#and im too sad to even click play on my fav movies

[franchufeuillassier]

.

[misterbitches]

i said i would talk about saizon and usually i would be under the influence. but i am not yet. read the * at end of the post first if u want clarification of overall.

i might mention torfight (will refer as f/t) but if anyone gets upset just chill. it’s a really inconsequential opinion. the chances of someone stumbling upon this means nothing. it isnt’ a compare and contrast just how i personally feel while viewing these shows. and i probably want to dive into what this means in a broader context since i have all the time and brain space in the world 

from the first encounter of saifah and zon or their first encounter outside of their “kiss” (LOL? so unnecessary) it was clear that as awkward as it could or may be there was natural chemistry. which i want my tiny head to explore.

so a lot of BL (which is like....tv and movies etc in general anyways) hell even dramas may have a less sexual undertone to get to where they are going. which i think is a problem with tv in general (a friend was bringing this up with the new rules of social distancing on set which...capitalism but whatever)  where sex is a vehicle for connection. a lot of BLs can be explicit i suppose, but in the west it’s like jumping into bed is a huge base for a lot of couples. also everyone fucks too much who cares.

but sex, kisses, hookups, any nudity, etc is not a placeholder for like actual intimacy, romantic love, showing love. that’s part of why i hate the concept of love at first sight, at least the way it plays out. you can really like someone, hell maybe even love, when you see them or feel this bond but the bond isn’t because you TOUCHED them.

there’s a difference between natural chemistry and forced. natural chemistry is what you would prefer which is why casting directors have literally chemistry tests to test your compatibility as actors, with a writer/director, and on camera. there can be people whose chemistry develops and we see the potential, or people who we know don’t love each other IRL and this is acting but it’s still powerful. but this always means you have to give them the time and space. actors can jump in/out of character but it’s human nature. if two peopl eare meeting for the first time and have to simulate sex there’s going to be this natural like...strangeness. obviously. viewers can see it.

so when you get two people who click irl and it doesn’t always have to be romantic or sexually it’s kind of more of a thrill. very obviously mii2 are a lot more flexible around each other so it is less mechanic. i think i like watching tharntype because even tho i feel like parts of it seriously need some oil, i can see and understand a relationship developing through their characters as they act (and i do not particularly think they are good actors.)

the friendship that saizon display—whether we think it is spontaneous and too quick or not—is legitimately nice. and they are very obviously comfortable with each other. i guess there can be an idea of romantic friendship (but idk abt that one, we dont have to fucking label everything you can love someone so deeply in your own way outside of our parameters bla bla capitalism ruining everything bla bla individualism)

they got in each others faces, then would do very weird shit together, because that’s who they are. for me personally i think being able to have fun with your partner is iMPERATIVE. one of my fav moments is when they fucking meow at each other (which i know is a thai joke, right? idk) and it is so weird but you can tell they understand the way they communicate?

to me  like...having someone you feel something deep with is that there’s this role you guys are playing, it’s a joke you started, and with the best kind of intimacy and love your partner can keep it going, keep it rolling, hang it up in the air and you guys just go back adn forth....forever lol 

i also legitimately think it is important to hammer home the fact that you are yourself without a partner and i really resent a message that makes it seem like you can’t live without someone. maybe a lack of saizon was good that way. like they existed as two seperate people. their love and attraction weren’t the only thing going for them. it was just natural and very nice.

this particular display of romance and affection is one that’s strong but doesn’t take itself too seriously. not because you don’t want to lose them but because there’s enough security. or like, it’s really guided by this unspeakable feeling you feel with another person. 

i’m not sure if that means soulmates but it’s something close. saifah doesn’t expect zon to be someone he can’t, but it doesn’t mean he has to let himself go completely for him. when he expressed being sad that zon pulled away it’s normal. and zon knew he couldn’t do it but they still got through it. and then he pats the bed and saifah jumps on him.

these types of couples remind me of why i feel the way i do about love. i can’t imagine something fucking bogging me down, where i feel like i can’t get up without pulling me, where i don’t feel myself first. zon was figuring himself out and he was thinking of himself and his feelings. bc he should. 

that’s another reason why trapped MC (H3) is one of my favs. first of all THEY LAUGHED TOGETHER WHICH IS LIKE A REQUIREMENT UR NO FUN IF UR A SQUARE and second of all they were going to spend year apart and could do that. had to. fuck the carceral state but. 

you don’t ask someone to give up a part of themselves, you only want them to be the best they can be. it isnt through demands it’ sgrowing with them and fucking respecting them with everything you have. and it means having a foundation outside of them, too. 

i know people get upset at the “love anybody but u have to love yourself” adage but i don’t really see it tht way. i absolutely believe you need to learn to be healthy alone and have a community. rely on all sorts of people. have different types of love and figure yourself out. we can’t be free as human beings without it and i would rather fucking die than not feel free. 

oh and like....being with someone where you feel seen and heard not shamed. i read this thing in the atlantic like, partnerships fail a lot because of lack of validation. imagine having someone who trusts you, and maybe helps to trust yourself, and validates you by being there. nice.

and it’s nice having someone you love so deeply and beautifully along for the ride. instead of no actual pleasure outside of sex, your relationship IS the pleasure. beautiful stunning etc. and that’s what makes everythign feel good the love, sex, living, whatever. with someone and with yourself.

this got away from me in conclusion theyre very cute eand that’s cos it’s easy and natural. mii2 are fun to watch as saizon and themselves. life shouldnt be too hard. im a big fan of working as little as possible and being happy kekekek

*i am talking monogamy, love, and the self. why only ‘traditional’ rships? first: i literally cannot handle people because i can’t handle my mind. non-monagamy is incredibly alluring to me for my autonomy, in the abstract, and in theory. however, in practice, i don’t think—for me as a black woman and what it means for me—i can enact anything i feel would be detrimental to me or puts me in a position where i feel forced into a dynamic i no longer care for. 

and who knows if that changes? i only do and care about the things i like and find important. no one else but me, family, and friends. how i choose. so i am talking abt monogamy but u can interpret that for other rships if you wish. 

second: it’s. my. life. 

i dont carrreeee about monogamy/non monagamy outside of liberation and sexual freedom and what does that mean?  there is no blueprint for that. there is no future expectation for a relationship, there is nothing but how we choose to interact with the world and community. first and foremost: love means so many things and it doesn’t have to mean any “new” ideas. or “instincts.” who fucking cares. we can’t reimagine literal relationships, people are fucking toxic in all types of them, only reimagine how we interact with ourselves and each other. there is no fucking guarantee with any of this we are safe. you cannot predict life. just live it. honor yourself first. there’s some black feminists books on like love and intimacy if you are curious how capitalism binds us. we keep wanting to find solutions WITHIN when its like nah, it;s our own fuckin terms. self-love becomes the love you can extract from others. it isn’t sustainable. 

ROMANTIC LOVE WAS INVENTED TO MANIPULATE WOMEN = JENNY HOLZER

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

Race to the Edge: Season 4, Episode 11 (Blindsided) - Thoughts whilst watching

So I already know that this is THE episode where Hiccstrid becomes a thing, and I just wanted to fangirl over everything in one post so I don’t clog up any dashboards.

I love that everytime Hiccup or Astrid does anything dangerous, the other yells their name in worry.

Astrid going back to save that last Night Terror though because no dragon gets left behind on her watch!

Also she was so worried about all the other dragons that were flying loose during the storm

This is why I love her so much, she’s gone from training to kill dragons to caring for them so much

Being blind is literally one of my biggest fears so I feel her pain :/

(Side note: I love how the other riders were worried about their dragons)

Hiccup is the first person Astrid calls out for I can’t- 😭

“You remember when Bucket lost his sight? He got it back.” “Yeah, and he wears a metal bucket on his head - permanently.” 😂😂😂

Hiccup and Toothless agreeing to spend the night with Astrid :3

I love how Astrid reached out her hand and then Hiccup took it to try to reassure her that it would be okay

“I’m more effective blind than some riders - who shall remain nameless - that are fully sighted” *side eyes Tuff and Ruff* 😂

“Astrid, there is no way you’re flying in your condition. As leader, I’m putting my foot down.” —> 10 minutes later.. “Remind me to never put my foot down again.” (Lmao of course she gets her own way, you tried though Hiccup)

It makes me sad that they never had the whole “you’re not flying in your condition” disagreement when she was pregnant though oof

Hiccup grabbing Astrid by the waist to stop her from falling ♥️

“The truth is, I’m glad you’re here.” - Hiccup stAHP

Astrid putting her arms around him like in the first film while they ride on Toothless 😭👏🏻♥️ Poetic television right there

I hear that Romantic Flight music playing again and again, and I’m weeping oh my lord

Hiccup stopping her from falling on a rock

HICCUP LOOKING AWKWARD WHEN HE FELL ON TOP OF HER IM CRYING WITH LAUGHTER 😂 it looks so wrong and suggestive

Aww we talk so much about Hiccup and Toothless but what about Astrid and Stormfly’s relationship? So beautiful ♥️

“Of course she’s not gonna hide, what was I thinking, she’s Astrid” - lmao

Even when she’s blind, Astrid’s reflexes are on point

“Not fair, Hiccup, so not fair.” “We’ll talk about it later.” - Married Couple Goals tbh

“What if she doesn’t want me anymore?” Astrid no sweetie she’s just overprotective 😭

“You’re Astrid, you’re strong, you’re invincible” - supportive husband Hiccup Haddock is my fav

HAND HOLDING

Okay being real, Toothless and Stormfly both know EXACTLY what is going on between the two of them and they’re definitely all for it

“You will always have me.” - for fuck sake Hiccup you’re not even dating yet 😭

“There will always be a Hiccup and Astrid. Always” - WELP MY HEART

He was going to kiss her then omg 😭♥️👏🏻

He divebombed with her to get her out the way and all I could focus on was her arm around his shoulder/neck

These two are so fricking obvious oh my lord

Astrid is so smart, like she listens to the Stryke’s clicks and knows how to deal with it and train it without her sight

Her little giggle when she trained it :3

HICCUP WAS THE FIRST THING SHE SAW WTF 😭♥️

Her hugging him and him hugging her back! Also he sounds so relieved that her sight is back

“I never stop worrying about you. That’s just the way it is.” “I guess that goes for you too.” - you dorks, just say you love each other already

Hiccup moving up to sit closer to her :3

Hiccup is so awkward about nearly kissing her

“It wasn’t perfect. And I always thought that if it ever happened...uhh yes, I thought about it a lot...uhh it had to be just perfect.” - I find it so pure that he’s had a crush on her for so long, since before the start of the very first movie, and he’s thought about kissing her a lot. I’m honestly so weak over how sweet it is ♥️

“This seems pretty perfect to me.” “Yeah...Yeah, I guess it does!” - that realization of what she means is so cute omg

UMM THAT KISS WAS SO BEAUTIFUL??? LIKE LITERAL BIRDS FLYING, THE SUNSET, HIS HAND ON HERS?? *dead*

That kissing noise

Hiccup’s little half laugh half breath after they separate?? The joy on both their faces?? Someone hold me please 😭

I’m dead and going to sleep now goodnight

[lanamemories]

hLO itsa me nai-io!!!!! (read shrieked in a high voice like mario if he buckled his dungarees too tight around the crotch)...... im sad i missed opening bt i had a pretty busy past 2 days so i didn’t hav any chance at all to b online bc i ws staying at a friends bt. anyway. excited to b here nw regardless of my Fashionably Late entrance. i’m 22 n live in manchester (the u freakin k Bay Bee) n cackle a little too mch like a witch fr supernatural suspicions nt to arise. thts all u rly need to kno. like this or hmu fr plots!! 

p.s. this is her pinterest for those of u tht like tht kind of thing

「 bridget satterlee. cis-female. 」have you seen lana jameson around yet? i hear SHE decided to be in ALPHA NU for their JUNIOR year as a DANCE major. the 21 year old SHEEP is known to be vivacious, alluring, childish and impulsive. ➨ the muse is written by nai. she is 22, in the gmt.

some random aesthetics: a red water pistol topped up with caribbean rum and covered in stickers of cartoon pin up girls, a vinyl record whirring silently because you got too distracted by a stranger’s hands to reach over and flip sides, giant inflatable flamingos floating in the aftermath of a pool party, smudgy lipstick kisses left like an autograph on someone else’s mirror, seventies platforms covered in bowie inspired lightening stripes, fanning the flush in your cheeks with a bright red flamenco fan in the back of a crowded lecture hall, michelangelo reminiscent statures clasping at their stone in suggestive places, bopping stranger’s on the forehead with heart shaped lollipops, a bumper sticker on the back of a convertible cadillac that says ‘SCRAPPY DOO IS A FILTHY SLUT’, lighting a paper lantern and saying “aw, how pretty,” only for the whole party to shriek as it crashes into a children’s tent in the next garden over, a ball point pen that turns a woman naked when you click up the nib, cackling so ferociously that you almost throw up and your ribs ache.

ok im a Lay Zee gorl n dnt wna waste any mre time redoin lana’s intro so im pastin in her old one so i cn hop right to interactions. the only thing i can think tht needs to b added is the stuff abt danny nielsen (an evil npc of mine bc im a sadist) who recently beat up zeke van doren (full name this is Official feel like im writin a journalist article) bc he found out him n lana slept tgether n her n danny were kind of dating if....u can call his idea of romance tht. danny is in custody nw bt its a whole Thing like.... is prob... known around lockwood bc it ws a pretty intense..... thing tht happened n danny ws quite a popular senior

grew up in a big house in albany, NY, bt also spent time all over the place n was in the city a lot

okay so her mum is an old money socialite / three time campaign model way back when n her dad is a big record label mogul. he owns a label called jameson records n they repped a few big rock bands back in the eighties, altho they’re mostly known for ‘poppy injects’ whose lead singer had a big heroin scandal tht brought down his career. lana p much grew up around musicians snorting lines instead of spooning down cereal fr breakfast n her parents were v much absent her whole life

they’re pretty well off obviously n bc of her relation to such a big music industry figure she’s hung out w a fair few relatively high rep ppl thru her teens. she amassed kind of an instagram following mainly fr her style (v penny lane-esque in some aspects aka lots of fur cuff trimmed jackets bt then also jst…. a wild combination of everything honestly. pastel faux fur coats, seventies style platforms, flame red cowboy boots, pink fishnet tights n glitter used like highlight Everywhere) n bc she’s undeniably very pretty

her parents always kind of jst… didn’t like her. it was v clear that she was an accident after her older brother caleb n that even when they just had him alone they weren’t cut out for parenthood. they always kind of jst… ignored her n hoped she’d go away. she had to mke herself microwave meals when she ws only like 12 bc they’d forget to get her anything. once she went like 6 days without her mum even looking her in the eyes once

despite this tho!!! she’s always been insanely close w her brother caleb. he’s her whole world. thts why when he decided to sign up to the army she ws understandably scared bt supported him after initially bein mad tht he ws leavin her all alone. bt then he wound up getting discharged under grounds of severe ptsd when he witnessed his best friend die in an explosion tht took place in a shock raid. caleb returned home n he was never the same n lana kind of felt like he’d died out there too. he’s in n out of hospital a lot n it’s rly hard on her bt she doesn’t tlk abt it to anyone rly

growing up lana was always a huge social butterfly. jst literally…. knew everyone n everyone definitely knew her. she ws one of those girls tht ws kind of impossible to ignore or forget. very animated, always made u feel like u were the centre of the universe whenever she spoke to u, always made it feel like u were best friends even if ud only spoken to her once. she has this magnetic way abt her tht is kind of hard to find in real life. it’s something ud only rly expect out of a movie character n she like. deliberately puts tht on sort of. kind of.... is always playing A Role of the person tht she wants to b seen as

she’s always been insatiably spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand stories tht always earn a laugh or a gasp over how ridiculously absurd they r

anyway so after caleb got back he was rly withdrawn n depressed. he shut lana out n was kind of harsh to her a lot of the time, always telling her to leave him alone or pushing her away. it didnt help either tht lana had a rly traumatic experience w some of her dad’s colleagues at the label when she ws 16 n he was away n she cldnt even tell him abt it once he was bk bc of his own traumas. she kind of jst shut it all in n kept it to herself

this obviously?? made her spiral a lot. she was already a girl tht loved sex (she’d only rly done foreplay before tho) but since her trauma it got…. completely out of hand. it got to a point where she couldnt rly go 2 days without it, probably not even 1. her lowest point has probably been scrolling thru craiglist for anonymous encounters n meeting up w strangers on there fr a quick fuck jst for the thrill even tho it’s insanely dangerous n she cld wind up getting herself killed. it’s v clear at this point tht she has a sex addiction whether she’s ever admitted it or not

she also currently? is working as a cam girl. she found this website bc she trawls… porn stuff a lot n she wound up applying to work as one bc she thought it’d b fun n wld earn her some disposal income (even tho she frankly doesn’t need it bc she’s already well off). the guy tht manages all of the girls on the site is kind of suspect n it’s a whole plot i’m gna unravel where it’s actually like the front for a cult or something wild so. stay posted ig. kgjdkgjh

personality/some fun facts: uncontrollably flirty. boundlessly confident. cld make a joke out a paper bag n her comedy is sometimes surreal / absurd. she tends to laugh when she feels like crying n has a smile brighter than a ray of texas sunshine. always dapples her fingers thru the breeze when she’s driving in a car w the window down. her fav book as a child used to b alice in wonderland n she’d fantasise abt having her own little wonderland too where everyone knew her name n asked her things n took her on adventures. at the time it didn’t rly strike her how evident it was tht that was bc she was so lonely. she almost always has some sort of sweet on her, whether it’s strawberry laces or gummy bears or cherry lollipops. she adores david bowie n prince n madonna n anyone tht’s a vintage style icon w little care fr what ppl think. wildflowers r her favourites bc they’re the brightest and u can’t buy them. she’s had like 8472493874 ‘relationships’ n none of them hav lasted beyond a month / hav been terrible / hav seen her being treated badly / she’s cheated on them. i dnt think she’s actually been w anyone she hasn’t cheated on in some form or another

plot ideas: exes tht lana’s fucked over hideously. she’d probably cheat a lot and it’d be a whole…mess. mayb someone tht flipped the switch and cheated on her? a cousin plot cld b fun too. a friend tht lana fel out w bc she slept w their significant other. someone tht’s getting lana into drugs?? she’s kind of impressionable/down for anything so tht’s a likely scenario she’d get into tbh. an unrequited crush!! (either way is cool). someone tht is just hanging out w her/using her bc she has a lot of instagram followers or they want to b signed to her dad’s label. someone in a band!! she’d probably make like penny lane n b their groupie/sleep w them all fgjkshgkh. umm a good influence too mayb? oh and a past summer romance/fling tht cld either have meant a lot or not have meant anything at all. bonus points if both of them hav a diff viewpoint on it. honestly?? anything is fine i cld ramble for days

[marcellaisnotme]

to everyone.

to all the amazing people that light up my 2019, let's continue our journey to 2020. 2019 has been pretty amazing to me than last year and i'm rather excited for what's going to come on 2020. its a bit frightening but at the same time i'm ready to face it.

i'm dedicating each of you who got this page a personal message <3

let me start it with my loving Ren ♡ we met not that long ago but long enough for me to call you a special friend. i love hanging out with you, i love ranting everything to you cause you're a really good listener, advisor and most importantly a really great sidekick. okno. you know what to say to make me feel better and i admire that you can think of so much in a short amount of time. the way you handle everything is very responsible and careful, i look up to you alot. let's be more closer and share more stupid shitposts (RED VELVET PLSSS). i love you!!

Jason ♡ we known each other for a very long time but we always been pretty close to each other, but sometimes we don't talk and we argue that one time. and you went missing too but when you came back i was really excited. you were really funny and entertaining. just what i need, just what i wanted. we have a love hate relationship and we never get tired of each other and buuuu-ing each other everytime. okno. you are special to me and i cant find another jason to replace. thanks for being such a great friend. i love you!!

Juan ♡ my favorite movie partner and cuddle buddy <3 the one that would always tell stupid jokes which myself find it really funny even when it's pretty dumb. the one who never get tired of me punching you in the arm. okno. i wanna spend more time watching movies with you cause i personally hate watching movies cause i'm a book person. but when i watch it with you and hear you explaining to me everything made me love movies. pstt. only when i watch it with you <3 HAHAHA let's do more movie dates next time juan, because movies are not watch worthy without you. okno. i love you!!!

bwi ♡ as much as i find you pretty annoying and such a coward but i really know how it takes courage to do something. i know how does it feel when you feel like doing something. but it's find. i dont judge you for it ok? i was just messing around with you cause your reaction is always funny i dont wanna miss it. OKNO. if you havent moved on completely, it's fine. it takes time to heal and takes time to grow. i hope you have a better life and be happy in 2020. i love you!!

Belle ♡ SINCE YOU'RE A GIRL NOW IMMA CALL YOU BELLE. okno you were a guy when we first met and first dated. okno. i can't believe we made it till today even when we dont talk that much these days. i just want you to know even when i'm very very very annoying and stoopid but i am really thankful that you were always there listening to my probs and teas :(( i'm so dramatic. wipes non existent tears. okno. be less busy so that i can kacau you more :(( i love you!!

Kitty Kou ♡ my wife :(( my husband soulmate boyfriend girlfriend my everything :(( screams i miss you so much we're not talking much this days are you THAT busy gimme attention bich :(( okno. i'm glad that you are fine now (i can see and feel it) also i dont want you to be sad no more cause you dont deserve to be :(( i'll karate anyone that tries to mess with you i swear >:( i love you soooo much you're my fav bestie ever you listen to me and play along with me cause thats what soulmates do :(( dont ever leave my side or i'm gonna tie u to me so that you wont escape HAH take that :(( i love you bb♡

Qhal ♡ you stick up to me since day-1 and thats what i love about you. you grew into a better person, you were so much braver and bolder plus happier these days and i've never been so proud of you. i hope your happiness last till next year and the following and forever. every day is a new day. you dont have to close old books and open new ones. you dont have to be someone you're not and importantly, you dont have to do things for anyone else. yourself is your top priority and always remember that you're just as important. seeing you happy makes me happy. we've been friends for god knows how long and you never left my side, ever. you're always a special friend to me. you're always in my heart. i love you!!

Irwin ♡ not gonna deny you're always there for me when i'm in an existential crisis. okno. you're such a fun and funny person to talk with. i always enjoyed talking to you because you could make and awkward situation lively with your randomness. you radiate great and positive energy that anyone around you feel better. you make me feel better when i'm sad. i hope you and jade last looooooooooong enough just like how long we've known each other. i love you!!

Tian ♡ i love talking to you and randomly being stupid with you and jason. i love how we click with each other that much it's like we're siblings. rough things happened but let's all forget about it. i hope for you happiness as you were always sad about a certain someone. it's fine to think about it. it's fine to hold onto it. cause the longer you hold on, the easier it will go away when it gets old. you should really reveal your cute daughter to everyone. cause i miss her and everyone needs to see her <3 she's amazing just like you. i love you!!

Cosmo ♡ as long as we known each other, you were the brightest person and the easiest to get along with. you always know what to do and put your heart in everything you do. i dont like seeing you being sad or depressed anymore because you weren't like that when we first met. always surround yourself with happy stuff >> me. and do things you wanna do that makes you happy. you will always be my cosmo, and i'll always be your wanda♡. i love you!!

Junguan ♡ hi bestie how u doin. okno. i am glad that you're always happy, always problem free. thanks for listening to my problems, thanks for being a great friend. i have a great laugh and a great time with you always. your reaction to my stupidness and sarcasm was always funny i'm not gonna lie. you're always the one that i believe would keep everything i tell you a secret. you're such an awesome person and a great friend. i love you !!

Xie/ Axel ♡ you're a really interesting person to talk to. aside from our past relationship. you're a really strong and a great person. you're someone that doesn't give up on anything you do and i really adore you for that. you make everything seem so funny to me idk why oKNO. but except for our snapstreak, we dont really talk mUCH. did you moveD or are you just busY cause u krik krik im thinking twice about softblocking you. okno. talk to me bitch. i love you!!

marcell/shaq ♡ you change your name to match mine cause you like me eh?? buuu. okno. you were always someone i trusted because you're responsible of doing your job and you're someone nice to talk to i mean not nice nice because you're mean but nice by i can have a conversation with you and talk about random stuff without letting it die because i'm funny and you're lame okno. let other judge your outer and let yourself know your inner. jangan jadi noob for 2020. okno. i love you!!

Eric ♡ my stupid bun. my ride or die. ew. these two years 18/19 has been pretty rough for the both of us and i think it's just a step and a lesson to grow into a better person. you helped me alot through this year and i'm never less thankful for that. the loving things you do for me, the things you would let it slide when it comes to me. your soft spot for me never goes away huh HAH and i'm taking advantage of that. okno i'm kidding. you are a big help for me and for what i went through. you never said no. you always agree on everything and i really appreciate it. when we broke up last year, you still insisted to talk to me. which i find out really annoying. just kidding. i'll let everything slide since you do that to me too. you're a really great person, amazing let me tell you. thanks for being a great friend to me. thanks for helping me out with almost everything. i owe you big time. i love you!!

harry ♡ first of all,  thank you for being a great bestie, we would always talk to each other everyday but you got busy these days :(( but yey, its almost a decade since ive known you, kyak. we met when we were in kbb. you were d__, kyak, smpipol 💕 i feel so giddy giddy all of a sudden lololol. and then we started exchanging contacts, you were first harry, on fl.  and then we had this, nOOt squad gTG. im nunmul-ing.  why is this suddenly a throwback session.  and and and then theres trisha gosh i love trisha and you too. i adore you for being such an honest person, when it comes to telling your problems to us, which is something i cant really do. if you have problems, dont hesitate to tell us, though i dont really help much eheh. but sometimes there are things that arent meant to be said. its okay, theres nothing wrong feeling sad, feeling all those negative feelings. we are human too, we have feelings. it is okay to sometimes not be okay, it is okay. but other than that, be happy with those you are surrounded with. youre someone that worth a big hug.  i hope you spent your day with those you love 💕 i hope youre having a good day. youre an amazingly talented person. i hope youd achieve your dream soon, i pray for your health, and for you to surrounded by lovely people. you're such a talented person and gosh, your drawings for the fashion week, cries. chef kisses momma!!! you should update me on your life more because i wanna know what you do and support you on everything you do. don't forget me anyways :(( because you're the only realest annoying brutally honest bitch i love :(( i love you!! 

thanks for an amazing 2019, lets get closer in 2020. i love you guys. ♡

[survivesalem]

Episode 2 - “AHAHAHAHAHA 😂 -screams -” -Jessie

My plan worked, mostly. Czern left and I felt bad but it’s survivor. Raffy (I believe it was Raffy at least) voted with Czern which I don’t like tbh. Raffy has a lil target on my back and I’m sitting pretty with me being the least likely to go home at this point on my tribe. 4D chess, I don’t play chess but it’s hot. I hope my tribe and Liam’s tribe don’t lose any more challenges so we can dominate. I miss Liam 🥺🥰.

Originally I'm from tengaged so the way a social game is played and how you communicate with people is really different. Unfortunately I'm bored with a lot of people on my tribe. Austin is someone I like... I want him to view me as someone new and someone who'll make a good sheep. I can kinda sense he's gonna be trouble in a way, he doesn't seem super trustworthy. Jessie is a big question mark for me. IDK where I stand with her but I think we can get along but I also think she feels comfortable. At first I didn't like Dylan all that much but now they're really rubbing off on me. Dylan stans Avatar, I stan Avatar so in my eyes Dylan is a good person. Paolo is super friendly, he's also new to the ORG community so I feel him & I could make a good duo. Zach is probably my favourite person on the tribe idk why I just feel a good energy from him and I like it so I feel like if Paolo, Zach & I could link up and form a tight 3 and just knock off someone like Jessie that would make me feel good. I really wanna prove myself with the scavenger hunt challenge I feel like I've done a lot with the challenge but I feel like I can do more so I'm ready and willing to fight to keep my tribe safe.

Omg okay so I never made one of these but I will right now! So basically I like my tribe. I know a few people on here and the other ones seem nice. I would LOVE to avoid tribal, as I think I am not in the *best* standing, but I think if I attend tribal I mayyyy be able to survive. I LOVE THAT THERE IS NO TWIST THANK FUCKING GOD. Here are my thoughts on my tribe: Brien - I have hosted Brien and he is super talkative 24/7. He is a great guy and I really want him to trust me, but I have heard he created an alliance without me. I think if I just have some more activity we might be in the clear w him. Eve- I LOVE EVE. I played with Eve in BBPokemon and they were an incredible force. I know they tend to be villainous and make a splash every season, but hopefully I can them on my side and I won't be at the receiving end of their chaos. Cameron - Don't know them and will hopefully make them the first boot. Gizmo- Awesome! They are super nice to talk to and I can tell they are a good ass player. I want to align with them on this tribe, but I am not that passionate about it. Keegan- I. LOVE. KEEGAN. Keegan is super a sweetheart and such a good guy. He is SO good at orgs and I want to go far with him. Def my #1 fav on this tribe!

UM HELLO TRIBE WHERE ARE YOU ? Legit only me and Liam are submitting for the scavanger hunt and the clock is tick tick ticking . Like guys we aren’t winning if only two people submit . Do they not realize two tribes go to tribal ? It’s literally as quiet as the movie the quiet place . On the bright side maybe me doing stuff for the tribe means they’ll keep me because wow I’m active !

Here's the problem: my tribe is half inactive. Ben and Alex truly do not give a fuck whether we win or lose. This means they will be very easy vote offs during this phase of the game, but I don't want to risk having to repeatedly go to tribal over and over again. I am starting to get frustrated. They are literally not responding to any of my messages at all. I've tried reaching out to Ben twice now, and he hasn't replied back to either of those messages. I am so sick of it. For Alex, I don't know what his problem is either. This tribe truly is cursed in part due to them all being men. I need a swap to happen soon so that I can actually be put on a competent tribe. I am terrified that we are going to lose the challenge because it doesn't even seem like Ben or Alex know that it's even going on. Ugh. I'm so over this.

This scavenger hunt has been fun. I was thankful to already own most of the items between my apartment and my parents house. What I didn't have I had to drive around to find. What gave me the most trouble was the Magic 8 Ball. I ended up finding a mini 8 ball that was fully functioning. Given that 2 tribes are going to tribal counsel, and the current state of our sheet, I'm pretty sure Good is going to tribal council. I hope I'm wrong! But hope for the best, prepare for the worst. I think I'm safe this vote. I seem to be in the majority so long as I can trust them. I just hope we are all loyal until at least tribe swap or merge, whatever happens first. If we go to tribal, I'm pretty sure Eve will be getting the vote, but who's to say.

I do not believe we are winning this challenge. But I don't think I'd be the one voted out in any case. Alex and Ben both seems like they're not even going to submit for the challenge, so I will just ride this tribe out until we get rid of the both of them. I predict that there is a swap after this round because then it will be 15 which is the perfect time to swap into 3 tribes of 5. If not, I believe that we'll go till 14 to swap into two tribes of 7. Then, we'll merge at 11. I predict that Mac, Jay, and I will be able to survive till swap, but I'm not sure how I could begin to survive a merge. Maybe if I'm put on a tribe with either Dylan, Paolo, or Austin. I can make a pull on pre-existing relationships, but I will definitely have to give up control to them.

My tribe is filled with people who never learned how to read rules properly. Alex really said "I didn't know I had to put them in a doc." Like,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I am exhausted. Why can't people rise to my level? Is that too hard to ask? And! Alex said something in the tribe chat which means he's actively ignoring my messages and for why? This doesn't make any sense to me at all. Are they purposefully throwing their social games down the toilet? This is what I get for being on a tribe with all men.

There’s an hour left in the challenge. I feel like we have a chance but also think we will lose. I’m worried but I know if we go back to tribal I’m the least likely to go home. That’s king shit. ✌️😙

I am sad because I know Czern wouldn't have disappointed me like this. Jay told me that Mac or Alex allegedly said that Ben was good at challenges. Where is that? Such bullshit.

Also Alex really didn't even attempt the videos nor the high point items, huh? Ugh

Yay we flopped again x IM GETTING TRIGGERED FROM MY LAST SURVIVOR ORG!! Anyways. I am the swing vote without people realising which is hot. I’ve decided Ben needs to leave since he costed us the challenge by not submitting. I have to break it gently to Alex since he’s good mates with Ben. This also means people won’t see me as playing both sides. Woohoo. I’m not going home.

Ben is leaving because he didnt do the challenge and he doesn't talk to anyone and if Raffy wasn't on this tribe I honestly have no idea what I'd do. Pls swap soon thanks

WE WON AGAIN. wow I’m so proud of this tribe. I truly did not expect us to not go to tribal just because it’s a double tribal. Wow I’m just so proud of us. I feel like we are a very cohesive tribe too. We really vibe.

WE WON IMMUNITY *Happy dances* I feel really good about my tribe now! I really like Jessie now which I didn't think would happen but we've clicked finally. We made an agreement not to vote each other out for now. Zach is such a sweetheart and I love him. Paolo is a lil inactive because he's busy but I love his determination to contribute. Dylan is a literal fucking genius They are super intelligent and I'm so impressed. Austin is like a big ? for me if we lose I'll probably vote for him... I'm praying for a swap right now, I would like to meet new people and make more bonds before merge and then I can make some moves!

AHAHAHAHAHA 😂 -screams - so after me complaining a lil last confessional about my tribe being missing in action they came out of no where and we snagged the win. I’m currently vibing with Liam who seems to be as big of a book nerd as me . I love just finding people I get good vibes from . Still searching everyday for advantage items I’ll never stop looking for those because I never know when people will decide I’m no longer an asset. I will keep trying my hardest in each challenge 💕 we got this Tituba tribe . I’m lowkey proud of us all for snatching the win . Also my hair smells like milk I need to shower .

So we have to go to tribal I’m a little nervous bc there is always a chance you can go when you’re at tribal but it gives you the rush you crave. I have my 4 person alliance with Gizmo,Cameron and Keegan leaving Eve and Lukas in minority and I would love to stay loyal to it if they are loyal to it as well. I trust Gizmo he seems like a stand up guy Keegan seems sketchy but I trust him more then Cameron tbh. I know Gizmo has a good relationship with Lukas so I’m hoping he can keep Lukas from saying my name. I was wanting to Target Eve this tribal however I’m sure things are bound to get messy and with me and eves history she might just be petty and try to get the votes on me but I told her that if the vote is based on the challenge it should be Keegan and hopefully Keegan is the Decoy vote and gets 1 or 2 votes but ideally right now the 4 person alliance sticks together and votes Eve and Lukas can vote with us too so we can look unified and everyone can feel unified going into a potential swap. I’m gonna keep my options open come swap time bc the only person I trust 100 percent on this tribe is Gizmo idk if that’s his social game being so good but I don’t think he is playing me. So right now it’s looking like Eve will go but I’m sure if eve even has an inkling that she is getting votes then she will stir up trouble and I’m ready for trouble

Well everything has been super slow since we keep winning lol. I mean k love winning but it sometimes doesnt show where you stand really on your tribe. Jessie I trust 100% and I wanna work with liam and dylan too. I know zach paolo and dylan all know each other tho so I wanna break that up if I can before swap guess we will just have to see what happens after tribal

My alliance is voting out Ben. It is the easiest and least complex vote. I do not believe anyone would want to do anything else. It's really just that simple. I doubt this boy is even going to vote lmao

Tonight is first tribal. I hope everyone *sticks to the plan.* Eve is supposed to go home as far as I know. I had to lie to their face today....I don't like it. But! Its how the game is played. Its not personal, its drag.