#and if you still don't get it right you'll have to redo the entire course next year :)

[togansweep]

haha tomorrow I have to present a really shitty essay I wrote and I already discovered multiple mistakes

[the-magpie-archives]

You see, Martin says 'I grieved for you' to Jon, but this doesn't do justice for just what he would have gone through.

As most people know, having a loved one in hospital is horrible, but Jon's case is an entirely different thing. Assuming Jon was initially taken to a hospital in Great Yarmouth, it would've taken Martin a while to get there, even if he left right away. He might have missed Jon's emergency treatment, but he certainly didn't miss the worst of it.

Many people assume that CPR is a quick, simple, lifesaving procedure, it is not. Jon was found not breathing, and without a pulse, so he would have had at least 20 minutes straight of CPR, and that messes up a body. On a person as weak as Jon it would badly break ribs, and cause a lot of bruising. Even if Martin didn't have to watch Jon's chest be crushed to no avail, that type of damage is often visible.

I don't know if you've ever seen a dead body, but it's different to an unconscious one in every way. Jon of course, was not dead, but he would absolutely look it. As I'm sure you know, blood being pumped is what keeps the body warm, and breathing accounts for a large part of what we perceive as living, so the absence of both of these, especially in a loved one, is jarring, and likely to send anyone into shock

In lots of TV shows you see doctors calling deaths, but in reality it's actually quite a difficult thing to diagnose. It's not a quick check of the pulse and you're done, there's a lot of tests; there are many conditions that can look like death. In Jon's case his mind and nerves were still active, meaning it would have been picked up on fairly quickly, but Jon would have been assumed dead until these tests were completed.

The thing with a case like this, is there's nothing the doctors can feasibly do; as Elias says, it's an unknown quantity. The most likely course of action would be to make him as comfortable as possible, and redo the death checks every so often. There would be no hope for his recovery, but legally the hospital would have to do this, and would be able to offer very little comfort.

Although of course you want your loved one to survive, many family members of coma patients confess to hoping that they'd just die. The limbo of waiting is impossible to process, and having them there but having no way to communicate with them can be excruciating. There's no way to properly grieve for someone if you always have it in the back of your mind that they could wake up.

Giving up on someone like that is terribly and awfully painful. You can tell them you're sorry all you want, but you'll always be thinking about how they'd have wanted you to stay. Having to create both sides of an interaction like that when truly you're in control of neither is simply impossible to recover from.

Every action Martin took after Jon's death was justified, logical, even. To succumb to the lonely after leaving the man you love, sentencing him to die alone?

It feels right.

[starlit-serenade]

Starry-Eyed Smile | Chapter 2

⭐ Summary: You practically grew up with Youngjo, attached at the hip, two peas in a pod. You did everything together. At some point, both of your feelings became more than platonic, and you both knew it. Everyone knew it. But neither of you have had the courage to do anything about it.

⭐ Chapter 2: 2,594 words

⭐ Pairing: Reader X Kim Youngjo (Ravn) / Characters: GenderNeural!Reader; Kim Youngjo (Ravn); Lee Seoho (Seoho); Kim Geonhak (Leedo); Lee Keonhee (Keonhee); Yeo Hwanwoong (Hwanwoong); Son Dongju (Xion);

⭐ Rated: E / Warnings: I talk too much about Youngjo’s smile / Genre: Fluff; BestFriends-To-Lovers; Angst; Love Triangle if you squint; Happy Ending;

《 Series Masterlist // ONEUS Masterlist // Boy Group Masterlist 》

You had texted Seoho that your work ends on Friday, and in response he sent you the address of where you would be able to find them for filming today. He had told you they'd probably be filming for hours after your work ended, so you didn't need to rush too much. Still, throughout the entire day, you keep your eye on the clock. You watch the hours tick by, wishing that the seconds would fly faster. 

As the clock finally ticks to 4 o'clock, you stand up abruptly from your chair and grab your bag. You make your way out the door with everyone else who is done with work, phone in hand as you head home to change out of your stuffy work clothes and into something more casual and comfortable.

You watch the boys dance in the middle of the room, which is lit up by natural sunlight from above as well as artificial light. The pillars on all ends support several floors, which all circle around the members, all dressed in white which seems to glow in the sun. None of the boys look at you, focused on their choreography. They move so elegantly, it's mesmerizing. They look so ethereal and gentle, but at the same time they dance with so much power it's intimidating.

The music plays loudly from a speaker. You recognize it from when Youngjo showed you it the other day. The title track. This is the first time you're hearing it all the way through, though it's not clearly. The ONEUS director occasionally shouts directions, and there's the constant sound of machinery whirring around. The camera people run the camera around to get a good shot. The other staff members are chatting. Hair and makeup waiting to be needed. You've attended other music video shootings for ONEUS, as one of Youngjo's closest friends. You were present during the Valkyrie and Twilight music video shootings. But still, you're fascinated by the amount of work put into a four minute YouTube video.

The boys finish and take a break for water, hair and make-up.

"Y/Nie is here!" Keonhee yells, walking over to you. You catch Youngjo smiling fondly at you over Keonhee's shoulder.

"Hi Keonhee," you say.

"It's been too long," Keonhee says, pouting. "I haven't seen you in maybe three weeks. I could barely survive it, I'm surprised Youngjo managed to survive that long."

"We actually video called every few days and--" You pause and frown at him. "What do you mean by that?"

"You two are practically stuck together normally," Keonhee says. "I swear you two are soulmates."

"Keonhee," you hiss, smacking him. He laughs, and you look around. Youngjo is off to the side, talking to Geonhak and Hwanwoong. Seoho and Dongju are leaning against a pillar, farther away  talking. You face Keonhee again.

"Everyone knows that you two like each other," he whispers. "Or at least suspects it. It's kind of obvious. "

"Yes, but we aren't together so shut up about it," you say, smacking his shoulder. Just then, you look up and Youngjo is walking over. You smile.

"You didn't tell me you were coming," he says, hugging you.

"Yeah. Seoho invited me."

"Oh, he did?" He smiles, nodding and glancing over at Seoho. "When?"

"When I came over the other day," you say. "As I was leaving to throw away the garbage, I stopped by to say bye and he came to say bye. He came with ms to throw away the trash."

"Oh," he says, frowning a bit. He shakes his head and smiles. "So, uh, what do you think?" he asks, looking back at you.

"I like it. The song is awesome. The video is going to be beautiful," you say, looking around you at the building, the decorations for the music video. Even the costumes that the members are wearing are gorgeous.

"Yesterday we had indoor filming," Youngjo continues. "We have a dark versus light concept that I hope will show well in the music video."

"It will."

You walk over to where the other members are chatting, some of them--Hwanwoong and Dongju--getting their hair and makeup touched up by the stylists.

"Y/Nie came!" Seoho says cheerfully, running to hug you. As he pulls away from the hug, Youngjo inserts himself between you and Seoho, eyeing Seoho suspiciously. You pretend not to notice.

"Looks great," you say, nodding your head to where they were dancing minutes ago. "Love the choreo, too. The song sounds amazing, I'm so excited to get myself a copy of the album."

"No, no," Hwanwoong says, shaking his head. His stylist sighs, and he stills again. "Y/Nie, we'll get you the album as a gift."

"You don't have to."

"You're our friend!" Hwanwoong insists. "We're getting you a copy. Maybe you'll get Ravn's photocard."

You catch Youngjo glaring at Hwanwoong out of the corner of your eye, but decide to ignore it. You're used to the teasing you receive from all of the ONEUS members. As Keonhee had said, everyone knows that you two both see each other as more than friends. But neither you nor Youngjo have had the guts to do anything about it.

"Y/N," Seoho says. "Did you see the ending of the choreo? The killing part? Do we look cool?"

"You guys looked so cool," you say, nodding. "You guys look so elegant and powerful. And the ending, you guys look so cool."

"Do you like the song?" Geonhak asks.

"I absolutely love it, Geonhak. Youngjo showed me a bit of it the other day but hearing it all now, it's more amazing than I thought!"

"Of course Youngjo showed you," Geonhak says, chuckling.

"What was that?" Youngjo asks, his tone scolding. Geonhak shakes his head, smiling innocently.

"Nothing!"

They continue filming, redoing the choreo one more time in the center of the building, then move to film in the woods outside. As the sun begins to set, they film the choreo one more time before the end of the day, while the sun is at just the right place in the sky. You watch from behind the camera. You sigh, knowing that though the music video will be amazing, the camera will never capture the true beauty of the scene.

"You don't have to cook for us," Youngjo says as he sets the table. Nearby, you're helping Geonhak cook bulgogi. Everyone seemed tired after filming, though they tried to hide it from you. You insisted on cooking, or at least helping Geonhak cook.

"Seriously, you six must be exhausted from filming for two days," you say. "So much work all day. Anyway, we're all done!"

The seven of you eat together at the table, chatting about things other than the comeback.

"You should have been there to see what Dongju did yesterday," Geonhak says to you. "We went out, Dongju, Hwanwoong and I, to get bubble tea and snacks. Dongju said he was going to pay, but then said he forgot his wallet at home. Turns out he did it on purpose."

"Hey!" Dongju yells. "I never said I did it on purpose!"

"Oh? Then what happened?"

"I realized as we were leaving that I forgot my wallet. But I didn't say anything," Dongju says, laughing. "I knew it even when I said I'd buy it myself, and I pretended to be surprised so you would buy me snacks and bubble tea."

"These kids," Youngjo says with a chuckle.

After everyone has finished eating and chatting, you gather all of the dishes to wash. Youngjo joins you despite your insisting that he should rest.

"Seriously, Youngjo, you should rest. You worked all day today and you have practice tomorrow."

"Y/Nie, I'm not a kid," he says. "Let me help you wash the dishes."

"Ach, look at them," Keonhee's voice says from behind. "They're so cute like a married couple."

"Get married already!" Hwanwoong yells from the table. Both you and Youngjo turn around at the same time to glare at them. They duck their heads in shame, and you and Youngjo look back at the dishes you're washing. Then you hear a whisper.

"They glared at the same time. They really are destined to be together," Keonhee whispers loudly, clearly intending for Youngjo to hear.

"Yah!" Youngjo runs at him, leaving you at the sink alone as he chases Keonhee around the dorm, yelling, while the other four members laugh at them.

You smile softy. Their childishness is endearingly adorable. They're so serious and focused during work, like when they were filming earlier today. But they are still adorable goofballs.

You watch as Youngjo finally catches Keonhee and holds him still, arms wrapped around him tightly as he squirms. His smile is wide, so he obviously finds this teasing fun, and your heart melts the way it does every time he smiles.

Growing up with him was a gift, and he's very much the same as he used to be. He's always been both hardworking and silly, even when you were kids. No wonder you started liking him more than a friend. With a heart made of gold and a smile brighter than the sun, how could you not fall in love with him?

It's obvious he feels similarly about you. The other members have pointed out to you how much Youngjo loves spending time with just you. How much just your presence makes him smile. Even you notice that he treats you differently than his other friends.

And he knows you like him.

But he doesn't know how much you like him. How just his smile can brighten your darker days. He doesn't know how much you value your relationship, how just spending the day with him makes you happy. You wonder if he has ever caught you staring at him, gushing over his smile or his laugh. You wonder if he's ever caught you humming one of his songs, singing and smiling at his parts, admiring his rapping or singing.

You if he feels the same way about you. If he latches onto your habits and traits the way you've fallen in love with the little things he does.

Your gaze drifts over to Seoho, who is sitting silently at the table with Hwanwoong, smiles at you. You smile back and continue washing the plate in your hand. After a minute, Youngjo returns to your side to help.

"Those kids," he says with a chuckle and a shake of his head.

The two of you finish washing and drying the last few dishes, and you look out the window. The sky outside is dark. It's later than you'd expected to be here.

"Y/Nah," Seoho says. He's moved to the couch, which is now crowded with him, Geonhak--who has Dongju sitting on his lap--Hwanwoong and Keonhee. Youngjo has just gone to the restroom.

"Did you enjoy seeing us film today?" Seoho asks.

"Of course they'll say yes," Geonhak says, not looking up from his phone. "Y/N says yes every time you ask them after a day of filming."

"I did enjoy it," you say as you sit down in the nearest chair. It's true.

"Told you," Geonhak says, smiling. Seoho rolls his eyes.

"I really enjoyed it today," you say. "The song is so cool. And the filming location was absolutely amazing. I thought the building was really cool. I'm really excited to see the music video. Oh!" You check your phone and realize just how late it is. "Oh gosh, I have to get home."

"You're going home?" Youngjo asks, appearing from behind you. You nod, setting your phone down on the table next to you.

"Do you want one of us to take you home?" Seoho asks.

"No, it's okay," you say, shaking your head. "I only live ten minutes away."

"Okay. See you soon, Y/Nie!" Seoho says.

Youngjo walks you to the door, thanking you for helping out with dinner and the dishes, and he waves goodbye as you take the elevator down.

You hum as you walk down the street, slowly making your way toward your home. The night air is cool on your cheeks. The night is dark and calm.

After about five minutes of walking, you hear footsteps behind you. You tense up, but steadily quicken your footsteps, worried that it might be someone with hostile intentions. Then you hear the person call your name.

"Y/N! Y/N!"

You turn around. "Youngjo?"

He comes to a stop in front of you, gasping for breath with his hands on his knees.

Did he run all the way here?

"Youngjo, what--"

"You forgot your phone at the dorm," he says, reaching for his back pocket. He holds out your phone to you, and you take it. "It was on the dining table."

"Thank you for bringing this," you say. You pace your hand on his shoulder as he tries to catch his breath. "Youngjo, you didn't have to run all the way here. I would have noticed and come back to get it."

"I wanted to," he says, standing up straight and fixing his shirt.  "Besides. I kind of wanted to walk you home."

"I'm sure you did. You can walk the rest of the way with me if you really want, since we're halfway there. Or you could go back to the dorm and rest after a long day of filming."

"I'll walk with you," he says.

You nod and continue toward your home, Youngjo by your side. You two walk toward your home together, side by side.

After a minute of comfortable silence, you speak.

"You should be proud," you say. He looks at you curiously. "The song is amazing. The choreo is beautiful. Everything I've heard, from the little sneak peaks you've given me to everything I've accidentally heard when I come into your studio uninvited, it's all amazing."

He smiles sweetly at you. You catch it out of the corner of your eye, the way he smiles that smile that makes you feel giddy. His eyes are shining brighter than the stars in the sky. But then again, Youngjo doesn't have any light pollution in his eyes. He has a very starry-eyed smile.

"I haven't heard all of the songs in full," you continue. "But knowing you and everyone else who has contributed, it'll be a masterpiece."

"Y/N . . ." Youngjo slows his walking pace, and you aren't sure if he's aware of it.

"Hm?" You look at him, slowing your pace to match his. He seems to be thinking really hard, staring at the floor with an unreadable expression. "Youngjo?"

He looks at you with a soft smile. It's not the same starry-eyed smile.

"Thank you for encouraging me, Y/N," he says gently. You feel like he wants to say more, but he doesn't. "Ah, we're here."

You look forward and realize you're at the doorstep of your apartment building.

"Oh yes." You nod. "Thank you for walking with me and returning my phone."

"Thank you for helping Geonhak with dinner and helping with dishes," Youngjo says. "And for visiting us during our music video filming. It gave us--all of us--energy and motivation to do well today."

You smile, opening your arms to him for a hug. He hugs you tightly, squeezing you as if you won't be seeing each other for a while.

You wave goodbye after pulling away and go into your apartment. You watch fondly from the window as Youngjo disappears down the street.

You really love him.