#and ofc the mouse ball and rock

[nylarac]

pls reblog and put your favorite fidget toys in the tags 🧐

[madstronaut]

baby's first konig longfic

(masterlist of my FaFiCoWriMo rambles at the Fuck It We Ball link below! looking forward to seeing this become a long untameable monstrous ouroboros of a list)

omg t h i s f i c. IT BARELY HAS ANY SMUT IN IT till the end and it is one of the hottest konig fics ive ever read (and honestly I think he takes home the trophy for man most thirsted over in COD fandom, sorry ghost but you’re all winners in my panties i mean heart I SAID HEART)

Reading: Cat/Mouse/Den by @papaver-decervicatus

idk wot it is - the tenderness and purity of their first few interactions? the forbiddenness of stumbling upon a private radio channel when they’re technically Not On The Same Side? the little GIFTS they give each other? How he can always find her despite her literally being a topranked sniper? the way their physical meet-cute is him literally catching her in his arms?! the knowledge maus can snipe him at any moment and yet konig willingly stepping into her crosshairs?  LLBLBLLLBLGLGB

That last “She’s pretty” comment for me was the emotional equivalent of stabbing me in the heart with a roughshod serrated knife in how cute it was (btw let me warn you if you haven’t already gotten the memo folx my whole brand is being aggressively encouraging and excited over fanfic and writers in an increasingly unhinged yet polite manner<3) 

in true konig fashion i love how excited he is that maus might be the literal death of him and that he would die happy if she was the one to snipe him lmao

also can anyone else relate to doing a private eye style deepdive into facebook archives stalking and searching for info about your crush and memorizing it like konig did here for mausy lmao

"It’s pathetic, the only place he feels any sort of peace is at war."

chef’s kiss, love this line. brief, but tells you so much about konig’s headspace

“A younger part of him is jealous. The older part smothers that part down as he takes in the view.”

I love this line!!! ive wondered sometimes about the science and why of attraction and maus basically living konig’s dream i feel must play a big part of why they’re so drawn to each other...and ofc no explanation needed for why she is attracted to konig because everyone is, undisputed law of nature, go look it up on wikipedia and jstor, thank you no questions at this moment

“There’s a creek at the bottom, and interesting flora marks the cliffs all the way down. He wonders what wildlife drinks from the stream down there and if there are any decent caves he could find an opening to.”

have u ever thought about what you or someone else might have been in another life, in alternate timeline? I can see biologist konig fitting in quite well in civilian life &lt;;3 LEMME DAYDREAM ABOUT ALL MY SOLDIER BOYS SAFELY RETURNING HOME FAR FROM OR NEVER HAVING TO ENDURE THE FOG AND TERROR AND HORROR OF WAR OKAY

“The exposed rock of the ravine flames to life with amazing browns and reds, and the stone sparkles like rubies and tiger’s eye stones as the sun's rays catch it.”

also sidenote the way the scenery is described here would make me want to go take a photo and download it and save it as my wallpaper; so descriptive and lovely i could see everything so clearly <3

“The sun is setting behind her. She’s very far away, but his skin prickles to life knowing that he’s being watched.”

I also love this usual role reversal of maus being the predator watching her prey (though is he arguably her prey if he wants to be caught? lol anyway putting aside the essay on existential questions in fanfic-)

It’s a beautiful place, really. It’s not such a bad place to die, he thinks. She’s a good shot. She’ll do it quickly. Nothing to fret about,really. It’s his own fault, anyways. 

I am obsessed with their chemistry but most of all something about this powerful man fully placing his life in her hands just does it for me

“I’ll bite, soldier.” She says, hurriedly, like someone might walk in on their little game. Like the teacher is about to find the two kissing in a supply closet at the school.

*me reading this line, giggling madly*

He sits down on the ground and opens his legs as wide as they’ll comfortably go and rests his cheek in his hand propped on his thigh. If he’s going to die, he’s going to give her a pretty show.

me: okay slut

also me: ✨o k a y slut✨

I also love how he’s imagining what she would be doing/how she’s reacting all based off what I assume is the equivalent of a shitty driver’s license photo he saw of her 🥰

i also feel like getting warning shots as foreplay IS so konig-coded (yes im fully aware as i type this that this man has so much fanlore, fan hcs, fanfic, faneverything out there despite not even being in the storyline of the main campaign lmao)

I also love the flip to maus’ POV - though when she notes how outrageous it is for him to keep his shiny knife on him i bet you my future firstborn that it’s to get her attention <3

also <3 sniper candy <3

also we love a girlboss who asks >100x to shoot him on sight lmao

It’s been months since the ravine and she’s seen him just about everywhere she’s been. When SpecGru was gathering intel on KorTacs drug affiliations, she saw him in the haunted deserts of Sonora, Mexico where she lies in the dirt redder than blood and coyotes sing her to sleep. She gazes down at him atop crumbling 16th-century Byzantine marble when she picks off the guards of a weapons supplier in Belgrade, Serbia. In the ancient and verdant bamboo forest of Yibin, China, hunting down spy affiliations, she camps across a creek from him for a night.

“we’ve got to stop meeting like this!” - konig, probably

He would’ve been a good sniper, in another life. If he wasn’t built like the trees she climbs for her shots.

mausy your crush is showing 🤭

He walks like a monster with three legs (and at some point about three months into their little game, she touches herself thinking about that third leg.

i mean honestly? give maus a medal for holding out for three months before succumbing, damn

The secret stays between them and their radios become the divining rods of close encounters.

secret forbidden relationship is one of my fave tropes <3

Mostly it’s just breathing on each line, mostly it’s just-

“König?”

“Maus?”

“Mhm.”

“Hmm.”

honestly this sounds more intimate than sex

She knows she should get a shrink or a good fuck to stop fucking thinking about him like this, but sometimes he whispers a joke into his radio and she laughs, and sometimes she tells him about the book she’s been reading, and sometimes he shows her his favorite knife tricks, and sometimes she tells him stories of before she was in the military and he always laughs and asks questions to show he’s actually engaged and he cares and-

this is so domestic and cute for warzone flirting <3

When they’re alone he’s the perfect gentleman, he gets no closer than when she reaches out to contact him first. When they’re not, it's a whole different story. He runs into the middle field like if he can just reach her, he can keep her. If he can carry back his conquest, well… kings get their war spoils, don’t they? It’s a terrible secret she keeps alive only in her heart, but she hopes one day he finally will.

mausy gettin bingo on all our fave kinks today, apparently

maus picking up on his knife skills and noticing his anxiety via the shaking hands (and that they don’t shake at all around her) is just peak PEAK PEAK PEAK fanfic vibes. feeling safe around someone is one of the biggest green flags in the universe and a gift <3

 It’s a shame, but she’s a little happy that it’ll be König, her cat, that’ll catch her corpse.

honestly these two were made for each other lmao

ok THE SCENE WHERE THE FIRST TIME THEY REALLY, REALLY MEET? HE KILLS FOR HER? LITERALLY PUTS HIS ARMS OUT FOR HER TO CATCH HER FALL? 

And the first thing he says is a promise. A promise of help. A promise of aid.

I was like speechless with joy and giddiness for a good minute or two reading this whole scene lmao SO SATISFYING esp with konig’s lil gasp when she falls into his arms <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 UGH PLS PAPS CAN I GIVE YOU A MEDAL??? A HUG??? A KISS???? MY UNDYING LOVE AND DEVOTION??? well in lieu of all this I’ll just give your fic multiple visits and so much rambling <3

also their first meetcute THEY EXCHANGE GIFTS????? HOW FUCKING CUTE ARE THEY GOD 

He has created, against all odds, something beautiful and delicate out of a brutal tool and doomed material.

so this absolutely stunning construction of a sentence pretty much sums up why I love COD fandom/fanfic writers so much..

I forget where I read this somewhere on this hellsite but it went something like “it’s subversive to write these men made to die/made for war, made to be loved instead” and reminds me of one of my favorite quotes that I stumbled on a random reddit Q&A 

“I get discouraged sometimes - just like everyone. I question whether my music/life/work matters at all.

The danger is letting other people define your soul's worth. Sometimes folks will like what you do, other times they'll hate it.

But I continually remind myself that I do NOT matter as a result of what I do, I matter because of who I AM. I am not a "human doing" but a "human being. " I matter simply because I was made in the image of the unmade maker, and I am loved by Love.”

“I am not a human doing, but a human being” 

“I am made in the image of love, and I am loved by Love”

“we are, against all odds, something beautiful and delicate, created out of brutal tool and doomed material” 

these words touch such a deep and core and unspeakably true part of me - that i forget often, that i find hard to believe, that i struggle to remember and cling to - and tbh one of the most frequent places I find this much-needed encouragement is in FANFICTION! <3

fanfic writers you are truly some of the most beautiful people on this planet &lt;3

anyway yeah, fanfic as therapy is a helluva drug and so fucking real

 if I could give all my beloved writers a diploma i would pay a calligrapher to write this gold leaf ink or some shit and put on my best lipstick and smooch it all over and print it out on vellum for you all <3

ANYWAY WHERE TF WAS I- o yes, simping over both maus and konig

When he turns to go she thinks how much his hands must’ve hurt to make this little thing 

this is so real; everytime I try my hand at sewing/mending (and i got tiny hands yall) for an extended period of time my fingers always end up so crampy in a uniquely painful way

i also get big “gift of the magi by o. henry” (truly one of my favorite short stories of all time) vibes from this exchange <3

(tl;dr: here, my heart, let me cut out and gift you my heart - oshit what’s that? your heart? *scrambles to catch and not break it*)

cos honestly on one level how fucking hilarious that they basically exchange a piece of wood and a rock lmao but really THEY ARE GIVING SOMETHING SO SPECIAL TO EACH OTHER <333333

The next time she sees him, about a week later, she sees him sharpening his massive field knife with the tiny whetstone on his comically large thigh, and in response, she thumbs at the wooden effigy in her pocket. They laughed into their radios to each other. 

ok how fucking hilarious and sexy that they are basically watching each other finger each other…..s' gifts

the final dialogue in chapter two needs to be in the merriam-webster dictionary under “flirting 101: peak examples”

but also omg THE EXTRA LITTLE GIFTS SHE LEAVES BEHIND FOR KONIG? HER FLINTING A HEART AND HIM SHATTERING IT IMMEDIATELY IN HIS GIANT-ASS SEXY ASS HANDS AND LEAVING HIMSELF BLEEDING AS PENANCE????? HIM IMAGINING COOKING FOR HER AND READING ALL TEH BOOKS SHE RECS HIM??? Honestly him musing about actually fucking her at the end is the LEAST sexy part of all this and the line about him aching to make her mewl did…things to me

if I could distill the maus x konig energy here into an drink, I think I could run up everest naked without breakin a sweat

The man is quick, but König is quicker, taking off through the snow like he did as a child. Running with reckless abandon, long legs carrying him faster and further than anyone else when he and his cousins would play capture the flag at his Oma’s house in Gauso. 

i love papa’s (really need to find a better nickname for writer while I write this lol) way of capturing like…the sense of child-like wonder/safety and domesticity you return to when you are in love/find yourself in the presence (physical or not) of someone you love in her writing, also why i really love this fic so much

Slicing that man clean between his ribs like a lion strikes a lamb was the second most satisfying experience of his life, greatly eclipsed by the settling of her weight against his chest when she trusted him enough to jump into his arms. 

*chanting to summon my talented fellow konig simps to draw fanart of this scene*

“You big, everywhere? I mean, with hips like those… ”

“...” Fuck, bad time to get a boner.

SIR.

hast thou not heard the term “video killed the radio star”???? you’re alone and miles away only talking via radiowaves, LITERALLY THE BEST TIME TO GET A BONER???? smh unless ofc the best time for konig is when he’s with maus &lt;3

“…he’d been chasing a little prayer in her shape. He wouldn’t have considered it ‘done’ when he gave it to her but-

Her warmth was still in his fingers, her beautiful eyes trained on him, her fantastic form somehow devoid of his blood or his filth in his rescue attempt, well. He had been praying, hadn’t he? It’s only right to pay tithing to the thing you worship. He gave her the figure, and he did so with the only real regret being that he couldn’t give her more and that he almost sullied her perfection with his violence.

also men near-worshipping the women they simp for is also a huge kink of mine (i mean whose isn’t it? also i hurt my brain trying to discern if that last sentence i wrote made sense but college was a long tiem ago for me soooo)

And to top it all off, when he wrenched himself away from her, heart heavy and entirely certain that she would never, could never, follow- she called him back and reciprocated. 

can confirm, reciprocated feelings is an indescribable feeling, war on drugs would’ve been game over day 1 if it was fought with requited feelings

When he turns away it is because his brain cannot comprehend a world in which she walks away with him.

well, snipe me right in the heart why dont you papi! (again, still need to find a different nickname for writer)

And in fairness, he would rather die than admit his treachery, not out of any misplaced moral but instead out of precaution for her safety.

honestly, husband goals

konig’s dream is p e r f e c t i o n “I love and trust you and feel safe enough to put my life into your thighshands, even if that means you’ll take it”

“Like dovetail joints, a great carpenter must have made them to fit together. There must be a God, and he must have made her to perfectly fit beside (and dare he hope, inside?) her. 

The only thing older than war to mankind is intimacy. You need soldiers for war, you need men for soldiers, and you need love to make those men. “

“He is remembering how to be human, to be a man and not a soldier, and he smiles back into her mouth.”

“She is giving him total control. Complete power and without hesitation. In her teary eyes, he sees a soldier’s trust, firm and unwavering. Ever faithful. Unquestioningly and genuinely she believes the man she’s at the mercy of will make her need no mercy. “

once again paps (yes yes need new nickname for writer, stfu mads) just dropping literary masterpieces casually

“König,” her eyes glaze over with worry. It’s a dangerous game they’re playing and they both know it. “Are you sure you want me?” She whispers, lips meeting the shell of his ear, he feels her fever pitch skin even through the fabric of his mask. His heart aches and he’s so angry with himself that she could even ask that. As if there were ever any questions. As if he has ever wanted anything else in his life like he wants this. As if there is anything else to want. As if there is anything else. 

Truly every beloved’s hopeful query and every lover’s debt to happily answer <3

 When he wakes up in his cold barracks, decidedly alone and not in between her thighs, he pounds the bed in frustration.ly ok the mood whiplash when i laughed out loud at konig pounding bed with his fists cos hes grumpy and horny

Not so dissimilar to the bride-stealing traditions his Oma had told him about as a boy.

damn oma what stories you be tellin to children lmao

though I AM recalling a medicinal anthropology class I took in college that was absolutely fascinating - we did touch on bride-napping as an actual thing in hmong culture (though from what I learned it has less IRL dubcon and more elopement vibes)

The fantasy of her is potent and life-consuming, but he is also viscerally aware that it is just that. A fantasy.

konig, thinking this, as he lives out most of his actual fantasies lmao

It is not real and despite his choking desire to be with her, he is not entirely sure she wants him.

ah yes, ‘idiots in love,’ an absolute banger of a trope

He wants so desperately to just be a fucking person for her. A person allowed weakness, a person allowed good-morning kisses, a person allowed terrible flirting, a person allowed to sit in the same room, a person allowed to touch and savor and make better another human. Allowed to heal, not harm. Allowed to save, not slaughter.

But he is a soldier, he’s not a person, and he’s not sure he ever really was a person in the first place.

The only thing he wants more than to have her is for her to want him. That hope is a delusion deeper than the ravine they met at, he’s sure. 

🥹🥹🥹🥹

yep just uh nothing happening over here, not crying over fanfic what -how dare you insinuate-

He feels no shame when he wraps his arms around the bunched comforter on his chest, imagining it’s a slight body he faithfully cradles.

*tripping, stumbling, running to pay for a custom body pillow big enough for konig to hug for his comfort* (not for me, would be too big anyways)😉😏

no literally ive thought about it i might have to do olympic-level qualifying gymnastics stretching to fit someone of his stature anyway it’s not like i made to-scale stick figure models doodled out on post-its in various creative positions to work out the physics of it or anything cough

If she knew how obsessed he’s become that he cannot help himself from having dreams about her and cannot help himself from getting off to the idea that she killed him with her fucking thighs

sir. 

please. 

i am ready to beat off the hordes of other women with a sharpened stick who would find this hot and respectful af

also obsessed with this soap who chews on pencaps and macguyvers radios to look like they’re fucking (or maus just has her head in the gutter, but really girl whose isnt??? and someone really needs to tell me if this is wrong grammatically every time i type it it sounds right)

also as a certified soap simp i also just have to say, you know you’ve got it bad when you look deep into soap’s eyes… and fantasize about another man LMAO

“No thanks,” she purrs as she finally sets herself into position.

i like this subtle nod to konig after she re-tells her katze’s joke <3 ooooo reading papaver’s writing is like eating a three-course meal at your fave comfort diner<3

The early morning light hits the streets the same way it had hit the forest ground that day.

i also love this line <3 i can picture those blue-orange sunrise hours in my head and it’s so lovely because the scene is also tinged with all the complex emotions from their first meeting

He throws it up and catches it without looking at it, instead his eyes are laser-focused on Mouse.

hothothothothothothothot (i realize just typing out hot over and over again leads you to also read thot, but honestly, still tracks)

She remembers her trigger finger twitching with sinful power, she remembers choking back the insistence at killing another lonely person, devoid of their autonomy on a basic level when they signed up for a mercenary-issued ticket to hell.

this line…is too real 

“Because they are weapons of maus-destruction. ” Konig replies like it’s not the stupidest thing she’s ever heard in her goddamn life.

somewhere simon ghost riley has to suppress the urge to put down his rifle, stand up, and do a slow golf clap

Suddenly, his eyes look lived in, like someone has just put up new curtains in an abandoned house. His whole affect changes hinging on what was an irresponsible outburst on her behalf at best.

And for the first time, she does not fear a monster hunting her through the woods, silent and purposeful in his pursuit of prey. Instead, she wants to understand a man, whose eyes have lit up like a princess has just laughed when he kissed her hand.) 

*i am suppressing the feminine urge to print out paper doll cutouts of maus and konig and just hang them around random parts of my apartment making heart eyes at each other*

Maybe, it's dangerous, to wave a steak in front of a mountain lion, but what if she wants to get mauled?

these two, a match made in heaven. truly there’s someone for everyone~

also i love this COD book club that is happening; i also have a semi-regular work meeting where I hit the jackpot of getting the most chill but passionate cohorts and our goal is basically shooting the shit & talking about stuff we love and how to share it with the world like a workhours book club and I hope everyond gets to experience a little joy in the middle of 9-5 capitalist hell that is the workweek like this <3

Soap says, pulling out a well-worn copy of The Silence of the Lambs from the bag.

“He said he picked it up years ago in Polish thinking it was a cooking field guide.”

 fucking dying

how she could rest entirely on top of his chest and not touch the ground beneath them and-

once again i fucking love their inadvertent mindreading/mirroring their shared desires unbeknownst to each other. MOVE THE FUCK ASIDE, JANE AUSTEN

also if gromsko gave me “special field medicine lessons” I would probably pay to continue them

also on this note MEN ARE SOME OF THE SNOOPIEST MOST GOSSIPY BITCHES IN THE UNIVERSE CAN I GET AN AMEN? CAN I GET A HELL YEAH? CAN I GET A WHOOP WHOO-

she basks infatuated by the calamitous captivation he exhibits.

*fanning myself with ripped out pages of shakespeare and hemingway to burn at papaver’s altar*

When he lifts his hood to blow a kiss to her, she knows she will never get her traitorous heart back.

sir??

excuse me sir????

i thought you were told you couldn’t be a sniper? what the fuck is this tender bullshit of a snipe straight to my heart-

also that last chappy YAY ENEMIES TO ALMOST-LOVERS TO ALMOST-ENEMIES, LITERALLY CANNOT FIND THIS TROPE ANYWHERE!!!!

He’s always hoped to be able to pound down into her quaking form. 

the first time i read this i blacked out after seeing the phrase “pound down” and instead all i remember after slapping myself awake is actually reading the phrase “he’s always hoped to take her to pound town”

also why am i hot for righteous konig in shining armor being willing to go from zero to murder when he thinks maus is a pimp

and the INDIRECT KISSING VIA THE CIGGY? UNFFFFFHHH FUCKING KILL ME NOW SO I CAN DIE HAPPY (yes i am so easily pleased, sue me)

also i shrieked when maus kicks her crotch up WITHIN SPITTING/BITING DISTANCE OF KONIG PLEASE I WOULD PAY TO WATCH THIS FEATURE LENGTH FILM????

The throbbing in his pants also suggests that he’s probably forgiven her by now as well. 

*nodding sagely* yes, boners never lie

also maus slapping konig while he’s holding a knife between his teeth is big step on me queen energy

also the requital and reciprocation of the lines and actions they feed each other is just- one moment: *goes to sephora to buy more lipgloss as i ran out while giving chef’s kisses in bulk to papaver*

i love that konig is passing the time just being horny for maus, an efficient king 🫡

also when i saw gosau austria mentioned i went down a hole googling where it is/pictures and it is absolutely beautiful!!!! 

I eagerly await updates papi <3 

[mjjune]

Heads Up 7 Up

thanks to @isabellebissonrouthier and @little-mouse-gardens !!

tagging (optional ofc~): @regalserpent @awritingcaitlin @garthcelyn @wildswrites or anyone who wants to

See below! This is from my newest wip, ds (I apologize for draft 0 roughness)

She followed tonight, though. The breeze blew her long hair back, a long black shadow behind her as she approached. Just like when she was little, she silently climbed up to sit beside me on the rock, and said nothing. I knew she wanted to tell me what became of that conversation; what else Mami said. But I didn’t care. I already knew. Giving her nothing, as I always did, physically enclosing myself in a ball with my chin on knees, she obeyed the silent command to leave it unspoken. Instead, she stretched out, letting her feet hang off the edge as she rested her head against her hands to look up at the sky. “Strange,” she whispered, “that once you wouldn’t see just the moon and stars, but dragons up there.”

DS TAGLIST: (message or comment below to be +/-) @artbyeloquent @bebewrites @careful-fear @cherrybombfangirlwrites @cljordan-imperium @cocomerocollection @elijahrichardwrites @eventideintrigue @faithfire @flowerprose @garthcelyn @hope-hopefully-writes @isabellebissonrouthier @jamieanovels @kingkendrick7 @lexiklecksi @little-mouse-gardens @marrowwife @mr-writes @saintedseraph @saphoblin @thyroidhormones @treesandwords @wildswrites @wip-nook

[iwantthedean]

Take It All Back

Part Five

Summary: A holiday trip brings Jensen and Journey closer together.  Pairing: Jensen x OFC (Journey) Word Count: 1775 Warnings: None?

Masterlist

Once Jensen decided that figuring out a way to go back was of little importance compared to Journey’s well-being, their life together slipped into an easy routine together. After a few weeks, Jensen felt as though this was the life he had had all along.

Fourth of July was on a Tuesday, so they left Monday at noon to head to a resort near Lake Austin with both families for the holiday break. Jensen picked up that it was a tradition that had started after he and Journey graduated college. He was excited; work had been so busy as football season neared, he felt as though he hadn’t had much time to spend with Journey like he wanted to.

Their relationship was getting better. Once Jensen knew what was troubling his wife, comforting her came almost naturally. Journey was opening up to him more, and every time she smiled, Jensen found another reason he loved this woman – had loved her for more than half of his life.

“Rachel said Alex has been dying to play in the lake with his Uncle Jay,” Journey told him as they neared the resort. “He wants to spend a night with us in our condo. I told him that would be fine, but he has to let Aubrey come along.”

“Little sisters,” Jensen scoffed playfully, “what a pain!”

Journey rolled her eyes and pinched his arm. “I’m telling Mackenzie.”

Jensen just laughed. His own little sister would surely have something to say about that, but he didn’t mind. He and Halen had spent many a summer day antagonizing Jovi and Mackenzie, with Journey alternating between whose side she chose to be on.

They were the first to check in, so once they were unpacked and settled, Journey suggested they take a walk to check out the surrounding area, see if anything had changed since the previous year. Agreeing it was a good idea, Jensen took her hand and led her out to the sidewalk.

Journey was going on about her niece and nephews shenanigans from the year before when she stopped dead in her tracks.

“Jensen! That’s Jared Padalecki!”

Jensen looked in the direction of his wife’s pointed finger and had to chuckle to himself. So strange to see someone he … used to know? Did know, but didn’t? Whatever the situation, seeing Jared here in this life was too weird.

“C’mon,” Jensen said, tugging her along. “Let’s go get you a picture.”

Although Journey protested at first, and reminded Jensen that she was more a fan of the actress who played Sam’s younger sister, Deanna, Jensen wasn’t buying that it wasn’t that big of deal to her. He had caught her watching Supernatural more than enough times to know.

“Excuse me,” Jensen said, getting Jared’s attention. “I know that you’re trying to relax with your family, but my wife is a big fan. Would you mind one quick picture, and then we’ll leave?”

Jared smiled at Journey. “Sure, not a problem.”

Jensen gestured for Journey to hand her phone over, and she obliged. She stood next to Jared, and Jensen had to laugh; he had never considered their size difference before. He snapped a few pictures before handing the phone back to Journey. She reviewed them with Jared at her side, then thanked him for his time.

“You’re very welcome,” Jared said. Before they could leave, Jared caught Jensen’s attention. “Hey man, do I know you from somewhere?”

Jensen smirked at the other man and shrugged. “Could be. Thanks again.”

They left Jared to his own vacation then, and returned to the condo. Journey thanked him over and over again for having the courage to ask Jared for the picture.

“Jovi is going to die when she sees these pictures!” Journey exclaimed.

Jensen took the phone from her hand and set it on the kitchen counter. “I think he’s single – do you want to leave me for him now?”

Shaking her head side to side slowly, Journey gave him a coy smile. “Not on your life, Mr. Ackles.”

“That’s what I like to hear, Mrs. Ackles.”

Their quiet moment was interrupted when Jensen tickled Journey’s sides, causing her to shriek and run from him. She didn’t get far before Jensen was catching up to her, but he let the game of cat and mouse go on for a while before finally throwing her over his shoulder and carrying her to the bedroom. He dropped her onto the mattress before lowering himself over her and kissing Journey’s lips softly but with purpose.

For a moment, Jensen thought that she was going to respond in kind, but Journey’s eyes clouded with something resembling concern, and she wiggled out from underneath him.

“I should get my phone in case someone calls to tell me they’re here,” was her instant excuse.

Jensen took her by the hand. “You don’t have to make excuses for me. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. And if it does happen, it doesn’t mean we’re trying to have a baby. Okay?”

Journey nodded, leaned down to kiss, and padded out to the kitchen to get her phone. She came back with her phone in hand. “Mom said they’re all a couple of hours out yet. Want to take a nap with me?”

“I’d love to,” Jensen answered, hoping his answer conveyed all the sincerity he felt.

 Aubrey and Alex stayed with them that night, leaving no opportunities for Journey to have any sort of private moments with her husband. As much as she loved having her older nephew and niece around, she was feeling the push to be with her husband for the first time in weeks.

Of course, it wasn’t that it was just the miscarriage that was stopping her from giving that part of herself to Jensen again. He was the only man she had ever been with, but their relationship had been on the rocks for some time. The baby seemed to be some sort of temporary fix until … well, it had been a slow build back to the couple they had once been from the shattered mess they had made of their marriage.

Even with the extra baggage surrounding the love between them, Journey’s anxiety about being with Jensen were having less to do with all of that, and more to do with the fact that it had been so long, she wasn’t sure Jensen would still find her desirable.

“That’s normal after a miscarriage,” her mother assured as they peeled potatoes Tuesday morning for the potato salad to have later that afternoon. “When I lost that baby between you and Jovi, I swore to anyone who asked or brought it up that your father would never want me again.”

“How’d you get over it?” Journey asked. She was grateful she had the sort of relationship with her mother where they could discuss such personal matters; she had no one else to talk to about it, anyway.

Natalie set down the peeler and the potato in her hand, and reached for Journey’s arm. “You look at the man you’re married to, sweetheart. You see how he looks at you, and how much he does for you. You think about everything the two of you have been through together, and you make the decision to keep moving forward with him.”

It didn’t take much thought for Journey to know that she wanted to keep moving forward with Jensen. Despite everything, he was the love of her life. He was her best friend. Beyond that, she didn’t want to move forward without Jensen.

With all of those thoughts in mind, Journey made the decision that tonight, she would let down the last wall she had been keeping up between her husband and herself.

 The rain came from nowhere, it seemed. Although a small chance of thunderstorms had been in the forecast, the day was so sunny and clear, none of the Ryan family or the Ackles family was prepared for the sudden burst of rain that showered down on their Independence Day celebration.

Halen’s and Jovi’s families were encouraged to get the kids inside while the other adults cleaned up as much as they could salvage of the food and fireworks.

Journey and Jensen were the last two outside, dragging the folding table into their condo. There was a clap of thunder, quickly followed by a bolt of lightning, before the power zapped out.

Fortunately, the late afternoon light was still filtering in, giving them just enough light to see each other. They chuckled together at how soaking wet they were, and Journey went for a couple of towels. She handed Jensen his, then worked on drying herself off.

She hadn’t realized how long Jensen was staring at her before he took the towel from her hand and dropped it to the side with his own. Her heart pounded in her chest as he stepped closer to her, his hands finding her hips.

“Journey …”

Jensen didn’t have to actually ask the question for Journey to know he was seeking permission. Licking her bottom lip, Journey took a step back from him. She could see disappointment turn to delight when she slipped her wet shirt over her head, then pushed off her cutoff shorts, kicking them out of the way as well.

In the next moment, she was in her husband’s arms, matching the fierce intensity of his kisses. Jensen held her tight against him, until the contact of her bare skin against his wet clothes, and the cool air around them, began to make her shiver. He picked her up then, and her legs wrapped around him.

“Hold tight,” he said, heading for the bedroom.

Journey did as he said, setting her chin on his shoulder. She smiled from both excitement and nerves, and, when Jensen laid her back against the pillows before stripping off his own shirt, Journey couldn’t swallow down the one thing she needed before things could continue.

“Tell me again,” she prompted, “that I’m the only woman you want.”

“Journey,” Jensen said, pushing her wet bangs away from her face. “How could I possibly want anyone else when I have the perfect woman right here in front of me?”

That one statement acted as a wrecking ball against any remnants of the walls she had thrown up between them. Journey’s whole heart once again belonged entirely to Jensen. It was as though she had run away from home and was now finally returning.

As Jensen took her in his arms, Journey let go of any thoughts but those thoughts that regarded loving her husband, in every possible way.