#and ik it's not that big of an issue but it's a bit isolating

[so-3i3]

Being online recently has just been like there's a constant siren right in front of your face blaring 'TRANS ACCEPTANCE IS NOT THE NORM' :|

[ummidkego]

Also wtffff pay attention to me :(((

.. The (not too long lasting) urge to ghost people just because they don't give me much attention or/and don't respond to me right away, plus projecting my insecurities onto them/fearing their possible hidden judgments - is Real.

[themushroomgoesyeet]

For the first installment of this series, let's start with something easy!

Arcana characters as Disney princesses/princes

Julian - Flynn Rider/Eugene

These two are so similar istg

Dashing, dramatic, swashbuckling rogues with dry humor and a secret, insecure soft side?

The only difference between them is one is ginger with an eye patch and the other isn't

Honestly Eugene would probably be a good pick for a voice hc tbh

Oh hey they're both orphans with big brother vibes too look at that

Asra - Elsa

White hair? Check. Water-related magic? Check. orphans? Check. Unconditional fashion style that doesn't really match everyone else but still looks drop-dead gorgeous regardless? Check

Both of them also have familial abandonment issues and feel the need to isolate themselves from the people they love instead of confronting the problem smh

I will admit their romantic interests are a bit different, with Asra being bisexual and Elsa either being a lesbian or aro/ace at best

Both of them have also been described to have seductive singing voices 👀

Nadia - Princess Jasmine

We👏stan👏 headstrong 👏 independent 👏 middle eastern- inspired👏queens👏here👏

Ngl Jasmine is one of my favorite Disney princesses & she & Nadia would definitely hit it off

Both feel stuck in their respective lives while also wanting to rule, and try to take action for themselves whenever they can

Also both of them would look absolutely stunning in an outfit swap

Muriel - Hercules

Honey you mean HUNK-ules

I know Hercules isn't technically a Disney prince but he fits Muriel too well

Big and strong but shy and genuine at heart? Hell yeah

Their reactions to fame are a little bit different but they are the same when it comes to falling in love; both are so gentle and genuinely caring, and can't stop gushing about their partner

Also amazing idols for how men are supposed to treat women - a.k.a with respect

Both have a heathy amount of respect for their partners modesty (even when said partner is trying to seduce them on purpose), as well as their partners autonomy to make their own decisions

Not to mention they both have estranged families that they didn't know about, and a supportive animal companion

Portia - Rapunzel

I know some of you might be thinking "why not Merida? They look so alike with their frizzy mop of ginger hair!" Well, dear chat, let me explain

While they may look similar, Portia and Merida do not act similar. Merida is rebellious, headstrong, and airheaded, fighting her loved ones on everything and doing what she wants regardless of the consequences until said consequences come back to bite her in the butt. Portia on the other hand, while also headstrong, is spunky, kind, and takes others feelings and opinions into account instead of doing the first daring thing that comes into her head

Which brings me to Rapunzel. Admittedly, Rapunzel is a lot more sheltered and inexperienced about the world than Portia was but they are still kindred spirits. Curious, spunky, headstrong, kind, compassionate, and unafraid to fight for themselves.

They're ready to take on the world even if they don't know enough about it

Both also have evil and manipulative family members (ik Mother Gothel isn't Rapunzel's family; she was still the one who raised Rapunzel & Rapunzel considered her family long enough for it to count in this situation)

Both also meet love interests who guide them through the part of the world that's unknown to them, be it magic for Portia or the world as a whole for Rapunzel

Lucio - Merida

remember all those traits I listed for Merida? Yeah Lucio fits those

Merida and Lucio may be hella good warriors, but boy are they stupid sometimes

Both also have mommy issues™

Both are also wildly inexperienced with magic and should really be more cautious about it

Both just go "oopsies" and expect everything to be fine because of their status when it's never fine

Can you tell yet that these two bother me lol

Both were brought up in a Scottish-sounding culture and you can't change my mind

[funnywormz]

just finished sonic prime s2! some quick thoughts below the cut before i go to bed (spoilers ahead!)

- i liked this season a lot! i think i preferred it to the last one tbh

- the characterisation of sonic and shadow was ON POINT!!!!! love how they're portraying shadow in this season, he so often gets flanderised and mistreated by writers that it's nice to see him depicted as a more nuanced character again. sonic is a charming little fellow as he was in the first season, in general this portrayal of him is one of my favs. and the dynamic between them is so good. sonadow was 12 year old me's first ship ever so my inner pre-teen is LIVING rn as you can probably imagine lol. even outside of that though they play off of each other very well and their interactions were a highlight of the season for me. also the moment where shadow was falling gave me SO MANY flashbacks lol, thankfully sonic caught him this time 🥺

- the animation was also at a very high standard as it was last season, sound design and music were great too. ik it's been said a million times before but i do rlly like how they animate sonic's ears perking up and flicking around like a real animal's ears, very very cute

- to expand on sonic's characterisation, i do think this is definitely one of my top portrayals of him in like....... anything. this sonic is very emotive and expressive and he obviously cares a lot about people, and yet he's not the most emotionally intelligent and often misses social cues because he's so tied up in his own thoughts and perceptions. he doesn't come across as rude or annoying or selfish though, he's just genuinely not the best at reading people or being able to think outside of his own perspective which, as an autistic person, i find very relatable. he's flawed in a very realistic way. i can sometimes find sonic a slightly grating or annoying character but this take on him is one i enjoy a lot, you can tell he means well and he wants to help and cares about things very deeply, which i appreciate a lot.

- i do hope that they're going to explore shadow's character more next season and i ESPECIALLY hope that they're going to play around more with the idea of him and nine being foils to each other. it seemed rlly clear that shadow's trust issues were meant to reflect/parallel nine's same issues and subsequent betrayal of sonic, it's an interesting touch to have them reflect each other and i rlly hope they revisit it.

- i rlly loved the black rose and rusty rose dynamic and interactions too and i also hope we see more of that next season. the roses should start a union

- now im gonna get onto the negative points sorry. ik ppl will hate me for this but i really don't like dread. he just feels like an unnecessary addition to the plot and whenever he shows up i just feel like "ugggh not this guy again". his design and character is cool in isolation and he has some great moments but overall im not a fan of how they used him this season

- i had the same problem with this season as the first which is that it felt like there were a lot of unnecessarily long repetitive fight scenes with very little plot. this is more of a subjective thing in terms of my personal tastes, but at times i found it pretty tiresome and would even start skipping the fight scenes lol. they just get pretty predictable and same-y and it feels like obvious padding to prevent the plot from advancing too fast and it just gets frustrating

- i would have liked for the characters to have had a bit more downtime to interact and stuff this season. it felt like a few of those endless fight scenes could've been replaced with some fun interactions but idk. ik it's a show for little kids so they want to keep their attention with Big Explosion so i don't blame anyone for doing it this way, but these are just my personal feelings on it

- in general it felt like the stakes were SO HIGH for the entire season that it stopped feeling exciting pretty fast. i think that interspersing the action with some down time would have made the action more meaningful. it kinda felt like after a while the stakes stopped meaning anything bc they just kept ramping up constantly

- that being said, the prismatic titan was SO COOL and i greatly enjoyed sonic's showdown with it, my inner 12 year old was going INSANE

- i think that dr deep came into his own as a character much more for me this season, he was rlly funny and a lot of the jokes landed with him pretty well

- chaos sonic was SO FUN it's a shame we didn't get to see more of them

tldr: it definitely has flaws but overall i had fun. excited for more rodents in the future........

[fourteenfifteen]

hmmmm cannonbees for the domesticity meme?

yes yes yes yeah fuck yeah stara you’re so smart

big spoon/little spoon: bees big spoon but mostly just bc they’re very cuddly. the grab and hold the gf impulse

favorite non-sexual activity: just like? running errands together? i think bees likes driving cb around they’re very acts of service-y lol and i think cb appreciates the company and also just. having an activity bc she gets bored

who uses all the hot water: cb. she likes long showers and she’s used to living in apartments w consistent water like she tries not to but still she forgets sometimes

who does most of the cleaning: probably cb? i think they’re both pretty messy but cb is messy in a “all that matters is ik where my shit is” way vs a “i blinked and the room was like this” way. that said i think bees tries hard to keep things clean for her sake and if she’s straightening up will get up and help

who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working: bees does they’re friendly with everybody

who leaves their stuff around: both of them. clothes esp they’ve left enough w each other that it’d be a pain in the ass to separate them out

who remembers to buy the milk: cb but also bees is more likely to be buying groceries so it’s more of a *bees walks in* “did u get the milk” “FUCK” *bees walks out*

who remembers anniversaries: “babe yk what i just realized” “what” “our anniversary was last week” “……..oh shit you’re right”

Who cooks normally? honestly i think they mostly eat too much takeout shdjfkgsk

How often do they fight? i think they’re kinda constantly teasing and messing w each other but that they don’t Actually Fight very often. when they do it’s usually bc one of them hasn’t been communicating like i think they both have a “i’ll deal w my issues myself” isolating-y streak (or bc something has activated bees’s “she’s too cool for me” insecurities)

What do they do when they’re away from each other? bees finds other ppl to bother lol but also they do end up texting cb a lot. cb works out more and does more art

Nicknames for each other? bees is a bit of a nickname guy but it’s mostly stupid shit to get cb to roll her eyes and laugh (cb-geebees, A-cb-C, sporticus, etc.). i think cb would mostly just call them bees but she would also go for normal pet names (cb internal monologue voice is it too silly to call them honey????)

Who is more likely to pay for dinner? definitely bees but they make a thing out of it in a half-joking chivalrous I’m Paying For My Girl’s Meal kind of way. cb forces them to let her pay sometimes (tbh if it was up to her they’d just go halfsies or take turns) but mostly she just lets them do it

Who steals the covers at night? points at the spoons question taps the side of my head three times no need to steal the covers if u get into bed and immediately go octopus mode

Who kissed who first? cb def kissed bees first bees wouldn’t be able to break out of the “ok we hang out all the time but does she LIKE me” mode shdjfk

Who made the first move? bees in that they were into cb from minute one and are a huge flirt but cb in that bees probs wouldn’t move from “flirting w a hot friend” to “actually trying to date” without being prompted to

Who remembers things? cb. but also neither of them this is an adhd4adhd relationship

Who cusses more? they both cuss a lot is the thing

[aku-jumbi]

YOUR ART IS INCREDIBLE YOU’RE HONESTLY SO INSANELY TALENTED I AM HONESTLY IN AWE WHENEVER I SEE ONE OF YOUR ART PIECES, THEY’RE ALWAYS SO BEAUTIFUL!!! And pls ignore those haters they’re absolute idiots who seem to think asians only have certain features apparently and can’t seem to realise that there’s something called creative liberty😐

So many capital letters haha ^^ thank you a lot for your appreciation. *bow 😀 I gonna take your comment as opportunity to write down some thoughts I had on this topic.

Of course I am not painting isolated, I love to browse art from other artists, sometimes getting inspiration or just to get more stimulated. And for sure I stumble sometimes over art which technically is maybe not as refined but somehow hits me, then I stumble over art which is technically extremely good but well... I feel nothing but I still awe the beauty and there is even art which slightly disturbs me and fetishizes something I don't really am into... but dammit it's really well painted and I can just accept that the artist did a great job and I don't need to be in the fetish.

Then, there is also art which is technically undeveloped, due to the painters inexperience for example but I appreciate the try since ik myself, painting is work.

I caught myself a couple of times being about technically extremely versatile artists more critical and then thought.. who am I to judge, went into some introspection and realised: that was pure jealousy. Oh yeah, jealousy, nothing more, that yellow eyed monster within me trying to lower down others just to feel better myself. But... I never released that monster officially of course. In fact, before I leave a critical comment, I think twice and when I comment I just comment on the technical side. If the picture isn't violating any real persons or depicting very, very, very controversial topics like religion or politics to ridicule opinions of other people I basically don't care. Let people paint what they want, I don't need uniformity.

If someone wants to paint the earth is flat, just go ahead! First, idk if the person really thinks the earth is flat... or, is it maybe just some fantasy? Is it just for fun, did the artist just try out how the earth would look flat or is it easier for him to paint the earth kind of flat. Is the painter of that pic maybe someone who had no education and just painted what he sees and tries to imagine how it might look like. Or is the artist just painting something that came into his mind without a lot of thinking and it's now me interpreting something in his flat earth picture which he didn't even think of. But the most important thing: the earth won't get flatter just with that one flat earth painting.

Even with 1000 of that flat earth paintings, it won't. Being an individuum that is able to controle my emotions and to recognise what's important and what not I wouldn't even think to rent about that flat earth artist. Let him paint the flat earth, I can mildly smirk about him or shake my head and move on to the round earth painting I like most. There are more important things than to explode about a flat earth painting.

Now... I am not painting reality, I don't believe in my paintings showing reality or anything remotely close to reality. It's impossible that any character I paint is real. And I clearly distinguish between real people I see on the street or documentaries (I don't say media in general cuz... we only see the most beautiful people in movies or social media with all the filter and photoshop and it gives a contorted view on "reality") and painted anime charas. Recently I saw (oh I got actually an education by one of my "critics" in how I should paint!) a lot of realistic anime character fanarts which clearly just were repaints from given photographies of random prototype Asian models... the technical side was extremely good, forgetting the fact that it still was a repaint and repaint is always a bit easier since u don't need to think about the facial features anymore yourself... but the charas... they looked so realistic, so much like real people that again I wasn't able to see the anime chara anymore. For me it was just the random prototype Asian model (perfect as they are, because, well... model) from the photography with slightly changed hair and... blue eyes.

But! And now that's the big difference, I look at that kind of very realistic fanart and although it doesn't even remotely remind me of that anime chara and I feel nothing for it than some portrait photography repaint, it would never, never come into my mind commenting with (insert the vomit emoji here, cuz that's what happened to my art) a disgracing and hurtful comment just because I think my vision, my very private believe of what is a good fanart stands above anything else and I have the right and privilege to lower the artist in any kind of way. Who am I to feel superior?... exactly, I don't have that right, especially on something very subjective as looks of anime charas in fanart.

I realised by a couple of conversations with people who have no issues with my art that a lot of the hate roots from wanting to feel moral-wise superior. It's like a trend to stomp over everything, doesn't even need to be very important or influential, that doesn't meet the standard of what is moralistic acceptable in one owns subjective believe. Some call it being sensitive about what art should show and I guess the haters would call themselves even very sensitive and caring for over people... but want to be frank here, it's not sensitivity, it's being bored by their own lives and having no creative potential themselves. So.. what are we gonna do today? Complaining, cancelling, hating, yeah, that's a good hobby!

Sorry to inform you that your "sensitivity" is hurting me a lot.

I don't aim to call out specifically with my art to a particular group of people or disgracing them, there is clearly no hate inside or anything, I certainly don't try to portrait reality... dammit it's Anime charas! They aren't real in the first place! Gargh... If someone has an issue with the facial looks of how I paint, I am very very fine with a comment like: "hey you know, somehow I see in my mind Miya Osamu looking more like Toshirou Mifune... but, you know, it's ok, you aren't a mind reader. :) I would like to share my fanart of Osamu with u, too then u can see what I have in mind." That's a respectful, a very constructive and even inviting and mature comment. If I sounded a bit rude in the past towards haters it wasn't because I am rude but I got a couple of very humiliating comments that my only way to answer was to give them the same medicine back they forced me to swallow.

Hfff... so long... sorry.

Idk if haters or immature people who come across my paintings are going to read this and understand what I want to say so just for repeat: I don't have anything bad in mind with my art, I don't try to colonialize Asia, I don't see my art as absolute truth and its not a perfect replication of the original anime character. It's fan-ta-sy. If u don't like the style and aesthetic, move on, paint your own interpretation, that's the best way to put my art aside if u want to put it aside.

And for the people who like my art, you are my heroes, not because u are flattering me with comments (yeah also that tho lol) but because u let me see that there are rational thinking people out there, not oversensitive and in constant alarm to sniff around like blood dogs finding another topic to rent about but just enjoying fanart at what it is: fanart. It's you who enjoy their lives and I am enjoying it, too.

Thank you! :)

[mnogorgannik]

2 10 n 11 :)

this is basically an essay im so sorry. watch how hard i can infodump (ill put this under a cut hopefully it works bc sometimes tumblr decimates the keep reading things if theyre in asks)

2. Who’s your favorite of the Bound? What do you think of the different ideologies they have? Which of the factions are you most aligned with?

WE ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER I AM A PETER LOVER THROUGH AND THROUGH!!!!!! oh baby i love that morally questionable architect. pretty early on in getting into pathologic (it’s coming up on a year now...) i thought about peter stamatin too hard and now i’m here. but really i find him to be such a fascinating character!

the thing about pathologic that i love is how almost every character can be as complex as you want. pathologic does an excellent job of implying a lot of character traits while only exploring some in further detail, which in some games is frustrating but patho does it so well! it consistently hints at traits and lets you fill in the details yourself. peter’s character is extremely interesting to me... and maybe a little more relatable at times than i want to admit lol.

i think i’ll talk about both stamatins though! their dynamic hurts me a lot. i’ll start with andrey bc i’ve been thinking about him lately. although i’ll bounce back and forth between both stamatins.

i’ve said this before but i’ll say it again.... andrey’s role as a protector who inadvertently hurts the people he cares about really gets to me. he is not a shield but, in his own words, a battering ram. and the problem is that battering ram has a recoil.

i have to wonder how that mentality of his came about, anyways. the implication is that it’s always just been him and peter, so did he take on that role because there wasn’t anyone else to do it?

in his efforts to protect peter from... military, i believe, he kills four people. which leads to daniil getting mistaken for andrey, which leads to daniil getting shot. and almost dying. he protects peter but to a smothering extent, peter even says he’s been suffering for ten years bc of andrey which is a LOADED line. he protects on a physical level but he kinda fucks up on the emotional.

there’s a horrible irony in peter and eva being the people he cares about the most and both attempting suicide. with eva once she’s missing he immediately goes running off trying to look for her, and . ahh i can’t remember right off hand what exactly he thought happened. but ik he was probably expecting a fight. with peter he says that after that he’ll never let peter leave his side, at least “as far as his knife can fly”... it sounds cheesy but the one thing he can’t save anyone from is themself.

and god the way andrey bases his ENTIRE sense of self worth on peter fucking hurts. they’re not peter and andrey, the architects. they’re Peter And Andrey, The Architect. (thinking about “one architect, two brothers” here.) andrey thinks he’s larger than life and all but he’s constantly living in peter’s shadow. their theatre of death positions come to mind here, with peter standing up, looking down at andrey. but andrey is on his knees in front of peter, arms limp to his sides.... separated by a wooden beam...

peter’s side of this dynamic is fascinating too. his dependency on andrey is. ow. leaving all practical matters and decision making to him... there’s this resentment (That’s Fine I’ve Been Suffering For Ten Years Because Of Him) and lack of communication that especially shows through for him.

while in p2 andrey completely crumbles if peter dies, peter doesn’t seem to care...... at all....?? which hopefully is elaborated upon in p2. he’s willing to talk to aspity about worrying if andrey is angry with him but he can’t bring it up with andrey himself. when he asks how andrey is doing he stops and says andrey is a “tough man” and can handle anything. in general, while it’s definitely there for andrey, themes of dependency are really glaringly obvious for peter.

one of my favorite peter things i’ve talked about before is still his ego!!! peter has a gigantic ego!!! he really does think that even though he’s hit the ceiling and can’t go any further he is still “a true architect” and “the rock upon which is built the stairway to tomorrow”. he has a blunt edge to him and he doesn’t ever tell you more than he thinks he needs to which i love. if he doesn’t want to tell you something he isn’t gonna do it. this is a character trait i think ppl miss which is sad because it’s so good and adds another layer of depth to him!

it really does hurt me how he’s valued for his mind alone (AHEM AHEM AHEM. GEORGIY) but it’s the thing nobody understands about him. i’m nowhere near as smart as peter lol but i do know that pain of feeling like none of your ideas can be understood because you just can’t express them the way you’d like, and then feeling like you’ll never be able to make it happen.

also, here’s a little thing  i’ve picked up on. this connection probably doesn’t exist but i’m making it because the stamatins make me lose my mind and start becoming one of those people who looks for connections in everything i guess. peter standing in the theatre of death, andrey below him. peter’s loft being at a high point in the town, the broken heart being underground. peter’s loft is also higher north on the map but the broken heart is lower south. just smth interesting

i have more thoughts on them of course! but this is all getting awfully long. i feel like i’ve only just gotten to the tip of the iceberg  even though i’ve written so much skfjskfjs this just feels quite surface level or. at least what is surface level for me who thinks about the stamatins so hard.

anyways i’ll keep my answers to the other two parts of this question quick! peter and andrey’s more creative vs practical mindsets are rly neat. especially because i would actually argue peter is a little more grounded in reality in certain aspects. not all, but certain ones...... their take on the utopian ideology is interesting. hot take: peter’s version of utopianism leans a tad towards humility. and andrey /does/ feel “straightforward utopian” but i think in certain regards? this man has a bit of a termite streak..... (hi al if you’re reading this). but i won’t get into that right now i’ve already gone on so long. saving that for later.

i think all of the factions kinda suck in their own way sometimes, honestly? although all of them are well written and have their pros and cons. were i in pathologic and i had to choose one i’d probably be a termite but everyone around me seems to think i’m a utopian. is it bc i love peter so much

10. What would you be like as a Pathologic character?

this question is a hard one! i did make a self insert once, mile-a-minute, but they’ve become their own oc by now. i think i’d be very...... very afraid...... probably isolating myself why does every pathologic character break quarantine???? also you could trade beetles with me :) thats about all i’ve got sorry this is real short

11. What is something you would change, writing-wise, about either game?

UGH i’ve been gushing about pathologic because. obviously i love this game so much. but the way it handles racism & such (in both games!) leaves much to be desired :/

i see a lot of the points it’s trying to make but i think the way they’re handled can be very messy. there are moments that work very well but. a lot that don’t. (i am aware that dybowski writes partially from his own experiences)

all too often the game “validates” the kin’s oppression and... at times paints them as oddly antagonistic? i don’t like how often as artemy you’re able to be like “i’m not one of those beasts” and i think there are better ways to touch on his internalized racism. in general the constant comparisons to animals is weird. you get big vlad who is obviously explicitly racist comparing them to animals, but then sometimes it’s like “ACTUALLY calling them animals is fine :)”

i think the herb brides are kind of. Hm. in their portrayal. also using parts of the buryat alphabet to denote an accent is weird. making odongh and herb brides inhuman is weird. connecting the kin to Magic is weird.

and, listen, i’d really like to not be playing Artemy Burakh Experiences a Microaggression Simulator every time i’m playing the haruspex route. hate that you either can’t call ppl out on their shit or if you can it ends the conversation/bars you from getting necessary information. glad you at least get to drag the vlads, i guess?

i also was talking about this but wrt peter specifically, and this issue is present throughout the game but it’s especially visible with peter, i don’t like how often you can mock him for his addiction.

he’s obviously in an extremely rough patch! being able to be just so plain cruel to him about the dependency on alcohol (and iirc in p1 hallucinogens, bc aglaya mentions it) he’s formed to cope with his mental illness & trauma just feels bad. especially because yes it is not a healthy coping mechanism at all but... it still is a coping mechanism, if that makes sense?

the way you’re able to constantly rub it in his face feels awful. peter is fully aware that it isn’t good for him and shows a desire to quit. even if he didn’t it would still be awful to say because. it’s just insensitive. like you don’t just go up to someone and keep being like HEY YOU DRINK A LOT YOU SHOULD STOP DOING THAT DO YOU KNOW WHAT WATER IS? feels really bad to keep harping on something that causes him pain and that he struggles with every single day.

however peter does have moments where he tells you Not to say that, or if you pry into why he drinks he’ll outright say he doesn’t remember you being his friend, which is better than nothing.

in p1 moreso than p2 i hate how you can be like oh he’s craaaazy he’s off his rocker he’s delusional!!!! that “why, i never... an architect of schizophrenia!” comment sticks in my mind because it’s just... so genuinely mean. especially because if i remember correctly that line is from when he’s planning on LITERALLY FUCKING BURNING HIMSELF ALIVE

i think if they were going to have all of this they should have gone more in depth on how it’s really. not good that he’s treated so poorly. and i do believe that’s what they were going for, a la the art book w/ the whole “not to be made into a drunken clown, this is a tragic character”, etc. but it just doesn’t land. i’m holding out for the bachelor and changeling routes in p2 to see if they expand upon any of it but i highly doubt i’ll be satisfied in this regard.

i stand by the One time it was really fucking funny to clown on peter being the time you can tell him little girls eat raspberries and earthworms and he just believes you

[askanautistic]

Hi there, I have autism, depression and anxiety and it never seems to go away. I’ve felt this way for as long as I can remember and my anxiety is crippling. Also I am very isolated as I struggle to socialise. This is leading to me having less hours and work and I am contemplating leaving work; but with no clue to what my future holds. Sorry as Ik this is probably a bit much; I just don’t know where else to turn? Any advice, websites or groups would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

This is quite big/vague, and it’s hard to know what kind of advice would be relevant to you without knowing where you live. My advice might be very UK-centric, and I don’t know if that would be useful to you. What kinds of websites/groups are you hoping for? To do with mental health, to make friends, to help you figure out what other sort of work you might be able to do? If you are not currently on any medication for your depression and/or anxiety, it would definitely be worth visiting your GP. Medication can ‘take the edge off’ and make it a bit easier to cope with things/to start to work on other problems you might have. Your GP can also refer you for counselling/therapies if you think that might be helpful. If this problem has become worse (and that’s why you’ve had to reduce your hours/are contemplating leaving), try to figure out whether there’s something exacerbating things beyond what’s normal for you. Figuring out the problem might help you figure out how to solve it, or at least might reassure you that there is a reason for how things are going. This might also mean you can continue with your current job (if you are able to address any issues that are making things harder). If you would like to socialise more, you could perhaps try online groups or forums (related to your interests, or neurodivergency) as that might be easier than coping with face-to-face socialising at the moment. If you have any supportive friends or family members, you could also ask for them to help by accompanying you to events or classes that you might be interested in, and where you might make some new friends/engage in interests. If you need support with employment, your local mental health team might be able to provide some support, and you could also try contacting Access To Work. If you don’t feel able to cope with work at the moment, you could always look into whether you would be eligible for benefits. As for your future... It’s scary when you’re not sure where you are going, or where you want to go and how you could possibly get there. But in a year or two you might be looking back and marvelling at how you had no idea you’d get to where you are. There are lots of things that people can just sort of fall into. They see an advert for a course, or someone makes a suggestion, or you meet someone who has a a job or a hobby that you think sounds interesting, and sometimes those things can result in new opportunities. If you would like to take a class but don’t feel able to physically attend a class, perhaps you could look into online studies. Browse through some prospectuses, see whether anything takes your interest, or if you would like to be able to work from home you could look into courses that would enable you to do that in future.

[sunnysideofsaturn]

2019, oh how you’ve destroyed me.

basically i’ve seen a ton of posts like this, especially by one of my best interweb pals (lookin at you, C @hey-im-pan ) and it’s inspired me to make one of my own! i journal a LOT but it’ll be interesting to try and sum everything up in little synopsis.

*side note: i struggle with anxiety, depression, insomnia, and ocd, so those and their effects may be mentioned. be cautious. This also doesn’t include a lot of the more personal instances, so don’t take it as an accurate representation of what it is like living with these issues*

January:

Honestly, not much happened. I went on a college visit trip with a few of my friends to my dream school, which was stressful but informative, and my anxiety attacks were far and in-between. Sleep schedule was wack (has been since 7th grade), but i was functioning. Dysphoria (i’m nonbinary, but hadn’t really even come out to myself then) was pretty high this month in particular for some reason, so i finally started trying to convince my mom to let me cut my hair off. (I had like 2.5 feet it was a mess)

February:

Finally came out to one of my close friends as pan, kinda accidentally but she was chill with it :) My grandma had a weeklong sickness that scared the shit out of me, but she got better for the time being. I was constantly pushing myself academically and physically at practice, but my grades were taking a bit of a nosedive because i didn’t have the capacity to deal with everything, but i bottled it up because i hate feeling weak. I continued to explore my sexuality, and started to research the gender spectrum.

March:

School and Crew (rowing sport) were the only things on my mind at all times. I started having more anxiety attacks again, and decided it was time to talk to my doctor about going back on meds after 3 years off them. IB was kicking my ass, but i’m so grateful for all of my teammates for giving me an escape on the water. Started to accept I was non-binary.

April:

A month full of good vibes i really needed. Got my drivers license on 4/20. I hiked my grades up with the help of extra credit, held a “wedding” in a Dillard’s try-on section, and spent a few days of spring break at the beach with two friends. I finally cut my hair off!! That feeling was literally incredible and i try to get a haircut every other month to actually keep up with it now. Saw endgame, died inside, and competed in an art show! I was doing really well, so I went off my meds again (don’t do that without a doctors permission like me).

May:

BAdddd time to be off meds, anxiety and depression were dropping my health and IB finals kicked my ass and the class i had been most excited about taking had become my worst at this point, but I got through the exams without missing any. Went to Jr. Prom though! We actually used going to Jr. Prom as a coverup to throw a surprise birthday party for my best friend. I still have no idea how she didn’t figure it out. I also started talking to one of my internet buds, Rosie. She’s helped me through so much she doesn’t even know about, and it such a beaut inside and out <3

June:

MADE IT TO PRIDE MONTH!! I finished my actual finals with minimal panic attacks, and join a Parkner discord! That was short lived, but from it was born… The What the Actual Fuck Fam, whom i love dearly. You guys still crack me up, and i know i’ll always have people to fall back on ( or help me commit murder.) Turned 17 and watched Monty Python (again.) Was forced into not one, but tWo bible camps, but also went to my first pride in my city! I have never felt so loved by so many people i don’t know :)

July:

Depression hit me HarD. I was constantly in a bad mood and taking it out on other people and myself, and I was losing even more sleep. Went back on meds for a bit. I got to see Far From Home, but pretty much isolated myself from anyone in my real life. July is always hard for me to get though for some reason. On a happier note, I started talking to @winterrs-child , who I now love dearly and @exbrodokills , which started out by exchanging memes but i think we can now call a friendship :D

August:

More depression, yayyyy, but Rosie and my irl friends helped me through it so much, even if they didn’t know it was happening. I finally came out to my parents and grandma as pan. They honestly took it pretty well, even if my grandma thinks it’s a ‘phase’. Also came out to C, B, and T as non-binary. Ya’ll were the first people I told after a YEAR omg <3 developed a huge celebrity crush on a cosplayer i won’t name even though they’ll never see this :’) Also fell back into the kiribaku pit after finally stabilizing my Parkner obsession. Also, joined a sapphic server which is basically a big gay support group :) (thanks to Rosie)

September:

Started my senior year of high school. So far, it’s pretty much been one big panic attack but i’m managing. I’m a mentor on the crew team this year and have adopted pretty much every underclassmen on the team. I love them all equally (except for my favorites) Cut my hair even shorter! I love it! Got back into writing poetry and short stories after an intense writer’s and reader’s block that lasted for almost a year. Went off my meds again (I should stop doing that, ik) Went to a Harry Potter fest, which was great, but started building up major anxiety for planning the rest of my life.

October:

SPOOP MONTH. October is my favorite month, so I was determined to make it good. Went on a couple more college tours, but also celebrated fall and halloween with my favorite people. Came reallllly close to stabbing my IB Bio teacher, but he’s survived, so far. Cosplayer mentioned earlier followed me on insta, cue gay panic. i also accidentally created a huge cuddle pile of 30 girls on my team in the captain’s backyard. It was as amazing as it sounds :0 Applied for 6 colleges

November:

CAVETOWN omg. I was also murdered with a bent hammer (don’t ask) and my mental health was pretty stable. I joined yet another server created by the cosplayer, and have made so many friends through it, plus gained a new dad figure :). Contemplated buying a binder on black friday, didn’t and deeply regret it (planing on getting one with the christmas money i get from my homophobic grandfather we pretend doesn’t exist) Discovered the goodness of Baby Yoda. Did pretty much no spanish homework. Solid 7/10

December:

Honestly, school wise december has been the most stressful month of this year so far, and the 2nd worst depressive episode. I’ve written 6 essays and done 5 projects this month and that was not a good time for the already low seratonin levels. i got waitlisted for the school i mentioned earlier, but was accepted into the other 5 :) I got to see an Of Monsters and Men concert, and I’m trying to push thorough til break, but my grandma has been getting sick more and more frequently over this year and now she’s been in a lot of pain for over two weeks and in and out of emergency care 6 times. Just hoping to make it to 2020 with everyone in tact and healthy :) I’m doing a secret santa with my friends im looking forward to. My friends have been amazing support through all of this mess, even if ii didn’t tell you about it, and i love you all!!

special mentions:

@donnaschaunamanon

@dawdlzdoodles

@harleykeenerprotectionsquad

@bumbblebeeeeee

@lykkesw

@chai-studying

@hey-im-pan

@pumpkinparkner

@everyone’s users i don’t know/remember

[aamanda5566-blog]

Essential sound equipment and techniques needed to produce a professional production ✔

essential sound equipment 

1. Microphones

As a piece of essential audio equipment, start with one mic but definitely plan to add more. Using different mics for different situations is practical, and having a spare mic as a backup is smart. Plus, if you’re recording multiple hosts or sit-down interviews, a matched pair of microphones (i.e. two mics of the same brand and model) provides a consistent sound.

Whatever mic you choose, select a pickup pattern that’s best for your situation. In noisy environments or when you have several mics close together, a directional (cardioid) mic offers better isolation than omnidirectional (360⁰). For applications where loud speakers or noise isn’t an issue, an omnidirectional mic can be beneficial. Their tonal qualities are generally more natural sounding. A shotgun pattern, on the other hand, is great for capturing voice with some room ambiance for that “live on-location” sound with controlled directionality.

2. Audio mixer with EQ

Even for simple screencasts, an audio mixer with EQ is a piece of essential audio equipment. Sure you could use an audio inserter to match the signal levels of your mic with the inputs on a computer and provide a little gain, but a small mixer can do that and more. Mixers have gain control, tone adjustments, noise reducing filters, offer a variety of different inputs and outputs, and more.

The cost for a mixer depends on brand, quality (i.e. how much noise is introduced to the audio signal), and features. A small compact mixer that’s good quality for the price is the Soundcraft Notepad-8FX 8 channel mixer with USB. It has phantom power, high-pass (low cut) filter for noisy environments, and more. The Yamaha MG-10XU is highly rated with 10 channels, phantom power, plus a built-in compressor to smooth out the peaks and valleys for a more even signal. Brands like the Behringer Xenyx 1204USB also provide good value (at a lower quality).

For top brand names, consider the Mackie ProFX8v2 8-Channel Professional FX Mixer with USB or the 802VLZ4 if you don’t need USB. And if you absolutely want Soundcraft, the Signature 10 compact mixer is priced right with all the essential features like USB interface, phantom power, compressors, and more.

EQ mixer 

3. Compressor / limiter

If you don’t purchase a mixer that includes a compressor and you’re recording people who don’t have mic training, a compressor is definitely a piece of essential audio equipment. A compressor evens out the audio signal by reducing the dynamic range to eliminate the big peaks and low valleys. It gives you a more even “polished” sound. A compressor can save your recording from being ruined by a few loud, distorted clips. A limiter is basically a compressor that’s set more aggressively. In a nutshell, a limiter helps protect equipment from dangerously loud volume spikes. It blocks signals that are above a set threshold – chopping off the tops of those peaks. If you’re worried about blowing speakers, a limiter is essential.

composer pro-XL

4. Headphones / monitors

Without a good pair of headphones, you’re mixing blind! Even when recording directly to your computer using an audio inserter or mixer, a pair of good headphones is essential to monitor your recording without fear of feedback. Comfortable earbuds can also work if you’re just monitoring voice and don’t want to see bulky headphones on camera. And unless you’re close to the headphone output jack, picking up a handy 3.5 m stereo male to 3.5 mm stereo female extension cable is useful.

Choosing monitor headphones is subjective and can be pricey. I suggest selecting a pair that feels comfortable and has a neutral sound over headphones that boost the bass or high end. AKG is known for their high-end studio headphones, but they do have budget pleasing models like the K240 and the K550. Other quality headphones that won’t blow your budget include the Audio-Technica ATH-M50x and Pioneer HRM-7m. For a bit more money, try the impressive Focal Listen Professional. There are, of course, the studio benchmarks like the AKG K18 Pro andSennheiser HD800.

Studio monitor speakers are great if you have a control room that’s isolated from your video studio space. It’s good to hear what your audio sounds like on speakers rather than just on headphones. Are studio speaker’s essential for a video training studio and screencasts? That depends on your application. But you could spend the money elsewhere, like a higher quality set of headphones. Some excellent studio monitors in the more affordable range include the IK Multimedia iLoud Micro Monitor, Yamaha HS5, and the RKR Rokit RP7 G4.

monitor             /                headphones

my opinion: i would prefer headphones/headset because it is more convinient when you would want/like to listen very closely to the audio.

5. Field recorders

You could record directly to software on your computer when doing screencasts, but consider using a hand-held field recorder for better quality. Field recorders are easy to use and very portable. Most connect directly to computers and cameras, making them a convenient audio recording solution.

A field recorder like a Zoom H4n Pro can even take the place of an audio inserter to get your mic audio into your computer while at the same time record a backup to an SD card. Add a headphone splitter to the audio output jack and feed audio to a set of headphones and into your camera’s 3.5mm external mic input for a completely portable audio recording solution. The Zoom H4n Pro has two XLR inputs with +48 V phantom, a 3.5 mm Plug In voltage input, USB, line/headphone output, plus two built in cardioid stereo microphones at the top of the unit for a total of four recording tracks. Only need a single track? There’s a Zoom H1n for that.

Many different models and less expensive brands exist. Another option is the Tascam DR-40X with many of the same features of the H4n Pro except the built-in stereo mics are omnidirectional. However, the preamps of the Tascam are noisier than Zoom. You may prefer the Tascam DR-100MKII. To directly record a lavaliere mic, the Zoom F1-LP is an option. This Zoom field recorder can also connect to a computer like an audio interface and to the mic inputs on a camera. If you need more powerful gain at the XLR mic input, look at the higher Zoom models such as the H5, H6, or the Tascam DR-60DMKII.

theres ore than 3 types of field recorders, 2 are from sony and 1 from tascam. all three are good quility but pick the best siutable for yourself.

FOR MORE DETAILED INFORMATION AND MORE ESSENTIALS VISIT THIS LINK   ---> ---->  https://www.epiphan.com/blog/essential-audio-equipment/

[cyantxrminal]

here’s my “why I ship oumami” essay

CONTAIN SPOILERS expand at your own risk, may or may not add more later

its like 500+ words im proud of myself

ik ik oumami doesn’t have a lot of canon interactions, but see with their personalities it would be really interesting if they actually know each other and get to understand each other a bit better. First off ouma enjoys exploring stuff by himself and figuring out mysteries ((he did a lot of investigation on his own and keeps himself on top of everything, as shown in investigation time)) he would naturally be drawn to someone like amami lol hes literally like “???????” the entire time

also technically ouma IS interested in amami but he just doesn’t have enough time and opportunity to figure out his mystery because amami died too damn early. Idk about the “my beloved amami-chan is dead” line because it may as well be one of his saccharine lies used to hide his real emotions, but then how you explain the statue and his enthusiasm of “welcoming amami back from the dead”. Also with their room tho idk how you say this in english

amami and ouma are both kinda like the kirigiri-slash-komaeda “I do my investigation on my own” type of person, if amami survived for longer they would investigate the other due to their mysterious aura, which would lead to them eventually uncover each other’s true intentions and probably come forth about what they think. Ahh well, fuck kodaka

in a way I feel like they are really alike in a way which would have drawn them closer together. Ouma hides his actual intentions in a big lie, his existence is a big lie, which just kinda shows his distrust towards people and his insecurities. amami is kinda like that too except that he tries to appear not so mysterious and get along with people ((despite being shsl ??? and stuff)) so that people wont “hate him” and “isolate him”, but then you can see from his interactions with kaede that he have trust issues and is a sensitive guy that cares about everyone. So basically ouma hides his insecurities in lies and amami hides his insecurities in “being nice to people” and his mysterious aura but then deep inside they are just gentle and sweet people who cares for the well being of other people

also im expressing my anger here but tbh amami and ouma’s deaths are like…well no one gives a fuck tbh. When amami dies people just forget about him instantly and he became irrevelent. When ouma died people are all sad that kaito is being executed ((I love kaito myself you can see from my saimota stuff but im just making this contrast to stress a point here)) so they literally died for the good of the group ((well amami is technically killed by tsumugi because he knows too much)) but no one gives a shit they died

anyway my point is that their interactions would be really interesting if they had the chance to actually interact because of their personalities and experiences. Put in official art and color swap and all those theories there goes a perfectly good ship. wHY KILL AMAMI FIRST OUT OF EVERYONE GODDAMNIT KODAKA

I hope yall enjoyed my essay have a good day

[johnsaye]

Planetary Motion

What a strange week, all kinds of things to do. For someone in my shape, you think I’d have just one boring day after another, but I don’t. Things are as fast-paced as I can ever think of. I’ve got on average of seven home health visits per week, two physical therapy sessions, two occupational therapy sessions, two more visits from a home health aid to help me take a bath and an extra nurse’s visit to help me through whatever I’m dealing with at the moment, although that’s going down to once per two weeks now, and then on top of that I’m doing my best to write every day. Kids are in school, I’m going each week to any number of doctor’s appointments from general practice and pain management all the way to neurology, wound care or urology as needed, and I’ve got a wonderful cat, Penelope, who naps on me a lot lately. Sometimes I just flop when it’s time to get back into the bed in the evening. 

Writing

Planning a whole galaxy of planets for world building it is tough work. Maybe I’ve gone too far? I decided as I’ve stalled a couple of times while attempting to begin writing a space opera style story that I wanted to know what all the major planets I wanted to include were. I decided that I just wanted to begin with a few (seven) individual solar systems that were habitable. I could make up stories that took place in those locations for days, and for a while considered having a single solar system where all the action happened. I thought it might be this solar system, with a future Earth at the center, but decided to stay away from that. I wanted light speed, or rather faster than light speed travel as a part of it, so I needed different places to go. So I picked a number and seven seems to be the right number, though I think maybe eight, just because I like the number eight. 

I want to know where everything is, where all the civilizations arose, who knows who, how many intelligent species are out there traveling the spaceways and what all their relationships are. Where are the natural resources, where can people, human or otherwise, live. What is the power or land grabs like. Which groups want single rule per planet, who wants a big empire spanning many planets (and habitable moons and dwarf planets.)

I’ve been working out where my barren and forest moons are, and where large quantities of rock are, and large ones that don’t qualify as planets, but might be good as a pirate base or something. The next step I want to take is to start pinpointing where intelligent spacefaring civilizations started. I want to know where didn’t leap to the stars on their own and where they did, and who first contacted them and whose side they might be on in a conflict. 

I’m barely scratching the surface of these worlds, but I ‘m finding that as I visit each character and planet, they all have a story to tell, and they want to tell me. Scenarios seem to bubble up that want to be stories, now I just have to figure out who is the lead character, because several of them keep raising their hands and want to be featured. 

Health

I had an interesting visit to the urologist this week. It’s not my favorite thing to talk about, but being a (recovering?) paraplegic fir this length of time has caused some issues to come up I wasn’t expecting. For instance, bowel movements have slowed way down, and apparently, I keep catching urinary tract infections because my bladder doesn’t empty as it should. Too much information… I know. I think I’m doing well, but it seems my bladder isn’t emptying fully as it should, and if I allow my blood sugar to spike the organisms already hanging out down in there go Ya-Ha! They have a little party and boom, I’m back up UTI alley. 

I’m very grateful for the chair Medicare just sent me, because it reclines all the way back, which allowed the docs at urology access to my butt. Got a shot in both cheeks with an antibiotic and another prescription for some additional ones to finish this garbage off. 

Twitch

In website news, I’ve integrated twitch into the right-hand panel of the site. I’m toying with a twitch as a way to interact with people. To be literally present Live on camera on my website at times. I’m pretty isolated out here. My wife is my best friend anyway, so it’s the best of both worlds there, but I don’t get to see many others who aren’t doctors, nurses or therapists, and I just wonder if this is the way to stick my neck out there. I miss being able to bring my Dungeons & Dragons books to the lunchroom to see who says hello. Today everything’s digital, so if this is it, then this is it. I was also considering doing the first draft of this year’s NaNoWriMo book on camera. I’m still thinking about that. 

Star Wars

Holy Cow! The Mandalorian is coming to Disney Plus in November and all I have to say is ‘Take my money!’ That’s just all there is to it. The trailer dropped and I’ve been going over it and over it again, maybe not with the depth that some will, but I’ve looked at it my fair share, and like many things from Lucasfilm, I think this is going to be a game-changer in what you can do in science fiction on television. I imagine it won’t be too long before every YouTuber at home has a motion capture suit and the ability to render detailed characters from their basement green screen setup. 

The fact that they are doing this now likely means they’ve mastered this technology among others over the last several movies, to make it affordable to produce quickly for something with the number of episodes to qualify as a television series. Pretty awesome stuff. I’m looking forward to the Mandalorian when it premieres. 

Reading

I can once more read the Catcher in the Rye! J. D. Salinger, someone I thought growing up to be a brilliant writer and mind disappointed me in his age to be one of the most famous hold-outs when it came to delivering his work through any other channel except for print. I’ve loved The Catcher in the Rye for many years, going through Holden Caulfield’s mind as he gathers himself up to return home again after getting ousted from yet another prep school. Salinger refused to release the book in another format, no audiobook, no movie adaptation, and especially no ebook. 

No movie, okay I can get that. It’s hard to get into a good first-person book as a movie without the lead sounding like a film noir detective, so there you have me. I don’t understand not having an audio version though, because among the disabled, as I am now, it cuts the story of from such a large group and that I don’t understand, and denying the ebook? What’s that about? In a world where the bookstore is no longer out there somewhere, but in everyone’s pocket, that seems like a poor business choice. ‘Oh but I love the smell of paper!’ No— you mean mold. Grr. He held out. When he died I found out he left instructions not to release them, and then his son held out… until now. The ebook version has been released. Maybe he needed the money? I don’t know, but I’m glad he did. 

My hands are still incapable of holding a book or turning pages, but I can read anything on my kindle app with the swipe of a stylus. I am very glad to be able to read the book again and have it in my virtual library. An audiobook is apparently still off the table. Maybe eventually. 

I still wonder, where do the ducks go when the pond freezes over? Even though I live in the south where the ponds never do. 

It’s interesting though since reading they were going to do it on the BBC website, they published that sucker to kindle quick!

https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-49330560

Therapy

My therapists were excited that we won the eBay auction for an EasyStand XT, though the auctioneer doesn’t seem very interested in shipping it, and we’ve withdrawn our offer. (Because they freaked out when they figured out they didn’t account for shipping the thing…) We’ll see what eBay wants to do about that, but I very much dis;Ike it when people don’t know what they are doing. I feel for them. I’m sorry they haven’t got the wisdom to think about what shipping would cost. The bad thing is I would have happily paid extra for the shipping and worked out a deal. 

My second plan to get one is to go to my local supplier and start working a deal with Medicare for a new one, I’m going to have to pay to ship anyway, so it doesn’t really matter. I’m going to get one either way. It’s just now I’m waiting a little bit longer. That’s all. 

I see myself using one of these days as I get the strength back into my legs for standing up again. I used one of these in the hospital a few times. I need one now. So I’m going to make it happen. 

https://easystand.com/product/png50209-evolv-xt/

source https://www.johnsaye.com/planetary-motion/