#and then i spent like all of august intentionally reading bad faith critiques out of my actions bc i was trying to figure out
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need to beat shame to death with a hammer i am tired of being scared of posting random bullshit on the freaky gay sex website
#d#whatever i need to get weirder i need to get freakier i need to figure out how to be unabashedly myself again#over the summer i've been on a great like. figuring out my personality and boundaries journey bc i finally unrepressed#and at the same time i ended up being made to feel self conscious about what i shared with ppl who willingly listened and validated me#and then i spent like all of august intentionally reading bad faith critiques out of my actions bc i was trying to figure out#what i was doing wrong i guess bc i felt like i had fucked up by simply being as open as i wanted to be#and now i am stuck back in the shame hole#all of this is to say i'm self conscious of how much my bf marked me up like i straight up have visible ones all over my neck and shoulder#and that i wish i could just. be me without having to worry about it? maybe i like collars. maybe i like being visibly freaky#idk i am just figuring out what the hell i'm doing fr#r
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