#and if someone has a criminal or mental health (aka being a danger for others or themselves) history then you shouldn't let em keep weapons

[the-acid-pear]

I think the most American take I've heard is that people shouldn't get their guns taken away from them.

[odissey061]

Fandom: Bungo stray dogs

Parenting with(out) you [pt. 1]

Aka: What happens when Dark era!Dazai becomes father a month before Oda's death.

A few notes before you read:

- the reader had a childhood really similar to Dazai’s, this means that from a certain age she was “”””adopted””” by the boss of some task force and since then she works there.

- This story starts when both the reader and Dazai are eighteen years old, some times before Dazai leaves the Port Mafia. They are both adults and Dazai leaves the Port Mafia when he’s 19, so the event in the canon (when he’s in the ADA) happens when he is 23.

- It’s not really explicitly stated, but the reader is depressed just like Dazai.

You met Dazai when you were on an undercover mission in Yokohama and your duty was to find more information about a certain criminal association. Periodically, you referred your progress on the investigation to your partner, whom he spoke with the boss. Of course, you never told them that you were in love with the most dangerous executive director in the Port Mafia, Osamu Dazai

You knew each other thanks to Oda. You fell for him (and he fell for you) at first sight, recognizing in the other’s eyes the same feeling of lingering despair. It was sudden, but you didn’t suppress the blossoming love. In your mind it was fine, since you didn’t have to investigate the Port Mafia. You knew it was dangerous developing feelings during a mission and you also were aware of the crimes committed by the young executive director.

Dazai, on the other hand, didn’t know you were a spy. After a while you had started dating, he fully trusted you: how could he don’t when he recognized you as his soulmate? He read you like an open book and he knew you could do the same with him. Your souls were identical: affection starved and longing for someone who could totally understand you.

There were times in which he demanded your attention, like a dog that ask for being petted: he tried to gain your attention messing with you as you worked, until you kissed him. And other times he took you love forcefully, biting and marking your skin like a predator that marked his prey. The night you became pregnant was just like that. When he entered in your house, he immediately kissed you, not giving you the chance of greeting him. Neither of you spoke much that night. Probably something big happened during his last mission to make him so shaken.

Dazai felt the need to hold you so tight that you couldn't breathe and you let him. That night there wasn't any foreplay, nor dirty words or any preparation. He held your hands as he rammed mercilessly inside you like a madman. The pleasure ran in your veins as you asked Osamu to go slower -he had never been so rough with you before to the point to make your womanhood ache.

Oh, and you didn’t use protection. Osamu was even more aroused seeing his white semen flowing out of you, so he went on multiple times, not caring of the possible consequences. It was like the button of his rationality was switched off. He stopped as soon as he noticed that you passed out during your lovemaking. He recognized he went too far and he murmured apologises to your sleeping for as he cleaned you, promising that he was going to ask your forgiveness when you were awake. He snuggled to your body, clinging on you.

The chance of you becoming pregnant was really low, but it wasn’t impossible. You discovered you were pregnant when your menstruation didn’t come for the third month in a row. You were terrorized: nothing could prepare you for what was going to come. Neither you and your boyfriend conducted a normal life plus, you were also undercover.

What was the right thing to do? You knew how much Dazai tried to keep your relationship unknown to Mori, but a child? Hiding a kid was even more difficult, probably it wasn’t even possible. As you were going out of mind, your partner communicated to you that your boss was planning to betray the government.

There was the chance of disappearing from the radar during the mission and your partner helped you to carry on with your idea. Now you were a civilian. You still didn’t know what to do, if to keep the child or not. You had to talk with Dazai about this situation.

When Dazai discovered you were pregnant with his child, he froze. For the first time he sensed he was going to faint. The problems and the questions were too many and both of you were only 18 years old. You were too young and the situation was too big. The two of them thought about the solution for two months -when the miscarriage was no longer feasible.

With a talk with Oda he understood that there were two possibilities left: giving the child in adoption or trying to raise them. Dazai was scared: neither you or him had a normal childhood or a proper parent. For the whole pregnancy the executive director distanced himself for you: he needed time to think and he didn’t want you to be influenced by his thoughts since he knew your mental health was really important.

He asked Oda to take care of you in his place. Even if he was distant from you, he still cared about you: he called you three times in a week to know if you were fine and when you had to go to the doctor he went with you (he asked Oda if he was in a mission)

The doctor informed you that you could decide to give the child in adoption until a week after the birth. You decided to sustain whatever solution your boyfriend came up with.

Your waters broke when you were having a meal with Oda. Panic overwhelmed you as he carried you to the closest hospital. As the doctors took you away, he called Osamu saying that his child was going to be born. The executive director immediately left the reunion with Mori and his boss wondered what could make the ruthless Dazai so pale.

Osamu stayed outside the room with his friend, knowing that he would have fainted if he were with you. Oda was lowkey amused seeing his friend so nervous renowned his promise to help you both to raise your child. Hours later, the nurse gave him permission to enter in the room where you were resting. His nerves were torn apart: he spent ten hours not knowing if you were okay and if the operation was going smoothly. He knew that there was the possibility for you to die, even if the pregnancy was carried out without any problems, and he regretted the decision of not entering with you inside.

But as soon as he walked in, all his fears melted like snow in the sun: you were fine and you held in your arm a small bundle. The light of the rising sun at your back made you look like a celestial being to Osamu, who froze for a second at the entrance. You smiled at him, on the verge of tears, and told him to meet your daughter.

Dazai wondered if he could hold her with his hands stained with blood and you laughed, handing him the bundle. As soon as he held his daughter in his arms, you understood he fell in love for the second time. A tear rolled down his cheeks and he whispered:”She is so beautiful. She looks like you”. He had never felt so happy and for the first time he understood the value of being alive. He wanted to keep her, he decided it as soon as he saw her for the first time.

She started to cry and he impanicated, not knowing what to do. You held her close to your breast and she sucked the milk. “How can we name our daughter?” he asked in a sweet tone: seeing you feeding your daughter filled his heart with happiness and tenderness. In that moment you acknowledged two things: he wanted to keep the child and her name. You answered: “Keiko*. With the meaning of lucky child”. You hoped that that child could also bring happiness and luck to your new family. “It’s beautiful” he commented.

(Missing part) everyone to be sure none could report him. If you continued to live there, your daughter would have been in danger. So you did the only thing you could think of: escaping. You wrote a letter where you told the truth to Dazai and you left the Country.

When he read the sheet he felt betrayed: he understood why you didn’t tell him your true identity, but he wondered why you didn’t talk to him about the current situation you were in. He was one of the most powerful people in the Country, he could have protected you and your child! Only a week later Oda died and Dazai left the Mafia. It happened too fast for him.

When he joined the ADA, he talked with Fukuzawa about the single-parenting situation and the president understood him and asked him if one of his secretaries could work as a babysitter. Dazai accepted his offer.

Three year passed and no matter his efforts, he couldn’t find you. Of course, he knew that you were trained to cover your traces, but he didn’t suspect you were so good at hiding. There were days when he thought you were dead and in those days he lost the desire to tease Kunikida at work. None of his colleagues knew he was depressed, but his daughter inherited your ability to read him like a book, so she knew her father’s feelings. When he feel blue, Keiko runs toward him as soon as he enter in the house and she tries to cheer him up in every way she can. Dazai smiled with a hint of sadness. So young yet so perceptive, you’d be proud of our daughter.

Due to his new job, he couldn’t spend much time with her, but you can bet he spoiled her as much as he could: he bought for her everything she asked for. Clothes, shoes, games… he didn’t restrain himself at all. But he also taught her how to behave and some good principles.

Every free moment he had, he spent it with Keiko: during the weekend, he brought her to play in a park he’s super careful about not letting the boys come too close to her xd, every night he read her the story of the goodnight. He played with her whenever he could and often he works at home to stay with her Kunikida knows that he won’t work at all even if he doesn’t know the real reason (and he’s right). Above all Dazai is a playful parent, but he doesn’t miss the occasion to scold her when he has to.

Dazai knew that soon or later she would ask him where his mother was and why she wasn’t there, but he still wasn’t ready for her questions. The first time Keiko asked about you, he answered that you really loved her and that the month you spent together was the happiest moment of his life.

When she asked if he still loves her, Dazai told the truth: he still loved you and he could never love someone with the same intensity. Happy for the answer, Keiko hugged him saying:”I want mommy here, so we can be a happy family again”. He hugged her back, preferred not telling her that her mother could be dead or in love with another person. Never as in that moment she wished you were there with them.

They slept together that night and the morning after he went to the cemetery where Oda was. He asked him if he was a good parent and if he was doing enough to cover your absence.

The first time he heard about you, was a year later when a client came to the Agency asking for a detective who could help him to find you. The man showed the photo and Dazai affirmed he accepted the case (to Kunikida’s surprise since the man only showed a photo). Dazai understood the whole thing was fishy since the man claimed to be your father. He was excited that he finally had a clue about you.

He immersed himself in the case so seriously that Kunikida almost had a stroke. Keiko was a bit upset since her father worked at home too, not caring about her at all, but every complaint vanished when Dazai told her that maybe he could find her mother. In a couple of months he finally found you.

The Osamu you remembered is really different from the one who found you and you were really scared when he brought you to his home. You reminded all the fascicles about how he killed people when he was in the Port Mafia. You knew he hated you for what he did and you feared he was going to torture you or something similar, since he showed no sign of happiness or a gesture of affection. You couldn’t be more wrong! He only decided to have a small revenge for the lack of trust.

When you entered in the empty house (Dazai sent your daughter to the babysitter’s house for some days in order to have a serious chat with you) you sat at the table as Dazai took two bottles of wine. “Let’s have a chat” he said as he poured the alcohol in your glass. And the misunderstand happened: you mistook his seriousness as rage, that made you nervous and Dazai misunderstood your nervousness, thinking you didn’t love him anymore.

“I’m sorry for what I did …” then you stopped: how could you address him now? Osamu seemed too intimate for a fiancèe who left her lover for years, so you opted for his last name. Osamu frowned hearing his last name: he didn’t like the distance that the appellative created. During the past four years, he thought a lot about your relationship and he came with the solution he could have treated you better: he didn’t abuse you or something similar, but he betrayed your trust a lot of time and he flirted with a lot of women. In his eyes he treated you awfully and he was really sure you found a new boyfriend, much better than him.

Neither of you spoke much and you were always more convinced that you wouldn’t be able to leave that house the morning. Osamu talked:”Why didn’t you tell me you were in danger? I could protect you, both you and my daughter...”. He thought to call Keiko our daughter, but he changed idea and you were a bit upset by the adjective. Anyway, you didn’t have any right to protest: could you still call Keiko yours after you left her? He continued:”A week later your abandonment, Oda died during a mission and Ango revealed himself like the spy he was. I left the Port Mafia. My word was falling apart and I had also a newborn to take care of. And you were elsewhere, probably with someone else”.

You really felt guilty and tears rolled down your cheek. Dazai, who had covered his face as he was speaking, raised the head and watched you dumbfounded. The truth was that the implied blame in his speech, hurt you like a gunshot, and, accompanied by four years of feeling guilty, she cried. That was their worst fight, even if neither of them raised their voice. She sobbed, telling that she had been feeling a shit for the past few years, that there wasn’t a day without she thought about her family and that she completely understood his decision to consider Keiko his own daughter.

Osamu started to think rationally again and when he understood they were under an enormous misunderstanding, he chuckled, gently caressing her hair. “We are both dummies: I gave you the cold shoulder to have a small revenge of your lack of trust and you thought I hated you. You couldn’t be more wrong: I thought about you everyday too” and he embraced her. You cried even more after knowing that he still loved you.

He carried you in his bedroom and he kissed you until you stopped crying. The moment was so sweet and tender: he murmured sweet words of love and affection, peppering your face with butterflies and playful kisses. You started to undress him and he started to do the same with you. There were still many things to talk about, but for that night it was enough.

The lovemaking had never been so gentle: he did so many foreplays that you were already crying for the overstimulation, but Osamu wanted to be sure to not hurt you. Before proceeding, he wondered if you were fine and you nodded. He kissed every tear left as he told you how blissfully he felt to be in your life again.

The pace was so slow that you almost decided to ride him, but Dazai convinced you with a glare to accept this rhythm. Whimpers and whines left your mouth as he reminded you how sweet was be loved by him and he remembered how beautiful you were.

Even during the afterglow, he continued to coax your lips in a stream of kisses that saw the both of you so close that could not pass a breath of air between your bodies, but neither of you complained about it. After a long wild, when your brain was melted and your body boneless, you remembered that you still had not seen your daughter.

Dazai told you that she was sent to the babysitter for some days since you had to have a talk between yourself and deciding what you were going to do. He promised to let you see her the day after tomorrow since you had to talk about a lot of things as a couple.

He proposed you to come to work at the ADA since you had years of experience as a secret agent and you accepted. The day later he talked to Fukuzawa for your recruitment and when he proposed you an interview for today, he intervened saying it was too soon. Then he hung up: there were still less than twelve hours before you met Keiko and he intended to have you full attention focused only on him.

He took you in his arms and he brought you to your bedroom ;) one night wasn't enough to cover the years you spent apart

Notes:

A lot of things are left unsaid, like the identity of the man who asked for you at the ADA and how Dazai treated you as he worked in the Port Mafia, so if you want you can ask me to write a fic about these topics. Please, ask me. I have so many ideas and headcanon for this AU and Dark Era!Dazai.

In the next part, we'll see how the Agency + Chuuya react to a chibi version of Dazai👀. Be ready for the absolute chaos

[uberdriverdavid-blog]

Understanding Clinical Depression: Case Study Of Myself

I'm writing this for many reasons, but mainly because people rarely understand what Clinical Depression is, or what my particular form of Clinical Depression is like.

First I’ll describe Clinical Depression as briefly as I can. After that, I’ll describe my particular type of Clinical Depression.

Clinical Depression:

~ Is NOT simply “feeling sad”, as people constantly misuse the term – most of whom have never experienced clinical depression. In many forms of Clinical Depression, individuals a) don't feel sad, but b) have symptoms including inability to eat, sleep, move physically (AKA psychomotor retardation), socialize, recreate, take care of their health, or do constructive activity (including working for money).

~ Can also include insomnia of various kinds; hypersomnia; no motivation or willpower to do anything whatsover; inability to enjoy anything (including food or entertainment); inability to think, reason, or concentrate, to various degrees; loss of interest in life, to various degrees – mild to total; suicidal ideation; suicidal tendencies; and suicide attempts.  

~ Is DEFINED by not being able to function adequately – not being able to work for money, work on chores or errands, socialize, or take care of one's health adequately. If you can do all these things, but feel “down” or “sad”, it's NOT Clinical Depression, and is totally normal.

~ Is statistically proven to be the #1 reason / precursor to suicide.

~ Medications may or may not help, but usually does, to some degree – once people find the right medication for them – which could take days, months, or years

~ Is almost always helped, to varying degrees, by cognitive-behavioral therapy. Cognitive therapy deals with changing a person's cognitions; behavioral therapy deals with changing a person's actions. There are hundreds of proven techniques that work for clinical depression for each type, and they're almost always used in conjunction, leading to the term Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (AKA CBT).

~ Is almost always helped by physical exercise.

~ May be totally physical & unrelated to one's situation/environment, or totally dependent on such, or (usually) is some mixture.  

My particular form of clinical depression:

~ Is purely situational / environment-based. This has been proven countless times. In an adequate safe/sane/stable living environment, with access to medications and therapy and exercise, adequate housing, adequate health food, and adequate income to afford my basic needs, I have NEVER been clinically depressed. I'll have “down days” and “bad days”, but I can deal with those and keep functioning, working, taking care of my health, socializing, enjoying recreation, doing chores and errands, eating, sleeping, etc. And: Whenever I’ve been clinically depressed, it has ONLY been after severe, prolonged lack of one of those needs.

~ Began occurring regularly in 1998 – 21 years ago. Before 1998, I suffered Clinical Depression only rarely, only a few times, and was able to recover because I was able to get my basic needs met, one way or another, and get back to working or studying full-time.  

~ Since 1998, I have been in depressive states about as often as non-depressive states. The difference has been whether I'm getting my needs met.

~ Is a component of a vicious cycle that I've been struggling against for 21 years: If I don't have my needs met for months in a row, severe Clinical Depression results – which then results in not being able to work for money adequately – which results in not being able to afford adequate housing or healthcare or health food or medications, and also results in not being able to exercise or socialize – which reinforces the depression, completing the cycle.

~ Is a component of my legal diagnosis as being “Bipolar Type I” AKA “Manic Depressive” – which was also purely situational: I would get manic episodes or depressive episodes whenever I couldn't get my needs met for a prolonged theory of time. (Currently, and for many years, I have not gotten in any manic episodes, though, because of 2 mood-stabilizing medications that work on such, but do not keep Clinical Depression from happening.)

~ Is virtually guaranteed to continue as long as I'm unable to get more than $850/month income (from Disability Insurance), which is a few hundred dollars less per month than I realistically need to satisfy my basic needs, especially basic housing. The simple truth is that I do not get enough of an income to live a sane, stable, healthy life on, especially when homeless (which happens on a regular basis, because I don't have the money for a decent place to live). The best housing I can afford on this income would be a small room with strangers in Tucson, where living expenses are lower than practically anywhere else in the US. I could actually get an adequate room, with tolerable roommates, for about $400/month. However, finding roommates who are tolerable or even sane is an extremely difficult, time-consuming, and wildly uncertain process. People who present themselves as nice, friendly, and tolerable often turn out to be one or more of the following: unreasoanable, irrational, drug addicts, drug dealers, criminals, deranged, depraved, thieves, liars, lunatics, or they just can’t tolerate me for very long for whatever reasons. I have had around 26 roommates over the decades, and only about 20% of them have been tolerable or better; while every one of them seemed reasonable and friendly on the surface. Also: most roommate situations involve young college students who do not want to live with someone who isn't also a young college student. And then there are too many other difficulties to mention – such as those who don't want to live with someone “Bipolar” or depressed.

~ While in Clinical Depression, I cannot exercise or take adequate care of my health, or afford therapy or health food, and so my mental, physical, and physiological health continually deteriorate. This is one reason why people diagnosed as Bipolar I or Chronic Depressive typically die 20 years early, on average, according to the statistics.

The main basic need I have that I have extreme difficulty in getting met is that of adequate housing. The current plan to get this met is to get a room in Tucson with people that I've thoroughly screened. But I've done this before, and the chance of failure is enormous. I think that, with weeks of constant effort, my chance of finding a tolerable roommate is about 50%, at the very best.

I once had a tiny run-down studio apartment in Tucson for $400/month that worked out adequately 15 years ago, and I was not depressed at all during this time. However, a) that studio would cost about $500/month now, and b) was far from the city center, which was a problem even when I had a car, but would be an enormous problem without a car. (The reason I left that apartment was because all my friends had moved to Seattle, and I wanted to live with them – which I did – which didn't work out, because almost no one likes living too close to anyone else for very long, and the situation just gets increasingly difficult and stressful as people get on each other's nerves).

Was considering moving back to Luke's, but this looks unlikely, as he won't write me back.

Am also considering bike camping / touring at free campgrounds throughout CA (there are hundreds of them), though this looks very difficult, too stressful and harsh, and likely to result in clinical depression as I'd effectively be homeless, alone, and without a therapist or even a pet. It would also be somewhat dangerous at night, possibly lethal, in unfamiliar campgrounds or Slab City part of the time. But this would make the most sense economically, as my SSDI would go up to $1050/month or so for being a) homeless & b) in California; while I'd have zero rent, and could get most of my food from food banks, so I'd have about $500/month left over for saving up for a van or minivan or motorhome to live out of.

The core problem is that SSDI simply doesn’t pay enough for me to live on.

The final solution to the resulting predicament I’m in, and a permanent end to the vicious cycle I’m in, can only happen if I have a good, safe, healthy housing option that is guaranteed to work out AND that I can definitely afford with just SSDI (because I cannot rely on my ability to hold a full-time job right now).

Since getting affordable housing has proven next to impossible, my plan is to save up for a van, minivan, or motorhome, then to live at free campgrounds, which is something I could definitely tolerate, and I’d be able to work on web design & political projects & writings with my laptop tethered to my cell phone from virtually anywhere.  And free rent, most food coming from food banks, and getting the maximum SSDI of $1050/month, I’d be able to save $500-$550/month for emergencies, repairs, health problems, and a better life in general.

[jaybirbmoved]

Do Not Reblog

So after a lot of consideration, I’ve decided that Jason suffering from a Traumatic Brain Injury is going to become part of my blog canon. This is only going to apply to my main verse, and other verses where he died after being beaten by the Joker via use of a crowbar. There’s some canon evidence to support this decision, as evidenced at the end of Under The Hood and in Red Hood: The Lost Days by Judd Winnick.

More under the cut, so I’m not clogging up the dash.

In Under The Hood, Jason was said to have been dead for roughly six months before “fate” (aka Superboy-Prime punching reality) decided to set things right, as he was “never supposed to die.” He woke up, panicked because he was in a coffin and dug his way out, then apparently walked for 12.5 miles in the rain and dark with all of his injuries - as he wasn’t ‘healed’ upon waking up, so he had whatever he was suffering from before he died in the explosion, which according to the panel below included a cracked skull causing bleeding into the brain, a shattered sternum, flash burns and at least forty other fractures. 

Although severely wounded the cops indicate he was awake and talking to them only to “go under” and presumably they didn’t think he was going to wake up after surgery because of the extent of his injuries. After slipping into a coma Jason was moved to a facility that cared for patients with minimal brain function. It states that he was now in a chronic vegetative state. So, not comatose, not healed, still unconscious and unresponsive, but not brain dead either. They go on to explain that it was his survival instincts that caused him to wake up even though his body shouldn’t have allowed him to. 

Now, since you can’t be in a PVS (Persistent Vegetative State) and conscious at the same time, and they made sure to specify that a year had passed by the time he woke up (it takes only a few months to be declared PVS without brain trauma and at least 1 year with trauma), it seems likely that he went from being comatose, to vegetative, to finally a minimally conscious state.

According to multiple sources, people in a MCS, while not completely functional/aware, do retain some understanding of their conscious surroundings. There is enough to prove that this is distinctly different than people who are comatose or in PVS, as they are not conscious or aware of anything at all, even with stimulation. Jason woke up from a vegetative state and walked out of the hospital, surviving for more than a year on the streets while relying on his old instincts and what Batman taught him. He knew when he was cold, hungry, etc., and he also knew what to do to fix these problems. 

Yet, despite his survival skills, he doesn’t attempt to seek out Bruce, and he doesn’t speak even once (that we’re shown) between the time he slipped into a coma and when Talia pushes him into the Lazarus Pit. Either he doesn’t have enough awareness to remember his death/what happened to him, or he does but doesn’t have the ability to make decisions beyond survival reflexes. I have a theory, due to the two above panels and the term jog a memory, that Jason didn’t try to find Bruce despite being in Gotham because he didn’t remember him until he was put in danger. Think about it. He woke up in an unfamiliar place, in no physical pain, wandered outside… 

What was Jason doing before he met Bruce at age 12? He was living on the streets! Stealing to survive! So he went back to doing that. Whether he was aware something was wrong with him during this time is debatable, but it seems doubtful. 

It’s more likely that the familiar environment of the alley and being subjected to pain (especially since that would have been the last thing he remembered before his death) just provoked a similar response that he would have had while being attacked as Robin.

Don’t ask me why an alcoholic, homeless former criminal knew someone that was friends with Talia Al Ghul. They never explain.

Back to the point; aside from his survival skills Jason seemed unable to actually function in his condition. Talia knew it, as did Ra’s, and so did the doctors they hired. In the following final panels from Under The Hood, Ra’s admits that Jason could be useful one day but decides that after a year of trying to get Jason to respond enough to tell them how he came back to life, he’s unlikely to ever speak or…emote, ever again. 

Despite multiple people insisting that Jason will never recover mentally, despite physically being at peak health and having the conditioning of an Olympic athlete, they all claim that his brain damage is too severe and that naturally he could never regain any form of awareness again. Talia disputes this, and she seems correct, to a degree. 

Though he lashes out when provoked through pain, he never fights back when it’s her, something she’s quick to point out. This indicates he has enough awareness that he realizes this is a person trying to help him. Someone that cares. 

Supposedly, people in a minimally conscious state can exhibit emotional reactions to specific stimuli, such as smiling or crying. When Talia begins talking to Jason about Bruce, about how he misses Jason and has been grieving and suffering since his death, Jason doesn’t verbally respond in anyway, but he cries. Talia seems to understand that he does hear her, even though he can’t respond, which means he does remember Bruce, and he misses him too.

After being exposed to a Lazarus Pit, Jason regains all of his memories, his ability to speak, and consciousness of his surroundings as well as the other abilities he had before his death. However, due to the fact that his brain had several years time to heal before his exposure, and it was still developing at the time to boot (meaning he’s arguably mentally younger than he’s supposed to be, thinking like a 15 year old as opposed to a 19-20 year old), I find it likely that aside from “waking” him up, so to speak, it did little else. Although he has recovered enough to live the “normal” life of your typical gun-totting vigilante, Jason does still suffer from the side effects of the severe brain damage that Joker inflicted on him.

This includes cognitive problems that give him learning disorder like symptoms, such as Dyslexia, and difficulty reading fine print/fancy script especially. Early on he had a lot of trouble with some of his fine and gross motor skills, having to relearn many of them. There’s also neurobehavioral problems, which are described as behavioral problems attributed to specific aspects of a brain injury. Individuals may develop difficulty with self-control, impulse control, frustration, anger and aggression issues, and behaving with inappropriate ways socially. Physical therapy/training, something Jason participates in frequently because of his lifestyle, can help repair muscle and neuromotor skills. While he is frustrated frequently due to the limitations he suffers from, it’s not enough that it actually prevents him from doing most things. 

It’s mostly mental deficits that impede his day to day life. TBIs can cause emotional, social, or behavioral problems and changes in personality. Jason in particular is emotionally unstable and suffers from depression (occasionally to the point of being self destructive and at times suicidal) and anxiety that are linked to his trauma, social withdrawal, inability to control his anger…  he has insomnia and goes through bipolar-like mania not unrelated to his PTSD, and his psychosis can be triggered by unexpected things (such as the video will Bruce left him after he supposedly died, an example of by far one of his worst mental breakdowns).

[thebrokenrobina-blog]

Do Not Reblog

So after a lot of consideration, I’ve decided that Jason suffering from a Traumatic Brain Injury is going to become part of my blog canon. This is only going to apply to my main verse, and other verses where he died after being beaten by the Joker via use of a crowbar. There’s some canon evidence to support this decision, as evidenced at the end of Under The Hood and in Red Hood: The Lost Days by Judd Winnick.

More under the cut, so I’m not clogging up the dash.

In Under The Hood, Jason was said to have been dead for roughly six months before “fate” (aka Superboy-Prime punching reality) decided to set things right, as he was “never supposed to die.” He woke up, panicked because he was in a coffin and dug his way out, then apparently walked for 12.5 miles in the rain and dark with all of his injuries - as he wasn’t ‘healed’ upon waking up, so he had whatever he was suffering from before he died in the explosion, which according to the panel below included a cracked skull causing bleeding into the brain, a shattered sternum, flash burns and at least forty other fractures. 

Although severely wounded the cops indicate he was awake and talking to them only to “go under” and presumably they didn’t think he was going to wake up after surgery because of the extent of his injuries. After slipping into a coma Jason was moved to a facility that cared for patients with minimal brain function. It states that he was now in a chronic vegetative state. So, not comatose, not healed, still unconscious and unresponsive, but not brain dead either. They go on to explain that it was his survival instincts that caused him to wake up even though his body shouldn’t have allowed him to. 

Now, since you can’t be in a PVS (Persistent Vegetative State) and conscious at the same time, and they made sure to specify that a year had passed by the time he woke up (it takes only a few months to be declared PVS without brain trauma and at least 1 year with trauma), it seems likely that he went from being comatose, to vegetative, to finally a minimally conscious state.

According to multiple sources, people in a MCS, while not completely functional/aware, do retain some understanding of their conscious surroundings. There is enough to prove that this is distinctly different than people who are comatose or in PVS, as they are not conscious or aware of anything at all, even with stimulation. Jason woke up from a vegetative state and walked out of the hospital, surviving for more than a year on the streets while relying on his old instincts and what Batman taught him. He knew when he was cold, hungry, etc., and he also knew what to do to fix these problems. 

Yet, despite his survival skills, he doesn’t attempt to seek out Bruce, and he doesn’t speak even once (that we’re shown) between the time he slipped into a coma and when Talia pushes him into the Lazarus Pit. Either he doesn’t have enough awareness to remember his death/what happened to him, or he does but doesn’t have the ability to make decisions beyond survival reflexes. I have a theory, due to the two above panels and the term jog a memory, that Jason didn’t try to find Bruce despite being in Gotham because he didn’t remember him until he was put in danger. Think about it. He woke up in an unfamiliar place, in no physical pain, wandered outside… 

What was Jason doing before he met Bruce at age 12? He was living on the streets! Stealing to survive! So he went back to doing that. Whether he was aware something was wrong with him during this time is debatable, but it seems doubtful. 

It’s more likely that the familiar environment of the alley and being subjected to pain (especially since that would have been the last thing he remembered before his death) just provoked a similar response that he would have had while being attacked as Robin.

Don’t ask me why an alcoholic, homeless former criminal knew someone that was friends with Talia Al Ghul. They never explain.

Back to the point; aside from his survival skills Jason seemed unable to actually function in his condition. Talia knew it, as did Ra’s, and so did the doctors they hired. In the following final panels from Under The Hood, Ra’s admits that Jason could be useful one day but decides that after a year of trying to get Jason to respond enough to tell them how he came back to life, he’s unlikely to ever speak or…emote, ever again. 

Despite multiple people insisting that Jason will never recover mentally, despite physically being at peak health and having the conditioning of an Olympic athlete, they all claim that his brain damage is too severe and that naturally he could never regain any form of awareness again. Talia disputes this, and she seems correct, to a degree. 

Though he lashes out when provoked through pain, he never fights back when it’s her, something she’s quick to point out. This indicates he has enough awareness that he realizes this is a person trying to help him. Someone that cares. 

Supposedly, people in a minimally conscious state can exhibit emotional reactions to specific stimuli, such as smiling or crying. When Talia begins talking to Jason about Bruce, about how he misses Jason and has been grieving and suffering since his death, Jason doesn’t verbally respond in anyway, but he cries. Talia seems to understand that he does hear her, even though he can’t respond, which means he does remember Bruce, and he misses him too.

After being exposed to a Lazarus Pit, Jason regains all of his memories, his ability to speak, and consciousness of his surroundings as well as the other abilities he had before his death. However, due to the fact that his brain had several years time to heal before his exposure, and it was still developing at the time to boot (meaning he’s arguably mentally younger than he’s supposed to be, thinking like a 15 year old as opposed to a 19-20 year old), I find it likely that aside from “waking” him up, so to speak, it did little else. Although he has recovered enough to live the “normal” life of your typical gun-totting vigilante, Jason does still suffer from the side effects of the severe brain damage that Joker inflicted on him.

This includes cognitive problems that give him learning disorder like symptoms, such as Dyslexia, and difficulty reading fine print/fancy script especially. Early on he had a lot of trouble with some of his fine and gross motor skills, having to relearn many of them. There’s also neurobehavioral problems, which are described as behavioral problems attributed to specific aspects of a brain injury. Individuals may develop difficulty with self-control, impulse control, frustration, anger and aggression issues, and behaving with inappropriate ways socially. Physical therapy/training, something Jason participates in frequently because of his lifestyle, can help repair muscle and neuromotor skills. While he is frustrated frequently due to the limitations he suffers from, it’s not enough that it actually prevents him from doing most things. 

It’s mostly mental deficits that impede his day to day life. TBIs can cause emotional, social, or behavioral problems and changes in personality. Jason in particular is emotionally unstable and suffers from depression (occasionally to the point of being self destructive and at times suicidal) and anxiety that are linked to his trauma, social withdrawal, inability to control his anger…  he has insomnia and goes through bipolar-like mania not unrelated to his PTSD, and his psychosis can be triggered by unexpected things (such as the video will Bruce left him after he supposedly died, an example of by far one of his worst mental breakdowns).

[sincerelybillie]

understanding BART and its reckless treatment of minorities

by now, you should have heard about the murder of 18-year-old nia wilson, who was stabbed to death by a white supremacist at the macarthur bay area rapid transit station in oakland, california on july 22nd, with her sister getting severely injured by the attacker as well.

it’s difficult to separate this tragic story from that of 22-year-old oscar grant who was fatally shot by a police officer after the cop pinned him aggressively for “talking back”, in the early hours of new year’s day in 2009 at the fruitvale BART station. 

the protests and candlelight vigils against police brutality and white supremacy and in memory to the lives lost to them happen so often, and i can’t become desensitized to the conditions that have opened the gates of hell and continues to allow things like this to happen to innocent people of colour. 

it never stops hurting. 

i’ve grown up in and around the bay area, sometimes taking BART if i didn’t feel like driving. and any local can tell you that BART is flawed, both logistically and ethically. 

- ticket fares have increased at a level that makes it’s more and more expensive to commute/travel and therefore limits socioeconomic opportunities for poorer riders. 

- the cars themselves have not been renovated in years, and the appearance of the trains on a gloomy bay area day often looks like something still running from a 90s terminator film shoot.  

- BART experiences anywhere between 10-45 minute delays for chronic “technical difficulties” that could have been resolved and should have been resolved had the money that is supposed to be funneled into public transportation been used accordingly

- the ride itself is rocky, unsanitary, and an absolute nightmare for anyone with motion sickness, germaphobia, and claustrophobia during rush hour - more so than any other major u.s. city public transit i’ve been on. 

- BART employees often go on strike, demanding higher wages, shorter hours, and there’s a visible and consistent gap between quality of the service, the cost of a one-way or round trip, and the experience of riders and employees. this creates tension among the different groups and creates a blame game of who is really responsible for why BART sucks so much. is security weak? are employees apathetic? are riders insufferable? 

- the bay area itself has not addressed (but rather criminalized or completely trampled over through development aka gentrification) the homeless population, so many homeless folks are seeking shelter in the cars, reacting violently and aggressively to other riders as an outburst of substance abuse withdrawals or mental health problems. but all we see is a situation we don’t want to be around or witness. 

i don’t see a whole lot of humanity on BART. 

it comes across exactly opposite of how a public transit system should: it has been inconvenient, unsafe, and unclean. it’s unfortunately the only option for people without cars, but isn’t affordable for the average rider to pay over $20 just to go in and out of a metropolitan area, when it wouldn’t even cost that much in gas to drive there. 

BART is also really inconsistent with its parking garage fares, so there have been a number of times where the window for a $3-5 (the last time i dealt with it) fee or no fee at all were unclear or not posted, and i ended up with a parking ticket that i had to aggressively dispute with an email that told them i wasn’t paying because it’s not my problem they’re disorganized, and i won’t pay it. 

it seems like their priorities are off if they are so much more vigilant of cars parking in spots where a fee isn’t even posted or having strolling cops pull aside teenagers who smell of marijuana when that doesn’t pose a threat at all, especially when compared to actual murderers being allowed on the platform, altercations instigated by other people and end in the death of the innocent party. 

i’ve stopped taking BART entirely because i don’t find it worth it, and i’m terrified of getting killed in that thing. i know it’s all too possible, i’m operating from a place of panic and fear and worry every time a friend or family member tells me they’ll meet me somewhere via BART. as a citizen utilizing a public resource, i shouldn’t have to be thinking of what it might be like to never see someone again, or if i’m ready to leave the world the way i stepped outside my door today. because i decided to stand on that platform. 

many people might not feel that way because they’ve had very average BART experiences, never feeling like their lives were in danger. but maybe that’s your privilege. that’s you being able to only take BART when you’re going to a sports game in oakland or san francisco. days when security is amplified because that amount and those kind of people matter in ways the average person of colour trying to exist doesn’t. 

i’m not going to let my experience on BART or any form of public transit be a game of russian roulette. and i don’t want that for anyone else either. 

there was that photo circulating on twitter that struck a new kind of sadness in me. i don’t want to look at a map and see how far someone got before they got killed, or a body count on the travel platforms of my home. people my age, the age of my friends and family, getting killed, ripped away from someone who considered them their world. 

as an alternative/resource for anyone black or a person of colour feeling unsafe or uneasy about taking public transit, not just in the bay area but all over the states, @velvetdad on instagram has compiled an entire spreadsheet of people (tinyurl.com/helpwithride) offering to cover the cost of lyfts/ubers. at the time of this posting, there are over 90 people on that list, so don’t hesitate to make use of this and tell your friends. it could save a life. 

rest in peace and power, nia wilson and oscar grant.