#and then I'll like subconsciously start to act super endearing and/or especially professional around them
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Even slightly older male: *shows me any form of approval/affection* Me, tearing up: I will make you proud, please love me I'll be good child
#Idek what to tag this as lol#personal#okay to reblog#father issues#?#I guess?#I'm not sure if it counts but just to be safe I'm also going to tag this as#trauma#even though I'm p sure it's not#Lol I've noticed I do this though like every time one of my managers is a guy I do everything extra well so he'll be proud of me#father mention in tags#I have no idea where I get it though I mean my real dad isn't that bad#I remember every time my first manager at the Halloween store said I was doing well and I'd just be like#'Lol you haven't seen anything yet! watch this I'll make you so proud of me!'#and like just thinking later that that was probably a really uncommon way to think about receiving praise from a manager#and like it's not just managers and teachers; literally any nice older guy will say I'm doing something well#and immediately I'll be like 'plz adopt me I promise I'll make you happy'#and then I'll like subconsciously start to act super endearing and/or especially professional around them#depending on their age and personality#and it's just weird#Like I'll do that around older women and female-aligned and agender people just not as much as older men and male-aligned people#Like if one of my female managers says she's proud of me it's like 'holy shit please say those words again'#but if one of my male managers did my brain would instantly be like 'I CAN MAKE YOU PROUDER!!!'#Idk lol it's just odd#ask to tag
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