#and it always feels disheartening like she hasnt paid attention at all
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#the birthday shit storm has hit#i just spent the whole evening in a noisy restaurant masking my ass off trying to make my family happy#then i get home and do all the birthday things to make my mum happy#and she has this thing where she buys presents that SHE would like but not necessarily the person actually receiving the gift#like buying your goth gnc child a set of pastel floral pjs#so that happened#and it always feels disheartening like she hasnt paid attention at all#or worse she HAS but doesnt like what she sees#then she said she knows i hate being touched by family members but she wants to give me a birthday hug#and i ask her not to especially since its MY birthday and it would upset me#and she says no its important to HER and just hugs me anyways#so now im lying in bed feeling like absolute shite#i did really enjoy last night/this morning with everyone on here it was so nice to have birthday messages#im just trying to focus on that section of the day#but its hard right now#i still feel like shes touching me#z0mbie thoughts
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