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#and then hopefully move on to new things
gncrezan · 1 year
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🌟 COMMISSIONS ARE OPEN!! more information can be found here! i’ve been very on and off this blog unfortunately, finishing up uni and finally graduating. i’m currently looking for a job and i need money inbetween work to be able to help out my family and apply for visas, so if you can comm me, tip me on ko-fi, or just rb this post, that would be amazing! you can find more examples of my art under the tag my art ! :’) 
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betasuppe · 10 months
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☆Quick Palette Comms!☆
Available slots:
1. CLOSED!
2. CLOSED!
3. OPEN!
Payroll docked me a full day & a half's pay because my report's admin absolutely sucks at their job & screwed me over, so I really need to make just about 150$ to keep from dropping into the red in my bank account, until I can get this paid back on my upcoming check.
I don't have the time to do full comms at the moment, but because I'm in a tough space, I'm again going to be offering some limited time palette comms from today until Wednesday 12/13 for anyone who makes a donation of a certain amount.
For 25$+, I'll do cute chibis & 45$+, I'll do a more serious style,with some examples of Flint & Rinn below! I'll have the palettes I'm using at the bottom of the post...
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If youd like multiple characters in one drawing, it'll be a bit more & if you want something more detailed or a fuller comm, just say the word & we'll talk from there.
Anyways, please just let me know if you're interested & anything & everything helps... Thanks a million, all, much much love to ya♡♡♡
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Please message me if you have any questions & again, thanks as always for your time & help, you guys!♡♡♡
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yuukimiyas · 20 days
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hello honeybuns & happy sept! ⁽⁽ଘ( ˙꒳​˙ )ଓ⁾⁾ i hope this new month & the coming ones are nice & calm <33 & filled w nothing but tenderness & love (* ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)” mwah!
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buglaur · 2 years
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b4kuch1n · 6 months
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tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"
#bakuspeech#number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u#he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up#(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out)#we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment#and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here#but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something#but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku#but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this#this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and#that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing#but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it#its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with#and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually#I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay#but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol#not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real#and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself#and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god#that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao#but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them#have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway
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tariah23 · 4 days
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Whaaa my other job got back to me (the temp ageny)!!! Some 3rd shifts but it’s fine. I miss working with the agency since we get paid weekly and it’s 20 and hr for easy work 😭!!! Yippie!!!
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daughterofsarenrae · 8 months
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Absolutely horrible timing for me to acquire a fish but look at him. I couldnt just leave him for some dumbass customer to chuck him in a tiny shitty unheated tank. Meet Kal (better pics to come later hopefully)
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pshiftcultureis · 14 days
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Pshifter culture is stalking the tags like a hawk in hopes you'll see more activity and growth in the community - 📑
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kuromi-hoemie · 2 months
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i am once again thinking about The Boy
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not the movie lol
#give it up for day 13#how has it just been 13 days since my first time seeing him in so long#🙈💕 i like how i haven't had A Crush in a sec and the last person it was on was him lol.#there's a lot of little stuff that's changed since then abt myself and between us ig but good lord i have never been more attracted to him#than i am now 😵‍💫😵‍💫 seeing him in sweats and a sleeveless turtleneck that first day has just had him in my head every day since#like HELP he's hot 😭 but then like... so am i omg (⁠。⁠ノ⁠ω⁠\⁠。⁠) actually cleaning my place finally so i can have him over lol#i know I'm hot but at the same time i forget ykwim.. until i look in a mirror or see a picture and I'm like oh right i exist.#anyways ms ma'am is getting better at talking to her friends abt these kinds of things ʕ⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴥ⁠ꈍ⁠ʔ ♡⁠#i say that there's nothing I'd do for a lover that i wouldn't do for a friend and that i just love ppl fundamentally#and i know this is my true self‚ but I'm somewhat new to living that in practice and on purpose.#I'm a little clumsy i think but no one's seemed to mind 🙈💕 i am happy that I'm learning and i am happy to deepen my friendship#and i look forward to how much easier this will be to navigate a yr from now ^.^ I've been polyamorous for a year and a half ig#and i feel like I've found my comfort zone yk? :3 ♡⁠ what being polyamorous Means To Me#it's good to be here.. i look forward to the friends i will make after i move and i wish i was more forward w the boy sooner omg#but it's okay. he won't be Too far away it's just a bit of a trip. i wanna have him over a couple times before i leave tho and hopefully#many more at the next place ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა ♡⁠ but i will visit him too hehe his family's rly nice
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Day 8: Mountain/Chains
Prompt List
Pt. 6 of The Empire of Samadhi AU
Pt. 1 | Pt. 2 | Pt. 3 | Pt. 4 | Pt. 5 | Pt. 6 (you are here) | Pt. 7 (coming sometime...)
(This is day 8 of the Monkie Destiny Challenge Prompt Month October 2023)
Wordcount: 2k
Summary: Red Son is the son of an old empire, Mei is the daughter of a new one. Red Son, consumed by fire, was put into an induced stasis sleep to stop the world from burning until his family can find a way to safely remove the fire. They find a way but he never wakes up. Hundreds of years later he awakes to discover his power resides within another as she stares at him with wide eyes on fire.
Split.
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They reached the mountain at daybreak. 
It wasn’t massive but it still counted as a mountain, albeit a small one. There were seals and spells lining the caverns on the inside of it, if nothing much had changed since Red Son had last visited the place. It was a little out of their way and put them a good half a day behind schedule to reach, but the mortals were insistent. Much to Red Son’s frustration. 
Why they were taking this detour was simple. 
Liú. 
That little puppet Mk had tucked into his sash comfortably that morning, with his little puppet arms and face free of the fabric. He’d spent a needlessly long amount of time making sure he was comfortable, not being crushed. No matter how many times Red Son told him he likely couldn’t feel it, Mk wasn’t taking any chances. 
“Just in case,” he had said that morning. “He might be conscious. It would be boring to look at the inside of a pocket all day.” 
No matter how much Red Son scoffed at it, Mei chimed in that she thought it was a good idea so that was the end of it, and he could do nothing to convince him otherwise. 
They were idiotic fools. 
They were weird. 
They chatted with the puppet all the way too, and on the way up the mountain, in-between complaints of sore feet and burning muscles from their upward decent. Red Son had to listen to their aggravating recap and their ‘Sifu Samadhi, he might look scary but he’s a softy,’ all the way up the mountain. 
Red Son was not a softy. 
He was going to kill them both the moment he had the fire just to prove that. 
“He can’t hear you,” Red Son tried to tell them for the thousandth time.  
“Maybe he can,” Mei said, sticking out her tongue like she did every time she replied. 
Truly they were idiotic. 
He had no doubt if Liú really was conscious as a little puppet, he would have rather been shoved into a pocket than listen to their whining. At least then the sounds would be muffled. 
“Are we there yet?” Mei groaned. “We've been walking for ages.” 
“Two hours,” Red Son said through gritted teeth, “is not ages.” 
“It's dark out,” Mk complained, “I want to sleep.” 
Red Son took a moment to breathe. If he pushed either of them off the mountain now he might never get his fire. “This little detour is costing us precious time. The sooner we reach the top the better. Unless you’d rather take a nap and watch the world burn from this vantage point?” 
That at least shut them up for a while. Then there was nothing but annoyed noises and huffing and puffing. 
Honestly they held up better than expected. Despite their complaining they were keeping up with Red Son’s, what would be considered, brutal pace for mortals. 
They reached the top before sunrise. 
Luckily the big open surface carved out remained which meant they wouldn’t need to clear anything. The last time Red Son had been here, there had been monuments and structures and even green life everywhere. He didn’t acknowledge the blackened empty state of it.
Red Son drew the circle in the ash and dirt himself, since he didn’t trust either of them to know what they were doing. It didn’t take very long, but it was long enough for Mei to complain again. Red Son ignored her. He scratched the letters into the dirt then snatched some of his fire from the rings and lit the spell. The fire filled the grooves quickly until every bit of lettering was illuminated. 
“Now,” he said, dusting his hands off and turning to Mei. “First things first. This is going to cause quite a commotion in the middle of nowhere. Without any life disguising my power, we might as well be sending an invitation to that thing to come find us. So.” He stepped over to one of the edges of the flat space, purposefully not too far away from the circle, but not close enough to mess with the spell. “This is our escape route. If he comes, stand here, and it will take us out of here in a more permanent teleportation than I can currently provide.” 
“Cool,” Mei said. “Where does it go?” 
“Let me worry about that,” Red Son said, crossing his arms. “Now the spell. Not that I care but keep in mind that if you lose control at any point during the ritual, he will undoubtedly die.” 
“What?” said Mk, shielding the puppet with his hand. 
“No pressure or anything,” Mei muttered. She frowned at the spell. 
“Hurry up, we don’t have all day,” Red Son snapped. 
“You can do this, Mei,” Mk said. “I know you can.” 
That made her crack a smile. They were both so strange. “Thanks Mk.” She seemed to brighten just a little bit. “Alright, let's do this.” She got into position and planted her feet. 
Mk hurried forward and placed the puppet in the middle of the circle, gently brushing ash from the spot so there was a clear spot to place it down. He then scurried out of the ring, cursing as the hem of his hanfu caught fire. He stamped it out, giving a big bright smile when Red Son glared at him. 
Mei took a breath, closing her eyes. She placed the palms of her hands together in a meditative movement, then her eyes snapped open and she stared with intense focus at the puppet on the ground. “Ready.”  
Red Son nodded. He lifted his hand, breathed and released the puppet from the seal. 
It was an awful twisting, crumpling moment, then there the puppet stood at its full size. Its one eye blinked. 
“Now!” Red Son yelled. 
Fire exploded over them. 
Red Son thought just in time to yank Mk behind him to shield him from it. Red Son planted his feet, nearly slipping from the force of it. 
“A bit of overkill,” he said through gritted teeth as he held the fire at bay. She likely didn’t hear him mutter it over the roar of the flames. That had been his intention. He wasn’t stupid enough to interrupt her focus on purpose. 
The puppet cowered, shielding its face, but its feet remained glued to the ground, trapped by the spell. The flames washed over it. It wailed. 
“Ignore it!” Red Son yelled to Mei before she could hesitate or ask. “Continue the ritual!” 
The fire burned through layers of the curse. 
“It's working!” Mk spoke like he could see it which was absurd. 
Chains flickered into view. They connected to the puppets wrists and ankles, long and icy and blue. Deep churning gray ones wrapped around the rest of him as though they were holding him together. Those chains were much thinner and weaker than the blue, but both could be handled just fine. One part possession, one part curse. The seals on the chains lit up with light, exposed by the fire. 
The fire flickered green. Red Son grit his teeth and said nothing. 
“You almost got him! Keep going!” Mk yelled. 
“I… am…” Mei grunted, straining and pushing the fire at the puppet, trying to keep it aimed at him. Some of it lashed out to the side, dangerously close to Mk. 
“Focus, Dragon Girl,” Red Son barked. 
“Both of you zip it!” Mei snapped back. “Stop yelling at me-” 
One of the chains cracked. 
“Keep going, you're doing it!” Mk cheered.  
“I asked for quiet please!” 
The puppets' eyes flickered from empty to wide and pained and human. The puppet-like designs on its skin seemed to start to burn off. Its screaming was muffled by the fire. 
“This is really hard!” Mei yelled. 
“Of course it is!” Red Son yelled back. “Keep going!” 
A chain snapped. 
“You’re doing it, Mei! You’re doing it!” 
“Yeah!” Mei cheered. Her power surged and pressed firmer against the curse. 
Red Son hadn’t sensed anything, perhaps due to the massive surge of power in front of him. But quite unexpectedly he exhaled and his breath was visible, even with the flames in front of him. 
He snapped his head up to look at the sky to find frosty clouds looming above them and closing in. The air behind where the fire was not was growing cold.
Red Son hadn’t felt him coming. 
They needed to leave. Now. 
“Dragon girl! Stop the fire! We need to go-!” 
He landed a short distance away at the edge of the space and the mountain shook with the impact. 
Red Son stumbled, on his feet, some of the fire escaping past him and over to Mk. 
The fire vanished. 
“Mk, grab Liú,” Mei barked. If Red Son wasn’t distracted he might have been proud of her authoritative voice, clearly reminiscent of his own. 
Mk jumped into action and ran forward, jumping over rocks. He scooped the puppet off the ground, and bolted back to Red Son. 
The figure that filled Red Son with such dread started forward. 
The fire blasted into existence again, all of it focused on the possessed creature. 
“Leave it! We need to go!” Red Son yelled. He and Mk were already standing in the escape route, they just needed Mei. 
Chains flickered. 
Red Son realized that his uncle was walking into the circle they’d made for the puppet. 
Chains, white freezing chains, thin and thick, wrapping around every limb, tight around every movement. There looked to be hundreds of them, some of them thicker than some tree trunks Red Son had seen, and only getting bigger, as they stretched out of sight. They wrapped around his wrists, his arms, his ankles, his legs, his tail, his throat, his torso, his head. 
Every single chain link from big to small had a seal on it. 
The horror that Red Son felt choked him for a moment. 
“Wait!” Mei yelled. “Do you see that? Maybe I can-” 
“YOU CAN’T!” Red Son roared. “LEAVE IT, MEI.”
He could see her hesitate. It was a split second of her really truly considering… Then she growled. With a frustrated yell, she hurled as much fire as she could at their pursuer before she abandoned the circle and sprinted towards where Red Son and Mk stood. 
“Hurry!” Mk held out his arm to her. “He’s right behind you!” 
Mei didn’t glance back, she just launched herself forward, leaping at them. 
Red Son slammed his hand onto the ground on top of the spell to activate it seeing her trajectory. He didn’t pray that he’d timed it right, he knew he had. 
That was the moment that everything went wrong. 
Mei was jerked backward, the Possessed catching the back of her hanfu. 
Mk lunged out of the circle and tackled him.
Mei was catapulted forward and bowled into Red Son, knocking him off his feet and partially out of the spell. 
The possessed moved forward, Mei lunged for Mk, the spell activated just as she touched him and the mountaintop exploded. 
The impact of Red Son hitting the ground face-first nearly knocked him out. It left him dizzy and disoriented for a moment. 
He pushed himself up and staggered to his feet. 
He looked for Mei first, expecting her to be a short distance away, buried by rubble or fighting his uncle, but very suddenly realized several things: 
He wasn’t atop the mountain any longer. He was beside a running river, surrounded by trees. It was damp, not as dry, there was no ash or flame to be found.
He couldn’t feel the warmth of his fire at all, which meant it was no longer in close proximity with him.
His uncle, Mei and Mk were nowhere to be found. 
His fire was gone. 
Red Son punched a tree, splitting a fist-shaped hole into the wood. 
Then he wordlessly screamed at the sky for more than a few reasons but mainly because that had really hurt. 
Imbeciles.
| beginning | next (coming...sometime...) |
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im-a-king-baby · 1 year
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Hiii i loved ELYN so much.
I was hoping for any other tidbits/stories/scenes about Simon carrying the frog in the sock. i just wondered if it was like his comfort object or like the orange sweater etc. .That was one of my favorite scenes when Wille finds it
And/or “i wanted to wake up with you” i dont think i will ever forget that line.
💜 thank youuuu
Okay so I'm sorry this is so very late. Life has been a Lot 😅 hopefully folks are still interested in my ramblings!
<3 <S <3
"I wanted to wake up with you."
Fun fact: I almost cut this line. It was originally in the first draft where Simon never made the late-night-call that led everyone to Bjarstad and I was worried that after I'd made that change this line would put people off Simon, because at this point (in theory) Simon knows that Wilhelm had to get up because of what Simon did during the night so it's a bit unfair to Wilhelm. But then I figured Simon's in withdrawal, he's going to be resentful and frustrated and just because intellectually he knows it's his fault that doesn't mean he's not still having those feelings.
As far as the wanting goes, Simon is just dragging himself through life at the moment. He had this whole spiral of failing to sleep, eventually managed it by basically promising himself a future where he'd wake up and things would still be like they were when they went to bed, just the two of them avoiding the world. Plus withdrawal emotions, plus Candace showing up, the bubble is fully burst and this line is Simon tired and resentful and having to face it.
In case you're interested in how things change in editing, this is the first draft version of this moment (in this version Candace showed up basically the moment the queen left which would have been one hell of a coincidence).
“People always leave before I wake up. Maybe they think I’ll be less fun sober, probably they’re right.” “I wasn’t trying to leave you.” “Okay.” It’s the same tone of voice, accepting but not believing. “Are you going back to Stockholm with her?” He pushes himself off the wall, crossing into the kitchen and opening cupboards at random. It’s Friday morning. Wilhelm is due on TV at six PM. He’s supposed to be attending multiple prep meetings, seeing a stylish and a make-up artist before that. Minou is no doubt already at full panic stations. “I can stay if you want me to.” He stands up as Simon emerges from a cupboard with a half full bottle of vodka. “I can help you look for a lawyer. Or we could go for a walk.” Simon unscrews the bottle. “If you want to go, you can go.” The roar of an engine surges outside. Simon is closer to the window, and Wilhelm sees the moment his face shuts down, the inevitability of it, a moment before he sees Candace emerge from a sleek white car. “I want to be here for you. If you’ll let me,” Wilhelm says, picking at a conversation that’s already died as Simon braces his shoulders like a solider going into battle and tilts the bottle up to take three long swallows. Candace raps three times on the door. “Simme! Open this door right the fuck now.” Simon looks at Wilhelm over the bottle. “I wanted to wake up with you.”
x🐸🐸🐸x THE FROG x🐸🐸🐸x
After six hours of meetings a car comes to drive him to the hotel. Rachel tells him to order whatever he likes from room service and to be in the lobby for seven thirty the next morning and then he’s letting himself into a luxury hotel room. There’s a lounge, a bedroom, a bathroom with a full size bath and a separate shower with six different heads.
He takes the frog out of his bag and places it on the bedside table overlooking the pillow then pulls out his phone. He’d messaged Wilhelm when he arrived (Landed! Hopefully someone comes to pick me up!) and now he sees Wilhelm has texted three times since.
Good luck! La doesnt know whats hit it! Everything okay? I’m awake, no plans today whenever you want to call
Simon texts back: Sorry! Dumped straight into meetings all day. I’m kind of exhausted, can we do tomorrow?
Wilhelm: Of course! Jet lags a bitch. Sleep well, I love you xxx
Simon picks up the menu off the side but his stomach is still protesting the bagel it thinks it had in the middle of the night and he kicks off his trainers and his jeans and crawls into the mega bed.
After a moment, he reaches over and picks up the frog again, runs his thumb across the nose, and settles back down with it’s weight firm in his palm as he types: Love you toox
x🐸x
Candace tells him they’re going to Sweden in the same matter-of-fact voice she uses to tell him anything. The label won’t approve a third single. We have to crowdfund plane tickets. We can’t afford to keep the whole band, who can you live without? I’ve booked us a week in Stockholm and put word out to local news sites and venues, we’ll be taking the buses up there after Paris.
Simon reaches for his backpack on instinct, touches the front pocket where Wilhelm’s frog has been nestled since they left L.A. “Should I… I should call Wilhelm, right? Let him know?”
Candace glances at him over her iPad. “Sure,” she says. “Let me know if you need me to put him on the List.”
Simon leaves the meeting, twisting his phone over and over between his hands. They’re going to Sweden. For the first time since he flew out and it’s - he glances at his phone again - it’s September.
Fuck, it’s September. It’s September 2024, somehow. It’s been over a year since he left Sweden, since he last saw Wilhelm. He scrolls through the contacts on his phone but Wilhelm isn’t in there, of course Wilhelm isn’t in there, Simon got this phone back in L.A. and he hadn’t had time to transfer anything across. That had been last Christmas. Ten months ago and god, where had that time gone?
He could ask Candace to get Wilhelm’s number. That’s what she does, she sorts things. Wilhelm doesn’t answer the phone to unknown numbers. Obviously. But Simon could write a text or something. Hi, this is Simon. I know you said there was no way we could make it work because I was so busy all the time but I’m going to be in Sweden and I’ll still be busy all the time and you’re probably off in the army somewhere but -
It sounds stupid. It is stupid. There is no ‘but’, they don’t work and that has always been abundantly clear.
He unzips his backpack and the frog is there in it’s tiny golden crown, glitter still clinging to the paint because glitter is a bitch that can never be removed.
There’s a scratch across it’s nose, deep enough that Simon’s nail can catch against it. Hi Wilhelm, this is Simon, I know we haven’t talked for a while but I need to give you your frog back because you trusted me to keep one thing safe and I couldn’t even -
He scrolls back up his contacts to Guitar, Kevan and types: drinks?
His suitcase is at the edge of the room, surrounded by a scattering of costume pieces and toiletries. He digs through chains and glitter to find a pair of probably-clean socks and tucks the frog inside, where it’ll be safe.
His phone buzzes: party in 267
He just needs something to calm his nerves, to settle his stomach.
He’ll ask Candace to get the number tomorrow. Or, there’s a show tomorrow, next time he has a free minute.
He tucks the bundle down into the case and heads out of the room.
x🐸x
His case is still on the floor of his bedroom half full from tour. Technically he’s been back in L.A. for two months but unpacking was one of those ‘I’ll do it later’ things that has now somehow come full circle. He tugs out clothes, nudging them into the ever growing laundry for the cleaners to pick up once he’s gone.
His hand finds something solid and he pulls it out. Socks, with something inside, and his throat catches as he remembers September, Sweden. Everyone talking to him in Swedish, fans screaming 'jag älskar dig!' like it wasn’t… like…
Candace promised the next tour could skip it. And if he’s not going to Sweden, he can’t give the frog back, so there’s no point having it. He doesn’t need it.
He folds the socks around it a little tighter, stands up to push it into the back of his sock drawer, underneath everything else. It’ll be safer there.
Two days later the taxi is honking it’s horn outside as he runs back into the room, upends the whole drawer on the floor and grabs the wrapped bundle, shoving it into his pocket on his way out the door.
x🐸x
There’s a fresh bruise forming on his collarbone, a faded one on the side of his neck, a man whose name he doesn’t know snoring face down on the cheap polyester pillows.
He runs his thumb back and forth across the nose of the tiny frog statue, lets his head thump back against the wall to stare up at the ceiling and count down the hours until dawn.
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snowe-zolynn-rogers · 6 months
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Officially up to December 24th on the incorrect quotes I've written out to be posted. Progress! Only about 3 more months worth left to write out to post! I got past the hard part for my brain to write out (which was apparently August through November) I guess.
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kal-thas · 26 days
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guys when the disability is disabling 👎
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orcelito · 1 year
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FANTASTIC NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i finished & posted the ITNL 14 re-edits, WHICH MEANS!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm officially done with my re-edits project!!!!!!!!!! :D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ive been thinking a lot today about my plans for ITNL 15, AND i have tomorrow off, so if all goes well i'll be able to start writing again. TOMORROW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and if the chapter grips me like i expect it will then... hehehehehe
could be an update in as little as a few days, depending. i'll keep u guys updated
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
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motherforthefamicom · 1 month
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finally got the new desk set up in my room and cleaned out my dresser nd closet (had barely touched anything in there for Literal Years cuz of how much of a mess they were). feels surreal
#we still gotta figure out a new chair situation cuz the one ive been using#is Not Good its this awful office chair my dad had since before i was even born and its the most uncomfortable thing ever#also theres still a lot in my room that needs to be cleaned…….namely everything on top of the dresser XD#nd i gotta sort out a lot of my closet still ive been using it to store all my art n stuff for years its piled up so much stuff#that ive been meaning to get more organized AND scanned since its just. so much theres no real way i could take all of it#whenever i end up moving out.. i want to be able to still look back on it even if its not all physical#i found some goofy stuff while throwing out these old binders frm middle school i might post em#inquisitivewaltz.txt#realizing as im typing this out its a little. silly that this feels like such a big accomplishment#my rooms been fucking disgusting and an absolute mess for years now and im not very good at taking care of. well anything#so little stuff like this feels sorta relieving like. im kind of getting my life together in some sorta way#idk#oh wait also we didnt end up having to move as much as originally expected which im#pretty happy about i was really reluctant abt getting the new desk purely cuz itd completely alter the layout of my room#….which isnt very good rn but i didnt want to have to deal w the new thing i know for a fact what my parents had planned wouldve been worse#also the new desk has shelves so have more room to put shit and itll hopefully be actually more organized instead of#just throwing things onto my dresser and forgetting it even existed in the first place becuz it gets completely buried by everythint else
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