#and this guy has been generally really healthy and was acting perfectly fine until last night

[liinos]

Gonna be real yall I think the vets office is a tad traumatizing for me 👍

[reginaofdoctorwho]

weird shit that would probably have something to do with me in a horror movie

no one wanted this but i’m bored and found a bottle so you’re all getting it. yes these are all true. check the tags, if u think i’ve missed something please let me know!

there was a murder (technically, i don’t really count it as a murder) next door when i was four years old on christmas morning

the weird antique glass bottle i found half-buried in the woods in the woods yesterday with living bugs in it that made no attempt to leave it once i uncovered it

there is a local cult in the next town over. this is not the same as the local cult that was in the other town over where my mom grew up

random completed animal skeletons in the woods behind our house, i’m talking prey and predator, both laid out like in a goddamn scientific diagram. for a while there’d be ones in the middle of our yard, always the same type of animal, always just the bones and nothing else, laid out like it was posed. this has been happening for over half a decade and we have no fucking clue how, why, or who is doing it

the screaming from the woods that i’m going to assume is a fox

my sister almost dated a murderer. his niece or something is in my class

there is a house that is now part of a “local ghost tour” that belonged to my great+ grand parents during the civil war where my great+ aunt died allegedly murdered by her husband who is actually blood related to me. family history says she died of childbirth, which given that it was the 1800s... probably is true

there was an actual murderer in our family a few generations back but he married in and killed his wife and her sister. they didn’t find out about it until they read his journals after he died where it apparently told everything he did and they decided. “well, that wouldn’t look good for the family, and they’re already dead anyway” and just kept it hidden??

the fact we have my great great grandmother’s dress from probably 1890s or 1900s. even more so the fact that i fit in it. if this was fantasy horror (vampires, some immortal thing or ghost) i’d be fucking dead or cursed

fairly certain i was possessed by the ghost of a puritan as a kid

my family seems to have a curse with babies and nurses? my great uncle died when he was born because long story short, hospitals were the new hot thing, he was perfectly healthy, then a nurse dropped him and he died instantly. my sister died when she was a toddler and the hospital actively tried to delete her hospital records to cover it up and ended up getting fined by the state for it. the nurses responsible were not arrested or punished in any way.

my family all has fucked up connective tissue, in my brother it was bad enough he had to get a steel bar in his chest so it wouldn’t cave in.

the many times i have almost drowned, sometimes due to intentional actions by humans (my dad, it was my dad)

this in addition to the other fucked up shit he did before the divorce when he still lived here, including but not limited to: killing my mom’s favorite pet goat, hanging its skull in a tree, and leaving the body in the woods. not letting his kids learn how to cook. anytime someone asked him to cook he’d put as much pepper/hot sauce in as he could (even for like, scrambled eggs) and give it to the youngest person, usually a toddler. this was me at times. taking his kids out to the woods and threatening murder. taking his kids out to the woods and threatening burning. purposely locked the basement from the inside so we couldn’t get the gaping hole in the stairs leading to one of three kids rooms fixed. tearing up pictures of the kids whenever my mom did something he didn’t like. i had more here but i tried to cut it down a litttle

people have threatened to murder me before. one time a girl didn’t threaten, and actually acted like she was starting to like me, but her cousin read her diary or something and found out she was planning to commit a lot of murder, and told her parents and she got sent to a psychiatric ward for a couple weeks

my mom lived down the street from a family that got axe-murdered by one of their two sons when she was a kid. the murderer did get out on an insanity plea and is still in the area. also their neighbor’s mom “lost her mind” (how the story was told) when she had to protect their kids while her husband went over to try to protect the non murderer son when he got home from school and ran over screaming about his brother trying to kill him and had killed their parents

also she knew a girl who almost got kidnapped by this really fucked up traveling serial killer that has his own wikipedia page that is,,, lengthy. the girl had [alleged] mafia ties, and the guy ended up dying shot by police despite them being told to bring him in, which sounds kinda suspicious

long story short i’d probably be the sequel where one comes back

apparently i go to the “bad” school, which i found out in a coffee shop when i overheard two girls talking about how one’s dad went there and how horrible and dangerous it is

school fights are weird. either they don’t happen or they come freakishly close to murder. people slam heads into lockers, stomp on bones, drag people by hair along the ground. one time in my brother’s class a 4′9″ girl sent a 6′2″ football player to the hospital. there was video of a fight a couple years ago that’s still around. it was brutal, but also one of the girls fighting was taking one for the team in it and got the other kicked out

we don’t have a ceiling in all of the third floor, and the cafeteria has 2. this is not relevant in any way, but it’s important to me that you know this

also the guys kept ripping the heating vents/radiators/whatever off the walls in their bathrooms and got almost all the bathrooms locked. including the girls’ ones.

also everyone kept punching holes in the walls so on some of them it’s just,,, metal sheeting down the whole hallway

there are so many fucking shootings in the next town over. literally five years ago it was this nice place where kids would go on history tours, i did when my sister worked for that group. now there is pretty much one business that has not been held up at gunpoint, and if u look up to the serial killer bullet point, it is for v similar ties. it’s a pizza place and if u ever stop by u gotta try it

women in my family have weirdly good intuition but every couple generations we get doubtful. my great grandma didn’t want a hospital birth but decided “hey it’s the hot new thing for a reason”, my mom switched churches based on nothing but intuition and it turned out someone was a pedophile there (found out years later), i instantly could tell my friend’s boyfriend was a pos and wasn’t surprised later when he told her he’d murder and dismember me in front of her, and upon meeting him told him he was a fucking coward and couldn’t do it. he broke up with her a month later.

i was really good friends for a while with two guys that burned a building down. yes they were arrested. i was friends before and after the fire. they’re pretty nice, but this girl they used to date (at different times, they were brothers, yes it was fucking weird and uncomfortable for everyone involved except her but that’s it’s own thing) said some fucked up shit and it was the closest i ever got to starting a fight. anyway i’m still friends with both on facebook. one of them shares a lot of king of the hill memes

speaking of that fight, i 100% would’ve tried to kill her in that moment. u know that john mulaney quote like “i didn’t understand how a person could want to kill another person. then i got cheated on, and i was like ‘oh, okay.’”? that was me, but replace “cheated on” with she told me it was good my five year old sister was dead because she was a waste, and told me she hoped i’d die of covid”. it was mainly the sister thing. i couldn’t move because if i did i’d start a fight with the [way] above mentioned shit.

my family has a literal feud with a local farming family. i mean, we keep farm animals (sheep, goats, chickens), these people have that, pigs, and crops too. the feud was because their great uncle (or great grand uncle, i’m a little fuzzy on the details) published an autobiography (despite not being anyone famous/important) and in it talked about when he was friends with my grandfather and how creepy my great grandfather was (this was the one with the dead firstborn son) because he kept newspaper clippings of the Lindbergh baby’s kidnapping and murder pinned to a board on the wall of his office/basement. also because he was a child of german immigrants who wanted to fight against nazis in WW2 (how suspicious [sarcasm]). members of their family are in my grade. they charged my sister for almost half an extra pound of goods, too, which just revitalized it.

i live by corn fields. i am surrounded by cornfields. (joke one)

i was friends for a while with this girl whose baby teeth,,, didn’t really fall out completely? she was 17 the last time i saw her in person, she’s probably 19 now and judging by her facebook pictures they’re still Like That. she had a very symmetrical mouth/teeth, which made it weirder. just to clarify, she had some of her baby teeth pushed forward and up, so they kind pointed out a little? and all her adult teeth. she was literally so pretty.

a teacher who is v sexual with his female students came into my english class (he is a science teacher) to demand why i wasn’t signed up for his class. we then both became increasingly passive aggressive and he told the whole class where i live with specific directions and landmarks. the guy sitting next to me had to try to tone things down despite being obviously confused as to why it was even happening (me too buddy). he lives down the road from my sister. when my niece had her birthday party at our house i was outside setting things up and he slowed his car down and honked at me. fuckin creep

[kisskissbanggang]

Prowl

[15Min. Read/4.1K Words -- Bang Chan x Female Reader -- Monsters!AU, NSFW/Smut -- Vampires & Werewolves, Heists, Ravaging, Blood, Gloves, Choking, Name-Calling]

For @stoop-girl​/@stoopsbookstore​ 💕

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The bass and commotion from within the bar permeated the bricks that pressed into your back in the cool alleyway, contrasting beautifully with the warm pair of lips trailing over your neck. The heat coursing through you was making you ravenous, in an inconveniently literal way. You gasped at the sensation, giving a breathless smile to this dashing stranger as you gently pushed him off of you to get a good look at him. The hunger hadn't struck you like this in some time, but hopefully Chan would understand. You hadn't really had a chance to broach the subject yet. The evening had been a whirlwind, but you never could've predicted what was coming.

This was the first night you'd been able to relax, to really take a moment for yourself when you closed up the office and headed for home. Your job was unorthodox, working as an assistant in your college's rare books section of the library, but you loved every moment, mind-numbingly boring or not. The whole city had been on edge lately, reeling from a series of break-ins and robberies. There had been rumors, silly whispers from students and staff around school, that it may have been a roving gang of wolves, but if that had been the case the police had never confirmed it. Wolves, here? They would've been chased out of town immediately, just like they had been after that string of arsons years ago. That had been about a month ago. Now that the criminal activity had died down, though, spirits seemed to be lifted in general.

You had walked home, tempted by the music drifting from the dive bar that marked halfway between the campus and your apartment, and decided you'd been more than prudent lately. Even though you had tests to study for, that could wait for a bit. You had a soft spot for the grimy club, regularly filled with rowdy punks that made you wistful for your younger self. The bands were good, and the beer was cheap. You had shouldered your bag and strolled in to see who was playing, when a blonde you'd never seen at the bar before caught your eye as you finished your watery beer. He'd been hanging out with a gaggle of guys by the stage, looking cute with a little scar across the bridge of his nose. You raised your beer bottle when he finally met your gaze, smirking as you shook the bottle and pretended to pout about it being empty. He walked over and bought you a new beer before he introduced himself. This was Chan.

Now, Chan was watching you expectantly as your hands wandered his chest, really wondering if you could get away with springing a quick feeding on him. The last boy you'd tried this on was appropriately offended, claiming to not be "that kind of guy," and you'd apologized profusely. Maybe, however, this was different. You hadn't met that guy at the bar, and you certainly hadn't gone from talking to making out in 20 minutes. You couldn't help but feel a little guilty. With proper care, you were almost never surprised by bloodlust, and certainly never because you were horny. This was an admittedly new situation, one with messy possibilities. You'd hate to scare off such a cute guy. Maybe you could reach a happy medium, letting him get the idea for himself.

You hooked a finger into Chan's jeans, pulling him close by the hips before you kissed him hungrily. Your tongues mingled, drawing small moans from you before you kissed down his jawline to his neck. His hands roamed your thighs, somewhat exposed now that the skirt you'd worn to work was riding up a bit. He jumped just the slightest bit as you pressed your hips against the growing erection in his jeans. Your mind was awash, overwhelmed with desire. He looked so good. He smelled so good. He had the cutest dimple, and a gorgeous neck. He smelled like beach fire, mahogany, veal.

"We need to hurry this up," you whispered against his neck, "I'm starving for you."

Chan let out a breathless chuckle as your teeth grazed his neck, the points in your canines already extending in your growing arousal. It wasn't until he felt the sharp pinpricks in his skin that he stopped dead, pushing off of you a little.

"Wait, hold on --" he scrambled as he clapped a hand to his neck. You steeled yourself for a berating. "Were you about to--? I'm, er, a Non-Viable Donor."

You shook your head in disbelief. Seriously? A Non-Viable Donor? You highly doubted this guy's blood would poison you if you drank too much; he looked and smelled perfectly healthy. Really, he smelled... His musk was so specific, it couldn't just be cologne.

Chan sputtered as you shoved him off, the force being enough to jostle your bag off your shoulder and onto the ground.

"You're a wolf!" You cried, causing him to quickly duck forward and try to quiet you in the alleyway. You slapped his hand away, but he still got a hold of your arm. "You filthy dog! I can't believe I almost fed on you!" You backed away against the wall, but he easily kept close.

He furrowed his eyebrows at you, the little scar on his nose crinkling. "Don't act so offended, you leech! What were you going to do, just suddenly start drinking and hope I'm into it?"

"Oh, so I'm a leech now?" You pettily redirected as you firmly shoved him back off.

"Who knows, maybe you would've sucked like one," he sneered. Ouch.

"Must be pretty small then," you muttered. That did the trick. With an astounded huff, Chan turned heel and stormed back into the bar.

You leaned back against the wall, head in your hands as you collected your nerves. You didn't remember the last time you'd ever knowingly socialized with a wolf in person. The last occasion you recalled was the guy who mugged you in your freshman year. You has just recently been turned, a one night stand with a senior having gone horribly wrong. That wolf had also smelled overpoweringly like veal to you, but he didn't also smell like bonfires on the beach. In fact, he'd smelled rotten. You felt bad. Chan was probably a perfectly great guy that you chased off like he was some monster.

Fine. Then it was time to go home. That was enough fun for tonight. You stooped down to pick up the spilled contents of your bag, but where was your hard drive? You kept a portable hard drive on you at all times at school, a much more reliable storage tool to keep all your work on, including your study materials. It was handy when you wanted to work in the computer lab, but it wouldn't be handy at all if it was missing. You quickly rifled through the bag and checked the ground around your feet. Missing. You thought back over your evening. You'd used your hard drive to save some research to review at home and then -- of course. It was still plugged in at your desk. You sighed deeply before trudging back to the campus.

Getting into your office was pretty easy. As you were usually saddled with closing duties, you had your own key and the code for the security system. You opened the side door to the library building and quickly tapped in the code on the keypad to disarm the system before going about finding your office in the dark. You disarmed and unlocked the door for the rare books section before disarming and unlocking the door to your office, all the while astounded by how quiet the entire library could be when you were the only person inside in the hush of the night. You located your hard drive, still dutifully plugged in, and plucked it free from the computer. Stuffing it securely in your bag, you locked up the office and set the code again. You had just punched in the Enter key when you heard it. A voice. Multiple voices. Multiple voices headed right for you.

"Why isn't there an alarm? There's supposed to be an alarm!"

"No idea. I'll stand watch while you're inside. The rest of you split up and see if there's anyone else in here."

As quietly as you could manage in your quickly growing terror, you sprinted deep into the stacks. The group of voices was right between you and your way out. The smell hit you. Veal. So they really were wolves. You navigated the maze you best you could, trying to head for the stairs as you heard multiple pairs of feet running around this floor. Finding one of the stairwells, you carefully padded up the steps to the next floor, a hand pressed tight over your mouth as you panted and whimpered. First you'd find a safe spot to hide, then you'd call the police once the coast was clear. At least, that was the plan until you heard a set of footsteps bounding up the stairs. You sprinted down the aisles as fast as you could, turning a corner and --

And very nearly screaming the moment a gloved hand clamped over your mouth. You thrashed and struggled, two strong arms grappling around you as you were manhandled underneath one of the study desks on this floor. The figure's weight pressed down on top of you, squeezed in under the desk between your legs as he quietly cursed for you to shut up. Your nose was flooded with the scent of veal... And bonfires by the woods?

You ripped the gloved hand off of you as you struggled to climb out from beneath Chan. "You!" You angrily whispered, "Now you're fucking robbing me?"

"You?" Chan whispered back, startled as he recognized your voice, "I thought you smelled familiar. What the hell are you doing here?"

"I work here, you dumb dog."

Chan's grip on your arm tightened. "Watch it, leech. I'm doing you a favor."

"Oh, doing what, trying to fuck me again?"

"No, you idiot, I'm hiding you. If anyone comes up here they'll smell me instead."

"And why are you doing that? Criminal with a heart of gold?" You laughed meanly.

Chan raised an eyebrow. "Well, alright, if you want me to throw you to the pack --"

"No, no, wait," you squeaked, "I'm calming down. Let me try again. Why exactly are you hiding me?"

"Because there wasn't supposed to be anyone else here, and while I care about innocent people getting hurt, they don't."

A shiver spiked between your shoulder blades at the thought. "Fine," you settled, "but I'm still mad you didn't tell me you're a wolf."

"Well I'm still mad you tried to drink me, and blue-balled me."

You couldn't help but get riled up again. "Oh, you're blue-balled?! How do you think I feel?!" The exclamation was loud enough that Chan clamped a hand back over your mouth. You struggled against him, biting into the leather of his gloves to try and get him to release. Your hands searched him as you wrestled under the desk, trying to find any opportunity to get him off of you. All you found was a cell phone, a utility knife, and a wallet. He quickly reached down and slapped the utility knife out of your hands, but you still grabbed the wallet. You accidentally fumbled it open as you tried to get enough elbow room to chuck it, maybe make him terrified of leaving evidence... When your fingers brushed something metallic inside. You squinted over his shoulder as you grappled, your eyes widening as you realized what the small metal object was.

"And you're a fucking cop?!"

"Oh Jesus Christ, you dumb bloodsucker, do you ever shut up?" Chan panted.

"Either explain or get off of me," you threatened, "or else I'm yelling for your friends downstairs."

"No, no, holy shit, don't do that. I've been undercover with these guys ever since I figured out they started those fires five years ago, okay?"

You eyed him warily. "I thought those guys were put away."

"Wrong guys. They rounded up some new blood, just these orphaned kids right out of high school, set them up and framed them."

"Sounds about right."

"Oh my god, will you shut up, you stupid leech?"

"Stop calling me that!"

"Maybe cool it on the prejudice, then. I didn't ask to be like this, you know."

"Neither did I."

Your voice was getting hoarse from whispering for so long. You stared hard at each other in the dim moonlight streaming in through the windows when you realized that in all your bickering and hard breathing, your hips were flush against each other, the friction having more of an effect on you than you wished to admit. It seemed the same could be said for him.

"You should be nicer to me," he exhaled out with a chuckle, "I took a detour from my assignment and bought you a beer, even after I smelled you."

"And what do vampires smell like?" You asked, half cloying, half curious.

"Dumb bigots that don't know how to stop talking, apparently," he laughed, wincing when you punched him in the shoulder. "You're a bit of a firecracker, you know that?" He groaned, rubbing where you'd hit him.

"Well, seeing as you're hard, I'm assuming you're into it."

He tensed at your words, almost as if he only realized you were right when you said them. In fact, you could feel him throb against you even through his jeans.

"Yeah, and you're wet, so I'm guessing you're just as eager," he quietly fired back. He was right. In all your continued wriggling under the desk, your skirt had ridden up around your hips. Chan was right up against your dampening panties.

"I've been eager," you challenged, "so hurry up already."

This seemed to be the magic phrase, fully uninhibiting Chan into leaning down and locking his lips onto yours. You moaned quietly against him, your hands clutching onto him as he fumbled with his jeans. He managed to unzip his jeans and fish out his hard-on in the tight space, his fingers now searching to push your panties to the side. His lips trailed down to your neck, nibbling between your pulse and your ear as you tried to hungrily grind down onto his cock.

"You want it?" He teased. "You sure you want to sleep with some filthy wolf?"

"Hardly any sleep to it, you dumb dog," you laughed, "now fuck me like I wanted you to earlier."

He grew rigid at the resumed name-calling, literally clamping his teeth onto your shoulder and growling as he sank deep into you with one thrust. "You asked for it, you little blood-slut."

You cried out, hushed instantly as he pushed the side of his gloved hand into your mouth. With your improvised gag, you whined and moaned freely, loving the stretch he gave you as he fucked you roughly under the desk. Chan snuck a hand up under your sweater, groaning as he groped your breasts, even pushing the material up to get a better look in the moonlight. He caught the hand you were trying to clutch onto him with, pushing it back onto the carpet and holding you down as he took you. By now, he'd basically maneuvered you both out from under the desk to better thrust into you. You still managed to thread the fingers of your free hand into his hair, gripping tightly as you wrapped your legs around his waist.

Chan managed to slip his hand free from your teeth, kissing you again as he used his newly regained fingers to thumb your nipples. You bit hard into your lip, trying your hardest not to cry out now that you weren't gagged. As if to further encourage your silence, you shivered as Chan's gloved fingers tentatively wrapped around your throat. The idea electrified you.

"Do it," you ordered, admiring how timid he suddenly looked about it. "Don't do it too hard, but do it."

He nodded seriously, his eyes blown out with desire as his fingers carefully tightened around your neck. You gasped, the struggle to breathe making you light-headed in the most exquisite way. Small moans and squeaks still managed to escape you, along with Chan's own quiet groans as he ravaged you on the floor. What surprised you was how effective the choking was in this moment. For having only tried it a few times before, it never made you feel like you could cum almost instantly before.

"Chan," you weakly pleaded, "make me cum."

He smiled mischievously. "Be nice, you little bloodsucker."

"Chan, please make me cum."

"You asked for it, leech."

It was too much. The name-calling, Chan's steadily tightening grip on your throat, his cock roughly thrusting into your soaked pussy, you were reaching your peak fast. Chan leaned down, kissing you sweetly in contrast to his hold on your neck. "Say thank you," he ordered quietly against your lips.

That did it. Your thighs clenched tight around him as you hit your climax. He released your neck right as you came, the headrush giving your orgasm an edge you'd never felt before. Much to Chan's chagrin, you thanked him over and over in your mess of hushed moans and whimpers, your spasming pussy holding fast onto his cock still pistoning in and out of you.

"See?" He laughed breathlessly against your neck, "It's not so hard to be nice to me when I'm so good to you."

"So good," you agreed, still dazed. "How do I make you cum?"

"You tell me," he playfully challenged, startled as you swiftly pushed his shoulder and rolled you both over so you perched on his hips. He watched, curiosity quickly turning into pleasure as you rolled your hips onto his cock, your still-recovering pussy savoring the sensation. He gripped onto your thighs as he thrust along with you, the leather of his gloves almost rubbing raw against you by now. You leaned down to kiss him, your tongue massaging his as you kept your harried pace. You kissed his chin, his cheek, before almost tickling him with your kisses on his throat.

"Are you really Non-Viable?" You whispered against his neck.

"No, that was a lie," he admitted, "you just spooked me, is all. Why do-- oh fuck."

Chan's hands squeezed you hard enough to bruise as you steadily let your teeth sink into his neck. He cursed and groaned, only to find that now it was his turn to have you clamp a hand over his mouth for a moment until the initial shock wore off. "You stupid, dumb fucking bloodsucker," Chan seethed, "why the fuck does that feel so good?"

Why did it feel so good? Feeding had never felt this amazing before, Chan's blood washing sweet like wine over your tongue. It was actual bliss, Chan's length filling you while you savored his blood. Such bliss, really, that you felt another orgasm rising. You carefully slid your teeth out of Chan's neck to press a particularly messy kiss to his lips.

"You want to cum with me? Wanna cum with a dumb blood-slut feeding on you?" You asked sweetly.

"Again, you greedy bitch?" Chan moaned deep, bucking his hips up hard against you, his eyes squeezed shut and his teeth gritting. "Do it. If you do it again I'm going to cum so fucking hard inside you."

How could you say no to that? Chan was quickly becoming a wreck under you, blood all over his neck and face as he groaned hard. You gladly obliged, finding a new place to pierce the fine skin over his jugular, and you were both seeing stars again as you continued feeding on him. "Yes, yes," Chan whined, "come on, princess, I'm almost there."

Princess? You could get used to that. You slid your pussy up and down his shaft even faster, ravenously lapping him up as you both teetered on the edge. How to get him over, though?

You pulled your teeth out of him once again. "You know what you have to say, you stupid dog?"

"What?" He asked desperately.

"Say thank you."

With that, you pierced his neck once more, making him cry out in absolute ecstasy as you fucked him into his explosive orgasm, yours following with a gasp right behind. You shivered against him, a pleased, languid smile gracing your lips as he dazedly whispered his gratitude in your ear over and over, his arms wrapped tight around your waist. His climax felt incredible inside you, almost like it was energizing you as it filled you up. You both lay like that for a second, slowly grinding to a halt and catching your breath against each other.

Chan spoke first. "Cardamom, by the way."

"Cardamom?" You smirked.

"Shut up. I like cooking. And yes, vampires smell like cardamom to me."

"Well," you quietly laughed against his neck, "that's unexpected. But I like it."

"That, and you, specifically? You smell like something my grandmother grew in her garden growing up. I can't place it. But I dunno. It made me feel safe. That's why I talked to you."

You blushed deep, maybe even deeper with Chan's blood and more filling you. "That's... Oddly sweet. I really like that."

"Good. You should." Chan smiled modestly. "Now, it's time to go. Come on."

"What are we doing?" You asked as he slipped you off of his hips. He readjusted his clothes, pulling out a bandana that had been tucked into his pocket and blotting his neck with it.

"There's a silent alarm in the office, right?"

"Under the professor's desk," you answered automatically, "why?"

"Because now it's time for you to trust me." Chan gently held your chin before really taking a second to kiss you, something you would expect at the end of a first date. In a weird, messed up way, this was sort of a different version of just that.

You were startled as he gathered your wrists together behind your back, swiftly binding them together with the bandana before he readjusted your skirt.

"Chan! What the fuck?! Put me down!" You yelled out as he picked you up and hoisted you over his shoulder.

"I look a little too obvious to play this off as nothing," Chan explained. "So, like I said, trust me and we'll be fine."

You were just about to protest once more when Chan descended the stairs, walking up to a group of wolves with headlamps on that had assembled at the office, having successfully finished their heisting. Four beams of light shined towards Chan, from what you could see slung over his shoulder.

"Where've you been?" Came a voice. "We've been-- what the fuck happened to you?"

"There was somebody in here with us after all. The professor's little assistant." Chan replied with a small laugh, patting the back of your thigh and getting a chuckle out of the pack as you wriggled in his grip. One of the wolves circled around to regard you.

"Alright," the wolf you were glaring at pitched in, "but you look like a god-damned wreck. And what's that smell?"

"Just my luck, she's a bloodsucker. She got spooked, tried to bite me, so I, heh, taught her a lesson." You were simultaneously impressed and disgusted with how well Chan could play this role, feeling genuinely dirty as the wolf wrinkled his nose at the realization.

"Ugh, you fucked her? I mean, good for you, but..." The wolf did not hold back his judgement for one second. You wanted nothing more than to beat the hell out of him.

"Well, we can't just leave her here," another wolf added, "we'll take her with us. Who knows, I always wanted to try a vampire."

Chan's grip on your thigh twitched, but his tone remained light. "What do you mean? We can absolutely leave her here. What's she going to do? By the time anyone comes we'll be long gone. We don't have time or room."

"Chan's right," another wolf said definitively. "Leave the girl and let's go."

The rest of the pack deferred to this new opinion, grumbling as you heard them pack out. Chan carefully set you down by the professor's desk and gently kissed your lips.

"You alright?" He quietly asked. You nodded warily, still unsure of this other side of him you just saw. "This was fun," Chan continued. "Maybe I'll see you around, princess."

He kissed you again and, with a wink, he joined the others as they left. You watched, dazed and unsure of just what the hell all happened tonight. You easily untied yourself and punched the silent alarm, wondering just how much of the story you would tell the police when they came, and if you really would ever see Chan again.

next>

[bellatrixobsessed1]

The Art Of Remembrance (Part 14)

“You should be happy! It was progress.” Sokka smiles.

“Minimal progress might as well be no progress at all.” Azula returns his expression with a frown that is just as dreary as his smile is hopeful.

“That’s not true.” Sokka insists. “I think that all Katara and Aang needed was a little sign. They’ll go easier on you now. And Zuko seemed pretty worried when he thought that you left again.”

Azula folds her arms across her chest.

“I think Toph likes you.” He tries.

“Maybe…”

“Did you sleep better last night?” He asks.

For the first time in weeks, her sleep wasn’t plagued with nightmares. She doesn’t recall having woken up at all in the night. She isn’t sure if she should attribute this to Sokka sleeping on the floor next to her bed, or the weight it had taken from her to have finally tried to form a friendship or two. At the very least, she had the pleasure of overhearing her brother suggest that they give her a chance before sending her off to the institution again. She has time and a chance now.

“I did.” She replies.

“Do you know how hard it is to talk to you when you only reply with two words?”

Azula shrugs.

“Or none at all.”

“Difficult, I suppose.”

“Three words! You’re being generous today!”

Azula rolls her eyes. Truly, she doesn’t want to be entertained by the man’s antics, but she finds that she is, more or less anyhow. Though her generosity fades, not particularly a spiteful gesture so much as it is that her mind begins to wander away from the present again. She hasn’t dreamed of the vines nor the men, so she thinks of them in waking. The nagging desire to find out what has happened to her only grows with each rise of the sun. “Sokka?” She says quietly.

“Yeah?” “I think that I do need to go back there…”

This time it is Sokka who frowns. “You’re not crazy, Azula, you just…”

She rises her hand to silence him. “I never said that I am. But if I don’t go back there then I won’t find out what happened to me. I need to know and as far as I know, you can’t recant that story.” She tries to gauge his expression. “So I’ll have myself transferred back there and I’ll figure it out. It can’t be too hard to convince everyone that I need to go there again…”

“I don’t like it.”

“Don’t like what?”

“Your plan.”

“Then come up with a better one.”

“Maybe I can come with you?”

“The last I checked, you are perfectly stable.”

“The more time I spend with you, the less true that is.”

“You’re hilarious, Sokka.” She replies flatly.

Though all sarcasm is lost on him, or ignored, when he boldly declares, “humor is my specialty.”

“I’m not looking for humor right now. I’m looking for a plan.”

“And I gave you one. You can get yourself locked up and I can get myself a job as one of the doctors.”  He pauses. “I’d feel a lot safer if you didn’t go in alone. What if they try to wipe your memories again.”

She shrugs and it slips out before she can hold her tongue, “then I won’t have to constantly guess how much of what you say is true.” She cringes at the hurt etched onto his face. “I won’t have to think about that conversation with Toph either.” She tries, but as per usual her delivery saps the humor from her jest.

“I’m trying to help you, you know that right?” Sokka asks. “It’s awfully hard to do that when you keep…”

Azula makes an effort to ignore whatever he is about to accuse her of. “You’re the hardest person that I’ve ever tried to get along with!” He throws his hands up. “And I think that you’re trying to make it hard for people to like you!”

She is in no mood for a fight and yet she can’t bring herself to let him have the last word. “Then just leave me to my plan.”

.oOo.

He rubs his hand over his face. One of them is going to have to concede if they are going to get anywhere and he knows that Azula is too stubbornly proud to give him an inch. He lifts his hands in surrender. “Alright, alright, you win. I’m the jerkbender here.”

“Stop saying that.” She mutters.

“I just...can you just try to trust me. I helped you talk to the rest of the gang, right?”

Azula purses her lips for a moment. “You did, yes.”

“So trust me on this too.” He requests. “You can go looking for answers, but you don’t have to do it alone.”

Azula brushes her finger over the place where pinky had been, he doesn’t know what it says that she would rather look at that than him. Finally she pulls her gaze away from her hand and meets his eyes. “Fine, but we do this…”

“Your way?” I figured as much. “I’ll fill Zuko in.”

Azula nods. “If things don’t go well, you’ll send word to him that it is time for me to come home again.”

“That was part of the plan.” Sokka smiles. At least some of his fears begin to subside. Control is key, if they can keep the situation under their control then it will be well. He can take comfort in that Azula still seems rather apt at doing just that.

He makes off to leave the room, and leave Azula to change into her day clothes. But before he does he turns back. It is more of an impulse than anything, scooping her into a small hug and patting her head. “I’m glad that we didn’t fight today.”

“Yeah.” Azula mutters, her cheeks are a gentle pink.

When he returns to the room with Zuko, he has to take pause and recollect the nature of their plan. Even a full awareness of it doesn’t prepare him for how well she dresses the part. Her hair is tousled, he thinks that she simply hasn’t bothered to comb it. And she wears the outfit that she has dressed herself in, in an unsettlingly  haggard sort of manner. But it is her eyes that throw him off the furthest. She already had a weary look from her sleepless nights, but the bags beneath them were beginning to fade. Now she wears her makeup in a fashion that brings them out and seems to ever so subtly sink her cheeks.

For a startling moment, he almost thinks that she is truly gone again, he can sense Zuko going rigid next to him. His moment of fear comes to an end when she greets them, “have you already arranged a ship?” Her voice is refreshingly smooth and calm.

“Yes, we’ve called for one, they’re expecting you within the hour.” Zuko nods.

“They’re also expecting one brand new, dashingly handsome doctor, appointed by the firelord himself.” Sokka declares.

Azula quirks a brow, “dashingly handsome?”

He elects to ignore her sarcasm once more. “Glad you agree.” He slings an arm around her. Honestly, the twin expressions of entertainment truly serves to drive home that he is working with two cranky siblings. “Oh come on, you guys have to admit that I look dashing in this imperial firebender armor.”

“Dashingly ridiculous.” Azula grumbles.

“Good thing you’re into dashingly ridiculous.”

“Gross.”

.oOo.

The docks are abuzz with fishermen and tradesmen both arriving and departing. Her ship is waiting for her at the very end of the pier, nearly out of sight, just as they like to keep their mentally unsound.

But Azula is seen plain as day right now, and for it she is fixed with many a unkind glares and glowers. Looks that ranged from pity to disgust to complete revulsion. And only for the assumption that she needs help to get herself back on track. She likes to think that they simply remember her for her misdeeds, but she has an inkling that they do have a general aversion to those of questionable mental standing.

Act or not, the princess finds herself feeling somewhat uncomfortable under all of their judging glances and double takes. Apparently it is a source of entertainment to see her being paraded about in study handcuffs. Sturdy as far as they can tell; the cuffs and chains are actually relatively loose around her wrists, a consoling reminder that she isn’t truly being shipped away again.

Another reminder comes in the form of how kind and light, Zuko’s touch is on her back. She almost freats that if someone were to stare for too long, that they’d realize it is all just for show. Sokka’s arm, linked in hers, is a little rougher--carelessly so rather than maliciously.  

As they near the ship, the crowd begins to thin, until only a few stragglers pass them by and they are quick to step out of the way. She thinks that her stance might have grown taunt because, when they find themselves a safe distance from the crowd, Sokka iquires, “you doing okay?”

Azula nods, “well enough, all things considered.”

Zuko squeezes her shoulder. She peers up at him and he gives her a reassuring smile. “Your plans usually always went well for you, if that helps.”

It doesn’t really, not when her mind can’t add meaning to his reassurance. But she nods affirmatively anyhow, lest she deter him from trying to help her when she has only just begun to receive such gestures.

The ship now looms directly in front of them, casting a large shadow over them. She expects a burly, bushy-browed man to emerge from the ship. Instead a rather wirey looking girl with frizzy hair and spectacles greets them. “It is nice to see you again, Zuko. And it is good to see that you have found your sister alive and…” she gives Azula a once over and force the word, “...healthy.” She takes a brief pause before adding, “relatively speaking.”

Azula can’t help but feel faintly annoyed by the remark.

“She’ll be fine, she just needs time. Bozan is usually pretty good at keeping her calm.” Zuko gestures to Sokka. “Which is why it’s crucial to let them speak at least once in the morning and once at night.”

“Noted, your majesty.” The woman dips her head. She draws a needle.

Azula suppresses a flinch.

“Sedation isn’t necessary.” Zuko says perhaps too quickly. “She’s been cooperative, I don’t think that we should risk agitating her.”

She could applauded him for his save.

“If you’re sure.”

“I am.” He says firmly. And to her he says, “good luck, I’ll see you at home when you recover.”

Yes, when she has recovered what she has lost, she adds silently to herself. She gives him no acknowledgement other than a forced snarl. She isn’t entirely sure that the hurt on his face is feigned. It looks rather genuine. Perhaps she is playing the part jarringly well.

The woman’s hand replaces Zuko’s and, Sokka trailing behind, she finds herself climbing the ship’s ramp. They pull it in and steal away any thoughts of back out.

[mantra4ia]

The Rise of Skywalker: Expanded Reaction Episode I (spoilers ahead)

Approaching a Saga that I love and a film that I hate with equal parts passion and compassion.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, I must preface my opinions with the one central point of view that has never wavered: You can be a Star Wars fan and a film critic simultaneously. I think the POV where the critics like a Star Wars film and the fans don’t, and people counter with “Critics, you don’t know what you’re talking about especially with Star Wars movies. You don’t know anything. Go away” is absolute garbage. I also think the opposite point of view, Diode if you will, is trash where fans like a film, critics don’t, and “fans don’t know what there talking about.” Those, I believe, are the only trash POVs as it relates to Star Wars. Everything else is fandom.

Likes (from the very big to the very detailed)

John Williams score. John Williams guided us through the film with subtly and passion. Even when things were happening on screen that I didn't like, I felt my feelings soften and shift because of the score. He composed a lot of what would have otherwise been chaos.

C-P3O: comedy comes from character, and Disney SW utilized 3PO in the best light I've ever seen him for that purpose. “Babo Frick, one of my oldest friends” was such a triumphant example. Also, in general, the humor in this film from all ensemble characters landed really well, such as “they fly now” and “what were you going to tell Rey...or is now not a good time.” I also liked the humor in The Last Jedi, but a lot of people didn't. I think that came down to TLJ execution where some of the humor felt too earthly “of the moment” and somehow the conversation turned humor into a taboo, where as RoS kept the humor classic and classy.

The banter between Rey, Poe, and Finn. Finally, I felt invested in the bond of these characters, which gave me stakes to win or lose. It took three films to set up unfortunately, but I the aforementioned Finn and Poe digging at each other and the opening between Rey and Poe – What did you do to my droid? What did you do to my ship? - really sold me on the fact that this movie might have, if not plot continuity, then emotional continuity.

Han Solo. What can I say guys, I'm a sucker for full circle, volta bracket (forgive me if my music theory analogy is wrong) story devices. It didn't necessarily make sense, but poetic beauty won and hit me in the feels. When Ben said “dad” and launched that Red Lightsaber into the stratosphere, it provided such a huge sense of catharsis I was brimming with tears.  FULL POST HERE.

The “Dyad” in the Force: Kylo and Rey’s relationship. If the Force was sentient it would have said all along: I've created my own balance in the form of two people, why are you trying to mess it up? That's as close to a direct message as I have ever gotten from the Force, expressed in themes from TFA and TLJ which culminated Luke's lightsaber blowing up in the tug of war thrown room scene. For all the people saying “another hookie, new lore, unfounded concept brought to you by Disney,” no, I feel like that's been fairly consistent. In my opinion, this is just another iteration of a recurring element in all over Star Wars: both Light and Dark side, Jedi Master/ Sith Lord and Apprentice. This is just a first time that its been a light side-dark side pair where neither are masters and all the Rise of Skywalker did was gave it a name and called it a dyad and part of what the force has needed for balance. I felt really invested in the “Reylo” dynamic. and while I was never entrenched in one specific outcome for Ben and Rey, all the possibilities were intriguing. This is perhaps the element in the sequel trilogy that was most consistently addressed in all the episodes, and it paid off for me.

The visual imagery. Say what you will about Force FedEx #that’snothowtheForceworks, but it makes for some beautiful action sequences and incredibly framed, colored, and illuminated still shots, that fired up a lot on interest in the spectacle of Star Wars even prior to IX's release. 

Kylo Ren's arc. Full appreciation post HERE. Kylo / Ben Solo is undoubtedly my favorite character of the Disney trilogy, in part due the that fact that his story has tracked the most consistently throughout three films, and also because I've always been a fan of complex antagonists. His arc's been psychologically interesting, to the point where I would have been perfectly fine with Kylo, as Supreme leader, being the main antagonist of RoS instead of Palpatine. Also, Adam Driver acts the h*** out of Ben Solo too, even though after he “turns” he has no dialogue. It's all carried on acting, and its stone cold believable.

The Leia training flashback with Luke. It added a new take on the classic trilogy that was the one big element where this movie swung for the fences on risk-taking and it paid off for me.

The *idea* of Leia being Rey’s training master. Fragmented speech aside, JJ's team did the best they could with what they had of Carrie Fisher to execute a wonderful pairing in the Force. Whether or not the best way to honor Carrie was to use the Last Jedi footage or to pass the baton in order to finish the character that she made an icon, is a healthy debate, but the best intentions were glowing.

Expanding the intricacies of Force visitation. Colloquially, the “Force Skype” from The Last Jedi, has evolved into “Force FedEx.” Even though the stage was set for this in TLJ, when Kylo touches water from the Ahch-to ocean, some people won't like this, and I totally get that. It makes many plot expediting elements easy. But admittedly, I will deal with that because it makes for some amazing iconic fight visuals. The throne room scene is still top of the trilogy, but I have to admit that when you Force FedEx a lightsaber – it makes for a fantastic mic drop.

The lightsaber fight on the Death Star wreckage. This was my favorite confrontation in RoS, ironically no Force FedEx required. The contrast of fighting style is never more apparent, Rey jumping over waves, Kylo walking through them with brute force of will. Then somewhere along the way the styles flip, Kylo's becomes more artful and Rey's more brutal (not unlike Palpatine's aggressive form) when she knows she's about to be beaten.

Kylo Ren's death blow simultaneously with Leia's death, book-ended by the fact that Leia did not become one with the Force until Ben did too. It's creative liberty to be sure, no other Force ghost transition has been like that, but it worked for me.

Best acted movie of the new trilogy overall by all the cast, parts large and small. You can tell that everyone involved made it with love.

The payoff of Finn's force-sensitivity that we got in Force Awakens mostly makes up for the pain of poor, half-retconned broom kid. We get backstory of other storm trooper deserters that we spirited from their home worlds which become broom kid substitutes. I'm also glad at the payoff of Finn joining the resistance culminated in becoming a co-leader with Poe.

Remember that one throwaway in The Last Jedi that a very vocal group (myself excluded) hated because Luke did it in exile and despair? Rise of Skywalker has an appropriate answer. When Ben throws away his cross-guard lightsaber into the waves of Death Star debris, as a mirror image to Luke but with hope, we get a very iconic moment.

Initial Reaction *** Episode II *** Episode III

[cianaf]

Airport Nonsense

Sat in this chair. It’s the same chair I was sat in 15 months ago in the departures lounge of JFK. Back then it felt great. I had just finished 10 days in New York, one of those days I had spent in Bristol where I had six meetings in three hours that laid out the plan for my career at ESPN. Starting with the podcast and radio and working my way up into a bigger role.

Everything from that week was great.

This week wasn’t bad either. It was my mother’s birthday, a milestone, and she hadn’t ever been to NYC so we came here for a while. There was a dinner with fancy plates and small portions. She’s gone on to do some travelling, the rest of the family is already gone home and I timed my departure to fit with the NFL Game Week, more out of habit than necessity these days.

(Sidenote: Don’t ever stay in Midtown in NYC. If you do, stay as far away as possible from Times Square.)

I can’t recall the last time I wrote one of these. I’ve generally done one every six months over the last few years. I think the last one was 12 months after my surgeries, not sure though. Since then I’ve learned that Teddy Bridgewater’s surgeries lasted five hours total and he had two sittings. Teddy’s knee injury was supposedly the most devastating since Shaun Livingston’s. That put mine in perspective. One of my sittings lasted 14 hours and had four procedures. If Bridgewater’s was the worst since Livingston, do I have to go back to the Dark Ages? Sawing people open with a jagged blade while they were still awake.

My memory isn’t great at the best of times and the lack of structure over the past year has meant it’s hard to piece together the timeline of when I did what. I’ve travelled a lot this year too.

That brings me to the point of this I guess.

Quite a few of you noticed my twitter bio. Some of you freaked out, some of you wished me well and some of you didn’t really understand. It’s fairly simple. I haven’t worked properly since December 2017. I’ve been living off my life savings since then. (One of the silver linings of having to live at home and not being able to leave your house much is that you save up a lot of money.)

There were conversations about work in August but those were fairly quickly shut down. I have enough money to survive until February without needing to get a ‘real person’ job. In February I’ll have to get a ‘real person’ job and football will be on the backburner for the foreseeable future (probably permanently).

I get a lot of encouragement and positive messages from you guys and I appreciate the sentiment but I think you need to understand this isn’t something I have any control over anymore. It used to be about me proving my work but I don’t need to prove my work anymore and even if I do great work it’s not going to change anything. This also isn’t about me having issues with colleagues or anything like that, as far as I know I had solid working relationships with the people I did shows with and I’ve also addressed/apologized to the people I needed to address and apologize to from last year’s shit. None of them have specifically told me they have issues with me but that might be something they save for HR/bosses/other people. 

I can’t and don’t want to speak for other people.

So because it’s not about me working harder or me working on specific people, there’s nothing really for me to do. What’s happening at this point is I’m being defined by a mistake. Which might be perfectly fair. I’m not the one to determine that. I can’t be the one to change that perception no matter how hard I try at it. Like, you can’t sell yourself as a good person, why would anyone trust someone who does that? You need other people to do that. And I live on the other side of an ocean so nobody in this industry knows me well enough to vouch for me like that.

What I don’t want to do is wind up being resentful and bitter. And I’ve felt that coming into my thought process recently. It’s important for me to explain that.

I’m not resentful at a particular person or at ESPN. I owned all my shit and was the first one to suggest the punishment I ultimately got for it. Although at the time I also didn’t really think it would be a career-ending thing (fwiw: literally everyone who knows the specific details of this and who has talked to me says the same thing and most think I didn’t deserve to lose my job in the first place but they are all peers or former colleagues not bosses who actually make the decisions at these companies).

No, where this resentment is growing from is the fact that this wasn’t something I controlled. I still don’t even remember any of it to this day. I doubt I would want to at this stage. You have that PTSD and it manifests itself in depression, that depression is cured with an alcohol dependence that takes away who you are. You no longer show off your actual personality, you’re a bag of bones and skin stumbling around loosely, acting like nothing you would ever be outside of that influence. To me the people who met me while I was in that state still haven’t actually met me because that wasn’t me, that wasn’t anything that resembled me.

My nature is to own my own shit and I didn’t look after my illness properly. I was happy to pay for that because that was on me. But I fear that the longer I’m outcasted and the longer I’m not working full time the greater that resentment grows. That’s not who I want to be. There’s no fun or happiness with other people when you’re *that* guy in the industry.

So that’s a long convoluted way of saying that February is just when I switch into an even more part-time football analyst than I already am. I can’t focus so much on a career path that has a locked gate in front of it. I’ll still be doing the Patreon as much as I can and I’m not going to be able to find a job quickly so there’ll definitely still be content early in the offseason. It’s a change of direction and you might not even notice it.

But regardless, it’s better to be healthy and functioning properly than to be falling apart privately but together in the public eye. I’m not happy all this happened but I’m happy it didn’t continue on that path and turn into something serious. Who knows where it would have gone surpassed last year if I never woke up from that haze.

There are people to highlight/thank who I can’t point to because they are public figures and I don’t know if they want to be associated with me or not, but I do have to note the CTD guys (Zach, Tom, Jade and Amin especially) for embracing me the past year. Hot Take Route may not be the biggest deal in football coverage but it’s helped me laugh and enjoy my work again while also just giving me a sense of inclusion with people at a time when everyone else has pushed me away.

If 25 people reached out to me last year then 12 of them were CTDers. None of them have brushed past me being an idiot but they’ve all accepted that I wasn’t right at the time and been as good to me as I could have hoped for.

I’m not sure if I’ve publicly explained this before, I know I have privately to a bunch of people, but there were different groups of people who could be sorted by their reactions to me after I became a “scandal.”

1. People who used me for the purposes of their own careers. People who were higher up in the food chain than you but wanted to take from your work to make their work better or people who were lower on the food chain than you who were only dealing with you in the hopes you’d help pull them up. That group just cuts you out instantly. They are the business is everything types. You are tainted to them and only represent potential problems. Which is fine if that’s the way you live.

2. People who recognized that you can make a mistake without it defining you. Most of this group said things along the lines of “I don’t know what you did but I know you well enough to know you wouldn’t have done anything wrong on purpose.” I really appreciated those people. It’s a rational line of thinking regardless of whether they were right or wrong about me specifically.

3. People who simply didn’t care. “I don’t care what you did and nobody else will in a week.” My problem with that group is that I still care 12 months ago and people should care what you do because if you do something shitty it matters. You can’t just brush those things aside because while one doesn’t define who you are the culmination of the things you do does define you.

Some people made no effort, some people made an initial effort and a very small group of people made efforts that lasted months. And it led to some great conversations about life and the way in which it should be lived. I was baffled initially by the people who said their respect for me grew but looking back with hindsight I understand why they said that now. The line that sticks with me from those conversations is “Everyone makes mistakes but how you react to them is what actually matters.”

I should have moved on from this by now but I think it’s a good reflection of who I am that I haven’t. Because the person who does something wrong and just moves on is someone who doesn’t care that they did something wrong.

That’s the beauty of sitting in an airport for eight hours. It gives you time to sit down and throw all of this crap out of your head. It’s like that Harry Potter thing where he pulls the strings out of his head but instead of putting them into a pensive to remember them I throw them onto whoever is crazy enough to read these life posts of mine.

(He says “Harry Potter thing” to try and pretend he’s not a major Harry Potter nerd! Because you know *that* would be the embarrassing part of this post.)

[undeadpool]

pt. 5

     Through the looking glass of the medical facility, it would seem there’s no hope for what was left of Preston’s family-- Wade’s family. On one side of the glass, Terry, Terry Jr., and Ellie all lay in their quarantined pods, comatose and barely holding onto life as Wade and Preston stand on the other side of the glass, staring solemnly at their loved ones. He wonders how he could be so stupid, so careless, so reckless, to let this happen to his family, Preston’s family. He should have known, if he put a single ounce of thought into his actions this wouldn’t be happening right now. Everybody would be happy and healthy, enjoying their family game night and yelling at each other over Monopoly. Even the most ruthless games of Monopoly would be better than this.

     “I always wanted a kid,” Preston’s voice is pained and her fists are clenched as tightly as her android body can manage, “But Terry and I only wanted one kid, and Terry Jr. is just perfect.. When the chance to adopt Ellie came our way, I was so grateful. It made Being friends with you worth it.” Her teeth are grinding together, and it sounds a bit like a couple of boulders smashing together in passing. In a split second she has wade pinned up against the wall by the fabric of his suit, and the sheer strength of the action leaves a small crater in the wall.

     “Now look at what you’ve done to us!” She pulls Wade close so that their faces are within a few inches of each other, “Do whatever needs to be done to undo this. I don’t care what it costs.” She lets him go and as he slides down the wall onto his knees, she points towards the exit, “Don’t make these babies pay for your mistakes!”

     Wade has been running for some time now, the brisk New York City air acting as motivation to get to where he needs to go; a specific payphone near the old Mercs For Money base. Nobody ever used this phone because it’s had a weathered ‘out of order’ sign super glued to it for the past five years, and after so long of it being seemingly broken, people gave up on trying to get the city to fix it. In reality, it worked perfectly fine, so long as you had the means to remove the post-it note stuck in the coin hole. That post-it note is what Wade ran for an hour to get to.

     He reaches into his pocket for a bobby pin to pry out the note, unfold it, and set it down on the metal shelf below the phone. The cell number on it is fresh as day, and the signature is one he knows very well. Cable in cursive letters. He puts the right amount of change into the coin slot and punches in the number on the note. The phone rings, and rings, and rings, until the voicemail tone is heard, and he groans. Wade is desperate though, and smart sometimes, so he leaves a voicemail.

     “You said to call this number if I ever needed a favor.. Well, today is that day. I need a cure for the bioweapon now. Problem is the cure may.. May not exist just yet. I don’t know what happens now-- I don’t have much time, not that it matters to you, I suppose. Find me. Yesterday.” The phone is hung up soon after that, or, rather, slammed in its place in frustration. Wade feels like he’s wasted precious time on this cause, who even knows if Cable will even get the call, or when he will. He might as well be with his daughter in her last moments, though.

     As he walks away from the sound of the payphone ringing, a deep, almost robotic voice comes from a few meters in front of him, “No need to answer the phone.. It’s just me ringing you back to get the ball rolling,” there’s a blinding white and blue light forming a sphere around a dark silhouette, disrupting the dust and trash on the narrow sidewalk, “But I’ve come back in time, and I have what you want. I understand we’re on a bit of a clock?”

     The man standing before Wade is one he recognizes, but not familiar with. A shadow of Cable himself. He’s dressed in some kind of metal armor, with a red cape over his shoulders, and a spiked helmet under his arm. He holds out a thermal-sized metal cylinder for Wade, but before Wade reaches out for it, he tries to get on the guy’s good side, “First, let me apologize for the remarks I made when you gave me that number--”

     “Hah. Deadpool is desperate enough for contrition, huh?” He seems even more condescending than Madcap.

     “I gotta know,” the futuristic thermal is handed over to Wade, and he stares at it as he speaks, “What’s this cure going to cost me, Stryfe?”

     “Don’t worry. I have a plan for you to work off,” Stryfe’s smirk is so smug it can put most billionaires to shame, “I’ve saved four lives for you, in return you are going to claim four lives for me.”

     “Who do you want dead, Stryfe?” It’s almost as if Wade is contemplating the price of his actions, but not for long. Wade can and will do anything to save his family, so there’s no use in thinking about his actions now.

     “No need to worry about that now. I’ll be in touch. Think of it as a long-term payment plan.” Stryfe turns on his heel, with a flourish of his cape and a chuckle because he know Wade would never say no. And he won’t.

     “Yeah, well, maybe I don’t want to be your bitch. Maybe the cost will be too high--”

     “As we speak, a blood clot is forming in Mr. Preston’s right leg. He’s actually the first to die, by the way,” the blinding sphere of blue and white light appears in front of Stryfe, and he stops to face Wade one last time, “Your parents already paid the price for bringing you into the world. You really gonna let the next generation die too? Or are you prepared to compromise a little?” Stryfe is gone as soon as he finishes, leaving wade staring off to the side, brows furrowed under his mask.

[sweetnestor]

On Days Like This | Chapter 4

teamiplier + oc, romantic/angst/platonic

PREVIOUS FICS (if you’re new here then I suggest reading these first)

previous chapter

Ethan and I missed a grand total of two shows. At least he got to perform the night we arrived to the Akron Civic Theatre. I couldn't sing until the next afternoon, and I really wanted to sing. I needed to sing. I also wanted to down a bottle of wine in one go, but I couldn't have that either. Had to earn my 4 month chip when we got back from tour, after all.

I tried to keep to myself as much as I could, but that was hard given the amount of people that worked with us. While the guys were onstage, though, it was pretty quiet in the green room. I was curled up on the couch, deep in my phone now that I had it back. I tweeted out my appreciation for those who were concerned. I also reassured them that I was perfectly fine to go on with the tour without telling them what exactly had happened. There were other people in the room, like Molly, Mandy, and Day, but they were in their own conversation. For once, I didn’t mind coming off as rude and staying quiet when they walked in the room. I just stayed focused on my phone.

That was a good way to act like I didn’t notice those three, along with other members of the crew watching me. Of course, upon arrival to the venue I got that sympathetic head tilt and the borderline condescending “how ya doing?” from practically everyone. Don’t get me wrong, it was reassuring that I was cared about, but the attention was aggravating. The more attention I got, the harder it was to forget this whole fiasco. Besides, the people that did know about the miscarriage didn’t really know how to react, give that the dead baby’s parents were generally unfazed by the events. We just carried on like normal, despite the awkward tension. Honestly, it really was a shitty way to kick off the tour. Way to set the mood, Bella.

There was a TV on the wall opposite to where I was sitting. It was playing the show, and it made me glad I hadn’t gone home. Here, I had things to keep myself busy. I helped Amy and Kathryn put together the VIP backpacks and screen the improv prompts from the audience. Tomorrow I would start singing. At home I had nothing, and having nothing meant I would go crazy and probably relapse. That would just cause more problems, and I already created enough commotion.

My eyes darted back to my phone when Kathryn and Amy entered the room. Their presence meant the show was almost over, and then there would be more people in the room. I took a deep breath.

Amy sat next to me. For a moment, that was all she did. But then, she placed her arms around me and pulled me into a side hug. She squeezed me once and let me go.

“Glad you’re back,” she said simply.

Mildly startled by the physical gesture, I looked at my lap. “Thanks.”

“Glad you’re not dead,” Kathryn added.

“Same.” I paused and then looked up. “Thanks for calling the ambulance and stuff…” My tone was stiff and borderline reluctant, but that was because I wasn’t sure how to properly express that gratitude.

“No problem.” Kathryn sounded just as awkward, but we left it at that anyway.

Eventually, the guys ended their show and came over to the room. I smiled and celebrated with the group. I gave Ethan a hug and a kiss, despite that he was really sweaty and that things were still rocky between us. No one needed to know that, though. We all pretty much stayed in the green room while everyone took turns showering, and then we were on the bus by two in the morning.

I was pleased to discover that my mattress and blanket were replaced while I was gone. No sleeping on a dried up fetus for me. I wanted to say that out loud, but quickly realized how dark it sounded. Too soon. Besides, I wasn’t sure who knew exactly what happened. Best to keep to myself.

~

“What was it like?” I asked Mark the next day.

We were in a private room at the venue: Rosemont Theatre in Rosemont, Illinois. We were rehearsing our set together alone before rehearsing onstage. Tonight was my first time singing on stage in front of people. I would have been crapping my pants had I not almost bled out on the bus. Things like that change your perspective a little bit.

“Well, I was more nervous than I had ever been,” he explained as he mindlessly strummed his guitar. “I actually started with The Man With No Shadow because I was freaking out so much. But after the nerves pass, it’s incredible. The audience has been really amazing and understanding so far. You’re really gonna like it.”

I nodded and bit my lip. My anxiety nausea was threatening to make a comeback, but I kept drinking my weight in chamomile. Not only that, I couldn’t shake this feeling of despair. Luckily, I had my healthy coping mechanism here.

“We’re starting with Give Me Love, right?” I asked.

“Yeah, you sure, though?” Mark replied with some uncertainty. “It won’t be too much for you?”

“I’m fine,” I told him. “And it would be better if I wasn’t treated like a fragile little bunny, okay?”

Mark held up a hand in surrender. “Got it. Don’t hold back.”

It was cathartic when it was just the two of us. On stage, in front of my friends and the crew, it was a little intimidating. So intimidating, in fact, that I couldn’t hit my high notes in any of our songs. Dan had to guide me through them, and we all had to pray I wouldn’t falter during the set. This was way different from just singing in my bedroom.

When the time actually came, I wanted to shit myself. I made frequent trips to the bathroom as the VIP audience took their seats. The third or fourth time I left the backstage toilet, Ethan was waiting for me by the door. I felt like a deer in headlights in front of him due to the nerves. Also, we hadn’t really spoken to each other that day, given that our argument on the bus didn’t exactly get resolved.

“Babe,” he said sympathetically, “are you-”

“Shh!” I hushed as I hysterically flapped my hands around. “Don’t talk about it. I won’t think about it til it’s over.”

Ethan nodded. “Okay. Can I hug you?”

I shook my head, averting eye contact. I did, however, silently hold my hand out.

Graciously, Ethan squeezed my fingers. He kept looking at me and slowly pulled me in closer, but I couldn’t return the contact. It felt especially weird because from the ride to Akron up until now, things were quiet between us. Still, he was here and I wasn’t sure why.

“You don’t have to do this, you know.” There it is.

I let go of his hand. “Thanks for the support.”

“Hey, that’s not what I meant.”

“You don’t just say things like that!” I snapped, my voice shaking.

“You just got out of the hospital!” he reminded me in an equally unhappy tone. “You had surgery! You almost bled out on the bus!”

“That doesn’t make me weak! I’m not broken!”

“I didn’t say that!”

“You didn’t have to! I’m singing, I don’t care if it kills me!”

Ethan sighed. “Don’t say things like that…”

I rolled my eyes and went back to the wings. I was kind of glad I didn’t see the look on his face; I knew I had upset him. But I needed him to understand.

It was hard to tell if the surrounding people were acting like they heard any of what just happened. It was weirdly tense, though, but I had to shake it off.

“Can we do the sad one first?” I asked Mark as I took my place next to him.

“Which one?” he replied.

“Last Kiss. It’s easy, it’ll get the nerves out.”

“Alright.”

All sound was muffled as we stepped onto the stage. I couldn’t even see, but I still made it to my microphone stand. Mark was on my left; I think he greeted the audience. I think I said something in response too. The only thing I heard after that was Mark strumming our first duet.

From there, I closed my eyes and let it happen.

______

next

[onisionquotes]

Top Surgery, Tattoos, & Implants: Body Mods

Hey guys, as some of you know I have a skin disease, ummm…but I chose not to wear makeup today because, it just doesn't seem appropriate for the situation that we have. What I'm talking about today is a video I made on Onision Reacts where I spoke of breast implants and I said that I, or I implied - I don't know if I out right said it, but I heavily implied that people that get breast implants when they aren't needed are freaks. I lost a lot of you right now because humans are creatures of emotion and not logic - you can't listen to something all the way through if someone does something, you just react emotionally and that's the end of it. For those of you that are still here the definition of freak covers people that are abnormal. So in a big way I'm a freak. You know if you actually look at what words mean in the language that your speaking. It is very important what those words mean because otherwise what does anything you say matter, if they don't have meaning. If the words your saying don't have definitions, it means nothing. This is why definitions are so important. So when I say someone is a freak, it's not necessary an insult. First off, it's just something that people react to emotionally and has a certain impact because very few people want to be freaks. ummm, okay. I don't mind being a freak myself. I have a skin disease, like I said, rosacea. It's not fun but I don't hate myself for it. I'm not going to go get surgery for it or anything. Not that there is a surgery that I could even utilize to correct my disorder, or disease. Um, but the point of this video is that someone made a very good point that I needed to address regarding transgender people. I said if you get a breast implant that is not needed then you are a freak, or something along those lines. And people where like, what about your spouse? Your spouse has talked about how they wanted to get top surgery so they no longer have breasts. Uh, I would be unhappy with this decision if I'm going to be bluntly honest as usual. I prefer a person with breast, who doesn't have scar tissue all over their chest, and I know this is hard for some of you to receive. I know it's really hard for you. Umm, but some people have these views and if I'm gonna be thrown down for having the views that I have- then so be it, at least you know them as opposed to a lot of other people you may watch who do not tell you their true feelings. Like you find out 'Oh my god, they been a racist this whole time'. It doesn't work with me that way. If i was a racist I would of told you a long time ago. Regardless, I would not be satisfied with my spouse getting top surgery because like I said I prefer the feminism form. Now if my spouse never had breasts in the first place; I would be fine with that because there was no surgery, so was no scar tissue. Let me describe, too much information, but let me describe something for you guys. When I see pornography that shows scars underneath someone's breasts I immediately turn it off. I.. I,'m just so not attracted to fake breasts; it's unbearable. Umm and you know, people want to get breasts alterations. That's their own decision until they start encouraging other people to get the same procedure. You get the same procedure as someone you watched on youtube or something like that. That is partially on the person you watched no doubt for subconsciously influencing you. Acting like it's a good thing. And this is a first world country that most of us are living in; so this is a first world problem. You know, In many countries people have much more important things to worry about than the size of their breasts. So I think we should all stop acting like we are enormous victims of a video where I expressed my opinion and just deal with it as it is. It's an opinion and it's an opinion that I'm allowed to express. It's an honest opinion. You got it straight from the core of my consciousness and it wasn't put through filters. This is who I am, I'm not attracted to people with fake breasts. I do not find scars attractive. I am not turned on by people who, when their breasts bounce they look abnormal. It just doesn't work for me. So, back to the transgender issue. If somebody looked like a boy or looked like a girl, and they did not have any physical alterations, then that's fine. Literally my spouse could have male genitalia so long as it was natural, I would probably be very fine with that. But my issues is when that you take something that is unbroken, something that is in perfect condition and you needlessly alter it. Now if you have breasts too large, ones that will way you down, ones that hurt your back, that is clearly a disability. That's an abnormality- one you need to correct. If your breasts are super small, that's not an abnormality. That doesn't make your health worse or anything like that. So why would you intentionally make your health worse by having someone cut on you? I hope you guys are understanding my point. It has nothing to do with transgirls looking like girls or transboys looking like boys. It has everything to do with whether or not you needlessly go under the scalpel. So what I'm saying is, no, I don't support cutting up genitalia that is perfectly fine. If you want to do it, that's your choice; I can't stop you but I won't say 'yah, you should get that done' because we're human beings. We're flawed. Your genitalia will likely never look like how it perfectly would look if you where born that way. So if you want to identify as a boy. Then identify as a boy. But again, I don't see the logic in cutting on yourself just because you have an identity. I just don't understand it, because surgery a lot of times comes with side effects. It's not like someone can wave a wand and your magically the other thing. If it where like that, I would support it, because there would be no scars - you wouldn't look like something… like a science project. I know that offends people but I can't stop saying true things as I see them. That's why I'm dying probably. That's why my channels are suffering so much, probably. Because I literally do not filter things. I like saying things the way I see them. So, science project, yes I said that. If you have someone that is amazing, who would leave no scars, who would have no health risk, who would generally do a wonderful job, wouldn't leave any foreign objects inside of you, you would still be a 100% yourself, etc. - maybe, maybe that makes sense. But the problem is there are so many consequences, it doesn't make sense long term, and the influences that got you to alter your body in the first place probably weren't healthy. If I see someone that looks like a male but has a breasts; I'm going to call them a male if they want to be called that. If I see a female, but has no breasts and has a bulge in their crotch; I'm going to call them whatever they want to be called. They deserve to identify as that, but when it comes to body modifications… truth be told I have no idea. I don't know what it's like being trans. I don't know what body dysmorphia is all about. I have a skin disease but I still don't know what body dysmorphia is all about. I hope that you guys can appreciate that despite the fact I have the seemingly intolerant opinions of body modifications that are so dramatic. That I'm actually respectful enough to all of you to tell you exactly how I fell rather than BS you for the sake of approval. You know I can say things that would make you love me. I could say things to manipulate you into thinking I was just the most perfect, noncontroversial, likable guy, but there are things in this world that are more important than money. There are things more important than getting everyone to like you; because if they like this fake you- they don't really like you at all. K? So, with all that being said. To the people I upset, that was not my intention. I wasn't intending to hurt feelings. I was intending to speak my thoughts exactly as I thought them. Okay? So it's not like I make any of my videos to bully, or to gang up on people or otherwise be terrible to them. I make these videos because I see things a certain way and I want to express how I feel about those things. Just like most anyone should be able to do. Now I want to apologize for the excessive length of this video, but I feel like a lot of you appreciate me making videos like these and I enjoy talking about what's going on and where I'm coming from. And I know a lot of people will say, you know, whatever hateful thing they want to say in my direction. Obviously for the sake of hurting me, but I'm to use to this. Been doing it for 10 years. One last thing I would like to address is I have tattoos. I have them on my ankle. I have them on my waist. So you may ask, doesn't that make you a freak Greg, because you modified your body. And the answer is yes. If someone said they weren't into tattoos I would fully understand. If they said I was a freak, I would fully understand. And that's just how it is. If someone said I encouraged other people to get tattoos through my having tattoos, I would agree. I would say my having tattoos does encourage other people to get tattoos as well, as it's an advertisement. It's me, someone they may like saying to everyone else 'I approve of tattoos'. Okay? That's why I say when someone gets breast augmentation, and they have a lot of people looking up to them, that they are telling their audience that they prefer their breasts to be a certain size. And if they where the audience member that does not have breast of a certain size, that they would want to do the augmentation to those individuals as well. I'm responding with as much logic and least emotion as I can because emotion does not seem to get us where we want to be. Has not seemed to get me where I want to be. So, with all that being said I hope you better understand my position on trans, on tattoos, and on breast augmentations on hetro females. I don't know why I involved the hetro part. Females. Regardless, I guess I look forward to your feedback. Hopefully you're not too emotional, like so many people where in the past. Completely ignoring what I said and only focusing on whatever they misheard for the sake of making themselves feel better, and trying to make me feel worse.

[moodymindymusereactions]

When they discover their crush likes them back

Your English is just fine, my dear! ♥ I hope you enjoy ♥

Onew:

 I think giddy might be the best word for this.  He’s the eldest, so he’d probably be outwardly really chill about this.  Whether it was you telling them that ‘hey I like you’ or if it was someone else letting the information slip, he’s going to be all smiles for the rest of the day, maybe the week, probably the month.  Just saying!   So let’s say he found out from a mutual friend.  They just kinda blurted it out while the two of them were having a conversation about you.  It would totally surprise him and he’d probably immediately stop the friend to confirm. ‘You really mean that?’ ‘he/she does?’ ‘since when?’ ‘are you sure?’ When he’s sufficiently confident that this wasn’t just some random opinion from his friend about what he thinks you think of him, then he’s going to be ecstatic.  Expect him to be sweeter to you, even more of a gentleman (is that even possible?), and just all around attentive.  You can bet he’s planning the perfect way to ask you out, too.  That’s partially why he’s hanging around more.  I see Jinki as being particularly romantic, so he’d probably go a little traditional with the way he’d ask you out.  Roses, possibly a little cute stuffed animal, a trip to a botanical garden or even the beach--some place where he won’t be interrupted and the mood is perfect.  Even with the knowledge that you like him, he’s still going to be shy as hell when he finally asks you out.  Jinki is a special one so please be kind to him.  Appreciate this bundle of love, okay?  *clears his throat* “So, um, y/n, a little birdy might have told me you like me, which is great because I like you, too!” *insert giant Jinki smile here* “I was hoping I’m not completely wrong in assuming said birdy was telling the truth because I would love to take you on a date.”

Jonghyun:

 Oh, oh, okay.  So you want to talk about romance?  Here is Mr. King of Romance.  This guy is as greasy as the pizza my high school cafeteria used to sell for lunch, which is to say it cascades off of him like a damn waterfall.  No amount of napkins is going to hold back this greaseball.  He’s also Mr. Confidence!  Before he finds out you like him, he’s shy around you, soft-spoken, cute little smiles.  After he finds out you like him, expect some whiplash.  He’s going to be VERY different.  More forward.  He’s the type to want visual evidence of this supposed crush, so there will be little, light touches of his fingers grazing your arms or your back when he’s around.  He’ll graze his fingers over yours when handing you things just to see your reactions.  Hell, he’ll even be cheeky af and boldly brush his thumb over the corner of your mouth while the two of your are eating lunch together ‘because there’s crumbs’ he’ll say...DoNt Be FoOlEd!  The second he sees that blush bloom over your cheeks, he’ll have all the proof he needs that you like him.  At that point I see two possible ways he’ll move forward.  Either A: he’ll be blunt as hell (he is an Aries after all) and tell you he likes you and wants to take you out on a date, probably that evening.  Or B: he’ll tease you for a while, living for your blushing face and flustered reactions...AND THEN once he’s had his fun he’ll ask you out, probably point blank, the most random moment of the day.  You could literally be shoving food in your mouth and this one will be like ‘Go out with me.’  Oh, did I say ask?  No, no, I mean he’ll just make a... suggestion without a question mark at the end.  If you have the will to tell that bright smiling face no, then you’re a stronger person than most of us.  Good luck!  “Oh my god! Did you see the episode last night?” “Yeah it was great!” “I can’t believe he died!” “Tell me about it! I was so surprised!”  “Speaking of surprises, let’s go on a date tonight.  Eight o’clock sound good?  I know the perfect place to take you.” *cue choking*

Key:

Libras.  It’s hard to say what Kibum would do, honestly.  I think it would depend on how much time spends with the object of his affection.  The more a Libra knows about the person they like the more likely the are to know the person likes them.  So, for a Libra like Kibum who is naturally outgoing, he might not need to be told by anyone that you like him because he’d already know.  However, Kibum has had some confidence issues in the past so that might hinder his ability to see that someone likes him at all.  If that’s the case it would come as a surprise that you like him in that way and he may or may not actually believe it.  The good thing here is that if that is the case, the seed has already been planted and because Libra’s are naturally intuitive and observant, he’ll subconsciously be looking for the little things you do that might cue him to said crush.  If he does figure out you do actually, truly like him it’s going to throw him for a loop and he’ll become SUPER shy around you, possibly giggly, more handsy and prone to skinship.  He’s for it, honestly.  The way he displays he likes you is in the little things he does: small gestures to help you throughout the day, little text messages to say good morning or goodnight or just to check up on you, taking interest in the same things as you even if it means stepping out of his comfort zone, shy smiles and lots of individual attention.  Kibum is a doll and honestly, he needs someone who is going to treat him like he’s a king, cuz he is.  Don’t be discouraged if you figure out he likes you and yet he doesn’t make a move.  This might behoove you to make the first move or just be patient and continue to show an interest in him.  So long as you show that he’s the only guy you’re interested in, he’ll eventually gain the confidence to ask you out.  Don’t, I REPEAT, DON’T do the whole jealousy thing.  You will only hurt him.  “Look, I can’t do this anymore” *sharp inhale and heavy sigh* “There’s this thing between us, and I mean, if it’s just in my head I’ll crawl under a rock or something, but if you really feel it too, can you please put me out of my misery and just go out with me?” (this, by the way, is the part where you say YES!  You’re welcome)

Minho:

Confidence, confidence, confidence!!!! The other Mr. Confidence.  He know’s he’s good looking and he know’s he’s talented, and he KNOWS he’s a lady killer.  What I love about Minho is the fact that despite all this he’s still a giant goober.  Like, this is a group of weirdos (as a fellow weirdo I say this in the most loving way possible), but he’s King Weirdo in a lot of ways.  He’s also a mood maker and a giant fluff ball.  I don’t think there would be a huge difference between the way he acts around you after finding out you like him, too, just subtle things like shy, almost knowing smiles and a few giggles here and there (he’s giggly okay? Fight me!). He might be a little more clumsy around you, trying to impress you and all before slipping or running into something.  It’s Minho, honestly.  He’s a giant and having such long limbs, they’ve gotta get in the way sometimes!  It’s just not possible to be perfect AND perfectly coordinated.  I’m just saying.  Anyway, I think he has the potential to be like both Jinki and Jonghyun.  He could be the type to get closer to his future s/o in little ways: spending time with them, being more touchy, etc.  But I also see him being so surprised and so enthused about the possibility of reciprocated feelings that he might just come right out and ask you out.  I lean more towards the Jinki option, though.  I feel like would want to plan a perfect moment and then ask you out AND THEN take you out on the perfect date. IT’S MINHO FOR GOODNESS SAKE!  In any case, he’s not going to take forever to ask you out, but I’m not entirely sure he’d be as abrupt as Jonghyun.  He’s a fluffy guy, but not over the top either, so I think he’d wanna take you for a movie and dinner, or even just invite you over for a home-cooked meal and a romantic night in.  He strikes me as simple, which I don’t know about you, but that’s pretty ideal.  “So I might have heard that you liked me and I might have planned a date for this Saturday.  What do you say?  Will you let me take you out?”

Taemin:

Oh, Tae.  This one.  What are we going to do with you, hmm?  Taemin is a quiet person by nature, even with his weird side.  It’s just a Cancer thing.  Also a Cancer thing: the incredible inability to express themselves.  Like the crab that represents their sign, they tend to shrink into shells and not come back out.  I feel like Taemin liking someone would be a quiet affair.  He would like this person from afar for awhile until he’s comfortable enough to come forward and interact with them more.  It might seem like he’s standoffish, but really he’s just trying to figure himself out.  However, once he knows how he feels it’s going to change his behavior in the mildest of ways.  Instead of being standoffish, he’ll actively seek out the object of his affection, he’ll make small conversations with them, mostly he just wants to be in their presence even if they don’t like him back.  Being around that person brings him some solace, almost like a reset button.  He’ll worry incessantly, always wanting to know if they got home alright or if they are feeling okay or...well, just generally, he’ll want to make sure the person he likes is healthy and happy.  So say he finds out you like him from a mutual friend.  Like Kibum, he might not believe it.  He can’t wrap his mind around the idea you, the person he’s liked for so long, actually liking him back.  However, unlike Kibum, he’ll give into the idea faster, becoming a bit giddy and just a smiley mess.  Don’t expect him to come right out and say he likes you, though.  Oh, no.  He’s going to horde this information and not make it known in the slightest that he’s even aware.  I feel like it would take someone else showing an interest in you for him to be motivated to ask you out.  At that point, it would be a matter of him possibly losing you to someone else, even if you like him back.  He can’t imagine you with someone else.  Absolutely not!  Taemin is the type to blurt out that he likes you.  Not in a smooth Jonghyun kind of way, but a very sudden, very unplanned confession, almost like a slip of the tongue.  It’s still cute as hell, though, you have to admit.  “You can’t go on a date with him!” “Why not?” “Because he’s not good enough for you!” “Taemin, you don’t even know him…”  *aggravated huff* *hand running through that glorious hair* “You don’t understand.” “Then help me understand” “I like you, okay?!  You can’t be with anyone else!  You just ...can’t!”  (istg this is the part where you hug him and reassure him, okay?  Do it.  Don’t question it.  Just do it.  Don’t hurt him.)

--Admin MM

[racingtoaredlight]

RTARL’s NBA Previewpalooza: Part One

One of the most hectic and entertaining NBA offseasons in recent memory is finally drawing to a close, and real-live game action is nearly upon us. After ending last season by swiftly dispatching the Cleveland Cavaliers, the Golden State Warriors have cemented themselves as the most ridiculous Final Boss in the history of team sports. Barring an injury that prevents either Kevin Durant or Steph Curry from playing in the postseason, it’s damn near impossible to imagine anyone preventing them from repeating. In the same way that a movie can still be great even if you guess the ending ahead of time, the ups and downs of each of the thirty teams in the NBA are still a ton of fun to follow, even if the eventual champion is basically a foregone conclusion. For me they are, anyway. 

Today I’ll be previewing the Eastern Conference, with the teams presented in the order I think they’ll finish, worst-to-first. I’ll roll out my Western Conference predictions and my picks for the end-of-season awards as soon as I can. Let’s rock and roll.

15. Chicago Bulls. Mother of God, this roster is an atrocity. Zach LaVine is the best player the Bulls have on their roster by a country mile, and he’s currently recovering from a torn ACL. He’s not even going to be cleared for contact until sometime in November. In the meantime, their best player is...Nikola Mirotic? I guess? Mirotic is a 6′10″ PF who averaged as many three-point attempts per game as rebounds last season, while shooting under 42% from the field. Woof. 

This year is all about landing a high draft pick to add to their young core of LaVine and uh, Denzel Valentine, Kris Dunn and Lauri Markkanen. Damn, GarPax. Nice work. 

14. Brooklyn Nets. Oh, jeez. I’ll say this for the Nets: I really liked the move to ship Brook Lopez out of town for D’Angelo Russell. Lopez served no purpose on a team this bad, and there’s always the chance that the next foot injury he suffers is a career-ender. Getting a young guy with Russell’s pedigree for him is a score. In addition, the Nets are doing that thing where a team acts as a dumping ground for other team’s shitty contracts, while picking up draft picks along the way (they got a 2nd rounder from Toronto for taking DeMarre Carroll, for example). 

Speaking of draft picks, it’s impossible to talk about the Nets without mentioning the truly heinous trade that deprived them of their ‘14, ‘16, 17, and ‘18 first round picks. I still can’t believe that happened. The light at the end of the tunnel for the Nets isn’t going to be all that bright until after next season, when their rebuild can finally begin in earnest. In the meantime, enjoy D’Angelo and Jeremy Lin!

13. Atlanta Hawks. I learned recently that Dennis Schroder is a huge douche and his teammates really don’t like him at all. A team’s best player being an asshole isn’t a big deal when the player is a legit stud. When it’s Dennis Schroder, that’s less than ideal. The Hawks have some decently fun guys to watch in Schroder, Kent Bazemore, Taurean Prince and incoming rookie John Collins (pride of Wake Forest). I don’t really see it translating to a whole lot of wins, though. This feels like a transitional year for them, and I’m not sure if coach Mike Budenholzer is the kind of guy who’d want to stick around for a full rebuilding project. I can’t for the life of me find any information on his contract, so it won’t be surprising if he bails after this season, and the Hawks sink into full tank-mode. 

12. New York Knicks. Well, they got rid of Carmelo. The return wasn’t all that great (that’s putting it kindly), but it’s tough to argue that it was the wrong move. Now, the team can focus on developing Kristaps Porzingis into a superstar, and trying to build around him. The Knicks definitely aren’t going to be a GOOD team, but with Kristaps doing Kristaps things, Michael Beasley doing Michael Beasley things, Willy Hernangomez hustling like a madman, and Tim Hardaway Jr. possibly attempting 10 threes a game, they won’t be a total drag to watch. 

11. Indiana Pacers. I love Myles Turner as much as almost anyone, but he’s not enough to carry a winning team by himself quite yet. Victor Oladipo is a fine running mate, and I think he’ll have his best year to date. With Darren Collison and Cory Joseph both on the roster, the Pacers are assured of having a competent, unspectacular general on the floor at all times. I think the Pacers have enough to keep from completely bottoming out, but this still looks like a lottery team.

10. Philadelphia 76ers. There’s not a team in the league with as wide a range of possible outcomes as the Sixers. There are so many “ifs” here. IF Embiid plays 65+ games, and IF Ben Simmons hits the ground running, and IF Markelle Fultz is ready to play, this team could sneak into one of the final playoff spots in the East. On the other hand, IF Embiid has a health setback and another lost year, and IF Ben Simmons is still too raw to count on, and IF Markelle Fultz’s terrible jumper totally undermines his other qualities, the Sixers could find themselves dangerously close to the Nets and Bulls at the bottom of the conference. I think the Sixers will be one of the most fun teams in the league to watch this year, but they won’t coalesce enough to make a legit run at the playoffs until next season.

9. Charlotte Hornets. Truth be told, there really isn’t much of a difference between the Hornets, Pistons, and Magic. The Hornets losing Nic Batum to injury is a bummer, as this is a team that can ill-afford to lose a playmaker. They brought in Dwight Howard, and if the early reports are to be believed, he’s as healthy as he’s been in awhile, and he’s feeling rejuvenated. It remains to be seen how long the honeymoon period will last for him in Charlotte. The Hornets are well-coached and they have several good defenders. Kemba Walker is a legit star and has shown the ability to drag his team to the playoffs in the past. I also really liked their drafting of Malik Monk. Add it all up, and the Hornets aren’t a top-tier franchise, but they’re far from a smoldering trainwreck. I’m not great with compliments.

8. Detroit Pistons. I might be one of the few people remaining on the Andre Drummond bandwagon. I still think he has it in him to be an absolute force defensively, and I hope he makes a leap this season. Bringing in Avery Bradley gives them some more shooting and further fortifies their defense. By surrounding a rim-wrecking big man with shooters, it’s pretty clear Stan Van Gundy is trying to recapture the glory of his Orlando days. If he can get something useful in return for Reggie Jackson, and if Stanley Johnson progresses enough to be a legit rotation player, the Pistons may very well have a stew going. 

7. Orlando Magic. I really like a lot of the Magic players individually, but they’ve had issues fitting together in recent seasons. I think things will be different this year. Aaron Gordon is primed to take a step forward and become an All-Star, and Elfrid Payton has the skill to be a very good PG, especially defensively. Evan Fournier and Terrance Ross can both score in bunches from beyond the three-point line. The organization seems to dislike Nic Vucevic, but he’s a good player. He’ll either be productive for the Magic, or they’ll finally find a trade they like and bring in someone who fits what they want to do. 6′ 10″ rookie Jonathan Isaac was one of the picks at the draft that made the analysts ooh and ahh, so I guess that’s a good thing. 

6. Toronto Raptors. The Raptors are a pretty good team. They have two All-Star caliber players in Lowry and DeRozan, and Serge Ibaka is a perfectly decent third wheel. With that said, it feels to me like they’ve gone about as far as they can go. Most likely, they’ll chug through the season similar to the way they have the last couple of years, and proceed to bow out early in the playoffs. However, it wouldn’t surprise me if they get off to a slow start and decide to fire Coach Dwane Casey. After that, things could really spiral out of control, and DeRozan or Lowry could end up being traded. 

5. Miami Heat. I love Erik Spoelstra, and this roster is tailor-made for a coach to go buckwild trying to cause matchup problems for the opponent. They have an elite rim-protector in Hassan Whiteside, an upper-echelon point guard in Goran Dragic, and a slew of very good role players. There’s size and athleticism up and down the roster. They can go small, they can go big, they can load up with perimeter shooting, they have Peak Dion Waiters, and they brought in Kelly Damn Olynyk. This team as constituted is a blast. The only thing keeping them from legitimate contention is their lack of a go-to superstar. Pat Riley has proven rather adept at securing the services of players like that, but they don’t have any young guys that are obvious trade pieces, and they’re devoid of draft picks for 2018, so odds of an in-season deal are pretty slim.

4. Washington Wizards. I consider myself to be a reasonably WizWoke guy, but much like the Raptors, this feels like a team that’s reached it’s ceiling. The difference between the Wiz and the Raptors is that while Kyle Lowry and Serge Ibaka have caused locker room issues in the past, John Wall and Brad Beal seem to be more measured and mature guys, their own rocky relationship notwithstanding. I don’t see the potential for their locker room to implode the way I do with Toronto. Barring major injuries, this is a team that should coast to home court in the first round of the playoffs. Wall and Beal are a spectacular backcourt, and Otto Porter has improved every year he’s been in the league. Marcin Gortat is steady, but his style of play is rapidly becoming a liability in today’s NBA. They’re an athletic rim-protector away from taking another step forward, and unfortunately those aren’t all that easy to acquire. Also, Markieff Morris is a total piece of shit.

3. Cleveland Cavaliers. Just to be perfectly clear, I’m not saying the Cavs are the third best team in the East. I’m saying they’ll finish with the third-best regular season record. Isaiah Thomas, Derrick Rose, and Dwyane Wade are going to miss a ton of games. LeBron’s only objective is winning a title, and if he thinks resting during the season will improve his chances, he’s gonna sit some, as well. They aren’t going to care about gunning for a #1 seed, because they know they can beat anyone in the East without it. There will probably be a little bit of a feeling out process at the beginning of the year, but this is a veteran-laden roster and it should go smoothly. There’s a faint whiff of danger here, with Isaiah Thomas’ uncertain health, and the cloud of LeBron possibly bolting after the season hanging over everything. I don’t THINK things will take a nasty turn for them, but if they did it would be delightful from an entertainment perspective. 

2. Milwaukee Bucks. I am ALL IN on the Bucks. The term “position-less basketball” has become en vogue recently, and the Bucks are perfectly suited for it. They are flush with young, athletic, lengthy defenders. Half the battle in today’s NBA is trying to force defenders to switch assignments until you end up with a matchup you can take advantage of. Well, the Bucks have a boatload of guys who can reasonably guard every position on the floor. They’re going to be a nightmare to play against. 

In addition to their defensive capabilities, they have motherfuckin’ Giannis Antetokounmpo. He’s a superhuman. I think this is the year he vaults into superduperstardom, and he’s a legit MVP candidate. The Bucks figure to get Jabari Parker back sometime around the All-Star break, and if he can pick up where he left off, it’ll give them a massive boost offensively. Jabari was averaging over 20 PPG and shooting over 36% from three before he went down.

I think the Bucks will keep the pedal to the metal all season long as they announce their presence as a legit team, and as a result the wins will pile up. They are young and hungry, and will enjoy the hell out of wrecking people. The main thing keeping me from vaulting them all the way to the top spot, and giving them serious consideration to make the Finals, is the fact that they’re coached by Jason Kidd. I have no idea if he’s a good coach or not. He does completely inexplicable things all the time, but then he’ll counteract that by pushing all of the right buttons for a few games in a row. Much like the rest of the Bucks, there’s room for him to take the next step forward and become one of the league’s best. 

1. Boston Celtics. I swear this isn’t me being a homer. The Celtics are loaded and they have a very good coach. It’ll likely take them a bit to figure out how to play together, but once they get the hang of things, they’re gonna be really good. Basically everyone has a Celtics-Cavaliers Eastern Conference Finals set in stone at this point. But, whereas the Cavs have the kind of well-earned confidence that allows them to not give a rat’s ass about the regular season and homecourt advantage, the Celtics aren’t there yet. I think getting homecourt for a potential playoff showdown with the Cavs is really important to them, and as a result they won’t let up during the season. Even if Kyrie Irving does miss games, as he’s wont to do, the roster is deep enough that they should still be able to hang with most teams even without him. When you have a team with this amount of talent trying to win as many games as possible, playing in a weak conference, they’re gonna put up a enough Ws to lock up a #1 seed.

Whew! That’s it for the East, be sure to come back next time for my thoroughly uninformed opinions on the West!

[janiedean]

your friendly opera headcanons post

or: I promised @widevibratobitch to share some don giovanni headcanons like LAST WEEKEND and I wanna do it before I leave for the next four days so here you go have my carefully thought through headcanons that I put together with love and dedication since the ripe age of five. along with ship headcanons take it as u will.

regular shit over the cut, shippy stuff under the cut.

don giovanni is totes bisexual as in he mostly likes women but he has no problem being with guys if he feels like it

this is brought to you also by the fact that the conversation he has with leporello in the beginning of act II in italian sounds like your typical married couple fight (vuoi lasciarmi isn’t just ‘you wanna leave this job’ it’s YOU WANT TO LEAVE ME, and the whole part where G pleads then is angry then pleads then he’s angry totally looks like the kind of lovers’ spat that he’s not adjusted to having because he usually isn’t with anyone that long to actually have a lovers’ spat) (and a moment later leporello goes like don’t think you can seduce me like you can seduce women which is entirely telling in itself bc it never says G can’t seduce him, just not the same way as women I BELIEVE IN THIS SUBTEXT) and I 100% firmly think G and L had a thing that had been going on for a while and went on until the end even if obviously it wasn’t anything like the other conquests

this other one is brought to you by the fact that I have Opinions re how this opera works on the concept of seduction in western culture, but: I see a lot of people going like ‘this guy is a serial rapist and hates women’ and.. no. the point is that he actually means it every time and while he changes partner frequently, he’s entirely into it with all the partners he’s had. like it’s a trope that’s been around forever but I just think that here it’s especially well-put

obviously G is also a stand-in for how people might not want to stick to social norms. like the entire point of G is that he gives zero fucks about social norms and love him or hate him, everyone wants to be him or to be with him or admires him or detests what he stands for and for that he... can’t be a bad guy. he’s not a good guy per se, but he’s not bad either and I’m firmly in the camp that he wouldn’t be with a woman who didn’t want him first. never mind that he’s not a classist at all (remember the catalogue aria where it’s stated he’ll go with anyone regardless of social status?)

(aside: if you pride yourself on seducing women you don’t wanna force them. also women aren’t fucking idiots who are so gullible they fall for it every time.)

(which is why I think that anna actually was into it and then realized that it had been a Bad Idea, but I digress.)

I actually would prefer it if production cut the finale or subverted it (LONDON 2014 BLESS YOU) because it feels like they were trying to do a moral thing out of it because G just going to hell wasn’t enough and I personally think it’s a lot more powerful and meaningful if it ends with G going to hell. but that’s me. anyway london 2014 solved it perfectly.

that, because the entire crux is that G does things that are Not Accepted By Society At Large and advocates for total freedom (ACT ONE FINALEEE) but the fact that he’s willing to die for them and to go to Hell for them because repenting would mean admitting that he was wrong turns him into Straight Up Hero Material and no one tells me otherwise, which is why I find it ironic that some people seem to think that he goes to Hell because he’s punished. haha. technically, but he won that battle because he reclaimed the right of living your life freely and died for it, it wasn’t the commendatore who did. oops. which is probably why they needed the finale to state that he’s a Bad Person.

don ottavio is not useless/a complete idiot he’s just... someone who’s obviously the opposite of G when it comes to going against social norms but he’s not a bad person and if productions stopped trying to make him sound like the pathetic idiot of the opera it’d be better since he has badass arias and he’s generally fairly a+ also bless someone who actually thought going to the police was a good idea instead of dueling thanks

as stated I’m 100% believing that both anna and zerlina knew what they were going into, anna just didn’t realize it was a Really Bad Idea and obviously couldn’t admit that she wanted some fun with G instead of with her Husband Chosen By Her Father which then turned sour. like, women have agency. same, elvira isn’t some lovestruck idiot because she’s entirely in the know that she has no hopes esp. after act II, she just... loves G that much. which isn’t a fault of character.

leporello is actually... like, he doesn’t outright hate what he does in life but he’d like it if G calmed the fuck down once in a while. also he’s never getting another job after the opera, like not serving anyone else. I don’t really agree with the ‘THEY’RE TWO SIDES OF THE SAME COIN’ interpretation tho because it’s obvious L is not that much into some of G’s schemes and has a mind of his own but at the same time he’s learned to like most of his job. which is why he was that angry at the beginning of act II, he hadn’t thought G would actually try to kill him or at least even as much as going there and he was legit. hurt. okay that prob. went into the ship headcanons. never mind.

ship headcanons:

OKAY SO SHIPS. obv don giovanni/leporello is like the ships of ships and whatnot sorry I don’t make the rules.

as stated above never mind that at times they talk like actual lovers (VUOL LASCIARMI) but even if G ends up treating L like shit at times you can see L doesn’t want to go and is genuinely hurt by the attempted killing in the end of act I (and he helped G escape there anyway). like that’s not just work stuff, there’s obviously deeper stuff going on.

like the aforementioned secret relationship

by the way they’re actually reverse or so I headcanon it

the thing with G is that he usually doesn’t stick to one person but with L he would since they’ve been working together for a while (or so it’s implied but I mean it’s obvious) so that’s also why they have a working relationship that takes endless liberties - like guys L talks back to G all of the time, the only thing that separates them in dialogue is that L addresses G formally and G addresses L informally because of the class difference and because L works for him but that’s about it. like G actually listens to L as much as someone like him can.

(add-on: I said about vuoi lasciarmi sounding like a lovers’ spat, but then in act II when leporello fesses up to the others he says that don giovanni stole his innocence, which in italian can totally be understood as ‘don giovanni stole my virginity’ bc innocenza can = virginity so make of that what you will thanks)

giovanni is entirely aware of what’s going on and leporello is too like I don’t really buy into L being in love with him from afar or stuff. they totally had a thing and they knew. (G maybe exploits it some. L hates that he lets him. Never said it was healthy but it’s kinda the healthiest thing G has going on for him so...)

other than that: I also kind of really dig the idea of giovanni/leporello/elvira bc the thing is that elvira is good with the both of them and I can see her and leporello being like ‘shit who is this asshole we’re in love with again’ and honestly it’d take two people to handle giovanni at least, never mind that the fact that elvira didn’t recognize leporello in act II until he actually dropped the act says a lot, and the fact that she’s... the last one that sees giovanni alive outside of leporello says all. and like the fact that giovanni was willing to have her around if she accepted his ways says a lot (actually that he went as far as marrying her) means something and she’s a key character, never mind that she loves giovanni in spite of everything which might have been a thing he’d have needed if he... wasn’t there to make an entirely different narrative point. like it’s an ot3 that only makes sense in some modern au scenario or something because as far as I’m concerned the opera makes no sense whatsoever if giovanni doesn’t die, like he has to die or it loses most of its meaning, and if he repented and went back with her then he wouldn’t be a symbol for all the things I said before, which... is not the point. but I like to think it might be a thing in an alternative universe.

also I dig the interpretation that everyone is in love with giovanni somewhat. elvira romantically/properly, leporello in a slightly less idealized way because he’s seen the worst and best of giovanni and he’s okay with that anyway (without idealizing him as elvira does pre-opera - she doesn’t post-act II but she’s still willing to have him back sooo), anna as a break from her societal duties, ottavio because he’s a lot more suave and so on (and ottavio is really reluctant to kill him actually XDD), zerlina because she wants a fun adventure with the rich handsome guy who noticed her and masetto is probably just envious as shit but guys let’s forgive masetto he has the aria with some of the most re-usable quotes ever and he’s such a ball of sarcasm I can’t help it I <3 his face even if he has Issues TM. but like everyone being lost without giovanni is my favorite key interpretaton tbh

which is why the end is That Dramatic like you should have the commendatore setting things straight but the point is that (unless we have completely misunderstood the entire thing) we don’t want giovanni to die because again he’s the part of us that wants to say fuck it to social norms and to the norms and wants Freedom Always, which is why to me the ending is just... weak? because it looks like the others are convincing themselves that they’ll be fine without him but thing is, except masetto and zerlina who were there for the fun (zerlina) and to get the wife back (masetto) and who already aren’t so shackled by societal norms (because back then commoners were sort of less tied by them - I mean, anna’s husband wasn’t someone she picked but it’s arranged while zerlina says ‘I gave masetto word I’d marry him’ so she is in charge of who she marries), everyone else is just telling themselves lies and going like ‘well okay he went to hell too bad’. nope, he left you all alone and now you don’t know what to do.

(which is why I also like post-opera elvira/leporello where they try to get over it because they’re the ones who were closest to giovanni UGH ABCK TO THE OT3 LISTEN ELVIRA WAS MY FAVE CHARACTER GROWING UP OKAY I have feels.)

... okay idk if you want specific stuff I can expand when I’m back but that’s about all of DG my interpretation-related stuff ;)

[aberratedaberration]

Not exactly sure why I thought about this, but it’s on my mind so inc little rant/rambling, which means it’s a fucking wall of text~

Actually, probably just because I wanted an excuse to listen to old Nightwish albums that doesn’t involve logging into Bns at the moment because I am too tired for that shit

Last altercation I had with someone, and again no idea why this particular part popped into my head, after shit talking the fuck out of me on tumblr and tagging my personal blog in it, thought it was absolutely hilarious that Ben went and commented about it, reblogging the post and writing how juvenile and childish it was to write a shit post (and then claim to be anti-bullying). She stated that it was (paraphrased) hilarious that I had to get my boyfriend to fight my battles for me. Even though I had already acknowledged the post myself, reblogging with a thoughtful Lol, and that was my peace with it. I had already exchanged a final message previously with this person countering all of their arguments, and told them the simplest solution would have been to just flat out come up and tell me “Hey Chloe you’re treating me like a piece of shit and I think that’s fucked up.” Especially if they’re my friends, I am 100% not above apologising for treating someone like shit. Sometimes I don’t even realize it, and at that point I need people to confront me to tell me I’m being a piece of shit. Anyways, I digress.

The reason I bring it up is because of the fact that someone found it that funny to try and belittle me for “having my boyfriend fight my battles for me.” Then I also found it amusing she insulted him by staying that I shit talked him. As if I hadn’t told him already all the things I said. He knows I think he’s a sack of shit (but I still love him) so that’s completely beside the point. What I don’t understand is why it’s supposed to be insulting to have someone who obviously cares a lot about me stick up for me. Isn’t that what people are supposed to do? 

I have stuck up for so many people. Some of them are perfectly capable of defending themselves, others aren’t. I have stood up for myself and have had others stand up for me as well. Why, then, is it such a fucking insult to tell others, “Lmao you have to have someone else stand up for you”? Really fucking why is that an insult? The only way I can think of is because it’s insinuating that someone isn’t strong. Then the question becomes why the fuck is it so important to always be so strong?

I had a friend who endured tons of emotional abuse from a girl who claimed she loved him. He can be a strong individual, but certain things, certain instances, certain people, certain times in his life he isn’t as strong. At that point, he was so vulnerable and so desperate to not be lonely and to feel loved that, despite how much I told him I loved him and valued him and would always be there for him, he allowed this girl to take advantage of him and use him, then tear him down in the worst way possible. This guy could not have defended himself from her. WHY, then, is he somehow less of a person because I stood up for him, because I told that girl she could fuck herself and she’s a horrible fucking human being for tearing someone’s trust like she did, and then blame everything on him...Anything he said to her, she’d always have a shitty comeback with how everything was his fault and he was the one making her feel bad. (Well, he was making her feel bad because he was trying to discuss their problems in a healthy way, but she didn’t want to deal with it and instead emotionally abused him.) 

I had a person with a deep...well I’m not sure he had an infatuation with me, because it’s not as obsessive as infatuation sounds, but he had a huge crush on me. I told him I respected and admired him as a friend but that’s all I wanted us to be; I didn’t feel it was necessary to tell him I was still picking up pieces of a broken heart and couldn’t lend it to anyone romantically at the moment. While I completely understand rejection sucks, I was willing to do whatever he wanted in order to get over me as quickly as possible. He, in turn, started giving me daily updates on how hard his life was because I had rejected him, which stressed me the fuck out, and no matter how much I tried to be polite but tell him he needed to get over me, he still didn’t understand. See, that point I was perfectly capable of standing up for myself. And guess what, it had no fucking affect on said person. The only time it seemed to sink in was when another friend, after so many rant sessions, went and told him, as gently as I did, that maybe he needed to lay off because he was stressing me out. 

Another time, a person I have had a ridiculous time dealing with, going back and forth (like, dislike, like, dislike) between being okay and absolutely despising, after our first major set of altercations, Ben actually went, without my knowledge, and defended me in front of this person. I had no idea until a month after the fact when he said he and this person were no longer friends. Then, after I had had enough of the passive shit talking (from both our ends, I know), I personally confronted this person myself and we actually patched things up for a time. Then by the second time our relationship blew up, no one involved had any interest in actually talking to me about the issue; it was only assumed I was doing hurtful things to a mutual party because I was perceived in the past to be a psycho nutjob (even though I and several other neutral friends have told me I handled it better than most). I couldn’t have defended myself at that point. I had already been written off, and several other people were swayed without even bothering to know my side of the story (even though they were friends with me as well). At that point, I actually had to beg some of my friends to stand up for me. I felt betrayed and disappointed in people that I, while not close, considered friends. The few mutuals we had, who were nice enough to listen to me and tried to help me calm down, I acknowledge that in one sense they did help me, but in terms of confronting the other person, there was nothing in the world I could do or say to make her realise her small generalizations about my whole character were completely wrong and she screwed me over because of a ton of assumptions...I couldn’t do it. I had to beg a couple of them to stand up for me. Even if I had the mental capacity to stand up for myself, this is a situation where no matter what I said, it wouldn’t have any effect on the whole situation; all my words would have either been twisted or fallen on deaf ears. 

All of this is to give examples of different experiences I’ve had where both I and others have experienced others standing up for us. And all of this has taught me it’s fucking okay to have someone stand up for you, it’s not a fucking insult.

I am a fierce protector, especially of people I consider friends or family; this is one way I show people I love and care about them. It is in my nature to immediately want to stand up for other people; hell I even give people shit for yelling at pugs in dungeon runs when they don’t deserve it. I know exactly how it feels to feel like no one cares about you, enough to tell others to fuck off, and I’ve seen how other people feel when no one defends them. It’s heart breaking. Yes, Ben has gotten on my case before when I jump down someone’s throat for being a stupid cunt, and I agree sometimes there is a time and place for it, but at the same time I don’t believe it should ever be considered negative. The fact that I did yell at this guy for shit talking my friend, even in something as trivial as a pug yelling in dungeon run in Bns. Maybe I shouldn’t have jumped down the guy’s throat, maybe my friend is perfectly capable of defending themselves, but in no way should the act of wanting to defend be considered negative. What I need to learn then is discretion. If my friends don’t want me doing it, they are more than welcome to tell me thanks for defending me but fuck off and just ignore them next time. That’s perfectly fine to say. But at the end of the day, being ready and prepared to defend a friend isn’t a bad thing and it’s certainly not something that should be considered insulting.

If you’ve read this far, congrats you’re at the end.

[rapunzel-withthegoodhair]

work

summary: there’s not much time for working through a nasty break up while you’re on the road touring. at least, not in a healthy way... pairing: gerald x ofc (x) rating: n. s f w, language, explicit sex status: complete, read my other g eazy fics here 

I left my mind in Soho I left my heart in NoLa    And I'mma live like a king if it kills me I'm a kid, seven sins couldn't thrill me This never gets old, cause I'm unstable Never say die, I'm fine, I'll play the piper, whatever the price I lost my mind in LA I lost my heart in...

Fuck it, I never had a heart

February 2016

Of course she knows who the fuck G-Eazy is. But this is the hottest strip club in the Chi and Delphi works the VIP Lounge. She knows the name of every rapper that rolls through because it’s her fucking job to know. If she’s honest, she’s a bit sweeter on the NBA players. They tend to be cuter and tip way better. But hell, she’s not complaining over $800 in one weekend when the big names show up.

Half his crew is already annoying the fuck out of her before she’s even on her pole. They’re loud. Spilling drinks and laughing over stupid jokes made at the expense of her girls. But she’s been doing this for almost two years. Delphi knows how to keep a straight face and put on a show. Climbs nearly all the way up the pole and twirls slowly, upside down. Snakes her way down at a torturous pace. Weaves her way back up. Does a full split and carefully rolls her way back to the floor.

It’s hard to ignore Delphi’s routines. Somewhere along the last two years, she really fell in love with pole dancing. And it shows in her performances. The girl doesn’t smile. Doesn’t put on the ‘little doll’ act. Doesn’t try to skate by on her looks and flirtatious charm. She steals the stage as an athlete you can’t take your eyes off of.

But even as his eyes never leave her body, she can tell he’s somewhere else. One, two, three, four sips of Jack straight out the bottle. Finally, she stops trying to keep count. Their eyes seem to penetrate each other through the smoke. And even she has to admit, he’s got a way about him that makes her just a little bit curious. Why are you so anxious to get to the bottom of that bottle, baby? Why do your eyes look so cold and empty? So mean and lonely all at once?

The guests really aren’t supposed to touch the girls. But this is VIP. And she’s heard rumors about their crew dropping 20 grand in one night. When he singles her out for a private lap dance upstairs, she’s not about to tell him what he can and can’t do. As far as she’s concerned, the $50 bills he’s slipping into her bikini say he can do whatever the hell he wants.

The weird part is that he doesn’t. Where most guys are groping and pushing the second they get her in a private room...he’s still sipping his drink. Letting her do as she pleases. His hands roam, of course. Over her stomach as she lays back in his lap. Up over her rips. Along her neck and into her blonde hair.

His nose against her ear, his breath warm and heavy with whiskey, this feels almost...sensual. Just work, she reminds herself. Just another tip. Still, she sighs as his large hands drag down over her hip and then back up to squeeze her waist.

Heels finding the floor, she bends over for him. Arches her spine to press her ass right in his lap before slowly crouching down on the floor. Her hair flips back as she spins around, hands finding his thighs and dragging over them. Pushing them apart for her to crawl between. Tipping her head back, Delphi’s slender fingers play over his belt a bit. Her eyes search his, trying to gauge whether he wants a blowjob without actually ruining the moment by asking.

Thankfully, he seems perfectly aware of her question and answers by dragging his fingers into her hair. Tugging gently, he pulls her back up and into his lap. Feeds her from the bottle of Jack still in his grip. A generous bit spills past her lips and down her chest. The giggle that slips free of her throat is genuine as the alcohol tickles over her cold skin.

It’s that little noise that seems to make him finally snap. With a firm tug, he pulls her flush against him. Sets his bottle aside and leans to lick away the whiskey dripping over her soft, lightly tanned skin. His long fingers drag up her back, feeling for the strings of her bikini and tugging at them in a way that falls somewhere between practiced and drunk.

A soft gasp melts into a sigh as his mouth finds a breast. Closes around her nipple and sucks gently. She’s not used to foreplay of any kind. At least, not at work. You’re not supposed to fuck in the VIP rooms...but everyone knows that’s the point of the VIP room. Typically though, the sex is over before it really begins and she’s no worse for wear. Walking away a few hundred dollars richer.

This...this is kind of nice. He gets her bikini bottoms undone and money falls across the floor. But she lets it stay there for now. Keeps her focus on him because she can tell it’s what he needs. Drags her fingers through his hair, does her best to ignore how fucking nasty it is, weighed down with sweat and grease. The vulnerability in his drunken brown eyes makes up for it though. His touch caresses over her cheek. Traces over her lower lip. His gaze having such a hard time focusing on her and still intent on studying her in the dim light of the private room. She could swear he’s looking at her like he knows her. Like he has a thousand things he wants to say to her.

She tries to guide things along, reaching down between them to undo his jeans. And he lets her this time. Lets her tug him free. Seems to finally let all his questions go as she strokes along the thick, hard length of him. His head tips back, eyes closing and she leans to kiss his temple. Nuzzles a bit as she guides him very slowly inside of her.

His jaw sets, brows knitting together as the pleasure grips him with an unexpected strength. Delphi gives him a moment to adjust to the feeling of being inside her, before starting to rock in his lap. Normally, she’d rest her weight on her knees and fuck her client into next week. Get this over with as soon as possible. But that feeling like he chose her for a reason, like he has a weight pressing down on and splintering his chest, haunts her. All the unasked questions in his eyes, the anger and the pain, kick something alive inside her. Something besides the compartmentalizing, cut throat little sociopath she becomes in the club. Something empathetic and nurturing and almost maternal.

Her spine rolls slow and gentle in his lap. Fingers gripping the side of his neck for leverage, until he takes her touch as an invitation. Her brows arch when he leans forward and buries his face in her neck. His fingers digging into her hips. His gasps slipping into whimpers. And maybe she’s imagining it...but these don’t sound like helplessly lost in pleasure whimpers. They sound like as if he’s fighting tooth and nail against tears.

The streetsmart hoodrat from south Chi that’s always alive and well inside her snarls in disgust. Man the fuck up, that girl says. Damn, no wonder whatever girl you think of when you look at me left you.

But the girl his big, sad brown eyes have woken up simply wraps her arms around him. Cradles him close as they rock and grind together. Smooths his hair back, despite the gel and sweat weighing it down into his eyes again and again. Gently lifting his chin, her nose nuzzles at his own. Lips catching his pretty mouth in a soft kiss.

Without warning, his grip tightens and before she even processes the shift, Delphi is laying on her back across the booth table. Leaning over just enough to get a better angle, his thrusts become firmer. Somewhat faster. Pushing so deep it makes her eyes roll back. He’s so fucking big, she’s really not sure she’s ever had anyone this deep before. Losing her breath on each thrust, she reaches out to grip the edge of table. Her moans trill up into high pitched cries that fill the room and over power the loud as fuck music that pulses through their bodies.

Reaching down between them, he rests a large hand on her stomach. Stretches a thumb down to press into her clit. And all the while she can feel his eyes watching her, full of hunger and a desperation to make her see stars. To make her completely fucking unravel for him. Nobody has ever turned her out like this. Not in the club. Not at home. This feels way too god damn personal to be anything but and her suspicions that he’s looking at her but seeing someone else seem to be confirmed.

Between the music and her own near-screams...she’s not sure she hears him right. But she swears in the heat of the moment that he mumbles something along the lines of “I really fucking loved you, baby girl...”. She wants to give him what he needs. To reach up and cradle his jaw and tell him she loved him too. Still does. But as her mouth opens, the only thing that rips free is a scream and her body arches like a bowstring pulled tight with a waiting arrow. Every muscle tenses for a moment and somewhere in the back of her mind she notes the way his hips grind so hard to hers it nearly hurts.

For a long string of moments, he lays over her, panting and sweating. Until finally, he starts to get up.

They avoid each other’s eyes as they get dressed. Delphi does her best to ignore the weird, slightly gross feeling of his cum and her own soaking wet between her legs. Though she figures she can deal with it for a few minutes. Still, she chastises herself for not digging a condom out of one of the many hiding places the little packets get stuffed into.

Before he can slip out, she grips his wrist gently. Studies his eyes and hopes to see something steadier there. Any sign that he’d gotten what he needed. But he only looks more broken. Swallowing, she keeps the observation to herself and pulls him down into a somewhat tender, but very tired and slightly messy kiss. To her surprise, he returns it.

‘Thank you.’ His kiss says. ‘I know you gave me your best...even if it wasn’t quite enough.’

Their noses nuzzle one last time. Eyes brushing across each other, she feels more exposed than she ever has while dancing naked on stage. He steals a last kiss and squeezes her waist. She picks up her $760 off the floor and heads to the bathroom to clean up.

The experience plays over and over in her head, easily the strangest she’s ever had while working at Dolce. A part of her hates the not knowing. Who the hell was he fucking back there? What did that girl do that was so god-awful? She shakes her head and tries to remind herself that it doesn’t matter. That a tender heart is the best way to get herself in trouble around here. Even if this is the nicer side of the city.

A few drinks at the bar and she’s up on stage again. Just barely catches his tall frame and broad shoulders slipping out into the cold air of 2am in Chicago. The second he’s out of sight, she pushes him from her mind and moves on.

But when she finally cashes out at 4am, there’s a $3,000 tip waiting for her.

[ladyscientia]

RE: FFXV Headcanons. Haven't seen many scenarios about the guys post-10 year crystal period and post-Adryn victory. Pretending they didn't "die", what would starting a relationship with them be like?

I love this for being my first HC request. The post-10 years boys are my faves without a damn doubt. Not too mention that they all look 10 times more beautiful. hahaha. This kind of turned into a much longer HC than I meant for it to be. Oh well. Enjoy!

Noctis Lucis Caelum: Imagine the almighty 6 decide to give Noctis the opportunity to come back to life and rule. They’ve deemed him well more than worthy after sacrificing his own life. The two of you meet somewhere along the lines of him rebuilding Insomnia. Maybe you work for the crown or some ‘Darkness Relief Agency.’ What you love the most about him is even though he’s all grown and manly and shit, he’s got ten years of immaturity to build on that he lost during his little crystal nap. He’s so lighthearted in the midst of the rebuilding chaos. He’s energetic, passionate, and after spending more time with you; flirtatious. 

Dating him would be a BIG deal, ok? He’s the flippin’ King of Lucis. Noct doesn’t want to pressure you with all that business. You keep the relationship secret for a long time; meeting late and sneaking around. Imagine he reserves the inn just for the two of at Galdin Quay. Somehow he’s managed to keep it real hush hush. You start a secretive stroll up the newly rebuilt dock toward the restaurant and he’s standing at the other end with the moon huge and full glowing at his glorious, suited back. Ugh. He’s got a hand outstretched to you and this beautiful flash of a smile. 

After spending a few nights with him though, you learn that he suffers from some pretty traumatic nightmares. He bolts up in bed, breathing heavily with his hair in his face and sweat on his brows. It’s been one hell of a road for him and patience is going to be key. 

He does eventually give in to the paparazzi and public in general. Noct is so smitten with you and giving his adoring personality just can’t hide it. Lucky you,

Prompto Argentum: Prompto is super dedicated his total bro and best friend, the KING. Getting his attention might be difficult at first. Prompto lost Noct for ten years, so every second to spend with him is important. You work in the royal chocobo stables; tending to, training, breeding and grooming the chocobos. You know of Prompto and he knows of you. He’s always been sincerely cordial and grateful for the work you do with some of his favorite animals. One day it just kind of happens. You bump into one another and whoa. Have his eyes always been the perfectly blue? That serenely blue? 

Prompt starts visiting the stables more often to ‘check in’ on his chocobo in between the days he can’t or doesn’t need to go out riding. Then one day you’re out excising one of the birds and as you leap down from the saddle, your foot gets caught in the harness. Prompt catches you, turns bright red, then kisses the shit out of you. The kiss is so intense from the build up of sexual tension, that you guys end up in the hay just making out. And the chocobo is standing there like … wtf?

Dating Prompto is sweet as fucking pie. He shows you off proudly TO ALL. So brace yourself for THAT. Nights out are at local pubs, enjoying music, dancing occasionally. He will take ALL OF THE PICTURES. And shyly ask one night alone that you pose for him. And I mean … pose for him. 

Gladioulus Amicitia: Out of all the boys, Gladio is most independent. His personal life is much more secretive and it makes him all the more mysterious and sexy. Now that the kingdom is back in order for the most part, Gladio is given the title as Captain of the Kingsglaive. And that’s where you meet him. You survived the 10 years of Darkness and came out stronger for it. You’ve lost most of your family in the wake of the destruction and have come to Insomnia to serve the King who took victory over it all. 

But Gladio is not impressed. It becomes your personal goddamn mission to prove him wrong. You butt heads on a daily, yo. He favors others training in the Glaive and goes out of his way to make it known to you that those trainees are giving you a run for your money. After one particular grueling training session after all the other rooks leave, you stay after to really give that good looking son of a bitch a piece of your mind. 

“You staying for more, rookie?” he asks, strolling in your direction with chest heaving out. He’s sweating from the last spar he had. He looks totally amused. You’re definitely going to respond, but he’s got you backing into a wall. He’s giving you a savage stare-down then lifts you up by your thighs against the stone and gives you the most powerful kiss of your life. Scary but damn was it hot.

In the beginning the relationship in interesting. When he spars with you, it becomes dead globvious to the other trainees that there’s something going on. It’s common knowledge almost instantly. He’s super protective, loves carrying you around and giving you a damn good lay. 

Ignis Stupeo Scientia: Ignis is like 90% blind and 100% precious. How does that make sense? It doesn’t. The point is this: it’s not love at first sight. Get me? You know Ignis because you both work closely with Noct. Ignis is his closest Royal Adviser and you’re his head Royal Secretary. Any appointment you make for Noct has to pass Ignis first. Your relationship with Ignis is totally and strictly business. But you can’t help but note to the other girls you work with on how fine he looks in this suit and that suit. Every day you notice something different about him. You start dreaming about him. You start DAY dreaming about him. Every day conversations become this nerve wracking thing for you. 

You mention to him one day that you’ve never had Ebony coffee. From that day on, there’s a can or mug on your desk every morning. The other girls squeal for you. The business relationship slowly starts to have a healthy mix of friendly conversation. He joins you out into Insomnia for errands Noctis has you run for him. Y’all are tight. It’s lovely until a rebuilding celebration is announced and he’s already escorting someone that isn’t you. The girls are willing to kill him for you. He notices you suddenly act cold around him. Your answers are short and passive. On the night of the party he follows you to your office to find out just what the devil is going on. You’ve had one too many drinks and announce, “I’m in love with you!” 

The comment has him staggering for air nearly. He asks, “can I have a look at you?” 

You are fed up with your emotional self and shout, “how??”

He brings your face into his hands and softly feels out your features from your forehead to your chin. He plants a subtle, long kiss on your lips. You die. The end. 

Seriously though. Best relationship ever. You lay on the couch and read books out loud to him as your shared form of entertainment. You talk for HOURS about what it was like for you both during the Darkness. His other senses are so heightened that little touches are a big deal. So touch him BIG. You know what I’m sayin.

[ajp3mbgk-blog]

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