#and i'm trying not to stress about it bc literally one of my resolutions for the past two years is being more gentle with myself

[honeysuckle-venom]

I've had a lot going on lately, psychologically, and I haven't been posting about 90% of it. I haven't been able to, I haven't had the words most of the time. I still don't. The last four days or so have been spent in a psychotic episode of astonishing intensity, one that feels more like our first break when we were 15 than almost anything since then. The whole summer has been very difficult, lots of trauma stuff and system stuff and psychosis stuff I thought I had put to rest coming up but coming up...differently, like the first time all over again instead of echoes? Idk how to explain it, my therapist had all sorts of good words for it in our session today but I was so psychotic I was only processing like 60% of what she was saying and I remember even less. I do know she said encouraging things about how every schizophrenic patient she's worked with has gone through this same process of temporarily getting much much better and tasting health for the first time and then having a significant recurrence of symptoms, and something about how the experience often mimics the first break/is like having the first break again for reasons I was too out of it to understand today but that are part of the healing process. So that was very comforting to hear, because my symptoms this weekend were honestly sort of terrifying.

But anyway. None of that was meant to be the original point of this post. I wanted to talk about how spiritually unprepared I feel for The High Holy Days. I mean, I always feel unprepared, I think everyone does, you're basically supposed to. If I'm remembering right that's even one of the phrases you say. But this year I have done less prep than any time in the last 5+ years. I just haven't been able to. I did manage to set aside one therapy session a few weeks ago to discuss my New Year's resolutions from last year and to what extent I've managed to stick to them, and to decide what ones I'm making this year, which is something really important that I do every year. I take my Rosh Hashanah resolutions very seriously and it's generally a real turning point in the year for me, they aren't the kind of casual resolutions a lot of people make in January like "I'm going to exercise," they tend to be significant decisions about how to live my life and treat myself and those around me. But besides that one therapy session and a tiny bit of contemplation on my own I haven't even tried to do the kind of spiritual inventory or teshuvah that I usually shoot for. And I'm trying to be okay with that. I spent this whole summer really struggling and the last few days psychotic and catatonic; I think Hashem understands that my priority has been to stay alive and that's pretty much all I've had the ability to do. But I'm still pretty much in survival mode and it sucks to be there just a few days before Rosh Hashanah. It's my favorite holiday and I haven't been able to think about it pretty much at all. I have plans to celebrate with friends both Friday and Sunday and intend to go to services Friday and Saturday, but I'm nervous that I won't be well enough for some or all of that. We'll see when we get there, I suppose. It's just a really bad feeling to know my favorite holiday is coming and normally I do a lot of internal and external work to prepare for it and I've done basically none of it and don't even feel that special "Rosh Hashanah is coming" feeling because I'm too busy being crazy. It just feels really sad and disappointing.

[blueeandyellowmakesgreen]

mike and el are amazing, complex characters on their own and when theyre with the right people.

however, when they became a couple, loads of evidence shows theyre terrible together both in behavior and narrative wise. breaking up isnt just to 'give will a win', its literally proven again and again that their dynamic is imbalanced af and their time apart just shows how good they are as their own people.

el being separated from mike twice. however, those times where they were apart, she learned more about herself and her who she stands as a person, physically and mentally making her stronger. in s2, el didnt go back for mike only. she literally said herself, 'i'm sorry, my friends need me'. she did not say 'this boy, he needs me'. breaking up with mike in s3 gave her time to have friends her age and she's evidently seen more confident, happier, and brighter.

s4 showed an iconic scene, one of my personal favorites. her arc ends in this season by having a satisfying resolution where she decided not to acknowledge brenner in his final moments to try to understand him, which is basically him trying to find an excuse for his abuse. she did not give him that satisfaction. she made a choice not to; something's that been highlighted more than once with her as a character. and with the final scenes showing her best, happiest self with hopper, joyce and will. what do they have in common? theyre her family.

as for mike. mike separated from el showed him shine as a natural leader, motivator, and a good friend. he's even given ample moments where he highlights his intellect. s2 showed how much he cared for the party. albeit being a little bit of an asshole, i honestly just see it as him caring with how possessive he is of the people he cares about and wants to keep everyone in line. he kept will company the entire season, seeming to show his most authentic side; and that's someone who's caring and reassuring. s4 had him apologize as soon as possible to will when he was ignoring him and trusted will enough to confide in him. mike was leading the cali group, despite jonathan and argyle supposedly being the guardians. he called the shots to go to salt lake city, he figured out the pen clue. he knew when to step up.

breaking up is literally the only way to give the best for both of them. mike and el are clearly stressed from their relationship and their behavior shows that, trying their best to mask that they're both okay and in love, when in reality that facade is falling apart. i mean??? not too long after mike landed in california, theyre already fighting!! el after leaving initied very strongly their relationship is done! its not looking good for either of them, and i do believe along with a lot of people that the monologue was the final nail in the coffin for metropolitan. bylers ship byler bc we believe its a win for everyone that's involved in the love triangle.

[dreamsofalifeold]

♥ What's the WORST thing that has happened to you rp wise?

((HOO BOY, y'all are going to have to buckle up for this one, because it's going to be a wild ride. I usually tell the same story for this, but I have a more recent example that I honestly consider worse for how profound the impact it had on me was. I kept it bottled for months, but now I'm comfortable talking about it.

In late 2021, I made a friend in the rpc, I'll just call them friend/my friend. We hit it off really well, became super close friends nearly overnight. I added them on discord, added them to my personal rp server, they added me to theirs, and it was great. We got along like a house on fire...until around March of 2022.

We were both burned by a person we had told things to in confidence, and it really fucked us both up, but ended up kinda bringing us closer together? It was a really stressful month, but we both lost friends over it. As all of this was happening, I was the person who heard everything; this person made me their confidante, their backboard for what is and isn't acceptable behavior, and no matter what advice I gave, they didn't seem to want to listen to me.

I really cared about this person and when they complained to me about their friends not caring enough about them, not putting in enough effort into their friendships, I busted my ass trying to put in effort. Because, you know, I cared about this person. But no matter what, the effort wasn't reciprocal. It was never enough and I pretty much only got more complaints and vents in the meantime.

This person also had no conflict resolution skills and if they had a problem with something somebody in my server did, they basically used me to talk to everyone; I was their mouthpiece/shield from blame. On my literal fucking birthday, I invited them to watch a bad movie with us and they left like 10 minutes in after barely saying anything/not even talking because they felt talked over. i was the only one made aware of this and it ruined the last bit of what was supposed to be a good day. When they took a sarcastic remark from someone in the group seriously? I was the one who had to talk to the other person about it.

When they left my server, they came to me for reassurance and to make sure I didn't hate them, only to immediately insinuate that I was going to run them off tumblr/discord "just like everyone else." I ended up crying, basically having a panic attack, and we talked it out because I was trying to communicate, like a good friend. Any time we had any sort of disagreement, I was reminded how awful every single other friend group they'd been in was. I was criticized for things I didn't even do, because I should "reign my friends in better", and somehow I still didn't see that I was a frog in boiling water.

Oh, but they were always allowed to call me out for things. I apologized, I tried so hard to be better, but it always felt like another criticism was just around the corner. Not to mention their friends, who I had never spoken a cross word to, accused me of being weird/a literal robot??? because I didn't say much in their server or would repeat messages a lot. Nevermind we're both autistic and I tend to do that bc words are hard. Never got an apology for that btw.

And that brings me to December, when I wanted to do that event with my muse rediscovering herself and breaking down. This person pretty much hijacked it and made it all about how Shy sucked and was so mean to their character, it made me so sour for that entire event...I'd wanted this for a long time and hinted at it, and I should have honestly put trigger warnings on the post I made, and for that I do apologize because it was heavy subject material.

I finally told them that I was upset over how things went, and they proceeded to blame me, and say they didn't know I wanted a certain response to things, and said they "didn't know they weren't allowed to not respond" and I brought up the fact that whenever I dislike something they do, they always brought up how all their friend groups turn on them and it felt like I was never allowed to disagree. Their response?

To blame me, of course! And to point out that they're always the target of everyone else's anger and to not take any! accountability! at! all! I apologized for what I did, but did they? Not a fucking chance. They actually told me that if I was upset, I should yell at them and they'd either take it or block me. So I walked away. I said I needed space, and I promised not to tell anyone why we stopped being friends, and they told me that I "had the power to run them off of tumblr."

So I internalized that shit. I didn't tell anyone what happened, not even my closest friends. I gaslit myself into believing I was this horrible shitty person who was a bad friend and made up a reason to leave someone because I didn't like being called out for my bullshit.

And recently, a mutual of ours softblocked me, and it hit me; why am I protecting them? I can only imagine what horrible shit they told that person about me. They told me all the time about how awful and terrible everyone they knew was. Why was I expecting to be any different after they stopped being my friend?

I basically had a near nervous breakdown because of what this person put me through and while I'm not naming names, I know they like to keep tabs on people who've unfriended them in the past, so if you're reading this "friend", you know what you did and that you hurt me. I finally feel okay to talk about this, all the blaming and guilt tripping you did, and all of the nights I had to be your emotional tampon because I gave a damn about you and wanted to be there for you. I wasn't perfect, but god damn neither were you.

The moral of the story is, if someone says "but you're different", it means "jump through hoops so you can keep proving you're different, and when you inevitably get tired of how I act, I'll write you off as just like all the rest of them." The other moral is, don't protect people who hurt you, because they won't protect you.))

[mochipon-vt]

i realize that i've kinda been leaving this social out of the loop a bit probably due to the fact that i barely use twitter anymore since it's basically useless now and tumblr has vibes of heading in the same slippery slope direction as twit so it's made me shift my focus to being more active on bsky than anything else.

i apologize but it also seems to be coming to light a lil bit that tumblr is almost just as manipulative as twitter is/was for suppressing engagement and visibility and increasing amounts of users + bots abusing the tagging system is starting to render it useless as well.

but, aside from all that, i will try to keep any followers or viewers from my other locations informed and updated on things going on.

if anyone checked on my previous post of what happened in october, you'll know it got a bit stressful for me towards the end of the month which resulted in me forgetting about trying to plan things for halloween, hitting affiliate status on my twitch, my upcoming birthday and wanting to celebrate a sort of? 1 year anniversary for being able to stream consistently. and while i hadn't been planning anything huge or spectacular for it, i still wanted to make note of all these things i was excited to celebrate.

that being said, this month has been rather busy + some disrespectful viewers put me in a slump for a little bit that i'm still kinda slowly trying to bounce back from but the month is catching up to me quickly and i had planned to postpone any baby celebrations till the middle of this month. well, now i realize next week is holiday time already and i most likely won't be able to do MUCH celebrating or streaming due to spending time with family and friends etc so i'm gonna try to plan a little something for the end of this week to celebrate things. i'll post an update on whatever it is i plan to do.

i also wanted to toss this in here bc idk if anyone from here comes to view my streams but should anyone be interested or have input on what i play next after i finish mario wonder, feel free to vote on what you'd like to see me play next. all of these options are things i feel in the mood for playing in the near future so i literally don't care which one wins, i'm just incredibly indecisive.

but now having caught this social up to speed with what's going on, hope everyone is doing well and i'll try to update here more along side bsky but not twitter bc it just. is not worth anyone's time to bother with anymore. i had also wanted to maybe start using insta for art things but i'm not hearing great things about it's future recently and it has always seems quite horrible to do anything picture/photo related on there in a creative way + it seems like the uploads things in the worst resolution possible so. idk what to do with that account other than to keep up with people leaving twitter now. sure would be awesome if everyone would stop killing social platforms.

[wikiangela]

911 6x04 😍

spoilers ahead

what the hell, the wind just picked the tree back up? that was wild, had no idea this is a thing hahaha

damn Eddie looks so fucking good 🥵 it's been the first five minutes and already I'm just like... damn 🥵😂 I am in love with this man 😂😂

loving Buck trying to get out of his comfort zone or whatever, couldn't be me 😂😂

also, Buckley siblings hanging out!!! need more of that 😂

"the wrong kind of mayo" Chris you're speaking my language 😂 sometimes you just can't get whatever's on sale Eddie 🙄 "you get what you pay for" so true 😂😂😂

"healthy one too. balanced" seriously, is this kid me or what 😂😂😂

oh no, what happened 😳 well, I'm happy to get more Chris and Eddie 😂😂😂

Bobby's back!! "maybe I can call them" omg he's such a dad 😂

YAS Hen needs a break! (Athena needs one too tbh, and I hope they're still gonna go on their trip soon lol)

I get you, Hen, I don't know how to do nothing either 😂 I don't wanna be left alone with just my thoughts, I need some distraction always 😂😂😂

so Hen says no and Buck says yes - I'm so excited for his plotline btw 😂

is this Stella from the Jonas Brothers show on Disney Channel 😂 that was my first thought sns hahaha

no, they're not about to ask what I think they are right - oh of course they did😳😂😂 it's kind of a weird question to just ask so bluntly the first time you see each other in years 😂

for a minute there I forgot Hen was supposed to have time off and didn't even notice she wasn't in uniform lol

btw I just love Eddie's haircut this season 😍🔥

oh shit he drove off with Chim 😳😳 and he's fucking drunk 😳 I'm scared lol

I'm sorry, the bicycle song caught me off guard and I'm laughing now 😂😂😂

oh thank fuck he stopped before hitting Buck, I think I stopped breathing for a minute there 😂😂😂

I'm so happy Chim and Buck are okay, they've already been through too much, don't hurt them anytime soon pls 😂😂😂

Christopher's growing up - oh, I can't wait to see Eddie deal with a moody teenager 😂😂 also, I just love that Eddie's talking to his dad - that whole convo was great, the dad was so right

I'm trying to think whether Buck is gonna say yes or no, but I literally can see it go both ways, I can't read him right now 😂

I always get so stressed when there's some random people who are gonna have some kind of emergency, and there are children involved - like, pls don't hurt the kid 😂😂

oh shit this is so horrible and I feel so scared for the kid 😭 shit is mom hurt 😭

oh thank fuck the girl is fine - what about the mom tho, tell me pls 😂😂

yaaaaas, Lizzo! the soundtrack this season is so good tbh 😂😂

"doing nothing is giving me more anxiety than trying to do everything" ain't that a mood lmao

I love that Buck is talking to Hen about this, I love their dynamic 😂 day-drinking and deep conversations, hell yeah 👌

I still don't know which way this is gonna go for Buck tbh

THANK YOU Noah for telling me the girl's mom is okay, I got invested in that short subplot😂😂😂

oh my god I can't believe for a second I forgot about Doug - Maddie's been through all that, it was probably so hard for her on that call😭😭

I know there's an overdose or whatever, but can we take a moment to appreciate Eddie looking so hot and cool in those sunglasses 🥵 oh my god I think I'm spending 90% of Eddie's screen time just thirsting over him 😂😂

a dog?? i knew there was gonna be a dog bc I accidentally saw a tiktok from 911 but never would I think an OD would include a dog lmao

this is such a ridiculous scene i love it so much 😂😂

Hen's drunk and still able to do math in her head and know what to do - she's fucking amazing 😂😂

Eddie is such a good dad, I'm just... God i love him 😂😂 also, love how he and Chris started to communicate on the issue it's so important to talk to your children about stuff (tho I know that sometimes it can be so difficult)

and now I'm crying because Maddie 😭😭😭 I love that resolution to the story 😢

wait, is this still the same day? did Hen come to talk to the professor while still intoxicated? 😂 I hope not lol

YAS HEN!! I'm so happy she got a second chance, she deserves it so much ❤️

oh my god Bobby kept the dog?? 😂 I mean, it's fitting, at least it won't be "an empty nest" 😂😂

BUCK SAID YES??? wow. I really saw it go either way, but it still surprised me 😂😂

well, now I'm excited to see how his story progresses from here

so, I loved the episode and it flew by - Eddie got more screen time and I'm not complaining because I could just look at him doing whatever the whole time and I wouldn't be bored 👀😂😂 - Buck's story was surprising but I'm invested, I can't wait to see how it develops - and Hen can retake the exam!!! I'm so happy for her haha

[pateldevs]

Hi! I hope I'm not bothering you, but I love your mood board edits and was wondering if you could explain how you go about making/colouring them? I see lots of places to find gifs but turning them into a set is so hard. Thank you in advance!

hi! first of all thank you so much and second of all it’s not a bother at all! i am happy to give some of my own tips even if my explanation probably isn’t super helpful. i won’t give like a ps tutorial but below the cut (since i included example gifs, it’s VERY long) is my process for my latest jily aesthetic:

i keep track of all my ideas/sets in a spreadsheet (which i won’t show bc there’s a lot of info i’d have to blur/black out) but i always have a list of what scenes i need to gif/what gifs i’m editing and where i’m getting them from. i also include a couple extra ideas in case the gifs i have planned end up being too hard to color or don’t fit in the set. i’ve found it’s best/easiest to start w the list bc there is literally nothing worse than spending hours on a set and then not being able to complete it.

as for actually finding the material, i have a pretty healthy number of scene packs saved in my giffing folder, esp. for things i know i will gif frequently. most of the time i will peruse youtube, vimeo, and instagram for any aesthetic scenes. i also have a lot of gif packs saved specifically for the purpose of making mbs (usually i mix my own gifs w gif packs), if you msg me i’m happy to direct you to some gif packs i use regularly or you can check my #resources tag. a couple tips for finding material: 

always opt for download when possible, i used to screen record and the difference when i switched to downloading was astronomical. (it’s easy to lose quality and esp if you’re on mac, quicktime duplicates frames so either you have to manually delete those extras or you get sort of choppy gifs when you load them into ps.)

always use 1080p or better, 720p will work in a pinch for 268px or 177px gifs since you can make up some of that resolution loss with sharpening, but don’t go any lower than that, just love yourself. 

for pale sets, look for the right colors. i tend to look for scenes w high color contrast especially if it features poc so it’s easier to color without whitewashing, ie if the subject is a person then i look for light colored or blue/green/violet/white backgrounds. it’ll make your life wayyyyy easier. this also means if you’re making a set try to find scenes with already similar lighting bc you won’t have to work so hard to make it look cohesive.

here’s a quick rundown of what i do before coloring:

import all frames and save all the files in a folder together!!

play around with frame delay so all the gifs are moving at about the same speed, usually keep it between 0.03-0.05s

crop and resize gifs (i use 268x145 most of the time)

convert to timeline

when it comes to coloring it can be really hit or miss, i’ve recently gotten back into my groove but i was having sooo much trouble earlier this year. in general, don’t stress yourself out!! sometimes it’s easier to just find a new scene/gif (hence my list of extras!) than to try too hard to fit a gif into your set. i color all my gifs by scratch (ie no psds) but i tend to follow the same pattern, i’ll explain using these gifs/psd as an example since then i can also explain how to fix white-washing:

first off when you’re coloring gifs with poc always always always make a layer mask so you can compare the edited and unedited skin tones directly! i use the marquee tool to make a selection in the middle of the character’s face, select the folder of my adjustment layers, and hit ‘add vector mask’ (the third button from the left on the layers panel, it’s a white rectangle with a circle in it). 

i almost always begin by using hue/saturation layers to highlight and delete certain colors. here i highlighted red and raised the lightness on yellow by a lot since it’s a very yellow scene. then i use a combination of brightness/contrast, levels, and curves layers to brighten the scene. here’s what i have now:

i add a gradient map set to black/white, change the blending to exclusion, and lower the opacity to between 5-10% (depending on the scene) to lighten the contrast further:

then i add back a little depth with selective color in neutrals and blacks:

now i have two main goals: 1. add contrast between the background and the subject, and 2. brighten the scene into a pale gif. to do this, i use color balance to tweak the color of the background, taking out the yellows. this step works best if there’s at least some shade difference between your subject and background, otherwise isolating the two will be impossible. here’s what i have after adding color balance:

i use hue/saturation to selectively highlight the background color. in this case i chose to adjust magenta and used the color picker (the first eyedropper on the left) to identify the exact shade i wanted to lighten. now i have a fairly neutral background and a colorful subject, which gives a sort of pale effect:

and now i use a curves layer and a selective color (white) layer to brighten further:

before i go further, i start fixing white-washing. keep in mind that some variance is normal since you are naturally changing the lighting of the scene; this gif shows it rlly clearly bc of how yellow and dim the lighting is, so some lightening is to be expected. however, both because the vector mask shows a lot of whitening and because i’ve giffed dev patel before and have a general idea of what he looks like in this type of lighting, i know what needs to be fixed, so i go back in under the psd/adjustment layers with a combination of selective color (red and neutral) and hue/saturation layers to darken his skin again:

now that some more contrast has been added in, i can go back to working on the psd and use curves and selective color to play around with the background again:

i use another hue/saturation layer and a black/white gradient to tone down oversaturation:

usually i leave those layers on top, so if i want to make any adjustments (like lightening the background more), i go in under those two. in this case i tweaked the whites and reduced the contrast a little to get this:

again, you can see his skin tone has changed from the original, but variation is to be expected given how much brighter the room is, the fact that i took out a lot of yellow lighting, and the brightening effect of the computer screen in front of him. some other things to keep in mind when coloring:

when you add layers to correct white-washing, you’re likely to end up with overly red/orange skin tones (red-washing). this can be fixed by upping cyans in the reds, desaturating/darkening the reds, or adding b/w or desaturation later on.

when in doubt, it’s better to be darker than lighter (the issue with white-washing is that it promotes colorism, and there is nothing inherently wrong with a darker skin tone) but really. just put in the effort to color poc correctly.

when changing the lighting a lot it helps to look at pictures of the subject in natural/bright lighting, since you get a better idea of what their normal skin tone is. 

don’t try to squeeze all your selective color layers into one. you’ll get less grainy gifs if you separate them out and work one by one. 

TURN OFF NIGHT SHIFT/NIGHT MODE! yes i KNOW it’s bad for your eyes (especially if you’re like me and gif at night, when the lighting outside isn’t changing every 20 seconds) but your gifs will look VERY different under f.lux or night mode compared to daytime screens. especially if you’re giffing at different times of day, blue light filters can really change the way your coloring appears. best to keep it consistent.

my sharpening settings vary depending on what i’m giffing but in general i do two layers of smart sharpen (500% with radius between 0.2-0.4, 10% with radius at 10px) and then gaussian blur at 2.5px and adjust the opacity so it’s somewhere between 15-20%. i try to strike a balance between smoothing out the graininess from selective color, and sharpening details like clothes and hair. here’s what i ended up with for the gif above:

then i rinse and repeat for the rest of the gifs in the set! i tend to start with the gifs that i know will be hardest to color, which is usually the darker ones (coloring is limited by how much i can brighten the scene) and those that include poc (again, limited by how much i can brighten and adjust the scene’s lighting without white-washing). then i check set cohesion as i go, using those first few gifs as benchmarks. once i have all 8 (or 9 or 10) gifs, i play around with composition and try to balance and vary the subject, colors, and composition of gifs next to each other. i go back and make a couple of adjustments here and there according to what i observe and what i think might improve the overall appearance.

and that’s pretty much it! i hope this was helpful, if you have other questions feel free to message me and i’d be happy to help/troubleshoot. happy giffing!

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

Hey, would you mind typing me? I'm really sorry if this sounds awkward or overly formal. It's kind of just how I write because I have a rough time finding the right way to phrase things so I usually end up being too casual, too formal, or a weird mix of both. I structured this ahead of time but it ended up being scattered anyway and it's kind of long. 1. I have difficulty keeping one interest for a long time. I've been interested in MBTI for long enough that it'll stick, but I haven't (1/8)

really typed myself. The only two things I have some certainty over is that I don't have high fe(Put shortly, I have little ability to understand social customs or what is expected of me and get frustrated because of this. I care about how others are affected by my actions, but even when I'm trying to be conscious of it, I can't even reasonably guess at how they are unless it's obvious. I tend to not be very helpful when comforting people because I'm not sure how they want to be comforted) (2/8)

and my perceiving axis is probably Si/Ne but I'm not sure of the order. Either of these conclusions could be wrong. 2. For the following, I believe this is the case for most people, but thought process may be different. During a conflict, I get frustrated when the line of communication isn't open. This includes when I am not strongly involved and otherwise. To give a few examples, a. One of my friends(f1) complained for about a week about being upset with another friend(f2). When f2 told (3/8)

some of my friends and I that he was upset over f1 being mad at him, I told him why f1 was mad. While usually I hate meddling in other people's business or sharing things I'm not sure someone wants to be shared, it didn't make sense to me that f1 hadn't told f2 why he was mad. It didn't allow for any resolution, only for more confusion and pointless conflict. b. For an argument where I was more involved - my sister and I are very close. At one point we had a fight, she told me she'd been (4/8)

upset with me for a long while. I was distraught by this because at the time I couldn't remember what I'd done for her to be this mad and because if she'd been mad for that long, it didn't make sense to me that she wouldn't express it. Now I look back and realize that I'd been sort of lashing out at times for seemingly no reason(I was overwhelmed because I had been constantly doing things for days with no time to process in between. This is not to say I'm an introvert in mbti, there are (5/8)

other things that could point to the reverse that I touch upon later) 3. This is not to say I hate conflict in general, because I really don't. Usually, but not always, I'm pretty honest in expressing my thoughts on a subject whether or not others that are present think differently. I'll try not to be rude about it, but I have a rough time outright lying to people. I'm also a bad liar so there's that. 4. I'm a pretty vocal person, sometimes annoyingly so. Some comments people have had on (6/8)the way I talk is that I'll say a lot in a burst, then suddenly pull back. This isn't inaccurate, but I also just sometimes talk a lot in a flow and not stop until the other person looks like they want to say something. 5. I'm sort of detail-oriented. I like refining a project and trying to get everything done correctly, but I recognize time constraints and that there is a point at which it's impossible. I can recognize that some of my work is just busy work, but I don't mind doing it (7/8)

bc grades. 6. Enneagram is really hard for me to pin down. My fear is of literal nothingness or of not having control over myself and, by extension, what's going on around me. To deal with this, I avoid thinking about it by distracting myself. To me, this sounds like 7 or 8, but my behavior doesn't fit either type. I'm not super impulsive and not directly confrontational and in charge. Sorry if this isn't enough to type, also, forgot to push anon once. Thank you in advance. (8/8)

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This is interesting because usually my first thought when people apologize multiple times throughout the post my first thought is high Fe, and my second thought is dom Fi. The part about the friends sounds more like a thinker in that you’re going to the logical solution without entirely considering the interpersonal politics and motivations that may have led to this.

Beyond that however this comes off as just very...indecisive? There’s a lot of hedging and talking about what you aren’t but not much about what you are, and the examples outside of the ones about your friends and sister are fairly minimal. You mention Si-Ne but I can’t really get a sense of any specific perceiving functions for this. I also suspect you’re introverted in part because of that indecision; even though Ne-doms can be indecisive, you really do not sound like an Ne-dom to me.

The part about enneagram does not sound like 7 or 8 to me; distracting one’s self is extremely normal stress behavior for all people. I would dig into it but my guess is 6 and it’s less a fear of lack of personal control over the situation and more a fear of the situation spiralling out of control and you being unable to do anything in response. This does indicate I probably need to do another enneagram review because based on my questions this week there are some really weird ideas still going around.

Anyway, for MBTI I find myself also kind of working from a position of what you’re not. You don’t strike me as intuitive from what you’ve said here, nor high Te. My guesses would be either ISFJ or ISFP actually, for different reasons; I would also not rule out ISTP. The FAQ has some Si vs. Se stuff, or if you can provide more information that you think would be relevant to Si/Se I can try to narrow things down.

One thing I think worth noting is that a good deal of what I’d consider good reading of people/situations is the ability to know that you need to use your words. Reading, after all, involves several parts: understanding what’s going on, and understanding what to do in response. For example, most people over the age of 5 can recognize basic emotions, like sadness, in others. People who are very observant can often pick up on more subtle tells of more complicated or deliberately hidden emotions. However, it’s much harder to know what to do. Some sad people want a hug. Some sad people want to be left alone. And if you give a hug to someone who wants to be left alone or vice versa, you read the emotion right but you misread the appropriate response, and it takes a decent amount of self-awareness to recognize “oh hey this person is sad and I don’t know what to do” vs assuming you do know what to do.