#and i started explaining them briefly in my discord server and people have already started yelling at me for the pain I have planned

[numerous-bees-in-a-skin-suit]

Met Melchor, Allura’s older brother for a voltron rewrite I’m probably doing! He’s very dear to me, and I have so many plans for him.

[writing-intheundercroft]

when you know, you know

Read on AO3

Word Count: 7,169

Rating: T (just some smooches)

Summary: You and Garreth Weasley aren't on speaking terms, not since you were caught stealing billywig stings for him and subsequently banned from Honeydukes.

But the dawn of your sixth year brings a potion brewing contest, and you might finally have a chance to put him in his place.

A/N: Happy first birthday, Hogwarts Legacy! The HL discord server I'm in came up with the theme of One Year Later, and this is my submission. Thankful for all the lovely people I've met through this fandom, who encourage me to write every day <3

“Welcome to your sixth year of potions,” Professor Sharp says gruffly, leaning against his desk. “I hope you’re all prepared to start exploring the theories of potion composition, and have read the first five chapters of your textbook over the summer holidays as instructed.”

Sebastian groans next to you, flipping open his book.  You snort, craning your neck around the room to assess your classmates. 

Everett, Sacharissa, Andrew, Nastai, Poppy, and Grace–all of them still have the post-summer slump, faces glum as they wished to be free of the potions dungeon. At the station next to you, Leander looks ready to fall asleep.  He was practically using his fingers to keep his eyeballs open during the double potions period.

Next to Leander, you can’t help noticing Garreth Weasley.  It's unusual to see him so engaged; Garreth is normally the class clown, always trying to figure out a way to disrupt the lesson.  Instead, he’s sitting stick straight, scribbling every word Sharp had to say.  His notes were neatly organized, ingredients for the day’s brew already portioned out and chopped.

“What’s gotten into Weasley?” you whisper to Sebastian.

Sebastian scoffs. “Oh, he’s probably trying to get on Sharp’s good side, with the potion making contest coming up.”

“What contest?” You ask, albeit a bit too loud.

“I was just getting to that point,” Sharp says your name; the entire class had turned their attention to the two of you. Even Garreth was staring, despite the iciness between the two of you.  It’s been months since you last spoke, exchanging choice words in a shouting match after he’d gotten you banned from Honeydukes.  After all, he was the one who’d assured you Mr. Flume wouldn’t be home, and that it wouldn’t be too difficult to steal the billywig stings.

Nevermind that, you think, turning your attention back to Sharp’s lecture.

“Every year, I challenge the sixth year class to create a new potion,” Sharp drawls. “Many of the students who’ve won in the past have gone on to become some of the Hogwarts’s most successful potioneers.  The winner of the contest will receive after hours access to the potions classroom, unlimited usage of the ingredient cupboard, and their name included on the plaque in the trophy room.” he explains.

Sharp continues droning on about the rules; you feel Sebastian’s breath tickle your ear “Garreth’s been assuming he’ll win since we were second years,” he whispers. “I’d love to see you put him in his place.”

You swat at the freckled brunette, who lets out another audible chuckle.  Scanning the room again, your eyes briefly make contact with Garreth’s.  He looks at you with something fierce in his eyes; it’s almost threatening, you think.  He also looks a tad bit deflated, but considering the two of you aren’t friends anymore, you don’t really care to know why.

“Sure, I’ll enter.” You say loudly enough for Garreth to hear. “I’m sure it’ll be a clean sweep.”

Garreth’s eyes turn to slits before he refocuses on his notes.  His face is turning red as he scribbles on the parchment, and you can’t help feeling a bit satisfied at his reaction.  Suits him right, you think, for being such a coward. You’re going to kick his ass and get back for the ten detentions he bought you last year.

Sharp’s NEWT level class is just as painful as you’d imagined it would be.  Sacharissa nearly slices her own finger off trying to cut open a sopophorous bean, and Everett faints from the blood.  Andrew sends his own bean flying across the room, thwacking Natty in the forehead; it incites a verbal altercation that has the two nearly come to blows before Sharp can separate them.  You and Sebastian can’t help but laugh watching them, falling dreadfully behind in your own quest to brew a draught of living death.

“Look at those prats,” Sebastian nudges you. 

You look over at the two redheads adjacent to you–they’re working diligently, ignoring the dramatics of the classroom.  Garreth is clearly guiding the process, Leander eagerly observing him as he chops and stirs. They’re the only two students in the classroom even remotely close to brewing the potion correctly, and it’s a little surprising to you that Garreth would be so tame. 

He tilts his head, copper colored hair falling in front of his eyes. His hair is longer, shaggier than last year. You also can’t ignore how much larger his forearms are, probably from detentions spent lifting the cauldrons to and from the storage room. They’re thick and freckled, a dusting of hair—

Garreth turns his head, glaring at you. You’ve been blatantly staring at him for a whole minute now.

“Oi, get it together, woman.” Sebastian chides, snapping his fingers in front of your eyes. “I don’t think your cauldron is supposed to be purple—“

“Dammit!” You curse, turning back to your own brew. .  Sebastian laughs as you thwack him on the shoulder, stirring your potion.  It’s no good–the brew has turned the wrong color, and now resembles a fudgy texture.

“So much for winning the competition,” Sebastian teases you.  Your face heats up with embarrassment as Sharp walks over to your cauldron, assessing your work. 

“Better luck next time, I suppose.” Sharp says gruffly, raising his eyebrows at the thick goop. 

As expected, Garreth and Leander win the day’s best brew.  It takes twice as long as usual for you to scrub your cauldron, cheeks red from both embarrassment and the extra elbow grease you have to put in.  Sebastian, despite his promises to stay as long as he can, has already abandoned you to get to lunch ahead of the rush.  At this rate, you’ll miss lunch entirely.

“You should really throw some ashwinder eggshells in there.”

Looking up, you see Garreth standing a few feet away, his hands shoved into his pockets.  In lieu of the traditional blazer, he’s gone a bit casual with a crimson and gold Gryffindor sweater.  It looks a tad tight on him, and well worn.  Likely a hand-me-down from one of his many older brothers, you think.

“Mixed with water, they’re quite abrasive.  It’ll help with the cleaning.” Garreth suggests, shrugging his bag onto his shoulder.

“So, we’re talking again.” your tone is flippant; you scrub even harder at the baked in potion caking your cauldron.

Garreth rolls his eyes, dropping his bag to the ground. “Let me help,” he says gruffly, elbowing you out of the way.  He takes a handful of ashwinder eggshells, sprinkling it into your cauldron.  You peer over the edge as he dribbles water inside.

“Now put on your dragonhide gloves,” Garreth advises. “Don’t want to get burned, do you?”

You do as instructed, slipping the gloves on.  Garreth hands you the wire brush again, and this time the sludge slides off the edges of the cauldron with ease.

“See? Not so bad.” 

You open your mouth to thank him, but Garreth has stepped away from your station.  Bag in hand, he gives you a wary look.

“Earlier, when you were staring,” Garreth trails off.

“I wasn’t staring.” you scoff.  In reality, you were , but that’s not the point.

“You were,” Garreth countered. “You weren’t trying any funny mind tricks, were you?  I’d heard a rumor that you and Sallow were trying to study legilimency–”

Eyebrow raised, you cross your gloved arms. “Why on earth would I need to read your mind, Weasley?”

“To steal my potion recipe.” Garreth blurted, eyes narrowed. “For the contest.  You’re trying to win, I overheard you and Sallow talking about entering.”

You scoff in his face. “Why would I need to steal a recipe from you ?”

Garreth straightened, pushing his copper hair out of his eyes. “Because everyone knows that I,” jerking his thumb towards himself, “am going to win.  I’ve been planning my submission since I was a first year, and I’m not about to lose to you.” 

Whatever warmth you thought Garreth Weasley was going to give you is long gone. You lean back over your pewter cauldron, scrubbing aggressively.

“I can’t believe you’d think I’d stoop so low, Garreth.” You seeth. “You know what? Just for that, I am going to enter Sharp’s contest now–and I’m going to kick your ass.”

“Like hell you are,” Garreth huffs, leering down at you. You hadn’t noticed just how tall he’d gotten over the summer–

Focus, you remind yourself, eyes flitting away from his form.

“What are you two still doing in my classroom?”

You and Garreth spin around, almost knocking your cauldron over in the process.  An exhausted looking Sharp stands in the doorway, his palm on his head.

“Not you two,” he mutters. “I had a feeling the two of you would be battling it out for best brew.” 

“We were just comparing notes, sir.” Garreth says easily, backing away from you. “She needed help cleaning her cauldron.”

“Not your best work today,” Sharp reminds you, peering into your now sparkling clean cauldron. “The two of you should be off to lunch, or else you’ll miss the meal.”

“Yes sir,” the two of you chirp in unison.  Garreth takes his leave while you’re stowing your cauldron away, and he’s nowhere to be seen once you get to the Great Hall for lunch.  You want to fight, defend yourself against his accusations, but it doesn’t look like he’ll give you the chance.

His loss , you think, meandering over to your house table.  

The first month of classes has been hell.  While you’d pictured your sixth year to be quite leisurely with the extra free periods, you’ve spent every study hall cooped up in the library, buried in your books.  Despite passing last term with flying colors, it feels like you’re going to spend your entire life catching up to your classmates. You might be the hero of Hogwarts, but you still feel stupid in History of Magic, stumbling over your words.

You’re cursing to yourself as you run through the streets of Hogsmeade, trying to make it to J Pippin’s before closing.  Sharp’s potions contest has fallen to the bottom of your priorities, but the events of lunch earlier in the day have pushed you to work on your submission. You’d been sitting at the table with Sebastian and Ominis, lamenting over your shared arithmancy assignment when Garreth and Leander walked into the Great Hall, loud cheers and whoops coming from the Gryffindor table.  They were sopping wet, hair windswept, having just tested Garreth’s potion submission.

“No one will be able to beat him,” Leander had declared loudly, rustling Garreth’s long red hair. Garreth was grinning broadly, a gaggle of fifth year girls surrounding him in awe.  That alone was irksome; as if they really knew Garreth Weasley.  

“Since when did Garreth Weasley become the hottest commodity?” Ominis asked, tilting his chin in his palm.

Sebastian took a sip of his pumpkin juice, snorting. “Probably because he grew five inches over the holidays,” he joked. “Lost the pudge too.”

“Sebastian,” you warned, flicking him in the head. “Don’t be so cruel.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes, shrugging. “It’s true,” he argued. “Anyways, I can’t wait to watch you put him in his place during the potions competition.  Do you have your brew ready?”

“Of course I do,” You lied, turning back to your parchment. “Don’t be silly.”

In actuality, you didn’t have your brew ready whatsoever–you’d spent the last month tinkering with several recipes, but nothing seemed good enough for submission.  With potions due tomorrow, you’ll have to spend the rest of your day working on the brew.  The rest of your classes for the day go unattended, spending the afternoon cooped up in the Room of Requirement to draft a recipe.  Nothing seems to be working, and you’re out of focus potions.  You could brew them up yourself, but perhaps some fresh air and a walk will do you good–therein, a trip to J Pippin’s was necessary.

The bell rings as you push the door in, Parry Pippin smiling at you from the register.  You entertain his small talk, questions about your summer holidays, all while anxiously checking your pocket watch for the time.  You still had your arithmancy homework, as well as a four foot scroll due in Transfiguration next week to work on–

“You haven’t run into Mr. Weasley, have you?”

Snapping out of your thoughts, you look up at Parry. “No, I haven’t.” you say sharply, taking the carefully wrapped package full of focus potions that he’s packed into your arms. “Why would I?”

Pippin clicks his tongue. “I’m fresh out of the stench of the dead, that’s all.  Mr. Weasley was trying to purchase some more for his potions project.  Nasty business, procurement.  It’s hard to find a supplier that’ll face up to the inferi in the first place.” The register opens, and he begins counting your change. “I recommended he reach out to you for assistance.”

You blink at the shopkeeper. “Me?” 

“Well of course,” Pippin snorts. “You’re rather fearless, aren’t you?  Not that it matters, of course, he was quite put off by the suggestion.  Asked me where he could find them, and I pointed out an old abandoned treasure cave a few miles north, up in the valley.  Can always find them lurking around there.”

“I’m sorry , you directed a student to an inferi den?” You gape.

Pippin looks at you, eyebrows raised. “Don’t they teach you how to fight them and what not?  Isn’t that what Defense Against the Dark Arts is for?  Anywho, Mr. Weasley seemed rather confident in his abilities.  Think he was a bit embarrassed that I recommended he ask a girl for help.”

You block out whatever Pippin is saying, tucking the package under your arm as you leave the shop.  While it’s not your responsibility to look after Garreth (considering recent events and his rather frosty attitude towards you) you can’t help feeling a bit worried.  Most students don’t have much experience with the undead; you only have a basic grasp on battling them due to Sebastian’s shenanigans the year prior. Inferi are tough, even for most grown adults to deal with; any wound inflicted by one can render even the strongest wizard ill.  

The sun is beginning to set, and while you know you should head straight back to the Room of Requirement to work on your contest brew, you turn towards the path north.  You’re certain you’ve visited the treasure den Pippin is talking about before, and it won’t hurt to check.  If the clearing is empty, you’ve just gotten extra exercise for the day.  If not–well, you don’t want to think about that quite yet.

You’ve forgotten how long the trek to the Hogsmeade Valley is, feet aching as you stumble over the rocky terrain. You bet that even if Garreth has gone to hunt the inferi, he’s likely given up by now, gone back to the castle already.  You doubt Garreth wants to battle the inferi–he’s always had a distaste for dueling, preferring to watch everyone battle it out during Crossed Wands rather than participate.  

You swallow thickly, trying to push the image of Garreth fighting the undead out of your mind. Despite your anger towards him, you really don’t want him to go up against something he’s not ready for just to win a stupid class contest.

The sky is dark by the time you round out the hill.  From a distance, you can see the wooden arch to the old treasure den, and to your relief, nothing is disturbed. You’re about to turn on your heel to go back to the floo Upper Hogsfield when you sniff the familiar putrid stench of inferi.  Your blood runs cold when you hear a familiar groan, and then anxious yelps.

“ Diffindo !  Ah, shit!” 

You drop your parcel in the long grass, disappearing into a blue wisp as you close the distance between yourself and the voice.  Of course, it’s Garreth, looking panicked and battered as he tries to slice through the inferi.  They’re not fast, but his leg is bleeding, and he doesn’t know that severing charm will do no damage to the undead.

“Garreth!” you yell, sliding through the rocks towards him.

Garreth’s eyes widen, crying out your name.  Despite his injury, he’s holding his arm out as if to shield you.  That bloody Gryffindor bravery, you think, swatting his arm away.

“Get back,” Garreth yells. “Get to Upper Hogsfield, I can hold them off–”

“Get out of the way, you idiot,” you shriek, waving your wand towards him. Depulso might be a bit extreme, but all you can think about is getting the wounded boy out of the way. As soon as you hear Garreth yelp, landing on the soft grass, you turn your attention back to the inferi, who are closing in.  

“Confringo!” you pant, unleashing fiery flames from the tip of your wand towards them. The heat of the fire has them shrieking and turning away. Several of them disintegrate, leaving behind the precious bounty Garreth had sought them out for in the first place.

It’s quiet, except for your heavy breathing and the screeches of inferi, all turning into piles of ash as you defeat them.  Once you’re sure the last one has been slaughtered, you turn back to Garreth, a few feet away in the grass.  He’s staring at you, dumbfounded, as he clutches the gash on his leg.  He’s looking rather pale, the blood seeping from his cut a strange dark color.  

“Garreth,” you breathe, falling to your knees next to him. 

“It must be infected,” he says slowly. “From the inferi.”

There’s no time to waste.  You dig through your hip pouch, pulling out one of your spare wiggenwelds.  Garreth will surely need a blood renewing potion and some more itensive healing potions when you get back to Hogwarts, but this will do for now. Pulling out the stopper, you push the vial into his hands.

“I can’t believe Pippin would direct you to an inferi den,” you snarl, tearing a piece of your cloak to make a makeshift bandage. Garreth is quietly sipping on the wiggenweld, trying not to look at the damage. “I have half a mind to report him to your aunt–”

“Don’t,” Garreth begs. “Please, don’t.  It’s embarrassing enough.”

“Garreth, you could’ve been killed.” You argue.

“It’s my own fault.” he says miserably. “Fire is what destroys inferi.  I can’t believe I fucking forgot.”

You give him a wry look. “Well, potions is your better subject.” you joke.

Garreth ignores your quip, downing the rest of the healing potion. “You came up to find me.” he points out, pushing the empty vial back into your hands. “Why?”

You shrug. “Pippin told me you didn’t want my help, and I assumed you’d go off trying to get the ingredients for yourself.  You shouldn’t go up against them alone, Garreth.”

“You fought them alone,” Garreth points out. “You could handle them.”

“Well, either I fought them, or else you’d be turning into an inferi yourself right now.” 

“Probably best to not waste my good looks on being a zombie.” Garreth jokes.  Taking note of your stern face and unwillingness to laugh, he winces. “Should we get back to school now?  Perhaps we can make it to Upper Hogsfield; take the floo from there.  But make sure to get some of that stench of the dead before we leave.”

Garreth carefully supervises you as you scoop up the murky essence into your vials; he eyes you as you tuck them in your bag.  Garreth tries to get up on his own, groaning as he balances on his good leg, swatting away your helping hand.

“Let me help you, you twat.” you urge him, slinging his arm around your shoulder.  It doesn’t do much–he really has grown, and you need to stand on your tiptoes to even support him.

The two of you stumble through the grass and you pass your sad little package on the way down.  Oh well, you think. Your potion is the least of your worries, considering Garreth is still dripping blood next to you. Despite his protestations that he’s doing fine, you know from the way he’s clutching your shoulder that he’s not.

“You’re not going to take me to the hospital wing, are you?” Garreth groans as you support him to the flickering green flame outside of Upper Hogsfield. “If you take me there, Blainey will tell Aunt Tilly, and I’m not sure I’m ready for that lecture yet.”

“I have somewhere else you can go.” you offer, biting down on your lower lip.  You’ve never invited anyone into the Room of Requirement before–Professor Weasley strictly forbade you from sharing the room, and you’ve kept it a secret from Sebastian, Ominis, and Natty for almost a year now.  But you’re sure you can’t get into too much trouble, especially if you’re healing another student.

“Do you trust me?” You ask Garreth, slipping your arm around his.

The redhead looks down at you, perhaps a bit skeptical.  “I trust you.”

“Good. Not like you have a choice anyways,” You remind him, turning back towards the flame.

“Okay, now this is truly unfair,” Garreth complains, splayed across your settee. “Aunt Tilly is officially my least favorite family member.”

You snort as you sprinkle mallowsweet into your bubbling cauldron. “Because she didn’t show you the Room of Requirement?”

“Yes,” Garreth barks. “You’re telling me I’ve been sneaking into Sharp’s office after hours just to trial potions, meanwhile there’s a perfectly good potions lab in the astronomy tower? Rubbish,” he mutters.  He picks at the piece of your cloak that you’ve tied around his thigh; it’s still bloody, and he looks peakish.

“The blood renewing potion is nearly done,” You assure him, walking away from the cauldron to assess his wound again. “Why do you need the stench of the dead so badly?” you ask, wrinkling your nose as you take off the bloody fabric. “Is it for your potion contest submission?”

Garreth swallows thickly. “Yes,” his voice is careful, trying not to give anything away.  He inhales sharply once the fabric has come off; his wound, despite the wiggenweld, still looks worse for wear. 

“Oh, come off it,” you roll your eyes, waving your wand to summon a fresh roll of linen. “Just tell me what it is. I guarantee you’re going to win anyways.”

Garreth gives you a funny look before bowling his shoulders over, letting out a loud sigh. “I’ve created a bottled tornado,” he admits, wincing as you bandage him up. “Bit of a play on the thunderbrew; you take the potion before entering battle, and you have full control of a windstorm against your enemies.”

“Is that why your hair was so fucked at lunch?” you muse. 

Garreth rolls his eyes. “It looked good, okay?”

The two of you glare into each other’s eyes for the first time in quite a while; after a terse twenty seconds, both of you burst into laughter.  

“Was it that bad?” Garreth wheezes.

You laugh, visibly shuddering. “Not that bad, actually. Those fifth years rather enjoyed it.”

Garreth rolls his eyes. “The most attention I’ve received from any of those girls, ever. Leander has been trying to talk me up to them, find us a double date.”

You’re quiet for a moment, stomach twisting with unfamiliar anxiety at the idea of Garreth and Leander sharing butter beers with those girls. Not that you care, really, but you miss hanging out around the Three Broomsticks every Saturday with Garreth.  He’d been one of your closest friends until the incident at Honeydukes, and then nothing . 

“Is that why you want to win the contest so badly?” You blurt. “For notoriety? Or just attention from the girls?” You joke.

Garreth shakes his head, shaking out his ginger mane like a lion.  Sometimes, you think it’s too fitting that he’s a Gryffindor. “Nah, not for that.”

“What for, then?”

Garreth chews on his lower lip. “Have I ever told you about my family?”

“Uh, no. Just that there’s a lot of them.” You admit, resting your palms on your knees.

“I’m one of seven siblings.” Garreth says, head falling back against a pillow. “There’s Arthur, Benedict, Cornelia, Deirdre, Edwin, Frederick, and myself.” he counts out his siblings on his thick fingers.

“Alphabetical order?” you asked, slightly amused.

Garreth rolled his eyes. “Unfortunately, yes.” Your eyes flit down to his torso; the hem of his shirt has risen, exposing a freckled stomach. You think back to what Sebastian had said–how Garreth had lost his baby fat over the summer, his once soft stomach turning muscled and strong.  You try not to linger on the thatch of red hair trailing down to his waist. 

“Artie, Deirdre, and Freddie played Quidditch for the house team. Cornelia and Edwin were both prefects, and Benedict was head boy.” Garreth explains.

“A successful bunch,” you offer.

“Successful besides me.” Garreth grumbled. “Mum wouldn’t let me hear the end of it when I didn’t get prefect our fifth year.  I’ve always been middling at Quidditch too, so no hopes for the house team.” he says moodily. “Just plain, untalented Garreth. The only thing I'm even remotely good at is brewing a potion, so I've been hoping to win ever since I was a first year.  All my siblings tried, but none have won.  Thought I might get my own name out there, instead of just being the youngest Weasley.” His eyes are glued to the ceiling, but you can tell from the furrow in his brow and hardened jaw that he's frustrated.

You tilt your head, giving him a disapproving look. “I think you’re talented, Garreth.”

“I think you’re talented too,” Garreth points out. “Which is why you’re probably going to win the potion making contest.  Sharp hates me, after all.”

“I think you have a fair shot,” you argue. “You’ve spent all summer working on your potions.”

“Yes, but you’re you.” Garreth fights back. “You’ve had magic for what, a year?  And you’re the most powerful witch I know.” 

“It’s not that easy,” you mumbled under your breath, smoothing down the front of your trousers as you stand.  You step back over to the station; the blood renewing potion has finished, a thick purple sludge that leaves a metallic smell in its wake.  You pull out a clean vial, trying to ladle the necessary amount.

“Everything seems to come easy to you.” Garreth pointed out. “You defeated a troll, took town the goblin rebellion–”

“At what cost, Garreth?” you shout, closing your hand into a tight fist.  “Ow!”

Garreth shoots up, propping up on his hands to peer over at you.  You open your hand, shaking it out–you’ve shattered the vial.  Cursing under your breath, you walk over the wash basin, muttering a quick charm to get the tiny shards of glass out of your hand.

“Let me help,” Garreth pleads, hobbling over towards you.

“Get back on the couch, Gar.” You seethe, pointing across the room.  

Garreth puts his hands up, still shuffling your way.  You wag your hand; it’s still stinging, but it’s just a surface wound. A wiggenweld and a bandage will do just fine.  

“Let me,” Garreth says quietly, his tone soft towards you for the first time in ages. “It’s my fault, after all.”

“It’s not your fault,” You sigh. “It’s me, being stupid.”

“You’re not stupid. You’re the furthest thing from stupid.” Garreth assures you. “I meant to say that it was my fault you got caught last year.”

You pause.  Is he really apologizing now?

Garreth takes the roll of linen, wrapping it around your palm. “You were looking for the billywig stings for me,” he says, tearing the linen with his teeth.  He sets down the roll, tying a knot around the bandage in your palm. “I’m the reason you got caught, and you covered for me. Flume could’ve called the aurors for burglary, and I let you take the fall.”

All you’ve wanted for the past six months is for Garreth to own up to his part in you getting all those detentions and losing fifty house points. You feel a little satisfied, but at the same time sad–you could’ve been friends all this time, instead of strangers.  Losing him made the other Gryffindors go icy against you, and it drove you further into Sebastian’s arms.  While you love your other freckled friend to death, you can’t help but wonder what trouble you could’ve avoided had you not felt so isolated. 

The thought overwhelms you, and you burst into a loud sob.  

“What’s wrong?” Garreth panics.

You wipe a tear from your eyes. “It’s nothing, it’s nothing at all.” you blubber.

“It’s clearly not,” Garreth says gently.

“It’s just we’ve been avoiding each other for months,” you take in a shaky breath. “And I’ve missed being your friend.”

Garreth lets out a loud sigh, his hand trailing down to touch your forearm.  It’s hard not to melt into his warm touch.

“I’m sorry,” he admits. “I was being stubborn.  I should’ve apologized ages ago, I’ve missed you too. I was just so intimidated by you, I forgot how to be your friend.”

“Intimidated, by me?” You gape.

Garreth gives you a look, raising his thick eyebrows. “You’re the Hero of Hogwarts,” he waves his free hand. “You only just discovered magic a year ago, and yet you’re at the top of the class.  You’re the best duelist I know; you bloody saved my life tonight.”

“I’m not a hero,” your voice falters. You’re not.  Garreth would be horrified to know what you’ve done–dabbled in dark magic, taken life (even if not by choice). 

“You’re a hero to me,” Garreth murmurs.  

You look into his deep green eyes.  They’re warm and honest; the Garreth you’ve gotten used to has a cold stare, eyes flitting away from yours as fast as possible.  This Garreth makes your stomach flip, but not in an uncomfortable way.  He’d always elicited that reaction from you, from the day you’d met.  Garreth had always been cheerful and cuddly, an arm always tossed around your shoulder as you sat together or fiddling with the hem of your robe.  It had gotten to the point where you might actually believe the rumors that he'd had a crush on you, considering the way his hugs lingered or the way his eyes caught you across the classroom.

For a second, you wonder if he ever actually did have a crush on you.  You also wonder if he still might.

“You should take the potion,” you change the subject, shaking off his grasp.

Garreth obediently sits back down on the settee while you scoop the thick potion into a clean vial.  He looks up at you with a smile as you settle down next to him, as if his leg still isn’t shaking and bloody.  

“Bottoms up,” you press the vial into his hand.

Garreth takes the blood renewing potion, shuddering as the thick sludge passes through his throat.  He shakes out his hair, setting the empty vessel down on the side table.

“How do you feel?” 

“Feeling better already,” Garreth assures you, and you know he’s telling the truth.  His cheeks are reddening, the color flooding back into his face.  You look down at the gauze wrapped around his leg; thanks to the potion, the other healing potions you’d forced him to take are now kicking in. 

“You’re brilliant, you know?” Garreth murmurs. “You’re beautiful, brilliant, and so damn brave. That’s why you’ll win Sharp’s contest.”

“Will you stop saying that?” You snip at him.

Garreth gives you an incredulous look. “It’s a compliment.”

“You don’t realize how much work it is,” you say, fidgeting with your hands in your lap. “To catch up to all of you.  Having this magic, not being able to control it–it doesn’t make any of the day to day any easier.  It seems like there’s always something I have to learn, things I should know by now that I don’t.  I feel like a fraud most of the time.” you admit, tears welling in your eyes.

“Hey, none of that,” Garreth tuts, wiping at your face. “You’re no fraud.  You, my dear, are the real deal.  I’m the one bumbling around, getting scratched up by inferi–”

You shut your eyes, clutching at the hand he’s resting on your face. “I won’t let you talk about yourself like that,” you argue. The thought of Garreth, one of the most clever wizards you know, feeling inferior to his siblings is still fresh in your mind. “You’re marvelous, Garreth.  You’re one of the best potioneers here at school, and you’re going to win.”

“But what about your submission?” His eyebrows are knitted together in confusion.

You shrug. “You need it more than I do–I already have my own space here, and you deserve the recognition.”

Garreth purses his lips together. “I can’t finish mine, unfortunately. Not without the ingredients–”

“Trust me, we have plenty now.” You assure him. “I probably have the rest of what you need here,” you say, scrambling to your feet. You rush back over to the potions stand, conjuring a clean cauldron. “I’m assuming you’re using the same base as a thunderbrew–”

Garreth is over to the potions station in three quick strides, closing the distance between you.  He grabs your wrist, but his touch is soft.

“You’ll really help me?” he asks, his voice hopeful. “Even if I’ve been an absolute prat towards you for the last six months–”

“I think if last year proves anything, I’d do anything for you, Garreth.” You want to look into his eyes, but the moment feels too charged. "You were one of my first friends here, and I care about you."

Garreth’s eyes flit down to your lips. “As a friend?” The question hangs heavy between the two of you.

You shake your head. “Yes...but also, no. Not just as a friend.” you say slowly, hoping he'll understand.

Garreth doesn’t release his grip; his fingers move down, tangling with yours.  He takes a step closer and you can feel his hot breath on your cheek.  You look up at him, opening your mouth to say anything , but you don’t get the chance.  Garreth’s lips crash against yours in a tender kiss, the pad of his thumb running over the back of your hand.  You tilt your head up a bit too eagerly, your teeth clacking against his.

Garreth pulls away, and you’re momentarily mortified until he descends back upon you, this time wrapping his arms around your waist tugging you close.  Your hands are in his hair, grasping at the copper locks you’ve spent the last six months eyeing.  It’s just as soft as you thought it would be.  Sighing into his touch, you can tell the freckled boy is smiling against your mouth from the curve of his chin.  His tongue glides against your bottom lip and you grant him access, warmth pooling in the pit of your stomach as the kiss deepens.  You want more, even if you're being greedy.  You don’t want any distance between the two of you whatsoever anymore.  

Garreth pulls away and you whine at the loss of him.  He presses his forehead against yours, looking quite bashful.  The look in his eyes says everything you need to know for now.

I’m sorry.

I’ve missed you.

I have feelings for you.

“Should we get to brewing?” you ask breathlessly, gesturing down to the empty cauldron.

“Let’s. I want to get it out of the way–I think the two of us have some more catching up to do.” Garreth teases, his hands hovering over your waist.

You grin, turning your attention down to the cauldron. Garreth’s warm body encases yours from behind, listing off all the ingredients and their exact ratios.  His chin lands against your shoulder, breath tickling your ear as he whispers the instructions. It's only after he presses his lips against the nape of your neck that you slam the chopping knife down, hands shaking.

“If you keep this up, we’ll never finish.” You warn him.

Garreth’s chuckle sends a shiver up your spine. “Fine, fine.” he sighs, pressing a kiss against your cheek as he steps away. “I’ll observe some personal space for now, but the moment we’re done…” his voice trails off. “I’d like to kiss you again.”

You swat at him, rolling your eyes as he starts chopping mandrake leaves. The air in the Room of Requirement feels thick, charged with the tension between the two of you as you take turns stirring the altered thunderbrew. Before long, the cauldron is emitting sparks of lightning and gusts of wind, indicating your success.

“Back to catching up?” Garreth asks, chewing on his bottom lip as he bottles the brew.  As soon as the potion is stowed away safely, you nod, and the redhead wastes no time taking you back to the settee.

You never did manage to have the time to come up with your own potion.  Garreth had insisted on working through the night to help you come up with your own submission, just so he could win fair and square, but you'd shrugged him off.  You'd only entertained the idea of entering to compete with him in the first place.  Besides, you would rather save the precious time in the Room of Requirement for other activities.

Professor Sharp had just announced the winner of the potion brewing contest before the bell rang.  In a tired, yet unsurprised tone, Sharp announces that Garreth has won by a landslide.  The class is roaring and chanting for him; Sharp is perturbed that he’ll have to grant the budding potioneer access to his classroom and store cabinet after hours.  Nevertheless, Garreth’s name is quickly etched into a little silver tag that will be added to the plaque in the trophy room, and class is dismissed.

“I can’t believe you bungled up your potion.” Sebastian shakes his head, slipping the strap of his bag over his shoulder. 

You shrug, clutching your books against your chest. “Just wasn’t meant to be.”

“I was really hoping you’d put Weasley in his place,” Sebastian mumbles.  

You turn your head over your shoulder, eyes immediately locking with Garreth’s.  He’s standing over his cauldron, sprinkling ashwinder egg shells into the vessel as he smiles at you.  His cheeks are a bit flushed–you’re not sure if it's from the heat of the cauldron, or from the memory of the kisses you’d shared in the Room of Requirement after finishing his contest submission.

“I wouldn’t worry too much, Seb.” You assure him. “I think I’ll be putting him in his place much more often now.”

Sebastian doesn’t catch on to your innuendo, shrugging as you pass through the door.  “Fancy meeting Ominis for lunch?”

“I’m fine,” you lie. “I”ll catch you both later.  I think I left my quill behind.”

Once Sebastian is past the corner and out of view, you turn back around, slipping into the potions classroom.  You were hoping for a moment alone with Garreth, but Leander’s whinging cuts the silence.  

“The two of you couldn’t stop staring at each other all period,” Leander shakes his head. “What’s going on?”

Casting a quick disillusionment charm, you slip into the store room, leaving the wooden door slightly ajar to watch the boys interact.

“Don’t worry about it, Lee.” Garreth assures him, waving his wand to rinse out his cauldron.

“Are the two of you friends again?” Leander asks. “Sallow must be pissed.”

You shuffle forward, trying to get a better look at the two of them.

“He’ll get over it,” Garreth laughs, picking up his cauldron to stack it against the rest. His shirt is rolled up above his elbows, and you bite down on your lower lip as you watch the muscles in his forearms flex.

“I knew you’d win,” Leander snorts. “You’re the best in class, everyone knows it.  You deserved it.  But honestly, I’m surprised she didn’t even enter.”

“I know,” Garreth shrugs. “But she’s smart too.  Quick as a whip, hell of a duelist.  I don’t think we ever thank her enough for what she’s done.” 

Leander scoffs. “Why are you kissing her arse? Oh no, don’t tell me you have a crush on her again.” he complains, rolling his eyes.

Garreth chuckles, walking back over to the station to pick up his book bag.  “Crush on her?  Mate, I’m going to marry that girl someday.”

Your heart stops for a moment, cheeks aflame.  Garreth had confessed his feelings to you in the Room of Requirement, after the two of you had to drag yourselves apart at the risk of taking things too far. Now that you were back in his life, he assured you that there was little chance of him ever letting you get too far away again.  You’d agreed wholeheartedly then, but your mind hadn’t even gotten to the idea of life post-school. 

Marriage .  Marriage to Garreth Weasley.  The thought of it is comfortable, like a worn in sweater or a cup of tea.  You can imagine waking up every morning to his lips pressed against your neck, encased in his warm embrace. 

Yes, you might like that.  

Even though you have a disillusionment charm on, you swear Garreth is looking straight at you through the crack in the doorway.  He has a dreamy, faraway look on his face, one that makes you want to barrel out the door and tackle him to the ground right now.

“Now you really sound like you’ve been confunded,” Leander laughs. “You’re sixteen, Gar.”

“It’s more than that.” Garreth says fondly. “I know it is.”

“Whatever you say,” Leander snorts, heading towards the door. “Coming to lunch?”

“I’ll meet you there,” Garreth echoes.  

You hear Leander grumbling to himself, his footsteps becoming quieter as he gets further away from the classroom.  Finally, you hear nothing at all except the familiar hum of the boisterous Gryffindor boy you’ve been itching to spend time with all day.

The door flies open and Garreth reaches out, tapping your shoulder.  It disarms your disillusionment charm, and you blink up at him in shock.  He’s still beaming, a toothy grin accompanied by freckled rosy cheeks.  Before you know it, the door is shutting behind you, and he’s backed you into the shelf.  The taller boy has you pinned against it, muttering a quick locking charm before he slips his wand into his back pocket.

“I hope you heard me,” Garreth murmurs, brushing hair out of your face.

“I did,” you stammer. “You’re mad, Garreth Weasley.”

Garreth grins broadly, his hair falling against your forehead as he presses his body into yours.

“Maybe,” he sings. “But you heard me.  When you know, you know.”

You have no complaints. With Garreth wrapped around you, sixth year might not be so daunting. 

[im-a-goddamn-cat]

Alarming Deal

Neggie/Negan Smith x Maggie Rhee | vague Gleggie/Maggie Rhee x Glenn Rhee || Rated: E || Words: 2.4k || CW: Rape/Non-Con

Summary: After Daryl acts out, Negan gives the group two options for a punishment: Either he kills Glenn or he gets to fuck Maggie… And of course, Maggie doesn't want her husband to die.

A/N: I've had this idea for a long time but was always too scared to write it because I was afraid it was too dark but some people in the Neggie Discord server encouraged me to write it so I finally did. Thank you guys! <3

Enjoy! :]

AO3 || FF.net || ↓

......

"Now, I already told you people, first one's free, then what'd I say? I said I would shut that shit down! No exceptions," Negan explained to the group of Rick's people. One of their people had acted out of line after he already killed one of them and now he needed to punish them again. He paused for a dramatic moment before speaking up again. "But… Lucky for you all, I'm feeling generous today. So, instead of killing another one of you sorry saps right off the bat-" He paused again briefly to chuckle at his own pun. "-I'll give you two options: Option one -" He raised the end of his blood-covered bat towards Glenn's face. "- This one here meets the same fate as Red over there." Maggie's eyes widened in horror at the threat towards her husband. "Or option two -" He lowered the bat and then pointed at Maggie with his free hand. "- I get to have my way with this lovely lady, here and now." Negan grinned. He suspected that this man was close to Maggie from the way he reacted to him threatening her earlier and if it were true, he'd definitely get his way. As soon as he had laid eyes on Maggie, he wanted her, and he hoped that his suspicions were correct.

Maggie's head spun as she registered what he'd just said. He wanted to take either her husband's life or her body. She sat motionless for a moment before looking towards Abraham's poor mangled body and then back up towards Glenn and Negan. The choice was obvious to her, of course she didn't want her husband to die. The thought of Negan touching her repulsed her but if letting him fuck her meant that Glenn lived, she is willing to agree. 

Maggie nodded slowly. "Y-You can have me," she croaked out, her voice hoarse from the crying she'd been doing. Negan smiled, a chilling grin that made him look like a predator staring at its prey. "Excellent choice."

"Maggie, no-" Glenn started to say but was stopped as Negan gestured towards a couple of his soldiers to grab him.

"Keep him quiet and restrained," he told them, not trusting that he wouldn't try coming to Maggie's aid again like he had earlier. One soldier stood on either side of Glenn, holding his arms so that he couldn't move, and one of them stuffed some sort of rag in Glenn's mouth to silence him.

"As for the rest of you… Don't even think about trying anything else or I won't be as generous next time," he threatened as if manipulating someone into having sex was any less heinous than murder. Negan handed his bat off to another one of his soldiers to hold onto and then walked over to stand in front of Maggie.

"Hello, darling… Aren't you beautiful." He smiled down at her and the lust she already saw in his eyes made her uneasy. He reached a hand up to stroke her cheek and briefly gently cupped it as he looked at her. He then reached to unbuckle his belt and unzip his pants. He pulled his pants and boxers down enough to pull out his cock which was already half-hard. He guided it towards her mouth, the tip coming into contact with her lips.

"Come on, baby… It ain't gonna suck itself," he coaxed her. Hesitantly, Maggie opened her mouth and he slid inside. Maggie sucked on him and Negan groaned. A thought of biting down on his dick hard enough to draw blood entered Maggie's mind but she knew that would only lead to another person getting hurt so she restrained herself. After sucking him a little, he was fully hard, and she began to slowly move her head, taking as much of him in her mouth as she could on every stroke, occasionally swirling her tongue around the tip of his cock when she'd pull back.

"That's it, good girl," Negan moaned. Maggie inwardly cringed at the praise. After a few more strokes of her mouth, Negan put a hand on her head and gripped her hair. "Hold still for me, darling," he told her and Maggie complied, stopping her motions. Negan began thrusting his hips fast and bottomed out on every thrust into her mouth. Maggie's eyes widened and watered and she gagged a little, not used to this kind of treatment.

"Fuck, your mouth feels so good on my cock, baby," Negan moaned out as he fucked her face. Maggie didn't know how much more she could take, she felt as if she were choking from the way he was using her. Suddenly, he yanked her head back and pulled out, a string of saliva connecting her mouth to his cock falling away between them. Maggie gasped and coughed as she tried to catch her breath from the attack.

"Too close. As much as I'd love to come in that pretty mouth of yours, I have other plans," he explained as if she cared. She just wanted him to finish whatever it was he wanted to do and for everyone to be safe. Negan grabbed the back of her shirt, pulled her away from the line-up of her friends, and threw her down. He got down on his knees near her legs, flipped her over so that she was on her back, and got between her legs.

He looked down at her with a lustful, predatory look and it sent a chill up Maggie's spine as she fully realized what was about to happen. The fear must've shown in her eyes as he attempted to sooth her. "Don't be scared, baby, I'm gonna make you feel good." 

You're taking me against my will you sick fuck, I won't enjoy this, she thought and almost wanted to say but she knew better than to provoke him so instead she stayed silent.

Negan reached down to the end of her shirt and lifted it up enough to reveal her bra. He then pulled a small knife out of his pocket and put the blade between the two cups, slicing upwards to cut it open. He put the knife back and then moved the cups of the bra to the side, revealing her breasts. "Beautiful," he purred. He lifted her breasts in his hands, feeling them, and running his thumbs across her nipples. Maggie shivered again at the contact, his hands on her body feeling unwelcome.

He leaned down and lifted one breast into his mouth, latching onto it and sucking, while still massaging the other breast with his other hand. Maggie squirmed at the feeling, his mouth on her feeling foreign. He then swapped breasts and did the same thing with the other one. He leaned back, unhooking his mouth from her with a pop, and sat up.

Negan moved his hands down to her pants, undid them, and moved back a little to pull them down along with her underwear. Instinctively, Maggie tried to close her legs but Negan grabbed them and opened them back up. "Don't hide that pretty pussy from me, darling," he told her and looked down to her exposed cunt. "And my, it is pretty," he said lustfully. Negan reached a hand down to rub his thumb across her clit in circles and she gasped. He continued his motions, and her arousal built a little against her will, but the situation she was in was so disturbing and terrifying that she didn't feel very aroused.

Negan removed his hand and situated himself in between her legs again. He pulled his cock back out of his pants, which was hard and glistening with pre-cum, and ran it along her folds down to her entrance, feeling that she wasn't that wet. "Usually I'd work my lady up a little more by eating her out or some shit but I'm sorry, darling, I need you now," he told her and thrusted inside her to the hilt with no warning. "Ah!" Maggie screamed, the sudden intrusion painful. She was sure he probably tore something in her. A few tears spilled out of her eyes and she clawed at the ground as he started thrusting fast and hard already with no care for her comfort, her breasts bouncing from the force of his thrusts.

"Stop! Please stop, it hurts," Maggie begged. She knew she had to let him have his way with her if she wanted her husband to live but it was too much for her, every thrust felt like a knife cutting into her.

"Relax, it'll feel good soon, darling," he simply responded and didn't let up on his cruel thrusts. "Fuck, yeah, so fucking tight… Feel so fucking good on my cock, baby," he moaned and reached up to caress one of her breasts. Maggie felt sick that he was enjoying this when she clearly didn't. 

Maggie turned her head to briefly look around, trying to distract herself from what was happening. Her friends that she could see were either looking on in horror and concern for her or looking away entirely, not being able to watch. She felt embarrassed and ashamed that they had to witness this. She couldn't see Glenn from where she was but she didn't want to anyways, she knew it would be too painful for her to see his face. Some of the other saviors that she could see were either just watching and not doing anything but the others were getting themselves off on the display. The sight made her feel even sicker.

Maggied looked back towards Negan, not being able to take looking at everyone anymore. Negan angled his thrusts a little differently and hit her g-spot, making her gasp and Negan noticed her reaction. "That feel good, baby?" he teased and continued thrusting to hit that spot. He moved his hand from her breast down to stroke her clit and her pussy clenched around his cock, wetness beginning to seep out of her. She was starting to feel pleasure from his cock and fingers and was horrified with herself. She hoped it was just the pregnancy hormones making her body react this way.

Maggie began whimpering a little as her pleasure built further and she came closer to release. She tried to fight it as she didn't want to come from this. Negan wouldn't have it though, he continued thrusting into her g-spot and stroking her clit. "Come on, baby, come for me," he coaxed.

"No, no," Maggie whimpered feebly and then moaned instinctively as she orgasmed against her will. Negan moaned as he felt her walls clench down on his cock as she came undone. "Good girl," Negan praised her but Maggie didn't appreciate it at all. She felt disgusted with herself for coming from essentially being raped.

Negan removed his hand from her and then pulled out suddenly. She caught a glimpse of his cock and saw not only her wetness but also something red, blood she thought, confirming her suspicions that he was too rough with her earlier. He moved her so that she was on her knees, her face facing her husband. Maggie looked to the ground, not wanting to see him while this happened. Negan moved behind her on his knees. He suddenly entered her again and Maggie hissed at the feeling as she still felt sore and sensitive from his rough entry and her orgasm earlier. He gripped her hips and resumed his brutal pace.

The sound of his hips slapping against hers could be heard on every rough thrust. His grip on her hips was so hard that she felt like there was going to be bruises left there from it. Please come, please come, she chanted in her head, wanting this to be over already. Negan lifted a hand and grabbed her hair, pulling her head back so that her eyes met Glenn's. He looked terrified and concerned to the point of crying and the sight made Maggie's heart ache. Negan slowed his thrusts a little and leaned in near her ear. "He's your man, right?" Negan asked her and she nodded. "Husband?" he then asked and she nodded again. "Heh, that's what I thought, the way he tried jumping up to protect you earlier," he told her. "Bet he's never fucked you like this, huh?" he teased but Maggie didn't answer this time. 

"Enjoying the show, bud? I can see why you married this girl, she's gorgeous, and this pussy? Goddamn," he spoke up teasingly, this time directed towards Glenn and Negan flashed a shit-eating grin at him. A flash of anger went across Glenn's features before going back to the scared and worried expression as before.

Negan released his grip on Maggie's hair and she looked away from Glenn again, not wanting to see his distraught face anymore. Negan moved away from her ear and picked up his brutal pace again. His thrusts started to become more erratic and he was letting out moans frequently. "Gonna fill this sweet fucking pussy up, baby," he groaned, indicating that he was close. After only a few more thrusts, he pushed in to the hilt and moaned as he came, shooting his load into her. His cock throbbed inside her as he filled her up with his come.

After he finished, he pulled out. Maggie stayed in that position for a moment, clenching her pussy to try getting his come out of her, not wanting the offending substance in her. Negan watched as his come mixed with her blood from his forcefulness seeped out of her and he groaned at the sight. Maggie collapsed onto the ground from exhaustion and curled up, hiding her exposed body as much as she could. She couldn't think clearly enough yet to just pull her clothes back on.

Negan put his cock back into his pants and closed his pants up. He then stood up and looked over everyone. "Now, I hope we've all learned a very important lesson today. Any disobedience will be punished… But I'm always open to certain alternative methods of punishment."

Negan crouched back down to Maggie and leaned his mouth close to her ear. "I'll come visit you sometime, darling," he told her and then kissed her cheek. Maggie shivered and, after he got up to leave, laid there in horror at the possibility that he was telling the truth.

......

A/N: Ngl, I'm really unhappy with this for... a few reasons. I ended up not even wanting to post it but some of the people in the Neggie server wanted me to so here it was. Hope you guys liked it. <3

Thanks for reading! <3

[coockie8]

Wait what? Girl what happened? Do you mind talking about it? We could go to dms if you'd like cause I've never seen Anything on that

It's pretty public, like at least two posts about it will come up if you search my username (unless you already have these people blocked, or vice versa), so we don't have to go to DMs, but this will be long, so I'm gonna put it under a Keep Reading.

About 3-4 years ago on the original variation of my Dark Ace ask blog @red-eyed-raven, a user whose username I can't remember (who will from here on out be referred to as A), and won't share anyway because despite what they did, I don't think they deserve to be harassed, started interacting with Dark Ace, and chatting with me a bit.

We moved over to discord to engage a bit of a more personal relationship (a decision I will rapidly come to regret), they realised that I was coockie8, and briefly gushed about how they'd been a fan of my art for a while. I joined their discord server, I had a (deeply uncomfortable due to my anxiety) voice call with them, and I'd even given them the (real life) name I'd been going by at the time.

On the ask blog, there was also another user (who we'll refer to as B) I'd been kinda low key roleplaying with (who I also moved over to discord with at a point), and the roleplay did get sorta spicy in spots (by "spicy" I mean Dark Ace suggested showering with this person's character at one point). Now, I will admit B had "high school student" written in their bio, but as someone who was in high school until their literal 20's, that didn't actually give me any indication of their age. Given the usually spicy content on the blog, I figured they were 18+. I am fully willing to admit I made a mistake here; I should not have made assumptions.

Anyway, at some point I noticed that I'd been removed from the discord, and when I asked A, who was the server owner, about it, I was told they didn't approve of the dark content I was writing with a friend who was running a Lightning Strike blog at the time, and they'd rather I not be in the server, and I took that in stride, blocked A so they wouldn't be forced to interact with me in any way, and moved on. Prior to this, the Lightning Strike blog in question had received a nasty anon accusing them of romanticizing abuse because of the "stockholm-ish" nature of the way we were portraying Dark Ace and Lightning Strike's relationship.

After a few days of Dark Ace not getting interactions from A, someone asked if something had happened, and I explained A wasn't comfortable with the kind of dark topics I cover (understandable), and that, in retrospect, they might have even been who'd sent that nasty anon to my friend.

This was the catalyst. A wasn't blocked from @red-eyed-raven, so they saw the ask andhad a full blown meltdown over me just suggesting that they might have sent that anon hate.

It was at this point A started hunting me down on other accounts, taking screenshots of any art they found objectionable (including a picture I'd drawn at 14 of Aerrow getting raped by Mr. Moss) and poured all of it into a callout post accusing me of being a pedophile and a groomer, and called me a "backstabber" for hiding this from them (if you've been following me for any amount of time, you know I don't hide this). They posted (poorly censored) art they fully considered to be "child porn" Gods I hate that term publicly for all of their followers to see. But I was, somehow, the only one committing a crime in their mind. I don't know.

I don't need to explain where the "pedophile" part comes from; these people believe a cartoon character assigned the narrative trait of a number below 18 is the exact same thing as a real, living, breathing 14-year-old. As a CSA survivor, this grinds my gears for obvious reasons.

The "groomer" part was over the barely spicy RP with B, as well as the fact I'd admitted to them that the police had seen my "objectionable art" in the past and did nothing (this part is crucial, at least to me, 'cause there's at least 1 user who's been trying to claim I've been convicted. I have not. I have no record. They're lying.), because drawings are not the same thing as hurting a real person, and there's literally nothing wrong with creating dark and taboo art. The act of stating this objective fact (that art is not real life) is, apparently, "grooming", I guess.

A couple more "callout" posts were made, rife with all the same misinformation, and I left the fandom for a year. Upon tentatively returning about a year later, I immediately got attacked by these people, and promptly shut down for a while until I'd established myself in the proship community, and didn't feel so isolated anymore. This is when I fully returned, and it's taken at least 2 years for me to stop drowning in anxiety every time I hyperfixate on this show.

So yeah, that's the gist. I know it's long, sorry.

[withcolebrock]

Cuddles and Media Shares

Summary: Y/N and Colby do a twitch stream together 

Requested: Yes and oh my god I am so sorry it took literal ages to come out I’m so sorry

Warnings: few swear words

Word Count: 1,564

Author’s Note: hello first one shot in a while I think this is cute just a bit of cutesy lovin’ I guess lol. also this took ages for me to write for absolutely no reason and I would love to apologize for that anon. Anyways I hope you enjoy and also this is my gif!

She leaned her head back against her chair, closing her eyes. A deep sigh left her lips. Her plans for her stream fell through just as she went live. She lifted her hand from her lap as she rested it onto her mouse to switch tabs into her discord server. All of her friends, who all backed out, were still online just in a discord call by themselves. She rolled her eyes while she glanced towards her chat. Seeing a flood of people asking her what was wrong.

She didn’t respond to them while she hummed to the 5 Seconds of Summer that popped into her head. Her heart started to race while she grinded her teeth. This was the third time this past month they had bailed on her. They didn’t stream or make videos so they don’t think it’s a big deal to bail. This was Y/N career, and when they say they’ll play with her or help her out, she depends on them for that. It’s difficult to change up plans after already publicly announcing the plans.

She tapped her fingers against the desk, “What should I do, guys,” she glanced towards her chat, “What happened?” she read aloud, “Uhm, my plans for the stream fell through.” she explained, “But that’s okay! We can do something else, like my hardcore world, Bedwars, Valorant, Friday the 13, or whatever you guys want.”

She watched the chat fly by seeing many wanting Friday the 13 or Bedwars. “Mods, can you guys set up a poll for me,” she paused briefly waiting for the poll to be set up, “Thank you,” she cheered while she waited a few minutes for it to finish.

The viewers decided they wanted her to play Bedwars. “I haven’t played solo Bedwars in ages, I’m used to being carried the whole time.” she chuckled while she waited for the game to load.

Her phone vibrated next to her on the desk, she took a hold of it seeing a text from Colby. ‘Coffee?’ was the whole text message. Her eyes lit up as she typed excitedly. She sent him what kind of coffee she wanted before she placed her phone beside her on her desk. Grabbing the ends of the desk, pulling herself closer to the desk. She began a round. She waited for the iron and gold to fill in her inventory when she moved to collect her sword and wool.

~~~

A few rounds of many losses went by and her frustration was rising. She wasn’t in the mood to stream or play games anymore but she promised her viewers she would stream for longer than her normal time. Y/N was not one to break promises. Her head lifted up slightly as Colby knocked on her door. “I’ll be right back, guys,” Her lips curled up in a smile as she muted her mic and switched her screen for her viewers. She walked towards the door quickly; pulling the door open a blue haired Colby stood in front of her. He smiled widely as he handed her the venti iced coffee.

Her head tilted back as a long sigh left her lips, she reached for the coffee. “I needed this so badly, thank you,” she whispered while she rested the coffee on the side table next to the door.

“Of course, darling,” he whispered while he wrapped his arms around her waist, “Are you doing okay?” he asked while his hands rested on the small of her back. She rested her head onto his shoulder, taking a deep breath.

“They backed out again, and chat is just-” she paused, trying to stop herself from tearing up, “Chat is just being chat,” she sighed. His lips fell into a pout as he continued to run his hands up and down her back slowly.

“How much do you have left?” he asked.

“Like an hour, I don’t know,” she lifted her head, stepping away from him, taking a hold of the iced coffee.

“You can stop early, they shouldn’t be too mad, Babe, you can end the stream and relax,” He wrapped his arm around her waist. She shook her head while leaning her head against the door frame.

“I can’t, I promised I’d stream for a while,” she sighed while bringing the coffee to her lips, she took a small sip as she looked into his eyes watching them squint softly, “Can you sit with me?” she smiled as she asked. He nodded his head, pushing her softly into the room. A soft giggle leaves her lips as she walks back towards her chair. He laughed as he walked towards the office chair in the corner of the room. He rolled it over beside her.

She adjusted the stream to where it was her face cam, “We have a special guest for the rest of the stream,” she pointed towards Colby. He waved towards the camera as his gaze stared towards the chat flying at a mile a minute.

“Hey guys,” he said leaning towards the camera, trying to get a better look at his hair. He quickly ran his fingers through his hair, making the strands look nicer. He leaned back glancing towards Y/N, his smile softened but he felt content.

“You know what might be fun?” She looked towards Colby, he raised his eyebrows, a soft hum leaving his lips. “Media share, they always have the funniest stuff,” she explained leaning forward to turn on the option in her Twitch options. After a few moments of silence, Colby just sat back and admired his girl beside him. He loved the passion she had in her job and everything that surrounded it. He loved the look on her face every time a donation came through.

“Okay guys, start sending them in,” she chuckled slightly while she leaned back and rested her head onto his shoulder. He leaned over and pressed his lips to the top of her head, shutting his eyes momentarily. His hand was going up and down her arm slowly, his fingertips grazing her skin creating goosebumps.

It only took a few minutes for the videos to start rolling in, many were famous meme videos they had seen several times while others were videos of themselves. One of the videos was an old vine video of Sam and Colby’s, Y/N’s personal favorite. “Nobody told me Jesus died, I haven’t even finished reading the book!” She said alongside the video. Colby leaned his head back while he shook his head smiling. He bit his bottom lip as he looked back towards the camera.

“One of the only ones that I’m proud of.” he joked while he shifted his gaze towards Y/N. She shifted her gaze towards him as well, smiling.

“I think it’s funny,” she shook her head as she took a hold of her coffee. She took a long dragged out sip.

He smiled widely. “I am quite hilarious.” She chuckled while leaning her head against his shoulder he leaned his head against hers. “I’d say I’m the funniest guy there is,” he teased while he stared towards the screen as another video showed up. It was the famous video of the guy singing Unwritten in a red car. Colby pulls his arm away from Y/N and covers his face as he bends over laughing. “Why is that so funny,” he said between giggles.

She shifted her gaze towards him as she watched him giggle, “It’s one of my favorites to go back to and watch. Same with that guy Michael from Jane the Virgin,” she expalined. Colby’s eyes lit up and shook his head.

“That one is so fucking funny, I can’t,” he chuckled while he rested his head against her shoulder and intertwined their fingers.

A few more videos played some are better than others but they kept laughing and smiling at them all. The whole time Colby’s head was just on her shoulder as his thumb ran along her hand. He tilted his head and leaned it closer to her ear as he whispered, “You doing alright?” he leaned back, his gaze lingered down towards her lips before looking back towards her eyes.

“I’m alright,” she whispered back, while she raised her hand to rest it onto his cheek briefly. He leaned his head into her hand as he shut his eyes. “Pretty boy,” she whispered again while she ran her thumb along his cheek.

He smiled widely before she slowly dropped her hand and switched her attention towards the screen. Colby reached his hands over, taking a hold of her hip and her thigh as he pulled her closer to him, nearly impossible. He bit his lip as he looked her body up and down. “Pretty girl,” He whispered as he rested his head onto her shoulder again. She chuckled as she leaned towards him.

Another media share came in with an edit of their relationship over the years with the song 18 by One Direction. It nearly brought tears to her eyes. “Oh my god that was so cute,” her lips fell into a pout.

“It is true though, that song will definitely be at our wedding,” he chuckled. Her eyes widened and she glanced towards the chat still flying a mile a minute.

“It’s very much like our love story isn’t it?” she chuckled.

[probsjosh]

Just a Bit More

Three times you were out here flirting with Sapnap on stream and the fourth time when ya'll straight up confessed to eachother

AKA Flirtationship but with a lot of Mutual Pining

Sapnap × GN!Reader

No warning! All fluff :)

@svgarbees I love your writing challenge bro <3

-----------

The first time Sapnap had met you it was very briefly, as George had been placed on your team for MCC and Sapnap had come into the discord call to taunt him just before the games began. 

"Well if it isn't Team Bottoms."

The second the taunt was out in the open air, a roar of protests came from George and Antfrost. BadBoyHalo sat in some confusion, "Bottoms? Bottom of what?" was all he asked, and after he didn't receive an answer, he shrugged it off and quickly muted to talk to his chat. You, however, were practically wheezing, desperately trying to get air into your lungs as you laughed at Saps opening line, causing the other three to pause their bickering long enough to ask if you were alright. "I'm fuckin' great- I don't know who you are dude, but I think I already love you." 

Sapnap laughed lightly as his face turned a light shade of pink, "If you liked that one so much I have a lot more where that came fro—" He was cut off mid-sentence as he was kicked from the call back to his own teams vc. 

"We are not 'Team Bottoms'," George scoffed out, as the MCC timer got to zero.

"George. We totally fuckin are," You laughed out as everyone rushed inside.

"Language!" 

~

The second time had been when George invited you to play Proximity Chat Among Us on stream after realizing they didn't have 10 people to play a full game. You two had actually hit it off really well during MCC and stayed in contact afterwards, but this was the first time he had invited you to play anything with his group of friends.

After happily agreeing, you received the game code and joined the vc, only to be greeted with George desperately trying to tell everyone to shut up for just one second and Sapnap loudly arguing that George wasn't the boss of him. It was only after you'd joined the game and let out a soft, "Hello," did he shut up.

"Oh-" Was all Sap could get out before George cut him off, "Yeah 'oh', that's what I was trying to tell you. Everyone this is y/n, y/n this is everyone," 

There was a chorus of greetings as everyone welcomed you to the soon to be shitshow. The smile on your face didn't fade once the entire time, being able to properly introduce yourself and crack jokes with everyone once you were in game. The one person you weren't surprised to see you were getting along with amazingly was with Sapnap, immediately remembering him from your first unofficial meeting.

"So you think I'm a bottom Sapnap?" you questioned as you caught him in a room by himself. "I- uh- why? Are-are you a bottom?" He asked, a hesitant grin on his face, he wasn't sure what boundaries he was pushing, but he was certain he was toeing the line. Luckily for him, you let out a laugh before you teased him, "Wouldn't you like to know." Suddenly feeling more confident in himself he hummed before teasing right back, "I mean, with your consent, I would." 

Your laugh sounded out as you tried and failed to stutter out a response when someone walked into the room and yelled, "George! Sapnap is flirting with your friend!" They ran away yelling for George as Sapnap laughed and ran away,  chasing after them, "Don't snitch on me you bitch!" 

You stood there in the middle of the room giggling as Sapnap quickly ran back into the room, "If George asks, I'm totally telling him you hit on me first." 

"Okay sure, Mr. I'd Like To Find Out If You're a Bottom," You both laughed as a body was reported and you were thrown into a meeting.

From that moment it had become a running bit for you two to needlessly flirt with eachother at any given moment, and by the end of the stream every chat was filled with debates on what the ship name should be. 

After saying your goodbyes and leaving for the night, you sat in your chair thinking about Sapnap, and trying to ignore the butterflies in your tummy as you thought about every exchange you'd had with him that night. 

~

The third time had been the first time you logged on to the Dream SMP after George had very sweetly asked Dream to whitelist you, because he missed playing the Craft with someone he now considered a close friend to him. 

At first it was just George and yourself sitting in a call as he gave you a very messy tour of the world that consisted of a very bad history lessons of the lore. "I'm not very involved in the storyline so I don't really know what happened," George explains as he leads you over to the now crater of L'Manberg, "But I do know that, canonically, Dream is crazy." 

The familiar sound of someone joining the call sounded out, followed by a very familiar voice, "George, Dream is crazy both in game and out, you give him too much credit." 

There was soft laughter before you spoke, "Sapitus Napitus!" the happiness in your voice evident, and George chuckled, "What? You miss your boyfriend?" Despite how flustered you'd gotten you managed to bite back, "What? Jealous I got a boyfriend before you did, Georgie?" 

Sapnap joined in as well, "Yeah Georgie, at least we have a significant other for Valentines day. Not our fault you broke my boy Dreams heart by turning him down." 

We all laughed at that as Sapnap joined the game as well as the tour. At first, it had seemed like you and Sap had fallen back into your endless flirting to annoy George but after a while it just became a casual thing between the two of you, compliments and innuendos being tossed between the two of you.

All three of you had actually become really comfortable with one another over the course of the accidental five hour stream. So comfortable in fact that before you left to end your stream George sent you off with a final tease, "Of God, I'm never gonna hear the end of this from either of you am I?" You and Sapnap glanced at each other in game before turning to George, "What do you mean, Gogy?" Sapnap asked carefully, as he slowly scrolled through his hotbar to pull out his sword. George, oblivious to this, continued, "I mean you two blabber on and on about each other to me all the time, why don't you two just talk about how much you like each other to each o–" George cut himself off with a scream as Sapnap went after him with the intent of murder. 

Before you could fully process the words that had come out of George's mouth, you phone pinged, alerting you that you needed to end stream. "I'm sorry guys, I gotta go, I have something I need to do." Both boys stopped in their tracks to give you a proper goodbye, "Bye, message me when you're free again," George said innocently as he crouch walked away from where Sapnap stood turned towards your character. "Or you could message me–" Sap said, the cheeky smile on his face falling as George teased him again, "Yeah you wish, Snapchat." 

And with that Sapnap returned to his assassination attempt as George screamed for his life. You laughed before mumbling a goodbye and leaving both the game and the call.

After ending stream you walked over to your bed before falling face first into the mattress and screaming. 

George really had to out you like that huh?

~

The fourth time was just a couple days after the third. You had been streaming for a little bit, your first grind session on the SMP to get yourself started, when George entered your voice channel and startled the hell out of you. 

"HI y/n!" he greeted innocently as you yelped, hitting your desk and nearly spilling your water everywhere. "George! Dude, you have to stop scaring me like that," you tried to scold him but your laugh broke your angry facade. "Sorry, sorry, I hadn't meant to scare you- hey is Sapnap online right now?" 

"Um," you glanced over at your chat briefly before pressing tab, "Yeah, he's online, why?" You didn't receive an answer as George disconnected from the call abruptly. "Wow okay, rude." was all you commented before returning to entertaining your chat as you mined away. 

A couple minutes later you were startled yet again as George reconnected, immediately letting out a loud yelp, as a skeleton shot you simultaneously. "George!" you panicked as you swiped your sword at the skeleton, going down to threw hearts before finally killing it. "I'm sorry! I don't mean to scare you, I just wanted to tell you that Sa–" He disconnected again mid-sentence, this time your curiosity was peaked. 

"If George reconnects and scares me one more time, I'm flying to his country to kick his ass." You laughed as your chat began speculating what he wanted to tell you, and clipping your scared reaction.

It was peaceful for a while, you had been caving with not trouble, but eventually you ran out of food and needed to resurface. Unfortunately for you, a loud ping from Discord sounded out, distracting you long enough for a creeper to sneak up behind you and kill you before you had a chance to react. "George I'm buying a plane ticket to go kick your ass, I swear to..." a soft laugh makes you trail off. "Well, I'm not George, but I'd love to see you kick his ass," Sapnaps voice rang out and you slapped a hand over your mouth. 

"Fuck, sorry, sorry Sap, George has just been coming in and out of the vc and scaring me" You clicked respawn and began running back to your things. "Yeah, sorry about that, I kept pulling him out of there because he's trying to embarrass me." 

"Embarrass you? How?" You found the cave you had gone down and made your way to your things. 

"Well, um, he- where are you? On the server I mean." It was a bit odd to you that he was stuttering this much, he was usually very confident in himself, but you made no comment on it. 

"I'm in a cave getting my things back, I'll put my cords in chat, I'm not far from my house," You gathered your things before quickly typing into chat, and running to the mouth of the cave to get back home.

There's a beat of comfortable silence as you emerge seeing Sapnap running towards you in the distance. 

"Hi, hello!" You crouched at him once he'd gotten close enough. He giggled and answered back, "Hi," as he crouched in return. 

"So why's George trying to embarrass you?" you asked making your way back to your house, Sapnap following close behind. "He keeps saying some bullshit that I don't believe, so I've come to just- just ask you." 

Your stomach began to fill with butterflies, but you shot down your hopes and tried to keep a level voice, "Oh? What have you come to ask me, Mr. Sapnap?" You opened the door to your house and entered to turned around to face him once more.

He crouched his character and took a breath, "George has this idea that when we- when we flirt, it's not just a bit. And, I just wanted to ask you," he comes closer a bit, as your air catches in your throat, "is it just- do you see it as just a bit?"

'Because I don't,' the words die on his tongue, not wanting to sway your next words.

You sat for a second, thoughts going a million miles a minute as you finally find the will to say, "Sap, I–" 

"Its okay if you do, I mean yeah, like if thats how you see it then that's how I see it too, yknow? I don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything and the last thing I want to do is ruin the friendship we just started like a week ago, and I–" His nervous ramblings are cut short when you hit his character, a smile finding its way onto your face. 

"Sap, we really need to start letting people finish their fuckin sentences," you laugh, your nerves building again but you decide to say fuck it and push through before you chicken out, "I was going to say… I don't know if it's just a bit or not but, if you're okay with it… I wouldn't mind taking the flirting a bit more seriously?" A nervous smile settled on your features, the butterflies in your stomach going wild, as you waited for his answer. 

Another beat of silence as Sapnap gathered his scattered briancells to finally form a coherent thought. "I- yeah, yeah, I'd love to," a relieved laugh turns into a genuine one after he realizes, "Oh my god, George was right." 

You grin, nerves now mostly gone, "Motherfucker really was tired of our bullshit, huh?" Easy laughter flowed between you two before another Discord ping rung out.

George had joined the call, presumably to gloat about being right, but instead: "Hey uh, y/n? You do realize you're still streaming, right?"

[echo-bleu]

carve our names with fire

Clary gave Alec a wedding gift before losing her memories and her runes. Alec does with it what he does best: change the world to right an injustice (and become a BAMF immortal warlock along the way).

Alec & Clary Brotp with a side of Immortal Husbands, Angst and Fluff and Emotional Hurt/Comfort. Betaed by Bsgoddess (SorryTheUsernamesTaken). Takes off after Alec and Magnus announced their wedding, but the show happened over 3-ish years and the wedding is about a week after they come back from Edom, not the next day (because Timeline). The last part was loosely inspired by prompts on the Malec Discord Server, though it grew more world-building than I expected.

Read on AO3.

“You two will make amazing husbands.”

Alec looks up from his paperwork, realizing that he’s been unconsciously twirling his ring while reading. He didn’t hear Clary come into his office, but she’s leaning against the door frame, a small smile on her face.

They haven’t had time to talk properly since the announcement of Alec and Magnus’ wedding, with Jonathan wreaking havoc all over the world. But Jonathan is dead now, thanks to Clary.

“Thank you,” he grins at her sincerely. “I know it’s a little rushed, but with everything that’s happened, we decided we didn’t want to wait for the next catastrophe. At this pace, we’ll never find time to plan a proper wedding.”

“That’s fair,” Clary snorts. “We never seem to get a break.”

They’re still reeling from the deaths of several hundred Shadowhunters, just days ago. Alec has done his best to go to as many Rites of Mourning as he could, especially for people he knew, but even he couldn’t make it to every one of them. After being surrounded by so much grief, he’s more than ready for a slice of happiness. Magnus is in a frenzy preparing everything for the wedding tomorrow, and Alec can’t wait.

“I’m sure it’s going to be beautiful,” Clary continues, walking into the office fully. She closes the door behind her, and Alec frowns. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Of course,” Alec gestures for her to sit on the couch, while he stands up and comes around his desk. He sits down beside her. “What is it?”

Clary looks down at her lap, biting her lip, and Alec feels dread pooling his stomach. She’s so uncharacteristically quiet that it can only mean bad news.

“I haven’t told anyone else yet,” she starts. “I don’t want to ask you to keep it a secret, but I can’t carry it on my own anymore.”

Alec places a hesitant hand on her arm. They rarely touch, but it seems appropriate. “Clary, what’s wrong?”

“I saw my mom the other day,” Clary breathes out.

Alec stares in shock. He lets go of Clary’s arm and glances down at his hand, the same hand that once ripped Jocelyn Fairchild’s heart out of her chest. Even now, almost two years later, he doesn’t feel clean of that. He can still feel the blood, see her face in his nightmares, Clary’s face accusing him. He has plenty of newer traumas to dream about, and it’s started to fade, but it’s not gone.

“What?” he croaks out. Is Clary having the same nightmares? Is she seeing things? It doesn’t match the way she said it, with that intense conviction in her eyes.

Clary’s eyes widen like she just realized how that sounded. “Not like… She was a...ghost, maybe? I don’t know. She felt real. She said she was sent by the Angels to give me a message.”

“A message,” Alec repeats slowly.

“I know how it sounds, but I think that’s the truth,” Clary says. “Because what she told me would happen...it’s started.”

“Clary, I don’t understand.”

She closes her eyes, her face screwed up in anguish. “She said that my rune ability was against the wish of the Angels and that if I kept using it, they’d take it away. They’d take everything away. Everything that makes me a Shadowhunter.”

Alec blinks for a moment, trying to make sense of it. “When was that?” he asks.

“The day after we got back from Edom.”

“You used a rune to kill Jonathan,” Alec breathes.

Clary looks up at his face then and nods minutely. She rolls up her sleeve, showing off unmarred skin where Alec saw a Silent Brother draw the angelic rune just a year ago. “It’s already started,” she murmurs. “They’re fading. One by one.”

“So you’re being...deruned? No,” Alec realizes. It’s different. Deruning is a Nephilim punishment, a human one. It strips them of their runes, but not of their identity, of their blood. “It’s more than that, isn’t it?”

“I think…” Clary hesitates, tears falling down her cheeks. “I think when it’s over, I’m going to be mundane. Fully. Without the Sight, and any memories of the Shadow World.”

“Fuck, Clary,” Alec mutters. “There must be something we can do—”

“I don’t think we can go against the Angels’ wish, Alec.”

Alec closes his eyes, his mind desperately running through possibilities and scenarios. He doesn’t see a solution. She’s right, the Angels’ wish is untouchable, they all know that. There’s no army to fight, no law to circumvent, no obstacle to overcome.

He pinches the bridge of his nose and feels the knot in his throat grow until it’s nearly choking him. He’s not ready to lose another friend, not now. And Jace… Fuck. Jace will be devastated. Izzy, too. None of them can take another disaster.

He takes in Clary’s red and puffy eyes, the way she’s looking at him like a lifeline. She’s become a friend, over the years. They didn’t start that way, but they’ve grown close. She’s the person closest to Alec outside of his family and Magnus. He blinks back tears.

“You’ll still be alive,” he murmurs. “But—”

“I’ll forget you. All of this,” she gestures around them. “Everything. I’m scared, Alec.”

Alec holds out his hand, and she grips it tightly in hers. He covers them with his other hand. “How long?” he asks.

“I don’t know. I only have two runes left, so not long. Tomorrow, maybe the day after.”

Alec closes his eyes. She might not even make it to the wedding. “Fuck,” he repeats.

“I don’t want to forget,” Clary murmurs, sobbing.

“It’s going to be okay,” Alec says softly. Neither of them believes it.

At least she’ll be okay, most likely. If she forgets everything, loses her angel blood, she’ll be just another mundane. She’ll be safe. Alec tries hard to hang onto that and not on the pain to come.

Because if he even lets himself imagine it, he’ll crumble.

“Why tell me first?” he asks.

Clary hesitates, biting her lip. Her sobs have receded, though tears are still running down her cheeks. She sniffles. “You’re in charge of the Institute, so you need to know. For, you know, patrols and stuff. I didn’t want you to be caught by surprise.”

Alec swallows, touched by her foresight. It’s hard to remember sometimes that she’s the same girl who once trampled on every rule without care. She still doesn’t follow orders blindly, but she’s come to care about the Institute and its Shadowhunters like they’re her family.

And in a few days, none of that growth will matter anymore. She’ll be gone. Alec wants to retch at the injustice of it all. She’s come so far, and this punishment is truly unfair.

But then, why should the Angels be fairer than the Nephilim? Alec once sat in this same office waiting for his sister to be convicted of treason and deruned. He watched his mother be stripped of her runes and her identity. Clary herself was sentenced to death for bringing Jace back to life.

They both know all too well that life isn’t fair.

“There’s another reason,” Clary says after a moment of silence. “I wanted to give you something. It’s a wedding gift, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to hold on until then, so I wanted to give it to you now.”

She pulls back her hands and takes a folded piece of paper out of her pocket. Alec carefully unfolds it, expecting some kind of drawing, but what jumps out at him is a rune, carefully inked onto the thick paper. One he doesn’t recognize.

“I can still create runes, even if I don’t dare activate them,” Clary explains. “It will work, I know it.”

“What is it?” Alec asks. It has similar elements to the Alliance rune, Clary’s most beautiful invention to date, but it’s also different, rounder, and more complex.

“I didn’t give it a name,” Clary says. “You can name it if you want. Or keep it to yourself and never use it. It’s your choice.”

“You’re rambling,” Alec says, almost amused despite the gravity of the moment.

“Sorry. It works kind of like the Alliance rune, but it requires a strong emotional bond. There are elements of the Wedding rune and the Parabatai rune in it.”

Alec tilts his head, and he can recognize it now, the familiar runes almost intertwined with each other.

“Shared between two people,” Clary says slowly, “it should bind souls and bodies together. You’d share blood, powers, emotions. And it’s permanent.”

Alec’s eyes widen as he takes in the implications of that. “Sharing powers…”

“Yes. If you do it with Magnus, you should be able to share his eternal youth.”

“Clary, this is—” Alec breathes, unable to formulate his overwhelming gratitude. “It’s an incredible gift.”

Clary swallows. “I wanted you to have it before—” she gestures vaguely. “I didn’t talk about it earlier because I wasn’t sure I could make a rune that powerful, but I know this one will work.”

Alec closes his eyes briefly to clear them of tears and pulls her into a hug. She melts into his chest, sobbing. “I want you to know that I’m incredibly grateful for everything you did for us,” he says over her shoulder. “We owe you so much.”

“Even if I didn’t obey the rules?” she hiccups. “I caused you a lot of trouble.”

“But you saved us over and over too,” Alec says. “You brought Jace back to life. You’re the reason we got Magnus back. You’ve been through so much in the past few years, but you’re still here coming up with the most incredible gift for my wedding, even when you’re running out of time…”

“I can’t tell Jace and Izzy,” Clary sobs into his shoulder. “Izzy just asked me to be her parabatai. And Jace… I can’t say goodbye. It’s too hard.”

Alec hugs her tighter. “It’s okay. I’ll tell them for you if you want. Anything you need.”

“I love them. I love you. I love you all so much. To think that I won’t remember anything…”

Alec runs a hand through her hair, gently. “We’ll make sure that you’re alright. And… I’ll keep looking. Maybe there’s something we can do to make the Angels let you come back. If not, maybe we can figure out how to bring you back ourselves. I won’t give up.”

“Thank you,” Clary murmurs. “Take care of Jace for me. He’ll need you.”

“I will. I promise.”

They hold each other until Clary’s sobs subside, and she’s able to compose herself. Alec keeps a tight grip on his own emotions, even though they threaten to spill over. He’s long learned to compartmentalize, and he can’t afford to break down in the middle of a workday. But before he goes back home to Magnus that night, he takes out the folded sheet of paper again and studies it until his sight goes blurry and he has tears running down his cheeks. He goes to the roof with his bow, working his anger into the arrows he sends out in the sky, and he runs to Magnus’ loft without a speed run, his lungs burning.

When Magnus asks him what’s wrong, he can only shake his head and hug him tight.

 *

 He’s dancing with Magnus when Clary leaves. He’s tried to keep an eye on her most of the night, once the ceremony was done, but he misses her running out and only realizes she’s gone when Jace starts to look for her.

The party is coming to an end. Alec excuses himself to Magnus for a while and he tracks Clary down, two blocks away, where he finds her looking around her in confusion.

“Who are you?” she asks when he calls her name. “Don’t come any closer!”

Alec sighs, the knot in his throat threatening to explode, and he raises his hands in a gesture of peace. “I don’t mean any harm,” he says. “You just seemed lost.”

“I’m—” She looks around again, frantically. “I don’t know where I am.”

“I’ll call you a cab, okay?” Alec offers. He falters, realizing that Clary doesn’t have a home to go to anymore. Jocelyn’s dead, and Clary will have to suffer the loss of her mother all over again. “Is there anyone you can call? A friend?”

“Yeah,” Clary says. She pats her dress. “I’ve...I think I lost my phone.”

“I’ll lend you mine,” Alec says. “I’m Alec, by the way.”

“Clary.”

Alec forces the pain away and attempts a smile. “Nice to meet you.”

 *

 “I told you you’d make amazing husbands.”

Alec looks up from his paperwork in surprise, and he’s overtaken by a strong sense of deja-vu. It isn’t the same office or even the same city, but the way Clary is leaning against the door frame reminds him exactly of the day before she left. She seems aware of the parallel, grinning at him conspiratorially.

“You did,” he smiles. “Welcome back, Clary.”

She looks different, and yet the same. Her skin is free of runes, and she has a new haircut that makes her look older, but there’s the same light in her eyes. It’s been a year. A year of Jace moping around the Institute, his pain a constant tug on the parabatai bond. A year of missing her, more than Alec never thought he would.

“Thank you.”

Jace called Alec just hours after Clary recognized him at her show, three weeks ago, but Alec hasn’t been able to join them in New York yet. She regained her memories quickly, in only a few days, once it started. Jace and Izzy have been keeping him updated.

“So that’s where it went,” Clary says, staring at the large abstract painting on the wall. “I thought it was you and Magnus, but I wasn’t sure. It’s hard to reconcile those memories together.”

Alec looks up at it, at the signature that looks suspiciously like a rune in the shape of a C and F in the bottom right corner. “It was us,” he confirms. They’ve been to every single one of her school’s shows, buying multiple paintings while having to pretend they didn’t know her. “We have more of them at home. Magnus felt it was a way to keep you with us. He’s missed you a lot.”

“I know,” Clary says. “We had lunch a couple of days ago. He didn’t tell you?”

Alec laughs. “He did. He recounted every minute of it. He was excited.”

Clary tilts her head playfully. “Is he the only one who missed me?”

“I’m pretty sure Jace thought of you once or twice. Izzy, too,” Alec smirks. “Of course we all missed you. Come here,” he stands up and opens his arms.

She bounces up to him and hugs him tight around the middle, the top of her head barely reaching his shoulders. Alec laughs and leans into the embrace. “I’ve missed you,” he murmurs.

“I’d say I’ve missed you too, but—” Clary shrugs, pulling away to look up at him. “I felt like something was missing, the whole time. And ugh, I didn’t remember you were so tall.”

Alec raises an eyebrow. “You didn’t remember me at all,” he deadpans. “More seriously, I meant to come to see you, but things have been hectic over here.”

“I heard you made Inquisitor. That’s amazing, Alec!”

“Yeah, it’s, uh, very recent,” Alec blushes. He still hasn’t learned to take a compliment, but his promotion is something he can take pride in. It’s an incredible testimony of how far the Clave has come in just a couple of years. Not so long ago, a Shadowhunter who chose to marry a Downworlder would have been cast out or at least kept carefully out of any politically significant position. And now he’s here, barely turned twenty-five, in the second highest Clave office. “Magnus is the High Warlock of Alicante now,” he adds. Because of that, the Clave asking his husband to help Downworlders move back into Idris after centuries of fleeing the Shadowhunters’ increasing restrictions, is something Alec will never not be proud of.

“You haven’t changed,” Clary observes, smiling. “I was worried you’d turned into a high and mighty prick, now that you’re such a big name.”

Alec rolls his eyes and snorts. “I’m not Jace,” he reminds her. “Come on, let’s sit down. Do you have some time? I can take my lunch break, there’s a restaurant around the corner.”

“Sure,” Clary nods. “I have an appointment with the Silent Brothers to determine if my body’s ready to take runes again, but I came early to see you.”

“Great. We have a lot of catching up to do.”

 *

 “Did you use it? The rune?” Clary leans in over her dessert in curiosity. They’ve been catching up for the past hour in a booth at the back of the restaurant, and it almost feels like they saw each other yesterday, for how comfortable and easy it is to get back into their banter. Alec has missed this.

He leans back in his seat, his stomach full. “Yeah,” he says, placing a hand over his heart where the rune is located. “We exchanged them two months ago.”

“Does it work?” Clary asks with a spark in her eyes.

Alec turns his hand palm up over the table and focuses. It doesn’t come easily to him, not yet. He’s been training with Magnus, but magic is much harder than it looks, so they’ve been focusing on controlling his random outbursts whenever he’s stressed more than developing his active magic.

Blue strands of light encircle his hand briefly, leaving in their wake a yellow rose. He hands it to Clary, who gives him a wide smile and turns it in her hands to observe it. “Wow!” she exclaims. “Yer a wizard, Alec.”

Alec bites on his finger to contain his laughter. He’s learned far too many mundane cultural references through osmosis with Simon and weekly movie nights at the loft, while Clary was gone.

“We had my blood and magic analyzed by the researchers at the Spiral Labyrinth, and they say I’m immortal too,” he says. “Or more exactly, tied to Magnus’ immortality. But since he’s tied to my life force too, it makes us functionally invincible. Someone would have to kill us both at the same time for it to stick.”

“That’s amazing,” Clary breathes. “More than I even thought of when I made the rune.”

“We have a lot to thank you for,” Alec reaches out to pat her hand. “More than you know.”

“What do you mean?”

“This rune allowed us to make huge strides in magical theory, and specifically angelic magic. It’s part of the reason why I’ve been so busy because I’m also working with our researchers on several projects.” Alec pauses, realizing he’s getting ahead of himself and Clary can’t follow. “Okay, so when you gave me the rune, I told Magnus about it right after our wedding. He was blown away that you would give us such a gift, by the way. I’m sure he’ll want to thank you himself.”

Clary smiles. “He’ll have plenty of time for that, now that I’m back for good,” she says.

Alec nods. “Since you said it was permanent, we took our time to make the decision. Immortality is not something to be taken lightly. For me, it wasn’t even really a question, but Magnus wanted me to be sure that it was what I wanted.”

“That makes sense,” Clary nods.

“We also wanted to make sure that the rune would work the way you said it did, that it wouldn’t have any…unforeseen side effects.”

Clary frowns. “I never had a problem with my runes.”

“Honestly, Clary, you used them mostly in emergencies, with no regard for safety. Maybe it was warranted then, but this time we weren’t willing to gamble both of your lives on it. Especially when it came to using a rune on a warlock.”

“Of course,” Clary says sheepishly. “Ugh, I was rather impulsive, wasn’t I?”

“You could say that,” Alec grumbles, remembering all the times her hasty decisions landed him in hot water with his parents or the Clave. “Anyway, we researched the hell out of it. Every text we could find on rune creations, on the wedding rune and its variations, we even looked into warlock archives that hadn’t been opened for centuries. And that’s how I figured it out.”

“Figured what out?”

“How you created runes. And why the Angels hated it.”

 *

 “This is what we’re working on,” Alec says, letting Clary into the lab. “It’s all confidential, but since you’re the one who started it all, I figured you deserve to know. And I’m the one who decides who is read in on it anyway.”

Clary looks around in wonder. The room has some of the equipment she’d expect in a lab and some she doesn’t recognize, but what attracts her gaze is the large corkboard in the middle, covered with sheets of paper.

On each of them is a rune. A rune she’s never seen before.

“They’re all new runes?” she asks.

“Yes,” Alec answers, leaning his back against the wall. “What clued me in was how you used elements of several existing runes to create a new one. I copied down every rune from the Gray Book and all of your runes and I started looking for patterns. We’ve always known that some basic elemental runes existed, but not that they could be combined. It took me a few months, but I came up with this.” He points at a rune at the top left of the board, which Clary can see is based on the Deflect rune, with two additional strikes going through it.

“Of course you would,” she mutters. “That’s some kind of armor rune, isn’t it?”

Alec smiles. “As it turns out, everyone can create runes, at least in theory. It’s very hard and requires a strong theoretical background unless you’re named Clary Fairchild and you have additional angel blood. Or maybe just an amazing instinct, I don’t know. Yes, this one imitates armored plates around your body. It’s more effective at stopping blows than the regular Deflect rune, but it doesn’t stop people from tracking you.”

“That’s amazing,” Clary says.

“As soon as I saw it work, I told Magnus and we worked on it together. It’s the biggest discovery about angelic magic that we’ve made in centuries.”

“Why did no one find it before?”

Alec pushes away from the wall to face her fully. “Soon after I used this rune for the first time, I started experiencing the same thing you did: push back from the Angels. Even drawing normal runes became harder. We got scared that I might be deruned like you were, so Magnus and I decided to go ahead with your rune, bind ourselves together. If I had magic, the Angels couldn’t take away my Sight or my memories.”

“That sounds like a plan me or Jace would have come up with, not you,” Clary quips.

“Yeah, well, things were evolving quickly. I could barely hold a stele at that point,” Alec says, frowning.

Clary blinks. “Wow, the Angels really were angry.”

“The bond fixed it. I’m out of reach now, they can’t do anything to me. And now that I knew what I was looking for, I found accounts of other people to whom it happened, who lost their Nephilim blood because of this. You have to read between the lines because it became taboo to even talk about it, but it looks like the Angels don’t want us to have this ability. Jonathan Shadowhunter probably had it, he had more pure Angel blood than you and he’s the one who created all the original runes, but since then, no Shadowhunter has been able to create new runes. Until you.”

“But I got punished for it,” Clary says, wringing her hands. Her memories of the last few days before she was stripped of her runes don’t feel fresh like the events happened yesterday, but they also don’t feel like they’re a year old. She can still see her mother’s ghost, or whatever it was, telling her what would happen if she kept using new runes.

It’s been a year, but without her memories, she hasn’t had a chance to process all the trauma, all the emotions.

“Yeah,” Alec sighs. “You certainly didn’t deserve it, but you were.”

Clary shakes her head, trying to get rid of the darker thoughts. “Obviously you didn’t stop there,” she says, gesturing at the board. “So what did you do?”

“Well, since my warlock blood protects me, I started thinking about who else might be protected. I reached out to Helen Blackthorn, you remember her?”

“Oh, she’s half-Seelie, isn’t she?”

“Yes. She and her brother. They were both willing to try working with us, especially since Magnus and I were fairly sure we could stop the process if we were wrong and the Angels were able to harm them. As it turns out, they did fine. So I found more Shadowhunters with Downworlder blood. At this point, we have eight people creating new runes, including me.”

“That’s incredible,” Clary says. She looks closer at the runes on the board. She can instinctively tell their purpose, which is proof that her ability hasn’t gone away. Alec lets her observe them for a while in silence, and she thinks she can discern a pattern in there like the runes have a signature. “That’s yours,” she points at a rune in the middle of the board, once she’s fairly sure she’s understanding her instincts right. “And this one.”

“You’re right,” Alec says, sounding impressed.

“You have a...tell,” Clary smirks, looking at him over her shoulder. “They feel distinctively you. I can probably find Magnus’ too, but I’d need a place to start since I’ve never seen him draw a rune.”

“Here,” Alec points to one on the right side of the board. “Can you tell because of your rune ability, or because you’re an artist?”

“Maybe a bit of both,” Clary shrugs. “I’m not sure. I should have known this was Magnus’,” she laughs when she looks at the rune. The flourish and artistic strokes look exactly like something Magnus would go for.

“We definitely need you in our group,” Alec mutters, jotting down a note on a pad on the desk beside him.

“I don’t know,” Clary says, taking a step back away from the board. “I don’t want to tempt fate. I don’t think I could stand to lose my memories again.”

“No, of course,” Alec says. “But I don’t think it would happen.”

“Why?”

“Magnus’ theory is that if enough Shadowhunters start creating runes, the Angels will just have to accept it since they can’t cast us out. Since our wedding, there are more and more mixed Nephilim and Downworlder couples, so there will probably be a whole generation of people with mixed blood. They’ll be able to create runes.”

“What does that have to do with me?” Clary asks.

“I don’t think it was a coincidence that the Angels chose to give you your memories back now. The breakthroughs that we’ve made aren’t going away. I think it’s their way of telling us that they won’t fight us anymore.”

Clary blinks at him, trying to process that idea. She remembers asking Maryse, at the wedding, if the Angels could forgive. The picture of the Angels that Alec paints is cold and calculating, matching with what Clary saw of Raziel — and to some extent, even Ithuriel. What if she wasn’t forgiven, but instead simply reinstated in her rightful place? What if Alec managed the unthinkable, and made the Angels themselves change their minds?

“Is that possible? I mean — wow.”

“Why not?” Alec shrugs.

Clary has a sudden flashback of the Alec she first met, over four years ago, who was terrified of coming out and upsetting the order of things, who was killing himself trying to meet his parents’ expectations. The man standing in front of her now has grown so much, just like Clary has, that they’re barely recognizable. To hear him talking so casually about changing the world-changing immutable laws such as those of the Angels?

But then, they’ve changed so much already, haven’t they? They participated in the destruction of Edom. They defeated the Mother of Demons. They explored and even created whole new sections of magic. Alec and Magnus’ marriage and their careers changed the laws of the Clave and opened the way for so much more.

They’ve already changed the world. So why not a little more, indeed?

Clary jumps at Alec’s neck, making him grunt in surprise. “This is amazing,” she says. “You’re amazing. And I’m so glad I’m back.”

“Me too,” Alec laughs, resting his chin on the top of her head. “Welcome home, Clary.”

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2020

You know, when I finished my latest list and realised every decade had the same pattern and that we were slowly going towards a series of great years for pop, I didn’t realise how good that year would be.

What’s at the top? Am I boringly predictable because I already said I loved that song all the way back in January 2020? Let’s find out.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will probably be stuff in French somewhere on this post. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

So. Uh. How was your 2020?

Mine was actually surprisingly good, considering. I’m lucky enough to have a job that I can partially do from home, and I was extremely paranoid from the get-go and nobody got sick under this roof so far. Turns out I’m even better at my job from home and I got permission to work from home one day per week even after the health crisis is over! My first name was also finally officially approved and I can’t tell you how happy I feel about that. I almost feel bad to have had such a good year considering the circumstances. I feel like an asshole just because I’m happy, haha.

The only frustrating part was that I was supposed to see Hatari in concert in Paris in early April which, as you can guess, was cancelled. I’m not too mad about it though, since their tour was called “Europe will crumble” and the message saying the tour was cancelled started with “since Europe is actually crumbling due to Covid-19″ and that’s hysterical.

Good or interesting albums that came out in 2020 now, let’s see.

Nightwish released Human/Nature, which was a huge letdown compared to their previous album, but I will relisten to it at some point to make sure I wasn’t just in a bad mood that day.

The Birthday Massacre released Diamonds, which might be their weakest album since their debut, but contained some real gems (I listened to The Last Goodbye on a loop, it floored me. Flashback and Enter are also very good).

The 1975 released Notes On A Conditional Form, and let’s be real, it’s a f█cking mess. You could cut half the tracks and end up with an excellent album, but as it is it’s like, yes, a collection of notes ; however there’s some truely excellent shit on it (see unelligible songs).

Thanks to a friend on a discord server I was exposed to Dorian Electra’s music and I haven’t been quite the same ever since. I’m so happy to be alive to see other enbies making such great music with an insanely good aesthetic surrounding it and asking so many interesting questions about gender. Also the arc the ‘gentleman’ character goes through over the course of the entire tracklist of the 2020 My Agenda album is absolutely hilarious, don’t @ me.

I also discovered 100 Gecs this year. Why are most of you guys saying it’s unlistenable garbage. It’s just as abrasive and over the top as industrial music is, but with none of the edginess or drama. I love it. What the hell. But yeah Tree of Clues was released this year. Good.

Speaking of industrial, in March 2020 Nine Inch Nails were like “hey remember when we released Ghosts I-IV a decade ago entirely for free and how amazing that was? Well we’re all in lockdown and bored as hell so here’s Ghosts V-VI and it’s also free. Enjoy” and I f█cking died instantly. And it’s even better than I-IV. What the hell was that year

Jonsi released Shiver. It’s strange and highly experimental. I’m pretty sure it’s a good thing I was into hyperpop this year, otherwise going from his previous material straight to this album would have been brutal.

Yadda yadda yadda After Hours by the Weeknd good yadda yadda.

I’ve joked about that already but if you had told me in 2019 that 2020 would have fires, a pandemic, riots, monoliths appearing and disappearing, and also a super good Machine Gun Kelly album, guess which part I would have found the most ridiculous. But yeah uh. Tickets to my Downfall good

So uh this year I tried to listen to some hyperpop and liked it a lot, and I also dipped my toes timidly into screamo and listened to Svalbard, who released When I Die this year, and the entire album was a very beautiful, very intricately decorated punch to the face. It sounds like God Is An Astronaut except with a shit ton of yelling. I love it. Open Wound is my favorite track on it.

But no, despite all of this, my album of the year was from a band I had never even heard about before that year, called Spanish Love Songs. The album is titled Brave Faces Everyone and it’s line after line after line of extremely relatable generational angst but yelled with complete sincerity and it’s so propulsive and energetic you can’t help but feel both exhausted and ready to fight the entire universe. I don’t know how it works, but it’s incredible. The entire album is wonderfully brutal, so it’s kind of difficult to pick my favorite songs on it, but Beachfront Property and the title track stand out.

Unelligible songs, now, and there’s, uh, quite a few of them too so I’m also gonna use bullet points. Good lord this post is gonna be long.

First, let me say I have literally no idea why Midnight Sky by Miley Cyrus wasn’t a bigger hit. It’s not on the year-end US top 100 and it feels extremely wrong. Would have made it to #4 on this list otherwise.

I still entertain the vague hope that stuff from Machine Gun Kelly will chart higher in 2021 but I doubt it will happen so I might as well tackle it now and say that Bloody Valentine and especially Forget Me Too are both excellent and that it’s a shame radios aren’t playing them more often.

Heaven by the late Avicii featuring Coldplay should have charted in 2019 and still didn’t chart in 2020 and that’s a real shame.

If the world was a bit less unfair, Lovesick Girls by Blackpink would have been a hit rather than the awful Ice Cream.

One day I will stop complaining about my bafflement concerning the lack of mainstream pop charts success of The 1975. Today is not that day. I just love how they keep making songs about extremely awkward relationships full of weird details, and I haven’t grown tired of that yet. So yeah If You’re Too Shy is about a guy who’s crush is asking him to get naked on Skype in his hotel room and he’s, uh, not too sure about that idea.

And Me & You Together is about a guy who never finds the right moment to tell his best friend he’s in love with her, and he manages to do so at the end and it’s cute as hell. My fave part is “I'm sorry that I'm kinda queer / It's not as weird as it appears / It's 'cause my body doesn't stop me (Stop me) / Oh, it's okay, lots of people think I'm gay / But we're friends, so it's cool, why would it not be?”. Relatable as f█ck.

And now for an international hit that should have been bigger in the US and/or in my country but wasn’t: Head & Heart by Joel Corry and MNEK.

I’ve heard Nos Célébrations by Indochine extremely often on French radio for months now so I was very surprised to see that it didn’t crack the local year-end list. What happened.

I can finally hear the appeal of Bring Me The Horizon. It took me ages. And also Death Stranding. The song Ludens isn’t in the game per say, but it’s among the ones you can pick to broadcast briefly when people drive by your constructions, and long story short it's been living rent-free in my head for months now.

Phew.

It’s time for a round of Honorable Mentions for elligible songs, containing a couple of guilty pleasures, which is saying something considering the kind of shit I put on some of my previous lists.

Ne Reviens Pas (Gradur et Heuss l’Enfoiré) - Heuss is a French artist that kept baffling me while making my lists for the previous years, and I was like “??? ok, that’s it then, I guess I’m getting too old to get what teenagers find funny”. This one worked for me, though. And the music video doesn’t hurt. Really dumb and really fun.

Adore You (Harry Styles) - Perfectly good little pop song, very pleasant to listen to, never outstayed its welcome for me.

Mood (24kGoldn) - This doesn’t sound like a very good relationship, my dude, but that’s still a super pleasant song.

WAP (Cardi B & Megan Thee Stallion) - This song is absolutely hilarious and I will hear no argument from any of you.

Control (Zoe Wees) - Was clearly a hit here. Should have been even bigger though. What a powerful but comfy voice. If I had better taste it would be on the list.

Hot Girl Bummer (Blackbear) - I. Uh. Listen. I keep saying I have bad taste and nobody believes me. Do you believe me now. But yeah. “F█ck you, and you, and you~, I hate your friends and they hate me too” is gonna pop in my head every single time someone is being a jerk anywhere near me now. It’s been happening all year already. Someone trashed my documents at work? Someone isn’t wearing a mask in public? That guy has filled his car with rolls of toilet paper? Brain goes “F█ck you, and you, and you~”. Every. Single. Time.

Come & Go (Juice WRLD & Marshmello ) - Damn, that’s a pretty good little song. I’ve seen plenty of people saying it’s ruined by the drop, but may I remind you I’m the person who loves Blue by Eiffel 65 with all my heart. If the song was ramping up consistently until the end instead of ending like that, it would have made the list, definitely.

And now, the actual list. This one actually feels pretty solid, I genuinely like everything on it, there’s no filler here for once.

10 - The Box (Roddy Rich)

US: #3 / FR: #23

Now this is a weird case, because for the longest time I couldn’t figure out why this song was so popular and I was completely neutral about it. Then, one morning in September, my mental jukebox (which always, always puts a song on a loop in my head when I wake up) decided to play it. And I was like oh wow?? I never noticed the atmosphere in that song before? It’s so great. And that hook too. Let’s listen to it.

So yeah, I don’t know what happened. It just clicked one day and everything fell into place, I guess.

9 - Alane (Wes & Robin Shulz)

US: Not on the list / FR: #93

Come on. You can’t do a remake of one of my previous #1 songs and let it chart in 2020. That’s cheating. Even with this subpar drop, I have to put it on the list, now.

I’ve already said my piece about the original, so I’m just going to send you back to my 1997 list.

8 - Kings and Queens (Ava Max)

US: Not on the list / FR: #76

[BBC documentary voice] After Lady Gaga decided to make piano balads and left her musical niche vacant, Ava Max quickly took her place as the top predator pop diva. Even after Lady Gaga was re-introduced to her natural habitat in 2020, she still hasn’t fully recovered in Europe, where Ava Max still reigns supreme on the charts -

(tldr I think it’s hilarious that this isn’t on the US Billboard while Lady Gaga isn’t on the French year-end top 100)

7 - Roses (Saint Jhn & Imanbek)

US: #19 / FR: #3

What an earworm. It doesn’t even bother trying to have an intro or an outro, so it loops almost perfectly. It’s like entering a party that started long before you arrived, and it will go on long after you leave it to go back home. Kind of hypnotic in a way.

And yes, my mental jukebox was very fond of using it to wake me up this year, so this is another song that’s here almost solely because of that.

6 - Physical (Dua Lipa)

US: Not on the list / FR: #69 (hehehe)

“Hey I’m not that old” says the guy who’s definitely a sucker for this kind of retro throwback that was so popular this year. Oh well.

I don’t have anything interesting to say about this one, though. Apart from the fact that everyone seems to have a different fave song on that album. Guess that’s quality for you.

5 - Rain on Me (Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande)

US: #48 / FR: Not on the list

That is far from being Lady Gaga’s best song, but it was a joy to listen to everytime it was on the radio anyway. Also Ariana Grande has surprisingly good chemistry with Gaga! This year was full of strange duets mostly made for commercial reasons, and this one isn’t an exception, but unlike a lot of them, it really, really works.

4 - Dynamite (BTS)

US: #38 / FR: Not on the list

I’m still not 100% sold on k-pop even if a ton of it sounds super good, but come on. Even if some bits of this song (especially the beginning of the second chorus) sound a bit like they were made on autopilot, it still sounds just as happy and fun several months after I first heard it and I never got tired of it. That’s quality. You hear it and you can’t help but tap your feet and smile.

Actually, I’m sure there’s people somewhere that don’t smile when they hear this song. And they must be avoided at all costs.

3 - Godzilla (Eminem ft Juice WRLD)

US: #62 / FR: Not on the list

What are you doing so high on this list, old man. Why are you still here in the year 2020. I thought we left you in the previous decade. Who gave you the right.

I’m gonna tell you who did, and it’s actually Juice WRLD. Because that chorus is incredible, and like a lot of people I’m pissed off because the guy died super young and this shit shouldn’t happen to anybody. No, his early material wasn’t great, but I’m sorry I’m gonna say it again: have you heard this damn chorus? It’s suspenseful and dark, it’s got this lowkey menacing quality, it’s an earworm and a half, and it’s more convincing in like six lines than Eminem’s own flexing is in the entire song.

The beat is extremely good as well, and the flow, obviously, impressive. The weakest link is Eminem’s writing, which is as usual full of puns and weird wordplay, except here a lot of it isn’t great, and that last ultra fast part at the end is technically impressive but it also drives the song up a cliff and stops it dead in its tracks once it’s over. But frankly the lines fly by so fast it’s difficult to be too annoyed by them.

Can I sincerely put this extremely flawed song so high on my list? A better question would be “did I spend hours trying to learn how to sing this shit without choking on my own spit?”. The answer is yes. To both.

2 - Heartless (The Weeknd)

US: #28 / FR: Not on the list

I’ve said it on my 2015 and 2016 lists already, but just for the record I’ll say it again: it took me ages to like The Weeknd, mostly because I found most of his songs fairly boring, or disliked the lyrics, or both. Also I never really liked the general vibe of his “sexy” songs like The Hills, they felt dark but in an unpleasant creepy way. Felt like miserable hedonism, if that makes sense.

So, because I’m a person with extremely consistent and logical tastes, here’s the exact same shit he was making before, except that this time I absolutely adore it.

What is he doing differently that makes the whole After Hours album click for me whereas almost all of his previous material failed to do so? Is it the energy? Is it the reverb? Is it the fact that the narrator sounds properly unhinged and, frankly, scared to be spiralling out of control? Why are the colors so beautiful yet full of anxiety? Why is that bridge so fantastic? How can you make your voice look like a glowstick in the dark?

I give up. I have no clue. At least I’m done talking about-

Oh.

1 - Blinding Lights (The Weeknd)

US: #1 / FR: #1 (listen sometimes something’s just that good, ok)

Surprise. Or not.

Wow, look at that, Johannes has put this year’s number one pop song at number one on their personal playlist. The audacity. The edge. What a hot take.

I discovered that song when it first came out at the end of 2019 and I adored it instantly. And I was so scared it wouldn’t be a hit. Which means I’m a f█cking dumbass considering it ended up breaking all sorts of records in 2020. But what can I say, overplay can be a blessing when you love a song that much.

Like every single song I put at number one on one of my lists, I will draw this one at some point and you will understand how incredibly satisfying it is to listen to a song called Blinding Lights, talking about city lights looking blurry when you’re driving at night, while looking itself like a bunch of blurry city lights passing by super fast. Perfect in every way.

Also it sounds exactly like A-ha, and that never hurts.

See you next year! Pretty sure it will be even better music-wise.

[happyhollow-mellowmarsh]

S.H.R.E.C.

“Hello and welcome to Sharing How Related Elements Contrast, or S.H.R.E.C., for short. My name is Eleanor Eglantine Ambrose II, the author of the… Controversial book Forbidden Temptations: I Can Eat This But You Can Not as well as one of the apprentice of the Grand Witch Treat. Today I’ll be joined by two of my fellow apprentices as we go over the way that different magical elements contrast, interact, and change based on their relationships with one another.”

A short pink haired girl with elven ears stands in what looks to be a kitchen, the type used for a professional cooking show. How she and her companions got the rights to film here is a mystery. Grey eyes flick to the two men accompanying her, and she gestures at them, clearly unaware the camera is going to pick this up. One of the men, the one with white highlights and scars all over him, simply stares back at her, clearly confused as to what the hell he’s supposed to do here.

Elle nudges the scarred man with her elbow, aggressive whispers, “Introduce yourself!” She knows this is getting picked up by the mic, right?

He hisses a bit at the nudge before slowly turning to the camera. He seems a little...shy. “I’m...RJ Mendoza. Another one of Treat’s apprentices. Mm.” Doesn’t seem like the talkative type, either.

The other man, on the other hand, is all smiles and appears to be more than comfortable in front of the camera.

“And my name is Maui Nguyen, also one of Treat’s apprentices. It’s so great to be with you all today!” He says with an enthusiastic wave at the camera. “Especially you Elle, thank you for lettin’ us join you,” he says, gesturing towards Eleanor. “I can’t wait to see what you got in store for us!”

“It is no problem Mr. Nguyen.” No thanks for RJ though. Elle moves off camera briefly to bring two… Interesting smoothies. Given they each have a tide pod floating on the top of them, they are clearly deadly.

“Today,” she continues. “We are going to be testing different ways to negate poison using magic. Poison is my primary specialty, and as a result I have studied a variety of ways to use it and negate its effects. Mr. Mendoza also has magic that can negate poison.” 

RJ nods, but there’s a short pause before he realizes that he should probably say something. “My primary element is Salt.” He then pulls out a salt shaker from his pockets. “This is just regular table salt, but I can use it with my magic to make poison stuff edible.”

Maui oos exaggeratedly as if this was his first time hearing their elements, picking up a tide pod from his “smoothie,” showing it off for the camera to see. “Edible you say? Even this?” He says, waving the tide pod in front of them, clearly trying to put on a good show for the audience.

Elle clapped her hands. “Oh yes! With my magic, and Mr. Mendoza’s I suppose, you could definitely consume a Tide Laundry Capsule! I have heard that this was a fascination for youths online for a considerable amount of time. I thought it would help us get wider appeal.” She remembers she’s still on camera, right?

After a brief pause, she turns back to the camera. “Ah, yes. Mr. Nguyen is not immune to poison, and as a result, he will be our test subject for this endeavour. You, of course, consent to this, correct? You need to say it for legal reasons.”

Maui, with a flashy smile, nods his head and gives them all a big thumbs up. “Absolutely! With you two magic masters, what can go wrong?!”

“Excellent! Mr. Mendoza, will you start us off?”

RJ nods and simply sprinkles a generous pinch of salt into one of the smoothies. “Should be good now.”

Maui claps his hands in performative amazement, before taking the cup and sloshing it around. “Still lookin’ pretty thick. Anyone have a guess at what this’ll taste like?” He asks the audience, before giving another cheeky smile. Someone is having fun. “Well, bottoms up!”

Without wincing at all, Maui begins to chug, taking huge heaping gulps, and in no time at all shows off his empty cup to the camera. It was only then did the man shudder slightly. “Eu-eugh, salty…”

“And, he suffers no ill effects- Oh, wait, I meant to show how deadly… Maui, can we edit this to go before the drinking?” Who does Elle think is editing this? Either way, she runs off screen and grabs a potted plant, pouring a bit of the remaining drink in. It immediately starts wilting.

“I customized the poison so it would be far more potent than the average one,” the girl explains, far too cheerful about something that could have killed her test subject if the magic failed. “Now, Mr. Nguyen, to test the second glass, I’ll be siphoning the poison out of you before it causes you any harm. Would you prefer I hold your hand, or do you want more contact. The more contact, the easier it is.”

“Uhhhh-” Maui stutters, momentarily disarmed before realizing he was still on camera. With cheeks steadily getting rosier by the second, he flashes another smile and sticks out his hand. “Sure, why the hell not?! … Bu-But just in case, how much skin contact do you need for -uh- ease? Do I gotta take off my shirt er somethin’?”

“No, I think that would get us demonetized… Just let me hold your arm. Like this.” The pink haired girl wrapped both her arms around Maui’s right arm, binding it in place for the time being. “I should easily be able to pull out any poison before it becomes a problem.”

Maui flushes quite a bit as Elle suddenly wraps herself around his arm, his on camera persona breaking for an instant. “U-Uhh- Yea, this is nice. Suure doesn’t feel like anythin’ is happenin’ right now though…”

“You need to consume the poison before I can really do anything.”

You can’t help but notice RJ sighing and shaking his head in the background.

“Ha-Hah, right…” Not wasting another second, Maui swipes up the second glass and chugs it all down once more, his face squinching slightly at the soapy taste. Elle squeezes his arm tightly, clearly focusing on filtering everything out. She made this really deadly and didn’t want to kill him.

Killing someone accidentally with a super poison again would be horrible.

“Are you doing alright?” Elle asked, after she finished dealing with the poison.

“Hmmm, other than feelin’ a little warm I think I’m doin’ jus’ fine. Maybe I shoulda drank even more-! Hey RJ, grab me another cup will ya?” He jokes, laughing. 

It seemed Maui might have said the wrong words here, because Elle absolutely preened at that. “I suppose that means you find my method of poison extraction to be superior to Mr Mendoza’s salt bath. Of course. Salt is impressive in some ways, but Poison is by far the superior element.”

RJ glares at Elle, disgust and annoyance evident in his face. “Yeah, sure, whatever. Rather hear it from Maui then from you putting words in his mouth.”

“He all but said it already!” the girl huffs. She unwraps herself from Maui’s arm dramatically while looking directly at RJ. “See, I’m not influencing him. I have no doubt as to his answer.”

Uh oh. Wrong words said indeed, this was NOT how Maui envisioned his joke to land. Now with both of his friends looking towards him for an answer to an impossible situation… there was only one thing left to do…

“Whoaa guys- guys,” Maui says raising his hands in hopes of pacifying the building tension, “This is… This is all jus’ fun ‘nd games, yenno? A-Actually- That reminds me!”

Without skipping another beat, Maui flees offstage, still blabbering as he does.

“I actually got you guys some gifts while I was travellin’ around that I’ve been meanin’ to give- OH FU-“

Suddenly, a crash. The camera topples onto the floor, the last thing the audience sees and hears is a big meaty brown man cursing and apologizing at the same time before the broadcast abruptly ends.

Happy Hollow: Mellow Marsh is a tumblr submission trials game with Discord ooc and a Discord thread server, and the sequel game to Happy Hollow. This game is 18+ with the exception of returning players. We will be accepting a cast of 16-18 people including mod ocs, and characters should be aged 16-24. The events of the previous game are not public knowledge to characters, so catching up on the last game is not necessary!

Apps close on April 12th, one week away! A three day extension is available upon dm request.

About || How to play || Application || FAQ || Hopefuls || Hopefuls chat

[pinehurst]

Unwrapping the Fourth Episode

It’s safe to say that the fourth episode absolutely destroyed the internet. Fugou Keiji was trending on Tumblr and Twitter in many countries with many others out of the loop asking, “Where exactly can I watch this anime?” This surge in popularity makes sense though as this episode had it all: the boys in casual clothes, hair down Daisuke, drunk Haru, and some quality bonding. Score one for the fangirls.

Disclaimer: This discusses the fourth episode as well as my thoughts on how the show may progress. My theories and beliefs are reminiscent of the only four episodes out at the moment so this may not be the most accurate thing out there.

Disclaimer #2: The way that I set up the entire review is more of a “live commentary” but I do offer my thoughts throughout so please bear with my rambling.

When the official Fugou Keiji team teased the fourth episode on their Twitter, I was speechless to say the least. Right off the bat, it was obvious that this episode would be much more lighthearted and relaxed than the previous episodes: Daisuke trying to survive day-to-day life without his life source? Let’s see this millionaire try to last in our shoes. This anime has a record of unveiling new information every episode, so I was interested to see how the story would progress. 

The episode opens up dramatically with Suzue running after Daisuke as he storms out of the mansion. In fact, he’s so irritated that he leaves without HEUSC or his money. Ok two things. First of all, Daisuke’s unforeseen emo side is showing. What could possibly make him want to leave that suddenly that he forgets the two things that practically define him? Secondly, Suzue addressed our beloved millionaire as “Daisuke-sama.” Wait, what? Being unfamiliar with Japanese culture, I decided to do a quick Google search as to when the honorific “-sama” is used. Wikipedia noted the following: 

Sama (様、さま) is a more respectful version for people of a higher rank than oneself or divine, toward one's guests or customers (such as a sports venue announcer addressing members of the audience), and sometimes toward people one greatly admires. 

At this point, it’s still unclear as to whether or not Daisuke and Suzue are siblings or spouses; however, it is now known that, whatever their relationship may be, Suzue holds Daisuke to a higher regard. Only three seconds have passed, no need to rush. The remainder of the episode must contain answers. 

After the opening comes to a close, Haru asks Daisuke for some help with a lost dog as he hopes to use his “magic” to trace the dog’s path. Immediately afterward though, Haru affirms that “it’s not like [he] absolutely needs [Daisuke’s] help.” It’s pretty clear from this one sentence that Haru doesn’t want to seem inferior to Daisuke. Even when asking for assistance, he doesn’t want to lower himself just to get Daisuke’s help. After all, he needs to assert that he’s got the better philosophy out of the two. 

This call does, however, represent the growth in their relationship that we ever so hoped for. The fact that Haru called Daisuke at all showcases two things. First of all, it reinforces that fact that Haru’s morals and humanistic mindset dictate his actions. He not only helped a child in his spare time (which I’m sure many people wouldn’t do) but also called his coworker (that rich boy with completely different morals) for help with assisting a troubled child. It also emphasizes something much more important for the upcoming epiosdes though: Haru is beginning to trust Daisuke more. Episode 3 already helped lay the foundation for their acquaintanceship (soon to be friendship), and this episode only works to add onto that footing. He knows that Daisuke has the resources to help others; in this sense, it may seem as though Haru is only exploiting Daisuke for the greater good, but that doesn’t lessen the fact that he feels comfortable enough to even think of Daisuke as an option.

Once again though, Daisuke and Haru’s views clash when dealing with this child. Haru is determined to help this poor child whereas Daisuke blatantly states that “looking for a dog isn’t a police officer’s job.” This entire situation did teach us a little bit more about Daisuke’s personality though. He’s easily swayed by a child’s tears as he reluctantly agreed to help once the child wept crocodile tears of grief. Even though he is generally unconcerned, anyone would feel guilty leaving a poor child alone. As Haru put it, “[he’s] a human being after all.” 

We also learn that Daisuke likes to do his work swiftly and quickly if the past episodes didn’t already emphasize that. He interrupted the child, who we learn is named Tsuyoshi Nomura, asking him where his house is located. The entire time it’s clear that Daisuke oh-so-dearly wants to finish up this business. He even convinced the child that the dog returned home, indifferent to whether or not that may be true. When Haru called him out, Daisuke smirked, “That has nothing to do with me.” Even if he feels guilty, that doesn’t mean he should waste his precious energy trying to help find a lost dog. He may even regard it as trivial. 

The episode cuts back to Suzue as we see another side to her that the previous episodes failed to display: her obsesssion with Daisuke. I know what some of you may be thinking, and yes at first I thought that “obsessed” was too strong of a word too. The exact definition of obsessed is to “preoccupy or fill the mind of (someone) continually, intrusively, and to a troubling extent.” Nevermind, Suzue definitely fits this definition. She scattered messages all throughout town, watching Daisuke’s every move. My favorite message of all though was the one in front of the grocery store: “I am eagerly waiting for your return.” Emphasis on the eagerly. That gave me a good laugh; she is so devoted to Daisuke to the extent that she’d give up sleep just to ensure his wellbeing.

Suzue, however, did give us an insider’s look at Daisuke’s life. The fact that she was in utter dismay when she found out that Daisuke left his precious wallet behind goes to show that Daisuke depends on his money to indulge in his everyday activities. Even though we already knew that, Suzue’s reaction really put emphasis on the fact that this was going to be a new and maybe even tough experience for Daisuke to endure. He is pampered by his family, with Suzue worrying about trivial things such as the fact that maybe he “didn’t like the patterns on his shirt”or that she “upgraded his shoes from +5 centimeters to +7 centimeters.” The fact that that put a dent in their relationship made it all the better since it just goes to show that Daisuke is so conditioned to having everything done for him that a sudden shift in behavior wrecks havoc. 

It shifts back to Haru and Daisuke shopping, something that I never realized I needed until now. Daisuke’s spoiled side shows once more as he questions why Haru doesn’t just let others do the shopping for him. Running errands? Pathetic. Let someone else do them for you. 

Now this is where the million dollar question is answered: what exactly is Suzue to Daisuke? After being questioned by Haru, it’s finally revealed that Suzue is, in fact, Daisuke’s relative. This is where fifty questions popped into my mind, all of them being “Huh?” Suzue is clearly devoted to him on an incomprehensible level, but to be a relative? After much thought and a quick scroll through the Discord servers, someone mentioned a website that got my attention. One website, Nakasendoway, stated the following: 

“A main or stem family might have affiliated to it branch families. Each branch family at some time might itself, while maintaining its subordinate position to the main family, become the stem family to several branches. Thus, a well-established, well-organized, and rich family could become extremely large.” 

Aha! Now this is something I can get behind! This would explain her sincere devotion to Daisuke and why she referred to him as “-sama.” This doesn’t, however, really explain why Daisuke is holding her in the opening with such passion. Or maybe it does explain everything and I’m just not processing it correctly. I mean it is midnight at the time that I’m writing this and maybe I just need some sleep. Nevertheless I believe that there’s still more depth to Daisuke and Suzue’s relationship that hasn’t been explained yet. Maybe it’ll be explained in the future episodes in the midst of some event that reminds Daisuke of his backstory (that was briefly mentioned at the beginning of episode 1).

Anywho, back to the episode. Daisuke stays over Haru’s house, where he is shocked by the lack of grandeur. That apartment is where he lives? Not some grand mansion? Wild. Ah the adventures that occurred in that tiny apartment sure were grand though. We are once again reminded of Daisuke’s lavish life when he accidentally cuts himself. He immediately requests for a first-aid kit and when Haru makes the grand reveal that he doesn’t actually have one, Daisuke is forced to almost lower his standards. How is he going to heal himself? Why, he’s going to lick his cut! He is away from the comfort of his home so he must accommodate to his needs by doing going through the “harder,” more economical approach. He is finally starting to have a taste of the real world, outside the comfort of his own home.

After this scene is the moment we all have been waiting for: hair-down Daisuke with an oversized hoodie. All I can say is yes. Daisuke once again rediscovers his love for commoner’s food as he chowed on Haru’s recipes. This was wonderful bonding between the two as Haru tried to satisfy Daisuke’s wealthy plate and even taught him a few recipes. The two even watched a show together. Now this is where I believe foreshadowing will take its course.

The show that they’re watching follows a humanistic detective (with attire similar to Haru’s) arguing with his boss (whose attire is similar to Daisuke’s). The detective insists that they act on some case without affirmation from the higher-ups, but his superior refuses to budge. Later on, it’s revealed that this boss dies from a gunshot. Now I theorize that something similar will happen between Haru and Daisuke. Besides the similar attire between the two, the opening also shows Daisuke disappearing before a gun’s line of sight. Maybe this disappearance symbolizes that Daisuke may get shot or even suffer from severe injuries in the later episodes. Whatever it may be, I doubt any of the (relevant) characters will die since they play important roles and I just don’t see Fugou Keiji as the type of anime to do so (now this is obviously subjective but it’s just my opinion).

We are also let into Haru’s internal struggle: the difficulty of balancing their roles as heroes and civil servants. This practically relates to his philosophy as he would do anything to save anyone, carrying heroic acts of kindness and service. He is definitely the type to disobey orders in the name of justice, but in doing so he would be tarnishing his reputation as a civil servant. He wouldn’t be doing as his job wishes, and wouldn’t that be a crime in itself? Not doing what your superiors, who supposedly know better, and all. 

Haru and Daisuke part ways after the night together comes to a close. Haru’s off helping that child find his lost dog while Daisuke is out doing whatever he must. All hope is lost when Haru and the child just can’t seem to find the dog. But surprise! Acting as a beacon of hope, a light that came amidst darkness, Daisuke appears holding a dog leash with a dog attached to it! Oh how the tables have turned. Daisuke now decided to help find the dog. It became his obligation to find the dog now. Maybe Haru used his own magic and caused Daisuke to have a change in mindset over night. Maybe he finally came to realize that it’s worth the trouble to help others. Or maybe he had nothing better to do and decided to do his job without his display of wealth. No matter the reason, Daisuke still helped out. He still did what he didn’t want to do in the beginning of the episode. Ah how we love a change in mindset.

Daisuke finally returns home after two eventful days. The first thing he does when he returns? He recreates the “Kato family recipe” for Suzue, and he is very clearly satisfied with the result. After spending the night together, Haru served Daisuke natto for breakfast (love the recurring theme here) in the form of some sacred family meal. Daisuke replicated this recipe for his family WITH the natto. Oh how we love character development! He concluded by saying something along the lines of “It’s called the Devil’s Natto Recipe.” I found it kind of cute how he referred to Haru as a devil considering it was his recipe. It really shows that they still recognize their differences despite becoming closer over time. It’s safe to say operation friendship was a success as the episode comes to a close.

In my opinion, this episode’s sole purpose, besides showing us their lives away from work, was to help Daisuke get out of his little bubble as he was exposed to the real world. He no longer had Suzue’s welcoming warmth nor the unlimited wealth that his wallet provided. Rather, he was put in a situation where he had no money and was thrown into the “working class” for the first time ever. He would have had to scrap by if it weren’t for Haru. Heck, Haru paved the way for Daisuke’s character development as he taught him how to make inexpensive recipes and save money. 

However, this episode also raised the question: “Is Suzue going to merely be a comic relief character?” This episode really just utilized Suzue for the laughs as she’s presented as a character who’s overly worried about her dear relative. Personally I view this episode as a much more lighthearted one so of course Suzue would be much more exaggerated. At the same time, it introduced her devotion for Daisuke, unveiling an important plot point. This may make it less shocking if she does end up putting her life at risk for Daisuke’s sake. This certainly explains why she didn’t mind trying to swoon the smuggler in the second episode. Nevertheless I believe that she will be of utmost importance in the future, helping to turn the gears of story development through her gadgets. Her sincere devotion to Daisuke will most likely still serve as comic relief, but it won’t undermine her other characteristics.

As for how the series will progress, personally I believe that the future episodes will have more of an overarching plot and follow a more serious storyline, as we still need to see Daisuke and Haru confront the struggles fettering them down. It seems as though the anime wants to first develop a solid relationship between the two main protagonists before any sort of angst occurs.  

Edit: The Fugou Keiji team confirmed in a commentary article that things went downhill between Daisuke and Suzue because of the shoes. Love that!  

[exotahu]

Bronycon 2019 “THE END”

Okay so... I kinda procrastinated on putting this out. I wrote the shell right after the con but only now finished it for posting. I don’t use tumblr much anymore but I couldn’t think of anywhere else to put this. Here is my rundown of the 2019 Bronycon. As per usual, this was written in pieces over time and might be a bit of a mess. I’m not the most coherent person when it comes to writing this sort of thing. So for one final time, Here we go. I apologize if tumblr breaks it all. 

Wednesday

The power went out as I was getting ready to leave. I had everything pretty well prepared ahead of time this time.

 I was super stressed about things going wrong and of fucking shit up actually helped me get my shit together. Still thought, I left the goddamn pop-tarts behind I had bought to have cheap easy breakfasts, but oh well, wasn't the worst thing that could have happened. Left a little bit later than planned but, we weren't too terribly late either despite all this, and we got to Baltimore in good time. Made a couple stops a long the way. Found a nowhere gas station with a super yikes level sticker display next to a rack of GFT comics. Place sure had an aura about it that did not suit my pastel-horse ribbon wearing shenanigans. Made another stop and bought some twisted tea tall boys that I never ended up drinking at some other rando gas station. Made another stop at the Speedway that was a Hess and got some hot dogs. The one with the M&T next to it, that I've stopped at almost every time I've gone down. It’s dumb, but I’m gonna miss that spot. Some of these places, though dumb and random to anyone else, have memories. Like sitting on the hood of my Geo just shooting the shit with friends on the way to Otakon, or my first solo trip where I unintentionally scared the shit outta my parents cause I accidently made them think I was on the wrong side of the state or how I always took the wrong turn and had to use a middle school parking lot to turn around. Recorded a bunch with my phone cause its gonna be a long time until I’m back to some of these places. Little videos or pictures for nostalgic purposes. Made it into the hotel. No issues with the weirdness with the room reservation, thank god. (I had to do some nonsense with having two reservations and rewards points and stuff due to not getting Sunday night in the con block) Pre-reg was starting at 6 and going until late some time so we did other stuff instead. We went to Tir na Nog for dinner and hung out in the inner harbor, went to Barnes and Noble then the ice cream place. Just some of the staples of hanging out in the Inner Harbor. Went to CVS and I bought some more pop-tarts to replace the ones I left at home. Then we went to pre-reg to pick up badges. Line was pretty huge at the start when we walked past to go get dinner, figured it’d get smaller over time, but holy fuck it didn’t. Pretty sure they had no idea that many people were going to show up which was unfortunately a pretty accurate descriptor of the whole weekend tbh. We waited in line for like two hours, but it went fast enough and was kinda fun. Lots of songs being sung and merriment, especially for a two hour line. A bunch of people asked me about my digital badge or goggles. It’s funny how often the answer to “Where did you get those” is so often “Here a couple years ago” or “Otakon, a whole bunch of year ago”. A 4th of all the people registered showed up supposedly. So many people showed up that they capped line but we were already in. Not much to do after so we went back to the hotel for sleep. Got to bed Pretty early. The bar trot wasn't this night so we just went back. Got a great night of sleep sleeping on a mattress that wasn't butt, almost 8 hours. I wish my mattress at home was as good as this hotel one.

 Thursday

 Today was the bonus day. There wasn't much going on con-wise, which was fine. It was good to just relax and wander. I got to meet up with a friend from a discord server I'm in. Wandered around a while and took pictures. Also met up with someone who is actually from Baltimore but is moving to Syracuse (and only like a couple days after the con) Waited for vendor hall to open and hung out as a group for a while. There was a big line to get into vendor. It was in a weird spot this time, inside of the harmony plaza and not its own space. Bought a KDA Akali mask but mostly just did a scope out. The vendor was packed. A little more cramped due to the limited space. It was a little hard to move. Couldn’t maintain unit cohesion. Learned the layout though and where most of the vendors were. Got to briefly see a few other cool people from that Discord sever. Planned to do most of my buying, but Justin lost his hotel key (always get spares), had to go let him in the room. On the way back I did a Rayquaza raid with a couple friends. Me and Josh forgot we were one day away from best friends in game and that raids count towards the daily interaction so we didn't pop a lucky egg, whoops. Ate at Jimmy Johns before going to meet up for opening. Unfortunately, Opening got capped due to space. The BCC got shared with a Rubix cube competition so we only had half the space because I don't think they planned on having their highest attendance ever at over 10k people. We didn't have the top floor big hall so the Mane Hall was in where palooza was and it's certainly not sized to hold that many people. This would be a difficulty the whole weekend. I got back into the Harmony Plaza/Vendor Hall. They were livestreaming the Mane Hall, so the staff set up a huge monitor in Harmony Plaza to watch it sorta live. It was pretty emotional. Even the BCC president showed up and said we should keep going. That was a little rough. Then they did something neat. They got Gilbert Gottfried to sing/read This Day Aria. Everyone in the room went bananas. It was hilarious. I met back up with everyone at the hotel and we headed to the bars. Part of our group went to a ramen place they all like. There wasn't enough space for all of us without waiting an forever, so me and Justin just went to the bars. I started drinking at the Dogs Watch. They didn't have any pony themed drinks but there were pony decorations and music playing. It's a nice atmosphere, it's a bit hard to explain, being in an alcohol establishment with music from a colorful pastel horse show playing. I had 3 vodka cranberries. Met back with everyone and went to The Admiral. They had almost no Trixie left, but still enough for me to have one. And I fucking did it, I got the recipe or at the very least I know the materials. Had some of the other drinks too. There was a Pinkie, Twilight and I believe Tempest? The bartender used Champagne for the Pinkie themed drink because it was the last Bronycon. I had a bunch of those, a couple of the others, then a mix of everything. Everyone in our group went back in groups. Me, Sam and Cody were the last ones in our group. Met up with some cool people. One of the guys ordered a Vodka shot for everyone, and then a Tequila shot. After that before I left I thanked the bartender one more time for all he's done to make the bar one of the highlights of our yearly trip and all the cool theme drinks. (Seriously, if you're ever in Baltimore and drink alcohol, go to Fells Point. Find the Admiral Fell Inn, it's a little underground bar and it is AMAZING, and the bartender is a really cool guy.) Our newly formed group left. We didn't want to walk all the way back to our hotels drunk, which funny enough were all next to each other so we summoned a Lyft. While waiting we took a group selfie. We took two, Cody was missing from the first one and then Sam was missing from the other. Plus there was a random guy in both of them we didn't know who it was. THey were seconds apart and I still don't know how that happened. I got a selfie in front of a lingerie shop which amused drunk me greatly. The Lyft came and we all got in, Don't Stop Believing started playing and we all started singing along. It was a good ride back. We got back and me and one other person decided hey, Palooza is still going, lets go. Met up with a fursuiter on the way. Got to catch the last couple acts. It’s a hell of a time drunk. I could feel the soles of my feet vibrating. I had a blast and then went back to the hotel after it ended. Got to bed at like 3. It's fun to stay up doing the late things but it makes it hard to do early things.

  Friday

 I tried to get up early so I could get there earlier to get one of Baron's commission slots. Alcohol didn't cause many problems outside of a minor headache and mild plumbing problems. Still slowed me down a little. Surprisingly not really hung over aside from that, despite how much I drank. Drink water everybody, it really does help. I went to the con and got into vendor hall. I bought some stuff. I got a Soarin' daki, a game for a friend, among some other things. I bought some original art from Baron too. Didn't get there in time for a commission though. Went to the comic vendor and bought my comics. I'm only missing a couple now. Ended up getting into the line for Whoves Line almost on accident. Got in with no issues, which was cool. It’s good fun, they put on a good show. There was a proposal too which was neat, especially how they did it. Dropped stuff off at the hotel. Went to meet up with our other group and got to see the other hotel we’ve never stayed in. It's fancy af. Our group went to Bubba Gumps and I went in. I figured if it's gonna be my last time here for a very long time I was gonna do it big. Someone jokingly said I should get two Shrimper's Heavens. And then I did it, plus my usual shrimp cocktail. The Great Shrimp Massacre of 2019. Also discovered that their cheese sticks are fuckin massive and I wish I had known. I got a bunch of them that the others couldn't eat. I ate all of that. I did it big. Plumbing didn’t even break. Dropped 100$ at once. It's the most I have very spent on one restaurant trip. I don’t think I’ll be doing that again, but hey, for the final BronyCon that's kinda the point isn't it? We went to ice cream place. (Okay so I don't eat ice cream but they sell some really good tea) Then we went to the Palooza. Forgot to change my socks. Knee-high stockings no good for rave as I discovered. Vylet’s set was absolutely fantastic. (I mean all the acts were great, but she’s a favorite). Also got to see the secret guest whose name was obscured the whole time. I knew who I wanted it to be, and it was. Garnika came back for one more and played a wonderful set. Like usual we stayed the whole thing. It’s so much fun despite knowing waking up will be hard cause I’ll only get like 4 sleep. There is like this odd sense of dread knowing the effect the late night is going to have on you, but you stay anyway because there is such an energy you can't pull yourself away from.

  Saturday

Once again I tried to get up early to get a commission slot form Baron. Didn’t end up making it, however, he said he’d do it anyway, and mail it out. (I'm referring to Baron Engel, he's an artist I really like, go look him up!) It's a picture of Fluttershy dressed as Jotaro from JJBA. I've gotten it now and it's really good! I bought more stuff, including another daki that Kyle and Josh jokingly pointed out to me. Didn't think I was going to, but I couldn't turn down the price the guy gave me. I lined up for VA panel script reading. It was an EqG script about the cast graduating and the Celestias swapping places and causing chaos. It was not so subtly about the end of the con. I started to tear up. I realized that was gonna be a common theme throughout the weekend, I fuckin knew it. I do not like crying, especially in public. The closer we got to the end the worse it got. Ran into the cosplay photoshoot which was neat, and there was another proposal. After that I made a hotel deposit and got some Jimmy Johns, and then went to anthology panel. Because of course it was, Gardevoir community day was the same weekend as the con. I bought a new Pokemon+ thing that does it automatically, so I still got to play despite being in a panel or in line for most of it. It was alright. Anthology was great (and holy shit a little raunchier than usual), But then at the end they told us that it was actually longer and they had to cut it for time. (To which I call bullshit, any additional content I’ve seen was far too explicit for the actual con, lul). Went to the Palooza for one final time. I remembered to change my socks this time. Saw Black Gryph0n and Michelle Creber, and then the super band made up of a large variety of fandom musicians. It was really cool. Even got to hear an orchestral performance of one of 4everfree's songs which is something I've not seen them do before. Things ran a little long and it threw the schedule off a bunch. 2 AM hit and Eruobeat hadn't gone yet. (2 is usually when we have to leave by) But Eurobeat did get to do his set despite this because whoever was in charge decided to be cool. "We're suposed to be out by 2, but its 2 and Eurobeat has to play still. We can stay for this but, but when it’s over I'm gonna need y’all to get the fuck out.” And then Eurobeat performed he was one of the first fandom musicians and one of the first to perform at the original BronyPalooza. And of course, for his final song, he performed his 2019 version of Discord. The whole fuckin' room went nuts. It was nothing short of magical. It was the perfect way to end it, the final Bronypalooza. The energy in the room was insane. Bronypalooza was always one of my favorite parts of the con. I’m told other EDM concerts are crazier, but I don’t know if I want crazier. There was something absolutely magical about a room full of all different kinds of people losing their shit to pastel horse based music waving dakis and plushies and some in full fursuit and some in cosplay and some in plain clothes and every kinda nonsense you can imagine. Just rocking out and having a good time. It's an experience and a kind of magic that I don’t know what will ever be able to compare. I'll never forget it.

 Sunday

THE FINAL DAY. I switched over reservations with no issues and went to the con. Ended up mostly wandering around the vendor hall yeeting money away before lining up for closing. I recorded a bunch of wandering around. There was a Bronycon memorial shrine that was set up too that people had left all sorts of crazy stuff at too. I bought some random but cool stuff. I also commissioned a badge of my pony character! (Better late than never huh?) Was gonna buy a couple things but ended up not. I ran into Vylet wandering the vendor hall! Got a picture with her and Namii!. Lined up for closing, which turned into a bit of a clusterfuck. It got capped again due to room. In the clusterfuck I was able to meet back up with Andy, Sam, and Justin. However while in line I got to see a whole bunch of con staff set up huge monitors to stream it to the overflow room so as many people as possible can see it. It was... very emotional, was pretty much just sobbing in a whole room full of people. Got a conclusion to the mascot storyline too. I never want to forget how I feel after these things. Walking out of the con center for the last time was fucking surreal. I've been there so many times. I remember being confused by the layout the first couple times and by the end, I had the whole thing memorized. (Okay, I couldn't remember lobby names for shit, but I knew where it all was.) I cried a whole bunch as we all walked out together reminiscing. We sat in the hotel room as a group just kinda being sad and reminiscing and decompressing for a little while. Then we went to a bar after party event things in a place I’d never been. It was a pretty relaxing atmosphere. Instead of being in the bar we sat outside on these sofa things on the deck rather than watching the concert on the inside (But hoenstly it was so loud you could hear it well enough). A lot of the non-EDM rock musicians there. It was honestly really nice sitting there under the open sky just listening to music. Feeling the sunset while the city lights get brighter and the sky fades to dark was nice. I checked Pokemon Go since I had my automatic bracelet thing doing it's thing, turns out I caught a random Shiny Alolan Geodude. I nicknamed it the Bronycon Memorial Rock, it's a Golem now. Had some shots too. After a while we went back to the hotel. We decided to do a Insomnia Cookie order, since it went so well last year. And oh was it a clusterfuck. So we made our order. I forgot to mention that we were in a hotel so I called them and they said they'd call us when they got there and that I would come down. Roughly 15 minutes later, the call came. I said I'd be down. I went to the lobby and found a delivery man with a white box. He comes up to me and asks me if I was the one that ordered pizza. Nope, wasn't me. He got a little frustrated but continued to wait for his people. No cookie delivery guy. I call him back. This was basically the convo: "Hello, I'm down in the lobby but I can't find you" "Wait, it wasn't you that picked up the cookies?" "No I just got here, there is a confused pizza man down here though." (I should note that they're both white square boxes) "Oh fuck I'm so sorry I gave it to the wrong person we'll remake your order and come back" "No problem man, it happens to the best of us, I'll just wait down in the lobby this time" I repeated the order, he apologized and hung up. The pizza guy just left the pizza with the front desk. I saw that they still had the menus up for the pony themed alcohol so I ordered an Applejack(Apple brandy, hard cider and ice). Accidentally ended up calling another friend trying to call the cookie guy back who also happened to be at a bar back home and had a chat about what we were drinking/doing so that was cool. Eventually the cookie guy came back and we had cookies. Then everyone wanted pizza. Yet another clusterfuck occurred, turns out they ran out of dough or something so after like a half hour wait, we got our money back. After that we just went to sleep.

  Monday

We packed everything up and loaded the car when we got up. Then we decided to have one last day in the inner harbor. We went to Tir Na Nog as a big group for one last time, then headed to the aquarium. The aquarium is nifty. I like to watch the jellyfish. They're so goddamn relaxing. Even one of the employees said the same thing. We left and took a group picture in the harbor before finally heading back. Once again, leaving was a bit sombre, there was just such a finality to it, walking past the BCC down Pratt St. After hanging out in the hotel lobby for a little bit, we got on the road to home. During the ride back, It ended up coming up why the area is significant to me and why I wanted to do certain things and why this whole crazy thing started in the first place. I never really bring it up, but it felt kinda good to talk about it. It was a relatively uneventful ride home. We stopped at a McDonalds at some point. Got home, unpacked and crashed, feeling exhausted from the weekend.  

  Conclusion:

 Yeah it's no secret I procrastinated writing/finishing this for a couple months. I guess I just didn't want to deal with it being over. I've mentioned before that this con and the surrounding area is pretty important to me. A yearly tradition that I looked forward to and saved for. I had gone to Otakon almost every year between 2006-2012. Once I realized interest in Otakon had waned, I got kinda sad, but then something wild happened. Bronycon announced they were moving down to a new location. The Baltimore Inner Harbor in the BCC. I had been talking with a couple friends about going to the next Bronycon and that absolutely cemented it. That was 2013. Then in 2014, I was contacted by some guy my dad worked with who was wondering if I had intended to go the next year. That's how I met Andy. I made a bunch of friends through the con/show and reconnected with old ones too. I made sure to go down every year since. Aside from 2010, I've gone to the Baltimore Inner Harbor every year since 06. It's gonna be hard knowing I won't be back there for a while most likely. I've got a bunch of memories down here across many years. I know this has been totally disjointed because I'm writing it months later, coming off the MLP series finale, so I'm feeling some feels. I think that's part of why I decided to finish it now. I've said for a while that Bronycon was one of the best conventions I've ever attended. The atmosphere was something unique and magical. I don't think I could ever describe it properly. I don't think I'll ever find anything that quite captures the magic, but one thing is sure, I'm never gonna forget the times we've had here. It really has been magic.