#and this is not helping with my pre-existing slightly tenuous grasp on what’s real | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

occasionallynotwatchingroger · 1 year

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I have absolutely no idea what to do with my feelings

I don’t even know what feelings I am having

I’m not sure what’s real

And I can’t rely on myself… for anything really

I don’t know what to do with any of this except to ask myself what would a mentally well person do and then do that but with lots of breaks for being gentle to myself

#it will pass #I know it will #I had a conversation with my neighbour the other day #in which he told me something horrible and upsetting #and I don’t know if it’s true #if it is true then he got some details wrong #but I can’t verify it #so I don’t know if he was mistaken about it #and it is a huge and awful bit of somebody else’s business #and I’d like to know the reality #and this is not helping with my pre-existing slightly tenuous grasp on what’s real #I am aware of my problem with reality which I guess is a good sign #it scares the pants off me because my brother’s schizophrenic #and I’m as sure as it’s possible to be that I have the same genetic predisposition to it that he does #and I know we’re different and the circumstances are different and that this is just another dodgy spell for me and my brain #and that it will pass #but it’s upsetting #and maybe I need to sob and wail and cry and let it all out #but if I do that I don’t know if I’ll be able to go back to my life after #brb just gonna send this post to my therapist

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