#and it IS this swedish course's fault

[just-spacetrash]

😦

[beesgobzzzing]

Käärijä's life after Eurovision - almost burned out

Translation under the break!

Käärijä came, saw and conquered - kind of - in Eurovision 2023. After having almost burned out he's now back with new music and a clear statement: - I love Sweden, really, he tells Expressen.

Käärijä was on location in Luleå on Saturday for the first semi of Melodifestivalen, where he made up an interval act together with Hooja.

After Eurovision I got a lot of Swedish fans, I love them and want to say thank you for everything they do for me. In Eurovision 2023 he almost won. He came in second, after "Tattoo" by Loreen. A loss that stung, both for him and for Finland, since he got the most public votes, but not enough jury votes. - I've moved on. Life has moved on, you can't get stuck on it. It's just a competition, it's a big thing of course, but it doesn't matter who wins.

Are you doing okay? - I'm okay, but I think some Finns are angry. But I think they need to move on, Loreen is a fantastic artist and a loveable person and it's not her fault that she won - of course it's her fault - but people voted, then she won.

What have you been doing since Eurovision? - Of course a lot of things have happened since Eurovision. Good things, bad things. I've made a new album, done a lot of gigs, gotten new friends from other countries, not just Finland. I've started speaking more Finnish, he says and laughs.

How was everything right after the success of Eurovision? - If I think back on 2023… It was hard. People recognized me everywhere and I couldn't leave my house. It was a happy but also sad time. My life changed, over night. - I'm still waiting until I can take a month or two off. After Eurovision I had a week off. A week! It doesn't matter what you do - it's not enough. I'm still waiting until I am able to take more time off. I love my work, but you have to be able to rest.

Did you get over worked? - Kind of, yes. You get to a point where you do a bunch of different things - and you get paid for it. Everyone wants to work when they get well paid for it, that's the truth and that's what it was like for me too. But now, I can say no if I don't want to do something.

Because you're rich now? - Yes, exactly, he laughs.

On Friday he released "San Francisco Boy" together with Hooja. - It is not a Käärijä-song, or a Hooja-song. It is what happens when you put three crazy guys together, that's when you get this kind of song. For me it's about being the person you want to be. You can be a disco boy, a party boy - or a San Francisco boy.

The trio got into contact in 2024 and started collaborating. - The boys came to Finland and we hung out in the studio for a couple of days, we made a few songs.

A few? - Maybe a few, but we don't know if we're going to release the others. You never know. But "San Francisco Boy", everyone liked it. We'll see about the others.

What is happening next for you? - I am not doing as many gigs this year. There are a few summer gigs. But now we're making music, a bunch of new music and I'm spending a lot of time in the studio, working, after that we'll see what happens.

[charliegyrth]

Fat Blind Date - Part 1 of 2

Nathan Is Not What I Expected

I sat at the back of the restaurant, trying to look like I was reading something on my phone. I wasn’t. My phone had died ten minutes ago and I didn’t want to look like a total loser sitting by himself because my blind date had stood me up.

God, it was mortifying. I could feel people glancing over. I was sure that everyone noticed what a loser I was.

I dressed up for this date, too. I bought a whole new outfit. I was really feeling good about myself and then… Nothing.

No date.

The waiter came back to ask once again if I was ready to order. I’d sat there for over a half hour, so of course he was getting impatient. This was a busy place and I was hogging a table. “Fine,” I said. “I’ll have fish tacos, please.”

He nodded and left.

It sucked so hard that my phone was dead. If Nathan, my supposed date, had texted me to cancel, I had no idea. Probably not though. He probably showed up, saw me through the restaurant window, and immediately made a U-turn back onto campus.

I wouldn’t blame him. Our mutual friend Greg had set us up, and I don’t think he’d told Nathan about my… body type.

I was fat. Despite having a nice face and attention-grabbing red hair, all people noticed about me was my gut. Since I broke up with my boyfriend last year, I’d seriously let myself go, morphing from a 160-pound sophomore that everyone lusted after to a 210-pound loser that no one wanted.

I knew it was my own damn fault. All my overeating and lack of exercise. But it still made me mad that someone like Nathan wouldn’t even give me a chance.

“Um, hey. Are you Benjy?”

I just about jumped out of my seat. Nathan had finally arrived. I shoved my phone into my pocket, sucked in my gut, and looked up.

Wow.

Nathan was not what I expected. Like me, he had red hair and a handsome face. And like me, he was overweight.

But while I was still in the “chubby” range, Nathan was full-on obese, so big that it was impossible for me to estimate his weight.

Big enough to have moobs, though. Big enough for lumps of cellulite visible through his tight jeans.

“Yeah. And you’re Nathan?”

He smiled. Then he lowered himself into the chair across from me, his gut accidentally slapping against the table. I had to hold my glass so it didn’t tip over. He adjusted himself, literally repositioning his belly so that it was tucked under the table. “So sorry I’m late. I stupidly decided to walk here from my apartment, and… Um, it took longer than expected. Lots of breaks.”

“It’s okay,” I said, not quite sure how I felt. “I did just order for myself, though.”

“Good to know.” He waved the waiter back over, his upper arm jiggling in his sleeve, and asked for lasagna and shrimp fettucine. Two separate pasta dishes.

“Oh, and a Sprite, please.”

The waiter took his order and left.

Then Nathan turned back toward me. “Don’t worry, Benjy. I’m paying. Least I could do for making you wait so long.”

“Thanks.”

I really wanted to get out of there. Even though I’d softened over the last year, I was still way out of this guy’s league. How could Greg even think that we were a good match? Couldn’t he see the difference between chubby and humongous?

But then I felt a wave of guilt for even thinking that. I had just gotten upset over the possibility that Nathan ghosted me because I was too fat for him, and now I was doing the same thing to poor Nathan.

No. That was totally unfair. I’d suffer through this date, act as polite as possible, and then we’d go our separate ways.

“So Benjy,” Nathan said, beginning our requisite getting-to-know-you chat. “Greg told me that you’re studying linguistics.”

“I am. In the Germanic languages department. Mostly Swedish, Icelandic, Norwegian. My family has ties to Scandinavia, so I’ve always been drawn to the languages.”

“How cool!” Nathan said. And then, in perfect Icelandic, he added, “Do you eat whale blubber?”

I choked on my Coke. “Excuse me?”

He laughed. “Sorry. I visited Reykjavik last summer, and that’s the only sentence I remember.”

“But why did you learn how to say that?”

“I don’t know. But it just sort of stuck in my head. And they do, by the way. It’s an occasional part of their diet, though not so much with the younger generation.”

“Good to know,” I mumbled.

Nathan laughed again. “Sorry. I’m being awkward. It’s just… I haven’t been on a date in a while. I’m kind of rusty.”

“Me, too.”

“Really? Why?”

“No reason. I, um, haven’t been very desirable lately.”

He seemed shocked. “But… you’re gorgeous.”

I choked on my Coke again. I really needed to stop drinking when he talked. “I am?”

His cheeks flushed a little. “Well, yeah. I mean, not to sound too gushing or anything, but your eyes are like the most beautiful I’ve ever seen. I love the color of red in your hair. A lot more coppery than mine. And your freckles are so cute. And I love that little belly. And your outfit is very becoming.”

His words fell out of him so fast that I almost missed the “belly” part. Almost.

“Thank you,” I said, staring into my lap.

“I offended you,” he said. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay.”

“I know it is. Bellies are beautiful. I just come across too blunt sometimes.”

“Bellies are beautiful,” I repeated. The words felt so strange in my mouth.

“You don’t agree?” he asked. “It’s better to tell me now before I get my hopes up. If this blind date is doomed from the start because of my body type, then let me know. I’ll totally understand. And I’ll still pay for dinner, of course.”

I really couldn’t tell how he felt. He didn’t seem offended or anything. And I found his directness very attractive.

“No,” I said. “You still have a chance. I like guys of all sizes.”

“Good to know.” He leaned on his elbow, causing his moob to flatten against the table. He was smiling at me, looking into my eyes but periodically glancing down at my stomach. He really liked it. He liked that I was fat.

Silence hung in the air for a bit, so I asked him about what he studied.

“English literature.”

“Oh, you’re one of those,” I joked.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Very quickly, we fell into a very nice, very flirty banter about the supposed rivalry between linguistics and literature majors. It wasn’t a real rivalry, of course. We were both language nerds with slightly different areas of interests. But it was fun to talk about.

It was fun talking with Nathan about anything. He was so freaking charming. And smart! And I loved the deep, confident sound of his voice.

Joking with him, looking at his beautiful smile… It was so easy for me to forget that his body was less than ideal.

Then the waiter came back with our food, and I was brought back down to Earth. He handed me my fish tacos (three small ones on a plate), and he gave Nathan two very large pasta dishes. Just one of them would’ve been big enough for two normal people to share.

Nathan noticed my eyes widen at the amount of food. “Big eater,” he said proudly.

“I can see that.”

He took his first bite. “Benjy. Straight-talk time, okay? I like you, and I think this date is going really well.”

“Me too,” I said.

“But I don’t wanna get disappointed. Were you honest when you said you'd be open to being with someone of my… body type?”

“Um, yeah,” I said, surprising myself. “I think you’re cute.”

“That’s all I needed to hear.” He dug into his food. It was hypnotic how fully and enthusiastically he succumbed to the taste. There was no doubt why he’d allowed himself to get to this size. He absolutely loved food. He stuffed himself at a steady pace, pausing just long enough to savor each bite. Several times, he let out a soft moan.

I was so transfixed by his eating that I forgot that I had my own food in front of me.

He paused. “Not hungry?”

“Oh, uh… Yeah. I am.” I took my first bite.

We didn’t talk while we ate. Nathan was too focused on getting everything in. There was something beautiful about his gluttony. Infectious. Seeing him eat with such joy made my own food taste better.

As he finished one plate and moved on to the other, I reached for another taco and realized that they were all gone. I’d eaten everything without realizing.

“You can order more if you want,” Nathan said.

“No. I’m good.”

He gave me an are-you-serious expression. Then he took his fettucine dish and pushed it toward the center of the table. “I usually don’t share food. Obviously. But it’ll be nice to share this with you. Up for it?”

I hesitated, but the buttery pasta looked so freaking good. So I reached forward and scooped up a forkful.

Nathan smiled. Together, we finished his meal, our eyes locked on each other. It felt quite romantic. Like we were Lady and the Tramp or something.

We ate our last bite at the same time. I felt stuffed and satisfied.

“Good job,” he said. “I see some potential in you.”

I didn’t know what that meant.

“You know, I used to be a lot like you. One sec.” He reached into his pocket, struggled a bit to fish around in his tight pants, and then pulled out his phone. He scrolled around until he found a photo. “Look at this guy.”

He was showing me a picture of his brother. Or maybe his cousin. This guy had similar blue eyes and red hair, but he was quite thin. Probably a third of Nathan’s hulking size.

“Who’s this?”

“That’s me two years ago,” he said.

I was so shocked, I dropped the phone into the butter-soaked plate. “Sorry!” I pulled it out and wiped off the sauce. Then I handed it back to him.

“That’s okay. It’s been food-stained before.” He slid the phone back into his pocket.

“You were so skinny.”

“Yup,” he said, a note of sadness in his voice. “And notice how I wasn’t smiling. God, I was an anxious wreck back then.”

“What happened?”

“The joys of eating, my friend. I accidentally gained some weight. Was about your size, actually. And that’s when I realized that I liked being bigger. And I wanted more.”

I had to ask. “You’re a gainer?”

“And proud of it,” he said. “Dating’s hard. And walking around campus. But everything else is just wonderful.”

I didn’t know how to respond. It seemed ridiculous to think that someone his size would be proud of his body, would actually work toward getting that big, but his expression told me that he was 100% honest.

“You know,” he said, “I see a lot of myself in you. The anxiousness. The low self-esteem. And when we were eating together, that all went away, you gotta admit.”

“I’m not… I…”

“It’s okay. I don’t want to put any labels on you or anything. But, think about it. If you’re open to dating someone like me, then maybe you’d be open for… trying it out yourself.”

That was too much. His words scared me.

He could tell. “I pushed things too far. I’m sorry.”

“No. It’s not you.” I squirmed in my seat.

“If you want to leave, I’ll understand.”

And I didn’t. I really didn’t.

But I felt compelled. He was pulling into something that I wasn’t ready for. Nervously, I took out my wallet to pay for my half of the meal.

“Don’t,” Nathan said. “It’s on me, remember?”

“Okay. Well. Thanks. I’m, uh, gonna go.” I hurried out of the restaurant, flushed with panic. I knew I’d offended him, but I couldn’t do it anymore. I had to get out of there.

I just prayed that he didn’t notice that his words had gotten me hard.

Read Part 2 here. You can find all my stories here.

[thepaleys]

Grand Duchess Marie Alexandrovna on meeting the Hohenfelsens

(safe to say she was not impressed 🤣)

Paris, 16 June 1908

The young Swedish couple" has arrived in our hotel. Little Marie is a very sedate and calm little person, but she poured her heart out to Baby: she feels it terribly meeting here her step-mother and suffers greatly under it. As to poor little Dmitry, he is in perfect despair. He hates the whole thing and loathed the idea of seeing his new Geschwister [siblings]. He comes to me to talk about it.

Of course Uncle Paul and wife manquent de tact [are tactless] in every way: for instance, last Tuesday he arranged a big luncheon with quantities of his French acquaintances and asked us too. It was the first time poor Dmitry went to his house here and Uncle Paul presented him to all the guests as "mon fils aine" [my eldest son]. The boy simply se tordait de désespoir [curled up in despair], we observed it all and in the middle of this unknown company appeared these second children and all the affected French people went into loud ectasies about them [at this time, Vladimir was 11, Irina 4 and Natalie 2], whilst poor Dmitry was pale with concentrated rage and moral suffering.

Marie told Baby that she never would have come here, had she known, how it would be. And people are wonderfully taktlos. They all praise her to the skies when they talk to me, cette charmante Comtesse Hohenfelsen, "elle est adorable, cette femme". Vous trouvez [that charming Countess Hohenfelsen. She's adorable, don't you think?]. I answer, oh! Bien pour moi, c'est très pénible [for me it's all very painful] and I tell them a few truths. Then they at once turn the conversation, as French people hate when they are found at fault et ne désirent pas du tout en savoir d'avantage. [and don't want to be wrong in any way].

As to Uncle Paul, I cannot support at all him here; his whole attitude and tone I find detestable, I don't show it, à quoi bon and I am simply polite with his wife, like with any lady in society I don't care for. I simply writhe when I see in his house portraits of my mother, what a desecration! And he pointed them out to me! I thought one moment I would like to insult him before all his idiotic French guests.

"Dear Mama" - Diana Mandache

This is what I love about digging into original sources. When we read Grand Duchess Maria Pavlovna's memoires, the idea we get is that she always had a pleasent relationship with her stepmother, but here (at least according to Maria Alexandrovna, who clearly still held a deep resentment towards her brother and his second wife) it seems things were not so smooth.

It's also interesting (and sad) to notice how she doesn't really consider Grand Duke Paul's children from his second marriage worthy of any note and is even annoyed that the French fawn over them and that Grand Duke Paul introduces Dmitri as his "eldest son", which seems to imply she doesn't consider Vladimir to be his son at all.

It kind of shows what the rest of the family thought about Grand Duke Paul's second family: so irrelevant that it was as if they didn't exist.

[horse-breed-a-day]

Hello, as someone who’s Horse Autistic its wonderful to see your blog pop up on my feed with all the pretty horsies, and see so many other people who are Horse Autistic. Love your blog, keep it up.

Especially seeing you talk about Breyers, got quite a few model horses but believe all of mine are Schleich (but I prefer how textured some of them are - especially the heavier breeds with feathering).

What’s the most memorable lesson or other horse you’ve ridden or been into contact with? (If you have any).

Mine was a generic warmblood fleabitten grey gelding called Little Lord. Best lesson horse ever, quite slow but trusty and calm as can be (never spooked or anything beyond getting a bit startled, real seasoned one, perfect for beginner me). Rode him for years until he got some illness and had to be put down (he was quite old already I think), been riding a lot of great horses but he’s my number one ❤️ Still have a Build-A-Bear horse named after him that I treasure deeply.

hello and thank u for the ask friend :D! yippee horsie autism ♾️ 🐎! i used to have a handful of schleichs but i never really got into them as much as i did with breyers 😅 some of them r so gorgeous tho!

thats a great question i think my most memorable lesson was the first time i cantered! it was always so daunting to me because 1. my disability makes my bones suck so i was afraid i wasnt strong enough and 2. i was gonna just wobble and slide off lol! but i stayed on despite being terrified! i think the second most memorable was the first time i tried jumping but i never got too into it! i did get into competing for basic groundwork but the environment was too stressful for me to want to go back lol (i did get 3rd place tho!)

as for most memorable horses ive ridden its def these two:

- Steele (16/17 hh seal brown swedish warmblood gelding)

- Muse (14 hh bay arabian gelding)

these guys were my go-to rides! they were both so gentle (not without their faults of course, Steele was incredibly spooky and would jump at anything he thought was scary) and great buddies in general! Muse was the first horse i ever rode when we moved from PR to the US so hes got a special place in my heart (he fell and broke his hip in the summer of 2016 and had to be put down sadly, but Steele is most likely still around although he was sold back to his previous owners bc they could upkeep his health problems much better than we could)

but yeah sorry for rambling! im so sorry ur lesson horse had to be put down too it doesnt really ever get easy losing a horsie 🫂❤️

[pluttskutt]

Character Profile Tag

tagged by @illarian-rambling thank you! :D [her post]

Rules: Answer the questions for one of your characters

Full name: Lucy Hilda Thompson

Age: Disputed because I don't set age but late 20s to early 30s in the series

Gender: Cis woman

Type of Being: Human and only human; nothing to see here

Appearance: She's white, blond with grey eyes, a big nose from profile perspective with a bump, strong square jaw, and she has a metal arm

Way of speaking: Somewhat formal in English and not good at slang with an accent that's hard to pin-point. It's Swedish, obvs, but not many countries still exist in my series

Physical characteristics: She's missing her left arm due to an accident and her nose is important

Occupation: Soldier -> Fugitive

Family: Dead

Best friend: Dead

Pets: She never had one but if she had, it'd be dead too

Relationships: She becomes friends with those in her squad, but when she becomes a fugitive those friendships are lost. She does make friends with the space pirates

Describe their room: Last time she had a room she was 16, so it had a chair for clothes, an assortment of perfumes, earrings in neon colours and funky shapes,a chunky TV, and, of course, the radio/CD player.

Items in their bag/purse: She doesn't carry either

Hobbies: Fika, training, films

Favourite sport: Ha

Abilities/talents/powers: Nothing! Totally human, nothing to see her, just a metal arm that gives her super-strength that's got nothing to do with anything else or any Deity or something

Fears: Not being strong enough to get her revenge, which later turns into not being able to protect the ones she cares about (again)

Faults: Doesn't ever explain her thought proccess, which makes it seem like she's just torning coat after the wind without any reason or principle. Reactive and rash. Will not heed orders unless she has a gain for it. Angers easily and yells. Judgemental.

Good points: Protective. Loyal. Determined.

What they want more than anything else: To make it right and die to be reunited with her family and friends

I tag: @tildeathiwillwrite @amaiguri @oh-no-another-idea @new-royston-cursebreakers @cocoamoonmalfoy @kaylinalexanderbooks @laureleavess @ieppiq @dontjudgemeimawriter @revenantlore + open tag! (no pressure tagsobvs)

Full name: Age: Gender: Type of Being: Appearance: Way of speaking: Physical characteristics: Occupation: Family: Best friend: Pets: Relationships: Describe their room: Items in their bag/purse: Hobbies: Favourite sport: Abilities/talents/powers: Fears: Faults: Good points: What they want more than anything else:

[prisonhannibal]

Hi, I'd just like to say how it's just so incredibly cool to me that you're making indigenous ( specifically sámi ) art. Though just "cool" might be too small a word to describe it.

As someone who IS sámi but. Kind of doesn't feel like they are / has a whole lot of their own complicated feelings about it (didn't speak the language at home and that sort of stuff yk), it's always so special to me to see anything about it online. Always makes me want to get a hold of myself and actually connect with my culture, it's so so important to me and seeing your art makes me really happy :'))

And honestly? Seeing stuff about us online makes it feel like it's not too late for me, that I don't have to just put "finnish" in my bio anymore. ( Though I can't really start thinking it's too late if I'm still a minor now can I?)

Sorry if this got a little much, but I wanted to let you know how important your art can be, don't feel pressured to answer this, if you want to you can just leave it or delete it!! I'm a scared guy hiding behind anon anyways :'))

Hi ❤️💚💛💙 Don’t apologize it’s not too much and I’m glad you chose to reach out instead of dealing with it alone, that’s a step in the process of reconnecting ❤️ There is a specific loneliness in not having connections to your people. I don’t know your circumstances or if it’s a completely disconnected situation or if your family grew up calling themselves sámi but not participating in the culture, so some of this might not be relevant to you but I’ll answer as if you have very little connection just in case, so I can cover too much instead of too little. I’m sorry if this is all unnecessary and preachy and you didn’t ask but I have things I feel like saying.

The language thing doesn’t say anything about how sámi you are, I didn’t grow up speaking my heart language (that’s what my áhkku calls it and I think it’s beautiful) either, the majority of sámi people don’t speak any sámi language. You have to remember that the damage done to our communities is so severe that I literally feel like I’m in a privileged position for growing up with our culture and traditions in a proud sámi family and that I got to wear a gákti as a kid, even though our language was taken from our family before I was even born. A lot of people don’t even get that. It’s not our fault, whatever we lost during the norwegianization period (and similar policies and laws in the other “countries” in sápmi) was taken from us when they beat and forced it out of our great grandparent and grandparent generation.

It’s not too late for you, or for anyone. I know many people who got their first gákti late into adulthood. I’d celebrate someone reconnecting in their 60s. You are so so so young, you have so many years left of life where you can have this, if you choose to take it. You’re also lucky that you’re young bc there’s many youth organizations across the borders. I work on the board in one and we work on organizing social stuff and duodji courses and stuff like that to create meeting spaces for sámi youth! I was actually just in Helsinki to meet with some of the organizations on the finnish and swedish side and they seemed very nice :) I would recommend looking into what’s available in your area, and if you’re interested in learning languages or duodji I wish I could help find resources, but I don’t speak finnish, but I imagine if you contact your local community they’ll be able to help you with that.

Connection is healing 🌸 Both for yourself and for our people, because we are still here and we always will be. The only people who win when we are quiet is the people who did this to us. I want all of us back and together and with the sámi spirit that ČSV stands for. There is no obligation to do anything and you should never feel guilt for not being able to do things, but I like to think that if my family from the past who weren’t allowed to do the things I do now could see me they’d be happy. When I took sámi classes I thought that the people that came before us when boarding schools were a tool to get rid of our language would be so happy to see that we’re allowed to learn now. I hope that thought can give some comfort and strength no matter where you are or what you do in this process ❤️

After the 2023 protests I was really fucked in the head, so I went home to my áhkku and she cooked reindeer meat for me and taught me how to sew a gákti, and that felt like it healed something in me.

Anyway, this was a really nice ask to get. It means a lot to me to hear that my art is meaningful to other people. I wasn’t always sure there was an audience for it, but I always made it anyway because I think sámi art and happiness existing is a beautiful and important thing ☺️

I need to say again, you are so so young, there’s so much time and so much you can learn and do, and there’s no rush. I have heard many from the older generations say how proud they are and emotional that our youth is taking our traditions and our languages back, we’ll be happy to have you. I wish you all the best

[toastthewolfie]

again.

*coughs blood* its done idk why but she’s here and she’s very silly

information from @olibird’s template! :D (i hope the tag is okay!!!!)

Tw for self harm (under ‘Issues’) and a vague mention of suicide in the backstory. And discussion of death i suppose. I dunno, sorry, it’s late and im tired

Name: Astrid Ek (I swear i tried to figure out a better name but this is the name that stuck when i searched up stuff about common names in Sweden

Aliases: N/A

Nationality: Swedish/American       Ethnicity: Swedish/British (Mother is Swedish, her father is British)

Age:  35              DoB: (M/D/Y) 09/10/1990

Pronouns: She/Her         Gender: Cis Female

Sex: F

Sexuality: Demisexual, Demiromantic, and Bisexual

Height: 6’

Languages: Swedish (Native), English (Secondary)

Which CoD Universe: the Modern Warfare Reboot timeline

Branches of Service: United States Army

Affiliation:  U.S. Army (formerly), Shadow Company (Current)

Specialties: Debriefing. She does a lot of paperwork (she’s basically a desk jockey but with the skills to kick someone’s ass if needed)

Personality: Serious (and judgemental). Jokes go over her head like 70% of the time (mostly because she’s incredibly sleep deprived most days) and she sometimes will just blankly stare at you because she thinks you’re weird or just.. thinks that the shit you just said is very 😨

Backstory: 

        Born and raised in a military family, Astrid grew up moving around a lot before her family settled in America after her mother’s discharge and her father retiring at the age of 11 in Seattle. Feeling slightly pressured, Astrid signed up for basic training for the United States Army at 21 after receiving her bachelors in analytics where she met her friend, Emily. The two quickly became best friends who pushed the other up during training (and got into mischief together). 

         Of course, all good things must end and on a mission 6 years later, Emily pushed Astrid out of the way of a gunner, sacrificing her life to protect her. Unable to operate on the field after that (despite multiple attempts to do so), Astrid retired from the army, almost immediately running into Phillip Graves at a random bar. The two managed to get talking and it somehow ended with Phillip inviting Astrid into joining shadow company and, having nothing else to do and knowing she’d probably kill herself if she didn’t, she agreed on the spot.

She’s been here ever since, so she’s going on 8 years.

Issues: sleep deprivation, protective to a fault, easy to anger (even if she doesn’t show it), overworking, and sometimes scratches at herself hard enough to draw blood when stressed

Habits: If anyone is injured on a mission, Astrid has a habit of either following at a distance if it’s serious or grabbing the injured party and checking them over herself before sending them to medical.

Scars: Small scratches at the base of her ribs.

Preferred method of showing care/affection/love language: Physical Touch and Acts of Service

Preferred way of receiving care/affection: Quality Time and Physical Touch.

Eye Color: Grey

Hair description: Blonde (greying out a bit)

Clothing description: 

Waist-length green jacket with a bunch of pockets and a swedish flag on the left sleeve, light grey turtleneck, greyish brown belt, bluish grey pants and black and grey cat-like boots (just because she’s serious doesn’t mean she can’t have some silly boots (Emily liked them on her so she’s used them ever since))

Body description: Semi-Built but otherwise skinny.

Favorite Activities: I dunno, she doesn’t get a lot of free time (self imposed. She feels the need to work until she can’t just to try and protect her the shadows

Blood Type: B-

Favorite color: Green

Favorite animal: Cats

Favorite food/Dessert: Carrots. I dunno she likes snacking on them when she gets the chance.

Other Fun Facts:

Doesn’t speak in English if it’s not necessary. She finds that it’s easier to convey her thoughts in Swedish than in English

Can/Will pass out from exhaustion in literally in any position if she can’t work anymore

Sleep talks (more like sleep mumbles) in swedish about random combat terms

Will sometimes just subconsciously ruffle the hair of anyone shorter than them if they did a good job (for people taller than her, they get a soft tap on the side or shoulder because she can’t reach their hair. Will sometimes hug someone if they look like they need it (and they like hugs, ofc)

she’s not scared of needles, she also knows how to administer narcan if absolutely necessary (for some reason, her mother decided that it was something she should know)

Feel free to ask any questions about her :)

[capitaletele]

I saw this post about the real story behind the concept of "Stockholm Syndrome" and it made me think about Cristal going through what Kristen Enmark did instead of the romanticized version Berger wrote about (which, you know, fair enough, it was based on the mainstream understanding of the idea at the time.)

Enmark is the young woman who was first "diagnosed" with Stockholm Syndrome after bonding with her kidnappers because she was more afraid of the police and authorities' incompetent/erratic behaviour than she was of her captors (and saying so publicly once she got out.) She was then "diagnosed" by the psychologist who consulted on the hostage situation and made a mess of it, without him ever actually interviewing her.

And so of course, I'm thinking about Cristal being actually kidnapped. She probably thinks Johnny is attractive but she doesn't run away with him, the Etoiles Noires grab her and forcibly take her to the hangar. And then the government (with the help of Zéro's private militia of course) basically besiege the tunnels trying to "get her out" -- only of course, it would look better for Zéro's campaign if something unfortunate happened to her at the hands of her evil captors, because that would definitely turn public opinion to him and his totalitarian security measures.

And so, "Cristal trapped inside the hangar with frightening terrorists" becomes "Cristall slowly bonding with the Etoiles Noires while the people who are supposed to be rescuing her directly/indirectly work to get her killed."

And Sadia's there in the middle, being ambiguous and inscrutable as always :p

I'm also thinking about the quote by hostage-taker Olsson, about why they developed a relationship with the hostages:

"It was the hostages’ fault. They did everything I told them to do. If they hadn’t, I might not be here now. Why didn’t any of them attack me? They made it hard to kill. [The authorities] made us go on living together day after day, like goats, in that filth. There was nothing to do but get to know each other."

So like, imagine a violent Johnny whose plan was definitely to take Cristal with him and kill her for whatever reason, and who resentfully realizes he can't anymore because he's gotten to know her and he actually likes her now (as opposed to just finding her hot.)

And when it becomes clear to him that the authorities aren't working to free her safely at all (in the real situation, Enmark actually got the Swedish Prime Minister on the phone and he basically told her "You're going to die for the cause, sorry") Johnny starts protecting her, not only from the other Etoiles Noires but also from the outside.

And Cristal is protecting Johnny and the Etoiles Noires in turn, because it has become very clear to her that contrary to what everyone is saying on tv, the point is not to get them alive at all, and that in fact it might be better for the authorities if there were no survivors to tell the tale of what actually went down.

So Cristal starts using her neutron camera to send pirate broadcasts to reveal the truth about her situation and how the Etoiles Noires are treating her.

And in the process, she also starts reporting on what's been going on in the underground levels, which doesn't usually make it into the media. I like to imagine have been sort of abandonned by the government, maybe because the police/army has been trying to get rid of the Etoiles Noires but the population of the underground has been protecting them/refusing to give them up, so the government started punishing them by cutting off services in the blocks where the EN operate. People lost access to running water, to electricity, to food supply... But the media and government have denied it, so when Cristal shows the truth, people are shocked.

And of course the mainstream media is running its own messaging, about how Cristal has lost the plot, how she's gone and fallen in love with Johnny like a stupid girl, how they brainwashed or drugged her into it, etc. [Cue "Les parents de Cristal."]

And so Cristal radicalizes and rallies to the Etoiles Noires, and she and Johnny figure out a plan to get everyone out safely, and then... I don't know what happens :p Some kind of "they're both alive" resolution, because I am me! But how??? Damned if I know.

[qnewsau]

The top 10 queer songs of 2024

New Post has been published on https://qnews.com.au/the-top-10-queer-songs-of-2024/

The top 10 queer songs of 2024

The team at Popchops has revealed which songs by queer artists were most listened to in 2024.  

December brings a litany of lists like the best movies of the year, sporting moments of 2024 and, of course, the best music. 

So we’re joining the fun and highlighting some of the biggest songs of the year by queer artists. 

Instead of choosing our top tracks or Spotify’s most listened, we’ve enlisted the help of Popchops.

Popchops is a DJ team that puts on parties across Australia with a very lively online community of over 2,000 members.

This group is predominantly queer and each month Popchop’s own Brad Elias puts together a monthly chart of the most listened-to songs by the community.

He has crunched the numbers and collated the list of the top 10 most loved tracks by queer artists exclusively for QNews.

Here are the top 10 in reverse order:

10. Reneé Rapp & Megan Thee Stallion – Not My Fault

The collaboration between the lesbian Broadway singer and bisexual rapper was for the musical movie remake of the iconic film Mean Girls. Although it was released in 2023 we’ll allow its inclusion because it was late December!

9. Tove Lo & SG Lewis – Heat

The Swedish pansexual singer joined forces with England’s SG Lewis for this dance banger. It’s had over 25 million streams with the accompanying video “an ode to queer dance floors around the world.” 

8. Nemo – The Code

Non-binary artist Nemo did a little better at Eurovision than Olly did – they won the whole thing for Switzerland! Nemo described the song as “the journey I started with the realisation that I am neither a man nor a woman.”

7. Olly Alexander (Years & Years) – Dizzy

Gay actor and singer-songwriter Olly Alexander entered Eurovision for the UK this year. His performance embraced his queer identity and left some viewers clutching their pearls. Although he finished 18th at the Contest, it still found a loyal following. 

6. Orville Peck – Midnight Ride (feat. Kylie Minogue & Diplo)

Everyone’s favourite gay cowboy was back in 2024 with this Kylie Minogue collab. The song has racked up 15 million streams and is nominated for The Crossover Song of 2024 at the People’s Choice Country Awards. 

5. Billie Eilish – LUNCH

Billie’s second song on the list is the lead single off her album Hit Me Hard and Soft. The lyrics leave little to the imagination with Billie singing “I could eat that girl for lunch, Yeah, she dances on my tongue, Tastes like she might be the one.” It reached no.2 in the UK and no.5 in Australia and the US. 

4. The Blessed Madonna & Kylie Minogue – Edge Of Saturday Night

Although Kylie is beloved by the queer community, this song doesn’t appear on this list because of her. American bisexual DJ The Blessed Madonna collaborated with our pop princess on this track. The song charted ok across Europe but is certainly beloved by both their fans and the inclusion on Kylie’s album Tension II doesn’t hurt!

3. Billie Eilish – BIRDS OF A FEATHER

The singer properly came out in late 2023 saying she didn’t realise fans didn’t know saying “Wasn’t it obvious?” Birds of a Feather was her biggest hit of 2024 with it going no.1 in Australia and no.2 in the US and UK. She performed it at the Closing Ceremony of the Olympics and it is nominated for Best Song and Record at the Grammy Awards. 

2. Kesha – JOYRIDE

The bisexual pop star gave the gays exactly what they wanted this year: hyperpop-dance-banger-accordian realness. It barely charted reaching no.88 in the UK but has been streamed almost 80 million times—a true cult classic. 

1. Chappell Roan – Good Luck, Babe!

2024 was a huge year for out lesbian singer Chappell Roan. Although her debut studio album The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess came out in 2023, this stand-alone single made waves this year. It reached no.2 in the UK and no.4 in Australia and the US, and is nominated for Song and Record of the Year at the upcoming Grammy Awards.

You can join the Popchops group and help influence their charts by joining facebook.com/PopchopsHQ

Read next:

‘Wasn’t it obvious?’: Billie Eilish on her low-key coming out

Chappell Roan debuts lesbian country song on SNL

Orville Peck is GQ Australia’s inaugural International Musician of the Year

For the latest LGBTIQA+ Sister Girl and Brother Boy news, entertainment, community stories in Australia, visit qnews.com.au. Check out our latest magazines or find us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and YouTube.

[zee-has-commitment-issues]

twenty questions for fic writers

Thank you @altruistic-meme for the tag! 💜

How many works do you have on AO3? Currently sitting at 25 works!

What’s your total AO3 word count? 502,854 (holy shit)

What fandoms do you write for? Right now I only write for Young Royals. I might branch out in the future, but my mind is pretty all-consumed at the moment.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? (a list not one person is surprised by) 1. Simon Eriksson: Just Some Guy From Biology Simon is a little shit, but it's a whole lot of fun. 2. Screwed Erik lived, but things are still royally screwed up. 3. Love Bites The Hickey Crack Fic no one asked for. 4. Simon Eriksson: Not Really Just Some Guy An unhinged continuation of Simon Eriksson: Just Some Guy From Biology, in which Simon is still a little shit, but it's really not his fault this time. 5. You Have Reached The Voicemail Box Of... Humiliating table shenanigans.

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? As often as I can! I try my best. I've gotten better at it more recently, but sometimes it still takes me a million years to reply. I apologize. But I really appreciate people who take the time to comment on my fics, and I try to let them know that.

What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? The Last Time which is ironically my least read fic. It is my masterpiece, though. My Nilcent no-happy-ending fic. Truly one of the best things I have ever written, in my humble opinion.

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I couldn't figure it out, so I asked Dani. She says the answer is Simon Eriksson: Just Some Guy From Biology and she is probably right.

Do you get hate on fics? Not really. This fandom is pretty chill about that kind of stuff. The only thing was that there was one anon who told me I was too obsessed with Swedish while writing a fic. Even thought the show is... quite literally Swedish...

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Once. I wrote one blowjob. The readers said it was good, but I am very unsure. They may be lying to me. Also I don't like men and my beta is asexual so we are quite possibly the worst pair to be writing gay sex.

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? I haven't and I don't have any current plans to.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not a whole fic, no, but I have had someone steal a few paragraphs word for word 💀

Have you ever had a fic translated? Not translated, but I have had one of my fics turned into a podfic by @willesworld, which was super super cool! [Podfic] Simon Eriksson: Just Some Guy From Biology

What’s your all-time favorite ship? Wilmon of course! Although I have delulu'ed a bit too close to the sun with Nilcent and my quite literally made up Erik/Ebba.

What’s a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? Lightning Strikes. It was a Felice and Walter friends fic that takes place in their second year. I realized recently that I have put Walter through the absolute ringer with his fanfictional queer journey and this story was literally no different and I felt bad. I stopped writing this fic because I felt bad for a fiction character going through a fan fiction plot.

What are your writing strengths? I have a really hard time giving myself compliments, especially with writing, so I'm not really sure. I think I do pretty well with characterizations, though.

What are your writing weaknesses? Grammar and being repetitive. My grammar sucks ass. Dani fixes way too much. And I feel like I'm quite repetitive. Not necessarily in a whole-plot kind of way, but in a small detail kind of way. If I like a little thing I added, I'll keep it going throughout the fic or multiple fics (ie. Walter's queer journey, Wilhelm's favorite color being green, Fredrika's nickname being Freddy)

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? Go for it. I do it sometimes (but I usually add the translation somewhere). I think it's fun, and ultimately I write for me.

First fandom you wrote for? DIVERGENT LMFAO

Favorite fic you’ve written? Oh I love them all. It's like having to choose a favorite child. But I have some fics that are just way too close to my heart. Screwed is always going to be one that sticks out because it brought so many people around me and I met so many new friends. The Thing In The Mirror is very much a love letter to my own grief and I cherish it deeply. And Reckless Abandon has taken so much of my time to craft and plot that I lowkey might just turn it into a novel lmao.

tagging: @insomnaticwilmon @the-navistar-carol and @willesworld if y'all want to participate 💜

[female-eren]

you're so right abt Ai, esp because don't you think it will be a downward spiral of less expectations/rigor>poorer educated people >need for less expectations in an endless loop?? Like I thought ppl need to fail and try again and improve to grow?

There's this idea in Swedish education from kindergarden until high school that there should never be any difficulty, effort or distress in any way. If it feels bad or stressful, it's literally NEVER your fault for not studying. It's always that "everyone learns differently" and "the school needs to meet every student's needs" (which is impossible, school cannot do that). And of course that translates into the administration and teachers and counsellors telling students that it's totally ok and actually pretty good to get the absolute lowest passing grades possible. So this predictably translates into continuosly low results, lowered expectations from teachers (which in turn means inflation in grades - what is a C now is what used to be D or E), the workload for teachers is hugely increased every year because they're supposed to solve ALL of society's problems so they're tempted to give all students passing grades (E) simply because they otherwise have the task of helping this student even more. It's a spot on the teacher's record to have a failing student, because the idea is that if a student failed it's NEVER the student's fault, always the teacher that didn't teach well enough or motivate the student enough. AI will make the already poor quality of education, and especially the terrible efforts of students, even worse and the job of the teacher even harder (and it's already impossible so you can see how that goes).

[mazm-imagines]

To Christine and Raoul, what language or languages do you wish you had better experience in?

"I would like to learn Swedish a bit more. It has been a while since I- or heard anyone for that matter speak it. It would be nice to relearn my mother tongue." Christine gave a wistful sigh, Raoul patted her shoulder in turn.

"There there Christine, you can- will go back some day. All in due time. We can even pay our respects to Madame Daae..."

"That would be most appreciated dear Raoul..." Christine gave a cheerful smile before continuing her answer.

"I would like to travel the world some day. For that I cannot exactly learn every language- although I would if given the chance. Instead I would like to increase my proficiency in English. Maybe even Spanish. Spanish is similar to French in a way no?"

"It is, yes. You would probably have an easier time learning Spanish than English. But I believe you can do anything you set your mind to my Christine." The kind encouragement made her beam with affection.

"Thank you Raoul. How about you? What languages do you wish you had better experience in?"

"Oh-! During my time in the academy I had traversed the Middle East. Of the various countries I visited there, the civilians were oftentimes very friendly. I wish I could have talked to them personally instead of relying on a translator." His eyes shone in fond remembrance.

"So perhaps I would like to learn Arabic or Farsi. It's a lovely region despite the well... political conflicts. I wish the residents the best." Raoul looked a bit embarrassed about it considering whose fault it is. He almost felt bad about stepping foot there at all. Christine placed her hand on top of his before entwining them together.

"There there Raoul... We do have the Persian here. Although I'm not too familiar with him, he seems to be a decent man. Maybe you two could talk?"

"...Maybe. Thank you for the suggestion Christine. I will keep it in mind!" Raoul cheered up at the feeling of her hand in his. Enough to keep talking.

"The world is endless! And I would love to traverse it all with my dear Christine. So I must agree with her; I would love to have more experience in every langauge. Chinese looks absolutely fascinating but I have heard it's a bit... difficult to get through."

"Oh dear... well, I am sure once you begin it will come naturally to you? It will work out Raoul."

"Of course my Christine. As long as I am with you it will be okay."

[alittlequirkygirl2]

Also, be mad at the Swedish government for also sucking at trans healthcare and legal rights rather than a slandering attempt by Russian propaganda accounts. We had forced sterilisation until 2013, our hospitals randomly decided to stop giving kids puberty blockers just the other year, depending on county you don’t have access to the same healthcare as in other counties, the queues for assessment is like five years long, non-binary people often don’t have access to any healthcare unless their specific doctor fudges things legally speaking and helps you anyway, public television keeps airing anti-trans “documentaries” despite public outcry every time… A non-exhaustive list. Unfortunately, these things are true in many countries with socialised healthcare. That, of course, isn’t a fault with socialised healthcare. It’s entirely down to the fact that right wing politics are allowed to take hold and fester in the system. The same reason why the rest of healthcare is on its knees, eldercare sucks, the school system is hell, disability aid (financial and practical) is really hard to get, etc. Capitalism relies on hatred and suffering to keep people divided and weakened. It needs to end.

wish you guys would hate norway for the intense medical transphobia the way you hated swedes for not feeding people. we couldnt get a legal gender marker change without forced sterilisation until 2016. theres 1 board in 1 hospital in the whole country that's allowed to give HRT and they go by 1950s gender roles (i.e. if you're a trans man who wears nail polish, or a trans woman who wears pants, or you're gay, you're denied), and there's a minimum of a full year of psychological evaluations before any treatment is given (they ask helpful and relevant questions like "did you play with cars or dolls as a child" and "do you think about your parents when you masturbate"). anyway burn down rikshospitalet

[colorful-white-ideas]

It was so sweet of anon to switch her phone settings from Swedish to English so we could read everything clearly. Of course, maybe she didn't switch anything, she is just not from Sweden but go there. Or she is from Sweden but prefers English settings - maybe to help with learning the language, watching movies without subtitles, or scrolling Tumblr blogs. Who knows?

///

Hahaha, thanks for the laugh 🤣

Awww, look at you noticing that small detail. Very good, very good. *applause*

Who says that my phone was ever in Swedish? My keyboard yes, my phone? Never. Just because I am in Sweden it has to be in Swedish? That’s your argument?

Although I must admit, the English keyboard helps me with the predictive text.

Trash talking her lover? Hahaha.

Also, all you’re argument are ”Bill obsessed fan”? Lovely.

Serious talking now, I am not saying that was right what we did, I said this even the first time when I explained through message in private that it was my fault. I took it too far by mentioning his name and continued the charade. (Although I think her would have figured out in the end that we talked about him) But was fun at the moment. It’s not that deep tho…but to call someone for that? Hahaha, yes, Alida is childish and jealous.

Also, you wanted proof, I delivered. I don’t care what you think.

Puss och kram 🥀

🥀 clearing up some things

[sacredquakes]

Scared that I’ve put A on a pedestal and made her HP. That’s okay sweetie. It’s normal. You are powerless over this stuff, this is why we are in two programs. And of course you’re putting her on a pedestal- she’s Swedish, your mum’s age, and pretty amazing in so many ways. Of course. You need guidance, you need healthy supportive people to share with. You need ESH. And it’s unusual to feel like people are really really authentic, but she is. But maybe there’s something about being too worried of triggering her by talking about sex work, and especially of talking about things I’ve enjoyed with the work, that it’s not just straightforwardly abusive, that at times it’s felt empowering and fun, and been a space where I could explore things. Just like academia was, just like taking drugs was, just like a lot of addictive relationships can be. But I have this fear of seeming shallow, seeming stupid, naive, like a similar fear I can have with super strong feminists. So I think it’s a fear of my femmeness, my femininity, my frivolity, my complex sexuality, my kinks, my feminism, my somatic abolitionism- like, the softness, vulnerability, playfulness- but also neurodivergence and difference- not being seen and being devalued. Also feeling shame for maybe having put A more on a pedestal than I realised. There’s something that just feels a bit disgusting about it. I feel embarrassed about it. Like I’ve sullied the relationship. Which I think is that shame around the sexual abuse coming out. That I was the only one who seemingly saw it, and I was made into a problem, I was seen as the one to blame for it. It was my fault. There was something wrong with my sexuality and my desire and my life force. When of course, it was his responsibility to respect boundaries, which he didn’t do in any way. And I guess, in an adult relationship you are also both responsible for the dynamic. If I have someone on a pedestal then it’s probably likely partly because the other person wants to be there.

But yeah, also. I so often feel there’s a sexual energy if there is any form of closeness. That’s what I felt with Finley. Maybe with Shanna too. And then last week or so with Leo. And I think I’ve always felt it in the past, but I’ve tried to kind of just ignore it. But now I can feel it and it frightens me. I mean, with Finley it was definitely there, they did send a flirty text to me. But maybe it is also just that any kind of intimacy triggers a sexual response for me and that immediately triggers all these other feelings and I immediately feel scared and overwhelmed because I don’t think I’ll be able to say no and stop it. And like, when I tune in more to those feelings, I can see how that fear is there a lot. And that that’s probably what’s coming up with friends as well, when I have this fear around physical contact, so I’m both scared of being seen as a perpetrator and to not be able to stop it. And maybe that’s partly what being first a sex worker and then a body worker is about a bit- wanting to gain some kind of control by being in charge. Being in the role of professional and also making sure that I’m controlling any physical contact.