#and literally I still suck at consistently brushing my teeth. and yet they always compliment me at the dentist office <3

[bigfishthemusical]

the one truth I’ve really learned about staying at my parents place is that an electric toothbrush truly is a game changer and awesome. Cause at my parents house I don’t have my electric toothbrush, just a normal one, and it’s like so tedious and boring and worse. Idk about anything else. But those dentists are not lying about those electric toothbrushes.

[incoherentbabblings]

Take Back the Cake, Burn the Shoes, and Boil the Rice (6/11)

Within two months there have been two murders of Gotham newlyweds moments after the ceremony. The only connecting factor was both brides wore the same designer’s work. Needing to establish who exactly is behind the crimes, Bruce enlists Tim and Stephanie to have the biggest wedding Gotham high society has seen in decades, putting a target on their heads not just for the killer, but Gotham society too. It goes about as well as you’d expect.

Ao3 Link Here!

There was something unbearably tender about waking up next to Tim, so much so that Stephanie buried herself back under the sheets in a foetal position until he would leave the room. She repeated this process for every night after patrol, when they collapsed into bed together. Tim had taken to resting on her stomach, even under the sheets, apparently deciding her belly was the comfiest cushion in the world. Stephanie, unable to help herself, would stroke his hair as if he were a cat. He would consistently nod off and wake first, she only ever a few moments after him.

This morning, she felt him rest over her, creating a little bridge over her lumpy form.

It was weird how quickly they had settled into a routine. But they hadn’t quite crossed the bridge yet. They were stuck somewhere halfway, Stephanie’s foot caught in the metaphorical wooden planks. Alone, it was real, in public it was fake. And Stephanie didn’t believe it would continue once the façade had collapsed.

She had not allowed anything more than a kiss on the cheek in private. That day had been difficult and traumatic, and she was trying to comfort Tim. That was all, she told herself. She wasn’t going to play his game.

Continuing their public appearances, they had gone on one coffee date at the college campus, which had consisted of her doing actual work, and Tim redrafting a report for his new community project for the tenth time. It was nice, even with Tim playing footsie with her. They’d sat indoors, but still in sight of the main street, and sure enough when she checked twitter there and then, she saw posts of herself sat at the table enjoying a vanilla hot chocolate.

Mrs van Rijk was entering full manic mode, giving hourly updates to the status of everything Tim and Stephanie could ever not give a hoot about.

“How do you feel about birds…?” Mrs van Rijk had asked last night over the phone. Stephanie had the phone held out in front of them. Somehow, she had ended up pressed against Tim’s chest as they – for a lack of a better term – cuddled on the sofa. Stephanie had swallowed, throat dry, as she reluctantly asked a question in return.

“Like… decorative… birds?”

“No, no. Real ones.”

Stephanie felt like punching Tim and his pinched face as he struggled not to laugh.

Madness.

Back in the bed, Tim rested his cheek on her shoulder, the bed sheet providing the only barrier to the casual intimacy.

“Gotta go to work.” Tim managed to twist his fingers around her exposed hair. “Good luck with the designer today.”

“Mmmkay.” She muttered, shifting a little. She poked her eyes above the duvet, to see Tim was fully dressed in a sharp suit. “Bye, handsome.” She teased, voice rough with sleep.

She then moved back under the sheets, as she sensed Tim would have kissed her on the forehead if she had remained where she was. She realised her little compliment was a mistake the moment she said it.

It seemed Tim did not mind, as he rocked her from side to side playfully.

“Yeah, yeah. Bye, beautiful.”

She tried not to blush. Tim didn’t compliment her appearance much. Steph was Steph and she was perfectly fine no matter what. The casualness of his flirting was both uplifting and mortifying. She had failed to lay down boundaries, and Tim, little weasel that he was, had wriggled his way past them in ways she did not know how to handle.

Last night she had dreamt of something that she would confess to nobody, not even her diary.

Flipping bastard and his dumb hair… and good teeth and pretty hands… long fingers…

Nope. She shook herself, banging her head against the mattress. Nope nope nope.

When they were younger, and when they used to actually get the time to neck like proper teenagers, Tim had a (great) habit of biting and sucking on a part of her neck that would make her shiver in all the good ways. She hadn’t thought about it in a long time, but it seemed her subconscious had not forgotten. Nor had it forgotten how worked up he could make her when the right mood struck him. Stephanie rubbed her ankles together.

Into the vault that dream went.

She still felt her cheeks were warm when she arrived at Rebecca’s apartment. She was alone this time, and had one job: get her hands on Rebecca’s phone.

Easy. Considering it never left the woman’s back pocket or ear.

“Tell me about him.” Rebecca asked, pinning the fabric at Stephanie’s waist a little tighter. As dresses went it was still barebones in structure. No sleeves, and the skirt was not attached to the bodice. Well, Stephanie assumed it was the skirt. At the moment, it just looked like a mountain of netting and taffeta on a desk.

“Tim?”

“Mmm! I always like to hear about the couples.” She snorted a little bitterly. “Let’s me live vicariously through them.”

“You want to get married?”

“To the person I love? More than anything... Like I said, I have to live vicariously through my brides.” She backed off, thick rimmed glasses sitting either on her face as she worked closely on details or up on her head as she looked at the rough fit from a distance. “Tell me about Mr Wayne.”

“Uhh, oopf.” Stephanie struggled to gather her thoughts. “I...we met when he was fourteen and I was fifteen. I was having an argument with my dad… and Tim literally crashed into me. His hair was overly spiky, and he looked like a freshly slapped baby.” She laughed, for the first time in a while, at the thought of that night. “And… we didn’t spend a lot of time alone, but then he hunted me down, little stalker that he was. And then I couldn’t leave him alone after that.” Sighing, Stephanie shut her eyes and let Rebecca do her work.

“When did you know… that you loved each other?”

“I...” Difficult question. “I… don’t know if it’s spread everywhere now, but I had a baby, when I was fifteen.” Rebecca flashed her a look, and Stephanie tried to gather herself. “I found out less than a week after Tim and I started dating. And when I told him, I was so flippant. ‘Cause it was obvious right? He wouldn’t stay with me? And why would he? We’d been on only one date at that point. Nobody would expect a fourteen-year-old to stick with something like that… but he did. And he helped me beyond explanation. For so long I didn’t understand why, but I guess in that moment, for me, it was then.”

“And Tim?”

“Oooft. I don’t know for Tim. He had to leave Gotham for a bit… after the quake… he told me constantly how hard it was for him. I didn’t believe him though until he was having an argument with Bruce, and he blurted it out. The L word that is. That was a shock to my system.”

Rebecca was stitching something along Stephanie’s neck, and Stephanie could feel the hot breath brush over her. Occasionally the needle felt uncomfortably close to piercing through her skin.

“But you weren’t together all the time until now?”

“…No.” She struggled on how to word it. “Everything with his dad… and I had to leave… and then you’re not the same person you were five years ago and you’re tiptoeing around everything…” She sighed sadly, speaking nothing but the truth. “But I don’t want anyone else. I don’t feel safer anywhere than with him.”

The needle finally pierced Stephanie’s neck as Rebecca’s fingers stumbled. Stephanie hissed, losing her footing. She managed to catch herself by gripping to Rebecca’s waist, who seemed mortified at her blunder.

“I’m so sorry! Let me see?”

Being a needle prick, there was no blood to ruin the white fabric. Rebecca huffed and Stephanie laughed uncomfortably.

“No worries. I do it enough to myself when I sew.” Slowly, trying to be discrete, Stephanie let go of Rebecca’s waist, fingers drifting over the mobile which was peaking out of the designer’s cardigan pocket.

There. Done. Fancy schmancy tech implanted. The rest was in Bruce’s hands, and Stephanie could relax a little.

“Mm. Sorry. Back on the stand and back on topic…”

The rest of the fitting passed without issue. Stephanie blabbed about Tim, though left some moments out. No-one, not her mother, not Cassandra, not Bruce or Babs, would know about their date after her father had died. That was for them and them alone. She was very protective of those moments, and potential murderers were certainly not allowed to know of them.

It may have made her and Tim’s relationship seem shallower than reality, but Stephanie didn’t care. She truly believed Tim held them close to, and wouldn’t have wanted them shared.

She was requested to return for another fitting the next week, for fine tuning. Then one more after that, and then it was the day of the wedding, whereupon Ms Andrews would bring the dress on the day, make any last second adjustments, and attend the wedding, with a plus one if she wished.

“No…” She had said. “I try to keep my work and private life separate. I’ll go alone. To see you in the dress… that’s good enough for me.”

Stephanie had only nodded, given her thanks, then left. Rebecca’s phone had rung twice during the sessions, the second of which had Rebecca shiver with fright. More and more Stephanie began to pity the woman. As a result, suggested changes that Rebecca made Stephanie acquiesced to with little argument. The lace became less fine, and more bohemian, and the skirt, if possible, became even longer.

Back at college, Jordanna had moved from being her bodyguard to being a gnat.

“Do you read the comments? On you and Tim’s Instagrams?”

“I try not to.” Stephanie uttered, taking a large bite of her lunch.

“Good. Boy, I spend hours going through them. Some real nasty people out there. I’m surprised you haven’t turned off comments actually, considering what people write.” Stephanie shot Jordanna a look. Jordanna continued, ignorant of her discomfort. “Some of the name calling… oh man.”

Glutton for punishment that she was, Stephanie swallowed dryly. “What… what do they call me?”

“Never you mind.” And Stephanie got slapped on the chin, teeth jangling against each other. “And even if you were a whore, I’d still hang out with you.”

It seemed Stephanie’s expression finally sparked some level of compassion in Jordanna, who swiftly realised she’d spoken out of turn. “Most people like you though. Honest.”

“…I’m going to go now.”

“Aw come one Stephanie… it’s just weirdos online.”

“Bye Jordanna.”

She ended up driving her little purple car back to Wayne Tower again, for reasons unknown to herself. She poked her nose out at the security guard, this one a different guy to the one who had immediately let her and Cassandra in the other day, but he soon let her through when he saw her id. Someone met her in the main lobby, getting her through the gates and into the elevator. He seemed nice, whoever he was, but Stephanie didn’t miss how his smile slipped off his face in the very last moment right before the doors shut.

She tried not to shiver at how cold he looked.

These people didn’t know her, Stephanie tried to tell herself. That was all. It was hard to be kind to something you didn’t know or understand.

Tim loved her. Cassandra loved her. Babs loved her. Kara loved her. Bruce…Bruce loved her.

Stephanie tried to convince herself that they were the opinions that counted. And she had managed just fine before they’d even liked her.

That didn’t mean it didn’t still fucking hurt when people put her down.

Tim was waiting for her again when the elevator doors opened, face more than a little curious, but he relaxed when he saw she wasn’t in tears this time.

She hugged him regardless, breathing in his cologne to try and refocus. Tim gave a muffled laugh and nuzzled into her hair. He’d been flying on cloud nine for a couple of days now, having somebody he loved who loved him back in his arms (in his bed). Tim knew he was being a little possessive, but he was just thankful to have Stephanie’s warmth back in his life, with this time round no chance for Bruce to spoil it. He was trying to have something just for himself. He could be selfish? Right? So long as Steph was willing to be selfish too. Although that bit was certainly a work in progress. How to convince a selfless person to be selfish. A question for the philosophers perhaps.

“All good?” He asked, noticing that she wasn’t entirely relaxed.

Abruptly, to avoid talking about why she had actually come, she conjured a reason to visit.

“Can I see Bruce? I had my fitting this morning.”

“Yeah, sure. Just… can I introduce you to some people first?”

“Oh? Yeah, happy to.”

“Just my p.a.”

“You have one of those?”

“Yup.” He nudged her, as they began walking down to the open office. “There was also a board meeting today. They’re all invited to the wedding– which… yeah – so –”

“Makes sense to at least say hi. Sure, sure.”

She clung once more to Tim’s arm, feeling underdressed to meet some of the most important people in Gotham. Black trousers and converse, she at the very least was wearing a floaty top rather than a sweatshirt.

The p.a. was nice, a lady in her fifties who seemed supremely good at her job and didn’t care who knew it. Mrs Blackwell, Stephanie reminded herself.

“We were all surprised by this, that’s all.” She spoke, sitting primly on the edge of her desk. Stephanie noticed that Tim tensed, like he had been on the receiving end of this conversation before. “We honestly thought… well with how things went with Tam and –”

Tim coughed loudly. “That was just… I was only seventeen.”

Mrs Blackwell peered at Tim. “And what a difference three years makes! Glad to see Tim hasn’t totally forsaken the average people of Gotham for high flying friends.”

Something about that phrase seemed to make Tim very, very, uncomfortable. So uncomfortable that Stephanie likely spoke out of turn to give Tim a moment to collect himself.

“He won’t.” She pushed. “And he doesn’t need me to remind him of that fact.”

Tim wouldn’t give up the costume. Not now. Once, she had known of his conflict. How much he resented Bruce for messing with his head. Making him doubt, making him mistrust. Making him forget there was a life outside of the suit. She had played her part in that, as much as she now regretted it, she knew now the only way Tim would ever stop helping the people of Gotham was when his heart stopped. Stephanie had silently promised herself that she would try to ensure it continued beating for a long time.

“Stephanie’s not average.” Tim choked out. It was a weird part of Mrs Blackwell’s statement to take umbrage to, but Stephanie appreciated it all the same.

“Good response.” Mrs Blackwell teased. She looked over her shoulder, down the office. “There’s still four board members hanging around in room twelve-fifteen if you want to catch them. Believe Mr Wayne is still with them. And Mr Fox.”

A cheeky glint made Tim turn – impossibly – paler. Stephanie didn’t quite understand. Lucius had always been nothing but nice as far as she knew. Was this still about Tam? She didn’t really know what had happened there. Tam had gone to look for him when he was off being Mr Brooding with Mr Al Ghul, they had dated for a bit when they had returned to Gotham, gotten engaged… Which Stephanie knew was just because Vicki Vale was the most flustering person on the planet and Tam had panicked trying to cover for Tim… not that it had stopped Stephanie’s stomach from dropping out her butt and becoming intensely jealous when she had no right to be. She had felt the same when she had first returned and Tim was dating Zoanne. She couldn’t help it. She couldn’t stand the thought of Tim being happy with another girl. She had flirted when she shouldn’t have. In her head, it meant that he had moved on, never really mourned her. Maybe she was too possessive over him.

It wasn’t logical, and she had no right at the time to feel what she did, but she wanted Tim with her, hypocrite that she was. It was just another thing she disliked about herself. Tim deserved to be with whomever made him happy. Simple as. Somehow, he’d convinced himself that she was that person again, but he’d soon wake up and remember what she’d done to him, how self-absorbed she could be.

Stephanie didn’t know why Tim and Tam had broken up, but she suspected it had something to do about Lucius’ public death being faked.

Funny how that sort of thing didn’t do well for relationships.

Tim wasn’t fickle…that wasn’t the right word, but he could change his mind very quickly, regardless of the consequences or who was left behind afterwards.

As Tim led Steph to the board room, she couldn’t help whisper, “You still work with Tam right?”

“…Yeah…”

“She still mad at you?” She tried to tease gently, but her tone didn’t quite match her intention.

Tim only glanced at her and grunted, pulling the door open for her to walk through first. Bruce was seemingly fast asleep on one of the chairs, the other four board members, one woman, three men, were chatting quietly amongst themselves whilst the CEO slept. Lucius was the first to notice that the pair had entered.

“Oh!” He exclaimed. Bruce opened one eye, eyebrows twitching when he saw who it was. Lucius made his way forward with a hand for Stephanie to shake. “Miss Brown! You came to visit?”

Stephanie breathed a relieved sigh, and smiled. There were three friendly faces in this room, so that was manageable.

“Yes,” She said, shaking Lucius’ hand in what she hoped was a confident manner. “Finished with college for the day.”

“She had a fitting this morning, for the dress.” Tim gushed, and Stephanie smiled shyly.

That caught the lady’s attention. She had moved to a refreshments table, grabbing them both a drink of water. “Tell me about that.” She encouraged, wrapping an overly friendly arm around Stephanie and pulling her down next to Bruce, who smiled somewhat encouragingly at her. The other two men went to speak to Tim, not really pretending to be interested. One of them bumped past Stephanie as if she was in the way.

“Stephanie, this is Theresa Song.” Bruce explained. “She started here before I was born.”

“I was only sixteen, but back then, you joined a company and worked your way up the old-fashioned way.” She laughed, and Bruce returned to closing his eyes. Stephanie took it as a sign that this woman was safe.

“I wish it was still like that.”

“Oh yes, but that’s what our employee programmes and scholarships are for. I hear you help out at Dr Thompkins clinic.”

Stephanie glugged water. “Leslie? Yes, she looked after me for a while, I do what I can to pay her back. Not that I ever can…really… But yeah, I try to do Friday evenings.”

“That’s good! College, volunteering…”

“Part time job at the library too. Oh, that is a lot.” That plus the night work. “I have…I have had to defer college for a bit… going part time for the moment. At least until this wedding stuff is done.”

Theresa shrugged. “Whatever needs doing right?” She looked back at Bruce, kicking his chair. The seat swung round, and Bruce just hummed in affirmation, eyes still closed.

Theresa made a disgruntled noise, then shouted across the room. “Timothy!”

Tim bumbled over as the two other men left. Stephanie didn’t miss the sideways glances at her. One looked like he was leering. When Tim got close enough, she reached up for his hand. He began to play with her fingers, rubbing her knuckles in a way she used to like.

“Hey, Theresa.”

“Where on Earth did you two meet?”

“Just… ran into each other in town.” Tim perched himself on the glass table.

“You literally crashed into me.” Stephanie chirped, not missing Bruce’s lip twitch.

“You must be so proud, Bruce. All these people finding their way to you despite adverse circumstances. I mean, Stephanie, your parents... And your pregnancy, and I heard about what you went through during the gang war... Terrible stuff you’ve had to overcome. Thank goodness for Bruce, right?”

At that Bruce opened his eyes and stood up. “I think Stephanie would have done just fine without me, to be honest. I didn’t help much.”

“Mm.” And she turned back to Stephanie, noting that Bruce was ending the conversation. “All the best to you both.”

“Thank you.” Stephanie uttered, feeling Tim acting like a block of ice behind her. “Bruce? Can I have a quick word?”

“Of course.”

And then Theresa left. Only Mr Fox remained, having been listening in.

“She seemed... nice.” Stephanie tried to sound positive.

“Oh, she is.” Said Lucius, who then joined the trio at the table. “Until you’re on the other side of her on the voting panel, then she’s a beast.”

Tim snorted, and Bruce poured himself another glass of water.

“The tech for the phone is working, I got the information I needed.”

Stephanie started at Bruce talking so openly about the mission, but she supposed Lucius must have provided said tech in the first place.

“How’d you get on her phone anyway? You said it’s never out of sight?” Tim asked, collapsing into the chair Theresa had been occupying.

Stephanie rubbed her neck. “She stabbed me with a sewing needle. Made me stumble.”

“Intentionally stabbed you?”

“Heh. No. I said something which I think upset her, her fingers slipped.”

“What?”

Tim watched Stephanie’s face grow red from embarrassment.

“You… it… She was asking about our relationship. She asked me about why we loved each other…I said…” She looked at her feet. “I said that I felt safe with you.” She practically vomited the words out, quick, slurred and quiet. However, Bruce heard it all the same, and ignored the blinding smile that Tim gave.

Lucius watched Tim’s face, then tutted quietly to himself. Bruce meanwhile focused on the mission.

“I’m going to find this boyfriend tonight. Investigate his living circumstances, his employment history, all of it. I don’t know how deep she’s tied up with him.”

“So, it is the same guy as the domestic dispute calls from years back?”

Bruce shook his head. “No. That one was arrested last year. Seems some people just attract—”

Stephanie coughed loudly, refusing Bruce the chance to finish that damning sentence. “She’s terrified, and she’s being used to hurt people. Please track this guy down.”

Tim looked at the clock, not liking where the conversation was going. “I’m gonna head off now. You coming?”

Steph nodded, following Tim to the door. “I’ll drive behind you. Bye Bruce, bye Mr Fox.”

“You two live together?” Lucius asked, a little baffled. The pair looked back at the two older men, unsure what Lucius was getting at.

“Uh, yeah. At Tim’s.”

“Oh. So, it’s… pretty serious then.”

Instantly Tim and Stephanie were as red as apples. “Bye Lucius. Have a good weekend. See you later Bruce.” And then Tim hurried Stephanie out and into the main office space.

When they arrived home, Tim peered in his fridge.

“… Hmm. I’ll order takeout. Pizza or Chinese?”

“Chinese.” Steph replied, hanging up her coat. Before Tim could hunt for the menu, Steph stopped him, hands on his waist.

“You were embarrassed today.”

“A little.”

“…About me?”

“What? No. Not you.”

“But you got so angry at the Bishop, when he looked at me funny. And then when Mrs Blackwell said I was less than your usual social circuit. And then Theresa saying I was lucky Bruce found me… and now Lucius being surprised that you actually like me…What is it?”

She was looking at him like his next words better be chosen carefully, or another argument would ensue.

“I guess I’m like you. I don’t want to hear what other people think about us. It’s private. But we have to make it public. And I…am conflicted about it.”

Earlier conversations sprung to mind, and with it came a sudden opportunity. Impulsively, without a moment’s thought, she latched on to it.

“You don’t like being in the public eye. You don’t like our relationship being there for everyone to judge.”

“No.”

“Then – then why are you? You don’t have to be. If you’re feeling pulled in so many directions, then just… just… drop one of your responsibilities.”

Tim blinked, not sure what to make of this sudden manic behaviour. He tried to be a voice of reason. “I can’t drop being Red Robin.”

“And I would never ask that of you. But there are other options for you aside from heir to Wayne Enterprises, right? You can quit. And we could—”

“We could what?”

Now Stephanie had to choose her words carefully. Tim held onto her elbows, looking increasingly upset. “Steph, I help a lot of people during the day, and where I am, being in that position under Bruce… it’s the best place for me to try and make like…structural changes. Busting drug rings and human trafficking, that’s good, but stuff like the Park Row project stop people becoming that desperate in the first place.”

Her burst of impulsiveness settled, and she felt ashamed for even having thought she could push Tim away from helping people.

“I’m sorry. You’re right. I just… I had a moment there, where I was being selfish. I’m not going to ask you to give up anything. I’m not worth that.”

Tim looked as though something she had said had triggered a thought in his mind.

“You can be selfish…” He whispered. And then he tugged at her arms. “Come on. I wanna show you something.”

He pulled her upstairs, into his room, where he asked her to wait a moment. He disappeared into his closet, whereupon Stephanie lowered herself onto the bed, shuffling so she was sat in the middle, cross legged. At the end of the bed was the cursed duck, sitting with its triple chin and beady eyes on full display. It seemed to migrate across the room, ending up in slightly different positions every time Steph saw it. She was partially convinced it was a possessed toy. Watching her, judging her.

Fucking duck.

Tim returned with two boxes, one substantially larger than the other. He set both on the bed, blocking her view of the duck, then clambered on in front of her, resting on his shins. He held out the smaller box.

“I bought this at the same time as the engagement ring.”

Stephanie opened the box, noting that her hands were shaking, and found a ruby bracelet inside. It was polished uncut gems, engraved with birds flying across a landscape.

“Is this…is this better than the ring? I thought when I was buying it that it wasn’t too bad. I tried not to get you anything you would hate, but I guess I overestimated myself. The bracelet is better though, right?”

He sounded so much like an insecure child in that moment, that Stephanie didn’t know how to respond. It was just…too much. Especially for someone like her.

“Tim…” She sighed, reluctant to even touch it. “It’s… why did you buy this?”

“Red birds…isn’t it obvious? Look, I’ll help put it on.” His touch was gentle, as it always was, cool but not entirely confident. “There.” He rotated her wrist in the dim light, smiling nervously. She was just staring blankly at it, giving away nothing.

Finally, she smiled. It looked fake, but trying to avoid an argument, Tim let it slide.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. One more thing.” He dragged the next box over. Steph huffed.

“Oh, Tim, you’ve never needed to buy me stuff. That’s not why I—”

“I didn’t buy this.” He interrupted. He was trembling, so wound up with nerves. This might end badly, but he wanted to prove to her how serious he was about the whole thing. With this, she might understand that he wasn’t leaving her once the mission was over. He was desperate to get a fresh start, prove to Bruce that he was fine, he didn’t need to be monitored, to have Dick stop looking at him like he was a puppy five days away from going mad with rabies. Another Jason Todd in waiting.

Being with Steph made him feel lighter, made him remember who he really was. He wasn’t willing to let that go, not when he knew she was so close accepting she was enough to hold him to her.

“Close your eyes.” He urged.

“Tim.”

“Please. For me.”

Stephanie did as she was told, listening to Tim rustling around. Then, weirdly, she felt him very solidly place something on her head.

Her eyes shot open to the sight of Tim kneeling up, very carefully and precisely placing what felt like a very heavy headband on her head.

“It was my mother’s…” Tim murmured, kneeling down to see what it looked like head on. He began to play with her hair, arranging it just so. Stephanie looked on in a continued shock. “It’s old, in case you were wondering, mom left it to me. Left all her jewellery to me, actually. Guess she didn’t want my dad to give it all to his next wife… Wouldn’t have made a difference in the end but..”

Stephanie reached up and held his wrist, reassuringly. She was here, she had returned to him, even if his parents had not.

Tim took a shaky breath. “I want you to have them.”

“As your fiancée?”

“As whatever you choose to be. These are for you to keep.”

She looked to the side, to where Tim had a mirror taking up a section of the wall. The tiara was golden and round, nearly a circlet, with amethysts around the base and three larger ones providing the focal point. Small pink flowers and leaves encircled the stones, with each flower having a round diamond in the centre. It was not overly sparkly, it was not ostentatious. It was beautiful, and Stephanie felt so out of place wearing it her emotions once again got the better of her, and her chest rattled with wet breaths. Tim looked in love and smiled. It was such a pure delighted smile that she couldn’t help but reach for him, expression mirroring his, albeit much wobblier.

Pulling her onto his lap, she straddled him, legs splayed either side of his hips. As a result, his head was tilted upwards, and he looked more than a little star struck.

“You look like a princess.”

That made her smile falter, and she looked away from him.

“Baby, I can’t.”

“Yes, you can. I told you, if you want to be selfish, do it here. You have me. I told you. Even if the rest of the world gets nosy or rude… tell me it outweighs moments like this?”

He cupped her cheeks, and Stephanie relaxed, letting him carry her weight. Tim smiled, seeing she was thinking over what he was offering.

“We both know we’re not getting married for real in a couple of weeks. But we can just delay it. We don’t have to get married now, ‘cause yeah, we are only twenty, and we don’t ever have to get married, if you don’t want to. But Stephanie, I want to be with you. And you want to be with me. Don’t tell me the past few nights, being next to me, don’t tell me they haven’t been –” Tim broke off, frustrated at his inability to explain himself.

“…Keep going.” Stephanie whispered.

“Listen, all I can say is what I’m feeling and I… I love you. I always have. And I watched you ignore me and Bruce’s put downs, I watched you screw up again and again, and I watched you claw all that respect back. And now I can’t stand the thought of you being with someone else. My head feels clearer ‘cause I know you’ll pull me in the right direction if I misstep. You know me, warts and all, and I’m jealous over you. God, I’m so… And I don’t want people watching. I don’t. They don’t know you like I do, and they don’t deserve to. But I want you with me. And that hasn’t changed. It never has. I don’t know how to make you believe that, so I thought…with my mom’s stuff you’d see... Please. You’re not selfish Steph… I am. I want the day job with all its perks and downfalls, and I want to be Red Robin. And I want you next to me for all of it.”

The pair were silent for a long moment, as Stephanie processed what he said.

“…I’m afraid.”

“Of what?”

“All of these people, looking at me…Dismissing me.”

“Prove them wrong! It’s what you do!”

He meant it encouragingly, but it seemed to trigger Stephanie’s temper.

“I’m tired, Tim!” She yelled. “I am tired of having to do that. Why can’t the world cut me a break for once? Why should I have to prove I’m not a whore, or an idiot, or that I’m capable, or that I really love you? Why does it matter to anyone else? Why can I not even get through one day without someone trying to make me feel three inches tall? Even if I had you, and I do have you, I know that, I still see how much everyone’s watching me. I’ll slip up and you’ll remember what went wrong last time. It’s what I do. And I’m tired.”

“I can’t give you that motivation, Steph.”

“No.” She sniffed, pulling and picking at her nails. “I tried so hard. And then being with you… it’s like being flung back six years. Everyone doubts me. I’m not strong enough to do it again.”

“You’re blaming me?” Tim asked, looking a little horrified.

“I’m blaming the society you fly in.”

“I need that to do my job.”

“I know. That’s why I can’t… you won’t be able to stay with me. I’ll just dr—”

“You are not a burden.” Tim breathed, chest heaving. “I don’t know how to make you see that.”

“You shouldn’t have to.”

“No but I love you and –”

“Tim…”

“And I don’t like seeing you like this!” He laughed incredulously. “God and I thought I was a mess!”

He shouldn’t have said that, and he knew the moment he did. Any other day, Stephanie’s anger would have spiked, and she would have screamed and maybe even hit him, but now, she just looked like he had completely broken her heart. She took off the tiara, no wanting to indulge the conversation.

“Forget it Tim.”

“No, Steph, you’re not –”

“No, I am. And it’s not fair to you to wait around for me to get my shit together. It ruined us last time it’ll ruin us now. I can’t help you and you can’t help me.” Stephanie rolled off the bed. “Going on patrol.”

“No, wait.” Tim began to panic, and in a moment he would later deeply regret, grabbed Stephanie and threw her struggling form against the wall, pinning her. She began to fall to pieces, shoving and clawing for him to let her go. What little pride she had left in herself didn’t want her distraught emotions to be seen by anyone.

“Leave me alone, Tim!”

“No! You always do this, you can’t lock yourself away when things get inconvenient.”

“Oh, fuck off!”

“No!”

“Let me go!”

And then she slapped him. And Tim flinched. And they both fell silent. There was guilt on her face, one that seemed to be eating her up inside, but then it clamped shut, and her expression became blank.

“I’m leaving now.”

Feeling he was making another mistake, he let her go downstairs to his little birds nest. He should have followed her. He should have known she was over emotional and panicked, and with Stephanie that was a recipe for disaster. He should have called Cassandra to watch over her, if he couldn’t bring himself to do so. He had his own patrol to go to.

Instead Tim laid down on the floor, utterly taken aback by how the evening had gone, and tried very hard not to cry.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, when his phone began to buzz. The Titans were calling him.

So tired of having no one to talk to about this, he answered the phone.

Stephanie collapsed on the stairs of Tim’s own Batcave, right hand sodden from tugging open the switch which Tim had hidden in his little fish tank. He had shown her how to get in months ago. Just in case, he said.

He’s trusted her with access to his space. Months before any of this nonsense had kicked up again. He’d been letting her back in. And she’d crumbled once more, and kicked him out.

If there was one thing Stephanie was incapable of being, it was cold. Her sarcasm was light and fond, her concentration was witty and playful, her joy was dazzling, her anger was blinding, and her grief was all consuming.

If she was trying to be cruel, it wasn’t working. She was sobbing, every piece of self-loathing pouring out of her like her scars were still open wounds. Her legs gave way, and she folded down into herself. She began to pull at her hair and cover her ears, shaking her head from side to side.

She needed to leave the apartment, and Tim. Just for a bit. Until she could forget what his bed sheets smelled like, until she forgot how stupid being with Tim made her feel.

For God’s sake, she was Batgirl! She wasn’t an insecure sixteen-year-old hunting for approval from anyone who would look her way. She was better than this.

Stephanie pulled herself upright and ran over to where she had – temporarily – stored the Batgirl suit. Still sniffing to herself, she got dressed, and rode off, hunting for someone to beat her own pain onto.