas, you wanna be my pen pal?” * * * * * * * * * (Dean is twelve years old when he asks Castiel to be his pen pal, not knowing that it will change his life completely.)

I'm Okay With That | @DesiraeLovesDestiel Rating: Explicit Word Count: 6221 Main Tags and Warnings: Professor Cas/Mechanic Dean, best friends to lovers, pining, love confssions Summary: "Look Cas, I'm sorry, okay? Really. I never meant for you to find out, or make you uncomfortable. We can just pretend this whole thing never happened." "Seriously? Pretend that I didn't just learn you've been in love with me for fourteen years?" Dean has been in love with his best friend Castiel Novak since they were children. A fact that Cas was NEVER supposed to find out.

Hands | @marian-elisa Rating: Explicit Word Count: 2297 Main Tags and Warnings: Friendship/Love, Canon compliant, missing moments Summary: Dean wasn’t sure of when it happened, but holding Cas’ hand had become just as vital as breathing for him. Or: a reflection written from the point of view of their hands.

Let's Just Get a Beer Instead | @a-winchester-scorned  Rating: Explicit Word Count: 5941 Main Tags and Warnings: Destiel, Bottom Castiel, PWP, Top Dean, First Time Summary: Dean’s plan to get Cas laid didn’t go as planned, so they settle for a few beers at a dive bar.

Dean Likes (Cas') Anatomy | @braezenkitty Rating: Explicit Word Count: 2328 Main Tags and Warnings: Alternate Universe - College/University, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, First Time, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Time, Blow Jobs, Frottage Summary: Dean and Cas have been best friends since they were kids, and they've also had crushes on each other for just about as long. They finally get their shit together thanks to an Anatomy midterm.

Not good enough? | @notfunnydean Rating: General Word Count: 6099 Main Tags and Warnings: sad!dean, Crying!Dean, pining!dean, Pining!Cas, two idiots in love Summary: When Dean finds a list in Cas’ room, where Cas has written down everything he hates about him, Dean tries to become a brand new person. But Castiel seems to hate that as well.

Ten Years Gone | @mittensmorgul Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 4011 Main Tags and Warnings: Fluff, Anniversary, Feelings, Dean's Top 13 Zepp Traxx Mixtape Summary: Ten years after Cas first pulled Dean out of Hell, they both realized that somewhere along the way, they'd saved each other.

What Do You Wish For? | @envydean Rating: Explicit Word Count: 1500 Main Tags and Warnings: Camping, Fluff, Smut, Fingering, semi-public smut, First Time, allusions to Dean/Others, Wishes, Recreational Drug Use, Weed, sharing joints Summary: Dean, Cas, and their senior high school friends are on their annual camping trip. The sun has set and Cas wants some space to reset himself after a lot of socialising and Dean joins him.

Cold-Hearted | @supernatural9917fic Rating: Explicit Word Count: 1595 Main Tags and Warnings: they were roommates, Friends to Lovers, angry breakup songs, Fluff and Smut Summary: Dean's just gone through a bad break-up, so Cas helps him the best way he knows how- booze and angry break-up songs.

Never or Forever | @almaasi Rating: General Word Count: 5604 Main Tags and Warnings: Canon Universe, Fluff, Romance, Relationship Reveal, Best Friends, Friends to Lovers, Mistaken for a Couple, Resolved Romantic Tension, First Kiss, Family Dinners, Everyone Ships Castiel/Dean, Bisexual Dean, Bisexual Jody, Matchmaker Jody Mills, Wayward Sisters, Everyone Is Alive, Kaia Nieves Lives, Eileen Leahy Lives, POV Jody Mills, Eavesdropping Summary: During an impromptu family dinner, Jody figures out that Dean is in a happy long-term relationship. But does he even know? Cas is clearly paying attention. Yet Dean seems to think he's single. Jody never thought of herself as a meddler – but clearly, under circumstances such as these, something must be done.

Gulls N' Roses | @almaasi Rating: General Word Count: 2414 Main Tags and Warnings: Canon Universe, Romance, Fluff, Gift Exchange, True Love, Roses, Misunderstandings, First Kiss, Holding Hands, Ghost Hunters, Seaside Storms, Arcades, Dean Loves Pie, Angel Castiel, Autistic Castiel Summary: While mid-hunt, Dean gives Cas a red rose. Interpreting the gift as a gesture of true love, Cas decides to give Dean something very special in return.

Prince of the Ether Realms | @almaasi Rating: General Word Count: 5423 Main Tags and Warnings: Canon Universe, Fluff, Romance, Weddings, Misunderstandings, Marriage of Convenience, Dean is Bad at Feelings, Sam Knows, Shipper Sam, Love Confessions, First Kiss, Portals, Cuddly Dean, Angel Castiel, Agender Castiel, Prince Castiel Summary: To complete a spell, Castiel needs to marry a human. Sam, Dean, and Cas make do with a simple two-minute ceremony in the bunker's library. It means nothing, it's just a means to an end. But what begins as a shortcut for spellwork becomes something far more important, as the human Cas chooses to marry is Dean. As it happens, the shift in their relationship is very real – and the effects, one might say, are universe-bending.

Whoa There Cowboy | @almaasi Rating: Explicit Word Count: 5381 Main Tags and Warnings: Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Smut, Fluff, Romance, Dean's Cowboy Fetish, Cowboy Dean, Bisexual Dean, Cowboy Castiel, Porn Watching, Misunderstandings, First Kiss, First Time, Masturbation, Roleplay, Frottage, Love Confessions, Cuddling & Snuggling, Castiel Watches Dean Winchester Sleep, Episode: s13e06 Tombstone Summary: If you're gonna jerk off, watch something you find sexy, Dean said. There's a dirty cowboy movie on TV, and that suits him perfectly. But he never expected that Cas would want to watch /him/.

A Place and a Feeling | @almaasi Rating: Explicit Word Count: 24402 Main Tags and Warnings: Alternate Universe, Romance, Schmoop, Domestic Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Feelings With Porn, Real Estate Agent Castiel, Castiel in Glasses, Castiel in Panties, Bisexual Dean, Workplace Relationship, House Hunting, Love Confessions, Desk Sex, Premature Ejaculation, Moving In Together, Cuddling & Snuggling, Pets, Adopted Children, Adoptive Parents Castiel & Dean Summary: Human AU. Dean Winchester still hasn't found the perfect little house in the suburbs he's always dreamed of. On the off-chance that another meeting with his totally adorkable realtor could finally change everything, Dean keeps going back to Castiel's agency. Like Cas always says, home is both a place and a feeling. But what if the place Dean's looking for is Castiel's house, and the feeling is Castiel himself? Sometimes the most unprofessional choices lead to the most enjoyable personal consequences. This is one of those times.

...and so you fell 'verse (WIP) (Series) | @babybluecas 

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 15605 Main Tags and Warnings:canon divergence, alt-season 9, fallen!Cas, fluff and angst Summary: After the fall, Cas finds his way to the Bunker, but that's hardly the end of his road. Humanity comes with its burdens, but it might have some perks as well.

Tag Your Porn | jscribbles (AO3) Rating: Mature Word Count: 3517 Main Tags and Warnings: panty kink, fourth wall, TFW reads fanfiction, naughty Summary: When Becky sends Sam some of EllenOfOz's fanfiction, he makes it his mission to use Destiel fanfiction to mortify Dean. But to his surprise, Cas seems intrigued by panties, Dean slowly becomes engrossed in fanfic, and what the hell are they doing cooped up in Dean's room for so goddamn long? Sam is scarred for life when he goes to find out exactly what they're up to.

[callmeblake]

Kerrang Issue #1761

Magazine Release Date: February 20th, 2019

Issue Label: February 23rd, 2019

Photo Credit:  Jen Rosenstein

Illustrations: Brian Ewing

Partial Transcription (from pressreader.com) below:

Kerrang! (UK)

20 Feb 2019

words: emily carter illustrations: brian ewing

“MAKING MUSIC IS MORE FUN THESE DAYS…”

BREAKS HIS SILENCE

Since he was a kid, GERARD WAY has sought solitude in the world of graphic novels – first as a reader, and later, with the weight of the rock world on his shoulders, as a creator. But now, he explains exclusively to Kerrang!, working on the Netflix adaptation of his THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY series helped him reconnect with his love for making music, too…

Gerard Way keeps track of his personal goals using what he calls “the grown-up list”. One at a time, the 41-year-old will tick off these life objectives by means of self-care – a concept he’ll admit he hasn’t kept on top of lately.

“On the grown-up list are all these things that I have to do to start participating in life again,” he explains in a gentle, endearing New Jersey accent, dissecting a mysteriously methodical approach to his return to the public eye – though, it has to be said, still sounding very much like a big kid at heart.

For the past “two, three” years, Gerard feels as though he hasn’t been looking after himself while under the strain of his demanding career as a comic-book writer. And while his workload certainly isn’t slowing down any time soon – if anything, it’s on the increase with the reintroduction of music now, too – he is at least making his own positive changes little by little, “piece by piece”.

“Enough time goes by and you’re tired of feeling tired, and tired of feeling unhealthy, and tired of doing unhealthy things to yourself,” he admits. “I hit a point where I was like, ‘Enough’s enough. I gotta move my body and find a doctor.’ I hadn’t had a physical in I can’t remember how long. It was just time, you know?”

Undertaking this new journey, Gerard first started off by giving up smoking. He afforded himself just two weeks to ditch the cigarettes, before moving on to the next task. “You can’t do it all at once,” he explains thoughtfully. “I quit smoking before doing anything else – like change diet or going to see a doctor. I just take these things in steps. Even if I did have all the time in the world to attack the grown-up list, you have to take any major life change slowly and gradually.”

Had Gerard felt so inclined as to keep a similar grown-up list for professional targets when he first emerged as My Chemical Romance’s awe-inspiring leader in 2001, its trajectory would have accelerated significantly. Darting into the spotlight in 2004 with their astounding second record Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge, the frontman quickly became uncomfortable with the intrusive – and borderline paralysing – nature of their fame. It’s no wonder that, between 2006’s triple-platinum The Black Parade, and the festival-headlining status that came with fourth and final studio album Danger Days: The True Lives Of The Fabulous Killjoys, Gerard recently labelled the group’s journey as “uncontrollable”. The band’s explosion was just as dramatic as their eventual breakup almost six years ago, and it took Gerard just over a year to then return into view. An excellent Britpop-inflected solo LP, Hesitant Alien, followed in September 2014, and even landed at spot number four in Kerrang!’s top 50 records of that year. No grown-up list – no matter how fool-proof – could accurately record or predict those kind of whirlwind peaks and troughs.

In his life as a comic-book writer, though, Gerard’s accomplishments have kept up a steadier, but no less impressive, incline. As a graduate of New York’s School of Visual Arts and a former intern at Cartoon Network, his imagination and visual creativity was harnessed long before his audio talents came to light. While his comic-book debut in 1993, On Raven’s Wings, was cancelled after just two issues, Gerard’s near 100 (and counting) writing credits have just about surpassed his contributions in music; he even ran his own imprint under the legendary DC Comics banner for two years, Young Animal. And while its status is currently listed as ‘inactive’, Gerard has emphasised that it’s “not the end” of that venture. Now, his prominence as a fullyfledged award-winning comic-book writer is a marvel (no, not that kind).

“The thing about doing comics is nobody asks you about your personal life, they don’t ask you about the drugs you used to take, they don’t ask you if you’re breaking up,” he told Kerrang! while still with My Chemical Romance in 2010, openly battling with the allure of a life buried in books. “They talk about the work. I wish people would talk about the work in music. In music, people want to know what makes you tick – in comics, people don’t care.”

Given the appeal of a more serene existence, it’s clear Gerard’s current primary occupation perfectly suits him. Just as he helped change the face of rock 15 years ago, however, he’s beginning to make similar strides in comics. Once again, he’s got the big guns knocking on his artistic doorstep.

“If anybody ever asks me for advice about being creative, it’s always just to make the things you want to see,” he shrugs, either oblivious to his skills or just strikingly modest. “Make something that doesn’t exist, that you wish existed – that you wanna read, or see, or listen to. That’s the one thing that I’ve applied to everything I’ve done: all the art I’ve made and the music I’ve made.”

Following this surprisingly simple mantra, Gerard now has a tremendous feat on his hands: his apocalyptic comic-book series, The Umbrella Academy, has snowballed into a 10-episode live-action show of the same name, and hit Netflix last Friday. By now, you’ll probably have already watched the lot. For the programme’s main brain, though, while he may have spent release day just ticking off another box on the grown-up list (“I had a physical that day with a doctor, so…”), this marks the beginning of his “participation” in life again. Gerard Way is back.

Gerard Way is obsessed with comics. Across the span of our interview with the author-turned-musicianturned-author again, he says the word “comic” no fewer than 28 times – each utterance more passionate than the last. Yet it wasn’t until 2008, while still active with My Chemical Romance, that he began to feel the effects of his written works’ potential. And not just in the field of comics, either; he was suddenly struck with the realisation that he could make this his full-time work instead. When he and illustrator Gabriel Bá – a man Gerard credits constantly and with great

“I’VE ALWAYS AIMED TO MAKE SOMETHING THAT DOESN’T EXIST, THAT I WISH EXISTED” GERARD WAY

respect when discussing the project – were awarded a prestigious Eisner Award for The Umbrella Academy’s first mini-series, it shook him to the core.

“It was scary at the time,” he mentioned in a Kerrang! cover feature at a later date, “because it was another thing that said to me, ‘Hey, you could go and do this. You won’t have a huge career, but you could make a living. There was a part of me thinking, ‘I don’t have to be a singer anymore.’”

Just days after receiving their Eisner, Gerard and Gabriel’s graphic novel was optioned by Universal Pictures. Plans for a potential movie were in development “for quite a while”, until it eventually fizzled out and came back to Umbrella Academy’s publisher, Dark Horse Comics. Then, the idea for a TV show was conceived – and Gerard was instantly sold. Not that it was ever something he’d ever considered when first penning his comics all those years prior.

“You know, I tend to be a visual thinker,” he begins. “When I was first starting out, I was told to embrace the medium of comics: just make a great comic. I think that that’s a common mistake that people make – they see a comic as a film, and they’ll just present it as a film. And there’s a lot of things you can do in comics, and it would almost short-change that. You need to embrace what a comic can do, and then you’ll make a really fantastic one. If you’re just trying to present it as a film, it doesn’t work as well, in my opinion. I still follow that advice to this day.”

Gerard loved the idea of giving his painstaking and deeply intricate world a new long-form narrative, and a way of going deeper into the story’s characters (all of whom are either a reflection of people he knows, or himself). Before taking various meetings – including with Netflix – both he and Gabriel sat down with Universal Cable Productions executive vice president of development, Dawn Olmstead, and discussed their aims.

“My goal was to give those guys the material to make a really great show,” Gerard explains. “That way, if they made a show and it’s successful, they always have material to go back to. That’s always been my goal: to tell a really good story that I have control over.”

Nine years later after its original plans fell through, it was eventually settled that Netflix would be the way to go. Joining forces with a company that had both “the highest production value” and that was also “artist-friendly” made the most sense to all involved. “We knew they would let the show be what it needed to be,” Gerard nods.

By this point, the series’ creator had slipped away from the limelight to create a 20-page blueprint for show-runner Steve Blackman. The Umbrella Academy thus far has three volumes – Apocalypse Suite, Dallas and Hotel Oblivion – but Gerard will eventually complete the story through eight graphic novels in total, many of which are still to be finished (“I have it all planned out, and I’ve just got to kind of write it now…”). In advance of the show’s development stages, though, he needed to let his new colleagues know the whole plot.

“There were talks early on about how much of my involvement there would be – if I wanted to be a co-show-runner, if I wanted to write scripts,” remembers Gerard. “And I really put the emphasis on making the source material and making the comics, so I had to let go of certain things. I weighed in on a lot of them, but ultimately it was Steve’s call to make. I liked letting go, though, because it allowed me to keep moving forward in the ways that I wanted to, which is with the comics or anything else I want to do.”

Working with Netflix became a daily job. From set pieces to wardrobe choices, both Gerard and Gabriel would give extensive notes in the 18 months it took to produce The Umbrella Academy, ensuring a happy climate was reached between their individual artistic palettes. It’s not a giant leap to compare the birth of Gerard’s latest project to My Chemical Romance’s studio swansong, Danger Days. While still in the throes of The Black Parade’s overwhelming success, the frontman had moved to LA from New Jersey in 2008 and was focused on comics – not just The Umbrella Academy, but also a bold, bright new sci-fi spectacular: The True Lives Of The Fabulous Killjoys, a story of the aftermath of a battle against a tyrannical corporation. Having written and subsequently scrapped The Black Parade’s original follow-up, the frontman was then struck with inspiration on a family retreat in the wilderness, wracking his brains with what to do next.

“I had an epiphany, I had a vision,” he told Kerrang! back in October 2010, of how this new comic informed what would become My Chem’s fourth full-length. “I was writing all these crazy lyrics and they were fearless and fucking reckless. I had this vision in my head, and everything I had been working on in the comic – the masks, the laser guns, the cars, everything – started to swirl around in my head.”

So how does the creation of a comicinspired album measure up against bringing The Umbrella Academy to life on TV?

“You know, they’re both intense and stressful in their own ways,” Gerard smiles. “But one of the things I’ve learned as I get older is that being in the studio and making music isn’t nearly as stressful – it’s a lot more fun these days. Having said that, although things are a little more high-stakes on a film set, we had a lot of fun with that, too.”

Early last year, The Umbrella Academy’s primary architects headed to Toronto to oversee the first week of filming. They were there to “answer any questions and give a little direction”. Though their focus was undeniably on creating the best comic-to-screen transition

“AS I GET OLDER, MAKING MUSIC ISN’T NEARLY AS STRESSFUL – IT’S A LOT MORE FUN THESE DAYS” GERARD WAY

“I DON’T LIKE TO DWELL ON THINGS. I LIKE TO MOVE FORWARD” GERARD WAY

possible, Gerard also remembers the weather; it was snowing, a sight he hadn’t seen since touring Hesitant Alien three and a half years prior. Once more, his two worlds briefly reacquainted themselves.

While in Canada, he and Gabriel reviewed “dailies”. “It hit a point where it was like, ‘Alright, this train is going, they know what they’re doing,’ and I could divert my attention back to the comic,” Gerard says. “Then I was able to work on it remotely – most of the work from my end was done through email or phone conversations, so I could be anywhere in the world and I was still able to watch the footage on my laptop, or whatever computer I was at.”

Once that week was over, Gerard kept a distant watchful eye over filming, which carried on until July. Elsewhere, his time was split between writing more comics, drinking copious amounts of coffee, collecting vintage T-shirts and miniature painted figures, and watching his wife of 11 years, Lindsey – bassist of Mindless Self Indulgence – feed birds and squirrels at their family home.

Rather ironically, his days weren’t spent watching a great deal of television. Even now, he’ll partake in an episode or two of a binge-worthy programme if Lindsey wants him to check it out – but he’ll never consume the lot in one go. “I think that makes my opinion on what we’re making with Umbrella Academy, in a way, even more valid,” he suggests, “because I don’t watch all this stuff. I read a lot of books.”

Most exciting of all, though, is that almost every Friday, Gerard Way began to create music again.

Around 54 minutes into The Umbrella Academy’s fifth episode, there’s a mind-bending shoot-out featuring, among others, Mary J. Blige. While the action unfolds, a familiar voice quietly hits the eardrums. ‘ Imagine me and you, I do / I think about you day and night, it’s only right…’ croons Gerard Way alongside former My Chemical Romance bandmate and guitarist extraordinaire Ray Toro, in a cover of The Turtles’ hit Happy Together – both rich in personality, but also similarly honouring the original. It’s not the first time Gerard and Ray have teamed up in such a manner: last month, they unveiled another joint effort in the form of Hazy Shade Of Winter, originally by Simon & Garfunkel, for The Umbrella Academy’s official trailer. But this is arguably Gerard’s most epic comics-meets-music crossover yet.

Steve Blackman, says Gerard, “thought it would be really nice for the fans – both for fans of my work as a musician, and my work as a comic writer. He thought it would be really cool, and I thought it would be cool, too. It would be silly to not do a song for the show! We ended up doing a couple, which was really great. And I’m sure there will be more in the future.”

The music Gerard made each week last year wasn’t just for The Umbrella Academy – it was also for himself. Possibly over-ambitiously, the musician hoped to release these new sounds once a month, though his workload soon put paid to that. He does, however, now boast “quite the collection of demos”.

“Right now it’s just a stand-alone thing,” Gerard says, “but I think at some point – maybe for a vinyl or something – it would be nice to collect all these songs, just as a body of work for something that I did. With all the work and the show coming, it has been harder to try and do a song a month. And I knew that that would kind of happen back when I first mentioned the goal of trying to do that, just because of all the extra work that was coming. But we’re still making music every week.”

Gerard has enjoyed the process of juggling his own music and songs for Netflix enormously. His recent solo tracks – Baby You’re A Haunted House, Getting Down The Germs and a touching Christmas number featuring Lydia Night of The Regrettes called Dasher – have deliberately not been “overthought”, though music for The Umbrella Academy can be a little more laborious.

“It’s a bit more work, because it’s for something cinematic,” he explains. “It’s not that it has to reach a higher level, it’s just that it’s a different level. The solo stuff is just kind of up to me, and what I want that to convey, or what nature it has. Whereas with the show, everybody has to really be blown away by it. So maybe, in a way, it’s more a little bit of what Ray [Toro] and I and the guys in My Chem used to do; we apply a little bit more of that to what we do in these cover songs for Umbrella Academy.”

Is it a strange feeling to revisit that kind of creative process?

“It makes it really fresh and exciting,” Gerard grins. “It’s actually really nice to go back and do something like you once did it, because you have more experience and wisdom and knowledge. As you get older you bring all these things the way you used to do. It’s refreshing at times – especially if you’re doing a bunch of experimental things. It’s refreshing to go back to your core, and your roots, of what you used to do, and apply your new knowledge to that.”

Gerard Way’s musical future for now, then, will remain both blissfully free and totally spontaneous – a far-cry from his MCR days. But he couldn’t be happier about it.

“I like to move forward a lot,” he enthuses. “I don’t like to dwell on things very much. I don’t usually like to revisit them, either. I like to keep moving forward and putting out new things. I like to try new things and experiment.” Gerard repeats himself once more. “I really like doing that.” K!

THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY IS AVAILABLE TO WATCH NOW ON NETFLIX

[creativitytoexplore]

Everything Old Is New Again: An Interview With Co-Web Editor Adam Soto https://ift.tt/2WdSDbp

Writer and editor Adam Soto has long been a part of American Short Fiction‘s editorial team. As one of our assistant editors, he regularly read submission to the journal, wrote copious feedback for authors, and helped determine which stories would ultimately appear in our print edition. So, when we made the decision to bring on another web editor this spring, Adam was a natural choice for the role. This month, he joins our longtime web editor Erin McReynolds as our website’s co-editor, and together, they’ll determine which stories are published here at ASF Online. I recently emailed with Soto to ask about his work, his approach to editing, and his aspirations for the magazine.

—

Nate Brown: Adam, we’re so thrilled that after having served as an assistant editor with us for so long that you’re stepping up to the plate as a new web editor who’ll be working alongside web editor Erin McReynolds. While we know you around these parts—you’ve been a member of Austin’s literary community and of our team for years—I want to start by asking you about your own fiction writing. You’ve got a novel coming out next year. Can you tell us a bit about it?

Adam Soto: Joining ASF was one of the first things I did after coming to Austin, and it’s really been like being part of a family, so I’m really grateful for all the time I’ve had with organization, all the stories I’ve read through the years, and I’m really moved to have the opportunity to contribute more to what the journal is doing, which is something special. 

The novel is called This Weightless World, and it’s out on MCD/FSG fall 2021. It’s a sentimental sci-fi, a kind of Contact for misanthropic millennials. January 1, 2012, Earth detects an alien signal from a planet 75 lightyears away and a group of characters—a Chicago Public School teacher; one of his students, a musical prodigy; and his ex, a programmer who dumped him for a gig at Google—anticipate a major paradigm shift, an alternative to late stage capitalism, the neighborhood’s cycle of violence, an escape from their own personal guilt. I mean, aliens are supposed to be game changers, right? Habit, human nature, laziness, and fear, however, prove to be a greater obstacle than the 75 lightyears between us and them, and when the planet suddenly falls silent, leaving us alone in the universe once again, collapsing the distance between who we are and who we hope to be feels harder than ever. While the characters sort out their lives, our planet’s biological clock keeps ticking, our dependence on technology distorts our sense of reality, and our most vulnerable continue going mostly ignored. If all of that sounds too depressing, I should add that there are also loving pen-pal letters and lyrical dispatches from deep space woven throughout.    

NB: It’s funny, Adam, but I remember you from back in your Iowa City days, when you and my wife, Thea, were MFA students at the Iowa Writers’ Workshop. Was this a project you were working on back then, or is the novel more recent than that? And how does the novel compare to the work you were writing then? 

AS: I remember the two of you as well. I started the novel on January 1, 2012, so, right before the start of my last semester at Iowa. Marilynne Robinson was going to be teaching a novel workshop in the spring, we’d all been in a novella seminar with Peter Orner, so all of my friends had suddenly pivoted from writing short stories to writing novels, and I thought, I wanna get me some of that!

I was staying with my parents for the holidays, and I had a dream featuring an image and a wordless interpretation. I saw this fuchsia-colored planet and felt that not only I but the whole human race was being shunned and shamed by it, like the planet was Earth’s twin and we just weren’t going to be friends. With absolutely nothing else to go on, I set up my laptop in my parent’s kitchen, took a look around the room, and typed the first thing that came to mind. “So, this dude wakes up on Jan. 1, 2012…” Most of my work, up to that point, had focused on alienating readers. They were mainly plotless, kind of nihilistic, and tried really hard to redeem themselves with lots of catchy sentences. It had never occurred to me that I could cut back on my affect and keep alienation as subject matter. It took me three whole drafts (re-written, top to bottom) and four years to figure out what the story was about, three years working with my amazing agent, Marya Spence, to turn an 800+ page sprawling tome into an actual novel, and it’ll be another year and a half before my editor, Danny Vazquez, and the rest of the team at MCD/ FSG and I turn it over to the public.

NB: Did you have any particularly great workshops or instructors at Iowa? What ideas about writing have stuck with you? And for those considering an MFA program, do you have any advice on what they should expect to take away from the experience? 

AS: My very first workshop there was with the late James Alan McPherson. He was so funny, sage, and generous, and my workshop group became my best friends. Peter Orner was also very inspiring. He taught me a lot about teaching and reading. Teaching and writing were the natural byproducts of reading and paying attention to others for Peter, and this has proven vital to me as a middle-school English teacher. Michelle Huneven, however, changed my life. The way I saw it, I was just this kid who got into this really nice writing program for one reason or another, but, somehow, Michelle took me seriously and told me to take myself seriously. There’s no shortage of people taking themselves seriously in MFA programs, so, I guess my advice is to expect to find something out about yourself. A lot of people find out they don’t like teaching; hell, some people find out they don’t like writing that much, at least not enough to spend the rest of their lives trying to get published. Either way, no matter your age, or where you’re coming from, you’ve got to let the MFA years be formative in some way.

Back in the day, there used to be this expectation that you could join a program and graduate with a book deal, or at least a “cushy” teaching gig that’d hold you off until you got a book deal, and because it was more of a rite of passage, these programs could get away with being deeply unfeeling. I felt nurtured and supported, but I know a lot of people who didn’t and who don’t. But I think if everyone comes in expecting more, and if everyone is willing to accept that that something more probably isn’t going to be more book deals—taking on publishing is a whole other nightmare—then I think a lot of the criticisms of MFA programs could be addressed, and not just by faculty and directors but by the student communities that hold them accountable. Because there’s no real promise for what you can expect, especially from program to program, until you start laying out those expectations. For starters, funding and diversity.

NB: In addition to writing, a big part of editorial work is reading submissions. What kind of work grabs you? What excites you? What do you love coming across in submissions? 

AS: I like something that commits. Something that assures me that it wants to tell me something, even if it’s reluctant to, even if it fails to. Commitment is huge. To voice, a structural procedure, a deep study of character, a memory being pulled apart, a woolgathering.  

NB: Our web exclusive stories have long been capped at 2,000 words (though this is changing), and I’m wondering what you think the short form—whatever you may call them: flash fiction, micro fiction, short-shorts—offer that longer works do not? What are the advantages of really short work?  

AS: Whenever I get a new album, I always start with listening to the longest song. With short story collections, I always start with the shortest story. This is something I’ve done forever. Whatever they’re called, I’ve always been attracted to these brief things, and, over the years, reading them, writing them, I’ve come to appreciate their different intended effects. You read one of Babel’s Red Cavalry Stories and the story’s length isn’t really the first thing you notice. Similar to your feelings after a shorty by Chekhov, you’re struck by the wholeness of the experience, the funny asymmetry, the dropped details—as in the details the writer does and does not drop. Compare that to a sprint by Thomas Bernhard, one of Lydia Davis’s illuminating punchlines, or a haunting by Peter Orner, and I think you get a mixture of dedications to singular things, which is rare in our Wikipedic, FOMA world. And the fact that that one thing can be so many different things—grief’s manipulation of time, light’s impression on a memory, an anecdote, extensive alliteration—is really a gift. Such dedication taken to greater lengths is often awkward or dull until it ventures into the obsessive and becomes genius again.      

NB: Are there writers whose stories you find yourself returning to over time? If so, who are those folks, and which stories do you think demand re-reading? 

AS: Mavis Gallant, constantly, and especially her early and long story “The Cost of Living.” I love that long story for its failure to commit, for dragging out what it means to say for pages and pages, for pretty much being a 36-page novel. Leonard Michaels’s Nachman stories and his list story “In the Fifties.” Anything from Joy Williams’s Escapes, but especially “White” over and over again. Andrey Platonov’s “The Motherland of Electricity” (it teaches you how to build a generator), James Alan McPherson’s “The Silver Bullet,” and, more recently, Sara Majka’s “Saint Andrews Hotel,” “Especially Heinous” by Carmen Maria Machado, and Brandon Taylor’s ASF story, “As Though That Were Love.”  

NB: Jesus, there’s so much good work in there. That Brandon Taylor story has really stayed with me. I taught it at Johns Hopkins last semester, and it made a couple of students (and me) cry. Taylor has so much to say about loneliness and the unbridgeable spaces that exist between people, even those who are dear friends. Come to think of it, the Williams, McPherson, and Majka stories you mention are sort of about that, too. Would you say that the tension between isolation and collectivity, between personal spaces and social spaces are of interest to you? Based on what you’ve said about your own novel, that seems central in that work, too.  

AS: Yes, definitely, definitely, the isolated and the collective, isolated collectives, and, now that we’re all getting a taste, the collectively isolated. And that tension, too, I think you’re right, between the singular and the collective, I’ve always been fascinated by where it pops up, how places and moments of intimacy can leave us feeling so isolated, how fractured our alliances and coalitions can be, how hard it is to come together behind a common goal. But most of all, over the years I’ve become obsessed with characters who, against their better judgment, still seek community, and I’m really attracted to the tensions that arise when those seekers interrogate their intentions or test the authenticity of their communities. One of the unique features of our world today is our ability to not only witness but quantifiably measure the efforts being made by ourselves and others as we vie for each other’s communion—it’s something both beautiful and grotesque. And that reality really takes the characters in TWW for a ride, from pulling them out of their recessional depression to overloading them with worldly concerns to leaving them feel completely isolated. 

NB: American Short Fiction has been around since 1991. Why do you think that journals like ours—large and small, from all parts of the country and the world—abide? What role do you think we play in the broader literary culture, and has that role changed over time? 

AS: Like the few healthy corners of the internet, lit journals are places for spaceless communities, folks looking for a common thing; in our case, a certain flavor of fiction. With every issue, you’re excited to share in the discovery of someone new, eager to read someone familiar, and happy to sustain the practice of an old art form. And before the internet, and now through the internet, lit journals have always offered deeply reflective but also relatively immediate reactions to the worlds we live in, which is something I’m excited to play a part in as a web editor. As a utility, we broaden the spectrum of representation in culture, and although our nets require wider and wider casting, what we discover here increases the expectations we have for other literary institutions, as well as the world at large. 

    Adam Soto is a co-web editor at American Short Fiction. He holds an MFA from the Iowa Writers’ Workshop and is a former Michener-Copernicus Foundation fellow. He lives with his wife in Austin, TX, where he is a teacher and a musician. His debut novel, This Weightless World, is forthcoming from MCD/ FSG fall 2021. 

[saintkimora]

well here is how my past 3-5 dates w joel have gone this past week

so! ive been spending the night w him p much every other night. so our 4th date was like 8 days ago. i got there and i THOUGHT we were gonna be in his room again but we were in his room for 2 seconds then he came in like “oh btw my roommates are making us go in the living room and be social” so i was like ..................................................rip i was like here i go its time for the caleb and leeann applebees date 2.0 :/ so we went in to the living room and it was with marissa and lindsey bc his other roommate was out. so everyone was like wtf are we gonna do so after some talking joel decided we would all watch the babadook on netflix since we were talking about the meme and most of us hadnt seen it. i hate scary movies but i figured i could get through it since i had joel to hold on to and since the babadook is like a meme now. so yeah it was fine i got along ok w the roommates and the movie wasnt that scary except for one part. there was one point where i felt like i was starting to shut down a little and i was feeling bad about possibly ruining things again but i asked joel afterwards and he didnt even notice lmao so i dont think it was as bad as i thought

lindsey went to bed halfway through the movie so it was just me joel and marissa by the end. after the movie marissa went into her room and joel and i went back to his room. idk if this next part happened at this point or if it happened on our next date bc its hard for me to keep the timeline straight since it all happens so fast lol so regardless of what day it was this was the next significant thing that happened w me and joel

so i was watching him play overwatch or something and his brother called him on the phone and they had a long conversation about joels financial situation while i was just sitting there lol. so afterwards joel put his head in my lap and explained all his problems to me about how hes so stressed out with money and stuff. and like obv i felt really bad for him bc that sucks. BUT i actually kinda liked it bc i liked how vulnerable and genuine he was being! it made me feel a lot closer to him. then we watched these olds 80s (?) game shows w his head still in my lap (one of them was like some knockoff of snatch game but w regular celebrities instead of drag queens omg) and he had the FUNNIEST commentary about all the old commercials and stuff lol i havent laughed that hard in a LONG time so it was really nice

and idk if this happened that night or the babadook night but i ate his ass again and once again it was a religious experience like his ass is SOOOOOOOO nice i still cant get over it lmao

so then fast forward to the next 2 days later and for whatever reason joel and i werent planning on meeting that night. but he texted me at like 2am telling me he was feeling kinda down about things and how he wished i was there w him rn so i decided to go visit him! and like he kept being like “i dont wanna bother you/i feel bad about always making you come all the way out here for me” and how he wasnt used to guys putting in so much effort and caring about him so much and like...it really wasnt that serious like it wasnt a hindrance to me at all bc i wanted to see him anyways lol but it did make me feel kinda bad for him bc like his old bfs must have been real flops for him to view me just doing decent bf things as like these grand gestures. i have more to say on this but it will be towards the end of the post

so yeah i showered and got there by like 3am. he set up his futon since it was bigger than his bed so we would have more room. and he talked to me about how stressed he was about money and medical school applications and how he felt kinda worthless so i listened to him and comforted him and all that stuff. then we watched the rpdr reunion together and it was SO much fun omg he was shook p much the whole time since it was so iconic. then we went to sleep since i had work in the morning

also like the night after that we were texting and i told him i was really tired and he was like but youre never tired and i was like ya but i had 2 full days of work and i barely got any sleep last night (which was bc i was awake w him until like 5am) and i realized afterwards that it was kinda mean of me to say it bc to me i was just explaining why i was tired but he was already feeling like a burden making me drive all the way there and comfort him so telling him how tired i was probably made him feel bad about asking me for comfort which is NOT how i want him to feel bc i want him to be able to request my help whenever he needs it. so i could tell he was kinda caught off guard by me saying it so i called him and apologized and we cleared it all up. anyways it was just nice to actually call him and discuss the issue and resolve it without any drama. and he said it meant a lot that i even called him to make sure he was feeling ok so it seems that at least i did something right 

there was the next date which was pretty much the same as usual. this time i watched him play diablo 3. but this time we also fooled around and he made me cum and then i was trying to make him cum but i fell asleep bc i was so tired asfnkjashdasna i felt SOOOOOOOOO bad when i woke up that morning :( i apologized and he said it was fine and he was tired too but i still felt bad about it

so then last night/this morning was our most recent date. when i got there a friend of him/his roommates named chris was using his room bc he was playing overwatch so i had to hang out w joel marissa and lindsey in the living room. it was extremely nerve wracking and i was sweating like crazy but i tried to hide my nervousness and socialize. lindsey and marissa seem to like me esp bc i brought joel a gift that day (hes like obsessed w friends and i saw a friends t shirt when i was shopping that day so i got it for him lol) also lindsey is iconic bc she is so wacky shes always getting on the floor and doing weird poses and moves and stunts. and marissa is p funny so i like them both. but still having to talk to them was stressful even though theyre both really nice. lindsey walked into joels room later that night when he was laying down and i was sitting on top of him and said she wanted to join and then later when joel was in the kitchen she came in the doorway and asked if i could be her boyfriend asfjkafndsjnkajs now THIS is a cracked queen

so the rest of the night was nice! we watched like 3 drag race s5 eps on amazon video and we did lots of cuddling and stuff as usual. then we went to bed and we woke up and we fooled around and we BOTH came this time. it was difficult for me trying to get him to cum but i had to power through it bc i had to redeem myself after last time. then i watched him play overwatch and then i watched him play destiny. i really enjoyed it! like i was sitting there cuddling a cute guy and watching him play videogames w both of us shirtless like that is literally all i want and i finally have it!

so yeah! its going really well w joel at the moment. we get along really well and i like his sense of humor and its nice having someone w similar interests to mine! and i love playing w his hair and touching his nice soft belly and his thick thighs and playing w his beard. and i looooooooooooooooooooovvvveeeeeee his voice so much omg the way he says certain words is so cute and hes always making cute weird noises and its super endearing. and i LOVE love love being able to cuddle w someone until we both fall asleep and then waking up together! its so nice 

he doesnt seem to be losing interest in me yet which is good. however this is the issue that i mentioned earlier that i would come back to. so hes constantly telling me about how hes not used to being w someone that puts in so much effort and treats him so well. so that got me thinking. like...obv he likes me at least a little but i have a feeling he might like me a lot more rn bc he isnt used to being treated so nicely. so like, after the initial novelty of being treated like this wears off im afraid he’ll realize he doesnt actually like me that much (like if it ends up being more of a he likes the way i make him feel more than he actually likes me as a person). so im kinda worried about that but im hoping it doesnt happen obv and that he continues to like me. and again. we’ve been in somewhat social situations together now since i had to talk to his 2 roommates but it really wasnt easy for me at all. and we still havent actually gone “out” and done something, like going out to eat or attending a function together or something. so i still have to wait and see how we’re able to interact in those situations before i can determine whether our relationship will work out. im also still too nervous to eat in front of him so whenever he asks if im hungry i lie and say no even though majority of the time i am actually really hungry :/ rip

so yeah thats p much it! its pretty nice atm, except for the issues i just mentioned. also last night joel told me that one of his hookup buddies was back in town the other day and texted him but he had to turn him down and tell him that he is with someone now (me) so that was nice to know! since he seems to view us as exclusive now. we still havent officially decided we are in a relationship but im really in no rush to do that since its only been like a week and a half so i want to continue getting to know him and stuff. i still do feel that he is gonna lose interest at some point but rn it seems that will be later rather than sooner so i am just trying to take it day by day. im also worried about greece since ill be gone for a month so it is very possible that he might meet someone else that he likes more during that time which would really suck. but im kinda just operating on the assumption that its what is gonna happen that way if it does happen i wont be too shocked and if it doesnt happen ill be pleasantly surprised

so yeah thats it, overall its going really well and im having a lot of fun with him! hopefully things continue on this path and we get even closer bc i really like him so far

[beimanorthrun-blog]

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[girlieinterns]

Carter’s Interview: Business Manager.

- First off, you once said you came to New York with no intention of doing PR related work. Could you give us a little overview of your journey from graduation to Girlie?

I moved to New York about ​eight years ago and ​started out by interning at a casting agency for Broadway shows. It was a way for me to get ​involved ​with a​ creative industry, but once I saw how the theater world ​really ​worked​ -​ I decided that I wanted to try ​out the ​music​ world instead​. I had a friend who knew the current business manager at Girlie and told me he could ​recommend me ​for ​an internship. During the interview I ​explained to his friend​, “Look I don’t have any experience, but I can write pretty well.​. and if you’re willing to take a chance, I​ ​can be scrappy and learn whatever you need​!​” I interned for eight months​, and​ remember having a​ check-in​ with Felice and Vickie​ during that time​ about what I was interested in​.​  ​I was​ really​ passionate about trying to get a job here​,​ but I ​​didn’t really know what I wanted to do. I didn’t feel like publicity was the ​right fit ​for me personally, ​so I ​considered ​maybe  do​ing​ something with ​live ​events or help​ing​ Vickie ​develop ​our artist management ​division. They advised me: “If you really wanna work in the music industry, ​first of all - ​you’re crazy, but if ​you still really do​ -​ the​re will always be decent paying​ jobs​ in​ booking and management.” I thought I wanted to do artist management so I tried ​it. ​But after​ the​ir​ ​​​​business manager ​(​at the time​)​ decided to go back to school ​- Vickie ​serendipitously ​called me the ​same ​day I ​had quit my restaurant job and ​asked​​ if I want​ed​ to interview for ​the Business Manager position​,​ ​Needless to say​,​ I was thrilled!

- What kind of administrative tasks do you do for the business?

A lot of ​operational organization ​+​ managing the company’s finances​ & branding​. ​I​ ​process payrol​l, organize company and employee expenses.. ​& basically keep track o​f​ every dollar that ​comes in and ​goes​ out.​ ​​ ​In addition to finance: I sort insurance plans each year, run the intern program, ​oversee Girlie's social media pages, manage everyone's IT and office needs, plan all the birthday parties, and serve as "general council" to anyone who needs my ear or a boost of positivity throughout their week. The staff knows that if they have an issue with anything they can ​always ​come to me​.. so I guess I've become kind of the resident therapist as well, haha.  

-How is Girlie different from when you started?

​Well the most obvious answer is our Staff. ​Every once in a while someone will get another opportunity or decide that PR isn't for them.. and since we're a relatively small company, it's never easy to say goodbye to folks! ​I’m a very empathetic person who loves ​genuinely ​getting to know people, so that’s probably one of the hardest parts​ of my job​. Also, our services in general. When I first started, it was only PR. But now, Vickie​ has​ ​developed ​A​rtist ​M​anagement ​& ​D​igital ​Marketing​ alongside PR + we expanded to Cali w/ Savrin opening "Girlie West" out in Los Angeles​. ​ Vickie​ and I ​work pretty closely together​,​ ​so watching her role ​shift has ​always played a ​huge part ​in ​the specifics of ​my w​ork here.​ ​Also also.. the different types of projects​!​ ​For example, ​Lady Parts Justice ​signed on with us last year and that’s been awesome to participate in ​since ​politics​ ​are​ unavoidable right now​ (& I believe everyone should be involved in activism of some kind!)​​.​ ​Getting to ​work in music ​alongside these other kinds of projects has definitely breathed fresh air into the whole of what we do here.

-How has the PR industry changed since you’ve started?

The main difference ​for me has been noticing how the media ​shifts its ​posturing. ​Certain goals that we used to include in our campaign just aren't relative​ anymore​ with the growing​. A big thing is watching all of these magazines go out of print and become exclusively online. It’s kind of sad but also as an environmentalist it’s also kind of good! A good press campaign is about strategy. It’s which outlets are they being publicized in and why do those outlets matter in terms of their music or whatever your campaign is? It’s not as simple as writing a press release and pitching a ton of outlets you think will be interested. It’s developing sincere relationships to the people we’re pitching to so we can build a relationship bigger than “let’s put this on a blog so someone will read it,” Who’s reading it? Are they going to be someone that goes and signs up for a newsletter or membership? Will they go out and buy an album? Having those specific targets is something that’s become more important.

-How do you determine what client is worth ​engaging with? How often and how many artists ask you to represent them?

First and foremost​:​ do we like the music? ​Do we think we could achieve something that significantly benefits everyone involved? ​Depending on the time of year​..​ we’ll have a ton of people wanting to work with us or we’ll have fewer just because​ some ​​seasons are more popular than others. For the most part, Felice goes through​ all of​ the email submissions​ herself to find projects ​that ​she ​either just ​​likes, identifies with on some level​​ or thinks​ are ​at a place where ​it makes sense to bring us on board. The staff is also welcome to bring clients to her​ as well​​, of course - which does happen fairly regularly since we have 5 PR teams currently.

-As a manager you often give guidance to your artists on what opportunities are best for them to take. What factors do you consider when deciding what opportunities are best for your clients?

It depends on what their aspirations are​.​ ​At the end of the day, w​e want our clients to be happy​.​. We want to support the music​ itself​ as well as help ​folks​ meet their ​own personal & professional ​goals. The strategy comes from ​helping to define those goals​,​ and​ then a plan to get​ us​ there. It’s​ an ​ongoing repo​u​r for ​an average of three months​,​ ​and​ every two weeks ​we collectively reevaluate what’s working and what isn’t.

- What do you enjoy most about the work that you do?

I’ve met so many amazing ​artists​ and ​have ​been​ able to​ ​experience​ s​o many cool​​ places in ​this city. I ​also ​love coming to work in an office where people ​are ​constantly ​complimenting our ​"​vibes​"​. It’s not a major label​.. too modern..​ or​ too​ stuffy​.​ It’s home​-​y here​.. with a lot of heart.. ​and I feel ​proud for having played​​ a part ​in​ ​creating that​ for everyone who walks through the door.​

- What advice do you give us interns about our future endeavors; finding jobs in this industry and in general, finding new opportunities, living, etc.

The best advice I could give y​all​ is​ to​ try and stay positive​,​ because it’s all about timing. It can often be disheartening to intern for a long time or ​at several places ​at once ​- you just get burnt out. But if you’re really passionate about working in music you really have to hang in there and build up a network​ for yourself to make it eventually work​. ​Join email lists. Join networking groups. Go to as many shows as you possibly can. Talk to interns who have since gone on to awesome jobs ... & in the meantime, do your best not to burn bridges - don't party too hard - and BE NICE to the people that you meet. You never know where that next gig is going to come from!

​    p.s. THANK YOU INTERNS! We are so grateful for your work over the years, my door is certainly always open.    xox C