#and of course im talking about punk bands so let me give you some examples

[the-acid-pear]

When it comes to popular bands i only listen to TWO songs of them... Nothing more nothing less. <3

[brebop708]

joshler au #-22

(prompt: story must include a necromancer, gold, and a typewriter. savannah’s au following the same prompt is #22)

tyler joseph is the writer of the next great american novel. he has everything he needs in order to craft the next great story that will make him kurt vonnegut junior: a small apartment in new york city, a string of one or two manic pixie hookups he can lament about if he reaches a writers block, some whiskey from trader joes, and a vintage inspired typewriter he bought from amazon.com, part of which with the $25 amazon gift card he got from his aunt for christmas.

tyler was doing good until he started getting complaints from his neighbor. it started with little notes slid under his door like “hi, it’s your next door neighbor- the walls are very thin so if you can move your typewriter(?) to another area that isn’t the wall conjoining our apartments, or refrain from typing at 3am, that would be greatly appreciated. thank you!! :^) -av” and notes of similar natures continued to be slid under his door over the course of eight months

however, tyler could not do that for if he were to craft the next great american novel then he could not force inspiration to strike, he would let it strike when it struck; for example, at 4am after he makes his semi-regular midnight smoothie that he likes to call “the Joseph” and passes out, only to wake up at 12:10 with multiple ideas and then writes nonstop until 9am, then passing out again

THE JOSEPH

ingredients:

-4 bottles of “five hour energy” -gatorade -mountain dew code red -strawberries -daily multivitamin he forgot to take -some advil -cut peaches -whatever gelato/ice cream he has in the freezer -whatever coffee is still in the machine -lots of ice

steps:

-blend until smooth -drink in under a minute and then pass out -write the next great american novel

due to his intense writing process, his neighbors notes went from “please stop typing so loud -av!!” to “i’m literally going to murder you. this is a literal death threat”

tyler couldn’t let that happen. so he looked up in the yellow pages for a “pete wentz” whompst he met at a bar once and drunkenly told him that he could “call whenever he wanted for like whatever” before promptly vomiting on his own shoes and bursting into tears. upon calling pete, who did not remember who tyler was, but was friendly none the less. upon tyler saying that he’s in a pinch of trouble due to his neighbor trying to kill him so he would like to disappear” pete said that his friend could potentially help, so tyler wrote down the address pete gave him and went over to the address immediately.

tyler was surprised to see that the address he was given was a store called “gold 4 ca$h” which was a gold and pawn shop store that he would occasionally see infomercial style ads for at 2am when he stared into the on but muted TV directly in the eyeline of his writing desk. he entered to see a vaguely punk guy manning the counter of the store, reading a cosmopolitan.

“excuse me” says tyler, “im looking for a josh?”

“i am josh” says the guy, not putting down his cosmopolitan magazine. the magazine was from march 2008. “would you like to trade gold for cash? perhaps that gold chain you are wearing, or that stupid pinky ring?”

“pete said you could help me? said tyler. “my neighbor is going to kill me i think?”

josh finally looked up from his cosmopolitan. “i can help you. follow me,” said josh, who then lead him behind the desk and into a small little room off of the employee lounge, which was filled with drippy candles and a bunch of old stuff that looked vaguely menacing.

this is when josh told tyler that he ran a little necromancy buisness on the side, that would involve some slightly illegal acts. tyler was to allow josh to marry him, then take out a life insurance with pete (who was apparently a life insurance agent who hated his company) and list josh, his now spouse, as the receptor of the money should tyler die. once his neighbor kills tyler and is satisfied knowing she saw the life fade from tylers eyes, she would back of suspicions of him being alive. then josh would stage a funeral, grieve, move all his stuff into storage and collect the life insurance. after josh was able to receive the money, he would take a portion of it, give tyler a new identity, collect his belongings from storange, and then allow him to move to cuba, like tupac shakur and all other people whompst’ve successfully faked their own deaths.

tyler knew this all to be perfectly sane, because if he were to write the next big american novel no one, not even his neighbor, could get in the way of him and success.

“i’m going to write the next great american novel,” said tyler.

“great,” said josh.

josh said that he needed to collect something as “collateral,” until tyler was able to pay josh for his services, something important. tyler agreed to give josh his typewriter. tyler pawned his gold chain for another louder one that josh had on hand, which would hopefully speed up the murder process; they did not have much time anyway, upon josh seeing the increasingly angry notes from the neighbor. they called pete (who was also registered online to be a minister) and were married in the middle of the pawn shop right there. tyler pawned his pinky rink in exchange for a wedding ring, and also bought a bluetooth speaker so he could record his typing sounds and blast it 24/7.

it took a short 2 days for the preparations, and a short 3 days for his neighbor to come and kill him. after she stabbed him repeatedly in the chest and was content with her job, she left and enjoyed a solitary moment of bliss, of peace and quiet. then josh mourned and held a funeral, before collecting his belongings and relocating to cuba.

josh revealed to tyler that he could be continuing on to cuba with tyler, because the house that tyler wanted for writing his novel was too expensive to live in alone, and the necromancy community was growing in cuba, and josh had always wanted to live there. they started as roommates (josh slept with noise cancelling headphones anyway, his roommate in and out of college, also pete, played in a metal band so he formed a habit) and then eventually, beauty and the beast style, their relationship grew. tyler finally published his novel, which the huffington post called “not horrible, but still pretty bad.” josh consoled tyler over this and they instead went to go pick up shells on the beach and relax as tyler talked about his ideas for his next novel, and josh starting on his next “”vintage””’ woman’s magazine.

the end