#and that is something i do NOT want 😐 idm dying - i encourage it even. i wish i did tonight - but getting severely injured is the worst
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man you ever wanna die just so you don't have to deal with the shit that is real life
#i mean ik i don't count bc i wanna die period. but this situation makes it even more so.#which is ironic bc the problem is i am in danger lol. but statistically speaking one is more likely to get injured than killed#and that is something i do NOT want 😐 idm dying - i encourage it even. i wish i did tonight - but getting severely injured is the worst#- thing that could happen to me i think. it's actually my biggest fear. it's essentially the only reason I'm not dead yet#(bc if it weren't for that fear i would just try to kms on a daily basis lmao 😭)#I'm just... very tired. i don't wanna live in fear. but that's impossible. my only other option here is death#this isn't even getting into the everyday life shit. i was supposed to send some files to set up some medical test#but idk if there's any point until the war ends?? like i won't be getting out any time soon probably#and idk if any medical ward that isn't the emergency one would work these days. so. eh#i lost track there. what i was going at is that through all this i also have my regular pains to worry about#and ofc my regular mental shit too. I'm doing badly enough as is lmao 😭#vent#negative //#suicide //#ask to tag#blegh. i hate it here
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