#and it’s not even discounting. if the product arrives busted as shit to the point no one wants to buy it yeah I’m putting a 30% off sticker

[minecrussy]

‘It’s against company policy to discount baby food for any reason’ suck my shit hard from the back you cop ass cunt

[themyskira]

THAT Wonder Woman script, part 3 of why do you hate us joss

PREVIOUSLY IN THIS SHITTY MOVIE:

Diana left her extremely heterosexual all-women island commune to take a gap year and discover herself! And also because a boy turned up and dazzled her with his moral superiority!

The pair arrived in a stereotypical war-torn African country, where Diana unhelpfully escalated a situation, got shot and was deeply offended that she took six whole hours to heal from a near-fatal bullet wound, while Joss tried unsuccessfully to insert his own gun politics into the story.

Then they went to America, where Diana was hilariously mistaken for a sex worker and shamed for her revealing clothing!

We also met our villain! Well, villains, because why have one quality bad guy when you can have about six bargain bin ones. Roll call!

whosit the stereotypical African warlord; he’s out of the picture

whatshisface the stereotypical gangster, who’s about to get condescendingly lectured at

Discount Veronica Cale, an embarrassing caricature who runs Evil Incorporated, which secretly fuels war and panic and inequality all over the globe because fear is tasty etc.

Strife, a Greek goddess who Whedon has retooled into a male demigod for no reason I can see

The Khimaera, which is either a mythical creature or an industrial-sized drill or possibly a combination of both, it really hasn’t been adequately explained

Ares, the evil behind the curtain

no, I know, I’m shocked the studio passed on this kind of quality material, too.

Diana is still tracking Kleen, and she believes she knows where she can find him — in a trendy nightclub unsubtly called “Olympus”. Diana tells Steve it’s a ~sign~ because she is obsessed with this shit.

The bouncer gives her shit and calls her “bitch”.

Cut to a minute later, as Steve and Diana walk inside. Griffin has taken the unconscious bouncer’s headset and clipboard and is using his newfound position of power to be a massive douche.

GRIFFIN Okay! Guy from the ‘burbs desperately trying to impress his date, you, yeah get on in. Tee shirt guy. You two…

Two thin supermodel types come up to him—

GRIFFIN (continuing) Go eat something! Go to Arby’s, get some protein, you frighten me.

wow fuck you joss, this is some nice guy sexist bullshit.

Meanwhile, in the club, Diana has found Kleen and his posse. Steve warns Diana that they need to approach with care; if anyone starts shooting, people will die. Diana ignores him and walks right on up.

And at this point you may be thinking, for a mission about busting a crack kingpin, this subplot sure has a disappointing lack of offensive stereotypes. Friends, I have good news for you.

KLEEN […] I keep hearing my product’s getting jacked by some crazy strong bitch in a tiara. That couldn’t be you, ‘cause here you are too scared to speak. It’s sad. The way a funeral is sad. You up in my world now.

The girlfriend slinks up him.

THE GIRLFRIEND What are you talkin’ to her, I need a little sugar—

KLEEN Get ya skank ass offa me while I’m doing business!

Diana proceeds to lecture Kleen about how he can do good if he stops being a captive to society and embraces the “real power … in connection, in community”. It’s some white saviour, white feminist bullshit and Kleen is genuinely furious before he brushes her aside dismissively and warns her not to mess with him again.

Steve trails after Diana, rightly pointing out how irresponsible and completely ineffectual that was. But Diana can’t shake the feeling that there’s something else going on with this place. Maybe it’s the fact that she’s in a bar called Olympus, and the owner has just sent her over a complimentary glass of probably-divine wine. Gosh, do you think the universe is telling her something?!

Diana takes a sip, twigs what’s going on and skols the whole glass. Then abruptly announces that she needs to dance. As she makes for the floor, Griffin asks Steve if he’s gonna dance with her and Steve splutters something to the tune of ‘what no why would I dance with her did someone tell you I like her I don’t like her girls are dumb and they have cooties’ before proceeding to watch her while pretending not to watch her, because he is an actual teenage boy.

Diana reaches the middle of the floor. She raises her arm and holds still. Turns her palm and brings her arm down with ritualistic rigidity. This could go very badly…

Then she moves her leg back and turns, fluidly, a curve rippling up her body as she folds into a dance that is sexual, ethereal and wicked sexy. This is not a warrior march; though it remains idiosyncratic, it is neither out of place nor unnoticed on the crowd floor. […]

BEN Are you watching this?

GRIFFIN (big-eyed) It’s like Christmas…

I think I hate Griffin even more than I hate Steve.

Anyway, guys on the dance floor start fighting over her (of course) and then some divine shit happens, but the important thing is that after Diana does her sexy dance she’s allowed upstairs and into a lush private room where the aforementioned club owner is waiting.

BACCHUS (without turning) I like that you knew you needed to dance for me. And it was worthy; I mean, for a girl [who’s] never seen Soul Train even once you can bend a bit.

yeah Bacchus is a wanker.

The reason he goes by “Bacchus” and not “Dionysus”, btw? “The Romans! They came and changed all our names. How random is that?”

Like I said, total wanker.

Also once again, zero research, because the name “Bacchus” originated with the Greeks -- the Romans just appropriated it. They used the name fairly interchangeably with “Liber”.

DIANA I was told the gods were dead.

BACCHUS (it doesn’t swing) Yeah, well. Most of them are.

DIANA Athena?

BACCHUS Deader than Elvis. […] a God exists because people believe in it. Worship. Is a thing. Goddess of wisdom? Not hanging in, not today. (raises his drink) But nobody ever stopped worshipping wine.

DIANA Or war.

BACCHUS (nodding) Ares, yeah. It’s his world now. I mean, Aphrodite’s still looking good, but not for publication I think she’s had some work done. Also she’s out of her mind.

This is some ignorant, cynical-ass bullshit masquerading as pithy insight. Even if you want to take the most pessimistic attitude towards institutions of learning and culture and science, even if you want to say that what’s driving all of those things is all hard profit and no curiosity, Athena is more than “just” the goddess of wisdom. She is the disciplined, strategic side of war, to Ares’ unbridled bloodshed — and hasn’t Joss just been lecturing us about how warfare has been corporatised and industrialised and monetised? She’s also craft, intellect, learning — you could argue for echoes of Athena in the growth of manufacturing and technology.

And as for Joss’s contemptuous treatment of Aphrodite — well, no surprise there, really, given his demonstrated puritan attitudes towards women’s sexuality.

Diana concludes that “[t]his whole world is mad” and not only is Dionysus doing nothing to help, he’s exploiting it like a douchebag.

BACCHUS You’re a feisty little filly. Let me ask you this:

He picks her up with one hand and slams her onto the bar. Doesn’t even spill his drink.

BACCHUS (continuing) Are you a god? (holding her down) ‘Cause I am and I’m used to being addressed like one.

Then he explains that Ares isn’t playing by “the rules”. “The rules” are vague and kind of nonsensical; basically it appears that gods personify certain concepts, but humans choose how to engage with those concepts: “Wine and revelry, it can bring men together or tear them apart, I can’t choose which. Humans choose. More and more they choose blindness. They choose hate, and isolation.” Whedon’s really hitting his cynical, preachy stride now.

So, according to these very flimsy “rules”, gods are incapable of making people do good or evil; they can only present them with the choice. But people doing evil violent shit makes Ares powerful, so he’s skirting this limitation by getting minions like Strife to push people to do evil violent shit. Except… Strife is also a god… who should be bound by the same “rules”…

Oh, and the other gods can’t stop him because conveniently “the rules” prohibit that as well!

fuuuuuuck this is stupid.

Dionysus rambles some more, tells Diana that Spearhead is Ares’ base of operations and Arabella Callas is his lieutenant.

BACCHUS […] She’s like Medea without the maternal warmth. You wanna get near her. (looks her over) Might need a more subtle look — your boyfriend can help you with that.

DIANA I don’t have a — who?

BACCHUS The pilot. Trevor. (before she can protest) Don’t even bother. Diana, what’s happening between you two isn’t chance. It was predicted by the Oracles millennia ago.

DIANA It was?

BACCHUS (snorts) No. But check out your face when I said it. There’s something going on.

DIANA He’s… a good man…

OH FOR SHIT’S SAKE NOW EVERYONE’S IN HIGH SCHOOL

The trajectory of this romance so far has been roughly this: Boy meets girl. Boy belittles girl at every available opportunity. Both boy and girl profusely deny harbouring any feelings for the other whenever prodded or questioned by those around them. When forced to speak truthfully, boy admits that he is attracted to her — and that he fucking hates it. BY GOSH, IT MUST BE TRUE LOVE.

Dionysus hams it up some more like the tosser he is, then we cut to the “gleaming, phallic grandeur” of the Spearhead tower. Steve and Diana steal the access codes to the building and sneak in undercover — Diana in classic Diana Prince getup.

They break into Callas’s office, where Callas is waiting calmly for them. Diana whips her lasso around Callas’s neck — I don’t know why she always goes for the neck — and Callas answers their every question with an unnerving calm. Yes, obviously she works for Ares. What’s she planning to do to Gateway? Oh, just destroy it. Why? Blahblah extended monologue about creating a glorious “golden age of fear and apathy” where everybody knows their place and does exactly as they’re told.

And at the end of all this, finally Diana thinks to ask how Ares and Callas are planning to achieve world domination. Callas, smugly: “You should have asked that first.” Then the guards bust in, guns blazing.

worst. heroes. ever.

Diana and Steve make their exit through the Evil Corporate War Room. People dive for cover as the guards give chase, firing indiscriminately. A tech guy gets caught in the crossfire and dies dramatically in Diana’s arms because why not. They make it to the creepy prayer chamber, barricade themselves in and — of course — stumble upon the high-tech-magical-silo in which we last saw the Khimaera. The maintenance machines and insectlike repair robots all manifest weapons and start shooting at them.

Diana grabs Steve and leaps down the central shaft and into a dark tunnel beneath the city. Of course, they end up in the same chamber the reporter and the homeless guy we’ve all forgotten about at this point were exploring. Diana identifies the “dragon” in the mural as the Khimaera and the “knight” the reporter thought was St George as Bellerophon. The message is clear, she says: she has to fight the Khimaera.

DIANA […] The Khimaera is here. It’s already working. This was left for me. It’s the sign.

STEVE It’s not a sign. It’s graffiti. Technically, it’s vandalism.

She turns on him, genuinely pissed.

DIANA What is wrong with you? Why do you still deny what is right before your eyes?

Steve, of course, takes this opening to instead expound on what he reckons is wrong with her. He blames Diana for the death of the tech guy just now and implies that all she’s doing with her heroic quests and dragon-fighting is getting people killed.

Which is… that is actually true. But only because Whedon is writing her so abominably.

DIANA I’m trying to keep it from getting worse!

STEVE And it never occurred to you that you’re the reason it’s getting worse? You stand up, call yourself a hero, the uglies are gonna have to bring you down. There’s an old saying: When elephants fight, the mice get trampled.

DIANA So I should, what? Putter around in my plane, bringing help to one of a thousand needy people? That’s a life’s work?

STEVE I used to think so.

DIANA So this is why you’re bitter. Because I—

(With Whedon’s Diana, everything is about her. It’s what she’s supposed to learn from other people’s misfortune, what signs she’s being sent, what the gods are telling her. It’s so fucking obnoxious.)

STEVE Again, this is not the time to talk about my feelings, Diana—

DIANA Because I make you feel small!

STEVE Well, we’re all small compared to you. From up there we probably look like ants.

DIANA I thought you were mice.

STEVE We’re human beings, Diana, and that’s something you will never understand.

oh fuck you joss

DIANA Your people have lost their way. The world crumbles and they do nothing. They need a hero to show them what they can—

No, fuck you, Joss, I can’t even—

STEVE Yes. Yes! We need a hero. Not a demigod sent from on high to lecture us about potential. We need someone with no advantage, no hope, who’s still out there trying. A hero doesn’t decide — ever! — to be a hero. They’re forced into it and they step up and then they live with the consequences.

He’s in her face, seething with conviction. And she is shaken.

STEVE (continuing) You’ll make your show, fight your fight and people will love you for it, and then they’ll need you for it and it’ll start to grate, to bore you and one day you’ll just go back home to paradise. (every syllable hit) Because every day you wake up knowing you can just go back to paradise. (fiercely quiet) You’re not a hero, Diana. You’re a fucking tourist.

Nah. Nah. Fuck you, mate. FUUUUUUUCK. YOUUUUU.

This is the crux of Whedon’s take on Wonder Woman. She is Not Worthy to be a hero and Will Not Be Worthy until she experiences her share of pain and suffering like the rest of us. Because, man, I can buy Greek gods and an island of supernaturally powerful women, but a heroine who’s possessed of both incredible power and great humanity? I’m sorry, that just breaks my suspension of disbelief. Everyone knows you can’t be a hero unless you have it beaten into you first.

This is some nasty, petty-minded, cynical bullshit and it deserves to burn slowly in the development hell to which it was rightly banished.

Just as Steve reaches Peak Douchebag, he receives exactly what he deserves, with Strife materialising to slam him to the ground.

Diana and Strife fight; Strife says what I was just thinking: “So this is a sign, is it? A portent, just for you. Your arrogance is a delight.” Yep; pretty much.

Diana lassos Strife, who casually cuts through the golden lariat. The glow fades as it falls limply to the ground.

He says it’s because his sword was made by Vulcan. I call bullshit, and not just because Joss gives too few shits to say Hephaestus like he means. The lasso is Important. It’s more than just a weapon or an interrogation tool; it is truth incarnate, truth inviolate, and for that to break? That ought to be big and devastating, with larger implications. It ought to mean something.

This doesn’t mean anything; Joss is just using it to signal how fucked Diana is about to be.

Strife materialises behind Steve, puts his sword to Steve’s throat and delights in telling Diana that the only way she can save her boyfriend’s life is to submit to having her bracelets chained and her power taken from her.

What follows is essentially your classic standoff — Steve urging her to kill Strife, don’t worry about him; Diana torn and hesitating — made infinitely more creepy by the dark, predatory... I’ll say it, rapey connotations behind chaining an Amazon and putting her under a man’s power. And god, does Whedon ever play it up.

The chain moves in his hand, twitching slightly. Steve sees the pain on Diana’s face.

STRIFE (continuing) Submit to my will, and I won’t kill him.

Diana hesitates. Steve can barely hiss:

STEVE Take him out…

She looks at him…

STRIFE (disgusted) A true Amazon would never even have hesitated. Your decision is made. Now say it!

STEVE Nnnno…

DIANA Yes.

STRIFE Yes?

DIANA (choking on it) I… submit.

STRIFE Do it.

Slowly, she gets on her knees. Holds out her two hands.

The chain rises, twitching, like a snake, pointed at her, straining at her.

DIANA I submit.

The chain shoots out of Strife’s grasp and attaches to her bands. We pan up from her hands to her face — and there is colour drained from it. Not just ashen shame; she looks less vital, less alive.

STRIFE If your mother could see you now…

Diana looks at herself, at her chains, at her torn and tawdry outfit.

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

(deep breath)

yooooooooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

(also “torn and tawdry outfit” like now that Diana is depowered and mortal she is no different than the sex worker Joss was encouraging us to laugh at before)

Strife throws Steve aside and teleports himself and Diana away.

i hate everything.

[bluefacecowboy-blog]

Weekly Update

Right, hi tumblr people (so Debbie and maybe Chelsea and really bored people scrolling through tumblr) hi to all!

Fun fun week! I really don’t have photos but who knows some might show up if I search twitter and I don’t know if I will yet!

Right so this week started bright and early and featured two big big events. The first: Bike to work celebration.

This was Monday Morning starting at 6:30 and since I forgot to make it start on my calendar at 6:15 I sorta arrived ten minutes late. Ugh I forgot to ground the reader right. Right so National Bike to Work Day is a day where all of the Trans Alt Staff gives out free breakfast along popular commuting corridors.

(For the reccord, in 97.87% of the time, I’m a big fan of editing just not in journaling because journaling seems a way to be free and just reccord or recount what’s going through your mind and yeah I know tumblr maybe isn’t the best place to go even on mimi rants like this but it is 1:45am and I’m playing great music.) By the time I finished this it was almost 3am. Good thing I get Monday’s off.

Right I was explicity told to be very topical so that should be the last of that, it’s just I really hate feeling constrained in journaling so back to topicalness) As well as giving out breakfast the day is also the day where T.A gets the most new members so that really was the focus going in and I have a wierd thing where I can sell things that I don’t believe in so much easily than things that I believe in because I have to think about the selling points. It definitely took me a minute (or the whole time) to get comfy selling membership because I know how great it is and I kinda assumed everybody else did. It was kinda crazy windy out and being right alongside the Hudson certainly added to things. It was a fun day though, roping people in with free breakfast and then asking them if they would be interested in signing a petition which I felt comfy with.

Rant about honesty below (in all likely just an idioscracy of mine)

(I will be very honest about everything probably too honest but I’m not supposed to be shit, like I have no problem saying mistruths in person but writing is so much more perinement and it is what lasts and I want to be honest because the exact words of a conversation even in the very best ones are just fading details but when you can scrutinze every word I find it so much more important to be honest, because whatever I did, I did and I own it, even if I’m not proud of it. Okay see this is how I can get side tracked for real, though if you are a future employer reading this then hello! Hope you are well whatever concerns you have about me in this reading have hopefully been worked on, okay for real back to it)

Rant over

It felt so much comfortable then selling membership after luring people with free breakfast (I hope this is topical and not too much) to try to get them to open their wallet, though I completely understand why we were all supposed to. A petition felt like a fair trade because then there is still good will and ease. Also it was too cold for ice coffee, if we had Friday’s wheather on Monday double the amount of people would have stopped. It was fun and very odd being finished with things before I generally wake up. (bold generally means the future, like there is no way I’m up before 10:30)

I had Tuesday off, so everything there is truly untopical.

Wednesday, that was site visit day and truthfully I was definitely at least vaguely nervous because I never had a formal realationship with Debbie and it was definitely more than a touch off balencing to see Debbie standing outside when my head was still in the books I was reading on the subway. Generally the time in the elevator is the time I need to ground myself in what is ahead but I didn’t have that so if I seemed a touch cold, I aplogize Debbie. The meeting went great, I really do enjoy the work I do at TransAlt (my head is just in the album playing now (25 annual Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Concert)) and my supervisor Chelsea is such a great boss. The enviroment (at TransAlt) is great because it really is a great match. Like there are people who are all working on politics but also on bikes and also on pedestrian plazas and making the streets more joyous (shit I’ve been at this half and hour and I still have the next two days) The meeting went very well after I got over the inital in my headness and was present in the meeting. The rest of the day was spent working on Buisness Outreach things or the rest of the day at the office was.

Fuck after I left the day was properly crazy! From the most boring of ceremonies (kinda like the first ten minutes of a Deblassio speech but for three hours) to immediately after having great conversations, looking forward to a double episode of Survivor, to on the whim of a moment joining a group of two incredibly interesting and brilliant strangers and a close friend of my father to suddenly entering this art studio looking for Five Five Freedie to entering a park I never knew existed (148 and Riverside, check this stuff out!) to five hours later lying on the bust of Houdini for a half hour nap.

OVER

Just know I was kinda wrecked and hungry for more adventure going into Thursday. This was my first day of outreach with my boss Chelsea and just going over the ropes of how to petition on the streets. Similarily to a lot of other things you just need to get into a grove and stay the hell out of your head and just ask people “Hey would you like wider sidewalks or summer streets” and then asking the same person to sign the petition. It was great fun to get to use signs I created and see the process through, after petitioning for two and half hours we called it quits and I felt really good about engaging passerbys.

There was a meeting afterward for Manhattan T.A volunteers and while the meeting was definitely productive I was in the complete wrong headspace and probably fairly exhausted ( I went to bed late the night before)

The next day was Bike Home From Work Party in the DUMBO Triangle. It was a real party with a D.J and fosball and food and a bunch of sponsors and free food. I was tasked with floating shift which means to help where needed and float throughout. There was only one person at the membership tent so I joined her there (The person was Kelsey and we really get along great and she is super easy to get along with) and we started pulling people in. I quickly found the best pitch was to call out asking someone if they were a TransAlt member and if they said no I quickly found the best to engage them was to inform them of the free beers for members, that got people listening so quickly it was great and I feel like as many if not the majority of non-members who I was able to engage with became members. If people said yes I would inform them of the free beer and make jovial conversation. There was a free t-shirt (exclusive to the week) so with the free beer and the men’s wearhouse coupon the membership paid for itself when people became members. (The following is half selling membership, 100% honest) Really becoming a member is a great deal, because for fifty dollars a year, or ten a month if you prefer, you get discounts at over a hundred thirty stores throughout the city and you support TransAlt’s lifesaving work! It was great fun working with Kelsey and later Libbey and the party was a great atmosphere and there was a competition to win a Free Brompton Bike, the person who could put out at the highest maxium wattage on a trainer would win a bike. I had the lead throughout the night but each time I checked I would see the person before me edge me out, literally every time! So I go to check in to see if I’m still in the lead. The person warming his legs is a mountain bike racer, so is friend who would go immediately after him. He goes and gives absolutely everything and ended up beating my wattage by 20 watts and I’m thinking alright with Daft Punk Playing I can probably beat that. His friend (person 1’s friend) goes up and blows person 1’s wattage up by fifty watts. Daft Punk is still playing. I have beaten person 2’s wattage a couple of times throughout my 18 years on my bike which is a sweet toy and fits me exactly to the millimeter. I start spinning. Another TransAlt emlpoyee is besides me. The time starts and I start giving it everything but my power was only slowly trudging upwards. I scream and give it one last primal effort. My wattage jumps surpassing person 1’s wattage. I keep digging and I can see person 2’s wattage slowly getting closer. 25. 23. 24. 17. 16. 15. Then I pop. Okay whatever bad story. The night was great! The director of membership was please with me and gave me this amazing pin that says

  “OFFFICAL MEMBER”

All Powerful Bike Lobby

Yeah the party was great fun, so much fun to see so many TransAlt members and people having fun with bikes. Yeah I’m sure this is like 10 times more reading then I should have made it. Mistakes were made. Have a great week! After reading it, this feels relatively constrained by my standards. There was also Staff Pizza which was very nice and just great conversation’s throughout the night, alright it is 3:01 I’m gonna hope this is alright in some way. Bye all!