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#brb just gonna send this post to my therapist
Text
I have absolutely no idea what to do with my feelings
I don’t even know what feelings I am having
I’m not sure what’s real
And I can’t rely on myself… for anything really
I don’t know what to do with any of this except to ask myself what would a mentally well person do and then do that but with lots of breaks for being gentle to myself
0 notes
humankoalaa · 3 years
Text
BLACK LIGHTNING! 4x03
*SPOILERS*
- timeout. y’all mean to tell me.. even in dreams my grandfather is STILL getting his ass whooped?! childish.
- no he didn’t just bite into his twin. tell me tobias don’t resemble that turkey leg. his beard the skin, his head the meat, and his neck the leg.
- “you the one with the Phd... you tell me” 🤣🤣 respect your elders granddaddy.
- i think the dream mean he aggravating. put the fuckin suit on and go pawpaw.
- lawd everytime jeff says “my best friend” i be in tears like my grandmother once that green light hit the floor. RIP UNC.
- not the self loathing again 😒 shondra... play nina simone.. isn’t it a pity 🙂
- grandma... WHY?! WHHHHYYYY?!
- “hypocrisy looks good on you” 😩 grandpa... please.
- this mans called the lady a weekend warrior but he’s a whole metahuman in the therapist office crying bout a dream 🤣 she got to be a weekend warrior hell. all you do is cry and bullshit. and yalll daughters reckless, petty, and messy okay? don’t even get me started. my mother and my auntie a whole different type of liability 😭
- karen.... shut up. don’t come for my auntie unless she send for you. .your hair don’t make sense and that lipstick can’t be lighter than the red that is the color of your dress. bitch.
- “there’s no such damn thing as superHERO insurance” 🗣 BIIIIIIITCH 🤣🤣🤣🤣💀
- *lethal lightning* KAREN... P L E A S E ! 🤣🤣
- “becky from the block” 😭 auntie jenniferr... settle down.
- anissa and jenn banter 10/10 HIGHLY RECOMMEND 🤣🤣🤦🏾‍♀️
- it’s the “says the woman who leaves giant cracks in the streets just by landing dramatically .. you can just walk anissa” for me 🤣 see?! i told y’all my auntie was messy.
- lynn in the background just completely done with both her children and their shit 🤣🤣
- this show is so unapologetically black i love it. please tell me y’all saw anissa actually im gonna say nafessa scratching that scalp with a whole attitude 🤣🤣
- “bye lethal lightning” 💀 see i told y’all my mother was petty.
- “now put my show back on” 🤣🤣🤦🏾‍♀️ mawmaw... where are your manners?!
*that whole scene was actually really cute tho*
- ion know about this lady that uncle gambi sweet on. somebody using somebody... most likely gambi 🤣 but ion truss her and unc have his reasons to do the things he does. periodt. i can’t ship this. issa whole canoe in 7 foot seas.
- “mr. pierce .. who do you think i am... black lightning?” ... Jeff looking at him liike... “first of all... you would’ve had to lose that fight to be black lightning... so no”
- NOT MY MOTHER GIVING MY COMATOSED MOTHER SLASH PET SLASH ... whatever the old man is A SPONGE BATH 😭 IMMA DROWN IN MY TEARS 😭 nah fuck all at. just give me a suitcase for my tears.
- no woman ive ever dated has had conversations with me like the one anissa is having with a comatosed grace. embarrassing.
- “babe” *says some more shit* “babe” *says some more shit* “babe” *says some more shit* gimme a fucking bucket. IMMA MESS 😭😭 shondra.. play brandy... have you ever.
- “i did it without violence” ... anissa.. we not doin that. we aren’t lying to people in comas 😂🤦🏾‍♀️
- “damn babe ...you’re a lil ashy today” ANISSA. PLEASE! 🤣🤣🤣🤣💀 SHE IS 🤏🏾 CLOSE.. to getting fucking mauled by my pet leopard.
*okay but nafessa williams is beautiful*
- first of all you not gon tell that lady she ashy then say send me a sign you still in there cause a future and all that other shit 😂 apologize.
- TIMEOUT. GRACE. no she didn’t.. even in a coma, grace is dramatic. how you gon flatline after my mother said she loves you?! that’s not what she meant when she said give her a sign 😩 oh my goodness. 🤣🤣🤦🏾‍♀️ STOP THE MADNESS! PLEASE!
- it’s anissa going “hmm?” for me, after asking a comatosed grace a question. im going to hell i know.
- WHERE IS NOAH AND THE ARC 😭😭😭😭 *lion king rafiki voice* “SHES ALIIIIIIIIVE” ... shondra... play whitney houston.. one of those days”
-first word and question post coma.. “anissa?” my shirt is soaked. im gonna have a water bed by the end of this scene. JUST don’t even look at me. brb flooding the world with my tears after i finish my ovaltine.
- anissa talking about “how are you” 😂🤦🏾‍♀️ grace looking at her like “... uhhh.. i don’t see a fucking feeding tube.. im starving“
- TC looking handsome! done upgraded from them fits he was wearing from 1800 BC. i love him and jenns friendship so much.
- well when you put it like that mawmaw 🥺 shondra... play bruno mars.. just the way you are.. nah fuck that play uhh... aretha franklin.. respect” 😌
- we literally don’t care about this fighting shit 😒
- WAIT A MINUTE! i know that’s not william from girlfriends looking like whatever he got going on uhh everywhere 😩
- “you’re my electric queen” 🤣 same terry. same.
- no he didn’t 🤣🤣 tawm bout a kiss 😂
- man i just KNEW gambi ass was gon steal one of those guns 🤣🤦🏾‍♀️
- wow ...they actually let jeff win a fight? after he got his ass whooped of course. childish.
- oooooo LYNN!!!! look at my grandmother. michelle obama energy. yes lawdt. beautiful!
- OH ... no.
- shondra.. . play.. uhh... dammit.... kehlani... nights like this”
- no this man didn’t 😩 my grandmother slayed to the gods only to be tricked by a turkey leg lookin mans? complete madness.
“even a broke clock tells the truth twice a day” 🤣🤣🤦🏾‍♀️
- aww lawd.. shondra .. uhh im manifesting my grandmother not falling for mr. whales bullshit so uhm ..play.... christina aguilera .. fighter”
- writers... y’all really want me to believe Jeff thinks lynn just casually bought him flowers and put a note in it to meet her for dinner? ok.
- shondra ... nevermind.
- “you look like trash” 🤣
- hmm... that was weird... the whole thing with jenns arm like disappearing.. last time that happened was when she was struggling in those alternate universe to not become the worst version of herself... hm.
- jenn.... 🤦🏾‍♀️
- grace looking at dr. morgan like... *let me find out you tried to ask my soon to be wife in about 15 seconds out for drinks.. and don’t look at me”
- “i paid him 20 dollaz” 🤣🤣🤦🏾‍♀️ i love my aggravating mother.
- “baby.. you are the love of my life .. will you be my wife too” 😭😭 a poet. william shakespeare could never .
- G R A C E ... lets play a game.. it’s called ...sAy I lOvE yOu BaCk!
- “yes... i do” .. close enough. next week we try again ❤️
- first of all y’all gon’ have to fight me because i am here for the fastest wlw marriage in the history of television. it’s the last season and long overdue for anissa and grace just being happy. dragging stuff out and angst like we’ve had enough and that was barely. so im excited to see where they go from here.
-oooo lawd jeff done seen tobias and lynn dining together 😩 shondra... play... luther vandross.. are you there.. with another guy 👀
goodnight. this episode was everything. so messy 🤣🤦🏾‍♀️
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shadowed-moonrise · 6 years
Text
ooc: elia and ashka chat logs
[ooc comments supposed to be removed but i might have missed some. there is a Lot of logs bc we forgot to post until now]
shadowed-moonrise
oh my god what is WRONG WITH SOME PEOPLE
shadowed-moonrise
i got some horrifying anons!!! theyre so horrifying!!!!!!!
flameofcertainty
hang on let me turn off my blacklist for a moment
uh
uh
quick question: what the fuck
(not directed at you!)
shadowed-moonrise
i just
like
wow????
they sent me a followup ask like 'didnt you read what i said, my gf likes it'
shadowed-moonrise
and............... i dont....... think she does
like that does not sound like a healthy relationship and i hope they just made it up to creep on me
flameofcertainty
"hi i'm a rapist"
"wtf"
"no but she likes when i rape her"
i just
*what the fuck*
shadowed-moonrise
right
WHAT THE FUCK.
shadowed-moonrise
i was just talking earlier abt how i dont actually like that anybody can read my hyper posts but i make them on publicblog for like Awareness right?
shadowed-moonrise
and i thought i meant like abstractly, like maybe theres somebody reading them and cackling bc they dont agree w/ my politics or whatever?
but APPARENLTY
APPARENTLY
people will send me creepy asks about raping their hyper gf
flameofcertainty
some people are just really terrible?
i guess?
what are they even getting out of this?
shadowed-moonrise
i think some people just........ enjoy making other people suffer????
or maybe somehow they thought i would be like "i think this is hot or a good thing to do or whatever, thank you for your service to the hypersensitive community"
i dunno what goes on in these peoples head
shadowed-moonrise
heads
flameofcertainty
maybe tumblr just hates hypersensitives or something
it would explain a lot
shadowed-moonrise
like, okay, but what would you hate hypersensitives for
like theres somebody who hates hypos (and IS A NAT THERAPIST, AUGH) for.... not hating pollution enough, i guess
but hypersensitives are boring? we dont go outside much bc the outside is fully of scary?
flameofcertainty
maybe tumblr is just weird like that?
or maybe we're easy targets?
shadowed-moonrise
oh yeah that makes sense
flameofcertainty
most meso folks don't have a button they can press to get a reaction out of us
shadowed-moonrise
if you wanna make somebody suffer its so easy to target people with a big 'make me suffer' button
flameofcertainty
right
shadowed-moonrise
ugh im sort of regretting making it public
i could have just not mentioned it and had a really good blacklist
flameofcertainty
most of the time people aren't that bad
and then there'll be a week or two
where people send you nothing but asks about pollution
shadowed-moonrise
i blacklist some stuff but im generally okay talking about pollution if its like, abstract, so i dont do it that aggressively and then........ sometimes............. people take advantage of that
shadowed-moonrise
i wish you could like, have vulnerabilities without people just randomly deciding to fuck with you for no reason
flameofcertainty
yeah
flameofcertainty
hang on
i just scrolled down
>i’ll put my foreign object ;;;;) in your body ;;;;) ;;;;)
***what the fuck***
shadowed-moonrise
yeah.
oh GOD
i just got
another
flameofcertainty
oh no
how bad is it
shadowed-moonrise
bad enough im not sure i should tell you what it says
flameofcertainty
my brain is helpfully providing suggestions
why is it like this
are you okay
shadowed-moonrise
im.... probbly going to be in a minute
fuck
"the last "person" to hide their caste on this hellsite turned out to be red. i bet you aren't even hyper, you're just pretending so people won't suspect. i know what you really are."
thats what it says
flameofcertainty
aaaaaaaa
what the fuck
flameofcertainty
why would anyone send that to you
shadowed-moonrise
i dont know
i dont know
what did i *do*
flameofcertainty
i don't know
fuck
i guess if they think you're red that would explain why they hate you?
but seriously
what the fuck
flameofcertainty
i'm so sorry
flameofcertainty
why would anyone say that
shadowed-moonrise
anon hate doesnt usually get to me like this but
sob
why
the fuck
i dunno if they even really think that or they just want to upset me
flameofcertainty
i don''t
i don't know
fuck i'm so sorry
are you going to be okay
shadowed-moonrise
yeah. yeah.
flameofcertainty
is there anything i can do
shadowed-moonrise
i dont
think so
flameofcertainty
other than not be the sort of terrible person who would send those messages
shadowed-moonrise
thamk you for not being htat sort of person!
im so glad most people arent
flameofcertainty
it's really not hard
shadowed-moonrise
oh i can... go take some eytelia right now
it will only help in 40min but i might still need it then
shadowed-moonrise
brb
shadowed-moonrise
ok back
flameofcertainty
okay
anyways what the fuck
shadowed-moonrise
someday i will have coping mechanisms other than "get high in a way that coincidentally also helps"
flameofcertainty
i mean if it helps
then that's a lot better than nothing
shadowed-moonrise
yeah it is
shadowed-moonrise
im gonna go curl up and not look at the Fuckening Internet, i guess
flameofcertainty
seems reasonable
shadowed-moonrise
ttyl <3
flameofcertainty
ttyl :)
shadowed-moonrise
hiiiiiiiiiiii im back im not sad anymore because im so high
shadowed-moonrise
i got another horrible anon and i dont even caaaare
flameofcertainty
i'm glad you're feeling better
sorry about the terrible anon
shadowed-moonrise
also did you know art is pretty
its so pretty
flameofcertainty
yeah
shadowed-moonrise
i saw a video of a yellow playing the yellowest instrument ever and i wanted to send it to you but tumblr messages werent working on my everything
maybe i can find it again..........
shadowed-moonrise
http://theyre-a-geeky-witch.tumblr.com/post/138457594516/ here
flameofcertainty
that's actually really pretty
flameofcertainty
thanks
flameofcertainty
anyways what's up
shadowed-moonrise
i gotta work in a couple hours
by which time hopefully i will be able to handle it
idk i dont HATE it but its hard on the badbrains
flameofcertainty
i can imagine
shadowed-moonrise
like i feel ok now bc hiiiiiigh but im not very excited about leaving the house and going places
shadowed-moonrise
there will be a green party where im supposed to just pretend to be green tho!
i like those
flameofcertainty
that part sounds nice
at least
shadowed-moonrise
ive been thinking & writing a lot about how thinking-on-drugs works and greens always wanna talk about that
shadowed-moonrise
one time a client had me go to a thing pretending to just be green and it was nice and then she *told everyone she hired me* while i was in the middle of talking about my cs paper (my actual cs paper, which i actually wrote, and she implied i didnt even though i CLEARLY THOROUGHLY UNDERSTOOD IT)
flameofcertainty
???
why would she do that??
shadowed-moonrise
i wish i had just walked away but i didnt know what to do
some people....... have a humiliation kink
shadowed-moonrise
and like, okay, ill do that if you WARN ME, but you cant just spring it on me???
flameofcertainty
i am super not a sex worker but "tell people in advance" seems really obvious
shadowed-moonrise
YEAH
shadowed-moonrise
i didnt really say anything at the time bc i was so shocked but later i like messaged her and was like 'thats super fucked up'
shadowed-moonrise
she didnt really get it but she agreed to pay me extra for like, i didnt know what service i was providing beforehand & thats more costly
but she only engaged with it in like, super businessy terms
flameofcertainty
how does she not get it
this does not seem particularly hard to understand
shadowed-moonrise
i think she was like 'im paying you for both sex work and going to a party so i can just like do whatever, right?'
and there was also some like 'greys are toys'
shadowed-moonrise
fucking blues
shadowed-moonrise
i do not usually go in that much for caste solidarity because im so bad at grey + greys are not great about that but in that moment if somebody asked me i would have supported a military government
i could explain 'pay people for services and also lay out terms beforehand' but not 'greys are.... people..... dont be a fucking asshole'
flameofcertainty
i don't think i've ever actually talked to a blue
at least not to say more than "excuse me, can i get through" or "the soap is in aisle five"
huh
shadowed-moonrise
there... exist blues who are okay
there even exist blues who are okay and hire sex workers and do kinky things about castes with them
flameofcertainty
i believe you
shadowed-moonrise
like 80% of the people who hire me are entirely fine?
flameofcertainty
they can't possibly all be terrible
otoh a terrible blue can screw you over a lot more than a terrible purple
shadowed-moonrise
yeah.
im not sure what i would do if a blue client did something illegal to me because...................................... im not sure what i CAN do
flameofcertainty
probably depends on how illegal
shadowed-moonrise
yeah
and who they are
flameofcertainty
yeah
there are supposed to be reporting systems in place if they try to pay you to kill someone or something
idk if they actually do that
shadowed-moonrise
nobody has tried that and i havent heard anybody talking about that but im pretty niche and a lot of my family is green, idk
i feel like if somebody wanted to pay a grey to kill somebody theyd pick one who has ever held a gun
flameofcertainty
probably
but yeah, i'm guessing if you made an important blue mad they could screw you over pretty badly
idk
shadowed-moonrise
nodnod
ugh sorry ive been talking about my shit this whole time
it has been kind of A Day i swear i am usually better at conversation
flameofcertainty
it's totally fine!
shadowed-moonrise
how is your day anyay
flameofcertainty
it's been okay
mira and i went to check out that social-dancing place
shadowed-moonrise
oooh
what kind of dance is it?
i guess i might not know purple dances??
flameofcertainty
i don't know if the name will translate
it's mostly the kind you do in a group with other people that's really traditional
shadowed-moonrise
group dances are great
if you have... similar amounts of motor skills to the other people
flameofcertainty
yeah
flameofcertainty
i haven't done anything like it in years and i'm really bad at it but it's still fun
and i'm not bad at it in a stepping-on-feet way
which is probably good, idk
shadowed-moonrise
im pretty sure not stepping on feet is strictly better than the alternative!
flameofcertainty
yeah
shadowed-moonrise
omg babybro is home <33
flameofcertainty
baby!!!
shadowed-moonrise
he is so good!!!!!!
he taaalks and he plays with me and ive been teaching him abstract concepts bc i find it really exciting when he knows abstract concepts
flameofcertainty
tell me more about this baby
shadowed-moonrise
he can do numbers up to twelve and circles and triangles and 'many' and 'other' and i asked him what one plus one was and he said 'two ones' which means he *actually understands what it means*
he has adooorable curly hair
and a little nose
and he will boop my nose with his nose if i ask him to
and he loves my weighted blanket
flameofcertainty
baaabbyyyy
what a good baby
shadowed-moonrise
i guess at this point he might not 'technically' be a baby anymore? but hes a baaaabbbyyy
[lemme edit a picture of my irl little brother to have green hair]
https://78.media.tumblr.com/fa8d578702cf6c0ed9269902f535982a/tumblr_messaging_p7ryailotL1vio47i_1280.png
https://78.media.tumblr.com/b8ec991036777a0f24c9ed84a194d921/tumblr_messaging_p7ryanbD931vio47i_250.png
baby!!!! <333
second picture featuring Grey Grandma
flameofcertainty
baby!!!!
baaaabbbbyyyyy
he's so smol
shadowed-moonrise
so small!!!!!
and smiley!!!!
flameofcertainty
happy baby!
shadowed-moonrise
i hope he is happy foreeeeever
shadowed-moonrise
his lil nose is tan bc it gets in the sun more than the rest of his face
bc he has a little baby face!!!!!!!!!!!
flameofcertainty
little baby face on the little happy baby!!!!
he's so good
shadowed-moonrise
hes next to me playing with my blanket
i looove him
flameofcertainty
what a good baby
shadowed-moonrise
i told him i was talking a friend and he says hi
although im not sure he really gets the idea of the internet yet
he seemed kinda confused
flameofcertainty
hi baby-sibling-of-ashka
flameofcertainty
he's such a cute baby
shadowed-moonrise
his name is avidik
we keep arguing about whether to use avi or idi as a nickname
flameofcertainty
hi avidik!!
shadowed-moonrise
oh no he spilled water on the carpet
its alright its a pretty waterproof carpet
he ran at me and jumped in my arms
so!!!! good!!!!!!!
flameofcertainty
eeee
flameofcertainty
baby
flameofcertainty
good baby
shadowed-moonrise
oh also have you seen this yellow violinist https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGhPGH2YROA
seems like your kind of thing
flameofcertainty
wow that's pretty
shadowed-moonrise
oh i could take a picture of avi with my violin
he is not green, technically
although he also does not know how to play even a little bit
flameofcertainty
do you play violin too?
shadowed-moonrise
a little
shadowed-moonrise
im not like good at it
but it is fun
rn i am mostly actually learning to sign but i dont understand how notes correspond to mouth sounds so if i need to sightread i play songs on the violin first and then once ive heard them i can sing them
flameofcertainty
violin is great
shadowed-moonrise
it is!!!
i always felt like i should learn piano bc its easy but i like violin so much
one of my other brothers writes a lot of synth music
its really good
he plays it without telling us it's his to get unbiased answers and then he tells us and were like HOLY SHIT
flameofcertainty
gosh
flameofcertainty
that's really sweet
shadowed-moonrise
ok i’m not really online but I TAUGHT AVIDI A LETTER
HE KNOWS A LETTER
i’m so proud of him
shadowed-moonrise
hi hi
flameofcertainty
hi
a letter!
what a good smol!
flameofcertainty
which letter is it?
i guess it might not be a letter orvaran has
shadowed-moonrise
it's [forcetranslate]a[/forcetranslate]
or uh
[forceliteral]a[/forceliteral]
shadowed-moonrise
idk if that worked
flameofcertainty
yeah
we have that sound but it's written differently
shadowed-moonrise
nodnod
flameofcertainty
it's the last one in my name
[preservecharacter] a [/preservecharacter]
shadowed-moonrise
oh
i wonder if its always the same sound
i think it can make a couple sounds in anitami
flameofcertainty
just one in orvaran
flameofcertainty
maybe two
i'm not sure if they're technically separate sounds
and then there's accents and things
shadowed-moonrise
idk if i should try to teach him to read in valtaz
he speaks some but tbh there is just no situation where you even need to be able to read valtaz
flameofcertainty
maybe someday he'll want to swap to yvalta
for some reason
shadowed-moonrise
.............i really doubt it?
i guess if he wants to retire in the Old Country
flameofcertainty
i hear older people sometimes swap for the weather
flameofcertainty
or something
shadowed-moonrise
there are apps to machine translate physical signs and stuff but i guess theyd be annoying to use all the time
flameofcertainty
yeah
if he knows valtaz he can learn to read it if he ever wants to
right?
i'm not really sure how this works
'how to teach your family foreign languages' wasn't really covered in purple school
shadowed-moonrise
i think i should probably teach him the alphabet but not like focus on it
yeah my parents swapped out of yvalta with some retirees who wanted to go there for the weather and were unaffected by the horrible contract system bc they were too old to have more kids anyway
flameofcertainty
i can't really think why else you'd want to live there
flameofcertainty
lineality maybe
but there are other matrilineal countries
shadowed-moonrise
arent most countries matrilineal?
flameofcertainty
yeah
shadowed-moonrise
i think historically matrilineal was easier because like..... there can be ambiguity about who the father is if you dont have good genetic testing (and a database, in some cases), but you can always tell which person a baby literally just came out of
flameofcertainty
that makes sense for why
we're matrilineal
maybe someone who lived in ceredan would swap to yvalta for lineality, ceredan does permissions anyways
except for blues i think
shadowed-moonrise
how do blues even have kids in permissions countries
shadowed-moonrise
"ashka your family is from a permissions country" its not like they talked to blues a bunch
flameofcertainty
i think they have to impress other blues
probably they don't let you give yourself a permission
because then everyone would just do that
shadowed-moonrise
.....how many kids does the most important blue get to have tho
flameofcertainty
no idea
i think it varies by country
the one with the bears and no greys makes a big deal about the monarch only getting two
shadowed-moonrise
i guess with blues its always more "how many kids is it a good idea to have so that they can give them all a good inheritance" than "how many kids can they literally afford"
aww thats kinda cute
shadowed-moonrise
if i lived in a country where the king had like six kids i would be pretty pissed
flameofcertainty
good inheritances might be less important in permissions countries
i bet the way you impress people is with politics
or maybe real estate if you're bribing people, idk
shadowed-moonrise
yeah
it’s impressive that most permissions countries basically function okay
cuz like it seems like blues having to care so much about impressing other blues would mess with things
flameofcertainty
yeah
i don't think they function as well as most places
but that could just be propaganda
shadowed-moonrise
yeahhh idk how to tell the difference between “permissions countries kind of suck” and “permissions countries are usually small, often ex-oahk, etc, which makes stuff harder on them” and “our governments just don’t like them”
i’m low key impressed that blues in auction countries don’t make too many blue credits so they’ll be cheaper, tbh
i guess they super don’t make those decisions in spring + the international community would not be too happy about it
flameofcertainty
everyone i know from a permissions country says they suck but that's like two people
and if you increase blue credits everyone who isn't blue gets mad
shadowed-moonrise
my parents say yvalta sucks and i believe them but like idk how much it’s yvalta’s *fault*
flameofcertainty
i think the big thing is if for some reason a blue hates you a permissions granting blue can screw you over way more than a credit country blue
shadowed-moonrise
yeah that’s a big deal
idk a credit country blue can probably get you sterilized if they try really hard but it would take them more trying
flameofcertainty
yeah maybe
flameofcertainty
i've never heard of that happening in a credit country but that doesn't mean it never does
shadowed-moonrise
nodnod
shadowed-moonrise
anitam is trying out a first child subsidy
which is neat i thin
think
flameofcertainty
cool
are they subsidizing the whole credit?
or just some of it
shadowed-moonrise
noooo theyre starting with like 4%
shadowed-moonrise
and increasing gradually
bc you know how changing laws goes
sooooo sloooowwwww
flameofcertainty
i guess 4% is better than nothing
shadowed-moonrise
but eventually it will be a substantial fraction of the credit i think
flameofcertainty
but probably good not to do it all at once
i know there's some countries where everyone gets one and the rest are auctioned
shadowed-moonrise
first kid free just seems so much more humane? like i understand why credits are useful and stuff but people *just not getting a kid at all ever* is awful
flameofcertainty
summary bank says alavet, av valdin, celenta, fnr, ochero, qoloc
maybe some random tiny countries that no one bothered to include
shadowed-moonrise
nodnod
flameofcertainty
on the list, i mean
and yeah, i see what you mean
i wouldn't want to live in a voan country because i like knowing that if i work really hard i could get three
but it makes me sad to think about people with zero
shadowed-moonrise
yeah
flameofcertainty
i mean probably some people should get zero, like child abusers, but an auction's not going to stop them
shadowed-moonrise
hm i bet in voan/first kid free systems there’s probably a lot of four and five year olds impulsively having kids that they’re not entirely ready for but idk like maybe that’s just something they get to do
flameofcertainty
okay i'm looking at the summary bank article about the voan system
and the age when the most people have their first kid is five
flameofcertainty
but that's not most of the people
if that makes sense
shadowed-moonrise
nodnod
flameofcertainty
i know when i was almost-four they made a big deal in school about how we should all get long-term all-spring birth control
i bet they do that in voa
i guess i don't know for sure
shadowed-moonrise
yeah
shadowed-moonrise
i saw someone on tumblr talking about how they usually get the long term birth control and they get went on vacation to the southern hemisphere and just didn’t remember that they didn’t have the birth control and got pregnant
(they were asking if you can still get aftermarket credits in the *fall*)
:(
flameofcertainty
wow
that must suck
:(
shadowed-moonrise
yeah
i hope they managed to get an aftermarket credit
flameofcertainty
yeah
i bet they're cheaper in fall
since most people aren't getting pregnant
i definitely wouldn't want to have a kid with anyone i dated when i was four but maybe some people get really lucky there
shadowed-moonrise
yeah that’s a lot of what i’m thinking about like.... most people don’t know people who are definitely good coparents for them when they’re four
shadowed-moonrise
because it just takes time to figure that out
flameofcertainty
i'd've also been a really bad parent when i was four but some of that is me-things
shadowed-moonrise
yeah that toooo
i’m four and i’m super not ready to be a parent!!
shadowed-moonrise
i feel like i know how to be a good parent in THEORY but in practice i don’t like have the energy or emotional stability
avidi was born the spring i turned four, which was really good <3
flameofcertainty
that's so good
when i was four i was living with a friend rather than my parents
but if someone had dropped a baby on me i'd have been so unprepared
and my friend was living with their parents
flameofcertainty
so there were actual responsible people in the apartment
shadowed-moonrise
nodnodnod
shadowed-moonrise
fall/winter when i was three i was spending a lot of time with friends in other cities and stuff to get awaaay but then they there suddenly like “you know what, we’re having another baby this spring” so i came back
there are some upsides to the fact that my green mom has grey babies.......
flameofcertainty
i have a little sister
i've never actually met her
maybe someday i'll be able to make myself
shadowed-moonrise
oh wow i’m so sorry
flameofcertainty
it's not your fault
shadowed-moonrise
if you want to talk about it, or be distracted from it, or whatever-
flameofcertainty
if you want the story today's a good day for me to tell it
otoh it's definitely pollution-adjacent and i don't know if it's a good day for you
shadowed-moonrise
i think i can handle it, it is a good hypersensitivity day for me
flameofcertainty
so during the voan food crisis we couldn't afford clean food past the first couple months
you'd think living on a farm would help but it had been a bad year the previous year and none of our crops were coming up that season
shadowed-moonrise
oh. oh.
flameofcertainty
and i tried to force myself to eat the polluted food but i couldn't even make myself touch it
that's not the thing yet
so i was at risk of starving to death
and my mom got one of the neighbors to give her a super sketchy probably-illegal loan
flameofcertainty
because otherwise i might literally die
shadowed-moonrise
fuck
flameofcertainty
fast forward to 3423, the neighbor comes and asks for the money back
actually he'd been doing that for a while but she'd been able to put him off
we were super not going to be able to pay it back
and the loan was sketchy enough that she wasn't really sure what would happen if she didn't
just that it would probably be worse than normal
i
i told her i thought it would be okay
when she asked
flameofcertainty
if she
flameofcertainty
people remember fall 3422 as the introduction of the orvaran system
that was just lathande
spring 3423 was when they rolled it out everywhere
even small farming towns need someone to collect garbage, and the jobs paid really well
they had to, if they wanted to find enough people
i thought i'd be okay
shadowed-moonrise
oh
fuck.
flameofcertainty
yeah
flameofcertainty
i was really really wrong
so wrong
shadowed-moonrise
......yeah wow
flameofcertainty
that's why i wound up moving in with a friend, if i'd stayed there a week longer i'd
it wouldn't have been good
shadowed-moonrise
yeah
flameofcertainty
they didn't try to stop me
which is good
would've been silly for them to go to all that work just for me to end up dead anyways
shadowed-moonrise
hey you survived
flameofcertainty
i did
shadowed-moonrise
it was super worth it for them to do it becuase you survived
flameofcertainty
yeah
i know intellectually she's clean
but trying to be in the same room as dad or my older brother is about the same as lighting myself on fire, brain-wise
and if it's her it's worth
*worse
shadowed-moonrise
yeah
can you talk to them online or does that not work either
flameofcertainty
not really
flameofcertainty
they have my email address
they tell me things like 'you have a sister now'
she tried leaving the job once she had enough money to pay the guy back
flameofcertainty
to see if it would help, you know
flameofcertainty
it. uh. didn't.
shadowed-moonrise
yeah.
i was born in 23, which. is good. because if i found out i/my parents had eaten polluted food when i was a baby
shadowed-moonrise
colorjustice says that almost all unverifiable food was actually not polluted but
shadowed-moonrise
well maybe if i payed them enough i could go through the like fucking six month cleaning process? and maybe after that it would be okay?
but im not sure it would be enough
flameofcertainty
yeah
i know what you mean
if i'd been a year younger and they'd told me it was clean i'd've believed them
if i'd been a year older i'd probably just have killed myself
flameofcertainty
one of my friends from the treatment program
uh
didn't make it
shadowed-moonrise
i had a friend in school
who was hyper, worse than me
way worse
shadowed-moonrise
he was *going to school* but just barely, he had to take a bunch of meds with a bunch of side effects to get out of the house at all
shadowed-moonrise
and he was a year older than me
flameofcertainty
oh no
shadowed-moonrise
so their class learned about the food crisis? and he left school that day like normal and he took the train home and he got in the shower with his clothes on and took all his meds at once
flameofcertainty
oh no
shadowed-moonrise
they told me he killed himself but nobody would *tell me why* because like i was hyper too and they were worried about copycat stuff
i stayed in touch with his mom, she told me later
she FOUND him
flameofcertainty
i'm so so sorry
shadowed-moonrise
that
shadowed-moonrise
i cant imagine
finding your dead child
it was pretty hard on me but she was really never the same
flameofcertainty
yeah
wow
that's
i don't really have words
:(
:( :( :(
shadowed-moonrise
yeah
shadowed-moonrise
he was an only child
flameofcertainty
:(
:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
shadowed-moonrise
i think they were sort of saving for another credit but they ended up spending a lot of money on like, building a room for him where he would feel clean, and stuff
and afterwards, it's not like she was going to have another kid after what happened
flameofcertainty
right
shadowed-moonrise
they wanted to take me out of class for the segment on the food crisis for, you know, obvious reasons, but that was winter when i was three and i’d already found out from like being online and reading stuff so i guessed what it was? and they freaked the fuck out when i was like “are you just worried about me finding out about the voan food crisis”
flameofcertainty
were they hoping to just ... pretend it never happened? forever?
it's not like it's easy not to learn about, if you use the internet
shadowed-moonrise
i guess i was going to Find Out When I Was Older
or something
shadowed-moonrise
i mean i understand the thinking there, like the last time was horrible and i could really just have found out later
shadowed-moonrise
the last time being my friend
flameofcertainty
yeah
i see where they were coming from
flameofcertainty
my school kept me out of class for anything pollution-related but obviously they weren't going to stop me from finding out about the food crisis
shadowed-moonrise
......yeah
i am so sorry you had to live through that
flameofcertainty
thanks
flameofcertainty
my parents thought about having me do online school while it was happening
shadowed-moonrise
it was like really really irresponsible to just tell my friend and i’m like not sure what happened there
flameofcertainty
i don't know
flameofcertainty
mesosensitives can be really bad at guessing what's going to hurt us
shadowed-moonrise
part of it is just that grey schools aren’t that well equipped for..... dealing with....... disability, i guess?
flameofcertainty
i had a classmate who thought it would help me not starve if she vividly described what it was like to eat polluted food
shadowed-moonrise
..........what
flameofcertainty
yeah
shadowed-moonrise
i mean, i guess it’s good that they tried to help
but. WHAT
flameofcertainty
our teacher moved the seating chart so i wouldn't have to sit next to her
and gave me permission to not go to the cafeteria during lunch
but yeah, i am really not sure how she came to that conclusion
shadowed-moonrise
yeah wow
flameofcertainty
i guess if she thought i was going to starve to death unless she did something
shadowed-moonrise
sometimes i wish i could just live in a hyper colony
shadowed-moonrise
even though like i’m sort of a weird hyper? they might have called it sensitivity disorder nos if i didn’t take so many decontam showers for no reason
but it would still be BETTER
flameofcertainty
there would be a lot of nice things about that
on the other hand sometimes i hear about a hyper person thinking something is polluted and my brain decides 'oh, they must be right'
even though it was fine before
and i bet that would happen a lot more
shadowed-moonrise
oh no
shadowed-moonrise
if we all thought that the UNION of the things we thought were polluted were polluted.......
we would die very quickly, i guess
flameofcertainty
yeah
shadowed-moonrise
“oh this one guy (MADE UP) said water is polluted so uh goodbye cruel world i guess”
flameofcertainty
and even without that we'd need robots or something
to take care of garbage
shadowed-moonrise
yeah
i think robots are more of a political problem than a technological one, maybe we could get away with “look we’re a hyper colony we can’t even TALK TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD most days much less murder anybody”
flameofcertainty
i think it's like
flameofcertainty
if people spent a decade developing them then they'd have them
but they aren't mostly, because of the politics
shadowed-moonrise
right that makes sense
flameofcertainty
i'm fine with mesosensitives most days, but then *sometimes* it's like they decided to figure out how to be maximally terrible
shadowed-moonrise
honestly so many jobs should be automated not bc pollution but just bc they could be and those people could then do a more skilled job or live in the country and make art or whatever but we can’t build robots at all bc of the political thing
like assembly lines could go a lot more automated than they are and then we’d just be richer and fewer as a society
shadowed-moonrise
i feel very Solidarity with hypos but sometimes..... they too........ are the worst
maybe we could get nice hypos for our colony to take care of us
flameofcertainty
maybe
flameofcertainty
there are totally nice hypos but there are also hypos who do things like put untagged photos of pollution on the internet
shadowed-moonrise
yeah it really varies a lot
shadowed-moonrise
sometimes talking to hypos is calming bc mesos are like “but MY pollution instinct says this isn’t polluted” and that doesn’t help me at all but i have an amateur theologian hypo friend who can just talk me through the theological position and that helps a lot more
flameofcertainty
it's good that you have that
flameofcertainty
and we're not perfect either
there are hypersensitives who think orvaran system workers need to all be executed
or that if you don't do [insert absurdly specific thing here] you're not really hyper
flameofcertainty
like i can't handle being around mom but i don't want people to murder her
shadowed-moonrise
yeah
i definitely like
think that there’s an objective position on pollution
shadowed-moonrise
and it’s probably not exactly the theological one but it’s closer to that than to my paranoia
shadowed-moonrise
and honestly like... i *get* it but it just takes an insane amount of arrogance to be like, “of all the billions and billions of people with pollution instincts, mine is the objective truth and everybody else, including an entire scientific field, is wrong”
flameofcertainty
mm
flameofcertainty
oh i also saw this one person saying everyone alive during the food crisis needed to be executed
that one was "fun"
shadowed-moonrise
oh my fucking
fuck that person so much
also how are they planning to run society after they’ve killed everyone over four???????
flameofcertainty
i don't know???
shadowed-moonrise
also i feel a lot of people with proposals involving doing lots of murder........... fail to account for the fact that corpses are polluted
flameofcertainty
yeah
flameofcertainty
anyways
how's life been
shadowed-moonrise
a WONDERFUL PRETTY NICE blue hired me and i might maybe have a crush
flameofcertainty
eeeee congratulations!
shadowed-moonrise
i don’t know how to approach this tho
“hey baby...... i would have sex with you for free (on a good day)”
flameofcertainty
uh
if they've hired you a couple times you could ask? or something?
flameofcertainty
i am kind of bad at relationship advice
shadowed-moonrise
yes i think that i will actually do is like
wait a while and see if he contacts me
and then maybe ask him out or something
flameofcertainty
good luck!!
shadowed-moonrise
how’ve you been
shadowed-moonrise
also, i saw you post an out of stock green and purple scarf and i could try to make you something like it
i can’t do literally that but i’m thinking like getting some white silk and waxing designs on it and then dyeing it one color and then drawing on the designs in the other
this might be totally the wrong way to go about it but it sounds fun
flameofcertainty
gosh, that's really nice of you
flameofcertainty
if you ended up doing this i'd have a couple of sensitivity-related materials requests but i don't think any of them would actually make the project impossible
shadowed-moonrise
i think that kind of project would be fun rn, what are your materials requests?
flameofcertainty
the main one is not from [link to list of countries that have done cleaning and integrated ex-reds]
or eles decontaminatable
*else
but i think that might mess up the dyes?
shadowed-moonrise
ok i can do that
yeah i think it’s probably easier to just buy from not those countries than to try to... decontaminate..... dyes
shadowed-moonrise
like most commercial clothes are decontaminatable and........ have colors but they know what they’re doing and i do not
flameofcertainty
yeah
uh
now i want to do something nice for you, help
shadowed-moonrise
umm i really like [space shoenberg], you could record yourself playing one of his pieces? although idk how much you can do that on just violin
flameofcertainty
i'll try my best
maybe i can find an arrangement or something
shadowed-moonrise
that’s so nice of you
you don’t have to, i’ll like, enjoy the project anyway
i’m not sure how to make green and purple work well as a color combo, do you mind if there’s other colors?
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