#its just a way of trying to correct the damage ive done and he said it was ok

[29121996]

.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

tw detailed transphobia

just looking for support/ validation

so ive been looking at names recently and i really liked the name Arthur, but the first time someone called me that my mom was around and she laughed every time until i asked them to stop out of embarrassment , and then when i brought it up a couple days ago she said "i just dont like that name" and cited reasons that made no sense to me. when i told my dad and stepmom that i wanted to go by that name a while before then, they ignored me entirely, and my brother only calls me a nickname he made "because its easier" instead of using my actual name or acknowledging that im trans. also my dad has a character on a game thats existed for less time overall than ive been trans, swapped her gender and now genders her correctly every time while still messing mine up, it almost feels purposeful.

i love my family and i dont want to resent them for it but i feel extremely disrespected and unloved. i came out when i was 17 or 18 and am gonna be old enough to drink really soon, theyve had plenty of time to work things out on their own since ive lived with them that whole time. it just feels like they dont care enough to try to understand any of it past how it makes them feel and its really hurtful and discouraging.

Hey there.

I am sorry that your parents are doing that, it is really hard to be in that situation. I also want to let you know that my response to your ask comes from my experience coming out as trans in high school and dealing with unsupportive parents.

You are completely valid for being upset and frustrated with them. As you said, they have had time to get it right and they still have not.

Have you talked to them about how this makes you feel? You used the words "unloved" and "disrespected", telling them that you feel that way because of their actions (and inactions) might help. Doing that in a controlled setting, like with a therapist, is often great but can be done privately as well.

A lot of the time we are nice to people who use the wrong language to refer to us because we have been taught that being polite (especially to parents) is required. I want to let you know that you have permission to be firm and demand respect.

What that often looks like is setting a boundary, and then enforcing it.

I will give you an example:

I sat my parents down and explained to them that my name is Emmett and my pronouns are he/him. I said that it is important that they use the right words to refer to me and that it is damaging to my mental health to allow them to use the wrong words. I said that I know change can be difficult and that mistakes will happen, but there needs to be effort clearly being put towards getting it right. I ended by saying that if they cannot do that, I will no longer be associating with them or responding to the wrong words.

What that looked like was every time one of them would say the wrong word, I would give a firm and quick correction and I would not respond in any other way until they corrected it. So if my parent said "Oh, she is going to dinner later" I would pop in immediately after they said "she" and I would say the word "he" and that is it. My tone was firm, my volume was loud enough to be heard, and I waited for their correction. The same thing goes for names, if they said "(birth name"), I would chime in with "Emmett" and wait. If they did not correct it, I would not respond any further or engage at all. That included not doing things that were asked of me while being misgendered/misnamed and correcting them in front of other people despite it being uncomfortable.

With one of my parents, it took a few weeks, and then we were fine. They got it and we have not had to discuss it since then. My other parent took much longer to get it together and the parent who understood faster had to actually have a conversation about it with them. I also found it helpful to present my parents with the statistics for suicide for trans folks who are supported vs unsupported, and that grounded my demand for respect in real data and also in the very real mental health issues that being disrespected were causing.

I also suggest finding a support group for parents of trans kids in your area. PFLAG and LGBT community centers often have that resource and it can really make a difference for some parents. My family was helped greatly by having a support group like that. They were able to talk about their fears and what they didn't understand without saying it directly to me. They were able to be educated and supported by other parents and that was a big deal.

If your location does not have this resource (or if virtual services are preferred), someone I have worked closely with offers a service to families of trans folks on a "pay what you can (even if that is $0)" basis where he essentially will talk through their concerns with them and offer them advice on how best to support you. He is trans and understands this issue very deeply. He also has a book that is pretty great that deals with this issue. I am not working with him currently and I am not paid to promote his work or anything, I just genuinely feel that it is a great resource, especially since it is available for free where something like family therapy is not. His website is here for you to take a look at, I would encourage your parents to email him if they can. Even if they only access a resource like this or a support group once, it still opens the door for supporting you better.

I wish you the best and want to say again that your feelings are valid. I also encourage you to find support outside of your parents if possible- online, in your community, with a therapist, at an LGBT support group, etc. Anywhere you feel safe, supported, and comfortable can make a difference. That won't change your parents' behavior, but it will offer you an additional space to talk about it and be reminded that you are loved and supported.

Hang in there, anon.

Mod Emmett

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki Yuugiroku 3 drama: Please teach me, Yamazaki-san! English translation

Special thanks to @nollatooru​ for extracting text again since there’s no way this would have been translated anytime soon since the majority of drama translations that I’ve found as videos only are near the very bottom of my to-do list.

This is my translation of the 薄桜鬼 遊戯録 隊士達の大宴会 店铺特典「教えてください山崎さん！」, the Yuugiroku 3 (too much of a hassle to look up the actual name) drama: Please teach me, Yamazaki-san!

Ended up doing a bit more research that I would have liked to translate this since the names of the positions in the Shinsengumi’s organization for spies didn’t translate well from Japanese into Chinese (huzzah for google translate and for biographies that list names in Chinese and Japanese so I was able to find the information I was looking for in English)... Also, i didn’t look up the gameplay for anything since I had to uninstall KW and EB for space when I was taking things off my damaged passport, not that it would have made much of a difference since I can’t recall a point when the “Watch” was actually voiced... so I might not really be consistent with a few things in this translation since I only did research during the latter half of this...? 

oh well. i don’t know Japanese and don’t do the editing for my subtitle videos until I compare everything to the audio later so I can claim ignorance. i suppose that’s an odd benefit of not understanding Japanese hahaha.   

Anyway, as always, my translation not be 100% accurate since I translate from Chinese. final edits will probably take a bit longer (in comparison to the other things i’m still sitting on) to do since im still debating about what im do with all the Watch-related words since I really don’t like it when the things I translate aren’t consistent....

PERSONAL RECOMMENDATION: I HIGHLY ADVISE AGAINST READING THIS AND WAITING FOR MY SUBTITLE VIDEO.

Hakuoki Shinkai Yuugiroku, Please teach me, Yamazaki-san! Drama CD

Translation by KumoriYami

Yamazaki: (I think that since there haven't been any large manhunt operations lately [reword later? tl can also mean "to hunt and arrest"], things have been quiet.)

(However, what is that guy doing/is that guy's purpose?)

The one out there, I'm not going to run.

So come out and tell me why you're spying on me.

~wind blows~

(Not planning on coming out...?)

-grips sword-

Then, I'll take the imitative to attack.

(movement in bushes)

Souma: Ah, please wait a moment!

Yamazaki: Oh. You are... Souma-kun?

(movement in bushes again) Saito: Sure enough, I was immediately found/discovered/I was detected immediately. As expected of Yamazaki.

Yamazaki: Based on just the breathing, I thought there was only one person, yet Saito-san was also still here. Exactly what are you doing?

Souma: Sorry! I didn't mean to do anything strange.

It's just that I wanted to observe Yamazaki-san work.

Yamazaki: Observe me work?

Although it's fine if you want to watch, but aren't you the Chief's page?

Saito: I recommended that he try this,  But he was immediately found. Still it's better to ask the person himself directly.

Yamazaki: You two, what are you talking about?

Souma:...Um, Then, Yamazaki-san, please show me how to [/you] work! ----

Souma: Hakuoki Shinkai Yuugiroku, Store Bonus Drama CD, Please teach me, Yamazaki-san! ----

Yamazaki: In other words, you now understand the duties of a page, and still want to know what sort work the other warriors do, and want to try monitoring/surveillance/doing the Watch's work? 

Is that how it is? Souma-kun.

Souma: It's just as you said. As the chief's page, I work hard every day, but I still don't know a lot about the Shinsengumi.

That's why I went and asked Saito-san [about this].

Saito: I know that Souma is working very hard. Though that will naturally be [more/become] obvious as time goes by/Though as time goes by, that will naturally be understood/Although this has been said for a while, this will naturally be understood. [check audio]

Yamazaki: But you don't want to wait for/until then, and want to be of use as quickly as possible?

Souma: Yes. Can you help me with this, even if it's [for] just a little bit?

Yamazaki: Hm.

Souma: Yamazaki-san.

Yamazaki: No, I was just reminiscing the past/thinking about the past.

I used to be as anxious as you are.

Alright, if I can, permit me to teach you.

Souma: Thank you very much!

Saito: Then can I also accompany/join you?

Yamazaki: Saito-san also wants to? That won't be a problem.

Saito: I also have experience following people while on patrol

I'm very interested in how the Watch [im pretty sure it's the Watch here and in the earlier instance. tho i can't say for certain since CN doesn't exactly do capitalization and ive never played the game in Chinese] fulfills its duties.

Please allow me to learn again. [check audio]

Yamazaki: In that case then, I'll ask you to please look after me.

----

Yamazaki: Although it normally referred to as the Watch,

the Watch is actually divided into two sections.

Souma: In terms of how it organized, sorry but please review it for me again.

Saito: The part of the organization for spies which acts by itself to gather external intelligence is called Shoshi shirabeyaku ken kansatsu*, and within that, those who are responsible for investigating/monitoring the conduct of [the/our?] members/the investigators whose duty is to supervise the conduct of/our members are known as the Kansatsugata**

* Shinsengumi's organizational post for investigating movements of the opponents and keeping the Shinsengumi members under control. (source: https://japanese-wiki-corpus.github.io/person/Kuwajiro%20OISHI.html)

**  had to look this up on the Shinsengumi wiki.samurai-archives

Yamazaki, who holds both positions/is capable of accomplishing both duties, is at the core of the Kansatsugata.

Souma: Shoshi shirabeyaku and Kansatsugata...

After hearing this again, I really feel that Yamazaki-san is quite amazing.

Yamazaki: Uh, do-don't say that out loud. I'm not used to it.

Souma: But, monitoring/investigating/supervising the conduct of the other members...

Saito: It's to secretly investigate whether or not members are conducting themselves in a manner that is befitting as members of the the Shinsengumi, and whether or not they have done anything improper.

Souma: In other words/That is to say, that also includes my actions so far.

Yamazaki: At the moment, you have no problems [there are no problems with you?].

Souma: Is-Is that so...

Yamazaki: There are almost two hundred members. Among them, there will be people who do not abide by the regulations, and those who clearly show their dissatisfaction/obviously dissatisfied or are treasonous/or even rebellious.

Souma: I see. Indeed there are people who obviously show that.

Saito:  It these people incite trouble within the team, it would be very troublesome.

That's why the Kansatsugata are needed to investigate people like this.

Yamazaki: Having said that, the three of us have been quite noisy so it would be helpful if we quickly correct that here. Ah. The two of you, over there.

Saito: Say who is there [more like "name" i guess? probably more "identify who is over there" ]

Souma: That is... Nagakura-san? There are several other people [He's with some other people/several others].

Yamazaki: This is a rare opportunity to train one of the basic skills for spying/[needed] as a spy. I'll give you a demonstration. Afterwards, you'll eavesdrop on their conversation without being discovered.

Souma: Yes, I'll do my best.

--------

Saito: Almost 15 minutes have passed. But it's really bold for you to have come up with this practical training, Yamazaki.

Yamazaki: For his first time attempt at doing this, Nagakura-san is suitable [to practise with]. As long as one isn't murderous [being bloodthirsty? think of something later], he'll basically ignore you.

Saito: Nn. If it was Souji, he would immediately draw his sword for a harsh/ruthless interrogation.

Yamazaki: No, Saito-san would do the same thing, and immediately get rid of your pursuer [not sure if this is in the "dispose of" sense though the tl i have can be translated that way lol].

Saito: Well, it doesn't feel good to be tested when I obviously haven't been disloyal.

Yamazaki: It's as you say, but this is my job.

Souma: AAAHHHHHH!!!!

Saito: Uh. [That’s] Souma. Why is he being hunted down [chased/pursued]?

Yamazaki: By whom/Who is it? Ah, Okita-san, at this time?

(frantic steps) Souma: Sorry! I didn't mean to do anything else!

This was just training for surveillance work!

(sword swung) Souma: AAAHHH!!

Okita-san, please forgive me!

Saito: An unexpected situation.

Yamazaki: He needs help to get away/escape from that situation, he isn't his opponent at all/he's no match for him.

Saito: I'll figure out a way to deal with Souji. You escape with Souma/You take Souma and run away. --------

Souma: Truly thank you for just now. Okita-san was already behind me before I realized it I really thought that I was going to die/I was dead.

Saito: Dying is a bit of an exaggeration.

But I'm certain he would have stabbed your neck with his sword and left you half-dead.

Yamazaki: I didn't expect Okita-san to be nearby, but there was way of knowing that you'd encounter him/but nothing can be done about meeting him [check audio].

Well then, change your mood for the next training [reword later]. The target is that room. Remain quiet from this point onward.

Souma: What's next?

Yamazaki: Take this letter and swap it with the letter in that room. But, in the next room, there is someone you must not be detected by.

Saito: Training for intelligence work? If this goes well, then it's possible that the other party won't even notice you.

Souma: That would be good, so it's just this letter? Then, I'll be right back.

Yamazaki: Ah, be very careful.

---------

Yamazaki: He entered the room without any problems.

Saito: Ah. So, who is the person in the next room?

Yamazaki: Well, it shouldn't matter since that person is asleep during the day.

( door slides open, then frantic steps)

Souma: Saito-san, Yamazaki-san! I'm sorry! I couldn't do it!   As soon as I entered the room, I felt that someone was staring at me through the door of the next room! There was also this creepy laughter/ing!

Saito: Laughter? The eyes staring at you, were they red?  [i swear this is going to become fanart one day lol. for both the spying and souma talking about what happened]

Souma: Yes! they didn't look like human eyes at all!

(door slides open.... slow creaking footsteps)

Saito: Does that mean that one over there was...

Yamazaki: Ah, damn it! He's awake!

Saito: Yamazaki, you go first! I'll deal with this!

Yamazaki: Sorry! I'll leave the General Secretary [so... i don't really like the English localization translation of Sanan's position being  a "colonel" so i looked up what it said on wikipedia and used that] to you! Souma-kun, come here!

This training/Training ends here!

Souma: Eh, eeehhhhhhhh?!

Saito: I'm sorry that it was noisy while your rested [that this noise disturbed your rest?], this was as a result of... --------

Souma:  What the hell that just now...

Yamazaki + Saito: It was just your imagination.

Souma: Eh. But, "General Secretary" was clearly said...

Yamazaki + Saito: You imagined hearing it [tl is more "it was an illusion" and one that is heard... maybe "you're hearing things"?. kinda gave up on thinking about that right now. ]

Souma:  Is, is that so... uh. That being said...

Saito: What's wrong/What is it?

Souma: Although the Kansatsugata feels quite unremarkable, each individual/everyone posses outstanding abilities, and I've been made aware of that again. [However] I 'm incapable of doing this sort of work.

Yamazaki: Hm. It can be said that you're not talented at this.

Souma: Eh?

Yamazaki: In the first place, not everyone can do this.

All of us within the Kansatsugata are constantly working on improving our skills.

We're always fighting in the shadows for the Shinsengumi.

What you think of being outstanding abilities is the results of our hard work. [remarkable capabilities?]

Souma: Truly, Yamazaki-san is amazing. I understand why everyone trusts you!  

Yamazaki: Th-That's why you shouldn't look at me like that. But for you, I think that you're better suited to doing honest work [tl can basically mean "honourable," "not devious" or "out in the open" in the straightforward sense] and not this secret monitoring work/surveillance in the shadows [reword later].

Saito: Indeed, compared to secretly taking covert actions in the shadows, you are better suited at working in the open, Souma.

Souma: I-is that so...

Thank you very much for this/that. If it's possible, I hope to still learn some things from you.

Yamazaki: There will be opportunities for that. Then, we'll end today's training here. Souma-kun, is there/do you have anything else you want to ask?

Souma: [Something] I want to ask.... ah. then, Yamazaki-san, may I ask you one last question?

Yamazaki: Ah, if I can answer, I won't hold back [will/do so].

Souma: What sort of technique is the "Tatami flip"?

Yamazaki: Ta... Where did you hear that name from?

Souma: Just now during this investigator training/spy training, Nagakura-san mentioned it/Nagakura-san mentioned it while doing the operative training. It is said that it is Yamazaki-san's most powerful technique.

Yamazaki: That guy said something unnecessary! No, Souma-kun, that's.... It's not something amazing like a secret technique..

Saito: Why are you being modest? That move is indeed capable of being referred to as/called  a secret technique. If it's possible, I'll ask you to please teach me it. Perhaps I will be able to apply it to kenjutsu.

Yamazaki: Even Saito-san, what are you saying? [Even Saito-san is saying this? check audio]

Souma: Please, Yamazaki-san!

Saito: I'll be requesting the same of you, Yamazaki. [tl is more "i'm also requesting (you) to do so/asking"]

Yamazaki: Bo-Both of you, please raise your heads. I-I get it! I'll teach you.

Souma: Really?!  Thank you very much!

Yamazaki: But, you can't tell anyone else about this.

Saito: Nn. Understood.

Yamazaki: Then, please get behind me. Aoyi***, Tatami flip!

This is the literal Mandarin pronunciation of the tl without tones. CN tl can mean “profound argumentation” (in Chinese), tho it's also used to refer to some of the highest level of martial skills in JP (so says a baidu search on the term). 

The English google translate of that page puts this phrase as "Ogi," and after reading this page that mentions "ogi" (http://www.aikiweb.com/forums/archive/index.php/t-9948.html#:~:text=Yielding%20is%20called%20%22ju%22%20as,an%20open%20heart%20without%20ego.), so i will probably change this to either "Secret move" or "hidden technique" based on what it mentioned there

Souma: Uoh!

Yaamzaki: Ju-Just now, that was the Tatami flip.

Souma: Amazing, that was amazing, Yamazaki-san! How were you able to do that without any tools [check audio]? Please tell me how to do this!

Saito: This can be used indoors while fighting defensively/can be used as a defence when fighting indoors. It can also be used to hinder an enemy's movements.

Yamazaki: Yes. This requires focusing your strength into the centre of your palm, and within a single breath, smack/slap the edge of the tatami, and then lifting it up when the edge bounces.

Souma: So it's like that? Hoh.... tatami flip! Uh. Areh? It didn't bounce at all.

Yamazaki: Haha. It's not something you can master right away. It also took me a long time to do it. Concentrate/Focus a bit more strength into the palm of your hand.

Souma: Ha! Ah! Yah! It-It's not moving...

Saito: Practise makes perfect./Won't practise make perfect [check audio]? Alright, I will challenge this. Should the position of my hand be around here?

Yamazaki: Yes. [Though] It's better to have it moved a bit forward [moved up a bit]/ if the if the center of gravity is moved forward.

Saito: Understood. Then, I'll be going. Secret technique: Tatami flip!

Yamazaki: No way...

Souma: Uoh.

Saito: Nn. That happened naturally [reword later...? tl is is basically "letting nature take its course was achieved"] .

Souma: Sa-Saito-san, that was amazing! You actually succeeded in one go!

Saito: No, there's no guarantee that this will succeed every time. The accuracy and speed can be further improved upon.

Souma: Really, the Shinsengumi has assembled some amazing people. I can't fall behind and have to work even harder.

Saito: Ah , work hard. I am always willing to practise kenjutsu with you.

Yamazaki: Ah, but, to have it actually done it so easily, my confidence...

Saito: What is it, Yamazaki?

Yamazaki: No, I just feel that need to train a lot more. Let's improve together, Souma-kun.

Souma: Yes! Please look after me!

Souma Kazue, Kaji Yūki Saito Hajime, Toriumi Kōsuke Yamazaki Susumu, Suzuki Takayuki

-end-

sorry but this is the only souma thing i have scheduled for april. 

also i wanted some Yamazaki content translated, but i unfortunately don’t remember if i ever found Yamazaki’s route from Yuugiroku 2... so I settled on translating what I hope is a certain complete chapter (as viewed via the extras menu) of Souji’s route with him in it... sorta. scheduled for july!

--------

image from suruga-ya

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Weird “Drugged”

You will all have to forgive me for not posting the last few days. I went on vacation with family then had a couple tests and then ended up in the ER, so busy week, but i cooked something up for you all. Forgive me if it has issues, see above paragraph or my excuse :)

It is not specifically a human phenomenon, the use of chemicals, to help and support the body. It is, however, a much more complicated field of study for humans. Most species react the same exact way to a drug that any other member of their species would. Many of our species have found specific drugs that cause only minor physiological side effects despite their potency. The system of the non-human body has multiple unrelated systems that are unaffected by one specific drug or another

Humanity on the other hand, is a different story.

The cocktail of chemicals in the human brain integrate into a system that provides the body with a perfect storm of reactions. While most aliens only experience the physiological side effects related to the action of the drug upon an injury , say a numbing sensation or the reduced motility of digestion, humans are some of the only known species to experience extreme psychological effects due to drugs.

In many cases humans will present with wildly different reactions to the same drug as presented in this paper. Though, I find that the most interesting drug reaction, in humans to be those that take place in the brain, specifically the ones causing, or related to sedation, weather that sedation b mild or complete.

…. Let's be honest though, I mostly just find it entertaining.

***

The board of surgical experts was getting ready to convene their conference about human anatomy when it happened. The Summit was taking place on the rundi homeworld courtesy of the GA council. Humanity had proven to be the most difficult species to treat, not simply for their staggering ability to stay alive, but for the numerous drug actions and reactions that could take place in the body.. Rill had been planning to do a lecture during the session, but as per usual, he was cut off by the humans.

The council doors thundered open and one of the marines ran into the room causing quite a stir. Those clinicians who had never before seen a human gasped in shock and awe at the creature’s powerful speed and grace. He came skidding to a stop at the center of the room, barely winded head turning, dark eyes frantically searching the room and zeroing in on Krill, who stood at the front of the auditorium.

“Kill, Krill, something happened. We need your help like, right now..”

If krill had had the capability to roll his eyes, he would have. Taking care of humans was a disaster sometimes. The rest of the auditorium took to their feet in curiosity and, fear, in some cases.

“What happened now?” he wondered 

The marine rubbed the back of his head a little sheepishly, “Well uh, we were just messing around.”

“Save me the story and get to the point.”

The marine’s shoulder;s slumped, “The commander dislocated his shoulder.”

The room muttered in some confusion.

Krill sighed, “Of course he did because who else would it be.” He turned back to look at the other assembled medical professionals, “Well come now, class. It seems that today has favored us with a perfect teaching opportunity.”

Hesitantly the rest of the medical professionals followed watching the human prowl along before them with some trepidation.

They found the human sitting outside on the steps of the GA headquarters cradling his arm in one hand as two others attempted to help him support the it, “Shit, shit shit, this hurts.” The man moaned piteously. One of the assistants shifted as he saw the group of doctors coming, but quickly returned to position as the human yelped in pain, “Shit, not like that…... “ Many of the medical professionals had never heard a human distress call before. It was a surprising amalgamation of moaning, hissing and the occasional yip, not to mention the strangely  random words, that later had to be explained as profanities.

Krill took charge immediately moving up around the side of the human and dropping down to examine the injured limb.

“Morning doc.” The human said voice unusually slow.

Krill thumped him lightly over the back of the head, “always, always you. Every single time I am busy your body decides to malfunction.” The human mewed pitifully.

A hand raised, “is hitting them in the head part of the treatment.”

Krill sighed, “Only for this one.” He moved over to the side of the human pulling up the strange fibrous covering to reveal the horrible disfigurement below. The medical professionals gasped and muttered in surprise. The skin about the upper limb was bowed upwards unnaturally the arm held awkwardly out before him. What horrible accident could have caused an injury like that…. Well they couldn’t have said. It would be a horrible issue to have for the rest of his life.

Krill prodded around the skin, “Can you feel this.”

The human nodded. Despite what must have been excruciating pain the human had now become very quiet. Its single, wide green eye, the other one was covered by some sort of strange patch, was glassy and distant. When he was asked a question, his answers were clear and concise but very slow.

“alright , the group of you pick him up and bring him inside, try to keep that arm still.” They watched in surprise as a team of humans coordinated themselves to pick up their fellow, grabbing him about the uninjured arm and legs. Awkwardly they shuffled him inside to where Krill ushered them, slowly placing him onto the demonstrative medical equipment that had turned into an impromptu hospital. The other aliens gathered about.

The human refused to lay back hissing in pain when the arm was jostled into the wrong direction. 

Krill turned to look at his audience. “What I will demonstrate next is a simple procedure.” At his words the crowd looked rather skeptical muttering and chatting to themselves, “The bone has been pulled from the socket and needs to be reset as soon as possible. It will be a simple push inwards to correct the damage. However, The muscles about the injury may tighten making it difficult and painful for the patient while awake, so we will induce unconsciousness and give analgesic medications for the pain.” He ordered a few of his people around as the human cradled his arm staring off into space with a blank expression. He continued to be responsive and answer questions though he was even slower than normal.

With some instruction from the doctor, the other professionals brought forward the correct medication.

Krill huffed when he saw the label on the bottle.

“Something wrong doctor?”

“No,” Sigh, “He’s just a handful coming out of this one…. Is this all we have.” 

“I am afraid so.” 

“Well I suppose we are all in for a treat then.” he responded. Adjusting a clear tube about the human’s face running under the protruding sensory organ. Another was being instructed on the placement of an IV into the vein of the hand seeing as the human would not unfurl himself to allow access to the inner arm.

Once that was done, the drug was administered. The human’s eye closed, and he went limp falling backward, lowered slowly by a few other humans, seemingly unaware of the pain that he must have been in, “Now it is important to keep a human speaking after the initial trauma even if you may have to ask the same questions multiple times. Now intense pain and shock can sometimes have similar symptoms, but as long as the human is responsive everything is alright and you don’t have to worry about shock. I wouldn't consider a dislocation something that will cause shock in most cases.” 

He moved forward, “Now we are going to do what is called a closed reduction, and simply pop the tip of the bone back into place. I will position my hands here and here, and-” Those with especially good ears heard he grinding pop as the bone slid back into place, the convex surface of skin that had been displaced before falling back into its original position.

They grimaced. It looked horrific.

Krill demonstrated the administration of pain medication and gave a time estimate of when the human would likely to wake up.

“Be warned, these medications tend to have a very severe effect on the cognitive function of a human, you can expect to see mood changes, confusion, slurred or slowed speech, inattentiveness, difficulty focusing, and in this one’s case the need for hand restraints.”

The room muttered.

“You will see why.”

***

Krill had not been lying. The human woke slowly foggy  green eye out of focus on glassy. His hands pawed at the blankets below him wandering over the bed until he found the tue to the IV. Krill was forced to pul it away.

“Commander… Commander, how are you feeling.”

The human’s head lolled to the side flopping limply to one side, “Where am I” His speech was slurred just as predicted.’ He grabbed at the Iv tube again, and Krill was forced to pull it away, “No, keep still ok.”

“Okayyyyy.” The human responded groggily.

He seemed pretty happy for someone who should have been in tons of pain.

“How are you feeling?” Krill repeated.

The human didn’t answer head turning this way and that eye wide with curiosity. He looked at his arm, “Oh….. my arm is ok…. That’s gooooood.” 

“Commander, try to focus.”

The human did not focus.

Instead he reached a hand out to prod at the little nodes attached to his chest. He began peeling one away. They were forced to take his hand.

“Commander.”

“Yeeee?” 

“Can you answer my questions?”

The human nodded widely grinning,, but then seemed to completely forget what he had been asked reaching a hand out to touch one of the machines before being intercepted, “Hey, hey, hey.”

“Yes commander.”

“Wait…. I i forgot… I’m not making any sense…. Am I making any sense.” He glanced towards his arm, “oh my arm is back in place…. That’s good.”

“Yes .” Krill said reassuringly

In the next moment a Drev stepped into the room. She was small for her species, but with a striking electric blue carapace. She walked over, “Why do you insist on getting hurt when I’m not here.”

The human didn’t answer staring at her with a wide green eye. She paused by the bed, and he continued his scrutiny reaching out a hand to stroke the armor of her forearm, “Pretty…. Blue is my favorite color. My best friend is blue too.”

“Adam, I’m right here.”

The human looked up, “Oh ... hi, I didn’t see you there. I saw someone who was just the same color as you, “Pretty…..” 

“That was me, Adam.”

“Ohhhhh….. Wait…. That was you.”

“Yes, Adam, that was me.” She didn’t seem perturbed by answering his questions instead taking his hands gently in two of her four and immobilizing them as Krill attempted to slip a sling over one arm.

The human whimpered.

“You’re ok.” the Drev said, “I just need you to hold still.

The human mad a few more distressed noises before becoming distracted by something else, “Sunny, Sunny.”

“Yes Adam.”

“My shoulder is back in…. That’s good.”

The Drev seemed amused, “Yes, that’s very good.”

And then the human started to cry. It was very strange, they had neer seen that before. In fact they didn't think it was physically possible to move so quickly between emotional states. Apparently humans leak from the face when they are upset. A few of the physicians postulated that this may have been an evolved  way to gain social attention from other humans. It seemed to work even on nonhumans and the Drev let him hug her arm.

“What’s wrong, Adam.”

The human shook his head, “I-dont know.” That seemed to upset him even more until something else caught his attention and he was back to being as pleased as he had been originally. The drug was everything and more than Krill had said it would be. The large Drev had to keep the human’s hands immobilized, and even then he still managed to cause trouble. It was  a wonder that humans managed to do anything in their daily lives if the inside of their heads were like this. Their attentional ability normally must have been herculean to focus this dumpster fire.

It was extremely interesting to watch the human slowly recover himself. At some point he finally began to understand that he wasn’t acting normal despite still acting abnormal. After that came the ability to pay attention and converse normally. Even then he was still doing things that only made sense in a roundabout way. 

His voice was no longer slurred, but slow. He seemed almost groggy, but not quite. His previous emotional state had evened out.

“Feel like I got hit by a train.” he groaned. One eye flicked about the audience, “Shit, I didn’t interrupt anything did I?”

Krill let of a deep sigh, “sometimes I wonder if it is your mission in life to interrupt everything I do,” He raised a hand to cut off the human’s apology, “And AS USUAL you somehow still managed to be helpful.”

And that is why the new transuniversal internet currency is not videos of cats, but humans waking up from surgery because, let's be honest, humans on drugs are kind of funny 

[reliciron]

Decided to write out the important bit of my jedi consular’s backstory. 

It should be noted that he doesn’t technically want to die, he’s just very scared of his master and doesn’t see any way to escape. 

That said, at the end of the day he does try (and fail) to die by throwing himself at some jedi, so please don’t read if you’re uncomfortable with that.

Go to the northern reaches of Brentaal IV. There you will find a small Jedi temple: the place where Grand Master Satele Shan first trained.

It has enjoyed relative anonymity since, but this must change.

Infiltrate the temple. Slaughter everyone within. Show the Jedi that nothing is safe from the Sith.

Do this, my clever acolyte, and I will raise you from the shadows.

You will be my apprentice.

Dust kicks up as he races across the northern plateaus on his stolen speeder bike. It will take hours to track properly, with the damage he left behind. But by then he’ll have either completed his mission…

Or he’d be dead.

He clenches his teeth.

She was mad. She HAD to be.

No.

He shakes his head.

No. His master is many things, but not mad.

Just calculating. And he may be a mere acolyte, but he hadn’t survived this long without learning some of the game.

If her words were true, the Sith would send a platoon, or at least a full squad. Make a show of the massacre to demoralize the Republic and Jedi Order both.

One lone acolyte would not be enough to guarantee victory. Indeed, it was very likely that he would not survive the attempt at all, even with 6 years of careful training from his master.

He’d been her faithful servant. Her knife in the dark. She’d liberated him from Rattatak and kindly taken him under her wing as a boy. He’d learned to wear the Force like a shroud. Hide himself from sight and strike from the shadows.

She gave the word, and he carried out the sentence. A name, a picture, a place, and they’d be dead in a matter of days.

He couldn’t be her apprentice. No matter his talent, he was Rattataki. And as far as the anyone else knew, he didn’t exist.

He KNEW this. She’d said it so many times. But now she was offering it to him.

It wasn’t real.

And the impossibility of the task only affirmed his suspicions.

He was not MEANT to succeed.

He did not exist, yet as more Sith and Imperials fell before him it became harder and harder to keep his existence secret. And she would never let him go, not when he knew so much of her secrets.

He was a liability now. One she hoped would take care of itself in a pointless attack on a temple.

He should run. He SHOULD, but he CAN’T.

His throat goes tight and he slows down a bit as the temple’s coordinates loom on the navigation computer.

He’d tried to run once, before he’d truly understood how much of a PRIVILEGE it was to have been chosen by his mistress. He couldn’t recall the ‘how’s and ‘why’s anymore, but he remembered the punishment had gone on for well over a week.

Run and I’ll find you, little one. And I will not be so merciful the next time.

If he tries to abandon his duty, he’d die all the same, but she’d make sure to make it hurt. At least the Jedi would make it quick.

Yes.

If its one thing the soft-hearted fools abhorred, it was making a being suffer.

There was no way out for him, but an end by their sabers would be better than by her hand.

–

It had been laughably easy to enter the temple. The roomy interior had given him plenty of space to cloak himself and slip through without being noticed by the guardians. He’d made it all the way into the empty training room, where he’d entered a vent near the ceiling and used it to gain access to the meeting room.

Inside there were a handful of masters and their attending padawans, likely a collection of the strongest jedi in the temple. An incredibly foolish target.

But that was the point, wasn’t it.

He could have killed a great many by now. Picked off padawans one by one has he slithered through the building. Had he actually believed the lie his master had told him, he would have.

But he didn’t. And now these Jedi were his best chance for a swift end.

As he grips his lightsaber, he wonders, not for the first time, what his mother would have thought of him. He didn’t remember her, or much of Rattatak for that matter. But he hoped he’d grown to be a strong son, one who might have made her proud, had things been different.

He muffles the sound of the grate being opened, curls his toes over the edge of the vent frame, and leaps.

–

The creature had seemed to come from thin air.

A calm discussion with his fellow masters about possible changes to the curriculum one minute, and a whirl of dark robes and red light the next.

By the time he and the others managed to pull their lightsabers, 3 padawans lay crumpled on the floor with the attacker ready to strike again.

The battle had been vicious.

Master Evren nearly had a leg taken off, and Knight Balrus fell in a burst of lightning before Ixal finally got in under its guard to slice up through it’s hood.

It screamed, bringing its saber up in mindless defense as it clutched its smoking face, but it was a futile effort. He followed through, ducking its arm and spinning around behind to carve his saber deep across it’s back.

It folded like a house of cards, crashing to the floor in a heap of dark robes.

Not dead, but also not getting up any time soon.

Healers and medical droids are called, and to everyone’s relief no one was killed. But it still left them with a host of very injured jedi, and a deeply wounded assailant who should have never made it this far.

–

Once the others have been seen to, he and the few other jedi of rank gather in the assassin’s room.

The scans the droids provided them with were both enlightening… and disturbing.

A juvenile rattataki male, approximately16 years of age. Signs of extensive, long-term electrical trauma, 18 healed fractures, and general malnutrition. And that was all underneath the damage he himself had caused in the battle. Evidently he’d blinded the man - no, boy - in one eye, and his final strike had severed his spine. He was now paralyzed from the waist down.

Stars above.

It’s about an hour more before the boy comes to, numbed heavily around his injuries but not sedated.

They needed to speak with him, and it absolutely could not wait.

Even so, none of them are prepared for the tsunami of terror that all but knocks them off their feet.

He chokes and tugs desperately at his restraints, every inch a panicked child despite the destruction he’d wrought only a few hours ago.

It makes his stomach roil to know he’d not fought a man, but a boy.

“Peace, young one,” he says softly. And the single remaining eye fixes upon him.

A muscle jumps in the rattataki’s jaw before his face goes eerily blank, at odds with the fear still saturating the Force around them.

“My name is Master Ixal. I’m afraid you’ve committed some rather serious crimes here today, but I would like to talk, if you wouldn’t mind.” When all the boy does is stare at him, he smiles, “May I ask your name?”

There’s a long stretch of silence before the answer.

“Acolyte.”

His accent is Kaas-ian, but given that he’s an alien, there’s a very good chance that he was a slave.

“Is that your name, or the one you were given?”

He blinks, as if trying to parse the meaning.

“Did you ever have a different name?”

Something small and fragile flickers across the part of his face that is still visible.

“…. Faun.”

He sighs. Good. Not so far gone that he won’t answer questions entirely, “Faun then. Can you tell me why you’re here?”

“My master sent me.”

A sith then. Were they truly so desperate as to use children?

“They sent you to attack us?”

His eye closes and he seems resigned.

“Yes.”

“Who sent you? Are there more coming? Why is the temple being targ-?”

“It doesn’t matter, kill me and be done with it.”

“What-?”

“I killed your people and infiltrated your temple, is that not enough?!”

He seems desperate then, like a frightened animal, and the fear redoubles in the Force.

“Easy now,” he assures, “You killed no one, all those who were injured survived.” He frowns, “And you will not die for it. We certainly won’t be letting you go, but you will live and be treated fairly. But I can promise you, the more you help us now, the easier things will go for you in the future.”

Instead of being assured, the young man barks a harsh, bitter laugh.

“What, future?! I failed to die! Now my master will come for me to correct my failure!” He positively whimpers and shrinks in on himself, “She’ll be so angry! She’ll make it hurt! Why can’t you just kill me!”

They’re all taken aback by the outburst, but as his words start to sink in a sick feeling begins to settle in to Ixal’s stomach.

“What do you mean you ‘failed to die’?”

“You think I am a fool?!” he spits. “What else am I to believe when she gives me such an impossible task and promises rewards I knew could never be!” He sags onto the hospital bed. “I do not exist. She cannot allow me to be tied to her, and I was no longer worth the risk.”

He truly feared this master of his so much that he would willingly undertake a suicide mission? Stars above, what had this woman done to him?!

He shakes his head. They knew the why now, but not the how.

“How did you manage to make it all the way into the meeting room? You would have had to pass several guardians.”

The boy huffs, voice still raw and wavering, but evening out as they entered more neutral territory. “Your security is poor and my master trained me well. I cloaked myself in the Force, muffled my presence, and walked right passed them.”

A hint of pride threads through the fear in the air, but already a few of their number have left, unable to take such overpowering emotions.

Cloaking is a rare gift. That this young man is capable of doing so, well enough to fool full fledged jedi, is both dangerous and intriguing. Between that, his combat ability, and the hyper-projection of his emotions, they were dealing with a powerful force user, no matter his age.

It only occurs to him now that the young rattataki could have likely killed dozens of padawans and younglings before being discovered.

But he didn’t.

An idea starts to form but he’d need to consult his fellow masters first.

“Thank you, Faun, you’ve been very helpful. Please rest for now. We will speak again later.”

The boy looks wary as they leave, but more than likely the sedatives are already being administered through his drip. He won’t be conscious for much longer.

–

The discussion is heated, with several knights and masters arguing against it, but after consulting the Jedi Council, they finally come to an agreement.

They would attempt to rehabilitate Faun.

Turning a sith was notoriously difficult, but his youth would work in their favor.

The skills of an assassin, Force-cloaking especially, where nearly impossible to teach to jedi. Too close to the dark side for many to want to risk learning. But as much as they may wish otherwise, sometimes those skills were needed, and if they could earn Faun’s loyalty they’d have an invaluable ally.

It would be a long and delicate process. Mind healers would be needed to try and break the chains his master had instilled in his mind, and the physical reconstruction and recovery would be just as taxing.

There was no guarantee that it would work at all, but he genuinely believed it was worth a try.

The poor boy had been through so much. With a bit of work they might give him a second chance at a fulfilling life.

Dark-side or no, the Force practically hummed around him in a way Ixal had not seen since young Satele. He didn’t know what part this young man might play, but he had a feeling he may yet prove essential in the future.

This would not be the end the young man had sought, but a new beginning.

======

From there it takes a long time to deprogram him, and they need to install several internal cybernetic bypasses in his spine to get around the damage. At the end of it, he’s got a pretty serious scar that runs from right shoulder to left hip, a few numb patches on his lower back, and his eye is still blinded. He learns to hide his accent, too. And he’s somewhere in his late 20s-early 30s by the time the game starts.

He was sent to Tython as a fresh start for his padawan training, since no one there would know who he was, aside from the Council.

His companions don’t find out until they’re fighting the First Son and Syo tells them to try and get them to leave or turn on Faun. Zenith almost does leave afterwards, but after a long discussion they all stick with him.

[tylerwritez]

Tuesday, june 22 2021

I've noticed I'm getting "the shiverys" or "the twitchy" a lot today. Like every time I FEEL something I take a moment to violently tic.... every time I think about certain things I tic.... good things, bad things, things from an hour ago and things from years ago. Tic, tic, tic.

Also, I have... some stuff to explain. Its really no big deal, but you know me: I'll freak out about it anyway. Basically I dissed my friend (rightfully so) around the time that we had just met cos they did something that threw me off.

He saw it in my phone... NOW. it's not RELEVANT anymore and I've since redacted that criticism...and now I gotta explain it to him anwyays. Oh well. I'm good at this stuff. I can get myself outta any situation. I dont even know why I'm talking like this tho... it's not a "Situation" it's just smthn I gotta explain rq.

Oh, today's song recommendation is Spirit Crusher by Death. I'm a huge Death fan...

Also! I gotta study... for my replacement exam. How stressful. Its about photosynthesis, but like, it's not simple. We went DEEP inside those fucking leaves.

One sec, lemme hook up my IV tube

Not an ACTUAL IV tube... just my headphones. But since I'm so #emo, it might as well be a fucking IV tube with the way that I cant live without it.

Its 3:08 and I'm walking home now. I was upset last night but me and Star have made up now lol... it was thAt easy. I'm so defective, making shit hard when it doesnt need to be.

It's so hot out damn. Idk. I had school today, so I had Bio class... I ACTUALLY PAID ATTENTION for once. I had lunch with Star and her friend group, and I honestly kinda feel like they're MY friends now too, even just a little bit.

Actually, I used to rant about feeling lonely like all the time but now I have so many friends it's crazy they all keep inviting me places and it's like people WANT ME AROUND... idk. It makes me happy.

Today I gotta ask if tommroow after school I can go to Bee's house to watch Supernatural (famous homoerotic ghost show)

I should also add songs to Erin's spotify playlist for our picnic saturday which I still need permission to go to.

I gotta ask for Wednesday after school to watch Insidious with Jay  which is apparently really good

Also hes the friend that I gotta explain stuff to... the DrAmA... the ThEaTrE....

Update my dad said yes to hanging out with Bee but first I'm gonna miss school to fix my broken brackets on my braces

Also turns out the house I THOUGHT we were moving into has substantial damage from shifting so... we aRENT moving there.

In case you didn't know, shifting is when like the house that's been built literally SHIFTS like it moves around.

Anwyays Jay just texted me... I'm gonna change into shorts since it's hot, set up my study area,.... and respond to him.

The time is 3:22 p.m.

Wish me. Luck.

Luck is plentiful! As it so often is in my risky, risky life.

I play my cards right. It's a learnt skill.

But also there wasnt much to explain since it passed already and was tiny anywyas.

XD so I've made up with the whole goddamn world by now.

Its 6:31, we saw 1 house. Only one. Its kinda hot out but I'm gonna bike now since we just had supper. I finally finished my homework... I just have to finish one mixed media piece as my final project for art!

Friday is my replacement. On photosynthesis and cell resp. We know this. But what I didn't mention, or I dont THINK I did, is that if I finish my art project before then I have the second block FREE!!! Me, Star, and her friend

A are planning to leave for second block and maybe get mint chocolate chip ice cream!

Also I might eat her out XD

Anyways idk. I hope I can bike tonight to call Jay.

I keep accidentally using people's real names here then having to correct it... I dont know how much i care about MY identity being discovered... but to have my friends doxxed would suck.

Man I feel bad abt saying fuck star last night cos we made up....

Wait we r looking at another house? Idk I'm in the car still waiting to go home

Oh wait no now we r goin home

Its 6:39... I hope I still have time.

I went biking, called Jay. Went home. Idk, friendly conversation... we talked more tonight and I also talked to my other friend A. Jay is... I LOVE HIM?? SO MUCH??? I feel so happy. Talking to him thinking about him seeing his STUPID FUCKING FACE JESUS. his eyes alone... I could stare at his face all day probably. I want to kiss him... hOLD HIS HAND... omg... huG HIM!!! Eofjwpxjwie he's so sweet like I can't even... and I'm proabably not good enough for him like. Wtf. Hes easily a 10. And I dont rate things outta 10. How tf do I end up with HIM? Doing stuff, as friends. Like wHAT. I guess I got lucky XD. He says he loves my personality and I'm hot XD ofc I dont see it myself. But like. JESUS CHRIST he could proabably easily pull whOever. XD me?

Whatever though. As long as we r together and stuff. I LOVE HIM A LOT. he said he loved me. Every time he says that it makes me so overly happy.

Maybe I'm just sappy and stuff.... whatever. I think it would be nice to be hugged by him.

Yeah I'm cheesy.

I'm sorta tired now so maybe I'm not writing the best.

I just keep thinkinf about love. Love is a muscle of evil suggestion. But how evil can it really be? I am just a human being and that is all. Everything else is applied. I am just a human being with soemthing in my heart that pulls me all over the place. Love is this strange thing because I'm fucked up and to be able to love without that fucked up part of me, without the damage... is this complicated, hard thing to do and I can NEVER tell if I'm doing it right but I know I'm DOING IT. I know I FEEL LOVE. And soemtimes it's such an intense thing like when you go to surf on a wave at the beach with ur belly but u hit it wrong and it's so big and overwhelming it washes over you and PULLS you down to the bottom and smushes your face into the sand and YOU CANT BREATHE jesus Christ it's like that.

Or maybe I just want to experience love as it should be felt.

Obviously all of my problems surrounding this Damage could be easily fixed if I went to therapy but. there are reasons I can't.

I LOVE a lot. Too much for my own good. Enough to hurt me, get me into trouble, etc etc but also... enough to liberate me. I LOVE. I love Jay. So much. LIKE. MY BRAIN ORBITS AROUND HIM CONSTANTLY THINKING OF HIM AND PRAISING HIM AND MWUAH HE IS SO LOVELY I BOW BEFORE HIM...

I think as much as I love, a lot of the times I tend to focus even more on BEING loved.

If I am told I am loved, and shOwN I am loved... it is one of the most powerful things. Especially since I was literally emotionally neglected in childhood... yeah. I feel like I'm always trying to fill that hole.

Not EVERY feeling I have is for that reaosn but sometimes, if you tell me you love me, show me you love me, hug me,... I'll like start crying,,, that's the childhood emotional neglect kicking in. If you call me #smol and #cute and say I look young and fragile which happens more often than you'd think XD, I know I'm not supposed to like that shit, so I act like I dont....but I do. Which is PROBABLY ALSO THE CEN 🤪  like whatever lol

Anwyays I'm fucked up

You see how quickly things become complicated in my mind?

Convoluted? Is that the word?

Whatever. I OVERCOMPLICATE THINGS COS I OVERTHINK THEM BECAUSE I'm LITERALLY MENTALLY ILL IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS. I'm not joking. I obviously have unresolved undiagnosed "issues"

I do Suspect things, though.

I can make a list

Maybe I shouldn't.

Maybe I will.

I shouldnt.

Whatever.

I used to hate when people brought up my self harm. I would actually panic. I still self harm but now? Now I'm fine with anyone  talking about it as long as it's not an adult who can get me into trouble/force me into therapy over it. Because really? I kinda like having it mentioned. It's kinda validating and it's like hey... people can see that I'm sick.

I dont do it so people talk to me about it though. Dont get me wrong. If I did, I'd go vertically on the arms, not for suicide but so it healed and people would ask XD.

My scars are actually VERY hidden... cos I never intended for ANYONE to see. But for those who DO see them,,,, it's nice soemtimes to have people express concern.

I dont wanna be PITIED or anything, but idk I just think to myself "wow, they're CONCERNED... about ME... they arent angry or mean... they didnt yell at me or threaten me... they respect my autonomy and privacy...

And they CARE ABOUT ME..." and it makes me cry.

That's also the CEN.

I dont know. I just like when people express genuine concern. Even if they see and then just ask if I'm okay. That's all it takes cos then I go wow.

Its validating and irs lovely because finally people care... FINALLY PEOPLE CARE. FINALLY I GET SOME EMPATHY OR SYMPATHY AND NO ANGER.

Even just having them brought up tells me its noticeable enough

My brain does this thing where it thinks nothing bad that's ever happened to me was Bad Enough for me to be upset about.

And I dont know... its nice sometimes to be told shit like "omg that looks so bad" or to see that people who do see my cuts are somewhat shocked or revolted... it's nice because I go... "hey, it was bad enough for them..."

Or to have people comment on them with concern. Just ANYTHINT WHERE PEOPLE NOTICE IT AND ARENT ASSHOLES ABOUT IT IS VALIDATING.

Because I'm not used to that...

Because CEN

I'm. The worst perosn on the fucking planet.

I should kill myself.

I suddenly actually feel so self hating I do want to kill myself... oh god.

I ruin everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. What have I done. Like. Why. Oh god.

I'm just remembering when Star said my kindness seemed like an act. And how I've been called out for seeming fake like 2 other times.

DO I SEEM FAKE???? I DONT EVER PUT ON ACTS OF KINDESS.... CONCIOUSLY? but the very idea that I could be perceived that way...

Should I like not try to be nice or some shit?

Jesus christ she hurts my feelings even now when it was a long time ago.

But I cant blame her. I can't blame anyone for how i feel except my parents because they left me with fucking. Heart nerve damage or some shit.

I'm tired and now I'm sad too. Goodnight guys.

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

this DLC has me FUCKED UP and i keep screaming

spoilers for Bounty of Blood under the cut, keep reading at ur own peril. Also some Guardian Takedown spoilers for anyone who hasn’t beat it yet

tl;dr: a comparison between something taken from BL2 and a thing taken from Bounty of Blood. more spoilery tl;dr below the cut.

also the siren thing is not spoilers so i’ll share it here for anyone curious, it’s just this: siren tattoos are blue but when lily absorbs eridium in 2, they turn pinkish/purple. just like how vaults do from bl1 to bl2. they’re white/blue in bl1, then purple-pink in bl2 (and tps), y’know, after Eridium begins erupting from the ground. just a neat little detail i noticed that im not entirely sure was intentional but im gonna believe it is.

tl;dr: Gythian Blood = Core and the Ruiner is of Eridian Origin even tho everyone in the DLC likes to say it was created with Jakobs’ bioengineering. disclaimer: idk if I’ve found every hidden ECHO so I may be missing a few things but I have done every side quest and took ample screenshots of all important dialogue in the DLC : )

“man i just sat here for like 15 minutes staring at my keyboard mentally comparing core and eridium like the dumb bitch i am. 

it's not like we can do an actual comparison because we have no idea what the natural fauna of gehenna was like before jakobs came and mutated everything with core unlike pandora where we know what skags and rakk and shit were like BEFORE the eridium crust erupted. 

altho!!! there's a neat comparison between joey ultraviolet and rose. like obviously he wasn't getting tattoos and was just doing lines of crushed up eridium but the point stands they both have glowy eyes and unique powers so i don't necessarily think this means rose is a siren just because she has magic powers especially when we know she got the whistling passed down to her from her grandmother. 

especially because we've never seen a siren interact with core before. altho that leaves the question we have seen core tattoos now what are eridium tattoos like? actually rose's tattoos were on her right arm obviously she isn't a siren as we know them right now (I saw a post on reddit where people thought rose was a siren) 

of course that brings up the point perhaps siren tattoos ARE eridium tattoos. but then we hear the general's log about how the devil riders were tattooing a man with core and blood so obviously they're not ‘naturally’ occurring unlike siren tattoos. so odds are they're probably not equivalents but something interesting i thought of while thinking about this is how well siren tattoos compare to the Vaults from borderlands 1 and borderlands 2″

anyway. this is all ive been thinking about. yes yes i know guardian takedown post but! >:( im still salty even tho this update has been lovely (outside of Blane not getting his correct damage scaling ‘till today......). so i’ll do that at my own damn pace. now let me elaborate so i can sleep at night lmao

Eridium

refinement produces slag, which weakens people and can mutate things

has mutating properties, mostly with imbuing elements into shit- possibly causes insanity

seems to be connected to another dimension, likely the one the Eridians are from

Core

has a secondary form of Infused Core

has mutating properties, mostly regarding a thing’s body and mind

apparently radioactive

there are some things i wanna note

1) People throughout the DLC say the Ruiner was created by the Jakobs corp (the company) thru bio-engineering but I’m 99% sure that’s not true. The paperwork seems to me like they found the egg somewhere on Gehenna and decided to roll and experiment with it like all corporations do when they find weird alien shit. so maybe they experimented with whatever was inside the egg, but I don’t think they actually created it entirely

“Excavated from [REDACTED] ... Local legends speaks of a [REDACTED]. This theory is not endorsed by our research personnel.

2) The Ruiner’s design reminds me a lot of the Warrior.

3) Core immediately reminded me of Gythian Blood from Guns Love and Tentacles and I don’t think that���s coincidence to have 2 back-to-back DLCs where the big bad is focused on green death juice. I think Gythian Blood and Core are of the same stuffs.

4) Therefore, I think the Ruiner is (mostly) of Eridian origin (if you haven’t already guessed). 

This gives us an amazing look into how the Eridians actually create their beasts!!! And I’m so happy they showed us this.

(side note, Interitus Regina (the long name for Ruiner) literally means Destruction Queen and I think that’s beautiful <3)

i mean the idea that they plunge them from orbit to create an explosion similar to a nuke is fucking horrifying (but holy shit I love it so much ahhh it’s so cool!!!!)

the one side line from Oletta about how the company couldn’t control the Ruiner deffo makes me double down on this theory. I’m not entirely sure how Rose’s grandma knew about the whistling (I don’t think I’ve found every echo log in that area YET), but I would bet it was part of the testing given how many fuckin’ tape players they have throughout the facility. The Warrior was controlled by verbal commands via Jack, so it’s possible that the Ruiner was intended to be controlled similarly, but Jakobs intervention (or something like the way Rose hatched it) fucked it up.

now we know the Warrior was created to protect the Vault of the Destroyer (hmm.) so what the heck was the Ruiner created for? Ruiner is a name given to it by Jakobs/the people of Gehenna so we can’t really assume, but then again the monster names are pretty apt in this series even tho they probably technically shouldn’t be. 

it was only an egg, so maybe it was another test of Core? A Vault Monster incubating until it was ready to protecc and attacc but was never hatched because the Eridians ‘sacrificed’ themselves before it could? (I’m still not convinced the Eridians are the good guys. Listen. LISTEN. The guardian takedown is something to think about, BUT it doesn’t disprove that theory and I’ll stand by it because I 100% trust the Overseer more than bitchpants mcgee over here who thinks he’s soooo special for no reason fuck you and your dumb ‘I did what the Watcher could not’ bull you haven’t done shit.) ok sorry im done he just angers me. stupid guardian man. your whip is stupid and you should feel bad. oh also I totally called us actually being Guardians thru Guardian Rank before the game came out aha yeah.

I definitely think Gythian was a test/use of Core from the Eridians. We see in Bounty of Blood that core seems to mutate more the physical (and occasionally mental) parts of people, like with the crew challenges u do for Juno with all the weird hybrid people and whatnot. Gythian had the whole ‘the heart still beats’ thing going on (which is definitely a physical mutation if i’ve ever seen one), plus the whole, you know, mind control and shit. Which is p similar to what the menta gnats can do when charged with Infused Core. And keep in mind in BLaT we see DAHL notes on what happens to test subjects when injected with Gythian Blood. They mutated physically and went insane.

What im saying is Sirens and Eridium and Elements are connected, so what does Core equal? body/mind sure but are there unique creatures for core (yes holy shit I’m not talking about h2o au for once and FINALLY they gave us a canon name for the green stuff!!!). If not, I’d love to see a Siren interact with Core to see what it does to them. seriously why hasn’t tannis interrupted us yet. horrible excuse for a science lover (kidding kidding, I love her). I’d also really love a fuller rundown on what the hell Rose’s powers were. Because the whistling thing seemed to just be her grandma’s thingie passed down to her from her mom

but the core stuff

her gun seems to be infused with it. So did her sword thing. I didn’t really get a good look at it i was too busy trying to see thru my blurry tears of LOVE for this DLC.

Strangely while her tattoos are (mostly) green I actually don’t know if they’re core infused bc look at this

n look back at hers. hers aren’t very lime.

anyway

her eyes

I’d love to know if the core gives her immediate future sight or just increased perception or reaction times. there’s a huge difference but she seemed to be able to shoot the gun outta the sheriff’s hand near immediately and it seems kinda implied its because of the core (or at least because her eyes are glowing green)

there’s a possibility she has some unique core powers/possibly implants because of her relations to the project in the first place, or as leader of the devil riders after looting the facility. it’s really hard to say without more info and like i said im not sure if i missed an ECHO or two or not regarding her backstory :( 

Her hair is also green which I just noticed. Maybe she has core powers bc her grandmother got suuuuuuuuper irradiated/influenced working on project horizons and it passed down thru her n Rose’s mom, to Rose. Tannis does have a line about Sirens having unique hair colors and, if Sirens are linked to Eridium, perhaps those linked to Core also have unique hair color. Could also explain why only Rose seems to have those whistling powers. That said we don’t really see anyone else trying that whistling thing out afaik and idk if it was, like, a special ability or a certain tone/ditty or w h a t. 

i know being vague with everything gives them more creative freedom to create amazing characters and scenarios, but dammit I want A N S W E R S.

All THAT said man I’m so glad magic is real in the borderlands universe. oh, sorry, “magic”. It’s magic. Science it, tannis, I dare you. either way, I win. Either it’s magic and H2O AU is canon, or it’s science and I finally get my goddamn answers. Hey gearbox can you make a book just explaining all the science and eridian stuff. please. I’d love you forever. please. pleaheheheheaaasseee it’s all i’ve ever wanted.

oh also can i just say, suuuper disappointed we didn’t learn anything about anshin. Really wish non-fan favorite corporations would get the spotlight/lore for once. Like, I like Jakobs as much as the next guy, and I get WHY they did it (can’t have a corporation looking too good!!!) but they now have 3 DLCs (Jakobs Cove, GLaT, and Bounty of Blood) and also a hefty chunk of the main game. Like... we all know Jakobs fuckin sucks, look at what they did on Pandora. I really just want info on a medical corporation 😭 I have to do everything my damn s e l f. but SERIOUSLY IMAGINE the possibilities that could come from a medical corp getting its hands on eridian tech. like, yeah obviously the weapons corps are gonna use it for weaponry and stuff BUT WOULDN’T THE MEDICAL CORPS MUTATING PEOPLE MAKE MORE SENSE??? ldfhgldfshg I have to do everything my damn self...

anyway all that aside, this is definitely by favorite borderlands dlc by a LONG shot. Nothing comes close. Ahhh the lore, the nuclear aspect, the a e s t h e t i c (seriously, have I mentioned how much I adore Trigun???), the art, the music, the cryoslinger, the fact I can bust out going beeEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAans like Ray Chase at any time and it will MAKE SENSE. I love all of it.

oh, also, Rose is totally not dead. C’mon, they couldn’t find her body. She pulled a Lilith. “Are you sure she didn’t just suffer a wound that LOOKS fatal, only for her to come back in a blockbuster sequel...?” is a line from mr Jones himself (the movie guy)

I just hope when she comes back she gets to meet Captain Scarlett. I’d love to watch their interactions plus pirates and or ninjas. That’s 2 DLC villains now that have vanished without a trace. And I like Captain Scarlett way more than Rose (seriously I spent the entire beginning of the DLC complaining about how her voice bothered me- I was so happy she was a villain, I was hoping that was the case).

oh yeah, reminder, the people of vestige were living next to highly radioactive egg for likely years. i feel really bad for them :(

also!!!

this made me smile

[springfieldblues]

it seems like hank azaria is officially stepping down as apu’s voice

which i personally think is a step in the right direction. ive always been of the belief that apu can definitely be improved without getting rid of the character. cancelling apu as a whole seems a little extreme, and the damage is unfortunately already done. the show couldve taken action a lot earlier than 30 years in, but i digress. i wanted to talk about apu for a sec. i am not indian, so forgive me if its not my place. but i wanted to share my thoughts as a non-american poc with a lot of exposure to american culture.

recently i watched a season 27 episode id never seen before called Much Apu About Something where apu’s millennial and very americanized nephew, jay (voiced by desi actor utkarsh ambudkar) calls him out on his stereotypical demeanor and is even embarrassed of him. i thought it was actually a very interesting episode for two reasons: 1. the people who work on the show are definitely aware that theres a problem with apu’s portrayal, and this was before hari kondabolu’s documentary even came out. and 2. the clash between first-generation immigrants and second-generation immigrants is definitely a real thing and they tackled that with the character that probably needed it the most.

HOWEVER. that doesnt mean it was great because boy was this episode witten by a boomer. while he constantly criticizes apu for being a cliched stereotype (kind of cruelly might i add), jay himself is quite the stereotypical millennial, which ends up being his downfall by the end of the episode (he turned the kwik-e-mart into an organic food store and all the food ended up violently rotting once the power was turned off for 30 seconds)

“another failed millennial. who is a cliche now?”

they DO apologize to each other in the end though, ill give them that.

but i still dont know what point the episode was trying to make here. could be “these two generations arent so different after all” or “cultural identity =/= stereotypes, though they might overlap” or “americanized second-generation immigrants tend to shun their own culture and favor american culture as the correct way to be” or even simply just “silence, millennial”

im not a second-generation immigrant, i dont even live in the US. but i do spend a lot of time on the internet, speaking english, surrounded by american culture, media, people and news. my mom always jokes with ‘its like you live there instead of here.’ while my family is pretty lax about our own culture and traditions, theres definitely a big difference between them and me and what i value vs what they value. im not ashamed of my own culture, in fact i love it, but i could still relate to the situation in this episode to a degree.

this post is getting long so to wrap this up: if they get a writer who really understands the issues with apu’s portrayal, i do believe they can turn it around and make something legitimately good with his character. even if the damage is already done, its still not too late to make up for it. and they better do it ASAP, because the relevancy of the show is on the decline and the whole point is to make a change while people still care. i appreciate hank’s decision to step down but like i said this is only one step. hopefully theyll take more steps forward.

[n1ghtm3ds]

Classrooms Should Not Be A “Safe Space”

There should be no classroom where a student feels unwelcome for trying to learn and better themselves.  Especially in areas like racial/cultural/gender studies, these should be places of LEARNING not just regurgitating what you all already agree with.  Let people ask questions.  Let people get it wrong and correct them.  

Sophomore year, I joined a sociology class that required no prerequisites or major (aka a beginner class open to everybody) and was really excited and open to the fact that it was run by the Black Studies department because I thought “wow, something other than the white upper class sociology professor, cool.”  When I got there, I was the only white person, and one of three non-black people.  All the students appeared to know the professor already from other classes, who gave off that “cool guy” vibe by opening his classes with music videos and saying ‘fuck’ a lot.  I mentioned him to a friend who had taken a class with him before and knew him as a person (she was black) and she advised I drop the class right away.  I thought she was saying this because the class itself was hard, but when I asked her, shed taken a different class and still advised me to drop it.  We were reading “All the Women Are White, All the Blacks Are Men, But Some of Us Are Brave” which is an amazing book and I was really into the class so I didn’t.  

I sensed some hostility from the professor building until one day I got up to go to the bathroom and he started yelling “You have no respect, you think you can just come and go you don’t respect the class or me” and I profusely apologized and explained that the Disability Resource Center should have sent him a letter that I was on medication and would likely need to use the restroom once or more per class.  I went to the restroom and took all my stuff and left crying (Im REALLY bad about being yelled at by authority figures) and one of the boys followed me out and was another person who told me, concerned, “Drop the class”.  I had to keep the class to have a full-time schedule or I couldnt live on campus so I had no other option by that point in the semester.

A few weeks later, I was reading along on my laptop (which id brought to every previous class, as my disability accommodations allowed it) and he thought i wasnt paying attention so he came by me and slammed a textbook to the ground next to me as hard as he could.  Im autistic, and the loud noise startled me and I started sniffling and he grabbed my laptop really roughly by the screen so the bottom part was hanging, saw that i was reading along, and then dropped it back on my desk with no apology.  I had a panic attack and left the class and, according to somebody who stayed, changed the topic of the day to my “white fragility” and that I was a “crying white woman” (which like technically yea but i wasnt crying because white guilt or being called racist I was crying because I was autistic and startled with a sudden loud noise which is a major trigger).

There were other smaller incidents (he had a major problem with my absences and took them personally even though i have a chronic illness and was absent from every class just the same, I even went out of my way to try to get to his because I was so afraid of him by then).  There was a time where we were talking about drugs and he asked a question about “what drug can get you a life sentence in jail” and I answered “LSD” because there had recently been a case in the news of exactly that happening and so of course I thought he was referring to that and was looking forward to finally getting something right.  How he corrected me: “This girl, again.  Black people don’t DO acid”.  Then he went on to talk about the crack epidemic and i was like oh that makes sense but what I said wasnt wrong?  

He was yelling at me “Do you ever pay any attention?  You barely even show up.  You probably expect me to hand you an A just for taking this class”.  This was at the end of class, and I said to him (crying, again, because i cant talk to ‘real adults’ without melting down) that I had autism and ADHD, that they were both on file with the DRC, and he said my learning disorder and disability were excuses that white people used “to give a head start to their lazy children” and that it was “entitled” of me to ask that my accommodations be respected because my disability was really just white laziness and he made a really good point about how black kids are less likely to be diagnosed with learning disabilities and are treated as behavioral cases which yeah 100% correct but he used it as a way to say “these disabilities dont really exist” not “these disabilities are under-diagnosed in certain communities”.

The final straw was my midterm paper.  I wrote on the book I mentioned above, a really good paper that I worked really hard on that met all the requirements of the rubric.  It came back to me marked C- without any notes or corrections on it, while everybody else had red writing all over their pages.  I mentioned it to my friend who had taken his class before and she said “Oh, he wont give the white kids higher than a C-, its the lowest grade he can give without having to cite a reason.  Hes bragged about it” (she knew him on a personal level, like been-to-his-house-for-dinner personal).  So I ripped the paper up and never went back to his class and just let him fail me for attendance.  It was the first class I ever failed.

The entire time I was trying to learn, I was treated like an outsider.  This was not the BSU or the African Heritage Society or any place where I should have been treated any different than any other student (those places would have been well right to reject me as those are not my spaces).  This was an entry-level classroom, but to the professor I did not belong there even though I paid the same tuition as my classmates.  Every question was treated as hostile.  Every mistake was a personal insult. Ive seen the same thing happen in my women’s lit classes or feminist-related sociology classes done to male students, although I can only speak to my own experiences, its distressing for EVERYBODY in the room, not just the person the professor targets.  

If you are in a classroom in good faith willing to learn, you belong in that classroom.  Professors who act otherwise do nothing but scare people who want to learn away from knowledge (I was afraid to take any classes that overlapped with the Black Studies department after that until my senior year when I took a literature class that overlapped, which was lovely and I learned a lot because the professor was interested in teaching).  There are clubs, student unions, etc that are wonderful to serve as a safe space and a space that excludes those outside of the community but the classroom, where we all pay the same to be, can NOT be a “safe space”.  Classrooms, if anything, should be a DANGEROUS space full of ideas and feedback that threaten the world view you walked in with.

IDK mostly this is just venting about a shitty professor because Im tweaking but yeah him and this lady I took a “women in drama” class with were two of the worst professors in existence and you shouldn’t take pride in making somebody afraid to learn.  IDK.  I feel like these kind of classes can really bring out abusive personality types because it is somehow implicit that there are some students you are allowed to abuse and take the high road if you get called on it (a MAN complaining about his FEMALE teacher in a class on WOMEN automatically looks bad).  IDK.  Abusive teachers are real and do real damage.

[boomboxwithlegs]

So what it would actually be like with your oc and the sith warrior betrayal if it was more in character for them?

I don’t write like ever cause im  really  really “Meh” at it but ive really thought about this so enjoy! (sorry for any misspelling and grammar but its kind of silly anyway)

“My lord, I don’t understand, every other sith would have killed me for this betrayal…Why do you spare me?” 

Genevieve looked at him as though he had told an amusing little joke, The kind that warranted a snort or tiny chuckle. “Dude, are you serious? this sort of…. thing is practically another weekday among the sith.” She said as she gestured to the battle damaged surroundings.  Turning back to him, she watched as he was tried to understand what she meant.“Being screwed over by the people close to you happens so frequently that going a week without it is a miracle of the force. I mean, I was even issued a warning not even two days ago. I think you were present for that one if I remeber correct!” Genevive finished, Letting out an amused noise.He took a moment to consider this. “I..I see…You were expecting me to ‘Screw you over’. As you put it…” It stung a tad more when vocalized it than it did in his mind. “But that still doesn’t explain why-” The sith lord before him had cut him off with a fit of giggling. His confusion only grew as she held up a hand as if to gather her thoughts.“Its not just you I thought might betray me, like I said, this is commonplace and I can’t go around murdering my friends and companions because they’ve made one attempt on my life.  All my crew get a two strike policy and youve met your quota is all.” Quinn was nothing but shocked. She explained it to him.and he recieved it.Yet still,  he could not form a response. He watched as confusion began to form on his lord’s face and then attempted to find his voice.“Apologies my lord, …Im…Without words…”

He was frozen to the spot as she merely rolled her eyes, picked up one of his gloves he seemed to have lost during the escapade, and began to slowly stride over to him. “There now, no harm done.” She said as she handed him his glove.“ Now that weve gotten this out of the way We can get back to business.” “Of..of course…” In silence they began toward the airlock, but somehow he felt like perhaps there was something more she was waiting to say. “Besides,” Genevieve began.“I know very well If you try this again it will be the last time you ever do. You’re free to quote me on that.”There it was. A warning. He simply nodded.Genevieve then took a moment to stretch, and adressed him again. “So, can we get back to killing the bastard that trained me and seek revenge?”  “Y-yes my lord…”

[29121996]

.

[ecofinisher]

Day 12: Snowman (Adrigami)

Day 12: Snowman

Ship: Adrien Agreste and Kagami Tsurugi

@mlrarepairmonth

The school bells rang calling out the students for the recess and a couple of young boys run down the stairs to the snow throwing themselves down at the white fluff then they moved their legs and arms back and forth doing the snow angel.  

Out of the school building came the Japanese fencing student Kagami dressed all warm for the deep temperatures on the outside of Paris.

Kagami smiled at the boy making snow angels on the ground, then before she went the stairs down someone held behind her neck a bit of cold snow shrieking her and she grabbed the persons arm and pressed him against the wall next to the stairs.

“Ouch, ouch, ouch it hurts!” Warned the boy, then Kagami let him go as she realized it was her boyfriend Adrien.

“It was you?” Asked Kagami letting the blonde go.

“Yes” Replied the Frenchman. “Excuse me, if you didn’t like it. I just wanted to call your attention”

“I see, now you got all my attention”

“Great….hey what are they doing there?” Asked Adrien looking at the boys lying on the ground.

“They’re doing snow angels” Replied the Japanese girl. “Have you ever done that?”

“No my father never has let me play out on snowy days. He was afraid I could get sick”

“You and your overly worried father” The blue-haired girl sighed rolling her eyes.

“Yep”

“Hey I’ve got an idea, let’s build a snowman together?” Suggested Kagami her boyfriend, which thought about it and immediately agreed.

“Yes I never have done one before”

“Then follow me” Demanded Kagami running down together with her boyfriend at the middle of the plot and both went down on their knees and Kagami started to push down on the ground with her hands the snow together, then Adrien did so pushing the snow to where Kagami was going with hers.

“First we build up the first sphere that will represent his feet” Explained Kagami watching Adrien helping her. “Keep bringing the snow together, I’ll do the middle part of the snowman”

“Okay!” Answered Adrien forming the amount of snow into a giant ball. Kagami kneed near the blonde down packing together the snow forming another scoop, forming it precisely, then she rolled it to Adrien, which was still correcting a few bits on the side of the first sphere, then Kagami tried to lift her ball by herself, then Adrien assisted her lifting it up on the other side, then they placed it together on the bigger snowball.

“It’s not so difficult,” Adrien said rolling another ball by himself then Kagami told him to stop, then he took the last snowball to place it on the snowman so that they would now have a head for the snowman.

“So we have its body, now we need to give him some arms and a face”

“I know we could try to remove from that tree over there some branches”

“And for a nose, we need a carrot, but…..uhm we don’t have a carrot, so we could use a pen as the nose and….oh I think the art classroom should have those decoration stones we could use to make the mouth for the snowman.”

“Great, are you going to get them?” Questioned Adrien the girlfriend.

“I could and if you’re able to do, get down two branches of the tree, if not we find a solution”

“Sure I try” Replied the blonde nodding, then he ran at the tree and looked up at it. From the pocket of his left side the cat kwami Plagg stuck his head up looking up at his owner, which gazed at the tree.

“What are you doing, Jack Frost?” Asked Plagg looking up unamused at the blonde.

“I want to climb up this tree to get some branches for the snowman” Responded the French boy.

“Good luck then”

“Do you think you could your cataclysm to break the branches off the tree?”

“Bad idea, I could end up causing more damage, than wanted boy”

“Oh well, then I’ll do it by myself” Said Adrien trying to climb up the tree.

“Before you try to break one of the branches hold yourself somewhere to avoid falling down” Suggested Plagg flying behind the blonde.

“I think I’ll place my arm behind that branch on the other side, wrap my legs around the trunk and I try to break this limb,” Adrien told grabbing the first branch he had found on the tree, then bend it down, then moved it up and down to break it. The branch cracked and Adrien had managed to pick it from the tree.

“Great now you should get down before that branch you’re holding on breaks”

“Don’t worry Plagg it’s thick, It won’t break that easily” Adrien said shaking his head, then he dropped the stick down on the ground and placed his now free hand on the large limb, then he tried to put his right leg over it, then he wrapped his arms around the limb, then tried to move himself up at the limb then he heard a crack and looked at the end of the limb, that it was about to break.

“Uhm Plagg?” Asked Adrien looking at the flying kitty, then it cracked again and it bends down shrieking Adrien and he crashed with his back against the tree trunk.

“Luckily the splinters are still holding you up.”

“Yeah,” Adrien said still a bit scared from nearly having hurt himself. Adrien tried to move forwards on the limb, then it varied around and Adrien decided to jump down and land on his chest.

“At least you landed on the snowy side,” Plagg said flying down at the blonde’s face. “You’re okay?”

“I’m fine” Responded Adrien getting up from the ground and taking the branch he picked from the tree.

Kagami had come back from the school with her fencing barrel bag and her fencing saber and met Adrien back at the snowman.

“Did you only manage to get one stick?” Asked Kagami earning a nod from the blonde.

“Yeah when I was about to get a second one the limb, where I was climbing broke and I nearly felt down”

“Oh sorry I didn’t know that” Responded Kagami disappointed. “Are you alright?” Asked Kagami placing her hand under Adrien’s chin to see if he had hurt himself.

“I’m fine, don’t worry” Adrien assured making the girl smile.

“Good then let’s finish our snowman,” Kagami said dropping her bag next to the snowman then opened it taking out an invisible plastic box filled with stones, then started creating a smile on the snowman, followed by Adrien placing the stick in the middle sphere of the snowman.

“Hey I’m going to give it some buttons here on his face”

“I’m…..hey let’s make him a fencer snowman?” Suggested Kagami looking at Adrien.

“Great idea!” Agreed Adrien and Kagami took out from her barrel bag her saber and stuck it on the free side so that the long point would look up at the sky,

“I’ll make with the stones a button tape to represent the fencing suit”

“Good and here I brought a painting brush that will be his nose,” Kagami said using the end of the brush to make a hole in the middle of the head, then stuck the part of the brush in the hole and used her fingers to harden the snow around the paintbrush.

Kagami backed off from the snowman, followed by her boyfriend then both looked their creation proudly together.

“We did a great job Adri,” Kagami said looking at the blonde, that nodded at his girlfriend, then Adrien leaned his face closer to Kagami giving her a quick kiss on her lips. Kagami smirked, then placed her hands on Adrien’s cheeks going on her tiptoes to give him a longer kiss on the lips. The Japan descendant girl ended the kiss, opening her eyes smiling lovely at the boy, that smiled the same way the girl did to him, then they were going to kiss again, but Adrien got hit by a snowball shrieking Kagami as he had fallen down on the ground.

“Got ya!” Shouted a dark-skinned boy wearing a red cap.

“Nino, you’re going to get it back” Adrien warned him jokingly making Nino laugh, then he got hit by a snowball too and from the direction, the ball had come stood Alix smirking while playing with another snowball by throwing it up and down with the same hand.

“Snowball fight!” Shouted Ivan.

“Girls versus boys!” Announced Alix then Adrien looked at Kagami, which shrugged her arms and ran at the other direction to the girls, while all boys went to Adrien’s side. Adrien smiled and saw his classmates standing beside him, forming snowballs to throw at the girls, while they did the same fighting in a team against the boys.

[pengiesama]

The Real Library of Alexandria Was the Friends We Made Along the Way (Fic, TOZ/TOB, school AU)

Title: The Real Library of Alexandria Was the Friends We Made Along the Way Series: Tales of Zestiria / Tales of Berseria Pairing: Gen Characters: Laphicet, Mikleo, Sorey, Velvet

Summary: Phi crusades against two Bigger Kids making noise in the library. He winds up discovering some common ground, and becomes leader of the nerdiest gang this side of the hemisphere.

Link: AO3

This was written for After School Heroes ( @ashtaleszine ); a Tales Of zine focusing on school AUs!

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“…I’m not saying that you’re wrong. I’m just saying that you’re vastly misinformed.”

“So, really, you’re saying I’m wrong.”

“No, I’m saying that you’re misinformed, and that your flair for the dramatic has led you to an incorrect interpretation of our sources…”

Phi did not mind listening to debates on topics that interested him. And this one did -- he’d always liked Ancient History and was happy to hear someone discussing it with such knowledge and passion. His own class at school was currently covering the period, but...well. When all they were expected to do was to be able to name city-states and list off a handful of gods, trying to engage his classmates in discussions was an exercise in futility. Even his teacher wasn’t much better. Such was the struggle of being ten years old and maybe a bit too well-read.

No, no, the topic wasn’t the issue, nor was the debate. There was just a time and place for this kind of thing, and the public library after school fit neither of those items. There also was a need for one’s indoor voice. Phi peeped over the top of his book, scowling. His baleful stare, full of judgement and righteous fury, went entirely unnoticed. This wasn’t really that surprising, as Phi was halfway across the reading room and half-buried under a pile of heavy books at his table. He thought of clearing his throat in an accusatory tone, but the idea of making a peep in the library was anathema to the very core of his being. Sure, this section of the library was deserted except for Phi and the debaters, but...but it was the principle of the thing, and that principle was what set man apart from beast.

The two intrepid historians were wearing uniforms from a high school across town. Their status as Bigger Kids gave Phi some pause in confronting them. But with the library’s honor to defend, could he ever forgive himself if he let cowardice win? Phi thought briefly about how his babysitter Velvet might handle the issue, then paled, and stopped thinking about it, because it was kind of scary.

“—Sorey, your arguments show a level of understanding that I’d expect from someone whose historical knowledge came from half-remembered edutainment cartoons from ten years ago, not from someone who I thought knew better,” said the white-haired boy wearily.

“Look, Mikleo, I know that attributing the destruction of the Library of Alexandria to a single catastrophic event ignores other things that led to its decline—”

“And leads to more public disinformation about a section of history that’s already rife with it.”

“—but,” said the brown-haired boy (the other boy, Mikleo, had called him Sorey), pressing on. “Even if there were other events which led to its eventual decline, dissolution, destruction, etcetera, what I’m saying is that the most important and impactful of these incidents was it being set ablaze in the Siege. Aurelian’s attack on the city and the destruction of the Serapeum are drops in the bucket in comparison, when the bulk of the collection was already lost at that point!”

“But they were still important events in its final decline, no matter what your little fanfic daydreams of travelling back in time with a magic firetruck to play hero! And all this assumes that the Library even was damaged in the Siege, considering that accounts of the time are contradictory.”

“Ancient accounts from any ancient historian worth their salt all agree that the library was damaged by Caesar’s short-sighted shenanigans! And it’s not a magic firetruck. It’s—”

“Yes, yes, it’s powered by advanced technology made possible by a time loop that hinges on the hero saving the Library from being burned. You act as though I don’t pay attention when I edit your work. But if you really want to be taken seriously, you have to address the other aspects of its decline that can’t be solved by a firetruck falling from the sky.”

Sorey squinted at the ceiling in thought. “...the firetruck could fall from the sky onto Aurelian.”

“Then you’re getting into further divergent history when a Roman Emperor gets killed like a wicked witch from the Land of Oz. And there’s still the Serapeum to consider.”

“The firetruck could fall on Theophilus too.”

Mikleo appeared to be dumbstruck by this statement for a brief moment, then nearly flipped the table in rage.

“You can’t solve every tragic historical event by dropping firetrucks on it!” he all but shrieked.

“It’s called poetic irony!” Sorey shouted back. “And it’s art!”

Phi agreed with both boys on their more intellectual points, and neither of them on their thoughts about art and literature. More importantly, he also agreed with them on the importance of preserving cultural institutions, which meant that he was duty-bound to intervene in this fight before they destroyed this library too. Luckily, he knew the Dewey Decimal System like the back of his hand, and quickly collected a volume of text that might be able to smother the flames of this debate before they spiraled out of control.

Phi marched over to the older boys’ table, and – taking a page out of Velvet’s book on confrontations – slammed the volume down as hard as he could onto the wooden surface. But, as he was still a polite boy, he was sure to scream “excuse me” while he did so.

The two older boys stared at him, wide-eyed and silent, as the bang and scream reverbed off the library’s walls. Taking the opportunity for their undivided attention, Phi opened the book he’d brought over to the appropriate page and tapped a heading.

“Ptolemy VIII’s mass purges of Alexandrian intellectuals who opposed his seizure of the Egyptian throne, and the accompanying political turmoil in the Ptolemaic dynasty at the time, weakened the Library considerably,” Phi began, confidently. “This sent the Library into decline, well before Caesar’s invasion over a century later.”

The shock and confusion melted away from Sorey’s face. He reflected quietly on Phi’s thesis and gave an embarrassed little smile.

“...I guess I really did kind of get hung up on the dramatic events, huh?” he said sheepishly. “Man, with all the craziness going on during that period, it’s kind of a surprise the Library didn’t get set on fire sooner…”

“I don’t think there are enough time-travelling firetrucks in the world to drop on all the troublemakers back then,” Mikleo agreed. “But I’m guilty too, of only looking post-Siege, and at the Roman side of things.”

“And you’re both guilty of yelling in the library,” Phi added. “I could hear you all the way over there.

He pointed accusingly towards his table, which was still piled high with books. The two boys looked abashed.

“I’m so sorry,” Mikleo said. “We...we didn’t see you over there.”

Admittedly, from this table, it was quite hard to see where he’d been sitting, buried behind the books. Sorey, for his part, was already on his way over to Phi’s table. He looked over some of the volumes, interest clear on his face.

“Wow...no wonder you schooled us on this. I’ve been meaning to read some of these!”

“Well, don’t start with that one,” Phi said, gesturing to the volume in Sorey’s hand. “You’re not going to understand it without some background knowledge...”

When the time came for Phi to leave, he had lectured both boys quite thoroughly on history – and what’s more, he had quite completely forgiven them for their sins. Despite their...eccentricities, Sorey and Mikleo were very knowledgeable on ancient topics from around the world, and treated Phi as their equal -- not just some novelty to be humored and “corrected” on topics he knew like the back of his hand. They promised to be here again tomorrow, to talk more, and...and Sorey had talked about making an Ancient History Club, for the three of them, and that would just be too cool…

“It sounds like you had fun,” Velvet observed, after Phi had breathlessly explained to her all the above. “Give me your hand until we’re done crossing the street.”

Idly, Velvet wondered whether she should go through the trouble of inspecting these two new friends of Phi’s – and by “inspecting”, she meant putting the fear of god into them, and by the fear of god, she meant the fear of her.

Phi dutifully grabbed Velvet’s good hand and continued. “We’ll have official meetings once a week and unofficial get-togethers on the other days of the week, except Tuesdays, when Sorey has Track club and Mikleo goes to Home Ec club, but that day I think I can go to the library anyway and just plan our activities for the rest of the week…”

…but, honestly, they seemed like they were a perfect fit for Phi already. Velvet walked with him, hand in hand, and decided to hold off. At least for now.

[thetravelerwrites]

A New Generation (Pt. 2)

Rating: Teen Fandom: 魔法使いの嫁 | Mahou Tsukai no Yome | The Ancient Magus Bride Relationships: Hatori Chise x Elias Ainsworth Characters: Elias Ainsworth, Hatori Chise, Chise Hatori, Silver Lady, Silkie, Ruth, Titania, Oberon, Shannon, Stella Barklem, Angelica Burley, David Burley, Althea Burley, Lindel | Lindenbaum, Merituuli Trigger Warnings: Pregnancy, Childbirth, Babies, Infants, Depression, Anxiety, Discrimination, Unplanned Pregnancy, Abandonment, References to Abuse, References to Abandonment, References to Child Murder Words: 8551

As Chise's pregnancy progresses, Elias is consumed with worry that his child will be rejected by both fae and humans, as he had been. Chise struggles with the fear that she might abandon or harm her own children, as her parents did. 

When Elias returned home from London, he sat down with Chise and had a very long, solemn conversation with her about the pregnancy, and for the first time, they talked about a future that also involved their child. Or children, if Chise was correct in her belief that there were two.

He told her about going to speak with Lindel, Simon, and Angelica and what their advice had been. Like him, Chise found Angelica’s tale the most consoling. Knowing that the artificer had felt similar apprehension about procreating helped Chise feel less isolated.

Calling Angelica and talking to her at length also did much to improve Chise’s disposition, not just about Chise’s ability to parent but also about the pregnancy itself. It didn’t cure her of her worries, but having someone to talk to who knew exactly what she was going through was a great comfort to her.

Finally managing to convince Elias to install a landline in the house had been a pretty recent accomplishment. He fought this "modern indulgence" for quite a long time, but when he finally understood that it meant she didn’t have to walk to town to use the public phone every other day, he was more open to the idea, especially since walking long distances was going to become rather difficult for her as time went on. The noise the device made was annoying, but seeing her smile when she answered it was enough to keep him from being too bothered by the sound.

The change in her mood greatly eased Elias’s mind. Watching Chise spiral into a deep, black pit of terror and depression was difficult for him to bear, especially given there was little he could on his own to improve it. As much as he wanted to help her, he had eventually come to understand that sometimes people could only find solace in others who’d had comparable experiences. This was just not his ken, so it was better left to those suited to the task.

He tried to quash his own fears for her sake, but she knew him too well to let him get away with keeping those thoughts to himself. At night, before they slept, she would talk to him; just talk, not expecting him to respond if he wasn’t in the mood to do so, and it helped him. Hearing the sudden shift in her voice from cold despair to tentative hope had done much to alleviate his woes. She encouraged him to be honest with her about what he felt, but didn’t push him to talk if he didn’t want to. More often than not, though, he would. They would lay bear their worries to each other and try to find the bright side. They were both still afraid, but they were facing that fear together.

And it helped.

Summer was in full swing, and Elias was twice as busy as normal now that Chise was limited as to what she could do. He didn’t grumble about it much; after all, he had done everything himself before she had come along. But they had become a well-coordinated, efficient team over the years and he had come to treasure her reserved, supportive assistance in all things, whether practical or magical. He rather missed working in tandem with her.

Though she was no longer allowed to do any of her normal seasonal chores beyond a little light weeding and watering, she would often sit in the garden with him as he worked and help whenever she could, not content with staying in bed all day like an invalid. Besides, having Chise within Elias’s sight and hearing was good for his heart and mind.

Ruth spent his time keeping a close, watchful eye on her, reporting any physical ills that Chise might keep to herself to Elias. As long as she was at rest, though, they were happy enough.

Late one night, he walked into their bedroom to prepare for sleep and found her naked in front of a mirror, standing to the side, looking down at her belly.

“What are you doing?” He asked curiously.

“Look at my stomach,” She said, her hands gently probing her lower abdomen. “It’s bigger. And it’s hard, too. Feel.”

Elias came close and laid his hand on her stomach. It was indeed hardened, as though she had swallowed a large stone, and there was a swelling between her hips; not big, but definitely noticeable.

And perhaps he imagined it, but he thought he felt a strange swirl of energy embedded there underneath the flesh and muscle, lodged deep in her body. No, two swirls. Perhaps Chise’s instinct was more credible than he first thought.

“Hmm,” He said. “Why is that?”

“Angelica says the uterus thickens and becomes more solid to protect the fetuses,” She said, reaching for a book on her nightstand. “It says so in this, too. Alice sent it to me. I told her about the babies, by the way, but I swore her to secrecy. I haven’t told Stella yet, but she’s busy at university and I didn’t want to bother her during finals.”

Elias bent to peer at the book. “What is it?”

She flipped through the rather large paperback volume. “It’s a book about pregnancy and birth. It’s actually pretty informative. So many things make sense now.”

“May I read it, then?” He asked. “There is much I still need to learn. I have a distinct dearth of knowledge about this particular subject and I feel compelled to rectify that.”

“Sure,” she said, handing it to him. “I’ve read up to the third trimester, so I won’t need it for a little while. I hope it helps.”

In some ways it did, and in others it didn’t. During gestation, he learned, the woman’s body produces excess blood to carry extra oxygen to the baby, which in turn causes the mother’s heart rate to accelerate for the duration of the pregnancy, which in turn causes her core temperature to rise. That explained that part, at least.

But other aspects of pregnancy and childbirth were, to put it mildly, horrifying. Things like nosebleeds, strange cravings, extreme mood swings, increased sex drive, swelling of the extremities, sudden hair growth or hair loss, violent fits of vomiting that lasted for months, soreness almost everywhere, food aversions, heighten sensitivity of smell, touch, and taste… the list of physical oddities was extensive. Bones would often be pushed out of the way and change position to compensate for the growing child, sometimes even fracturing or breaking in the process. And all of this was considered normal.

And those were just minor possible symptoms. The more severe ones were downright ghastly. There was no end of ways that it could go wrong, no end to the possible damage to the mother, no end to the ways the child could be born ill or malformed, and that was just for regular, non-magical children. There was no telling what kind of ailments could befall the child of two mages, especially if both parents were cursed.

And the descriptions of the birthing process itself, including the many, many things that could go awry, was nothing short of nauseating. Several times, he had to shut the book and put it aside for a while, appalled at what he learned. He hated to admit it, but sometimes knowledge for knowledge’s sake wasn’t always a good thing.

Once the first physical changes had begun, time seemed to speed up. Chise’s body changed rapidly, her stomach growing larger every day to carry the new life safely. She seemed especially breakable these days, and Elias couldn’t help being even more protective than he had been before.

For years before he had bought Chise, nothing had changed. Things went on as they always had, and it was as comfortable as it was dull. Then, once he met her, things changed, but it was a slow change. Even though things happened that never had before, it came at a pace he could understand and absorb.

Now, everything was new and happening too fast for him to process, and he was trying his best to keep up. He did not adapt well to change.

One afternoon in late July, while Chise was having her afternoon nap, Elias awoke her with a touch to her cheek.

“I’m sorry to wake you, Little Bird,” He said softly. “But there is a guest downstairs who has come a long way to see you. Are you feeling up to greeting them?”

She smiled. “Sure.”

Downstairs, she saw a tallish, pale man standing in their sitting room in modern clothes, looking around the room curiously. His blonde hair was separated into two bunches and hung over his shoulders. The the pupils of his bright blue eyes were slits, like that of a wild predator.

“Lindel!” Chise exclaimed in surprise.

When he saw her enter the room, a wide smile split his face. “It’s good to see you, my daughter,” He said, his arms open toward her.

She rushed forward to give him a hug. “What are you doing here? The dragons--”

“Can survive me being gone for an hour or two. Besides, Merituuli is to inform me right away if anything should happen while I’m here. I haven’t heard from you in a while and I wanted to check on you.” He held her at arms length and looked at her belly. “You’re coming along rather quickly, aren’t you? I sense very strong life essences brewing in there. Your offspring will be incredibly powerful mages. I can’t wait to meet my grandchildren; you must bring them to the aerie once they’ve been born.”

“More than one?” Chise asked.

“Oh, yes,” Lindel replied. “Two separate, distinct energies, hale and healthy, growing well.”

“Ha,” Chise said quietly. “I knew it.”

“Now,” He took her hand and hooked it around his arm. “Why don’t you give me a tour and tell me all about your preparations for the little ones? I’ve never actually been to Thorn’s home, you know. The ungrateful brat has never so much as extended an invitation.”

Elias sniffed slightly and sat in his chair, picking up a book he must have been reading before Lindel arrived.

“Of course,” She said, turning. Silver was looking in shyly from the kitchen, where Ruth was having a snack. “This is Silver Lady. She’s a neighbor who runs the house and looks after us. She’s been a big help to me.”

Lindel bowed. “A pleasure.”

Maybe it was Chise’s imagination, but she could have sworn Silver blushed.

“Good to see you again, Ruth,” Lindel said pleasantly. “Keeping a sharp eye on our favorite girl, are you?”

“Of course,” Ruth said. “She’s been getting plenty of rest, but she’s not eating as much as I’d prefer.”

Chise sighed heavily. “Elias’s fussing is bad enough, but having a fae nanny breathing down my neck all day is really irritating.”

Lindel laughed softly. “I would imagine so.”

Chise showed him her old room upstairs with Ruth trailing behind, where Silver had surprised her one day by converting it into a nursery. Silver, at least, seemed very excited about the new additions to the family and was going to extraordinary lengths to make sure the house was ready for their arrival.

The brand-new cupboards were stacked with blankets and swaddling and dressing gowns and cloth diapers, all handmade by Silver. There were double changing tables and bassinets, set side by side, and even a rocking chair next to the window. Chise had no idea where all the new furniture had even come from. Silver had used neutral colors to decorate the room: a mix of light and dark browns and soft purples and blues. The walls had been painted with a mural of wildflowers and trees, and the floor was plush grass-green carpet, as though the room was outside in a meadow. It was beautiful. Chise had cried and hugged Silver for quite a while when Silver presented it to her.

Ah, mood swings.

Elias had not been prepared for these emotional outbursts and, quite frankly, neither had Chise. She’d go from really happy to really sad to really annoyed all in the span of a few minutes. It was rather dizzying for the both of them. Ruth tried to warn Elias when they were coming, but he couldn’t always tell, so they were often blindsided by a sudden explosion of emotion that even Chise didn’t always understand. He supposed there was some comfort to be found in the fact that she was just as confused as he was.

Chise showed Lindel Elias’s study, and her workroom beyond where she practiced her spellcraft, and then decided to take a break in the garden. Lindel sat with Chise, talking animatedly about the baby dragons and happily eating Silver’s sandwiches and cakes. It was probably a nice change from stew. He even coaxed a song from Chise, one he had taught her in Icelandic about a hungry raven that slept beneath rock rifts. She had missed singing with him.

The sound of their voices raised in song brought Elias out to join them. He hadn’t heard her sing in some time and was pleased to hear it. She only sang when she was in a good mood. The resonance of their voices made the trees stand straighter, the flowers bloom brighter, and the sunlight shine gently upon them without being overpowering. When Lindel and Chise worked together, everything they touched was magic. Elias couldn’t help but be a little jealous of that.

The visit was a splendid one that did much to brighten Chise’s spirit. Before long, Lindel felt the aerie calling his heart home and left Chise with a hug and well-wishes. He even shook Elias’s hand.

Lindel snapped and sparked and was gone in a flurry of snow and cinders. Chise was sorry to see him go. She really felt as though Lindel was a surrogate father. When he called her his daughter, there had been weight to it. He genuinely meant it.

Chise made to go inside, but Elias took her by the hand to stop her, looking off into the woods.

“I believe we may have further visitors,” He said, taking his veil and flinging it over his face. He pointed to the treeline.

There, almost invisible under the dappled sunlight filtering through the trees, stood a fae woman of indescribable beauty. Her black hair trailed behind her and brushed the ground as she walked, and her skin was as smooth as the petals of a lily. Her eyes, the colors of which shifted as though iridescent, were locked on Chise from where she stood motionless in the shadow. How long she had been there, no one could say, but her attention was on Chise and nothing else.

“Lady Titania,” Chise breathed.

As though summoned, Titania stepped out of the shelter of trees and began to walk toward them. Spriggan stepped out of her shadow, the gold rings adorning his staff jingling as he walked. He looked as surly as ever.

“My dear, sweet robin,” Titania said, holding her arms out to Chise and she stepped forward. “Oh! Isn’t it so wonderful!”

“I assume the little folk have informed you of Chise’s condition,” Elias said.

“Oh,yes, my child. I can’t tell you how pleased I am! Oberon is beside himself.” She glanced back to the forest’s edge. Chise and Elias followed her gaze to see Oberon running to and fro, giggling like a child and throwing flowers into the air. Chise laughed softly and shook her head.

Titania returned her attention to Chise and touched her hand to Chise’s belly. “Look how far along you are! I must say, though, I am terribly put out that you hid it from us for so long.”

“I’m sorry,” Chise said. “I… it’s been… difficult.”

Titania took her face in her hands. “Poor child,” She said. “Do not despair. This is a blessing. What a wondrous gift it is to be mortal. The fae do not breed well with each other and as such, our children are rare. That’s why there are so many old tales among mortals about halflings, though such things are far less likely in this millenia.” Her gaze brushed across Elias’s tall form briefly. “I suppose it’s how your race proliferates so effectively. You’re like rabbits, in that way.” She giggled.

“Oh, what a wonderful turn of fate!” Oberon crooned gleefully, skipping around the group of them. “I can’t wait to see the new little mages. Is there any chance at all they’ll be blonde? Oh, nevermind, they’ll be adorable either way!”

“Titania,” Elias started, ignoring Oberon as he pranced around them, laying a flower crown on Chise’s head. “You have the gift of foresight. Can you…” He paused, clutching the fabric of his shirt over his chest, as though in pain. “Is there any way to tell… that is to say…” He stumbled to a stop.

“Elias,” Titania said kindly. “Ask your question plainly, and I shall answer as best as I can.”

Elias sighed. “The children… our children… will they be… like me? Half-creatures, hated and shunned for the sin of merely being alive in a world where they do not belong?”

Chise’s heart bled for him. It must have quite a blow to his pride to ask that question. She knew he’d never admit it to anyone, not even her, but the constant reminder that he was neither one or the other was something that caused him perpetual grief. The idea that he was terrified his own children would share this fate made Chise’s heart ache. She took his hand in hers and squeezed it consolingly.

“Oh, Thorn,” Titania said sadly. “I see branches; roads that split and diverge like serpents in the sea of potentiality. I see many possibilities, though some are more likely than others. I cannot give you a solid answer because the paths are still many and multiplying. I cannot tell you for certain what will be.” She laid a hand on his chest and smiled. “But would you like to know what I feel?”

He nodded, apprehensive.

“I feel love and joy,” She said. “I hear laughter echoing within the walls of this dwelling. Your children will have fragments of their father residing in them, as all children do, but they will have the protection and favor of all who love them. And there will be many who love them. They are blessed by the Queen of the Fae herself, and my blessing is no paltry trinket.”

“Titania, I…” Elias said, unable to continue.

Oberon slid over to his wife and winked at her, a wide smile on his face. He then turned to Elias.

“Do not fret, thorn child,” He said. “However tainted your lineage may be, you are still one of us, and your bride is beloved by our kind. Your children, then, will be doubly revered by all fae. You have no cause to worry.”

“Thank you. That is… very comforting,” He replied, though his tone said to Chise that he was still rather troubled.

Chise endured another few minutes of Titania and Oberon’s doting before they decided to depart. She felt rather relieved when they left. They could be a lot to handle all at once.

That night, lying in bed with Elias, the question he had asked the Faerie Queen revolved over and over in her mind.

“Elias?” She asked softly, trying not to wake Ruth. “Are you still awake?”

She couldn’t see his pupils, but he did answer. “Yes.”

She lay her hand on the back of his neck and stroked it. “Are you really worried about how the children will turn out?”

Elias sighed. “It does not matter to me what they will look like,” He said somberly. “But it will matter to humans. Experience has taught me well that mankind does not adapt quickly to things that are strange or unusual.” He turned his head to look at her. “The fae will not care about their appearance, either, but they will see them as my children, spawn of the halfling failure. That alone may be enough to draw the ire of the fae against them, despite what Titania and Oberon said. Those two have never failed in their kindness to me, but it is borne out of pity, not respect, and the rest of the fae are not so magnanimous. Some are indifferent to me, but most, like the Spriggan, are openly hostile. I do not wish for my children to suffer because of who their father is.”

“Oh, Elias,” Chise said, holding him close. “I wish I could--Oh!” Chise sat up abruptly, pulling the covers down and placing both hands on her belly.

“What?” He asked in alarm, turning to sit up. “What is it? Are you alright?”

“I felt them.”

“You did?” He asked.

“Yes,” She said, moving her hands around gingerly. “I felt a thumping on the inside. I felt some flutters before, but I was never sure what they were. That was definitely a kick.”

“Are you sure?” He asked, looking at her abdomen.

In response, she took his hand and laid it down on her stomach, instructing him to wait. He did so, and it took nearly five minutes, but there was a distinct nudge against his hand.

Chise looked up and smiled at him, but his heart was in his throat. He couldn’t decide if he was excited or panicked. Talking about the baby, seeing her belly expand, making preparations: for some reason, none of that made it feel real. But this did. Feeling the tiny movements of the child on his own skin from the inside of her body was what made it reality to him.

“We should call on Shannon tomorrow,” Chise said. “I’m twenty weeks. It’s about time for a check-up.”

“Y-yes,” He said vaguely. “Of course.”

She took his face in her hands. “Are you all right?”

“I do not know,” He answered honestly. “I am… frightened.”

“I know,” She said. She laid her forehead on his.

They stayed that way for many minutes, their foreheads touching, his hand on her belly, feeling the little jumps and thumps of his children moving about inside. Frightened was not an adequate word for what he felt. He didn’t know if there was a word strong enough.

Time seemed to move very fast for a while, and then suddenly slowed to a snail’s pace. Before they knew it, it was winter. Chise had grown very large, and Shannon expected the babies to come a few days after the new year.

Chise kept to the house exclusively now, since moving was more difficult, not to mention that Elias was highly paranoid about her catching an illness in her condition. She spent much of the time nesting, which is an instinctual habit among mothers-to-be to make sure everything was in its proper place and perfect. Silver had taken care of most of that for her, but it didn’t stop Chise from folding and refolding all of the babies’ linens and making sure things were just so.

As the time for the birth came closer, the atmosphere of the house grew more and more anxious. Chise was rather sick of being pregnant and was ready to be able to stand without assistance and not eat what felt like half her body weight every day. Ruth was restless and impatient. He could feel the time getting closer just as acutely as Chise did.

If Chise was anxious and Ruth was restless, Elias was downright terrified. He spent a lot of time alone in his study, unable to control this emotion. He didn’t want to worry her more than she already was, but he couldn’t push away the awful feeling of dread.

He had slowly grown accustomed to the idea of the children, but not the possibility that they would take after him. The idea that they could be subjected to cruelty and discrimination for simply being his children made his blood run cold. How could he protect them against that kind of hatred? How could he shield them from the animosity of both humans and fae? He could weather it just fine; he was used to it, and some of it was deserved. He had once been a monster, after all. But they would be innocent and guileless. They didn’t deserve to be treated as he had been.

As much as he tried to hide his worry from Chise, he knew she felt it. He could see it on her face when she looked at him sometimes. It wasn’t pity that she showed him, but empathy. If anyone would understand, it would be her, but this was just one thing he couldn’t talk to her about. She always tried to soothe him and tell him things would be fine, but she had no way of knowing that for certain. Blind optimism just didn’t work for him.

Very late on the night before Christmas eve, a sharp yelp of pain woke Elias from sleep. It had been Ruth: he had bounced out of his bed and shot to Chise’s side, immediately switching to his human form. Chise was sitting curled around her stomach, gasping.

“Chise?” Elias asked.

“I think my water broke,” Chise gasped. “I’ve been having contractions, but they weren’t bad until now. We need Shannon.”

“Shannon! Silver!” Elias called.

A flash shot through the room. Elias turned on the lamp and found Shannon standing next to Chise, trying to pull her to her feet. The silky came through the door in an instant, a tub of hot water and many towels in her hands. It was almost as if she were waiting for the call.

Shannon had Chise sit on a wooden chair with a curved back, urging her to recline with her pelvis tilted out, putting a pillow behind her to support her back. Silver helped Chise out of her underwear and flipped the hem of her nightgown up over her stomach, exposing her entire lower half. Chise didn’t have the wherewithal to be embarrassed about her tender bits out for the entire room to see. The pain was pushing everything else out of her brain.

“Is it supposed to hurt this much?” Ruth gasped, his arms wrapped around his stomach.

“There are two living creatures the size of watermelons attempting to tear their way out of her body, Ruth. Yeah, it’s gonna hurt,” Shannon said dryly.

“Sorry, Ruth,” Chise said, breathing heavily. “I’m trying to block it.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Ruth said. “I don’t really care about me right now.”

“What can I do?” Elias asked anxiously.

“You and Ruth, get on either side. Both of you hold her hand with one of yours and then let her use your other hand to brace her feet on. She’s going to need the leverage when she starts pushing.”

Elias and Ruth, took their positions. Chise had already begun to sweat profusely and was breathing shallowly. Silver stood at her head, stroking her hair gently and ready with a cloth to wipe her brow.

“Deep breaths, Chise,” Shannon said, kneeling on the ground and pushing a gloved hand into Chise’s body to gauge her dilation. “Nine centimeters,” Shannon said, removing her hand. “Not quiet ready yet, but it’s going to be soon.”

Chise could only nod, attempting with little success to take deep breaths as she was instructed. Her head rolled to look at Elias with fear in her eyes.

“It’s too early,” She said in a terrified whisper. “I’m not due for another three weeks.”

“It’s all right,” Elias whispered, knowing he might be lying. “It will be all right.”

Chise had no choice but to wait until her body opened up enough to start pushing, and it took a few long, miserable hours of pain and sweating. By the time Shannon got into position, it was only an hour before dawn.

“Okay,” Shannon said. “Elias, Ruth, take one foot each and push it toward her chest, but not forcefully. Chise, take several deep breaths. When I say, take a very deep breath, hold it, and start pushing. When I count to ten, you can let go and breath again. Understand?”

Chise nodded, already very tired from the waves of pain she had been suffering over the past few hours. She steeled herself and began to take slow, deep breaths.

“Ready? Okay, deep, deep breath and push!”

Chise pulled in as much air as her lungs could take and held it, bracing her legs against Ruth and Elias’s grip, and pushed with all her might, her face pulled back in a grimace of pain and exertion.

“One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten, and breathe,” Shannon instructed. Chise blew out her breath explosively and gulped in air.

“Okay, again. Deep breath, and push!”

It went on like this for quite a time. They only paused the pushing for Chise to drink water and for Silver to wipe the sweat from her face and neck. Elias talked in Chise’s ear during these brief moments of rest, telling her that she was strong and that he had faith in her. She seemed so tired, but she smiled at him and dotted a kiss on his nose in reply.

Finally, as the first rays of sunlight shone through the window, Shannon pulled a small, reddish-purple infant from Chise’s body. It shrieked as it took it’s first breaths of life, it’s color changing as it took in oxygen. Shannon placed the sticky ball of outrage on Chise’s chest for a moment, allowing the new mother to inspect the little creature for herself while Shannon detached the umbilical cord.

“It’s a baby girl,” Shannon said, smiling.

Chise let go of Ruth and Elias and wrapped her fingers around the tiny thing as it screamed it’s fury at them all. Chise was crying, too, but not in anger. Her face, red and sweaty though it was, lit with joy as she held her newborn daughter.

Suddenly, she seized up with a sudden contraction and hissed with pain. The baby was whisked out of her arms by Silver, who took it to a nearby dressing table to clean it.

“We’re halfway there,” Shannon said. “Let’s get ready. On the next contraction, we start the pushing again.”

Chise nodded, letting Ruth and Elias take hold of her feet and push them back.

Once the first baby was out, the second wasn’t far behind. It wailed more loudly than it’s twin, thrashing about angrily on Chise’s chest, though Chise clearly didn’t seem to mind.

“It’s another little girl,” Shannon said with a grin.

Tears poured from Chise’s eyes as she held her daughter, gasping from the effort of pushing. The touch of her mother’s hands had calmed the baby and she was no longer writhing spastically, but wiggling and making little grunting sounds, lying on her belly in Chise’s grasp.

After a moment, this child, too, was taken away for cleaning. Then there was more work to be done. The afterbirth had to be removed from Chise’s body, which caused a small fountain of blood to escape. Elias and Ruth panicked, but Shannon said this could happen sometimes and it wasn’t serious as long as it was contained quickly. She gave Chise a tea that would help stop the bleeding and once she had finished it, Silver lifted Chise as if she weighed nothing and took her to the bathroom for a proper cleaning. Shannon followed, leaving Ruth and Elias alone with the newborns, lying side by side and safely bundled up in the crib near Chise’s side of the bed.

While she was gone, Ruth went to inspect the babies up close. “Elias,” He called to the mage, who was still sitting in a daze. “Come and see.”

Elias stood with his heart pounding in his chest and walked to stand by Ruth, looking down at his brand new daughters with a lump in his throat. Now that they were cleaned, he could see them better. They were still wiggly and wrinkly, but there were distinct differences between the twins. One had a full head of white-blonde hair and a peachy-pink complexion, while the other had fine red fuzz on her head and was as pale as bleached bone.

“I remember the day that Isabelle was born,” Ruth said solemnly, lost in his memory. “I had only been with the family for a few months and I didn’t quite understand what was happening at the time. I didn’t know what a baby was. She was so tiny and weird-looking, but I loved her right away. We were together all the time after that. I existed for her; I’d have done anything for her.”

He stared down at the two sleeping infants, his eyes dark with recollection. “I took it for granted, thinking she’d always be there. I didn’t see the dangers until it was too late. I should have done more to protect her. If I had been a better brother, she might have lived a long, happy life. I didn’t do enough, and she died.” He reached out but stopped just short of touching the one with red hair. “For them, I’ll do better. I’ll be better. I promise.”

Elias did not respond. He stared down at his sleeping girls rather blankly.

Yes, He thought to himself. I, too, must be better.

Silver and Shannon returned with Chise, clean, wearing a fresh nightgown, and remarkably able to walk unassisted. Elias helped ease her back into the freshly changed bed, then Shannon handed Chise the white-haired baby girl. Shannon insisted that Chise try to breastfeed the baby, as it would help promote clotting. Silver went to work cleaning the gory aftermath off of the floor. Ruth, as a grim, sniffed each child keenly with his tail wagging.

It took a few tries and some urging to get the baby to latch to her breast; apparently babies weren’t born knowing how to do this and had to be taught, but once she found her way, she seemed to be content and fell asleep while feeding, her tiny arm resting on Chise’s skin. Elias watched curiously.

“You probably won’t be able to produce enough milk to fill both babies at the same time, so you might want to supplement with formula. You may even decide to go formula exclusively, which is fine. As long as they get the enzymes from your breastmilk at the start, it’ll be a big boost to their immune systems.”

Chise nodded without looking up, absorbed in the tiny little girl at her breast with it’s little fist around Chise’s finger. She seemed to finish quickly, and Chise lifted the baby for Elias to hold.

“Chise…” He said nervously. “I don’t… I can’t… I don’t think…”

“It’s okay, Elias,” Chise said with a smile. “You’re going to have to hold them at some point. Might as well be now.”

“Just remember to support the head,” Shannon said. “The neck muscles are underdeveloped.”

“Here,” She sat up and, holding the baby in one arm, used her hand to make a cradle of his. “Like this.”

Exercising more care than he ever had in his entire existence, he took the tiny bundle into his arms, cradling it gently. He could feel the warmth of it’s little body through the blankets, as though he were holding a glowing coal. He lifted her up so he could inspect her more closely. As he did so, she opened her eyes for the first time and looked up at him. Her eyes were the color of evergreens, like her mother. But unlike her, the pupils were not round but slits, like that of a wild creature. The eyes of a fae. The eyes of a mage.

“Chise, look,” Elias said, bending to show her. Chise, who had taken the red-haired babe and was feeding her from the other breast, peered at the child Elias held and smiled. Her smile faded and her eyes narrowed curiously.

“What is it?” Elias asked.

“Look at her head, a little bit above the hairline. There’s a bump. No, there’s two, one on either side. Do you see them?”

Elias brought the baby close to his face, examining her closely. There was, indeed, some sort of bump there. Carefully readjusting his grip, he felt the bumps with his finger. They felt like… bone? No, not bone…

“Horns,” Elias said softly. “She has horns.”

Chise laughed softly, her eyes warm with affection. “You certainly can’t deny she’s yours, can you?”

He looked down at her, a new warmth spreading though his chest. “No…” He said. “I cannot.”

“Have you decided on names?” Shannon asked, sitting on the other side, monitoring the mother and her little ones closely.

Elias was taken aback. It wasn’t something he had even thought about. He’d been so preoccupied with his doubts and fears that he hadn’t room to think of anything else.

“It is Christmas Eve,” Chise said, looking out of the snow covered windows. She looked at the little redhead, sleeping peacefully in her arms. “Her hair reminds me of holly berries, so why don’t we call her Holly?” She smiled and gazed at the white-haired child Elias clutched to him. “And with her green eyes, she should be named Ivy.”

Elias sat down on the edge of the bed next to her, bending to nuzzle her head.

“Yes,” He said fondly. “It’s perfect.”

After both parents had a turn holding both of their infant girls, they gave Silver and Ruth a chance. Ruth was anxious and attentive, fearful of being clumsy or accidentally jostling his new nieces and upsetting them, but Silver seemed overjoyed to hold the tiny babes, smiling brightly and giggling at their noises. A better nanny than Silver Lady could not be found anywhere, either in the mortal realm or the kingdom of the fae. Chise had a feeling she was going to be relying heavily on her for the next few months.

While holding Holly, Silver made a small noise of surprise.

“Silver?” Chise said. “What is it?”

Silver brought the baby to the bed and knelt down between Elias and Chise, where the parents could see the newborn’s eyes. The irises were solid black and didn’t reflect light, instead seeming to consume it. The pupils, however, were red. Not the bright holly red of her hair, but a dark crimson red, like blood on snow, and they too were mere slits.

“Oh,” Chise breathed. “Look at that. Aren’t they beautiful?”

Elias, seeing the trace his own eyes looking back at him from his daughter’s face, was at a loss for words.

His children were mostly human, it seemed, but they retained a piece of him, a fragment of his fae blood, just as Titania said. Before, this thought made him worry about their future, but seeing them now, he felt… what was this? It was a good feeling, but it carried weight with it. Pride? Was that it? Did he feel proud? Perhaps so.

After a while, Shannon insists that everyone leave the room to the new parents and their children, and Elias settled himself in a chair beside the bed, with Chise on his left side and the crib on the right. All three of his girls were sleeping peacefully. Ivy seemed content in being wrapped up in her swaddling, but Holly had kicked her way out of the blankets so that she could move freely.

He watched them sleep with mixed emotions, laying his hands on the stomachs of the babes, comforted by their warmth. As if waiting for this, they both reached out and gripped his fingers in their fists and held on with a surprisingly strong grip.

The world could have been falling down around them, but as long as they were safe and happy, it wouldn’t have bothered him. He found he didn’t care all that much at the moment about the concerns that had plagued him before the birth, though he knew they would come back eventually. He felt warm and calm, with none of the anxiety that had been gnawing at his mind for months. Was this feeling happiness? Peace?

He could identify at least one emotion well enough: love. It was different than what he felt for Chise, but no less consuming. Chains of gold and silver had wrapped themselves around his heart. They sprung from the touch of his tiny daughters’ small hands on his own, an unbreakable link that bound him to his newly-born flesh and blood. Instinct drove this behavior, and it was obvious what it meant. They had laid claim to him.

They do not belong to me, he realized. I belong to them. How fascinating.

He had lived for centuries never having tethered himself to any other being. Back then, loneliness and being alone were mutually exclusive concepts. He’d had friendships and acquaintances but felt no obligation to any of them beyond an occasional favor or trade. At the time, he had thought himself content.

When he had acquired Chise on a whim out of mere curiosity, he had not anticipated how his life would change. The connection that developed between them, as slow as it was to manifest openly, was unlike anything he’d felt before. It brought with it many good feelings, as well as many unpleasant ones. Chise’s love was easy enough to earn, but he soon discovered that while love could be unconditional, trust was not. He hadn’t known there was a difference between those emotions until he had betrayed them.

For a while after, their bond was fragile and could snap with any slight pressure he applied to it. It had taken much time and effort on his part to repair the damage he had done, and he had sworn never to do anything that could sever that link again.

But the bond he felt to these two new lives was instantaneous and indestructible, something over which he had no control. He was, for lack of a better term, spellbound.

“I don’t understand.”

Elias jumped slightly at Chise’s soft whisper. He looked over to see that she was awake and staring are her children.

“What is it you do not understand, Little Bird?” Elias replied quietly.

“I thought,” She said. “I thought when they were born, it would make more sense, but it doesn’t. I thought it would help me understand why they did it.”

“Your parents,” He said. It wasn’t a question.

“I thought that once I was a parent myself, I could see it from their perspective, and I’d understand. But I don’t. I would never, ever leave them. I could never hurt them. Never.” She looked at Elias and took his hand. “What they did still makes no sense to me. I guess you were right, Elias. I am different.”

“Yes,” He said, holding her hand to his cheek. “Do not be sad, Chise. That is a wonderful thing.”

She smiled, and her gaze returned to the infants. “You’re right. It is.”

During the first two months, which Chise and Elias used to get accustomed to the new routine of parenthood, the twins developed personalities that were as different as their appearance. Holly was an independent little thing and didn’t like to be swaddled or held for too long, while Ivy loved to be cuddled and preferred to be held by Elias over anyone else. He was more than happy to hold her at all times and soon became deft at doing things one-handed.

After this necessary adjustment time, they decided to have a small gathering of friends over to properly introduce their children. They had invited Stella, the Barley family, Alice, a few friends from the college including the brooding Adolf and enthusiastic Tori, and even Renfred. Over the years, Elias and Renfred had forged a tense acquaintanceship. Chise encouraged them to be better friends, but in the end, she figured anything was better than open hostility.

They had invited Lindel, too, but he didn’t want to leave the aerie again. He insisted they bring them to him instead, which they promised to do when the children were a few months older.

“Aren’t they darling?” Angelica said, looking at Holly sleeping in sixteen-year-old Althea’s arms.

“They really are,” Stella said, now nineteen, as she tickling Ivy’s feet while David held her. The baby cooed at Stella as she did so.

“Ya did good, Chise,” Alice said. “You cooked up some real nice babies in there.” She poked Chise’s stomach, which was now much smaller and thankfully no longer sore.

“That’s a weird phrase, Alice, thank you,” Chise said.

Renfred had been mostly quiet during the gathering. Alice had told Chise that babies make him nervous; he liked kids better when they were old enough to follow orders.

Elias was similarly uncomfortable with so many people in his house at once, and eventually, it drove him outside to the garden. Cold though it was, he sat at the garden table with his tea and sighed.

“Are they not lovely?” A voice said to him from his right. He turned to see a small, child-like figure standing there nearby. She wore a simple white gown made of thin silk and a crown of baby’s breath around her head. A circle of snow underneath her feet had melted away and flowers had sprung up all around her. Her hair was black, her skin like petals, her eyes like the wings of a dragonfly.

“Titania,” Elias said, standing. “You’ve come alone.”

“I have, though I shan’t be long,” She said, her voice belying her youthful appearance. “I bring with me gifts for your little ones.”

“Gifts?”

“Yes. The heartache you expressed when last we met has stayed with me. I felt compelled to do something to set your mind at ease.” She opened her hands, and lying in each palm was a ring carved of dark wood, one on a gold string, the other on a silver one. “I told you your offspring held my favor, did I not?” She asked. “That was not a lie. You need not worry for their safety from our kind. These will tell all fae creatures that your babes are my godchildren and therefore under my protection.”

Elias did not recall agreeing to such an arrangement, but accepted the rings with a bow.

“Thank you, my Lady,” He said. “This is most generous.”

“You must bring them to visit us, Thorn,” Titania said. “It’s been so long since there were children in the Faerie Kingdom. Oberon is dying to meet the new magelings.”

Elias nodded without speaking, not committing to this. He wondered if her favor extended to not trapping them in the faerie realm.

“Be well, Elias. Take care of our sweet robin and those beautiful children. Dwell no longer on the darkness in your past and look instead to your future. Your legacy now resides in those new souls that you created, and not the mistakes you have made. You have been given a divine gift. Do not take it for granted.”

“I assure you, Lady,” He said seriously. “I have no intention of doing so.”

She smiled at him, and the body she inhabited burst apart into flowers and floated away like the seeds of a dandelion, carried away on a sudden wind that smelled strangely of spring grass.

Elias lifted his gaze to watch the petals drift away, putting the charms in his pocket.

Once everyone had gone home and the house was quiet again, Elias picked up a wailing Ivy, who quieted immediately, and sat with Ruth and Chise as Silver laid out their dinner. Chise fed Holly with one arm and fed herself with the other. Once Holly finished, Chise passed her to Ruth to be burped and held out her arms for Ivy, who Elias passed carefully over the dinner table. Silver waited at Ruth’s elbow with a spit-up cloth. They all seemed to be easing into this new normal well.

Elias and Chise took the children to their room and laid them down for sleep, with Ruth curled up on the floor between them. He was better than a baby monitor. Ruth was taking his oath to Elias to protect the children very seriously and was just as involved in their care as every other person in the house. It seemed there was no shortage of babysitters to be found for the new parents, and Chise found that comforting. The nightmare she’d once had of being overwhelmed with caring for two children at once with limited help faded from her mind.

With the children abed for a least a couple of hours, Elias and Chise took this time to spend with each other, something they hadn’t had much opportunity to do since the birth. They sat together on the couch of the sitting room, Chise in Elias’s lap and wrapped up warmly in his arms. She was so tired, she could have fallen asleep if she let herself.

“I’m sorry the party got too claustrophobic for you,” Chise said, twining and untwining her fingers with his.

“It’s all right,” Elias said. “I am actually glad for it. I’d much prefer that the girls were introduced to all our friends at once rather than make many trips to achieve the same result.” Reaching into his waistcoat’s pocket, he pulled out the ring pendants he had gotten. “Besides, while outside, Titania left a give with me.”

Chise took the trinkets and looked at them curiously. “That was nice of her. What are they for?”

“Protection, she said. It’ll ward off any of her kind that would do them mischief.”

Chise smiled. “She’s very thoughtful for a fae.”

“Yes,” Elias agreed. “I wonder if she will extend the same blessing to any additional children we may have.”

Chise swung and looked up in surprise. “You want more children?”

“It's not outside the realm of possibility. We can talk about it later,” Elias replied.

“You're serious. You really want another baby?”

“I merely said we’d talk about it.”

“That’s not a no.”

Elias laughed.

“Give me a year, at least,” Chise said in exasperation. “My body isn’t ready for another one so soon.”

“If you wish,” He said, hugging her tightly.

They sat happily in each other’s arms for the next hour, taking a well deserved rest, until one of the babies began to cry. Elias released her and followed her up the stairs to the childrens' room, where he consoled Holly as Ivy fed. When Ivy was done, they switched. After feeding, the infants resumed sleeping. Before they left, Elias affixed the charms to the wall above their bassinets, the silver one over Ivy, and the gold protecting Holly. The parents, exhausted, climbed into their own bed and fell asleep at once.

Every day brought something new, and Elias was learning so much so quickly. His entire universe had shifted, and thought it had taken time to get used to it, he greeted each wonderful development as they happened with an open heart. He awoke eagerly every morning in his new life, looking forward to what might be.

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My Masterlist

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[lunaschild2016]

Worth Fighting For: Chapter 73- I Know Your Secrets

A/N: Sorry for the wait between chapters! Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: 'Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.' (James O'Barr, The Crow) V Roth is still Mother to this world and I am just one of the children singing my own tune into the night.

Rating M ( Language, Violence, There will be smut, Angst, Tragedy, Romance, Fluff) 

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**I promise I have put the read more option in but it has been glitching.**

Chapter 73 - I Know Your Secrets

Kat

I can hear the whispers of the nurses as they move around my darkened room. It’s late and I should be resting now that the flurry of activity, from the moment I was wheeled into the hospital, had died down completely. I looked much worse than I really had been but there had been no telling that to any of the three that had found Al and I locked in battle. If Raze hadn’t been there I am pretty sure Eric would have hauled me off to his apartment first. The stab wound on my side had been enough of a motivator for them to take me to the cities hospital right along with Al.

I was so stupid holding back like I had but at the time I had the goal in mind. Get information from Al by baiting him while also stalling enough to let someone witness him attacking me. I knew there was a timer counting down until someone went after me after I didn’t go back to the fear landscape room so I knew someone would come, I just couldn’t guarantee who it was going to be. Really, it didn’t matter to me who saw only that a witness was there to back me up. So I held out. I didn’t even strike first, honestly. That was Al. Did I say something that I hoped he would get pissed about and lash out? Absolutely. But I could honestly say, physically, I did not attack the coward.

I hadn’t even pulled my own knife at any time during the altercation, preferring to get in some really good damage to him with everything that Eric had taught me. I was being a combination of cautious and cocky and that was what got me the knife in my side. He pulled his own from his pants and I had hesitated, torn between taking my own out or removing the one he had and turning it on him. The hesitation had been enough to make the decision to remove the knife before he could use it useless. He was able to use his height and weight to stab me in my side during the struggle before I was able to break free and then retreated. I prevented him from getting me too bad but it had been bad enough.

I huff out a breath of anger and annoyance at myself that turns into a moan. The older nurse turns to look at me and her eyes narrow as I bite my lip. When she turns back to her co-nurse I can hear her whispering again about Eric. For what seems like the millionth time I hear the word sadistic. My fist clenches to my side as I grit my teeth together to keep in the scream I want to let loose.

Eric’s order that I am to receive no heavy pain medications has all the nurses in the area hissing his name under their breaths. One was even brave enough to say something along the lines of it being only logical considering he is one of Jeanine’s. Oh, that had me almost launching myself off the table in fury.

The person I am most angry at regarding what has the nurses all bent out of shape is myself. Because the only reason he gave that stupid order was that he knew it was what I wanted. It damn sure isn’t what he wants, no matter how livid I know he is with me right now. I knew it killed him to leave me like he did know I was going to be in pain. There was nothing for it though. I knew the second I saw Jack in the corridor that both Al and I were going to be questioned and truth serum was going to be administered. I couldn’t risk being doped up and trying to fight the serum if I needed to. I know Eric saw that too. I wish he had been able to stay in the room for the questions but he wasn’t. He along with the others were on the other side of the glass listening in as Jack, Raze, Chase, and Zach all questioned me in regards to the events. I had been able to lie but I hardly needed to. Every question asked I was able to say with truth even if it wasn’t the entire truth.

I am not sure what trouble I am in. Everyone was stoic and I think to wait until they could question Al. I had messed him up pretty badly even though I had tried to hold back. I had come close to losing it a few times and I can admit that when I did was when he got the better of me. I had been trying to taunt him into giving me something of why he did what he did. The only clear thing was he blamed me for everything and that he was obsessed with Tris, maybe even had always been.

Al had been on the verge of telling me before Raze jerked him off of me and knocked him out cold. Part of my goal was achieved, by all appearances he looked like the attacker. He was the one with the knife to my throat spitting down on me in his rage while he was trying to finish me off. Screaming his guilt about the first attempt on me. That alone was worth it.

They should have been done questioning him hours ago but I still haven’t heard from or seen any of them. I know a guard is posted outside of my room. I hear the nurses grumbling when he checks everything and anything they bring in to give me.

I keep hoping that someone will come in and tell me something before the sleep medication I heard being ordered and approved is given to me. I know my time is up when the younger nurse turns to me with the syringe in her hand and a well-meaning smile on her face.

“This will only take a few minutes to fully take effect and then that should help you sleep through most of the pain.”

I grumble out thanks even though I wish I could rip the IV out. I watch as the solution slowly gets plunged and makes its way through the short clear tubing where it will travel along the plastic inserted into my vein. I feel the rush of it marking its path until it joins with the blood flow and is lost to me. A part of my mind is analyzing everything occurring with my body, reasoning it out as I start to lose control, trying to keep myself from panicking at the loss of control. As my eyes become droopy and my body both feels heavy and relaxed; the panic that was building starts to fade and I have a hazy thought that they probably gave me some kind of calming serum or anxiety medicine because the panic fades until just peace invades me. I am out whether I want it or not and can only hope the god-awful dreams from the past few weeks don’t visit me in an Erudite run facility of all places.

Luck or something seems to be with me because for once in I can’t remember how long I don’t dream at all. Or if I do I don’t remember.

Candor Justice Complex

Uploading of classified materials. Authorization:  Leaders Only with Level Five Clearance- Jack Kang, Max Cornell, Andrew Prior, Eric Coulter

Accused: Kat Prior

Administered Truth Serum via IV under the supervision of Jack Kang of Candor and Dauntless Leaders: Raze and Eric

Additional witnesses:

Candor: Jane Connor and Wesley Smith

Dauntless: Four Eaton and Chase Oldham

Jack Kang: Kat Prior, you are being administered truth serum so that your role in the incident that occurred today at approximately 1117 hours. I caution you not to fight the serum as it could further exacerbate your injuries and cause considerable pain. Do you understand what I have said?

Kat Prior: Yes, I do.

Jack Kang: State your full name, please.

Kat Prior: Kat is the name that I have chosen for Dauntless but my birth name is Mary Katherine Prior.

Jack Kang: Your faction of birth?

Kat Prior: Abnegation.

Jack Kang: You are currently in training to become a member of Dauntless, correct?

Kat Prior: Yes, I am.

Jack Kang: Thank you for helping us to establish that the serum is working. Now we will move on to the incident at Dauntless in the dorm room. You were found engaged in a struggle with Albert West. Did you initiate the altercation?

Kat Prior: No. I did not.

Jack Kang: There is a reason to believe that Albert was the one that had previously attacked you as well as your sister, did you have any prior knowledge of this?

Kat Prior: I had no reason to think, before today, that Al would have ever been involved in any kind of act of aggression, much less towards my sister. He was always very reluctant and vocal about his distaste and distress in regards to being violent at all. He also seemed to look up to or care for my sister greatly.

Jack Kang: You had never had any previous altercations with him or witnessed him being aggressive?

Kat Prior: No. The first time I saw Al behaving that way was today during the attack.

Jack Kang: The two of you were in the dorm alone at a time when you were supposed to be attending training. Witnesses say that you left to go to the bathroom. How is that you ended up in the dorm?

Kat Prior: I left the room where the fear landscapes were being held and intended to go to the restroom. I was feeling unsettled from the previous night and wanted to wash my face. I can’t explain why I bypassed any other restrooms other than I just went to where I was most familiar with. The two places I most commonly use since my time coming to Dauntless are either the Transfer dorm room or the restroom near the Dauntless-born training room.

Jack Kang: Can you explain why there was a knife on your person at the time of the attack?

Kat Prior: After the attack on me in the dorm while I was sleeping I began to feel exposed. Shortly before the attack on my sister, I managed to sneak a knife away during our training exercises. I felt better when I had it on me. It was a bit like I felt prepared should anything or anyone else attack me. It was instinctual in a way. We have all been being trained day in and day out to be prepared to act. I wanted to be prepared.

Jack Kang: Yet when you were attacked, and you saw that Al had a knife and had used it, you did not draw your own?

Kat Prior: I honestly was surprised at his attack. I can freely admit I thought and still think he is a coward. By the time he had pulled his own knife, there was no point in me pulling mine, not to mention I didn’t think of it. I was focused on trying to keep his from me and getting him down as quickly as I could.

Jack Kang: Did you have the intention to kill Albert West?

Kat Prior: No, I had no intention of killing him. When he attacked I was only thinking about stopping him. He had already admitted to me that he was behind both attacks and I knew that Leadership needed to handle this. Although I can admit now, that had it come down to it and there was no other way, I would have protected myself by any means.

Raze: It has been brought to our attention by an accusation that you were given the knife by a member. Is this true?

Kat Prior: Absolutely not. No one but me knew I had the knife and I wanted it to stay that way. That was what made me feel safer. That no one would expect me to have a knife to protect myself. That was the only purpose of my having the knife. For the feeling of safety and protection, it gave me and the knowledge that should anyone attack me I would have something to defend myself with. No one gave me the knife or had any knowledge of my having it.

Jack Kang: We are done with questioning. Thank you for your Candor.

Questioning concluded. Investigation pending and under the purview of the faction the subject belongs to. Candor has concluded that the subject was defending themselves and as such there was no criminal intent.

Dauntless will take the matter further as per their own factional laws.

Eric

I watched the ice blue eyes of Jeanine Matthews as she absorbed the document before her and made sure to keep my face clear of any emotion. It was too early to feel smug but I could already see her frustration and anger behind that icy exterior she likes to maintain.

There had been no keeping things from Jeanine now. Not with this last attack and the information that leaked it had to do with both Prior girls but also hints that somehow Marcus Eaton was involved. We had known this was going to happen and that she was going to want to be updated. There was also no way that it could be kept from the other leaders of all factions any longer. The investigation had gotten to that point.

We had the bastard. It had come at the cost of yet another goddamn attack on Kat, but it had gotten the job done. Al had spilled everything and under the truth serum had admitted, with no small amount of pain, that Marcus had been behind it all.

It was a good thing they hadn’t let me in that room by myself and that Zach, as well as Chase, had been there with me. They had helped me keep my shit together when it all came out. I don’t know how Four was able to manage it.

I frown as I look around at the others with me at the table when a thought hits me in regards to Four. Because for the life of me, I don’t remember him being in the room when I stormed out after Al was done spilling his guts. In fact, I can’t remember him heading back to the compound for the fucking meetings we have all been stuck in since leaving the MedCenter. It is early in the morning the day after Kat and Al fought but there have been several meetings already, having begun at dawn and I don’t remember Four being in one of the ones he should have been in.

I would ask the others but now isn’t the time. Right now, in this private meeting with Jeanine, Max, James and myself; it is all about the fact that Jeanine isn’t liking what she is hearing in regards to Kat. She has been passing all markers and tests that are given to those that might be divergent. Right now it is about making sure that it is driven home that Kat has become counted as removed from the list and distract the bitch with someone else she has it out for.

Jeanine purses her lips together and lays the paper containing the transcript from Kat’s questioning on the table. As soon as she heard about the attack she had sent out the demand for truth serum administration. It had worried the hell out me but it wasn’t something that could be bypassed anyways. We already knew we were going to have to give it to Al and I couldn’t rig it to make it look like I had given the serum to Kat without raising suspicion.

I had to stand by and hope that she would be able to resist. I had to hope that my telling the nurses not to give her any pain medication would help with that too. That had been the only reason I had given that order. To hell with knowing she wouldn’t have wanted it, at that point, I didn’t give a fuck about what she wanted. She sure as hell hadn’t given a thought to me not wanting to have her laying in that goddamn bed.

Either way, she was able to bypass the serum while still looking and sounding exactly like someone under the influence of it. It probably helped that almost every bit of her answers were true. The only one that was a lie she worked in with the truth so seamlessly that it hadn’t been noticeable to anyone. The only reason I knew it for the lie it was because I recognized my own damn knife.

Zach had pointed out to me as we were being forced to leave her at the MedCenter under guard that she had been truthful in everything else. I knew he was trying to calm me down and it worked somewhat but not fully. Because I knew what she wasn’t saying. She hadn’t gone there to kill him but she had sought him out purposely. She had meant to turn him over to us...to me...but not until she got her answers first. Not before she got her hands on him to get her own revenge and justice.

I know her too well and what she was going for. It was and is the exact same thing I would do. It still is leaving me feeling things that I am still struggled to handle fully.

Max clears his throat as Jeanine picks up a glass of water and takes a dainty sip. I know she is stalling for time to be able to come up with a plan to still keep Kat on the watch list.

“As you can see, given the normal indicators for divergence have failed to present themselves, as well as this new development; it is safe to say that we can move forward and remove the candidate from the list.” Max’s tone was unemotional and just matter of fact but he didn’t stop there. “Of course we can and will continue to be vigilant for the remainder of training. There are still the fear landscapes as well as the final test, and given the intensity of those if there is any divergence it will present itself then as it has before.”

Jeanine sets the glass down and looks over to Max before letting her eyes fall on me. “I will expect to be kept up to date on all matters regarding those in question from here on.”

I didn’t even bother giving any signs of agreement, having already decided to let Max handle this next little bit. It was this that had me itching with anticipation. All this time there has been this hold that Jeanine has had on Dauntless, on me, something dangling over our heads that has us making deals with the devil that she is. I don’t know what Max’s deal was or what his drive could be. What I do know is that after our meeting with Jack and Andrew, before the one we are having now, it felt like everything had changed.

I could almost see years worth of troubles, frustration, and burden, if not lifting from the older man’s shoulders at least that there was an end in sight after the final verdict.

Marcus Eaton was being removed from his position as a leader and then would stand trial for his numerous crimes.

We had done it. I knew that this would please Jeanine but I also saw the other side of that coin. With Marcus gone, there was a very strong chance that all the cards she had to get her way and have any kind of control over Dauntless, were going to disappear after his removal. There will have to be another leader elected and with all the deference and respect I saw from other leaders to Andrew Prior, I already knew who was likely to be chosen. If he was elected, there could be some real chance for change around here.

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts I missed the beginning of Max informing Jeanine of the new developments. By the time he is done, I can tell my guesses are correct. She is pleased but I also see in those eyes she is already calculating.

“I am assuming that the emergency council meeting that also included the request for all faction leaders or representatives present is to inform us of Marcus’ immediate removal?” Jeanine asks, knowing full well that is the case. That it is the protocol even if it has never had to be used before.

“Yes. There will also be the call for the immediate election of a new leader.” Max agreed without looking at her.

Did he guess how she would react to the possibility of Andrew being elected? Would his knowing or at least suspecting her obsession with the Prior’s change how he might vote, for fear of rocking the boat with her?

“I see.” Is her simple reply with her lips thinned.

The loud sounding of my phone alerting me to code 240 possibly 217 pierces the strained quiet. The codes are both indicators of an assault but the second one notes that there might have been an intent to kill. The only time we use codes is if it would be a high profile or priority incident. Where details cannot be given over message but would need to be given in person.

Once again I am leaving a meeting, to the obvious and vocal displeasure of Jeanine, but this time I head with Chase to Control.

He beat me by seconds and is already barking out orders as soon as we reach the secured area. Zeke is in there furiously working on the monitors.

“Report.” Chase snaps out formally before I can get to it.

Zeke’s head snaps up and he takes us in, maybe looking for anyone else that might be behind us. It strikes me once again, that I am not seeing Four. He should be here already and especially right now.

For a second I forget why I am even in control as the thought that maybe he snuck back to the MedCenter strikes me, and suddenly I have rage flowing through me at the thought of him alone with Kat.

Then the report Zeke is giving Chase and I registers.

“There was an attack, it looks like by some factionless, in Abnegation last night.” He gets out in a strained tone and I can see the worry in his eyes.

For a moment, time stands still and I all I can think is that Marcus got to Andrew and Natalie. All I can think is that I have failed Kat and how she is going to react to this news.

“Details. Now.” Chase barks out and is already moving on his own to the monitors and computers.

“Marcus Eaton never turned up at the Hub this morning and all attempts by phone or messages to reach him failed. A member was sent to check on him and found him unresponsive and in critical condition in his home.”

“Marcus Eaton?” I choked out in disbelief. “Marcus Eaton was attacked?”

Zeke nods and looks up to me, then I see his eyes slide past me to look over my shoulder. I turn my head and catch sight of a familiar figure. Four is standing in the doorway, fists clenched at his sides but otherwise silent and expressionless.

“You said that factionless are suspected?” I ask while my eyes are still locked onto Four’s.

“There was one person that came forward and said there had been some factionless men in the area earlier that day, just before dinner that had been confrontational to a few of the Abnegation women there. They did eventually leave but they were heard to be throwing back yelled threats as they left.”

Four looks surprised for a moment, relieved and pleased even before it is gone. Gone so quickly that if someone hadn’t been looking for it or any kind of reaction they wouldn’t have seen. But I did and I turned my head from Four to look at Chase.

“We’ll put together a team to go investigate. This will be classified just like the investigation into Marcus has been. Zeke, take Rob and head to the MedCenter to get more information on Marcus’ condition and post a guard there. Chase, you and I will head to the Abnegation sector and meet up with the group there.” I issue the orders and turn to face Four, who is still standing in the doorway. I debate for a second before I make a decision. “Four, take Wes and Cecil to the factionless sector and see what you can get on the group from the previous day. Also, pull any footage from that entire time until Marcus was found. See if we have anything that came up on our vid surveillance.”

Four gives me a tense nod but I am already moving on to the next step. My phone is out and I have updated Jack and Max. I will let Max handle if he wants to inform Jeanine or not and also contacting Andrew.

I am typing as I walk beside Chase. My thoughts are running a million miles a minute but there is one big question on my mind. Would Four actually have had the balls to pull something like that off?

Chase and I take a transport ourselves, with him driving. We aren’t ten minutes out of the complex when he speaks up from beside me, his voice quiet but firm. “It was Four.”

My head was buried in my phone, sifting through all the information and all the intel that is being fed to me via messages. Four did the surveillance portion of my orders, but as expected there isn’t shit on the cameras that give us a clue to who might have pulled off the attack.

I pull my face away from the screen and look over to Chase. “It if it was then that would be putting more weight to those peanuts he is passing off as his balls.” I scoff with a smirk. “The more likely story, the one I know we are going to confirm when all is said and done,” I say meaningfully, “...is that it was factionless.”

Chase glances at me and a ghost of a smile lift the corners of his mouth. He knows what I am doing but he isn’t going to say it. He better not say it anyways. Because fuck if I am doing this for goddamn Four. I just know it would kill Kat if fucking Tobias went to jail for doing what we all want to do.

What I wanted to do and would have...eventually. I can give him a pass for taking away the pleasure I would have had for that deed because in the end it just did me the favor of getting him out of the picture as a threat to Kat and her family. I refuse to let this make me like or respect him.

[stardusttkachuk-main]

Pre-Christmas Catastrophe

Title: Pre-Christmas Catastrophe

Pairing: Ambulance Officer!Sam x Reader

Word Count: 2,093

Warnings: angst, graphic descriptions of car accident, fluff, mentions of pregnancy

Square Filled: Ambulance Officer!Sam

Prompt: White Christmas

Summary: AU Y/N is out finishing her Christmas shopping on one particularly snowy day. It’s smooth sailing until she’s coming home when her car slips on black ice. Luckily for her, she’s got an ambulance officer as a fiance who just so happens to be working that night.

A/N: Written for @spnaubingo

This is Day 21 of 25 Days of Christmas. Check out the full masterlist here!

A winter wonderland was the only way you could describe the view outside the window. You wanted nothing more than to run around in it, like you were a kid again, or fall down into the tufts of white and make snow angels, soaking your jeans and mittens without a care in the world. It was beautiful.

You had just a few errands to run before Christmas day, and it was fast approaching. You needed a few more gifts for Sam, and Sam insisted you get a gift for Harley, your two-year-old black lab. It was off to the mall for you.

The snow was thick as it came down, but it was still light out. You weren’t worried in the slightest, having driven in the snow every winter when it came. You slipped a little getting down the street, but caught yourself quickly, the four-wheel drive of your car making it easier to get down the snow packed road.

Pretty soon, you were on the highway, cautious but still reaching speeds of nearly 60 in some areas. The snow wasn’t sticking yet, and with all the cars passing, it kept the roads fairly clear. There were some cars that had to have been going 80, just flying down the fast lane and past everyone in their sights.

You took your exit, the mall crowded but not like it normally was on a weekend. You at least found a parking spot relatively easy, one that wasn’t far from the entrance. Your phone buzzed in your pocket and you opened the text, a smile on your face as you read through Sam’s words. “Thinkin’ bout you. Boys down here want to see that ring.” You looked down at your finger, the three white sapphire stones locked in a gold band staring back at you. Just two weeks ago Sam was on his knee, asking to spend a lifetime with you.

“Miss you,” you sent back. “Christmas is just around the corner, and we’ll have it all to ourselves.” You tucked your phone away again as you got out of your car and headed for the doors.

The snow had picked up. It was wetter now, and the sun had set, meaning it was colder. It was still thick but came down faster, like a miniature blizzard, still so beautiful though. Winter was your favorite season, for the reason that it snowed and the snow always made everything so sparkly and bright.

You were a bit more cautious as you took the freeway this time. Afternoon traffic had begun to start, and with the snow, things were a lot tighter and slower. Of course, there were always those people who just swerved in and out of traffic to be the first ones home.

White Christmas played through your radio. A smile drew over your lips as you realized you’d have a white Christmas this year, just like every year before. It was probably one of your favorite Christmas songs, for the sole reason that you grew up with snow on Christmas day and you always waited around by a window to watch the snow fall.

You moved into the left lane to go around a delivery truck, speeding up just a bit to make sure you got around him in time. Around a bend, your wheels gave out and you fishtailed, swerving into a barrier. You corrected, went full 360 and hit the other side, now sitting the complete opposite way, but your car didn’t stop.

Your feet were pushing on the brakes as your hands tried to maneuver the wheel around to get yourself the right way. Another car came straight at you, hitting your front end and pushing you into the wall again. The airbags went off, your head flung back into your seat and then into the not-so-cushy white balloon. You could hear your horn and the other cars horn, but when you tried to move to assess the situation, pain shot throughout your entire body. You couldn’t move your hand to get your phone and silently prayed that someone would call 911 and come save you.

The end of White Christmas was still playing through your speakers as you began to scream and cry. Each bellow for help was cut off by a long gut-wrenching sob. Everything hurt now. You couldn’t move your head left or right, you could barely move your jaw to speak. A middle-aged woman opened your car door, frantically asking if you were okay. You weren’t even sure you responded, just listened as she assured you someone was on their way.

You never expected that someone to be Sam. You never expected to see him jump out of the ambulance and race for your car, completely dismissing everything he had learned in training.

“Y/N! Baby, it’s okay!” He assured. “It’s okay. You’re okay.” His voice was anything but calm, but you were conscious and crying. Hurt and bleeding but awake and talking, well, screaming. It was comforting to know that you didn’t get knocked out in the crash.

“I hit ice,” you mumbled, trying to move but being unable to. “Sam.” Tears brimmed in your eyes, wanting to turn your head to look at him and see his comforting face, but not being able to.

“You’re gonna be fine, Y/N. We’re gonna get you out of here.”

He started to move and you yelled. “Please don’t go, Sam. Please, stay here. Stay with me. Please.”

“It’s okay, baby. I’m right here.” He placed his hand on your hair and you flinched.

“It hurts,”

“I know.”

“Sam! What we got?” His partner called. You assumed he had checked out the other car. God, you hoped whoever was in there was alright.

“Uh.. female, 30’s, conscious. Possible concussion. Lacerations to head and chest. She says she can’t move and she’s in a lot of pain,” he responded. “You?”

“Female, early 20’s if not teen. Unresponsive. Pulse is slowing.”

You froze at his words, not having the heart to tell Sam to stay when he moved away. “I will be right back,” he assured, kissing your temple as gently as he could. You weren’t alone for long and just minutes later you could hear another set of sirens. “Alright, Y/N, we’re going to get you out now.”

“I can’t move,” you said.

“I know. I’m gonna help you okay? So is officer Taylor, but you have to cooperate. I need you to try, even if it hurts you need to try.” His voice was stern but shaking. He didn’t want to see you in any more pain than you already were. There were two sets of hands on your body, pulling you up. You screamed, begging for them to stop, but Sam continued to whisper praises and words of comfort to you as they got you onto a gurney. You saw that another ambulance had arrived and watched as two other EMT’s lifted a smaller woman onto their gurney. They had an oxygen mask on her and were working on a brace around her neck when a woman stood above you, asking you if you could move your head.

“I can’t,” you whimpered.

“That’s okay. I’m going to put a brace on you now. I need you to look straight up at me and I will try not to move you too much.”

Sam passed her the brace and held your head as still as possible as they fixated it around your neck. “Her pulse is dropping,” he informed, a waver in his voice and you knew he was scared.

“She’s still conscious,” the woman said. “We’ll get her on some oxygen in the van and keep her vitals in check until we get to the hospital. Sam, I need you to focus, you know how to do this and it’s no different with her, okay?”

“She’s my-”

“I know,” She cut Sam off. “But you have to focus until we get to the hospital.”

Sam drove. He was too much of a wreck to keep his eyes on you and make sure you were breathing or your pulse was where it needed to be. He wanted to be your fiance right now, not the ambulance officer who came to rescue you.

Sam never left your side as they got you into a room and nurses began checking your vitals once again. He stayed out of the way, watching as they hooked you up to an IV and started a pain reliever. Tears were still rolling down his cheeks, but everyone assured him you’d be okay.

“Hey, Y/N, we’re going to take you back for an X-ray and make sure you don’t have any fractures or something similar. You feelin’ okay?” A nurse asked, pulling up the sides of your bed and making sure everything was unlocked and ready to go.

“I think th-the morphine blocks most of the pain,” you gave a slight chuckle, watching as Sam smiled.

“Good,” she grinned. “Then it’s doing its job.”

When you got to the room, a technician set you up on the bed, throwing a leaded apron over you. “Any chance you’re pregnant, miss?”

“Um, I-I am. I don’t know how far along, I f-found out a couple days ago.”

“No worries. We’ll get you an ultrasound for that today, make sure everything is okay. We’re going to do an image of your legs and your neck okay? No damage to the baby at all.

It took about ten minutes to get everything done, and when you had gotten back onto the bed, they wheeled you down to another exam room, complete with ultrasound equipment.

You heard the heartbeat first, tearing up because you were so sure the little thing hadn’t made it.

“Strong heartbeat,” the ultrasound technician said, calming your fears even more. “So you’re measuring about 7 and a half weeks. Does that seem about right?”

“Y-Yeah.”

“Congratulations. I’ll print out some of these images for you. It kind of looks like a blob right now, but I’ll point out some key features,” she teased, watching as the images printed out one by one in a long train. “So, this is the heartbeat.” There were lines going up and down, just like on an adult EKG. “And, this would be the head and the little body. You can’t really see much of the arms or legs but they’re there. They’re little buds at this point.” She moved the picture down again. “And this is the spine. So, I’ll give these to you and you can go break the news to hubby, sound good?”

You laughed, your chest a little sore when you did, but nothing too bad. The pain was mild to what you were feeling just after the crash.

You made it back to your room just as the doctor had stepped in. “Went over your images. Everything looks just fine. There’s no breaks, fractures, nothing. We will send it over for a little extra examining, but if there is anything it’s minor and would probably be something that could heal on its own. You probably do have whiplash so you are going to be sore, but we’ll send you home with some pain medication for that. Take it easy for the next couple weeks, alright? Don’t go on any crazy roller coasters, or do acrobatics until everything clears up. And, of course, follow up with your regular doctor. They’ll be able to keep you in check and let you know when you’re good to get back to your daily life. Sound good?”

You nodded. “Sounds good. Thank you.”

“You take care. You’ve got an excuse to laze around for about nine months too,” he chuckled. “I’ll send a nurse in to get you all signed out and unhooked from all this, and then you two can be on your way.”

“Thank you,” Sam added as the doctor left. He looked over at you, one eyebrow raised. “Did he say nine months of laying around?”

A shy smile crossed your features. “Congratulations daddy.” His eyes got big as you pulled out the thread of pictures. Sam let out a deep breath, pulling you into a soft hug.

“Thank god I didn’t know about this beforehand or there is no way I would’ve stayed calm out there.”

You laughed, pursing your lips and waiting for Sam to kiss them. “I was going to tell you on Christmas. I already wrapped the pregnancy test and onesie so just act surprised when you unwrap it, okay?”

“Deal.”

Forever Tags: @iwantthedean @a-fan-fighting-for-equality @smoothdogsgirl @jayankles @faegal04 @feelmyroarrrr @27bmm @maddieburcham1 @melonshino @sayukoi @impalaimagining @riversong-sam @atc74 @goldenolaf25 @plaidstiel-wormstache @thegrouchiestunicorn @thebitterbookeater @growningupgeek @sandle44 @rda1989 @weasleywinchester @fightmenegan @itsmyeffingstory @angelblazon @mrswhozeewhatsis @meeshw777 @jotink78 @poukothenerd @mogaruke @devilgirlsarah @queencflair @hexparker @ruprecht0420 @summer-binging-spn @holychuckitsthewinchesters @super100012 @jerk-bitch-and-an-angel @supernatural-jackles @taste-of-dean @casownsmyass @danradislife @holyfuckloueh @hsjolie @winchester-negan @emoryhemsworth @i-am-enough-always @samisimportant @brooke-supernatural16 @there-must-be-a-lock @greys-anatomy839 @babytheimpalaimagines @obsessivecompulsivespn @superapplepie @esoltis280 @mirandaaustin93

Sam Tags: @wildfirewinchester @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @katie-the-writer @lenawiinchester @bambinovak @lavieenlex @legend-o-zelda @20secspnfam4 @barbedwireandbubblegum @lipstickandwhiskey @bemyqueenofdarkness @waiting4thedoctor @snarkpunsandsarcasm @itssierramcquade @xinyourdreamsx @blue-heaven-winchestergirl83 @alwaysbummedout @born-to-be-his-baby88

25 Days of Christmas Tags: @alex-zeppelin @imagineplotfulcharacters @alwaysbummedout

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