#and i wisb i wasnt so afrsid of giving him that. but im so afraid of giving my all and getting nothing back.
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#basically got permission to be pyscho but in tjr OPPOSITE direction#i.e if i go crazy in an argument i have tl go crazy w the apology#and the way i lit up at that ohh im fucmed up#i dpnt . do this until i GET permission bc ive brrn told it can be manipulation (and i never mean for it to be)#its just a way of trying to correct the damage ive done and he said it was ok#like its not as crazy as it sounds ill tell you that but . it does make mr frel better knowing that the way#i wa na go abt my apologies and fuck ups im allowed to do that#ive also got a bit of work to do. and im not sure how to go abt thst until tje situstion arises where the triggers There.#but ive done the mentsl work and figured out WHY#its just reminding muself of tjst wjen im feeli f triggered or having a cycle repeat . bc logic and common sense go out tje window#gotta love trauma brains.#its so funny to realise he rlly just wants to be loved the way i do.#and i wisb i wasnt so afrsid of giving him that. but im so afraid of giving my all and getting nothing back.#anyway. learned a lot the last 3 days. truly.
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#basically got permission to be pyscho but in tjr OPPOSITE direction#i.e if i go crazy in an argument i have tl go crazy w the apology#and the way i lit up at that ohh im fucmed up#i dpnt . do this until i GET permission bc ive brrn told it can be manipulation (and i never mean for it to be)#its just a way of trying to correct the damage ive done and he said it was ok#like its not as crazy as it sounds ill tell you that but . it does make mr frel better knowing that the way#i wa na go abt my apologies and fuck ups im allowed to do that#ive also got a bit of work to do. and im not sure how to go abt thst until tje situstion arises where the triggers There.#but ive done the mentsl work and figured out WHY#its just reminding muself of tjst wjen im feeli f triggered or having a cycle repeat . bc logic and common sense go out tje window#gotta love trauma brains.#its so funny to realise he rlly just wants to be loved the way i do.#and i wisb i wasnt so afrsid of giving him that. but im so afraid of giving my all and getting nothing back.#anyway. learned a lot the last 3 days. truly.
0 notes
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