#and i didnt want her to panic so i tried chatting her on messenger that im still at the mall waiting for the bus

[tfshouldidohere]

i have never felt that anxious in my entire life

[ive-made-a-mystic-mistake]

HOllo i was wondering if you could make one where mc is suicidal/cutting maybe???

oh jeez ok also to anyone who feels like this i am here for you but also please get help don’t ever leave this world. as someone going through this i understand how it can feel

TRIGGER WARNING CUTTING AND SUICIDAL THEMES

spoiler warning!!! there will be mention of things that happened in some of their routes!!!

~Zen~

●he had noticed you weren’t as enthusiastic or happy as you were in the messenger●in fact you were very different from how you were in chat, phone calls, and at the party●the only time you were close to the way you are acting now compared to before the party was when you were almost kidnapped and he rescued you●he was worried ●he just wanted you to be happy●he thought maybe he wasn’t making you happy●you noticed him trying extra hard ●you knew he was afraid he wasn’t making you happy enough●he was making you plenty happy and you wanted to tell him●but that risked worrying him about your thoughts●and you really didn’t want to worry him●you made an extra effort to act happier than you are ●he seemed to believe it ●but this boy has been through shit he knowshe gives you the space though ●one day when you thought he wasn’t home you had a break down ●you couldn’t stop sobbing ●your thoughts scared you ●you hated your self so badly you wanted to be your own executioner ●you were considering taking a blade to your skin ●but before you could succeed he was hugging you ●his face buried in your shoulder/neck●you felt tears●why was he crying?●he was so sad that you were so unhappy ●he wanted so badly to find a way to eliminate all sadness from your life●he didn’t want you to suffer●you both are sitting there crying and hugging ●not saying anything ●just crying it out●sometimes that’s all you can do ●later he talks to you about it●he says he is willing to ask jumin for financial help to get you the help you need but only if you are ok with it●you think about it for a while ●you agree ●and its really tough●you feel like you are an outsider because of it he comforts you constantly●and always greets you with the brightest smile ●and acts happy for you unless you really need to be serious●hes really worried about you ●hes there for you for all of it ●hes so happy when he sees you getting better

~Yoosung~

●he was out getting groceries or steam cards or both●you werent feeling the best ●thats an understatement●you were staying at yoosungs house because your sister got in a bad accident and your families place was near his so he offered for you to stay ●youve been missing your sister so badly●there were so many things you didnt get to say●if only she listened to you when you said you have a bad feeling and she shouldnt go driving●you didnt get to say goodbye to her either●yoosung had wanted to comfort you but didn’t wanna be too pushy or upset you●while he was away those thoughts came back●you started crying●maybe you could join her in heaven●you miss her just so much ●you pull out you sleep meds ●you are about to take them but you just cant bring yourself to do it●so you just resort to putting a blade to you flesh ●you chose to do this in the bathroom ●you go through with this●you are shaking so bad ●you wonder if this is any where near the pain your sister felt●you know that isnt true●there go all those months clean down the drain●you are crying too much and too far in your thoughts to reallize yoosung was calling for you ●when he hears you in the bathroom he panics ●hes crying begging you too open the door so he can make sure you are ok●he manages to unlock the door finding you in the bath tub blood staining your clothes and skin●you notice him start to shake panicking ●he rushes to you asking you if you are ok ●he tries to not cry ●you say nothing too ashamed that he found you like this●he is suddenly shakily taking a wet washcloth to your cuts and cleaning them out putting bandages on them ●you look at him more tears threatening to spill out of your eyes ●he is holding back tears too and he hugs you so tightly ●“please never hurt yourself it pains me to see you in so much pain”●he makes you promise to never do this again●he becomes so clingy and worried about you●he tries to hide it ●he tries to comfort you constantly●cuddles

~jaehee~

●you had messed up your schedule and planned something with jaehee the day your siblings wanted to hang out with you●you missed the time with your siblings thinking that they would understand●they really didn’t●they hassled you and got really mean with you● now this isn’t what cause you to be suicidal●but it was the last straw●jaehee noticed your change in attitude and tried to help you●but you only added more things for yourself to do ●jaehee worried for you and always did little things for you like make you coffee in the morning or clean the place up before you woke up●but she wouldn’t go to you about it she wanted you to come to her●one day it all became too much and you crashed●you literally broke down in tears one day when watching zens musical with jaehee●you were shaking●jaehee pulled you close and played with your hair humming to you to get you to calm down enough to speak●she was really good at calming you down●you confide in her saying that your siblings have never been nice to you and have always been jealous ●so when they pulled this stunt it was the last straw●she says she will be back and goes to the store●she comes back with ice cream comfy pjs and a blanket ●she says this always helps her when she is feeling really upset ●yall have matching pjs ●it’s adorable●they are zen themed●so is the blanket●hes honored that he gets to help you feel better●she also urges you to get therapy because it could seriously help her feel better as well

~jumin~

●you and him had gotten another cat about two years ago ●but this cat was yours and you named him cloud ●you named him cloud after cloud strife from ffvii but only saeyoung and yoosung know this●you and this cat were very close ●one day he escapes so you and jumin are searching for him●you get outside and witness him get hit by a car●jumin has to try his hardest to keep you from running in the street●you are completely distraught●you have curled up in a ball on the side walk shaking●jumin is very upset as well●you can see tears streaming down his face as he stops traffic to get cloud’s body ●later, as jumin is preparing the funeral because he is extra and loves cats as much as I do, you are by yourself a shaking sobbing mess ●old thoughts came back and you were scared by this●you had gotten so used to having cloud there when jumin was gone ●like Elizabeth the third was nice●but she wasn’t as cuddly or c9mforting as cloud was to you●you really wanna self mutilate●you shake more somehow as you are about do it ●you resort to just messaging the rfa chat rooms about the whole ordeal●this is the one time zen is com0letely ok with talking about cats●everyone is really sad and supporting●when jumin comes back you and him just hug really tightly for awhile sobbing●even Elizabeth seems sad●you and jumin are there for each other through the whole thing●you both decide to get therapy for dealing with this situation

~seven~

●you had always been able to talk about how you didnt really grow up with parents because they both died when you were really young●but for some reason today you couldn’t handle it●the topic came up when seven was curious about your ancestory because he got an ancestry.com subscription and was curious about you ●you started talking about what you have heard of your parents and began to start shaking ●he noticed you eyes well up●he was about to go to comfort you but you said you had to use the bathroom and hid in there for like 30 minutes●you tried your hardest to sob quietly●you wish you could of met them ●you think about how if you just died you could●when you are about to slkt your throat he walks in●in no time the tool you were gonna use is gone from your hand and he is holding you close shaking and crying●he starts apologizing for bringing your parents up●he begs you to never hurt your self●he literally puts a secret code to all the blades in the house ●he also has them all in sheaths ●he makes sure you know you are loved and ok●constant worrying and small gifts

~saeran~

●you get a call from your very abusive mother●this puts you on edge●she mainly mentally and emotionally abused you more than physical●you tell her things about saeran that are safe to release to the public ●she starts calling him psychotic so you stand up for him●she makes sure you know she still thinks you are a psychopath and that you should be removed from this world●by the end of this call you are angry but that’s just to hide your sadness and hurt●you take a knife and destroy everything she and your family members that agree with her gave to you●you start thinking about what if they were gone●they think you are so psychopathic then why don’t you let them win and show them●you realize your thoughts and then panic deciding that if you do take a life it will be your own●you try to stab yourself●you just cant do it ●in anger you aggressively cut your arms and legs●saeran walks in 30 minutes after you finish ●he is shocked ●he just looks at you eyes wide mouth slightly agape●he demands that you explain●hes just shaking ●as you explain he manages to take the knife from you●when you finish he sits in front of you and with a very serious face he cuts his arm●you panic and ask him why he is doing that●he simply asks how it makes you feel when he does this to himself ●you realize what he is doing and tell him it makes you feel terrible●he asks you why you do it then ●why would you add more hurt to him ●he will help you with your emotions of course●you both need to be happy and stable●he tells you that every time he finds a new cut on you that he will cut him self so that you realize how it’s hurting those around you●this really helps you to stop cutting●you help each other out all the time●and after a while you both get a bit better●he also gives you cuddles to make you feel better because he remembers you mentioning you love cuddles once ●now he always cuddles you ●he lowkey loves cuddling too

~v~

●he knows the signs●he dated rika remember●even if he can’t see too well●he knows●hes afraid to talk to you about it●but he forces himself to because he doesn’t want you to be like rika●hes really supportive●he begs you to go into therapy●he makes sure your days are always bright and happy●he let’s you vent when you need to●he tells you that if you hurt yourself you hurt those around you●he buys you nice markers to use to draw on yourself when you feel like hurting yourself●he loves seeing the things you draw●when he notices you getting better he is over joyed

Sorry this was so long and took forever to write!!!I’m also sorry v’s part is so short omg but I used some personal experiences in here so it would feel more real. I really hope you enjoy it!!! (I’ll have to edit this later to look nicer when I finally get to a computer lmao)

[gh0stpkmn]

ok sorry for droppin rambly shit in the yooran tag again but! ok. headcanon:

while happy supportive yooran where they’re instantly bffs is so Good and Pure, i feel like another possible way they could start out is.... they Dont like each other at all. they’re almost enemies. they have beef. 

putting this under a readmore because its Long sorry. also a link to the beginnings of a fic for this.

(i feel i should mention that i wanted to include the inevitable Rika Conversation™ where saeran is having a relapse/regression moment and slipping into ‘Unknown’ territory bbbbut that seems a bit too heavy and doesn’t really fit in anywhere here. that could be a separate post or ficlet idk)

OK SO. How does this dumb thing start?? let’s set this scene

so... while it’s unlikely that saeyoung would let saeran interact all that much with the rfa until he feels he’s ready (maybe around time of the little rfa get-together in secret ending 2) i’m imagining a scenario where... yoosung is briefly at the bunker.

i wrote this interaction in a lil’ drabble bbbut idk if i’ll write everything as an actual fanfic.

  it’s HERE if you want to read it tho!!!!

ok. after this exchange yoosung is just suuuuuper taken aback. he tells himself to brush this off because, again, saeran has been through some shit. he’s probably just not used to people yet. deep down though, he feels kind of hurt and offended.

saeyoung probably just. interrupts to diffuse the situation or smth and tell yoosung that maybe he should leave. apologizes for his brother’s behavior blah blah blah “he just needs time to adjust to everything.”

but. it keeps happening. and the weird tension from their first meeting kind of just.. carries over into their next interaction. and the next. and the one after that

it’s at a point where saeran is less aggressive, less abrasive... he’s just very shy and withdrawn like we see in secret ending 2. he talks in the messenger sometimes, but not often... but when he comes to the chatroom and yoosung is online, he logs out. at rfa meetings / get-togethers, he avoids yoosung

because yoosung is exhausting to be around and he Cant deal with it...(saeyoung is too but he has to deal with that 24/7 anyways)

gradually, saeran opens up to the rfa a little more. he talks a bit more in the chat. sometimes tries making a few jokes. he comes to most if not all the rfa events with his brother. and obviously he’s way more comfortable around his brother and mc, but also he’s on decent terms with the other members.

except. for. yoosung!

now he’s not actively avoiding yoosung, but not making any attempt to talk to him either. if they have to talk at all, interactions are very brief and stiff and uncomfortable. they tolerate each other, but barely. 

eventually saeran starts making little comments now and then? like. they’re probably stuck together working on an rfa thing, or yoosung is over hanging out with saeyoung and saeran passes by to the kitchen or to say smth to saeyoung IDK. they have moments where they’re forced to spend time together, and it’s just very very tense.

and at this point Yoosung is Annoyed!!! because saeran is so rude and won’t even try to be friends with him. what an asshole. god.

he gets even angrier when saeran starts making little quips at him. little tiny comments every now and then and they’re not always outright rude or mean but.... his tone is very Deadpan and kind of sarcastic... sometimes he will be rude and mumble a complaint abt yoosung to himself or mock him under his breath, which yoosung hears and gets mad and huffy about

the Last Fucking Straw is at an rfa event of some kind. maybe a party?? yeah. yoosung walks in, ready to have a fun time with his rfa family. he is So prepared for the party and in a great mood. he’s greeting them, everyone is showing up and greeting each other. and then he turns his head 

and sees saeran standing there, blank faced. and before yoosung can force himself to be polite and say hello, saeran just says, deadpan

“your roots are showing”

YOOSUNG IS DONE!! He’s so pissed off!!!!! he fucking knows his roots are showing! he’s been so busy with school that he hasn’t had a chance to touch up his hair in a while. he can’t even bring himself to ignore the comment and try to be nice, he is d-o-n-e. 

his face gets so red, and his fists ball up, and his shoulders tense and he explodes 

“Saeran, what the HELL did I ever do to you??? Why are you like this? I’ve been nothing but nice since we met, but you’re always so damn rude!! What’s with you? Why can’t we just get along and be friends?”

he’s embarrassed at himself but more pissed off that saeran isn’t saying anything. his expressed has barely changed, but he’s blinking at him and looking maybe just a little confused, tilting his head a bit

nd he’s like.

“we are friends”

yoosung is. So confused. SO FUCKING Confused. 

“what? but you hate me!”

“um. no.”

“but you’re always mumbling under your breath that i’m annoying! you say rude things and mock me!”

saeran just. shrugs. avoids eye contact and shove his hands in his pockets.  he says “you are annoying” like it’s a fact and kinda. walks away to go do other things

yoosung is left there confused and frustrated but not as mad as he thinks he should be

OK and like? insight into saeran’s side..... saeran’s annoyance w/ yoosung just gradually fades away as he gets better and opens up to people, but he feels weird at first doing a complete 180 and treating yoosung super friendly. part of him also isn’t ready for yoosung’s dramatically cheerful “gosh i KNEW we could be friends” and big hugs and all that

also because.......... he likes seeing yoosung huffy and frustrated. it’s really funny to him. he likes it? a lot more than he probably should to be honest. and at this point he just automatically considers them friends. at least in his mind? idk. his thought process is like “i don’t totally hate them and i think they’re okay to be around so... friend.” 

as for the roots comment he made?? it goes a bit deeper than all this fluffy silly stuff. like... for saeran, it’s really easy to trigger flashbacks or panic attacks for him? so many little things remind him of his mom or mint eye, rika, etc. it’s hard... i feel like there’s some vague discomfort he feels around yoosung when he’s reminded about how strongly yoosung cares/cared for rika. 

and it’s easy enough to keep it under control because yoosung doesn’t talk about her that much anymore, bbbbbut like. sometimes... saeran remembers someone mentioning that yoosung dyed his hair to be closer to rika. they don’t really look alike (bc she was adopted if i remember correctly?) but the blond hair and the significance behind it can get to him sometimes. 

so when yoosungs natural roots start showing he is... really relieved? really happy too tbh. bc he kind of maybe sort of genuinely likes hangin around w yoosung! and now he can see that little sign that he really is his own person, not just some kid who idolizes (idolized?) the person who abused him. ye.

anyways from here on saeyoung probably teases yoosung when yoosung asks him what the Fuck is going on w his brother. he’s like 

“lol how did you not notice that he likes being around you? it’s so obvious. he wouldn’t do things like stay in the room while we’re playing games to stare at the back of your head for 3 more seconds if he didn’t like you!! come on, dude.”

(yoosung didnt notice that tho whoops)

and “the teasing or whatever? pissing you off? holy shit dude that makes it even MORE obvious that he’s chill with you”

yoosung stays confused until he decides to talk to saeran about it and they start like. actually having proper conversations. and hanging out. and they both feel pretty awkward at first but their relationship gradually develops until they’re really good friends.

and then eventually, really good boyfriends. whooops.

that’s it’s own post altogether tho so i’ll leave it at that

if ur reading this, thank u for bearing with me thru my rambling. god.