#and tumblr autofill has failed me

[thefigureinthecorner]

my art for i live in a hologram with you by @whats-a-terrarium! it's a owen/joan/ellie high school AU, it's Very Good from everything i've been able to read so far and i highly recommend it!!

(detailed image descriptions for this got very long so they're under the cut; summary IDs are below)

[First ID: A digital drawing featuring Annabelle Wadsworth, Joan Bryant, and Owen Green cuddling in bed, with Annabelle and Joan sitting and Owen in their laps. The entire image is cast in golden light. END ID]

[Second ID: A digital drawing featuring Annabelle Wadsworth and Owen Green sitting at a kitchen table and Joan and Mark Bryant standing at a counter in the foreground. END ID]

[First ID: a digital drawing of Annabelle Whitney, left, Joan Bryant, right, and Owen Thompson, bottom center, sitting on a bed. Annabelle is a tall Black teenager with curly hair peeking out from a muted purple satin bonnet and wearing a light purple tank top. She sits slightly behind Joan with one arm supporting her weight behind Joan's back and her other arm resting on her lap and looks down at Owen lovingly. Joan is an East Asian teenager with pale skin and chin-length dark hair who is wearing a light blue t-shirt and dark shorts. She sits to the right of Annabelle with her legs outstretched in front of her. She looks down at Owen lovingly, and has a hand on his hair. Owen is a pale teenager with short ginger hair wearing a light short-sleeved shirt. He is laying on his side, turned away from the viewer, so that his head is in Joan's lap and his arms are curled around her legs. The bed has a white metal frame and large fluffy pillows and sheets. Behind them to the left is the outline of a nightstand with a lamp and two pairs of glasses on it. Directly above the bed is the bottom half of a window with the shades closed, through which soft warm light streams through. The walls of the room are tan. End ID]

[Second ID: a digital drawing depicting, from left to right, Annabelle Whitney, Owen Thompson, Joan Bryant, and Mark Bryant, in a kitchen. Annabelle is a 17 year old black girl wearing a purple satin bonnet, a purple tank top, and black sweats that stop just past her knees. She is barefoot and sitting at a circular, wooden dining table, in the middle of the kitchen. She's smiling and looking over at Joan. Owen is a 17 year old white boy with close-cropped red hair. He's wearing square glasses, a white tee, and black fleece pajama pants, and he is barefoot. He's sitting on Annabelle's left and has his left arm resting on the table, holding up three fingers with his right hand. He's also smiling and looking at Joan. Joan is a 16 year old East Asian girl with shoulder-length black hair. She's wearing glasses and a light blue tee that has 3 white, decorative hearts in the top left corner, and black pants. Her right hand is picking up a frying pan. Her left hand is aloft, holding a black, plastic spatula. In front of her right arm is a stack of pancakes. She's looking over her shoulder at Annabelle and Owen, mouth open, mid-sentence. Next to her is Mark, a 13 year old boy with close-cropped black hair. He's wearing a red tee, and has his right arm resting on the counter, his left hand reaching toward the pancakes. His mouth is ajar, his eyes focused on the stack of pancakes. The kitchen has olive green walls and a white, tile floor. Behind Annabelle and Owen is another counter with a microwave, toaster, a roll of paper towels, and a knife block. Above that are light brown cupboards. The sunlight shines down on Owen through the window on the right side of the piece. end ID]

[hcinator]

Week 74.

5/13/18

It’s 1:48 AM and I can’t fall asleep. It’s been so long since I scrolled through tumblr that my laptop no longer autofills my username and password. And yes, I counted the weeks since my last post and I think I’ve got the right number haha.

Previously on hcinator, I was drowning in my thesis, anxiously counting down the days to finishing my internship. The memes that talk about the feeling of not wanting to care about classes and grades anymore due to impeding graduation and yet still caring enough to feel guilty for not studying accurately depict the past 2 months. And now I’ve already been home a full week, having way too much fun hanging out with new and old friends. This is the first time I’m reflecting on everything so bear with me while I process my thoughts.

I’m not mad at myself for giving myself a break since graduating. I finished a rigorous program and when I think about some of the ridiculous competencies I had to labor through and write about, I still can’t believe I was able to get through it all. Although thinking back, I know I should have been more grateful for what I have been given. I went through this program believing it was a stepping stone and could only see the brightness of tomorrow. And I paid the price for that. Unlike every other graduation I’ve gone through, I felt very little sense of accomplishment. Very little sentimentality from leaving the school that I attended for 2 years. The program dragged on and yet the whole event is a blur in my mind now. The only positives that gave me an inkling of excitement were 1) my family + Michael were there for me, both on the day and during the internship and 2) that immediately following the ceremony, I would be packing the last of my things and going home for good. I hope one day I will be able to fall at God’s feet and say “that program was the absolute perfect match for me at that moment in my life, You were right, and I take back every dissenting complaint or thought I had” because if I’m truly honest, I’m not mature enough to be wholly appreciative right now.

I am, however, aware that being home has its own battles. I’m now in a short distance relationship (lol), no longer living independently, and anxious about the RD exam and jobs. I need God now more than ever as I balance all these changes to my life on top of finding community that I will be accepted into and can pour into. I can sum up my prayers by a deceptively succinct request: to be more godly in character and spirit. If I let myself handle the difficulties of life, my response will be of impatience, sharp tongue, and selfishness. Because my actions, words, and thoughts are for His glory, I pray that I will firmly reject those that fundamentally fail at supporting that very purpose. This nebulous time is not simply a summer break (though it’s amazing to have one, knowing that the next 40-50 years of my life will be spent without one lol) but a renewing of my being. And I don’t say this with the often wavering nature of a New Year’s resolution but with absolute confidence that revival is in my future. I’m excited for the day that I stop, look at myself, and cannot recognize the person that is penning these words today.

The tone of this post definitely changed in the past hour that I spent writing haha but I’m very glad I was urged to make something out of my insomnia. I can only pray that my motivation can be turned into diligence in the coming weeks. Watch this space y’all because I think I’m coming back.