#and when my art doesnt feel shitty

[sharkdays]

snork mimimimi

based on this

[polluteme]

random pages from my journal

[toxooz]

Hi Toxooz, how do you get yourself to draw so frequently? 👀👀👀

bc i have literally 84 things going on at once in my brain at all times that my highly visually obsessed brain Has To physically get in front of my eyes so that i can see or else will i think abt it over and over again and Brother I'm always envisioning things characters scenes scenarios outfits designs colors all of it in my cranium like angry itchy itchy ITCHY bees until i draw them out lmfao even if i don't know what to specifically draw at the current moment imma still end up drawing somehow ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I think at this point it's literally hardwired into my brain that I Gotta draw its what I've been doing since I could hold a pencil tbh it's how i cope with being -gestures vaguely- Here and alive, i actually gotta force myself to take a day off and schedule days where I DONT draw bc I know it's wearing on my hands and wrists 😬 I guess physically drawing grounds me in a way and keeps me (mostly) sane like if I don't draw for a few days i start getting Vaguely Antsy it's fukkin weird and i think at this point my love for my characters has surpassed like any form of art block if that makes sense??? like they literally take up 92% of my brain if not more, and the only way to see them is to draw them but yeah it's just what i do it's my jelly n my jam which is why I'm literally so glad i realized that i don't want to make drawing a job/career bc God help me if i start dreading drawing bc of the stress of money I've been drawing like crazy for like 2 decades straight and I only wanna draw more man idk!!!!! It's just one of them 'how the brain formed around what you do an assload of times' thangs

Answer translation: idk I just like to draw a lot lmfao

[gibbearish]

tumblr keeps suggesting me posts from fic writers who are Very Angry about people filtering fics by kudos or doing a mental kudos to hit ratio calculation because How dare you have standards for the FREE fic you consume for FREE, youre not the target audience for everything, when its like. a) no ones saying they are? theyre just. saying when choosing what fic /they personally/ want to read, they take into account how many people read it vs how many cared enough to give it kudos, b) it being free does not in turn mean you are entitled to viewership, that has literally never been how social media works, c) yes, people choosing fics based on hits means less Already popular works will have a harder time getting off the ground, but literally anyone who's been on reddit will tell you that there will Always be people who sort by new to get those jumpstarts going. those who sort by new and those who sort by hot are a symbiotic pair, you cant just kill off one OR the other because they support each other.

anyways tldr if youre a fic writer, people arent choosing not to read your fic as a personal dig to you and youre not entitled to people reading and liking it just because you made it for free. kind of the opposite, actually.

[yelloworangesoda]

gotta get off the internet and only interact irl with people who were 30 before they got their shit together i cant keep doing it like this

[soldier-poet-king]

All cities (and tbh everywhere, but this is specifically happening in a MAJOR city) should have emergency mental health response teams bc I just had to call 911 about a man clearly having Some Issues and in need of help outside in the freezing weather with no shoes and barely dressed doing cartwheels and somersaults on a busy street + and in the snow and wandering about the neighborhood and I had to repeatedly stress that he wasn't bothering or hurting anyone I was just super concerned about him rolling into traffic during rush hour in an area with notoriously bad drivers + it's cold enough to be dangerous without winter gear + maybe he's got Alzheimer's or smthn like that and accidentally wandered out and is lost bc that's been known to happen

and like sure the 911 operator was nice and confirmed with me that it was a medical-adjacent call and police were NOT needed after I stressed it multiple times, but I had INITIALLY called the non emergency line BC I wanted to avoid the cops and the street outreach folk were like 'nope can't help u gotta call 911' and it's just. SO DUMB.

PLUS. Apparently there's so many 911 calls going in I was put ON HOLD for a whole ass minute and like. I'm clogging up the line for someone having a heart attack or fire or whatever, vs. I'm concerned about this guy but also I'm in the car following at a distance to make sure nothing happens + make sure someone who is less understanding of mental health crises doesn't start a fight with him because he's acting "weird" and wandering on people's front lawns, and it's not really the same level of "emergency" but I'm also 5'3 vs. A Grown Ass Man, and I've no emergency or mental health training so there's nothing I can do EXCEPT follow at a distance and call for help

[senselessalchemist]

carpal tunnel syndrome + writing on phone = I'm going to tear my left hand off if it keeps falling asleep

[mikoriin]

sometimes its hard to think my art will really reach enough people to fulfill my dream

[etherealkissed88]

how i manifest when i feel anxious •°. *࿐

i decide i have what i want…

when i feel anxiety -> i let it pass while knowing its only a human reaction

◦ since i am beyond just a human (i am limitless imagination/self), i know any anxiety is below me and it has nothing to do with my limitless self. i have exactly what i decided i have, regardless of any anxiety.

know anxiety usually comes from a fear of failure

◦ so, i cannot limit myself based on what i see or what i negatively assume my future will look like bc i am always beyond the 3d, no matter what feelings/anxiety my human self experiences.

◦ i become indifferent/i dont care about what i see or what i assume i will see because i know everything comes together in the 3d once i change self/know its done. fact: everything always comes together and works out in the end. being indifferent to the 3d = being indifferent to emotions, anxiety and everything that doesnt serve you.

dont fight it, dont avoid it, tackle it head on

◦ acknowledge you are experiencing anxiety bc you are. yes it can feel like shit but it doesnt have to affect who you are being (whatever version of self you are embodying). again, i can choose to be indifferent to this anxiety. you dont have to be scared of the anxiety. it is a natural human response. cry if you need to, let it all out. dont try to suppress it bc that will only come to bite you back in the ass, believe me.

◦ take care of your mental health in whatever ways necessary. when i used to experience anxiety, i used to take walks in the park, clear my head, meditate, express myself and my emotions through art and journaling, etc. remember nothing you do (or feel) in the 3d has to affect who you are being/your state.

"how can i still have anxiety yet still be a desired version of me?"

anxiety has no affect on anything unless you allow it to change your identity. you are the one with power, the anxiety is only an experience, similar to breathing in oxygen and using our sense of touch; its all neutral. when you start surrendering to the anxiety, you are creating and accepting negative stories that you create based on the feeling of anxiety. allowing that anxious feeling to change your state/identity is surrendering to something you view as more "powerful" than you. stop transforming that anxiety into a state that you embody based on the false, negative stories u imagine.

remember a 3d experience or anxious feelings doesnt have to influence who you are being. an example: a model who knows (fulfilled) that she is graceful and beautiful can have anxiety about doing her catwalk. the anxiety is normal, she can experience the symptoms of anxiety (shortness of breath, dry mouth, shaking) but her core identity/state is still a graceful model. the anxiety is only a temporary feeling. usually when we experience these feelings, they occupy all of our attention in that moment which is why it seems so scary but in reality, its not that big a deal. know that anxiety is just a feeling. you are safe. you can still experience shitty feelings while knowing you are a bad bitch!

you dont always identify with everything you experience. for example, a lot of people experience good things and still identify as people who are unworthy of good things. so its really up to you to choose what to identify with.

i know my only job is knowing its done

◦ if i just decided its done, as the operant power, as i say goes, therefore its done. so my job is done. anxiety is part of the 3d, not my limitless self, imagination. so i can be indifferent and experience it without identifying with it, the same way people manifest what they desire while experiencing their shitty circumstances daily (because they do not identify with those shitty experiences).

◦ ive heard/experienced situations were we know its done yet we cried and felt like shit, and what we wanted still manifested into the 3d. bc anxiety is only a feeling. do not allow your feelings to take hold of your state, but if it does, its never the end of the world... just get back in the state. 3d shit/anxiety doesnt have to intervene with who you are being/what you identify with.

kisses, jani ☆

[be-good-to-bugs]

once again debating trying out another program

[eirian]

irt that tweet going around thats like a person being upset that an art piece they were rly proud of didnt get much love: here's my hot take. ppl are missing the point of the post.

its not a matter of op doing art for clout. its the fact that while yes loving ur art and doing it for fun is the most important thing, it is Extremely Fucking Silly to expect everyone to just be ok with not getting much or even NO positive feedback on their work.

i believe as artists we wouldnt get fucking ANYWHERE without support from others. you can say you do art 100% just for fun and for yourself, and while this may be the MAJORITY of the case, theres no way u can tell me u dont feel smth when someone says they like it too. we NEED positive feedback in order to keep going and thrive as artists. str8 up. telling ppl to "not care about likes/shares/attention" is..idk. it feels actually kind of shitty to me, ESPECIALLY when its coming from an artist who gets hundreds of notes on each piece. same energy as a rich person telling poor ppl "money doesnt buy happiness" imo. like ok if you really believe what ur saying why do u post ur own damn art. why do u not just keep it to urself if its just for you and just for fun.

"i post my art bc i love it and want to share it with others" ok so you agree that you feel good when u share ur art with others? that it feels good to know that ppl see ur art and find joy in it? that even tho its not "for attention" its still for positive human interaction?

idk. basically to me its not "op is whining bc their art didnt get notes :/" it's "op is rightfully feeling bad b/c they dont see any support for their art when support is kind of a necessity for healthy artistic growth"

anyway. thats my hot take✌️

[aranock]

Just had someone claim that I maliciously stole ideas from a friend without acknowledgong them when said friend is litterally in the video, and I was in the video I supposedly took thing from, despite my not even once thinking about either thing as being even remotely similar. Like not even slightly an influence. Also I am pretty open about when something influenced me. I don't exactly hide it. Idk I feel like people are really stretching to find anything they can hate Jessie and I for this video with. Like really? Really?

Anyway just to be clear The Editor is not a ripoff of my friend Neil from The Leftist Cooks video on metamodernism, great video btw go watch it. I wrote the editor in because as I was doing the script editing proccess on Jessies initial script and came up with a new structure and worried that if I didnt draw attention to this people would maliciously misinterpret part 1 without getting to the part 2 twist. The Editor is LITTERALLY representing what I did in the script editing proccess for this video. Though there role and purpose expanded to represent more broadly what editing and editors do to works, reinforcing the points we make on art as collaborative and the importance of the influence of for example Marcia Lucas on making the original trilogy as good as it was. If there was any inspiration for The Editor it was chatting with my friend @wonderful101gecs about Pathologic and Brechtian Epic Theatre. I wanted to disallow the audience from suspension of disbelief and force them to reconcile with the world as it is and with how narratives are manufactured. Even then its pretty loose inspiration. The Editor was just a natural result of needing a purpose fulfilled and rounding out my layers within layers structure. Im not sure if it was Jessie or I that named them that, but we made them a named character because we worried at one point early on if we didnt do that people might get really shitty towards me. Like originally in the script it was just "Aranock" and as they became a character I pushed it further towards them being a sort of amoral embodiment of concepts masquerading as a villain who was masquerading as a Hero, pretendint to be the great person behind everything. Thus I came to "oh I need a second rug pull" and thats where layer 5 came from because I needed to really REALLY make the audience go "oh I need to question the narrative" and not treat The Editor as the great man myth. Layer 1, the animation, came from a desire to have a narrative layer below the documentary and video essay layers, below any meta layer. So yeah originally this was just a long very direct essay by Jessie about the making of and politics of star wars, my reediting of those become layer 2 and 3, with some small bits of those ending up in layer 4. Oh also some elements of what became the editor and of the script existed before I even began my youtube channel. Like I have been kicking around aspects of these ideas for over 3 years. The Editors opening monologue is almost all from something I wrote about a year before releasing my first video. So yeah I was not stealing stuff from a video by my friend that released last year, and frankly its really shitty that people assume that of me.

Also I'm tired of how frequently people have been specifying out just me to be shitty about. Attacking my voice for being feminine, being weird about my body. Really makes me feel great. Love being a trans woman making art on the internet. Love how y'all attack me if my voice sounds how you perceive womens voices should sound and you attack me when it doesnt. Im tired people suck, and its really weird that some of you want me to sound more "manly", but thanks for the validating my self taught voice training I guess????

[gibbearish]

wanted to throw my hat into the ring specifically in regards to james responding to the bigotry claims bc i havent seen anyone address the aspects i wanna talk abt in full yet, it kinda got long as fuck for a p short excerpt so putting it under a readmore

so here's the section (text from @storagebay29 's v helpful transcript):

"I never ever intended to hurt anybody. I never thought that that's what I was doing. Before I went- before I went to the hospital,¹ I read a lot of stuff from people who were really hurt, not just authors and stuff but people who watched my videos who were hurt by stuff in them. People think that I hate ace people and women and bisexual people and lesbians and that's not true. It's really- it's just- it’s not true. And I’m sorry that stuff made it into videos² that just shouldn’t have been there: misinformation and lies... But I promise you I did not write that stuff.³

I should have been a lot more exacting when Nick and I would be editing scripts but I promise you that those are not- I don't think those things.⁴ I specifically want to apologise to asexual people who feel⁵ that I just completed delegitimised you. Nick being ace, I- I know that it's kinda like you know, no two gay people are exactly the same, no two ace people are exactly the same, but I kind of, when it came to that I just kind of ran with Nick's judgement⁶ and his observations and stuff like that. And I’m not trying to throw Nick under the bus,⁷ which a bunch of people are saying that I was setting him up as doing, which is not true…"

so! let's break this down

¹ "Before I went- before I went to the hospital" - firstly i want to be clear of my position with the "did he actually attempt" question bc ive seen some people being absolutely vile already, which is that while i understand doubting his story considering his history of lying and manipulation and obviously skewed moral compass, i also feel like it is VERY much plausible enough that publically speculating abt whether it's true or not is shitty, especially telling HIM you think he's lying. best case scenario you're right, worst case scenario you're crossing a hell of a line, and he's obviously done enough stuff that the situation can be addressed pretty comprehensively without risking getting that coin flip wrong. i think we should proceed under the assumption that lying about that is one line he wouldn't cross, and if proof comes along that he was lying then obviously fuck him, but otherwise i think that aspect should be off limits. and having said all that, even under the assumption he is telling the truth, the way he brings it up in this apology is still manipulative, as many have already pointed out, and this is an excellent example. by bringing it up right before addressing his bigotry, he a) implies to the audience that these comments in particular are a notable part of what sent him there, and therefore plants the idea that if they continue to address it while knowing how badly it's already affecting him, they'd be deliberately trying to hurt him or push him to attempt again, and b) tries to distract the audience from the fact that he's addressing his bigotry and get them to go easy on him, since clearly he's already punished himself over it enough. but harming yourself does not actually make up for harm caused to others, and even if it did, unlearning the bigotry that caused the harm in the first place doesnt end at "feel really bad about it," that's actually step one. and as i'm sure you're already aware and i'll get into more in points 4 and 5, whether he's even at step one yet is doubtful!

² "And I’m sorry that stuff made it into videos" - others have covered his passive voice the whole way through so i won't dwell too long beyond pointing it out, it's mostly just highlighted here bc of how it ties into the next point

³ "But I promise you I did not write that stuff." - just, beautiful in so many ways. performance art, even. firstly, the fact that one of the closest places he comes to calling it plagiarism is in defense against a second allegation? just lmao. and secondly, this is about the most solid proof you could get that he indeed did not watch hbomberguy's video (or at least the whole thing) because hbomb very conclusively showed that if there are /any/ original thoughts of James' in his scripts, it is the bigotry, because he showed multiple examples of James /specifically/ rewording things he plagiarized to ADD IN the bigotry. so then tying back to point 2, his passive voice then becomes about ten times funnier here because he was just. blissfully unaware we all already knew exactly how it "made it into" the script and that his next statement would be a lie. just incredible

⁴ "I don't think those things." - notice the lack of specificity here, the most he can say is "people think i hate these groups" and "i don't think those things" and not "this is exactly what i said that was harmful, here's how it was harmful, here's the correct version of it, and here's how to avoid similar pitfalls in the future", yknow, like what people do when they actually accidentally say bigoted things bc they don't know any better? and again this point ties into the next one:

⁵ "I specifically want to apologise to asexual people who feel that I just completed delegitimised you." - ah yes, nothing says apology like "i'm sorry you felt like what i said was hurtful," where the message is less "i did something wrong and hurt you, i regret this and want to fix it," and more "you were too sensitive and got your feelings hurt by something i didn't intend to be hurtful, but i GUESS i'll be the bigger person and say sorry even though i didn't actually do anything wrong🙄". and see again 4, if he actually had looked into it and learned why it was wrong, he wouldn't be saying people "felt" delegitimised. he would be explaining why people reacted that way ie what it was a reaction to, why this reaction was correct, and providing actual information about asexual people. but he doesnt, because he didnt, because he doesnt care. which is all ESPECIALLY fucked because in saying it this way he's. delegitimising what they were saying. like some kind of fuckin aphobia ouroboros

⁶ "when it came to that I just kind of ran with Nick's judgement" + ⁷ "And I’m not trying to throw Nick under the bus" - here we are, the crown jewels. so obviously ppl are already talking abt the performative allyship of "but my best friend is minority and they said it was fine!!1!" which is fucked up on its own, but then the fact that he immediately jumps to "and also i'm not throwing nick under the bus" shows us that within the greater context, point 6 did indeed mean "the bigotry in the scripts that i am currently apologizing for and explaining the presence of in this section is there because i repeated the things nick told me were true, these ideas originate from him." aka blame nick, not me. but then he remembered that scapegoating nick is also something people are accusing him of so he had to backtrack over it, which if it was actually an innocent statement, it yknow. wouldn't need to be backtracked over? it's like he thinks just because he doesn't outright say "nick has bigoted ideas that i parroted so basically its his fault" that no one can pick up on the subtext? and frankly i don't know much about nick (or james beyond this whole thing tbf so obv take everything i say with the whole shaker of salt) so this very well could be the truth to a degree, but if nick does hold bigoted views too, that's TOO. not instead. for james to repeat them without question to the camera means he doesn't disagree. even if hbomb hadn't proven the bigotry did originate from him, it would still be meaningless, because if it came from nick then that would just mean james decided to stay close working friends with a shitbag and repeat all of his garbage to his fans uncritically!

so in summary, in just this one chunk he: reminds you to be extra niceys to him because hes delicate right now, immediately lies about where the bigotry came from, talks around what he actually said wrong or that he was in the drivers seat for it, then blames nick for it before hearing himself say it out loud reminds him people are picking up on that now too and has to walk it back.

to spoof the roblox oof video: when we look at the sum collective of all of his claims regarding his bigotry, and we put it in context with. the fucking everything about him. when james says the bigotry didn't come from him, this might just be me. but I don't believe him!

[voidju1cebox]

you know what fuck it, miles g. (prowler miles) headcanons (this will be general, maybe later i will make some x reader because im gay it sounds fun)

he would eat rice with avocado

he can make the TASTIEST FOOD IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD, like, you ain't gonna come tell me he wouldn't make food for his mom

in that same line of thought: his mom and him would have 'leftover days' which, as the name implies, is a day (usually a weekend day) where you eat the left over food

while e1610 miles has a bit of a more chaotic but functional work space, e42 miles would have a much more organized workspace (when not in use)

ok so rio mentions comics-con so in my heart he is still a nerd

straight As, (i like the idea that he still goes to a fancy school) he wants to not only show he deserves his place at the school, he also wants to make sure he doesn't put more stress on his mom :(

he would still go to vision academy (or whatever his equivalent is). he would have applied because his mom wanted him to have a good future, at first he wasn't really planing to go even if he managed to pass the entrance exam but when he did he was offered a scholarship so there were no more excuses not to

he is much more serious and quiet in class, he wouldn't have many friends if any at all because he wouldn't seem super approachable

not a head canon but: im not sure if he would take any art classes like e1610 miles, on one hand, his mom would encourage him to use all the tools and things the school is offering, on the other, he would probably not have enough time to do so because of his prowler things

e1610 miles: art and quantum physics e42 miles: art and robotics (or something along those lines)

this guy will NOT stand disrespect towards women. his mom is rio morales and i guarantee she would not stand his son being disrespectful

after his father died he would get in a lot of fights both because he needed a way to cope and he felt like he needed to show the world and himself that he was strong enough to protect his loved ones

i like the idea that he is either; friends with Gankee, or, they used to be friends but distanced

ok, so im not sure when exactly he would have become the prowler, but i think that at first he would have done it alone; shitty suit that doesnt really protect him and only really works to mask identity, very limited gear if any at all, probs used like blunt force weapons (baseball bat)

his uncle notices that miles had started to get bruises again and notices that rio looks more stressed so he assumes miles is picking fights again, so he confronts miles. it becomes a bit of an argument nearly fight but miles finally breaks and tells uncle Aaron he is prowler

after uncle aaron accepts that miles is the prowler and "no, i wont stop doing this, this is the way im helping" he agrees to support and help miles in his vigilante endeavors and helps him get stuff to update his suit so he can be safer

:0, he gives his mom little clay or paper flowers, since she doesnt have taht much time to take care of a live one and so she can have a little bit of color in her days

i feel like he is more of a video games nerd than a comics nerd

he sits extremely still, he almost could be mistaken for a statue

sometimes when the house feels way too empty for his comfort he goes to his uncle's to pass time till he calms or for the whole night

his sketchbooks are FILLED, like im talking not only the pages; the covers are filled with doodles, he has receipts and napkins and stuff he has drawn on, he has some pressed flowers both to use as references and to rememeber his moms favourites

his mom helps him with his hair, she learned through a combination of uncle aaron, jeffs side of the family, and of course miles

[candycatstuffs]

HOLY MACARONI you bump out so much art its incredible!! how do u stay motivated???

Honestly, I don't!

A few years back, I started this thing called Sketch Page a Day where I tried to make myself draw at least 1 small page of art every day regardless of how i was feeling or the quality of the art. Sometimes it was finished pieces i was proud of, sometimes it was shitty doodles that i threw up on the canvas cuz my brain was Empty. Didnt matter as long as i filled a page. I still didnt draw every day, but it did make me more consistent and keep me from stopping for months at a time like before.

Flashforward to now, i dont actively try to follow the Sketch Page a Day thing like i used to, but im so used to drawing lik every day that it doesnt rly matter lol. Im just so used to doing it that motivation has nothin to do with it.

HOWEVER i am particularly motivated right now! I was in a bit of an art block mentally, so i downloaded some new brushes on firealpaca to try out. I tried the scratchy brush and my brain EXPLODED painting with it sjdkkdk. That lead to my current fixation on making things to be turned into physical objects, which is why im so motivated rn. So ig if ur not feelin motivated tey smth new to see if that sparks anything, and if u feel the spark grab that mf and see where it leads u! If that doesnt work, just try to do a little every day to keep the juices flowin, ya never kno when youll draw something that makes inspiration/motivation strike >:]

[bucketbanned]

Second post on this webtoon

Why is Jackson so villianized in this fandom? Like, he's a deep character, but because he's a bit emotional and said that Exers and Davids relationship was fake because at that point in the story, Jackson knew the diary controlled parts of Exer. Like, let's be real. If I had a diary that I figured out controlled parts of someone's life and feelings, I'd be pretty damn paranoid about what is or isn't my doing. Also, Exer was a MAJOR asshole in s1. I'd be pissed if the guy who I'd been trying to be friendly with told me that he used his powers to fuck with me for no goddamn reason other then "he was jealous" and that he was sorry. Like, you being sorry doesn't charge the shitty things you did to me, being sorry doesnt change that you made me pass out on stage. Sorry doesnt change the fact you VILLANIZED a girl became she found out about your secret.

Listen, I love Exer, love his character. But don't just baby him because 'gay' and 'hes sorry' or 'hes a better person'. Im happy that the creator didn't make Jackson forgive Exer right away. Jackson is a complex character. He obviously has separation issues/attachment issues by the way he reacted when his therapist couldn't see him anymore. Jackson is by far my favorite, and im sad there isn't more fan art or fan fics about him. I'd love to see in-depth fanfics and fanart.