#like why am i trying to shove myself into the narrative

[fuckingarataswespeak]

I'm so scared of losing my friends

[daincrediblegg]

no you know what I'm going to scream about the stuff I talked about in the tags of this post publicly

I'm tired of the well-meaning "don't feel bad if your work only gets 20 notes your genius is what counts and do it for you!" bullshit. I've had a good handful of friends who have straight up DEACTIVATED in recent months because their work was not getting reblogged AT ALL. No, it wasn't from lack of not being well-liked, no it wasn't from lack of trying to make sure it was getting out there to the people they knew would engage with it. It was because no matter how much they were praised privately for their work, when push came to shove, absolutely NOBODY reblogged it and gave it the audience that it was due, and I'm tired of people shoving the "unsung genius" narrative as an excuse for it. Nothing excuses that. And the boop event really proved that.

because I know given the opportunity, indiscriminately pressing a button (sometimes 10 thousand times, as I did) is not beyond this website's capability. y'all loved doing that. and look at what it wrought. nothing but love and affection and happiness. just from a couple of quick clicks of a little paw button. sure. nobody knew who you booped but the other person (which is how likes used to work on this website, btw). there was an element of anonymity to it. but that is kind of the core of this website that no other social media platform still has: the ability to be anonymous. and hyper-curating a blog on here like you might on twitter or instagram to project an image is simply not viable. and hey. you wanna know a secret: literally nobody cares what you post or whether it goes with the "theme" of your blog or not. yeah. I know. CRAZY concept in this day and age. but literally. I myself have reblogged things that have had nothing to do with whatever I am currently fixated by and you know what happened to my follower count? not a damn thing. in fact, I actively try to reblog things specifically BECAUSE it's my friends who made them (even though I'm not always good at KEEPING UP WITH HOW MUCH THEY POST @prismatica-the-strange will NEVER GO UNRECOGNIZED by me).

And you know what fucking sucks? I have to deal with this too. surprise right? you ever wonder why I reblog fics or art I post like 20 times the day that I post them? do you ever wonder why I ask about tag lists and beg for asks all the time? IT'S BECAUSE EVEN I GET LIKE. 5 LIKES ON THE THINGS I POST. AND THE REST OF THE REBLOGS ARE MINE SO I CAN MAKE SURE THAT PEOPLE WHO WANT TO SEE WHAT I MAKE GET TO SEE IT. and I say that knowing that I'm certainly not an unpopular blog, or an unpopular writer. I know that people love the stories that I create. Hell, half of the people that I've talked to about lady terror have told me that they consider her to be canon (AND EVEN SOME!! THOUGHT SHE WAS!!! WITHOUT EVEN HAVING WATCHED THE SHOW! WHICH IS STILL SO SO WILD TO ME!!!) But especially in the last 4 years (which really dates this phenomenon), my posts, no matter how well received they've been amongst people I've talked to about them directly, I still go into the notes and at least half (often more than half) are MY reblogs to make sure people saw what I posted. and it happens every single time, and I can't tell you how much it crushes me considering that it used to be that I would be able to post it only once, and people would reblog it sometimes even HUNDREDS of times.

It's not about popularity. it never has been. it's not about anxiety. or shifting website cultures. even if you lurk, the simple fact is, that if you want people to keep making what you love. you have to reblog. your theme won't suffer because you reblogged a fanfiction that you really admire. your posting won't be ruined because you reblogged some fanart from someone in a different fandom. really. I promise. and if people do unfollow you for that? who needs em. followers come and go but you should NEVER have to cater to them. on this website it has ALWAYS been the other way around. lean into it. make it yours. put stuff you ACTUALLY WANT to be seen and that you love and appreciate on your blog. no matter how old it is, how new it is, no matter how niche or off-theme it is.

so please. if you really want to show your appreciation for someone's work? you reblog. it's really as easy as that. check the tags. add some when you reblog if you like. but please for the love of god reblog. it's as easy as booping and even more rewarding for the people who you reblog from. if you want to let someone know that their work is genius and appreciate it? show it. reblog. then DM them if you're too nervous to say what you want to say but not in a public forum. but for christ's sake. REBLOG.

[starwikia]

suicide cw

look i have been in this area before mentally. it sucks and i wouldn’t wish this on anyone. but, and this is going to sound callous, but i don’t feel any sympathy for james somerton. even if i hope he’s like. not dead. But thats all the amount of goodwill im willing to give him. The more i think about this really, the more angry i am. 

ngl this entire situation is another example of how white people weaponize their mental illness to avoid consequences. Im seeing it in real time.

this man has a continuous habit of using self-harm as a get-out-of-jail-for-free card. in both of his apologies, he has worded his supposed attempts in ways that were clearly meant to guilt people who displayed his plagiarism and overall horrendous history of racism and misogyny. i say supposed because, while i’m not saying those are lies and this would he such a fucked up thing to lie about that i don’t want to think he has, unfortunately, it’s been proven again and again that his word can’t be trusted, as he’s known to lie to try get out of consequences. Hes a proven liar. him lying about this is actually the best case scenario, because no one should go through this entire situation, wouldnt wish this on anyone, but you can only do this so often before people stop sympathizing with you. is this callous? Yeah, but like. I’m actually fucking angry he cant straight up take no as an answer. that this is how he reacts realizing he cant be one of the Cool Kidz™️ on youtube anymore. he acts like he DESERVES a career, like its not a privilege hes lost due to his own actions.

He lied about apologizing and forgiving people, he lied about giving the money to hbomberguy to give to ppl he ripped off (yknow, instead of doing it himself), he lied about the jessie gender situation and rewrote the narrative to make it so he isnt the bad guy, and hes the victim all along actually!

you can’t tell me that supposed last message of his isn’t meant to be a 13 reasons why esq attempt to deflect the blame “look i’m going to kill myself and it’s all YOUR PEOPLES FAULT for not letting me achieve my DREAM of being filmmaker IN PEACE!!! I just wanted Nick’s (the guy who I have thrown under the bus again and again) portfolio up!! Im just being a good friend dont you all FEEL BAD” he refuses to take ANY ACCOUNTABILITY of any of his actions and he IS STILL trying to shove the blame over to other people again.

it’s also pretty ironic people are like “uhhh well hbomber’s fans harassed him!!!” like hbomber outright told people NOT to HARASS JAMES!!! ALSO acting as if james doesn’t have a very real documented history of STRAIGHT UP sending his fans to harass and threaten smaller creators, more notably women, trans, and bipoc creators. especially after he’s stolen typically very personal anecdotes so he could profit from them. so why can he do it but the second people are like “hey this guys an actual piece of shit.” and he can’t handle it suddenly people are trying to white knight his shit? like no he doesn’t get that. he doesn’t get that at all just because he couldn’t handle the consequences of his actions. 

what? were supposed to stay quiet about a man profiting off of other minorities because he wanted to be the spokesman for all gay people? people tried to solve this on a smaller, more private scales for YEARS and he kept doing it. it was clear that the giant public video was the ONLY way to get people to notice. HE WOULDVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH STEALING 87 FUCKING THOUSANDS WORTH OF DOLLARS. HE CANT HANDLE THE FACT HE CANT GET AWAY WITH IT. 

am i supposed to feel bad for the guy who basically threatened a trans woman with the police? i don’t care what anyone says, it’s so fucking obvious that he threatened jessie by implying he was getting the police involved in their conflict. what am i supposed to act like that didn’t happen? are we supposed to pretend like he didn’t glorify nazi’s and outright said that gay people made up a good chunk of the nazis? That he didnt say america joined ww2 bc they were jealous of the NAZIS. WHAT WOULD POSSESS YOU TO FUCKING SAY THAT. but then? He gives women (not even women most of the time, he misgenders nonbinary ppl constantly) shit for writing mlm. are we supposed to act like he doesn’t straight-up sees himself superior and better than people of color and steals their works to put himself on a pedestal? Are we supposed to act like he didnt spit on our elders by saying “only the boring gays survived aids” like man! Fuck you! He BLANTANTLY MAKES UP HISTORY TO PUT HIMSELF ON A PEDESTAL!! HE ACTIVELY TRIED TO REWRITE LGBT HISTORY TO SUIT HIS FUCKED UP NARRATIVES!

yes this sucks ! no one deserves this but no one should be making him a martyr. Thats what he fucking WANTS! He wants to be immortalized as a victim!! (again, supposedly, it was reported hes alive but its not confirmed).

The shit he got isnt near the amount of fucking callous behavior hes done again and again. Again, to drill this point, EVEN IF HE DIDNT CALL THE POLICE HE THREATENED A TRANS WOMAN INTO THINKING HE DID!!! The fact he tried to use a head injury to justify years of the outright ghoulish shit fucking astounds me. Why the fuck did anyone in his life thought it was a good idea to let him TRY to come back. in the end, he had options. he didn’t need to try to make a comeback. HE DIDNT NEED TO FUCKING LIE OR IGNORE THE SHIT HE WAS CALLED OUT ON the reality is, he wanted to come back thinking he could shove it under the rug, was told that no dude, you’re not allowed to be a youtuber anymore. you’re done. you need to move on and went full nuclear. it’s not on anyone’s hands but his own. HES BEEN DOING THIS TO HIMSELF!! But nah man we cant call his shit out bc hell may or may not kill himself. Fuck the other minorities who have the same issues but worse and sometimes BECAUSE of him. This is going to SUCKKKK so bad when other ppl, specifically white gays, are going to weaponize this shit to get away with their stuff.

[prickly-paprikash]

Don't you just hate it when one of the biggest grifters online decides to like a piece of media you like?

Gatekeeping is wrong. Forcing someone to like something in the specific way I interact and consume a piece of media is wrong. Art is meant to be viewed through a multitude of lenses, and each individual will have their own way of interpreting that creation. And that's good. That's fine. That's human.

But when an Anti-Woke Grifter who thinks alcoholism is a really cool personality trait and decides to brand everything about themselves as that; who has historically engaged and criticized films and shows and games and books in bad faith; who has put down women and POC's and Queer representation in media; who is one of the biggest dicks in the online space decides to actually pay attention to an art that is pretty much dipped, coated, laminated, and injected with fucking GAY, ANTI-PATRIARCHAL ENERGY—that's when I get mad.

For those not in the know, Critical Drinker has posted a review for Blue Eye Samurai, saying he likes it.

You know... Blue Eye Samurai?

The show that oozes Queer Wrath? Feminine Rage? Curb-Stomping Toxic Masculinity and the Patriarchy whenever and wherever it can? That Blue Eye Samurai?

See, he's done this before with Arcane.

He says he likes it. Him and his ilk say that, "Finally, the wokies have done something actually good!" and point to Vi and Jinx as strong female characters written well!

But they also say, dang, feels like all the men in that show are idiots and that they had to be dumbed down to make room for the rainbow-haired girlies brigade. Who have all remarked that Vi and Caitlyn's relationship is forced and being shoved down our throats because god forbid women like women!

I got sick of watching his Arcane review halfway, and this was before I knew what a douche Critical Sucker was.

So I ain't watching his Blue Eye Samurai review. Why?

His Glass Onion review was done in bad faith.

I didn't like She-Hulk, but that's because that show was a byproduct of abused VFX animators, creatively bankrupt executives, and writers desperately trying to manage a convoluted shared universe that continues to buckle under its own weight. Political Stinker over here thinks that it's pandering, stupid, feminist garbage. He is one of the biggest Anti-Feminist voices in Youtube.

Him and his incel brigade have an obsession over hating Captain Marvel and Brie Larson. These basement dwelling cucks rant and rave over a mediocre duology and an actress that just lives in their tiny heads rent-free.

He says that they are removing men from leading roles and roles of great importance!

So why would I want to listen to an inebriated libertarian's opinions on a show that has become the show for lesbians, trans mascs, and other lovely brands of gay and feminism that he oh so despises? He'll most likely praise the action and violence and shit like that, then probably say that Mizu and Taigen's homoerotic rivalry isn't gay actually. Or that Mizu and Akemi's narrative foils don't scream enemies-to-sapphics. Or that Mizu, WHO'S NAME MEANS WATER AND HER ENTIRE CHARACTER REVOLVES AROUND FLUIDITY ISN'T IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM FLUID IN HER GENDER AND SEXUALITY.

Fuck. I'm sorry. I don't even care if he doesn't say that. He's made so many disgusting, disparaging remarks about any piece of media that shows an inkling of progressive themes that what else am I supposed to expect?

If anyone watches it and sees this, lemme know. Watching an Anti-Woke bullshit video with just myself is just straight up wading through the desert without proper protection. No thanks.

Anyway watch Blue Eye Samurai again. Because I know you watched it. Watch it again. And again. And when you're done, watch Arcane. Watch She-Ra. Watch Dragon Prince. Castlevania. Watch anything "woke". Consume trans-positive shows. Make all the haters and even the ones who like it but have no ounce of media literacy irrelevant. Let them dry out and die, please.

[sapphire-weapon]

Leon, in the intro to RE4make:

"September 30, 1998. It's a day I'll never forget. The cop inside me died that day."

---

Officer 1: So, tell me, Yanqui. Why did you come to this horrible place? As close to nowhere as I've ever seen.

Leon: Let's just say... looking for someone.

Officer 1: That someone must be very important, eh? The Chief gave the orders himself. "Help him," he said.

Leon: I'm sure you boys didn't come all the way out here to roast marshmallows.

Officers 1 & 2: (laugh)

Leon: (annoyed) Maybe you did.

Officer 1: You have a strange sense of humor. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. Just between us. A lot of people have gone missing around here, and it's been that way for a while, now.

Leon: (still annoyed) Well, then. Should be just another day in the office, right?

Officer 1: Mmm... I mean, last week, there was a search for some missing hikers.

Leon: (sarcastically) I'm sure you'll do your best to help me.

Officer 1: (laughs)

[...]

Leon, much later in the scene: So much for helping me.

---

Leon, later in chapter 1:

(bitterly) "Gotta fix everything myself."

---

Leon tells Ada in RE2make that the reason why he went into law enforcement was to help people like Kendo and his daughter -- vulnerable people, good people, members of the community who are facing the worst moments of their life and need someone to help make it right.

And yet he says in the intro to RE4make that the cop inside him died that day. When we take that in context with what he told Ada about Kendo, what he means is that his desire to help people died that day. The belief that he could help people died that day.

His faith in humanity died that day.

Leon goes into his mission to save Ashley already expecting the two local officers that he's with to be completely fucking useless, and he gets immediately annoyed at the first hint that they are. His "So much for helping me" is said with a sense of "Why am I not surprised?"

He went into RE2make believing that people are generally good and that things will work themselves out.

He goes into RE4make believing that people are generally selfish and will take advantage of him, leaving him to work through any problem that arises on his own.

This is why he's so supremely pissed off at Ada when they meet back up again, and it's also why Ashley is so integral to his character arc. It's also why I've said in the past that Ada is a foil for Ashley in RE4make.

(NOTE: A foil is a character that is set up in the narrative to directly contrast with another one. Where one character is deficient, the foil character is strong, and vice versa. Where Ada is cold, Ashley is warm. Where Ada is physically capable, Ashley is defenseless. Where Ada is secretive, Ashley is honest. Where Ada is calculating, Ashley is impulsive. A foil does not necessarily exist to make one character seem better than the other; a foil exists to showcase two equals using a different approach and receiving different outcomes as a result.)

Ada is the genesis of Leon's cynicism. She's the reason why he expects less than nothing from people anymore -- the reason why he goes into every social interaction waiting to be screwed over. And she reinforces this throughout the narrative by trying to tear him down ("Leave the girl. She's lost no matter what.") or by keeping score ("Happy to help. Now you owe me.") -- which she takes even further in Separate Ways ("Don't worry, Leon. First time's free.").

In the six years since her initial betrayal, Leon has been forged into a weapon by the US government. The kind-hearted boy from RE2make who wanted to save the world now is more comfortable shoving a knife in the throat of an old woman than he is with carrying on small talk with people.

But weapons on their own are neither good nor bad. It's how they're used that determines that. Up until RE4make, Leon has been surrounded by extreme violence and senseless death (that's the point of changing Operation Javier btw), and he doesn't see a way in which his status as a weapon could possibly be used for good.

Until Ashley comes into his life.

If there was ever anyone who had a good reason to take Leon for granted and take advantage of him, it's Ashley -- but not only does she not do that, but she goes out of her way to make herself useful without expectation or strings attached. The only thing she ever asks for in return is a "thank you."

So, every time she gets that "thank you" -- every time she gets a real smile out of him -- she's returning pieces of his humanity to him. She's healing the hurts that Ada and the CIA inflicted on him so many years ago. She's showing him that there's still some good in this world, and it's worth fighting for. She's worth fighting for.

When Leon says: "This time, it has to be different..." he's not talking about his inability to save anyone in Raccoon City. That's a very surface-level interpretation. What he's referring to there is that Raccoon City destroyed his faith in humanity, ruined his image of himself, and poisoned his ability to create meaningful connections with people.

That's what has to be different this time. That's why the full line he says in the intro is: "If I could just forget what happened that night... the pain, even for a second... This time, it can be different. It has to."

RE2make took so much from him, but Ashley spent the entirety of RE4make giving so much of it back. But if she were to die in his arms in chapter 15, that hope and that healing would die with her. Her death would be a reaffirmation that everything that Leon wants or hopes for in this world isn't real, and that reality is nothing more than a series of random tragedies and chaos that results in suffering.

Ashley re-teaches him how to trust in people again, how to work as part of a team again, how to feel good about his own actions again. She teaches him how to hope again.

Ashley is the first person in six years to care about whether Leon gets or feels hurt by her actions. The most important line of dialogue spoken to Leon in the entire game is "Stay back! I might hurt you again..." as Ashley openly sobs over the mere thought of it.

Juxtapose that beside...

During the boat scene, Ada asks Leon in response to whether or not she's changed, after all of the damage she's already inflicted on him: "What do you think? Don't think too hard."

And so, in the ending, Leon answers: "I think we both know that this is where we go our separate ways."

Because, this time, things were different.

Because, this time, his partner was Ashley.

[calliesmemes]

THE PAST ON STAGE IN SCRIPT AND SONG

A COMPILATION OF LYRICS AND QUOTATIONS FROM VARIOUS STAGE PRODUCTIONS WITH HISTORICAL SETTINGS OR STORYLINES.

CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.

SPECIFY muse for multimuses.

I. HAMILTON

“   He looked at me like I was stupid, I’m not stupid.   ”

“   Talk less; smile more.   ”

“   If you stand for nothing, what will you fall for?   ”

“   I imagine death so much it feels just like a memory.   ”

“   I will lay down my life if it sets us free.   ”

“   You want a revolution? I want a revelation.   ”

“   Chaos and bloodshed are not a solution.   ”

“   It’s hard to listen to you with a straight face.   ”

“   You’ll remember you belong to me.   ”

“   When push comes to shove, I will kill your friends and family to remind you of my love.   ”

“   Have I done something wrong?   ”

“   Dying is easy; living is harder.   ”

“   But what do we have in common?   ”

“   I’m about to change your life.   ”

“   I will never understand you.   ”

“   Don’t do a thing. History will prove him wrong.   ”

“   I can’t disobey direct orders.   ”

“   History has its eyes on you.   ”

“   Why do you assume you’re the smartest in the room?   ”

“   They are asking me to lead. I am doing the best I can.   ”

“   I’ve nowhere else to turn.   ”

“   Turn around, bend over; I’ll show you where my shoe fits!   ”

“   Every action has an equal opposite reaction.   ”

“   Try not to crack under the stress.   ”

“   This prick is asking for someone to bring him to task!   ”

“   See how he lies?   ”

“   You can finally speak your mind!   ”

“   They will tear him into pieces!   ”

“   As long as he can hold a pen, he’s a threat.   ”

“   This is the only way I can protect my legacy.   ”

“   That’s one less thing to worry about.   ”

“   I came as soon as I heard.   ”

“   I will choose her happiness over mine every time.   ”

“   Be careful with that one; he will do what it takes to survive.   ”

“   I’m erasing myself from the narrative.   ”

“   You forfeit all rights to my heart.   ”

“   I hope that you burn.   ”

“   This man has poisoned my political pursuits!   ”

“   Your last chance to negotiate.   ”

“   It's him or me, the world will never be the same.   ”

“   This man will not make an orphan of my daughter!   ”

“   Legacy, what is a legacy?   ”

“   Teach me how to say goodbye.   ”

“   History obliterates, in every picture it paints.   ”

“   I survived, but I paid for it.   ”

“   You have no control over who lives, who dies, who tells your story.   ”

“   Can I show you what I’m proudest of?   ”

“   Oh, I can’t wait to see you again.   ”

II. THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA

“   Please promise me you’ll try.   ”

“   Where in the world have you been hiding?   ”

“   You did well. He will be pleased.   ”

“   It frightens me.   ”

“   Don’t be frightened.   ”

“   Insolent boy!   ”

“   My power over you grows stronger yet.   ”

“   Now you cannot ever be free!   ”

“   So, it is to be war between us!   ”

“   We'll be safe there.   ”

“   I can't escape from him . . . I never will . . .   ”

“   Don't take me back there!   ”

“   All I want is freedom.   ”

“   I'm here, nothing can harm you.   ”

“   You’re safe; no one will find you.   ”

“   Say you’ll share with me one love, one lifetime.   ”

“   Anywhere you go, let me go too.   ”

“   I don’t want any part in this plot!   ”

“   If he finds me, it won’t ever end.   ”

“   Every hope and every prayer rests on you now.   ”

“   You've already succumbed to me.   ”

“   No second thoughts, you've decided.   ”

“   I had rather hoped that you would come.    ”

III. ANASTASIA

“   Wherever I go, you’ll always be with me. ”

“   Do you believe in fairytales? ”

“   It’s risky, but not more than usual. ”

“   I don’t know a thing before that. ”

“   You don’t know what it’s like not to know who you are. ”

“   I see flashes of fire, and hear the echoes of screams. ”

“   We’ve lots and lots to teach you, and the time is going fast. ”

“   Pull yourself together, and you’ll pull through it! ”

“   I don’t like being contradicted! ”

“   You have courage and strength you barely know. ”

“   They would kill you without hesitation. ”

“   Everyone imagines being someone else; I’m no different. ”

“   Be very careful what you say. ”

“   I heard the screams, but it’s the silence after that I remember most. ”

“   I believe he did a proud and vital task. ”

“   A revolution is a simple thing. ”

“   Your eyes. A man could look right into them. ”

“   Want to see what else I can do? ”

“   My father used to bring me here. ”

“   I’m not as strong as you think I am. ”

“   You were the only hope I had. ”

“   You’re the stubbornest person I’ve ever met! ”

“   Get a grip and take a deep breath. ”

“   We’ll be safe soon. ”

“   You put these ideas in my head. I’m beginning to think that they might be true. ”

“   You are all I know; you have raised me. ”

“   We’ll find them, never fear. ”

“   She’s nothing but a child. ”

“   I feel a strange connection I can’t allow. ”

“   I am nothing but a man, with nothing but his orders to fulfill. ”

“   Are you ready to be astonished? ”

“   If only I could lose hope entirely. ”

“   I won’t let you give up. ”

“   We are going to change history. ”

“   The voices keep coming back! ”

“   I began to wonder if you were ever going to pay me a compliment. ”

“   Do not come any closer! ”

“   I do not need reminding of what happened to my family! ”

“   I’m old and impatient. Kindness has become a luxury. ”

“   You’re clever. I’ll grant you that. ”

“   I have found solace in my bitterness. ”

“   Do you know what it means to lose everything? ”

“   It’s never too late to come home. ”

“   Do you think history wants you to have lived? ”

“   I am my father’s daughter. ”

“   I am my father’s son! ”

“   Be careful what a dream may bring! ”

IV. LES MISÉRABLES

“   I’ve done no wrong.   ”

“   You’re standing in your grave.   ”

“   They've all forgotten you.   ”

“   Your time is up.   ”

“   Do not forget my name.   ”

“   In their eyes I see their fear.   ”

“   Freedom is mine.   ”

“   You broke the law.   ”

“   Now every door is closed to me.   ”

“   What we have, we have to share   ”

“   Rest from pain, and rest from wrong.   ”

“   I commend you for your duty.   ”

“   My life was a war that could never be won.   ”

“   I feel my shame inside me like a knife   ”

“   Another story must begin.   ”

“   Cheer up dearie, show a happy face.   ”

“   I’ll kill you, you bastard.   ”

“   If I stay silent, I am damned.   ”

“   I swear to you, I will be there.   ”

“   Crying at all is not allowed.   ”

“   Like mother, like daughter.   ”

“   Please do not send me out there alone.   ”

“   I used to dream that I would meet a prince.   ”

“   There are treacherous people about.   ”

“   Don’t judge a girl on how she looks.   ”

“   The time is near.   ”

“   It is better than an opera!   ”

“   It is time for us all to decide who we are.   ”

“   Have you asked of yourself what’s the price you might pay?   ”

“   What was right seems wrong, and what was wrong seems right.   ”

“   Who cares about your lonely soul?   ”

“   How can I live when we are parted?   ”

“   My place is here, I fight with you!   ”

“   You're here, that's all I need to know   ”

“   Just hold me now, and let it be.   ”

“   Though we may not all survive here, there are things that never die.   ”

“   Come; time is running short.   ”

“   I am the law and the law is not mocked!   ”

“   Vengeance was his, and he gave me back my life.   ”

“   There is nothing on earth that we share.   ”

“   He gave me my life. He gave me freedom.   ”

“   I should have perished by his hand.   ”

“   Must I now begin to doubt what never doubted all those years?   ”

“   My heart is stone and still it trembles.   ”

V. 1776

“   There you are!   ”

“   What in the hell are you all waiting for?   ”

“   Oh, good god.   ”

“   I’ve had enough of you!   ”

“   Can’t we compromise here?   ”

“   Will someone shut that man up?   ”

“   It’s all quite simple, really.   ”

“   Have you done as I asked?   ”

“   I’m afraid we have a more urgent problem.   ”

“   Damn it; this is no time for playing games!   ”

“   Why don’t you give it up? Nobody listens to you.   ”

“   You’re obnoxious and disliked.   ”

“   What new intrigue are you cooking up?   ”

“   That was the most revolting display I have ever witnessed.   ”

“   It’s traditional. Even more, it is historical.   ”

“   I wonder if I might speak to you for a moment in private.   ”

“   How can anyone see you if you insist in standing in his shadow?   ”

“   Your voice is hurting my foot.   ”

“   What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a great man before?   ”

“   I’m not certain whether representing the people means relying on their judgement or on my own.   ”

“   There’s a question I’ve been fairly itching to ask you.   ”

“   I’ve never seen, heard, nor smelled an issue that was so dangerous it couldn’t be talked about.   ”

“   You are merely an agitator, disturbing the peace, creating disorder, endangering the public welfare!   ”

“   Don’t let him deceive you!   ”

“   Why the long face?   ”

“   I have objections — I have lots of objections!   ”

“   What is all that racket?   ”

“   Do you mean to say that it is not yet finished?   ”

“   I’ve forgotten the feel of your hand.    ”

“   I am, as I ever was and ever shall be, yours.   ”

“   Excuse me, madam, but we met last evening.   ”

“   I won’t appear in the history books anyway.   ”

“   All right, enough socializing. There’s work to be done.   ”

“   When they hang you, perhaps you’ll put in a good word for the rest of us?   ”

“   If I thought that we could win this war, I’d be at the front of your ranks.   ”

“   What we do we do rationally.   ”

“   Why begin, until we know that we can win?   ”

“   If we cannot win, why bother to begin?   ”

“   Most men with nothing would rather protect the possibility of becoming rich than face the reality of being poor.    ”

“   You’ll give yourself an attack of apoplexy if you’re not careful!   ”

“   This is a revolution, damn it! We’re going to have to offend somebody!   ”

[utilitycaster]

It’s so interesting how spot-on you were with the thoughts about toxic Beaujes folxs fleeing to D20. The same person who’s been starting shit on twitter just found out that CR doesn’t allow mass-produced zines, and used that fact to make some batshit generalization about how “that’s why the fandom is corporatized and violent and racist towards any canon-contradicting fanon like all my beaujester friends told me and now I’m parroting it uncritically”.

So I think this might be my last post on this unless some more wild shit goes down (very possible) not because I disagree but just because I am also trying to be conscious of overshadowing my genuine excitement for The Ravening War. But yeah...like, I followed a few people who were CR fanartists until Beauyasha started happening and unfollowed them once that went down; it was extremely exhausting watching a bunch of (mostly white) people in their early 20s suddenly claim a show they'd watched over 200 episodes of was hopelessly problematic simply because their ship didn't happen. It was a truly vile combination of normal shipping drama plus appropriated social justice language about said shipping drama plus, as others have noted, middle-class white queer people [a demographic I fit into myself] shoving aside narratives about POC or working class people because they aren't explicitly queer narratives (or even narratives about queer people that aren't to their exact specifications of what queerness looks like; see people who refuse to respect Molly's pronouns or who erase Vax's bisexuality because he was primarily romantically involved with a woman).

The zine thing is fucking wild in particular for the following reasons:

The two CR-centric zines that person has mentioned as not ultimately moving forward were both zines that intended to pay the artists, ie, at least partially for profit rather than charity zines.

I am not personally in a creative industry but I've been reliably told by basically everyone who is that CR's policy is boilerplate.

CR has a pretty extensive history of showcasing and hiring fanartists; this is not opposition to fan content, which is how this wack job is attempting to portray it.

Similarly no one is devaluing fan content; they're just saying "you are throwing a big old hissy fit in public about the hypothetical scenario of The Ravening War not honoring a ship that has, and I am not joking here, six fics on Ao3 in total." (For reference: Lapin/Theo, a ship that person actively dislikes, has 56 works, which, idk I feel that's almost ten times as widely accepted fanlore.)

Their twitter currently is bragging about their cookbook zine (which as far as I know wasn't based in fanon but was just a cookbook with fanart in it) and not about their currently active charity zine (which is the one about Belizabeth and Citrina). Also that charity zine is available for free which really undercuts the "for charity" aspect. Anyway a cool thing to do is to not buy it, but just donate directly to the International Rescue Committee or your refugee-supporting charity of choice.

Anyway. This was an opportunity to rant a lot but I will leave you with this: I am not the right person, obviously, to enumerate every possible issue with CR's portrayal of characters of color nor the lack of diversity of the cast. I think discussions of racism and lack of representation in actual play are important to have. But it's telling that fanartists, specifically, who left CR over Beau and Jester not getting together but pretended this was about social justice, always seem to go to D20. Or NADDPod. Or Friends at the Table. Or have their art featured in the TAZ graphic novels. All majority white or entirely white main casts.

They rarely seem to go to, say, Rivals of Waterdeep, or Into the Motherlands, or Three Black Halflings (and those are still some of the better known examples, frankly). People complaining that Critical Role hates lesbians for having a lesbian relationship they didn't like never seem to check out The Broadswords, or use resources like this to find women-led actual play. It's about getting clicks; they want to find an existing fandom to adore them rather than use the power they claim to wield to popularize something underrated.

Anyway that's the last reason why I think I'm done for now: I think the best and most satisfying thing is to starve them of attention, and to enjoy the Ravening War and art and fic about it from fans who are happy to be here.

[literary-illuminati]

Book Review 66 – Prophet, Volume 1: Remission by Brandon Graham (et al)

I am not, generally a big comics reader – like, I’m fairly sure you can count the number of comics I’ve read any real amount of on one hand, and exactly one of those was capefic/part of a shared universe – and that’s only one of several reasons why this isn’t a series I’m likely to have picke up on my own. But a good friend has relentlessly bullied me into trying it (up to and including physically shoving the entire run into my hands) and the alternative is pacifying him by reading more Malazan, so I’m giving this a try and approaching it with an open mind.

The book opens in the unimaginably distant future, on an earth where humanity and all its works seems less erased and more just forgotten, the ruins and wastes settled by a whole variety of different alien species. In this, an ancient crypod hisses open and John Prophet, vaguely superhuman soldier of the old Earth Empire, awakens with an itch in his brain urging him across the world towards the mission he was called upon to complete.

The first half of the volume is John’s adventures across the alien earth on his way to receive his mission and then complete it. Once he has, and the old Empire begins to awaken, things get weird – old Earth was really big into cloning and gene-editing, apparently, and there’s a lot of very variably recognizable other Johns buried and frozen across the Galaxy; the story takes some time to jump between a few of them and the worlds or spacecraft or artificial megastructures they find themselves on.

This is a very visual comic, significantly moreso than the others I’ve read – dialogue is sparse to nonexistent, with the detached narration providing the vast majority of the text in every issue so far. Which makes the overwhelming appeal of this visual – do you like looking at weird acid-trip aliens and sci fi vistas and lots of richly coloured violence and action with the bare minimum of text to make the narrative cohere? Then you will unironically adore this.

The later chapters are what start leaning into the actual plot of the series – John is either the original or a now-uniquely high caste clone, and was involved in the civil war that ruined the old empire on account of having or developing a conscience, I think, and with him having woken up the empire this will presumably be pretty key going forward. Despite that, I found myself enjoying the first few episodic chapters of him journeying across Earth rather more. The Jack Vance/Sword&Planet sci fi adventure is a genre I basically haven’t seen since my reading material expanded past the bookshelf my dad had in the basement as a child, so reading through them was oddly nostalgic. The tension between John wanting to get in trouble and help people and be a hero and the programming in his head pushing him to focus solely on The Mission could be a fun dynamic, too. Honestly slightly dissapointed they didn’t drag it out longer.

Anyway these things are incredibly bite-sized for something Goodreads classifies as a whole book, so it’s not like this was much of a time commitment. Which is good, because I’ve got four more to go.

[girlwithfish]

tbh I think you should share with his mom some of the details of the horrible things he said and did to you, send her a message or something. he deserves punishment for the suffering he forced upon you and everyone should know what an abusive piece of trash he is, they shouldn't have to believe his lies.

yeah i agree! i just dont really trust that his family or ppl who know him more than me will really believe me. ive seen how he talks to cops and bystanders and his family about me he manipulates them easily. its easy to tell them im unwell and im the one with bpd and hes doing x y and z to keep me safe or bc im not well or he always has an excuse its scary and ppl have believed him. i lost respect and any trust in his mom after i tried reaching out to her twice that week or two leading up to the breakup where the first time she basically said He doesnt want u to leave bc of the state ur in hes concerned for u xo. i probably downplayed it a bit bc i didnt wanna be like he shoved me in a closet when i was having a panic attack and a breakdown sobbing and crying and so distressed bc he physically prevented me from leaving the room and apartment. she didnt care that i had to run out of the apartment to use a strangers phone. basically after a while of arguing outside w him and his mom on the phone w two strangers there using one of their phones she just told us to take it inside and the lady whose phone i was using walked me back into the apartment with him lmfao. she just believes his story idk. second time i had him call her bc i thought shed comvince him to give me my phone back this was the night i left i was pretty firm abt breaking up and saying i wanted to leave he wouldnt let me lol. idk what she said think she suggested he give me my phone back but he just hung up on her lol. i begged him to call 911 or smth bc he took my phone and hid my laptop and i was terrified to be inside there w him w nothing and no 3rd party and he wouldnt at first and then when i said im gonna just walk out (its impossible for me to just grab my car keys to MY car btw and leave bc he will stop me and we will fight over the keys.) he said ok u can but ill call the cops on u. so lol. Idk. i feel i will come off as vindictive or smth if i try to do that i dont really have faith or trust in her and i think i just need to protect myself. i just really doubt she'd believe me idk if itd be a good idea even though i am tempted a lot :/ just sucks cuz ik hes spreading a weird narrative to his whole family. probably leaving out all the abuse or justifying why he would prevent me from leaving my own house. idk! lol. it keeps me up cuz it really fucking bothers me how skewed and distorted his view is how hes telling me hes not an abuser and all tbe downplaying saying im pretending hes one i just hate it so fucking much

[dearweirdme]

https://www.tumblr.com/dearweirdme/736712703499010048/it-just-bothers-me-when-fans-feel-entitled-to It is not ridiculous to "side with the company" on this one. I'm Hybe hater #1, can't stand corporate bs in general, but in this instance I agree 100% with previous anon who talked about their relationship not being content. I can easily believe this is their way of protecting them, even if it seems like too much at times. Of course not every interaction is going to expose them. You can get away with a lot that most people will brush aside as just good friends behavior. But obviously what we've seen has convinced us that they're together. So something is showing in their interactions. Who am I to calculate the current risk for them. And who am I to demand that they put on the bro act for the official cameras just so I can get some content. Content that people can call awkward like that anon talking about the May 2020 VLive. That VLive was the first one of just the two of them since 2016 by the way. When I saw the news that they were on VLive I didn't believe it because I was sure we were never getting another just TK VLive and it had been four years. When I tuned in and saw they were obviously being chaperoned, it made sense. On Twitter, Taekookers threw an embarrassing fit about not getting to see Taekook's final goodbyes before enlistment. I saw very few acknowledge that these moments should be just for them. It reeks of insecurity and selfishness. They needed Taekook to prove something. They wanted their moment to shove in Jkker's faces. In 2-3 days, they'd be back to whining for more. Instead of protecting them, Taekooker's make it about the company trying to make it look like they're not even friends. If someone genuinely believes they're not even friends, they're probably a Jkker or an idiot or both and no one should be concerned with what they think about TK's relationship based on official content only. As far as Inkigayo also being absent, they snuck Tae into and out of the building without anyone knowing (and I still think it's possible he went in and left with JK). It was the only time a member attended another's performance and didn't go in through the front door in front of media cameras. They hid it very well then, and must have had a reason. So I wouldn't expect to see it in official content. Again, I don't need "moments" fed to me in official content. I don't need the company choosing moments to allow to keep the bro narrative going. What Taekook choose to show us means everything to me, and they showed so much in the last year. They showed what they wanted to just before enlistment. That's enough for me.

Hi anon!

I think BH cutting out Tae and Jk is very much two sided. It’s to protect Tae and Jk as persons, as artists who want to have a career, to protect BTS as a group, but it’s also to protect the company. The question I ask myself is: if Tae and Jk wanted to come out, would BH let them? And I do not think they would, at least not at this point. Not because they’re homophobes, but because it’s a risk to their biggest source of income. And in the end, I think it’s always money that makes the decisions.

I think Tae and Jk at times showed they didn’t enjoy being placed apart. They were very young though, so maybe that’s why the company felt they had to take charge and Tae and Jk couldn’t be trusted. Being young and in love does make people unpredictable at times, and young people in general are not as good at hiding their feelings as much as they think. I think it does show that after 2019 they were able to be together more, so possibly at that time BH decided to easy the rules a bit (enter the ITS talk and Taekook diving into closeness again).

I do feel the balance could have been better and I think BH is scared of rumors getting too much. Which may be valid. I don’t think Tae and Jk want to actually be out themselves at this point, but I do think they would’ve wanted to do some projects together and I absolutely think it’s the company that holds them back in that.

But you are very right. We have no right to expect or want anything regarding their relationship from them. That’s private and is supposed to be private. I did not want to see their last goodbye and I am very glad we didn’t have to witness some strained interaction for the sake of fandom.

[agonycrossbow]

Leon, in the intro to RE4make:

"September 30, 1998. It's a day I'll never forget. The cop inside me died that day."

---

Officer 1: So, tell me, Yanqui. Why did you come to this horrible place? As close to nowhere as I've ever seen.

Leon: Let's just say... looking for someone.

Officer 1: That someone must be very important, eh? The Chief gave the orders himself. "Help him," he said.

Leon: I'm sure you boys didn't come all the way out here to roast marshmallows.

Officers 1 & 2: (laugh)

Leon: (annoyed) Maybe you did.

Officer 1: You have a strange sense of humor. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. Just between us. A lot of people have gone missing around here, and it's been that way for a while, now.

Leon: (still annoyed) Well, then. Should be just another day in the office, right?

Officer 1: Mmm... I mean, last week, there was a search for some missing hikers.

Leon: (sarcastically) I'm sure you'll do your best to help me.

Officer 1: (laughs)

[...]

Leon, much later in the scene: So much for helping me.

---

Leon, later in chapter 1:

(bitterly) "Gotta fix everything myself."

---

Leon tells Ada in RE2make that the reason why he went into law enforcement was to help people like Kendo and his daughter -- vulnerable people, good people, members of the community who are facing the worst moments of their life and need someone to help make it right.

And yet he says in the intro to RE4make that the cop inside him died that day. When we take that in context with what he told Ada about Kendo, what he means is that his desire to help people died that day. The belief that he could help people died that day.

His faith in humanity died that day.

Leon goes into his mission to save Ashley already expecting the two local officers that he's with to be completely fucking useless, and he gets immediately annoyed at the first hint that they are. His "So much for helping me" is said with a sense of "Why am I not surprised?"

He went into RE2make believing that people are generally good and that things will work themselves out.

He goes into RE4make believing that people are generally selfish and will take advantage of him, leaving him to work through any problem that arises on his own.

This is why he's so supremely pissed off at Ada when they meet back up again, and it's also why Ashley is so integral to his character arc. It's also why I've said in the past that Ada is a foil for Ashley in RE4make.

(NOTE: A foil is a character that is set up in the narrative to directly contrast with another one. Where one character is deficient, the foil character is strong, and vice versa. Where Ada is cold, Ashley is warm. Where Ada is physically capable, Ashley is defenseless. Where Ada is secretive, Ashley is honest. Where Ada is calculating, Ashley is impulsive. A foil does not necessarily exist to make one character seem better than the other; a foil exists to showcase two equals using a different approach and receiving different outcomes as a result.)

Ada is the genesis of Leon's cynicism. She's the reason why he expects less than nothing from people anymore -- the reason why he goes into every social interaction waiting to be screwed over. And she reinforces this throughout the narrative by trying to tear him down ("Leave the girl. She's lost no matter what.") or by keeping score ("Happy to help. Now you owe me.") -- which she takes even further in Separate Ways ("Don't worry, Leon. First time's free.").

In the six years since her initial betrayal, Leon has been forged into a weapon by the US government. The kind-hearted boy from RE2make who wanted to save the world now is more comfortable shoving a knife in the throat of an old woman than he is with carrying on small talk with people.

But weapons on their own are neither good nor bad. It's how they're used that determines that. Up until RE4make, Leon has been surrounded by extreme violence and senseless death (that's the point of changing Operation Javier btw), and he doesn't see a way in which his status as a weapon could possibly be used for good.

Until Ashley comes into his life.

If there was ever anyone who had a good reason to take Leon for granted and take advantage of him, it's Ashley -- but not only does she not do that, but she goes out of her way to make herself useful without expectation or strings attached. The only thing she ever asks for in return is a "thank you."

So, every time she gets that "thank you" -- every time she gets a real smile out of him -- she's returning pieces of his humanity to him. She's healing the hurts that Ada and the CIA inflicted on him so many years ago. She's showing him that there's still some good in this world, and it's worth fighting for. She's worth fighting for.

When Leon says: "This time, it has to be different..." he's not talking about his inability to save anyone in Raccoon City. That's a very surface-level interpretation. What he's referring to there is that Raccoon City destroyed his faith in humanity, ruined his image of himself, and poisoned his ability to create meaningful connections with people.

That's what has to be different this time. That's why the full line he says in the intro is: "If I could just forget what happened that night... the pain, even for a second... This time, it can be different. It has to."

RE2make took so much from him, but Ashley spent the entirety of RE4make giving so much of it back. But if she were to die in his arms in chapter 15, that hope and that healing would die with her. Her death would be a reaffirmation that everything that Leon wants or hopes for in this world isn't real, and that reality is nothing more than a series of random tragedies and chaos that results in suffering.

Ashley re-teaches him how to trust in people again, how to work as part of a team again, how to feel good about his own actions again. She teaches him how to hope again.

Ashley is the first person in six years to care about whether Leon gets or feels hurt by her actions. The most important line of dialogue spoken to Leon in the entire game is "Stay back! I might hurt you again..." as Ashley openly sobs over the mere thought of it.

Juxtapose that beside...

During the boat scene, Ada asks Leon in response to whether or not she's changed, after all of the damage she's already inflicted on him: "What do you think? Don't think too hard."

And so, in the ending, Leon answers: "I think we both know that this is where we go our separate ways."

Because, this time, things were different.

Because, this time, his partner was Ashley.

[happysadyoyo]

"Abusers always know what they're doing and they don't care that it's wrong"

I.

What?

I am pretty damn certain saying absolute truths like this just.

I just wanted to listen to a book review while I get ready for the day, not find myself picking apart this person's arguments for why all abusive people know they're abusive and are all inherently morally reprehensible people while trying not to victim blame a poorly written fictional character.

Newsflash, you can actually be incredibly unaware of how your actions are affecting other people. You can be abusive and genuinely hurt people and not realize it until you're called out for it. I think the biggest sign of someone being an abuser is when they are called out for it and don't change.

This isn't entirely thought out right now, but yeah. Idk. i feel this black and white thinking serves only to like. Help people continue the us vs them narrative? Fuel modern versions of lesbian separatism and women retraumatizing themselves to the point their pain becomes weaponized hatred?

It's hard to see people who have hurt you as people. And you have to take the steps to protect yourself first and foremost. The most basic moral to follow is to not do things that hurt yourself or other people, and abusers, intentional or not, violate that moral rule. And it's not wrong to be angry, traumatized, and it's in your right to cut your abuser out, never forgive them, even if they change. There was a joke I read once where a kid being bullied tried to empathize with the bully, saying something like "I know you're like this because you're unloved at home" and the kid gets decked. You gotta protect yourself first and foremost.

And like, it's okay to hate the people who abused you or your loved ones. I still hate B's exes even though they're gone now for all the pain they put B through.

There's just something here in my brain that I can't quite work out how to word properly. I wish I could but. Yep. Here I am shoving out incoherent thoughts while calling out an asshole on the internet in another post lmao.

[dobranocka]

writer questions: 14, 25, 28, 32 <3

14. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back?

...asks a person I joke with about having a shared library. But yes, absolutely, to the point I shove my favourite books at everyone. My sister still has one of my favourite poem books I gave her like seven years ago. My friend from work I quitted in 2019 is hanging on my Voices from Chernobyl. Marron - a person asking this - borrowed my Three Kingdoms and I don't think she will give it back. I am big fan of "books are meant to be shared". The downside is - I am terrible at giving people books back. As Marron knows :*

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?

I don't think I do know that - I feel like for me, everything about the character is somehow related to a story I am trying currently to tell. I feel like this is one of the things that stems from how I am much more likely to think of themes, and narratives, and symbolism of the stories that I think of individual traits of characters (which is a little sad, I suppose, in that I don't think of my characters as real individual people - but, well, they aren't).

But if you want to take it into more "cracky headcanon" territory - I totally think Shen Wei spends majority of his money on clothing. He's secretly a fashionista.

28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why?

For the fanfic characters - I feel like that would be Da Qing, hands down. I feel like he is so much fun to write, and I love writing the banter between him and Zhao Yunlan. Peak younger sibling energy.

To give an example:

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

WELL THANK YOU I AM GLAD YOU ASKED

“He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”

and

"You said I killed you--haunt me then. The murdered do haunt their murderers. I believe--I know that ghosts have wandered the earth. Be with me always--take any form--drive me mad. Only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you!"

Both from Wuthering Heights, of course. Why am I so obsessed with this book? Idk, why is it so perfect???

Thank you for asking those questions!

Ask me weird questions about writing

[bleachbleachbleach]

11/21-11/27/22

WHAT A WEEK OF Ws AND Ls.

The Ls: I spent a lot of this week feeling bad about myself and writing fanfic anyway because I had time this week that I’m not going to have next week, and then feeling worse about myself because the fanfic was bad, and I felt bad about it being OOC, and also not having any real narrative coherence or value, and being structurally completely insane. Also, this chapter is now 10,000 words long and is not yet complete and I know I was trying to convince myself earlier that there is absolutely no reason a chapter can’t be a novella, but also why would it need to be. But the parts that are bad need to be there in some form, so I have to fix them, not simply delete them.

The Ws: I kept writing. PRESS ON REGARDLESS. Hisagi and Matsumoto had a better conversation than I thought they were going to have. I don’t think it’s quite there, but it’s way better than the version I wrote last year and this week deleted all of. In a different conversation, I managed to work in a reference to the Koifushi Bananas, my beloved. I wrote most of the 2nd of 4ish fight scenes in this fic, which I was concerned about because I don’t want them to feel repetitive; and I personally think fight scenes are more interesting to watch than to read. But this one has a JELLY WOLF  (except it’s not jelly, or a wolf, this is a terrible description), which I’m happy about, because the entirety of the outline for this part was just "I’ll probably need you to cover for me. Don’t go too far." and “shikai” and I didn’t know there was going to be a Jelly Wolf. 

I am very fond of Jelly Wolf, so here is most of his scene:

Faster. She needs to be faster. One at a time won’t be good enough.

Matsumoto splits her attention. Haineko, at the back of her mind. Haineko, entrusted. They are faster and stronger together but Haineko can hold her own, ash moving like a lynx through the trees, only to dissipate and move like no creature at all. 

Matsumoto can smell it now, gamey and rich—not blood, Hollows don’t have blood—so thick it’s obliterative to all else.

(Her captain, somewhere. Don’t get too far. Don’t let him get too far—)

Matsumoto shoots through the forest, trying to close distance. She doesn’t think she can make the same kidou net as Hinamori had when they’d fought together in the Winter War, its tight weave almost invisible against the reishi around it, but with any luck she won’t have to. These Hollows are the monstrous kind, not the deceitful—no language, no games. Just hunger.

Stay that way, she prays, and sets bombs. Kidou, nascent, connected by thready intent, ready to be brought together by a final syllable.

Haineko rushes her, splitting the branches from a tree as the ash streams past, friction smoke rising in her wake, and Matsumoto falls into a defensive stance. Haineko materializes as a blade just as black jaws close around her, jaws so large they can’t belong to anything that fits inside this forest. Jaws so large that as they swallow her whole, Matsumoto remains whole. The bite is jagged and she slips through the cracks.

She is and isn’t inside something. The Hollow is more a ghost of a thing than a thing, powerful enough that inside it like this, Matsumoto can feel her body buckling under pressure. Her muscles contact like they’re responding to brutal touch and her breaths come in shallow gasps as her lungs struggle to inflate. She can see the trees through its body, curving inward like ribs, rafters on which this Hollow has hung its shape. Why work around the forest when you can become it?

Matsumoto croaks out the final syllable of her bomb net.

As expected, it’s not enough—all seven bombs blow a hole only large enough for Matsumoto to take one gasping breath of free air before the Hollow’s spiritual pressure shoves her to the ground once more, popping the breath from her lungs.

The jaws come back. They’re clearly not attached to any head, nor is it likely they have any sense that they should be, but in Matsumoto’s mind it’s like a wolf turning inside out, teeth chasing prey down its own throat. Matsumoto throws her sword up to block, another thing that should have been kidou but isn’t, because all language floods from her mind and she doesn’t think she can speak— she can’t breathe—

Matsumoto bets on black, lets her jaws close around her again as Haineko dissipates, and hopes the fangs will miss her again. She sends Haineko away, rushing low over the ground, splintering the tops of roots as they head for the base of the rib-trees.

She feels a sharp pain at her thigh, and gasps.

Blood, blood for sure, as her cheeks turn deathly cold then hot, nervous system jolted into frenzy by sudden uncertainty—where her body begins and ends, what exists within and without. But it’s not a puncture, nothing’s crushed—she can move freely and does, hand slicking instantly as she tries to gauge the depth of the wound. She has no idea what hurt her, until she reminds herself that this Hollow is not, in fact, a wolf—not even one the size of a forest, with its head down its throat. Perhaps the teeth are barbed, perhaps they are not teeth at all. She staggers until the pressure forces her to her knees again.

Tree line, she reminds herself. Tree line, tree line—

At least, she hears a crack, as the earth, carved away by Haineko, begins to release the tree roots, and the tree comes down. The second tree already, she realizes with some relief—the first, while she was in the jaws.

Her leg isn’t off too poorly. It’s painful, missing enough skin to risk infection if she weren’t to tend it, but it’s not deep and it’s bleeding, but not profusely. She’s okay, she’s okay. She hears another tree fall. Faster.

Kidou, this time. First a kekkai, thrown hastily between her and the not-jaws, but a far better defense than her sword. Then bakudou, towards the trees. Used normally, this bakudou will stills the current of reiryoku in an opponent. Trees are not the same, but all life flows with reishi, and Matsumoto tries to imagine the vascular inside of a tree, tries to imagine the small death of all that reishi—water and nutrients and whatever else—coming to a stop. She imagines the burnt out husks of trees after a lightning strike, the emptiness of dry wood stacked neatly in the 10th Division kitchens.

Haineko rips through the dead spots, and the trees come down, one after another after another. With it comes the Hollow, body collapsing with the trees.

Matsumoto rolls, too conscious of the pain as her bleeding thigh bounces over rock and root.

Faster. Haineko doesn’t have enough ash to match the size of the Hollow. She’ll need to make up for it in speed—faster, faster—

There’s nothing to aim for, in this Hollow that is too big for this forest and is this forest and is not a wolf and is and is not a set of jaws and is a heaviness, a great dark mass. There is no heart to aim for, no head. If it has any kind of literal hole the only ones Matsumoto can imagine are the gaps between its teeth.

She will tear it to pieces. She has to. She will tear it to pieces until it forgets it was anything but pieces.

She doesn’t think much, after that, as her mind fills only with Haineko, only with this singular objective: Tear it apart.

Take it in your teeth and shred.

[literal-ghost]

I watched Belle the other night and I have such weird feelings about it.

There's a lot of interesting ideas to explore in the film, like creative expression and how you are perceived when you put it out there. What power dynamics do in online spaces (I thought the concept of the corrupt moderator lead was neat, but of course there needed to be a 'Gaston' character, and that was a clever way of putting one in the story), and how perceived power just through attention and popularity can affect a person, whether it's positive OR negative attention. And of course, the internet as escapism, of creating a persona to express what you cannot in your regular life, and how real and affecting your friendships with others can be, and how special those connections are.

I am all about those points, and I'm sure that tons of people can find something to relate to from their own lives and experiences online.

But

The way characters moved through the narrative to navigate to those points felt awkwardly alien and clunky. The execution of the plot was so fucking weird. I get what the film was trying to do and it could have pulled it off better. The first kinda hour and 15 minutes into the film, I had said put loud, "this isn't bad, per say, but it feels like the movie equivalent of eating plain, untoasted white bread right out of the bag." The plots between Suzu's real life and what was going on in U felt so disconnected from one another, and maybe that was intentional? But even when those plot points converge and things come to a head at the film's climax, I found myself so frustrated at the characters (why in a room full of her friends and FIVE GROWN ADULTS would they encourage Suzu to go ALONE??? What does Suzu showing up actually accomplish to help the situation? I get the whole thing of her overcoming her grief by coming to understand her mother and her choice to act, and the tension of that scene was very well done, but what are we expected to believe comes AFTER???)

And like. I'm not a dummy about picking up on the grief that Suzu and the Beast share with each other. It's very obvious with the broken portrait, the spilled roses, and the glimpse into Beast's real life. But I wish they would have spent more time explicitly extrapolating on that point and having them bond in some way more than "this person continued to try to reach out to me even when I pushed them away". I wish they had room for some realer feeling semblance of friendship to bloom between them that wasn't just the Ballroom scene being shoved in there just to go "hey look it's Beauty and the Beast!!!". I know allegorically that the dance was them opening up to one another, but it still felt like these characters had almost no real basis for a friendship that strong. Suzu is obsessed from the start with asking the Beast "who are you" instead of "why do you fight like that", and I think that's the more important question to know the answer to. And also the one more approachable!!! Like fuck. Imagine meeting a stranger online and you need to find out who they really are behind the screen before you know literally anything else about them. And she kinds flops between having a desire to find out and wanting to protect his privacy, and I guess this is a way of her wanting to connect to this person, but also empathizing and knowing how important HER privacy is to her. But it's just ??????

Anyway, uh.

It was a pretty film. Very cool to look at, with interesting ideas, but presented with a clunky way of trying to explore them. Overall execution left me feeling like I didn't need to watch this film a second time. But in U, Moderators will doxx you in open forum if you fuck up enough, and that's a hilarious concept to me.

[knowlesian]

Stede tells the crew: "We'll talk it through as a crew" and he gets them to be emotionally open and honest with him and with each other, but he can't bring himself to do the same. He gets Ed to open up to him in a sobbing meltdown but he's a closed book.

I think the first (and possibly only) time in the show that Stede ever actually talks about his own feelings is on the beach: "You make Stede happy."

THIS IS VERY TRUE

and since i have a couple minutes i want to talk about stede and trauma responses.

because stede's got a lot going on, re: the reasons he makes some pretty poor choices throughout the run of the show; he's got a touch of narratively ironic main character syndrome, he's preeeeeeetty fucking non-neurotypically coded, his wealth and material comfort have kept him from noticing the larger state of the world, the hilarious snippy retorts parts of him are hilarious and snippy, etc.

but on top of that: we've met his fucking dad. i don't really want to speculate past what canon showed us, but i'd say he absolutely qualifies as emotionally abusive, and we know he sent stede off to sad alone little rich boy school at some point.

we get zero indication stede has experienced even the barest attempts at emotional support until mary offers them, at which point he's like 'what is this... telling people deeply personal things about you that you speak of??? and then people don't take those things and laugh at you??? they want to help you??? seems sus, i would rather go read a book and/or run away to sea like a small child lugging his backpack of fruit snacks down to the park. also when i tried to tell you about horses with kind eyes you didn't understand what i was trying to do there and i felt slighted, so thanks to my upbringing i have taken that miscommunication and hung onto it and even if i don't know it, it's playing into why i won't take you up on your very kind and well-communicated offer to alleviate my pain. i am A LOT. it's sad, it's realistic, but oh man. it's hard dealing with me and it's hard BEING me. tell you the truth, i don't like it much either. or myself! weird, that.'

this man makes me want to CRY.

anyway: stede grew up with a father who looked him in the face and said: you suck. you deserve no kindness, which is handy because i will never show it to you! and if you don't get used to that level of cruelty in the place that should feel safest from the person the world says is taking care of you, you are not gonna make it out of this shit alive.

stede made it the fuck out. he cut himself into pieces and shoved himself into boxes and learned to shut his fucking mouth and not expect kindness, so when people offer it to him he doesn't trust it.

hell. i'm not even sure he knows what kindness is, before he takes his fruit snacks and his backpack and runs away to the sea.

i truly do love this show.