#and peepaw looking fine as hell

[davidtennan-t]

New images from the Star Beast ⭐️

[chaotic-mystery]

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader (one shot)

Summary: Joel forgets date night and has guys night instead, which makes you act out. Joel isn’t too happy and has to punish you in the best way he knows how.

Content Warnings: SMUT 18+ MDNI! Mean!joel, swearing, arguing, brat tamer! If you squint, drinking, teasing Joel, a slight comment about cheating but would never, rough!joel, spanking,choking,spitting, manhandling, sir!kink, unprotected p in v, orgasm denial, pet names (little girl, little one, baby doll, Joel calls you a crazy bitch oNCE, etc) power dynamic, big girthy age gap (not specified but enough to where you call him old man) slight bullying of peepaw for forgetting stuff, rough sex. Let me know if I’m missing anything!

Word Count: 3K

This is 1000% based on this gif @worhols sent me 🖤 love u Becca

Even though your Saturday morning was filled with a shift at work, you couldn’t wait to get home to see your man and take all afternoon to get ready for your date at 7. Date night was far and in between now for you two, so some fun outside the house was what you were needing. Your key entered the lock on the front door and turned, pushing the door open to music echoing from the basement. 

The kitchen counter was covered in beer boxes and bottles of liquor, chips, and Joel’s case of poker. What the fuck?

“Joel, honey?” You called out and you could hear the thumping on the basement stairs from his boots getting louder as he got closer to the main floor. 

“Hey baby doll, what’s up? How was work?” The back of his hand wipes his forehead slowly, gathering all the sweat off of him. The look on your face was so telling that something was bothering you. 

“Work was fine, uh I’m wondering why there’s shit all over the counter like you’re going to have guys night in the basement?” You crossed your arms across your chest and met his eyes, his jaw slowing the gum chewing down as he thought carefully of what to say next. 

“Beeecause we’re playing poker tonight in the basement…” It came out more as like a question and then it became apparent to you he completely forgot about your date night. 

You pinch the bridge of your nose and close your eyes, “Joel…we were supposed to have a date tonight..did you not remember?”

For such a tan man, you didn’t think he could turn so pale with shock. His hands met his hips and he sighed, looking down at his boots. 

“Darlin’ listen I- I’m sorry I forgot we had plans. Tommy asked if we could do it here and it slipped my mind about date night tonight.” Those beautiful brown eyes found yours once more and made your body shiver with sadness and anger. “How did you forget when I’ve been reminding you all week? Jesus Christ, you don’t listen to me, old man.” You turned and started to take off your jacket, not wanting to say anymore than what you already have. 

“Watch your fuckin’ tone with me little girl. I already told you I was sorry, what more do you want me to do?”

“Nothing, Joel. I don’t want you to do anything except go down there and have a fun time with your friends and play your stupid fucking game. I should ask one of them to take me out because if you can’t remember a simple date, maybe they can show me a better time.” The smartass tone was dripping off your words and it only heated the situation more.

“What the hell did you just say?” His head cocked to the side to make sure he heard you correctly. The smirk on your face only made him more irritated and he was just about to ask you to repeat yourself when he was cut off by the doorbell ringing.

“Saved by the bell, go figure.” You muttered at him and went to open the door leaving Joel standing there in a mix of emotions. You’d never in a million years date his friends but you just wanted to get a rise from him. It was only fair he was in a shitty mood after putting you in one.

You greeted them all with small ‘hellos’ and smiles, Tommy engulfing you in a hug. 

“Are you playin’ poker with us tonight sweetheart?” He asks as he releases you from his arms, walking to Joel and hits his arm lightly. Joel is still clearly caught off guard from your snappy digs and doesn’t say anything to anyone. 

“Oh, no. No poker for me. Joel forgot to mention it to me, guess that age is starting to catch up to him, huh?” You joke, putting the clean dishes away that were still in the strainer. All the guys laugh and Tommy nudges Joel right in his side with a stupid grin on his face. 

“You just gonna take that from her? Man you’re soft now.” He says to Joel and laughs again. Joel looks up at you and burns imaginary holes into your back from staring so hard. “S’alright, she’s jus’ being a brat right now. Why don’t you guys grab the shit from the counter and we’ll start soon?” Joel asks and nods to the countertop in front of you as you stand against the cabinets and squint at him. They grab the stuff and start to head down, a few of them and Tommy hanging back to wait for Joel. 

He walks to you and grabs your wrist by your hip and squeezes it, whispering in your ear, “Knock it off. Now.” 

You snatch your wrist from him and he places a rough kiss on your cheek, barely pressing his lips to your skin. He was pissed off at you for even entertaining that stupid idea of you and his friends to him. 

“Yes, sir.” He clocked your sarcasm instantly and glared at you. Your eyes met his only for a moment as he turned around on his heel and headed to the basement. With a short moment he disappears down the stairs and you’re left sulking in your emotions. This wasn’t the first time he forgot date night, this was actually the fourth. If Joel thought he could start to get comfortable and not put in so much effort for taking you out anymore, boy did he have another thing coming. 

“Fuckin’ asshole.” you mumble to yourself and clean up the mess he left of grocery bags and receipts. 

After about an hour cleaning up the main floor and having to listen to Joel's laugh carry up the stairs and into your ears, you had enough. If he wanted to play, you could play too.

Going to your shared bedroom, you start going through his closet and grab one of his old white t-shirts he had made up for work years ago. Their logo on the back left more room in the front to see everything under it. Slipping on your shortest pajama shorts and hiking them up just under your ass, you giggled at yourself in the mirror and almost changed your mind when you noticed your dress hanging in your closet that you planned to wear tonight. With the sunset slowly turning blue for the night, that burning fire in you started to reignite. 

You make your way slowly down the steps with the laundry basket tucked into your side, clearly your excuse to even go down there. The men were circled around the table, music still blaring and the string lights glittering the ceiling. “No no no, so then I told her to stop usin’ her teeth, it-” You cleared your throat and Tommy shut up quickly, turning around to face you. Joel didn’t even bother to look up until they greeted you, much different than earlier now that you were half dressed. His eyes were zeroed on on your body, his nostrils flared and the cards being held in his hands slowly started to bend. 

“Don’t mind me, just here to do some laundry before I go to bed.” That was a bold face lie. Joel knew you weren’t going to sleep. He also knew you weren’t down here to do laundry, you hated doing laundry. 

“All good, girl. You’re no bother to us.” James said, the one who had been eyeing you since you tiptoed down here. 

You opened the dryer to empty it in the laundry basket, bending over more and more with each scoop inside to get clothes out. Joel coughed loudly when he noticed what you were doing and it made you jump, not expecting him to be so obnoxious with it. “You doin’ alright baby? Need another beer?” You ask a little too sweetly and he doesn’t blink once when you meet his gaze after standing up straight, a stupid smirk forming on your lips.

“Sure, f’you wanna get me one.” He grumbled. 

You wandered over to the small fridge in the corner with a piece of clothing tucked under your arm and grabbed a beer, walking over to him and cracking it open for him. He leaned to one side to really look at you, noticing that shitty grin plastered all over your face. 

“What kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn’t do nice things for you, baby?” You rhetorically asked and folded the pair of panties you shoved under your arm just a second ago. Everyone's eyes fell onto what little fabric there was of the bejeweled thong that said ‘Angel’ on the front.

Joel was shooting daggers at you and you knew how much you were getting under his skin at this point. You took a seat on his lap and looked at his cards, not once looking at him. “All in” James says as he pushes his chips to the middle and his eyes wander up your chest. James was older than Joel and not that good looking. It wasn’t surprising he took a liking to you since he’s cheated on his wife three times now. The other guys were out and it was just between Joel and James. Ironic. 

“You’re bluffin’ you sorry bastard.” Joel chuckles and lays down his cards, straight flush. 

James groaned and tossed his cards in the middle and you looked to see a full house. You jump off Joel's lap and bounce up and down cheering for him, genuinely happy he won. What you forgot about was your boobs were also bouncing up and down. “Alright, that’s it. Guys, I’ll be back in a second. Start over without me and don’t you fuckin’ steal any chips from me.” He states and grabs the laundry basket off the ground, your arm in his other hand and drags you up the stairs. Fuck. Too far.

He marches up all the way to your room and tosses you facedown on the bed, panting from anger. “What the fuck was that, little one? Hm?” You don’t move as he rips off your shorts to expose the white panties covering your ass. 

“What? I was just having fun, Joel.” You snap back and brush your hair from your face to look at him. His jaw clenched together as he nodded once, rubbing the stubble on his chin. 

“Ya know baby, somethin’ just tells me that isn’t the complete truth.“You wanted male attention so bad you were whorin’ yourself around down there in front of anyone who’d look at you for 5 fuckin’ seconds.” His belt was beginning to come undone and you knew what was going to happen. “Joel..baby, please I’m sorry I-”

“Shut your fuckin’ mouth. Stay still. Since I’m such an old man and can’t remember jack shit, count for me baby. If you fuck up, I’ll start over.” He straddles the back of your thighs and moves your panties up out of the way, smacking your ass hard. 

“O-one.” A grunt leaves his mouth after you start counting. His big hand comes down again, smacking the same spot, already red. You gasp and squeeze your eyes shut, whimpering at the pain.

“Two-o.” Your voice shutters. 

Joel’s hand collides with your ass cheek once more. “You’ll learn one of these times not to be a smart ass to me, baby doll.”

“Fuck, Joel- three.” You can feel the welt starting to form. 

You can hear him laughing behind you as he anchors you to the bed more, the pain making your ears ring. Joel spanks you again, the roughest he’s done it yet. 

Your mouth drops in agony and tears start to fall down your face. 

“F-fou-r.” The silent sobs slowly start to leave your lips. 

His other hand comes by your face and ever so gently wipes the tears spilling from your pretty eyes and down your cheeks.

“Cryin’ won’t get you out of this baby girl. You wanted to act like a badass, take the punishment that follows. Got it?”

You couldn’t muster up anything other than, “Y-yes.” 

“Yes, what? Say it.” 

You swallowed harshly and took a deep breath before answering.

“Yes, sir.” 

The hot sensation on your ass cheek was spreading all over your body, the sting from his hand cracking your flesh again made you wince, begging for him to stop. 

“Ahh-five.” You seemed to have been losing your voice, only able to squeak out the number rattling in your brain. 

Instead of cracking you again, Joel rubs where he’s been spanking you and groans. 

“Have you learned your lesson you fuckin’ brat? Gonna be a good girl for me now?” He leans down and whispers in your ear.

You lay there still and unable to speak, a small nod was the only way you could answer. Joel reaches in front of your face and clears your vision of your hair and kisses your cheek roughly. “I dunno princess, think I might have to punish you some more.” His evil chuckle vibrated against your cheek as he kissed it again. 

Without a single word more, Joel laid over the top of you with your arms pinned against your back and you began to wiggle. 

“Take this fuckin’ cock baby. You want attention so bad, so stupid for cock, well here it is. Stay still.” He yanks down your panties and spits on his fingers before shoving his hand between your thighs as you squirm, his fingers starting at your soaking wet cunt all the way back to your asshole. 

The pre-cum leaking from the slightly swollen red tip was spread around the head before Joel rammed his cock so far inside your aching entrance. You mule out and he covers your mouth roughly, yanking you against his chest. 

“Shut the fuck up, they don’t need to know how good I fuck you. Shut that pretty mouth up before I put it to use.” He growls and starts to thrust inside you, ramming into your cervix in no time. The rough hold on your mouth makes your cries and moans so muffled but just audible enough for Joel to hear. 

“So damn wet for me princess, knew you like when I spank ya like that. Such a nasty little thing f’me. Think those assholes downstairs could fuck you like I do?” A rough kiss against your neck makes your eyes roll back and whine out, needing him to split you open from the inside. His calloused hand still covers your mouth and you shake your head in disagreement. 

“Use your big girl words baby.” Joel grunts and uncovers your mouth, grabbing your waist roughly and thrusts into you harder. 

You whimper and bite your lip and tilt your head back, looking deep into his dark brown eyes that were hungry for you. “No, sir. I don’t think they could ever fuck me the way you do. Your big fucking dick ramming into me and making me scream while you try to fit the whole thing inside me.” You could see your words were getting him somewhere, a small smirk tugging on the corner of his mouth. 

He digs his fingers into the skin on your hip more and pounds into you, his skin smacking against yours. Joel was a grunter and wow did it turn you on. His teeth clenched, he moans your name and cusses at the end of it, tossing his head back to keep himself together. 

“I would’ve taken you right on that damn poker table and made you suck my cock in front of them if you woulda kept it up baby. You wanna act like a whore in front of ‘em, I’ll treat you like one. Would you’ve wanted to suck my cock with them watchin’?” He asks, pinching your nipple under his work shirt that was stuck to your body. 

“I would’ve done whatever you wanted, sir. I promise, sir I will do anything for you.”

He growls and bites your earlobe teasingly before licking it and the shell of your ear.

“You’re a crazy little bitch for me aren’t ya?”

“I-I’m so close sir, fuck don’t stop.” You whine and he shoves your head down into the bed, groaning loudly. 

“No baby, bad girls don’t get to cum. You better not or I’ll spank you harder than before. D’you want me to spank you much harder than the last time, angel?” Your body was aching to cum, the mascara you applied hours ago now smeared and running down your cheeks. 

“No, sir.” The tears pricking your eyes as you could feel your orgasm just sitting in your stomach wanting to be released all over Joel’s cock. 

He groans louder and pushes your head down to keep still while he drives his cock balls deep in you, slowing up as he’s bracing himself for the end of his fun. 

Joel gives your ass a few more good smacks and you have to squeeze your legs shut to keep yourself from cumming. He wasn’t fair for making you hold it, he liked seeing you helpless. 

“Gonna fill this little pussy full so you don’t forget who you belong to, you got that?” His hand wraps around your throat as he engulfs you in his arms, fucking you sloppy until he’s panting like a dog in your ear. “Fuck baby doll-fuck- I’m gonna-a cum-ah-fuc-” Joel’s hot stream shoots inside you as he grunts loudly, grabbing a handful of your hair in the midst of fucking his load deep in your hole. 

Your pussy squelches and you can feel your clit just screaming to get some attention, some relief. Joel's breaths regulate once more and he lays there behind you kissing your shoulder and back softly. “Maybe next time you won’t be a brat huh?” He chuckles and gets up to go to the bathroom, wetting a washcloth for you. He cleans you up and your eyes get heavy, sleep creeping up on you. Joel kisses your forehead, whispering in your ear, “Get some rest baby. I’ll be back up soon. Maybe I’ll let you cum then.” 

[kurain-genealogy]

i said i was gonna post about it and i am. i don't think william afton hates his kids. i don't think william afton is a mad scientist that kidnapped and put children in hallucinogenic gas chambers. whatever the fuck dittophobia said about afton doing all that, plus not stopping/furthering the bullying between michael and cc, is just dumb & wrong. william wanting his kids to fight, even die, is comically evil in the "bad writing" way. him being characterized as someone who experiments on children (including his own with no regard for their lives) in order to achieve immortality or whatever his supposed motivation is, is just really... nothing? as a character there is nothing to make him feel real. in an attempt to flesh out this character, they made him into a cartoon villain with "evil" being his only defining trait. whatever, i could talk for so long about how dumb i think all the dittophobia stuff is but i think most ppl on tumblr are on the same page regarding that.

to me, william afton is best characterized as someone who, at the Very Least, Doesn't Want His Own Children To Die. he can be a shitty father all around, or he can be a genuine loving father who is also a serial killer, as long as he Cares if they Die? most of what makes william afton an interesting villain, and where a lot of people interpret his motivation comes from, is how despite all his best efforts, he cannot prevent the death or downfall of his own family. he is in a tragedy of his own making, a self-imposed hell crafted by his hubris and violence. if you take this away, why should i care what happens to him? william afton was scariest when he was just purple guy and we knew nothing. william afton is most interesting when we have all these relationships and dynamics where we can seriously study and speculate the circumstances behind/around his actions, when he has something to lose (and will lose). william afton is most stale when more things are added to his story without purpose, filling in gaps that were better unfilled or we didn't even know were there – anything after UCN, basically. bro isn't scary anymore because he's either peepaw afton who's brought back despite his story being over, or he's cartoon network's newest over-the-top villian that you can't take seriously.

okay anyway. ANYWAY. william doesn't hate his kids. even if he's a shitty father, i think he still loves his kids. why else would he try and scare his kids away from the robots if he didn't want them to die? why would he design circus baby after his daughter if he didn't care for her, adore her, even? if you believe the theory that he talked to cc through the fredbear plush (idr if that's actually canon), why would he be trying to protect/comfort him?

i don't think he's a perfect, or even a good father, by any means. if you interpret him to be on the better side, that's great and fine. i'd love to hear how other people interpret/characterize afton if you wanna share! continuing on for this post, i'm going to lay out how i personally see william afton.

to me, he is someone who is very concerned and preoccupied with his image and how others view him & his family. even if he's super shitty and awful towards his kids, he at least cares that they all look good as a family unit, that they're well behaved, that he can send family portrait holiday cards to all his business partners and investors.

he strikes me very much as the typical authoritarian parent of the 80s. harsher on his sons because "men don't cry," wants his kids to say "yes, sir," and "no, sir," believes in "tough love," often says "my house, my rules," he has the final say in everything, maybe thinks hitting them from time to time is a normal, necessary punishment. not all entirely malicious, but thinks he's doing what's best, what's right, acting like a parent and father Should act, perhaps how he himself was raised. unfortunately, a very common parental mindset (even outside of serial killers). maybe he was a little scarier sometimes though, a little more unhinged or violently angry. who's to say.

but he's still just a guy who could exist in real life. he still eats dinner with his family every night, hangs his kids' drawings on the fridge, had to turn the car around because they wouldn't stop fighting in the backseat, attended awkward parent-teacher conferences, everything. he was once a new father who happily came home with his first newborn, lost countless nights of sleep over the course of two more, loves them because they're his.

meticulously and senselessly killed children, then came home and tucked his own into bed and kissed them goodnight.

he can be abusive and still love his kids. he can be a murderer and still care for his own kids' lives. maybe the loss of his own kids is what triggered his actions, or maybe it was something else. i'm fine with not knowing because we don't need to know everything, and it's more interesting when we don't.

Something Is Seriously Wrong With This Guy And We Don't Know What or Why. when acquaintances find out he's a suspected murderer, it should be shocking and upsetting. he's such a great man and father, he wouldn't murder those kids! when michael discovers his father's crimes, he should be in denial. sure, he could be scary sometimes, but he wouldn't kill anyone... right? there's a great cognitive dissonance between who he appears to be and who he actually is.

whether william descended into grief-induced madness and obsession, or was just always some kind of freak, or both, i don't think he saw his own family as disposable. even if he didn't truly love them, he at least needed to keep up his own facade as a friendly family man. personally i like to see him as someone who was a shitty father but still loved his kids, because people like that exist, and it makes him a much more interesting, realistic, and nuanced character than if he just didn't care about them At All.

[reagi-df]

Leon is so happy to meet other versions of himself at the @tmntaucompetition, Cleo on the other hand? Not so much, he's going through stuff and it's bad enough he's having to deal with Leon and Him. But Leon thinks it might be good exposure.... Hopefully there won't be any bloodshed

--------- “Bro, can't you just chill,? Leo whines. “Your not even 26 yet and I can already see the wrinkles in your face from the resting bitch face you keep sporting” 

Leo turns his head to the side, amber eyes narrowing at him, “chill?” He echoes, turns fully to Leon now, “it’s bad enough I have to deal with you and him, but now there’s more of us?”

Leo drags his hands down his face with a groan and Leon catches the slight shake in his limbs. Brows furrowing, Leon adjusts his stance, shoulders drawing back as he fingers the scalpel that’s hidden in his wrappings, ready and waiting. 

Keeping his voice low Leon speaks slowly. “It’s not a big deal, their not going to be here for long”

Leo digs his fingers into his skin and lets off a sharp hiss as he hunches his shoulders. 

Leon curses and edges out from behind the settee and warily steps closer, “hey” he waits for a solid 5 seconds before the older slider lifts his head, and he hates the look the other is giving him.

His distorted pupils have retracted into slits, and a chill runs through Leon; he suddenly feels like he’s prey and those predators were locked onto him. He desperately tries to remember what he saw the other peepaws do when Leo gets like this, hell Leons sure Casey would have a better understanding of how to help his counterpart. 

A low growl ripples out, shattering the quietness that had filled the room. Shit, he thinks, he stares down at the predator. 

He feels a tug on his ninpo and dread fills him. He needs to defuse this situation as quickly as he can.  

Leon’s eye catches onto a cup of water sitting on the table, eyes dart back and forth between the slider and the water, he’s seen Tello do the same and it worked then, sure Tello had to hide for a few hour a until Leo calmed down and stopped hunting him but it still worked. 

He’s just hoping it’ll work now. 

He edges toward the table as casually as he could, makes sure he’s out of arm reaches and keeps his tone soft. 

“Look i'm going to be real with you, I’ve never been good on the whole “self help” stuff,” Leon air quotes, “but I know the usual process of getting people to calm down from panic attacks won’t usually work on you and I’d really like to not knock you out if I can help it”

Once he’s close, he inches his fingers closer to the cup; those irregular eyes were locked into his own, it unsettles  him but if the older wasn’t looking at what his hands are doing then that’s fine. 

Like magicians, it’s all about misleading.

Cup firmly in his hand he steps forward. 

“So it’s either you let me help you calm down. Or I go get Tello, hell even Casey ” he’s a little disappointed name dropping Casey didn’t get a reaction out of him. 

Sharp eyes peek out from his fingers, Leo’s golden eyes are a stark contrast to his black mask, making them all the more piercing as they stare into Leon’s very being.

When he’s met with no other reaction, Leon carries on, “okay that’s good, I’m probably the last person you wanna see but there’s nothing I can do.”

“And hey, I’m sorry” he grins and throws the cup of water at his counterpart's face, the slider flings back with a hiss and lands on his backside.

Leon waits with a bated breath, as Leo stares up at him,  eye blinking while the water drips from his face. It takes a few seconds for either one of them to speak.

“What. The hell” Leo growls and Leon can’t take him seriously when he looks like a grumpy wet cat.

Faking casual Leo shrugs nonchalantly and sets the cup down, “shouldn’t have hissed at me then” even as he speaks he’s still creeping away, those same amber eyes narrowed into slits, and he sees the way the eldest slider's body tenses up.

Eugh boy

“Y’know, I’m curious” Leo gets up slowly, water droplets hitting his plastron and onto the floor. “I don’t remember how fast I used to be when I was younger” Leo regrets everything up until this point when he sees a smile twist onto Leo’s face, sharp white canines glisten in the light.

“You sure you won’t pop a hip” unable to hold back a snark, Leon regards him.

“Wanna test it?”  His voice is low and menacing and Leo could see the sadistic look in his eyes.

“I just suddenly remembered Donnie wants me, so how about we test this some other time m’kay?”   Grinning Leo turns and legs it with his counterpart hot on his tail. 

“I shoulda just let you suffer!” Leo yelps just as a hand missed reaching out for him.

Please excuse my dyslexia

[beefrobeefcal]

Hello beefro,

I am so devastated. Have you seen the new pics? Are you also mourning the loss of the beef? Sending you love

While I am saddened at the loss of our beloved tummy, I adore Peepaw too much to dwell on his trimmer physique.

I think we can all agree that he looks fine as hell no matter what weight he's at!

Yours in sin,

Beefro👌🥩💜

That being said, here's some of Beefro's Choice Cuts™️

[beeceit]

The Broken Leo

Disclaimer: I know I don't typically do angst for the Peepaw Multiverse (which is also why I typically don't involve itbotb Leo in it) but I got to thinking, and itbotb Leo would have... very complicated feelings about meeting so many other hims

(The itbotb canon self-worth issues, alcohol issues, and a brief mention of suicidal thoughts made it into this, so watch out for those) WMAS Leo belongs to @chiangyorange who also inspired this with this comic

Leo tapped his claws against his glass, looking around the room.

The situation was ridiculous and honestly a little frightening. (Seriously, what evil god would allow THIS many Leos to coexist in one room?! Something very very important would be breaking soon and the whole multiverse would explode because some idiot tried to make ramen without the water, or something equally stupid.)  But the scariest part for Leo was that every other version of himself he could see seemed so… 

Happy.

Why wasn’t he? What, because he was missing an arm? Big whoop, he’d already counted five other hims missing something. Coin with his amputated leg (and really, he should be grateful it was only an arm), 2 was missing an arm too, didn’t even really have a stump to speak of. Expendable was not only missing an arm, but his shell was in horrible shape and his eye looked enough like his own Raph’s that he’d bet real money that he was at least partially blind.

And he was feeling this way well before he lost it.

Because of the prison dimension, then? He was there an hour at most. Hourglass and Deal had both been there so much longer and got hurt so much worse. And yet there they were, just laughing and talking like old friends, and they’d only just met. Deal was even drinking soup out of his hands, Leo couldn’t even imagine going through trauma like he had and still managing to be able to be so silly. No, the problem was him.

The problem was always him.

What was wrong with him? His dad was finally there and opening up and listening, his family finally trusted him, he got along with Casey famously. Even his future self was there for him! Everybody was! He just needed to stop being such a self-obsessed dickhead and talk to them! Why was this so hard? Leo sighed and looked around to make sure no one was looking before reaching into his pouch and pulling out a bottle of calamine lotion. Well… it had been calamine lotion. Now it was just a cleaned out bottle he used to hide his emergency vodka in. It didn’t hold much (It couldn’t. He couldn’t afford his brothers getting suspicious, after all.) but it was enough. He poured a generous glug into his diet coke before concealing the bottle again. There was a bar in this place for the older Leos, it would be fine. If anyone got suspicious, he could just claim it was Blue’s and he stole a sip because he was curious. That was normal teenager behavior, right?

What a fucking mess he was.

It was bad enough, knowing how weak he was amongst his family, knowing he was the only one struggling like this, but this? This was so much worse. So many hims, going through so much worse, how was he the only one struggling this hard? How was he the only one who couldn’t handle it? This wasn’t just one universe calling him a failure, it was dozens.

“Should’ve just let Prime finish me off when he had the chance.” He muttered to himself, taking a long sip.

Leo felt a bump against his shoulder.

“Hey, you say something?” Leo jumped, turning to see another Leo sitting next to him. “Shit! Sorry, uh, spaced out. How long have you been there?” The other Leo snorted. “Just a minute, dude, don’t worry about it. You good?” Leo blinked before shrugging and putting on the carefree mask, hoping it wouldn’t fail him like it had done more and more lately. “Nah, I’m fine, don’t worry about it. Just, uh, just overwhelmed. This whole situation is wack as all hell.”

“Yeah, I get that. I still haven’t figured out how to get this name tag thing off. I mean, what does WMAS even mean?! And why is there an orange on it?”

“I’ve been saying it like Christmas in my head.” “Of course you would. Why is yours so long, anyways?”

“Dude, I have no idea. My Blue’s matches, so I guess our dimension is just itty-bot-buh with a… deer-bee thing? I don’t know, man.” WMAS snorted. “You call yours Blue, too?” “Dad picked it. It’s still weird, him actually calling me by my name without it meaning I’m in trouble.” “Yeah, I feel that. …you, uh… you wanna go pet the big scary magic dog with me?” Leo raised an eyebrow and looked over at Havoc, who was currently giving a death glare to a big Leo that had gotten too close to Hourglass for comfort. “I think that’s a fox.” “He’s fluffy, it makes him a dog.” Leo rolled his eyes and chugged the rest of his drink before standing. “Eh, I’ll bite. I didn’t have anything better to do anyways.” Blue looked on from across the room with a frown.

I’m so sorry, kid.

[gyozumaki]

I yapped at my boyfriend about this now y'all are my next victim. I present to you...

Can I beat up a bunny?

A tier list on whether or not I can win a fight against various rabbit animatronics from the FNAF franchise as a measly 5'7" twink 💪

EXCLUSIONS are as follows: UCN, Help Wanted 1+2, AR, FNAF World, The Entity from Ruin, Twisted Bonnie from the books (FUCK THE FNAF BOOKS)

At the bottom we have RWQ/Shadow Bonnie and Glamrock Bonnie. We have a literal shadow and a dead bitch, this isn't even a fight

Next is Springbonnie. There's a non-zero chance of getting hurt but that chance is very very low.

Possibly controversial but now we go onto Glitchtrap. Man is NOT a challenge. Take off the VR or just don't follow him? And he's code. What's he gonna do, swat me?

Oh Plushtrap. Easy fuckin peasy. Flashbang and throw him into a wall. He's a little guy, nothing too scary about him if you're above the age of seven. The teeth may leave a mark but he has ears to pick him up with and toss across the hallway.

I'm tying Nightmare and Jack'O'Bonnie together since they're basically the same. Flashlight, easy. Or maybe just lock the door. Probably also a hot take but just think on it.

Peepaw Afton aka Burntrap. I fucking hate Security Breach and this mf is one of the main reasons why. Sneeze at him, throw a bin at him, he's down easy. Does he even have a jumpscare?? There's a reason everyone in the fandom makes fun of him, including yours truly.

Bon-Bon and Bonnet are easy on their own, easier than Plushtrap, but the presence of one or both implies Funtime Freddy is nearby. I'm not fighting Funtime Freddy. Fuck that.

Scraptrap, probably my least favorite design as an Afton enjoyer (comic and pinkypills designs exist). I'll hand it to him, he has lots of sharp edges and could probably strangle me but he shouldn't be the most difficult to fight. He at least has a jumpscare 🤷‍♂️

We're moving up significantly with Toy Bonnie. If I can avoid him, I will. With a Freddy head, I'll probably be fine but without that, I would probably walk away with some bruises. A lot of bruises. Maybe a broken sternum as well. Yikes.

Movie Afton aka The Yellow Rabbit! I had no idea where else to put him because if you know what to do, he's easy to get rid of, but you're kinda fucked if you don't know how to kill him. He can also RUN?? Absolutely NOT. Fuck that, he's probably beating my ass into the pavement.

Now we get back to the classic Bonnie of the nearly ten years old Five Nights at Freddy's. Ho boy I'm old. He's almost always the first to leave, he's fast, he's a pain to deal with. I'm not fighting this guy. I'm running out of there.

Springtrap, objectively one of THE BEST designs in the series. Too bad FNAF 3 kinda sucks. I may have problems but I'm not delusional. Anyway, I have a near-zero chance of survival. He's tough, agile, can probably also barrel down hallways, and he's a little silly in the head from being trapped in a musty room to rot for 30 years. Does his jumpscare suck? Yeah. But can he annihilate me? Oh yeah.

Now finally, we have the number one Bonnie I would not win a fight against in any universe: Withered Bonnie. Yeah no, I'm gone. It's game. Not a chance in hell. He has one arm and no face but can rock your shit into the next dimension.

BONUS ROUND!!

Withered Bonnie may end it for the OG games but I love me some fan-games. I would like to introduce you to three more entries that make Withered Bonnie look easy to deal with.

Ignited Springtrap - The Joy of Creation: Halloween Edition. Once he sees you, you better pray you can outrun him. There is almost no hiding, no second chances, and mercy. This game has genuinely scared me on many occasions.

Bonnie - JR's. Haunted? Probably dead. Sanity run dry? Certain death. JR's is multitasking to the extreme and Bonnie, while not being all that different from the rest of the cast, is still an intimidating force. But there is one more that takes the cake.

Ignited Bonnie - The Joy of Creation: Reborn & Story Mode. He needs no introduction. Withered Bonnie with a nasty temperament. He sees you? You're dead. His jumpscare animation is one of my all time favorites. Relentless, brutal, speed king who is Benadryl overdose incarnate.

That's about it, thank you for coming to my yap sesh

Edit: I FORGOT ROCKSTAR BONNIE AND INTO THE PIT SPRINGBONNIE FUUUUCKKKK

[madamrynodm]

Clone Wars/Prequel Characters + Partner Pokémon

Screw it, I’m gonna do this. Gonna break this down by different star wars properties so this post doesn’t climb into the stratosphere...

Anakin + Talonflame - Everything about Anakin screams fire type to me. I can just see baby Anakin learning to podrace with an enthusiastic fletchling trying to keep up. A talonflame racing alongside his jedi starfighter would be sick as hell. Sadly, this pokemon would probably die in his transformation into Darth Vader, but I’ll deal with that later...

Padme + Ninetales - I almost said milotic here, but I think Padme’s got some spirit to her that matches a ninetales. All pretty and elegant (a ninetales would compliment her wardrobe nicely), and vulpix could be common enough that her handmaidens could all have one. Also a fire type to match Anakin :)

Obi-Wan + Gardevoir - Gardevoir just screams “so uncivilized” to me, it’d fit his vibe. Obi-Wan, as The Negotiator, strikes me as the type to have a fairy type. Something classy, maybe cute, but it can KICK ASS when the cards are down

Ahsoka + Grovyle (later Sceptile) - It’s all in the dual-wielding, baby. I think back to Gen 3/Advanced Battle when grovyle would use leaf blade like Ahsoka’s reverse grip. It could evolve later when she gets her white sabers in Rebels, showing how she’s come into her own since leaving the Order

Rex + Shiny Nidoking - Old school clone needs an old school king. He strikes me as the more grounded heh counterpart to Anakin’s high-flying antics, but he’s got the cunning to utilize a poison type well. A shiny to match the 501st, of course

Qui-Gon + Sawsbuck - He’s got grass type energy to me, and it matches his lightsaber. Also, his “go with the Force” vibes fit how sawsbuck changes with the seasons

Plo Koon + Noivern - This is one part “he would totally have a big softie of a pokemon” and one part “great pilot needs a great flying type”. You know this thing would dote on Ahsoka’s grovyle like how Plo dotes on her

Yoda + Kecleon - It just kinda fits. It’s a pokemon that I can see him taking to the Council but also thriving on Dagobah later down the line. It’s deceptively good in battle for looking like a funky little lizard

Wolffe + Lycanroc (midday form) - I mean, this one explains itself. Woof woof

Ventress + Weavile - Another aesthetic choice with this one. It wouldn’t be her original partner Pokémon but one she gained after starting her training with Dooku. Ice type just feels right for her and she can freeze opponents when she runs away

Greivous + Aegislash - A FINE ADDITION TO MY COLLECTION. Seriously though, a steel type that is a sword just... it fits too good

Count Dooku + Roserade - A Pokemon that’s got that regal drip but can also drag your ass. Dooku would have raised this guy from his jedi days and stayed with it when he left the Order. Maybe it wouldn’t have evolved until after he left, representing his rebirth as a sith

Maul + Banette - The man that refuses to die needs a ghost type. Also, the pokedex states that banettes are pokemon that were cast aside and now come back with a vengeance. Sound familiar?

Palpatine + Persian - Definitely referencing Giovanni with this one. But, also, I think Peepaw Palps would probably have a really unassuming normal type while doing his whole chancellor thing. With Order 66, I’d imagine that this persian would die/be removed in some capacity. Then, I’d give him Darkrai

Satine + Milotic - The elegance and outwardly gentle nature of a milotic fits. Milotics are real dangerous in battle, but I can see Satine raising one as a statement about her pacifist ideals. Deliberately choosing not to fight with one hell of a water type. They’ve kicked my ass before so that informed this decision

Hondo + Sableye - Got that cunning of a dark type with an eye for PROFIT! Would definitely discover mega-evolution by accident

Jar Jar + Magikarp - C’mon. Them both being aquatic beings helps too

Note: The Bad Batch will have their own list. I’ll put Echo in both lists. Maybe I’ll have to make a clone list because... gee whiz there’s a lot of them

[porkcutletbowl44]

So I will write this ask while reading chapter 16 because my mind is too smooth to do it afterwards.

frist of all, SINCE WHEN CAN YOU TWIST OPEN A BEER BOTTLE BABY GIRL BEER BOTTLES ARE NORMALLY CAPS ONLY THE CHEAP ONE IN PASTIC IS WITH A TWIST OPENING

damn my german ass came out for a sec. But i really think they would have proper beer. The shit in the plastic bottles is piss with the wrong label on it and I don't even like beer to begin with LOL But it seems they are into it which… damn kinda sad but I guess that's a german thing to see cheap beer as a crime 😭💀

God, I love the interactions with the boys sooo much! It's so funny and makes me miss my old friend group. well at least the good parts of it and that wasn't much to being with 🥴

microwaving cereal 😭😭😭 I'm laughing so hard right now omg I never was drunk in my 24 years of living so it always makes me the one who holds the hair or fight of the guys who think they could get a quick fun. No fun with me, I will ruin they're night for good haha Only got tipsy twice and the first time I kinda regret because I didn't register how much the one dude overstep the line with this one girl. Mind you I just met her at the party but she was so sweet. God I would have beaten the living shit out of him. Still hate him to this day and he is a close friend of my cousin which is like a sister to me. Damn sorry for the rant LOL

NO HE DOES NOT ACT LIKE THIS MY GOD THIS MAN MAKES ME SO MAD I never wanted to punch a character in a fic so much as I want to punch Simon. Wtf is he thinking? Mf was cheating, is engaged with another woman who makes our life way too hard and he thinks it's all fine and dandy to tell us that WE are selfish??????

Jesus fucking Christ, Keegan needs to punch the shit out Simon. Holy moly macaroni i'm so mad

"Rank ain't gonna save you from a broken nose."

OMG JUST DO IT! BEAT HIM OMG PLS

I don't get it. I DON'T HIM! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS MAN

of course Keegan is a sweet boy like always. How he can hold back not to give us small kisses is beyond me but ok. Well maybe because I'm someone who gives affection to everyone that is close to me, be it friends or family.

YES MY FAVORITE DADDY IS FINALLY HERE! Was about time that Price is joining! God, he is so sweet. He always reminds me of a Berniece Mountain dog! Big, gentle, protective and efficient at work. They are one of my fav dogs so maybe I'm a bit biased haha

wow, the fact that he called it out all those years ago? John knows Simon really well. We should have listened to him more. On the other hand, he also said, Simon would never hurt us and now look at this mess. My God, I just feel so sorry for our girl.

Jesus every time we get a flashback of better times... I makes heart so heavy. This story feels so real, like we're a fly on the wall that watches a tragedy unfold.

Please give me a man like Price, he is such a sweet mew mew

not me almost crying at his little speech of how much he cares for her 😭😭

Song recommendation: Another Life - Motionless in White

HIIIII! it's wonderful hearing from you again I hope all is well! 🫶🏻💛

Tbh, I did a little research about beer in the UK, and some of it is similar to the US aluminum caps lol

And, I'm not sure if you read chapter 17 yet, so I'll refrain from commenting on the Simon rant to avoid spoilers 🫠

Peepaw Price cures depression for FREE. that's free therapy and I'm taking it!! 🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️

(MOTIONLESS IN WHITE MENTION RAAAAHHHHHHHHHH💖💖💖)

[soleilxe]

So, lately, I’ve been thinking of how Sun and Moon will look like in the Ruins DLC next year, and the art of potential designs I’ve been seeing was getting my own gears turning. So, after a bit of time and work, here’s a bit of an explanation for my new, hopefully-somewhat-original AU design of Shattered Sun and Molten Moon! It’s pretty long though so I’ll put the explanation and standalone pictures under the read more!

After the events of Security Breach’s true-ending (the one with Peepaw Willy actually in it), the animatronics infected with the Afton Virus are finally freed! Bad news is, the mall is completely ruined and basically unsalvageable in the eyes of Fazbear Entertainment. They take stuff that’s only of value to them, and to the robot’s dismay, they’re seen as too expensive to fix and left to rot in what remains of the PizzaPlex.

All of them took it hard, but Sun and Moon arguably took it the worst. Even though they were mainly seen as weirdos by the staff and nightmare-fuel by the children they watched over, they were incredibly sociable and didn’t take extended non-contact from people well. While they were both the most hopeful that someone will come back for them (Moon cracking just a tad before Sun, though), after seven months since the mall’s closing, they realized the full extent of their situation and broke down completely. Since then, they locked themselves in the Daycare, Moon doing his best to comfort Sun but, sometimes in the middle of the night during their charging times, Sun could hear how his other-half softly weeped. It didn’t help that Roxy, Monty, and Chica still didn’t like them that much…or at all, and poor DJMM wasn’t able to make it through the fire, getting crushed by rubble. All the two had were themselves. That was, until a year later

You (Y/N) are a big fan of exploring abandoned sites, and consider yourself a well-experienced urban explorer. With a backpack full of snacks, water, and other equipment, you set off secretly to the PizzaPlex in hopes of making a video searching around the place for your channel. (sorry you’re a Youtuber in this AU. If it helps you feel any better you got a bronze play button you can hit people with) While you were just expecting to find some random shit strewn about, what you absolutely DID NOT anticipate was falling straight into the Daycare from an upper floor to find Sun and Moon, looking incredulous at your arrival before breaking out into hysterical joy for finally seeing another person. At first, you played along with their games since, while they were fucking creepy as hell when you three first met, they were endearing and you were curious. But as the overnight stay became another day at the mall, and another night, you began to realize something was up with them.

Thanks to the isolation and loneliness they experienced, both Sun and Moon refuse to let you go. While they wouldn’t go far as to kill others in jealousy or hurt you on purpose, they had become downright yanderes with how possessive they are over you and their obsession driving them more and more crazy. Despite the other animatronics being fine, the two insisted that they were still bloodthirsty monsters and could kill you, even when you knew that that wasn’t the case at all. Rations that aren’t spoiled, still left in the kitchen, are starting to run low, and you ate/drank the rest of your snacks and water a bit ago. You were beginning to starve, but since they themselves can’t leave the mall thanks to how they recharge, Sun and Moon beg you to just stay and they’ll figure out everything. You aren’t taking their shit anymore, and run off to free yourself from the Plex. But Sun and Moon are smart; they already blocked the normal exits like  doors and windows, even some holes in the ceiling, but what they didn’t expect was how resourceful you are. Now, it’s up to you to get yourself out of the mall by your lonesome, since Sun and Moon were surprisingly stronger than the other animatronics and dispatched them easily, or allow the mall to be your grave.

Uuuh that sounded like a video-game summary LMAO anyways, here’s some other tidbits too!

Sun and Moon got the most banged-up treatment from the fire in this AU. First, Moon was in-charge hopping around and trying to find a way out. Suddenly, the floor underneath him broke, causing him to fall right into a sharp piece of metal, and since the heat was already making his body melt, it cut right through his right leg and it split up right around the area beneath his knee joint. While he was trying to climb back up and out of the firepit, his arms were starting to split as well thanks to the overwhelming temperature. His left arm disconnected itself way up into his forearm, while his right thankfully only got up near his elbow joint. The final blow was when Moon finally got out and was attempting to escape out of a hole in the ceiling, but a fiery beam came crashing straight into the middle of his faceplate. It obviously cracked and left some of his endoskeleton exposed, allowing the fire to make him look almost two-headed. The rest is just the remains of his endoskeleton, barely covered up in a bit of paint but mainly in debris and dust.

(I’m going to give credit to @icedmetaltea for this idea because it’s legit awesome and i like it a lot /gen) Sun and Moon moving sounds like the Wheelers from the Return of Oz, with their horrible scraping noise thanks to the lack of silicone the two have now on their bodies. Their voice is also a bit messed-up, sometimes pitching down-and-up randomly but still sounding like dear Kellen most of the time lol.

Sun and Moon now have a noticeable limp, but they can still move fast and agile as hell.

The hole in the middle of their head is supposed to look somewhat akin to an eye! Originally, I was going to have their eye (right for Sun and left for Moon) be extended into one large eye, but any time I tried to make it work, it just looked goofy lmao. It should be noted though that Sun’s and Moon’s eyeballs melted away, leaving the small light of their pupils left.

Their wrist ribbons are slimmer because the fire destroyed a majority of the fabric on them too. They still have their bells somehow, though!

I’d love to hear people’s thoughts on this AU of mine, and I’d also love to hear your ideas on what you think Sun and Moon will look like in the DLC. This AU might become incredibly outdated, but I just like me some angst LOL Hope ya’ll like it!

(also i just realized that i used the word "fine" twice in that last picture. fUCK.)

Edit: FORGOT TO MENTION SORRY!! The expressions are from @/capochiino! See them here! https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/capochiino/677100713037463552?source=share

[mocharadio]

Now Playing(Title): Touching Their Boobas! (Headcanons)

Requested By: @polluxminor

Song Artists(Characters): Kaeya, Diluc, Childe, Zhongli, Xiao, and Beidou

Remix(Au): Modern Au! cause why not

Lyrics(Summary): Their reaction to you just randomly squeezing their boobs ?????? gn!reader by the way, but pronouns aren't really mentioned regardless

Explicit?(Warnings): No beta we die like Khaenri'ah, lowercase, suggestive (but nothing more than that!), they/them used for Kaeya, Beidou, and Xiao, slightly ooc but I feel like they'd act differently in a modern setting anyways

A/N: consider this to be crack, also this is under the impression that you are already their s/o (or at least their bestie) and they're fine with you doing this because it would be....very much weird if that wasnt the case!

Kaeya:

he just looks at you for a few seconds and blinks like three times in a row

you swear you can hear the blinking sound effects as he does it too

then they let out their stupid, toothy smirk and start laughing at you

"Damn shawty, you down THAT bad?"

starts squeezing their tiddies himself and talks about how nice they are

can and will defend them with his life. ESPECIALLY if you take it back and call them flat. expect all hell to break loose.

will probably bring up his ass at some point too

"Got tha fattest ass on the block babey"

please shut this guy up.

Diluc

doesnt even realize whats going on at first

like Kaeya he'll just kinda stare at you for a few seconds before it finally hits him

like a truck, too

"[Name], why are your hands on my chest"

"Man tiddies."

"I see."

he'll never tell you upfront but it flusters him a lot

as soon as you aren't paying attention to him anymore his face gets all red and he has to put a hand over his heart to make sure his HR is stable so he doesn't collapse and die

do it more often! eventually he'll crack and you'll be able to see how embarrassed he gets! its really cute :]

Childe

dont. you'll regret it

im serious this man is so extra for no reason

he can and will fake moan out loud. doesnt matter where you guys are.

in the middle of walmart? he'll moan. in your college dorm with the door cracked open and people in the halls? he'll still fake moan! he doesnt care if professor Zhongli or Albedo hears either, it is what it is.

generally speaking though he doesn't really mind, he's flattered actually!

you on the other hand will probably mind very much when it gets you kicked out of Starbucks or extra homework from your professors.

will grab your chest back though (only if you're fine with it)

Zhongli

poor peepaw.

he's so confused he doesn't know why you're just groping him like that

he thinks there's something wrong, like you're silently pleading for help or you wanna kill him.

he grabs you by the shoulders and asks if everything is alright.

yeah???? everything's okay your tits are just fat Zhongli please calm down

after he realizes you just wanted to grope him he sighs out of relief and lets you go to town

unless you don't wanna anymore, then he's cool with that too

Xiao

run. run as fast and as far away as you fucking can

they will chase your ass across the goddamn country if needed

dropkicks you (playfully)

he genuinely doesnt mind it at all it just caught him off guard and flustered them and they needed to cope somehow

after he's done attacking you like a rabies ridden raccoon though he'll calm down and just snuggle themself into your chest (if you're fine with it)

grumbles some shit like "stop being horny all the time" and "you cant just do that to me"

doesn't really mean it of course

Beidou

"This is why mom doesn't FUCKING LOVE YOU!"

in all seriousness though I feel like they'd laugh their ass off before (consensually) groping the fuck out of your chest too

she's so nonchalant about it as if you do it every single day

which you probably do, after that

teases you nonstop over it.

one day you accidentally grope them a little to hard and they just gently pick you up and tosses you onto the nearest soft surface

then she jumps onto you

small price to pay for hurting her tatas

[curious-minx]

A strong Bob’s Burgers flutters its wings of relevancy. The Simpsons get rid of the Simpsons.

“Your parents are what’s wrong with society” - Bob to Linda 

The best thing about the latest season of Bob’s Burgers is that it does not full on embrace the reality of the Pandemic, but finds way to tip around relevant issues. As a viewer my heart’s ache for Louise grows stronger while 2020 concerts being canceled. Gene’s holiday spent in writhing illness induced  agony isolation from his family is more than just an upset stomach. In this latest episode, “The Terminalator II: Terminals of Endearment,”a care-free frolic through an airport terminal becomes a lot more compelling as many of us viewers are wondering if we will ever darken an airport gate ever again.

What hits this weary viewer harder than sickly nostalgia for plastic airport food court offerings or impulse buy stores that look like drug fronts , but Bob’s disdain for seeing his elderly Floridian in-laws. The hackiest, most tired horse in the comedy stable becomes so much more with Quarantine brain.  The question this episode poses is,“Why bother traveling when you can have all the necessary family bonding at the airport?” The episode answers this question by gifting us Veep’s Timothy Simons’ audience surrogate TSA member. The Airport in general gets a pretty good wrap in the Bob’s Burgers verse. The employees working the airport are more or less helpful and patient with this meandering family’s hijinks, none of the sinister heartless bureaucracy seen in Babe Pig in The City. This is the detail that makes the slight nod and wink to Wings work as more than a wink or a nod. Having a fun TSA worker though instead of someone working at one of those airport stores that sell watches or an airport restauranteur would have been fun, but Jon Glaser and Timothy Simons are two thorny gentlemen born to play a genial front service and TSA agents. 

Seen above: Renee Taylor voicing Allen Gregory’s Principal 

Seeing our family over the holidays is often as thoughtless as checking a box, “I’m not a robot, I like to spend time with my family. I’m a good person.” Despite the fact that spending time with our families is often an exhaustive wringing out your brain of passive aggressive needling. For the Belcher’s the elderly are not founts of wisdom but are over grown toddlers too loud, leaky, creaky and confused to be much in the way of fun. They are not hate mongers like many of ours Nanas and Peepaws, Linda’s parents only serve as catalysts for casually paced shenanigans. Linda’s parents Al, voiced by series regular Sam Seder and the iconic Renee Taylor as Gloria are relegated to being flaky from eczema and too loud on the phone. One underlying thread present in this episode is that Linda has a lot in common with her parents making her the perfect Parental pawn. At one point in the episode Louise explicitly drives home how similar Linda and her mom’s voices are. For me this read as the show winking at John Roberts’ performance as Linda being largely indebted to an icon like Renee Taylor. Taylor once vivacious sex pot Eva Braun in the Producers more or less becomes overshadowed by her role as Sylvia Fine in the Nanny. Although I would be remiss to say that Renee Taylor is no stranger to the Fox Animation Domination family previously starring as the Principal in Allen Gregory. 

The episode inspired me to go back and revisit one of John Roberts Brooklyn Mom videos he was performing in the mid 00’s. His video “Mother’s Day” essential serves as a demo reel for Linda and in general a truly fine piece of online comedy video filmmaking. Roberts’ takes what could be a loud and brash stereotype and really takes his beats and delivers an authentic character that provides the foundation for Linda. The pacing and energy of this video is a stark contrast to the modern comedy front-facing camera comedy videos littering Twitter timelines and Tik Toks. The fact that John Roberts still approaches Linda as a sympathetic fully dimensional character which is not often the case in live-action sitcoms. 

The sideplot with Louise dragging her siblings on a campaign for decorative first flyer wings is a succinct and nice addition preventing the episode from being too claustrophobic. The image of an emergency bed bound Teddie as a result of a food allergy is one of those things visuals that once again that lands much differently with Quarantine brain. Regardless I am always grateful for whatever amount of Teddie the show is willing to provide us. 

Overall I give this episode four wings and a broken half wing out of five. A true season 11 highlight!

////

The Simpsons The Road to Cincinnati is one of those rare episodes that gets rid of that pesky Simpsons problem by kicking them out of their show. Instead of the titular nuclear family we get an entire episode based around a Griffin and Stewie styled road trip romp with Principal Skinner and Super Intendant Chalmers. Excuse me, Superintendent Geribaldi Chalmers. A fact I am sure will definitely make official Simpsons Wiki canon and be something referenced in future episodes *eye roll emoji*. 

This episode has some weird pent up old man aggression. Seeing as this is an episode written by Princeton and Harvard grad Jeff Westbrook that is definitely to expected. Apparently the dude really thinks pretty low of cyclists. So much so that the episode comes to a screeching halt when Jeff Westbrook has to pat his own back from coming up with a Biker Bar turning out to be a Cyclist Bar. Also, don’t get Westbrook started on what he thinks about Improv Shakespeare! 

Removing the Simpsons from the Simpsons is an ignoble experiment. I can see the temptation and Chalmers and Skinner are a duo that yields some of the shows more iconic and meme-worthy moments. Plopping them down into an entire episode focusing on them doesn’t prove disastrous, instead it lives up to the late Simpsons business model of underwhelming the hell out of you. 

The episode suffers from a case of “and then…and then… and then” plot structuring. A criticism I have picked up from Chuck Palahniuk’s road trip masterpiece to top all road trips, Invisible Monsters. Things have taken a turn for the worse when I am writing one of these reviews and am searching for anything else to write about. Nothing in this episode is flat out bad and it’s an interesting failed experiment. A rotten piece of Steamed Ham served with a signature smugness typical of an algorithm researcher. :P

Skip. 

[beeceit]

So Much For Grabbing The Bottle

I finally got the chance to read So Much For Grabbing A Slice (and it is seriously AMAZING, please check it out if you haven't yet) and I couldn't get the idea of ITBOTB Blue running into CJ in a peepaw multiverse situation out of my head

CJ and Shelldon Neo are both from SMGS by @shiftdrawwing

"Hey, Mister Peanut! C'mere a minute, would ya?"

Blue tapped his foot on the ground, leaning on the couch in a way that he hoped came off as casual and did a good job of hiding how much this whole multiverse situation had him freaked out. 

"Pardon?"

"Ahh, don't worry about it, timeline difference, I think. Must be weird, being older than all of us turtles."

"You'd be surprised what I've gotten used to."

Blue hummed with a frown, running his tongue over his back teeth.

"I bet I would. Ah, look, Casey-"

"It's CJ."

Blue raised an eyebrow, then shrugged.

"Alright, then, CJ. I'm sure this is weird coming from me- I mean, if you're actually as old as you look, I could probably be your kid."

"Is there a point to this?"

Blue chuckled, putting his hand up. 

"Alright, alright, I'll cut to the chase. Look, I know you're not my Casey, and I know I'm not your Master Leonardo, and I hope I'm not crossing a line by saying this, but... I'm proud of you. I never imagined my boy could make it to your age. Seeing a version of him that has... I can't even imagine how strong you must be."

CJ blinked, not sure how to respond.

“Uh… thanks?”

"Ahh, I know, I know, I made it weird. But hey, really, I mean it. I'm proud of you. You look like you've been through about five different kinds of hell in wet socks, but here you are, still kicking. That's incredible, CJ. Even if it's just from me, you deserve to be told that, at least once."

CJ leaned on his cane, looking the turtle over.

“That, uh… thank you.”

Blue winked. “Anytime.”

“Which one is yours?”

“Hmm? Oh, you mean my Casey?”

CJ nodded.

Blue grinned and pointed.

“Mine’s the little highlighter over there trying to arm wrestle your Shelldon,” Blue cupped his hand around his mouth, calling out. “Doing great, champ! You got this- oof, no, no he doesn’t, that looked painful. Eh, he’ll be fine.”

“That explains a lot about you.”

“I’m choosing to take that as a compliment. …He’s a good kid. Strong kid. He’s better than I was at his age, that’s for sure.”

CJ fiddled with his cane, taking in the scene. The walking crayon box that was Blue’s Casey had already shaken it off and was begging Neo for another match.

“He seems happy.”

“I think he is. The past has been good to him, it’s nice to see him finally able to laugh, you know? Not looking over his shoulder all the time, not wondering which one of us he’ll have to bury next. He can finally just… live. I hope you get that, too. Aaaaanyways, that’s enough sappiness from ol Peepaw Blue-”

“Yeah, again, I’m older than you.”

Blue waved him off, getting to his feet with loud cracks and pops ringing out from his knees.

“He- hey, Casey! Hi!”

“Shush, you. Any-ways, I’ve hogged you long enough, I should go check up on my kids. Take care of yourself, okay?” He patted CJ’s shoulder with a wink and called behind him as he walked off. “And tell wet napkin me I said hi, yeah?”

“Wh- wet napkin?”

A near identical Leo (minus the stickers and dad robe but plus massive eyebags, a prosthetic arm and a tearstained mask)  started rushing towards CJ with the speed of an apex predator.

“Oh, fucking Christ.”