#and it doesn't motherfucking work i want a refund i want to start over roll everything back to my birth

[anaalnathrakhs]

i want IMMEDIATE GRATIFICATION i’ve done the small talk i’ve done the compliments i’ve done the optimism i’ve done the kindness and understanding, i want irl friends NOW or i’m gonna start biting

[a-queer-query]

My OC's As Incorrect Quotes, Conveniently Cut Off For Your Scrolling Needs Because This Is A Lot.

Hades: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me.

Chija: Okay, but in my defense, August bet me 50 cents I couldn't drink all that shampoo.

Hades: That's not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?!

//

Hades: Dammit, Osiris!

Osiris: What? It wasn't me!

Hades: Sorry, force of habit. Dammit, Chija!

Chija: Not me either.

Hades: Oh... then who set the house on fire?

May: *whistles*

//

Venus: So are we flirting right now?

May: I am literally stabbing you.

Venus: That doesn't answer my question

//

*squad reactions to being told 'I love you'*

Chija: Thanks fam!

Oliver: Oh no.

Venus: *cries* I love you too

Hades: Sounds fake but okay.

August: *a flustered mess*

Osiris: Can I get a refund?

//

Osiris: Isn't weird that we pay money to see other people?

Venus: Plane tickets?

Oliver: Concert tickets?

Chija: Prostitution?

Osiris, hold her broken frames: Glasses.

//

Oliver: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?

Venus: Several traffic violations.

Chija: Three counts of resisting arrest.

August: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.

Osiris: Also, that's not our car.

//

Oliver: Hey Venus? Can I get some dating advice?

Venus: Just because I'm with Osiris doesn't mean I know how I did it.

//

Osiris: So apparently the 'bad vibes' I've been feeling are actually sever psychological distress.

//

Hades, about Osiris: Apparently we're getting someone new in the group.

Chija: Are we stealing them?

Oliver: New or used?

Venus: Wonderful responses, both of you.

//

Venus: Bridge the generation gap by combining old and new slang into one!

Chija: Tubular AF!

August: Mood to the max!

Hades,annoyed: Groovy, I hate it.

Osiris, just as annoyed: If she breathes, she's a square.

//

Osiris: Nothing in life is free.

Venus: Love is free!

Oliver: Adventure is free.

Hades: Knowledge is free.

August: Everything is free if you take it without paying.

//

May: *screams*

Osiris: *screams louder to establish dominance*

Venus: Should we do something?

Hades: No, I want to see who wins.

//

Chija: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?

Hades: You're a hazard to society.

Osiris: And a coward. Do twenty.

//

Chija: Are you sure this is the right direction?

May: Certainly, I'm as sure as I am honest!

Osiris: In that case, we're definitely lost.

//

Venus, going over Osiris's resume: Okay, so right here, it states that you're creative.

Osiris: Yes.

Venus: Okay... may I know what you create?

Osiris: Problems.

//

Osiris: Fool me once, I'm gonna kill you.

//

August: Must be hard not being able to laugh.

Hades: I do have a sense of humour you know.

August: I've never heard you laugh before.

Hades: I've never heard you say anything funny.

//

Venus: Good morning.

Hades: Good morning.

Oliver: Good morning.

August: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit.

Chija: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS

//

Venus: Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween! It's terrible for the environment!

Osiris: Yeah! Locally sources, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly!

//

Osiris: What am I doing wrong?

Hades: Do you want me to answer as a friend or a therapist?

Osiris: As a friend.

Hades: See a therapist.

//

Random person, forced to work with the group: That sounds like a terrible plan.

Hades: Oh, we've had worse.

//

Oliver: Question. When they shot Bambi's mother, did you find that a sad moment... at all?

Osiris: I'm sure she's mounted on a nice wall in a fine home somewhere.

//

May: I find it very unseemly of Venus to start dating again. Isn't the customary period of mourning 10 years?

Chija: Die. Let's find out.

//

August: You think you're smart than everyone else.

Hades: I don't think I'm smart than everyone else, I know I am.

//

May: I got grounded for a whole week just because I came home late.

Chija: Well, you deserved it. I mean, getting everyone's hopes up like that then showing up again.

//

August: I may be antisocial and unattractive...

Oliver:... But?

August: That's all.

//

Venus: You need to react when people cry!

Osiris: I did. I rolled my eyes.

//

May: I'm useless.

Hades: Nah, you aren't.

Hades: You can be used as a bad example.

//

Oliver: Hey, can you hold this for me?

Chija: This is your hand...

Oliver: Yeah.

//

Venus: Look, let's just agree to say "I'm sorry" on the count of three.

Venus: One, two, three.

Venus:

May:

Venus: See, now I'm just disappointed in both of us.

//

Chija: Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.

Hades: Please never become a surgeon.

//

Osiris: You read my diary?!

Venus: At first, I didn't know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.

//

Hades: You're smiling, did something good happen?

Osiris: I can't smile just because I feel like it?

Oliver: May tripped and fell in the parking lot.

//

August: Things have actually been going really well with Osiris. Our friendship is at a really good place.

August: Last week I said, "Did you know the weiner dog is neither a weiner nor a dog?" And instead of saying, "Shut up August," she said, "okay."

//

Random person: Excuse me, who is in charge here?

Oliver: Usually it's whoever yells the loudest.

//

May, to Osiris: I dare you to-

Chija: Osiris isn't allowed to accept dares.

Osiris: Apparently I have "no regard for my personal safety."

//

Oliver: I want someone to take me out.

Chija: Like on a date or with a gun?

Oliver: Surprise me.

//

Venus: You will machete through this!

Venus: *make it

Venus: Do not machete your way through this.

Osiris: Too late.

//

Oliver: *sharpens knife* We've got ways of making people talk.

Oliver: *cuts piece of cake*

May:... can I have some?

Oliver: Cake is for talkers.

//

Chija: *signs a legal documents with a glitter gel pen*

//

Osiris: Did Venus just tell me she loved me for the first time?

Hades: Yeah.

Osiris: And did I do finger guns back?

Hades: Yeah, you did.

//

Hades: I am at a loss for words!

Chija, telling Venus later: Despite being lost for words, Hades yelled at me for the next 45 minutes.

//

August: Do you miss the imagination of childhood?

Osiris: I never had one.

August: An imagination or a childhood?

//

Oliver: Time sensitive question, how flirt boy.

Chija: Throw rocks at he

Venus: Hot dog.

Osiris: Kill him.

Oliver: Thanks guys.