#and they have to look REALISTIC none of that washed out grey skin with white features bs

[lautakwah]

full offense but you cannot call yourself an artist if you don't know how to draw fat people, if you don't know how to draw people of colour, if you don't know how to draw disabled people, if you don't know how to draw people who fall outside of the "normative" human experience.

[fieryfafarfanfics]

Ecstatic Requiem 2

 Cold wind welcomes her presence through the calming, serene caress on her skin.  Her head holds up high, chin tilts upwards before a single breath of air is inhale slowly. Hands carefully pressed against the Charizard’s back, Kotone adjusts her position and exhales through her mouth. “What a great day, Charlie!” Her smile beams like a thousand suns. Hazel eyes peek at the purring Kanto fire starter. Slim fingers give little scratches on the places she knows the Pokémon loves, and this only widens her smile once she hears a gentle roar.  Beep! Beep!  Her attention is then robbed by the sound of her Pokégear. One hand digs into the pocket of her black pants. Upon taking the device out, Kotone feels the Butterfrees in her stomach to see the name on the screen. With a simple swipe of her thumb, she opened the message.  Skitty <3: honey, r u done w the boring meetings and stuff?  Her hearts skips faster at two things. One: the sole fact that he typed ‘honey’, and two: him.

 Quickly fingers start to reply his text.  Me: darling! yes I hv ♡(ŐωŐ人) are u done wiping out the other trainers?  A few seconds pass by. Beep! Beep!  Skitty <3: uuuuugh nope. i still hv 7 more left  Warm eyes widen in shock.  Me: eh??? theres still more???  Her body leans a bit forward for stability. As for Charlie, upon realizing that Kotone is no longer pressing her palms against her back, she slows down.  Skitty <3: yes theres more. n im more annoyd too. i told them im gonna hv a small break rn bt i swear if this keeps going ill just fight the pokemon myself  A snort slips out.  Me: id love to see that (♡´౪`♡) at least you beat them all right?  Skitty <3: uuuuuugh nope  She can vividly hear his adorably annoyed groan. Before she can reply, another text beeps in.  Skitty <3: 3 trainers surprisingly (and annoyingly) beat me. lucky they arent cocky assholes like ur cousin.  Me: im gonna screenshot this to white fyi  Skitty <3: ANYWAYS,  Laughter bubbles in the chill, orange sky.  Skitty <3: those trainers wanna battle u next bt i told them to battle u tmrrw.  Me: eh really? i can go there and battle them later tonight tho  Skitty <3: no  A single eyebrow raises in confusion.  Me: why???? (・∧‐)ゞ  Skitty <3: coz ur mine tonite  If it weren’t for Charlie’s fast reflexes, Kotone probably would have slide down off her back.  Flush of red kisses her tanned cheeks. The same cheeks then puff slowly. The long end of her ponytail tickles the side of her neck, and Kotone is at lost on whether the shivers in her body is due to the hair or text.  Quickly she texts back.  Me: someones possessive (♡´艸`)  Skitty <3: u hv no idea hw possessive i can be when it comes to you  God, Kotone wants to scream right now.  Face now filled with heated swirls, she peeks at the screen.  Me: cant wait to find out tonight then (⺣◡⺣)♡*  Skitty <3: i hope ur ready then my love  Dead! I’m dead! Screams echo in her mind as Kotone bends forward against the Charizard’s back. He’ll be the death of me! Giddy giggles burst from pretty pink lips. Her legs start to wiggle forward and back, obviously catching the attention of her confused Kanto starter.  Charlie’s wings continue to flap, but her attention has now been stolen by her excited trainer. A smile of her own curls the edges of her mouth. She knows damn well the only person who could make her trainer act and feel such a way was none other than the redhead. Puffs of light smoke slips out of her nostrils, Charlie emits what can be depicted as a chuckle and flies forward.  After letting it out of her system, Kotone carefully sits up straight and releases a long line of air. After texting each other their ‘I love you’s, she tucks the communication device back into her pocket. Her smile now ever present, both hands are brought up to tap each warm cheek.  God, she feels so lucky to have him.  Slowly her attention comes back to the skies. A nice, orange hue slowly, warmly envelopes the sky. There are less flying-types around as Charlie soars, so peace and quiet truly wraps the trainer’s senses.  Hazel eyes cast down, and a soundly gasp escapes pink lips at the sight of a place she hadn’t been to in a while.  “Charlie,” she called the Charizard. Magnificent blues meet warm hazels. “Can you bring us down to Ilex Forest?” ---  The air always feels fresh whenever she arrives at the place.  Arms stretch comfortable to the sides. The air is a bit chillier once she reaches the ground, and Kotone honestly loves the feel of it against her arms and neck. Feeling fatigue being washed away from fresh air alone, she plops her hands to the sides. Eyes turn to her Charizard, right hand now holding the starter’s ball as a silent question if she wants to get back in.  With a single nod from Charlie, Kotone flashes a smile and returns her.  Ball shrunk and clipped onto the belt of her pants, Kotone then looks around the forest. It has been years since she last stepped foot, but awe and wonderment always splash her face to witness the breath-taking scene. It seems that the forest hasn’t changed a bit, hence it brings back a small twinge of nostalgia in her heart.    Her mind wanders as her feet walks around the forest. Sounds of slumbering Hoothoots catch her ears. Sights of Caterpies and Weedles frolicking about opens a box of reminiscences in her heart. Ah how she misses being a teenager again. When she first stepped into the peaceful forest, she was 16 at that time. Soft giggles bubble out when she remembers her famous pigtails and puffy hat.  Skitty always hates that puffy hat. Giggles evolve into innocent laughter.  She remembers that Azalea Town was the place she had met Silver for the third time. While their early encounters weren’t exactly pleasant in the least, Kotone always treasures each and every memory into her heart. Each memory plays like a movie, and she truly means that literally when she learned Mewtwo has the ability to form one’s memories to a clear, vivid, realistic image.  She finds that useful for her future child when they would ask questions such as how she and Silver met.  Ah, her face is blushing again.  “Geez…” Her heart beats ever so gleefully every time she thinks of him.  Again she gives her cheeks little taps. At the same time, her feet has stopped, and it takes Kotone a second to realize that she is standing before the Ilex Forest Shrine. “Oh!” Surprise and amusement trickle pass her tongue. Taking a few steps forward, Kotone gazes at the spectacular shrine.  Its design was simplistic as ever, yet bears so many memories and significances for the people of Azalea Town. The wooden pillars remain strong, though now covered in small vines on some ends. A few berries and fruits can be seen; Kotone assumes they were offerings from the people and Pokémon alike for the shrine’s owner.  Celebi.  The name rings in her head. Wind caresses her arms gently, tracing tickles on the finest hairs on her skin. Every time her thoughts wander to the legendary, Kotone can never forget the story Silver had told her.  How he had technically died after saving her. How he was plunged into a cold abyss. How his soul withered, his mind blank from the acceptance of his timely death.  She couldn’t imagine the indescribable horror he had gone through when he told her. Just the mere thought of it once brings tears to her eyes.  Deep breaths inhaled deep into her lungs. He is fine now, she assures herself. Kotone keeps the reminder firm and planted. Celebi had saved him from his death. Celebi actually rewrote the past in order to keep him breathing again. The Time Travel Pokémon even let Silver meet his mother one last time, giving the dead a proper goodbye before he comes back to the living.  Hazel eyes gleam at the stories he told her. Silver… The pain he went through was unimaginable. The life he grew up in was anything but human. To know such a child went through hell on earth at such a young age…her skin prickles at the fearful thought.  No human can survive being sane as long as Silver has.  Sullen gaze falls on the breath-taking shrine. “Silver…” His name lulls through her lips like a heavy prayer. How she wishes she can go back in time. How she wishes she can help him even before they were properly met. All the words she wants to say for him. All the reassurance she would give to a child who had lost everything.  Hands rub up and down her arms.  Suddenly, sorrow pops into caution when she hears rustling from behind. Quickly she reaches for Damien’s Pokéball; one heel had turned and sight sharpened to one of wary. “Who’s there?” The noise sounds too heavy for a Pokémon in the area. Kotone would assume it came from a human, probably a trainer going on an adventure just like her before. But the sky above is shrouded in darkness, and it isn’t so wrong to be cautious of any danger that lurks in the night.  Especially given from a woman who had gone through hell and once became danger herself.  “Kotone?”  Once the voice lulls into her ears, Kotone immediately feels her muscle loosen.  “Hibiki!” Caution turns to joy. Fingers casually unwrapped around the Typhlosion’s Pokéball.  Finally able to walk out of the thick bushes, Hibiki brushes off the dead leaves off his arms and head. “Kotone!” Joy rings just as true as hers. Without hesitance, he briskly walks towards her for an embrace. Arms open wide, the young man hugs her by the shoulders and gives her a little squeeze. “Oh my Arceus, it is you!”  “Ya!” Laughter bubbles out of pretty pink lips. She returns his embrace with one of her own. “Wow, what’re you doing here?” Pulling away to look at him, Kotone gives his arms a little shake.  “Oof,” he winces slightly, “watch your strength there.” Laughter pops out with a mixture of surprise. Being the Johto Champion really does have its perks. “Anyways, I was just doing some field study.” Once and twice he rolls his arms.  Surprise widens a pair of hazels. “Field study? At 8 at night?”  He knew she would be shocked by his activities. “Yeah.” Once again he laughs. Grey eyes gleam as bright as his innocent smile. “I usually do my routine check-ups at night, you know. There are some nocturnal Pokémon out and about when I least expect it, so I figured it would be nice to not miss any opportunity there is.” Hands plop comfortably by his sides. “Besides, doing field studies at night really gives me a peace of mind since there aren’t any trainers or so many rowdy Pokémon around.”  He has a point, as he always does when it comes to Pokémon research. “I see you’re really excelling in the field.” A proud smile shines upon her lips. “And hey, I also see that the field gave you a great workout too.” Lightly she punches his left arm. Cheeks shroud in pink at the compliment. “Well, I still have a long way to go, though.” One hand scratches the back of his head. “You’re not so bad yourself. I see constant training and battling really put some muscles in you.” His comment is replied with a sweet laugh. As sheepish as he is to receive such compliments from his childhood friend, Hibiki wouldn’t lie that he is in awe of her hidden strength.  “Well…” Feeling slight conscious of the compliment of her body, Kotone taps her fingers gingerly. “I gotta stay fit if I want to catch up to younger trainers and defend my title.”  “I can see that.” A nod is given. It takes him a few minutes, but realization then hits when he can’t find the presence of another champion. “By the way, Silver isn’t with you?”  “Oh,” she chirped, “nah, he’s busy battling trainers at the Indigo League.”  “At this hour?” Now it is his turn to have shock plastered on his face. “It’s really late. Shouldn’t the League have like…closing times or something?”  A sigh leaves her lips. “It does, but it’s until 10. So for now, as long as there are trainers itching to battle after collecting all the gym badges of Kanto and—or—Johto, the Elite Four and us Champions have to get ready.” Honestly, explaining the concept alone is tiring. But much to no one’s surprise, she still manages to defend her title for 8 years. True, Silver has beaten her more times that she kept count, but she also has taken back her title from him many times than one can keep tally. In the end, Lance, the Elite Four, and the Indigo League management agreed to have two separate champions reigning on each region.  It’s quite adorable when she thinks about it; the Champion of Kanto and Champion of Johto are the loving, fearsome husband and wife couple.    “So anyways,” Another sigh slides off her mouth, “I’m just here walking around in Ilex Forest, getting some fresh air.” Hazel eyes look at the shrine behind her. “And of course, looking at the shrine behind me.”  Hibiki doesn’t say much, instead nods in understanding. “I see…” Lower lips juts in thought, he gives his attention to the holy place before him. “Well, if you don’t mind, I’d love to keep you company. It’s been a while since we’ve hanged out.” A few steps are taken until he stands next to her. His smile widens at her acceptance.  “Thanks, Hibiki.” She doesn’t mind the company. In truth, she misses her best friend as well.  Suddenly, before any of them could actual start a conversation, a bright light beams a few steps away from them. The shock and light briefly dazzle them both. One has his arms shielded in front of squinted eyes. One once again grips her starter’s Pokéball while shielding her eyes with one hand.   “W-What’s going on?!” Fear of the unknown pierces his tone. None answers his question, though the light unfortunately shines brighter and brighter.  “I don’t know.” Through gritted teeth she replies. A Pokéball has been unclipped from her belt, but the blinding ray causes her to flinch in her place.  Luckily, no heat nor chill harms them both. But with confusion and fear overpowering them, Kotone lightly curses under her breath as she tries to get her body to move.  “…bi—”  Irises shrink in the middle of hazels when she hears a faint sound.  “…C…e…bii—”  That sound! She knows that sound! The owner of the holy shrine. The guardian of the forest. The saviour of Silver’s life. While Kotone herself has never met the Time Travel Pokémon personally, she knows it in her heart that this strange light was Celebi’s doing.  “Cele—bi—” The name slurs out in broken hisses. Trying to find and reason with the tiny legendary, Kotone tries to scoot one foot forward. The light, to her dismay, only gets brighter and brighter, almost rivalling the sun. Hoping to Arceus that her next action won’t blind her, Kotone sucks in a deep breath and drops her hands.  Hazel eyes—though in pain of the menacing gleam—manage to spot the green shape of the creature who is causing glimmering commotion. “Please sto—!”  Before any words could be breathed out, the light—along with the two baffled humans—disappear in a blink.

[thestorytellerofkpop]

The Steps in Finding Love; Trust

Title: The Steps in Finding Love; Trust

Word Count: 7.8k+

Rating: T with eventual M

Genre: Realistic fiction, slice of life, drama, fluff with eventual smut

Warnings: Established member x member relationship, bad made up makeup names and references, a desert fantasy, Jungkook is soft, this is part three of a four part series

Pairings: Female Reader x BTS members, Jimin x Jungkook (Jikook)

Summary: “The third step to finding love was trust, and I didn’t know what that truly meant until I got to experience it again.”

1, 2, 3, 4 (finale, coming August 23rd)

You didn’t know what time it was, nor did you seem to care as your fingers diligently typed away at the computer in front of you. The blue haze was your only source of light as you worked in the darkness of your office, besides the faint white light that shined through the glass walls from the end of the hallway. Your eyes were glazed over and your back was bent, leaning towards the screen almost as if that would make you work faster and quicker. But you knew that it was moot. Nothing was working. According to your sales charts and collective data, nothing you would produce would live up to the hype that was Cake. Sure, Taehyung’s creative visions were produced and marketed, as well as the occasional idea from Jimin and Jungkook, and they did well! Don’t confuse yourself, because those sales were great and profitable. But they didn’t reach the numbers that Cake did. None of these ideas that were pitched two days ago would either, according to your analysis. And you were panicking. Sales were steady for now, but were projected to drop off in the next year if you and your team didn’t get something out soon. You refused to be ‘The Proclaimers’ of the makeup industry, only having one huge one-hit wonder then retire after a crappy attempt at a second album (in your case, makeup line). This was your newest dilemma, and oh were you stressed. 

You sighed, running a hand down your face to try and wake yourself up, but it was to no avail. You plopped your head down onto your desk, repeatedly banging your forehead against the cool glass. A soft tapping sound made you look up from your fit, and like an angel descending from the gates of heaven was Taehyung. His manicured nails tapped against the door again, looking at you through the glass with the softest expression you’ve ever seen him have. You tilted your head, and Taehyung entered, pulling along one of the chairs in your office so he could sit with you. Once he plopped down next to you, you sighed, looking up into his eyes.

“Hi,” you mumbled guiltily.

“Hi.” Taehyung’s lips pulled up into a smile, but you could tell from his eyes he wasn’t exactly happy with you. “You know it’s 4 a.m. right?”

“No,” you admitted. “I wasn’t keeping track of the time.”

Taehyung sighed, leaning across the desk to turn on the little lamp there, basking the room into a soft golden glow. He gently closed the laptop in front of you, forcing you to focus only on him. 

He looked beautiful. He always did. White-washed jeans, white t-shirt, round glasses, and his shaggy grey hair really did make him look angelic. He was actually dressed down today. There was no elaborate makeup like usual, only a simple coverup and a swipe of something glossy on his lips. And his jewelry was barren, only simple silver studs were in his ears and a silver band around his pointer finger. This made your eyes crinkle.

“What’s wrong?” you asked him. Taehyung pursed his lips.

“Why would something be wrong?”

“Because you haven’t dressed this simply since high school.” you argued, and this made Taehyung smile.

“Can’t I dress down every once in a while?” he countered.

“Without eyeshadow and contouring?” your eyes studied his face carefully, the corners of your lips twitching in amusement. “Bitch, please.”

This made Taehyung laugh, long and hearty, and you couldn’t help but join him.

“Okay, fine, I resent.” Taehyung said through his dying giggles. “It’s the boys.” you furrowed your brows at his words, shifting to look at him more clearly.

“What’s wrong? Are they okay?” Taehyung sighed, idly picking through the papers on your desk.

“I had to take them into emergency care this morning.”

“What!?” you gasped, watching Taehyung’s face contort into one of despair. You took his hand into yours, scooting closer so that your knees were touching underneath the desk. 

“Both of them?” Taehyung nodded, and with that you pulled him in for a hug, practically pulling the larger male into your lap as he sighed against your neck.

“Will they be okay though?” you mumbled, and you felt Taehyung nod against your skin.

“They’ll be stuck at the hospital for a while though.”

“Hey, look at me,” you guided Taehyung’s head up so you could look at him. “Yeontan and V are the strongest boys I know, they’ll be okay, I promise.”

“It was V that was having complications this morning, and you know how Yeontannie is. He didn’t want to leave his big brother so I had no choice but to leave him with V at the emergency vet center. They’ll be there for the rest of the week.” Taehyung lips pulled into a frown. 

“I was lonely without my fluffy boys, I couldn’t sleep without them in bed with me so that’s why I came to the office. Only to find the second most important girl in my life here looking like a hermit slouched over her computer. So now it’s your turn. What’s wrong?”

“Who’s the most important girl in your life?” you asked curiously.

“My mother.” Taehyung giggled. 

“Fair enough.” you chuckled as Taehyung moved back into his chair. 

“So what’s up Y/N? It’s not like you to stay and work overnight.”

“I know,” you sighed, looking down at the remnants of your work clothes. You had taken off your blouse and changed into one of the BeauV Cosmetics t-shirts that were left in the stock room, the letters curly and bright blue against the black background. You still wore your shorts, opting for the denim instead of your usual work pants since you didn’t have any meetings today. And your heels were in the corner, sparkling and golden. “I’ve been running projections all night.”

“And?” Taehyung asked. You sighed, opening your laptop. Taehyung peered over your shoulder as you pulled up multiple screens and analysis. 

“We’ll be steady for a year before sales will start to exponentially go down. We need another constant. We need another Cake. Another V line, another PJM or JJK. Because everything newer is okay, don’t get me wrong. We have sales and everything. But it’s nothing compared to our first stuff. We’ve been playing too safe recently and until we come up with something amazing, by this time next year we might be forgotten.”

“You know the fans wouldn’t let that happen,” Taehyung tried to reassure you. You knew he was right. You had a loyal fanbase. But…

“Yeah I know. But we’re no James Charles or Jeffree Star. We have fans, sure, but our following isn’t as large.” Taehyung sighed, grabbing your hand just like how you grabbed his.

“You’re right babe, we don’t have as many fans as they do. But y’know what? We aren’t them. We’re us. We’re BeauV. We’re Y/N, Jimin, Jungkook, and Taehyung. And I wouldn’t change it for the world. We’re amazing, we’re beautiful, and we’re gonna get through this. We just…need a creative spark to boost us up is all.” Taehyung smiled as you contemplated his words.

“And how do you suggest we do that?”

~*~

You crossed your arms as you watched your three friends run around the parking lot, admiring and drooling over the vintage cars. Taehyung had flown you all out to America, Arizona to be exact, for a well needed vacation. He said taking a break and getting out of the country would help get the creative juices flowing. Why he had picked Arizona of all places you didn’t know, but you had to admit you loved the desert. The bright orange Rockies and clear blue skies were visually stunning. 

“Y/N! Y/N!” Jungkook ran up to you, his eyes shinning with child-like glee. “Come look at the car we picked out!” he grabbed your hand, tugging you through the hot, dry air to meet Jimin and Taehyung.

“Oh,” you gasped, gently running the tips of your fingers over the hot, red metal. It was like stepping into every 1950′s movie you watched as a child, the old school Chevy was cherry red, and it’s white top was down, showing off the red leather. The whitewall tires were to die for and you instantly had a craving for Coca-Cola. 

“Beautiful, right?” Jimin chuckled, jumping into the backseat. “She’s ours for the next two weeks!”

“How expensive-”

“Hush,” Taehyung shushed you, placing a finger over your lips. “It’s fine Y/N. Money is but an object.”

“But the business-”

“Y/N,” Jungkook whined, his lips pulling into a pout as he joined Jimin in the back. “This vacation is supposed to take our minds off work, just relax. It’s fine.”

“He’s right. We have savings sweetie, it’s okay, just enjoy yourself.” Jimin coaxed you with a gentle smile. 

“C’mon,” Taehyung opened the passenger door for you, allowing you to sit against the warm leather seats. He closed the door, quickly running to the drivers side before starting the car. The engine purred to life and it’s rumble made your heart beat faster. 

Taehyung drove out of the lot with a squeal of the tires and out into the Arizona sun. The wind whipped through your hair and in between your fingers as you stared in awe at the mountains and cactuses and the long, dusty asphalt roads. Taehyung blared music through the radio, classic rock ringing through your ears with the sounds of the whipping wind. You could hear Jimin and Jungkook singing behind you, and you turned around to sneak a peak at them. 

Their hair was wild, whipping through the wind like yours, but their smiles were radiant, taking in the sun and music as you all drove deeper into the desert. They looked so happy and carefree, so beautiful and so loved that it made your heart clench. They put on each other’s sunglasses and when Jungkook caught you staring he just giggled, pulling an extra pair from his bag and shoving them up your nose, the bright, neon colors becoming a little muted. He bopped your nose, making you smile as you turned to Taehyung. 

He had his sunglasses on too, the wired ones with the pink lenses in them. His smile didn’t waver, weaving the car through twists and turns that caused you all to laugh from the speed. He caught your eye, sending you a sly wink when he grabbed your hand, pulling them up into the wind flying by. You laughed at his antics, throwing up your other hand and for the first time in a long while, you finally felt free. Free from the work, free from the stress. 

You were finally able to just let go.  

You screamed in joy, joining the boys singing in the backseat and you felt like you were home. You could feel the love your boys had for you and each other, and you hoped that they could feel your love for them too. You felt two other hands join yours and Taehyungs in the air, and when you looked and saw all your boys smiling at you, all of you holding each other’s hands, you knew you’d rather be no where else but here underneath the Arizona sun. 

The afternoon went on, the music never stopping and the wind always blowing. The sun soon began to set, and when you stopped for gas you all changed positions as you stretched your legs. Now Jimin was driving; Taehyung joined him up front as you and Jungkook lounged in the backseat. Jimin was slower in his driving, barely going over 30 mph, taking the backroads so that you all could cruise and watch the sunset. 

You were laying against Jungkook, your back pressed up against his chest as both your legs tangled across the length of the seat, Jungkook’s feet touching the other side of the car. You were idly taking pictures of the sunset with your phone, capturing the shades of orange, pink and purple while Jimin and Taehyung sang soft tunes in the front seats, their voices calming as the light breeze traveled around you. Jungkook’s arms were wrapped around you, the fabric of his hoodie soft and comforting. You snuggled further into his embrace, taking your final pictures before dropping your phone to the floor of the car, turning to hide your face into his chest. Jungkook chuckled, nudging his nose against the curve of your cheek gently, his wispy hair tickling your skin.

“Comfortable, sweetheart?” he hummed, his hands gently rubbing circles into your stomach. You nodded, gently grabbing one of Jungkook’s hands as you closed your eyes, feeling Jungkook’s smile against your skin.

“Aww, how cute.” Taehyung cooed from the front seat. You heard Jimin laugh, and could imagine him shaking his head in disbelief. 

“It is pretty cute, the two of them all wrapped up together like that.” Jimin admitted, a light giggle falling past his lips. You heard the shutter of a camera and Taehyung giggling.

“Adorable, especially with the sunset around them,” Jimin cooed, “You really do love cuddling with women, huh Kookie?” Jimin teased, and you could feel Jungkook laugh into your hair.

“I love cuddling with Y/N,” he corrected, “Besides, she lets me be the big spoon.”

Taehyung laughed at this, teasing Jimin for being the big spoon when Jungkook clearly had a good few inches on him.

“Women are just better cuddlers,” Taehyung admitted with a wistful sigh. “They’re so soft, and warm. Plus their boobs dude, they’re like little pillows.”

You giggled into Jungkook’s chest, and if only you could see the bright smile he gave you, his teeth poking out behind his lips as he giggled too.

“Don’t worry babe, you’re still an amazing cuddler.” Jungkook reassured his husband, his fingers gently squeezing your own. “But sometimes you just want a woman’s touch.”

“As long as it’s consensual I don’t care,” Jimin rolled his eyes playfully, a flirtatious glint etched in them. “Besides, I know you’ll always be back in my bed at the end of the day. You can’t resist this ass.” Jimin blew him a kiss and Taehyung laughed so hard that tears pooled into his eyes. 

The sky soon became dark, the stars shining in more amounts than you’ve ever seen, and you all stared in awe at the mass amount of them without the city lights around you.

“We need to find a place for the night.” Jimin said.

“Just keep going down this road, take the right fork back to the main road and go down a couple miles, I found a little place to stay at before we left.” Taehyung told Jimin.

“Jungkookie?”

“Hmm?”

“Where’re we going? What’s our final destination?” Jungkook just smiled, placing a peck into the palm of your hand.

“The beauty of spontaneity Y/N, is that you never really know. But just enjoy the adventure, Taehyung knows what he’s doing.” he whispered to you.

After another fifteen minutes you were all pulling up to an adobe styled hotel, with a central plaza and all. You all took your luggage from the trunk, admiring the clay walls and oil paintings as the hotel keeper showed you all to your rooms. You were with Taehyung again, to save money he said, but really you knew he was lonely without his fluffy dogs to keep him warm at night. Your suspicions were confirmed when you were met with only one, king-sized bed (Jimin and Jungkook later telling you that they both had one as well). The room was tan and beautiful, traditional art and rugs of the region were scattered about and the tiles of the floor were white and pristine. 

You were allowed five minutes to freshen up before the boys pulled you out to hunt for food, finding yourself in a saloon-esque building in another ten. There was a bar on one wall and tables with hungry patrons against the other, but the stage is what caught your eye the most. You knew the building had to have been a strip club at one point, the long cat-walk isle down the center of the room made that obvious. It was unoccupied however, the band of the evening opting to stay on the main stage instead. There were people dancing to the music as well, making you smile and think of the last time you danced with Yoongi under the moonlight. You wondered how he was doing and decided to text him later, after all, he was watching your houseplants for you.

Once your bellies were full of stew and dirty rice, you and Taehyung watched Jimin and Jungkook dance all around the wooden floors as you both nursed glasses of local whiskey. Taehyung hummed low in his throat and you figured now would be as good a time as any to bring up something that was pestering in your mind.

“Tae?”

“Hmm?”

“Why did you tell Yoongi about our kiss?” you asked softly. No one knew about that fact except you three, not even Jimin or Jungkook who’ve been with you both for years. Taehyung sighed, groaning softly when he pulled his arms up in a stretch. 

“Confidant?” he said easily, rolling his eyes playfully when he saw your serious expression. “Okay fine. I told him about it as a tipoff.”

“A tipoff for what?” you questioned.

“After Art Walk, Yoongi called me and asked about you. He was whipped for you, extremely so. But that look you had in your eyes after we all left the elevator the night of the Cake launch, I knew you weren’t going to fall in love with him. You were pursuing him after a bad breakup Y/N, it was obvious you were drawn to Yoongi for his comforting words and wisdom. But he was persistent, so then I started talking about us, our friendship, and the kiss was mentioned in passing as a way just to get it over with. A friend trusting a friend. I think that gave him the tipoff that you were only seeing him as some sort of sanctuary. Yoongi knew it too, but he really wanted another’s opinion. And when it comes to you, who knows you better than me?” Taehyung shrugged, taking a sip of his drink. 

“So it was really you that prevented me and Yoongi from getting together.” you huffed, your lips pulling up. “You conniving little shit.” you smacked his arm and he just chuckled.

“Are you mad?”

“No,” you paused, tilting your head in thought. “If you would’ve told me that a few months ago, yes. But I’m kinda glad you did. I don’t want to be in a relationship based on false emotions. I was rushing to find love, but now I know good things come to those who wait.”

“Amen to that.” Taehyung raised his glass, clinking it with yours as you both downed the rest of your whiskey. “Come dance,” he ushered you out of your seat when a slower song started playing. He pressed his chest to your back as he guided you into a slow sway, his arms draped across your waist. You rolled your eyes, allowing your hands to grip onto his biceps.

“You’ve been working out.” you commented.

“Mmhmm.” he hummed into your hair.

“Who’re you trying to impress?” you teased.

“You,” he winked and he took your slap in stride. “What? I’m serious.”

“And so am I. We’ve already talked about this.”

“Blah, blah, blah.” Taehyung mocked you, placing a kiss on your cheek. “You know you want me.”

“Only if neither of us are married by thirty-five.”

“Hey, it was thirty last time, you keep changing our contract.” Taehyung whined.

“Ugh, fine. Thirty then. Now for real, who’s the lucky person?”

“There’s a cute newbie working with the scientists,” he mumbled and you could feel the warmth of his blush rise. “He’s extremely sweet and endearing, a total fitness junkie. Him and Kookie workout sometimes. But I think he finds me intimidating and weird.”

“Is it the clothes, the elaborate makeup, or the flamboyantness do you think?” you teased and Taehyung whined behind you. “Okay, okay. Honestly, just talk to him Tae? If he doesn’t like you, your fishnets and crop-tops, your heels or your makeup then he doesn’t deserve someone as wonderful as you.”

“You’re too sweet,” Taehyung cooed, “But thank you.”

You hummed in acknowledgement, continuing to sway in place as you watched Jimin and Jungkook across the dance floor. They were entangled together, light staccato kisses being pressed between their lips as they held each other close. Your heart clenched; they looked so in love it was almost sickening, and no matter how much they teased each other or joked about having threesomes (honestly though, with Jungkook being Jungkook, you wouldn’t doubt it to be very real between them) they always ended up back together in each other’s arms. You guessed that’s what marriage entailed; always wanting to come back to the one you loved the most, the one you’d want to spend the rest of your life with. 

“Well I’ll be damned.” a voice broke you out of your stupor. “Y/N L/S, is that really you?”

You looked up and you gasped, easily breaking out of Taehyung’s grasp as you both looked at the person who spoke in shock. 

~*~

“Hoseok?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you think we’ll ever see each other again?”

“I’m moving to L.A., not to the moon.” the boy laying next to you chuckled, leaning over to place a tender kiss against your cheek.

“I know, but it’s still so far away, and I’ll miss you.” you admitted, a soft sigh expelling from your lips.

“Hey, look at me,” Hoseok cooed, taking one of your hands. You glanced over at him.

“I promise I’ll call, hell I’ll even write if I have to. Trust me, I’m not going to forget you Y/N.” he smiled, radiant and bright. “And after I graduate high school, I’m going to work and make enough money to move back home to be with you.”

~*~

You thought Hoseok had forgotten you. After he had left with his family, he did call, almost everyday. But as the months went on, after he had graduated, the calls came less and less, and eventually they just stopped. Oh, how you remember the longing for him to call you back, to return just one call, but he never did. It didn’t really “hurt”, after all, you both had left each other on good terms and it was a fleeting high school relationship. One filled with shy kisses and passing notes in class. You knew Hoseok must’ve been busy, making a living in America would certainly be a good enough excuse to forget to call. But he was still your first love, and his actions and loss in a promise made you guard the promises you chose to make, keeping those words tight and close until you knew you could trust another to not break them like Hoseok had. Even when Seokjin came along, the first man you were with after Hoseok, you still kept your guard up, albeit less than before. 

But of all things, you didn’t expect to see him standing in front of you, in a musty saloon in the middle of nowhere in Arizona, many years later. 

“Hoseok?” you questioned, carefully taking a step forward. 

He looked completely different from what you’ve remembered him to be. You always saw the eighteen year-old in your mind whenever you thought of him; mousey brown hair, scattered acne, gangly limbs, bright eyes and a smile to match. The man in front of you had dark red hair, matching the mountains of the desert. His face was tan, smooth, clear, and his arms and legs were taut with muscle and a few scattered scars. But you knew that smile anywhere, and those bright eyes haven’t aged a day, but still, you didn’t want to believe it was him. 

“Who’s my favorite Backstreet Boy?” you asked suddenly and Taehyung giggled behind you. Hoseok rolled his eyes.

“Really, the security question Y/N? C’mon, it’s me.” he tried again, taking a step closer to you.

“Then the answer should be easy.” you challenged.

“Y/N,” Taehyung shook his head with a chuckle, moving in front of you to give your friend a hug. Hoseok chuckled as Taehyung bounded into his arms, holding him close.

“Good to see you too Tae.” he ruffled the younger’s hair, looking at you expectantly. “Don’t I get a hug from you, Y/N?”

“Not until you answer the question.” you were persistent, and you must’ve spoken a little too loud, because Jimin and Jungkook came wandering over.

“Is there a problem here?” Jungkook asked defensively, wrapping a protective arm around your shoulder. Hoseok’s eyes followed Jungkook’s grip, a dark flash of something passing through them before they turned bright again.

“Stand down lover boy,” Taehyung chuckled. “This is Hoseok, a childhood friend from high school.”

“Oh! Nice to meet you!” Jimin, the ever loving man that he was, held out his hand and Hoseok took it with a smile.

“Y/N, this is ridiculous-”

“The security questions weren’t ridiculous in high school.” you countered. 

“That was eight years ago!” Hoseok laughed, shaking his head. “And us three made those up in case a zombie apocalypse broke out and someone was trying to impersonate us.”

“If you could remember all that you should know the answer.” you raised your eyebrow and Hoseok sighed, pursing his lips as he stared at Jungkook’s hand again, the boy’s arm still wrapped around you protectively. 

“Your favorite Backstreet Boy is Nick Carter, because he could dance really well. You used to tease me about him being a better dancer than me just to rile me up.” Hoseok smirked and you sighed in defeat

“Now c’mere,” Hoseok held his arms open and you moved into him, allowing his arms to wrap around you.

Damnit, he was warm, and he smelled so good. You relaxed in hold involuntarily, your guard dropping.

“I’ve missed you. So, so much.” he whispered into your ear. You pulled away from him with a small smile.

“I’ve missed you too, but you have a lot of explaining to do.”

~*~

“You have every right to be upset-”

“Damn right I do.” you agreed, watching as the boys danced around while you and Hoseok took refuge at the table. Taehyung ushered the other two out to dance, knowing you’d want to talk with Hoseok alone and after a few shots, they were more than willing to do so as more party-goers came out to dance to the country twang as the night grew darker.

“You broke your promise.” you continued, your voice a little softer this time. “You, sir, are the cause of a lot of trust issues.”

“Guilty,” Hoseok chuckled, and his laugh was contagious. “After graduation, I knew I didn’t want to stay in L.A.”

“Why’s that?”

“It was too artificial, too showy. But I loved the desert, I loved the mountains.” Hoseok eyes lit up. “I taught dance while I was there though, saved money and bought my own car and I just drove and drove until the car broke down at a Native American reservation about fifty miles from here, over the river.” he paused, biting his lip.

“Hobi?” you questioned, and the corners of his lips turned up at the use of your old nickname.

“Most of the money I saved was originally going towards a plane ticket, to go back home to Korea. To see you.” he admitted. “But something called me here. I couldn’t let it go, so I took the risk and I’ve never been happier. The population is less than 5,000, quiet and local. And I work as a river guide, taking groups down the rapids for hours at a time. I even do multi day excursions, just exploring the flora and fauna and meeting wonderful people as we camp under the stars.”

“Well, that explains the muscles.” you chuckled. Hoseok sighed, reaching out to take your hand in his.

“There hasn’t been a day that’s gone by where I didn’t think about calling you. About calling your parents or Taehyung when one day your number just didn’t go through anymore. It’s hard out here though, signal’s are always going out.”

“When it was in though, why didn’t you?” you asked. “I missed you, Hoseok. You were my first love, but more than that, you were my friend too.”

“I don’t know why,” he answered honestly. “But I can tell you I missed you too. So much. I saw you in the cactus flowers, the stars in the sky, but none of them compare to you now. You’re so much more beautiful than I remembered you to be.” you chuckled, shaking your head at him.

“You still have your way with words.” you teased.

“No, I genuinely mean it Y/N.” he gripped your hand tighter. “You look more…relaxed, more glowing and bright. It’s gorgeous, you’re gorgeous.”

“Oh, stop.” you blushed, avoiding his gaze.

“I won’t, I have seven years of complimenting to catch up on. I know I’ve broken my promise of coming back, but I never stopped thinking about you in the corner of my mind. Can you forgive me for hurting you? For breaking your trust?” you’ve never heard Hoseok beg before, but you guessed this would as close as you can get to it. He looked so hopeful. You sighed, picking up your drink and taking a tentative sip as Hoseok was practically falling off the edge of his seat. 

“I’ll forgive, but I won’t forget Mr. Jung.” you smirked and Hoseok’s smile permeated your heart and warmth spread through your belly, but you blamed the whiskey for that. 

“I’ll take what I can get.” Hoseok chuckled, his thumb gently rubbing over the back of your hand. “So, what’ve you been doing on the other side of the world while I’ve been scaling the white waters?”

“Well, remember Tae and I’s dream of having our own company?”

“Nah, shut up. You guys didn’t.” Hoseok exclaimed, his smile growing as you pulled up your company’s website on your phone, showing him the PR photos of you and the three boys posing with the Cake palette, each one’s eyeshadows depicting a different look with a mirage of colors. 

“We did.” you giggled as Hoseok scrolled through the products with awe in his eyes.

“I can’t believe it, I’m so proud!” he said, pushing your phone back to you. “Was that Taehyung’s idea? The whole food/cake thing?”

“Actually, it was mine. Our top seller too. These were Tae’s. And Jungkook’s and Jimin’s.” you puffed your chest out with pride, pointing at all of the products. 

“Well I’ll be damned then. It’s beautiful.” Hoseok gave you a thumbs up. “But why is that the only thing you’ve created? Clearly you have the talent.”

“I’ve been having a lot of stress lately. With the marketing, the projections, worrying about finances with Kookie and promotional and social media with Jimin, and allowing Taehyung to experiment and create at his own free will, I guess I lost my creative spark.” you admitted with a sigh. “That’s why we’re all here. Taehyung booked us this vacation to help us relax and get the creativity flowing again, because if we don’t have another sale like Cake, we’re slowly going to go under.”

Hoseok hummed softly in understanding. 

“I guess there’s also the ‘second project’ syndrome that’s messing with my mind too. I’m afraid that whatever I design and produce with the boys won’t live up to the Cake palette’s hype. Cake sold out completely in Korea in two days, and two weeks later they were sold out internationally. Our workers were doing overtime to keep up with sales.” you continued. “I just feel stuck. Even though this place makes me feel free, I know I’ll have to return to that limbo when it’s done, and that scares me.”

“Y’know what you need?” Hoseok told you.

“What?”

“A sense of freedom.”

~*~

That’s what prompted you and the boys to stay in Hoseok’s house for the remainder of your vacation. His house was comfy enough for the five of you, and the homey touches did make you feel better than staying in an artificial hotel. 

Hoseok helped you all let go. 

Hoseok took you all to see the secrets of the mountains and canyons, the river guiding you down trails of adrenaline and clarity. The hiking brought you beautiful horizons, the cactuses providing nourishment from the source, and the river brought you splashing wars and chicken fights, of gentle floating in ravines and laying out on the red sandbars, but it also brought you adventure as the rapids licked your cheeks and flew you over rocks and mini waterfalls. And the rocks aided you all, providing stepping stones, glimpses into the wildlife’s habitat, and great heights to fall into deep pockets of water. Jimin documented it all, only posting the best pictures of your vacation to your SMS, much to Taehyung’s dissatisfaction (”Hyung! I don’t have makeup on, you can’t post that!” “But Taehyung, none of us are, we’re all barefaced.” “Yeah but you guys actually look good without makeup.”).

As Hoseok took you out more and more, your trust in him began to grow again. He showed you friendship, he showed you consistency, he showed you attentiveness and honesty, giving you his everything and anything. He jumped off the cliffs with you into the waters below, he showed you the scorpions and lizards with careful hands, gave you prickly pears and their juice when there wasn’t enough for the five of you, and he fought with you in the water against the other boys, comradery and unity forming between you both again. You both fell back into the friendship you thought you lost, and Hoseok made your heart feel light. You trusted him, from his reoccurring actions and signs of love and clarity. And you had forgiven him, understanding now how easy it would be to isolate yourself into the land of red rocks and sand, living without a care in the world as the sun stroked your back and dried your hair into knots and waves. 

The two weeks seemed to go by too fast, but you knew it happened from the looks of your sun-kissed skin and water-logged locks. A few scars and bruises also joined your skin, caused by falling out of the raft on the rapids and landing on hidden rocks beneath the water. You found yourself and the boys lounging out poolside on the last night of your vacation while Hoseok cleaned up the dinner of smoked barbeque and margaritas. You were laying out on one of Hoseok’s pool chairs with your sketch book, drawing the mountains and setting sun while watching Taehyung and Jungkook fight in the pool. Jimin sat next to you, flipping through the pictures he took that day.

“Y/N?” Jimin called. You looked up at him over the edge of your sunglasses before you heard him snap a picture. He smiled, looking up at you with sweet eyes.

“Beautiful.” he told you, showing you the picture. Your sunglasses and floppy sun hat blocked half of your face, but the edge of a smile laced your lips as Jimin captured your natural expression. You could see the base colors on your sketch pad, your coverup only barely revealing the bikini top you wore with your shorts and flip flops. Your hair was wavy from the chlorinated water you were swimming in earlier, and your cheeks were pink and speckled with sun freckles.

“You really are talented with a camera Jiminie.” you complimented him.

“It’s all you sweetie, just an au-natural Y/N. Beautiful in her natural state.” Jimin’s words made you blush, normally he wasn’t this foreword with you, his flirtation usually just reserved for Jungkook. “I’m so posting this as a teaser that we’re working creatively again.”

“Go ahead Jimin, I won’t whine about it like some people.” you said with a chuckle.

“Heard that!” Taehyung yelled before he was shoved underneath the water again by Jungkook.

“I agree with Jimin.” Hoseok was suddenly behind you, making you jump in surprise. “You look beautiful with Arizona written all over you.”

When Hoseok told you that he would be catching up on his compliments he wasn’t kidding, giving you at least one every day. You didn’t know if it was because he felt guilty or really just wanted you to feel beautiful. Whatever it was though, you appreciated it immensely, his words doing wonders to your ego and self confidence.

“I wanna show you something.” Hoseok told you. His eyes had that spark in them, and you could tell he was eager to drag you out for the rest of the night.

“Okay.”

Hoseok grinned, grabbing your hand and dragging you out the back gate of his home, taking you up the side of the mountain in his backyard. You giggled when he became too excited, almost falling off the side of the red rock with a sheepish smile, heading your advice to go just a little slower. You hiked up the path until the sun had set, following Hoseok until he pulled you away from the main path, following the curves of the rocks until he led you to a tunnel.

“Hoseok…”

“Hmm? Are you scared?” Hoseok teased, playfully pinching your sides.

“It’s really dark,” you said hesitantly, peering into the hole in the rock formation.

“C’mon, it’s safe enough, it’s like a slide.” he smiled, sitting down on the sandy gravel. “I’ll even hold you if you want. Please? It’ll be so worth it.” he held his hand out to you, the other patting the open space between his legs. You bit your lip, your eyes flickering between his expectant stare and the darkness of the tunnel. With a huff you joined him on the ground, grabbing his arms and wrapping them around you like a safety belt.

“If I die tonight, I’m blaming you Jung Hoseok.”

He chuckled, inching you both forward until you were at the mouth of the tunnel.

“Ready?” he asked.

“Ready.” you nodded. Suddenly, you were sliding down an endless tunnel. You could hear Hoseok’s joyful laughter over your screams of shock and then as soon as you started, you stopped, your eyes bulging at what you saw.

You were in some sort of crater in the middle of the mountain, because you could see the sky and the stars above you, creating a ceiling for the tall rock that surrounded you. But there was an oasis in the crater. It couldn’t have been more than fifteen feet wide, but around it’s bank there were little sprouts and cactuses growing, and an old blanket laying across the ground.

“Worth it?” Hoseok asked and you could hear the smugness in his voice.

“I don’t know, I think I bruised my butt on the slide down.” you joked, standing and brushing the dirt off your clothes. You moved closer to the oasis, gently running your fingers over the surface of the water; it was warmer than you thought it’d be.

“A lot of frogs breed here, honestly I think it’s the only place the tadpoles can survive in in a twenty mile radius.” Hoseok commented, crouching down next to you.

“How’d you find this place?” you asked.

“Hiking accident,” he winked. “I fell down the tunnel, slipped on some loose rock and ended up here. It was pretty in the day, but at night, you can see everything. C’mon.”

He took you to the blanket, stretching out and laying against it with his hands supporting his head. You laid down next to him, looking up at the amounts of stars shining above you. The moon added a glow to your vision, the entire little room basking a light blue haze around you both. 

“You can see everything. There’s the North star, and the Little Dipper connecting off of it,” Hoseok pointed to the sky and you followed his finger as he named every constellation you could see. You just watched him with love in your eyes; his passion was evident in the way he spoke about the stars and the region and you honestly couldn’t imagine him being anywhere else but here in this small desert town. When his voice grew silent you focused back on him and saw he was staring at you now, just like how you were absentmindedly staring at him. You blushed, chuckling softly but you didn’t look away.

“You were staring.” Hoseok pointed out.

“I know.”

“Are you still infatuated with my good looks?” he teased, turning onto his side to better face you. You turned onto your side too, making the tips of your noises almost touch. 

“Yeah, you wish.” you giggled. Hoseok gave you a half-hearted chuckle in return, his lips falling into a frown.

“I’ve been thinking a lot these past few days.” Hoseok admitted.

“About?”

“About us.” he said easily. “About what we would’ve become if I hadn’t moved. About what we would’ve been if you came out here. About what would’ve happened if we somehow, someway, stayed together.”

“Hoseok…”

“I don’t regret my actions, not at all. But sometimes I wonder what we could’ve been. Haven’t you?”

You squirmed, playing with your hands as you thought. Sure, you’ve missed Hoseok, immensely so. But you never thought about what could’ve been. The thought didn’t cross your mind after building the business and dealing with love in pain and love in patience back-to-back.

“You’re hesitating,” Hoseok chuckled, stopping your fidgeting movements so you could focus entirely on him. “Why?”

“I guess I have some issues when it comes to talking about romantic relationships now.” you chuckled. “I’ve had two complicated relationships with two different people in the past year and a half, and I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Y/N, it’s just me, I’m not going to get hurt by what you say. Just be honest. Don’t you trust me enough to do that? I feel offended.” Hoseok laughed and you shook your head quickly.

“No! No that’s not it! After these past weeks, I’ve grown to trust you again Hoseok. Completely with all my heart. If I’m being honest…I hadn’t really thought about us and what could’ve been. I was too busy with the business and the past love complications. I’m sorry.” you sighed. Hoseok just smiled, taking your hand in his.

“Thank you for being honest, and I’m not that surprised really. It’s been seven long years of growth for the both of us. I wouldn’t expect you to think about me that way anymore, but a guy can hope sometimes,” Hoseok laughed and the air around you both still seemed light, and for that you were grateful.

“But still, why so hesitant when talking about love? Honesty should always be the forefront, and that shouldn’t make you uneasy.” Hoseok pestered on.

“I guess I don’t trust myself enough to admit my feelings to myself or others for that matter. Really, I just want to know I actually love a person first before I start trusting myself and my emotions with them. Y’know?”

“Oh Y/N,” Hoseok chuckled, his smile lighting up your soul. “Trust is always built first to allow love to grow. I trust you…so much. You’re honest, you’re reliable, and your heart is so open for love and friendship that it makes mine pound. When you say you love someone or something, you show it to your full capacity. I can see it in the way you look at Taehyung, Jimin, Jungkook, and with me. And that’s worth everything to me, even more so that the actual feeling of love. And if I can see that, then everyone else can too. So allow yourself to trust and be honest with the people you care about, because they can see the truth within you too and will appreciate you more for talking about it.” Hoseok spewed, his eyes light and understanding.

You smiled, realizing the true extent of what Hoseok’s words meant. How trust was built for love, and how his trust equated to his love for you. You suddenly brought him in for hug, making him chuckle.

“Aww, Y/N.” Hoseok cooed, hugging you close to him.

“I love you.” you told him, pulling back to see his reaction. Hoseok’s smile just grew and he placed a gentle kiss on your forehead.

“And I love you.” he giggled. 

“Thank you, for making this trip even more amazing than it already was.” Hoseok waved his hand absentmindedly.

“It was my pleasure. Besides, giving up a moment to hang out with you and Tae again? I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” 

“It’s just sad we have to leave you behind.” you pouted.

“You’re not, not really. I’ll always be here.” he said, placing his hand on your chest over where your heart was. You smiled, placing your hand over his chest as well.

“And I’ll be here with you too.” Hoseok smiled, placing a light kiss against your lips. 

It wasn’t more than a peck, like how a mother would kiss her child, but it held so much for you. So much love and understanding and light that you allowed Hoseok to do it again, and again. Until the pecks turned into a full kiss, your lips sliding together as you kissed under the lights of the stars. Hoseok pulled you close, holding you like you were the most precious thing in the world to him. His hands gripped your hips, firm and steady to keep you from physically swooning. You giggled when Hoseok bit your lip, pulling away from you with his signature heart-shaped smile. 

“Just like old times, right?” he teased and you giggled, nodding your head.

“Just like old times.”

“Maybe I’ll come out one day and visit. I can’t leave this place though, the desert is my home now.” Hoseok said, the tips of his fingers running over the top hem of your shorts, occasionally brushing the skin of your back. 

“Please? We missed you more than you know.” you chuckled.

“I promise,” he said, placing a parting kiss on your cheeks. “You’re going to make someone feel very loved someday Y/N. And you’re going to get that same love back, tenfold.”

“It’s nice of you to think so.” you laughed, playfully shoving his shoulder. 

“I know so,” he countered, his eyes growing a little wider as he spoke. “My mom always told me this whenever I mentioned love; ‘The people who trust the most, always love the most, therefore, they will always find someone who loves like they do. Because the ones who love the most, deserve someone who can keep up with them and their love for the world.’.” Hoseok paused, allowing his eyes to roam over your face, to stare into your eyes one more time before he let you go. “And honey, you deserve that kind of loving.”

[beatyoutothepunchline]

On Getting Dressed

Getting dressed in the morning has always been difficult for me. If I can, I will wear the same outfit four times in one week to avoid having to think about it any longer than necessary. My go-to outfit at the moment is my green and black J-Crew plaid button-down, my high-waisted Madewell skinny jeans with the button fly and my Doc Martens. At this point in my life, I do not ask myself, “Do you think somebody will realize you’ve been wearing the same pair of jeans for the last four days?” but, “Do these jeans look and smell clean enough that if someone were to realize you’ve been wearing them for the last four days, they wouldn’t call you out on it?” If the answer is yes, I will throw on the outfit again. I don’t dress to look nice most days. “Nice” meaning my makeup is done, my hair is straight and parts in a way that frames my face in a flattering way, my outfit is coordinated, cleaned and ironed and my shoes match the vibe I’m going for. When I look "nice" there is generally a vibe I am going for and that can vary day to day. A coat of concealer and a flat iron are nice, but it isn’t really necessary. Some days I run around Chicago in an oversized sweatshirt, with bags under my eyes and my naturally wavy hair pulled back in a ponytail. Sometimes I’m more dressed up, others I’m more dressed down. I’m most comfortable in jeans and a tee shirt and because I tend to get more done when I don’t feel like I’m sticking out for looking good or bad. There are certain days where I have to critically think about my wardrobe as I might an essay or an article for class--interviews, dates, holidays--and those days are agonizing. I would argue there is just as much nuance and subtext in the right outfit as there is in a Hemingway short story. Which is why most fashion related things go over my head. But every now and then, I force myself to stand in front of my closet and edit my wardrobe to what I wear. I’m not a person with many clothes, but there are always a few things I find I can get rid of. As I pick up each piece and I asked myself, “Is this still me?” I stopped to wonder, “How did this become my thing? Is it even my thing, or is it someone else’s?” Like most people, from birth till about I was old enough to make my own decision (and for those decisions to be preferably color coordinated, realistic, and weather/event appropriate), my clothing wasn’t my choice. So none of my clothes were my thing, rather what my mom thought would look cute on me. This is why there is a picture of me in an Angelina Ballerina tee shirts and pink capris with a fairy wand and crown on my fourth birthday, and a picture of me in fifth grade wearing a striped, pink white shirt and short sets from Old Navy while on our family trip to Hawaii, and why my first day of school photo from seventh grade I’m wearing a short sleeved and khaki jacket with a lacy pink tank top and black shorts. I can separate my current wardrobe, almost perfectly into black, white, denim, olive green, and varying shades of blue. I have one pink sweater (which my mother bought me) and while I will occasionally throw it on and wear it around my apartment, I end up tearing it off within twenty minutes because of the I cannot stand the color or cut of it. The reason I wear the monochrome is because I am pale and my skin has a naturally pink undertone. If you flip my wrist over, you can see every vein in my arm up to my elbow. You can see the veins in my feet, in my thighs and my stomach. Wearing, black, white, denim, olive and shades of blue makes the pinkish undertone is less noticable and helps the bright blue veins blend in better. Wearing pink, or bright yellow washes me out and makes weird details intense. As for the cut of it, it’s a cropped sweater with side splits up to my ribcage, on top of being wildly ineffective at keeping me warm, it makes my long torso appear even longer than it is, and it just isn’t me. Nothing in my wardrobe is really “me” though. I came to this realization after glancing at the mess of clothes scattered across my bedroom floor while taking a “break” from spring cleaning this last weekend. Everything in my closet I own because of someone else. I own a pair of Gold Cup Sperry Topsiders because my freshman year of high school there was a senior boy with a British accent who browsed the bookshelves of the library before school in a pair of Sperry’s. In the era of Victoria Secret yoga pants tucked into beat to hell Ugg boots and calf-length Nike socks slipped thoughtlessly into pairs of ADIDAS shower slides on the way out the door, his shoes, as well as the pressed khaki pants and button-down shirts, his perfectly gelled hair, and his accent, captured a kind of class that seemed lost on the rest of the students at my high school. Though my own Sperry’s seem to more closely resemble some douchebag college frat guys than the classy look of Boat Shoe Guy’s, when I look of them I think back to being fourteen, working up the guts to sit at his table in the library, not quite brave enough to say anything, and listening to him talk in what I later found out was a fake British accent about things I can’t remember with other, older people and feeling cool. Not in a conventional way. Cool in a nerdy way I didn’t realize I could be until I met him. When I look at the gold hoop earrings I keep in my great grandmother’s teacup with the rest of my small jewelry collection, I realize that my love for them comes from mother, who wore perfect silver hoops earrings frequently throughout my childhood. When I think of them I think of box blonde hair, and regrettable bangs and her capped tooth smile. I’m the opposite. My hair is dirty blonde, I don’t have bangs (never again after my mom cut thick ones so far back on my head that for several months I had Joe Dirt’s mullet). My hoops aren’t perfect circles and they are gold color, not silver.I don’t look or act much like my mother, but occasionally when I put them on I feel like I can fake that same kind of magnetic charm and try to smile with my teeth like she does. I decide I can pull off the hoops, but not the toothy grin and leave it at that. I own a black pea coat because of the movie Giant. Which doesn’t seem like it would make sense give it’s a movie set in Marfa, Texas, but let me explain. My freshman year of high school my grandma bought a copy of Giant for my dad’s birthday and one day a few weeks after she’d given it to him, I found it lying on the buffet in our living room. Being the movie buff I am, and being intregued by the front cover I decided to watch it. The entire time I just kept thinking the blond guy from the front cover was cute (which, in retrospect, is the dumbest take away a person could have after watching that film). After the movie I decided to Google him and came upon a picture of him walking down the rainy street in New York City. Wet cigarette hanging out of his mouth, collar of his iconic black black pea coat poped. And Where I can’t say I’ve ever fallen in love at first sight, I imagine it’s similar to seeing James Dean in that jacket. In an excerpt from ‘Women in Clothes,’ an anthology about how clothes define and shape us, Leanne Shapton, author and artist, writes of a similar love-at-first-sight feeling she with an Isabel Marant dress she saw a woman wearing at a party, “I admired her hair: worn loose, flecked with grey. And her manner: warm, thoughtful, sincere. She wore no makeup, and the dress, which was sack-like, lent her a modesty I liked. We spoke about our children. Then, in a lull in the conversation, I came back to the dress, complimenting it again. She nodded, knowing. Then I did something that surprised me: I leaned down and picked up the edge of her skirt and touched it, marveling aloud at the light, smooth fabric. I have never touched another woman’s dress like that before. A fur sleeve once, but I’ve never had that grasping, clutching impulse.” In her essay, Sharpton wonders if her feelings she had about the dress “also had something to do with admitting I want something. I’ve struggled with admitting what I want most of my life, not admitting until the last possible moment that I wanted a child. Admitting I flat-out wanted this dress was new to me. I was nervous.” Where I can’t say I relate to the wanting a kid portion of that statement, I can relate to the feeling of wanting something. Wanting to be unique and confident, two feelings I don’t feel like I’ve ever fully had but have just been chasing after my whole life. The reason my go-to outfit is what it is is because of directors like Sofia Coppola and Point Break era, Kathryn Bigelow. There is this picture of Kathryn Bigelow standing in front of a monitor next to Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze: white tee shirt, baggy blue jeans, cool boxy shades, and a Reebok baseball hat. When I don’t know what to wear, or when I need to do something I’m not sure I can, I dress up and pretend to be somebody I think can figure it out. Be the woman who can direct a surfer bank heist movie, the woman who can speak French, beautifully while eating a croissant, scarlet lips pouted, Rick Blaine tripping over his shit, the Dude who’s got no idea how the hell things are going to work out, but isn’t too worried about it. Cause maybe things just will in the end. It isn’t an exact copy, it looks similar enough to them that I’m able to capture their attitude, power. . . their magic, but different enough that it’s still me. So I put on my version of that outfit when I don’t know what else to wear because it is comfortable and easy and because I’ve tricked myself into thinking it will inspire some sort of brilliant direction and confidence I don’t feel like I have on my own. Even if it doesn’t do what I think it will and my voice gets caught in my throat and I let someone talk over me, or I get rejected, or I fail and fall flat on my face. When I wear my navy Calvin Klein wrap dress, everyone I know groans and says, “You wear that all the time. Don’t you own another dress?” I do. There is the ombre floor length prom dress that lives back of my closet at my parent's house which I bought because it made me look like Jennifer Aniston, and the crochet white and orange dress that I bought from Urban Outfitter’s because it reminded me of Shasta Fay Hepworth’s orange dress in Paul Thomas Anderson’s Inherent Vice. I don’t usually have the occasion to wear either of these dresses, but the navy wrap dress works for almost any occasion so that’s why I wear it. It creates some shape on my fairly shapeless form, and I like it because it makes me feel like Lauren Bacall. Equal parts sexy, mysterious and classy in a way that I am otherwise not. I’ve never worn it on a date, but I’d be lying if I said if I’d never worn it to a half hour meeting to look “nice” only to walk around downtown Chicago just to see people turn their heads and wonder, “Who is she?” Then, for a fraction of a second, I am the woman I’m not to somebone. When I am at home on Saturday mornings, and my hair is all frizzed out and drooled on and I can’t be bothered to put on actual pants, I walk around in my boxers, oversized and stained Sid’s Liquor tee shirt and a cardigan. I throw on some sunglasses, debate making myself a White Russian and go full-on “The Dude” from The Big Lebowski. Cause it’s hard to relax when you live and work in the same place and I can only seem to do it when I’m someone else. But it is me? Dressing up as someone else might get me through the day, but what if I never take risks as myself? Years from now, will there be some girl who sees a pair of Madewell skinny jeans at the bottom of a pile at a thrift store or finds an old pair of boots that will say, “Oh my god, I love it. It’s so Sidney Thompson.” if I can’t even dress up like her? Am I just a shot for shot remake with nothing new to offer, to contribute, to inspire? Will people see me or will they tease my style apart and say, “Oh, she’s ripping off So-and-So.” I’d like to think I’m more of a Quentin Tarantino homage to all my favorite fashion icons. You can see where I stole, but I’d like to think every now and then there’s someone out there is able to see that part of me poking through one of my costumes and thinks it’s pretty cool.

[deadkidontheroad]

So my friend is a really good writer but they have really bad self confidence issues, so I'm looking for feed back for them. This is an unedited raw chapter hope you enjoy!! It's called Knoxwell Anson

(Chapter 2) shouting in silence

Knoxwell Anson rocked tediously on his chair, the walls were lined with books and ladders, and in the middle sat him. It was his favorite spot in the entirety of the palace, riddled with a layer of dust and more a home to him then anywhere had ever been. It made him feel like something bigger than himself. In the center of so many different stories of the past, so many adventures. If they could survive through such difficult times so could he. That’s exactly what he did. He survived.

Knoxwell looked carefully to the sky and then back to the shadows creeping slowly up and down the walls. They whispered quietly to him, sending tiny shivers dancing along his spine. He touched a hand gently to the vial in his pocket. The Dwelm they had given him was soft against his skin, the colors of such dwelms were the most vibrant shades to represent his life within walls of the Queen. It was a metallic blue, his Dze, the color that represented him and had since birth. However since his arrival it had became much of an embarrassment. Fore, there was no creme representing the Llir of his family, instead the Dwelm remained only a single shade, and looking at the sleeves he couldn’t help but frown remembering the first Dwelm that he had ever worn. With both the colors of himself and his family.

Knoxwell looked to the shadows in dismay and they glared back, the sound of whispers filling his ears and spinning his head. Shadows were not cruel things, they were home to both good and bad, however the poisonous speakers often spoke the loudest, making Knoxwell dread more than ever his supposed gift. Why was it that the good was always silenced by the bad?

He walked stiffly over to the shadows and looking behind himself for a moment he allowed his eyes to consume every book in his view, every shelf and every particle of dust. There was nobody there. And taking a deep breath in he allowed the shadows to consume him. Darkness. It washed over him with a familiar warmth that made him close his eyes. The whispers silenced at his command. He remembered the long hours he had spent battling with the invisible demons, how long it took to master the unpredictable current of the shadows. They now carried him along, across the dark areas of the palace and eventually onto the streets of Caonterier. In a lesson with his professor once, he had compared the shadows to the ocean. The way that they moved swiftly and silently, carrying along animals and those caught in the wake along with it. When Knoxwell had asked what represented the voices of the shadows, his professor had smiled and said, the good voices were the mermaids and the bad sirens.

Caonterier had once been a considerably cheerful town, and despite everything the folks in it continued to try and bring the spirit back. The streets were bustling, with people beginning the days work and others checking out. Knoxwell snuck seamlessly away from the shadows a headache beginning to attack the front of his head. He sighed, rubbing it for a moment before swiftly continuing down the dirty paved path. He grabbed a tiny leaf from his pocket, and pressed it against the roof of his mouth with his tongue. The windows of shops were dark, the people stern.

They were the realists of the kingdom, the ones who had been hurt so badly that smiling hurt. They weren’t unlike him in many ways. They looked at him now, anger and misunderstanding clear. Knoxwell shivered a lump forming in his throat. They were all confused in the present day, and it seemed that everything was blurred. He walked on preoccupying himself by looking at his feet, and wondering what things that he would be forced to listen to at the day's meeting. Neither of these brought him much comfort and when the right time came he found it easy to look up. He stood in front of a house. It loomed a dark violet with large windows and a blue front porch. Knoxwell checked the vile in his pocket once more, and began up the path to the house.

The shadows climbed up and down the inside of the porch, grasping on desperately like vines to a tree. Taking a deep breath he once again hid behind the darkness of them. They whispered in his ears and he simply ignored them, pressing the leaf harsher against his mouth. He traveled silently into the owner’s kitchen. She was a wealthy woman, with a lack of enthusiasm since her husband had been killed in the Moonlit Fires. That was all he wished to know about the women. It was easier to chase away the bad dreams at night if he could convince himself none of this had ever happened. The facts were simple, her daughter was nearly as rich as her mother, and she had offered up a decent sum if he would sneak something into her mother’s morning tea.

Knoxwell loomed over the steaming green cup of chamomile. It smelled good and for a moment he longed for the tea that Madam Victoria had made for him on the docks of the Swan. This only lasted for a moment as the strong sent of the poison hit his nose. It was sharp, stabbing at him and stinging his eyes. Knoxwell tipped the vial over the cooling tea and watched as the contents emptied themselves into the cup. It was inky, moving through the space between the vial and cup in a strange wobbly fashion. The tea remained the same color and he snapped the vial lid shut. He heard the footsteps of the women and shoving the vial back into his pocket snuck back into the shadows, his feet hitting the ground silently, and his movements unhurried.

The shadows were always the worst after. The good and nasty voices fighting over his choices, and eating away at his vulnerability. Trying their best to fill the tiny space in his heart that had been temporarily ripped open again. He didn’t stop in the town on his way back, and when he finally left the warmth of the shadows he was back in the center of the library. The bindings looking at him with curiosity and disgust.

“Knoxwell Anson! I do not recall the Queen giving you permission to leave the Palace today.” The voice that spoke was high pitched and hopelessly annoying. Knoxwell snapped his head, looking over to see a short Flistarri with curling red hair and small crest. Knoxwell sighed.

“Yes, well it’s a good thing she doesn’t know isn’t it?” Sir. Elfend looked at him with strong irritation and Knoxwell laughed ryely. One of his favorite hobbies had become annoying the tiny Flistarrian. Who currently held his hands placedly on his hips.

“You’re expected for the meeting right now!”

“Bzier! And here I was hoping that they’d forgotten.” His eyebrow twitched as he sharply pivoted and began towards the doorway. Knoxwell followed taking long lazy strides. It had once been a mystery to Knoxwell, why the Queen insisted on hosting meetings when she hated them almost as much as himself. However as he had grown older he realized that she used them to help convince others of the problems they were currently facing.

The room was silent as he walked in, and they turned their eyes onto him. Madam Victoria gave him something of a fiery glare that made him frown. He turned his head making momentary eye contact with Dri, the owner of one of the wealthiest plants in Caonterier. Sighing, he took his seat next to Lanla, a beautiful girl who had her face caked in berry’s and balms.

“I didn’t know we hired a clown,” He observed and she pursed her lips, looking back to the table. He smiled, knowing that at least one pair of eyes had stopped staring through him.

“Now, that the-the Ues is here may we please continue on with our conversation?” The sentence was initiated by an old man, with a greying beard and a stern glance. Knoxwell shivered at the sound of the word, Ues. It was what he was. A nuestarrian. Knox chewed his cheek.

“Yes, the cities have been at ends, for too long now.” A pale starri responded with a squeaky voice, clearly ignoring the cruel term used only a moment ago.

“Well perhaps that is because you can never seem to keep your business to yourself.” Dri added, making his mouth twist.

“Yes, times have been harsh in the north. Food has been less, and it seems nothing is going my way or anyone’s,”

“It is truly awful, the ball was canceled last week!” Lanla’s identical sister broke in and Knoxwell looked at her with raised eyebrows.

“Oh, how horrible.” He added with a mocking tone that made the girls face scrunch up. Victoria looked at him as if to remind him of the conversation they had had only a couple of moons ago. He ignored it.

“Can somebody remind me why this Ues here?”

“Oh, look at you! All grown up and using big girl words!” Lanla stifled a laugh receiving the iron glare of her father.

“It’s bad enough you look like you’ve got mud splattered all over your face, but a dark elemantai too?”

“Ah yes, because being a blond Cheiron is so desirable.” A couple of the others let out a gasp, only Lanla seemed to be entertained by the feud, as she kept her hand placed strategically over her mouth. Madam Victoria’s lips were pursed in amusement.

“I won’t allow you to speak to my daughter that way!” Drinshouted across the table, Knox dramatically wiped a drop of spit from his forehead.

“Your daughter? And here I was thinking she was your wife… They’re about the same age are they not?”

“You are foolish Knoxwell Anson!” He smiled.

“I don’t deny that I’m foolish however you are the fool.” Lanla let out a full out laugh and Knoxwell felt the eyes of the table looking to him. Knoxwell looked straight forward, holding his mouth in a thin and stern line.

“That is enough! Your Majesty! He is not entitled to be here!” Victoria, who had stayed silent carefully twisted a wavy white lock around her finger.

“You’re absolutely correct, I shouldn’t be here.” Knoxwell stood abruptly up, making Victoria snap her eyes up.

“Knoxwell Anson sit back down.” he sighed, turning on his side and falling back into the seat.

“As I consider him much like a son, I would appreciate if you would stop referring to him in such ways, Or would you prefer I call you a Cheiren the rest of our chat?” she announced. He stilled, making Victoria smile, “Thank you,”

The meeting drew on at what felt to Knox as a painstakingly slow pace. When they were finally excused, Knox was on his feet and heading for the doorway in an instant. He ignored the judgemental glance of Dri, and was managing to sneak his way down the hallway without running into anybody when he heard a tiny voice. He jumped.

“Knoxwell?” It was deep and hid something of familiarity to him. Despite his wish to avoid running into Dri or either of his daughters, he stopped dead in his tracks looking around carefully.

“That is my name...” he drifted off unsure of what direction to look to. However the sound of shuffling and scraping made Knoxwell turn to the tiny space between the large red staircase and the map of Caonterier. Sitting hidden by the shadows sat a pale figure. Familiarity crept into the back of his mind, as the figure crawled from the spot standing tall.

“Jude?” He asked after a moment, it had taken him a moment to recall his name. His best friend's name. A spark of memories dashed through his mind and he shoved them hastily aside.

“I need a place to hide, and I was in the castle and I heard your name down the hallway…”

“Why are you here? This isn’t a good place, your sisters could be killed?” Jude opened his mouth his eyes becoming watery. The Guards were hardly fond of many, and as many times as Madam Victoria talked to them, they hardly listened to her insistence against brutally injuring guests.

“It’s only me right now, I don’t know where they are.” Knoxwell looked around quickly, trying to recall the faces of them. The sounds of voices made Knoxwell leap into action and before he could think he was grabbing Jude’s arm and pushing him back into the shadows allowing the familiar cold of the shadows to hide them from who ever might have seen them. “Sorry,” He whispered to Jude.

Bringing somebody with him into the darkness was a difficult task and as soon as they were hidden he could feel his pull on Jude becoming fainter. He wouldn’t be able to hold him much longer. Not to mention the short term affects that the dark could have a normal Starri… Knox closed his eyes scrunching his eyebrows. He concentrated on staying still. The current moving past in a hurried fashion, as Knoxwell pressed his back into the wall in hopes of staying still longer. The current pressed harshly against his back, a cold frostbitten breeze that made him wish more than anything to be greeted by the warm sands of home again. This was bad. One thing from the past and he was suddenly craning his neck behind to get a better view of what had already happened.

Finally he gave in allowing himself to bring Jude back into the hallway. Jude stumbled clumsily forward landing on the rough carpet, gasping desperately for air. Knox stood for a moment allowing Jude to catch his bearing before grabbing onto his arm and pulling him up. They needed to find someplace more private, where people wouldn’t constantly be passing through. Knoxwell wasn’t allowed to bring people to the palace, Madam Victoria had insisted that if they wished to see him in the palace, they surely weren’t in his best interest of having as friends. However this was different, than the random fan trying to earn his trust in hopes of seeing the palace.

The library was abandoned and the minute they stepped through the beads hanging in the doorway Jude ripped his arms roughly away and looked at Knoxwell, eyebrows touching one another. “What was t-that?” He gestured wildly with his hands before using one to smooth down his blue hair.

“The shadows,” Knoxwell muttered, flipping carelessly through a book that one of his professors had insisted that he read. He had yet to even start it. All of the volumes were the same, dates and facts nothing more. Just bland words, that had been written down without a second thought. Sometimes he found himself in the book. Sometimes he was able to see the adventure and the story behind it all. However as time went on he found it harder and harder to see things that didn’t exist.

“Isn’t that like, illegal? I came to you because I was hoping you were still sane.” Jude insisted pacing aimlessly. Knox sighed crossing his arms. The last time he’d seen Jude they were nearly half the height they were now, and he saw now that he must look just as different to his past friend as Jude did to him.

“I’ve lost track of the sane, and insane. All I can hope is that I’m somewhere in the middle.” Jude stopped pacing.

“They miss you in Zaerea…” Knoxwell scuffed.

“You know just as well as me that I’m nothing. I’m nothing to them just another stone on the path.” The words tumbled out instinctively.

“I’m sorry to barge in on you and your life, I just had nowhere else to go… and I hoped…” Jude began.

“You hoped that I remember the favor I owe you?” Jude sighed. Nodding his head slightly. Knoxwell could forget if he wanted, shove things into the far corners of his brain if he needed to. However some things managed to sneak their way back, some things weren’t ever forgotten, simply pushed aside for another time.

“You’ve changed.” Jude muttered. Knoxwell settled his face into a slight grin, looking back to a very serious Jude.

“So have you. Change is inevitable.” Jude matched his bittersweet smile, and for a moment they stood across from one another. Two friends reunited after taking the separate paths of their lives. Two friends recalling the heartache, the laughs and the friendship.

“Knoxwell Anson! I hope you know that the Queen does not appreciate your little scene!” The voice was of Sir. Elfend, and with a slight flick of his wrist. Jude was sprinting behind a large bookshelf just as the stout starri entered once more. Knoxwell sighed flipping through a book that he had managed to quickly grab.

“I see you just can’t stay away from me…” Jude widened his eyes dramatically through the books and Knoxwell looked away quickly.

“Yes, you are quite funny Anson.” Jude stuck his tongue out and crossed his eyes, as if he had only been born a couple moons ago. Had Jude always been this prone to comical facial expressions? And worse had Knoxwell actually missed the humor his friend always managed to find? Knoxwell looked back to Sir. Elfend who looked anything but amused.

“Then why are you here?” Knox quickly took a step to the side as Sir. Elfend forced himself into the center of the room picking a violet book from off of the shelf.

“I needed a book. This is the library after all.” He gave Knox a cheesy grin that made his insides resituate themselves. With that he was gone and Jude was walking back into the center of the room.

“Who was that guy?” Knoxwell bit his cheek.

“Sir. Elfend, the most annoying Starri to ever exist in the entirety of the universe,” Knox looked carefully out of the window, the sun was beginning to kiss the horizon and he looked around at the growing shadow on the wall.

‘You good?” Jude asked. Knoxwell shook his head turning on his heel walking over to his tiny stash of things in the corner. “What are you doing?’

“I have to go…” he drifted off carefully picking up a tiny dagger and shoving it carefully into a spot in his Dwelm.

“Was that a knife?”

“No it was a kitten,” Knox responded dryly.

“Why do you have a knife?”

“Because my job is to kill people, and a knife does most of it for me.” Jude stumbled backwards suddenly aware that he was standing alone in a room with a trained killer.

“H-how could you do this?” Knox took a deep breath looking at Jude carefully.

“You don’t understand,.” it was unclear whether Knoxwell was convincing himself or Jude however neither spoke for a moment. Some part of him knew that what he did was wrong, but it was just the way of the world. It made Madam Victoria proud, and it kept him alive.

“Can I come with you?” Jude finally managed and Knoxwell tilted his head in a questioning manner. Going alone would be easier. If he traveled with Jude they’d have to scale the palace, like he used to do before he could travel solely by the shadows. He didn’t want to go alone though, more than one in a day was always hard, and despite the risk Knoxwell nodded his head.

“Yes, but we have to stay inconspicuous okay? This isn’t one of Madam Victoria’s assignments,” he didn’t know why he bothered with other missions, maybe it was that deep down he thought that maybe one day he could travel. If he managed to store enough money, maybe someday he could wash up on some forgotten shore and write away his worries.

The stones of the palace exterior were rough and Knoxwell struggled to hold on, Jude was below him and judging by the lack of chatter he had been making he was having even less luck than him. Knoxwell had forgotten how hard climbing down was and he focused carefully on the window instead of the ground. It was a method that he had come up with a long time ago and was thankful to use now.

It was strange, that only a couple days ago none of these things had happened. Knoxwell had been keeping his thoughts focused on the thin page of a book, and trying to keep his thoughts from drifting away to crazy things. Now here he was climbing down the palace walls with his old friend who for a long while now he had chosen to think of as dead.

“Knoxwell, ignoring my rules once again I see.” The voice made Knoxwell nearly jump and he dug his nails into the rock holding on with hardly anything. He heard the sound of a bush move, and he knew that Jude had managed to hide himself. The shadows whispered to him.

Leaning out of the window, with hair flowing in nearly every direction was Madam Victoria. She held a stern and dissatisfied expression strictly on her face and Knoxwell felt slightly queasy when he was finally able to heave himself over the window sill and back onto the carpet. Bzier. He’d been caught. The Queen looked down at him, keeping her mouth in a thin line. He looked down at the floor, a toddler being punished by their parent.

“Am I to believe that you were sneaking out again? Why this time? You know very well that I would have let you go if you’d a told me...” He didn’t have the heart to tell her of his plans. He wanted to leave, and she knew that she wouldn’t want him to. Madam Victoria was weird like that, and she was known for her anger fits.

“It wasn’t like that, I just wanted to get some fresh air” He insisted.

“By scaling a wall? Knoxwell we have found ourselves in this situation one too many times. You are going to get yourself killed!” She announced, tears in her eyes. His stomach knotted.

“I just..”

“You just what?” She asked. He sighed.

“I want to travel,” He muttered and she looked at him, a deep frown setting into her face.

‘So you were what? Sneaking away at any chance you got? Do you know how bad that makes me look?”

“Sorry,” Her face tensed.

“Knoxwell I need you here,” She responded.

“But I want to go off and have my own adventures, and if I can’t write about them tha-” she waved her hand in a silencing motion.

“Again with the writing… Knoxwell you are to take the throne after me, and you can’t very well do that dead!”

“You’re the one who sends me out on all of those missions,”

“You are a shath Knoxwell,” The word made him still, “If you ignore the shadows you know what could happen,” She was right, but she wasn’t as well. Maybe if he wasn’t always stuck inside…. He carefully looked up at Madam Victoria, “Oh, Knoxwell.” Her voice changed in a moment, and he was quickly taken off guard. “I know that it is difficult at first, but you must understand that you are doing the right thing. Think off all the people that they hurt, and then you put an end to the nonsense, you save so many people,” The lump in his throat grew as he swallowed roughly.

“I know…” he mumbled.

“Good. But i’m afraid you’re going to be grounded for the next couple of moons,” he sighed. He had only been grounded a couple of times, but due to his ability, being grounded was much like being a prisoner.

The guards hurried in.

[left-of-reality]

I was tagged my these wonderfully fabulous people: @thnksfrbuckybarnes and @buckyee-barnes

spotify, soundcloud or Pandora?? Apple music bish!

is your room messy or clean?? Idk, somewhere in the middle

what colour are your eyes?? very dark brown

do you like your name?? why?? Not really because it makes me feel unimportant and common :P

what is your relationship status?? Taken <3

describe your personality in three words or less: Positive, dead, reallylovepatrickstump

what hair colour do you have?? Brown

what kind of car do you drive?? colour?? None, I’d be terrified to drive any

where do you shop?? Target and woolworths? anywhere? I don’t care

how would you describe your style?? Clean hobo

favourite social media account?? Tumblr? I guess? I only have one other social media?

what size bed do you have?? Double!

any siblings?? Too many(meaning I have four)

if you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?? why?? London, Sydney or the Philippines for their respective reasons that i don’t wanna explain

favourite snapchat filter?? I don’t have it but I’m told i should get it?

favourite make up brands?? None because I’m too lazy for that

how many times a week do you shower??  everyday

favourite tv show?? Lucifer currently!

shoe size?? Idk

how tall are you?? 5"9

sandals or sneakers?? sneakers

do you go to the gym?? Sometimes, I guess?

describe your dream date?? Anything where we could cuddle

how much money do you currently have in your wallet?? $100

what colour socks are you wearing?? Striped black and grey, very fluffy!

how many pillows do you sleep with?? as many as i can get

do you have a job?? what do you do?? No but I need one soon or my mum will be angry

how many friends do you have?? I don’t wanna count

what the worst thing you’ve ever done?? I don’t know but it can’t be anything too horrible

what’s your favourite candle scent?? Vanilla

3 favourite boys names?? Joey, Alex, Jackson

3 favourite girls names?? Crystal, scarlet, Lilly

favourite actor?? DylanO’Brian or Cole Spouse

favourite actress?? Emma Watson

who is your celebrity crush?? I wouldn’t call it a crush but I’d say if anyone Patrick Stump would be it

favourite movie?? Wonder Woman

do you read a lot?? whats your favourite book?? I used to read a lot but lately not so much and I can't think of a favourite book

money or brains?? brains

do you have a nickname?? what is it?? Caity, Cat, CJ, Jonesy Caity J

how many times have you been to the hospital?? Not too many then i can remember(though I was a sick child)

top 10 favourite songs?? I can’t choose and I can’t be bothered trying

do you take medications everyday?? From yesterday onward I will be :P

what is your skin type?? (oily, dry ect) I’d say oily

what’s your biggest fear?? The future and rejection

how many kids do you want?? The amount my future partner wants

what’s your go to hairstyle?? Side ponytail, constantly

what type of house do you live in?? (big, small ect) Probably big but it feels small since everyone has to share a room :(

who’s your role model?? Patrick Stump for sure!

what was the last compliment you received?? My english teacher said i did good on my essay, this meant a lot!

what was the last text you sent?? Bye

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?? 12, it was a sad moment

what is you dream car?? Something with wheels would be nice

opinion on smoking?? Do what you want but don't kill me doing it please

do you go to college?? I don’t and don't want to think about going

what is your dream job?? Actor... or more realistically something involving psychology

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?? rural?

do you take shampoo and conditioner from hotels?? Yes because they smell nice

do you have freckles?? Nope

do you smile for pictures?? Of course

how many pictures do you have on your phone?? too many and I’m not allowed to delete half of them

have you ever peed in the woods?? Yeaaahh, it wasn’t very pleasant but it needed to be done

do you still watch cartoons?? Hell yeah

do you prefer chicken nuggets from macdonalds or wendys?? I have never even seen a wendys so yeaaahhhh

favourite dipping sauce?? ketchup

what do you wear to bed?? Something comfy

have you ever won a spelling bee?? Never had one

what are your hobbies?? Things... Stuff

can you draw?? I try

can you play an instrument?? I also try

what’s the last concert you saw?? Panic! at the Disco

tea or coffee?? Hot Chocolate

starbucks or dunkin donuts?? Neither

do you want to get married?? I would love to

what is your crush’s first and last initial?? I have no crush, she is my girlfriend!

are you going to change your last name when you get married?? Why not?

what colour looks best on you?? None

do you miss anyone right now?? Yesssss

do you sleep with the door open or closed?? closed THERE CAN BE NO LIGHT OR SOUND

do you believe in ghosts?? Nahhh

what’s your biggest pet peeve?? Little repetitive noises

last person you called?? My mum probably

favourite ice cram flavour?? vanilla

regular oreos or golden oreos?? What the hell are golden oreos?

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?? Rainbow!!!

what shirt are you wearing?? Red and black flannel

what is your phone background?? A folie á duex thing I made

are you outgoing or shy?? Shy beyond any doubt

do you like it if people play with your hair?? No one ever does so idk, probably not

do you like your neighbours?? They are old and don't bother me unless they need help so they’re cool

do you wash your face?? sometimes, when i remember

have you ever been high?? Nah

have you ever been drunk?? Nope

last thing you ate?? A golden gaytime 

favourite lyric right now?? “I wonder if you therapist knows everything about me”

summer or winter?? winter

day or night?? night

dark, milk or whit chocolate?? white

favourite month?? Any of the cold ones

what is you zodiac sign?? Aquarius

who’s the last person you cried in front off?? My cat? I guess maybe my brother?

idk who’s done it or been tagged already so do it if you want! 

[dirtydopamine]

Unusual ask: 1-100.

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? Spotifyis your room messy or clean? A bit of both at the moment because I've had exams and stuff what color are your eyes? They are brown do you like your name? why? I do and I don't what is your relationship status? Unofficially seeing someone😍 if that's even a option describe your personality in 3 words or less quirky, realistic and fun? Idk what color hair do you have? Brown what kind of car do you drive? color? I don't drive lol where do you shop? Top shop, river island, new look and boohoo how would you describe your style? Casual? favorite social media account Probably either twitter or tumblr what size bed do you have? Queen any siblings? 2 older brothers, 2 step sisters and a younger brother if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? America or Italy favorite snapchat filter? I love the pink filter thing favorite makeup brand(s) I don't really wear makeuphow many times a week do you shower? Every other day favorite tv show? I have many at the moment I LOVE silent witness but my heart lies with rizzoli and isles, and greys anatomyshoe size? I am 4-5 how tall are you? I am 5'5sandals or sneakers? Both do you go to the gym? I will be by Fridaydescribe your dream date anything to do with turtles or sunflowers how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? Like £10what color socks are you wearing? Black with coloured dotshow many pillows do you sleep with? Between one and twodo you have a job? what do you do? I'm a retail supervisor how many friends do you have? A lot I guess? whats the worst thing you have ever done? I can't think um? whats your favorite candle scent? Vanilla3 favorite boy names I love Theodore, Ronnie and Lennie 3 favorite girl names I love the name Evie, I don't really know any others. favorite actor? Matt Bomerfavorite actress? I have so many wtf um, Sasha Alexander, Jessica Capshaw, Anna Silk, Jennifer Morrison, the list goes on😂who is your celebrity crush? I have so many currently I'm pining over Marika from greys and Karen Farechild favorite movie? I have too many to choose from:( do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? At the moment it's joe rankinmoney or brains? Brains do you have a nickname? what is it? Lally, Lai, denim, the list goes on how many times have you been to the hospital? Like 5? top 10 favorite songs - It changes but at the moment it's :- Little Big Town - Better Man- Little Big Town - Girl Crush- Little Big Town - Your Side of The Bed- Ed Sheeran - Castle On The Hill- Usher - Burn- Chris Brown - Back To Sleep- Brad Paisley - Little Moments- Rascal Flatts - My wish / What hurts the most - Drake - Fake Love do you take any medications daily? Nopewhat is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) its normally smooth unless it's the time of the month then it's goes dry afwhat is your biggest fear? Being without my mum and grandparents, clowns, heights, death. how many kids do you want? 2-4whats your go to hair style? My fringe is either flicked over or it's in a bunwhat type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) normal sized house who is your role model? Cherylwhat was the last compliment you received? I was an asset to my work company what was the last text you sent? I sent one saying 'I love you and have a safe journey' how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? I think I was like 6/7 I can't remember exactly what is your dream car? Matte black Range Rover😍opinion on smoking? I don't personally like it, but yeah everyone is their own person do you go to college? I go to university what is your dream job? To be a crime scene manager, or work in homeland security - I haven't decided what area just yet would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? I don't have a preference do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? Yeah😂do you have freckles? Nopedo you smile for pictures? I have started too yeah how many pictures do you have on your phone? Currently none as I got a new phone todayhave you ever peed in the woods? Oncedo you still watch cartoons? Occasionally do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? McDonald's 😋Favorite dipping sauce? Barbecue sauce what do you wear to bed? Either a top and shorts or my underwear have you ever won a spelling bee? I have yeah what are your hobbies? I love reading, cooking and ATM I have a real thrive for travelling can you draw? I wish do you play an instrument? I used to what was the last concert you saw? Idina menzel tea or coffee? Tea all the way Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? Starbucks do you want to get married? I dowhat is your crush’s first and last initial? L Fare you going to change your last name when you get married? Yeah I guesswhat color looks best on you? I don't know tbh? do you miss anyone right now? I do do you sleep with your door open or closed? Closeddo you believe in ghosts? No what is your biggest pet peeve? How long have you got?😂 probably people being rudelast person you called`Lucy favorite ice cream flavor? Honeycomb or caramel regular oreos or golden oreos? Regularchocolate or rainbow sprinkles? Rainbow what shirt are you wearing? A black and white jumper what is your phone background? My niece and two nephews are you outgoing or shy? Bit of both do you like it when people play with your hair? Oh my god Y E Sdo you like your neighbors? They're okaydo you wash your face? at night? in the morning? Both have you ever been high? Twice have you ever been drunk? Many times last thing you ate? Chicken legend😂favorite lyrics right now I don't really have one👀summer or winter? Summerday or night? Night dark, milk, or white chocolate? White all the way favorite month? December what is your zodiac sign Taurus who was the last person you cried in front of? My manger