#and she lied and said it was zuko bc she didn't think her mother would try to save her

[seawitchkaraoke]

I still have so many emotions about Azula, specifically 11 year old Azula, who gets left behind by her brother and her uncle and is then, for the next three years, entirely alone in the palace with her father.

Like sure, the servants are there and she has Ty Lee and mai (though both of them must have left at some point in those three years, we don't know when), but that's not what I'm talking about. She is entirely, entirely without any protection from her father - not that she ever had all that much.

Here's the thing: Imagine you are Azula. You grow up and you know your mother loves your brother more than you (''my own mother thought I was a monster''). You know she cares about Zuko, she will comfort Zuko, she might even protect Zuko. You are certain she will not protect you (is Azula right about this assessment? It doesn't matter. Ursa's actual intentions aren't relevant in the face of what Azula perceives as true).

Your uncle isn't there and in his letters and gifts he shows that he too, does not care about or understand you. He sends Zuko a knife and a thoughtful message. He sends you a doll, that you burn.

Your father is ambitious and cruel and will not accept less than perfection. Luckily, you are a prodigy. Luckily, your brother is not. In contrast to him you can shine, you can burn so bright, you are safe as long as Zuko falls behind you. You are two years younger but you have to be better, you can never allow yourself to make a mistake where your father can see. It's okay though. Zuko is really bad at bending and even worse at lying. He should hide his mistakes if he can't stop making them. He's an idiot,, so he doesn't. You convince yourself you are happy about this.

Your father miscalculates and your grandfather orders your brother killed. You could let this happen. But if you do, you'll lose your shield against your father plus you like seeing him mess up. You pretend that's the only reason you warn him. It's not like you actually care about him.

Your mother does Something and the next day she is gone, your grandfather is dead and your father is on the throne. It's fine. She was useless anyway. She killed Azulon to protect your brother. You try not to wonder if she would have done the same thing for you. You are 9 years old.

Iroh comes back and does nothing. You continue to be perfect and Zuko continues not to be. It's going great. You are a prodigy and your father loves you. As long as you don't mess up.

Zuko is an idiot. Iroh is a worse idiot. Your uncle let's your brother into a war meeting and of course Zuko can't keep his mouth shut.

When your father burns your brother's face, your uncle looks away. Your brother, who is kind and thoughtful and liked by the servants and loved by his uncle gets half his face burned off and no one steps in.

Your uncle looks away, but you can't afford that kind of weakness. You look and you smile. This is good. You want the throne. With your brother disgraced, no one will stand in your way.

Your brother gets banished and with him goes your only protection against your father. Your uncle leaves too, but it hardly matters. He didn't care enough to protect Zuko, he wouldn't have protected you anyway. You'll just have to be even more perfect to make your father proud of you.

You are 11 years old and you are alone.