#and now i am stuck back in the shame hole

[wrecking]

need to beat shame to death with a hammer i am tired of being scared of posting random bullshit on the freaky gay sex website

[cloudd-nyne]

.

[mindmelter]

New Soldier Skin

Nick found it weird that the doctor was calling him again for a check up, he had done one early that month and they normally don't do twice a month. But he had no choice in the matter, he was just a soldier.

"I'm feeling perfectly fine doctor, there's no need for another check up, also I'm out of duty tomorrow"

"Nonsense, It's very important that we keep track of the health of our soldiers, now stand on the scale over there please. We just want to make sure that you are ready to return to your family, I bet you must be really excited right?"

"Yes I am, Doctor, It's been a long time, can't wait to see my wife and kids back at home" He said getting on the scale.

The doctor's friendly expression changed drastically once Nick was standing on the scale with his back to him, now the doctor had a blank and emotionless expression. The doctor walked to his laptop on his table and pressed a key.

"My wife can't wait to see me back at home, and the kids are really...huh?" The soldier looked down at his feet confused, he could feel the scale vibrating beneath his feet, he tried to take his feet off the scale but he couldn't, his feet were stuck to the scale like a magnetic force was pulling them down "That's weird, I can't pull my feet off the scale, doctor?"

"Thank you for your service, Nick" It was all the Doctor said before pressing another key on the laptop.

"What? What is..." Before Nick could finish, he felt a strong electric shock run up from his feet and spread to the rest of his body, he could feel every cell in his body being hit by the eletrical charge. His body became rigid and he grunted for a few seconds, but then the humming of the scale stopped and he fell to the floor completely hollowed out. His hollow head on the floor with smoke coming out of his orifices.

The Doctor looked unfrazed at the lifeless bodysuit on the floor, actually, he looked even bored with the whole event.

"You can come out now, your new skin is ready" The doctor said and then the door opened and a humanoid alien entered the room. The white humanoid alien was wearing a visibly worn out and torn open human skin, it was very damaged with holes and scratches, and was also missing half the face, under the skin it displayed the alien true form, a white gelatinous goo.

"It was a shame that your last human skin was damaged in battle, you're always so careless with your skins. The General was furious." Said the Doctor.

"I know, I will be more carefull this time" The Alien said looking at the skinsuit lying on the floor, suddenly his true white form started to melt, hollowing out his current damaged skin, his gelatinous form crawled on the floor in the direction of Nick's skin and started to enter through the holes in his head, mouth, eyes, nose, ears, soon the hollow body of Nick started to inflate and gain life, Nick's flat muscles started to get bigger to their full power. The alien was filling every part of Nick with It's slimy form, filling it like a balloon.

After a few seconds he stood up in his new human body, Nick's eyes were completely white with the gelatin alien body underneath, but they quickly started to turn into normal human eyes, now identical to Nick's eyes.

"Do you have any new assignments for me Doctor?"

"No, actually this was his last week of service before his break, you're going back to his family tomorrow"

"Are you serious? It's so boring to pretend to be a husband and a dad, You know I like the action, I want to go into combat!"

"Sorry, but I'm just following orders from the General." The Doctor said grabbing the deteriorated human skin from the floor and looking at it with a disgusted expression. "This was your fourth skin only this year" The doctor then threw the human suit inside a garbage chut on the wall, then he closed it "That's why we chose Nick to be your next skin. The General thinks it's better for you to spend some time out of combat. I know It's not fun to have to pretend to be our skins, but I guess it will be good for you to relax a little, besides you don't have to act exactly like Nick, you just have to not act too much out of character"

"Is being fucked by men too out of character for this hunky skin?" The soldier asked with a devious smile, looking at the doctor with hungry eyes.

"As long as his wife doesn't find out..." The doctor said dropping his pants to the floor, exposing the jockstrap he was wearing.

They both started to make out as Nick groped and squeezed the doctor's big package. Nick dropped to his knees and lowered the Doctor's jockstrap and was in awe to what he saw.

"Wow, your skin is so freaking hung!"

"He used this thing on a lot of women, but I didin't used it in a long time"

"Fill it up, I want to see how big it when completely filled"

The doctor member started to inflate like a modelling balloon in a fraction of seconds.

Nick then started to suck it while he jerked his own hard member. A few minutes later Nick was lying on the doctor's table with his burly legs up being roughly fucked by the doctor's thick cock.

"How is my health, doctor?" Asked Nick with a grin while having his hole stretched by the doctor's big member.

"You're fine... really fine. You are free to go to your new family. Just don't forget to smile and say sentimental words when you see them, like how much you missed them"

______________________

Monthly Report:

Doctor, I'm having a blast in Nick's skin, you were right, I needed a break from all the action, I can have as much action in here with a body like this, I lost count of how many guys fucked me already. Apart acting like a gay slut in the shadows, his wife and kids don't even suspect their beloved husband and daddy is just a skin now. I guess I'm doing a good job as Nick.

End of report.

[marejuka]

CNC,sizekink

Walking home at night from a Party because my friends dumped me for the Band that played.

Im dolled up in my pretty Short dress walking down the road when i hear a car, Normally no cars drive here. When i look i can see that its from the military Station that is near my town. The car stops and 2 masked men look at me, my knees get weak, i blush and greet them nicely.

"Whats a pretty girl doing alone at night? U need a ride?" He Talks sweetly and i take his offer. I get to the backseat and tell them what happend

"Well thats a shame, youre way too pretty.. what if creeps would have taken advantige of you?" I agree but cant ingnore the hand that slowly reaches for my uppertigh. I squirm a lil bit in my seat, why is the driver not staying on the Highway? Hes heading deeper in the forest.. where the military Station is located.

Suddenly the car comes to a stop and both men look at me, not nicely like earlier but with an hungry look. I Grab my short dress in discomfort and try hiding my Exposed tighs. It doesnt do anything when the driver slaps my hands away.

"Dont hide pretty girl we saw your pathetic look when you saw us earlier. Youre a little slut, you want this.. dont lie to yourself" my face heats up so i look down but one guy immediately grabs my chin and makes me look at them. I small whimper escapes my mouth, they take that as a yes, so they get in the backseat aswell. Im Sandwiched between them, they are huge and im so small. The driver is so big i only reache his shoulder while sitting. They start groping me rouhgly, the smaller one starts kissing my neck and trys entering between my tighs but i keep them shut. The driver kneading my breasts got frustated fast and just froces my legs apart so my pssy is at their mercy. I feel exposed and Degraided, they just take me however they want. My pussy however doenst care, im soaked and the men can tell too.

"Damn girl we just got started and your on the edge of cumming haha" they laugh at my despared whimpers and my soaked cnt. The smaller soldier pulled my dress down so my titts are free for him to grope and suck. Finally the driver takes off his gloves and slowly caresses me over my pants. I Grab his neckprotection and moan out in fear but also in desire. Im so scared what they will do to me next but i also get so wet and neey. So needy that i take off my panties and start pleading at them.The big guy hums at my needy pleads but does what i want. He slowly enters one Finger in my tight cnt, he groans at how tight i am. I cant keep my mouth shut and whimper while the other guys sucking my titts. My dress is on the ground, im completly nacked and defenseless against them, they are still in full gear. After a while the bigger men puts me over his lap so my ass and pussy are exposed to them I didnt protest and just did what they want me to.

I could feel Fingers entering my pussy but the first spank to my ass took me by suprise. It hurt, i could already feel my ass getting Red. The next spanks made me cry, i couldnt hold back. It hurt so dam bad, my hicuped moans got Stuck in my troath when the man I was lying on his lap grabbed my neck and choked me while he continued to hit my bottom. Tears Streamed down my face, my pussy so soaked it Streams down my tighs. I can hear them laugh and speak dirty dehumanizing about my small body that is currently under their power. The spanks turn into a beating, he turns me around so that I lie on my back on his lap. He lets go of my neck but turns his Attention to my now free titts, he takes one nipple between his Fingers and plays so rough with it i cry again " pls stop aaah pls i-ah i cant" my whimpers are being ignored he looks down on me with cold eyes. The Other soldier still fingering me got pretty rough with my hole and clit, it was dangerously good. Even tho the big guy assaulted me the familiar Feeling in my stomache told me i Was close.

The driver let go of my nipple and started kneading my titts, i closed my eyes at the soft touch. I souldnt have done that, he let go of one tit and smacked my stomache, it wasnt hard but still took away my breath.

" dont you enjoy this.. your being assaulted and beaten up. Why should we make this good for you slut?" His words were too cruel for my soft personality, i looked away and tears once again build up in my eyes. The feeling of my orgams was still building up. He was so good with his Fingers and his voice nicer than the big ones

"Dont be so mean man, her pussys so tight your gonna feel like in heaven.. fuck and she tastes so good" i grabed his hair when he licked my cnt. He humms at me. " shes close, i can feel your pussy clenching lil girl" my moans got more highpitched " comon Babygirl come for daddy" With one last truhst of his Fingers i came and squirted over his hands.

He praised me and my pretty body i felt safe for one second Till i heard the big mens voice again

"Fun is over slut,now your gonna get fucked Till you scream"

.. part 2?

[s0apmactav1sh]

Part 2 of Widowed!King!Price x Devoted!Knight Reader.

Knight!You who suddenly finds yourself wandering the castle during the night after your conversation with Price unable to stop the words that were constantly repeating within your mind. Why had the king seemed so interested on why you hadnt any body? Did he not appreciate your willingness to deprive yourself of the love and touch of another so you wouldnt worry more about them than him?

Of course you were constantly distracted now, letting guards you sparred with take you down so easily all over being stuck inside your own head. And this wasnt sitting right with King!Price who was wondering why his prized knight now suddenly couldnt beat the other royal guards like you used to.

King!Price who ends up calling you to a meeting in his chambers. Forget the throne room or his royal office. His chambers were where he'd like to speak to you. And like the loyal soldier you were, you were there on the dot entering in after he gave you permission. Other guards and servants around the castle certainly found this strange but it was by the request of your king.

King!Price who doesnt even allow you to speak your reasons. He's just so disappointed that youve lowered your standards. Thats not what a knights meant to do and he makes sure you know that in the most humilating way possible. By having you on your knees looking up at him while he smiles down at you, your head tilted up by the grasp he has on your hair. And its not to be mean, no Price could never. Your his prized knight after all.

"Wheres that devotion gone? Have you suddenly lost it. Is that why your letting those pathetic guards beat you down?"

At that he can see the shame that washes over your face. He wasnt meant to see or hear about your faults. You were meant to be perfect in his eyes no matter the cost. Didnt he understand that the only reason you were acting the way you were was because of him. Your loyalty and devotion for your king ran as deep as the oceans and nothing could change that. So how could you make it up to him? How could you get rid of that disappointed look in his eyes that was practically like the devils glare to you. By offering yourself to him.

"No. My king. Please my devotion and loyalty still lays in your palms. Take what you need of me. Leave me as nothing more than filth if you please, just dont be disappointed in me."

And as those words came tumbling from your lips King!Price knew he had you. He would always have you. Even if any others came along and tried having you for themselves he knew your eyes would always stray back to him because he was your god. You worshipped the ground he walked on, took in his words like water and kept the sight of him embeeded in your brain just for a reminder that he was your king.

Plus who was to blame him when he accepted your offer of yourself? He had already been without a warm body in his bed for a few months because of his late husbands death. What did it matter that he filled that empty spot beside him with your body instead. What did it matter that he filled himself with your cock at the end of every day to make up for the months without any relief.

And like the devoted knight you were, you complied with his ever ask. If he needed you youd remove yourself from your duties, replacing yourself with a capable knight to continue them to rush to him and give him exactly what he wanted. Which more than likely was your cock in his hole while he worked, relaxed or even when he was "napping". You would always come running and he knew it.

-

Am have this Ig? Does it tie in with the last part not at all. I literally need to sleep 😭 its been nearly 3 days without and im barely able to register whag I wrote. Ill make a part 3 in a few days thats just smut for this.

@rodolfoparras

[valorascult]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐒𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐈𝐦𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 / 𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐞 (𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝)

**disclaimer**

I am not against self improvement. Wanting to be the best version of yourself is your birthright. There are a lot of helpful books, ‘gurus’, articles, practices, etc; that are beneficial & have valuable information to share.

That being said, lets move forward.

Many start their ‘self improvement journey’ when they are at their lowest because that’s when you are most aware that something is ‘wrong’ - making you more vulnerable / susceptible to deception & addiction.

It usually starts by reading a book, watching a yt video, etc;. You watch / read one and then continue to consume more, because ‘maybe the next one will finally get me to where i need to be’ - not understanding that this is just another form of entertainment and procrastination.

There is satisfaction after immediately reading a self help book. You have a quick rush of ‘I’ve accomplished something’ (dopamine) - giving you the illusion of progress until you get stuck inside a cycle and realize, nothing has changed.

Sitting behind a screen is not the self improvement you think it is. Is there good knowledge shared? Yes, of course, but the real self improvement starts by actually DOING. Living life will give you more answers than binging content.

Action Faking - ‘the practice of confusing being 'busy' with making actual progress towards an intended goal and often involves a lot of over-analysing and planning, but very little meaningful action.’

Listening to someone talk about their own lives & share their own improvement stories is not going to help YOU. Gurus try to fit everyone into a mold when self improvement is not a ‘one size fits all’ & when something doesn’t work for someone after its worked for others, they usually see themselves as a ‘failure’ so they move onto the next thing that doesn’t fit them & this becomes a pattern, soon they start to build levels of guilt and shame.

Before consuming anything, you should know the specific problem you want to solve, if not, you are coming into something without a strong foundation, soon, you will start to believe there are 500 other things wrong. Don’t get sucked into a black hole.

Also, understand that many other these therapists, psychologists, content creators, etc; all thrive off of people who are at their lowest. It’s important to know when someone really wants to help vs when someone keeps wanting you to come back. The industry is worth billions.

Many have been accustomed to pacifying the silence. Always picking up the phone, turning the tv on, listening to music when there is downtime, instead of tapping into our bodies - their thoughts and feeling have now become distorted & influenced by ‘the noise’.

Fake positivity instead of facing reality is an issue within itself. These ‘positive’ messages / posts about encouragement and ‘never giving up’ convinces you that it’s ‘wrong’ to changes paths / passions in life & you then see yourself as a failure instead of a soul, growing.

With all of that being said, remove yourself from artificial motivation & start doing. I have nothing against self improvement, but I do have an issue with the addictive side of it that seems to only profit a select few.

xoxo,

valora

[thebottomfromhell]

I saw on your list that this is not included in Kokushibou's kinks, but the idea stuck with me and I think it can be included in clothed sex... but just imagine Kokushibou dressing like a traditional Japanese bride, maybe just because his male partner asked, wanting to imitate a honeymoon, ending with the two having sex with them in groom's clothes

Lol, Kokushibou is not enjoying this one as much as we will, but this is not his blog so...

Male Reader and Kokushibou having sex with traditional groom and wife robes

Warnings: Sexual content, Implied dub-con (due Kokushibou really not being into cross-dressing), Kokushibou being Kokushibou, Dirty Talking, Slight role-playing, Feminization, Praise kink Degradation kink (for the feminization) and Oral sex.

He has no idea how you convinced him of this, it's shameful, degrating! Why is he wearing a woman's bridal dress? What pleasure should a man get from such forcefulswitch in the hierarchy? He is a damn swordsman, a samurai, Upper Moon 1, a figure of most respect! Not some virgin about to be sold to a new household! A part of him wished to rip off these clothes, the other part of him doesn't like the way you look at him when he is naked, a gaze so intense and shameless...

Seriously, why did he agree to this? There is a feeling of vulnerability as you start kissing his neck and groping him under the white pieces, only taking the hood of the shiromuku down to see his flustered face, with frowning eyes, grind teeth and red face and ears. Kokushibou has his hands against your chest, already naked, since you have already taken pieces of the groom's attire off. "Such a beautiful bride~." He doesn't push, put he does turn his head closing is eyes, this is really embarrasing, but you take the new access to the neck.

You grab his dick, it's not hard yet, but you still carress gently the lenght. Your dry hand makes it sting a littles, as Kokushibou sighs with exasperation at your eagerness. You start nibbling the side of his neck, delivering bites from there to the ear, where you blow a bit of air, making the Uppermoon tremble. Besides sighs and grunts, he refuses to let a sound out of his mouth, griting his teeth as your one of your hand teases his sex and the other teavels through his legs and stomach.

"So beautiful. Let your voice out for me, darling." He looks at you with a face tha basically says "you really think I will listen to you?", then closes his eyes shut harder with an offended face, not willing to let himself look vulnerable... for now. You know how prideful your beloved can be, so you chuckle as he moves his body to the side, almost giving you the back. Not that it matters. "Or do you want to say the safeword, my love? Use that pretty mouth of yours~" Again, he doesn't say anything, giving you the cold shoulder.

Since you do have a safeword you continue carelessly, moving the skirt part of the robes to expose Kokushibou's formed legs, as you move to kiss, nibble and suck the skin, pincing the thighs as he tenses as he digs his fingers un the beddings, releasing a growl. You move the piece of cloth higher, exposing a perfect and as-if untouched skin, due the fact that every mark heals away. You start licking his buttcheeks as you gain access to them, making your beloved tremble a bit as he turns, getting fully on his stomach. You use the wetness your your saliva to massage the two pieces of flesh, one on each hand, blowing a bit of air into the nervious hole, making it twitch and it's owner hiss.

You only chuckle as you begin to tease the entrance with a thumb and move the other hand to Kokushibou's dick, jerking him off. "You are the most beautiful bride I have ever seen. I am sure any other man would die of envy if they saw you with me in shrine, wishibg to be in my place. Wishing you were making bow to them so they can keep you and fuck you as much as anyone would like~" you whisper sgainst his ear, the taker a more intense shade of red and you can hear the grinding of fangs. "You would be such a good wife~" not really, but it doeas feel nice to say it.

You are already hard under your lower clothes, so you rush into taking the oil, as Kokushibou hisses again when it contacts it's skin. Still, he doesn't say anything as you begin to sink the tip of your middle finger in his hole, pressing softly and gently, alsmost as if was meant for a massage instead for penetratimg, making sure to tease the nerves of the rim that tense and relax against your touch. You go back to hold the base of his now erected dick, hot in your hand, still a bit dry, but you know that will get fixed soon enough. You sink your finger into the entrance slowly, until it gets to the knuckle. Then you begin to move both your hands back and forward to start preparing him as you masturbate him.

You can feel your own dick sting, too hot and unconfortable against clothes that are getting wet with your pre-cum. Kokushibou just burries his face on the white surface, biting it as growls and groans scape his throat, but not managing to go through his mouth. The wet sounds get a but louder when you add a second digit, making your beloved make also a higher-louder noise that scapes from his nose as well. He unconsciously moves against you, using the kimono to hide himself, for the moment forgetting it's a woman's dress.

Once you finish with a third finger, getting the digits out when all of them can get in and out the tight and hot pucker with ease, you turn him around, just frowning at you angrily before moving his legs to upen them. You wish you managed to convince him to use make up too, with droll falling from his mouth and tears threatening to form in his wyes, he would look divine with ruined lipstick, brushed all over the face, and eyeliner making black tears down his face. Still, you take what you can, so you kiss his face as you pull your hard and wet cock free and line it to the passage.

Kokushibou doesn't hold into you, even your you move his legs around your hips as you burry yourself in his pucker, feeling the warmth and soft flesh around your erection. You don't wait to move, making the demon's priority to shut up his own moans with one of his hands. "Mngh! Phft! Mngh!" You move in and out on a steady, not so fast pace, but still leaves you panting against his neck and ear, making the demon tremble as he closes his eyes. "I love you so much." You say as you keep going, the heat in your body shared with his, the smell of sex, the unholy sounds, the preassure in your cock made you wish you lasted longer, but you only concentrated your attention in your "bride".

You cum inside Kokushibou, making some lasts thrusts into him to burry your seed as deep inside him as you can. One time. "Mmgh!" Twice. "Gnmh!" Trice. "Gnah!" But he hasn't came yet, so you are not done. You pull out softly, the second your now soften up dick leaves his body being taken to cover himself with the kimono out of embarrasment as he feels the cum leaking out. "Don't hide, let me help you to cum." You whisper as you move his hands in order to uncover his erection and take it in your mouth. "Argh!" Kokushivou moans sensitive as he feels your hot breath and tongue against his sex.

You move your head up and down, having him grabbing you as he squirms into you, tip of the lenght reaching your throat, you suck him up until you get the treat. Kokushibous arches his back when he cums into your mouth.

"How was that, "my dear bride"?" He looks at you angrily as he stands up, taking anything to cover himself and replace the kimono. "Don't you ever call me that again." He says before leaving... well, you tried.

[apomaro-mellow]

Here, take a lil ficlet of Kas flirting with Steve while sharing Eddie's body.

"You're not Eddie", Steve breathed out as they stalked towards him.

"Oh I'm him alright. I am all that he tried to hide away. His shame, his fear...his desires."

"You're not real."

Steve swung his bat, sure that this was another one of Vecna's illusions. Sure that this vision of Eddie would either disappear in a mist or reveal itself to actually be Vecna. Anything other than one of his greatest regrets. Instead, not-Eddie caught the nailed end in his hand no problem.

"I'm as real as anything."

When Steve pulled away, not-Eddie let him.

"But if it makes things...easier, you don't have to call me Eddie." He stalked towards Steve. "You could call me...hmm, Kas." Then he grinned like he had just said a joke.

-------------------------------

"Kas?", Dustin repeated.

"That's what he said", Steve relayed, still reeling from the experience. "That mean anything?"

Dustin looked to Will. "Holy shit."

"Holy shit", Will echoed.

Then they both started to scream and jump and Steve felt like he was losing his mind.

Meanwhile, Eddie was sure he had lost his mind. There was no other explanation for being trapped in his own body while some demonic entity walked around in it and allowed him to get lectured by Mike and Lucas while tied to a chair.

"Do we have a deal?", Mike asked.

The deal was, 24 hour supervision, controlling what he ate, and absolutely no killing. Oh and no conferring with Vecna or the Mind Flayer unless explicitly asked to. Eddie would've agreed in seconds if it meant he could be free. But Kas thought he had more leverage than that.

"Do I get to choose my bodyguard?", he asked, just as Steve and the others came up from the basement. "Because I'd like Hawkins' number 1 babysitter."

Steve stared like a deer in headlights and then looked around as if making sure he meant him. With very little effort, Kas broke through his restraints and walked up to Steve, ignoring the shouts and how the others backed away from him. But Steve stood his ground.

"I know Eddie would prefer it this way."

What he would prefer was if a hole could swallow him up. Which was sort of his situation anyway. He was stuck in a dark hole. Problem was he was still witnessing everything first hand, right down to Kas twirling a lock of Steve's hair around his finger.

So if someone could just actually end him now, that would be great.

Hey I went and made a part 2

[st6rly]

WRIO THOUGHTS??? YES SIR 🫡🫡

Okay it’s kinda cliche, but imagine being a famous criminal and having him be the one who always captures/arrests you. The banter and annoying him to no end augshsjs it’s so

And then after a while, he stops reporting you and you two just end up getting closer like that (with occasional meet ups in the prison) (you just missed him a little)

- tired

wriothesley x gn!reader warnings: reader pulls a clarity meme (iyk you know: aka falls off a bridge), can be seen as mildly suggestive but that’s not he intention, ALSO NOT PROOFREAD BC BRAINROT MODE notes: YES IM SAT. I AM SITTING. I AM STARING AND SIPPING ON THIS ASK LIKE FINE WINE. i see you tired 👁️ if i’m stuck here i shall drag you down this rabbit hole with me 🤗🤭

“why must you insist on being so difficult?”

“what’s a game of cat and mouse without a chase?” wriothesley sighed, an annoyed grimace to his face as he watched you twirl a pair of broken handcuffs around your finger; it’s the third pair of his you’ve broken this week.

“i’ve caught you how many times this past month, no scratch that, past week, alone and yet you still refuse to cut your loses,” he said through gritted teeth.

you laughed and tossed the cuffs in the air, catching them with ease before slipping them into your pocket. at this point, you had enough of these to start up a business. maybe one day you’d sneak into the prison and drop them off in a nice gift wrapped box as a little surprise for your dear friend.

“oh, don’t be that way wrio,” you cooed sweetly and walked up closer to him, “i’m just having a little fun.” you placed a hand lightly on the collar of his vest, nonchalantly finding interest in smoothening out nonexistent wrinkles. he stared at the way your hand trailed down the buttons before hooking under his chin and tilting his head to face you.

“don’t call me that,” he replied, voice lacking the usual firmness of authority.

“it’s a shame i’ve been so sloppy lately,” you hummed, lips curled into a grin, “but what can i say? i missed seeing you.” as soon as those words left your mouth, you’d backed away just as fast. you sprung up to the ledge of the bridge, balanced like an acrobat.

“as much as this has been lovely, i really must be going,” you said with a fake pout. “i’ll see you soon, yeah? can’t be without my favourite duke for too long now.”

“wait-“ you sprung off the edge as he rushed towards you, left with your laughter as a reminder of missing once again.

“shit,” he rumbled, hitting his fist against the railing. running his hand through his hair, he reached for the key ring in his back pocket, only to come up blank. instead, he pulled out a note.

prison entrance to the south when the moon is bright. maybe then you’ll get what you’re looking for ;P

“you little-“

[stuffforme2]

Lil writing inspired by these image of Michael Fucking Holden

Tw!!intrusive thoughts

I stare at the ice beneath my skates. I am unsure for how long I've been skating in circles for but it's oddly comforting.

Loosing is something I am not a fan of which is clear by the embarrassing childish way I'd ripped paper to shreds infront of Tori Spring. Tori Spring. Tori Spring a magical, pessimistic, self hating, depressed, sunshine of a person.

I feel my face get hot with anger at myself. My anger boils over me, and, I think how shameful and annoying it is that the ice won't act like a mirror and reflect myself to my eyes like it does in animated movies. I'd like to see my red angered face. I'd like to see the hatred in my eyes behind my large glasses and messy hair that I haven't even bothered to clean up today. I had been lazy enough to not gell down my hair. So fucking lazy.

I wonder what, just like in the movies, if there's water underneath the ice inside the roller rink. If I stomp right now as hard as I possibly can, will the thin layer that is holding me up and together break?

So I stomp.

I stomp and stomp.

Stomp.

Stomp.

Stomp.

I must look rather peculiar but there's not a doubt in my mind that if I do stop stomping then I'd break apart and tear to shreds the skating ring bit by bit.

My coat that kept me warm throughout my inside childish tantrum is starting to bug me and so is my jeans and my annoyingly plain shirt. Maybe when I stop stomping, when my brain registers that I won't fall through, I'll go buy a shirt that's not plain.

My stomping ceases even though my brain still hasn't accepted I won't fall through instead it's made a scenario. I stomp one more time and I fall through I fall into an endless abyss of cold dark water that's filling my lungs. It grabs me, its dark arms around my stomach, and begins to tug me down like an achor. My breaths gurgle out in fish bubbles that float to the Michael Holden shaped hole in the ice roof. My back hits the bottom and I kick and kick but to not avail. I'm stuck. I'm drowning. I'm dead.

My brain is rather poetic sadly rhe words that do come out of my mouth don't match. Imagine if I was Shakespeare. I could make the best mother fucking plays and leave DiCaprio quaking in his boots.

[daisybianca]

pairing: sebastian vettel x femalereader

summary: you were an innocent, average 21 year old girl who was madly in love with the German boy with those adorable, blue eyes. the only problem remaining and keeping any possible affair between the two of you totally forbidden: you were also his best friend's beloved and dearest daughter.

warnings: swearing, dirty talking, mentions of sexual activities, forbidden romance

YOU BOWED YOUR head, viewing your black high heels in shame. "I-I..." The words refused stubbornly to escape from your lips as Seb's intense blue eyes pierced into yours, reading your soul, but fortunately and luckily enough, not your thoughts.

"Just tell me, (y/n)." The paparazzi were just a few feet away. Any wrong move and you would be in multiple magazines' front cover in a instant.

Gosh, he looked extremely fine in that suit.

The urge to call him Sir and tell him to rip your red dress off wouldn't allow you to sleep peacefully in bed later. You were sure of that.

"What happened, angel?" His face expression read I'm worried about you. "Did anybody hurt you?" He insisted, pushing you to your limits.

You couldn't talk to him face to face this morning. Last night's events had rooted in your mind. You just couldn't do it anymore. You were willing to confess everything that had been torturing you this whole time.

"Seb, I'm so sorry- I truly am. I didn't intend to--" Sebastian's rough hands grabbed you gently, his right one from your wrist, while the other one found the delicate spot of your waist. His thumb caressed the surface there, burning a hole, as he guided you somewhere more privately. In a hidden place behind the parking lot, which was full of empty luxury cars.

When you arrived there, his hands let go of you and you instantly missed the warmth, craving his touch more than anything.

Just like last night.

It was hot out here in the darkness of this area. Even though your dress didn't do much to cover up your entire body, the scorching temperature didn't fail to make you sweat and nervously blush like a 14-year-old school girl.

"Okay." Sebastian started talking. "I'm really worried right now. I don't know what happened, but you'll have to tell me, otherwise we'll be stuck in this parking lot until the sun rises. I swear to God, (y/n)." His lips transformed into a thin line, as his eyes found the sky, praying that your confession wasn't be something too serious. Because if anyone dared to lay a hand on you without your permission, or hurt you in any way---Fuck, he could sense the rage coming out of him just at the thought of it occuring. That person was so fucked. "Please, tell me, angel." His German accent emerged out and his hands cupped your cheeks softly.

You wanted to cry because you knew damn well he had every right to yell at you.

He was so out of limits for you. And at the same time, so irresistibly desired.

"I did something last night." You could feel Sebastian's thumbs dancing across your burning skin.

"Tell me." Grabbing your hand, he kissed it, abandoning his wet spot there.

He had always been good with you, given that you were his dearest friend's beloved and only daughter. But things changed when you grew up and moved back in the country. Having a crush on him at a young age was something everyone thought was cute. Now it had evolved into something extremely bigger, though. You couldn't deny it.

"Please, don't yell at me." You closed your eyes tightly, afraid of the possible outcome of your confession. "Even though I think I'd yell at me if I were in your shoes right now."

Muffled sounds came from the massive building behind you, but fortunately everyone was in it and not out here.

"I would never do that." He spoke the words and pushed a long curl behind your ear.

It'd be better if you just kept the secret for yourself in the first place, you thought. However, the weight of it hurt your innocent soul and you wouldn't be calm unless you confessed it to him.

"I pleasured myself," You bit your lip, your voice barely audible to the blond-haired man before you. "...thinking about you." A tear was so ready to roll. Sebastian's eyes darkened as he walked a tiny step away, obviously surprised. "I swear, Sebastian, I didn't want to- I just-."

"You touched yourself at the thought of me?" His grin began to form, confusing the words in your head and not letting them flee. "(y/n), did you touch yourself last night while thinking about me?" He repeated but didn't gain an answer once again. "Fuck, I-" Seb scratched his beard and turned around. Facing his back and a perfectly-ironed black blazer, you crossed your arms on your chest.

Sebastian laughed and turned again to face you.

That would be a hell of a long night.

When his eyes met yours, a hot tear slipped, not having the energy and willingness to hold it back anymore.

"No, no, don't cry, love." Rushing to you, he hugged you and time seemed to stop for a single moment.

"I freaking hate confessions." You cried in his neck as he held you there.

A few seconds passed and then Sebastian forced you to look at him again by grabbing your chin with his thumb. "Can I make a confession too?" He asked and you looked up at him. "In order to make you feel a little better?"

You tried to laugh at your father's best friends words. "Nothing can make me feel better, right now, Seb."

He titled his head, lowering his neck to approach you even more. "Well,... let me try at least. Okay?" His lips almost touched your forehead and you could sense his hot breath and the familiar and alluring cologne just a few inches away. "What if I told you I've done this multiple times before?" A breath was captured in your lungs.

"What?" You legs felt wobbly, your breath unsteady.

"It's hard to distract myself when I pass by your father's house almost every day of the week, with you being there too." Shivers were sent down your spine and lower body. You couldn't believe what he was telling you. "You don't know how many cold showers I have to take when I arrive home at nights, (y/n)." Seb said and collided with yours, filling the kiss with indescribable lust.

And that was the moments when you realized you wanted him so badly.

He craved you too. Surely more than you did--if that was even possible--even though he knew nothing should happen between the two of you in a romantic way. He knew that since the moment he saw you for the first time a few months ago, when you came back from university.

But his love for you was forbidden and he risked his life for it. He risked his bond and unique friendship with your father just so as to steal a single kiss from you.

"I'm willing to break my rules for you, angel."

●○•°•○●

requests are always open for my wags <3

[the-cult-of-riley]

Sleeping With Ghosts (Act Two: Chapter Two)

Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Female OC

[[Masterlist]]

A/N:

I’m super sick right now :(

I haven’t been able to write anything and instead got sucked down the rabbit hole of reading fanfic instead of writing lmao

I’ve got bits and pieces of Act Two written up already but not in a real order so there’s a lot I still need to write up. Send me good vibes so I can write up the next chapter.

Also, this chapter is like twice as long as my usual ones, enjoy :)

Placebo - Surrounded By Spies

I saw you jump from a burning building I saw you jump from a burning building I've seen you move like Elvis set on fire I've seen you move like Elvis set on fire This search for meaning is killing me This search for meaning is killing me This search for meaning is killing me This search for meaning

Ping pong ball at the back of my throat Ping pong ball at the back of my throat And I won't be spoken to like that And I won't be spoken to like that

Suspicious bag on the platform Suspicious bag on the platform Suspicious bag on the platform Suspicious bag on the platform

Ex-drummer's nose stuck in the past Ex-drummer's nose stuck in the past Found dead behind the wheel of a car Found dead behind the wheel of a car

World leader going under the knife World leader going under the knife Stage four Stage two Stage three Stage four Stage two Stage three

We go to Sweden in the back of a cab We go to Sweden in the back of a cab

And every picture house is empty And every picture house is empty

I gave my heart Now I want it back I gave my heart Now I want it back I gave my heart Now I want it back I gave my heart Now I want it back

I am surrounded by spies I am surrounded by spies I am surrounded by spies I am surrounded by spies

Dead fly on the national anthem Dead fly on the national anthem Dead fly on the national anthem Dead fly on the national anthem

I see faces on the bathroom floor I see faces on the bathroom floor I see faces on the bathroom floor Come on over and I'll show you more

Where are you now When I need you the most (Shut up) Where are you now When I need you the most (Shut up) Where are you now When I need you the most (Shut up) Where are you now When I need you the most (Shut up)

I am surrounded by spies I am surrounded by spies I am surrounded by spies I am surrounded by spies

Charlotte sat on the bed quietly as Beth got into her pyjamas, ready for bed. It was much later than she was used to going to bed but after all the drama of the night, the poor girl looked ready to drop. Charlotte wasn't sure how to feel about any of it. The last few hours of her life had been a tempestuous whirlwind and she could barely get her bearings. She felt so much at once, all conflicting feelings that she didn't know how to sort through. 

She was happy he was alive, of course she was. How could she not be? How many times had she cried herself to sleep, asking the universe why he had to leave? Asking if he could just come back? Well, now he had. She got her wish, yet she hadn't expected it to happen, never mind how deeply it wounded her. To know he left all on his own volition was something else. She didn't care what his excuses were of keeping her safe, she didn't think anything he said would be enough to soothe the deep wounds he’d left her at this betrayal. 

She never thought in a million years that her Simon would do this to her. She hadn't meant to explode on him like she had, nor had she meant to confess in hurt and anger that she’d tried to kill herself. She felt shame flush her cheeks at remembering the fact she’d had an audience as she’d said it. Remembered how hurt he’d looked at her admission, even if all she could see of his face were his eyes.

That was all she needed to see to read him. There was something so heartbreaking about seeing him cry like he had, at seeing him hiding his face away behind that mask, yet she hadn't allowed herself to feel sympathy for him. She couldn't, not after what he’d done. 

She’d thought he’d been murdered, right along with everyone else she considered family. In one fell swoop, she’d become so bitterly alone in the world that the only way out she saw fit was to end her own life. She remembered waking up in that hospital bed. She hadn't felt relief that she had survived, didn't see life with a new outlook, all she felt was pain and blind rage at the universe that it wouldn't even let her fucking die in peace. To be with her family. But now looking back, maybe the universe was doing her a favour because Simon wasn't dead, he was here in fucking Hereford at the SAS base they used to live at all along. 

It was confusing to be relieved yet angry at the same time. She didn't know how to process any of it. All she’d wanted was to have Simon back, to have a complete family, for Beth to have her dad. But now she got her wish and she couldn't see a way where her and Simon could pick up where they left off. Not only because he'd created a cavernous space between them with his lie, but because they were different people now. 

Living through the grief that she had, it changed her, much like she could see it changed him. Even though he hadn't been technically dead, she hadn't known that and she’d grieved for him so deeply that she hadn't been able to get out of it in the five years he’d been gone. Her grief knew no bounds. Not for Simon, not for Beth or Tommy, not for Anne, nor for sweet little Joseph. It changed something deep in her DNA that would never go back to how it was. 

The bitterness and jadedness, the anger at the world. She’d spent the first few weeks of knowing she was pregnant hating her own baby simply because it meant she couldn't end her own life and end her own torment. But even when she finally connected with the little baby in her belly, she didn't go back to who she used to be. It gave her a reason to live, sure. It made her dead heart start beating again but it felt like there was only a small chunk of it left. The rest of it was buried along with the Riley family. 

She felt sick then, realising the grave she’d been visiting all this time hadn't been her husband's at all. Who the fuck was buried there then? A new wave of grief washed over her and she closed her eyes to stave off the tears, breathing deeply through her nose. She wasn't the woman Simon knew her to be, not any more. She knew from what Price had said, Simon had been through more than just the loss of his family. He had changed too, she could see that with that mask he wore. She could hardly believe the man was wearing a fucking skeleton mask all the time, not when he used to be so afraid of them. 

Ghost . That’s what Price said he was called now. He didn't go by Simon anymore. For all intents and purposes, Simon was dead. Maybe her grieving hadn't been for nothing after all. But could she love Ghost as she had Simon? Was Simon hiding in there at all? She thought back to the journey over here and the way Price was being cryptic, not telling her much but telling her enough to warn her of what might await her. 

The silence in the car was making Charlotte’s skin crawl but she couldn't find it in herself to open her mouth and break it. Her brain felt like it had been on a merry go round since the moustached man had uttered those treacherous words to her back home and felt like she didn't know which way was up anymore. 

She glanced to her left, seeing Beth clutching her stuffed bunny. She was bobbing her head to the beat of the music, chunky headphones over her ears that were connected to Charlotte’s phone. Beth had always loved music, enjoyed how Charlotte played it around the house. She thought it was best the girl listened to some on the journey, not wanting her to be hyper aware of the tension her mother was holding. It was getting increasingly harder to hide things from her, she was getting far too perceptive for her own good. She didn't need her asking questions about why she wasn't happy her dad was okay. 

When she’d explained to Beth on the way out that her father wasn't in fact an angel in heaven, but very much alive, the girl only had one emotion. Excitement. Of course she couldn't get it, she was far too young, but Charlotte was struggling with a slew of emotions she couldn't quite understand and she was having a hard time putting on a brave face for her daughter. 

“I can’t even begin to imagine what you must be goin’ through right now. And I know I have no right to ask you anythin’ but… just hear him out, yeah? Whether that's tonight, in a week, a fuckin’ month… Once you’ve got your head on right, just try to listen to him,” John murmured carefully from the driver's seat, the leather steering wheel creaking under his grip. 

Charlotte tensed, glaring out of the window as she crossed her arms over her chest. Part of her wanted to hear Simon out. He was her husband. They hadn't just been lovers, but best friends and that's why she was so confused as to why he’d done this to her. At her silence, John continued.

“He’s a good man, Charlotte. And I know you know that ‘cause you married him,” he sighed, his tone weary.

“It’s been five years, John. I don’t know what kind of man he is now,” she bit out, still staring out of the window as the dark street passed her by. 

“He’s still a good man,” John argued vehemently. “I won’t lie and say he’s the same man you knew all those years ago because he’s changed. Who wouldn't after everythin’ he’s been through? I can’t tell you all of it ‘cause it’s not my story to tell, but… I know you know what happened to the family,” he murmured, glancing at her through the rear view mirror. She licked her lower lip, chest aching at the mere mention of them.

“They were murdered,” she replied tensely. They’d never caught the murderers and that had always been something that stuck with her. John nodded, a frown etched onto his face that she could see when she looked through the mirror at him.

“Like I said, I can't say much, but I will tell you it was connected to a job gone wrong in Mexico. Simon was taken with some of his squad mates, tortured for months on end. And the poor bastard… he somehow survives, somehow gets out, only to come home and find his family fuckin’ massacred,” John’s angry words made Charlotte feel nauseous. 

The idea of Simon going through all that broke her heart. She remembered his smiling face the day he left, the last time she ever saw him. He’d already been through so much in his life and she could only imagine the stuff he went through at the hands of whoever did this to him. 

It still stung though, that he left her so willingly. She was his wife, he should have come to her in his time of need so she could be there for him. They could have grieved together, helped each other through it. But instead, he’d led her to believe he’d been murdered too, led her to believe she was thoroughly on her own.

“He could have come to me,” her voice was a mere whisper in the quiet car and John’s shoulders slumped.

“I know he could have. He fuckin’ should have. I’ll never sit here and try to defend his actions, he was a fuckin’ idiot for doin’ what he did. I tried to tell him after I found out he’d faked his death, told him to reach out to you, but he wouldn't have any of it. He was convinced if he did, you’d wind up dead too,” John explained with a sigh. 

The more rational and logical side of Charlotte’s brain understood the motives. Understood that Simon had been out of his mind with grief after being tortured for months when he'd made the choice to leave her behind like he had. She understood how terrified he must have been when she tried to put herself in his shoes. But what she didn't understand was why he hadn't told her sooner. Why not after a few months or even just one year, he hadn't tried to reach out and explain things to her.

Five years was a long time and the only reason she was finding out now was because his identity had been exposed. If that wouldn't have happened, she had no doubt she’d still be thinking her husband was dead and that hurt her deeply. It hurt that he clearly hadn't even looked her up and checked to see how she was doing or he’d have known about Beth. John had told her as they left the house that he’d called ahead to let him know he had a daughter so he didn't have a heart attack when they got there. Did he care that little about her that it was so easy to let her go? That he’d been able to forget about her like she meant nothing?

She was broken out of her depressing thoughts when Beth moved to take the headphones off, looking from Charlotte to John.

“Are we nearly there yet, Mr John?” she asked excitedly, kicking her legs around as she wriggled in her seat. It was far easier for Beth to roll with the punches after finding out her dad was very much alive. She didn't care about the ‘how’ or the ‘why’, she just cared about finally getting to meet her daddy, her hero. 

“Not too long left now, sweetheart,” John replied with a smile. It hadn't escaped her notice how attached he’d gotten to Beth already. 

“I can’t wait! Mummy, are you excited to see daddy?” she asked with a big smile, her big brown eyes boring into her mother. No, no she really wasn't. It would have been better if this bomb had been dropped on her and then she was left to stew in it for a week so she could digest the news. But instead she was heading right there when her emotions were heightened and she couldn't make sense of any of them.

“Of course I am, sweetie,” she smiled at her. She tried her best to make it as genuine as possible and the girl bought it by the way her own smile widened. 

“Now, before we get there, there’s just a few things I wanna get outta the way,” John spoke up, making fleeting eye contact through the mirror with Charlotte.

“He doesn't really go by Simon much anymore. I’m really the only one who calls him by his name and it doesn't happen a lot, sometimes his best mate Johnny will too, if it's somethin’ serious. On base, you’ll hear him be referred to as Lieutenant or Ghost,” he continued. Lieutenant. He got his promotion then. 

“Ghost? That’s a funny name!” Beth giggled and John let out a chuckle.

“It’s his callsign, kind of like a nickname. Most soldiers have one,” he explained patiently. 

“Do you have one, Mr John?” she asked curiously.

“Not really. People often just call me Cap or by my last name,” he shrugged.

“Why is daddy called Ghost? Does he like spooky things? I like spooky things!” Beth exclaimed, pulling what she deemed to be a ‘spooky’ face in the mirror at John and he smiled to himself. She didn't give him a chance to answer her barrage of questions though as she continued to ramble.

“Halloween is my most favoritest day of the year. And on my birthday, mummy decorates the house like it's halloween!” she grinned, ending her spiel with a ghost noise as she wiggled her fingers dramatically. Despite the situation, Charlotte couldn't help the smile that curled on her lips. No matter what anyone said, her daughter was for sure a character. 

“Well, if you like spooky things, you’ll like your daddy’s mask then. He has a skeleton mask that he wears all the time,” John spoke up. His voice was light as he addressed his words to the young girl who started clapping excitedly, but his eyes caught Charlotte's with a meaningful look. It shocked her, knowing his fear since a child, knowing how Tommy used to wear a skeleton mask to scare him.

“All the time?” she asked, getting a nod in return. 

“Was only recently the rest of the 141 got to see his face. Part of it's due to some scarrin’ he’s got after… after Mexico. But mostly I think it's to conceal his identity,” he explained and she held in her scoff. Didn't do a fucking good job since someone found out anyway and now her and Beth were being driven to an SAS base for god knows how long. 

She tried to will herself to be in a better mood, to summon some semblance of excitement to see her husband, mostly for her daughter's sake. Little Beth couldn't sit still in her seat as she went on and on about how excited she was to see him. She couldn't find any excitement inside herself though. 

The sting of his betrayal stung deep and she had no idea how long it would take for it to subside. Would it ever? She never thought in her wildest dreams that she’d ever get to see him again and never did she ever think she’d be feeling this way if she did. Yet here she was, on her way to see the husband she thought was dead for the past five years and all she felt was hurt. 

Charlotte looked over once Beth was fully ready for bed, watching as she rummaged around in the duffel bag near the bed. The room was a decent size with a bathroom attached. It had a double bed for Charlotte and a smaller single bed for Beth. John had explained to her once she’d come inside about how the base worked, despite the fact she lived here once. Apparently things had changed a little especially since they were in a special task force. 

It was an SAS base but they weren't the only ones here. The Task Force had their own building which housed their barracks and a rec room/small kitchen. They shared the training area, armoury and mess hall with the rest of the soldiers here. 

Beth pulled a worn leather bound book from the bag and Charlotte smiled softly. It always looked comically large in her small hands. It was the same copy of Grimm’s Fairy Tales that Simon got her all the way back in 2006. She hadn't been able to look at it for two years after he ‘died’, but eventually she found comfort in reading it. Beth loved it too now. The stories weren't traditionally for children but Beth didn't care. She loved these ones and not the Disney versions that were in her words, ‘icky’. She toddled over, book in hand and her comfy bunny pyjamas back on.

“Mummy…?” she asked softly, dark eyes glancing over at her with a tiny smile playing on her lips.

“What is it, sweetie?” Charlotte answered.

“Could daddy read me my bedtime story?” she asked hopefully. The idea of seeing Simon so soon after the confrontation outside made her blood turn to ice in her veins, but she concealed it with a fake smile for her daughter. 

“You’d have to ask him, his room is next door. He might not be there though,” she said softly. She hoped he wouldn't be there. It was bad enough knowing his room was so close to theirs and she knew Simon was probably to blame for that. 

“Can I go and knock?” she asked with a grin and Charlotte nodded as she stood up. She wouldn't go to his door but she’d wait at her own so she could keep an eye on her. She was only four after all. Beth put the book on her bed and Charlotte opened the bedroom door, leaning on the doorframe as she watched Beth go to the door next to theirs. 

She knocked softly, fidgeting where she stood and Charlotte felt conflicted. The selfish part of her hoped he wouldn't be there so she wouldn't have to see him, but seeing how excited and anxious Beth was, she couldn't help but hope he was there. The door opened and Charlotte couldn't see him as he stood in his doorway. Beth grinned up at him, a brilliant smile that she’d perfected over the years. The one that got her anything she wanted. 

“Daddy! Can you read me a bedtime story, please?” she asked, clutching her hands together like she was begging him. He was silent for a moment and Charlotte wondered what look he had on his face. Despite everything, it had touched her seeing how emotional he got when he saw Beth. It touched her how he instantly fell in love with her. 

“Where's your mummy, sweetheart?” he asked carefully and Beth pointed over at her. 

He stepped out of the door then, now dressed in black sweats and a tight fitting t-shirt. He’d always been big but he seemed even bigger now. He didn't have on the hard skull mask from earlier, and instead he had a black gaiter with half a skull painted on it covering his lower face. She could just make out a scar coming out from it and curling around his temple. 

His blonde hair had grown in his time away. It was longer at the top and messily pushed back, shorter on the sides. He also had a half sleeve and a part of her brain, the old Charlotte, itched to see what the ink was, what story it told. He stared at her for a long moment and Charlotte couldn't meet his eyes as they burned into her. He finally dragged his gaze away from her and back to the little girl in front of him.

“If it’s alright with your mum, then I’ll read to you, lovie,” he murmured, making Beth turn her pleading eyes on her. Charlotte couldn't find her voice and just nodded, making her way back to the bedroom as Beth and Simon followed. She sat on the bed, watching as Beth rushed in, grabbing the book. Simon shut the door behind him, looking severely out of place in the room.

“Come on, daddy!” Beth giggled as she climbed in bed, pulling her quilt over her and patting the spot next to her. Simon walked over, perching on the side of the bed. When Beth shoved the book in his hands, his whole body seemed to still. Charlotte couldn't help but watch his reaction, seeing how his hand rubbed over the beaten leather cover as he swallowed thickly. He took a shaky breath, cracking open the front cover to reveal the message inside. 

‘Grimm stories for my Grim girl. 

All my love,

Simon’

She watched as his hands shook, watched how he blinked rapidly before looking at her. She felt a deep ache in her chest and she bit down on her lower lip, tearing her gaze away from his. She knew it meant something to him, that she’d kept the book. 

“Which story, lovie?” he asked Beth after clearing his throat. 

“Any, you can pick!” she smiled, moving to lay down, wriggling around to get comfy inside the covers. He nodded, flicking through the pages before he found the one he’d been looking for.

“Once upon a time there was a sweet little girl. Everyone who saw her liked her, but most of all her grandmother, who did not know what to give the child next. Once she gave her a little cap made of red velvet. Because it suited her so well, and she wanted to wear it all the time, she came to be known as Little Red Ridin’ Hood, ” he started, his voice low and soothing. Charlotte settled to sit back, leaning on the headboard as she listened on.

“One day her mother said to her: ‘Come Little Red Ridin; Hood. Here is a piece of cake and a bottle of wine. Take them to your grandmother. She is sick and weak, and they will do her well. Mind your manners and give her my greetin’s. Behave yourself on the way, and do not leave the path, or you might fall down and break the glass, and then there will be nothin’ for your sick grandmother.’ " listening to him read like this took her back and she tried to ignore the tumultuous tide of emotions within her. A large part of her wanted to go over to him, curl around him and not let him go. She didn't think she'd ever get to hear his voice again and now he was reading to their daughter. Despite the deep yearning she felt, she didn't move. She couldn't . 

A nasty voice in the back of her head wondered if he was happier away from her. Wondering if maybe he hadn't looked her up because he realised he was better off without her. She knew it was stupid, knew it was a very self centred way of thinking, yet she couldn't help it. She never thought she and Simon had a perfect relationship by any means, she didn't think perfect existed. She did think they came pretty fucking close though so learning that he just fucked off and left when they both needed each other still didn’t make sense in her brain.

She stayed there listening to him read until Beth fell fast asleep, her soft snores filling the air as he stopped reading. The quiet left the roaring in her ears far too loud. Glancing over at him, she saw how he watched Beth, eyes flitting over her face as if he was trying to ingrain every small feature of her face into his brain. It made her chest feel hot and tight as he gently raised his hand up to her head, hesitating for a mere second before he stroked her head with his large hand. 

She wondered what he would have been like with her as a baby. It had devastated her after having to go through labour alone, to know Beth's daddy wouldn't ever get to hold her. He'd missed out on so much of her life, so many important firsts she'd been through. There wasn't anything he could do or say to change that. 

His hand moved back to the book then as he closed it quietly, his hand once more smoothing over the beaten leather cover. The silence that permeated the room was anything but comfortable and Charlotte wasn't brave enough to break it herself. He dragged his eyes to her and she tried to quell her rapidly beating heart. She needed time alone, needed her brain to digest the ridiculous amount of bullshit that it had forced on it within hours. 

“I'll uh… I'll let you rest then,” he murmured, his tone unsure and awkward as his eyes never left her. He'd always had a way of seeing right through her but now she hated it. She nodded, nibbling her lower lip as she stood. She didn't know what to say so she settled on not saying anything at all as she walked to the door. She opened it, unable to meet his gaze that was burning into her as he placed the book on the nightstand and moved over to the door. 

He hovered in the doorway before just stepping right out, allowing her to breathe a sigh of relief. Part of her had been worried he'd corner her into talking about everything and it was far too soon. But as she watched him walk down the hall a few steps away to his own door, a thought hit her like a tonne of bricks again and she couldn't stop her mouth from opening. To ask the question burning on the tip of her tongue, even if she was scared to know the answer.

“Simon…” she called out after him, her voice trailing off as she stepped out into the hallway. He stopped and turned to face her at an alarmingly fast rate. She almost felt bad at his hopeful eyes that burned into her.

“What is it, love?” he asked, his voice soft, as he gazed at her. 

She’d wondered if Simon was in there at all or if Ghost was all that was left, but the reverence in his dark eyes let her know that Simon was indeed still there, even if he was buried. Her mouth floundered for a moment, scared to even ask him but she knew she’d lose sleep if she didn't. Hell, she knew she'd be losing sleep regardless, but she wanted to know.

“Who… Who’s buried… where you should be?” she asked carefully, tripping over the wording. Shock coloured his face for a brief moment before his eyes darted away at lightning speed, now unable to look at her. It only made the pit in her stomach grow.

“Some things are best just left well alone, sweetheart,” he frowned, still not looking at her. It only served to make annoyance swell up inside of her.

“Really? After everything you’ve fucking done, now you won’t even answer my questions?” she asked, sounding more hurt than angry which only annoyed her further. His eyes finally met hers, brows furrowed deeply but he still didn't say anything.

“How am I ever gonna be able to understand all of this bullshit if you won't even answer me?” she asked incredulously as she took an angry step towards him.

“Ask me somethin’ else, anythin’ else and I’ll answer, please ,” he whispered and she could hear how strained his voice was. She knew then, he didn't want to answer her because he knew she wouldn't like the answer. Her eyes narrowed, hands shaking at her sides as she glared at him.

“It was one of them, wasn't it? One of the murderers?” she asked, dread coating her tongue. It got worse when he squeezed his eyes shut, lowering his head as he inhaled deeply through his nose. She started to think he wouldn't answer her again but then his shoulders slumped as he nodded.

“Yeah… it is,” he admitted and the shame in his voice was clear as day. She stumbled back a step, covering a hand over her mouth as if it would help stop the feelings of bile climbing up her throat.

“Lottie…” he pleaded, reaching his hand out as if to steady her but she moved right away from him, bitter tears stinging her eyes.

“You… I can’t-” she shook her head, wiping at her eyes furiously as the ringing in her ears got louder. His own tearful face watched her, half covered as his tears disappeared under his gaiter.

“I visited that grave every single fucking day! I stood there and poured my heart out to the bastard that took our family away! He's buried next to them!” she seethed, trying to keep her voice down but she felt so much disgust that she worried she might vomit her heart right up. His face fell, a look in his eyes that told her this was something that bothered him deeply, yet he’d done it anyway. 

“I’m sorry, love, I am, but I did what I need-” he started but she didn't want to hear it.

“Don't you dare! You didn’t need to fake your fucking death! You didn't need to have me visiting a murderer's grave for five years!” she hissed, feeling lightheaded. She couldn't even look at him, it made her feel sick. 

She turned on her heel, moving back to her door and pushing it open, but just as it opened a crack, his large hand covered hers on the handle as he yanked it back shut. His hand stayed on hers, his left hand on the doorframe by her head, caging her in as she faced the door. 

His chest wasn't touching her back but was close enough that she could feel the heat radiating off him. Part of her wanted to cave, wanted to turn in his arms, sob into his chest and beg him to never leave her again. She couldn't though, not after this. It dawned on her that this was why he was scared to answer the question. That maybe this was a push too far. 

She stood stock still, tearful eyes blinking at the wooden door in front of her. His head was hovering over her right shoulder and she could hear his stuttering breaths, knew he was trying to calm himself despite his tears. She waited for him to speak, to argue his point some more. She didn't have it in her anymore, she just needed to get away from him. 

He stayed there for a moment, so close yet so out of reach it burned her chest, and then he backed away from her. Her hand felt ice cold once he’d let her go, the only proof he was in fact alive and she hadn't made all of this nonsense up in her head. 

“I know it probably doesn't feel like it, Lottie… but I love you,” he murmured with a rough voice. She didn't turn to look at him as her silent tears fell harder, didn't dare open her mouth because she wasn't sure just what might come out. She stayed as still as a statue at her door until she heard him walk away and go back into his room, and only then did her tense muscles relax. 

The tears wouldn't stop though and the burning in her chest was getting worse. She knew she couldn't go into the bedroom like this. The last thing she wanted was to wake up Beth in this state and only cause her confusion. Not really knowing what else to do, she took off down the hallway, leaving through the double door that separated the bedrooms from the rest of the building. She hurried into the kitchen area, chest heaving with ugly sobs that she couldn't hide any more. She was just glad Simon wasn't around to witness her like this. She clutched the kitchen counter in a death grip, trying to will her breathing to slow so she could get a hold of herself. 

“Oh shit, I didn’t know anyone was in here.”

The voice made her whip around, coming face to face with a man with a mohawk. She’d seen how close he was to Simon when they were all outside and she was sure this was the best friend John had told her about. She wiped her eyes as her cheeks flushed red in embarrassment, but she still couldn't calm down. He looked so sad when he looked at her, like he knew her, like they were friends, and this whole thing made him sad. It was pretty jarring given he was a stranger. 

“Alright, come on,” he sighed with a frown, shaking his head as he held his arms out to her. She blinked her watery eyes at him dumbly.

“What?” she squeaked out through her tears. He didn't answer her with words and instead just took a few long strides to her before wrapping her in his arms.

It caught her off guard but there was something comforting about him and she couldn't help but melt into him, allowing herself to seek comfort. The only person that had hugged her for years had been Beth and despite how she was avoiding Simon’s touch like the plague, she needed comforting now more than ever. 

She sobbed into his chest, hands balled into his t-shirt at his back as he held her close. One of his hands stroked her hair as he murmured something to her. She couldn't really understand him with his accent, she wasn't even sure if he was speaking English at this point. It still soothed her though and after far too long for her liking, her tears finally dulled to sad sniffles. His shirt was soaked with her tears and she felt her face flush once more as she reluctantly pulled away from him. He gave her a sad smile, squeezing her shoulders before he took a step back, allowing her space once more.

“Thank you,” she said quietly, shame still nipping at her.

“Don't need t’ thank me, lass. Yer family,” he replied easily, a warm smile on his face. Family . That word felt so strange to her now. She’d been so used to it just being her and Beth and now she had a family again. She tried to give him a smile back, feeling more than overwhelmed and unsure of herself.

“You want me to make ye a brew?” he asked kindly but she shook her head, swallowing thickly as she wiped at her damp cheeks.

“No… No thanks, I should get back in case Beth wakes up,” she declined politely and he nodded with another warm smile.

“Alright then. Sleep well,” he shot her another smile and she headed to the door, arms wrapped around herself as if to self soothe.

“Charlotte,” he called out before she walked through the doorway. She turned back to look at him, finding him looking at her already. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before sighing.

“If ye need anythin’, and I mean anythin’ , ye can come to me. I know you don’t know me very well, not yet at least, but ye don’t have to be alone here. I want ye to know that. You got someone fightin’ in yer corner for ye. That big fuckin’ idiot might be my best friend but… you didn’t deserve all this shit. So if ye need someone rootin’ for ye, I’m right here,” he implored, bright blue eyes burning fiercely. 

Her throat clogged up, eyes stinging with unshed tears again at his words. He didn't know her at all yet she could tell he meant his words. It touched her and sent a wave of relief through her. Simon was the only one she knew here and she couldn't go to him after everything. She couldn't trust him any more, so knowing she had someone she could go to if she needed anything was a huge relief for her. 

“Thanks…” she trailed off, realising she didn't know his name. Her head was so muddled, she couldn’t remember if John had told her back on her journey here or not.

“Johnny or Soap. Take yer pick. Fuck, ye can call me the Scottish Bastard if ye want, I won’t mind,” he shot her a lopsided grin that made her smile genuinely for the first time in hours. 

“Thanks, Johnny. It means a lot,” she murmured. He beamed at her, seemingly happy with her response and she gave him a little nod before exiting the room.

Johnny watched her go, trying to ignore the dull ache in his chest at the mess his best friend had caused. He turned to flick the kettle on, needing some shite like a chamomile tea to help him unwind before bed. He felt far too wired right now. He felt the presence before he heard it and he heaved a sigh.

“Ye want somethin’, LT?” he asked tiredly, glancing over his shoulder. Ghost stood there, gaiter on and all imposing like he usually was but Johnny spotted his tense posture right away. If he didn’t know any better, he’d think his LT was about to fucking murder him.

“What’s your fuckin’ game, Johnny?” Ghost growled. His tone was harsh, harsher than Soap had ever received from him even when he was purposely trying to push his buttons. It made annoyance swell up inside the Scot as he turned to fully face the spectre haunting the kitchen.

“Excuse me?” he asked, making sure to sound as unimpressed as possible. Ghost took a step towards him and Johnny wouldn't be a liar and say it didn’t strike a little fear through him. Mostly because he could see those dark eyes peering over the mask at him and they looked absolutely fucking feral.

“That’s my fuckin’ wife you had your hands all over!” he hissed, sounding half fucking gone as he jabbed a finger in Soaps’ direction. It wasn't just jealousy he could detect in the man's tone, no, it was pure hurt.

“Is that a fuckin’ joke?! Ye think I’m makin’ moves on yer wife?!” Johnny spat, feeling like he might as well have been smacked in the face. 

Ghost’s breathing was ragged and Johnny didn't miss the glistening of his eyes. He felt almost positive his big bad LT was on the verge of breaking down and he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he tried to will himself some fucking patience to deal with the man.

“I was comfortin’ her, ye wee bawbag! Didn’t ye see her? She was a mess, a mess you caused! And I get it must be hard all this but it's hard on her too and I want her to know she’s got people that care. I want this to fuckin’ work for the both of ye, yer my best friend for Christ’s sake! I’m tryin’ to be the bridge here, the one to help guide you back together!” Johnny frowned. 

If he was honest, he felt hurt at Ghost’s implications but he also knew the normally emotionally constipated man was going through a lot right now. The beast of a man's shoulders sagged and Soap saw the switch from Ghost to Simon as he looked down, shaking his head as his fists clenched and unclenched.

“I didn't mean… I know you wouldn't, I just…” Simon couldn't seem to find his words, his voice cracking as he sucked in a painful sounding breath. 

“She won’t let me touch her. All I wanna do is hold her and I can't. And then I see you huggin’ her and I…” he trailed off with a shaky voice, nothing but pain in his words and it punched Soap in the gut. He felt for the man, he really did. Five years away from his wife and he wasn't allowed the reunion he so desperately craved. He can only imagine it would drive a man mad. 

“Well… if ye hug me then it’ll be like a second hand hug off Charlotte,” he murmured wryly, opening his arms out to him. Simon squinted at him, tilting his head as he looked at him like he’d grown another head.

“Are you fuckin’ daft?” he asked incredulously and Soap laughed lightly.

“Aye, pretty much. Now come here, ye fuckin’ shit stain,” Soap huffed, moving over to hug the man. 

Simon’s hands hung limply by his sides for what felt like a whole minute but Soap didn't relent. Finally, he heaved a long suffering sigh before wrapping his arms around Johnny and the Scot knew he needed this hug as much as Charlotte had with how tightly he was gripping him.

“I fuckin’ hate you,” Simon muttered in contempt and Soap smiled to himself.

“Nah, ye love me,” he retorted, not missing a beat. He let go after a few moments not wanting a punch to the dick for taking too long. He’d already pushed it as it was.

“It’ll all work out in the end. Just gotta be patient,” Johnny said carefully, a soft look on his face as he watched his Lieutenant roll his shoulders as if to shake the tension out of them. 

“How can you be so sure?” he asked miserably and at that moment, Soap wasn't sure if he was speaking to Ghost or Simon or maybe an odd mix of both.

“I can feel it. Ye both still love each other and I think after some time, you’ll be able to work through it all. Love like this… nothin’ can stop it,” he shrugged honestly and Simon swallowed thickly, the movement making his gaiter bob a little. 

“I hope you're right, Johnny,” he admitted quietly, a mere whisper in the kitchen as if he was scared to say it out loud. 

Johnny hoped he was right too, he hoped to all the gods to ever exist that Simon could win his wife back. If anyone deserved happiness in this world it was his LT and Johnny wanted him to get that happy ending he’d always tried to deny. The one he’d tried to run from. Like he said, nothing can stop a love like this and it had all come catching up to him now. You can't outrun fate.

[punsmaster69]

19/OCT/20XX

at some ungodly hour, i woke up on the couch, papyrus sitting beside me.

i tried to get to the kitchen and snag something from the fridge without waking him, but he hopped up the second i set foot in the kitchen.

"...'sup, paps. sorry to wake you."

"HOW ARE YOU FEELING?"

"i'm good. pretty hungry, though."

"I'M GOING TO TAKE IT THAT YOUR LACK OF PUPILS IS.. NOT INTENTIONAL."

"...what?"

"they're gone?"

closed, open.

open, closed.

"nothing?"

"THEY'RE STILL GONE."

"..literally knocked my lights out, huh? weird."

"CAN YOU SEE ALRIGHT?"

"vision's the same."

in the light of the fridge, i could see him anxiously fidgeting.

"i feel fine, so you should go back to sleep."

"just gonna eat and then.."

"..well. can't say i'm very tired anymore, so i guess i'll just hang out. watch tv or something."

"I.."

"I'M NOT TIRED, EITHER!"

"..SO, I'LL ALSO JUST HAVE TO 'HANG OUT' ."

"ok. you want me to grab you anything while i'm here?"

he shook his head.

paps quietly observed me the whole time, but i don't know what for.

kept opening his phone, typing to someone.

"who else is up at this hour to be responding to you?"

"ALPHYS HAS YET TO FALL ASLEEP."

"wanna see if she wants to hang out too? that way we can all be nighttime losers together."

"..EXCLUDING THE LOSERS PART, A SLEEPLESS SLEEPOVER SOUNDS HELPFUL!"

"helpful?"

"FUN. I MEANT FUN."

——

"heya."

"Hey-"

"EEK!!"

"Wh-why are your eyes off?!"

"dunno. woke up with 'em stuck."

"HELLO ALPHYS!"

"Hi, Papyrus."

they exchanged a series of looks whose meanings were lost on me.

"..so whenever you're done with the staring contest, there's blankets here for you, alphys.

"Oh- um, yeah. S-sorry. Thanks, Sans."

——

"ARE THERE REALLY BEINGS UP THERE IN THE SKY??"

"This is show is (very) fake, Papyrus."

"REALLY?"

"what, you don't believe in aliens?"

"I do! What I 𝗱𝗼𝗻'𝘁 believe is that they'd visit Earth to draw circles in farmland and steal cows."

"WHY WOULD THEY NEED SO MANY?"

"Exactly!"

"Totally ridiculous."

"maybe they wanna make their own farm."

"But why the crop circles?"

"i'm not one to judge someone's artistic medium."

"What meaning do those hold??"

"PERHAPS THEY ARE SUGGESTING THAT LIFE IS BUT A CIRCLE THAT LOOPS ENDLESSLY."

"........."

"that's crazy talk."

"YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT."

"CIRCLES ARE PROBABLY JUST THEIR FAVORITE SHAPE!"

"I guess that could be true."

"Still, weird place for it."

"maybe they buried treasure."

"THAT'S CRAZY TALK, TOO!!"

"All of this is crazy to begin with."

"true."

——

tori called me, hearing from papyrus that i was awake now.

we got off-topic quickly.

"i think my shirt has a hole in it."

"Would you like for me to lend you another one?"

"...i'll just sew it at some point."

"Hehe, okay. If you say so."

"What a shame, I was looking forward to finding the most embarrassing thing in my closet for you."

"the previous time was intentional?"

"..No! I do not know why you would ever think that."

"i feel less bad about that skeleton-hand shirt, now."

"What a shame it is for you, that I like it so much."

"I have been wearing it to bed as pajamas, since it is not quite appropriate for my little ones to see."

"probably for the best."

if flowey saw it.. my cause of death might suddenly change from 'unknown illness' to 'botany accident'.

"You are sounding a lot less drained today."

"Are you feeling better now?"

"yeah, way better."

"I am glad to hear that."

"Is your eye feeling better, as well?"

"they, uh, don't hurt, anymore...?"

"But, something is different?"

"....."

"nah. they're all good."

"Sans..."

"...."

"If they are 'all good' as you say, you would not mind turning on your camera, would you?"

i stared at the enable camera button on my phone.

it stared back.

"i'm.."

"naked."

"totally bones out-"

"Sans."

"ribs in the open air-"

"𝘚𝘢𝘯𝘴."

"You mentioned your shirt a mere moment ago."

"So unless simply talking to me over the phone was enough to make you strip..."

"Please show me your eyes."

damn it.

"...Please, uncover the camera."

"it's not covered. must be broken."

".........."

the disappointment was loud. i slid my finger off the camera.

"it-"

"this doesn't hurt, at all."

"my sight still works, and-"

"Does that not hinder your ability to express emotion?"

"like i did much of that."

"Sans, a monster's ability to express themselves is one of the most important things they could lose."

"they'll come back. i'll survive without 'em for a while."

"Have you tried doing it manually?"

"like...?"

"Can you use magic to return your pupils?"

"i-"

"Please, just try."

"....ok."

𝗰𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗸,

....

𝗰𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗸.

"......"

"anything?"

"Yes!"

"..huh."

had a slight ache in my skull before, but it felt like it got a little better all of a sudden.

"Without your pupils, you have quite the threatening energy about you."

"oh. ..yeah."

"It is nice to see your expressions again!"

"...."

"guess i'll keep doing this, then."

"There is nothing else I should be concerned about, is there?"

"that's it."

"It is easier to tell whether you are being truthful or not!"

"nevermind. i'm turning 'em off."

"Do not!"

"don't need an automatic lie detector on my face."

"It is so nice to see you look my way."

"..if you turned on your camera, i'd have more to look at."

".....Then, give me just a moment."

after about a minute, she returned.

"I apologize. I had to find some pants."

"n-"

"no worries."

tori turned on her camera.

i waited in anticipation as it loaded.

her fur was slightly ruffled, which she also said sorry for.

"I hope you do not mind too much."

"not- not at all. it's cu-"

"uh, looks. looks good."

"You are also looking good, for a skeleton sitting in bed right now."

"thanks. guess that's why they call it beauty sleep."

"It must be!"

——

she stared at me intently, as if trying to memorize my features.

"you're not gonna forget me that quickly, right?"

"Forgetting you would not be easy. I simply wish to have your image as fresh as possible in my mind."

"..You cannot stare back!"

"why not?"

"I am appreciating your candid face."

"...it's hard to stay that way when you're looking at me like that."

tori leaned even closer to the phone.

i covered the camera.

"Awww."

"I suppose I should go back to sleep now, anyway."

"Good night, Sans."

"goodnight, tori."

"....."

"I care for you very much. Please be safe."

"i ..care for you, too."

i stared at the blank phone screen for a while, replaying the call in my mind.

my soul felt like it was gonna jump out of my chest.

eventually gathering myself, i reentered the living room to join papyrus and alphys.

[delioncourtes]

when noah kahan said "if the sun don't rise till the summertime, forgive my northern attitude. oh, i was raised on little light" and when he said "i thought that if i piled something good on all my bad that i could cancel out the darkness i inherited from dad" and when he said "my house was designed to kinda look like it's crying. the eyes are the windows, the garage is the mouth. so when they mention the sad kid in the sad house on balch street, you won't have to guess who they're speaking about" and when he said "i was taking the wrong meds, feels good to be sad" and when he said "my mouth was designed for my foot to fit in it" and when he said "someday i’m gonna be somebody people want" and when he said "no thing so sure that i can't learn to doubt it" and when he said "i divvied up my anger into thirty separate parts, keep the bad shit in my liver and the rest around my heart. i'm still angry at my parents for what their parents did to them, but it's a start" and when he said "at the end of the day, i know there are worse ways to stay alive" and when he said "i'm terrified that i might never have met me" and when he said "i forgot my medication, fell into a manic high. spent my savings at a lulu, now i'm suffering in style. why is pain so damn impatient? ain't like it's got a place to be. keeps rushing me" and when he said "if all my life was wasted, i don't mind, i'll watch it go. yeah, it's better to die numb than feel it all" and when he said "i drink till i drown and i smoke till i'm burning" and when he said "collect every dream in these old empty pockets, in hope that i'll need them someday"

and when he said "it's an ode to the hole that i found myself stuck in, a song for the grave that i dug" and when he said "i only tell the truth when i'm sure that i'm lying" and when he said "i would leave if only i could find a reason. i'm mean because i grew up in new england. i got dreams but i can't make myself believe them. spend the rest of my life with what could have been, and i will die in the house that i grew up in. i'm homesick" and when he said "it only falls into place when you're falling to pieces" and when he said "the whole place is quiet. you miss something that you can't place but you can't deny it. don't know whether you want a place in the coast or the country. you can't stay here, it's hard to face and it feels too ugly. you light a fire inside, let it burn" and when he said "with a past box of photos i rip myself open" and when he said "feel the rush of my blood, i'm seventeen again. i am not scared of death, i've got dreams again" and when he said "a minute from home, but i feel so far from it. the death of my dog, the stretch of my skin. it's all washing over me, i'm angry again. the things that i lost here, the people i knew, they got me surrounded for a mile or two" and when he said "my medicine is drowning your perspective out, so i ain't taking any fault" and when he said "i ain't proud of all the punches that i've thrown in the name of someone i no longer know. for the shame of being young, drunk and alone"

and when he said "'son, are you a danger to yourself?' well, fuck that, sir, just let me call. i'll give you my blood alcohol, i'll rot with all the burnouts in the cell. i'll change my faith, i'll kiss the badge. just wait, i swear she'll call me back. 'son, why do you do this to yourself?'" and when he said "i'll turn up the music and i'll forget until it ends that i'm not ready to let go yet" and when he said "i'm in my car and i see the yard, the patch of grass where we buried the dog. and the world makes sense behind a chain-link fence. if i could leave, i would've already left" and when he said "i thought i had something, and that's the same as having something. i get mad at nothing, blame my dad for something. i pull no punches, then feel bad for months. thought i was raised better. tried to fake better, tried to blame weather and escape better. hope the skin heals where the pain enters" and when he said "i saw the end, it looks just like the middle. got a paper and pen and a page with no space. i filled the hole in my head with prescription medication, then forgot how to cry. who am i to complain? and now the pain's different. it still exists, it just escapes different and evades vision. makes the rain different, makes the news boring and my rage distant. yes, i'm young and living dreams, in love with being noticed and afraid of being seen. but i can finally eat and i can fall asleep. it's fine, fine, fine" and when he said "medicate, meditate, swear your soul to jesus. throw a punch, fall in love, give yourself a reason" and when he said "we spent so long just getting by. that's the thing about survival. who the hell, who the hell likes living just to die?"

[astralisbelle]

Dead Man's Hand 11 - Such Pretty Eyes

Dead Man's Hand Masterlist tags: engineer!reader, gambler!reader, loose canon timeline, eventual smut, fluff, action, casino aesthetics, touch starved reader, touch starved din, reader and din get on each other’s nerves, also they’re idiots, defrosting ice king din, cinderella vibes, everybody loves grogu

chapter summary: He has to find her soon, otherwise, he won't know what they'll do. warnings: show-typical violence

At first, everything is numb and quiet. Then she regains feeling in her toes and fingers, both sets feeling like icicles. Her neck throbs like it does when she sleeps wrong and it has no support. She tastes her dry tongue and tries to move her arms, but her wrists are stuck together.

Her cheek presses against the ground and her brows crinkle as she regains herself. With a soft groan, she rolls onto her back, made all the more uncomfortable when she realizes she can’t move her arms out of the way.

Din!

Her eyes fly open and she sits up, panting. The first thing she notices are the soldiers clad in white armor, their dark visors all turning towards her. For the first time in years, she is face to face with a squad of Stormtroopers. A horrified gasp leaves her breathless and when she tries to pull with her hands, she feels the cold metal around her wrists. They’ve stripped her of her shoes and accessories, just to add insult to injury.

“You’re awake.” She whips her head around and sees Bras sitting at the table, flanked by two Stormtroopers. He cuts a piece of well-grilled fish with his utensils, continuing his dinner without an ounce of remorse. Behind him, against the metal wall, is a sprawling banner of the Empire’s symbol, albeit with burns and holes. Her eyes survey the room, noticing no windows, just the large door at the end. Along the walls are crates and canisters, many of them dented and dirty in some way. “I’ll be with you in a moment.”

“Where am I?” she growls.

He pats his lip with a cloth napkin. “Patience, sweet one. You understand how playing cards makes one completely famished.”

You’ve never starved a day in your life. That much, I can tell. She keeps her glare fixed in her eyes, her vein protruding from her neck. Bras finishes his meal, washing it down with a glass of red wine. He makes a refreshed “ahh” sound and then stands, circling around his desk. “I warned you,” he says. “Did I not? You should have taken my deal.”

“I wasn’t interested.” She puts on her bravest face.

“And look where that got you. Regretting that decision now, aren’t you?”

She sneers at him. “Is this supposed to scare me? Look around you, old man. If you weren’t scared of me winning in the first place, you wouldn’t have set this whole thing up.”

Bras grins. Then, he tosses his wine glass towards the wall and in the moment it shatters, he wraps his fingers around her neck and lifts, his thumb pressing against her trachea. “What is it with pests like you being so stubborn? You could have had the galaxy in the palm of your hand!” She gasps for air, her chest crying out for relief. “But no. You throw it all away for what? Pettiness? Nobility?”

“Ah… hah… why not both?” she chokes out. His nostrils flare at that. Dropping her back onto the ground, she lands with a pained sound, then he delivers an open blow to her cheek with his palm.

“It’s a damn shame.” He kneels down, clawing her hair with his hand and forcing her to look up at him. “A beautiful mind is wasted on you. You could have been greater than this.”

She shivers, expecting another slap on her red cheek. Her heart races and she’s certain that the end is coming for her and it won’t be pleasant. “So… now what?” She breathes fast. “You’re gonna kill me?”

“Oh, sweet one. Not yet.” He flashes a sinister smile. “I’m certain the Mandalorian is well on his way here, coming for you.” Her face pales. “And when he arrives, we will be sure to greet him.”

“H-He has nothing you want!”

“No? He has a full set of new beskar armor. It will be perfect to add to my collection, in addition to the grand prize.” No! It is only now that her defiance drops and pure terror enters her eyes. The image of Din walking straight into a trap and being brutally assaulted, murdered, by the Stormtroopers robs her of words. She shakes her head. “My…” Bras breathes out in wonder, tilting her head. “You have such pretty eyes, especially when they are so full of despair.” With a dark chuckle, he drops her again. “I’ll tell you what, my little pest.”

The tip of his boot slips under her chin, tilting it up. “When he dies, I will remove his helmet. And you can look upon him all you want with those pretty eyes.” His foot presses down against her neck. “Let the sight of him be the last respite during your slow death.”

---

The doors of the elevator slide open and the Mandalorian aims his blaster, expecting an immediate confrontation. When he sees that the coast is clear, he enters a brisk pace making his way down the dimly lit hall. He’s taught Grogu well so far on how to keep himself clear of the danger so all Din has to do is focus on rescuing her.

He hears boots jogging towards him about to turn the corner, so he flattens himself against the wall. When they come into view, he immediately opens fire from their flank, yanking the nearest one towards him as a meat shield. It’s at this moment that his eyes widen at the familiar armor, but he does not hesitate in tossing the meat shield towards the ground and kicking its head. “Stormtroopers?”

Grogu’s face crunches in animosity, wrinkles deepening in his cheeks and forehead.

“Dank farrik.” His walk turns into a jog as blood rushes to his head. He hadn’t encountered these since Moff Gideon, since someone else stole someone important to him. Din expects there to be loads more of them up ahead, so he has to exercise some caution if he wants all three of them to make it out of there alive. When he hears more footsteps, he stops in the hallway and reaches for the small bombs in his belt. “Get back, kid.” Just before the Stormtroopers turn the corner, he sticks them on the wall and charges them, listening to the tempo of its beeping.

He stashes the blaster and his hand hovers over his choice of blade: the Vibroblade or the Darksaber. The latter is the more powerful weapon, but it still feels like he’s trying to lift a Mudhorn. No, he doesn’t have time for that. Din grabs the Vibroblade and readies himself. The Stormtroopers come in hot, their blaster fire lighting up the hallway while he hides around the corner. All he has to do is wait for the bomb to go off.

As soon as a Stormtrooper rounds the corner, Din delivers a hard left hook against its helmet to knock it back. In the small window of vulnerability, he darts his Vibroblade forward into the space between the helmet and chest plate, piercing through the softer mesh and disposing of the clone quickly. Just before he falls, Din relieves him of his blaster rifle, using the extra heat to return fire. The tempo of his bomb reaches its finale and he hides behind the wall just before it bursts into a cloud of fire, shaking the ground and scattering the Stormtroopers. He walks past the fire, coming up on a trooper trying to push himself off the ground. Din swiftly uses the flat end of the rifle to slam on the back of its neck, knocking it out cold.

The bottom floor is a maze of winding, dark walls, but he figures that as long as he follows where the Stromtroopers are coming from, he will find her.

Just hold on, please. I’m coming.

---

They hear a distant rumble and the lights flicker for a second. She lifts her head, listening for anything more in the dead silence. Bras leans back in his chair. “He’s here,” he says melodically. “Get ready.” The Stormtroopers make a crescent shape around the door, their rifles at the ready. Her heart goes into overdrive and her eyes glue to the door. Please don’t come in, please don’t come in, please don’t come in!

Another boom in the distance shakes the room, this time louder and closer. Muffled blaster fire and grunts of battle reach her ears. She breathes hard, as if her lungs cannot get enough air, and sweat cakes her forehead. Then comes silence. The door slides open and she holds her breath.

No one stands there.

The Stormtroopers exchange glances of confusion with each other while one takes a step forward. From the corner of the door, high pitched whistles startle them all and tiny blue lights fly through the air. They hone in on the Stormtroopers, piercing through their armor with precision and speed. One by one, the pins explode and make short work of many of them. She watches Bras’s sadistic smile drop in the matter of seconds.

The Mandalorian steps into the door frame and opens fire. Some blaster shots bounce off his armor but others make purchase on his unprotected areas, staggering him and making him grunt in pain. Two troopers gang up on him, using the ends of their rifles to knock him upside the head. “Din!” He takes a knee and a beating before he slaps a button on his vambrace and a stream of fire emerges. Pushing them back and igniting them, he stops his flamethrower and pulls out something that she had never seen anything like in her life.

A high-pitched hum fills the room as a blade of pure black light emerges from the hilt. Din has to hold it with both hands, but one swing slices through Stormtrooper armor clean. With Bras’s forces dwindling, he pulls a blaster out of his desk and stomps towards her.

As soon as Din finishes off the last trooper, Bras yanks her up by her neck, making her scream as he points the barrel towards her cheek. “Mandalorian!” he announces.

The Mandalorian slowly turns towards Bras, his weapon scraping against the floor and making sparks. Following him close behind and opening the canopy of his pram is Grogu, his big eyes narrowing. When he speaks, his words are clear with the bite of seething rage. “Let her go. Now.” He takes a step forward.

“Not one more step!” Bras spits, jamming the barrel deeper against her skin. “You’re going to listen to me, or you can walk out of here carrying her corpse.” Din doesn’t move. “Good boy. Now, let’s make a deal, shall we? I know you’re after the beskar. Let me go and I’ll give you two ingots from the grand prize. How’s that?”

She can’t see it, but she can feel Din’s glare. His shoulders tense and he takes a few more steps forward, the blade scraping against the floor. “No.”

“Th-three ingots!”

“No. Hand her over.”

“I warned you not to take another step!” She shuts her eyes, waiting for the click of the trigger near her ear. It never comes. Instead, the hands around her tremble and she hears pained gasps coming from Bras. Peeling her eyes open, she looks up and see his eyes widen, his tongue peeking out as he chokes. From what? The blaster falls to the floor and he lets go of her entirely and drops her, grasping at his neck.

Din does nothing, but Grogu has his claw extended towards Bras, his eyes focused with murderous intent. As he curls his fingers in, she puts two and two together, sliding away from Bras. Din storms up to him, lifting the saber and driving it through his chest. He clicks the button to draw the blade back, leaving Bras to fall to his knees. He wheezes as he collapses over, the last of his life extinguished.

Finally, she can breathe in relief. “Din!” He faces her and rushes to kneel down. As soon as he’s close by, he takes a tool from his belt and goes to work on the restraints around her wrists. The second she is free and the thick cuffs fall against the floor, she throws her arms around his shoulders and holds him tight. “Oh thank the stars! I thought he was going to kill you!”

He freezes, his hands sitting in the air awkwardly. But then he gives in, resting on hand on the small of her back and the other across her shoulder. “You… you were worried about me?” She was the one who was taken, she was the one being held at gunpoint, she almost died a minute ago. But she was worried about him.

She’s either really brave or really nuts.

“It was a trap. He wanted your beskar.” She pulls away, keeping her hands on his arms. “I--” Grogu jumps into the space between their bodies, his hands clinging to the cloth of her dress. She laughs in relief, hugging him close. “Thank you, Grogu. I can’t believe you came here… I…”

It’s a beautiful sight, Din thinks. Happy tears roll down her cheeks as she presses her forehead against Grogu’s her nose brushing against his. His hands cup her cheeks: a feeling he himself knows well. Din had only seen that level of protectiveness from Grogu for himself, never anyone else. She lifts her head, smiling despite what she just endured.

“Thank you, Din.”

His chest flutters and he feels his face flush again, despite the battle have ended. Words don’t come to his tongue, so he settles for an awkward nod. He helps her to her feet, letting Grogu remain in her arms for now. “Can you walk?”

“Yeah.”

He keeps an arm around her waist just in case. She uses one hand to keep Grogu against her and the other to wrap around Din’s shoulders, leaning on him occasionally when she needs it.

As they walk past the small fires and scattered, knocked-out troopers, Din has a funny thought that he keeps to himself:

In that moment, they feel like a clan of three.

[fullstcp]

"five seconds flat" by Lizzy McAlpine Sentence Starters

DOOMSDAY

"I'd like to start planning my funeral."

"I've got work to do."

"Pull the plug, make it painless."

"I don't want a violent end."

"Don't say that you'll always love me."

"You know I'd bleed myself dry for you over and over again."

"Doomsday is close at hand."

"I don't get a choice in the matter."

"It's only the death of me."

"I don't wanna die too soon."

"I think there's good in you somewhere."

"I'll hang on 'til the chaos is through."

"The funny thing is, I would've married you if you'd have stuck around."

"I feel more free than I have in years."

AN EGO THING

"It's a battle over something stupid."

"They're all the rage right now."

"You don't know the truth."

"It's a battle that I think I'm winning."

"Something makes me think you think that too."

"I was trying to be honest."

"You don't make that easy to do."

"It's not that important."

"It's none of your concern."

"It's not that I hate you."

"I hate that it hurt."

"There are two ways we could do this."

"I know which would be more fun."

"I won't go first, won't apologize."

"I can't stand a compromise."

"Now I think I should've just lied."

"If this is what I get, I won't be honest anymore."

ERASE ME

"Why am I awake?"

"I've said too much."

"I wonder who will erase me."

"I'll crash if I don't let you go."

CALLED YOU AGAIN

"I called you again."

"I don't know why I keep on thinking that we're friends."

"We don't really talk anymore. And I'm sorry for that."

"Honestly I never really loved you that bad."

"I could be the end of it."

"I never know when to stop talking."

"If I don't love you, then why did I call you again?"

"It's good for both of us."

"I know you love me the most."

"I should be the end of it."

"You're better off on your own."

"You called me again."

"All I do is hurt you."

"All I do is cause you pain."

ALL MY GHOSTS

"What the fuck?"

"All my ghosts are with me."

"I know you feel them too."

"They don't know about you."

"I hope that's true."

"I can see it now: the wedding of the year."

"I can see it crystal clear."

"I hate all of my habits."

"But I happen to love you."

RECKLESS DRIVING

"I didn't mean to kiss you."

"I didn't think it'd go this far."

"You're staring at me like you're not convinced that I am real."

"You'd rather die than take your eyes off of me."

"I don't love you like that."

"One day it'll kill us if I don't let go."

"I don't know how to tell you."

"Never felt this way with no one."

"I can't be your savior."

"I don't wanna be there when you lose control."

WEIRD

"I've been having strange dreams."

"How long have I been here for?"

"I can walk through walls now."

"I think I scared you off now."

"It was just a ghost that sorta looked just like you."

CEILINGS

"I don't wanna leave, but I have to go."

"It feels like the start of a movie I've seen before."

"I don't wanna ruin the moment."

"But it's not real."

"You don't exist."

"I can't recall the last time I was kissed."

"It feels like the end of a movie I've seen before."

WHAT A SHAME

"I don't wanna take my mind off you."

"You're not allowed."

"Please, make me laugh and kiss me back."

"I can handle this stuff."

"Only if you're comfortable."

FIREARM

"There's a hole in my heart and I can't find the bullet."

"I can see it all now that we're through."

"I get drunk with my friends."

"Your name never comes up."

"I tell strangers online that we broke up."

"There's a hole in my heart and I hate that it's there."

"I liked to act like I really don't care."

"What a shame that I put up with you."

"Was it all just an act?"

"You had me convinced that you loved me."

HATE TO BE LAME

"It's always on the tip of my tongue."

"Hate to admit but it might be true."

"But I think you knew."

"I might love you."

"I stop myself from saying it."

"Then you kiss me like you do."

"We're right back where we started from."

"It's always in the back of my mind."

"What if we never met? What if the stars never aligned?"

NOBODY LIKES A SECRET

"I'm starting to have side effects from hating you this much."

"The gist of it was how you never loved me."

"We both know you were in deeper than that."

"Nobody likes a secret and I was always yours."

"It's almost been a year."

CHEMTRAILS

"What the hell is my problem with taking the blame?"

"It's so hard to believe, but I'm trying to change."

"I had a chance and I missed it."

"I miss it, I do."

"I miss it, I miss you."

ORANGE SHOW SPEEDWAY

"Every guy/girl at this festival has you in their eyes."

"Your name isn't spoken, but I'm speaking it."

"Last time I was here, you were with me."

"It didn't look like this three years ago."

"Everything changes, what a shame."

"I'm half-expecting you to be there when I turn to my left."

"We were stupid and young."

"And I was so in love."

"We were just friends."

"Riding on the line between acceptable and angering your girlfriend/boyfriend."

"I've never been here in my life."

"You're racing head-first towards something that'll kill you in five seconds flat."

"I'm racing head-first towards everything that I want back."