#and maybe listen to sufjan's new album on repeat a few times

[robbiefischer]

this is incredibly dumb but i'm still exhausted from hosting thanksgiving like... dear body can you please get it tf together? it's been almost a week.

[shesyourcocaine]

Well, I know nothing about Everything Sucks and on your recommendation will continue to learn nothing about it, so I don’t have any data to judge you with on that count x) But listening to Silent All These Years on repeat is most certainly understandable.

I haven’t really listened to any new music this last week or two, but Scarlet's Walk sounds very intriguing! I might end up listening to that first, although if I do find it a bit inaccessible at first I’ll get to know her music with some other albums instead.

It has occurred to me only now on Christmas Eve that I haven’t asked you any Christmas-related questions. So: how do you feel about Christmas music in general? Do you have any particular favorite Christmas songs?

Hi again!! First of all I just wanna say I love the playlist you shared! I’ve taken a while to listen to it before replying and it’s been really fun listening to while I work on paintings. I was familiar with quite a few of them like the hozier, Rilo kiley, and of course Bruce Springsteen’s songs, and the Mitski song, Strawberry Blonde, is my favorite mitski song so that was cool :). The Bruce songs you added were also pretty great a lot of those are my favorites as well, The River is such a great album literally any of those songs are just perfect.

I absolutely love all the Carly Rae Jepsen songs you added! Carly has always been an artist that I’ve wanted to listen more too but never really got the chance so it was great to listen to so many different songs other than just Call me Maybe lol. I think my favorite on the playlist was Bucket or Western Wind! Loved those two. It wasn’t on the playlist but I heard the song The Loneliest Time that she did with Rufus Wainwright and I thought that was really cool - I really got into Rufus’ music this year and he’s become one of my top artists so I would totally recommend listening to his music if you got the chance. Also I really liked The Amazing Devil songs you added. I’ve never heard of that group before but their music feels very showtune-esque? Idk if that’s accurate but it felt like I was listening to a scene from a musical it was fun!

To be honest I don’t listen to a lot of Christmas music other than a few songs. I really like Sufjan Steven’s Christmas album, Joni Mitchell’s River, and Wham’s Last Christmas. Those three are basically it for Christmas music for me lol. Tori Amos has a few Christmas songs too but they’re just okay, my favorite from her is Pink and Glitter it’s a very dance-y song lol it’s great.

Thanks for all the asks and being my secret Santa this year it’s been fun! Hope you have a good Christmas!

[reciprocityfic]

a slight return home, chapter nine

Title: A Slight Return Home Fandom: The Walking Dead Pairing: Rick x Michonne Rating: M Summary: Rick’s death shakes Michonne’s world to its core. With her daughter and her remaining family, she tries to navigate her changed life, and all the struggles and surprises that come with it.

Author’s Note: It's been ages since I've updated this. I'm so sorry. The motivation just wasn't there for the longest time, but good news - it seems to be back! Plus, I just finished my classes for the semester, and I'm not working right now because of the pandemic, so I should have lots of time to write!

I listened to "Mystery of Love" by Sufjan Stevens while I wrote this, and it's obviously where the title comes from. I also listened to "Wasteland, Baby!" from Hozier's album of the same name.

Read the Author's Note at the end after you're done with this chapter. There's some important stuff in there!

Here's chapter nine of A Slight Return Home!

read chapter one on tumblr, archive of our own or ff.net read chapter two on tumblr, archive of our own or ff.net read chapter three on tumblr, archive of our own or ff.net read chapter four on tumblr, archive of our own or ff.net read chapter five on tumblr, archive of our own or ff.net read chapter six on tumblr, archive of our own or ff.net read chapter seven on tumblr, archive of our own or ff.net read chapter eight on tumblr, archive of our own or ff.net read chapter nine on archive of our own or ff.net

the mystery of love

It all changes one day, suddenly.

Spring is at its most robust in Virginia, and the day outside is nothing short of beautiful. The afternoon sun shines brilliantly upon them, the trees are in full bloom, and she can hear birds singing as they fly about.

She's in a good mood, for the first time in what seems like forever. Things have been quiet for a few months now - no new threats, no dangerous communities to fight. And she has the day "off", as they tend to call it; she's not on watch, isn't going on any runs, doesn't have any duties around Alexandria to tend to.

So she's home, and it's so warm outside that she pulled shorts and a t-shirt out of her dresser this morning. The kids just finished up lunch, and quickly scurried outside to continue playing. She can hear their voices along with the chirping of the birds, and it puts her in an even better mood. She smiles as she wipes down the counter where she made sandwiches. Her bare foot taps against the cool hardwood floor of the kitchen as she sings an old Billie Holiday song her mother used to play for her under her breath.

"Michonne?"

She jumps at the sound of her name, drops the rag she's wiping with on the floor and turns towards the noise frantically, one hand gripping the edge of the counter with all her might while the other goes to her back to grab the katana that isn't there.

But when she does turn, she finds it's Rick.

"Shit, Rick!" she breathes, bending over and placing her hands on her knees as her muscles relax. She takes a moment before she stands up again, trying to steel herself for whatever kind of conversation will come next. She tries to disguise her hesitation by reaching down and picking up the rag from the floor, and as she straightens herself, she tosses the wet thing on the counter.

Then, she looks at him.

Things with Rick have still been...difficult. More than difficult. She feels like they're swimming together in a river full of molasses, and not even in the same direction, at times. Any progress is slow and heavy on their limbs. They're sad and sticky and stuck, and making little progress. Maybe not making any progress. And there's always that underlying fear in the pit of her stomach that they'll never make any progress at all.

But she tries not to think that way, keeps telling herself that this will get better if she only gives it time. That she'll find a way to bring him back. Even if it takes twenty years, she'll find a way to bring him back.

He's here in front of her, at least. That's more than she can say on most days. And she's keenly aware that this is the first time she's heard him say her name in over two weeks.

"I'm sorry," he mutters, taking a step back and turning his head to look over his shoulder.

"It's fine," she says quickly, remembering all at once how careful she has to be. He's a skittish, abused animal, constantly hovering along the edges of her world, and if she makes one or two wrong moves, he might run from her.

"It's fine," she tells him again, but she realizes that he's still looking away from her.

"Rick," she calls, but he doesn't move.

"Rick."

She says it more forcefully this time, and he turns back around.

"I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's fine," she assures him again, and he nods slowly, like he's hearing her words for the first time.

Silence falls over them. She waits for him to talk, but he doesn't. Instead, he stares at her, eyes slightly squinted. He used to look at her like that all the time. Before they were together, she never quite knew what it meant, and it made her stomach churn in a way she didn't understand. Afterwards, she knew exactly what it meant, and it still made her stomach churn, but in the best possible way. Because when he looked at her like that, it meant he was thinking of him and her and a bed - or a wall, a couch, a table. Anywhere private. Where they wouldn't be seen, and hopefully not heard.

It's different this time, slightly softer and less penetrating. It's like he's trying to decide something. She wants to stay quiet, to give him the time he needs, but after a minute she starts to fidget, and she can't help but say something.

"What's up?"

He bites his bottom lip, and glances away momentarily before his eyes return to her. His hands fall to his hips, and she almost smiles, because he always used to stand like that. It's a remnant of the past, of a better time. And it's nice to know that at least something about him hasn't changed.

"Can we talk?"

Her eyes widen in surprise. She hadn't been expecting that to be his answer, and resists the urge to jump for joy because maybe this is the start of it, maybe they'll finally get somewhere, instead of just fumbling around in the dark. Maybe they'll turn to face each other in that brown river.

"Yeah," she answers, trying to temper the excitement in her voice. She could still scare him away. "Yeah, of course."

He nods once, and then turns around and walks away. Confusion floods her before she realizes he's headed for the dining room. She looks out the window briefly, to take one more look at her kiddos, and then follows after him.

She finds him standing by the table, and he motions for her to take a seat before he does. Always the gentleman. She half-smiles at him, and then sits at the head of the table.

He walks to the complete opposite side of the table, and takes his seat.

Or maybe he just wanted to make sure he didn't have to sit too close to you, chimes a voice inside her head, but she pushes that thought away. Even if that is true, this is going to be a good thing. They're going to make progress.

She watches him get settled and then waits for him to say something. But again, he hesitates. She waits awhile, and then goes to speak. Prompting worked in the kitchen, after all.

"So what do you want - "

"Is there someone else?"

She doesn't react right away, blinking hard twice. She decides she must've heard him wrong.

"What?" she questions, and the word comes out whispered and half-strangled, but he hears it still, and asks her again.

"Is there someone else? Was there? Is there? I don't know. Does it matter?"

She gapes at him, mouth hanging open. He shifts nervously in his seat.

"It's just, you've been distant since we came home from the infirmary. I know I was gone for...a long time. I mean, I'd understand. Seven years is seven years. It's a long time."

She can't process what's happening, even though her thoughts are racing a mile a minute. It's as if all the gears in her brain stopped working and started up again in strange patterns.

"It's okay. If there is. It's okay. We'd have to think of something with the kids, but other than that, it would probably be pretty easy. I'm sure there are empty houses. Or if not, I could always move in with Daryl, or - "

"I still have all of your clothes?"

She doesn't mean for it to come out sounding like a question, but it does. And she knows it's kind of stupid, but she can't think of something else to say.

"You do," he concedes. "You do. But...I don't know. Things have been...not good. And I know it's my fault, but like I said, you've been distant, too. And I just want you to be happy."

"I'm trying to give you space. To give you time," she murmurs, dazed. "You need time."

"I know. But I just want you to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted. All I'll ever want. For you to be happy."

He shrugs.

"Seven years is a long time. And I just want you to be happy."

"Seven years is a long time," she breathes, repeating his words mechanically.

"And I just want to know. I need to know," he amends. "Is there someone else?"

"Is there someone else?" she echos again.

He stops talking, staring at her cautiously. He might be a scared animal, but she's a bomb waiting to explode, ready to go off with the slightest touch. But she's still floundering at the moment, flopping around like a fish on a hook, gasping for breath that won't come.

She looks down at her hands. They're trembling, she realizes. Her heart is beating in double time.

"Michonne," he sighs. The sorrow in his voice is palpable.

And it decides her.

Fuck it. Fuck the waiting, the hesitation, all the caginess. Fuck that constant feeling of teetering on the very edge of a cliff, desperately wondering if someone is going to grab your hand and pull you away, or shove you in the back and push you off.

She knows that there's no going back, she knows that she might scare him off, but she can't do this anymore. She can't. She's tired, so tired, more tired than she's ever been. And she can't do it anymore. She won't.

Fuck it all. She explodes.

She stands abruptly, her chair falling back and crashing to the floor. She pays it no mind. He jumps, but he doesn't get up. He doesn't run.

"Seven years is a long time. Do you think I don't know that? Do you think I didn't feel every day of those seven years?"

She's shouting. She knows she is. But she can't stop herself. She's expelling everything that's been pent up inside her, and she can't stop.

But he's not running.

"I woke up every single one of those days and missed you. Most days I didn't want to. Most days it felt like it would be easier to die than to get out of that bed, but I did it anyway. For Judith, and then for RJ. And for you. For seven years, I did everything for you. Because I knew you would want me to. That you would want me to live."

She's crying. She can feel tears running down her cheeks. And she's right in front of him now.

But he isn't running.

"And so I got up. I lived. And I kept your clothes, and your toothbrush, and every single, little fucking thing because I couldn't do it without you. Without reminding myself that it was what you wanted."

She pulls his chair out from the table, turns it so it faces her. He's still light enough that she can manage it without much effort.

And he doesn't run.

"I talked to you, I went to visit you. I raised our babies. And I loved you. More than anything else, I loved you."

She stops suddenly, her chest heaving. There's tears in his eyes now, too. And she's tired. Tired from yelling, but tired mostly from carrying the weight of everything these past few months have brought. From thinking that at any moment, her world would collapse in on her.

She's so tired. She collapses onto his lap, her head falling into his chest, over his heart.

And he doesn't run. He doesn't even tense.

"And now," she murmurs, "now you want to know if there was someone else? There wasn't anyone else. There isn't, there wasn't, there never will be."

"Michonne."

She feels his voice rumble in his chest. Her name isn't a whisper this time. He doesn't murmur it, or mutter it. He says it, with his whole voice.

She lifts her head.

"Baby," he says, tucking a loc of her hair behind her ear.

She grabs his face with both of her hands, sitting up straight. She hovers over him slightly, close enough now that she can see the light freckles on the bridge of his nose, the flecks of cerulean in his light blue eyes that shine with tears.

And he doesn't run.

"I missed you every day," she tells him. "I loved you every day. I loved - "

He leans up and kisses her.

She doesn't respond at first, because she doesn't expect it. She stills in shock as her brain sputters to make sense of what's happening and her lips don't move back against his. And by the time it registers - that he's not running, that he's kissing her - he pulls away. And the loss of him, of their contact, is so profound that she almost begins to cry harder.

Don't stop, she's about to say, but the words die in her throat as she looks at him.

He's staring up at her again, but his eyes are different. They're not squinted, and the tears in them have dried. And he isn't trying to decide anything. Instead, he looks decided.

He's looking at her like he loves her. Like he's hungry, and the only thing he wants is her.

It's how he used to look at her, almost always. Even when they weren't in the bedroom - when they went on runs, when they were out in the community doing various jobs - there would always be a hint of it, deep in his irises.

She remembers the first time he looked at her like that. That night on the couch, their hearts pounding as they kissed furiously, both of their shirts half untucked, the button of her jeans undone, hands anywhere they could find the other's bare skin. His lips left hers only to kiss across her jaw, down her neck, and settle on her collarbone, where his lips moved and his tongue danced against her skin.

His teeth nipped at her lightly, and she groaned at the pleasurable pain.

He pulled away and hovered over her. She could feel him, cooped up in his jeans, pressing incessantly against her inner thigh. She almost pouted at the sudden stop, and was about to tell him to get back down here, but then she looked into his eyes.

The first time he had pulled away, a few minutes earlier, he had smiled down at her, softly and happily. She held his face, ran her fingers over his cheekbones, and smiled back.

This time, he didn't smile. He stared at her, chest heaving, wild curls framing his face like a halo of dark light, mouth hanging open.

He looked like he wanted to devour her. And he had, that night and so many others after it, thoroughly and absolutely.

It's how he's looking at her now.

She feels a buzzing throughout her body, and a bolt of desire makes her shiver as it settles between her thighs. She wants him. She wants him.

She's never wanted him more.

She doesn't know which one of them leans in again first, but she supposes it doesn't matter, because when their lips crash together, everything flies out of her mind except for him. Him, and his lips and his body and his heart. She places one of her hands on his chest, so she can feel it beat wildly underneath her palm.

(he's alive he's alive he's alive he's alive and he's not running. he's with her. he's finally with her.)

He's already hard beneath her, and she feels herself clench around nothing, longing for him. Longing to feel him inside her, to welcome him home. She reaches for his pants while he stands with her and lays her back on the empty table. She undoes his belt and then yanks it from the loops on his pants, dropping it to the ground. The metal buckle thumps as it hits the hardwood floor, and she jumps at the noise before laughing softly at the sudden sound. He joins her, and it makes her laugh harder.

She's happy. She's so happy, and he is, too. She almost can't believe it, but she does believe it because she feels it. She feels the warmth blooming in her core and spreading into every single one of her atoms, she senses the joy rolling off of Rick in waves.

She believes it because it's real. It's radiating out of their every pore, and it's so real.

She continues laughing, covering her mouth with her hand. But he tugs on that hand, and she lets him pull it down, placing it on his shoulder instead. Then, he takes his index finger and gently runs it along her bottom lip, in the shape of her smile.

"I've missed you," he whispers.

She smiles, as tears gather in the corner of her eyes. She doesn't know if they're happy or sad, but it doesn't matter. Because either way, she knows he'll be there to catch them when they fall.

She leans up again to kiss him, wraps her legs around his waist as he trails his fingers up and down her bare thighs. Each touch of his hands on her skin leaves fire in their wake, a pleasant burn that spreads across her skin and sets her aflame, burning away her old self and making way for rebirth. Like the spring outside, she's blooming, the buds and blossoms inside her watered and nurtured by the light in his eyes, by the feel of his body against hers. Flowers grow between her ribs.

His hands creep under her t-shirt, travel up her sides and hover over her chest before moving down again. He grabs the hem of her shirt and she sits up, helping to pull it over her head. It falls to the floor along beside his belt.

He stares at her, licking his lips. She leans back on her hands. Her bra is already out of place, her breasts practically spilling out of the garment. And he keeps staring. She feels herself getting wetter. She forgot how wonderful it felt to be ogled by the man that you love. She raises her eyebrows, challenging him.

What are you waiting for?

His eyes meet hers for a split second. And then he dives in, headfirst.

He buries his face in her cleavage, inhales her. And it gives her his answer.

I'm not waiting for anything. Not anymore.

He kisses and nips and the soft flesh of her breasts, and one of his hands reaches up her back, his fingers starting to fiddle with the clasp of her bra. She closes her eyes, lets out a soft moan, before opening her eyes again.

"Wait," she says.

He shakes his head, lets out some muffled hum of protest, and she laughs.

"Rick, wait," she repeats, grabbing his head and lifting it from her chest. His bottom lip juts out in adorable pout, and her smile is so wide that her cheeks hurt.

"We shouldn't do this here," she tells him softly.

"Why?" he asks, and she can hear the slight nervous lilt in his tone. Like he's afraid she's going to reject him suddenly.

She runs her hand over his hair in an attempt to soothe him. He's been keeping it short, like he did before he was taken. The fuzz feels good under her fingers.

She doesn't want to do it here. She wants to bring him back into their room, back into their bed. Take the place she poured so many tears and so much sorrow into and drain it. Fill it up with love again.

She wants to take those final steps to bring him back to her, wholly. And there are practical reasons, too.

"Because the front door is unlocked. And because the kitchen window is open. Someone could hear us."

"You plannin' on being loud?" he asks, a wicked and aroused glint appearing in his eyes.

He's half-teasing her, she knows. But the other half of him is excited at the prospect. His eyes dart around her face, one corner of his mouth ticking up.

"You planning on making me be loud?" she counters.

He bites down on his bottom lip, and then stands, taking her hand. She laces their fingers together as he bends down to pick up their shirt and belt.

"C'mon," he drawls, the southern twang more pronounced as it always is when his voice is rough with pleasure.

He leads her up the stairs and down the hall, but stops when he comes to their room. She can sense his hesitation, but she waits for him.

Finally, he reaches out, hand shaking. He turns the knob, and the door falls open. She can see the sun shining in through the sheer white curtains, filling the room with light.

He doesn't move to go in, so she steps around him, tugs on his hand and beckoning him forward.

"Come on," she urges. And it takes him a moment, but he follows her.

She lets him walk past her, and then closes the door behind them. She watches him as he stands at the foot of the bed, back towards her, gazing around the room like he's never been there before.

"You were always here."

He turns to her, tilting his head to the side.

"What do you mean?" he questions.

"You were always here," she tells him again. "It wasn't just the clothes. I always felt you in here. Like you had left part of yourself behind the last time you went away. And when I wanted to feel close to you, and it wasn't practical to go to the bridge, I would take the kids to Aaron's, and come up here and crawl into bed. I'd lay my head on your pillow. Sometimes I would cry, other times I would talk, but a lot of times I would just, lay there. And I would feel like you were there with me."

She walks towards him, and wraps her arms around him tightly, resting her head on his chest, above his thumping heart.

(he's alive he's alive he's alive he's alive)

"This is yours, Rick. This room, this bed. It's all yours. It always has been, and it always will be."

They're silent for a minute, but then she feels him nod above her.

"Okay," he whispers, before pulling back so he can look into her eyes.

"Okay," he repeats.

"Okay," she says back, nodding her head.

He leans down to kiss her.

They pick back up where they left off in the dining room, wrapping themselves around each other. He sits her down on the bed, takes off her bra, finally. He palms her breasts as he kneels down, places a long kiss on each nipple, and then moves his mouth down her stomach, stopping when he gets to the waistband of her cotton shorts. He tugs them down slowly, and then peels off her soaked underwear.

She's naked before him, for the first time in seven years. But there's no nervousness, no awkwardness, no hesitation. All she feels is anticipation. Eagerness for what she knows will come next.

He stares at her from his place on the floor, mouth hanging open, breaths labored. She wants every inch of him.

She reaches for him, begins to unbutton his shirt. He assists her. As he's shrugging it off his shoulders, she goes to start on his jeans, but she stops when she sees it.

He's gained a lot of weight since he came home, but she can still see his ribs. She can still count each one of them.

She stares. She can't help it. She stares, and it takes her back to when she found him, cowering in the corner of that cold, dark room, scared and abused and halfway to death.

The people who did that to him, they're dead now. They're dead, and they will never hurt him again. But it's not good enough. She wants to go back, to line them up and kill them all over again, one by one, watch them suffer, see their fear, their -

"Michonne," she hears, in some small part of her brain. His hands cradle her cheeks, and he tilts her face up. He's gazing down at her with the slightest frown on his face.

"Stay with me," he whispers.

Her eyes flit back to his ribs for a moment, but she takes a deep breath and looks back at him.

They're dead, she reminds herself. It doesn't matter anymore. What matters is that he's here, holding her. Loving her. He's alive.

They didn't win. He's alive. She leans into his hand, and feels the beat of his pulse against her skin.

(he's alive he's alive he's alive he's alive)

He's here, and he loves her.

Stay with me.

"Always," she promises.

He brings her face to his, presses his lips against hers softly. For a moment, they're quiet, pressed against each other and swaying back and forth slightly.

She begins to pull on him, forcing onto the bed with her. He laughs as she scoots back towards the headboard, and he pushes down his jeans and boxers, throwing them on the floor before turning over and crawling on top of her.

Once he's settled in, she reaches down and holds him. They both groan as she strokes him, him shifting above her as his hips buck. He drips into her hand as she continues to stroke, and she reaches down with her other hand to cup his balls.

"Fuck," he murmurs, his voice strained. She can tell she's torturing him, but she can't stop. She loves it - loves making him feel like this, loves the weight of him in her hand. He feels so good, and he's not even inside of her yet.

She speeds up her strokes, and he moans again, louder this time than the last. He reaches and grabs her hands, brings them up and holds them in his, lacing their fingers together.

"I want you," he says breathlessly. "I need you."

She lays back, her hair spreading out on the pillows, all around her head.

"Then take me," she tells him, reaching out again and guiding him to her entrance.

He does.

He enters her in one movement, and neither of them can help the loud groans they let out. They don't move right away as they treasure the feeling of being connected once again, finally.

But then, she grows impatient. She swivels her hips, communicating to him without words, and he begins to thrust.

It's almost like their first time, in a way. Things aren't perfectly smooth, and there are bumps and stutters along the way. Their bodies together aren't the well-oiled machine that they used to be. Neither of them are exactly how they used to be. They have to get used to this again. To find out who the other is, now.

She couldn't be more eager to learn.

They find a steady rhythm after a few minutes, and his thrusts get faster as she moves her hips in time with his. He pauses for a moment, readjusts them so he can reach her more freely, and then trails his hand down and begins to move his fingers against her.

She feels it, that tightening in the pit of her stomach, the beginning of the tide that will take her over. He begins to move his fingers more intently, syncs them with the movement of their hips, and the feeling grows. She's standing on the edge of a cliff overlooking the ocean, and she's about to jump.

She lets go of everything. Everything that's been plaguing her for so long - for seven years - and lets it fade away. All of the worry, the pain, the exhaustion, the sorrow and loneliness. All of her doubts and insecurities and responsibilities and fear. She lets them go, until there's nothing left except her and this bed and him. Him, moving above and inside her, panting in her ear, setting her nerves ablaze.

She clings to him as he continues to thrust, crying out as he kindles the fire inside of her.

And she falls.

Her muscles spasm around him as she hits the water below the cliff. The waves overtake her, and her head goes under. She's drowning, but it's okay. He's here, and she never wants to breathe again.

She relaxes all at once with a contented moan, sated and happy. He continues to move above her, pressing his face into the crook of her neck, his moans still echoing throughout the room even though they're muffled by her skin. Her hands roam up and down his back, wander down to his ass and squeeze.

"Come on, baby," she murmurs in his ear.

She feels his muscles stiffen suddenly, and then the warm rush as he comes inside of her. She closes her eyes, relishing it. Relishing him.

He collapses on top of her, his face still buried in her neck. They both heave as they try to catch their breath. Their chests are pressed together, and she can feel his heart pounding.

(he's alive he's alive he's alive he's alive)

And she's home. Finally, she's home.

***

It's warm again today.

She'd opened all the windows and doors when she'd come downstairs, so the fresh air could drift in and freshen up the house. She can feel the pleasant breeze blowing against her skin now, as she folds towels in the living room.

It's quiet at home. The kids are out with Daryl and Dog. She isn't sure where Rick is right now, but she knows he's nearby.

She hears small footsteps dash up the front porch steps.

"Momma!"

She smiles. It's RJ.

She sets the laundry basket she had on her lap aside, and gets up to greet him at the door. Her bare feet pad against the hardwood floor and echo softly throughout the entryway.

"Mom-"

Her eyebrows furrow as she wonders what made him stop his second call for her. She approaches the screen door and is about to open it, when she spots her son, standing on the porch and staring cautiously at something in the corner. She frowns, but then she realizes.

Rick must be sitting on the porch.

She almost runs out to them reflexively, to insert herself into the situation and try and ease the awkwardness between them. Things with RJ and Rick still aren't quite where she'd hoped they'd be. Rick is trying, and she knows RJ is too.

They'll get there. They just need time.

She steps back a bit, decides to let them work it out on their own. She angles herself in the doorway so she won't be seen by either of them.

"Hey, RJ," Rick says carefully. She knows he's trying not to scare off their son.

It takes him a minute, but RJ finally responds.

"Hi br...Daddy."

She smiles softly. RJ forgets to call him Daddy a lot, having referred to him as the brave man for so long. But he's getting better.

"What are you up to? I thought you and your sister were with Uncle Daryl."

"We are, but I gotta pee."

She puts a hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter.

"Hmm. Well, you better get in there."

"Yeah," RJ answers. He looks for a moment longer, then turns towards the house. He takes a step towards the door, but stops again.

"Daddy?"

"Yeah, son?"

"Judy said...Judy said you used to sing to her when she was a little baby."

"I did," Rick answers.

"A song about dreams," RJ continues.

"Yeah. It's called Dream a Little Dream of Me."

"Yeah. That one."

A silence falls over them. She's about to go outside, when RJ speaks again.

"Will you sing it for me?"

"Yeah," Rick says, and she can hear a sort of strong emotion in his voice. "I'd love to. Come over here."

RJ walks over without hesitating, and her heart leaps. She hears the rocking chair Rick must be sitting in shift.

"Now, I'm not that good of a singer…"

"Momma and Judy say your voice is good."

"They're just being nice. You'll have to tell me what you think, okay?"

"Okay."

There's silence for a moment. Then, Rick starts.

Stars shining bright above you Night breezes seem to whisper, "I love you" Birds singing in the sycamore tree Dream a little dream of me

Rick starts to move on to the next verse, but RJ interrupts.

"You have a good voice!"

"Aw, thanks, buddy."

"Keep going, please," RJ insists. Rick laughs.

"Whatever you say."

Stars fading, but I linger on, dear Still craving your kiss I'm longing to linger 'til dawn, dear Just saying this

She can't see them from the angle she's at, but she still doesn't want to make herself seen. She quietly rushes to the living room, so she can look out the window.

Rick is sitting in the rocking chair, and RJ is sitting on his lap, facing his father. She can't see Rick's face, but she can see RJ. The boy's eyes are wide and bright as he watches Rick, a grin on his face.

She feels tears gather in her eyes, as she watches the two boys she loves most in the entire world.

Sweet dreams 'til sunbeams find you Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you But in your dreams, whatever they be Dream a little dream of me

She smiles.

But in your dreams, whatever they be Dream a little dream

"RJ! What's taking you so long?"

Judith runs up the path to their house, Dog and Daryl trailing behind her. RJ wiggles off of Rick's lap as his sister jogs up the stairs.

"Daddy sang to me. The dreams song! Just like you said."

"I thought you had to pee," Judith questions.

"Oh yeah!" RJ exclaims, like he'd just remembered his reason for coming home in the first place. "Momma!"

He runs towards the door, and she wipes at her eyes and walks to the door, arriving just as RJ flings it open.

"Momma, I have to pee!"

"Then go to the bathroom, silly!" she tells her son, placing her hand on his back and gently pushing him in the direction of the bathroom as he scurries past her. She waits until she hears the door slam shut, and then she ventures outside.

Judith is at the rocking chair talking to Rick, in voices too low for her to hear them. Instead, she waves at Daryl, who's still in the yard, throwing a tennis ball around for Dog.

"Hi, Mom," she hears suddenly, and looks down to see Judith walking past her and into the house.

"Hey, Judy."

Daryl walks up the steps to the porch. He throws the tennis ball once more, and then turns towards Rick and Michonne.

"What's up?" he asks.

"Nothing," she answers. " Just hanging around. Did some laundry."

"That's not what I mean. You're all smiley."

"Smiley?" she questions.

"Yeah. Judith was telling me how y'all had this nice breakfast this morning, and the two of you were all happy. And I can tell now. You look...lighter or some shit."

"What are you talking about?" she asks, trying to play dumb. But there's a slight thrill that runs through her, at the fact that the past twenty-four hours have changed her so much that other people can tell.

Daryl doesn't answer her. Instead, he looks between her and Rick. Rick, who's sitting outside, whistling some made-up song.

Daryl grins. And she feels like it's the first time her and Rick slept together all over again, when their whole family barged in on them when they were half-dressed.

"Nevermind," Daryl mutters, and moves towards the house. Before he opens the door, he turns towards Rick.

"Hey, me and Aaron are going out tomorrow, s'long as it don't rain. You coming?"

"Uh...sure. Yeah."

It's not the first time Daryl's asked him to go on a run since he's been back, but it's the first time Rick's agreed. He always had excuses - something about being too weak, or fearing he'd be a liability instead of an asset.

She smiles at his answer. Daryl grins again, too, and then starts into the house. He calls out, just loud enough for them to hear it.

"Yeah, y'all are smiley for sure."

She looks at Rick, and he looks back at her. They burst into laughter.

She walks over to him, leans against the porch railing as she stands in front of the rocking chair.

"Why do I feel like a kid who just got caught having sex at summer camp?"

He laughs again, and then pats his lap, signaling for her to sit down.

"I'm not as little as RJ," she warns.

"I'll manage."

She smiles, and then sits down, leaning back into him. He wraps his arms around her, resting his hands on her stomach. She places her hands over his, and closes her eyes.

"So, you were spying on us?"

"I was," she admits freely. "I love seeing the two of you together. I couldn't help it. Plus, I'll never pass up a chance to hear you sing."

He presses a kiss to her bare shoulder, next to the strap of her tank top.

"What did our little bird want?" she wonders.

"Apparently, she doesn't want to pass up a chance to hear me sing, either. She asked if I would sing that song for her tonight before bed."

It's been years since she's sang Judith to sleep. She smiles gently.

"She's missed you, too. More than you know."

"Yeah," he whispers. "I kind of...got that. When she was talking to me."

She nods. They're quiet for a few moments, listening to the sound of the soft breeze blowing around them.

"Michonne?"

She shifts, turning so she can see his face. He stares at her, bringing his hand up to trail along her cheekbone.

"I love you," he breathes.

It's the first time she's heard him say that in seven years.

"I love you, too," she tells him, and places a kiss on his forehead before wrapping her arms around his neck and resting her cheek on top of his head.

She knows things won't be perfect from here on out. Sex isn't a magic spell that will fix everything, as much as she wishes it was. There will be obstacles in their continued journey back together. He'll still have bad days. She will, too. There will still be nightmares, still be pain. And they'll never be the same as they were.

Instead, they'll be something new. Something that's suffered, but come out on the other side. And they'll be stronger for it. She knows they will.

They love each other. And their love is strong enough to weather any storm, to survive any fire. It's gotten them this far in the new world, and it will continue to sustain them. That's all that matters.

They love each other.

She closes her eyes, tightens her arms around him.

"I'm so glad you came home to me," she whispers.

"Always," he answers gently.

She hears the kids running around inside through the open window. Daryl shouts after them, something she can't make out, but Rick laughs. The sun shines on her skin. She hears the sound of the town thriving and bustling around them. The sound of her home. Their home.

And she smiles.

***

A/N: This is the first time I've ever written smut, so I hope it turned out okay and wasn't too clunky.

Alas, my dears, this is the last real chapter of this story. I have a short epilogue planned, but other than that, this is where I will leave this version of Rick and Michonne - at the start of a new beginning, finally on the same page and together with their family like they're always meant to be.

ALSO - the absolutely lovely @mdgart has agreed to create some of her wonderful art in honor of this chapter! It’ll most likely be posted somewhere on tumblr - I’ll be sure to reblog it here - but also keep your eyes open and on our twitters (mine is @hawthornegrimes and hers is @ms_doomandgloom) for that some time in the near future. I'm so excited for you all to see her beautiful work!

Thanks for reading! I hope this chapter was worth the wait. (Props to anyone who can come up with the other fictional couple I referenced in this chapter.)

xoxo, rebekah

[aaronmaurer]

Music I Liked in 2020

Every year I reflect on the pop culture I enjoyed and put it in some sort of order.

I can’t say I discovered a lot of new artists in 2020, but I did find a lot of solace in new records by familiar voices. During days of intense isolation and lonesomeness, music provided support, hope and the occasional semblance of peace. I’m especially grateful for the musicians who found new ways to perform live from their home studios, once the entire touring industry completely shut down. I’m sure we all found our own rabbit holes, but live-streamed sets from the likes of Ben Gibbard, Jimmy Eat World’s Jim Atkins, Better Than Ezra’s Kevin Griffin, Geographer’s Michael Deni and Ben Folds kept me sane during April, May and beyond. As did all of these albums, which I highly recommend.

15. Serpentine Prison – Matt Berninger

The National frontman’s first solo record is a slow-burn that may not reach the heights of his work with his main group (or sideproject El Vy), but still has signature moments of poetic beauty. The title track is a clear standout (and when it gets stuck in your head, you can have fun brainstorming your own alternate non-sequitur couplets; examples: “Tripping on Molly / Salvador Dalí”, “Praying to Jesus / Ramona and Beezus” / “Sell it on Etsy / Heavens to betsy” / “Patio tables / Anne of Green Gables” It’s fun! Try it out!)

14. Local Honey – Brian Fallon

Speaking of Matt Berninger (and solo projects from alt-rock frontmen), I hear a lot of his influence on the latest from Gasoline Anthem’s Brian Fallon. This largely stripped-down affair has quiet splendor to spare and provided a balm in the early days of the pandemic.

13. Gigaton – Pearl Jam

Pearl Jam’s latest record finds the band operating in a variety of different modes – head-on rockers, balladeers, experimentalists – yet doesn’t quite gel into a whole the way their very best work does. That said, it’s an energetic album with many songs I look forward to hearing live, someday…

12. George Clanton & Nick Hexum – George Clanton & Nick Hexum

A vaporwave collaboration between electronic artist George Clanton and 311’s Nick Hexum? Really? Somehow it works, and its chill vibes were a perfect backdrop for lonely summer malaise this year.

11. Petals For Armor – Hayley Williams

Paramore’s Williams branched out on her first solo record this year, allowing her to operate in a variety of styles without losing her powerful voice. Moments of slinkily seething electronica (“Simmer”) share space with pop smarts (“Dead Horse”), quietly pretty harmonies (“Roses/Lotus/Violet/Iris”) and all points in between.

10. Mordechai and Texas Sun EP (with Leon Bridges) – Khruangbin

Houston psych-rock trio Khruangbin did double duty this year, first releasing a collaborative EP with Leon Bridges then following it up with a new full-length a couple months later. Both records hang in the air like hazy, languid summer heat, in the best possible way.

  9. RTJ4 – Run the Jewels

RTJ4 is just as rollicking and propulsive as Killer Mike and El-P’s previous collabs, but with a greater sense of socially conscious urgency and righteous anger, giving it an even rawer power. Tracks like “Walking In The Snow,” “JU$T” and “a few words for the firing squad (radiation)” are just the tip of the iceberg on this incendiary record.

8. American Head – The Flaming Lips

American Head returns the Flaming Lips to the melodic soundscapes of The Soft Bulletin and Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, which is my preferred mode for the band, and thus is my favorite thing they’ve done in at least a decade. The record is a bit more dreamily melancholic than those earlier releases though, creating atmospheres of contemplative beauty.

7. Punisher – Phoebe Bridgers

Coming after collaborations with boygenius and Better Oblivion Community Center, it’s hard to believe this is only Bridgers’ sophomore album. Punisher takes the winning palette of Stranger In The Alps and mixes in more colors and texture. This is an album that rewards repeat listens; tunes that I had initially dismissed have ended up becoming my favorites as they get their hooks into me. The most immediate tracks like “Kyoto” and “ICU” don’t lose any impact over time, but the likes of the quietly devastating “Chinese Satellite” sneak up on you and gradually reveal their layers.

6. Imploding the Mirage – The Killers

I was done with The Killers. My interest always ran hot and cold anyway, but after 2017’s Wonderful Wonderful, no thanks. So imagine my surprise when I gave Imploding the Mirage a shot and found I LOVE it! It may be my favorite of their records yet, at least the most consistent, where they most fully realize the confluence of their Springsteen-tinged Americana fetish and electro-rock sensibilities. Bombastic 80s arena percussion and over-the-top synth flourishes combine in the best possible way. There’s not a dud on the album for me, but I’m especially fond of “My God,” “Lightning Fields” and “Dying Breed.”

5. The Ascension – Sufjan Stevens

The Ascension hits with similar energy to 2010’s polarizing Age of Adz, but with more easily accessible songs. It’s a dark and introspective record about disillusionment with America and oneself, but also highly danceable – if a bit overlong. Standout tracks like “Goodbye to All That” and “Lamentations” provide transcendent moments of soaring beauty like calm in the storm. And the brilliant title track plays like a self-interrogating rejoinder to Adz’s pep talk “Vesuvius” in which, instead of cheering himself on, Stevens probes and calls into question his motivations and beliefs.

4. Song Machine, Season One: Strange Timez – Gorillaz

The latest record from Damon Albarn’s ever-evolving cartoon collective is its most engaging since Plastic Beach, with a spirit of musical exploration that reminds me much of 2001’s self-titled debut as well. The project was introduced as a series of one-off singles, so what really surprises is just how well they cohere into a full record, featuring a plethora of A-List guest artists and Albarn holding down the fort with some of his best songwriting yet.

3. 10 Songs – Travis

Travis are a band that I’ve casually enjoyed (2001’s The Invisible Band is great) but never followed all that closely. I certainly wasn’t expecting much from a latter-day record from them, but 10 Songs is one of the 2020 releases I have returned to most. The songs are the audial equivalent of a warm blanket, with a lovely wistfulness permeating through. Standouts include “The Only Thing,” “A Million Hearts” and “Kissing in the Wind,” but all ten songs are great.

2. Devastator – Phantom Planet

Phantom Planet’s first record in 12 years doesn’t miss a beat, finding a sonic middle ground between their early indie-pop leanings and their later punkier direction. The hooks are plentiful and the lyrics poignant (this is basically a breakup album about the end of frontman Alex Greenwald’s relationship with Brie Larson), with highlights including the up-tempo “Only One” and the elegiac “Time Moves On.” Return of the year.

1. folklore and evermore – Taylor Swift

Top 40 Pop Music is not really my thing and while I’ve certainly appreciated some of Taylor Swift’s work before (Red has jams!), I wouldn’t have called myself a fan. 2020’s pair of surprise release records are a different mode of songwriting for her and right in my wheelhouse, with indie-leaning production courtesy of fun./Bleachers’ Jack Antonoff and The National’s Aaron Dessner. While my impressions of Swift’s past work have been navel-gazy and self-mythologizing (not a problem, but not that interesting to me), folklore and evermore broaden her storytelling to paradoxically become more specific in its universality and/or more universal in its specificity. The moments that are autobiographical (“mad woman,” “invisible string”) have an authenticity and self-assuredness that make them all the more accessible. This is romantically nostalgic poetry with the power to reopen old wounds and maybe also start rehealing them at the same time. While I still give folklore the edge (I love “august,” “exile” and mirrorball,” to name just a few), evermore is steadily growing on me with each listen.

Here’s a playlist songs from each of these records for your sampling pleasure:

Bonus! 2 Unexpected Cover EPs:

Switchfoot – Covers EP and Death Cab For Cutie – Georgia EP

As society grappled with lockdowns and concerts were uniformly cancelled the world over, many artists kept occupied with livestreams from their home studios. Switchfoot’s Jon Foreman and Death Cab’s Ben Gibbard were among those who posted daily songs or shows during the early days and their bands would each end up releasing EPs of cover songs during the year. Switchfoot take on a range of songs from the likes of Vampire Weekend, Frank Ocean and The Verve and Death Cab honor Georgia artists like R.E.M. and Neutral Milk Hotel for a Bandcamp fundraiser for voting rights. Both efforts provide some unexpected reinterpretations that elevate them above the average covers album.

[hermionegranger56]

ok lads its time for my breakdown of folklore, something absolutely no one is asking for but here we are!! this album. thIs ALBUMMMM. dear GOD. the intersection of my two favorite things, taylor swift and indie folk???? i feel like i’m dreaming. when she announced the surprise drop i literally burst into tears and evidently for good reason lol.

anywho here’s the thing. Red has been my all time favorite album for 8 years now. it holds such an important place in my life and i never thought anything she did could come close (though Lover almost did). but this. THIS IS BETTER THAN RED

the lyrical genius is unmatched here. taylor isn’t just writing songs here, this is POETRY. every song is nuanced, intricate, devastatingly beautiful, with words that’ll haunt me for a long time. and the fact that it’s stories, literal folklore, no longer just about her own life is incredibly creative and is executed so well for someone who has interwoven her life into her entire body of music thus far. folklore blends facts with fiction so seamlessly and is a true exhibition of taylor’s power as a songwriter.

and the vibessss!! from haunting heartbreak songs, to ethereal lost-in-the-woods vibes, to a comforting return to her old self, this album has everything. taylor is without a doubt one of the most versatile artists of our generation, having success and skill in multiple genres and folklore only solidifies this fact.

ALL RIGHT KIDS LETS JUMP IN

the 1: hell yeah explicit tswift give it to me lol you ARE on some new shit!! ok when i first listened to this i hadn’t read her statement about the other perspectives and i was about to RIOT about her and joe breaking up (like they could ever lol). this is such a catchy beat, such a casual?? look at such a painful feeling? a really good start to this album. the part where she goes another day waking up aLONE killlllllls me wow

fave lines: “in my defense i have none/for never leaving well enough alone”

cardigan: (don’t get me started on the mv it’s gorgeous) YES THE TEENAGE LOVE TRIANGLE suchhh a good concept!! the melody of this song is unreal, the chorus makes me want to scream it’s so beautiful, the i-i-i is SOMETHING ELSE. it’s crazy how just the melody makes betty’s pain so palpable, but so enchanting at the same time. it’s bittersweet and cinematic and i’m in love. PETER LOSING WENDY GOD. easily top 5 song here

fave lines: “when you are young they assume you know nothing”, “cause i knew you/ heartbeat on the high line/ once in 20 lifetimes i” “you drew stars around my scars/but now i’m bleeding”

the last great american dynasty: watch hill!!! her watch hill house!! i live near there!! oh i think this song is so clever and i love how it ties into mad woman as well as harkens back to starlight. i LOVE the way she ties her self in, “and then it was bought by me” like ughhh her mind? and its catchy AF

fave lines: “i had a marvelous time ruining everything”

exile: YOU KNOW HOW TO DO AN INDIE ALBUM??? BRING BON IVER INTO THIS SHIT!! wowww this song is haunting and is definitely the “i’m you but stronger” version of The Last Time. the overlap of both of them singing and their parallel lines are flawless. i could play this on repeat for hours and contemplate my whole existence

fave lines: “you never gave a warning sign/i gave so many signs”

my tears ricochet: ok somehow a track 5 with tears in the title is not the saddest song here but DAMN is it good. I love the visual of someone watching over their funeral and reacting. the music is stunningggg here. ALSO i am pretty convinced this is about the whole scott/scooter drama, like the lyrics fit so well? and she said it was the first song she wrote so the timeline kinda fits?? geniusss

fave lines: “I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace”, “and if i’m dead to you/why are you at the wake?”

mirrorball: ohhhh this one is so pretty!! it just makes me want to dance around the kitchen with the person i love??? its comforting, ethereal, happyyy ugh i love it. I also think it could be about her relationship with her fans? like her music shows us different sides of ourselves idk? or just absorbing into a relationship?

fave lines: “on my tallest tiptoes/shining just for you”

seven: i’m gonna call this now: this is going to be the most underrated song on this album. it is STUNNING. POETIC. HEARTBREAKING. the music is so hauntingly nostalgic. and the lyrics, holy absolute shit. they’re a delicate testament to childhood, memory, and innocent love. it’s gut wrenching and i love it so so much

fave lines: “i’ve been meaning to tell you/i think your house is haunted/your dad is always mad/and that must be why”, “and just like folk song/our love will be passed on”, “before i learned civility/ i used to scream ferociously” ALL OF IT

august: and now we get the girl james cheated with’s perspective, which i think is great. its sunny, wistful and sad underneath all that beautiful production. when she slides from the chorus to the “back when we we’re changing for the better” and hits that “mineeee to lose” GOD, it just fills your chest. i feel like even if you never have, this makes anyone feel like they know exactly what a summer fling feels like. one of my faves

fave lines: “august slipped away/like a bottle of wine”, “cancel my plans just in case you call/ and say meet me behind the mall”

this is me trying: the slow pacing of this melody serves to show these EXQUISITE lyrics here. this is so intimate and personal and i feel like everyone can relate to this feeling of just trying to hold on and put on a brave face?

fave lines: “they told me all of my cages were mental/ so i got wasted like all my potential”

illicit affairs: ok all you need to know about this one is a) I’m obsessed b) this is the closest she has come to creating a bridge that makes me feel like the All Too Well bridge has, like scream sobbing in the car type vibe??? its unreal. and this song makes me feel that shitty feeling of: “this was supposed to be casual but oops its very much not” hmmm maybe that’s where the scream sobbing comes from hahah

fave lines: “don’t call me kid/don’t call me baby/look at this godforsaken mess that you made me/you showed me colors you know i can’t see with anyone else”

invisible string: this. THIS is probably her most stunning love song. like. i thought it was Lover. i was wrong. this one is confidently from Taylor’s perspective, about Joe and dear lord i want a love like theirs. and shit does this song put the folk in folklore, the music is so simple and gorgeous and harkens back to her country roots without losing this new sound she has. and the first few notes remind me of Mystery of Love by Sufjan Stevens so instantly im sold. this and betty are tied for my number 1, it’s just too beautiful

fave lines: “time curious time/give me no compasses/give me no signs” “isn’t it just so pretty to think/all along there was some invisible string/tying you to me”, “cold was steel of the axe that i had to grind/for the boys who broke my heart/now i buy their babies presents”, “hell was the journey/but it brought me heaven”

mad woman: FUCK YOU FOREVERRRRRR!!! yes taylor said fuckkkk ugh i LOVE this vibe, the revenge of the mad woman that the town cast out is so eerie and powerful, i’m obsessed. it ties back into the maddest woman of TLGAD and it feels like a spiritual sequel to The Man, the same feminist thread weaving through it. the lyrics are razor sharp and biting, i love it

fave lines: “and you poke that bear/till the claws come out/ and you find something/ to wrap your noose around”, “it’s obvious wanting me dead has really brought you two together”

epiphany: so uhhh THIS is the saddest song on folklore. fight me. the seamless comparison between wartime and the pandemic and waiting for some epiphany that could make sense of all the horrors surrounding the both. idk man, as someone who’s been a covid nurse since March, i just….this one HURTS. similar to Soon You’ll Get Better tbh

fave lines: “hold your hand through plastic now/doc i think she’s crashing out/and somethings you just can’t speak about”

betty: OH I LOVE IT WITH MY WHOLE HEART! this is such a TRIUMPHANT return to old taylor, it is so joyful but sad at the same time?? the harmonica?? the last part of the love triangle?? it sounds like Taylor Swift and Fearless all grown up and it makes me ache for back then, but love where we are right now. tbh the first time i heard this i sobbed through the whole thing just out of pure nostalgia. she’s back but at the same time she never left. this feels like a love song to original fans and it. is. incredible. my favoriteeee goddd

fave lines: THE WHOLE CHORUS BABYYYYY

peace: it’s gorgeous, especially the guitarrr ugh. this feels like delicate’s quiet older sister. i think it’s definitely about joe and how taylor, despite loving him, still has these insecurities and fears about what a relationship with someone in her position could be like? like there will be struggles, but he’s her family and she “would die for you in secret”. stunning

fave lines: “i’m a fire and i’ll keep your brittle heart warm”, “the devils in the detail/but you’ve got a friend in me”, “give you my wild/give you a child”

hoax: i’m surprised she ended it on a sad one (but we still have the lakes!!) but this song is hauntingly beautiful WOW. every line of this absolutely floors me. i think this one will also be largely underrated, but it is pure poetry and deserves so so much hype

fave lines: “stood on the cliffside/screaming give me a reason/your faithless love’s the only hoax i believe in”, “it still hurts underneath my scars/from when they pulled me apart/but what you did was just as dark” “my kingdom come undone/ my broken drum/ you have beaten my heart”

ANYWHO TAYLOR HAS PRODUCED HER BEST WORK TO DATE AND IM READY FOR SAD GIRL AUTUMN

[todaysbiggesthits]

Odds, Ends

JD’s 16-31

16. Fontaines D.C. - A Hero’s Death 17. Naeem - Startisha 18. The Avalanches - We Will Always Love You 19. Yves Tumor - Heaven To a Tortured Mind 20. Draag - Clara Luz EP 21. Caribou - Suddenly 22. Peel Dream Magazine - Agitprop Alterna 23. Animal Collective - Bridge To Quiet EP 24. The Clientele - It’s Art Dad 25. King Krule - Man Alive! 26. Kate NV - Room for the Moon 27. Real Estate - The Main Thing 28. Wire - 10:20 29. Osees - Protean Threat 30. Sonic Boom - All Things Being Equal 31. (tie) Fiona Apple - Fetch the Bolt Cutters, Sufjan Stevens - The Ascension, The Microphones - The Microphones in 2020

New to Code in 2020

All Hail the Silence - ‡ The Reds, Pinks and Purples - Anxiety Art Steve Moore - Brainstorm Lydia Loveless - Boy Crazy and Single(s)

Arden’s Top Hits of 2020

From the Desk of Bronco

What can you say about this year that hasn't already been said.  What a shit year.  I feel like I've mentally time travelled to this point from March 13th.  Every day is basically the same.  I look forward to the weekend when I can get some things done, and then I don't do them because of the other lame shit that needs to get done gets in the way.  Laundry, cleaning the home/office/school, doing something meaningful with my family, Minecraft with the kids.  Then coffee-o'clock immediately becomes beer-o'clock and wash, rinse, fuck all repeat.  That's how music has felt this year too.  I think since my commute has been removed, there's no real time for just listening.  I listen to it while I work, then worry I'm not getting enough done.  I use it to drown out the "school" shit that's happening in my living room in our tiny house.  It's been a tool instead of a source of enjoyment.  As a result, I mostly enjoyed ambient noise and/or instrumental records this year.  I found a 3-hour youtube video of Tibetan monks chanting the same thing over and over to help me find some focus (it kinda works sometimes).  I played the NIN albums over and over, back to back.  I found a few other droning noise albums from other years that I put on to help me get some shit done.  It's amazing how simple yet complex some of those albums can be.  One of them is two songs, each about 15 minutes long.  There's maybe four layers to it, but it's just sustained droning noise.  Works wonders for when I need to drown out the family and get down to business.  Otherwise, I felt like there were slim pickings this year.  A few bands I like put some stuff out.  None of it revolutionary.  And the rest of the metal scene was brutal death metal or blackened death metal or deathened black metal.  Not the stuff I'm particularly down for, and especially not in line with my brains need for ambient instrumental.  I think, too, the lack of live music removed an integral part of my brain's musical experience.  I think the draw of live music makes the in between personal listening times more meaningful to me, like a promise of "this is what you could see happen in real life when they come to town."  I just hope that when we get through this hulk-sized-fist-fuck of a year, I can rip myself out of this cycle of stationaryism, find some shows to get to, and inject some long missing color back in to my life.  Hopefully we can all get a piece of that back.  Fuck you 2020.

Jim Kryder Certified Attendance Report

That is all.

Silver Screen Video Staff Picks

Nasty’s Video of the Year

Bronco’s Bitchin’ Video of 2020

Larson’s Palme d’Oren Music Video Mega Mix

Interloper’s Corner

Fergwad’s Top 10 of 2020

1. Tame Impala - The Slow Rush 2. The Strokes - The New Abnormal 3. Waxahatchee - Saint Cloud 4. Muzz - Muzz 5. Adrianne Lenker - songs 6. Perfume Genius - Set My Heart on Fire Immediately 7. Car Seat Headrest - Making a Door Less Open 8. Fiona Apple - Fetch the Bolt Cutters 9. Kelly Lee Owens - Inner Song 10. Bob Dylan - Rough and Rowdy Ways

Tammy Rooney’s 10 o’ 20

1. Fleet Foxes – Shore 2. Waxahatchee – Saint Cloud 3. Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit – Reunions 4. Rose City Band - Summerlong   5. The Killers – Imploding the Mirage 6. The Strokes – The New Abnormal 7. Phoebe Bridgers – Punisher 8. My Morning Jacket – The Waterfall Pt II 9. Laura Marling - Song for our Daughter 10. (Live Music Slot) The War on Drugs - LIVE DRUGS; Hiss Golden Messenger - Forward Children; Holy Holy - My Own Pool of Light, lots of early 70s Dead shows, and Hendrix's Band of Gypsys at Fillmore East when the mood strikes.

Heaps’ Top Tin

1. Perfume Genius - Set My Heart on Fire Immediately 2. Waxahatchee - Saint Cloud 3. Yves Tumor - Heaven to a Tortured Mind 4. Phoebe Bridgers - Punisher 5. Lomelda - Hannah 6. Fontaines DC - A Hero's Death 7. Soccer Mommy - Color Theory 8. Run the Jewels - RTJ4 9. Destroyer - Have We Met 10. Adrianne Lenker -  Songs

An Observation from JD

Doesn’t Phoebe Bridgers look like Marnocha?

[sunshineofyourlove1967]

1 4 12 14 38 and 50 !

hellooooo thank you so much!!! im so glad you’re back, i’ve missed you so much!!!!

1. name your top three favourite songs: oh jeez alright so i think it’s…… in no particular order because i’m too weak to —- them lmao - ….why even try by hippo campus  - i don’t know why is this song so incredibly important to me, i discovered it like, i think a month ago or so? or maybe longer. but i wasn’t at like, the brightest place in my life and i was drawing while listening to it on repeat and kept listening to it for like, four days straight basically without getting tired of it, and it calmed me down so incredibly much, then i listened to it on the bus on my way to exams and back while reading, and i still listen to it every few days and feel so peaceful and transparent and understood, like the lyrics are fairly depressing but i’d found incredible comfort in them,  ‘on and on, the feelings burst and then they fall - till later on we won’t get back to patch things up’ like??? and the whole lyrics, what it speaks about, it’s so definitive, conclusive, irreversibly fatal, like there’s no going back but also no need to worry about things anymore, nothing will be the same as it used to be, but somehow the song was what made me cope with the fact and helped me find perhaps a more optimistic approach to it all, even if at the time it was more of a medium which i explored the lost, wandering, searching kind of sadness through. it’s not just the lyrics though, it’s the feel of the whole song, the guitar and bass and the tempo and all those little unique elements (the instrumental part before the bridge!!!!!!) and even if i won’t be listening to it in a month, a year, ten years, i think it’ll always remain special and unique to me and will always speak the same language as the part of my heart that had needed it so desperately at the time!!

god, how do i name my other top favourite songs after this dksfjhkdf

probably star treatment by arctic monkeys - we’d waited so long for the album even though we made peace with the fact that am was the last thing we’ll ever hear, and i lost my shit when i found out about the news that there was indeed another album coming!!! and then the tiny tbhc snippet on youtube aaaah i remember learning the guitar riff to it immediately and playing it over and over!!! and then we listened to it in my room when it came out and i was stunned the second i heard the opening piano and the backing vocals, and then the ‘as we gaze skyward, ain’t it dark early?’ part towards the end RUINED me and i still cry my eyes out every time i listen to it…. so yeah. am still do really own my ass sddfdf

and the third one……… hhhhhh how am i supposed to choose. probably something off everything you’ve come to expect by tlsp. the entire album is Packed with absolute total fucking bangers and it collectively destroyed us (also the whole tour…………..) probably pattern or element of surprise!!!! or aviation or the title track or used to be my girl or the bourne identity ( oof ) or hhhhhh i really can’t choose, let’s just say that the entire album shares the 3rd position lmao 

4. favourite album cover: oh i like this ask a lot!!! i rly love the cover of revolver by the beatles, it’s so iconic and i adore the style of it, the cover of tranquility base hotel + casino by am bcs,.. c’mon. (i actually made my own version of the model alex made sdkfjhf it was so fun!!! but my hands almost died) andddd is this it obviously, definitely maybe by oasis, and the cover of cullah the wild by cullah is so cool!! (he’s a practically unknown 28yo artist and he has such cool and creative songs!! it’s a mixture between like, alternative blues and alternative hip hop and something uniquely weird and experimental lmao and he releases an album on his birthday every year for free and i love him so much!! he definitely deserves more recognition)

this is what the cover looks like!! (and ‘where you do belong’ off the album is my absolute all time favourite)

12. what’s your favourite era of music: gotta be 50′s, 80′s, 90′s and 00′s, esp the alternative and garage rock scene

14. do you play any instruments? i do!! i play guitar, (acoustic only but god i want to get an electric one so bad) bass guitar, ukulele and i used to play soprano flute in elementary school lmao 

38. what’s a song that has inspired you: i usually pick songs that inspire me, give me certain imagery or provoke certain mood in me and just put them on repeat while i’m writing, so it’s gotta be…………………….. why even try by hippo campus (god this is getting embarrassing how many times am i gonna mention this song sdfdfsdfkdfjf but it’s SO AMAZING and so important to me), to bring you my love by pj harvey!!!! set your arms down, heads up and so good by warpaint, packt like sardines in a crushed tin box, life in a glasshouse, you and whose army?, i might be wrong by radiohead, the entirety of carrie & lowell by sufjan stevens, esp blue bucket of gold and john my beloved recently, and the cmbyn soundtrack by him: mystery of love, visions of gideon and futile devices!!

50 - put all of your songs on shuffle and list the first ten! - alright! so - 

daydreaming - radiohead

heavy storm - first aid kit 

underneath the sky - oasis

la parisienne - zaz

she came in through the bathroom window - the beatles

we no who y r - nick cave & the bad seeds

blue bucket of gold - sufjan stevens (oh hello!!)

the orange monkey - pj harvey

je hais les dimanches - édith piaf

a place i know - cullah (hmmm)

thank you so much for the ask!!!!! it Really kept me entertained for a while lmao thank you!!! 

[viandnyl]

#001-Francis of Delirium

Francis of Delirium

Duo

Based in Luxembourg

Genre:Indie rock/Grunge

Instagram:@francisofdelirium

Q: Can you describe the city where you live and based?

I live in Luxembourg which is a sort of funny city. It’s right in the center of Europe so you can get to a lot of major cities within 2 hours but at the same time it feels sort of isolated and insulated from everywhere else. It’s very beautiful though, it takes 15 minutes to bike from the city center and be in the countryside which is very cool.

Q: What kind of music is being popular right now where you’re based?

I think because of where Luxembourg is located it’s sort of a melting pot for all kinds of things so there’s no real distinct “Luxembourg” sound at the moment. I was listening to a podcast a couple days ago where the songwriter Ross Golan was interviewing Peter Frampton and he said he used to listen to Radio Luxembourg all the time so maybe as a country we’re better at sharing things we like.

Q: What did prompt you to start playing music?

I was always drawn to music, at the age of 5 I randomly asked my mother if I could start taking violin lessons, I think it was because of a picture book I read called “Zin! Zin! Zin! A violin”. I also would fall asleep listening to a CD called “Mr.Bach Comes To Call” every evening so maybe that’s what prompted my interest in playing music.

Q: What kind of music are you creating now?

I guess it’s a mix of shoegaze and grunge

Q: Where do you get your inspiration from?

A wide range of things. My mom is always finding cool new artists and sharing them with me. A lot of the time inspiration just comes from removing myself from my normal routine, regaining a bit of perspective and then getting back into creating.

Q: Do you have any mentor? And why she or he is your mentor?

My collaborator Chris sort of acts as a mentor. He’s just shown me continued support throughout making music and because he spent most of his life working in creative industries (video games etc.) he’s able to provide a lot of helpful insight.

Q: Do you have any social issues that you pay attention to recently? And why?

Climate change.  Recently there were massive dangerous floods both in Luxembourg and neighbouring Germany. Many people lost their lives, their homes and livelihoods. It’s a massive tragedy and it happening so close continues to make climate change an issue that’s important to be discussing and actively trying to change.

Q: What aspect of your personality haven’t been changed since your childhood?

I still feel a sort of childlike wonder at the world.

Q: Do you have any fashion brands that you like?

Not really, I tend to thrift most of the things I own and tend to just grab whatever feels goof and looks cool.

Q: Any music genres that you are really into right now?

I’ve been enjoying a lot of classical music recently, or really any music without words. I recently went to a performance by the Luxembourg Philharmonie of Dvorak’s 8th Symphony which was very beautiful and exciting to listen to live, so I’ve sort of had that on repeat the past few weeks.

Q: How/what equipment/gadgets do you use to listen to music? (earphone, headphone etc)

I got these sony headphones years and years ago and just recently realized the bass in them sounds so good so I listen to those when I’m at home listening to music for fun.

Q: Do you have any forthcoming release of music?

I do indeed. I have a new track called ‘Come Out and Play’ which will be released September 8th and another released in October called “All Love”.

【RECOMMENDED TUNES】

It’s a cloudy day here and has been raining off and on, so I’ve been listening to some slower more atmospheric tracks. So the 3 tracks for my MOOD NOW are:

Music for 18 Musicians by Steve Reich I started listening to a lot of Steve Reich mainly because of Sufjan Stevens. I think I read in an interview that Music for 18 Musicians inspired his album Illinois. There’s something about the sound of a xylophone that feels very meditative and calming and I can always get lost in this piece.

Door by Caroline Polachek I feel like the best word to describe this song is satisfying. Ever instrument, every vocal melody just sits so perfectly and feels so deliberate. The song feels so simple but it packs this massive punch, I have probably listened to this song every week for the past year, I love it.

In Your Eyes by Jessie Ware The bassline in this track is incredible and it’s so impressive because it’s pretty much there throughout the whole song and I never get bored of it. I think Jessie Ware’s vocals are also pretty perfect, this whole album is incredible, one of my favourites from last year.

*This interview was conducted on VI/NYL #001, which published on Sep.28th, 2021. *All photos are courtesy of the artists.

■VI/NYL

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