#and it'd make this later than it is asdhgfd

[choosingfreedom-a]

insert fancy graphic depicting my love for kai in a humorous yet poignant way here. ideally it features erwin and levi in a way that is both cute and caring, and says “happy birthday” in a tastefully sloppy text.

@atlaswinged

okay, so, your actual present is coming At Some Point In The Future, but because my life is a mess of final projects right now i couldn’t get it done in time for yesterday, and like, obviously even this is late, so, uh. YEAH. FOR THE MOMENT, YOU’RE GETTING THIS. let it tide you over. 

ANYWAY, kai, i just wanted to take the time to say, on your birthday (or the day after, AS IT HAPPENS), how glad i am to have met you <3 i remember when you first followed me, and i was excited to see an erwin, but i think i took a few days to follow back, just bc i wait for new blogs to have writing up before i follow them. but when i did see your writing it took, like, .2 seconds to hit that follow button. and then i think our first interaction was me writing you a starter that blossomed into this wonderful thread with erwin and levi digging at each other early on in levi’s time in the corps, testing each other’s limits, erwin trying to convince levi to with others -- i owe you a response for that, which isn’t surprising, because i owe you a response for Many Things lmao.

but!! anyway!!! i knew the first time you wrote a reply for me that it was going to be wildly fun writing with you, and i loved reading your threads even when i wasn’t a part of them. your erwin is such a wonderful, well-rounded mixture of all of his qualities, not just a few: he’s pragmatic and ruthless and guilt-ridden and grim and cheeky and compassionate and humorous and brave all at once. i don’t think you’ve said a single thing about erwin or levi or their relationship that i disagree with; every time we talk about them, you bring these amazing and insightful aspects of erwin’s character to the table that make plotting so fulfilling. 

and i loooove that we have this ship, but that it isn’t just about romance. like, i’m in love with our cheesy fun deep romantic reincarnation threads, but i also adore our canon-era threads that are just -- them having a deeply trusting and nuanced relationship where romance might be an undertone, if you squint, but never a main theme, because it doesn’t need to be, because the depth of care is present between these two no matter what kind of relationship they have.

neither of us have been super active on erwin and levi right now, and that’s totally okay!! because i look at the drafts of our threads that are waiting for me and i’m excited to write for them, but i also know that you, lovely patient person that you are, won’t get tired of waiting for them, just like how a reply from you is worth any wait for me <3 but without a doubt you’re one of the writing partners i look forward to replying to the most, and we could never have enough threads to satisfy me, tbh, because there will never be an end to the number of ways we could explore erwin and levi. and that’s so special to me. our ship is the only ship i have on this blog, and i’m so ridiculously okay with that, because it’s so fulfilling.

and, okay, to talk about you for a bit -- well, first of all, your writing. i know you don’t necessarily like reading back on your writing, so let me just assure you: it’s all wonderful. your imagery, your sharp and accurate insights into both erwin and the character of whoever you’re writing with, the way you keep all of erwin’s demons so close to the surface and yet never breaking through his mask -- there’s a ruthless understanding and a beautiful subtlety in your writing that never fails to make me excited when i read your posts.

and then, you as a person -- you may be a shadowy cryptid, slipping in and out of group chats like a ship passing through the night, but that only makes your appearances more delightful. you’re funny (which is such a common way to describe someone, i feel like, but it’s true, your brand of humor has me laughing every time you pop up to deliver it), you’re smart, you’re insightful, you’re devious without ever being unkind. plus you take my angst like a champ, and then throw it back in a way that hurts me even as it adds another several years to my life out of sheer wicked delight. the point is, i love talking to you -- and i hope we’ll get the chance to do so more often once we’re both out of school’s clutches <3

and i can’t go without mentioning your beautiful graphics -- your themes always kill me with how lovely they are, like, every time i open your blog i just have to sit and admire it for a minute. and the same for the rest of your graphics, be it icons or banners or promos -- i remember on your last theme, when i first saw the mains banner you made for me (WHICH YOU DIDN’T EVEN TELL ME ABOUT), i just had to sit there and vibrate in delight because it looked so lovely. (also, i still laugh at the little chibi levi on your blog -- it’s so obnoxious, oh my god, it’s just floating there right over your sidebar, just as completely irreverent of erwin’s calculated appearance as levi ever was.) 

ANYWAY, i need to wrap this up or i’ll go on forever -- but the point is, i’m incredibly lucky to have you as a writing partner and as a friend, kai. i admire you as a writer and i adore you as a person, and i will always be amazed and grateful that i’ve been able to write and ship with you. you deserve the world, and i’m sorry i’m a bit late for your birthday, but i hope it was as amazing as you are, and that the rest of your year brings you every joy* !!

     *except for the angst that comes from me, which is still kind of joy if you’re sadistic enough.