#and my biggest one which needs the most work is the HGD and its on bereavement
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I'm so scared of losing my friends
#I keep having such vivid ideas of losing them and of my own death and its really sad#It feels wrong#and my dreams have been getting really vivid lately and i hallucinated the other morning which could be related or unrelated to what happen#I feel so guilty all the time that I wasn't closer with my friend when he died but then i also feel guilty for feeling guilty#like why am i trying to shove myself into the narrative#I wasn't his whole world#and i feel like I've let his twin down like I just didn't talk to her for weeks after the funeral and I just feel like no matter how i look#at the situation im doing something wrong and should be ashamed#and its difficult because literally like right after it happened and our work experience was over my human growth and development class mov#on to the topic of bereavement#and its like thanks for the impecable timing i had to leave because she kept sayign thoughts that bereaved persons might have in class and#it was literally all just stuff I was feeling like she was saying back to me#and it was so difficult and I had to cry in the bathroom#and i had to get extensions on my assignments because of everything but now I have like 4 assignments due in like 3 days and im so overwhel#and my biggest one which needs the most work is the HGD and its on bereavement#fortunately its just assessing an old man who lost his wife so its not super personal to me but its so many words and i still need to finis#my child development and my psychology and my statistics#and I just keep thinking about losing my friends and it's so sad
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