#and my dad made thehalfway-snide remark of “Wow I can tell you’re following along because your eyes are moving“ | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

theres-whump-in-that-nebula · 2 years

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I just realized that I hate being directly talked to (in most situations); but if someone is talking to their friend at the same table as I am, and we’re all working on separate projects, I love listening to their conversation? Like, in art class these two gamer kids would go on and on about Sonic and Overwatch to each other and it was amazing; because I like reading Wikipedia articles on things I have no personal interest in just to know what it is enough to talk about it if someone brings it up in conversation.

Call that benign eavesdropping.

#I kinda programmed my brain to zone out if someone talks to me at length because I was vented on so much as a child #I also programmed my brain to zone out when reading because of The Meetings #one of my earliest memories is pretending to read the Daily Text by moving my eyes back and forth dramatically (I was… five?)#and my dad made thehalfway-snide remark of “Wow I can tell you’re following along because your eyes are moving“#and I was like “oh crap I overacted; gotta find another way to do that“#so then I figured out I had this magical ability to actually read words and absorb nothing from them #and instead of trying to fix that magical ability as the problem it was; I amplified it to the point where I hated reading #because I couldn’t read anything longer than a paragraph without going through the five stages of grief #so naturally 30 minute reading time in school was horrible and I hated it #because they said we had to read a certain number of books and REALLY put the pressure on us if we didn’t #and we would have to finish books over winter break in order to get a good grade and ??? hello what does the word break mean to you?#I don’t wanna read a book for school on my BREAK #I never got close to the forty books they wanted us to read #the most I ever got in a school year was seventeen (and they were all short)#of those; I maybe liked reading two or three #the rest I either hated or have no memory of #which is saying something because I have an excellent memory #usually

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