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honey-sunsets · 3 years

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Love Does Not Exist Here — GAU!Phil Lore

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It was once a great honor to be the Angel of Death.

At the end of every battle came a dark cloud of crows so massive it blocked out the sun. They would flock to the shards of gems who hadn’t made it to see this hallowed occasion. Those who were still standing were sure to cease any activity and clear a generous path. When the crows dispersed enough that the sky could once again be seen, what they heralded was revealed. Draped in moss-colored robes, soaring down from the heavens on massive grey wings, the Angel of Death arrived to collect the fallen and deliver them to the only being in the Universe with the power to heal them: Lady Death.

She was younger only than DreamXD himself, and the only non-diamond to have formed naturally from the soils of Homeworld. Her significance was visible in the way her jet stone floated above her head, encircled by a black ring which supported either a dark veil or a vine of wither roses, depending on the occasion. Lady Death gained her title not only from her power but her use of it. She healed every crack and shatter that came to her, never offering priority or turning anyone down.

To many, she was Lady Death. To her Angel—to Phil—she was Kristin. She was the woman who found his shattered gem deep within the caves of an abandoned colony. She was the woman whom he toured around, showing her every structure and contraption he had crafted over what seemed to be hundreds of years. She was the one he led to the old gem cultivation site, where there was a gem that hadn’t emerged yet, and asked what was wrong with it. She was the one who discovered it had cracked before being able to form, and the one who healed it, and who helped Phil in deciding to name it Wilbur.

Kristin was stubborn and loving and funny, and Phil thanked his lucky stars every day that they had met. He thanked them for Kristin’s everlasting life, for the wings that carried him swiftly back to her. He prayed to them that his son’s talented mind would be expressed to its wonderful potential, that his wife would always come home safe and happy from the journeys she could never go too long without.

And when his wife did not come home, when year after quiet year had passed without a word or a sign or a hope, he cursed those same stars. He dared them to come down to where he stood or he’d fly up there himself. He damned them straight to the Hell they’d designed for him.

Some days, Phil thinks he might have preferred it be abrupt and final rather than gradual and uncertain. He wishes someone had knocked on his door, looking sullen and uncomfortable, and told him outright that Kristin was… what? Missing? Shattered? Otherwise gone forever? He’d seen this mercy performed for others after Lady Death disappeared. How cruel is that, that one gem’s suffering is merciful to another? But Phil would take that sudden punch over the million pinpricks any day.

At first, there was concern. Why isn’t she back yet? Why can’t we track her ship? Then panic. Did she crash? Did she ran away? Then dread. What do we do without her, without her powers? How do we go on when we are suddenly so impermanent? Decades passed with attempt after failed attempt to locate Lady Death and bring her home, and finally came a new age: despair. She isn’t coming back. We have to figure out how to live without her.

A people in need of saving will craft a savior. The newest of the diamonds, a spunky and intelligent young lad with a green diamond fixed in his glabella, was pushed up on a pedestal, ready to be just that. With a charming and trustable grin, he took the Universe by storm, emerging from the rubble and bringing with him hope for a new future. He vowed to restore what the world had lost, he swore he wouldn’t rest until he obtained the secret to immortality.

Figuring out how to live without Kristin was easier for some than for others. Phil knew this young diamond was only a necessary filler in a power vacuum, he knew gemkind would soon be trapped in a web of its own making. But the Angel of Death said nothing.

What was there to say, really? Even the mighty pink topaz Technoblade was reluctant to fight. No one was unkillable anymore, not even him. Even the feared pyrite Foolish had dropped to his knees at the sight of a cracked sapphire before him, and swapped his sword for a spade shortly after. And Wilbur. Oh, stars, Wilbur. His dreams had condensed into plans, his songs were rewritten into anthems. He and Phil didn’t spend much time around each other anymore, lest they be reminded of the empty space between them.

The world felt lifeless now. So much so that when Wilbur approached Phil one night, beneath those stars they used to love, and explained that he was going to leave to start anew on a colony beyond what was known, Phil did not argue with him. Phil only made him promise to write often.

However doubtful or downtrodden he may have been at first, Phil came to find comfort in the letters he soon received. It sounded to him like this new world was good for his son; Wilbur’s old spirit seemed to have come back. He wrote jovially about his new friends; a green pearl named Tubbo, a blue sapphire named Eret, a blue-red pietersite named Jack, and a pink ruby named Niki. He seemed the most fond of a red spinel called Tommy, who had been the very first gem made on the colony, a prized success by the founding diamond. And, much to Phil’s pride, Wilbur also found himself a son, a spessartine whom he named Fundy.

The letters told of noble efforts and courageous feats of heroism, of triumph and sacrifice, of love and leadership. Phil was so proud of his son, and he knew Kristin would have been too. He felt that life had returned to this little pocket of the Universe, and it might just reach all the way to Homeworld. For the first time in years, he felt hope. On occasion, Phil even let himself think that Kristin might come home any day now.

Then came a message from an old friend. Technoblade knocked on his door as his son did not long ago, guided by starlight, and told Phil he was off to the colony. Techno explained that Wilbur had sent him a letter requesting backup in taking down a corrupt government. He offered for Phil to join him on the voyage.

Phil did not turn his friend away as quickly as he turned away his son. On the one hand, Wilbur could be in danger. He’d have to be if he was desperate enough to call upon Technoblade, of all gems, to come to a world from which he wouldn’t be able to return. But Phil couldn’t leave, not when he was still so uncertain. Kristin was gone, sure, but no one ever said she was dead. She could return tomorrow, or the day after. What would she think if she came back home only to find her husband and son and friends had left her? Someone had to stay on this miserable shell of a world, someone had to be there when she made it whole again.

So Phil thanked Techno for as much as he could fit into a sentence or two, and the topaz warrior left alone. Phil asked a favor of his old pal: get an explanation out of Wilbur. In the letters, he sounded so happy, so fulfilled. His nation was thriving, he’d restored peace to the colony. Why had things changed so suddenly? Or was there something he wasn’t telling his father?

Phil waited an eternity for that explanation. With gritted teeth, he turned to the stars and begged them for something to come his way. That something turned out to be nothing at all. When long enough passed without a single word from anyone on the colony, Phil went to his wife’s shrine to confront himself. He kneeled before the marble base of the statue that had been carved in Kristin’s honor, years upon years prior. He thought that she’d laugh at him if she were there. She’d say he looked silly, acting so formal.

But she was not there. She was not going to be. He had to figure out how to live without her.

So Phil said his goodbyes, his apologies, and his prayers. And with a final glance at what was once his family’s home, he took to the skies.

At what was thought to be the end of a long-awaited battle, there came a dark cloud of crows so massive it blocked out the sun. They flocked over the scratched and tarnished gems of those who were there to see this shameful occasion. No one stopped nor cleared a path; there was no honor here to be exchanged. When the crows dispersed enough that the sky could once again be seen, what they heralded was revealed. Draped in the shadows of the narrow stone corridor, stepping quietly with massive grey wings trailing behind him, Death’s Angel arrived to do what Death no longer could.

And when he failed, when his wings shattered and couldn’t reform, when he plunged a sword through the golden apatite in his son’s chest, Phil found it was a disgrace to be the Angel of Death.

#philza fanfic #mumza fanfic #dsmp fanfic #goddess of death mumza #mumza and dadza #Wilbur fanfic #techno fanfic #foolish fanfic #dsmp gem au #tw grief #tw death #grief is one of those emotions j have a really hard time understanding so maybe this all reads very weirdly from an outside perspective #im really not sure but im hoping it turns out alright!#you see j intended for this to be done like two or three weeks ago but it was such a pain in the ass #as you might guess from the title it was originally supposed to be structured around ‘Elsa’s Song’ by The Amazing Devil #as you might guess from reading it. that fell through #but I tried and I did the damn thing so all’s well that ends well?#but also now that this is done and out I can post some character info so more content coming soon

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rin-the-shadow · 4 years

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Raph saying Mikey can share his wits and Mikey hearing that as Raph saying he was witless reminds me very much of myself trying to reassure someone and it coming across completely wrong.

Admittedly, when I was ten and seeing that for the first time, I thought “wits” meant something different than what it was because of that line. In context, it sounded like maybe it meant something like “guts” or “focus” or something, so I took it as, “Don’t worry Mikey, I’ll watch your back” and so I didn’t understand why Mikey was upset by it and acted like Raph was calling him stupid.

Raph’s tone certainly didn’t help things either, because his tone makes it sound like it’s supposed to be reassuring and maybe he thought it meant something else than what it did. According to the stuff I looked up online, it seems like it can mean, “Be constantly alert and vigilant” or “Keep your thinking in order” like “Keep your head clear.”

So I guess how I can see them interpreting it differently if there’s slight variations on the idiom’s meaning. Naturally, Raph would take the “be alert” version of it because that’s what he does all the time in this arc. He spends half an episode beating monsters away from Donnie and Mikey, so of course that’s where his brain is going to go. While Mikey probably feels like his ideas tend to get dismissed, particularly in this instance since he was the only one who was overtly concerned about the monsters.

#idioms are fun #i suppose i could also have used 'keep calm or rational when under stress'#but raph doesn't really do that very well in this arc #he's stressed about the subway tunnel collapsing #he flips out when donnie and leo get taken by atlantean doctor doom #so if that was the meaning it isn't like raph has enough to share at that point #but the point still remains #and i mean maybe those two things actually mean the same thing #but to me it sounds like they mean slightly different things #notes from the underground #tmnt 2003 #raphael #michelangelo #like probably mikey had the correct reaction?#but that might also be an old habit of assuming when someone else interprets social cues different from me probably they're right #so i don't know #rin overanalyzes stuff #teenage mutant ninja turtles #but oh boy watch me repeating phrases I heard on tv or read in a book to reassure someone #and then looking like i'd grown three heads #like you don't know that phrase too?#doesn't everyone know that phrase?#rin does extroverting?#rin discusses her past self extroverting #good times. good times...

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