#and it's like . noah looks like a regular guy. who the fuck are you picturing rn for will bc ....

[bylertruther]

could u elaborate about your anger against buff will byers? genuine question, i dont mean to be rude! have a great day denise <3

mobile + sleep deprived so this is going to be All Over The Place but i'll list some thoughts in bullet points:

my anger isn't towards will being buff, my anger is over the fact that fandom has used noah schnapp's body type as a reason to mischaracterize will into someone that he isn't

finn has long hair and he's very skinny so he gets feminized by fandom a lot which bleeds into how fandom interacts with the character that he plays despite mike not having majority/majorly feminine traits

meanwhile noah grows up, goes through puberty, and gains a bit of muscle and suddenly will (in fandom's eyes) goes from being a sensitive, shy, sassy, and sweet kid to this macho guy that is super confident, super physically strong and athletic, and doesn't need to be saved or helped by anyone, and that literally sweeps people off their feet etc. like i'm sorry to tell you this but will is a damsel in distress lol. a HUUUUUUGE part of his character is that he was clocked way way way early as a young kid for being gay and that's why he got bullied. kids make fun of his clothes, they laugh at him, his father calls him slurs, teenagers and adults alike talk about him and his sexuality in a derogatory fashion, he gets called artistic and sensitive which in that era is the nice way of saying gay, etc etc. like. will turns into a scared hamster, he has the freeze response, he fights for his life but ultimately needs to accept help from others to save him, its about loving and being loved and allowing them to save you because there's nothing wrong with needing help, etc etc. like. will is canonically more effeminate than mike and yet bc finn is skinny with long hair and noah is bigger now people flip it around and that's just not who those characters are lol. they're CHARACTERS they're not finn and noah... and even then, noahs the one always wearing pink and wearing purses and who gets his (everything, really, but specifically) his sexuality picked the fuck apart bc of the way that he acts and so on and so forth. but, what...? he gets a couple of muscles and suddenly will is some macho hypermasc dude? why, because only skinny men can be seen as effeminate and sweet and sensitive and so on? since when is a body type a personality. its just so transparent that it's playing into the tiny subby girlboy x big buff hypermasc dom boy mlm stereotype and i Hate it.

another thing is that mike is always the one putting in the physical work, he jumps in without complaining, he helps carry people, he Knows How To Do Things etc etc while will is always the one off to the side letting everyone else work and when he Does do work it's the absolute bare minimum doing the easy part while sobbing and sighing and so on but... wait, noah has muscles so NAHHHH lets reverse it actually and make will the strong one and mike the weakling? why lol. what reason is there for this shift that came ONLY after noah's body changed.

mike is the knight in shining armor, he's the one that saves the damsel, he's the one that comes up with the plan and sees it through, he's the one trying his best even if he isn't always strong enough, he's the one protecting will with his body, he's the one hauling him up and moving him around, he's the one throwing hands IMMEDIATELY and throwing himself into the mix without hesitation, etc etc etc, meanwhile will is literally physically clinging to him, cowering behind him, looking to him to save him, and hyperventilating screaming crying whenever there's danger, and yet.... again..... after noah became no longer scrawny.... suddenly the roles in fanon got switched around? will literally draws mike as the guy standing in front of him, his knight in shining armor that he says has saved him in so many ways... and yet fandom wants to disregard that? just bc finn is skinny doesn't mean that mike isn't who he is. it doesn't mean that mike isn't capable and that he isn't the hero here. They Are Literally Characters they are not real they are not finn and noah they are CHARACTERS

they cast someone that was two years younger than everyone else with the babiest of babie faces for will because they wanted him to look a certain way and then when noah grew up they said they could either hide it or lean into it and guess what they did. they tried to hide it lmao. they put him in long sleeve shirts and baggy clothes (which laughably just made him look bigger lmao) and even asked noah to speak in a higher pitch. because guess what!!! noah is already not a Hypermasc Bodybuilder Worlds Strongest Man kind of guy, but will especially is NOT that. so why act like he is? will is Supposed to be the cute runt he represents so many things and included in that is innocence. everyone wants and has to protect him bc even though he's strong he still needs help. he cannot do this alone. the imagery of him being a speck compared to the mind flayer, a speck in the big big quarry, smaller than the rest of the party so much that he could literally disappear behind them, etc etc are all intentional.

like it just upsets me that noah gaining some muscle and growing taller made everyone turn will into someone that he isn't... there is nothing wrong with him being the way that he is and your body type does not change your entire fucking personality or life history....

(and you weren't being rude, you were just asking a question so don't even worry abt it!)

[x3rrorx]

Can someone explain to me what in the hell is going on? I’m genuinely confused, I logged in on my x account and I see a bunch of people fighting invisible shit? Someone saying that someone shouldn’t be proud in being a mean girl, others coming for bad omens throats because they don’t wanna interact with the fans? And I just literally saw a video of Noah interacting with a fan who was wearing a frog hat, others literally shitting on them for not being like other bands who get themselves involved in everything? I’m so sorry for what I’m about to say but people need to calm the hell down because a good chunk of you are looking really stupid right now, I came to your blog with hopes of answers and I’m even more confused now because a bunch of anti blogs were around? And why the hell are they attacking you for just existing and running a silly blog?

This is not for you Brandi so please don’t even feel attacked by this, fans need to learn that band members are humans with feelings, they get fed up, they get tired, they get angry, they’re not our puppets that we could do as we please with them, the majority of this fanbase is so used to saying something and their ‘idols’ doing as they say that now a band like bad omens are being perceived as rude or money hungry for being private and setting boundaries, in my eyes they’re just a bunch of dudes who love making music and are making money out of it because why the hell not? Fans need to understand that there’s a lot they might be putting to risk when they decide to speak about something even if it is insignificant (like jolly joking about the fans)

These dudes own us shit about their private lives, what they own us is music and merch that we are paying for it and as far as I seen they’re delivering exactly that, the singer can’t be around anyone without rumors of him fucking someone starting, the rest of guys can’t do shit without people saying their tour manager is forcing them to do it (which by the way tour manager and actual manager are Two different people because I do remember Noah saying their manager was in a show the other day) their crew can’t say shit either about CREEPY ass fans because these people believe they’re being attacked 24/7 I got news for ya even the bands are being attacked 24/7 by their own fans no one is ever truly happy about what they are doing, bad omens and their fans are not an exception to fucked shit that’s always been happening in the COMMUNITY if anything they’re being an exception to not feeding rumors and delusions.

Y’all need to understand that the industry it’s a business where you need to sell one way or another, we are lucky they haven’t said they’re gonna retire after this cause all I’ve seen it’s people complaining left and right and the moment someone might agree or show appreciation to the guys they also get attacked and called misogynist or a dick rider for being a regular fan, have y’all seen the shit that goes down in the sleep token fandom? Notice how not a single one of their fans actually gives a shit about what’s being said about them? We literally had the entire community coming for a girl’s ass for wanting to expose their identities even the people who didn’t like them said how fucked up it was, and what does bad omens get in return? A bunch of psychotic people lurking their private shit and becoming friends with their exes and even posting private pictures of one of them as a minor, hell y’all even went as far as involving people who are not longer in the picture and people that had absolutely no idea what was going on. They own us shit if anything the majority of these ‘fans’ own the guys (especially Noah) an apology, these ‘fans’ own the actual fans an apology for harassing them, these ‘fans’ need to calm the hell down and think about all of this it’s affecting many many people, hell even Sumerian had to stop posting about a band THEY are REPRESENTING because someone threatened to sue them, so congratulations so call ‘fans’ you guy have managed to probably ruined a lot of shit for the band and for those who enjoy it.

[suituuup]

Pride Shenanigans

For @lilhan (ugh, it won’t let me tag) who requested fluff + smut. Thank you for your donation! :)

rated: E

word count: 2300

ao3 link

*

Beca can’t really remember what sleeping in feels like. Waking up past eight a.m. hasn’t been a thing ever since they became moms, and while she was hoping their kids would inherit her love for sleep, she wouldn’t change her current situation for the world.

Her heart has just felt so incredibly full for the past five years.

Shortly after Avery’s birth, Beca re-negotiated her contract to be able to work more from home and take care of her daughter. It just made sense, as she was growing tired of being in the spotlight and spending more time on a plane than at home with her family. As grateful as she was for her five-year-long successful career as a singer, she was more than happy to step back into a part-time producer role.

Still though, waking up at the crack of dawn kinda stings. Beca’s still half-asleep, having snatched Jacob and shoved her nipple into his mouth before his cries could wake up her wife. They left him to sleep in their bed after his middle of the night feed, she and Chloe being too exhausted to carry him back to the nursery. 

Beca was concerned at first about this co-sleeping thing, afraid she might roll over and squish their baby, but turns out she’s super cautious even while asleep.

The door squeaks open less than a minute after she started nursing, and Avery’s red head of curls pops at the foot of the bed as she climbs up, crawling on all fours like she does every day for their morning snuggling session.

“Morning baby,” Beca greets with a tired smile as Avery plops down beside her. “Did you go potty?”

Avery nods proudly. “I’m a grown up now.”

“Oh yeah?” Beca chuckles. “Since that’s the case, can you go make Mama a cup of coffee? And sweep the house and take out the garbage?”

Her suggestion’s met with an incredulous frown. “Mama, I’m not Cinderella.”

Beca stifles a laugh, smoothing her hand over Avery’s curls. Their daughter has such funny comebacks, most days. “Oh, my bad.”

Avery places her hand over Beca’s mouth, her nose scrunching up. “Mama, you stink.”

Beca hears Chloe’s barely contained giggle as her jaw drops. Avery’s attention’s already shifted to Jacob nursing. She’s silent for a while, lips pursed.

“Is one of your boobies making chocolate milk and the other normal milk?”

“No,” Beca laughs. “Just normal milk in both.”

“He eats a lot, ” she blurts out next, blinking.

A minute later, Avery announces she’s off to play with her toys and leaves the room, Chloe rolls over.

“She’s a trip,” Beca says, shaking her head as she tries to keep her amusement at bay. When Chloe leans in for a kiss, Beca pulls away lightly. “Careful, apparently I have bad morning breath.”

“Don’t care,” Chloe mumbles, pecking Beca’s lips a few times. “Happy Pride, babe.”

Beca smiles. The first Pride they went to was when they’d only been together about three months. Chloe had convinced a reluctant Beca that it would be fun, and that day happens to be one of Beca’s favorite memories over the last decade. “Happy Pride.”

“Happy Pride, baby boy, your first one,” she then gushes to Jacob, brushing a kiss to the crown of his head. “Still up to go to the parade?”

They ended up not going last year as Beca felt too sick with nausea at the start of her pregnancy, and it also happened to be very hot out.

“Yeah, definitely. I checked the weather, it shouldn’t get too hot.”

Chloe pushes a kiss to her cheek. “Okay, I’m gonna go make breakfast.”

They’re off to the parade a few hours later. Avery is wearing her ‘ my moms rock’  shirt gifted by her aunt Aubrey and Chloe painted a rainbow on each cheek. Beca kept the colors to a minimum, sticking to the face painting but otherwise wearing regular clothes, while Chloe sports her rainbow shorts and her white shirt with a cute dinosaur waving a pride flag.

It’s only an afternoon out, but they look like they’re off on a week-expedition between the stroller for when Avery gets too tired, the diaper bag and the picnic bag containing their lunch.

Chloe has Jacob strapped against her chest in his sling carrier, and Beca doubles-check that they have everything before they’re on their way.

“There might be a lot of people where we’re headed so don’t let go of my hand, K?” Beca tells Avery as they hike down the steps outside their brownstone. They live in family-friendly Park Slope, which comes alive each year during Pride as it’s also notorious for being a gay neighborhood. “And if you lose us, you find another mommy, alright?”

Avery’s Wonder Woman backpack also has Beca and Chloe’s contact information in case that happens.

“I know, Mama,” Avery says, her pigtails bouncing with each excited step. “Maybe we’ll see Noah!”

“Who’s Noah?” Beca asks in confusion.

“He’s my boyfriend,” she replies in the most natural way, and Beca gulps, glancing to Chloe. “He wears cool shirts. And he likes to clean.”

Chloe chuckles. “Then you should definitely hang onto him, sweetie.”

Beca glares at her wife for encouraging their daughter. “Don’t you think it’s a bit early to have a boyfriend, baby?”

She ignores Chloe’s eye-roll.

“Mama,” Avery sighs, in a clear ‘we’ve talked about this’ tone. “I’m a grown up, now.”

“Right, right,” Beca clears her throat. “So what do you guys do together?”

“We talk about dinosaurs and rocks.”

Beca visibly relaxes. “Oh, okay.”

They turn left on the main street and Avery asks Beca to carry her on her shoulders so she can see better.

“All good?” Beca asks, glancing towards Chloe as she holds onto Avery’s ankles to steady her.

“Yeah, he’s out,” she says as she rubs their four-month old’s back, then points across the street. “The park’s that way.”

“Mommy, Mama, look!” Avery gasps. Beca figures she’s talking about the group of five Queens, each dressed in one of the colors of a rainbow. “They’re so pretty!”

“Yeah,” Beca agrees with a smile, happy that her daughter seems to be enjoying their little outing so far. They get to the park ten minutes later, where stalls of face painting, refreshments and art and crafts are set up along one side. They find a spot under a tree, and Beca sets Avery down to spread out the blanket while Chloe unstraps Jacob.

“What’s LGBTQ mean?” Avery asks a bit later as they eat their sandwiches, pointing at one of the rainbows flags sporting the acronym.

Jacob is chilling on the blanket between his moms, munching on his teething toy.

“The L is for Lesbian, which is romantic love between two women,” Chloe starts. “The G is for gay, which is the same but between two men, the B is for bi, which is when someone has romantic love for both men and women,” she pauses, giving Avery time to process her words. “The T is when for example, a man feels like he’s actually a woman inside, in his heart, and he wants to live with his true self. And the Q… stands for Queer, and it celebrates all gender, boy, girl and those who don’t really know, and all the ways that people can love each other.” She smiles, feathering her fingers through Avery’s hair while Beca watches on, her heart soaring with love whenever she witnesses Chloe being the wonderful mom she is. “Some of that might a bit complicated for you to understand still. The most important thing to remember is that LGBTQ and Pride is all about love; how people find love in the world and how people love themselves for the way they are.”

“And love always wins over hate,” Avery states, causing their moms to look at each other with fond smiles. Chloe often says that, and clearly it made an impact on their daughter for her to remember. “Can I get a facepaint, Mommy?”

“Sure, baby.”

They eat lunch and Avery gets a rainbow dinosaur drawn on her cheek, and they lounge for a bit at the park before checking out the parade, heading home when Avery starts getting tired and cranky. After a nap for all members of the household, they bake a rainbow cake and watch a movie before dinner, and Beca feeds Jacob while Chloe takes care of Avery’s bedtime routine around eight.

Once Beca’s done, she flops back on their king-sized bed with a tired sigh, grabbing her phone and opening up instagram. Of course Chloe’s already made a post about today, uploading a picture of their family at the park with the caption:

Happy Pride everyone! #loveislove ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜

Beca comments with a simple heart, setting her phone down when Chloe pads into the bedroom.

“Everyone’s asleep!” Chloe says in cheerful whisper, shutting the door behind her.

“Yay!” Beca whispers back, humming in delight when Chloe climbs on top of her and kisses her softly. “Today was a good day.”

Chloe grins. “Yeah.” She nudges her nose against Beca’s. “Are you super tired?”

The suggestiveness in her tone makes Beca shiver, and she shakes her head, leaning up to brush another kiss to Chloe’s lips as her hands slide under Chloe’s shirt to map the muscles in her lower back. Intimate moments have been scarce ever since Jacob’s birth, and Beca’s been craving more alone time with her wife over the last few months.

“We should go away soon,” she murmurs against Chloe’s lips, sighing in contentment as Chloe skips down to kiss along the side of her neck. “Just the two of us.”

She’s been reluctant to be away from Jacob for more than a few hours at a time, but he’s almost six months old, and she knows Chloe’s parents would be thrilled to have their grandkids for a whole weekend.

“Mhm,” Chloe hums against her skin, teeth grazing Beca’s pulsepoint. “We can get a hotel with a view on Central Park and sleep all day long.”

Beca groans at the thought. “Yeah. Uninterrupted sleep sounds fucking amazing.” She moans when Chloe’s hands slips past the waistband of her cotton shorts and cups her through her underwear, her back arching into the touch. “Fuck, Chlo. Missed you.”

“What do you want?” Chloe breathes, lifting her head to kiss her. “Fingers? Mouth? Strap-on?”

“Not the strap-on. Too long,” she husks, dragging Chloe’s t-shirt up and over her head. She sits up to get rid of her own shirt, her full breasts bouncing with the movement. “Take those off,” she adds, urgency leaking in her tone as she tugs on the waistband of Chloe’s pajamas bottom. Laughter bubbles up her throat when she sees Chloe’s rainbow underwear, because Chloe is  so  extra. “Oh my god.”

“You like?” Chloe asks with a cheeky grin, and Beca flips them over without warning, not sure where that sudden pelvic strength is coming from given the fact that she gave birth four months ago.

“Yeah,” Beca rasps, her lips trailing down Chloe’s chest and pulling a nipple in between them while her hand finds the other, rolling the pink bud between her thumb and pointer finger. She continues down Chloe’s smooth and toned stomach, hooking her pointer fingers into the waistband of her underwear and dragging them down her legs.

Standing up, Beca shimmies out of her own panties and settles back on the bed with her head towards the foot, sliding one leg under one of Chloe’s and the other one over her opposite hip, shuffling closer until their wet cunts make contact.

“Shit,” Chloe exhales, propping herself on her elbows as she grinds her hips down, matching Beca’s circular motions. “ Baby.”

Beca answers with a moan, a zap of pleasure coursing through her whole body as her clit rubs heavenly against Chloe with each pass. She grips Chloe’s bent knee for leverage, her rhythm picking up.

It feels so fucking good, until--

“Wait,” Beca hisses, pausing. “I’ve got a leg cramp.”

Chloe flops back with a giggle. “Fuck, we’re old.”

“Let’s switch,” Beca suggests between pants, knowing Chloe has more stamina and is overall in better shape.

“K.”

Stealing a kiss from Chloe’s lips on the way, Beca settles on her back, one hand curling around Chloe’s hip to steady her as she gets on top, sitting astride Beca in a more upright position.

Beca’s hand moves to Chloe’s thigh while Chloe braces her on Beca’s stomach as she resumes their previous rhythm, only the pressure is much better with that angle. A whimper flits through Beca’s lips as she fights to keep her eyes open. “Fuck, just like that.”

“Huh-huh,” Chloe manages, trapping her bottom lip between her teeth as her head tilts back and her back arches, the movement making her hips buck into Beca’s. “Oh god.” 

“Chlo,” Beca croaks out, digging her nails into Chloe’s flesh as she feels herself nearing her climax. “M’not gonna last long.”

“Me either,” Chloe murmurs, locking eyes with Beca as she picks up in speed.

Beca’s free hand curls into the sheet as she teteers towards the edge, her hips bucking hard as she comes. She twists her head and muffles her moan into the pillow as Chloe keeps going for a few more beats until she cries out, shuddering through her own orgasm.

Watching Chloe come is still hands down the hottest thing Beca’s witnessed to this day.

Flopping onto her side, Chloe cups Beca’s cheeks and tugs her into a tongue-heavy lip-lock.

Beca chuckles when they part, chest heaving up and down. “Happy fucking Pride.”

[thecandywrites]

Jewel Of The North Part 4

Ok, so in writing this part, I imagined that while there is an art of reading actual tea leaves, I saw a picture of this plate on the left edge and thought ‘man wouldn’t reading tea leaves be easier if each squigly section was part of something? Like this section is the life section, this is the money section, this is the love life section, so on and so fourth’ you know, make it even more complicated than it probably is.Also I love and adore Indian jewelry, because that is a gold temple necklace. It’s just...gorgeous. And in my mind, a priestess of Aura (who I totally made up for this story) would be wearing a fabulous shawl, that heavy gold jewelry and a head band that would match and have something akin to an Asian tea ceremony and depending on which tea people chose- told the priestess about them, kind of like what your favorite color says about you. Also, LOOK AT THAT GOLD DRESS. Hot damn. Also as an LMT, Vahva Kun is NOT a thing. Again, something I made up. 

And of course a thousand THANK YOU’s to the fabulous and super fabulous and creative @monstersandmaw​ for sharing the concept of ice orcs with me. Me and my Alaskan born heart instantly fell in love with them. Enjoy!

Jewel of the North 

Part 4

In the morning, you pulled yourself from the bed and you felt like it was noon. Thank the gods for the time difference, because it was only 9 there. 

“Well good morning sleepy head, working miracles wear you out?” Taylor teased you as she handed you a cup of coffee. 

“Yeah,” you nodded as you took it and drank it gratefully. 

“So, what’s the plan?” Taylor asked. 

“Massages today, working with Noah tomorrow, after that…” You shrugged. 

“Happily ever after.” Taylor supplied. 

“Hush or you’ll jinx it.” You shushed her in a whisper but her scheming grin was infectious. 

It took all day but by 7pm, you had gotten everyone taken care of that you came to take care of and Taylor decided to get takeout for dinner and while at the takeout restaurant that was on the other side of town, the group of pilots came striding in. 

“That’s them. The other pilots.” Taylor breathed. 

“Who’s who?” You whispered back before she specified who was who before you had her shut up so you could overhear their conversation. They were going to get food here and then go for drinks at ‘the bar’ later. 

“What bar?” You whispered to Taylor. 

“Knowing them- it’s probably Goose’s, they have the cheapest booze around and it’s close to their apartment, like within walking distance.” Taylor answered.

“Goose’s is the seedy, underbelly place that I don’t want to go to the bathroom in? That has the awesome cheeseburgers?” You asked. 

“Yeah,” Taylor nodded as an idea bloomed in your head. 

“Are they attracted to women?” You nodded over to them. 

“Oh yeah,” Taylor confirmed before one of them wolf whistled to a group of women who came into the restaurant. Ah. Those kinds of guys. Almost too easy. 

“Could you take me there? I have an idea, it’s a dirty, underhanded idea though.” You whispered. 

“That means it’s a fantastic idea.” Taylor grinned. 

“What shoe size are you?” You asked. 

“9.” She answered. 

“Sweet, do you by any chance have any hooker heels?” You hinted. 

“Wait, wait, wait, you won’t have sex with Noah but you want to go to Goose’s in hooker heels? Every guy in that place is going to fighting for the chance to take you home if not fuck you senseless in the bar’s bathroom, if not the parking lot.” Taylor answered. 

“Oh trust me, the only one taking me home is you, I have a plan. How fast can you get dressed and dolled up?” You urged her. 

“Oh give me thirty minutes tops.” Taylor insisted. 

You got the food and barely ate two bites of it before you and Taylor quickly locked yourselves in her bathroom to get ready as you put on your most seductive makeup and a slimming undergarment under your sexiest dress that had the push up bra to end all push up bras as you brought and slipped into her hottest “hooker heels” while she wore the more sensible shoes you brought since you were the same shoe size as her. 

“How do I look? She-wolf enough?” You asked her. 

“Ah, I see, you’re going to eat them alive.” She realized. 

“Yup, my brother’s mother in law- Olga is a priestess for Aura and is Yamalian which is near Siberia and she nicknamed me Zahnochka Volchitsa which means ‘she wolf that rises again’ and just like Beyonce has Sasha Fierce, Zara Kingsley has Zahnochka Volchitsa, and Zahnochka is going to get them so wasted, they won’t be able to fly tomorrow which is good ol’ fashioned sabotage and when they can’t fly the loads, Noah will be there to pick them up and save the day.” You revealed. 

“Oooh, evil and diabolical but for the best cause ever- I love it.” Taylor nodded in approval. 

“Just don’t tell Noah, I don’t think he’d approve of my methods or like Zahnochka very much because I haven’t used “her” in a long time.” You urged her. 

“Lips are sealed.” She swore as she had you wear her fancy dress jacket to cover up so Greg wouldn’t see you or the kids. 

“Honey, Zara and I are going out for a drink, we’ll be back later.” Taylor told her husband as she quickly ushered the two of you out of the house and drove to Goose’s as you got in your wallet and slipped money into your cleavage on the way there so you wouldn’t really have to get your whole wallet out and chance any of them seeing your business card or your real... anything. Then you prayed to the gods for courage and hoped this gamble would be worth the risk to yourself and hoped this wouldn’t backfire and blow up in your face or bite you in the ass. 

Once in the bar you zeroed in the group of pilots sitting together at a table towards a wall, which was perfect and out of the way, just the way you liked it as a mischievous smirk danced on your lips.

 And then you locked your smoldering and seductive gaze with one of them who froze and stared back in awe like a deer caught in headlights as he watched as you strutted and sauntered into the place, your heels clicking on the tile and slowly slipped out of your light jacket to reveal your gold silk dress and made sure that every guy in the place with a pulse knew you were officially on the radar. You had an ability which you had perfected over your life, you called it the ‘Marylin Monroe effect’ because she had this gift that she could ‘turn on’ and she could transform from normal house wife to blonde bombshell right before anyone’s eyes and you had a similar gift and you were about to use it again. 

“What can I get you to drink Gorgeous?” The bartender John asked as he was grateful he was working tonight, and here he thought it was just going to be a normal week night with the same old regulars but low and behold, a brand new gem came walking in, you must have just come into town because you were a brand new face. Plus, you were clearly the hottest woman in the place, hell in the whole damn town and you were dressed to kill and obviously on the prowl and he was ready offer himself as your prey for the night. 

“What kind of whiskey do you have?” You asked as John began going through what he had, feeling a little embarrassed that they didn’t have a ton to choose from and what they did have, didn’t seem good enough for the goddess you were. 

“Give me some Jamie, that’s plenty good enough for me, on the rocks please.” You ordered.

“And you Sugar?” John asked Taylor. 

“Same.” Taylor agreed before John poured two very generous portions into glasses over ice and served them to you. 

“Thank you.” You thanked him.

“So I take it you’re a friend from out of town.” John hinted as he looked from Taylor to you. 

“That’s correct, I’m Zara Zahnochka Volchitsa Kingsley.” You introduced yourself, rolling your r’s and taking on a slightly Siberian accent with the roll of your own name off your tongue as you shook his hand. 

“John Wilks. Pleasure to meet you.” He shook it before it he took your hand and kissed it which got you to giggle bashfully before you pulled him towards you which caused him to lean as far over the bar as he could before you pulled a hundred dollar bill from your cleavage and slipped it into his hand. 

“Give me the lay of the land.” You purred as you twirled your finger subtly to gesture to the bar. 

“Uh, well, there’s…” He began as he listed off who was around the room, using the old ‘ 3 o’clock’ 6 o’clock’ method as you got the confirmation that all the guys at the table on the wall were the other pilots. 

“Could you do me a favor?” You requested. 

“Anything.” John offered.  

“Get me the darkest beer glass you have. Empty it so I can use it as a chaser cause I have a feeling every guy in this place is about to buy me a drink and I don’t want to get too drunk and when it gets full, get me a new one.” You proposed, your voice dropping to a low murmur so that only John and Taylor could hear you. 

“You got it.” John nodded in understanding as he got you the Milk of Dragon. Usually the beer is so dark and heavy it was black on it’s own but the glass was pitch black and you couldn’t tell except from picking it up if it had beer in it or not. 

“Are you ready to see a show?” You breathed to Taylor who nodded before you got the glass and pretended to take a long pull from it before you turned in your chair and Taylor watched as you seemed to turn something on inside you- up full blast like seeing a Hollywood star light up on the red carpet, it was like you were a beacon of light, but you were all fire and flames, burning so hot you could set the stool you sat on- on fire and every man in the place just became a moth and every man couldn’t help but be drawn to you and you were practically swarmed. 

"So what's your name Beautiful?" One guy asked. 

"Zara- Zahnochka Volchetsia- Kingsley." You introduced yourself, giving the same flourish to the name and putting extra emphasis on the middle portion of your “name” while quickly rolling through the real parts of it which they all ate up like candy. 

And instead of getting overwhelmed, you seemed pleased and basked in all the attention as you tried to give each guy in there just a few minutes of attention, remaining friendly and giving a little bit of your time to everyone so that no fights broke out for your attention, letting them spit game, each line greater than the last as your amused giggle filled the air and your smile lit up the dimly lit bar before the group of pilots came over and tried their luck and while their lines weren’t as clever as the others, you pretended to be the most affected before you offered your hand for them to lead you back to their table as you were sat down as the others grumped but watched on enviously as the group of pilots who weren’t all that handsome or all that impressive seemed to win your favor which didn’t make any sense to the rest of them maybe you just had a thing for younger guys. But you made your choice and they would respect it as Taylor sat next to you and just watched as the Zara she thought she knew was replaced by a full blown she-wolf. She didn’t know you had it in you but she knew why you were doing it and she had to respect the masterful way you were choosing to deal with the problem because no one else had the guts to do it this way. But it was genius.  

“So are all of you pilots?” You asked eagerly as you sat at the table, putting on your best doe eyes and making sure you sat in such a way that your cleavage was heaving with every breath as they all undressed you with their eyes. 

“Oh yeah, he flies…” Derek began to list off the different planes and you pretended to be impressed by it all as they ordered you drink after drink which was part of your plan, “chasing” it with your “beer” as you pretended to get tipsy, laughing at everything they said that was even slightly funny. 

“So what do you do? Other than look sexy as hell?” Evan asked. 

“Oh nothing much, just taking care of the estates and trust funds I’ve inherited when my grandparents died when I was younger, " You waived off and grinned when all their eyes practically got dollar signs in them and they were staring at you the way a hungry dog would look at a steak. Oh they would devour you the moment you let them. 

Perfect. 

“And I’m an LMT which stands for liscenced massage therapist, would you like a demonstration?” You purred. 

“Hell yeah, my body is yours to do as you wish.” Evan offered before you took his arm and started massaging it and giggled when he groaned and moaned in pleasure before you got a brilliant idea. 

“Well, as an LMT, I’m certified in using Vahva Kun, which all my body builder clients swear by and by using it, they build the biggest, most impressive muscles possible and it feels better than sex with the gods, would you like to try it?” You offered.

“Hell yeah,” they readily agreed as you went about using it on them as their moans and groans filled the small bar as you straddled their labs to get as close as possible to hit all these points in their bodies, leaving each of them feeling like a god themselves and the buzz they had already been feeling from the booze was amplified and they were feeling the most intense afterglow that did indeed surpass the afterglow after an orgasm as Taylor watched on curiously and only when you ordered another round of shots for the guys, this time of the 153, the strongest alcohol in the place, since you had massaged their necks and made sure to access their ‘sleeper mode’ muscles, then they took that last shot and promptly passed out and you used that to use their fingers tips to get into their phones and deleted the pictures they had taken of you in the compromising positions of their laps before you stood up and strode over to the bartender and slipped him another hundred dollar bill since by the time you were done, most of the other patrons had gone home for the night since it was past midnight and almost last call. 

“Thanks for looking out for me tonight, you may need to call a taxi or an uber for them. They obviously won’t be able to drive home.” You nodded over to the table before you strutted out of there with Taylor and while you weren’t drunk on alcohol, you were definitely drunk on power and the thrill of what you just did because letting your inner she wolf out to breathe and feed for the first time in forever and it felt amazing. 

“So what’s Vahva Kun?” Taylor asked as she drove you to her house. 

“Vahva Kun is short for Vahva Kun Olen Hiekko. It means ‘strong when I’m weak’. Body builders pay me a grand each to do that to them a week and a half before competitions to make every muscle in their bodies’ bulge. In massage there’s only a few ways of doing things, and that is- pain now- pleasure later or pleasure now- pain later and Vahva Kun is as intense as pleasure now pain later gets. The reason it’s so pleasurable now is I use the body’s tendon organs to “turn off” muscles from the nervous system, this gives the effect to the brain that the muscle has become completely relaxed which feels amazing in the moment. But when you turn a muscle off, especially prime movers or major primes, the muscles that are responsible for your major movements, that means they can’t work anymore because you just told them, via their tendon organs to go the fuck to sleep and go on a little vacation and they become completely unresponsive and they feel lighter than air at first. So while they’re out in la la land, and can’t hear a thing from your nervous system who’s screaming at them to move. So that leaves only the synergists and the little assistant muscles to try to do the job of the major primes which they are ill equipped and too weak to do but they try their best. So they end up bulging by the end of it because they have no other choice because your body needs to move. However another thing happens when you do Vahva Kun, the nervous system freaks out. Now we all know how ecstasy works, it floods your brain with endorphins and other feel good chemicals to the point of overwhelming it right? Well Vahva Kun does the same thing initially. So what you’re left with is a brain who can’t feel most of the muscles in their body and is overwhelmed with pleasure and it freaks out and how it does that is it suddenly feels that the pleasure is actually pain and that you’re being attacked but it only does the switch once you succumb to the pleasure and pass out and the switch happens during your first sleep cycle.” 

“So when they wake up tomorrow, they’re going to feel like they got hit by a mac truck and moving will be agony.” Taylor realised. 

“Oh yeah, and when you do Vahva Kun you’re supposed to drink at least two liters of water or preferably an electrolyte drink before you take your initial sleep because in turning off the major primes, they release all their tension and everything that was trapped by that tension in particular all the “toxins” and acids and things stored in the muscles and when you drink a diuretic, like coffee or even worse- alcohol, the toxins can be released from one spot of the muscle but simply move and spread within the muscle belly instead of getting flushed out into your lymph system which then delivers it to your liver and kidneys to be removed from your body. And once the switch happens, the brain then sends fibroblasts into all the major primes which is a heavy duty messenger to make sure it’s still there period and the fibroblasts are like little explosions of protein and collagen and other substances into the major primes. Well imagine what an explosion looks like now imagine that inside a striated muscles, the fibroblasts usually go any manner of either outright perpendicular or just plain not in the directions of the striations in the muscles. Which again, make the muscles bulge. It looks awesome when you’re done, but it feels like you were in the worst bar fight ever. And for first time receivers of Vahva Kun it can take up to a month for your body to fully recover and your body aches the whole time and it can take several hours after just to get all the new knots out of the muscles and usually body builders, the first few to several days after- they can’t hardly move, they have all these huge bulging muscles that look incredibly strong but are jack shit for strength and that’s why it’s called Vahva Kun- strong when I’m weak. It means they look strong but they are in reality, very weak.” You explained. 

“Vahva Kun was discovered by a prostitute, Jasmine Vahva, who was tired of being beat up by her clients and she found she could make a killing if she “massaged” them first using this technique, get them to pass out and steal them blind but then be gone before they could wake up and confront her. And she taught other sex workers this technique. But they only could ever do it to a client once and quickly word spread about the real “effects” of the massage and once the clients got wise to it it lost it’s “appeal.”, then the clients noticed that once they recovered, they physically looked amazing and so a few of them got into body building and then word spread and so you had the legitameate professionals going to Jasmine to learn this technique so that they could practice it on body builders which is a very lucrative discipline and her original friends who had been sex workers then got into the legitamate side of massage teaching Vahva Kun.” You revealed. 

“So you fucked them over without dropping your panties an inch.” Taylor laughed. 

“Yup, because those fuckers had the audacity to undercut Noah and put Noah and Sakura’s livelihood into jeopardy. A she wolf takes no prisoners when her den and pups are in danger. Even if she has to infiltrate another pack to do it.” You mused. 

“Hot damn girl.” Taylor praised as she high fived you.

The next morning Noah came down the stairs to find his mother already there making breakfast. 

“Good morning Mom.” Noah greeted sleepily as he shuffled over to the coffee pot before there was a knock and suddenly he was a million times more alert as he happily forgot all about the coffee to rush over to the door to open it. 

“Good morning.” Noah greeted you happily. 

“Good morning.” You greeted happily, sure that your dark circles under your eyes would scare the shit out of him but he didn’t seem to notice as he ushered you inside. 

“Good morning Nana,” You greeted warmly. 

“Good morning Zara.” Nana returned just as warmly. 

“How do you like your eggs?” She asked. 

“Over easy please if there’s toast.” You answered gratefully. 

“Did Sakura take it easy on you guys yesterday?” You inquired hopefully. 

“Yes, she didn’t wake up till 10, it was wonderful and you did such a fantastic job on the house, it was a really wonderful blessing.” Nana praised.

“Thank you, I did my best.” You nodded as you ducked your head. Appreciating the recognition. 

“I know you did, and it’s really appreciated, you have no idea.” Noah added with a proud smile that was making wish you could ask him to try to show it but with his mother there, that wouldn’t have been appropriate. 

“Go get ready Dear while I get breakfast finished.” Summer urged him and you saw the reluctant disappointment in his demeanor like a child who is told to go to bed when there was still company at the house and you could see he was about to argue but one look from her had his argument dying on his tongue before he begrudgingly pulled away and went back upstairs to hurry up and get ready as you got yourself a cup of coffee. 

“So, I thought for sure that you would have slept in this morning from eating five men alive last night.” Nana noted once she heard the bathroom door shut upstairs and the shower turn on which made you choke on your coffee. 

“Uh, how…?” You nervously asked as you tried to clean yourself up. 

“The gods see all and only they could have revealed that to me. It takes a she-wolf with nerves of steel to do what you did, and to walk away without a scratch is a feat in itself. Don’t feel guilty about it, you ensured not just Noah and Sakura’s survival but the best chance for all of us to thrive too. But I need to tell you that you need to keep the she-wolf out today, embrace your Aura heritage, it won’t scare off Noah, it’ll surprise him but it won’t throw him off or intimidate him. Don’t lose your nerve or your courage. You’ll need it to make your mission complete. Use your bag and your magnificent mind and I’ll help you with your hair.” She advised you as she held your face in her aged but warm hands. 

“Ok,” you agreed, feeling relieved yet validated and empowered before she kissed your forehead before you left just as Noah got out of the bathroom as you raced upstairs since you would need the bathroom’s larger bathroom counter to get ready and Noah looking like a god with just a towel around his waist was a delight. 

“Everything ok?” Noah asked. 

“Yeah, just had a really good talk with your mom, I need to finish getting ready though. Do you mind?” You asked as you gestured to the bathroom. 

“Not at all, but we gotta get going in like an hour or so.” Noah answered, disappointed because here he thought he would have an hour or so with just staring at your beautiful face. Even without makeup you were gorgeous. You didn’t need makeup. 

“Plenty of time.” You reassured him before Sakura woke up to the sound of your voice. 

“Paradise?” She asked sleepily as she opened her door before she saw you and immediately went to you and hugged you tightly. 

“Good morning Sweetheart, did you sleep good?” You asked her. 

“The best, I had the coolest dreams!” She eagerly told you. 

“Well I have to get ready for the day, but I need your bathroom up here to do it, you want to tell me all about them while I get ready?” You proposed. 

“Yeah!” She agreed as she took your hand and led you into the bathroom before she shut the door, leaving Noah feeling a little jealous he couldn’t be in there too but he got dressed and let you have your time with Sakura as he went back downstairs. 

“What did you talk to Para-I mean, Zara about?” Noah asked his mom curiously. 

“I encouraged her to embrace all of herself with you, and not to be scared of showing you all of herself or fear it will intimidate you or put you off. Everyone always tries to put for their best faces and the best versions of themselves to people they like and are trying to impress.” Summer hinted with a scheming grin. 

“And for that she had to put on makeup?” Noah questioned as he cast a look in the direction of the bathroom when he heard Sakura and you laughing. 

“She’ll explain it to you better once she comes down. She has to show Sakura first and Sakura’s approval will give her heart and courage to show you and some reassurance that she has nothing to worry about will be all you need to give.” She insisted. 

“But for now, eat, be patient.” She urged him as she handed him a plate of food before she continued to cook breakfast as Noah begrudgingly ate and drank his coffee as his knee bounced impatiently as his mother joined him at the table as Noah racked his brain trying to think of what it could possibly be. 

“Stop, you’ll imagine it way worse than it is.” Nana lightly smacked his arm. 

“Look, the only thing I can think of is she’s used to be a stripper or something like that.” Noah blurted before he got another smack, this one much harder than the first.  

“I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, at this point it’s a bonus.” Noah conceded before he recoiled from the third smack, this one even harder than the last as he rubbed his arm. 

“You’re going to feel like an ass once she comes down the stairs.” Summer chastised before right on cue you came down the stairs looking like a proper goddess. A heavy shall was wrapped around your shoulders and you were wearing gold and purple highlighter on your cheeks as your complexion was made to look much more amethyst purple instead of peacock teal it usually looked and your eyeshadow was a brilliant gold and purple and your jewelry was authentic priestess of Aura jewelry. He was dumbstruck by how magnificent you looked. 

“May I introduce Zahnochka Volchitsa! A minor priestess of Aura!” Sakura proudly introduced you, her freshly brushed teeth gleaming as her fresh braids that you had put into her hair showed off her silken tresses. 

“And what a stunning one at that.” Summer praised as she had you sit down to breakfast next to Noah as she got up and took your hairbrush from your hand and your special headband and beads from your hands. 

“Wow,” Noah breathed. “So, what’s the special occasion?” Noah asked. 

“Well, your mother wisely advised me to embrace my “she-wolf” and “Aura heritage” today. When I was 15, my older brother Gavin started courting his wife Natasha who we call Tasha, she’s Siberian and her mother Olga, is a high priestess to Aura and serves at the Sinai Temple in the Great Lakes, and the moment she met me, she adopted me and gave me a new name. The name she gave me was ‘Zahnochka Volchitsa’ Volchitsa is Siberian for ‘she wolf’ and Zahnochka means ‘she will rise again’. And she has insisted I was her new daughter and forbade her own sons from dating me because that would be ‘incest’ even though at the time her 13 year old son Nicoli aka- Nikki- had the biggest crush on me, but he’s married with kids and we’re friends so now so it worked out. But anyway, she taught me how to have teeth and claws and how to take no bull-er-crap from anyone and how to be a strong independent woman with all the spice and sass of a viper and if any man dared cross me or even take advantage of me in any way- how to eat him alive like a proper shewolf, how protect ‘my den and pups’ and how to turn other people’s stupidity into my own benefit and she taught me how to give blessings, read palms and tea leaves and all that. But it’s an alter ego for me, like how Beyonce has Sasha Fierce, I have Zahnochka Volchitsa. I thought if your clients saw how you were flying around a minor priestess of Aura, the goddess of gold, luck and riches, they’d be willing to do just about anything, including renewing contracts with a pilot they tried to undercut for the chance to get a blessing.” You hinted with nervous grin.  

“You don’t have to…” Noah tried to argue even though he was incredibly touched and so impressed by it. This was ingenious. Although as much as he wanted a blessing, he also knew that priestesses could not bless family. And since he desperately wanted to be your family, he would be satisfied with your presence to be blessing enough. 

“Yes she does,” Summer immediately countered. “And we deeply appreciate it and Sakura and I will pray for your success.” She insisted as she continued to fix your hair appropriately, braiding the headband into your hair and securing it so that you looked like a proper priestess with the traditional hair arrangement and no sooner had you ate than Noah got the first call from a client as you got ready by putting the shawl on to complete the look.

“Be good for Nana ok?” You urged Sakura before you left, giving her a big hug.

“Will do.” Sakura reassured you before you kissed her all over her face which made her giggle with glee before she did the same to you before you let go and hugged Nana goodbye, giving her a kiss on the cheek before you left. 

“My new Mama is amazing.” Sakura fawned as she watched the two of you go from the window and get in Noah’s truck as she grinned to see her dad open your door for you like a proper gentleman. 

“Yes she is. Now, come on, we got some prayers to give.” She urged her granddaughter. 

Once in the plane, you settled into the copilot seat with your backpack securely between your legs. 

“How much does all that weigh anyway?” Noah asked curiously as he eyed the gaudy gold jewelry as he got settled in himself. 

“About a thousand pounds.” You laughed. “It’s all real and solid so it’s quite heavy.” You revealed. 

“Could you do me a favor though?” You asked hopefully. 

“Anything.” Noah immediately agreed. 

“Could you wear this gold charm at least for today?” You proposed as you pulled the large gold charm on a masculine chain out of your velvet blessing bag that had previously held all the jewelry wrapped in the shawl and a tea set for a proper priestess tea ceremony.  

“As long as you won’t give me a formal blessing with it,” Noah specified. “I know priestesses can’t formally bless family members but your presence is blessing enough for me.” He noted which melted your heart and made you want to kiss him. You were ready to offer him a proper place in your family. But perhaps he was referring to the way you were with Sakura and meant that endearment fairly innocently. 

“That’s correct, but they can give gifts, if you wear this, your clients will assume I’ve already blessed you and will want a blessing of their own, a first link in the chain.” You proposed. 

“Ok,” Noah agreed before you turned in your seat and put it over his neck and being so close, you could smell the soap he used in his shower and his aftershave and just him in general and your brain got hazy with lust. But you feared it would be inappropriate and settled for simply kissing his forehead and offering him an adoring smile which he mirrored as he glanced from your eyes to your lips before a message came on his receiver which pulled his attention away. 

“Yeah,” Noah answered. 

“Hey could you swing by Corporal? I have a load for you this morning.” One of his clients radioed in. 

“Sure thing, see you soon.” Noah agreed before he hung up. 

“It’s working already,” Noah laughed. “That guy hasn’t had me fly a load for him all year, must be a big one.” Noah revealed. 

“Then let’s do his first.” You suggested. 

“Ok,” Noah nodded before he turned the plane on and began to taxi it out of the hanger and towards the runway before taking off and you bit your bottom lip to keep yourself from squealing. Flying was so fun!

Once up in the air you put on your blood red lipstick with gold glitter gloss over it as you had Noah tell you about this particular client. Cranky old man type.

Perfect. 

He landed the plane several long moments later and once taxied over to the loading area, you knew it was show time as you unbuckled your seatbelt and left the plane and grinned when an older gentleman practically came rushing up to you. 

“Noah! Why didn’t you tell me you were flying around a priestess of Aura today?” Mick chastised Noah. 

“Because most people are intimidated by priestesses. And since Noah has already lost so much already, I couldn’t chance him losing anymore, especially upon my account.” You easily answered for him. 

“Of course,” Mick ducked his head as his cheeks blushed. 

“This is Zara Zahnochka Volchitsa Kingsley. This is Mick Mullins.” Noah introduced. 

“Pleasure to meet you.” You extended your hand and smiled serenely when he kissed it and pressed his forehead to your knuckles as he bowed respectfully. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He greeted back. 

“Would you have time to take tea with me?” You asked Mick hopefully. 

“Of course, of course, right this way.” He ushered you to the control tower where there was a lounge with a coffee maker and an electric tea kettle which he quickly dumped bottled water into it to boil before he has you sit in his chair, in his office since it’s one of the most comfortable chairs in the place as you pull out your tea set and your trio of teas, each tin a work of art before you laid them out before him and ceremoniously took the top off of each one and sniffed each one before you offered for him to do the same before he sniffed each one. 

“Which one do you prefer?” You asked as he looked between them. 

“This one.” He specified as you nodded and smiled serenely at his choice before the kettle beeped and he immediately got up like a shot to retrieve it and brought it back just as you finished scooping the tea into the little teapot before he handed you the kettle before you poured in the right amount of water. 

“So, Mr. Mullins.” 

“Please call me Mick - Priestess.” He urged you.

“Thank you for having tea with me. And thank you many times over for doing business with Noah. That man has suffered so much loss recently. That loss has touched me very deeply. And to hear how his regular clients have taken their business elsewhere has disturbed me greatly and they will only reap disaster and misfortune for doing so, the gods told me through the leaves under no uncertain terms. Grabbing selfish hands today make it impossible to accept blessings, even if the gods are more than ready and willing to give an overabundance of them. Someone with closed fists cannot be handed anything. Even one closed fist can impede the other open one, since they cancel each other out. Even when what the gods will to give them is greater than what they already have in their hands. It doesn’t matter what their hands are physically if mentally, emotionally, figuratively and especially spiritually, since all of those are interwoven- if their figurative hands are closed, there is no blessing for them. Only a malediction. If that pattern persists, I feel I must intervene further, as I have contacts at the military bases and my more financially blessed clients may have a need for a private pilot for their jets and things and they will be more than happy to make sure Noah is paid handsomely, enough to make a move there worth his while many times over and they will be immeasurably blessed for doing so in Noah’s sake.” You proposed as you as you set up your tea ceremony as you glanced up at Mick who looked particularly embarrassed like you just pulled his pants down and exposed him. 

“But I don’t feel that will happen to you, because you are being generous and using the deserving and there is no one more deserving than Noah and you will be blessed for it. I can tell, it is written in the lines on your face and on the veins on the back of your hands.” You reassured him which had light returning to his eyes and a smile spread on his face before you poured the tea. 

“Well then let me reassure you that I would be more than happy to help Noah in any way I can.” Mick swore. 

“Please do not use pretty words in the face of a priestess just to gain momentary favor, do not say anything unless you mean the words with all truth and that you have cemented plans and will put those words into action.” You gently warned with a look of sorrow. 

“No I swear on my life and the lives of my family, what I say is in all truth and I will absolutely follow through, I will use no one but Noah for the rest of the season and for every season after this till the end of my days and I will pay him very well for it, so that he and his family may be kept in safety and security.” Mick swore solemnly. 

“Your words please me and the gods, may you feel peace and happiness and enjoy nothing but success with the fulfillment of this vow. May I give you a gift?” You proposed. 

“I will accept anything you wish to give me.” Mick answered earnestly. 

“I will read the tea leaves for you and wish to give you a charm.” You proposed. 

“I would be honored.” He agreed before you pulled out the reading plate and swished the remaining tea in the pot around before you poured the remains onto the center of the plate and watched as the tea leaves flowed out into the plate as the both of you watched to see where the tea leaves fell on the plate before you used your extensive training to read them to him. Usually people paid quite a bit of money to have this done by Olga and people used the information as if it was doctrinal truth, above questioning or reproach and Mick seemed perfectly pleased and excited about what the tea leaves told on the plate.  

No sooner had you finished before both of your phones chimed, messages that the plane was already filled with the shipment. 

You took a few moments to rinse your plate off in the sink after both Mick and yourself took a picture of it and as you rinsing it, Mick was making sure to cut Noah’s check. Mick usually paid half upon arrival and loading and then the other half upon successful delivery. This time Mick would be doubling both payments and made a note to always do this in the future as he fingered the gold charm you had given him that he immediately put onto a gold chain around his neck before his own phone went off, suddenly he was getting payments and offers from new vendors as he felt elated as he quickly prayed for forgiveness for slighting Noah in the past by undercutting him before he rejoined you as you finished packing up everything so he could walk you back and hand his payment to Noah. 

“Oh and Mick, I should warn you. If you ever break your vow, the charm will tarnish and you will lose what you gained and even would have gained will immediately go to your competition. And once it’s lost, it can not be regained.” You warmed him solemnly. 

“Wouldn’t dream of it Priestess.” Mick reassured you as he walked you back over to the plane. 

“May safety, security and blessings be with you Priestess,” Mick offered you graciously. 

“And with you.” You answered before you nodded and turned to get back on the plane, giving Noah a meaningful look with a pleased smile before Mick happily handed over the folded check to Noah and an apology for not using him sooner but quickly set up a deal to use him at least every week and a reassurance that if Noah ever needed anything at all, to let Mick know. 

“Of course, well, uh, I better get going, you have my number, just let me know what you need.” Noah returned before he got back into the plane and got ready to go before he peeked at the check before he put it into his payment bag. 

“Well that went well, I would say he’s your new model client.” You smiled proudly. 

“How?” Noah asked curiously. 

“Manta Olga charges anywhere from 3 to ten thousand dollars for the kind of tea ceremony I just had with him and to get a tea reading with her is booked up anywhere from three to 9 months in advance because she is the high priestess at her temple. Minor priestesses and newbies like me usually make a tiny fraction of that. And honestly if all I’m out is a few scoops of my favorite tea, it’s worth it to me- to help ensure that you and Sakura especially will be ok and taken care of, long after I leave and can’t ensure it with my own hands.” You confessed as you fiddled with the fringe of your shawl because you suddenly didn’t have the strength to look at him. 

Meanwhile the words were trying to eat their way out of Noah’s mouth to assure you and reassure you that you would be more than welcome to try. That he would follow you to the ends of the earth to give you as many chances as you wanted and needed to try. But then his radio went nuts trying to receive multiple messages all at once. All of these clients begging for his help to fly loads as you prepared yourself to repeat this process over and over and over today, as many times as it would take to make sure that Noah would be the most popular and sought after pilot the Frozen Tundra ever saw and prayed that your endeavors would bring Noah untold and unimaginable success.

Word spread quickly that a ‘priestess of Aura’ was with Noah and that she was giving free tea readings in exchange for business with Noah and Noah was getting money hand over fist as his payment envelope was close to bursting again, much like your bladder half the time because this tea, while beautiful and delicious, ran through you but you were getting better with every reading, like riding a bike and it was all coming back to you with ease. Like this is what you did all day every day and you had a lot of fun too and Noah made three loops around the state and flew from the morning till well into the night and every time you took tea with all these clients, they were more than happy to feed you a snack too. Mostly prepared by their wives to feed you and Noah and Noah counted himself lucky enough to sit in on a few of them while he ate lunch and dinner and gratefully drank some tea with you, enjoying the tea quite a bit. 

On the final flight home, you finally got to take off the jewelry, your ears practically tears of joy that they weren’t weighed down anymore as your chest was much lighter without the necklace on it as you gradually took the beads and headbands out of your hair before you stretched your neck before you put it all away back into the blessing bag. 

“There you are.” Noah murmured appreciatively, happy to see Zahnochka receed and his Zara come back to the forefront which made you giggle. 

“Yup, here I am.” You answered before you got a makeup cloth out of your backpack and wiped off all the makeup and false lashes which were itching your eyelids. 

“Did you really have to put all that makeup on?” Noah asked as he saw a ton of purple come off. 

“Most priestesses of Aura are of Siberian and Eastern Europa descent where the indigo violet orcs and dark elves which are just about the same color-originated from. The closer I look physically to them, the more people believe my authenticity as one. My first tea reading didn’t go well because I didn’t look purple enough and the client thought they weren’t getting an authentic reading. Thanks to the wonders of makeup, once I was able to get my complexion purple enough, people stopped questioning my authenticity despite Olga vouching for me. Even now I’m listed under the priestesses of Aura website as a chastnyy, or private priestess. Which means I don’t “officially” serve at any one temple even though I am in the same order that Olga is in. It just makes it eaiser for me. Same thing with the accent, it just helps me play the part. It doesn’t make it any less real but there are theatrics that come with it.” You explained. 

“Well maybe I’m weird but I’d rather have Zara with me in this cockpit than Zahnochka any day. She’s cool and all but I just like you better.” Noah confessed. 

“Awww, thank you. Zahnochka is...I’ll be honest, she’s exhausting. She’s fun but tiresome after a while. But thank you for not getting annoyed or intimaded by her.” You confessed. 

“Nope, not at all. So what are you doing tomorrow?” Noah asked. 

“I don’t have any plans.” You answered. 

“Well I actually ran all the loads today that I was supposed to run tomorrow. So technically I have tomorrow off and I would really like to take you fishing if you’d be up for it.” Noah offered, remembering his mother’s advice. 

“YES!” You immediately agreed with a bright, nearly blinding smile. “I would love to.” You answered. 

“We could even take Sakura too, I think with your encouragement, she might get over her squamishness with worms.” He added and grinned when your whole being practically lit up at the very idea.  

“Perfect.” You beamed, feeling super excited for tomorrow. 

[probably-writing-x]

High Society (Chapter 10)

~A Tom Holland AU Series~

Tags: @imarypayne @sunshine112 @sleepwalkingdragon @supernatural-girl97 @vibhati123 @butithasntkilledyouyet @faefictions @carisi-sonny @trap-house-homiecide @shamelessbookaddict @tommydaspidey @oneblckcoffee

Inspiration: Y'all know by now!!!

Warnings: Mentions of murder, language warning, mentions of gang crime and violence, mentions of teenage pregnancy

Notes: Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts??? The next chapter coming out is going to be the murderer reveal so be prepared guys!! I want to know all of your thoughts about who killed Imogen in the comments or my messages and asks are open too!!

~~~Friday 21st December 2018~~~

The end of term buzz around school was evidently pouring through the corridors, warming the smiles of every child here and brightening the teaching of every professor. You weren't surprised in the slightest that it wasn't mirrored in your own classroom. The hostile nature still hadn't left since the events of three weeks ago. Imogen's family were still investigating the robbery but were no closer to finding a suspect. Harrison had been forcing himself to act normal, slowly but surely distancing himself from the clutches of Imogen. Sam and Noah had still kept things private, only being seen together when you were at Tom's house and only together at all when they knew prying eyes weren't near. Lily had resulted to being a typical bitch, finding aquaintances with some people from the year below that were happy to follow her around like puppies and even managing to pick up a boyfriend at a local bar, a University student as you'd been told. Everyone was settling into this negative energy like it was nothing.

"Are you coming round tonight?" Tom asks, a question that had started to become a regular occurrence. You had managed to avoid the questions from your Dads by always telling them you were studying with Noah, or at gym, or trying out for the team, or sitting an out of hours test. There was always a reason and none of those reasons were ever true.

"I'd love to," You sigh, "But I need to go home before we leave for my grandparents. I brought your present to school though,"

"Then it's a good job I have yours too," He grins, patting the bulky shape of his rucksack.

It felt strange to be leaving for an entire month. You wouldn't be seeing the confines of these walls or the confines of this group for a full thirty days. How much would change by the time you returned?

"Who's excited for break mother fuckers?" Z grins as she walks into the room with more of a skip to her step than usual.

This was thankfully your last period of the day, one more hour and then you'd be leaving with certain cheers to signify the moment.

"Okay, folks," Mr Fitz calls order to the class, "It's time for your projects. Something about you, and something about someone else,"

"It's exposing time, boys," Harry laughs, flopping back in his chair.

"Well, Harry, would you like to begin?"

The first few are typical. Harry and Sam both say the same things about themselves and each other and have the same PowerPoint slides to back up their words. Noah and Zendaya speak about each other too, both exposing a definitely fake fact about the other. Harrison doesn't even have one completed - but he just claims it is down to special measures. Nobody questions it.

"Lily?" Mr Fitz calls and her heels click against the floor like the ticking down of a dreaded clock.

"Well, what don't you already know about me? I'm going to graduate at the top of this class, and I'm going to be more successful than all of you," Lily grins, shrugging her shoulders with oozing confidence, "Now, (Y/N), what don't they know about you?"

You see the way Tom clenches his jaw and the way fear courses through his veins for a lingering second.

"How about yours and Tom's pathetic relationship?" She cocks a brow, "Or what about this little gem,"

What she lifts out of her bag next makes you go weak.

"Why on earth would you have any use for a, pregnancy test, little miss perfect?" She chuckles, waving the empty box around, "Go on then, tell us the result,"

You see that Tom's eyes are on you and they're full of a mix of worry, panic and annoyance. Words fail you completely.

"That's enough now Lily, please sit down," Mr Fitz waves her off and she gladly takes her seat, "(Y/N), would you like to follow on from that?"

You look to Tom for a split second who is clearly hoping for a bit of an explanation but gets nothing as your chair scrapes against the cold tiles and you make the walk up to the front of the class. Everything had been prepared for yours. Down to the clicking of your presentation and the tone of your voice - it was when your perfectionism became too much.

"I guess I did have something planned but I can't really speak too much about that now," You begin, setting the papers down on the desk, "Lily, you're right. That was in my bag and I did take the test. If that's exposing something about myself then I'll take it. But, if I've learnt anything in the past months here, it's that all you care about is the face value. That's all this school runs off of. That test could be positive, negative or a completely false result. And it wouldn't change anything. You crave that single moment where you think you're better than me and the rest doesn't matter. So, Lily, what do you want me to say? I think you've already said enough,"

The silence settling over the group gives you an insentive to return to your seat, knowing your piece had been said already.

Tom doesn't even manage to say anything after that, but you know he wants you to feel his reassurance in in the way his hand squeezes yours under the table. Explanations could come later.

"Well, now that's over!" Imogen chirps, jumping up and spinning to face you all at the front of the room, "I don't really care for exposing myself but I do certainly have something I think you'd all be very excited to hear about,"

She clicks over the slide and shows a photo of Sam, laughing at his brother behind the camera.

"About six months ago, little Sammy here got himself into some trouble," She begins to explain, "What happened, kiddo?"

Sam is frozen in his spot. As are Tom and Harry.

"I'll proceed," She rolls her eyes, "You, mister, got yourself involved with a gang and..." The photo switches to one of a young boy, about your age with an innocence already echoing in his unknown features, "Wh-"

"You fucking bitch!" Tom yells, slamming his hand on the desk and standing up, "How is this any of your fucking business?"

"Mr Holland, please sit down," Mr Fitz begins and it is almost humorous that he thinks it is going to have any impact.

"I'm gonna fucking kill you!" Tom continues, "Keep your mouth shut and keep your ass out of our business!"

Imogen lets out a laugh and flicks her hair over her shoulder, everyone else stunned to a deathly silence.

Who was that boy?

"That's it, class dismissed," Mr Fitzgerald confirms, "Imogen, Sam and Tom, please stay behind,"

You all uncomfortably rise in the drastic turn of events and take your bags to leave. It takes more courage than necessary for you to glance back at Tom before you exit, whose eyes are still flaring with a built up anger you were fearful to see escape.

"(Y/N)," Harry starts when you walk away from the room, "It was Imogen who found that test. I saw her take it from your locker when you were in class. Before she gave it to Lily, I took out the actual test so they haven't seen the result," He takes it, wrapped in tissue, out of his bag, "I promise I didn't look,"

You can't help but release a fraction of the tension on your shoulders, "Thank you Harry,"

"And about that boy?" He begins, clearly questioning whether you wanted to know anymore, "Sam got himself involved in that same gang as Harrison. He tried using it as an escape when he felt really alone. And he became one of them,"

You stop in your tracks when you two reach the stairs, taking a seat on one of the lower ones.

"That boy was someone that that gang didn't like. They forced Sam into helping them finally give him 'justice'. And, one night, they jumped him when he was coming back from work," Harry continues, completely transparent with you now, "And they just attacked him, it was brutal and pure evil. Sam promises me he never laid a finger on him, but he's never forgiven himself for walking away,"

"How did Imogen know about that?" You frown, feeling a shudder cross your spine as you pictured that young face that had been on the screen.

"I don't know, that girl knows far too much than is good for her," Harry sighs, dragging a hand through his untamed curls, "I should go, they're just coming out,"

You glance up and notice Imogen, Tom and Sam all leaving the class. Tom has clearly relaxed but still doesn't look himself, Sam looks like a rabbit in headlights and Imogen shows no sign of remorse for what she'd just done. It made your blood boil.

"Is this seat taken?" Tom's voice is croaky and far from the warm tone you were falling in love with.

"It is now," You smile, watching as he sits down in the empty shadow where his brother had just been, "Are you-"

"Okay?" He smirks, "God no. But Sam's just thankful nobody heard anything more so that's good,"

"Harry told me what happened," You admit. Would he be annoyed for you getting involved in their business?

"It saves me the trouble. I was going to tell you, it's just not the best conversation to start having," He admits, dragging a hand over his face.

"I guess that's what it was like with the test," You mumble, your fingers brushing over the rough ply of the tissue that concealed it, "I didn't know when I could ever start to bring something like that up,"

"You know whatever it says, I'll be-"

"T," You stop him, placing your hand over his, "I didn't even take the test. I know I'm not pregnant. After we, you know, I started overthinking it all and so I bought a test. But I know I'm not pregnant,"

Tom visibly relaxes and lets out a slight laugh, "Well, that class was a complete disaster then,"

You chuckle with him, "What a way to end the term,"

"No," Tom stops you, "We don't even know if you're coming back next term, so I don't want that to be your last memory of this place."

He rummages in his bag and pulls out your present, you following suit and grabbing his too. Your hands found the clearly hand wrapped present and he did the same to the box you'd given him. Watching to see his reaction, you're thankful when you see him pull out the pair of boxing gloves with a beaming smile on his face.

"(y/n) these are amazing!" He exclaims, turning them round to see the artistic doodles that all had some small relation to him, "Where did you even get these?"

"Well, I designed them myself and then my Dad knew someone and they made them properly," You explain, a weight releasing as you see the excitement on his face, "Can I open mine now?"

Tom nods, less eager than before as he watches you with a bubbling anxiety, "If you don't like it I ca-"

You bring your hands up and hold up the glistening piece in the catching sunlight echoing in quiet corridors. In your view, dangles a petite silver chain, decorated by a small pendant of two boxing gloves wrapped around each other that swung gently in your released breath.

"T, this is-" You begin but the teats pooling in your eyes erase all focus from your words, "It's perfect, thank you,"

You see him visibly relax and he reaches out to clip it around your neck, his fingers grazing gently over your skin, "Since you're not going to see me for a month, I figured you'd need something to remember me by,"

"We're not dying Thomas," You laugh, easing the romantic tension, "I'm sure you could live without me for that long,"

"Are you kidding?" He chuckles, "You don't even know if you're coming back here after Christmas!"

You look down for a moment to your hands and focus on the wrapping paper that had fallen to Tom's feet.

"God, if Imogen wasn't here, everything would be a damn sight easier, right?" He shakes his head and you realise how much of an impact that girl had on him.

From his brother, to someone who might as well be his brother, to you; she'd affected you all. And, in turn, she'd left a deep set hatred for her in Tom's heart.

"Don't think about that, or her, or anything," You nudge him, finding comfort in the way his arm rises instinctively to wrap around you, "Let me just enjoy this school for another few minutes,"

He squeezes you towards him and the two of you stare out at the dead corridors, with their fallen air and settled distress.

And, for a moment, you forget all of the lies and deceit that they hold. Only for a moment.

~~~Wednesday 30th January 2019~~~

"You learnt a very important story during your time away at Christmas, Miss (y/l/n), what was that?" The woman asks and you were sure you'd been in this room for hours on end by now.

"My Dads always told me that, when I felt ready, they would tell me about my mum and the family I had before they adopted me," You begin, your hand instinctively reaching for the boxing glove pendant around your neck, fiddling with it across the cold metal chain, "So, when we were away for the holidays, I decided to finally ask them more about it. I wanted to know who my mum was,"

"And can you confirm what they told you?" She raises her brows and you know she's thankful for this twist in events.

"They told me that my mum was young when she had me. And, when I was born, her other daughter wasn't even a year old. In fact, we would've been in the same school year,"

"Even more important, you were in the same school year, weren't you (Y/N)?"

"When I asked about my half sister, they told me her name was Imogen. And she was the reason they wanted me out of that school," You confirm, the thought still forcing goose pimples onto your skin, "That's why I couldn't hate her. She was my fucking sister,"

You see the woman wince at your words, "Why are you so angry about that? She's family, no?"

"I was born into a life that I wasn't wanted in at all. I was a complete accident and my own mother dreaded the thought of having me," You snap, gripping onto your necklace with whitening knuckles, "Imogen grew up with a life that I was completely dismissed from. I didn't hate her, but I couldn't just accept that,"

"When did Imogen learn of this news? Did you contact her over the break?"

"I didn't speak to her," You shake your head, "Not until the night of the winter ball,"

"And by the night of the winter ball, you mean the night that Imogen, your own recently-discovered sister, was murdered?"

"Yes."

[heartthrobcityimagine]

Who Is This??/ Part 6/ Noah Centineo

A/N: WOO! It’s Friday! Like I said earlier in the week I am going to try to have regular schedule of updating on Fridays! Here is part 6! It is more dramatic then previous parts. Couldn’t just have all rainbows and sunshine now could we?

Warnings: as always Language. Sexual content, suicide topics/ triggers, sexual assault topics. 

AWAY WE GO!

=============================================================

Where we left off in part 5: 

You reluctantly get out of bed and walk to the door.Sighing, you really needed to install a peephole. It was the first thing Jace had told you when you moved in. He said incase "any fuckboys try to raid you”. You had laughed at the time but right about now you were regretting not listening to him.

You slowly open the door, hoping and praying that it wasn’t Tye. Your sad eyes meet blazing ones filled with anger and concern.

“Noah?”

=============================================================

He walks in and closes the door behind him. Immediately wrapping his arms around you. One arm wraps around your shoulders as the other finds its way up into your hair holding your head against his chest. Your heart skips, tears spring to your eyes, you hadn't meant to ruin his night. 

Your body is racked with the force of your emotions hitting you all at once. Enraged, you were undeniably enraged that Tye would even think of showing up again once you were finally beginning to move on with your life. Terrified, for the way you found yourself hopelessly falling for Noah, he was a genuinely caring human being that made it so damn hard not to fall for him. Fearful, that you would end up in the same position as a year ago. Warm, so irrevocably warm and safe but for the life of you the dread and doubts you had kept screaming in your head. And devastated. Devastated because you didn't think you could do this again. How could you give away a part of you that you had just been able to recover, no matter how much of it already belonged to Noah.  With a hand on his chest you gently push him away. 

  His eyes bore straight into yours. Furrowed brows and deep worry lines on his face has you feeling dismayed. You felt awful that he had spent what was supposed to be a fun night worrying over you. 

" Are you okay? What the fuck happened? You didn't answer any of my call or texts, then Jace showed up without you. Refusing to tell me what happened of course, just that you weren't coming. Then when you didn't answer anything I got worried and just wanted to see you, make sure you were okay...” he trails. 

You take a deep breath and sigh. You deliberated internally, if you told Noah the truth he would never look at you the same.

Your heart was pounding in your chest, anxiety building and pulsing through your body. Tightness shoots across your chest constricting your lungs, preventing you from breathing. Your palms become clammy, your nails digging into them. Your breathing becomes erratic as you start to hyperventilate.

Noah looks on with wide eyes at the internal battle your were having with your body. You desperately try to take deep breaths but your lungs felt deflated. Your knees buckle and he reaches for you, wrapping his arms around you before you could hit the ground. He brings you both down to the floor, you sitting and him kneeling over you. 

Your hands grip his shirt and bury your face into his chest, trying to calm yourself. His scent wafting through your nostrils. He smelt like cedarwood and pines and fresh linen. It was a combination you would commit to memory. 

Your chest is harrowed with sobs and quick inhales desperately trying to grasp any air you could get. His hand is shaky as it runs through your hair. His head lays softly against yours, whispering calming words into the tense air. His voice may have been calm but the pounding under his chest gave away that he was just as terrified as you.  He gently moves your head and places his forehead against yours, his thumbs coming up to wipe away the tears that were slowly streaming down your face. 

"Baby, you have to breath for me please," he says desperately. 

"I'm......" a deep wheeze exits your chest as another round of sobs breaks through. 

"Baby, whatever is going on I don’t give a shit. You don't have to tell me if that's what you're so worked up about. Please just breathe with me, please," he pleads.

You nod your head and open your red rimmed, clinched eyes, staring into his. You focus on his slowly rising chest trying to sync your breaths with his. 

You focus on way the light hits his eyes making the golden streaks in his eyes shine. Your focus on the warmth radiating from his hands on your cheeks down your body. You focus on the way his nose is perfectly aligned with your and if you tilted your head just a little his lips would be connected with yours.

Gradually your breathing slows to match his and he leans back slightly, eyes flickering from your eyes to your reddened cheeks to your lips and back again. With his hands still holding your cheeks he leans back down and places a swift kiss to your lips.

" You alright?" 

"Yeah," you whisper. "I'm okay." You reassure him. 

You slowly stand up, leaving him kneeling on the floor and sit on the couch. He slowly stands and follow behind you, still confused as to what in the hell was going on. He sits down beside you taking your hand in his, rubbing his thumb gently against the back of it.

As much as you hated to, you needed to put some space between the two of you. You gently remove your hand from his and turn so you were facing him. You pick at the thread on the hem of the shirt you were wearing.Realizing that this entire time you had no pants on. 

Red flashes to your face and you quickly grab the blanket on the back of the couch throwing it across your lap. A small smirk on Noah's face. He hadn't even payed attention to what you had on, he was too worried. 

"So, do you want to tell me what happened? If not it's fine. I'm content to sit here and just cuddle all night."

You give him a small smile, you never met a boy who loved to cuddle as much as he did but. if you were going to end this he at least deserved to know why. 

You take a deep shaky breath. " Umm... okay. Where do I start." he gives you an encouraging smile, making what you were about to do and say that much worse. Damn him for being amazing. 

" Umm. So, about 3 years ago I met a guy named Tye Saunders at a party. I had just got into college." 

You would never forget that night. You had gone to a party in downtown L.A. with Jace. Tye had been with his obnoxious group of friends hitting on any girl they had a chance too. You should have known then that being involved with him would not turn out well, but he was attractive and charming, what could you say?

" We dated for about a year. It was great for the most part. He studies drama at the college across the way from mine. It worked out well up until he wanted to have sex. I refused, I wanted to wait until we had been together for a while. I had never been with anyone up until that point and just wanted it to mean something you know?" He nodded his head, indicating he understood and was listening.

" Well he had his friend’s girlfriends try to convince me it was fine and everyone in their group had already had sex so it was no big deal for us to. It was probably a month or so after I refused to sleep with him when he started to become rough. He would push me into walls, pull my hair, I had bruises that made me wear long sleeves in the middle of summer. No one really noticed or didn’t say anything if they did. I was scared to leave, he had been threatening that he would have his dad, who is a big shot music producer apparently call the school and basically disgrace my name. I kept hoping it would get better and so I did the only thing I could think of that would make him stop. I finally gave in." 

" When I first told him I would sleep with him he was overly happy. He took me out for this really nice dinner, bought me drinks all night. I was happy because for one night he wasn't being abusive. " Noah's fist were clenched, wringing around each other, anger clearly evident on his face. 

You continued, " I think I had about 6-7 drinks when I started to feel sick obviously but he wouldn't let me slow down. Demanding I take shot after shot, his grip would get tighter every time I complained. By the time he decided it was enough the room was spinning. At some point I blacked out. I woke up the next morning in my bed with a massive hangover, sore, with my underwear on and no sign of Tye. I cried for days, thinking of what I had done. I was so ashamed." Noah's anger only grew, his chest rising and falling rapidly, trying to keep himself quiet so you could finish.

" It was probably a week or two later when I got this really strange email from some anonymous sender. It had pictures attached. I was really confused so I opened it and attached was pictures of me on the bed from that night, drunk and then passed out." 

"Initially, I had thought it was Tye being the dick he is hanging something else over my head until I seen that the email was forwarded to my entire school, including the faculty. Tye had obviously denied sending them and said that I consented to him taking the photos but swore he would never send them and that I passed out before we could do anything, so he kept them just in case." By this point Noah was fuming and couldn't hold in his thoughts any longer. 

" What the actual fuck?? Please tell me you reported it?"  

You shook your head sadly. " I tried to, the cop that took my statement said that it would be a he said she said case and I was not likely to win but that I could get a restraining order but it would only be temporary. So I got one for the longest amount which was right at a year and a half. After that Jace was all I had. I spiraled down. 6 months into the restraining order Tye contacted me, telling me that he would do anything to be with me and that if I didn't want to be with him then I could just kill myself because no one would want me after everyone had seen the pictures. I had thought about what he said and I tried. I took an extreme amount of medications but thankfully Jace found me in time and saved me."

He was shaking with fury at how someone could get away with something so heinous and how little Tye valued your life. 

You then explained how Tye showed up at your door tonight and why you weren't at the party. 

" I'm really sorry Noah. I never meant to ruin your night, I really didn't."

"Are you kidding me?" he exasperates. " What do you have to apologize for? After all of that shit you're allowed to be upset baby I just wish you would have told me sooner." He says sadly. 

You shake your head sadly, " Noah, I think we need to talk. I think that this is moving way too quickly. I can't put myself in this position again. I truly care about you I really do." He had no clue just how much this was breaking your heart as it was his. 

" What are you saying?"

" I mean technically we aren't even together, I don't even know what this is." You say gesturing between yourself and him. 

Tears start flow down your face. " I think I've fallen for you way too fast and way too hard. I want this, I really do. But I'm so terrified of losing myself." you tell him with a shaky voice. 

He takes a deep shaky breath, his eyes were glassy and beginning to become red rimmed, resembling your own. He stands slowly, making your heart break even further. He pulls yours hands so you were standing in front of him. You head was hung low, you couldn't look him in eyes. His arm wraps around your waist and he  tilts your chin up gently meeting his gaze. 

" Please don't do this." You heart cracks, his voice was completely broken, almost making you change your mind.

Tears were streaming down your face rapidly. Realizing you weren't going to change your mind he places a soft kiss to your wet cheek. Your eyes flutter shut as harder sobs jolt your body. He lets go of you and walks to your door.

With a deep sigh he opens the door, just as he goes to walk out he turns to you,

" I can't leave without you knowing that I've fallen too." WIth that he closes your door, leaving you to collapse back on the couch and wallow in your tears.

=============================================================

Well, there is part 6! Please let me know what you think. I’m sorry if it is a little too hard for some people, I know some of the topics can be triggering and upsetting.

 Please if you need to talk about anything feel free to message me. Also, if you or anyone you know is contemplating hurting themselves the hotline number is 1-800-273-8255. They are available 24 hours a day for anyone. 

If you or anyone you know has had any sex crime committed please give call the hotline  1-800-656-4673. You are not alone and there is help. You can be heard. 

Part 7

[noahsfreckles]

Keeping Secrets from Strangers (10)

I wake up with a pounding headache and open my eyes. I see a bottle of water and some pills next to my phone with a little note;  Take me and thank me later. ♥️

I grab the pills, popping them in my mouth and opening the water and drinking some of it. I lay back down and grab my phone.

2 new tweets from J 2 new tweets from Noah 5 new texts from Jamey🐱

@browneyedboy: I fucked up horribly  @browneyedboy: I don't know how to explain this without feeling like an asshat and hurting you.

Jamey🐱: hey beautiful 💕 @12:22am Jamey🐱: are you still up? @12:24am Jamey🐱: missing you. 💔@2:34am Jamey🐱: good morning beautiful 💕@10:21am Jamey🐱: we need to talk can I call you later? @10:32am

"Call me," I say aloud. "We never talk on the phone."

"Who are you talking to?" Lexi says and turns around in the bed.

"Myself but Jamey wants to talk on the phone. We never talk on the phone."

"Maybe he has something important to tell you."

"Maybe. I'm not talking to him until my head stops pounding. How much did I drink last night?"

Lexi reaches behind her and grabs the bottle of vodka, "this much."

"But you were drinking too."

"I only made it look like I was drinking."

I frown at her. "You got me drunk on purpose."

"No honey, I didn't but I know you needed a night where you don't take it too far with someone at Ace's."

"I miss that mystery man." I reach over and grab the hat off my side table.

"Oh he probably misses you too," Lexi smirk and laughs.

I groan and hide my face which causes Lexi to laugh more.

"I love you Mia. And will be here if you need me, okay? Never forget that."

"I love you too Lexi. I will never forget that. And I'm always here for you too."

"I hate to do this to you but I gotta get home, my last exam is today at noon and I gotta study a little more."

I pout at her but say okay. We get ready slowly cause of my head, I grab the pink baseball hat and slip it on and head out. My phone dings when we get in the Jeep.

Noah posted a new photo.

        You're driving me insane. 💕

"Whoever this girl is Noah has got it hard for her," I say as I start the Jeep and show Lexi.

"Yeah she's a lucky one."

I drop Lexi off at her house then decide I need something to eat so I head off to Starbucks. I park and the parking lot is empty besides one car. I get out and go inside. I order and stand by the counter while I wait for the order.

"Hi Mia," I hear from behind me and turn around. I look up and see Kyle.

"Hi Kyle. What are you doing here?"

"Just getting our regulars. Noah's in the Jeep."

"Oh tell him hi."

"Why don't you tell him yourself, I'll get your order and bring it to you."

"Um okay thanks."

I walk outside and walk over to Noah's Jeep and knock on the window. He looks over a little shocked and rolls down the window.

"Hi," I say.

"Hi Mia. What are you doing here?"

"Hangover remedies," I joke and he smiles.

"Take it you saw Kyle?"

"Yeah he said you were out here and said I should go say hi so hi... again." I smile at him and he smiles back.

"I'm kinda glad I ran into again," he bites his lip, "um I need to talk to you about something."

"Oh okay? What is it?"

"Um can you give Kyle your keys?"

"What for?"

"So he can drive your Jeep home, I need to talk to you alone about something important."

"Okay if it's that important, let me go get my stuff and give him my keys."

Noah nods and I head back inside as my order is called. "Right here," I say as Kyle goes to grab it. 

"I said I would get it for you," he says.

"I actually need to give you something per Noah's request."

He looks at me confused and I hand him my keys.

"Noah said you need to take my Jeep to my house, it's in the gps don't worry. And I need to go with him cause he needs to talk to me about something important."

Kyle takes the keys and nods. "Good luck. Try not to hate him too much."

I look at Kyle confused, "hate him? Why would I hate him?"

"Um I know what he needs to talk to you about that's why I told you to go outside and say hi. Just don't hate him okay?"

"Okay." I say and quickly hug Kyle and head back out to Noah and his Jeep. I open the door, set my drink in the cup holder and shut the door.

"Ready?"

"Yeah," I say softly and buckle up when Kyle comes out, holding up Noah's drink and walks over to his side and hands it to him and says, "good luck bro." He nods and Kyle walks over to my Jeep and gets in.

"So where we headed?" I ask Noah.

"I'm not exactly sure. I don't really wanna tell you while I'm driving. Is there a park or playground by your house?"

"Yeah, just a couple blocks away."

"Give me directions, please."

I start telling him where to go, I can't stop thinking about what Kyle told me, not to hate Noah. "Turn left here and it's on the right." He follows my instructions and we arrive.

"Let's go sit somewhere," Noah says and I nod. We unbuckle, grabbing our stuff and get out of the Jeep. We walk over to a picnic table away from the play area. We sit on each side and he looks at me.

"What is it, Noah?"

"I don't really know how to tell you this so I'm just going to try."

"Can I ask you one thing first?"

"Of course."

"Why did Kyle tell me not to hate you?"

"Because of what I have to tell you."

"I could never hate you, Noah."

"Don't say that until after I tell you what I need to tell you."

"Okay," I look at him nervously as he bites his lip.

"Jason is me."

"You're Kyle's Jason from you buying my Starbucks?"

"Yeah."

"And um," he bites his lip some more, "this," he touches the baseball hat, "is mine."

I sit back and just look at him. "No this is the guy I danced with at-."

"Ace's," we both say at the same time.

"What? No, you're not. I would know if I was dancing with you."

"I told you to stop teasing me," he says and looks at me straight in the eyes and smirks.

"I'm going to go die now," I say and start to get up.

"Mia, there's more and um you'll see."

I sit back down and look at him. He take a sip of his drink and then rubs the back of his neck. "I don't know how to tell you this."

"Just say it Noah, I won't hate you." I say and place my hand on his arm and look at him sincerely.

"You won't say that when you know."

"It can't be that bad."

He takes a deep breath and takes another drink. "I um Jameyisntreal."

"What?"

He takes another deep breath and says it again, "Jamey isn't real."

"What do you mean Jamey isn't real? I can text him and we talk everyday. How is he not real?"

He pulls out his phone and starts typing on his phone. My phone dings and it shows Jamey🐱.

"See he's real he just text me." I show him my phone then open the text.

Jamey🐱: Jamey isn't real because I'm Jamey. And I'm so sorry. 🙁💔

I just drop my phone on the table and look at him, "no, no, no you're not Jamey. You can't be Jamey. Jamey sent me a picture. And it's not you!"

I see him clicking around his phone and then shows me his screen. "This one but in black and white."

        "No!" I suddenly get up and look at him. "You're not Jamey. You're just messing with me."

"Mia. I'm so sorry."

"No, you're not!"

He looks down and puts his phone on the table. "Let me explain everything."

"There's nothing to tell. You lead me on for months when you had every opportunity to tell me."

He gets up and walks around to my side of the table.

"Don't come near me, Noah!"

He stops in his tracks and looks at me when it hits me. Kyle.

"Kyle knew didn't he? Please tell me he's not involved in this whole fucking thing!" I about scream at him.

"He knows."

"So was this just a game to you two? Have someone fall for you and then ghost them?"

"No never, it was never supposed to go this far."

"This far? How far was it supposed to go?"

"He wanted me to find a friend that knows me as someone else but me and be friends with them. When you said you wanted to be Noah's best friend I decided I needed to talk to you."

"And then what?"

"We started talking and I found out how beautiful you were truly inside and out. And then I complicated things."

I just look at him. "You did more than complicate things you fucked everything we had up."

"Please don't say that."

"Why not, its what you did, Noah!" I turn away from him, not wanting to look at him anymore.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry isn't going to change anything. You hurt me more than once and you're hurting me now. You told Lexi you would never make me sad."

Noah moves towards me again.

"Don't."

He stops and looks at me. He bites his lip and looks hurt.

"Take me home."

"Okay," is all he says, he grabs his things from the table and I do the same.

I walk ahead of him with my arm wrapped around me. I get in and wait for him to get in. He gets in and starts the Jeep and pulls out. "I need directions."

"Turn right here. We drive a little, "turn left here, I'm the last house. You can see my Jeep."

Noah drives me home and I start to get out when he starts to say something. "Please don't. I need space to process everything. Tell Kyle I need space too. Please don't contact me."

"Okay. I'll tell him. I'm sorry again," he says and I get out.

I see Kyle waiting on the other side of my Jeep and he gets up.

"How'd i-."

"Please just go Kyle."

He nods and gets in the Jeep with Noah. They wait for me to get inside my house then pull away. 

I go straight to my room and change into my pajamas and toss Noah's hat on the floor. I grab my phone from my jeans on the floor.

Mia to Lexi: did you know?

Lexi🤪: I figured it out a couple of days ago and confronted them last night while you were sleeping.

I scream and throw my phone on my pillows. I notice the bottle of vodka from last night, walking over, and grab it. I take one long drink and slam the bottle back down.

"Does no one in my life not lie to me?!"

I quickly climb in bed and over the next fifteen minutes finish the bottle, over thinking, and I start crying.

My phone dings and I grab it.

Noah posted a photo.  1 new tweet from Noah

I slam my phone down on the bed and continue to cry. "I have no one," I say in my empty room. "Everyone I know betrayed me. Everyone lied to me."

I open tweeted.

@heyitsmia: I hope you all are happy with yourselves while I sit here crying myself to sleep.  @heyitsmia: why did you lie to me?  @heyitsmia: do you feel good about yourself by hurting me?

I click the magnifying glass and type Noah when his page shows up in the suggestions. I click his name.

@noahcent: I fucked up the best thing in my life. I don't deserve her.

I start crying more. I exit the app and open Instagram, I search for him and click on his profile.

        Words can't express how sorry I am. 💔

I look at the caption and toss my phone. "Fuck off." I lay down and cry myself to sleep. 

[lightsandlostbells]

Skam NL episodes 4 and 5 reaction

This is incredibly late but there was no way I was not going to write about Engel’s detour into waxing hell.

Episode 4

Clip 1 - Piesiepoepselaar

Isa and Kes are lying together in the morning and it’s very serene. He’s had the same nightmare as Jonas did in the original, though I think the context is different … russ is like a thing that Jonas objects to on principle, would Kes be against just taking a city trip?

He’s like, “You took off your shirt and made out with everyone, boys and girls.” Lmao, I don’t think Isa is going to get that wild in Tallinn.

Isa replies that she’ll only take off her shirt for Kes. So this isn’t really a hint of an actual problem or any condescension on his part, they’ve re-purposed this exchange into some purely flirty interaction.

This cute moment is interrupted by Isa’s mom unexpectedly popping in. She calls her daughter “pissing pooper”? Hands down the best/worst nickname I have heard a parent call their child. And of course Kes loves it.

Clip 2 - Orgy preparation

Isa gets a call from “Pap” soooo her dad is still kind of in the picture?

Engel bounds up to Isa, she looks very happy to see her. And when Janna and Imaan come up, she also looks happy to see them. Engel is so cute.

Except LMAO, GOD. She addresses Imaan with “Salaam-Alaikum,” and seems a little proud of herself, as if she Googled “how to speak Muslim” over the weekend. So I guess instead of being an outright exclusionary racist, she’s going to be like … a well-intentioned white ally who goes too far and ends up othering her Muslim friend by not treating her the same as the non-Muslims? That’s a pretty interesting take. It certainly puts Engel in a better light than Vilde, since she is trying to be inclusive rather than rejecting Imaan, but it also explores Imaan’s struggle with having to deal with people treating her differently than her peers, or changing their behavior toward her since she’s a Muslim.

Imaan is just like “.... Hi.” I feel like at some point she’s going be like, “Look, you can just treat me like you’d treat anyone else.”

Janna starts coughing, and at first I thought she was trying to salvage the awkward moment, but she’s actually gesturing for Engel to look over yonder because GUESS WHAT, a certain dude is climbing the stairs.

Dutch William has a very long coat and seems more like an artsy edgy hipster kid, maybe, than a regular king-of-the-school fuckboy. His head is down so we don’t get a full view of his face, it’s like he’s ~mysterious and gives no fucks.

That blond dude from the party, Gijs, is part of Dutch William’s (Noah’s) crew, of course, and nods in recognition to Isa. They’re like, HOLY SHIT, Isa, what happened there?

Apparently one of them (Gijs or Noah) the wildest parties, with orgies. And not some weak-ass orgies where people sit in the hot tub together. Full-on power orgies with naked bodies. Janna sure knows her orgy classifications.

Engel’s facial expressions when Janna mentions orgies, lmao. This little frown.

The girls are like, “There’s a party this Friday,” and Isa’s like “...OK?” Imaan has to explain that Janna and Engel want Isa to flirt with the guy so they can get in to the party. She takes Isa’s phone and does her thing. Well, that’s interesting because Imaan doesn’t seem so invested personally in going to the party? I mean, there’s no real benefit to their city trip. Is she doing it because Janna and Engel want to? Like she wants to be in with these girls and have friends?

Janna is amused and laughs at Imaan’s liking all of Gijs’ pics. Engel just seems stunned. A Muslim did that???? Maybe she had Imaan all wrong. Maybe she needs to consult Google again.

Clip 3 - BUY YOUR OWN GODDAMN FRIES

Isa, Kes, and Lucas go out for food. Isa is the only one to order fries, and when she asks if they want fries, they’re like nahhhh. IMMEDIATELY my bullshit detector went off. They’re going to steal her fucking fries, aren’t they?

At one point the word “EVEN” is visible through the window, heh.

Lucas has injured his left hand, which I am assuming is a thing the actor did IRL and they had to explain it into the story. Kes roasts Lucas about his injury (which happened while skateboarding) and Lucas is like, “At least I take risks.” Yeah, some of those risks will apparently involve fucking up your friends’ relationship?

Kes asks Isa if they’re going to hang out at her place, I am assuming just the two of them, while Lucas gives Kes a long look. Actually, those are some high-quality Looks that Lucas has been serving to Kes. Make sure this show gets to season 3, okay? So he can put his pining face to good use.

Kes says the whole thing about Isa’s mom not knowing about him, and that Isa is ashamed of him, and Lucas is like, well, she’s right!

But of course Gijs is now sending her messages about Isa’s IG stalking. Just as Kes is offering to cook for her and her mom. Isa, let him cook for you! That’s more proactive than any Jonas has offered yet, right?

Gijs is turned on by Isa stalking him. You know, I’ve never just how many kinks the P-Chrises have, like he’s into nerds, being stalked, pretending to be the Eva’s dad/mom/whatever ... he’s just up for anything.

Lucas mentions that Isa has too many new friends, maybe even a new boyfriend, and THAT is some snake-ass shit, planting that seed out there. Even if he’s just talking shit and kidding. He doesn’t know he’ll be kinda right, but man, will Kes remember that when shit hits the fan? Kes seemed so indifferent though, like he’s all “lady friends” and not taking it seriously. 

I WAS FUCKING RIGHT, THEY STEAL HER GODDAMN FRIES. Taking advantage of her distraction while messaging Gijs. 

This is the realest shit though, like nothing Jonas and Isak said about Eva’s involvement in russ compared to this disrespect. Teenage boys are the WORST.

But yeah, there’s not nearly as much putting down of Isa’s friends or activities (since who is gonna be like “it’s so CAPITALISTIC that you want to take a fun trip to a city”?) apart from some passive-aggressiveness about Kes not meeting Isa’s mom and Isa being too popular. Still, it feels less mean, and Isa didn’t seem as attacked. 

Clip 4 - The most important conversation I’ve ever heard

The title of this clip was “full bush baby” and I was like … is that really going to refer to what I think it is? Like either we are talking about a small primate, or someone’s private hedge maze.

I love Janna looking like a hot mess in every scene. Like she literally rolled out of her bed, which is an ostrich nest, and went to school. She’s telling a story about opening a beer in class while Engel looks bothered about something in the background.

OH MY GOD, Engel looks troubled not because of any angsty Noah pining or Imaan drama or any of what you’d expect, but because she shaved her pubic hair and it itches. WE STAN.

…. Is this taking the place of the birth control conversation??? Instead of Engel asking about birth control, she wants the girls to tell her how they remove their pubic hair? 

I am not remotely surprised that Janna is a full bush baby.

Imaan saying she dyes hers red, white, and blue = MY LOVE.

Engel takes that completely seriously judging by her confused little face. Engel’s life is 90% confusion.

Janna says if she waxes, she can wax a lightning bolt. Please be a Harry Potter reference. (You know, I’m sure wizards have hair removal spells and all, but I’m imagining someone being like ACCIO PUBES and ripping out everything at once.)

Engel is nervous about waxing. Oh my God, instead of the nurse, are they going to go for a bikini wax together?????

Isa gets a text. Turns out they’re going to the party! Engel gets excited and starts throwing out outfit possibilities.S he rambles a bit and then Imaan does the “shhh, you talk too much” moment. 

Now it feels a little out of place, because Engel, while not behaving perfectly, has been way less of an ass to Imaan? And I get that this is for Engel’s own preservation, sort of, but they’re not trying to gain social capital at the level that Vilde and Sana were. The OG girl squad wanted to attract cool people to their bus and hook up with popular boys; NL girl squad isn’t concerned with getting cool people on their trip, and while they want to go to parties, they don’t have this firm objective of hooking up with the popular dudes. So the moment seemed a bit out of nowhere. I mean, Engel rambling about her outfits is tedious, but harmless.

Imaan has some gorgeous lashes, by the way.

Clip 5 - This is a very serious show

Oh my God, they DID go for a bikini wax. So is the state of Engel’s pubic hair going to be a plot point? Does she want it to look groomed for him? 

Okay, I’m laughing that Norwegian-style bush is a heart (ALT ER LOVE), French pubes are a mustache, and Dutch hedges are … flames? A flower? A flower for the ladygarden.

THE GRAVE IMPORTANCE OF THIS SCENE. The music and the cherub mural really add to the atmosphere.

Janna talks about an ass wax because of course she does.

I love that you hear a scream from the other room. Perfect.

I laughed out loud that Engel just shakes her head and runs. And that Imaan puts her arms around the girls and eggs them on.

I like Skam to have a plot and all but I would thoroughly enjoy 10 episodes of just random calamities in pubic hair removal.

Clip 6 - Orgy time

OH DAMN, I LOVE

This is my favorite episode 4 (or equivalent) power walk other than the original. I LOVE it. The song choice! The girls look like they’re having a blast. Engel jumping on Liv’s back!!! Imaan yelling in sync with the rooster crying!!! 

ESPECIALLY with the juxtaposition of this badass power walk, the girls getting hyped and feeling cool on the way to the party - because yeahhhh!!!! Young and free, bitches!!!!! - with the pause where they’re actually standing in front of the door, debating over who has to ring the bell. That’s utterly beautiful, I love it. Expectations vs. reality right there. 

Liv being like “It’s open,” lol.

Engel knows Olivia and company, I don’t think they said how?? Because we knew how Vilde knew Ingrid. But I mean, they go to school together, soooo. (Or did Engel get kicked off a city trip group?)

Janna, you promised an orgy, and this is a bunch of teenagers drinking and dancing in a basement. The clothes are most definitely on.

I was spoiled for Janna’s making out with a girl, but I still got hella excited when she and this girl were sticking out their tongues at each other.

Lmao, is Engel rambling about her car malfunctions to Noah? Maybe Imaan was right to shush her.

Also, Engel’s dad is in the picture. Or was, at a certain point.

Okay I don’t know if maybe this is fashionable for Dutch kids, but I love that Noah is wearing this baggy old man shirt. 

And that his kiss with Engel is a little awkward.

Who is this kid. Why is he like this.

Lmao, Liv telling Isa to talk to Gijs about Tallinn so he’ll leave. Does not bode well for their city trip if that’s what she thinks?

WHOOPS, Isa forgot that dinner with Kes was supposed to happen.

Gijs does not know Tallinn is a city, so he’s like, “Who’s Tallinn?” lmao.

JANNA AND THAT GIRL GOING TO TOWN, YESSSSSSSS

So in terms of Skam remake wlw content, I believe we have:

Skam France: Alexia is bi. Of course I appreciate this but they haven’t really spotlighted it outside of like one or two comments, and they don’t really integrate her sexuality into the story or into the dialogue even when it would be relevant (which is a big problem with Skam France as a whole). It’s canon by the actress’ Word of God.

Druck: Mia is bi. In canon she “doesn’t like labels” and is shown to make out with Hanna, though that was for telling off Alexander. Bi by word of God.

Skam Austin: Shay takes Isak’s place in the story, having a crush on Megan which is her character’s motivation. This is the biggest wlw content, clearly, since Shay will hopefully get her own season. The character is a lesbian and her sexuality plays a role in the story, plus I’m pretty sure the actress is a lesbian herself (and is a black lesbian so we have intersectional diversity).

Skam NL: Janna makes out with a girl at a party. HOPEFULLY she isn’t straight and this isn’t just a drunken makeout because girls kissing at a party is hot. I hooooope.

Hmmm, you know what? I actually buy Imaan’s throwing water at Olivia a lot more, because Engel has at least tried to be nice to Imaan. Like I understand that Sana is fiercely loyal and once she’s on your team, she’s with you 110%, so once she’s with the girl squad, she’s ride or die. But assuming Imaan was throwing water at Olivia because Olivia called Engel a slut, I get why. Engel has been awkward and othered Imaan but she’s tried to be nice. (But for Engel, you know she’s going to be like WTF?)

I love this closing song as they run away into the night!

Is it wrong that I kind of like Noah so far? Because I get that he’s likely going to come with all of William’s bullshit, but ... he’s fucking weird, man. 

Episode 5

Clip 1 - Making a family party awkward

Kes’ sister is a cutie!

Oh, I love that we got a little glimpse of his family? His mom, and his grandparents.

This really changes the tone of this scene from the original, because Eva goes over and encounters Jonas when he’s just hanging out with his friends and being passive-aggressive, and it felt like having the boys there made Jonas ramp up his attitude. Kes appears to be relaxed, he’s having a good time with his family. I wonder if these are the actor’s real relatives? The boys look like they could be his brothers.

But Kes does get in a passive-aggressive comment about her friends, and he’s been ignoring her for a few days.

Also, Lucas isn’t part of this moment where they’re ganging up on Isa, when the Isak is typically snickering at what’s happening.

We cut inside where relatives are having a pleasant time while the Youths fight. We don’t hear their argument but I mean, we know what they’re talking about.

Kes is like, “I forgot about the dinner,” as if he’s not upset, which makes Isa storm out, and his family notices that she’s upset.

Isa is out on the street and she once again puts in her earbuds and listens to music to get out her feelings. I like that as a stress release/coping tactic/whatever you want to call it for her.

This is a Sigrid song, by the way! “Strangers,” a totally appropriate song for relationship dysfunction and dismantling the perfect movie romance. Really interesting with Isa’s somewhat romanticized view of love - sometimes you just know, that’s how it’s supposed to be, etc.

Is Kes going to run out after her?

Nope, he doesn’t run after her. Not like in the movies. Isa just does a walk down the street. She’s not happy but it seems like listening to music steadies her a bit and gives her an outlet for her emotions so that she’s not a total mess.

Clip 2 - Engel does not know how the pill works, sigh

The title of this clip was Het is Zover and there was a still of Liv so I was like … are we finally headed down this f/f romcom route? Het is Over? (I know, I know, it has an actual meaning in Dutch.) But it ended up referring to something heterosexual, lmao.

I like Isa’s little toucan key chain.

Isa is not in a good mood, Liv looks fondly at her girl and asks about Kes. Liv knows what’s up with 17-year-old boys.

Engel pops up and says it’s time for her and Noah to go to the bone zone. Isa is like, that was fast. So I guess they are going down this sex storyline; the wax was a fun bonus.

Engel being like “I know It’s Time because I DMed with Noah all weekend and he’s perfect” - God help us.

Engel asks for the pill like she’s asking for ibuprofen, and when she says eh, it’ll be nothing then, Liv is like nuh uh, you’re going to the doctor. Thank you, Liv.

Engel gets them to agree to go by offering a bottle of wine each. When Isa tells Liv that she (Liv) doesn’t even drink, Liv is like, two for you, right? WHOOOOOOA. True love right there.

I had the worst thought and wondered if Engel’s failure to get her pubes waxed is going to lead to Noah making a shit comment about them later, like when Engel confronts him. Because teenage boys think girls should be completely hairless, like porn stars or babies! 

Clip 3 - Isa can’t sleep

Isa is watching a video on her phone when she gets a notification about something her dad posted. It’s a little kid getting a swimming certificate, so I’m guessing that’s her dad’s new family.

Isa gets up to go sit on her mom’s bed. She asks for a foot rub, which her mom gives her, until her mom starts asking about Olivia and Tess. Then the feet come back up to Isa’s chest.

Her mom’s like, I’m just trying to show interest. Isa is probably thinking that’s more than her dad does. She extends a leg again.

Perhaps that’s why Isa opens up to her and tells her she has a boyfriend. When she tells her mom his name is Kes, her mom doesn’t comment on it being Olivia’s boyfriend’s name or anything, so maybe she didn’t know Kes and Olivia dated? 

Isa asks her mom whether she thought she and her dad would be together forever, and then when she change her mind. Isa’s mom says that sometimes things go differently from how you expected. I really like this scene. It goes in with Isa “just knowing” that you’re meant to be with someone, as mentioned in episode 2, and then this reality that crashes in on you. It’s awesome that they tied in these elements of Isa’s absent father and divorced/separated parents, Isa’s relationship with her mom who’s locked out of certain elements in her life, and Isa’s relationship with Kes to the overall idea of being with someone forever. I think Isa questioning the nature and longevity of love could end up being a really satisfying part of her arc. I can’t wait to see the final clip of the season; I hope they modify her speech to Kes so that it fits with all these moments and what she’s learned.

She gets back into bed and apologizes to Kes for being a bitch sometimes, because obviously she doesn’t want their relationship to end, and then stares at the ceiling with that one damn glow in the dark shooting star.

Clip 4 - Doctor visit

The girls go to the doctor with Engel. Liv and Imaan entertain themselves by playing with a model of a torso. Kes and Isa make up via text, he says he loves her even when she’s angry.

I love that Engel looks small in that big chair against the giant window, truly mimicking how overwhelmed she must be feeling.

Where’s Janna? I have to say that I look forward to her reactions on anything vagina-related. 

I guess she had to miss the fun because she had to make up for being late to German, but it’s really cool how Imaan volunteered to join them considering I think the Sanas usually sit this excursion out.

The doctor comes out and IT’S A MAN THIS TIME??? Oh fuck!

I mean I know plenty of women don’t have a problem with a male OB-GYN, but for a girl who’s perhaps afraid to get a bikini wax, I think she would be a little shy about talking about birth control with a dude.

This doc is handsome, not gonna lie. I can’t imagine if that would make it more or less awkward. I do think that it’s less awkward with your friends, so good call, Engel.

The doc is asking Engel some basic questions and Engel answers more confidently than I expected, so good for her. Imaan rats out Engel by saying she’s only known the guy for a week. Well, maybe it’s not the wisest choice, Imaan, but that means Engel should definitely be on birth control!

Liv also shares that Noah sleeps with the whole school, and the doc mentions that the pill only helps with pregnancy, not STDs. Bless him. I mean he’s just doing his job, but bless. This is a good message to include on the show.

OH MY GOD when that doc brought out the dildo for the condom demonstration. He was completely matter-of-fact and professional but geeeeez I would have found this to be the most embarrassing thing at 16.

Clip 5 - CONDOMS, ENGEL, CONDOMS CONDOMS CONDOMS

The girls evaluate condom choices. Strawberry, banana, glow-in-the-dark. Don’t get the banana ones. I love real bananas but artificial banana flavor on anything is a gamble. 

I can’t tell, who said that king-sized wasn’t for Noah? Janna? I want to give her an award.

This clip was so short but I loved it! Just sweet and funny, wonderful girl squad dynamic, adorable.

As an aside, please watch the first 30 seconds of this scene and imagine it with Engel as Rose, Janna as Blanche, and Imaan as Dorothy.

Clip 6 - Engel’s softcore fashion fantasy

Janna has the right idea by blowing up a condom into an elephant trunk.

Janna doesn’t remember anything from her first time. That bit never stops being alarming, tbh.

Janna is also adamant that Noah needs to do his best and make sure Engel has an orgasm. Good job, Janna! That’s something I’ve always wondered with the Williams of the show: do they actually try to make the experience pleasurable for the Vildes? Because Vilde is like, “It was great!” but she’s also speaking from inexperience, and she might just be overcompensating, who knows? I mean, I don’t think she would actually tell the girls if it sucked.

Engel doesn’t know what an orgasm feels like, she doesn’t know how to get wet, she doesn’t want to get horny. Look, everyone should learn at their own pace, but my professional opinion is that this poor girl should take some time on her own before sleeping with a random dude she has known for a week. 

Who hasn’t even arrived on time to get laid. Oh God, please just blow her off completely? Don’t make us and Engel go through this again. Lesser of two evils.

Janna eats a banana. I just wanted to write that.

Liv is there to administer horny-making fantasies to Engel. Lmao, Isa had to get up off her chair and go sit on the bed next to Liv while Liv is talking dirty. I wonder why….

Ohhhh my God. This fantasy of Engel’s? WOW. It is really not “allowed” within the Skam format but honestly, fuck it, this is too weird not to appreciate. This is some ’90s music video realness, I expected 98 Degrees to walk out. Except it mostly focuses on Engel’s attire and makeup and hair, so maybe it’s more like a perfume ad?

Lmao, Engel getting turned on by herself more than Noah really stands out when you see the visual.

Janna tells the anecdote about getting turned on by donkeys, but it was supposedly just a whole other village that had the donkey kink rather than her. Bless her.

The girls need to get out because Kes is supposed to arrive, but of course, when Isa opens the front door, it’s Noah, come for his booty call. Isa’s mom is really cute in how she’s excited to see “Kes.”

Engel is? “Not my girlfriend.” Noah, you dumb fuck. Why do you need to clarify that shit to someone’s mom who you’re only going to know for like two seconds?

I mean, it’s foreshadowing as to Noah’s fuckboy ways, and that Engel will get her heart broken, but duuuuude quell your ass down.

Isa is like, nah mom, those girls tripping on the stairs and babbling weren’t drunk! Lol, sure.

When Isa calls Kes, it absolutely sounds like he was at a party with the level of background chatter. You hear Olivia’s voice clearly but they’re definitely surrounded by people.

Of course Kes is not coming, and Isa’s mom overhears enough on the phone conversation to realize. She tells her that they can eat, just the two of them. I really like Isa’s mom, she’s cute.

Great sad closing song.

General Comments/Social Media

Engel stuck Liv’s own song on their Tallinn playlist and Liv’s like, time to delete that! 

I love Janna naming the group chat weird stuff, and everyone acknowledging that group chat names are never normal.

This remake makes my heart so warm! The girl squad is so lovely and fun. I adored the pubic hair side plot, lmao, and the twists on the doctor visit and the condom retrieval. Little moments like that with the girls have made the dynamic so entertaining.

As for the boys, I think Lucas is a fantastic Isak. Kes has his typical Jonas S1 dickhead moments, but he’s also got charm, and God help me but I am enjoying Noah’s whatever-the-fuck-ness. Like I’m aware he’s going to be a creep, but currently I like taking the piss out of him and his wardrobe and attitude. 

As I mentioned previously, I think they’re doing some great moments with Isa’s character arc and tying in her family issues to her relationship issues, and having her talk about love or question love in the abstract. 

I am not Dutch, so feel free to correct me if I missed anything.

If you got this far, thank you for reading!

[sammysreelreviews]

Lets Talk About The Netflix Original Film “Dude”

Pictured Above: Awkwafina, Kathryn Prescott,  Lucy Hale, and ALexandra Shipp

As most of you know there’s a movie on Netflix called Dude. It’s a teen dramedy that is genuinely funny but all over the place and had one problematic scene. I’m gonna dive in to talk about what went right and what went oh so wrong. *WARNING SPOILERS AND THE SECOND TO LAST POST HAS A TRIGGER WARNING*

First of all let’s talk about the good parts cause I’m feeling good today. The movie in my opinion is hilarious at some points. The actors had a real good back and forth banter and each character had a lot to bring to the table. My favorite had to be when they were getting ready and Amelia says “come on ladies let’s put on some slutty dresses and get fucked up.” As a person who loves a tiny dress and a wild night out every once and a great while it really resonated with me and younger me. Also the bong they all shared cracked me up cause honestly I have had experience with a bong that was named and passed around in college.

The humor wouldn’t have been good without the amazing cast that brought this movie somewhat to life. After spending 8 years of my god damn life watching Pretty Little Liars Lucy Hale still playing a high schooler is a tad frustrating but she does it so well. Her character Lily was such a blow hard but you couldn’t but help to laugh with and at her sometimes. Skins alum Kathryn Prescott played Chloe but didn’t have the chance to be funny and I was sad cause I feel like I never see her be a happy character in anything she’s in. Alexandra Shipp, who is becoming one of my favorite actresses to watch, was my favorite cause she had the best material to work with. Her character Amelia was wild and an absolute blast to watch. Lastly Awkwafina as Rebecca had me in absolute stitches. Alex Wolff who is building a very impressive resume is great in it and don’t sleep on Jerry Mackinnon who made me laugh every time he was on screen.

Okay now it’s time to talk about the bad. First of all, why even have Austin Butler in a movie if he’s gonna die within the first five minutes?!?! It’s just a little rude. That also was the first problem I noticed. It’s clear that in the beginning his character Thomas and Lily were secretly in love each other but they don’t develop it enough so when he dies we don’t care. Austin Butler is LITERALLY in two freaking scenes like yes Lily girl I feel for you he was hot but like a little build up would’ve made it better. After his funeral they did a year time jump cause you know, it’s a comedy so we don’t wanna have to deal with all those after death ~feelings~.

After Thomas’ untimely demise you think it’s gonna be a regular plot with Lily and Chloe realizing they want different things, smoking lots of weed, and enjoying senior year. However that is not what happened. The plot is everywhere cause there is too much plot. I’ve never seen a movie where the characters were developed but their storylines just didn’t make sense. The main plot I guess was Chloe trying to deal with her brother’s death and the fact that she doesn’t want to go to the same school as Lily. That I understand and I also get how Lily clings on to Chloe cause she doesn’t wanna lose her too and doesn’t wanna be alone. I’m all onboard for the best friend conflict plot I am but in Dude we’re getting a hell of a lot more than that. Not only is Lily having that issue she’s like basically the smartest and most popular girl in school? She legit planned their prom and was valedictorian. I guess this helps her personality but her story just goes all over the place especially when it throws in love interests. The whole thing with Noah was so random like I guess yeah she needs a love interest but there’s already so much plot please stop! Secondly Amelia’s parents have issues and she is like obsessed with this guy and it really never gets addressed and it’s kind of just dumb. They treat her like a main character but don’t give her any closure. Same with Rebecca, she has a totally different plot line which brings me to my next reason it was bad.

They actually threw in a fucking student/teacher romance I mean hey I can’t say shit cause I was 100% #teamezaria but this one was just a tad creepy. The teacher didn’t even hide the fact he liked her and at the end of the movie she’s just like hey I graduated, I’m 18, come meet my parents? I don’t know it was just a dumb thing to put in there in the first place and the teacher was just weird.

Lastly, TRIGGER WARNING, there’s a legitimate rape scene and there’s nothing done about it at fucking all. Lily hooks up with this guy after thinking everyone’s left her and she’s like we’re not having sex and he’s like ok but he basically has sex with her and she’s telling him to stop. After she kind of glosses over it like it was no big deal and her friends even say it’s her fault for going upstairs with a strange guy. Like a TAD fucking problematic! Rape is a big deal! If someone says I don’t want sex and continue to do so IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. I really wish they said something better about that or just didn’t have that scene at all.

Dude is a coming of age story with WAY too much coming of age happening. The plot is just the most messy thing I’ve ever seen it made Infinity War look simplistic. Dude is funny but it’s just not good.

[jasbutler]

meet jasmin butler // welcome to new hope, kansas. 

                                         the basics //

full name : jasmin alicia butler birthdate & zodiac : december 16th, 1997 & sagittarius.  gender & pronouns : woman & she/her sexuality : bisexual/fluid occupation : night shift waitress @ the grill hometown : new hope, kansas family : james butler ( father ), noah butler ( older brother )

                                       deeper dive //

hobbies :                  SOCIAL MEDIA - a typical gen z’r, according to her father at least, jas has found her calling on the little phone she keeps on her at all times. she has a small following through her various accounts, usually by posting bored videos late night at the diner. she’s waiting for the chance to go viral just so she can say she has - she has no inclination to make a career out of it, and jumps around from platform to platform based on what she’s interested in at the time.                  VIDEO GAMES - most wouldn’t classify her as a ‘gamer’ - she sticks mostly to mario kart or mario party, with maybe some old school frogger thrown in. she made sure to bring her fathers original playstation with her when she moved into her own place with her friends, and you can find her on her off nights blasting shitty music and playing through crash bandicoot.                  SKATEBOARDING - while jas wouldn’t classify herself an active person ( she hates the ‘art of exercising’, refuses to work out on a routine ) she does love the outdoors, and skateboarding was how she got around town as a teen. she has her own car now, but if she isn’t leaving the city limits, she’ll still usually pull up on her board - it’s just easier.                   MECHANICS - her father runs the local mechanic shop, and taught both her and noah everything he ever knew - from spark plugs to battery changes to when to just give up on a car altogether. mostly, she tinkers with her old jeep which sits in the driveway of the shitty house she rents with a few of her friends - but she’ll hop down to the shop to help her dad out if he gets a sudden rush of customers. 

favorites :                  food - cheetos.                   drink - dr. pepper.                  movie - anchorman. she unironically still quotes it on the regular.                   song - ‘if it makes you happy’ by sheryl crow.                  color - pink and blue.  habits :                smokes cigarettes  / drinks alcohol fairly often / recreational drug use regularly                   nervous ticks include tugging on her hoodie / teeshirt, but she’ll deny that she’s ever been nervous in her life.  loves :                  loud music, old tv shows, laundry day, knee high socks, her skateboard, late summer evenings, the smell of the diner, her brother ( don’t tell him ), her friends ( she’ll tell them herself ), being a pain in the ass, and losing hours of time on the internet.  fears :                  she claims to be fearless ( ‘what’s the point of fear?’ ) but is absolutely terrified of ticks.  talents :                   skateboarding, piano, ballet, social media, touching her nose with her tongue 

                                        appearance //

height : 5′8 tattoos : lizard on arch of left foot, small saturn/moon/star on right wrist, seashell on left hip, bumblebee on right shoulder blade, more coming.   scars : no permeant scars, scratches and bruises from working in a diner and her side hustle of podcasting / being ‘internet famous’ ( she has 430 followers, thank you very much )  piercings : navel, nose, four on right ear, three on left ear - all different kinds of earrings, usually most mismatching, rarely changed unless she finds a new one she likes  hair : natural most of the time - wild curls, long and dark. will get her hair relaxed if she has somewhere nice to attend, but hasn’t had to in years so rarely fucks with it much beyond daily care.  fashion :               personal - jeans, tees, hoodies, anything comfortable and casual. she’s not a ‘girly girl’ - she grew up very close to her dad and her brother, and spent a lot of time hanging out with the guys growing up. she’s a physical person, and skateboards or plays tackle football with her friends when she’s on her downtime. occasionally, if out with the girls or heading to kansas city for something ‘fancy’, she’ll don a skirt, but she hates dresses. big fan of overalls now that they’re coming back, and in summer lives in short rompers.                shoes - usually her old skool styled vans - she has a few pairs in different colors; bright yellow, classic black, and a specialized pair with aliens on them for fun. in summer, she’ll wear flip flops or addidas slip ons to hang around. she loves mismatching socks - the wackier, the better. 

                                       bio //

Jasmin alicia butler was born eight days before christmas, her father’s ‘favorite christmas present’ according to him. it was the final straw on her mothers back, however - denise, whom jas knows by name alone, disappeared before she was even three months old - leaving james with a son, a daughter, and a mechanic shop to somehow run on his own.  the town of new hope did what it did best, though - jas and noah were always looked after by someone, well fed if not well dressed, and smart as whips. the two were inseparable as kids - they’d walk to their fathers shop after school together, jas ignoring her homework while her father showed her how to fix a transmission or do an oil change. she couldn’t figure out the quadratic formula, but she damn sure knew how to replace an alternator - only one of them felt relevant in the real world.  while some of her friends wanted to go out and see the rest of the world, jas was content to stay right at home. she lived in her childhood bedroom for a few extra years while some went to college, some disappeared entirely - left the new hope borders and then the kansas ones after that - but she worked late afternoons with her father, fixing up travelers and locals before heading over to the grill to serve up burgers and fries to those whose car she’d just fixed. it eventually got her enough money to decide to splurge - and splurge she did.  her twenty first was spent in mexico, a couple of friends on her side, and though she doesn’t really have a lot of wanderlust, she has to admit the sand beneath her toes and the fish swimming alongside of her was an experience she’s glad to have had. even still - nearing three years later - she posts pictures on her instagram with captions like ‘take me back’ or ‘flashback friday!’.  but she’s in no place to really go anywhere now; she’s living with two of her best friends, still serving the late night travelers who drive through new hope on their way to oklahoma or kansas city. it’s a quiet life, she knows, but it’s a happy one. as long as she gets her free fries, her dr. pepper, and the sunshine on her face when she needs it, she’s content. 

[pucketknife-blog]

WE GOT HIM~ Finn&Puck [PG]

↪ TAGGING: Finn Hudson ( @infinnite ), Noah Puckerman ( @pucketknife ), Belinda the LNPC employee, Mr. P; ↪ LOCATION/TIME: The L. Naturae Protection Committee, New York City; January 25th; Thursday afternoon; ↪ SYNOPSIS: Finn and Puck go to the LNPC and find someone that can lead them to missing Common NYADA student Kurt Hummel. ↪ WARNINGS: none but Finn freaks out a bit idk if it can be considered a panic attack but just in case cw: panic attack

FINN 

Finn's leg was shaking as they sat down to be called up to the front. This place sucked. It reminded Finn of the DMV in Ohio, and in a small town where no one had anything except a desire to go fucking elsewhere, it was something awful. Finn kept on checking around if anyone could know of their intentions. He was absorbing the crowd's feelings like a sponge. It was dizzying. All this fear and anger was the nothing though to the helplessness. Finn tried not to block it out as he had done all the other times before. 2018 was a new Finn. He visualized opening his receptioners or whatever they were called and let the feelings flow into him. He was feeling dejected but through that dejection, Finn thought back that he had to keep going. He had to have hope and fight for those who needed to be fought for. The two people waiting next to Finn sat up straighter in their seats. Finn didn't notice that they were looking at each other with teary smiles. Finn turned his attention to Puck. "Dude, when's our number again?"

PUCK

He looked back at Finn trying not to roll his eyes. He was used to the Committee, but Finn wasn't, and his shaking leg what making him nervous. "Relax, we're up next. Just let me do the talking and, y'know.... act chill. Pretend you are on our side." By our side, he meant the Slayer's Guild. If Kurt was missing, then there had to be someone looking for him, and that was them. If there was no contract, then they would be able to confirm something else was going on in there, which was the whole point of the visit. A not-so-subtle beep rang over them and the number he was holding in his hand started glowing, making him stand up and straighten up his t-shirt as he walked up to one of the desks. "Afternoon there, miss. We're here to check on a contract for a missing LN that might have not been released yet? Would you be so kind to give us a hand?" he flashed her a charming smile as he leaned over the desk a bit -body language was everything.

FINN

Puck's chill was affecting his mood better and Finn was kinda grateful. Not that he'd tell Puck. Finn was still getting used to the telling everyone else he was feeling their emotions shit, and he didn't want Puck to not hang around him. "Uhm..." Finn made a face at Puck's request. Finn was a terrible liar. "I'll just uh, shut up, dude." Finn smiled as a nervous response when they were called up. Shit. It was showtime. Finn could feel that the woman was interested in what Puck had to say. It was better to let Puck lead this for now.

PUCK

The lady looked Puck up and down and gave him a courtesy smile. "Sure thing, darling," she said as she typed something into her computer. "Magical Identification Number and SGA ID, Please?" Puck recited the numbers and handed her a card with his Slaying data, his smile just as bright in the ID picture as the one he was flashing now. "What can I do for you, Mr. Puckerman?" she asked once she checked his data and handed back the card. "Well..." He eyed at her name tag, "Belinda -can I call you Belinda?" He didn't really wait for an answer before he kept up with the act. "See, we're not only Slayers, we're also NYADA Students, and we're trying to find a particular contract of someone in our class that's been apparently listed as missing. If he's missing, then there must be a capture order, right? See, we try our best to work in our free time, but it's better if we stay local, so we don't miss out on our classes. Can't say these big wave of LN disappearances haven't done wonders for our bank accounts, if you know what I mean," he tried to joke around, though Belinda didn't smile so much this time as her eyes went from Puck to her computer screen and back.

FINN

Belinda's mood shifted. A hint of annoyance was coursing through her and Finn felt something else there. It was as if she was tired of someone asking for Kurt again. Finn tried to focus that energy, wondering what it could have meant. The secretary sighed and told Puck flatly, "Mr. Puckerman, his items have been transferred. Not cleared." Finn didn't know what that meant and it must have shown on his face. Belinda sighed again. "They're sent to a different location, Slayers. That's all I can say." Finn sighed and crossed his arms, wanting to ask for more information when he felt a sudden chill down his spine. It was a strange feeling. A mood that was uniquely cold and fucking predatory. Finn tried to send it away but it was so damn persistent. Finn leaned on Puck for support.

PUCK

Puck's smile widened. "Whose Items, Belinda? I haven't given you a name yet..." She had made a mistake, and he had caught her. "How can you know which student I'm talking about without a name, Belinda? Don't you think that's kind of curious? 'Cause I certainly do..." His smile didn't falter even for a second, but he didn't add anything else as he made eye contact with her, noticing the nervous tick in her left eye. "You see, usually when LN's are transferred, they are transferred by Slayers, am I not correct? So, can you at least give me the name of the Slayers who were in charge of transferring this student's belongings? I mean, the one you're thinking about whose name, again, I did not give you..." His brows furrowed a bit as he challenged her with a subtle glare, assuming Finn was leaning on him just to back him up in the staring contest he and Belinda were having.

FINN

Belinda sighed and said flatly, "Mr. Puckerman, the gentleman before you was also a NYADA student and this office has been extremely busy this entire week. You are looking for Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, the changeling." Finn felt another wave of cold callousness shooting into his skull. Belinda said, "And I've said it to another person, a blond witch, that this is all I am cleared to say on the level of my authorization. That is all. If you continue to push me, I have been given orders to send a complaint to the SGA. NEXT." She shooed off Puck and Finn.

Finn was having trouble standing on his feet and grabbed onto Puck's shirt. "Dude, someone here." Finn strained to speak. He fisted his hair as he scanned around and that's when he was able to narrow the feeling down to one dude. It was a blond man with a long face wearing a city slicker suit with white gloves. He smiled at Finn nicely when they caught each other's eyes but Finn felt a dark excitement emanating from the man. Finn was never so certain about it and his feelings began to leach out. "Dude. Dude. Fuck. Puck, that's the guy." Finn muttered, scared but also angry. "He took Kurt!" Finn couldn't say more. The suited man checked his watch and zipped into a portal.

PUCK

His smile fell and his subtle expressions soon shifted to an annoyed and menacing grimace. "You know what, Belinda? I thought we had a connection here," he protested leaning closer. "I'm just trying to work, just the same as you-" He was soon cut off by Finn pulling at his shirt, and he suddenly forgot about Belinda and Kurt as he turned around and realized Finn was looking pale, grabbing onto his friend's shoulders. "Yo, you okay, bro? Wanna seat down or something, what's going on?" He guided him out of Belinda's booth, a worried look on his eyes as Finn fumbled with his words. "What guy?" He said lowering his voice, "What are you talking about, how- ?" His gaze followed Finn's, finding the blonde man with the white gloves just before he entered the portal. "Dude, what the hell?" he asked then turning to face Finn, one hand on either of his shoulders, "Who is he? What do you mean, ‘he took Kurt’?" His brow raised with curiosity.

FINN

Finn couldn't explain it full to Puck but he grabbed at his friend's arm and ran to the Portal where the man went through.They exited out to New York City. Finn looked back and there was nothing. Shit. One way portal. "Dude." Finn panted. "That's the guy. I gotta... tell Matt. You gotta believe me, that's the guy. He was giving off a real mean vibe, Puck. I felt it, he was happy when he overheard Belinda rejecting us about Kurt's information." His heartbeat was pounding so damn fast Finn felt like it would fall off. He was looking around for any other glimpse. That mood was so precisely that man that Finn couldn't detect it around. It was just the regular moods of busy and annoyed business people on the move.

PUCK

"What are you- ?!" He tried to protest, but Finn was quite strong and he was taken by surprise as he pulled at him. Next thing he knew, he was standing in some streets in NYC, but he was more worried about Finn freaking out than anything else. "Dude, chill, I believe ya, just... breathe or whatever." He wanted to ask what Finn meant when he said he felt him being happy, but he thought it was probably not the best time. He put Finn's arm around his shoulders and guided him to a nearby hot-dog stand, sitting him down on a bench and getting him a soda, urging him to take a sip as he tried to find the man with the white gloves around the crowded street. "Alright, you just chill, you can text Matt later and let him know." He took a seat next to his roommate and patted his shoulder as he gave him a small smile. "Yo, if you're right, then we got our first lead. All we gotta do now is follow up on it. We're good. We got him. We're gonna find Kurt. It’s gonna be alright."

[officialjkhogan]

STRAY: Chapter Eight

STRAY: Chapter Eight

by J.K. Hogan

Noah’s stomach cramped with hunger as he tapped the glass touchpad that controlled the holographic display. He was using the library’s public data-deck to take a practice test for his level twos. If he got the grades he thought he would, he might be able to escape his almost certain future of working in a factory or a plant, and instead become an engineer. Level two proficiencies were the highest level of education for everyday citizens—doctors, for instance, went on to level threes. Noah knew from his history lessons that back in the days of brick-and-mortar schools, level twos were referred to as “university.”

He sipped bitter coffee that someone had left sitting on the machine, obviously having forgotten about it while it was being filled. Gods, he was hungry. He hadn’t made many sales at the Bazaar last Tuesday, and a couple of his regular customers had stopped coming around, so he had literally five dollars to his name at the moment. He just had to manage not to starve to death before he took the tests, then he could get a decent job and find an actual place to live and, like, food and stuff.

At least he had a current roof over his head, as undesirable as it was. And crashing with Cousin Tom was definitely undesirable. Being a dealer meant that Tom had a revolving door for customers at any time of the day or night, and they were always eyeballing Noah real creepy-like. Sometimes even Tom did. Noah had gotten used to living with the hunted feeling, that need to constantly be on his guard and look over his shoulder. He always felt like there was someone just around the corner, waiting to grab him—be it Tom’s addict friends, stalkers on the street like that one time years ago when the blond guy saved him, or even goons from his parents’ church-cult, deciding they were going to force him to join after all. He’d never, ever felt at ease. Well, only once. With that guy. Whose name, irritatingly, he couldn’t ever seem to remember.

Noah had been avoiding going back to Tom’s, because the way the man looked at him had been making him increasingly uncomfortable. Sure, they were family—at least, he thought they were. He’d only met Tom after his parents had dumped him. They ran in the same circles, and Tom approached him one day, saying that he was the son of Emmy Cowan’s estranged brother. Noah had been so desperate for any kind of connection to another human being that he hadn’t questioned it. Still, occasionally Tom’s stare became sort of possessive, and even…predatory. Sometimes.

Noah scored nearly perfect on the practice test before his hunger started making him lightheaded. He had two more days until the Bazaar opened again, but he’d starve before then. He had no other choice but to back home—not that it was his home—and find someone to blow for a twenty. There were always some tweaked-out druggie closet-cases around to hit up. They consumed more when they got off, so it was lucrative for both Noah and Tim. As much as he hated doing it, Noah refused to let himself feel ashamed. It was survival, pure and simple.

As he walked home later, Noah passed by Sanctuary just like he did every time he went to the library. And each time, he remembered the masked man who suggested there might be a job for Noah inside. Hell, the guy probably just wanted Noah to come in because he thought he was pretty. It had been a nice fantasy, but Noah didn’t believe a word of it. It was rare for businesses to have enough capital to employ an in-house engineer to keep their tech up and running. Still, every time Noah walked by, he wondered if he’d given up before he even tried.

Tom lived in a ramshackle house on the edge of a former residential district that hadn’t survived the last purge. No one had bothered to claim the land and redevelop, so people like Tom and his ilk had colonized it, squatting in buildings in various stages of disrepair. The front door rocked on its hinges as Noah swung it open to reveal stained tan carpeting and puke green walls that were peeling enough to expose the sheetrock beneath the paint. The sickly sweet smell of ganja was a physical cloud in the hallway, so Noah followed it into the dark den with its blackout curtains and psychedelic tapestries.

Tom lounged on the threadbare couch with two men who were obviously sampling the wares, and a woman was asleep—or unconscious—in the recliner that hadn’t reclined since they’d found it on the side of the road. Tom looked over and gave him an oily grin.

“Eyy, Noah, my dude! Have you been at the fuckin’ library this whole time?”

With a sigh, Noah half sat, half fell into the only empty chair left. “Yep. Killed my practice test though. I’ll be ready for my level twos. I only came home because…I got hungry.”

Tom took a sip of his lager and eyed Noah for a moment, before jerking his chin at the guy to his left. “I’m sure Adam here can help you out.”

Noah’s stomach rebelled, and he had to swallow down the urge to vomit air—because that’s all he had in his stomach—but a guy had to eat. At least Adam was somewhat attractive, built like a tank, with a razor-sharp jawline and a crooked nose, but he also looked like he could get mean with very little provocation.

“My cuz here needs some work to make a little extra cash,” Tom said to Adam. Some kind of silent communication must have happened to inform Adam just exactly what kind of work Tom meant, because Adam gave Noah a long onceover and licked his lips.

Fuck. The guy was definitely down for it, and Noah should be happy because he would get to eat but, fuck. Noah stood up and headed for the door, looking over his shoulder and raising a brow until Adam got the picture and followed him. As he climbed the stairs, with Adam’s fingers brushing the top of his ass, Noah hated himself just a little bit more.

****

Tonight I am a creature. A man but not a man. Who dreams of nothing but murder.

****

Tuesday, the Bazaar was swamped. Noah sold half the inventory he’d brought from the crypt, and he should have been flying high on the accomplishment, his full belly, and the wad of cash in his pocket, but he was just…numb. All he could think of was the feeling of Adam’s beefy hands on his skull, pulling his hair, and Noah wondered why he did it.

He had no one. No family, not really, no real friends, only people who seemed to want to use him, so why the hell did he fight so hard not to starve. Why didn’t he save himself the trouble, and his jaw the strain, and just go fall off a bridge somewhere.

Shaking his head, he stuffed his remaining tech into his duffel. How fucking melodramatic. He’d never been suicidal…not really. Honestly, he’d always felt like there was something just offstage, waiting in the wings, something that he was meant to do but couldn’t quite see the full picture yet. Some days it was the only thing that kept him from knotting sheets together.

He piled up his boxes and crates behind an old food stand from the bygone days of the amusement park and hoped no one would steal them before next Tuesday. The back of his neck prickled as he bent to pick up his duffel, so he spun around and scanned the almost empty Bazaar. There was no one near. No one, except for a big white cat.

This time, the coincidence of seeing the cat again made Noah’s hair stand on end. He was half convinced he’d been hallucinating the creature this whole time. His fingers clenched on the leather strap of his bag, but he tried to act like he wasn’t afraid he was losing his mind.

“Hey, there, um…cat. I don’t know how you keep finding me. In fact, I’m ninety-five percent sure I’m seeing things. I’m surprised you haven’t gone home by now. Hell, I’m surprised you’re still alive.” Noah scrubbed his hands over his face, then shook his head. “I’m surprised I’m still talking to a gods-be-damned cat.”

The creature meowed, then slinked over and wove its way between and around Noah’s legs, leaving long white hairs all over his jeans. He brushed off the denim-myolene blend and glared at the cat. “Yeah, thanks for that.”

The cat purred and let out another plaintive moan.

“Ugh… I know that look too well. You’re hungry, yeah? All right, then, follow me. Today, we eat like princes.”

Eating like princes for Noah meant one of the mobile kitchens that frequented the park. He ordered some falafel, with curry chicken and rice, and hauled it all over to a picnic table. He sat down on the table part, while bracing his feet on the bench. Inexplicably, the cat followed him like it thought it was people. With a sigh, Noah spread out a napkin and spooned some chicken onto it for the cat, who eagerly wolfed it down, snarling a little as it chewed.

“Easy, killer,” he said with a laugh. “Don’t choke. Damn, you must’ve been starving. Been there, pal. Hey, at least you found a generous benefactor to keep you in curry, and you didn’t even have to blow anybody to get money.”

As if it understood, the cat froze. It stopped eating and stared at him, blinking slowly. It sat back on its haunches, ignoring the food, and waited, as if it expected him to continue. Embarrassed about talking to a cat, Noah gave an agitated wave of his hand.

“It’s nothing. When you’re homeless, you do what you need to do to get by. Every day I see people who are way worse off than me, so I try not to complain.”

The cat padded closer, curling up and pressing against the side of Noah’s thigh, purring. Noah stroked its back, running his fingers through the soft fur, and felt the knobby bumps of its spine as it arched up to chase his touch. Looking down at the cat, Noah noticed something he’d never seen before—a flash of black on the inside of its ear.

“Hey, what’s this?” he asked, as if the cat was going to answer him. He swiped a finger along the pink, paper-thin skin of the cat’s inner ear. It was ink. A tattoo. He knew that animals were often tattooed with ID numbers by shelters, or even their owners, but this marking was unusual. It was a glyph of a small, five-pointed crown. Beneath it, letters spelled out a word he didn’t recognize. “I wonder what this means. Basti.”

When he said it, the cat whipped his head around to stare up at him, and it let a garbled little growl. It sounded so disgruntled that Noah had to laugh. Obviously at some point, someone had cared about this cat enough to mark it, but he’d seen it on the streets too many times for it to be anything other than a stray.

“Is that your name, then? Basti? It’s cute.”

The cat narrowed its eyes, exhaled sharply through its nose, then mewed and went back to the curry chicken. That, apparently, was that.

While Basti inhaled his food, Noah ate at a more sedate pace, savoring the feeling of, for once, not being hungry. He looked at the cat, who in turn watched him. It was lithe and willowy, but not skinny. Its bones didn’t protrude past its thick coat, so it had to be fed with some regularity.

“I wonder where you normally get your food,” Noah said before he could quell the impulse. He sighed, setting down his now-empty food carton. “I know I must seem like some freaky stranger who speaks to you as if you were human, in a language you couldn’t possibly understand but…I don’t have many people—or animals, I guess—in my life, so I just can’t help myself. You’re safe.” Noah didn’t know if he meant that the cat was safe for him to talk to, or that the cat was safe with him. Maybe both.

“I have to go home. It will be dark soon.” The last place he wanted to be was Tom’s, but it wasn’t safe on the streets at night. “You should go on back to wherever you normally sleep and eat. Trust me, where I’m going isn’t anywhere you want to be.”

Noah tossed their trash into a nearby agri-dump receptacle, and set off west, toward Tom’s. The cat jumped down from the picnic table and followed. Noah sighed heavily, because with his work done and his belly finally full, all he wanted to do was lie down on his lumpy mattress and sleep for a week.

“Shoo! Get out of here! Trust me, you don’t want to go where I’m going.”

Basti grumbled and sat back on his haunches. As Noah continued through the rapidly darkening park, he pretended he didn’t know the precocious feline was still following him.

[latinalesbi]

there was no Danny Nucci name in the opening, right ? They fanally decided to get rid of him... ? It's funny I thought "no Mike means no Ana"... but you know, Gabe is there so they can hang out in Stef and Lena's house while they are not there.

Correct. I have been suspecting this might be the case for a while. His time has been cut each and every season. Last couple, he’s been on as much as other side characters. I do think that Freeform’s budget has really cut his time down as they extend into season 5. He also was not in the cast pictures. I believe that they cut the money and insisted on one less regular. I think letting Danny direct is a concession to the fact that he is no longer a regular. There is an outside possibility that Mike leaves at some point. Or maybe he’ll be listed as a regular on the episodes he is in.

Anonymous said:                                                                      It’s completely horrifying to see how much wasted screen time Ana and Gabe took on last nights episode! Babies! They say there and cried and complained like two immature toddlers! And where was Mike? Shouldn’t Ana be with him? Then Gabe trying to act like the hero for helping Jesús! Bull-hockey! They don’t belong in the show at all. In fact, it’s so hard to watch their scenes and it’s almost as if I should wait until the next day to fast forward thru them. I agree with you 100%!            

It’s like they’re 20 years old instead of the middle aged people they should be. I guess maybe immature people are into that, but I am not. Babies. And Gabe acting as if it’s some big huge burden that he gets to live in a nice home for fucking free. I wonder if they’re buying his beer. Probably Jesus steals from Lena so Gabe can have his beer. Ana is so thirsty for Gabe. I mean really. There was no need for her to be all up his ass at their house. Why was she there? If I was Mike I wouldn’t like that at all. If you want to arise jealousy, don’t act a fool. I should have waited, but I really wanted to see the promo and well ugh. Thanks for your thoughts!

Anonymous said:                                                                      I know Jesus is sick or whatever but I’m also sick of him. I’m tired of him yelling at Lena. And Gabe is all cool with him he doesn’t say anything and now what, Lena is going to be the bad guy because she’s actually parenting HER son ? what happened to her being the mom the kids went to ?            

Here’s the thing, like I’ve always said. I would take care of my aging mom (dad’s dead) till the end with pretty much any disease, except if they had dementia and were trying to hurt me. No one deserves abuse. If a condition is causing irrational behavior it has to be treated. I saw a real life show where a man had a stroke and changed his personality so much he ended up murdering his wife, his adult daughter and his grandchild. It’s no joke and Jesus, intentionally or not, is going to hurt Lena. I see Lena running towards Jesus and Brandon fighting, it’s not going to end well.

And sure Gabe was effective this time because he’ just about the only person physically able to stop him. That isn’t a solution. Emma can’t possibly deal with him like that. So what Gabe did is not a solution. Lena is right as always, he needs to be able to manage or he can’t live with them. It’s just that simple.

                                                                                                    Anonymous said:                                                                      As for the writers being ridiculed? LMAO! I write and am ridiculed! It comes with the territory, and honestly, they are practically turning a deaf ear to the audience! This show should have ended in season 1 because that season was where it was truly at!            

Honestly, what’s the point of asking how people are feeling and to discuss the show if all you actually want an echo chamber of how amazing the show is? Don’t ask for opinions if you don’t like them. They aren’t turning a deaf ear to their audience, just a certain segment. I can’t say that I would have liked the show to have ended in s1. I just wish that in what could possibly be their final year, they would focus on their main characters. This was essentially a Gabe and Ana episode and that’s wrong. No matter how you slice it. Even when they have done that for Girl’s united, I could at least say, well they really haven’t had a voice. Gabe’s woes are like the stuff of every tv show novel. Daddy regret. Heck we’ve had enough of that with Mike.

Anonymous said:                                                                      This is fast becoming about how two moms can’t raise their 5 kids and need help! I’m pretty sure, “It takes a village,” isn’t referring to bio humans helping the parents! UGHHHHHH

I always make this point, you never see biological families needing the local homosexual for some nice homosexual bonding with their children. No, it doesn’t take a village, most of the time out there in the real world, it often just takes one mom.    

Anonymous said:                                                                      I’m really, really tired of the show acting like Gabe, Ana or Robert do or should have any say in decisions made about the kids. Mariana, Jesus and Callie are quite literally Stef & Lena’s kids. They don’t need anyone’s permission to parent their kids. Honestly, I worried we’d end up here when the show had Robert constantly making a point of calling Callie “his” daughter as if she wasn’t Stef & Lena’s and the show never acknowledged that was wrong of him. I didn’t think it would be this bad tho.             

They all think they have a say because they put their penis in a vagina. That’s all Gabe did. He can be there in whatever capacity Jesus and his moms allow, but he doesn’t get to dictate. For people who don’t understand how Callie could choose her moms over her rich bio daddy. Lena took one look in her eyes, saw her soul and took her home, straight from Juvy. Stef saw her value after just like a day. Bio daddy needed a DNA test to even see if he wanted to get invested. Tell me which connection would feel more real to you? No worries though, in case you missed it, Robert is right there disciplining Callie, though I am sure he takes a crack at Stef and Lena’s parenting.      

Anonymous said:                                                                      I love The Fosters, but I can’t get over how much I hated tonight’s episode. The unnecessary focus on Ana and Gabe totally contradicts what’s supposed to be the message of this show (that love makes a family, not DNA). It struck me as disrespectful. The idea that Lena and Stef aren’t enough for their own kids? Who they raised? Nah. I’m equal parts mad (the idea that Jesus needs a man is offensive, full stop) and confused (who asked for this?). Have TPTB forgotten the premise of their own show?            

Yeah, it wasn’t just like their point of view, it was entirely their episode. It is disrespectful to lesbian moms in particular. Here’s the thing, I don’t know where they are going with this. Even if they have a point to make, the visuals have already been made. You’ll have tons of people swooning over Jesus’ dad. The only thing I liked in an interview with Noah, was him saying biological father, instead of the “dad” the insensitive interviewer kept using. These visuals, these words will be the ones that stick with the people, and there are many, who think lesbians can’t raise kids without male role models.

Anonymous said:                                                                      The worst thing is that the episodes are already done. Even if we tell Bradley or Peter that Gabe being around in Stef and Lena’s house is wrong , it’s too late. And I think that the worst is yet to come. I knew I wasn’t going to like the first episode but I didn’t know it was going to be like this the whole 5A part. I can’t stand Jesus anymore.                               

Well, they supposedly change the tone next episode, but we will see. I still see this show as too depressing and too unhappy. The dykes can’t just raise their kids and be happy in a family, it has to be constant misery. I think the worse is yet to come too. I am going to try to ignore Gabe, but that’s going to be hard.  And yes, I can’t stand Jesus anymore either. It’s not even the TBI, he was already aggressive and drooling over his daddy before that.

Anonymous said:                                                                      How do people know Stef is going to cuddle with another woman? I get they need drama to keep the show interesting but Stef would never do that.  

Ahh, yes, no, we don’t know that. I think there was a misunderstanding. We are saying, Tess is the woman Stef cuddled with on the couch when she was a teen. CUDDLED in the past, not going to cuddle with. I agree that Stef would never do that. We just know it’s going to bring up interesting issues, especially if Lena is frustrated with being a stranger in her own house as the bio takeover continues.

Anonymous said:                                                                      Callie said she can’t forget about the past and she’s right but she told Jude to use the pain in a positive way. Callie needs to do the same.  Which is why I’m happy she’s wanting to do art. Just that pain to make a project.       

That’s a good point. I am living for people yelling at Callie. She needs it. That’s why AJ was good for her, too bad.

Anonymous said:                                                                      I hated that Stef and Callie scene. But that’s something they really needed. Callie needed to her that. I’m glad they had that talk.            

I am glad that least Stef was the one parenting Callie. Yay! It was needed, but it did feel cold but behind it was a lot of love. Stef will get emotional next episode. I am sure we’ll get some scene with them later on in the season that is warmer.

Anonymous said:                                                                      Freaking Kamar ordered a bunch of sushi while Sherri is out of town and he’s eating it on their bed. He posted a pic on Instagram. Sherri replies he better not get it on her favorite sheets or he’ll be punished and now all I have in my head is a visual of a dominatrix Sherri dressed in all leather and a riding crop and to be honest it’s kinda weirding me out. LolAhh, my instagram monitor! Lol, Sherri’s funny and I am not sure my mind would have gone there, but it would not surprise. Sherri’s bossy.   I instead will focus on all the lovely things Sherri said about Teri and Stef and Lena last night! Maybe I’ll make a post later since there’s NOTHING to gif.                                                 

[camploah]

Britain has an emigration problem. While we are obsessed with discussing the number of people coming into the country, we seem less bothered about the talent heading out of it. Meanwhile, the UK is losing some of its finest and funniest to America. And this isn’t just because the US is a bigger market to crack, but because there’s more opportunity – particularly if you’re a minority. Indeed, there’s a longstanding joke among black British entertainers that they’re all waiting for Lenny Henry to die to free up space for another dark face on TV. Perhaps a little perturbed by this, Henry has been critical of the lack of diversity at the BBC and warned that Britain is “haemorrhaging” black talent to the US.

Gina Yashere is a case in point. Born in east London to Nigerian parents, the 43-year-old comedian is now firmly ensconced Stateside. She has got an American girlfriend, a green card and a lovely house in Brooklyn where we’re chatting; a quintessentially New York brownstone with a front stoop and a bicycle chained outside. She also has a lot more primetime TV than she had back home.

Yashere began and built a successful comedy career in the UK, going from winning prestigious comedy contests to occasional appearances on The Lenny Henry Show and celebrity panel shows to headlining sold out gigs at the Brixton Academy and Hammersmith Apollo. The next step would have been getting her own TV show, which only a handful of black British comedians have been able to do. Besides Henry, Richard Blackwood had a show from 1999-2001 and Stephen K Amos had a brief run in 2010. And now there’s 29-year-old Michaela Coel, the creator and star of the hilarious E4 series Chewing Gum. However, 10 years ago, Yashere found herself stuck, unable to take her career any further if she stayed in Britain.

“I’ve definitely had a lot more opportunities given to me in America,” Yashere says. “I’ve sold three comedy specials in America.” These were to heavy-hitting channels: her special Skinny B*tch aired on Showtime, for example, and she sold Ticking Boxes, an hour-long performance filmed at Brixton Academy, to NBC-owned Seeso. Meanwhile, says Yashere: “I’ve never had any of my specials aired anywhere on British TV. If I’d sat in England waiting for someone to give me a TV show, I’d still be there, being the token black face on Mock the Week. That, to me, is a slap in the face.”

Comedian Gina Yashere speaks to Hannah Pool about her career in the UK and the US, and how attitudes to black Africans have changed in Britain since the 1970s Listen

There’s still a glass ceiling for black comics in America, Yashere says, but “at least when you hit [it] in America, you’re a multimillionaire so it’s not so painful”. Yashere says she isn’t at multimillionaire status yet, but she’s getting there. She’s been working in the US for a decade now and is on the verge of becoming a household name, recently landing a correspondent gig on The Daily Show, Trevor Noah’s late-night news satire programme on Comedy Central. She made her inaugural appearance on the show in March with a segment called Ask the Brexpert.

Brexperting on The Daily Show is a long way away from Yashere’s first job out of school as a lift engineer. Her mum wanted her to have a “proper job”, Yashere says, rather than be a “clown”. It certainly doesn’t sound as if lift-engineering was much of a laugh. As a lone black woman on a building site of more than 2,000 white men, Yashere stuck out, and not in a good way. “I was more qualified than most of the guys I was working with, which they hated. I’d come into work and there’d be a banana skin stuck to my overalls or a picture of a monkey on my coat.”

Eventually, Yashere took voluntary redundancy and decided to spend a summer trying out standup before looking for another engineering job. That other job never happened because it turned out that she was pretty good at the whole comedy thing. Within six months of doing standup, she came second in the 1996 Hackney Empire New Act of the Year, one of the most important comedy contests in the UK. That got her an appearance on Jonathan Ross’s The Big Big Talent show, and things built from there.

Some of her early success, Yashere believes, was a result of her being different. “I wasn’t like every other comedian at the time because I was coming from a different perspective. I was an outsider looking in. And I was even different from all the other black comics on the scene because a lot of them were of Caribbean origin and a lot of their jokes were poking fun at Africans. So I got my first taste of success quite quickly just from being different. It was taking it to the next level that was difficult.”

Yashere’s comedy tends to revolve around being a fish out of water, the tensions inherent in being born in London but having Nigerian roots, or a black Brit in America. “I used to get criticisms like: ‘All she talks about is being black,’” Yashere says. “No, I don’t. I talk about me. The fact that I’m a black woman is what you’re seeing. When Peter Kay talks about his northern roots and his family, nobody goes: ‘Peter Kay, all he talks about is being northern.’ As far as they’re concerned, it’s just another aspect of white culture. But when black comics talk about our culture, then it’s like: ‘Ugh, her being black again.’”

Worse, Yashere is sometimes not black enough for her critics. “There was one Guardian reviewer [she pauses to give me an accusatory look] who said: ‘She doesn’t delve deep enough in to the African experience.’ I was like: ‘What the fuck are you talking about? I’m from London. I’m talking about my experiences of being London-born, but of Nigerian heritage. How deep do I need to delve?’”

In the US, Yashere came up against a different set of stereotypes: America’s view of Brits is definitely more John Oliver than Gina Yashere. “I’d come on stage and open my mouth and people would be like, ‘What the fuck is this?…w Who is this?’” Yashere says. “Most Americans don’t know there’s black people in England. They’re starting to know now with people like Idris [Elba] and [the singer] Estelle, and all the actors doing really well and the musicians, but when I came out here in 2007 they had no idea.”

Yashere first moved to the US to appear on a TV show called Last Comic Standing. She was given a two-year work visa, but she knew she was there for the long run. She put her house on the market, sold or gave away everything she owned, and moved to Los Angeles with just two suitcases to her name. Within a couple of months she became the first British comedian to appear on Def Comedy Jam, the enormously successful HBO series that launched the careers of Chris Tucker and Dave Chappelle. She also made regular appearances on The Tonight Show.

Despite these successes, it took a while to build up a reputation and to adjust to life in the US. There’s the chocolate for one thing. As Yashere says: “American chocolate is fucking disgusting.” As is the US healthcare system. Shortly after Yashere moved to LA, she ended up in hospital for a night because of a Lupus flare-up. “They tried to charge me $15,000 [£11,500],” she says. “I was like: ‘I didn’t have an operation. How can you justify this? $15,000!’ So, I called them up and said: ‘I’m not paying this. I’m not from here and I will get on a plane and disappear. Then I heard the woman typing away on her computer and she said: ‘OK, if you pay $4,000 today, that’s the end of it. I’m like: ‘Are you fucking serious? This whole thing’s a scam.’ So that was my first major wake-up call to life in America.”

Americans don’t just have different healthcare to Britain, they have different notions of what’s funny. However, Yashere says she hasn’t really had to adjust her material. “My sense of humour has always been quite in-your-face. I haven’t got that quintessential dry British humour, so my style fits in quite well.” However, she does find she has to explain things. “A lot of Americans have never been outside America. So if I’m doing something about Malaysia, say, I have to explain where Malaysia is and what the culture is before I go into the joke.”

What are her current jokes about? Do they focus on recent political events? She shrugs. “I talk about a myriad of things. I talk about Trump a bit, I talk about the travel ban, I talk about pissing myself at McDonald’s seven feet from the toilet. Yeah, I had an accident a few weeks ago. Basically anything that happens to me is new material. I went to a restaurant, drank half a litre of water, then tried to get home on the subway and wanted to get to the bathroom. Get to McDonald’s where you can’t go to the bathroom unless you buy a burger. So I pissed myself in the middle of McDonald’s. It’s the most embarrassing thing, but yet ...” But yet, whether it’s racism or restroom mishaps, everything is material. And if Yashere has anything to do with it then it’s material that will likely have you wetting yourself with laughter. Just, hopefully, not in a McDonald’s.

Gina Yashere: Laugh Riot 2.0 (Send in the Clown) is at the Underbelly festival, Southbank, London, 23-25 June

[fearofaherobrine]

Roleplay Server Log #157

“Fake Steve, Another Night at the Bar, Alexis, Herabrine, Noah and the Spooky Clown”

[Lie] Hands Notch a wool block-

[Notch] Thank you Lie, honestly.... - starts scrubbing the mess off the counter.

[Stevie] Father!  My hands are dirty!

There is a sudden loud thud at the door. A strange Steve has just walked right into the wall beside the door leading into the bar. The Steve stumbles back and feels around himself as if blind.  He finds the door and stumbles through.

He stands straight and tilts his head back, strutting stiffly into the bar with his face almost looking at the ceiling. He walks past the group and heads to the far corner of the bar and feels his way onto a stool. He gestures to Sam for a drink.

[Lie] Looks at the Steve in confusion- Um...

[Sam] Gives him a drink but seems to be trying not to laugh

["steve"] hisses out a barely discernible "Oi." And nods.

[Doc] waves at the Steve and asks with a giggle- so which brine are you with?

["Steve"] - looks up at the ceiling - Oi!

- Closer inspection reveals the Steve to actually be a shabbily constructed costume, and it's wearer forgot to put eye holes in the sloppily painted Steve head. W the wither skeleton is trying to peer down his chin at the drink in front of him, working out how to " drink" like a Steve.

[CP] Is too drunk to care or notice-

[Sam] whispers to the "Steve" - just hook your finger over the lip and put it in the liquid

[TLOT] Goes to poke his own Steve, but he's fallen asleep in the booth and is snoring lightly

[W] (In wither speak) Just out doing Steve things.... yessir. Just out being all fleshy and alive breathing air.... nothing to see here. - realizes he's in front of humans and brines... parrots "Oi...." again. Picks up drink and splashes across the Steve head - Refeshing!

[Ruby] What the actual fuck?

[Lie] - Er...  Uhhhh

[Notch] Well then... Nice to know everyone is having fun...

[Stevie] His hands are covered in brown dye gunk-

[Notch] Come on Stevie, we'll go in the bathroom and you can wash your hands

[W] - (has learned to parrot a few words does a passable  CP impersonation) Oi! Fucker!

[Stevie] - Okay

[gem] -is laughing in the corner-

[TLOT] Realizes what he's doing- that's a bit familiar isn't it?

[Doc] It's uncanny really...

[W] - happily - Fucker. Grrrrr.

[Notch] it's walking by him with Stevie and starts giggling uncontrollably

[Doc] Winston, actually you might be interested in chatting with this "Steve"

[Winston] - Oh?  Why is that?

[TLOT] Mentally to Winston- because he's not a Steve at all

[Winston] Turns towards the "Steve"- Hello...

[Ruby] is just staring and slowly emptying hir glass - this is ridiculous

[W] - hello.... I mean.... Aah! A skeleton!  Oh no! - lifts up the Steve head to give Winston an exaggerated "wink" and thumbs up before putting it back down as if no one else saw

[Winston] Glances around for a bit of help at what to do with the odd wither skeleton-

[W] - holds up wrist in front of the Steve head as if checking a watch - Oh look at the time! Got to get back to my Steve-ing in the dirt with the pointy thingie.

[W] -realizes he's speaking wither again, panics - er... oi! Oi! Fucker fuck... oi! -stumbles toward the door

[[Wither] Watches W leave- I...  What just happened?

[W] - knocks into CP in his haste to leave -

[CP] Growls but is to drunk to really do anything-

[W] - sighs with relief at not getting blasted and makes his escape, making whooping noises as he goes

[Winston] - WHAT WAS THAT!?

[Doc] That's W, he's a bit odd.   But an entertaining fellow, especially when I can understand him directly.

[Winston] - I see...

[Lie] Starts idly looking through the coronation paperwork-

[TLOT] is just laughing - the pointy thingie?!

[Lie] - Um...  TLOT?

[TLOT] yeh?

[Lie] - Pointy thingy?

[TLOT] projects what W was saying exactly- next time Steve goes mining I'm gonna think of that. " Steve'ing indeed!"

[Lie] - Oh!

[CP] - Fucking Nether...  I don't wanna deal with Trender...

[Doc] At least we're not actually inviting him... You know you don't have to ask him, they're just dresses right?

[CP] - But he can make one perfect for her...

[Doc] if Lie can find a good picture online I can make her whatever she wants, it'll just self adjust as it goes to the higher res seed.

[CP] - But Trender can see exactly what will work...

[TLOT] Yeah why does Trender get to pick what she wears anyway? She's a queen, she can wear whatever she wants!

[Doc] That is kinda stinky. Lies a grown woman, she should be treated as such

[Lie] - Yeah except I don't know a thing about dresses...

[CP] - Gotta make impression on mobs too

[Ruby] Fuck men picking things out for women anyway! - shakes hir fist

[Doc] As long as she can kick their asses, who cares what they think? She's not a dress up doll, she's a warrior like the rest of us.

[CP] Groans-

[TLOT] Do you really want to wear a dress Lie?

[Ruby] She needs battle armor!

[Lie] - It really depends on what the dress looks like...

[Ruby] Something you can fight in!

[Doc] Short toga with an offensive vine belt? You could wear that purple armor I made from Cps gems.

[Lie] - I don't know...

[Stevie] Puts his dirty hands on the bathroom door as they enter-

[Notch] Wipes the door behind him with a sigh.

[Doc] Come on Lie, seriously, what would you wear to just kick every pixel of someone's ass?

[Lie] - I...  Don't really have anything...

[Doc] I didn't say you had to have it already! I'm asking you what you want.

[Lie] - I don't know!

[Doc] Lie... It may be the alcohol talking, but I kinda want to shake you right now.

[Lie] - This is not stuff that I'm used to okay!

[TLOT] Do you want Trenderman here putting his hands all over you?

[Lie] - Er, well...

[CP] - Trender isn't that invasive...  He's been doing this for so long that he can generally just look at somebody and know their sizes

[Notch] Sticks his head around the corner - For what it's worth, I would gladly take you out and buy you something if I could leave.

[Lie] - Thanks Notch

[Doc] I give up. Do what you want. But if the guy has to be here, lets do it while I'm still drunk. I can't take anymore emp crap sober.

[CP] - He's actually pretty good at controlling his...

[Doc] Control don't mean squat if he wants to do it.

[CP] - He'll also probably want to work on my server...  Fuuuuuck

[TLOT] THEN DON'T CALL HIM.

[CP] Groans and bangs his head on the table a little-

[TLOT] It's none of his business anyway! Please just let me do it.

[CP] - Have you seen your fashion sense?

[TLOT] I didn't pick for color Cp... The armor was a gift from my husband when I was near freezing in the snow. The cloak was what my Testificates gave me instead of a crown. And the helm belonged to me back before NOTCH destroyed my powers. You of all people should understand things having sentimental value.

[CP] Grumbles-

[Lie] Is peeking through some more of the papers-

[Flux] - So your clothing items are sentimental?

[TLOT] Blushes a little. -It all has meaning. Steve's bone armor was my gift to him, and the gem in the center of his chestplate was our Testificate's way of honoring him as their high priest. Apparently if a Testificate is in that position; the job comes with a hat.

[Flux] - Interesting...

[Lie] Is getting a bit overwhelmed by everything CP is going to have to do for the coronation-

[TLOT] Cp, I'll make whatever she tells me too anyway, it's not on my taste.

[Stevie] Runs out of the bathroom with no pants on-

[Notch] Goes after him - Stevie! Just because Deerheart does it doesn't mean it's polite in mixed company!

[Stevie] Crawls back into the booth with CP-

[Ruby] He's full of piss and vinager isn't he?

[Winston] - Usually he's full of fear and piss

[Notch] Stevie come out of there!

[Stevie] - But I wanna color more!

[Notch] You don't need to take your pants off to color!

[Doc] Well....

[Deer] - Why not?

[Notch] It's not necessary.

[CP] - Hey!  That's my line

[Notch] .... Sam?

[Sam] ?

[Notch] Can I have another drink?

[Stevie] Sits there rather happily as he continues to draw-

[Doc] Takes out a blanket and punches a hole in the center before dropping it over Stevie's head like a poncho.

[Stevie] Looks at the blanket curiously- What's this?

[Doc] It's a blanket, duh.

[Notch] Turns to Cp but gestures at Stevie- He's turning into you.

[CP] - Good for him

[Notch] Takes the boilermaker from Sam and takes a large gulp.

[TLOT] Can we have some calming flowers Lie?

[Lie] Puts the papers down- How do you do this on a regular basis?  Hm?  Oh, sure- She spawns several calming flowers

[Notch] He's usually not this bad!

[Lie] - Kids have days like this where they're extra energetic

[Doc] Has brought up a small screen and is browsing random images of clothing.

[Ruby] Is pointing at things over hir shoulder- nice, lame, stupid, impractical, gaudy, eh, that's pretty good.

[Doc] That's Xena Warrior princess!

[Ruby] I like it.

[Doc] -Facepalm.-

[Lie] - I think I remember that show?

[Doc] Good representation with an undercurrent of girl/girl romance. But it's kinda plain. Mostly just brown leather.

[Lie] Blushes as she remembers the things Doc bought her-

[TLOT] Sees her thoughts - Yeah, you could wear that. Go for a kinda dominatrix look.

[Lie] - NO!

[TLOT] We could add a skirt for modesty. Or flowy pants.

[Lie] - No no no no no no no no!

[Doc] Why not?

[Lie] Embarrassed whine-

[Doc] How about we go to World of Warcraft? They have lots of nice clothes there.

[Lie] - I don't know...

[Doc] Can we start with a color scheme at least?

[CP] - Something reminiscent of the overworld...

[Doc] So green, and maybe blue?

[Lie] - Maybe?

[Doc] I could find or make some gems, gold or silver findings?

[Lie] - I'm not really fond of jewelry or anything elaborate...

[Doc] Not even if I cut you a necklace of emerald leaves?

[Lie] - Mmmm...  Maybe?

[TLOT] At least we're getting somewhere now. Skirt or pants?

[Lie] - Uhhhh...

[CP] - I vote dress... Makes it easier to take clothes off to fuck...

[Lie] - CP!

[gem] I vote dress because they are flowy and free and comfortable

[Lie] - Maybe? I don't know, I don't really wear dresses...

[gem] even for special events?

[Lie] - Yeah, not really...

[Lie] - I've just, never really been comfortable in dresses or skirts...  Probably because they were pretty much forced upon me

[Doc] Pants it is, you've had more being forced into things then anyone deserves

[Lie] - I mean if we find something that I actually really like then maybe, but yeah...

[TLOT] is already drawing on a bit of paper

[CP] - I don't like thinking of fucking speeches...

[gem] -grabs a few pieces of paper and decides to draw-

[Doc] does a passable impression of Cp- Oi! Fuckers! This is my new wife, respect and fear her as you do me, or I'll roast you alive!

[CP] Flips Doc off-

[Doc] Cp style grumbles-

[Lie] - What are you drawing TLOT?  A design for what your doing with the gold?

[gem] -wiggles a drawing in front doc making sure no one else sees it especially cp because on the picture is cp as a cat in a suit with a cigar with the tittle boss mob cp-

[TLOT] Geeze I got distracted. - Quickly he finishes the gold with a floruish, spinning it up into a simple urn sized-vase. - There you go Lie, big enough for a full boquet.

[Doc] Starts giggling softly. - I don't think that will work Gem.

[TLOT] Grabs some of the discarded ink blobs and starts coloring enthusiasticaly.

[gem] -giggles then goes back to drawing making different types of spacey like drawings-

[TLOT] Motions for Lie and slides his drawing over so she can see. - The colors probably need some work, but iron looks too cold with the blue and green tones and the gold is a little glaring. But I did try to pick it up on the accents. You've got big pants instead of a skirt and the arm pieces look a bit like your favorite shirt and they'll cover up Cp's pink collar so the mobs won't question it. Blue pants and brown shoes are good for a brine anyway, and I incorporated your offensive plants pods and thorns in the design. Cp said it should be a reminder of the overworld, so brown for the soil, blue for the water and sky, and green for grass. You can also fight in it and it shouldn't hinder you. What do you think Lie?

[Lie] - Seems a bit complex...

[CP] - Looks like shit...

[Lie] - CP!

[TLOT] Looks irritated- At least I did what she asked for. I bet if you had your way she'd be wearing nothing but a collar. - Thunks paper and a quill in front of Cp. - Let's see you do better. I already know you can't draw after that scribble mess you called a portrait of Doc.

[CP] - Can't... To drunk

[TLOT] hand on his hip, he's drunk enough to be sassy. - Then zip your lips.

[CP] - Fuck you, I'm only being honest

[Lie] - CP be nice

[TLOT] I think he just likes being nasty to me.

[gem] -looks at it- I think it looks nice

[TLOT] Thank you Gem. If you think it's too complicated Lie, what would you change?

[Lie] - I'm not sure... But perhaps just not having so many parts to it?

[CP] Is idly taping the quill against the paper-

[TLOT] we could lose some of the torso stripes if you want to have fewer colors?

[Lie] - And maybe the puff of the pants? It just doesn't really appeal to me...

[Doc] leans over- it's not too complex for pixel art at least

[TLOT] Tighter? Shorter?

[Lie] - I don't know...- Her brain is starting to short circuit since she doesn't have much sense for clothes

[Doc] Let me have a try. - Takes some more paper and ink and draws with the tip of hir tongue stuck out in concentration.

[Doc] Okaaaay... how about this Lie? Fewer colors, I kept the leaf motif, and just some soft shorts since Cp keeps his home rather hot. Redstone instead of diamonds, and some new boots to match? I think there's nothing wrong with letting the collar show. They respect Cp and if they know you can render him powerless they'll have one less reason to fuck with you.

[CP] - Laaaaaaaaame [Lie] - CP!- Spawns a sobering flower and deftly sticks a petal in his mouth

[Doc] Is scribbling on hir own paper and presses the sheet into Lie's hand -

[CP] Accidentally swallows the petal - Fuck!

[Lie] Looks at the paper and holds back laughter-

[TLOT] Pffft!

[gem] -looks at it and giggles-

[Lie] - I kinda like the flower motif, but I'd rather the collar not be showing. I know CP doesn't like it so I don't want to make him upset

[TLOT] We could use the sleeve pieces from mine and change the colors?

[CP] - That would just be more ugly

[TLOT] I am cordially inviting you to think of something better CP. The tools are in front of you. Put up or shut up.

[CP] - Fine asshole!- Takes a sheet and starts sketching

[TLOT] Watches expectantly.

[Doc] This will be rich...

[CP] Scratches away at the paper for a few moments before flinging it at TLOT. It's a very badly drawn dress with a crude possible jacket on top-

[TLOT] is just turning the paper around and around like he can't figure out which way is up.

[Doc] ick Cp. see I can criticize people too.

[CP] Growls and snatches the paper back- Fuck you, I'll be right back- Opens a portal and steps through

[Doc] he's been putting in a lot of portal mileage lately...

[Lie] - Hopefully he'll be back soon...

[Deer] - Here, hand me some paper please

[Doc] Here- hands hir lover paper and tools - you take a stab at it.

[Deer] Begins sketching-

[Doc] peeking-

[Flux] Has finished her food and takes the empty plates to the bar-

[Ruby] Gives her a calculating look - what's your story newbie? Are you some kinda weird brine?

[Flux] - Me? I am an embodiment of a far older server. My body is comprised of its raw magic

[Ruby] Neato, the going rumor is that I'm 100% kickass.

[Flux] - Kick... Ass?

[Doc] Ruby fancies hirself an accomplished fighter, that's all Flux.

[Flux] - Oh, I see

[Stevie] - Where did brother go?

[Notch] He stepped out for a minute. You know how he is.

[Stevie] - Oh...  Can I have more colors?

[Notch] If you share with Deerheart there and don't draw on the table.

[Stevie] - Okay!- Moves over to Deer's booth and takes crayons

[CP] Opens another portal and steps through grumbling only to be snagged by a tendril before he can close the portal- Damnit Trender!  Let go!

[Trender] - You attempting to design something is suspicious enough, now just what are you doing!?

[Doc] Is still a bit drunk and reacts badly to the tentacle, fumbling for a command block to close the hole- Cp! Run!

[TLOT] Gets between the hole and Steve and draws his scythe

[Trender] Steps through, still holding CP-

[CP] - Trender...  Go away...

[gem] -looks through the portal without sticking her head though- hi

[Doc] Is swearing - Cp! Do something! Dammit!

[Trender] - Oh no, you have thoroughly caught my interest right now

[CP] Grumbles and is holding a piece of paper in his hand-

[Trender] Finally notices the others- Oh, hello

[Doc] Deerheart?! Flux?! Try and close the hole at least!

[Flux] Focuses and manages to close it-

[Doc] Peers at the Slenderbeing- Who are you? And why are you holding our friend?

[Trender] - I am Trenderman, and I'm holding CP because he came barging into my room demanding I translate his horrendous childish scribbles and I want to know why

[gem] -has gone back to drawing-

[TLOT] Whacks Cp over the head with the back of his scythe - IDIOT!

[CP] - WHAT!?  NONE OF YOU COULD UNDERSTAND IT!

[TLOT] Understand what?! That you're a terrible artist?!

[CP] Growls-

[gem] -laughs at tlots statement-

[Trender] Sighs and with another tendril takes the paper from CP's hand and holds it out to Doc since they have no weapon-

[Doc] Takes it with a suspicious air and looks at it -

Lie

[Doc] What part of 'Lie doesn't want to wear a dress' was confusing you Cp?

[Trender] - That is what this one was trying to convey...  Plus a few minor adjustments

[CP] - Shut up

[Lie] - Can I see it Doc?

[Doc] Passes her the paper - freaking idiot...

[Lie] Looks it over and bites her lip a little, actually liking how it looks-

[Doc] If I could reach your head I'd swat you too Cp. How many of us asked you not to bring anyone else into this?

[CP] - I only needed him to redo the sketch!

[TLOT] Who cares? It's impractical and still not what she asked for!

[Lie] - Actually...

[Doc] Seriously Lie....? You're gonna let Cp dress you up like some fou fou doll? The mobs won't respect you in that. They'll think you're just his plaything.

[Trender] - Not necessarily, those minor adjustments I made to the sketch?  Gives it a stiffer, more military like feel, yet also retains the regalness I believe you were trying to achieve

[Doc] I'm skeptical.

[Trender] - You doubt me?  I've made gowns for Emporers and Empresses, I know what I'm doing

[Doc] Still skeptical. Dresses are totally unsuited for anything beyond making women look like pretty baubles for men to oogle.

[Trender] - I assure you, she will not look like that in this.  If made from the right fabric it will reflect the flames of the Nether, she will look as if she is ready to burst into the same flames her mate controls

[Doc] I'm not standing for anything unless Lie says that what she wants to wear.

[TLOT] Same here. She's had to eat enough shit with people pushing her around.

[Lie] - I actually don't mind how this looks...

[CP] - Ha, see?  I know my wife

[Doc] Gives Cp the most murderous stare he's ever seen.

[TLOT] If you're sure Lie...

[Lie] - Let's at least see how this works out

[gem] - is drawing her old dress she had when she was just a space angel-

[Doc] Makes a complex gesture at Sam and the skeleton puts a small glass of clear liquid in hir hands. Xe drinks it quickly while staring at Cp.

[Trender] - I can make the dress if you want

[Doc] Makes a small snarling sound in response.

[Lie] - Um...  I'm not so sure...

[CP] - Look, I only went to you so you could just make my sketch legible

[Doc] You know that's not how Slenders operate...

[Trender] - Oh honestly, you're just still mad you took the longest to fit a suit for since you kept setting it on fire

[TLOT] Why the nether didn't you just make it out of something fireproof?

[Trender] - Do you have any idea how difficult it is to acquire fire proof fabric that is durable enough to withstand his flames?  I had to make it myself

[TLOT] That's because you're not a brine. I made him a fireproof cloak just this morning.

[Trender] - Fascinating, and just how did you acquire that?

[TLOT] I used a bit of his hair.

[Trender] - Ah, see, I cannot do that, I'm assuming you have a way of duplicating it that is

[TLOT] Show him Doc, if you're not too drunk already.

[CP] - Not on me!

[Doc] Grumbles and snatches at Cp's shirt, taking a few pixels from one edge. They pull the bit like taffy making it into a square of blue fabric, and then throw it back at Cp. - Burn it Cp.

[CP] Sets it alight, it doesn't actually burn-

[Trender] - Interesting...- His mind is already considering what he can do with such fabrics

[Doc] His spawn clothes are fireproof, even lava proof. Brines clothes are as protected as they are.

[Trender] - I see...  This would be very useful out in the real world

[Doc] Grumbles - Got anything to trade? I can make quite a lot of several colors.

[Trender] - Well, if there's anything you require fabric, pattern or general sewing wise, I can provide

[Doc] No... but some items that are rather common on the outside would be useful... - is thinking.

[Trender] - What would you like?

[Doc] I need to think a little...

[gem] could you make me a new dress?

[Trender] - Looks over- What would you like?

[gem] something spacey.

[Trender] - Hmmm, I think I can provide...  I need a door

[CP] - Around the corner

[Trender] Puts CP down and walks around the corner, he focus' a small bit of his power on the door before opening it.  It no longer leads to the bathroom, but to a massive workshop full of mannequins, bolts of fabric, and anything else a designer would need.  He starts going through his fabrics to find something appropriate-

[gem] -looks though the door watching-

[Doc] Is making a small list- Rainbow glitter, a live mouse, pomegrante juice, a portabello mushroom, a box of frozen pretzels, a lime, a piece of silk, and pecan, dandelion, and walnut tree seeds.

[Trender] - Two of those I can provide now. What sort of silk would you like?

[Doc] Doesn't matter. I can make lots of things but textures are hard to replicate without an example.

[Doc] Make a list of what you want that's fireproof. From what I have on hand to sample I can give high pile brown, red, or violet fur, low pile yellow, violet or purple. Black or gray leather. Gold metallic or mauve stiff cloth. And cream, black, purple, light blue, medium blue, or mint green cotton. And purple rubber. All lava and fireproof.

[Trender] - Violet fur?  Is it synthetic?

[Doc] Rubs hir hair - Well... I'm a digital life form, but it's my real hair so... yes and no?

[Trender] - I see.  I suppose I could use a bit of each of the things you mentioned-  He reaches into a cupboard with a sign hanging from it reading "Splendy's activities" and pulls out a jar of rainbow colored glitter.  He then disappears deep into the warehouse and comes back with bolts of fabric including a periwinkle blue one of silk

[Doc] Takes the glitter and the silk- Oh that's perfect! I'll do my part, just leave the rest in Cp's room when you can. - Gets to work skimming off tiny bits of hir clothing and running them out into fabric like water falling from hir hands. The pile ends up being several yards of everything Doc is wearing, plus a larger pile of fur yardage made from hir two-toned hair. - Xe advances on Cp and makes quick grabs for a few pixels of his pants and shirt and a few hairs from his head before doing the same with them.

[TLOT] Can see what's happening and does his favorite doctor a favor by skimming his armor and cloak in the same way to make a few more yards.

[CP] Growls at Doc as Doc takes pixels-

[gem] -is watching everything excitedly-

[Trender] Rummages through a drawer and pulls out a small clump of diamonds.  He examines them as if debating something before placing them on a small table in his workshop before getting to work.  He works effortlessly and smoothly, stitching perfect lines and quickly a dress begins to take place.  It takes him several minutes, but he does hold up the finished product for one last inspection before leaving the workshop and entering the bar again- Here you go miss

[gem] -puts on the dress happily as a something weird happens. a heart fazes out of gems chest and through the dress. the heart seems to have a few cracks and looks like the shape heart not an organ. it is resting above the dress and is beating.-

[Doc] Uh Gem.... do you need help putting that back?

[Trender] - Dear, are you alright?

[gem] -looks at the heart- more then alright my heart is suppose to be there it was just inside me because it was just so broken but it has healed enough to come back!

[Doc] You only have one?

[Lie] Laughs a little- Hey Doc, looks like she wears her heart on her sleeve a bit more than you now

[Doc] Be careful Gem, that's a dangerous place to wear it.

[gem] yes and no this is more emotion based since I don't need blood pumped. that's is why it is cracked.

[Doc] You should have told me Gem, I might have been able to help. Wrap it up at least.

[gem] even if you did wrap it would still have stayed inside it just needed time to heal.

[Doc] What's it like Gem? Is it attached to you in the back? Or just hovering?

[gem] hovering

[TLOT] What happens if you try to move it?

[gem] it will move slightly and A better way to think of this is the part of my brain that belonged to my emotions is now in my heart and that part of my brain belongs to my guardians.

[Lie] - Well I like it Gem

[gem] -pokes it to the side and when she pulls her finger away it floats back and forth till it settles to its normal spot-

[Doc] Is smiling- I think it's cool, I'm just imagining it hovering around you like a little roomba, picking up pixel crumbs of emotions and being in different spots every time I look at you.

[gem] it would have never healed if everyone here didn't make me so happy.

[TLOT] Aww Gem...  I'd hug you but I don't want to squish it against my armor. - grins

[Trender] - I can taste your happiness, it is a more genuine emotion then I've tasted in awhile

[gem] -holds her arms out for a hug- it wont get hurt if it gets squished a little in a hug

[Doc] The funny part is he's warning you because with a little patience you could grill a cheese sandwich on his breastplate.

[TLOT] Was already hugging Gem - Oh bite me.

[gem] -hugs back- I am still a brine so a little heat is not to bad.

[Lie] Is still looking at the design in her hands-

[TLOT] Let's her go - I'm glad you're happy.

[Doc] Me too, I always meant for this to be a place for people to heal as well as hide.

[CP] Grumbles as he sits next to Lie

[gem] it doesn't feel like hiding though even if it is it's more of a home

[Stevie] - Father!  Look!  Look!  I made a drawing of mobs!  And you killing them!

[Notch] What? Why? You know I'm not.... I'm not, I mean you've probably never seen me fight at all.

[Stevie] - But you taught brother

[TLOT] I feel the same Gem

[Notch] So he wouldn't die in the wilderness, and so he could keep you safe.

[gem] -her wings are fluttering with happiness-

[Lie] Leans against CP- TLOT, what do you think of this design anyways?

[TLOT] Careful Gem, if you fly in here, you'll bump your head on the ceiling. haha

[TLOT] It's pretty enough, but it's not what you asked for at all. It's not even the right colors.

[gem] -giggles at that thought-

[Lie] - No...  But I do like it

[CP] - The biggest things the mobs from the End and the Nether like to see is the Overworld sky.  I can bring just about anything else to either of those places except the sky

[Doc] Then her outfit should be blue and white. Something light and airy, maybe even with some tulle and pastel accents. Everything the Nether is not.

[Trender] - It would be a simple matter to change the fabric and colors of that dress

[Doc] grumbles a bit.

[TLOT] It's okay Doc, you can make something for you and Deerheart at least.

[Trender] - If you need fabrics, just let me know

[Doc] Pulls out the roll of silk and runs a bit of it through hir fingers. - No... I have what I need. - Xe pulls a bit of it off the corner and spins it out in hir hands artfully. Changing the color to a warm orange with a bit of ink blob from Stevie's pile. Xe fluffs out the finished silk scarf and draps it over Deerhearts shoulders. - To match your eyes my love.- xe whispers to her.

[CP] - Hey Trender, when do you think EJ and Sally can go home?

[Deer] Giggles and kisses Doc in thanks-

[Doc] Stiffens a little at Cp's words - Not that we mind watching over them.

[Trender] - Brother is still recovering, so it may be another week or so.  And I know Brother is greatly missing his child

[TLOT] Don't worry so much about EJ Doc, he's been behaving okay. He mostly just putters around the caastle.

[Trender] - I should probably get back to the manor...  Splender can only do so much

[Doc] You can.... come back for me if you need a doctor, but I'm not staying the night again, okay?

[Trender] - Understandable, currently we are good medical wise though

[CP] Flicks his hand to create a portal-

[Doc] Braces for the smell. - Thank you Trender.

[gem] goodbye -waves-

[Trender] Steps through and CP closes the opening behind the Slender being-

[Alexis] Is gathering some supplies in her house-

[Herabrine] Creeps up outside and peeks in Alexis's window only to see her kitten on the sill. - aw

[Alexis] Walks past and absentmindedly pets the cat as she considers what else she might need-

[Herabrine] Runs her nails on the glass to make a spooky sound.

[Alexis] Jumps and turns towards the glass- Hera!

[Herabrine] Chuckles- That was funny. Your cat is cute too.  Do they have a name yet?

[Alexis] - Thanks, what are you doing here?  And no they do not

[Herabrine] Just making mischief.

[Alexis] - Of course you are

[Herabrine] Nothing harmful, just a pumpkin outside Alexsezia's door

[Alexis] - Well I'm getting ready to go out, so please don't do that

[Herabrine] Realllly? - Floats gently up and looks at her upsidedown from the top of the window frame- where you going Alexis?

[Alexis] - Not sure yet

[Herabrine] Exciting. I could give you a water potion and we could take a walk at the bottom of the bay.

[Alexis] - I'm not good at keeping track of time so that might be a bad idea

[Herabrine] Aww you think I'd just let you drown?

[Alexis] - If you found it funny, yes

[Herabrine] Nah, that's a lame joke, I can do better then that. I wouldn't mind showing off my wet builds though.

[Alexis] - Perhaps another time, I was planning something more land based

[Herabrine] Off on a little adventure? Don't forget to pack food and clean undies.

[Alexis] - Already have- Leaves through the door on the opposite side of the house that Hera is on

[Herabrine] Flies lazily around the side of the house and falls into step behind Alexis.

[Alexis] Is heading in the general direction of the library-

[noah] -is just standing in the middle of the path they are heading-

[Alexis] Tilts her head in interest at the Guardian- Hello?

[Herabrine] Peeks around the side of her- Is it a ghost?

[noah] -looks over- oh hey there.

[Alexis] - Who are you?

[Herabrine] catty - and who does your hair?

[noah] i'm noah I am one of gem's guardians and no one it is just like that.

[Herabrine] Ah the four armed gal with the huge tracks of land.

[Alexis] - Oh, what are you doing?

[noah] just chilling trying to find something to do.

[Alexis] - Oh...  Okay- Stands there a bit awkwardly

[Herabrine] She's going somewhere to make mischief, I can smell it. You should join me in following her.

[Alexis] - Hera!

[noah] sounds like fun.

[Herabrine] What? It's true!

[Alexis] Groans and starts walking again-

[Herabrine] Follows while snickering.

[noah] -is also following-

[Alexis] Her steps slow as they approach the forest behind the bar-

[Herabrine] Ohhh, the spoooky woods. With an off-limits sign no less...

[noah] danger seeking I see

[Herabrine] I knew there was mischief afoot. Humans can't resist.

[Alexis] - If there's a keep out sign on this server than it's for a good reason- Starts walking past

[Herabrine] You know you're curious. - Walks her fingers up Alexis's spine.

[noah] me nor gem or any of the other guardians have ever been in there which means i know nothing about it.

[Alexis] Tenses- Nope, not happening Hera

[Herabrine] It's not like you can die here.... not forever.

[Alexis] - I don't know...

[noah] adventure!

[Herabrine] See? He's got the right idea. Listen to the smoke guy.

[Alexis] - I'm beginning to hate you...

[Herabrine] Takes a deep breath like she's sucking up smoke coming from Alexis- Ooooh, tasty hate.

[Alexis] - The Nether are you doing?

[Herabrine] Just being a smart-ass. I can't actually eat emotions.

[Alexis] Rolls her eyes- If your so curious then why don't you just go in there?

[Herabrine] Because it's more fun to go with people who squeak when they get scared.

[noah] squeak like a mouse?

[Alexis] - Then you're looking for someone other than me

[Herabrine] coughs -bullshit-

[Alexis] - Excuse me?

[noah] -steps behind alexis and makes a really loud kazoo noise in her ear in an attempt to scare her-

[Alexis] Jumps and quickly turns, drawing her bow and aiming it at Noah's chest-

[noah] jumpy check.

[Herabrine] Grabs Alexis from the back and aggressively tickles her ribs.

[Alexis] Shrieks out a laugh- HERA STOP!

[Herabrine] See? She does make funny noises!

[noah] yep you were right.

[Alexis] - I hate both of you so much right now...

[noah] hate is a strong word from someone you barely know.

[Alexis] Scowls a bit-

[Herabrine] Come on Alexis, it'll be fun. And if it's not, there's always respawn!

[Alexis] - You know what?  Fine!  We'll go in!

[Herabrine] That's the Minecraft spirit!

[Alexis] Hops the gate-

[noah] yay adventure!

[Herabrine] Floats over it.

[noah] -flys over with hera-

[Alexis] Starts walking deeper into the forest-

[noah] I wonder if there will be ghost?

[Herabrine] Is noticing that the trees seem to be getting more detailed as they go along. - I feel like the resolution is changing...

[Alexis] - It is

[Herabrine] Whoah... maybe it's posted with warnings because it's a portal to the outside world!

[noah] -looks at himself he has become less blocky-

[Alexis] - I don't think so, from what Lie said, entering the real world for the first time causes immense pain, so wouldn't we be feeling that now if that were the case?

[Herabrine] Good point. I have been out there myself though. I can travel astrally. Just leave my physical body here.

[noah] lets see what's at the middle.

-As they head farther in, they reach the open entrance of LJ's circus.  The area in front of them was littered with old broken wood and tattered fabric from LJ dismantling and fixing things-

[noah] circus! -runs in-

[LJ] Appears right in Noah's path-

[noah] hello.

[Herabrine] What a mess...

[LJ] - Why are you here?

[Alexis] Has her bow ready to be used-

[Herabrine] A philisophical clown?

[noah] adventure.

[LJ] - This place isn't safe for you, I'll need to escort you out...

[Herabrine] I like unsafe things, and this place is wild. Everything is so detailed!

[noah] do any of the rides work?

[LJ] Scowls- You won't be able to leave without my help, it's how this place is designed

[LJ] - And currently no, none of the rides work, nor any of the game stalls

[Herabrine] Is just walking around poking things. She's unused to being able to feel textures fully as well as see them.

[noah] damn I wanted to ride some rides

[Alexis] - Is the inability to leave why there are warning signs outside the fence?

[Herabrine] I bet we have at least one person on the server who's scared of clowns. There's always one.

[LJ] - Oh there, is, it's the weird pale boy at Doc's place

[noah] yea I was there helping shield him from being able to see you.

[Herabrine] Oh the tattooed kid? I haven't met him myself, just heard stories.

[LJ] Grins- I need to visit that kid again

[Alexis] - Why?

[Herabrine] Be careful, I heard what he did to Jeff too.

[LJ] - To scare him, I am a pasta afterall

[noah] does that make ben the chilliest pasta ever?

[LJ] - Yeah, unless you get him wet or insult his height

[Herabrine] Barks out a laugh - A creepypasta! This all makes sense now!

[Herabrine] Does a little flip in the air and floats near Lj, she sticks out a hand. - Pleased to meet you scary brother. I'm Herabrine.

[noah] and get to close to hyrule he has become very protective.

[LJ] - Laughing Jack- Elongates his arm and twists it between his legs and up behind his back to shake Hera's hand

[Herabrine] That's crazy-pants! I love it!

[LJ] - Well I was originally a toy

[noah] whats the limit for your arm stretch?

[Herabrine] I was originally a giant spiked fish dragon with one eyeball.

[LJ] - About fifty feet I think?  I haven't checked in awhile

[Herabrine] Noah? Can you fly?

[noah] yea -flys up-

[Alexis] Is trying to stay unnoticed-

[Herabrine] Hey Lj? You should try and grab Noah! Then you'll know your reach for sure.

[noah] -flys up really high-

[LJ] - Okay, it will be a change from trying to wrangle BEN at bath time- He reaches up towards Noah

[noah] -is about fifty feet up-

[LJ] Easily grasps Noah- Huh, guess my reach may have grown...

[Herabrine] Niiiice!

[noah] -makes a victory kazoo noise-

[LJ] Let's Noah go and retracts his arms-

[Herabrine] Here. I'll show you a trick. - She floats down and her body suddenly collapses as her feet hit the ground. A transparent version of herself reforms behind Alexis and gives her buttcheek a fierce pinch.

[noah] -lets gravity bring him down but fly's again a half block from the ground stopping him from falling-

[Alexis] Jumps and swings her bow behind her- Damnit Hera!

[Herabrine] Returns to her body with a briney chuckle.

[LJ] Sighs- I should be getting you all out of here, come on, and stay close

[Herabrine] Sure you don't want some help with this mess?

[LJ] - Why?  It's my task and cross to bear...

[noah] help with people can always make it more fun and go faster

[Herabrine] Notes a few puddles on the ground- Bah. You could use an extra pair of hands, or three or four... - Several tentacles of water raise up and wave from the puddles. - For a fellow greifer, I can make time.

[LJ] - Fine, just don't screw things up.  Wait here till I get back

[Herabrine] Pulls up her feet so she's sitting crosslegged in the air. - Got it.

[LJ] Grabs Noah and Alexis and starts leading them out-

[noah] but I want to help

[LJ] - No, one person is annoying enough

[noah] what isn't annoying to you?

[LJ] - Candy

[noah] to be fair candy is pretty hard to get annoyed at.

[LJ] Has already gotten them to the edge of the forest and tosses them out- Buh bye!  Don't come back!

[noah] I want to come back when the place is all fixed up.

[LJ] - Nope

[noah] why not?

[LJ] - Because I said so

[noah] -makes a sad face-

[Alexis] - Come on Noah, lets go

[noah] where are we going now?

[Alexis] - I don't know

[noah] letting the wind takes up?

[Alexis] - Either that or get shit faced drunk

[noah] I can't get drunk.

[ALexis] - I'm not much for drinking, but after that I might

[noah] no I mean I really can't I don't have a stomach.

[fathersonholygore]

FX’s Fargo Season 3, Episode 2: “The Principle of Restricted Choice” Directed by Michael Uppendahl Written by Noah Hawley

* For a recap & review of the Season 3 premiere, “The Law of Vacant Places” – click here * For a recap & review of the next episode, “The Law of Non-Contradiction” – click here Gloria Burgle (Carrie Coon) goes over the crime in her head. She digs into the box she found at the Ennis’ place in the floorboards. Inside are several Thaddeus Mobley (Thomas Mann) novels, she flips through them to see if there are any little notes or anything significant stuck between the pages. Nothing. There’s a newspaper clipping of Mobley winning a Golden Planet award. A photo of a woman, signed. She says Ennis Stussy and Mobley are “one in the same.” Hmm. Emmit Stussy (Ewan McGregory) and Sy Feltz (Michael Stuhlbarg) go see Irv Blumkin (Hardee T. Lineham) about their problem with Mr. V. M. Varga (David Thewlis) and their stupid, illicit deal. The two men are clueless, it’s almost amazing how they got as far as they have at this point in life. A curt commentary on many ‘successful’ businessmen, to my mind. Either way, Emmit still has problems with Ray (McGregor), the stamp. Although Sy says he doesn’t want the stamp, he wants his brother’s life; the “green monster.” Watching Irv operate a computer, let alone Google, is absurdly hilarious. When he manages to search Varga, a webcam turns on and takes a picture of them. Then everything shuts down. Now that can’t be a coincidence, can it? That Varga is sketchy. His teeth alone are the stuff of nightmares. Even with that grill of rotten chompers he’s somehow charming, in the way he speaks to others like some villain from a fairy tale whispering in the ear of others along the peripheries. At a lot Sy and Emmit control, Varga’s parked a big rig truck. What could be inside? Something sinister? “Slave girls,” Sy wonders? Who the hell knows. They’re trying to cover their asses while bigger things are happening, and have been a long while, without their knowing. Gloria meets with Moe Dammick (Shea Whigham). He’s a bit more of a rough character than some of the cops we’ve seen on Fargo, which is a welcomed touch. There’s already a tension between the two characters, as well. He’s her new boss, and wants to lay down the law at the office. He also wants her to take time off, after the death of her stepfather Ennis. She goes out and starts investigating. A store owner says a Russian man came in – though, he doesn’t remember it was only a shirt with Russia on it (that’ll cause something to fuck up at some point) – and tore a page from his phone book; we know that man was Maurice LeFay (Scoot McNairy), but the information’s been mangled by this bumbling man. Ray is checking on the death of Maurice, at the very same time. It’s been logged as ACCIDENTAL. Making him a very happy man, putting more pieces of the puzzle together for him. All the while the guy’s brains are being scrubbed off the sidewalk over in front of the apartment where Nikki Swango (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) lives. Things look as if they’re going well. She’s busy trying to put together a new job, to make more money. Ray would rather get “out of the woods” before anything else. She says there’s something wrong with his “chi.” Blocked up. Not good. Sometimes it’s like she strings him along, though it also looks at times like she loves him. She is damn dedicated, that’s for sure. Ray: “I never killed anybody before” Nikki: “Well me either. Life‘s a journey, y‘know.”

Ray goes to Emmit’s place. At 10:30 in the night, imagine that? Goes to show the disconnected brothers, one a buttoned down family man and the other a semi-regular guy. It’s fun to watch McGregor play off himself, a hard thing to do. Yet each of the Stussy brothers is different. Their mannerisms, how they talk even under those Minnesota accents. While Ray apologises to his brother, inside the house Nikki tracks down the stamp’s location. It was moved. In its place is the picture of a donkey; an ass. She discovers the receipt for a safety deposit box in the office desk. Then leaves her bloody tampon in the drawer. What she doesn’t know is that the stamp wasn’t moved, the frame’s only being fixed. Ah, the ole Fargo comitragedy of errors! Moreover, we get a look at Meemo (Andy Yu) and his friend Yuri from the Old Country. They toss an old man over the side of a parking garage, then walk away like they just finished playing a game of basketball. Dark and hilarious. Now there’s more of a Russian-ish connection coming into play, I’m very interested to see that unfold. Later, Emmit gets a call saying Irv jumped off his garage.

Gloria’s making arrangements to have Ennis buried, she and her boy Nathan (Graham Verchere). They can’t track him back past 1980, before he married her mother. He’s a bit of a mystery, especially considering her mom passed already. He didn’t really have friends. Gloria is stuck on the Mobley theory, which ought to prove for more interesting story in upcoming episodes. In a diner Sy visits Ray, unhappy about the break-in. They certainly don’t have any kind of good relationship, not even a working one. Sy says Ray won’t ever speak to his brother again; “non–negotiable,” he claims. Appears the guy’s got a temper, which Ray doesn’t take to nicely. At the office Emmit finds Varga kicking around suddenly, like a wisp of fog out of thin air. He’s got Yuri and Meemo with him, too. They’re taking up some office space. They’ve got plenty of boxes of… files? Already being wheeled into an empty wing. We’re coming to see V.M’s shadiness. In a way, he represents others outside America today while Sy and Emmit are the stupid men at the helm of the nation currently in 2017; as he says, they think the deal “can be changed” but once you’ve started down certain roads there’s no stopping. “You‘re trapped,” Varga explains. He further assures the audience of what happened with Irv. Nasty dude. Loved this second episode! Hawley did a great job writing, and the characters have started opening up. I particularly have interest in Varga, whose purpose becomes clearer with this episode and specifically the final few minutes. Awesome stuff. “The Law of Non-Contradiction” is next week. Fargo – Season 3, Episode 2: “The Principle of Restricted Choice” FX's Fargo Season 3, Episode 2: "The Principle of Restricted Choice" Directed by Michael Uppendahl…