#and then she met Skul

[randomfoggytiger]

I’ve been an x files fan for years now (since 2008ish) but fan fic has never been my thing. If I wanted to give it another go, what writers or pieces of fic would be a good place for me to start? Thanks! 😊

What a dream request, thank you!

Not much of a fic reader? Hm. I drifted to fanfiction because I wanted a canonical hole plugged in; but it sounds like you're looking for quality.

I'm narrowing these suggestions to long-form fics, and going to try to keep them as "fandom approved" as possible. (I'm also cutting back on the "famfic" recs because that's not everyone's cup of tea~.)

Authors whose works could (one could argue, should) be published as novels, in no particular order:

@amplifyme/Lydia Bower, @aloysiavirgata, @slippinmickeys,

@cecilysass, @teethnbone, @dreamingofscully, @sixhours,

@mashnotesofthemythopoeic/Penumbra, @sigritandtheelves/Darla,

@onpaperfirst, @melforbes, @ghostbustermelanieking/skuls,

Jenna Tooms, @seek-its-opposite, @settle-down-frohike,

@frostbitepandaaaaa, @leiascully, @darwin-xf, Beshter,

@scenes-in-between/scullywolf, @scullylikesscience

Here's a brief rundown on each author, to the best of my abilities:

amplifyme

My mother's embraces are frightening in their intensity, and I can feel her fear as though it seeps from her pores. Mulder's arms hold me easily but fully. And there is a calming effect in his touch. He restores me to myself, makes me strong again. I wish I had taken the chance and discovered that years ago.

-Dance Without Sleeping

One of the OGs. Her writing explores the paths of Mulder's and Scully's minds. The Scully in her stories is pragmatic, matter-of-fact, and protective of her secrets. The Mulder in her stories is tender, predictably mercurial, and secretive, as well. The most direct admittance can be the most damaging, and the most healing. Her longest work is, I believe, Dance Without Sleeping; but my favorite, though short, happens to be Light Don't Sleep. Her Ao3 is here.

aloysiavirgata

“That’s a fair question, Senator,” Scully observes in her liquid nitrogen voice. She leans forward in her seat, just a little, just enough, to remind him that predators have eyes at the front of their heads. Scully crosses her legs and gives the Senator the full force of her blue eyes, the hard angles of her good cheekbones.  

She is magnificent, Mulder thinks, smitten. She is Themis, she is Ma’at. One day she will devour the hearts of the unrighteous, his own included.

-Singing of Mount Abora

One of the OGs. She treads the line between poetry and prose so seamlessly you are left, baffled, by her intelligence. Her writing features Mulder and Scully with a little bite: neither are fools, and neither will be trifled with. (They're also wickedly intelligent nerds.) Mulder is Jewish (though that rarely comes up) and was married before (though that only comes up when it comes up.) Canon halts in Season 7, but that doesn't stop her from writing Season 9 masterpieces with Mulder and Scully and their son-- which is where I'd recommend you begin, with By Falling In and In. If that's not your cup of tea, I'd say catch up on her canon divergent Waters of Babylon, Petrichor, and Singing of Mount Abora. Her Ao3 is here.

slippingmickeys

The boy winced and inhaled sharply as her fingers ran over the cleft where the fibula met the talus and she rocked back on her heels, eyeing the darkening horizon. Did he have people nearby? Could she leave him here without guilt? She didn’t really have the time or inclination to take on a project — she and Mulder had tried that before — banding together with other survivors, and it had always ended poorly. And boys his age, as few as she had seen, made her uncomfortable. Her subconscious would scan their features, looking for a genetic echo of the Scully-Mulder’s. Mulder would have to pull her aside and whisper “it’s not him,” and she didn’t have the space in her heart for the guilt. Even now she had to ignore the blue of his eyes and the way his gritted teeth had the same gnathic slant as the only man she’d ever loved.

-North of Zero

One of the OGs. Her Mulder and Scully are practical, capable, sleek survivors. Her writing exists somewhere between the clack of a gun slide and the omnipresence scent of a wild pine forest. She's written extensively on... everything: Colonization, space, POL, case files, mytharc, everything; and well. I'd recommend North of Zero for a starter. Her Ao3 is here.

cecilysass

It’s Mulder, she reminds herself. No matter how long you may have been gone, or what has happened in your absence, you know what to expect from Mulder.

At last he shuffles through the door, and it’s him, definitely him: head bent, looking weary and wilted. He turns to lock the door again, evidently not paying very much attention to his surroundings.

Her heart constricts. “Mulder,” she voices softly.

She can see his whole body go still from behind, but he doesn’t look right away. His back remains to her.

-Pause

One of the OGs. Her Mulder and Scully are weighed by secrets, by their unspoken. Her writing dwells in the silences; and the tones of her work shift depending on the narrative: insular and psychologically exploratory, fast-paced and bitterly overwhelming, slow and unspooling and peaceful-- but always with a bittersweet aftertaste. I would do a disservice if I didn't recommend A Boy on the Beach first; but my personal favorite is Pause (and All the Dead Mulders and Not Orpheus, Not Eurydice.) Her Ao3 is here.

darwin_xf

Mulder. Her genius. Who happened also to be her blithering idiot. A fresh swell of affection overtook her. This is how it was for her, even just talking to him. One minute she was standing in the shallows enjoying or enduring or surviving a day at the beach, whichever kind of day it was. The next she'd find herself walloped and rolled by the rogue wave of her feelings for him. Then she was surfacing, sputtering, salt-blind, struggling to find the steady line of the horizon.

-Vox Mulder: Fired and Wired

One of the OGs. Darwin's writing is clipped and "action" focused. Her Mulder and Scully are fond and quippy and silently torturing themselves with their own repressions or secrets. Vox Mulder: Fired and Wired covers the IVF arc concurrent with Mulder's (secret) brain disease diagnosis; and her notes tearing into canon's handling of the latter arc are incredibly detailed, incredibly satisfying, and incredibly hilarious. Her Ao3 is here.

dreamingofscully

They searched, staying together with Scully’s single flashlight. As she suspected, they didn’t find anything out of the ordinary. The cellar was devoid of sound and light, not a single rat or insect scurrying about. No more traces of the unknown substance.

They followed the trail of viscous fluid back to their room. Their adrenaline-fueled trek left her exhausted, and she was hopeful she would be able to sleep for a few more hours before dawn. Not even her fear could break through the cottony haze that clouded her mind. Collapsing on the bed, Mulder pulled off her slippers. 

-Surely, to the sea

One of the OGs. Her writing is practical and pleading-- the veneer that Mulder and Scully front, and the truth. Her Scully has teeth but prefers silence and distance. Her Mulder stubbornly walks the thin line between opening his partner up or closing her back together tighter. Trust-- in each other, in themselves-- can be broken and mended with the right words, the right meaning. I recommend starting with Surely, to the Sea (and my favorite short fic is this one.) Her Ao3 is here.

Frostbite Panda

“I make you a whole person,” she whispers. The slam of sudden memory is heady, destabilizing, threatening to spin her clean from reality. 

He leans forward, elbows on his knees, a sound escaping him that she cannot identify. Truth be told, he looks a bit ridiculous— wrapped in a green sleeping bag looking like a dormant pupa, not the wrecked and ruined man he was. 

-Four Days on the 63rd Parallel

One of the OGs (I believe.) Her writing is grand and touching, a microcosm of the macro effects Mulder and Scully face alongside, and with, each other. Her Scully is reluctant, doubting Mulder's beliefs but trusting him; and her Mulder is courageous and wallowing, afraid to try for fear of rejection. Four Days on the 63rd Parallel (and its follow-up In a Perfect World) explores what would have happened if Mulder and Scully had been trapped in Antarctica, in a snocat, alone, until help arrived. Her Ao3 is here, and requires you to be logged in.

Jenna Tooms

Then there's the matter of Mulder and his reaction to scissors and the razor. When he was first released from the hospital I took him to his old barber. He made it into a seat, and even let the barber tie the cloth around his neck. At the first flash of the scissors, though, he was up and out so fast for a moment I only stood in the waiting area dumbfounded, the baby in my arms.

He will, however, let me cut his hair and trim his beard--which he grew to cover his facial scars. I let him keep it as long as he lets me keep it neat.

-An Acceptable Level of Happiness

One of the OGs (if I recall.) Her writing is just north of canon, veering off to give us better, brighter spots to land Mulder and Scully. Her Mulder and Scully are soft, seemingly delicate with a touch of steel underneath. They've taken a beating, have internalized that beating, and are being supported wholeheartedly by the other person in their partnership. If you want canon-ish, I'd recommend An Acceptable Level of Happiness; if you want mytharc-ish further down the timeline, I'd suggest Truly, Madly, Deeply, and if you want canon veered off from and returned to-ish after Requiem (16 years later), then I'd strongly lobby for Shooting Star. Her Ao3 requires a log-in, here; but Jenna's works are also on Gossamer (here).

leiascully

“Did you see this?”

She blinked at the screen of Mulder’s phone and gently pushed his wrist until it was at a distance she could focus on. Technology changed but Mulder didn’t. She couldn’t count the near misses with magazines and file folders, the threat of papercuts across her cheeks.

“Ford isn’t going to make Tauruses anymore,” he told her before she’d had a chance to actually read the headline. That was also standard procedure. Mulder was a scrolling marquee of odd headlines and interesting trivia. He was the original clickbait, drawing her in with his promises to change her world and alter her perception.

-Taurus Season

One of the OGs. leiascully's prose captures the essence and magic of ordinary things. Her Scully is secretly a wanderer, her Mulder an errant domestic. There is reciprocity in their strengths and weaknesses; and the world is always more beautifully strange together. I recommend her Visitor series, which rewrites Revival canon along necessary lines. Her Ao3 is here, and requires a log-in.

Penumbra

They slipped among the dumpsters at the back of the building and into the empty quivering night, jaywalking the shadows up the hill streets, ringing the manhole covers. False planetary lights floated about in the foggy sky. Scully opened her fawn umbrella. Mulder glanced often behind them, his fingers pressed into the suspension muscles of her hard young back.

-Bad Radio

One of the OGs. Her Scully is strong and silent and will not be swayed; her Mulder is withdrawn and foreboding. Her most infamous work is Heuvelmans' On the Tracks, but I know her better through this post Gethsemane cancer arc fic: its darkness, its inevitability, its immovable-object-meets-unstoppable-force. Her Ao3 is here.

Prufrock's Love

"He says a horse bit him," Duana translated for her mother. Duana stripped off Lord William's tunic and ruined shirt to reveal the wound. "He damages more clothing..."

Lord William stooped to show Caithrin the twin rows of tooth marks on his left shoulder, still telling his woeful tale....

Not sure what was expected of her and thoroughly intimidated, Caithrin did as she would with her own sons. She made the sympathetic face and clucked over him like a mother hen. Lord William, pacified, settled down on the stool by the fire to let Duana doctor him.

-Hiraeth

One of the OGs. Her Mulder and Scully are messed up, secrets upon secrets, love and miscommunication and chaos towards each other and themselves. Prufrock's prose and dry wit can't be denied; and she's most notably known for Belghor's Prime, a Mulder time-traveling story, and Paracelsus, a Civil War fic that loosely locks into her sprawling, transformative "past lives" series. I, personally, prefer Hiraeth, because the Mulder and Scully I read there aligns (mostly) with my interpretation of canon. Her Ao3 is here.

onpaperfirst

The chip was round and under a microscope the texture looked like fish scales. 

The procedure was over in ten minutes. Three tiny stitches at the back of her neck with a gauze pad taped on top. It shouldn’t have worked, but it did.

-Snakebitten

One of the OGs (if I recall.) Her Mulder and Scully are inherently bound, even if the plot has driven a wedge between them. They speak the same language with different words, they work back to each other with lightning speed, they are chummy, they are contented. Their humor is fantastic. Her longest, angstiest work is Snakebitten, a rewrite leading up to The Pine Bluff Variant; but my personal ones are (surprise, surprise) her "part one" and "part two" short fics, Home, Home and Honey Hi. Her Ao3 is here.

seek_its_opposite

She leaves her rumpled partner in the car with the window cracked while she goes to the front desk, glancing back possessively over her shoulder as the woman behind the counter gets their keys. One room, two beds. “I’m not letting you out of my sight, Mulder.”

She keeps seeing him like she found him, on his knees before the ghosts of his childhood. She sees him praying to the barrel of his gun.

-photosensitivity

One of the OGs (I think?) She writes incredible meta on the series; but she's also written one of my favorite short fics, ever (and I have a lot of those.) You can navigate to the rest of her Ao3 through this link, but you'll have to get through photosensitivity first. >:DDD

settle-down-frohike

“I’m fine, Scully,” indignantly going back to the task at hand. And she’d have believed him too, if he wasn’t looking through her, if his pitch hadn’t been a little too high, if he hadn’t forgotten the fact that her shoes were the very last thing to put on and she wasn’t even out of her hospital gown yet. She allowed it out of pity, mostly. Or humor. But his hands shook, fumbling with the laces like a feening alcoholic.

-for the WIP prompt: hospital

One of the OGs. She writes distraught Mulder incredibly well; and balances him with a Scully who is dry, caring, and bouyant all in one breath. I can't rave enough about her short fics (their links can be found here); but I'd recommend this and this and this because they tie together to form a Redux II whole. Her Ao3 is here.

sigritandtheelves

The world is different now, after so much has been lost. It moves a little slower, takes for granted a little less. It is still a dangerous place—because fear is catching and learning that things are not as they seem can make some go mad with denial and rage and terror at the loss of their footing. But it is also more peaceful, in some ways—because loss reminds us to hold love close. Because all the hearts that stopped beating are still felt in their absence. Because people, in the end, come together in crisis. They don’t only tear each other apart.

“I think we did okay,” he murmurs. “With our quarter century.”

Scully leans her head back to look at him. “Just okay?”

“Mm hmm.”

-Advent

One of the OGs. Her writing is pure sensation: cotton and earth and jeans and nine o'clock shadows and soft skin and the tangible grasp of wishes come true. Advent is her longest fic; but I implore you, on my hands and knees, to read all four of her pages on Ao3-- they're not only the gateway drug to other incredible, incredible short fic writers (ghostbustermelanieking, @baronessblixen, @o6666666, all the authors mentioned here, and so many, many more) but are also a shining example of family fic done well-- a very hard skill to pull off. Her Ao3 is here.

sixhours

Back to sleep. Sleep. No big deal. Just go to sleep.

A minute passes, then two. He’s not tired, in fact, he feels incredibly awake. His heart is pounding, a distracting pulse in his ears. The bed is too soft, too deep, too…real. He can hear her breathing next to him, feel the warmth radiating off her body, his senses screaming at the level of detail, the texture, the vividness of it all. Instinct is a dog with a bone, and it won’t let go.

Something’s wrong.

-Lucidity

One of the OGs. Her writing clips along at an even pace, the story driving Mulder and Scully ever forward. Mulder is most often on the outs, Scully most often peering at her partner silently, trying to figure him out and draw him in. But mostly, the two function independently of each other, content to drift further or nearer as long as they are together. I would recommend Lucidity as a primer. Her Ao3 is here.

touchstoneaf

He did not soften, at first.  Did not edge away, nor did he lean into her.  Much like that awful night when their office had burnt he simply stood cold with shock and while she supported him; the steadfast fidelity of their bond never questioned in the decade that they had been together.

“I was there,” she murmured into his shoulder.  /I’ll always be here./  He could accept it now.  She was finally able to press her arms about him in the night.  Feel the strong bones beneath unblemished flesh; amazed that he was even alive for her to hold after an ordeal that had indeed taken him from her for so long that she had lost all hope.  She shuddered and cinched her arms tighter; felt his ribs shift beneath the silky envelope of his skin.  They creaked in protest, but he did not move, and she spoke like one driven. 

-Amor Fati: Destinata (The Fated Love), Act Three

One of the OGs. So OG, in fact, that the butchery of Season 9's mytharc pushed her to write a mythology replacement. Scully is fearful, anxious, but strong to her core. Mulder is lonely, and loving, and afraid to slip back into dark places. Both push each other to become better than they believed they could be. Her Amor Fati, Destinata (The Fated Love) series is still being written; but it's detailed reconstruction is well-worth the read. Her Ao3 is here.

I separated these two authors out because they're the x and y axes of my personal taste:

melforbes

She falls asleep before him. In some ways, it’s a burden to share a bed with someone, not a pleasure; if he moves, he fears he’ll wake her, but it’s horrible to stay so still for so long, especially when he can’t sleep. But he can see her eyelashes in the dark, and her cheek is squashed against her own pillow, and she checked the room when they arrived to make sure that there were plenty of tissues. Had there been a couch here, even a divan, he would’ve taken to that instead, let her sleep soundly without him. The day of the wedding - he almost tenses at the word wedding, not because he dislikes it but because it feels so strange and unreal, as if it never really happened even though he remembers it so easily and comfortably - they had a makeshift reception in her apartment, just cutting cake with her mother and then sharing slices with the Gunmen after her mother left. If anything, it felt more like a funeral than a wedding reception, so many questions tiptoed around, everything too urgent and human to be a celebration, but between guests, she grabbed part of her slice with her bare fingers and pressed the cake against his face unexpectedly, and he looked at her with surprise, and she laughed in an inward way that made her shoulders move. 

-seaglass blue

One of the OGs (I believe.) I have to start here because seaglass blue is grafted onto my heart. Set before Gethsemane, the author based it on a real couple's journey with impending death; and the way she wrote Mulder's POV-- how she kept us always locked in his head each and every day of his honeymoon with Scully-- is forever burned on my psyche. I don't see the emotional damage, if you will, as unnecessary or melodramatic or traumatic-- it's just a window into the slow approach to the end, or a fear of it. (However, if the writing is too "overlapping" or "run-on" for your taste, I'd recommend aloysiavirgata's gorgeously succinct prose, mentioned above~.) All of her works are fantastic; and, oddly, the rest are usually beautifully cozy (if you can find them on her page.) (Note: authors with their own uniquely similar styles include @teethnbone and @enigmaticdrblockhead -- can't recommend their work enough, particularly The Ansted Graft and this list here, respectively.) mel's Ao3 is here.

skuls

They follow Mulder's trail, Scully's heart thudding too hard against her ribs. Skinner is telling her that Mulder wouldn't do anything crazy when it comes, the headache. Pounding against her skull. And then she hears Will crying out: Dad!

Scully bends over, stomach against her knees, clutching her temple. “Scully?” Skinner is saying. “Scully, what's going on?” But she can't hear him over the roaring in her eyes. William is still speaking, rapid-fire in her mind: They're hurting him, Mom, they're hurting him! Make them stop!

In a flash, she can see what William sees. Mulder barely conscious, being dragged outside through the snow. An axe in the hand of his attacker. “Scully, are you alright?” Skinner protests.

-silent conversations

One of the new recruits (I think.) Her writing is an art form: painting broad, sweeping pictures on the tiniest canvases, in the shortest sentences. Her descriptions, characterizations, and dialogue all serve the plot-- not a hair out of place and not a nook or cranny neglected. I will never be over her short fics, but her longer works are crafted carefully, too. If you want a complete rewrite of the entire series' mythology, then the Half-Light universe does it, and does it better; if you want a Season 8 casefile, then snow in april manipulates Mulder and Scully to a very sinister town; if you want Season 7 to properly deal with Mulder's brain disease, encephalon's got you covered; if you want William to stay with Mulder and Scully, William AU (relent, silent conversations, noises echoing, not out loud) bends in that direction; and if you want a complete rewrite of Samantha's abduction, california winter is where I'd start. Her Ao3 is here.

And lastly, do you want to read long-form fill in series? These three are masterfully done.

Beshter

There were few things in the world that Dana Scully could imagine were more arduous in her the world than family dinner night. Perhaps climbing Mt. Everest in the middle of a howling blizzard would be one. Maybe crawling out of the Amazon rainforest with a broken limb would be another. Even walking single-handedly into the desert with just one canteen of water between you and horrible death under the scorching sun could trump the monthly gathering of the Scully clan at her parent's house in Baltimore to have dinner with her parents.

One of the OGs. Her X-files Seasons covers every crack, crevice, and canyon in the show: Scully's life and family separate from Mulder, the journey drawing her closer into Mulder's world, and her own transformation from the green agent she was to the woman of diamond she became. Her Ao3 is here.

scullylikesscience

Over the course of the weekend, Mulder hardly talked at all. When he did speak, he was abrupt, flippant, and sometimes defensive. He still didn’t want to be touched, nor did it seem to Scully that he wanted to touch her. He kept a wall up around him, a protective shield. She tried to give him what she thought he wanted, space and distance, while at the same time trying to let him know that she was there if he needed her. It was a difficult balance. He seemed glad of her company, yet disinclined to talk to her at all.

-Chapter 87

One of the OGs. Her He is the Master of His Fate, She is the Captain of Her Soul series exquisitely fills in Season 7, Season 8, Season 9, IWTB, Season 10, and S11 while filing over and rewriting the incredibly stupid canon decisions along the way. Her Ao3 is here.

scullywolf

Mulder stirred again and mumbled something she couldn’t make out, and she wasn’t sure if he was talking in his sleep or actually trying to tell her something. She leaned over to put her face closer to his, listening.

“They’re not the same.”

She frowned. “What’s not?”

He shifted, blinking up at her. “Moth men. You might think they’re the same as the Jersey Devil, and the circumstances are similar, but they’re not the same.”

“You mean aside from the fact that this is Florida, not New Jersey?”

-Detour

One of the OGs (I believe.) Her TXF: Scenes in Between series plucks one moment from each episode and builds upon it, providing a window into either Mulder's or Scully's psyches. She even tackles Mulder's (alleged) Season 7 brain disease. Her Ao3 is here.

If you want more fic recs, I have lists catalogued under my Collector's Edition tag. If you want even more fic recs, I wrote a fanfic resource post here. And if those aren't enough to appease your hunger, @lilydalexf and @fine-nephrit have pinned master posts that will probably have something for you.

Hope this helped~! And drop back in sometime-- let me know if you read something you enjoyed, or found fanfic still isn't your preference. :DDDD

[detective-inspector-her]

Does anyone have non-bird wings in the winged AU? Whether natural or artificially changed somehow

Sanguine has bat wings.

Something I've forgotten to add is that they can have similar abilities or habits as the bird/insect/winged animal they take after. People with bat wings can use Echolocation, which comes in handy for Sanguine. People with insect wings can create poison depending on their species.

Vampire wings change to vampire bat wings or vampire moth wings. If you were a sorcerer before you were bitten, your wings look how they used to (like an owl or sm) during the day and in the night it's revealed to be something else.

(I go beyond the ask here)

Crows (like Skul and Val) are more intelligent than normal people, which goes with their detective thing. Skulduggery takes advantage of his intelligence obviously and those who weren't around when he was alive, they don't know what sort of wings he has.

Crows mate for life, those with Crow wings take this very seriously. When Caelan first kisses Valkyrie, she's disgusted on instinct and the whole cheating plot never ends up happening because it just goes against everything she is. Same as Skulduggery. He's never cheated on any of his partners. Has he betrayed them? Yes. But he has never dated two people at once so it doesn't count in his eyes. Sockets? Whatever.

Crows remember faces and can hold grudges. Let me introduce you to Skulduggery Pleasant. THE Grudge Holder.

Crow Winged People get along well with wolves and dogs. Omen once found a stray, befriended it, and it ended up barking at his parents when they yelled at him, leading to the dog being taken to the pound. (Omen becomes resentful earlier because of incidents such as these.)

Moving on from crows.

Nightjars are nocturnal, feeding on night-flying invertebrates like moths and flies. Tanith follows the nocturnal part and has an instinctual dislike of those with insect wings. Fun fact: Nightjars are migratory, arriving in the UK from Africa during spring. This is how she and Frightening met, Tanith flies to Africa every once in a while. She was groomed into ignoring those parts of her instincts but she enjoys the trip.

Sometimes male Emus really don't like each other and may chase other males away- This is what happened shortly after Fletcher gained his wings. Cameron Light was also an Emu and Fletcher decided that he didn't need his opinion. As he matured he chilled out and was excited whenever he met those with Emu wings like his. (someone can correct me on these btw, I'm no bird expert.)

As it turns out, Ravens and Crows don't get along. As it also turns out Solomon and Skulduggery don't get along. Solomon is mildly standoffish to those with crow wings, minus Valkyrie because he saw her magical potential and decided that she was the exception not the rule.

Eagles are outgoing, confident about their abilities and have no problem telling you what they are thinking. Nefarian is all of this, but he's often laughed off due to the fact he's grounded. Eagles do not eat dead things but fresh prey, this ends up translating (in Nef's case) to him killing Skulduggery because he became a thorn in his side and it would have been unsatisfying if anyone else killed him.

I'll be happy to talk about individual characters to go more in depth on them because the more I think about this au, the more attached I get. Thank you for the ask.

[skulduggery-pleasant-bp9]

Part 8 – Meet Damion

WARNING!: Mention of transformation of a body (Cracking bones, growing limbs, etc. I mean with stuff like that), Mentally unhealthy and emotionally unstable Reader, Cursing, mention of self harm, AND MORE ! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED !!!

Read THIS to understand why the reader has a name !

“What do you mean, Skul ?”, she asked.

“My ignorance made him emotionally and mentally unstable. When I vanished and he met Lord Vile...I don’t know when it started and he did know that Vile was a part of me, but he...he was suicidal anyways. Lord Vile said he stopped counting after the 1 000th attempt of killing himself, that he had to stop him from doing. The last attempt, he said, was a very sinister one and he barely got him to stop. He didn’t tell me what it was, he said it was Erskin’s story to tell. God...I made him SUICIDAL, Valkyrie !”

“Hey, hey...at least he is still around, right ? Lord Vile stopped him from his suicide attempts. Erskin helped in the war where he could and then took a long break, after the war, away from the world of mages to deal with his issues. He is still here. He is doing better. Calm down, Skul.”

“I know he is possibly doing better, but the bare thought of this, makes me realize just how much I messed up. I never realized how much I have changed into the negative.”

“Well, now you do know and you can work on everything. And the best is, you are not alone in this. You have me and Ghastly. I bet the others would love to help you too.”

“Maybe.”

-Monday-

Skulduggery and Valkyrie drove to Hotel Midnight and waited for it to arrive. When it did, they entered and instantly were greeted by Anton.

“Hello, you two. Glad you could make it.”, he greeted them.

“Glad to be here. How is he ?”, Skulduggery asked.

“Pretty much alright. The others are here too. It was Ghastly’s and my idea.”

Skulduggery nodded.

“You mean the rest of The Dead Men ?”, Valkyrie asked.

“Yup. Even Dexter came here for Erskin. They are all close to his room. If you want us to leave the room, just tell us. I hope Valkyrie will stay in case you lose it, she might be able to stop you. Otherwise I and Ghastly will stay. You heard me ?”, Anton asked Skulduggery.

“I understood.”, Skulduggery replied.

“Good. Please don’t take it personal. It’s just...none of us want a relapse of Erskin’s constant breakdowns and panic attacks. It was bad enough the first time...”

“I know. And I was the trigger of it. I understand Anton. I don’t take it personal.”, Skulduggery assured his friend.

Shudder nodded and then got out two keys.

“Erskin is in room 203. Your room is 205. Just two doors further down the hallway. I thought you want to be as close as possible. My room is 201, Ghastly’s is 202, Saracen and Dexter share a double bed bedroom, which is 204 and Erskine has room 206.”

With that he gave Skulduggery and Valkyrie their keys.

“Thank you, Anton.”, Skulduggery said.

“Sure. Just don’t overwhelm Erskin. He was...pretty out of it yesterday.”

“What do you mean ?”, Valkyrie asked worried.

“We heard him talking, but he wasn’t on the phone. It sounded like he was talking to himself. The last time he did that was in war times, with all his episodes, if you get what I mean. He sounded angry, then scared and then he seemed to have an urge to scratch his eyes out. Ghastly and I stopped him in time, but still...no clue what happened. Dexter and Ghastly are with him now, making sure he is not doing it again.”

Valkyrie stared at Anton in shock then she looked at Skulduggery. For a moment he didn’t move a bone, suddenly he turned and started to sprint down the hallways. Valkyrie quickly followed.

Anton was worried and ran after them too. He had no idea what Skulduggery was planning at the moment and he didn’t want Erskin even worse.

‘What is wrong with him, Vile ?!’

‘I am uncertain ! Maybe ask Erskin. I only have a hunch, but I could be wrong entirely, so I will not say it yet !’

‘If it is something dangerous you better spit it out !’

‘If it is what I think it is, no. It is not dangerous to any of us, not even Erskin himself.’

‘List me all possibilities of why he tried to scratch his eyes out !’

‘Panic attack, severe episode, his eyes started to hurt badly, he saw stuff that wasn’t real and scared the shit out of him, he was bored-‘

‘BORED ?! He does that when he is BORED ?!’

‘I mean he has a self destruction disorder. Means he has the urge to mutilate himself from time to time. But as much as I know I made it go away...’

‘How ?!’

‘I don’t know. I healed him one day and there was...something rooted deep inside him...I think I took his disorder away while I healed him. It was hard to pull out, but since then he refused to cut himself too.’

‘What the hell did I do to him....?’

‘Oh, that was not your fault. The development of that disorder was with him since he was 5 years of age. It just fully bloomed after your death. His so called parents made him have that. It was only a matter of time until it would have been triggered.’

Skulduggery stayed silent.

‘It could also be that he went insane for a short moment. As much as I know, Erskin can lose his sanity and go quickly insane. I don’t know why, but he is unstable with his sanity. Also a trait he developed at the age of 6 years. He randomly loses control and doesn’t know what he is doing. It became rare after I left and you returned, but I saw those moments and believe me, they are NOT pretty.’

‘Why didn’t he tell me that ?’

‘Because he was afraid you might cast him away. Or give him to a lab. Most of these things are dark secrets that he would rather take to his grave. As the bond was strong between you two, he started to consider telling you, but the day he wanted to inform you of it, was the day you all had to fight more than usual and you lost your family. He didn’t want to make himself important in a war. The war was more important than having his issues discussed. At least that was what he thought.’

‘By the Ancients...’

‘What am I supposed to say ?! All I could think was a big fat “What the fuck, kid ?!” in my head ! What the actual fuck did his Mother and Stepfather do to him ?!’

“Skulduggery wait !”, Valkyrie yelled after him.

He didn’t hear her, he stopped abruptly in front of room 203 and slammed open the door. There he saw Erskin on his bed, alone, picking on his own skin, while Ghastly was asleep and Vex was reading a book. Ghastly yelped and jumped awake as the door hit the wall loudly, Vex and Erskin flinched and Dexter even dropped his book.

They all stared at Skulduggery with fright.

Skulduggery made quick steps into Erskin’s direction, Erskin started to get smaller and tried to hide himself. All the skeleton detective did was crouch in front of the male and take his hands in his own gloved ones, which shocked everyone in the room, besides Valkyrie.

“What happened ? Are you alright ? Anton told me what happened yesterday. Are you hurt ?”, Skulduggery asked.

Erskin looked at him and then at his own arms. No one knew, but Skulduggery did too and he saw red lines and some peeled away skin.

“Didn’t you say Dexter and Ghastly will watch him, Anton ?”, Skulduggery asked darkly.

“I did.”, he confirmed.

“Tell them next time to do a better job. He has red lines on his skin from his nails and even managed to peel some skin off.”

Ghastly and Dexter stared at Erskin, who didn’t look at them.

“Hey, hey.”, Skulduggery tried to get Erskin’s attention.

He looked at him.

“Use your soul vision. And please tell me what’s wrong.”

Erskin did activate his vision, seeing a worried sick Skulduggery face.

‘He cares...? I thought he...doesn’t like me anymore...’

“What happened, Erskin ? Tell me.”, Skulduggery asked of him.

He licked his dry lips and looked away from everyone.

“N-nothing.”, he got out.

‘He is lying. So either his disorder rooted anew, he went insane or it is the thing I think it is...’, Vile informed Skulduggery.

‘I will not get further like this...’

“Ghastly, Dexter, Anton....get out please. Valkyrie, stay. Maybe he will say something if it is only two people.”, Skulduggery said.

They nodded and left, doubting that he will have any success. Skulduggery made Erskin look at him.

“Tell me what happened ? Panic attack ? An episode ? Nightmare ? Hallucinations ?”

Erskin shook his head to all of the things Skulduggery asked.

“W-water....”

Valkyrie got him a glass of water quickly and gave it to Erskin. He drank it quickly.

“Thanks...”

Valkyrie sat down next to him.

“Please tell us what happened.”, she said.

Erskin sighed and looked again at Skulduggery, then at Valkyrie.

“What I am about to tell you, is NOT to be told to the others, understand ? I will tell them in my own time, I swear I am planning on it, just...not now.”

“Okay.”, Skulduggery said almost instantly.

Valkyrie nodded.

“HE talked to me again and...wanted to come out. I couldn’t let him. No one knows about him yet.”

Both of them were confused.

‘So it was what I was thinking...’

‘What is it ?’

‘Well, to spare you the details, Erskin has three other souls within him. One is called Tormentor, the other one is his Darkside and nameless and then there is...Damion.’

‘Who are Tormentor and Damion ?’

‘Ask Erskin, before I spill the tea.’

“Who is HE ?”, Skulduggery asked carefully.

“Damion.”

“Who and what is Damion ?”

Erskin stayed silent and gave a hard stare to Skulduggery.

“If I tell you, you really have to keep your mouth shut until I’m ready to tell the others.”, Erskin said with seriousness, but also fear.

“We already swore to shut our babble mouths. Spill the beans.”, Skulduggery stated.

“To spare you the entire back story, which I am not yet ready to reveal to anyone, Damion is an Oni soul. How he got to be stuck with me, I will explain when I think I am ready mentally. Damion is a nice soul, no joking. He helped me a lot and gave me courage, but...he wanted me to let him take control of me. I know I can trust him enough to take control for a while, but we weren’t alone and I could have scared Ghastly off, he wanted to come over in a few minutes, so I refused. We argued about it and I knew he found it unfair, so he tried to forcefully take over, he only wanted 5 minutes of control...I started to try and scratch my eyes out, because forceful control HURTS. I wanted the pain to be GONE and I wasn’t thinking for a moment. I swear it was just a stupid accident.”

‘Told you, nothing dangerous. They usually get along very well. I met Damion. He is a very nice guy, just terrifying to look at for the first time.’

“Did that ever happen before ?”, Valkyrie asked.

Erskin shook his head.

“No. But it had been years since he saw the world. He hasn’t been out since the war ended. I understand why he was so angry with me, that I refused him... He barely asks anything of me, but we weren’t alone and if Ghastly would have caught us... I don’t know if he would have still wanted to be near us...”

‘Ask him if Damion still wants to come out.’

“Does he still want to come out ?”, Skulduggery asked.

“Probably. He...doesn’t talk to me right now. He is very...angry with me.”

‘Let him out.’

“Let him out then. It is just Valkyrie and me. I think we’ve seen a lot of messed up things.”

“You have no idea how scary Damion looks like.”

“Well, we will see. Go on.”

Erskin looked at him with worry, but closed his eyes.

‘Damion ?’

‘What do you want ?!’

‘Y-you can come out now. Skulduggery and Valkyrie know about you and want to see you.’

‘Suddenly you let me out, huh ?’

‘Damion the others don’t know about you ! You know, how scary you look for people, who see you for the first time ! I didn’t want to endanger us and I didn’t want to lose our only friends ! We can’t trust everyone with this, you KNOW that !’

Damion was silent and sighed.

‘I...I just wanted to look around a bit again...’

‘Now you can. I’m sorry I refused you access, but you have to understand that I didn’t mean to lock you away. You can come out now.’

Damion nodded and then started to take control.

Skulduggery and Valkyrie waited until Erskin opened his eyes again. When he did, they were a vibrant blood red and the pupils were cat like slits. They stared at Skulduggery. Nobody moved for a moment.

“Hi....?”, Damion asked awkwardly.

“Hello, you must be Damion.”

“Yeah...you might want to step away though... I will get bigger and change my form. Keeping this look is something I CAN’T control for long. It is too uncomfortable and tiny.”

Skulduggery got up and took a few steps back, Valkyrie left too and went to Skulduggery’s side. Damion stood up and they heard bones cracking already.

“Erskin doesn’t feel anything of this, I numb him and take all the pain for him.”, Damion informed.

His legs got longer and his arms did too, his skin color changed, his head and face got a bit bigger, his fingers and hands grew bigger with his torso and his hair changed to a black and red mixture. Soon he was finished and was one to two heads bigger than Skulduggery, which was already a lot...and scary.

“This is much better !”, Damion said relieved.

Damion’s voice was deeper than Erskin’s, his teeth looked normal, until his canine teeth. They looked a bit longer and sharper, like a Vampire’s fangs. It scared Valkyrie. When he looked at them again, his eyes were glowing even redder than they did before.

“Long time since I’ve seen you, Skulduggery. Last time I saw you was when you went on a rampage after your great return from death.”, Damion said with a smile.

Then he looked at Valkyrie and saw her fear.

“Girl, this ain’t my full form yet and you are already scared ? What scares you ? Valkyrie, wasn’t it ? Erskin talked a lot about you. Joined this world with 12 years of age to avenge her murdered Uncle, Gordon Edgley, right ?”, he asked.

She nodded softly, but continued to stare at his mouth. Damion noticed.

“Is it my canine teeth ?”, he asked unimpressed.

She nodded again.

“The Vampire really did a number on you then... What was his name again...Ah, Caelan, right ? The next Vampire that comes to you for love, send them to hell or even better to the devil, got it kiddo ?”

“Y-yeah... Got it...”, she stuttered out.

He nodded.

“Also...Oni teeth are way bigger than this. Just so you know.”

Her eyes widened and she stared at him in shock.

“What ? Never seen a picture of an Oni before ?”, he asked her.

“No...no. Never...”

Damion sighed and searched for Erskin’s phone. When he found it, he went into Google and searched a picture of an Oni, to show her. He found one he deemed passable.

“This is one of a different kind of Oni. Mine are the canine teeth and they will grow straight and not curved up. They will be almost reaching my chin too.”, Damion explained and showed her the picture.

“You have horns too ?”, she asked.

“I do. Though, my ears are pretty normal.”

Damion turned to Skulduggery again and stared at him bored.

“Are you at least decent enough to say ‘Hi’, Vile ? I know that you are a part of this idiot.”

‘Ah shit...’, Vile mumbled.

“He says ‘Hi’.”, Skulduggery said.

Damion mumbled and then turned away.

“You still don’t trust him, so I suppose he didn’t tell you the truth yet. Understandable. You were very unstable when you came back from the Faceless Ones’ Dimension. I give you one to two more years until he deems you ready again.”

“How do you know ?”, Skulduggery asked.

“If you mean about the Faceless Ones and what happened to you....Erskin had a LOT of random panic attacks because of it and he continued to blame himself, for not being faster to grab you and pull you back, when he had the chance. If you meant how I know when Vile will deem you ready again...It has been a while now since you’ve been there and you did miraculous recoveries since you came back. If you keep up the job, you will be ready soon.”

Skulduggery could feel Vile nod his head at that.

‘He is not lying. You do recover pretty well until now.’

“However, I will warn you, because Lord Vile for sure didn’t. When he tells you the truth, you better buckle up. It is...a lot to swallow. You will short circuit no matter what, but the biggest concern that was Vile’s, was how you will deal with that information. What he did, he only did, because he HAD to. He had no other choice. YOU gave him no other choice.”, Damion warned.

“Was it because of Erskin ?”, Valkyrie asked him.

Damion shook his head.

“Erskin was ONE of the many reasons, yes, but not the main one. Surprisingly not the main one.”, he answered.

“There were more...?”, Skulduggery asked.

Damion looked at him again, with a grim face.

“A lot more. When he tells you, he will break open a dam and a flood of memories will hit you, that you have forgotten, were manipulated by Vile, or even some that he took away from you. They will all come at you as soon as he tells you everything. THEN you will understand why he did what he did.”

‘Oh dear...He is leaking too much already...’

“Vile tells you to shut up.”, Skulduggery informed.

“Of course he does. He thinks I am leaking too much information to you, but I am just warning you and preparing you, that the truth won’t be easy, for you, to swallow.”

Damion looked at the clock and sighed.

“Ah...my time is up. See you around.”, he told them.

He shrunk and changed back into Erskin’s body. Then his eyes went from red, back to Erskin’s normal eye color. He blinked a few times and then sat back down.

“How was he ?”, he asked Skulduggery and Valkyrie.

“Very nice, formal, informative, considerate and charming.”, Skulduggery answered.

“So he was on good behavior like always... That’s good...”, he sighed in relief.

“Did you doubt him ?”, Valkyrie asked.

“No, no. But he tends to forget to be careful when he transforms. He once did it in front of Lord Vile, changed into his full form without thinking. Scared the shit out of the poor guy. You should have seen him, the ever fearless Lord Vile, jumped back in fright and was frozen in place, unsure of what to do. I swear he was close to fainting...oh wait...he DID faint. He fell over and was on his back on the floor, passed out from terror.”, Erskin chuckled.

A part of Vile came out of Skulduggery at that.

“Well I’m sorry ?! He was one tall Motherfucker ! The cracking of bones, the growing with his damn limbs, the changing and then the damn FACE ?! How was I supposed to react ?! You said he looks scary, but not terrifying enough to make me shit my pants !”, Vile whisper shouted in his defense.

Erskin snorted at that and then fell on the floor howling in laughter, rolling around on the floor.

“WHAT ?!”, Vile whisper shouted.

“ ‘BUT NOT TERRIFYING ENOUGH TO MAKE ME SHIT MY PANTS !’ HAHAHAHA !!! YOU JUST ADMITTED THAT YOU WOULD HAVE SHAT YOURSELF IF YOU WOULD HAVE HAD A HUMAN BODY ! AHAHAHAHAHA !!!”, Erskin howled out in laughter.

“SO WHAT ?! THIS IS NOT FUNNY ! THAT TALL BITCH SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME !”

Erskin continued to howl in laughter and to roll around on the floor. He couldn’t stop laughing. Valkyrie smiled and Skulduggery was amused. Lord Vile crossed his arms and looked away, pouting.

“Fuck you, Erskin.”, Vile whispered out.

The doorknob moved and Vile quickly went back into Skulduggery. The door opened and in looked Ghastly.

“Is he better now ?”, he asked.

Erskin heaved for breath and still wheezed on the floor. Skulduggery pointed at Erskin.

“Does he still look depressed to you ? He just had the loudest laughing fit, since the war had started, which, mind you, has been a LONG time ago.”, he asked Ghastly.

“What did you tell him ?”, he asked Skulduggery.

“Oh I didn’t tell him anything. We talked and I said something that triggered him to howl in laughter. I will NOT say what it was.”, Skulduggery lied.

Erskin soon calmed down, but stayed laying on the floor.

“Erskin, because it has a lot to do with...me and my family’s end in the war...do you want the others to join in and swallow the information, or do you want us to be alone, to talk it out ?”, Skulduggery asked.

Erskin looked at him with big eyes and gulped.

“Uh....I think everyone should know. They pretty much know almost everything anyways...”, he answered and looked away.

Skulduggery nodded.

“Don’t forget your soul vision.”, he reminded Erskin.

“Do you think everyone should see your expressions ?”, Erskin asked softly.

“CAN you do that ?”

“I mean, everyone has sunglasses. I can transfer my ability into them for as long as I want, with that, anyone who wears it, can see what I see.”

Skulduggery nodded.

“Do you WANT them to see ?”

“I think it would be better for all of us, when we all can see what you feel.”

“Well then... Ghastly ? Get the others and tell them to bring their sun glasses or glasses that they wear.”

“Alright.”, Ghastly replied and then left.

“Am I in trouble ?”, Erskin asked Skulduggery.

“No. You are not in any trouble at all, Erskin.”, he calmed him down.

Erskin looked at Valkyrie.

“Did you tell him ?”

She shook her head.

“I didn’t. I only told him about your Soul Vision.”

Skulduggery pretended to be dumb.

“Tell me what ?”, he asked them.

Erskin looked away.

“Nothing.”, he replied.

Skulduggery was silent and together they waited.

“Valkyrie, do you have sun glasses ?”, Skulduggery asked her.

“No...”

Skulduggery pulled his own out from his pocket. They were only used for disguises, when he didn’t have the sigils in his shoulder blades, that gave him a façade now. He gave them to her.

“Thank you...”

“No problem. But I want them back.”, he replied.

She hummed.

They didn’t wait longer than 10 minutes. Everyone piled inside from the rest of The Dead Men, all of them having sunglasses in their hands.

“Now what are the sunglasses for ?”, Anton asked.

“And what is a soul vision ?”, Ghastly asked.

“A soul....what ?”, Saracen asked confused.

“Erskin has that. I have no idea what it is, but he can transfer his ability on our sunglasses and with that we are supposed to see something on Skulduggery.”, Ghastly explained shortly.

Erskin grew nervous, Skulduggery noticed.

“Erskin is bad in explaining it, so allow me...”, Skulduggery started.

They all looked at him.

“Basically he is able to still see me. Like, he can still see what I looked like as I was ALIVE. That is my soul. I think he sees my skeleton, but with his vision he also sees a transparent version of my past alive looks around it.”, Skulduggery shortly explained.

The rest of the former Team stared at him and Erskin.

“I can also see the soul’s color. Skulduggery’s is orange. I didn’t find out what the colors mean though. Not yet at least...”, Erskin meekly added.

There was a long silence, until Dexter Vex broke it.

“That sounds awesome ! So we give you our glasses and we can see him too ?!”, he asked excited.

“That is the plan, yeah. I never did it before, but I know that I should be able to pull it off.”, Erskin confirmed.

Dexter quickly approached and gave him his glasses. Erskin took them and he concentrated. A green glow left his hand and then he gave them back to Dexter.

“Put them on and try to look if it works.”, Erskin said.

Dexter did and his eyes widened.

“Cool ! Erskin, your soul is glowing in rainbow colors !”, Dexter exclaimed.

Then he turned to Valkyrie and Skulduggery.

“AWESOME ! I see Skulduggery’s transparent alive self ! He is indeed orange... And Valkyrie is a dark blue with black dots !”

Erskine was the next one and he was in utter awe.

“This is so cool... Guys you really have to see this !”, Erskine told them.

And with that the others gave Erskin their sunglasses too. Anton was first, then Saracen, then Ghastly and then Valkyrie. They were all in awe at the colors and Skulduggery’s transparent human soul form.

Ghastly was the first one, to notice that Skulduggery was a bit uneasy though.

“Now I suggest we all sit down. Erskin, per request by me, decided that you all know about this, what we are going to talk about right now. So better get ready, because this was for me a shocker and I doubt that it won’t be one for you.”, Skulduggery warned.

Their excitement died down and they get serious, sitting down so they can see Skulduggery’s face at all times. They were ready to listen. Skulduggery did a fake deep breath. Erskin got very nervous.

Masterlist HERE !

[garlic-the-gnome]

Bite The Throat

Strange Aeons LotR crackfic

Twas the year 2015 and Frodo “The Skull” Baggins was in the bathroom dying his hair to be eboney black. After his parents had died in a beetroot farming accident he’d gone goth. Sadness and death were his new parents. Frodo was currently wearing a black nightgown draped over his shoulders so he didn’t dye his skin. He flicked his wet dye soaked hair off his forehead as the bathroom door opened. 

In walked his boyfriend Sam the Killer. Sam was 4 feet tall and wearing black skinny jeans, a MCR band shirt with the sleeves cut off over a long sleeve black mesh shirt. Many gothic tattoos could be seen through the mesh but the most eye-catching was Sam’s teardrop tattoo underneath his eye.

Hey Babey, said Sam. They pashed passionantley. Gloopy dye smushing into Sam. The Skull pulled away from Sam’s embrace, his dark orbs penetrating into his sole with sadness and despair. I need ta wash this shit out first, sorry babette, The Skull dropped his silk lace black nightgown to the ground and stepped into his ice cold shower, but his soul was colder. Sam’s eyes eyed The Skull’s shredded torso as he bathed underneath the stream of water. The Skull had a massive tattoo covering his back, it was like angel wings but instead of feather it was bones (authors note: pretty goff right).

Once The Skull’s hair was pitch blak and clean they began passionantye making out again. They went to their gothic bedroom with had dark purple walls covered in goff band posters and a black lacey blanket and a black shaggy carpet in the shape of a skull. They went on the bed and did you know what (an: im not a perv okay!!!!)

The next morning they awoke to a loud knocking outside their bedroom. They hastily pulled the quilt up to cover their bodies, their small heads peaking out of the top of the bed.

In walked Strange. Strange was also a hobbit who was gothic. She had met The Skull and Sam at an goth band concert that was held in The Shire. Strange has short gothic hair and a skull chain around her neck and big boots that made her taller than the other hobbits. Gandalf was also there, towering over Strange. He was no longer known as Gandalf the Grey but Gandalf the goth. He had a long balk robe with a slit up the side showing off his pale with smooth skin, covered in satanic symbols. His big hat was now replaced with an emo beanie and his long fringe poked out of it covering one of his eyes. 

Get up losers, he yelled at The Skul and Sam. The two jumped out of bed, exposing themselves to Strange and Gandalf whose eyes were offended by the ripped hobbit that was The Skull. The naked hobbits were soon clothed in the closest cool clothes.

The all sat down for first breakfast at the table. Gandalf explained while sipping on a goblet of blood that they needed to travel across middle earth and defeet the head prep, Golum, who’d been gathering an army of preps and posers to take down the goffic haven of The Shire. As they ate their black pancakes and blackberries they agreeded with Gandalf and the four woud travel to go defeat Golum and his army.

They packed their favourite band shirts, some drugs and their mp3 player and left the shire with their satchels covered in gothic patches. The other hobbits made pentagons with the hands and flipped them off as they left the Shire.

@strange-aeons

[the-ghost-of-a-spirit]

Reading Sp

Book 1 part 5

Last part (of book 1)

Gordon was eating chocolate in the caves, of course he was

How come skul is calling Val Stephanie?

of course he had to go and attack Serpine.

HE WAS ON FIRE, BUT HES FINE?

Skug annoyed the elders (again, because he’s skug)

“We’re dealing facing an unimaginable crisis and I’m dealing with 4 year olds”

allies from the cold? Exiles? Hang on, what’s happening, like, I feel like I’m forgetting something but, exiled people? If one of them comes back they will be overrun? Who are they. It isn’t vengeous, and mevolents dead, and everyone else is not important/dead/probably also imprisoned

“Skulduggery had not met anyone who cannot be killed” this is a lie, as I don’t think he can kill gog Magog, also probably others that I’ve forgotten.

“Don’t worry, we all are going to die horribly anyway”

Did the book just prove my theory that skug being the child of the ancients and malice’s enemy wrong? Yes, it did, but I’m keeping my thought anyway

bliss thinks skug is dangerous, skug thinks bliss is scary

“Skulduggery Pleasant has always had one weakness - he forms attachments to people who are very easily killed”

he sent someone to cloud skulduggery’s judgment, but who?

Tanith can but her hand over a lock and unlock it, buts she’s also a wall-walker, thus she might be magically ambidextrous

Tanith has an older brother. She said she has no younger sister, but come on, Val is practically her younger sister.

“sKuLdUgErY, sHe’S nOt bEiNg pRoFeSSioNaL” like skulduggery is more professional.

Val and Tanith are laughing their head of and ghastly and skug are just like 😔 Tanith did another piece of magic

also, they’re fighting the white cleaver now. Ghastly will be statue-d soon.

IT HAPPENED ON THE NEXT PAGE GHASTLYS A STATUE I KNOW HE COMES BACK BUT STILL. HES A STATUE AND THATS SAD

THE NEXT CHAPTER IS CALLED “THE LAST STAND OF…” LIKE TLSODM EXCEPT THE FIRST WORDS ARE EACHAN MERITORIUS SO ITS LIKE “THE LAST STAND OF EACHAN MERATORIUS” (also I don’t know how to spell his name and I’m not bothered)

and tomes a traitor too 🙃

“Never give up, never surrender” this phrase is sticking out for some reason, and it’s irritating.

“of course I’m right, I’m me” and there is that ego of his.

WAIT THE ELDERS ARE DEAD HUH I KNOW THIS HAPPENED, BUT WHAT.

Tanith is being mean to skug. That is bad, she brought up his wife and child. Skug being quiet. There are things happening, skug is saying big things, I am also hungry, but I want to finish the book first (this is all on pg319, so I can find it later)

Serpine is after the book of names.

Skulduggery always calls Serpine “Neferian” which is interesting…

Skug said Serpine and big ears

“You can’t kill what’s already dead” okay, but think about this in the context of Skulduggery.

WAIT SERPINE DID THE WHITE CLEAVER THING TO HIMSELF?

Skug got the book of name’s destroyed.

Skulduggery arrests Serpine partly for littering. And murder, attempted murder and conspiracy to commit murder, but also littering.

And I’m done, I have reread all of book 1, now I’m going to have lunch.

[cryptid-in-your-closet]

Unpacking Pt.2 Trace

Jake may have not gone about making friends with Natashia Trace how he should have but it didn’t matter in the end. 

Jake had never been good at making friends, Javy tells him he needs to be less blunt with his critiques of others, so it’s not too surprising when the class of soon-to-be aviators goes out for drinks and no one seems all that interested in talking to Jake. Normally he’d pull one of them into a game of pool or darts, cards even if he was desperate, and draw the room’s attention to him, but he was not quite feeling up to his usual showboating today. Instead, he slides up to the bar where one of the two women in his cohort is ordering herself a drink. 

Before she can pay he hands over his card, “I’ll get that for you.”

She scowls at him, “I’m not sleeping with you.”

“I wasn’t trying to get into bed with you Trace.”

She frowns and her eyebrows draw together, “why buy me a drink then?”

“Look around for a moment and tell me how kindly you think most of these guys would take to a guy talking them up?” 

“So you’re trying with the person most likely to knee you in the balls?” 

Jake had seen her pull that very move on one of their fellow cohorts after entering her personal space after it had been made clear he was not welcome. It had looked like it hurt but Jake was of the mind the other man had deserved it. 

“Sure. You can frame it like that.” 

She shakes her head at him, “you’re an idiot.” 

“I take offense to that.” 

“That was the intent.”

Their friendship takes off from there. 

The two of them are equally snarky, though Trace tends to be more subtle about it. Jake is pretty sure he’s the only person who can tease her for being one of the only women in the class without getting his body dumped in the Pacific never to be found. Trace seems to be more amused and entertained by him than friendly but Jake will take it over having no one to bitch to during or after class. 

They’ve nearly reached the end of the course, and both he and Trace have gained popularity with the instructors, if not their classmates, and of course, that's when Jake’s secret comes out. They have a guest instructor for the day, and at first, Jake doesn’t recognize him, but then he asks one simple question and Jake can’t keep his mouth shut. 

“Seresin? Any relation to Racheal Seresin?”

Jake doesn’t flinch at his dead name. He doesn’t, but internally he shrivels up and screams. It’s clear now that the guest instructor met him during his transition at the academy. 

“You’re looking at him, sir.”

Well shit. 

Jake can feel the confusion of his classmates and Trace has stiffened next to him. The guest instructor squints at him before nodding. 

“My bad.” 

They move on but it’s clear that he’s getting looks from the rest of the class. He knows what's coming when they’re dismissed so he drags his feet and collects his stuff as slowly as he can get away with. 

“Hurry up, jackass,” looking up from where he’s dragging his feet Jake sees Trace waiting for him, tapping her foot impatiently, “you and I are getting drinks.” 

Jake isn’t quite sure how to take that, is Trace just ignoring it?

“What?”

She arches a perfect eyebrow and grabs his things for him, marching to the exit. Jake has no choice but to follow. They pass their classmates on the way out to the parking lot. They give Jake the side eye, but at least they don’t ask questions, not when Trace is walking with enough authority to make the president step out of her way.

 “You driving or am I?” Trace asks as if it’s a normal day and she didn’t just find out Jake hadn’t exactly been transparent with her. 

“You can drive.”

Getting into Trace’s car he felt like he was stepping back in time. Were all his important conversations going to happen in cars? 

“So,” Jake let the word hang in the air.

“So?”

“Are we talking about it or are you just ignoring it because it makes you uncomfortable?” 

Trace shakes her head with a disappointed air, keeping her eyes focused on the road, “every time I think you’ve finally got a brain in that thick skull of yours you prove me wrong.”

“Hey! What does that even mean in this situation?”

“Jake, you’re my friend. I don’t care about it. It doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable, I just wish you’d been able to choose when you got to tell me.” 

Jake felt like someone slapped him with the way his eyes were suddenly stinging. 

‘You’re my friend’

How he’d managed to trick another person into genuinely being his friend Jake didn’t know. Getting people to like him, to stand him, wasn’t hard, making friends though—

Well, Javy would be proud to hear he’d made one on his own. 

“So you really don’t care that I was born female?”

Trace sighed, “get it through your thick head, Seresin, I care about you and your being trans has no effect on that. Also, I’m not an expert, but gender is a pretty made-up concept, and being assigned female at birth doesn’t mean you are, y’know, a woman. I would think you’d be the one to know that though.”

Jake forced a pout, resisting the urge to grin, “are you telling the trans person how to be trans? That’s kinda problematic Trace.”

Trace wacks his arm, “you are a shithead.”

Jake can’t stop himself from smiling. He doesn’t stop smiling for the rest of the night. He might have to deal with a few comments in the locker room and awkward questions or blatant transphobia over the last week of the aviator program but he doesn’t mind, none of their opinions matter to him. 

-

A/N: If you’re reading this, thank you! This is probably going to continue to come out slowly as I’m still writing. 

Want to make it clear that this is in no way an accurate depiction of the US military as trans people couldn’t join for a long time and are pretty strongly discriminated against in such an environment. This is my fictional brain world tho so I get to say transphobia exists, bc relatability and characterization, but the US military’s standards for who can be a part of their ranks has been thrown out the window. 

For the people who voted for this one here you go: @strawberryspittz @lemons2llamas @kinkyslytherinking

[pt1] 

[rrickgrrimes8]

Normality is Death

Chapter Six ~ The Graves

masterlist

"I thought I had lost you, you know?" Jacey whispers breaking the eerie silence between the two, she knew that Addie was mad at her but at least arguing would be better than the deafening quiet, "I thought I'd never see you again."

Addie looked at her and sighed not saying a word, "It felt like my whole world came crashing down when I saw them take you away from me. I know we're not on good terms at the moment but I can never lose you, no matter what." She looked to her again feeling an intense urge to kiss her. "I-I sat there for hours, just waiting. Waiting for you to just appear like you would and be okay. But after a while I feared you never would," Jacey smiled, "but I guess you never seemed to disappoint."

Addie smiled at this looking deeply at the girl's piercing blue eyes, "Why didn't you go with them, Jacey? They are your family after all." "You know why," She mumbled distantly as they wandered through the trail edging closer back to their home. "No, I don't. And even if I did I couldn't understand what would be so important you could throw them away," Upon seeing that Jacey continued to walk away Addie grabbed her hand softly, "Talk to me, love."

"Don't call me that, Addie. You made it more than clear that you want nothing to do with me," She spat bitterly. Addie stepped back, cowering away from the girl. She wanted to be angry that Jacey had said that to her but Addie had to admit that she was right although she didn't mean a word Jacey had said to her. "I'm sorry, Jacey," Addie mumbled attempting to meet her eyes but finding that that was the last thing she wanted. "Then why did you do it?" before Addie could answer an unmistakable scream sounded from across the hill, from if Addie's mapping skills were anything to go by was her families camp.

With a unique sense of urgency that came all to familiar to Addie, she released Jacey's hand and before she could stop herself said, "That's the way to their camp." The 'their' in question quickly resonated in Jacey's mind as her father's camp. Pouncing with her right foot forward in the direction of the chaos, Jacey gripped her bag tightly, offering no farewell for the girl she felt so strongly for.

"Go back to camp, tell Mitchell where I am," She ordered her. Addie shouted back to her as Jacey was running further and further away by each moment that progressed, "Be careful, Grimes. I love you." Jacey turned her head slightly offering an acute smile, "Stop acting like your never going to see me again," Addie sighed, "Oh and I love you too!" Jacey soon disappeared off into the opposite direction leaving Addie to walk towards her home, content with everything.

~

Jacey turned the corner unravelling the scene laid out in front of her. She passed a bloodied tent overflowed with biters and gulped just knowing that there had to have been a person inside there - she just hoped it wasn't her family.

The brunette snuck into the camp, eyeing a body lying hopelessly on the floor blood spewing out of her many wounds, a young blonde girl, older then Jacey but still young enough for someone to be angry at this world for doing it to her. Sat beside her was another blonde, Jacey pointed out to herself the similarities between them and assumed that they were siblings, which made her feel even worse. Drawing her attention away from the two girls was the screams of a little girl, she was blonde too - they haven't got a shortage of blondes in this camp do they she thought to herself suppressing a smile. She approached the girl quickly realising the familiarity of which that she had met her that night before she was left, the child of the nice lady with the cookies.

Jacey grabbed her hand pulling her away from the dead that was clambering after her, "Hey it's okay just follow me okay?" The child looks at her confused about who she was and where she came from but nodded and let her pull her along and towards the RV. "Sophia! Sophia! Please, baby, where are you?!" Jacey heard and searched trying to match the voice to a face. She soon did as did the girl, Sophia, and barrelled towards her. "Oh my baby, my baby," the short-haired cookie lady wrapped her dainty arms around the girl sweeping her off her feet before turning to her daughter's saviour, "You're..." Jacey didn't let the woman finish before ushing her towards the RV where she noticed most of the group was congregated, "Go, you'll be safe with them." And without a word, Jacey crept away grabbing her machete from her belt and planting it into the skull of one of the many biters that roamed the area. She watched the mother and daughter return to their group, the mother's mouth ajar and shocked to see the girl, who everyone was so adamant was dead.

Not long after the young girl, still in search of her long lost family, stumbled upon the familiar face of her mother. She was being cornered by one of those things as was Carl who had his tiny arms curled around her torso. Jacey stalked behind the biter undetected by all of them and unleashed her strength through her weapon, slicing through the monsters head. Lori watched in shock holding Carl to her chest even tighter, not letting him watch as the walker split in two, uncovering her dead daughter.

"J-Jacey," The woman cries inaudibly. Carl closes his eyes tighter thinking that perhaps his sister was one of the dead overthrowing his home. "Go to the RV, find dad and Shane," The woman remained unmoving paralysed by the idea her daughter was alive and breathing in front of her, "Now!"

Lori jumped at her tone and thought about lecturing her about it right then and there but soon realised it was an inappropriate scene. "And do me a favour, mom?" She nodded, "Don't tell dad." Lori didn't wait for an explanation before nodding and grabbing ahold of Carl's arm attempting to pull him away but felt that his feet were grounded into the dirt, "Carl, baby lets go," she pleaded, eyeing the nearing walkers. "No, I don't want to leave her! I don't want her to go again!" Carl sobbed trying to claw his way out of his mother's grip. Jacey looked at her little brother, getting the feeling that haunts her on most nights, the feeling of pure unimaginable grief.

No words were spoken between the family, except for Carl's cries, as Lori pulled him away and towards the rest of the group. The older woman turned the corner getting greeted by her concerned husband, "Lori! Carl! Thank god." Lori remained wordless still holding her wailing son, "Are you okay? Are you hurt?" She shook her head looking back in the direction she came from and then back to Rick. "Mom t-take me back please," Carl shrieked once again. Rick looked to his son confused as to why he was in such a state but was interrupted as Shane and the others returned guns blazing. Shane made eye contact with him and threw him his Colt Python, Rick catching without any difficulty, trying to ignore the look of guilt Shane's eyes held, that matched the ones in his wife's.

Shaking off the feeling, Rick reloaded his gun and started to fire at the dead hitting them straight on target every time, while Shane marched towards the distressed mother and son. "J-Jacey," Lori began catching Shane's attention immediately, "S-she was here." Shane could almost smile if not for the complete and utter anarchy that was happening around him - she came back to her family just like he knew she would. "I know, Lori but right now you need to get Carl inside he's drawing more of them over here, alright?" Despite Lori's shock at his response, she nodded and pulled Carl into the vehicle.

Catching up to Rick quickly, the two police officers fought against the monster's, side by side, Shane looking thoroughly for any sight of his godchild. Jacey watched from a distance firing off perfectly positioned bullets to the attackers, careful not to misfire on any humans. She observed her father closely unable to hide the excitement she felt knowing he was, in fact, alive. The excitement, however, didn't stop the fear of how he would react to her coming back and worry about what she would do afterwards, whether to stay with her family or reunite with Addie.

Anxiety coursed through her veins as she exited out of the woods and into the main part of the camp casually searching for any more biters. Rick along with Glenn and Shane finished off the remaining walkers attempting to catch their breath as they did. Glenn couldn't help but to send cautious glances to Rick wondering if he knew yet or if he was to ever find out. Rick noticed this, however, and asked, "You okay, Glenn?" "F-fine," He stuttered, unable to meet his eyes. The officer merely nodded in confusion and walked over to the RV where everyone had come back out. Andrea remained on the floor cradling the dying body of her sister that would soon turn, while everyone shot looks of pity at her.

As Rick approached he was surprised to see Carl had calmed down finally and was sitting silently next to his mother. The younger boy looked up at the sound of footsteps and ran to meet his father, "Dad!" Rick caught him bringing him into a much-needed hug, "I saw her dad. She's here." He looked down at his child disoriented, "Who is bud?" "J-" "No one, Rick, ignore him. He's just tired," Lori intervened earning a doubtful glance from Rick.

"No you're lying she was there. Mom you saw her too I know you did!" He snapped the anger overcoming him, he just wanted his sister back. "Hey, it's okay, Carl. Who was here?" He crouched down to his son, ignoring the lingering presence of his wife. "Jac-" He attempted but was interrupted by a hoarse voice shouting, "Walker!" Rick stood up straight and snapped around to the voice. Stood merely 10 feet from the group was a limping, grotesque walker ready to kill them all. The man brought his revolver out of his holster and aimed it straight ahead, ready to pull the trigger.

But before he could do so a gunshot cut him off, which penetrated through the walkers' skull adequately. Rick kept his gun up unsure of where the gunshot came from and who shot it as did the other armed people in the camp. The corpse fell to the ground slowly uncovering the small frame of a 14-year-old girl. "Jacey!" Carl roared, pushing past everyone and throwing himself into his sister's arms, almost knocking them both down. "J-Jacey," Rick whispered dropping his gun carelessly before sprinting towards the girl much as Carl did moments before. The man stopped a few feet in front of her examining her hoping this wasn't just a figment of his imagination caused by the trauma and exhaustion from the attack.

"Daddy?" she sniffled, letting the tears fall from her bright blue eyes. "Angel," the father said, before enveloping her into a tight embrace. The girl clung to her father, crying into his chest as he did the same into her hair, while Carl continued to hug the two.

"You're here, you're alive. They said you died," He pulled back slightly, still keeping her in his arms, looking over at Shane and Lori who wore a look of gut-wrenching guilt. "They thought I had and I mean I gave them enough reason for them to come to that conclusion," she smiled looking over her father's shoulder at the man who had saved her so many times, to which he happily returned. "Where have you been?" "That's not important for now we need to make sure everyone's okay," Rick looked at his daughter looking past the blood and mud that caked her face and into her eyes that seemed so aged since he last saw her, too old for someone her age.

"She's right," Shane spoke from behind him, "We've got to clean this place up if we're thinking of surviving another night." Others nodded at his statement as Rick brought his two children back to the RV. He smiled to himself happily at the idea of two children and finally getting his angel back.

"Amy. I don't know what to do, Amy. Oh, Amy. Oh no no," Andrea sobbed into the crook of her neck as she saw the lack of gargled breaths Amy was taking. One of the blondes, Amy, looked to her sister, crying harshly, and brought her frail hand to her cheek as if saying goodbye without the words and shut her eyes taking her final rest. "Amy! Amy! Amy!" Andrea wailed shaking the now dead body of her sister. Carl gripped onto Jacey's hand whimpering softly at the death of his friend.

Jacey looked down to the boy before wrapping her arms around him kissing his forehead gently, "It's okay, squirt," she looked around the group of traumatised faces, "everything's going to be okay."

"I remember my dream now," An older, pale man said to the group, "why I dug the holes."

[skultrashfics]

A Common Cold

So I lied, I am posting again starting today! XD  I have a cold and always want comfort when I am not well, so I definitely wrote this as a self satisfaction kind of thing >w< 

Pairing: Dead Men x Sick!Reader Word Count: 1,497 Themes: Cold, Being Looked After, SFW, Fluff 

You had bought that box of tissues merely as a precaution. The weather was getting colder and you always were susceptible to catching the first wave of the common cold. Now here you were, a headache throbbing in your temples and the itchiest of sensations tickling your nose. It already felt sore from how many times you had had to blow it and that box of tissues was already practically empty. You groaned as you rolled over in bed, kicking off your blanket as a wave of heat flowed over your body. Hearing your distress, Anton Shudder opened your bedroom door and a frown furrowed his brow, “Are you alright y/n? You’ve been in bed all morning. That’s not like you”. You met his eyes with a soft pout on your face. From the appearance of your scruffy hair and the ever increasing bundle of used tissues he deduced quite quickly that you had fallen ill. A soft sigh left his lips and he nodded, “Right then, I will call for backup”. As quickly as he came Shudder left and you smiled to yourself, you could always rely on your friends to look after you.  

Erskine Ravel peeped his head round the doorframe and was met with your sleeping form, a soft smirk crept onto his face as he gently walked into the room and placed a hot toddy on the bedside table. He sat on the edge of the bed and lightly tapped what he assumed was your shoulder under the blanket, “Sorry to disturb you, but this one is better to drink when it is hot my dear”. A small mumble came from the mound under the covers. Ravel leaned down closer to you, “What was that? I didn’t quite catch it”, he uncovered your face and chuckled running his thumb along your cheek, “Come now… try and sit up”. You squinted at the light as you followed his grasp on your chin and were directed upright. Blinking yourself awake you stretched out leaning your face into his hand further, “Drink? What drink?”. Ravel noted your hazy demeanor and couldn’t help laughing charmingly, “Just beside you on the table”. You lit up as you realised he had made you his famous mystical cold curing hot toddy, just the scent of the whiskey and lemon was helping to clear your sinuses. He moved his hand as you reached over to take the mug and watched you happily inhale the vapours coming from the beverage before taking a sip. It immediately warmed and relaxed your body while simultaneously soothing your throat, “That is amazing… thank you Erskine”. He nodded appreciatively before standing up again, “I will leave you to relax now, get better soon”. With a final flourish and a soft kiss on the cheek Ravel left the room closing the door behind him. 

After watching some Youtube and finishing your drink, you were starting to feel sleepy again but the lack of heat after such a hot beverage was making you shiver. You nestled into your blanket only to half jump out of it again as your door slammed open. “Ah SHIT!”, you heard Saracen stumbling over himself and grappling with the door. Gazing over at him you could see by the rosiness of his cheeks that he had also had a hot toddy, or two. Giggling you shook your head at him, “Saracen Rue, you are disrupting my beauty sleep”. Closing the door behind him Saracen laughed, “Oh please, we both know that neither of us needs ‘beauty sleep’ just look at us!”. He slumped down onto your bed and frowned softly, “You feeling any better?”. You shrugged your shoulders in response, “I’m feeling tired again… but I’m a little cold now…”, you had only just realised that your shoulders were shaking. Saracen noticed too and scooted up beside you, he spread out his arms and lay back, “Then I shall be your personal heater mademoiselle. Please take all the time you need, free of charge”. You laughed at him, but nestled into the crook of his arm anyway, “I have to admit, you are so much more cuddly now”. Saracen raised his eyebrow at this, “I keep getting that a lot lately… But I’m glad I can keep the ladies comfortable”, he added with a chuckle. Saracen readjusted your blanket and made sure you were wrapped up tight. “There we go, is that warmer love?”, he asked looking down at you but alas you had already fallen asleep. 

You woke up a couple of hours later to the sound of Skulduggery lecturing Saracen, “Why do I always find you in someone’s bed, Saracen?”. “Well I guess I am just too lovable for people to resist me. Besides, she said she was cold”. “And your response was to get in bed with her, real mature”. You started laughing and Saracen noticed you jiggling in his arms, “There see? Even y/n thinks you are overreacting”. You yawned and sat up smiling at Skulduggery, “Don’t worry Skul, I’m not pretty enough for Saracen to try anything like that…”.

At this Skulduggery tilted his head, “You’re plenty pretty, even when you are sick. But I needed Saracen to help me with a case and this is where I find him”. As his face did not display his annoyance his tone very directly conveyed it, “Leave the poor girl alone, we need to leave as soon as possible”. With great hesitation Saracen freed you from his bear hug, not before planting a kiss on your head, and made his way out of the room with Skulduggery. “See you soon y/n, hope you feel better”, he called out as he was dragged away by the collar of his shirt. You smiled and waved from your bed and once you were left alone you looked around, “Now what am I going to do with myself?”, you questioned aloud. 

As though he heard your call, Dexter Vex strolled into your room with a bottle of Lucozade and a couple of DVD’s. “Sounds like you might be happy to see me then”, he grinned waving around his gifts. 

A couple of bad movies later you and Dexter were having the best time building a blanket fort in your room. You had so many now that it was almost as though you were collecting the foundations for such a project. “Hey Dexter, could you pass me the pillows now?”, you called out from inside the impressive structure. “Sure thing”, he yelled back before throwing pillow after pillow into the fort. You laughed loudly as he practically buried you in pillows, “Stop stop! What if the fort falls down?”. He laughed more and poked his head through the makeshift door, “Well I've run out of pillows now so I don’t think that will happen”. You cuddled one of the pillows and sighed, “I didn’t realise I had so many”. Dexter joined you in the fort and smiled pulling you into a hug, “Yeah, this one is pretty big too! And heavy”, he groaned rolling over with you in his grasp. You squealed and wriggled in his grip, “I am not that heavy!”. Dexter laughed and blew raspberries onto your cheek, causing you to laugh and squirm about even more, “Eww stooop!”, you cried out in between your giggles. Someone suddenly clearing their throat made you both stop in surprise, you made your way to the entrance of the fort to see Ghastly standing there with a tray. He glanced down at you with a knowing look on his face, “I figured you would be hungry by now so I made some ramen- since I know you don’t like soup that much”. You smiled brightly and nodded, “Thank you that was really thoughtful Ghastly”. He placed the tray on the floor in front of you and you saw two bowls, “Dexter he made some for you too!”. This quickly caught his attention and Dexter made his way to the front of the fort beside you. Ghastly had turned on the fairy lights in your room as it was starting to get a little dark. The ramen looked amazing and you could guess that it smelled just as good. Then your door opened once more and the rest of the Dead Men came in to join you. They each had a bowl of steaming ramen, apart from Skulduggery who only carried a book. You all ate and listened intently as the men recounted the events of their day once they had left you. It was a wonderful way to spend the evening, the warmth of the light, the food and your friends helping you feel better. Everything felt perfect, until Saracen let out a sudden sneeze. Everyone in the room turned to look at him and he met their gazes with a wide eyed stare, “I-I’m fine... don’t worry”. You laughed softly, “Saracen are you su-” he sneezed again loudly and sighed, “Damn it”.

[mooncactus]

Tou posted about derek and laura but support valdug? no offence but genuinely curious on your thought process here? You call her disgusting for posting that to her followers, that she met with derek at 18 and got together 6 months later but support val and skul when skul met val when she was younger than laura. Again no offence here just want to know your thoughts

im going to take this as totally genuine/you don’t seem like a jerk.

first off, Laura is also a valdug who had posted raunchier fic than I have, so, glass houses, stones, etc, lmao.

secondly please for the love of god know if I had entered the fandom now, at 25, and saw Derek the way I do now, not as an adoring 16 year old, I would not be a valdug. the way we talk about shipping has changed, the way we have to factor in creator .... preferences has changed. I have been in this fandom for ten years (cryptkeeper.gif) and I’ve made valdug friends who have flown across the planet to see me, I would not trade those memories and experiences for anything which is why I am still a valdug.

I don’t like that val is a teenager in so much of the canon for this “ship”. that holds 0 appeal to me and I love AUs that skip that whole thing. if it was me trying to make valdug canon I would scrap that entire thing and start val as a mid twenties post university student struggling with what to do with her life. would be great to magically change it so it’s more palpable to me, but I mean... it wasn’t intended as a romance.

I don’t want canon valdug. I loved TDOTL’s ending where we could all just pretend it went however we want. I don’t trust Derek and I don’t want him to be making those calls.

there are no minors in my discord and I make as much effort as I can to not be a bad influence in this way.

I make myself loud about age gaps whenever they arise bc that’s my responsibility AS someone who ships valdug, to be like HEY, 400 YR OLD SKELETONS =/= THAT OLDER GUY WHO KEEPS HITTING ON YOU. it’s also why I am trying really hard to switch my valdug consumption to 100+ year old Valkyrie. the more fantasy it is, the more safe I feel for any teens in the community.

like in no means do you gotta like me. call me a mean valdug hypocrite all you want, but I just can’t comprehend how I cause more damage and am more “harmful” for shipping a magic skeleton man with a woman who is now in her mid twenties and getting way older then the real people talking about how cute it is to pick up an 18 year old at a children’s book signing

[will-bulmer]

Research: Skul: The Hero Slayer

Normal enemies:

There are different enemy types in the game, ranged, melee and heavy. The differences between these enemies make it so you need to pay a bit more attention whilst dealing with them, for example you could get shot with an arrow while fighting a melee type enemy or get charged by a heavy. This sort of variation between enemy types is what, I think, should be present in most games like this to keep it interesting and I intend to implement it into my own game.

When entering the next zones, you’ll start to encounter new types of enemies, such as this one which blocks your attacks from the front with a shield, making it so you can’t just cleave them down alongside all the grunts. There are more variations of the standard enemies and even more new ones to come in later levels, which I think this is a good way of scaling up the difficulty as you pass through more levels and progress to new areas.

 Minibosses:

In Skul: The Hero Slayer, there are minibosses which you face a little while before the final boss of the zone. Just like normal enemies, they vary in many ways, for example there is a paladin miniboss which does slow but hard-hitting attacks and puts up an impenetrable shield in front of him to block your attacks. There is also the ninja, who throws shuriken from a distance along with dash attacks, but he doesn’t have as much health which he makes up with his speed. The two I have briefly spoken about are two of five minibosses overall.

As your progress further into the game, you will eventually end up fighting these minibosses in greater numbers, up to three (and maybe beyond that, but I haven’t been able to get far enough to see). Then the minibosses will eventually be fought as full-fledged bosses, using different and more powerful attacks.

If defeated by a miniboss, their level increases, making them more difficult to fight as you die to them.

This is an example of a miniboss, specifically the ninja.

I’m thinking of adding a similar sort of thing in my own game, where there are randomized minibosses to teach you about game mechanics and to help speed along character progression. Minibosses levelling up when you die is also a cool idea, this means that experienced players would have a harder time if they kept dying to them early on, which makes them consistently interesting and challenging.

Bosses:

Bosses are the final, well, bosses of the zone. They’re the biggest hurdles to overcome in the game and require effort and concentration to best (except from the first one). They also usually have multiple phases, the first phase being the easier one and then the second is like an enraged state, they gain more power and different abilities to learn as you go and are more relentless.

As the you progress through the game and your strength increases, you’re met with stronger bosses.

The first boss of the game is called Yggdrasil or the Elder Ent. In his first phase, he slams his fists down onto you and swipes across the whole screen to try to hit you. If the first phase goes on for too long, then the Elder Ent will start firing large homing projectiles which pack a punch, though afterwards he’s stunned shortly, which makes his first phase easy enough to finish off.

This is an example of the Elder Ent in his first phase, ready to slam his fists down onto the player.

The Elder Ent slamming his fist onto the player and the player dodging out of the way.

When the Elder Ent’s health reaches 0, he goes into his enraged state, his health bar fully regenerates, and he becomes more aggressive. Usually, the Elder Ent would only slam one fist down at a time, but in his enraged form he slams twice.

This is like his first form when he sends projectiles flying at you, but in his enraged state they move faster and rain down onto the arena randomly like a meteor shower. He also gets stunned after this just like in the first phase, allowing the player to get some easy damage in.

When the Elder Ent gets to low health in his enraged state, he slams the ground which affects the whole arena floor, which you must jump to avoid. Afterwards, he resumes his normal attacks, and you can finish him off.

  I think he’s a great first boss, and I am thinking of adding a boss like him in my game. He eases players into some simple boss mechanics, and is mostly static, making his head easy to hit, this is also helped by the two branches sticking out of his neck which act as platforms. The obvious cues for attacks and simplicity of the boss fight are also another reason as to why I think he’s a good inspiration for a first boss.

After defeating a boss, they drop items and sometimes large health recovery orbs. Again, this would be another way of powering up your character by getting items from defeating bosses and minibosses.

     NPCs:

The NPCs in this game are all found by progression through the game and freeing them from cages, after you do this, they will be present in the demon castle, which is where you start, to offer you, their services.

The witch is the first NPC you free, and she can use the dark quartz you collect to give your character permanent buffs; unlike other currencies, dark quartz is not lost on death.

The second, is the fox hunter, he will give you a random free skull at the beginning of every run and will give you another at the cost of 10 dark quartz. Though he’s very useful, the skulls are never above common rarity.

The third is the ogre peddler, and he gives you a random free item at the beginning of the run and another at the cost of 10 dark quartz. He works very similarly to the fox hunter, but he gives you items instead of skulls.

The fourth is the druid, who causes a fountain to spawn in the demon castle for you to use, allowing you to have a random temporary buff, not unlike the statues you find throughout the levels, but they’re longer lasting.

The fifth and final NPC, who is non-essential to the game’s progression, is the Death Knight. You can spend a LOT of dark quartz to start to rebuild the demon castle and restore it to its former glory.

I’m thinking of having NPCs like this in the game to make the early levels easier and to provide some support in the late game with the upgrades from an NPC like the Witch. Also, having something to do on the side like restoring the demon castle with the Death Knight, seems like a fun long-term goal to have in the game.

 User interface:

The user interface in Skul: The Hero Slayer is simple; it doesn’t clog up the screen with unnecessary UI elements and tells you mostly everything that you need to know.

Here is a screenshot of a part of the UI. It shows what abilities your current skull has, tells you which skull you have equipped with the larger portrait, and what your secondary skull is along with their abilities with the smaller icons. It also shows you the keybinds to use your abilities and to switch between skulls.

In purple is your health bar, self-explanatory, it shows you how much maximum health you have and how much of your max health you have left.

Just to the right of your health bar, are your buffs and debuffs, easily the messiest part of the UI. While it shows which buffs and debuffs you have, it doesn’t show them separately, and I’ve found no way to check the effects of them to tell what my character has been affected by.

This shows how much of each of the currencies you currently have in your possession. The order goes, bones, gold, and dark quartz. 

This is the minimap, it shows the level in a minimalistic way to help you navigate it. Enemies are shown in red, with larger enemies are shown with big red rectangles whilst the smaller ones are shown with small red rectangles. The player is shown in yellow, and the exits are shown in green. The idea of a minimap in a game like this is good, where exploration isn’t necessary to progress, and you just need to fight your way through the enemies to get to the next boss. The levels are simple enough, but it’s a nice bit of extra help.

Just above the minimap shows the enemy count on the level, telling you how many enemies are currently alive. Though this number can change if more enemies spawn in, it’s a nice and easy way to check how many are left.

This just shows the boss’s name and the health it has left, meaning you know when the first phase is about to be over or if the boss is about to be finished.

 The red border on the screen shows when you take damage, and the red floating numbers near the character shows how much damage the player has taken. This is a great way to show that you have taken damage and how much of your health has been removed.

The floating yellow number shows how much damage you have dealt, while not necessary, it can add a level of satisfaction from landing a powerful attack, or if one of your attacks crit.

The faint text above the character saying “Gains an HP barrier” is a notification showing that you have received a buff from destroying one of the many statues in the world. It says exactly what it does, letting you know that you have received this buff and then you’re not left wondering what you broke and why you did.

The UI in Skul: The Hero Slayer is simple but effective. I want to aim for this sort of design in my own game, to make a minimal, easy-to-understand, and effective UI.

Environments:

Throughout the game, there are certain things in the environment that either hurt you or your enemies, tell you which reward is behind what door, or are just breakable for fun.

A couple examples of things made to hurt you can be found in the first zone.

 This is a strange tentacle of some sort that hurts you if you get too close to it, though you can also bait enemies into it and use it to kill them.

Below is a flower on a wall that shoots fire, which also hurts enemies, but isn’t as nearly effective as killing them yourself.

These are spikes that hurt you if you touch them, depending on where they’re placed (floor or wall) you can hit enemies into them to make them take massive damage.

The explosives shown above are scattered throughout the environment but if you hit them, they only do damage to enemies and launches you back, though if there are spikes above you then you will end up taking damage.

Certain things in the environment can also be destroyed without them being necessary for any sort of progression, such as the tents in the background which were previously intact.

As you can see here, there are two gates, both lead into the same level, but they change what type of reward you will receive at the end. If you go through the gate decorated with treasure, you’ll receive money at they end of the level, if you go through the normal gate, you’ll receive a random reward, and if you find a gate decorated with skulls, that one will reward you with a random skull of any rarity. Sometimes, one of the two gates are destroyed, giving you only one gate to choose from.

[skulduggery-pleasant-bp9]

Part 5 – A bit of Background to Erskin

WARNING!: Mention of suicide, Mentally unhealthy and emotionally unstable Reader, Cursing, mention of murder/killing, AND MORE ! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED !!!

Read THIS to understand why the reader has a name !

Our faforite subject...DRAMA.

After they finished eating, Valkyrie and Vile finished their round of eyes of Kali, then got Melancholia clothes for later to put on and played with Erskin drinking Ludo, without shot glasses of course. They didn’t plan to get drunk after all.

After two more hours, Melancholia suddenly started to wake up. Lord Vile grumbled and hissed in pain as he made the flesh melt away and became a skeleton in the armor again. He stood up and towered over Melancholia. Soon enough she opened her eyes and when she saw Vile tower over her, her eyes grew wide, freezing in fear.

She spotted Valkyrie and Erskin too and she tried to throw shadows at them, but nothing happened.

“W-what ? No ! Where…?!”, she yelled in fear and confusion.

Vile lifted the blanket and took a look at Melancholia’s body again, to make sure no more carvings were left behind or returning.

“Fight me and I might get forceful, Miss Clair. You haven’t seen me be forceful yet.”, Lord Vile threatened darkly.

She froze up and looked at the three of them.

“What the hell did you do to me ?!”, she yelled in horror.

“We removed your carvings from your body. It would have killed you at some point. You were too unstable to be a Death Bringer and the sigils made it just worse. Now let me make sure nothing stayed behind. Otherwise I will get forceful.”, Vile explained.

“WHAT ?! I was PERFECT !”, she yelled.

“You were a lost cause.”, Lord Vile replied and checked her arms.

“I wasn’t !”, she protested.

“You were working like a broken battery. When you used too much of your abilities you discharged and were in immense, unnecessary pain and when you recharged you felt a wave hit you, but it would discharge very quickly as soon as you used it. It is like a battery that is broken and can’t be fixed. It discharges randomly and when it is used too often. You would have exploded and never been able to open the Passage.”, Lord Vile disagreed.

“I was WORKING on it !”

“You CAN’T work on it. A real Death Bringer doesn’t have such issues in the first place. I would know. I AM the Death Bringer after all. I just refuse to do what these idiots of Necromancers want from me. The Passage isn’t all that great. Nothing would change. No one would envelop to better or worse. We would be stuck forever on the same page. No one would be able to have a family of their own. Nothing new would happen. It would get boring really quickly. It. Is. Not. WORTH. It.”

Melancholia fell silent at that. She never thought about those things before.

“I suggest for you to go see Kenspeckle and a Sensitive for a while. You need emotional and mental recovery. You might have seen Craven only doing what was best for you, but he did sadistic, forbidden, criminal things to you and your mental and emotional state needs help to recover from all the trauma. You hear me, child ?”, Lord Vile asked.

Melancholia looked at him and nodded.

“Not a word about Skulduggery and me to anyone. We plan to tell everyone when the time comes. You understand ?”

She nodded again.

“Good. Then I will leave you now and Skulduggery can take back over. Until we meet again, Valkyrie, Erskin.”

“Bye Vile.”, Valkyrie said.

“Goodbye you old sock.”, Erskin joked.

Lord Vile snorted and let the armor melt away. The skull fell forward and after the armor was gone, it rose again. Skulduggery came back and looked at the three of them.

“I am pretty surprised that he kept his word…”, he then said.

Erskin scoffed.

“I am pretty surprised as well, that he let you go again. He is way more decent than you.”, he said and then left the room.

“That was a poor choice of words Skul. You know how protective Erskin is over Lord Vile. And I can see why. He was very nice actually. Just like you were when we met the first time.”, Valkyrie informed.

“It could all be show.”, he denied.

“Like you pretend all the time that you are fine, since the Faceless Ones ?”

Skulduggery stayed silent at that. She gave him a glare. He sighed and looked away.

“Fine I will shut up about it. Now what of our guest ?”

“As Vile said, to Kenspeckle’s. He might be able to help her a bit to recover.”

“What about Erskin ? Will he come as well ?”

“I will ask him.”

With that she left the room, going to Erskin’s. She knocked and then entered his room. He looked at an old picture with a grim face.

“Hey…”, she said softly.

“What do you need ?”, he grunted.

“Do you want to come with us ? We are bringing Mel to Kenspeckle.”

“No thank you. I don’t want to listen to Mr. Perfect and his complains about his counterpart any more than I already have to. I think I rather kill myself.”

She frowned and was silent for a bit.

“Are you that mad at him ?”, she asked.

“Sometimes, I wish I never missed him when he died. He was always so collected and ready to rescue others. But since that day…the day his Family died, he died and came back…he is different. He became irresponsible and uncaring. He just lets everything go with a shrug of his shoulders. When he was alive, he would have scolded you and me on a daily basis. Like, we can’t just kill someone, never judge a book by its cover, everyone deserves a second chance, just because they were bad at the beginning doesn’t that mean that they can’t change, don’t attack people as long as they don’t start a fight with you, don’t run head first into danger and all that shit. He would have scolded us like a Dad. It all went missing when he came back.”

She stared at him with wide eyes. Erskin let tears slip when he said all of that.

“It was one of the many reasons I looked up to him and saw him close to a Father figure. He taught me cause and consequence, strategy, when to act and when to let it go, what was right and what was wrong. He tried to keep all of us safe. Where did HE go ?”

“So he…didn’t go back to at least a bit of normal ?”, she asked.

“No. He didn’t. When he came back, I hoped that he would…you know…be at least still 50% of the man I used to know and partly grow up with…But there wasn’t even 20% of him left. I don’t know how the others see it, but I see it as clear as crystal. It is night and day to me. He tried to keep me away from the war, you know ? He didn’t want me to join. I did anyways and he was very unhappy with me, told me I had no idea what I will have to see…naïve as I was, I told him that I knew. I thought I could deal with it all. He was right…I had no clue and I was left traumatized.”

They didn’t know, but Skulduggery listened in on them. He just stood near the slightly ajar door, listening, not moving.

“Were you hoping he would replace his kid with you ?”, she asked Erskin.

“God no ! I wasn’t even hoping to be adopted. But…I guess he partly did ? He was the one who took me everywhere with the others and himself alone, he taught me a lot on his own…I did feel like he adopted me at some point. I don’t think he noticed that though. It was war and he always stuck together with the people that were on the same side as him. I think it was normal for him. But as a 16 year old that never had loving nor caring parents, it was a big thing to have someone suddenly care.”, Erskin chuckled saddened.

“Your parents never loved you ?”, she asked.

“No. My Mother was an abusive, manipulative whore and I never met my Father. I have no idea who he was, nor do I have a name. My Stepfather was very abusive too. One of the many things that made me run away with ten years of age.”

There was a silence and Erskin sighed shakily.

“I was practically in the world of Mages in infant age. I was still considered a ‘Baby’ as I joined. I thought I couldn’t see more horror than the shit I was already forced to face, since I was three years old, from my own Mother. Skulduggery warned me. Told me I was practically still a Baby and that I shouldn’t be joining a war with that age. But I really wanted to help and I saw no value in just sitting around and doing nothing. He helped me with my abilities a lot, so I can control them very quickly and got way more powerful than a 16 year old was supposed to get. But I really needed it in the end.”

“Was he against a lot when he taught and trained you ?”

“Yep, he was. I was not allowed to drink, not allowed to stay awake as long as the rest of them, was not allowed to keep watch at night, was not allowed to be alone on the field, nor was I allowed to leave the camp without anyone with me. He was also against me knowing how to handle a gun, but Vex and Hopeless talked him into it, for my own safety.”

“Wow…very responsible of him.”

“Yeah. It was annoying back then to me, but…it felt nice to finally have someone that looked after you… My Mother didn’t give a shit, she never checked on me and my Stepfather kept me awake all night or tore me out of bed in the middle of the night. It was…the first time someone cared a bit about my health.”, Erskin said softly.

“Let me guess, when they got angry you called them by their last name, in fear they would hurt you.”

Erskin shook his head.

“Not quite. When they were angry, I wasn’t allowed to call them Mother, Father or by their first names. It was always Mister and Misses. I was to only address them by their last name when there was more than one person in the room, or strangers. I was not allowed to utter a word of their abuse or I would get it tenfold worse. I was not allowed to ask for help to get me out. I was not permitted to let anyone know that they were my parents. I was nothing more but a butler. Not even that was right, but they couldn’t say that I was a slave.”

Valkyrie covered her mouth in horror.

“Your own Mother treated you like that ?”, she asked in horror.

“I was never wanted by her. Because I was unwanted, but still born, she wanted me to make it up to her. To show her I was worth her time. I never reached it, though. Even if I did everything right, she was never proud. If you thought I got once in my life a hug or a small praise from her, you are deadly wrong. I was always the useless, waste of space and time child.”

“Did really no one ever love you ?”, she asked.

Silence.

“I…I had an Uncle. He barely came to visit, but he did care, I guess… He never really showed it, but he knew about the abuse and when he was around, he made sure nothing happened to me the whole day. He helped me around too. But…I had no idea where he lived, so I stayed a stray kid.”

“Did you ever have a birthday with him ?”

“No…When my Birthdays came around in that house, I got more abused than usual as a present…A constant reminder that I am nothing but unwanted. Well…besides that ONE last birthday in that house…I had a gift on my bed… It had no name on it, so I don’t know if it was from my Uncle.”

“What was in it ?”, she asked.

He gave a sad smile.

“An animal plushie. It was handmade too. I hid it away from them, never had time to play with it, but I loved it all the same. When I ran away, I took it with myself and used it as a small comfort. I lost it one day and never found it again, sadly.”

“Did the Dead Men ever celebrate your Birthday ?”, she asked him.

“Well…yes and no. I never told them my Birthday. I hated my Birthday. They celebrated it though, just on a different date. The day I joined the Dead Men unofficially, was the day they decided would my Birthday be. We barely had time in the war to do much for one another’s big day, but we tried.”

“Who wanted to give you a Birthday party ?”

Erskin laughed softly and wiped his tears away.

“Saracen, Vex and Ghastly to be honest. They annoyed Skulduggery until he agreed. They only insisted on it, because I was still so young. It was war and there was a high possibility that every day and Birthday could be my last, so they wanted to make every day and Birthday as great as possible.”

“What did you get ?”

“Mostly clothes from Ghastly, weird stuff from Vex, Saracen always tried to get me stuff that could help me in the future, Anton gave me a hug and a card most of the times which is a lot from him he doesn’t like hugs, Hopeless got me new ammo and once or twice also knives and daggers, Erskine got fancy looking stuff for me and Skulduggery, when he was alive, always tried to bake a cake for me. When he died and Larrikin was with us in the mud, he always tried to get a pastry and give it as a cake. He was very sweet and nice. Such a goofball.”, he chuckled.

“Mud ?”

“I call the difficult war times, mud. We had to mostly hide in mud and stuff, so yeah.”

“Oh…”

She then looked at Erskin again.

“Then when did you join the Temple of Necromancers ?”

“Well…I stayed a few more days maybe two months longer with them after Skulduggery’s return, and then I went to Ghastly’s Mother. I needed advice of what to do and that I thought I was going crazy. I saw spirits…Even Skul’s, when he wasn’t back.”

“Really ?”

“Yeah. She said it is a Necromancy trait and I should learn some of it. It might help me in the future and so I did. I went to the Temple and they took me in and educated me. Vile came two months later. I was just like him, a fast learner and we quickly were equally powerful, but he easily overpowered me at some point. I tried really hard to make friends with that idiot and nothing was for naught.”

“But one day they kicked you out.”

“Yes… Lord Vile told me what he was planning to do and I wanted to be a part of it, to get revenge on Serpine. But they figured it out and threw me out two months too early. Vile taught me everything he still learned before he, himself, dropped out and went onto the battlefield. I returned to my siblings and the Dead Men then.”

“You had siblings ?”

“Yes. Two males and one female. They are not worth mentioning though.”

“When did they join ?”

“Fifty years after I joined the war. I wish they never did.”

“Because they died and you were sad ?”

“No. Why would I be sad with traitors that Vile warned me about ?”, Erskin scoffed.

She stared at him in shock as he said that they were traitors. Skulduggery was in disbelief.

“What…?”

“I told you, rats were hard to detect. All three of them were rats.”

“So they worked for Mevolent ?”

“Oh you wish they did. They worked for our dear, beloved, abusive, good for nothing Mother.”, he spat out.

Her eyes went even wider at that.

“She knew you were still alive ?!”

“Of course she did. There was never a body. To be honest, I didn’t think she would care to look for me. But she only did to kill me anyways and she failed very much in that.”, he chuckled darkly.

“Tenebrae did mention that you are hard to kill.”

“Ah, yes. He did that slimy Bitch. He can curl up and die in a corner of his fucking Temple for all I care. He could choke on a stick right in front of me and I would laugh.”

“How did Vile find out about your Mother and your siblings trying to kill you ?”

“She wanted to use him as a tool for her own shit and told him everything, because she thought she had him under her spell. Sucks to suck for her.”, he said laughing.

It only gave Valkyrie more questions, but she didn’t dare to ask them. She could push him into silence again. Erskin looked back at the picture in his hands.

“I am thinking about burning it.”, he informed her.

“May I see it ?”, she asked.

He gave it to her. When she looked at it she saw Ghastly instantly, Anton too, his face was obvious, Vex’s smile was easy to recognize, Erskine had almost the same hairstyle too, Saracen was in between a man Valkyrie never saw before and Dexter Vex. The man didn’t really smile but also didn’t frown. Erskin almost seemed to look the same in that picture. Only the clothes were different.  And then there was another man she never saw before, he had a warm smile while he looked at Ghastly and Erskin. Ghastly had put his arm around Erskin and pulled him close, which made the boy smile brightly.

“Who are these two people ?”, she asked and pointed at the two men she never saw before.

“The one that tried very hard to smile is Hopeless. He never could smile on command, just as Anton. The other one was Skulduggery when he was alive.”, Erskin told her.

Her mouth fell open and if she would have been a cartoon character, her jaw would have been on the floor. Then she snapped her eyes back at Erskin.

“Why would you burn that ? You all are so happy and it is the last memory where Skul was alive and well !”

“Exactly. A constant reminder, that he once WAS that man and that he NEVER will be that man AGAIN. Why cling onto such a silly memory ?”, Erskin asked her.

“Erskin, you aren’t thinking straight. You are mad at Skulduggery and I understand why, but you don’t have to destroy memories that you valued so much, only to later most possibly regret it.”

“I am not MAD at him ! I am still GRIEVING over someone WHO DIED A LONG TIME AGO ! Sure I am mad for a second when he talks bad about Vile, but he doesn’t KNOW the truth YET, so I understand why he acts like this ! I am grieving EVERY FUCKING DAY, since he DIED, the person that I looked UP TO ! This fucking photo is a constant reminder of WHO THE HELL I LOST THAT DAY ! HOW MUCH I LOST THIS PERSON ! It is a constant scar that gets ripped open again and again ! A constant reminder that I FAILED TO SAVE HIM ! I WAS TOO LATE ! I FUCKED UP !”, he yelled at Valkyrie with new tears in his eyes.

“That you were…too late ?”

“I had the antidote ! I made Anton, Dexter and Ghastly help me as fast as possible and I went on a hunt to find him ! I didn’t tell them why I hurried so much, nor what the potion was for ! When I had his location and the antidote, I hurried as fast as I could, but I came 20 fucking seconds too late !”

Silence.

“You knew about the trap ?”, she asked him.

“No. But I was there as well. I saw him running off and leaving us behind. It seemed like he was chasing someone and I followed. I…I never saw him so rageful before…It scared the shit out of me, Valkyrie. You never saw him THAT pissed off.”

“You saw Serpine kill his family and you didn’t do anything ?”

“Val, I was a Teenager ! Not even, I was a kid ! It was the first time I saw Serpine do that, I was frozen in utter horror ! I wanted to move, I wanted to shoot him ! But my body wouldn’t move ! I had no idea how to get out of that situation ! I could just stand there and watch !”

“You saw it all…”

Erskin looked away from her.

“It was all my fault. I will NOT deny that. I know for a fact when Skulduggery finds this out, he will never want to see me again, if he doesn’t consider killing me already. I was there, I could have done something, and I couldn’t fucking move to do anything. And I messed up my last chance by 20 seconds. All of the Dead Men knew, on the day Skul was burned, what I was trying to do. They all did. God…I couldn’t look them in the eyes for years, after my failure. All I wanted was to stop existing.”

She didn’t say anything. Skulduggery was in utter shock and Erskin was hugging himself tightly.

“I really tried to make up for it… I just…how do you fix something like this ? I practically HELPED to kill his Family, without meaning to ! Ghastly found out about all of that with Anton. They told me for years that it wasn’t my fault that I froze up, that they would have too, but-but what if they were lying to me all along ?! God they must have been disappointed with me ! Do you have any idea how many times Ghastly and Anton told me to just tell Skulduggery already ?! That he would understand ?! At first I believed them, I really did, but when he came back and was so hell bent to kill Serpine for revenge, I backed out ! I couldn’t tell him ! How would I have explained that ?! As soon as you mentioned his family, he would have pulled the trigger on you ! How was I supposed to explain ?! He would NEVER forgive me, nor would he want to make the effort to understand ! This was his FAMILY ! Not just some random people ! He…he would never want to see me again.”

“Hey, hey…calm down. I think the same as Ghastly and Anton. He would understand. He would need time to get around it and to process that information, but he would understand.”, she tried to soothe Erskin.

He shook his head wildly.

“He wouldn’t. He wouldn’t ! All his rage would return and I would be so fucking destroyed to have all his anger thrown at me ! I can’t see that rage again, Valkyrie ! It scarred me the first time and it scares me since ! Ghastly and Vex know how emotionally sensitive and unstable I am ! Skulduggery doesn’t know that. If he would shout at me again, like he did three weeks ago, I might have a breakdown and NEVER recover from it !”

“Did you…have a breakdown once before ?”, she asked.

He looked away.

“Ask Anton, Ghastly, Dexter and Erskine. I…I need to sleep right now…I’m over thinking again and it will cause me a panic attack. Have fun with Kenspeckle and Melancholia and get home safely….Maybe I will see you tomorrow… Or next time something serious is going on. I-I need a break.”

“What about the picture ?”, she asked.

“If you don’t want me to destroy it, then keep it. I…I will ask for it when I want it back…”

‘Spying is rude, Skulduggery.’, Vile tutted in his head.

‘Shut it. You knew this, didn’t you ?’

While he talked with Vile in his mind he silently left the hallway and went back to the living room, watching Melancholia sit on the couch, dressed in the clothes Vile and Valkyrie picked for her to wear. They fit her perfectly.

‘Of course I did. He told me everything after he knew that I was NOTHING like you.’

‘He is scared of me.’

‘No. He is not scared of YOU. He is scared of YOUR RAGE. He just doesn’t show it. That’s why he is always so blunt with everything and is quickly angry. You are not the man he used to know. Who he needed in the war. That man died, didn’t he, Skulduggery Pleasant ? That man died when his Son died. Am I right ?’

‘I don’t think I changed that much after death.’

‘You acted way more like a Father when you were alive. You scolded Erskin, like he was a kid. You fed him, protected him, cared for his wounds, cared for him in general…you treated him like your own kid. He grew to like you as a father figure, something he never had before. You even bothered to celebrate a birthday just for him. No one else ever did that for him before. I would almost bet that he didn’t just see you as a father FIGURE, but as a real Dad. And then you were snatched away from him. He wanted to help you, pay your kindness back in saving you, but he was too late. When you came back, you were cold, distant, ignorant and just not who you used to be anymore. You didn’t CARE anymore. Since that day…Erskin blamed himself for everything that went wrong.’

‘I wasn’t cold at all. I needed time to process-‘

‘Stop lying to yourself. You didn’t process ANYTHING. As soon as you came back, all you cared about was killing. You forgot about Erskin. You forgot that he was only a child. You forgot that you were the ONLY one that had a very strong bond with him. You forgot EVERYTHING about yourself and Erskin’s relationship. It led him to a downfall, something you swore silently to yourself, you will never let happen. You didn’t see all the red flags, didn’t hear his cries of help and closure for you. You. Let. Him. DOWN.’

‘I didn’t let him down ! I-‘

‘He is scared of YOUR rage. He is scared to tell you something that was out of his control. He was scared to tell you about me and him knowing each other. He was scared to mention your family. He is scared to let you know anything, that could trigger your anger. He wasn’t scared in the past. He told you everything that was on his mind and was necessary, when you were still alive. He would have told you about me, if you would have been the same after death, but you came back totally changed. He would only tell you any secrets he has now when you were really six feet under. But not while you are still roaming around here. Your Rage was scarring to witness and he saw it. It destroyed him mentally and emotionally. And after you came back, you didn’t bother to talk to him much. Everyone saw him suffering, but you didn’t care.’

Skulduggery was silent and looked back into the hallway where Erskin’s room was.

‘The special bond you two had is damaged and it gets worse each day. You were the one he looked up to and trusted you the most. You rarely got angry and that was one of the many reasons he talked to you so much. Now you are in constant rage. Don’t you remember how hard it was to get him to trust you in the first place ? I remember it clear as day.’

‘He barely talked, then he would never answer our questions about his past. He was a troubled kid and it took so long to get him to talk and to not pretend anymore. He was good in it. A real faker.’

‘Well, now he is even more skilled in it. He trusted me with a few things. I was less anger driven than you, but it wasn’t the same for him. He wanted to talk with YOU. He needed closure from YOU. Not from me. But you never saw how damaged he was and how he continued to crumble. And now…he hid away entirely from everyone. It is rare that he falls apart like that and reveals what he really feels at the moment. He thinks that you gave up on him, that he was a lost cause after all and you never tried assuring him that everything was okay. He feels used, betrayed and stupid for trusting someone…for hoping that after death when you returned you would still be there. He decided to take steps in directions he shouldn’t have and he had no one to guide him anymore.’

‘What did he do…?’

‘…How many times do you think he tried to commit suicide, Skulduggery ?’

At that Skulduggery froze in utter shock and horror. Erskin tried WHAT ?

Masterlist HERE !

[thorin-is-a-cuddler]

My own personal little tiny Dexter Vex headcanons:

- he has been in love with Saracen since they first met and Saracen KNOWS it because he knows things but they are both DUMbasSes and Saracen is too afraid to commit to someone like Dexter bc it would be such a serious relationship thingy and he never tried those and he doesn’t wanna fuck it up  - also seriously? you don’t need Saracen’s power to see this - Dexter likes rock punk music like Patti Smith, The Runaways, Blondie, Helen Schneider... female rock punk music. that’s what he digs - Dexter and Ghastly are acually the two most responsible of the Dead Men. but Dexter tends to you know... forget about that from time to time. - Dexter and Valkyrie are like siblings when they’re on mission together - constant banter, bad ideas and roughhousing - one night during their book 8 Dead Men missions, Valkyrie was overcome with a questionable rush of adrenaline and kept everybody up so Dexter took it upon himself to chase her until she was all tired out. when she was panting with laughter and exhaustion Dexter picked her up, carried her back to the fire and tugged her in.  - despite acting sometimes silly, sometimes tough, DExter is sweet and caring and intelligent and he tries to take care of everyone  - he tries not to show weakness, because he doesn’t want to burden anyone with it - yet Valkyrie and Tanith know something’s up when he shows up in book 12 because he’s no fun at ALL and that’s unusual  - he stays at Val’s house for a while and when he’s busy brooding in her lawn after his morning run Tanith and Val take it upon themselves to get the information from him - he stays stubborn but hey another headcanon comes in handy: - Dexter is ticklish af and his laughter is fucking beautiful okay - so they overpower him and tickle him half to death before he can’t take anymore and admits... -... that him and Saracen were about to become serious but Saracen panicked and left him which you know sucks - “You deserve so much better than him, Dexter, seriously.” “Yup. He knows that. That’s the problem.”  - Valkyrie hugging Dexter to comfort him and Dexter starting to relax into the hug and letting it happen omg  - also then he tries to get some revenge for the tickle attack but Tanith and Valkyrie are an unbeatable team, he stands no friggin chance - okay that was basically one enormous head canon, now more - during meetings of the dead men the attention span was never very long lasting - Erskine be like: “Dexter!” “Hm?” “Repeat what I just said!” “... Dexter?”  - he’s too clever for Erskine’s shit  - Skulduggery was always very good at reading Dexter’s hidden moods - he used to cheer him up so easily by whispering really randomly funny things into his ear from behind him which always made Dexter almost combust with giggles to a point where he had to beg him to stop  - DExter be in a quiet mood, Skul be like: “Hey. Guess what.” Dexter: already close to grinning “No no.” Skul: “If you had to imagine Erskine in a latex suit what color would it have?” “Skulduggery please...” “In my head it’s a very bright... mint.” Erskine: “Skulduggery, would you please stop making Dexter die with laughter?” - Skulduggery is a pro at cheering up people he loves - please feel free to add or talk to me about this <3

[sidelinesbysam]

I’m a Senior Again...I think

Back in the day I remember what it was like to become a senior. It was June of 1977 and it was a glorious day! We were just wrapping up our Junior year at Proviso West High School and as the final days of junior year ticked away, we all became filled with the anticipation of what was about to take place. Well almost all of us. There were a few dudes hanging out behind the auto shop that may not have had quite the excitement and focus as the rest of the Class of 78. But nonetheless, it was here...the day my friends and I were waiting for. As the last final exam was completed and that final bell rang, just like that, I was a senior! When you go to a huge high school like Proviso West, it’s easy to get lost in the crowd. Now I certainly wasn’t one of the cool kids but I do have to admit, I had some really cool friends heading into that senior year. And they were all awesome and cool in their own way  

Even though during those years I never eclipsed the 5’6” mark on the wall, I had some good friendships with some really big dudes at PWHS. I mean they were big...tall...vertically unchallenged as it were. Brett seemed to be 7’ and so did Ron. Pat O was a monster too. Looking back I’m going to guess they were in the mid 6 foot range but to me they were giants. We were friends all four years but this year, senior year was different. We were on top of the mountain of high school life and those guys were the coolest of cool. Being a high school athlete had to be the pinnacle. Especially becoming a senior.

 Somehow I had also forged a close friendship with one of the prettiest girls in a school of thousands. Carolyn was the captain of the dance and pom pom squad and her and I used to meet in the halls between classes and we chatted almost everyday. And she hung out with the greatest collection of friends that made an adolescent guy like me crazy. 

I may not have been a cool kid but when I became a senior I did some things that I thought were pretty cool at the time, and maybe still.  I was there editor of the Mural in 1978 which was the high school yearbook. Everyday for months the staff and I met to build that 300+ page yearbook that holds the memories of turning into a senior for so many of my classmates. Along with Mike, my still best friend ever, we took nearly every one of the candid photos for that book and when the first copy was delivered, maybe for the first time in my life, I felt really accomplished and pretty cool. I was also the sports editor of the Profile, the school newspaper. I had my own column and I wrote stories about all the different sporting events that entire senior year too. I wrote some stories that were really good and insightful and a few others that got me threatened with a meeting in the parking lot after school. Such is the life of a journalist! At the time I was sure that those experiences were going to launch me into a career of journalism. Looking at the media today, maybe it’s a blessing my life took another direction. After all these years, turning a senior at PWHS is mostly a clouded memory. I recall bits and pieces. I was the dude at basketball games that got hoisted up on someone's shoulders and shouted out, “Give me a P…” I remember being the first person to put on the new Panther mascot costume Coach Lucas and Mr. Skul had bought and I remember being a faithful part time team manager for the basketball team that senior year. I remember after the last loss of the season I sat in the locker room with those cool giants and I cried. “Coach Luke” came over and consoled me and told me thanks for everything. That moment really meant the world to me and it was probably the first time I considered being a senior was coming to a close. 

I even met my first wife my senior year. She wasn't a Panther but she did live close by in Elmhurst. We met at Dominick's and that eventually led directly to two great kids and three grandkids. Wow! All in all, being a senior was pretty cool.

And here I am today. Once again, I’ve become a senior. But let me tell you, it came without the same anticipation or excitement. Now to be completely clear, there is some debate as to when a person officially becomes a senior. Some say it’s 65. The Social Security Administration, in some cases, says it’s 62. For some reason, me personally always had the number 60 attached to it. Maybe now that I’m 60, I should rethink the connection. But you know what, it’s just a number and just a word. Some people say that in the context of growing old, the word senior has a negative connotation. The PC word to be used should be “elderly.” Really, elderly? I don’t like that at all. I may not be old but I am definitely not elderly. Am I? But for the sake of argument, let’s just say 60 is seniorly. What sort of cool things come with becoming a senior this go around? It appears that the gallbladder is a right of senior passage. That thing must not like being housed in a senior because half of everyone I know had to have it removed. And remember, as a senior, people like to tell you it’s not surgery...it’s just a procedure. Another thrill of being a senior is the eyesight. It appears as you progress through the years you go from readers to prescription glasses to bi-focals to trifocals and then “progressives.” The pinnacle (I hope) of a never ending battle with blurry vision. Another treasure of seniordum is that first 30 minutes or more of every single morning for the rest of ever I guess. Back in the day my alarm would go off, I would spin out of bed, get ready for school or work and take off. Now there is a strategic series of snoozes, slow turns over the edge of the bed, an occasional reach for the wall and a very deliberate walk to the first destination in the morning. Sorry dogs, your business has to wait for my business. And what do seniors do while doing their business? I, for one, look at The Facebook. And what do I see when I look at The Facebook? It appears people my age look a lot older than I think I look. Must be part of that whole “blurry vision” issue. If I am in fact a senior again, it sure looks a lot different than it did 42 years ago. But ironically, there are the benefits.

Back in 1978, as a senior, we thought we could do anything. We had a closed campus at PWHS but at lunchtime I still left to go to McDonald’s for a burger or Ne’Joes for an Italian sub. Once the truant officer stopped me at the gate before I got out of the south lot and asked me where I thought I was going. I chose what I thought was the best route and told him to get some lunch. He handed me a 5 and asked if I would grab him something. Being a senior had it’s privilege. And being a senior still does today. I find that as a senior, if that’s what I am, I can get away with saying things I couldn’t when I was younger. Now for the record, subtlety helps, but having the same filter as a younger man is not required. I notice that beating around the bush is a much shorter process. 

Me: “Can I have just a large iced tea? That's it.” 

The other person: “Anything else with that?” 

Me again: “Did you NOT hear the words JUST and THAT'S IT tucked into that sentence?”

The disgruntled other person: “(grumble...mumble...old fart)”

But in reality, landing at 60 and looking at life in perspective ain’t such a bad thing. There are some real blessings to this senior stuff and I’m not talking about AARP discounts. This is more about life in general. I have four great kids that are moving through life at breakneck speed sometimes, and I love them very much and I’m so proud of them all. I wish we connected more often but modern day electronics makes it easier to fill the gaps. A quick text or a social media “like” or thumbs up will never be a substitute for a call or a visit, but it lets us know that we’re all still out there. And I have the blessing of three grandkids that fill my life with joy and happiness. The 12 year old lives in south central IL so we need to use our devices to connect and talking to grandpa isn’t much of a priority to a video game playing, pre-teen but we do our best. The 8 and 6 year old live close by and I get to see them frequently. My granddaughter who is the youngest, observes my senior status by asking, “grandpa, why do you sit in your chair and watch those cooking shows all the time?” I want to load up one of those unfiltered replies but she’s so darn cute I just tell her, “Because I can’t find the remote to change the channel.” The fun part about my middle grandson is that at 8 years old he’s starting to let his hair grow out. And in senior fashion I asked him if he was trying to look like one of the Beatles. That got me the most puzzled look and after a pause, “who’s that?” 

And as a senior today, I look back to when I was a senior back then. I fondly remember those giants that I was friends with. Sadly Brett lost his life several years ago but I still think of him from those days and I can’t help but smile. Even though he was a massive dude in my eyes, I’ll always remember that he had a giant heart too. He always treated me like I was part of his circle even though I existed on the edge of that circle at best. And that pretty dance team captain that befriended me way back when, well she is still a BFF and not only one of the most beautiful women I know inside and out, she’s a successful business woman, an author, a proud momma and a loving, devoted wife. And I can gladly say, even though we’re a couple of hundred miles apart, we stay connected and chat often. My best friend forever Mike and I connect almost daily. Sometimes it’s a call or a text. Maybe a dad joke or a backhanded jab. We even have laughs about being seniors. Sometimes remembering 1978 and other times trying to remember stuff from 2020. 

Through the miracle of social media, even though I live over 200 miles from where I lived the first time I was a senior, I am still connected to dozens and dozens of friends from those great days at Proviso West and even earlier at MacArthur and Jefferson. For example, at our last class reunion, Tom and his band played for a couple of hours and it’s hard to believe he and I met in 1971. That guy is a rocking, surfing, boating senior and a really cool dude (does that sound seniorish?) now living in Florida. Steve and Mark and others live in Cali, Donna lives in Texas, Bill lives in Michigan, Diane has traveled all over Europe and also lived in Germany. Rich has lived in Colorado for years. My cousin Pat and his wife Patty who are also 78ers have been in Oregon for as long as I can remember. And hundreds of others are scattered all across the land and sadly, several others have gone before us. But for those that remain, there is a line of commonality that we all share and have shared before. At one time we were all seniors before life really got going. And here we all are, seniors (maybe) again. It really doesn’t matter about our life perspectives or where we stand in today’s climate of world views, we cannot separate ourselves from the fact that we were seniors together back in 1978 and we may or may not be seniors together again now. In a few years, many of us will meet again or for the first time at a class reunion. We will have happy memories about those first senior days and share a lot of laughs and a few tears. And surely the conversation will turn to current senior days and all of our own transition to being a modern day senior.

[awstark]

how many tattoos do you have and what are they?

oh i think i have like 20???

so let’s go

a text around my ankle that says “shine on you crazy diamond”

venom on my ribs

an iron man helmet on my legs that i did myself in only lines

the word “heart” in type writer text on the side of my foot

the deathly hollows sign behind my ear

an owl on my back

the pink floyd statues from the division bell album cover on the side of my leg

a crescent moon

a shitty mountain that was the first tattoo i ever did on myself

the spider-man/deadpool comic sign with roman numeral letters underneath that symbolizes the day me and one of my very best friends met for the first time (she’s got a matching one)

an unfinished skull close to my knee

another unfinished skull on the front of my thigh

a cat skull on the side of my thigh

some shitty finger tattoos that includes; a cross, an eye, the black widow sign, the cancer sign and a key

a butterfly on my forearm

a molotov on my arm

a rat with crystals on his back on my arm

another cat skull with some flowers around it on my arm - another matching with one of my very best friends

a beetle with a skull on my upper arm

a bee on my wrist - one of three that i share with my bi-squad 

and i have so many more planned ngl 

[desmesswrites-blog]

So, I finished Resurrection

And I'm angry and sad because I know Landy isn't exactly the king of continuity but he decided to straight up murder it with this book. I mean...

Apparently random families keep their surnames (til now, only Omen's and Jenan's), with no explanation whatsoever. At least explain it, give me a criteria, tell me they're just jerks, idk.

China and Eliza. I can accept, even if it doesn't come as something believable, that China decides to take control of the faceless church as a political move. But, mentioning Eliza as if she isn't important anymore and she just kinda kicked her out? Wtf, she tried to murder you, China, you literally forced Vincent Foe into your service for that same thing and he was following her orders. She's your nemesis slash exgirlfriend how I am supposed to believe that in your position as Supreme Mage you just let her go?

Related to that, not a single mention of Dr. Nye, who escaped prison thanks to Eliza (again) and used the Black Cleaver to try to murder China (again). I started Midnight, so I know he just appears like "hey yeah I was experimenting under a different patron, Eliza didn't communicate with me after breaking me out". I can belive that, but no mention? Dude, c'mon.

Abyssinia. Just that. Just her. Her whole existence is a stab in the face of Phase 1. If he wanted to go for a super strong sorceress which made Mevolent's side and Meritorious' side work together to birng her down she could have made her to not belong to neither side and of course not being the person who sat at Mevolent's right during bad guy parties. And if the thing was to make her have a relationship with Skul, idk, she could be some super sorceress from pre-war times that Skul met when he was very young or something. And the worst part is that Abyssinia is presented as a huge actor in Skul's transformation to Lord Vile, so double stab in the face of Phase 1 because Lord Vile is sooo repeatedly discussed that Skul being like "Ah yeah that's my exgirlfriend who turned me into Vile, I never told you" it's plain stupid.

This is a smaller thing, but we've seen another people trying to murder Finbar and fail miserably so it makes me sad that he and Cassandra are just mentioned to be murdered "in their sleep" or sth like that and there's no "which is strange because sensitives are hard to kill, specially the most powerful ones in all the series". It's obvious that the murder of all those psychics is worrying and shows the enemy is strong but it is treated like "meh, they're dead, now move on". Killed in their sleep? And nobody comments on how difficult that would be? C'mon, what the heck.

And on top of that, there are other things unrelated to continuity but about the plot.

First thing, Temper Fray. I don't dislike him, but I don't know him either. It's not because he's a new character: Omen, Never, Militsa, they've got proper character introductions while Temper does not. And he needs one! He's been partnering with Skulduggery, for fucks sake, tell us something about him.

Another sanctuary traitor. Wow. Shock. Oh, and if I'm not wrong that's also somewhat contradictory because the anti-sanctuary has pretty much the same ideas Ravel had and Tipstaff collaborated fighting Ravel and was incarcerated by him, didn't he? (Plus: China has always been morally dark grey but it doesn't suit her to be full tyranic, specially with Skul there to bring her down from her throne. Why is he ignoring China's behavior? I hope this has an explanation)

Skul escaping Smoke's control because, idk, the power of companionship? The first time it was OK, he hadn't been touched by Smoke for a while so he was able to fight it, but the second time, when Smoke puts all his power to it and Skul breaks out free almost instantly? What the hell, that's just lazy writing. Give me a fight! Give me Omen and Temper arriving just in time to defeat Smoke and make him stop controlling Skul or something, idk!

Aaaand that was a pretty long rant, for sure. It's probably full of grammar mistakes of all kinds, sorry for that, I needed to get it out of my chest.

[lassieposting]

Valdug for the ask meme 😁

when I started shipping it if I did: good god when have i not shipped valdug tbh

my thoughts: useless codependent assholes with an age gap who will burn down the world  = best ships

What makes me happy about them: they’re each other’s perfect match. nobody else is ever going to match up to skug for val, and nobody has ever understood and defended him the way that she does. 

What makes me sad about them: dirty laundry’s writing in phase two   ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

things done in fanfic that annoy me: calling each other “val” and “skul”. i literally cannot read fics that have this as a thing. not once in the ~15 years of knowing him has she ever called him “skul” or nicknamed him at all. and the only time he’s ever called her anything other than “valkyrie” is “dear”. he’ll pet name her, after a certain point, but he never shortens her name to val. 

things I look for in fanfic: f i l t h   w i t h    f e e l i n g s

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: val/vile, skug/ghastly

My happily ever after for them: at some point, many years into the future, val non-proposes to skug while they’re in bed together one night and he’s already half-asleep (”so are you going to marry me, or what?”). so he does, because her parents want to watch her walk down the aisle (though he’s aware he’s not their first choice of husband for her) and they’re together until the end anyway, so what does it really matter if they get hitched now or in 200 years’ time? 

who is the big spoon/little spoon: depends who’s having the worse day. they switch. 

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: skug likes the long drives, when he has nothing else to do but talk to her. he tells her about his life, about magic, about battles he’s been in and historical figures he met, and she tells him about her family and what she’s been up to with tanith and the last movie she watched. val likes the quiet evenings, when she’s laying on his couch watching tv and he’s sat on the floor in front of her doing case work and she can idly play with his shirt collar or rub his shoulder blades and annoy him by peering over his shoulder and constantly asking what he’s doing.