#and yet I'm crushing on the same ppl I was crushing on in my early twenties

[allfillernothriller]

Welcome to Unhinged Hours, a series of posts that will be tagged as such in which I will overshare my cringiest and most awkward thoughts because I've no self-control over my need to vent. And who knows. Might help someone else.

Don't mind the dubious syntax and weird grammar.

[cw brief mention of abuse]

When I was 17-19, I was mortified to discover I was attracted to (much) older people. During my early twenties, the majority of my crushes were in their thirties. I knew the age gap was too big and I was too young, so I did nothing about them and naively thought this was something that would fix itself with time. I thought "at least I know I find people in their thirties attractive so I just have to wait to reach mine and date people my age then" (lmao good one past me). Well. As I'm inching ever closer to said thirties, it's more and more evident that the issue clearly did NOT fix itself, those old crushes are nearing their forties and I haven't stopped carrying them in my heart. They're attractive in new ways. When I look at pics from back when I first developed a crush, I find that my current 27yo self isn't physically attracted to their 32yo self I was originally attracted to anymore. And I know for a fact that 21yo me wouldn't have found 38yo [redacted] hot. But current me is still attracted to current them (38yo [redacted] is indeed very hot). And you might wonder what's the issue here, so lemme tell you. I've been frequenting online feminist spaces for a decade. I've read countless accounts of teenage girls and young women who were manipulated and abused by older partners. I've read an inordinate amount of warnings, the gist of all of them being “don't date older folks during your formative years, don't believe them when they call you 'mature for your age'”. And let me be crystal clear — I still think it's relevant and infinitely important to relay those accounts and protect girls and young women, and help them spot red flags and predatory patterns. It absolutely is, I am not blaming feminism for my existential struggles. I am simply giving you context. The thing is, I've internalised this as “don't ever pursue older folks, period” (which is a completely different thing, I knew that then and still know it now but couldn't help it) and as a result I've been lugging around self-inflicted guilt and shame for years (and don't I love the internalised biphobia that adds to it when the person happens to be a man /s). And these crushes I've been telling you about? They're one-sided! They've never expressed any interest, so that's always been a safe situation for me, but did that prevent any self-loathing from taking root in my brain? Course it didn't! I can't seem to shake the feeling that there's something wrong with me and I've grown tired of this. Scolding myself over human emotions is getting fucking old.

That brings me to today's crisis — at which point in one's life does it get easier to accept? How old is old enough to stop caring about the age gap? When will I stop blaming myself? How do I drop the guilt?

Because if it was "just" the fact that I'm still swooning over the same people (who are now soon-to-be 40), that would be too easy, wouldn't it? But nooo I just had to go and get a new crush on someone who's already in their forties. Where does this end, please?

(You might've noticed that the overuse of the word 'crush' and choosing to focus on the physical aspect of attraction here is a poor attempt at a euphemism. I mean some of them are simple crushes, as for the others... past a certain point, still calling them crushes is just denial on my part. I'm basically fooling myself.)

“This is a crisis. A large crisis. In fact, if you've got a moment, it's a twelve-storey crisis with a magnificent entrance hall, carpeting throughout, 24-hour porterage and an enormous sign on the roof saying 'this is a Large Crisis'.” (Blackadder Goes Forth, ep. 6)

[shadowbrightshine]

idk if this is too personal, but how did you figure out you were ace?? I'm asking as an ace person who is curious about other ppls experiences

My experience is kinda funny!

My friend mentioned being ace, assuming I already knew I was back a bit before covid.

Incoming long post and a tiny bit of tmi for me.

I, a Christian girl in a small town who had barely any friends and also wasn't on the internet proper yet, had absolutely no idea what that was.

Eventually I found my way into learning all about it and my heart soared.

It took about a year for my family to really accept my identity. They mostly worried it would take over my life and that I wouldn't feel like I could change later on if I set my sexuality in stone. But now my family is on board. (I'll explain that in a minute. )

Now as for how I came to be like this?

I've always known I didn't want to do the same things as my peers did. Undiagnosed adhd until 2nd grade and autism in 6th explained some of it. But not all of it.

I was in 3rd grade when I discovered what adoption was via A Series Of Unfortunate Events. That series got me to love reading, and sparked my early interest in darker writing. Also taught me tons of words that some people are still as an adult surprised I know.

I declared I would adopt tons of children at that age. In fact I daydreamed about buying an entire orphanage and being the best mom in the world. I thought about all those kids who needed a home and I wanted to help. I also loved Meet the Robinsons and it made me want to adopt even more.

My parents gave me the sex talk. They didn't do whatever the birds amd bees is, I still have no idea what that is even now. They didn't go into a ton of detail obviously, I was like 10-12 I can't remember exactly. But they explained the "girl parts" and "boy parts" fit together to make a baby. (I learned the rest when I was a little older)

I thought it was gross. The idea of anyone's parts going in me made me feel kinda sick. It solidified my stance on adoption. I didn't want to have sex. I wanted to adopt kids because I didn't want to have them. But I did want to be a mother.

Growing up it was often chalked up to me not having hit puberty yet, me being young, and that I'd grow out of the adoption thing once I was a teenager.

It didn't. In fact once I hit puberty I wanted to have kids even less. My parts work, and feelings are feelings. I get horny, and I hate it because I don't want to have sex.

(Unfortunately for me, maybe tmi but I have bigger and longer labia, those protect the area but also have a lot of nerve endings. This leads to a lot of accidental stimulation and overstimulation from literally sitting on a hard chair. I can get sore riding bikes like the old newspapers claimed would happen to normal women. Pair that with autism, it's not fun.)

But the truth was I wanted to have sex less and less as I learned more and got more of a picture of how it works. The idea makes me feel bad. I don't want to look at a dick, ever. (I'm aware this may need compromise once I'm married. But I won't be having penatraitive sex even then. It limits my options by a lot but, I have plenty of time to find love)

Circling back I often made up crushes so people would stop asking me. I told other kids I had a crush on Einstein because he was dead so no one could tell him. I picked a random boy in 4th grade and forced myself to pretend I had a crush on him. I didn't really ever talk to him, but he was smart in my math class and he didn't make fun of me so I figured that would work. The closest to crushes over had were always on fictional characters, people who I couldn't upset or hurt or meet.

I never understood crushes. I do feel romantic love, in fact I've dreamt about falling in love for a long time. I experience aesthetic attraction, but the feeling I feel towards pretty humans is the same I feel towards a pretty painting. I recognize the beauty and then move on. Clothing stands out more to me than looks. This isn't meant to be a 'other people are shallow' thing. I do wish I understood how others felt like that. It looks fun. Now some of this is likely me being autistic as well.

Anyways. Once I learned I was ace, and accepted that for myself, things got easier on me. I felt so good to have a label for this.

Especially in high school. I finally had a fast way to let people know that I don't want to hook up. Not that anyone asked. I'm happy with how I look but I'm hoping I grow more into my mother's beauty because face wise I'm nothing special. (I've uh actually been complemented about my figure a few times though and that makes me very happy) I'm happy with how I look, but I know I don't turn any heads.

A few months ago my mom admitted something to me. She was actually relieved to learn I wasn't going to have kids.

My family has a ton of genetic health problems going up to 5 generations back on both sides. No, not because of weird interfamily relationships, because of unlucky genetic carriers and just plain bad luck. My dad has a degenerative condition, and my mother's side has had a variety of heart problems going back generations. Bad heart problems. My mom has hip displaisa, a partially fused spine, Hashimotos, allergies to nightshades, penicillin, mold, blood pressure problems, chronic migranes, chronic hip problems, and more. She has to take at least 7 pills daily, and none of them are pain meds.

All three of her children had to be delivered via C-section. I was born almost 3 1/2 months early. Turns out it was Preclampsia. That probably contributed to me being born with autism. Mom has never made it to full term with a child. If she had tried both of us would've died.

She said she's worried about what might happen to any children her kids might have. Especially the women in the family because (kinda obvious) that's where most of the genetic problems are coming through. Her mom had heart problems, her grandmother had heart problems, her great grandmother, and possibly farther but my mom's side didn't keep good track of the family tree. So she worries more about her daughters in that regard.

She says she looked into the Bible and also saw that God calls some to lives of celibacy. Which technically would be me. I plan to die a "Virgin".

She knows how much I want to be a mom, and she's supportive of me adopting one day. My dad doesn't talk about it but he's not against it anymore.

It was really nice to know she worried about that because I've been worrying about what might happen if I ever tried to have kids of my own for years. I always knew my parents had health problems. And from as young as 8 years old I worried about my baby getting really sick if I had one. I didn't want to have a baby but I still worried that if I did they'd get super sick.

I've always lived my life with the intention to adopt children from the time I learned about it. And when I learned how expensive it is, I adjusted and planned on making more money to afford the fees.

When I learned I was asexual it made me so much happier.

And it also made it easier to engage with kink content. There is plenty of kink that doesn't involve the private parts which is fun! Sorry if that's also tmi.

So... yeah! That's my story. Or some of it.

[aspiring-holistic-otaku]

Season 3 Ramble#2 - “romance" lol ver.3

This month’s episode is all about romance, the third time around now and somehow I find myself with yet another tweak in format. Guess that just goes to show that love comes in many forms. In any case this month’s format isn’t that different from last time. I’ve still split my reads into 3 categories, the main difference is that the categories themselves have changed. Last time it was cute stuff, fucked up stuff and lewd stuff, this time I still have the cute category but I've switched out the other two based on this month’s reads, which I'll explain as we get to them.

So basically how this episode is gonna go is I'm gonna give my top reads this month in ascending order for each of those categories and then my top 1 reads before this month for the same.

Getting right into it the first category up is

Awww {basically v cute v innocent stuff}

#3) The Ice Guy and His Cool Female Colleague (ongoing w 57 chapters, story & art by Miyuki Tonogaya)

This is an extremely simple but extremely cute story. The title pretty much summarizes it actually, the main character is the descendant of an ice demon, which is apparently not too strange in this world since he works a normal office job,,, and he has a crush on his cool, stoic, almost expressionless female colleague.

It's a pretty neat take on slow burns because one it's pointedly ice related, and secondly the ice guy’s emotions affect his environment, like if he gets too excited there'll be a blizzard or tiny snowmen will appear.. If you've ever had a crush on someone you know it's already hard enough to act natural or “be cool" so this guy has a pretty rough go of it.

The art is pretty nice but the characters, especially the wider cast leaves more than a bit to be desired. It actually almost kinda feels like the creator really just wanted to focus on the main two but the editor was like,, that's not how the real world works, especially not in an office... I do appreciate though that some of the wider cast includes different types of demons and it’s fun to see the different ways their emotions leak out, the different pairings, and so on.

As I said it’s an extremely simple story, almost feels like a 4 panel tbh, nothing I'd push too hard but it’s undeniably cute and makes for a super easy binge read or just something to pick up from time to time to escape the harshness of reality and indulge in the very cute but very absurd fantasy of a successful workplace romance… I think more than a few ppl have that one coworker you would if you could… but no… just no… leave it alone… leave it in fiction land my friend…

#2) Skip and Loafer (ongoing w 58 chapters, story & art by Misaki Takamatsu)

The story here follows our main heroine, a real go getter, who moved from the countryside to big city Tokyo for highschool, all so she could follow her dreams of being a politician and help out in rural areas around the country. Anyways she’s characterized as not being great at much else but studying, and in that spirit, gets lost on the way to her entrance ceremony. Here enters our main hero who’s also late but for the opposite reason, he’s super laid back, slept late and was considering just skipping but he felt sorry for this obviously lost but obviously trying girl so he decides to help her out and the story takes off from there.

Just wanna get out of the way that I love all the characters and their interactions with each other and especially within themselves. If anything, that's this manga’s strongest point. It makes the characters ooze real feelings that really feels in place for each where they are. Like not too dramatic where you wonder if they’re really highschool kids or even in school for that matter, and not too fantasy like where everything is perfect and it’s almost like characters are machines just filling a roll.

It kicks off pretty early on with engaging character interactions and the way they change and develop as the main cast gets to know each other is really endearing. I especially really really love the main heroine because she’s that innocent character type but it’s not done in that way that makes her this pure cinnamon roll that’s too good for this world, where nothing gets her down or she chooses peace and love every time. Her thing is that she’s basically socially inept and so she doesn’t really get when people are mean or even when they're being nice sometimes, but she’s all by herself in this new place so she’s trying and though she doesn’t always get it, it’s a real pleasure to see her grow.

It’s ongoing, only 58 chapters but there’s been a ton of realness and real growth in a bunch of ways for most of the cast packed in so far. Really can’t wait to see where it goes from here.

Anyways, cool art, great cast, love the interactions and would definitely highly recommend this one.

#1) Horimiya (complete w 152 chapters, story by HERO & art by Daisuke Hagiwara)

The story here is that the main hero/heroine pair each have a hidden side to them that nobody else knows. At school, the heroine is always super put together but when she’s at home she’s too busy taking care of her little brother for all that and takes on a more homely caretaker persona (the art is shoujo leaning so she and most of the main cast pretty much always looks pretty). But anyways, at school, the hero is seen as a gloomy glasses wearing loner but when he leaves school he looks like he came out of a rock magazine. Tattoos and piercings everywhere. Anyways, this and that happens, the convenient plot is convenient and they end up becoming friends who hold each other’s secrets.

As much as the story kinda feels like shoujo perfect world fantasy stuff, and as much as it came out as top 1 largely because it’s complete, I think a small part of it might have been that a tiny part of me still wants to believe in, and might even still want that kind of “perfect” love. From the innocent buildup to the accumulation of every day special normals and beyond… but in any case, I did honestly like the theme of more and more of your true self coming to the surface and being able to show that true self to someone.

Overall, besides the main pairing, the cast was kinda weak, not bad, just pretty one dimensional But that one dimension was very cute and fluffy and this being a romance manga, it worked. What I will say though is that it took a while for the wider cast to come into play and even more for them to make me care, like not until late 50s heading into 70s did i care about anyone but the main pairing. Meanwhile skip and loafer only has about 50 chapters total and I was fully invested in the entire cast well before then.

But as I said, when the full horimiya cast rolls in it’s all very cute and I liked that they even made the platonic same sex relations pretty cute like yh guys just having fun and it’s not weirdly pervy in any direction, just another form of love yk.. v cool… Again it did have me yearning a bit like wow imagine having a life with both platonic AND romantic relationships being healthy and fulfilling.

Anywho,, pretty neat art, the story kinda just goes on ig but having in mind that it was a romance and it goes on in an increasingly cute way and all, i’d recommend it.

hm:

Even the Introverted Gals Wanna Get Out There! - pretty funny, maybe more funny than cute, also it’s girl on girl, think dead dead demon’s destruction but the main heroines actually get to live life and breath air, literally just vibing out in the club room after school (ongoing w about 6 chaps)

Train Man - Net Development, the Love Story of a Local Train: based on a true story apparently, basically a dude saves some people on a train and becomes friends with one of them and stuff take off from there (complete w 27 chapters)

ftr everything in the main list has an anime but i can’t speak on their status or quality

also ftr I'd definitely rate skip and loafer higher than horimiya overall but because this is the cuteness category, + horimiya is a complete story which I tend to favour for higher places in lists and stuff

next category up is

Dense & Denser

{this is basically when one or more of the characters are just oblivious to any love flags thrown their way}

#2) How to Raise a Boring Girlfriend (complete w 42 chapters, story & art by Takeshi Moriki, original LN story by Fumiaki Maruto)

Had never heard of this one before but the title pulled me in like how and why would one raise a boring girlfriend anyways?

The story here is that on the way to school the mc has an encounter with a mystery girl and it’s love at first sight, even though he didn’t see her face…. The mc is an anime/manga otaku much like myself, and this encounter inspires him to make a dating sim game, but after he happens to actually meet the mystery girl face to face, he finds that she’s actually kind of plain,, albeit in a cute sort of way. In any case the feeling of their first mystery meeting lives on so he pushes through with his idea, intending to transform this girl into his ideal heroine. The main story, relations and problems arise around him trying to get the dev team together for this game, and of course this being romance they’re all girls.

It’s all very funny in a very meta way, with commentary on anime/manga culture in most chapters, and the so called main heroine, being outside that culture, usually playing a very good straight man. It’s also meta in how the mc goes about getting his dev team together, as i said they’re all girls so it’s almost like his life becomes a dating sim in trying to woo them into his harem… i mean game dev team…

In any case I’m not even actually sure the mc really counts as romantically dense or if he was just so committed to the bit of being a single weeb undeserving of love that he just pretended not to notice all the pretty loud romantic undertones,,, but maybe that's a type of density in itself… a younger me can def relate… being committed to the bit is a lifestyle… bed is bae… anyways it’s kind of ecchi but still surprisingly good in both the romance and meta aspects. Pretty good art, they made a decision to keep the cast compact and it worked out very nicely. It wraps up in just under 50 chapters but I will say each chapter is pretty dense and can be a bit word heavy. Would recommend.

#1) Monthly Girls’ Nozaki (ongoing w 148 chapters, story & art by Izumi Tsubaki)

This story follows our main heroine as she tries to get the attention of her crush, who is our mc. In approaching him she finds out he’s actually her favourite romance manga creator and through this and that ends up working on it with him as an assistant to try and get closer to him.

Right off the bat I think everyone in this cast is pretty dense but man is the main hero just the most dense mf in the universe. I feel sorry for the main heroine cause she knows but she’s just so down bad for him she kinda becomes dense to how down bad she is. In any case every chapter takes the form of a series of connected 4 panel stories and it’s pretty funny throughout.

The wider cast is pretty neat, nothing too crazy but as i said they’re all pretty dense in their own weird ways so the interactions are usually funny. The art is solid, cast is okay, pretty funny, would recommend for sure.

ftr both have an anime not sure of status or quality

and again ftr i’d rank boring girlfriend over monthly girls’ in general, especially as it’s complete it’s just that this is the dense & denser category and monthly girls’ nozaki is definitely dense central, like black hole event horizon density my friends…

and the last category

That’s Rough Buddy

{a direct reference to avatar when sokka told prince zuko his girlfriend turned into the moon and his response was “that’s rough buddy”, this category is different from the that’s fucked up category I used in very.2 in that these focus more on emotional turmoil and have no physical violence and so on}

#3) Kowloon Generic Romance (ongoing w 61 chapters, story & art by Jun Mayuzuki)

This is kind of eh tbh, cool art, and it’s kind of a mystery as to what’s goin on, so much so that I don’t think I can describe it without spoiling so i’ll lean on the anilist/yen press summary a bit here which is as follows:

“Welcome to Kowloon Walled City: a dystopian townscape where the people are brimming with nostalgia, and where the past, present, and future converge. Amid the hidden emotions and extraordinary daily lives of the men and women working in its confines, a tale of romance begins to unfold for real estate agent Reiko Kujirai—one that feels as familiar as Kowloon itself…”

I doubt that told you anything but I hope it sparks some intrigue, I will say it has a good number of dope one liners, and if i’m being honest the main characters smoke a lot which is an aesthetic I love for some reason so sue me…

Not much else to say tbh, nice art as I said, it’s pretty cool, okay cast, the story is pulling a bit but the bait isn’t that strong, though the aesthetics of it all has definitely caught my eye so I will be keeping up with it after this month… i wouldn’t push it as a recommendation that hard but there’s only 61 chapters rn so no real loss if you do decide to check it out

#2) How Do We Relationship? (ongoing w 115 chapters, story & art by tamifull)

The story here is that the main heroines are gay and in reality no matter how much the media and conservatives want ppl to believe that homosexuality and homosexuals are accepted and normalized in society, in fact that anything but being heterosexual and cisgender passing is accepted & normalized, that’s simply not the case in real life. I live in jamaica and man, not that I really care, but I could get shunned just for reading stuff with gays in it… In any case that’s the sort of reality the main heroines live in which was cool for its realness as they were/are hiding the fact that they're gay, but in any case plot plot plot they end up going out….

This is the “that’s rough buddy” category so I think it’s okay to spoil that it doesn’t go smoothly though I won’t go into further detail. I will mention a really cool thing the author said in an afterword where they say that a lot of romance stories tend to build towards and end at the start of the main characters getting into a relationship, but life isn’t like that. There’s life after that and that’s sort of what they wanted to illustrate. The life after a relationship…. Sounds like a spoiler but remember there’s more than just our heroines in the story. there’s a whole wider cast and they’re all pretty great. each having their own relationship troubles or lack thereof, ideas and philosophies on love and etc.

Pretty solid art, in fact it really reminds me of yokohama shopping log, so much so that i’m convinced it’s a fanfiction created just to make the characters from that series actually full on gay. Pretty solid cast, a story that gets more and more engaging as it goes on though it’s pretty solid from the start. would definitely highly recommend though it can be a bit tumultuous like damn you guys just never gonna be stable huh??

#1) Chobits (complete w 88 chapters, story & art by CLAMP an all woman manga group formed in the mid 1980s made of Nanase Ohkawa, Mokona, Tsubaki Nekoi and Satsuki lgarashi)

I’d always seen this around and always as the profile picture for some more than suspicious internet accounts… the vibe it gave off in my periphery view was just horrendous tbh but i took the dive and it was worth it, obviously, coming in at #1.

The story here is that in the future, the world is inhabited by humans who live alongside their extremely powerful computers called persocoms, that are shaped to look and act almost human. numerous stories have taken this angle so I think you can imagine the effects that would have on society, but in any case the story follows our mc who recently moved from the countryside to the city and ends up finding one in the trash that he takes in and starts to take care of. The thing is their memory is corrupted so he has to teach them everything, but soon enough the mystery of the discarded persocom comes to light and their abilities could change the world.

All that pompous stuff aside the theme of discerning the shape of love and who deserves it was pretty cool, the mc was bleh and so was most of the cast but the last few chapters and the questions they posed were enough, especially the origin story of the persocom like damn… that’s rough as fuck buddy,, def kinda weird but my condolences all the same…. Art was okay… and yh i’d recommend it..

hm:

Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai

Top Combo

Video Girl Ai (complete w 131 chapters, story & art by Masakazu Katsura)

This was probably my fav read this month, somewhere between this, boring girlfriend and skip & loafer but this definitely has the best combinations of the different categories I was working with this month.

Again this is something I'd seen floating around for the longest and associated with more than sus accounts but it was pretty good.

The lazy story is that the mc is a lame with no game and his crush ends up confessing to his best friend in front of him. obviously distraught he ends up renting what he thinks is a porn tape.. which I guess it technically is but it's supernatural in that the girl comes out of the TV and tries to mend the viewers’ heart.

Things get super complicated and it turns into the weirdest love polygon I've ever seen, lots of back and forth and dilly dallying but I enjoyed it. The art was great, had a great classic feel, there's more than a bit of ecchi but it's not entirely distasteful or weirdly out of context, the characters and their interactions were a bit exasperating with the back and forth, loves me loves me not stuff but that had its own entertainment value, and in any case I'd recommend it

now moving onto stuff from before this month, which I won't get into details for as I've spoken on them in previous versions which I'm encouraging you to go listen to or read the transcripts for,,

Oldies

Awww

Our Precious Conversations (top 1 oldie ver.1)

Dense & Denser

That's Rough Buddy

Hi Score Girl (top 1 ver. 2)

Boy's Abyss (top2 wtf ver. 1)

That's it for this part, got a little off cuff rambling in the rest of the ramble of you wanna listen in, thanks for checking this out as usual, hope you can find something here or elsewhere that you'll love and I hope you have a good one until next time 🍻

[ukaiknowsbest]

Review: Tamayomi

[will contain spoilers]

Lately I have been pretty bored with the recent developments in Daiya no A and Oofuri. New Shonen anime stuff just don't appeal to me, so I bit the bullet and watched Tamayomi for at least one episode a day.

Like me, people would normally think "HOW TF ARE THEY GOING TO PLAY BASEBALL? AREN'T THEY WEARING SHORTS??? IS THIS JUST FANSERVICE?? OMYGOD"

But I did it. I watched the whole thing. 12 episodes.

And I enjoyed it.

THE SETUP/PLOT

pretty standard fare

Pitcher Yomi Takeda accidentally reunites with her childhood friend who's actually a nationals-level in middle school catcher when they both end up in the same highschool.

School: former powerhouse located in Saitama, now baseball club is almost non-existent. Yomi and a few other will try to revive the team from scratch.

Basically Shin Koshigaya is a brand new team where they struggle to look for new members and majority are first years.

They have to face other stronger teams even when they have a few members and some decent players.

Demographic is SEINEN (like oofuri, last inning, one outs, etc.)

CHARACTERS

Yomi Takeda as Main character and pitcher- skilled, resilient, funny, hardworking, does a lot of research which enabled her to perfect her form and hone her breaking ball. She keeps improving in a good pace too.

Tamaki Yamazaki former childhood friend of Yomi. Is a decent catcher in middle school. A bit well known. Good communicator.

Yoshino - team manager and coach. srsly she is a boss. She's not infallible but she tries her best.

and other decent players with adequate skill

For a sports anime they have decent cast. This is probably the closest we can currently get of a story where the girls are just focused on the sport, do their own strategizing/planning/training. All of them are cute but also serious about what they do.

There's no boys here so there's no talk about het-crushes and other distractions. It's a clamfest babyyyy.

I've seen a little of Major 2 (the one abt the son and his coed team) and I couldn't stand it because it was just slice of life in sportsy undertones.

There is also decent communication among all the players. It's pretty refreshing to watch. The catcher is well rounded and the pitcher is good. Everyone talk things out and there is not a lot of drama.

FANSERVICE

Wearing shorts to a sport that involves a lot of making contact with the ground is just illogical lmao.

Their school uniform skirt is pretty short

A little bit of their manager prodding the thighs of each person she meets but with good reason (she can tell how much muscle/exercise a person does just by a little prodding). It's a trope thing.

That's all. There are no panty shots, unnecessary locker room nudity, boob action, see through sweaty shirts. Most of the cringy things I've seen in other girls sports anime aren't present.

Eventually I even forget that they're wearing shorts or that it impedes their performance. It seems like it doesn't matter much to the characters so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I don't know if like the hugging or holding hands is considered fanservice. In my experiece we ladies just act like that irl. What they do is nothing out of the ordinary.

REALISM

3/5. They wear shorts and dont tie their hair up. The baseball part seem pretty decent though. The pacing of the story and matches was like watching IRL Koshien. It's all very clinical and straightforward.

Plus they include a lot of interesting baseball stuff which I haven't seen happen in early stages of other shonen anime like: specifically training the pitcher in other positions, showing what fielders yell to each other, letting other relievers start to reserve their ace (ppl can yell DnA did this but remember Tanba was injury boy throughout Act 1).

COMPARISON TO OTHER BASEBALL MANGA

based on technicality Tamayomi is prolly one of the top among baseball anime/manga I have seen.

Last Inning

Oofuri

Tamayomi

Daiya no A

Now don't chase me with pitchforks because of this ranking just yet. The fact that Shin Koshigaya coach's decisions and reasonings for plays and lineups are discussed makes the show at par with Last Inning and Oofuri. (we dont see DnA kataoka talk abt this sht like..ever)

Moreover Tamayomi has similar vibes to Oofuri/Big Windup but less dramatic. I do not think it's good for beginners too (especially with just 12 episodes). You need to have prior baseball knowledge to understand what the characters were doing.

However, this show is probably the most no-fuss baseball anime/manga I have watched. It does not rely on hype like DnA and it also don't have heavy topics like Oofuri and Last Inning. It's not wacky like One Outs and it's not uber slice of life like Cross Game. It's just baseball.

My minor complaint is that they don't give numbers when talking about things like pitching speed tho. It would've been more realistic if actual numbers were dropped XD

ART/ DESIGN/ANIMATION

A.k.a the thing most viewers complain about.

Character design is subpar. Everyone's faces are almost the same. You can tell who's the character not by face but by hair and height. Personally I don't mind this. I don't really look for realism in most things I watch. And I think the hair designs are cool.

Lots of people drop this show because of bad animation. There are shots/scenes where it's like I'm watching fanmade AMV's in nicovideo/youtube from the early 2000's. Pitching motions and Batting motions look like character movements in rpg games.

It's not really a problem for me though. I think it's charming for some reason. I don't mind it. A lot of people do but I'm not them.

CONCLUSION

NGL I wanted more. 12 episodes is too short. I hope a better animation company picks this up. I'm rewatching the whole thing because I enjoyed it a lot. I'll even check out the manga if I have time.

If anyone's interested here's my tamayomi livetweet thread

This is one of the closest thing I could get to what a decent girl sports anime looks like. If the character designs, art, animation and the uniforms were just better this show would have gone pretty far.

Compared to Shonen types of manga this was relaxing to watch, especially before bed. I'd honestly recommend it you wanna watch smth that doesnt involve a lot of feelings and drama but still feel like watching an actual sport.

Girls are fun. Finally.

[personal notes under the cut]

I get that people reading this would think I'm being too optimistic about a show they considered shtty but I kid you not, I dropped Bakuten (boys gymnastic's anime) coz even with it's wonderful animation i thought it was boring af.

I have dropped so many prettily animated shows coz i just cant get into the characters nor the story.

I've also said before in my Two Car review that I am actively avoiding shows with popular VA's. Idk much abt female VA's in anime, therefore watching Tamayomi was the perfect solution for me.

The reason I like tamayomi so much is that it gave me the same feeling of watching Summer Koshien 2021. I just think an anime that made me remember that kind of feeling was cool.

I'll rewatch hanebado next. wish me luck.

[destinyc1020]

early 2016 tomdaya era was so cute lmao, they were genuinely acting like high school crush☺️

always smiling and giggling... i remember that video of them in a starbucks and deja was jokingly pushing z to move her closer to tom, and z was smiling and touching her hair, she looked nervous haha

some ppl are often saying he was the one who chased her and that she didn't care about him but eventually gave up and let him have a chance but brooo she was and still is WHIPPED too 😂 and pretty early on too during hoco filming. the eyes don't lie and hers are acting up everytime she's looking at him lol

some ppl are often saying he was the one who chased her and that she didn't care about him but eventually gave up and let him have a chance but brooo she was and still is WHIPPED too 😂 and pretty early on too during hoco filming. the eyes don't lie and hers are acting up everytime she's looking at him lol

"Deeeluuusions!!!"

Idk why ppl keep trying to spread that lie! 😅

She was the one who had to ask him "are we doing this or not?". Knowing her, she prob was accidentally friend-zoning him (like she says she has a tendency to do with guys rofl), and he was prob so confused about whether she liked him as just a friend or more than a friend, and maybe at the time he didn't want to risk rejection just yet lol 😆 😅

I mean, I wish ppl would do simple 1+1 = 2 math.

Zendaya....

Invited Tom to every Thanksgiving party over her house just about every year

Had him sleeping over her house

Invited him to be with her on her movie and TV show sets

Was wearing his shirts

Accidentally snapped "your sick gf still loves you"

Was giving him the once over look of LUST during LSB annnddd during certain interviews of the FFH press tour 👀

Gave him that keyhole neck chain even though they were already broken up (or on the verge of breaking up?)

Was still wearing his Cartier watch during the press tour

Almost caught herself saying "cuddling with my bf" on the red carpet of the FFH premiere

Was caught kissing him in a car

Went on a baecation with him etc....

And some of y'all are still claiming that she isn't into him?

Like you said Anon.... the eyes don't lie. They both have it bad for each other, and she wouldn't have gotten back with him if her feelings for him were "lukewarm".

And even if she DIDN'T feel immediately attracted to him from jump, and he had to do ALL the work (which wasn't the case), don't you know how many married couples have the wives saying this very same thing? 🤣 "I didn't notice him at first, but he was always funny and we became friends, and we started dating and I fell in love with him..."

There are so many stories like that, I swear lol.... 😅 A woman can often GROW in attraction to a man over time... especially if her feelings for him are neutral and aren't immediately turned off. I'm not so sure about men. 🤔 I guess some men in here would have to answer that one lol, but in my personal experience I feel like men have to be at least somewhat attracted from the get-go, coz past a certain age, most men aren't out here going out of their way trying to make another strictly platonic "female friend" lol 😅

[agustdiv1ne]

thank you + milestone!!

damn, never thought we'd get here, did we?

in all honesty, it's been a pretty shit year. march 'til now has felt like the same month on repeat with tiny tweaks to make it all so much worse. but i'm not here to complain about the worst parts of this year, i'm here to celebrate the best ones.

this was the year that i finally started writing, that i was finally spurred to open a google doc and just type away until a tiny work of fiction stared back at me. my first one was 1k words, a rant to get all of my emotions off of my chest with an idol as my muse. it felt...great, though it also felt a bit odd writing after being an avid reader for years. i always did prefer essays to creative writing, but this year definitely changed that perspective.

i wrote that first blurb along with another fic in late july, and in early august, i asked my friends if i should post them. om august 3rd, i changed this blog from a fic rec to a fic writing blog just like that. i regret none of it.

it's been nearly five months since i revamped this blog and i couldn't be more grateful for the support i have gotten from all of you, whether it be a kind comment, a like, a reblog, all of it. i never thought anyone would like my content, but i've been proven severely wrong by this community. from my irls that are on here, to my lovely mutuals and followers, to those i've talked to a lil bit on this hellsite, to the writers whose fics i absolutely adore, to those who have left a like or a comment on one of my fics, i want to say thank you from the very bottom of my heart ♡

have a happy and healthy new year! i love and appreciate every single one of you!!

though i'm painfully bad at writing letters and getting all sappy, i wanted to write them anyways hahaha let's goooo

to @hwaddict:

my irl best friend!! my partner in crime!!!! i love you sm carly, and there are not enough words in this world for me to describe the extent of my love. you have been there for me during my lowest moments, you've seen me cry, and i don't cry in front of many ppl. i trust you with my life and i'm so glad that we became friends back in middle school bc you are one reasons that spur me to keep going. i can't wait to see where life takes us and know that while i might not always be able to be there physically (especially with college right around the corner), i will always be there for you in any way i can be. again i love you and i can't wait to conquer next year with you ♡♡

to @hopejanaee:

hope!! hobi!!! one of my irls! though we just became friends earlier this year, it feels like we've been friends for ages. it's crazy how close we grew so quickly but i am so grateful to have you in my life. you never fail to make me laugh whenever we're together and you're so chaotic but in such a good way hahaha. you were the one who got me into writing with your own wonderful fics so thank yoi for that. i'm so happy that we became friends because you're so kind and caring and ahhhhhh i love u sm ♡

to @oikawasmilkbread:

we talked for like 0.2 seconds but you are so kind and hella cool!! it was nice having random conversations with you and i'm so glad you randomly dmed me bc i am shy and i have 0 idea how to start conversations with anyone lmao. i always smile when i see you in my notifs! i hope you have a happy new year!!! ♡

to @luthenia:

i know you're on hiatus but seeing you in my notifs always excites me hahaha. we never talk but you are so supportive of everyone in this community and i just wanted to shout you out for that! your memes are top tier LMAO and i can't wait for when you come back, happy new year ♡

to @starsforten:

we also talked for approximately 1 second but it was so fun talking to you about astrology stuff (virgo sun libra rising gang hahahaha) and those teuta matoshi dresses! you are so nice and easy to talk to and i hope your new year is happy and fruitful! ♡

i recommend every single one of these blogs for their amazing content!! i added some of my favorite fics as i'm a whore for great writing hahaaaa

@kinktae

waterloo — a masterpiece! taehyung is so bitter at the beginning and it's adorable seeing how y/n breaks his tough shell. loved this from beginning to the end ♡

hot rod — the 50s slang, the dynamic between hoseok and y/n...*chef's kiss*

@untaemedqueen

welcome to seoul land — werewolf!namjoon really got me going, 100/10 would recommend

graceful gods — this is one of my all-time favorites, greek god!jungkook has my brain going brrrr

@shadowsremedy + @therealmintedmango

support system — adorable!! this is a hybrid!yoongi fic i really enjoy, and the series isn't over yet! check it out~

@bratkook

tear you apart — demon!taehyung...holy shit. i was speechless

@tatertotthethot

the doms next door — THIS SERIES OMG, i've read each part at least five times already. taekook got me acting UP

scream (posted to @yandere-society) — a really cool take on the movie scream with jungkook, yandere fics don't always appeal to me but this one absolutely did

@ateezmakemeweep

broken — the immense ache i felt in my chest while reading this, but i loved both parts with a burning passion. san is so sweet in this :')

@atinybrew

dirty free for all — the ULTIMATE demon!san fic. the writing is absolutely immaculate and this is the first fic that had me blushing down my mf ARMS

rice milk lattes and bryophytes roads — another san fic admittedly because i'm whipped for san lol. anyways, this was cute and hot at the same time and best friend!yunho made my double biasing ass that much happier

@seacottons

pan — an adorable peter pan!hongjoong fic, it had my heart going achhfhsjfjsjf

sir kiss me — circus au with san holy hell i loved every twist and turn of this

@actuallythatwaspromise

bad romance — one of my favorite yunho fics ever, punk rock!yunho x nerd!reader has my entire heart

aurora garden center and desire ink — florist!mingi had me uwuing for the entire fic, this was adorable and i loved it sm

@yeonjuncore

every single fic on this blog is an absolute masterpiece, i swear

the devil's little angel — THIS IS ONE OF MY ULTIMATE FAVORITES, demon!yeonjun had me screaming and it was just so fun to read and i loved every single second of it so much that i've read it nearly ten times now. so go read it, you won't regret it!

the boy with the horns — another of my ultimate favorites (i told you, their writing is just that amazing), woodland fey!soobin just had me going so soft :(( i literally sobbed at one point, that's how invested i was

bleeding heart — the tension between vampire!yeonjun and vampire slayer!reader had me screeching

curtain call — i have a sad crush vampire!soobin

i love you, always — this felt so..bittersweet? taehyun loves y/n so much, i lowkey cried while reading this

@angelfic

the art of (mis)communication — i am a whore for both reconciliation and yeonjun, 100000/10 pls read this i beg of you

@angelictaehyun

growing pains — ahhh once again a yeonjun fic, my chest hurt a lil bit at some points but it was so sweet!!

@neovisioned

bed of spiderwebs — spiderman!mark has my heart screeching, i loved every second of it ♡

eddie ate dynamite — johnny suh coming for my throat yet again

cupid victorious — cupid!jaehyun :'))) definitely one of my favorites!!

@domjaehyun

quarantine chronicles — ok if you haven't read this or the part two yet then you're missing out big time!! the tension, the buildup, every single part of this fic was just *chef's kiss* but multiply thay by a million

all these years — every single moment of this felt so nostalgic and the ending was so sweet :')

@caiuscassiuss

muse — i keep going back to this one constantly, the angst in this phenomenal and i love artist!taeyong sm here

@neoct-zen

loverboy — HOT, AMAZING, I SCREAMED. the blurbs that accompany this are also top-tier i recommend reading each and every one!!

@moondustis

pink + white — i'm so soft for mark i stg, this was the cutest thing ever

@loviejaehyun

can't avoid this feeling — hockey player!mark is the best thing ever

all tied up — i just- screamed as i read this bc professor!jaehyun is too hot goodbye

@hopejanaee

incapable — this is one of the best yoongi fics i've ever read ngl, it's not completed quite yet but the parts that have been posted are top tier!!

breathless — THIS. I LOVED THIS. yuta is just so hfjshhfhshfnsn and i love this sm

@hwaddict

melting point — big boy mingiiii, 100/10 would recommend

@okayau

house next to mine — frat boy!yeonjun rly got me going, cute and hot at the same time ahhhhbfnsnnf

youth — ADORABLE, yeonjun's confession is peak i love it here

run away — how many yeonjun fics can i fit in this post? (answer: a lot) definitely one of my favorite harry potter aus!! it was awesome seeing how their relationship changed throughout the years and perhaps i teared up a little at the end :'))

@starrychannies

baby steps — ONE OF ALL-TIME MY FAVORITE FICS ON THIS SITE, every single part is so well-written and ahhhhhfhdhhf chan makes me feel some type of way

my stupid — another yeonjun fic! angsty but v cute at the end :')

@baekhvuns

this youth of craziness — 40k words of pure gold, this fic is absolutely one of my favorite san fics ever!!

replacement — prince!ten makes my brain go brrrr, i love how the y/n just speaks her mind here

@masterninjacow

untitled project — i saw soulmate au with mark and i knew would already love it, and i did! pizza boy!mark at that, amazing and i adored it

more amazing blogs!!: @galaxteez, @poutybinz, @lustjoong, @bloominghigh

these are just a few of the fics and blogs i found this year, find more on my fic rec blog @agustdiv1ne-recs!! (my thumbs are starting to hurt i'm so sorry bfjshfhsh)

wrapping up each month since august since that's when i actually started posting LMAO

☆ august

03: good enough — chan

03: bloodsucker — seonghwa

04: cutie — san

09: veloxrotaphobia — mingi

19: want — changbin

21: numb — yunho

100 follower special — i reached 100 followers towards the end of august, my first ever milestone :') also my first ever time taking requests, 'twas very fun ♡

☆ september

03: on camera — jungkook

☆ october

27: oh, worm? — namjoon

31: demon days — san

☆ november

10: a letter to my love — xiaojun

23: bad for u — jaehyun

27: home sweet home — yeonjun

☆ december

christmas bash 2020 — my brain went hey what if you did this- and i listened so here's 17 holiday fics hahahaa (not all of them are out yet but i'm working on it!!)

things i plan to release in 2021!!

☆ sunflower — jimin

☆ cross — yeonjun

☆ landslide — seonghwa

☆ nice save — san

☆ red — hyunjin

☆ a secret series (that will be revealed once i plan everything) — ateez

☆ 4 unrelated secret fics oOoOoo — will i reveal them? you'll just have to wait and see ;)

there will definitely be more posted! these are the ones that are going to be my priority at first, but my imagination is always churning so expect a lot more :)) check out all of non-secret wips here!

i hit 500 followers a couple days ago! i nearly screamed when i saw that LMAO. thank you so much for liking my content because i work hella hard on it :') sometimes i feel like i don't deserve y'all really, but @hwaddict will yell at me if i say that so ig i take it back hfhshhdhg

a post for celebrating this milestone will come as soon as i finish up the rest of my christmas fics!! sorry that i'm so slow :( (hint: my requests will be open, so look out for it!)

so yeah!! that's it, sorry for the painfully long post (i'm sorry to my thumbs for typing this whole thing out </3). thank you to everyone who read this far!! i hope everyone has a happy and healthy new year, and in the words of txt's cover, fuck 2020. may 2021 be a much better year for all of us!!!

much love,

ashlee ♡

[paris-geller-was-straightwashed]

Hi! I've fallen into a Paris/Rory spiral the last few days and it's super fun! I've read nearly every fic in the ao3 tag. Yours are wonderful, I've read several of them twice over the last few days. Idk if you take prompts (it's totally fine if you don't) but I have a soft spot for Chilton-era Raris, I'd love if you wrote something for them. It's not because I'm a lesbian who went to private school and did not get with my friend/crush at all :) I'm so down to chat about Paris, I love her so much

(sorry for my lateness, it’s just been hectic around here and, you know..life)

thanks so much! I’m so glad you like them :) we’re a talented people, and there’s lots of great fic for gellmore to choose from too

I generally don’t take requests - mostly bc I’m a picky asshole and also I take 9 Million Years to finish anything so it’s hard for me to guarantee I’ll finish a request - however, I am running low on ideas honestly LOL or really, I feel like I’m just doing the same stuff/themes over and over. I was actually going to update my one-shot collection and then ask the ppl who usually stop by if they had any ideas for some stuff they’d like to see me try. so if you have any specifics feel free to let me know!

I also love an early chilton story, esp an early chilton paris. this poor repressed baby lesbian, all huffy bc this new girl barged into her path who’s unfairly pretty and smart, it’s just *chefs kiss* without getting into spoilers (bc I still wanna give some auara of ~mystery~ to this), some time ago I alluded to a massive gellmore fic I was gunna post that I then didn’t - BUT, it’s still in the works and it is nearly done, and I do wanna post it sooner then later, and it does hark on those themes. I also have just like...a bunch of dead early-chilton drafts just hanging out in my gg folder LOL my first fic I ever posted, I had rory leave an anonymous valentines for paris, and then I wrote another one on the flip side where paris instead leaves one - maybe that’s something I could dust off. I’ve always had a love for them dating in high school - which is hard, bc I feel at that point it’s still too..early, in their dynamic for that to happen (they still are getting to know each other as friends, which is why making them date in the college years is easier). but the idea is just so cUTE with them all young and blushy as they try to navigate dating and first kisses and aaaaaaa! plus, it’s an interesting idea for me to see how paris would do, if she let someone in and had that kind of love earlier then later, bc it’s not till into the yale years maybe, that paris is really sure rory is her friend and will never betray her, so she can rely on her as such. what would happen, if she had someone get closer and potentially make her teen  years less miserable/lonely.

but yes, she’s a fun character to explore, which is why I’ve done it so often in fics LOL the harsh exterior mixed in with such an emotional heart, how she pretends she’s above having friends and thinks she can go it alone juxtaposed to every soft smile she gives to rory (the heart eyes! the heart eyes!!!!!!!), how she is an Absolute Weirdo who tries to mold herself to society’s normalcy like her mother forces her too but instead is just So Strange (which makes yet another reason she fits with rory/would be a perfect in-law for lorelai) - gotta love that girl. I love a paris discussion, so always feel free to rant about her to me :)

[jojosthetic-boogaloo]

ur moodboards r so pretty!! i was wondering if i could get one w/ a matchup? i'm a 21 y/o 5'7" bi girl, gemini and an infp. my interests include writing (kinda edgy tbh) poetry n drawing. i'm v into vulture culture, specifically bone collecting and wet specimens. i love animals, esp ferrets (i have 6 lol). i love listening to music, mostly heavy or obscure bands. i'm not v assertive and i'm a big daydreamer. ppl say i have a rather dry/dark sense of humor. thank u and good luck w the new blog!!

Darling, for sure! And thank you so much!! I hate to admit that flattery will in fact get you anywhere ahh dang it ily

For your matchup! This is like, bit obvious ‘kay, but let me make it special aight yuh, cue funky goth music! 

((Also, I went with the assumption that ferret owners walk them?? I hope that’s okay and not too bizarre?? As a dog owner I am sorry if I messed that up hhh)

Translation: “Be my silver lining, help me make things better, darling.”

Leone Abbacchio!

At first glance, Abbacchio just really dug your style. The way you presented yourself was exactly according to his liking, extremely tasteful, he thought to himself. Still, having a platonic crush on your style didn’t move him to come up to speak to you out of the blue, what for anyways? Not like he was about to ruin some quite scrumptious girl’s day with his weird ramblings.

What a surprise though. Next time he spotted you in public it was by chance, and also amusingly entertaining. Were you really walking around with 4 ferrets on a leash? What was better, as he walked closer to you was, did you also carry two more ferrets on your tote-bag? He chuckled as he finally was close enough to you and spoke. “Excuse me miss, I couldn’t help but stare.” He started, earning a raised eyebrow from you, was this dude a creep or something? You tightened the leash quietly towards you, ready to lift your tiny children into the bag and run if needed.

“Oh, yeah?” You replied, on your guard, giving him a full scan with your eyes. Tall, well built, solemn looking, very nice lips and lipstick, nice hair, nice clothing style. Okay, visually, he had a pass, you had yet to see if he was a decent person. “Yeah.” He started, feeling the analytic gaze coming from you in his figure. He came in too strong probably. “I mean, it’s not every day you see a beautiful lady walking around with... six. Six ferrets in the street.” He had paused mid-sentence to count your pets. That, that earned positive points on his favor, he was cute, he got a pass.

“That’d be a beautiful girl for you, I’m not that old, sir.” You retorted, a small smile on your lips for you didn't mean no harm, and he understood that by replying with a smile on his face as well. “Ouch, okay, touché.” You both chuckled, then Leone presented himself, extending a polite hand your way. “I’m Leone, Leone Abbacchio, pleased to meet you miss.” He started, his lips together in a polite, amused smile. You thought it through for a second, realizing just how handsome this man was, timidly raising your hand to shake his. “Y/N’s the name, the pleasure is... mine, Leone.” He found that reaction interesting, contrary to the previous one, regaling you with a tender smile that barely showed you his perfect pearly whites.

“Well, Y/N, would you maybe... like to go for a drink?” He suggested, taking all his chances right there. How long had it been since he last went out with a girl for his own personal interest? He feared he’d forgotten how to act. Then came your answer, that actually put him at ease quite easily. “I’d love to, but I have to leave this babies back home first.” You started, then adjusting your tote-bag and reaching inside the pocket of your pants you took out your phone, unlocking it with practiced easiness. “Mind giving me your number so we can meet up some other time though?” He grinned, nodding and giving you a short “hm” as a response. 

You’d decided to meet up at the local music store, upon his request. Apparently, he wanted to buy a new album from his favorite band for his collection, and you didn’t comply, since you also were happy to check out on some new tunes. 

Watch him pleasantly surprised when he gets there and finds that both; you’re already there, even if he did get there a bit early, and also you were eyeing quite thoroughly the section he most liked to search through. “Hello there Y/N, anything catch your eye?”

As much as you’d liked to blurt out “You.”, you swallowed when you turned around and saw this wonderful eye candy ask about your music preference. 

After walking around the store for a while, casually chatting about the CDs both you and him pointed at or grabbed before placing them back in place you’d learned that you shared music tastes! Would he get any better than this? You thought, and simultaneously, so did he about you.

You decided to go for that drink you promised the previous day, he ordered some tea, and you did much the same. He refrained from drinking beer due to having problems with it in the past, he commented. You felt bad, so that’s why you chose the same thing, a small act of solidarity.

Through the afternoon, you’d been talking about books you’d read, sometimes coinciding on your reads, most the time Abbacchio recommending you books he’d loved, and so on.

It got interesting when you mentioned you also wrote some poetry sometimes. He asked if he could someday see your writings, and as much flustered as you got upon just thinking about it, you decided upon saying “We’ll see.”

When the night came, you’d realized you’d spent too much time in there, now a long 30 minute walk awaited you back home and, quite honestly, you weren’t exactly giddy and excited about it. 

“Don’t worry, bella, I’ll drive you home.” Great! You were rather nervous to get in the car of a man you’d quite prematurely met, but something deep in your gut told yourself to trust in him. And you did well, he opened the passenger seat’s door for you in a most outdated gentlemanly manner and turned around to sit down on the driver’s seat himself, revving up the engine and starting your way back home. You gave him the directions in a quiet tone, the music on the radio calmly playing while he let you guide, eyes focused on the road ahead and the wind gently swaying his hair backwards from his half open window. 

You took some time to quietly observe his features. The moonlight did him justice, he looked handsome during daylight, but this was another thing entirely. You realized you’d gotten a small crush on him at this point, sighing and staring at the road ahead. Not aware he’d noticed your staring and was now biting the inside of his cheek where you couldn’t see his embarrassment.

When you got home, your stomach sunk. You felt just how much you didn’t want him to leave just yet. And so, when you undid your belt and were about to turn for the door after a quiet “thank you”, you decided on turning back once more, only to notice he’d leaned over onto your seat and his face was mere inches away from yours, staring back at you with quiet surprise and wonder.

He swallowed, timidly speaking up after clearing his throat, not moving an inch. “You were about to... forget your bag in the back seat...” He stated, and you did notice your bag was being held in the hand that invaded your seat by its handles.

You slowly leaned in, and it happened, you pressed your lips to his, and he pressed back against you in return, raising his hand to your cheek and letting the bag softly drop into the car’s floor. 

When you broke off the kiss, you bit your lip. You were both adults, there was no harm in asking, right? “Uhm... would you want to... come in?” He chuckled and leaned back into the driver’s seat, moving the gear lever while still looking at you with a smirk on his lips. “Sure bella, let me park first and I’ll be there in a minute.”

So he spent the night with you. Next morning, you woke up with a small paper note next to you in bed, right where he’d laid previously and it read, in utmost fancy calligraphy “Went for breakfast, that was wonderful. - Leone”.

You threw yourself back into the mattress again, giddily waving the paper around as your kicked your legs like a teenage girl in love. You loved this man, he was amazing, so thoughtful, so kind and charming. He made you feel safe, and that’s what you most cherished. Sooner than later, you heard the doorbell ring, and promptly threw a shirt on you along with some undergarments to find a handsome silver haired man standing at your door with coffee and pastries.

After meeting up a few more times in this fashion, you’d gotten to the point you just had to ask. Perched on his form on your sofa as you watched a documentary on pagan rituals he seemed to be rather interested on, you rested your head between his shoulder and his chest and timidly asked, playing with his hand that rested on your thigh. “Leone, what are we?” 

He seemed to stay silent for longer than comfortable. But when you looked up, seeing him arch his brow in confusion and turn to look at you for a brief moment before turning his gaze back to the screen. He threw an arm around your shoulder and squeezed you close, resting his temple on top of your head tenderly as he seemed to try and find his words without missing much of the show.

“I thought we were dating already?” He nonchalantly replied, which made your chest tighten and a sharp breath inflate your chest. You let it out and gave a small nod onto his chest, placing a soft kiss on it and turning your  gaze to the TV once more, feeling him run his hand up and down your forearm in a comforting motion. “I’m glad we are then.” He chuckled and shook his head, but added nothing else, the smile never leaving his lips. 

[bipolyjack]

Please tell me more about why you like sheith, I'm very curious to hear the rest of it.

(alright luckily i had the beginning of this saved elsewhere when tumblr just randomly sent it early so imma just begin by pasting. also spoilers for voltron s4 obv) 

the original ask was something like “curious why u like sheith? ive thought abt it and i think i prefer klance”

rubs hands 2gether Thank U for Asking

first of all, thats chill! if klance is ur thing, fuckin go for itmy dude, have a great time with that shit. the fandom’s huge andtheres tons of content. im all for ppl shippin what they want and imnot here to tell someone to ship or not ship something. if u do trulywant to know why im a sheith tho, buckle the fuck up cause im awashin sheith feelings at every moment and i got Things 2 say

alright so the main thing with sheith is that it feels realhealthy and good. (well it did. things are weird this season bc shiromay or may not be a clone but up until his disappearance at least.)they’re rly good abt checking in with each other to see how theother one’s doing and feeling, and they lean on each other a lotfor support. they also treat each other as equals and respect each other’s choices (again, with minor exceptions in the current season). they got that good good hidden backstory together. they got that good good star crossed lovers thing goin on where the universe keeps ripping them apart, fucking them over and tossing them back together more fucked up than before and my dude i Eat That Shit UP. also that good good height difference.the show gives them lots of moments where they’re either alone in a room together havin a private moment or havin an equally private moment in front of the whole fuckin team where fuckin everybody can see them (like the first Hug tm). they’re openly physically intimate with each other (which keith is not with anyone else) and they’re not like. ashamed of that. there’s so much canon content i cry daily. 

here lemme break it down

we know they knew each other in the garrison, and not just like in passing, like acquaintances, but enough that keith was the only person there to see shiro off when the kerberos mission launched. in s1ep1 lance says of shiro “omg that guys my hero” and of keith “you’re my rival” but neither shiro nor keith know who lance even fuckin is. bc presumably they didnt hang out. everyone in the garrison knows who keith and shiro are but they - keith especially it seems like - dont keep track of the other students. also theres this whole fanon thing where shiro and matt were best friends in the garrison and hung out all the time before kerberos, but in s4 when matt greets shiro hes incredibly stiff and awkward and calls him sir and shiro just goes “pidge never gave up on u buddy” which i guess could be a clone thing but could also be him bein like “i totally did give up on u tho, whatever” (and i can totally buy that considering how pidge’s whole personal arc this whole time has been looking for matt and their dad, and while shiro has been supportive of that, he’s also been like hey dude that’s not our top priority as a team). so from that i infer that matt and shiro werent best buds in the garrison, and that he must have spent a lot more of his time with keith bc in s2ep1 keith makes it clear that shiro made a significant impact on his life and that he still thinks about things shiro said to him before kerberos. which we havent seen. bc theyre hiding the pre-kerberos backstory from us and i cry. also their flashbacks in s1ep2 (i think, i dont exactly remember which ep but i think its that one) when they all put on the headsets and we see their fondest memories, shiro’s is the day they were separated and keith’s is the day they found each other again like jesus.

then there’s keith’s first scene in the show. the first thing we see him doing is kicking the shit out of like three garrison guys to rescue shiro. we get that close up of him touching shiro’s unconscious fuckin face and his first line in the whole show is him saying shiro’s name. like shit dude how am i supposed 2 not ship that. the first time keith and lance interact, its lance butting in on that moment and keith being like “who the fuck are u” and its. uncomfortable. we also know that keith has been livin alone in the desert and obsessing over these lion carvings bc he got kicked out of the garrison for basically insubordination sometime after shiro went missing. we get that scene in the shack where keith talks abt feeling lost until shiro showed up and everyone else in the room looking all confused and uncomfortable as these two dudes who clearly already know each other well and have been separated for like a year just stare into each other’s eyes or what the fuck ever. also the scene outside the shack where keith comes and finds shiro and puts a hand on his shoulder and asks him how hes doing - theyre alone for that part. also worth mentioning is that keith has no hesitation touching shiro’s galra tech arm, whereas lance hesitates before shaking his hand. we see a bunch of times that keith is touch averse with almost everyone except shiro, in a way that indicates a degree of prior familiarity and a good understanding of boundaries that keith hasnt had the time or inclination to set up with lance, hunk, pidge, allura, coran etc. also the one time he holds lance when sendack attacks the castle and lance is unconscious, lance sort of blows it off later and basically goes “no homo” when keith brings it up so that was a bummer

i also love some of the Pauses they put into shiro and keith’s dialogue, some of them are just. so choice. like when keith proposes a crazy plan that puts him in danger and shiro just takes a sec, closes his eyes, then goes “alright i’ll back u up, do what u gotta do” like!!!! boi!!!!!! thats good shit. also in s2ep9 during the blade of marmora trial when keith is basically having this nightmare about shiro rejecting him because of his connection to the galra, (which real actual shiro can see because this whole ep was a fuckin fanfiction) and he does that same thing where hes like “shiro... *pause, close eyes for Just a sec* you’re like a brother to me” which! by the way!! i have said the same thing!! to a friend i had a crush on!!! who was straight!!!! and i was a little baby who didnt know i was into girls yet and we used to say we were like sisters bc i? didnt know i?? was gay???? we shared her bed whenever i stayed over and she really did see me as a sister and i would just lie next to her and daydream about touching her boobs,, anyway keith is so relatable there i could yell forever but continuing on,

can we, real quick, talk abt the first time keith flies the black lion? bc in s2ep1 hes not the black paladin yet. real shiro is still around. and keith legit goes up to black, puts a hand on her big ole nose and goes “ur boi is in trouble, we gotta help him” and she goes “yeah dude hop in” like?????????????? thats some fanfic shit again! black Knows! also dont even talk to me abt how many times keith and shiro yell each others names in that ep its unreal. also the trope (that i eat the fuck up every time) of one member of the otp lying trapped and injured somewhere and talking to the other member of the otp thru a helmet comm or whatever and they cant see each other but they can hear each others voices, so they have to keep talking to like reassure each other they’re both still alive and okay?!!! im such a sucker for that shit!!!! ummmmm the fact that shiro keeps reassuring keith that hes fine when theres a gaping glowing wound in his side and hes like visibly in pain, clenching his teeth, eyes closed, groaning, sweat beading on his forehead, the whole fuckin thing?? and josh knocked it outta the park with shiro’s voice in that ep making him sound like he was trying not to sound hurt and exhausted so that keith wouldn’t worry too much like Fuck me up!! smiling thru the pain when keith talks abt how much shiro changed his life and made him a better person??? boi!!!!!

then there are the times when shiro talks abt something happening to him and keith taking over as voltron’s leader, and keith gets all panicked about it like he cant stand the thought of losing shiro again (this happens a bunch of times but the ones that are coming to mind are s2ep1 and s2ep9 bc. again. those are the fanfic episodes). and then he Does lose him again and he’s so clearly grieving, lashing out at the rest of the team, super obviously feeling shiro’s loss more than the others (and lance is a real dick about it a bunch of times which really rubbed me wrong), going out to look for him over and over bc he wants to believe so bad that shiro’s out there somewhere. omg the “please no” when the black lion accepts him that shit Fucked me right up!! he wants to honor shiro’s wishes!! but some part of him knows that’s like admitting that shiro’s gone and isn’t coming back. and then!!!!!! when they find kuron and its just the red lion and the galra ship floating alone in space just like. gently drifting toward each other. keith’s little tired smile there. fuck me up. and then we find out in the next scene that keith has been the only one in shiro (kuron)’s room while he’s recovering and shiro (kuron) hasnt bothered to shave or cut his hair or get dressed yet and he lets keith see him like that and not the rest of the team. fuck. keith looks Exhausted in that scene. hes got bags under his eyes, hes kinda hunched in on himself, arms crossed, like something in him Knows this isnt his boi but he wants to believe it’s him so bad and its. god. its a lot. and Then when hes turning to leave and kuron is like “how many times will u have to save me before this is over” and keith’s face just relaxes into this legitimately genuine smile when he says “as many times as it takes” like!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck me

this is where it starts gettin awkward with them bc kuron isnt shiro and he doesnt treat keith the way shiro would but he Tries, like after keith fucks up that one mission and kuron comes and finds him (again, in private) to touch his shoulder and be like “im proud of u boi” when keith clearly Did Not Do A Good Job and keith just looks bummed like “thats. thats not tru” and it Hurts me bc we know real shiro doesnt do fake praise. also kuron orders keith to put himself in danger more than once and doesnt give a shit that keith and the others get hurt because of it which also real shiro would never do - we’ve seen him react when his teammates take hits before, but especially keith, like during the bom trial. then theres s4ep1 where keith sort of drifts away from team voltron in order to do more stuff with the blade of marmora and everyone’s pissed at him but then as hes walking out kuron’s like “you know we’re here for you if you need us” and keith gets that soft smile again like “i know and i cant tell you how much that means to me” and then they do that good good hand clasp that turns into a hug which by the way is a stark contrast to when other people hug keith and they just kinda grab him and he goes all stiff and it takes him a sec or three to put his arms around them if he even does that at all - with shiro they do the hand clasp first and then walk into the hug together and keith buries his face in shiro’s fuckin shoulder and smiles and closes his eyes and i wanna die. and theyve done this twice now which makes me think they probs did it before kerberos too and that also hurts me. 

then theres s4ep6 where keith has gone the whole season feeling like he was a bad leader. it seems like voltron doesnt rly need him and his friends dont need him and shiro doesnt need him and hes been hanging with the bom who have their whole philosophy of not going back to rescue their own guys if it means putting the mission or the rest of the team in danger (which keith already was saying when allura was captured - how very galra of him) and now keith’s having to readjust to that mindset after being part of such a close knit team. so when he sees a way to take that shield down, he just fuckin goes for it. hes started to see himself as expendable. when shiro thinks hes about to die, we get all kinds of flashbacks, the first of which is him and keith alone outside the shack. there are no flashbacks with keith. he just closes his eyes. and shiro (kuron) congratulates him. like obv its before he knows what keith was about to do, but still, thats some fucked up shit. 

now this wasnt rly part of ur question, ie u didnt ask me how i felt abt klance, but i feel like i gotta say: lance just grates on me. im sorry i know lots of people who love him but he just. isnt my cup of tea. and i do think the relationship shown in the show between keith and shiro is a lot more mature and healthy than the one shown between lance and keith. lance has some good moments! but canon lance and fanon lance seem like two entirely different people to me a lot of the time and thats all cool and fine if ur lookin for that, again im not here to stop ppl from having fun, but there are so many good sheith moments in the show and im just glad to see the relationship between two dudes depicted that way regardless of whether it becomes canon or not. also lance in the show is only shown being attracted to girls, and in kinda a skeevy way - like ive met guys who treat me like that and been Very off-put by that kind of behavior. and it would put me off if after all that they got him together with keith. like hes just superficially interested in all these hot girls but keith, who he has very few heartfelt intimate moments with onscreen, is his True Love? like thats,, not good bi rep. i Do rly like the bond hes been building with allura since they switched lions, that seems like its going in a direction that could turn out to be very wholesome and sweet. but again, if klance is ur thing, by all means have a ball.

k that was a lot but tl:dr i like 2 cry and sheith provides me with lots of opportunities to do that,, if u read it all then thank u deeply and truly for ur attention, u probs Understand me as a person a bit better than before lol

[dykedykegooses]

i'm askin u every single even numbered question for the lesbian ask game

at least you didnt bother with the algebra this time, for which i am thankful

Femme or butch?

i’m more femme but i try to act butch sometimes and i just end up failing hopelessly. ‘look mom i know how to put air in a tire!!’ ‘peyton thats like… not even right’ or ‘oh SHIT look at that blitz!! that was cool’ ‘peyton that was a sack’ ‘oh’

Do you have a “type”? If so, describe it

not really, mostly just like… humor. if u funny we click

Plaid button-ups or leather jackets?

why not both?

no but seriously plaid tbh

Describe your style

um yes

converse, (ripped? sometimes) jeans, and whatever top i feel is appropriate for the Big Aesthetic today

Describe your aesthetic

yes

ive tried going more punk but its just kinda , not worked

my physical aesthetic is very adultolescent. i got chub and look like a freshman but ive been told i pass as a college senior so like

my Big Mood aesthetic is yes

Favorite article of clothing?

either my converse or my “”combat boots”” (theyre not and it makes me sound like an edgelord just saying that) (can you tell im gay)

OH WAIT I FORGOT ABOUT MY JEAN JACKET its like baggy and light and ive started sewing patches from my favorite bands on it (super punk right)

Favorite pair of shoes?

^^^

oh my black strappy heels, theyre surprisingly comfortable

Current haircut?

ive got a bleached bob rn

Any haircut goals for the future?

i kinda want a pixie cut bc i cant handle long hair however long hair is so PRETTY and wow

Describe the best date you’ve been on

iiiiiiiiii dont really know. ive been on very few. i have a Perfect Date in mind, and i guess my favorite was my first date with my ex. we had gotten back from a successful science competition (HAVE I MADE IT OBVIOUS IM A NERD YET IM A BIG OL NERD) and it was like midnight by the time we got back and we were both starving so we went to taco bell and just sat there talking and laughing and i know we were pissing off the staff, but we stayed til like two in the morning and we went home and honestly we both considered it a date but we didnt like… tell each other it was a date? if that makes sense? idk honestly im triggered

Describe the worst date you’ve been on

ugh oh god i went on a tinder date and this girl like in the DMs was like ‘hey do u smoke weed’ and im like ‘lol no’ and then like we made plans to meet up at a coffee shop and she asks me AGAIN if i smoke weed and im like……………. no and shes like ‘oh right lol’ well THIS BITCH sleeps through the time we were supposed to meet, completely stands me up, and then texts me back like an hour later and was like ‘omg im sorry i overslept!!!’ and it was like….. noon but ok so we meet up after my class and we just sit there really awkwardly trying to make conversation and she asks me AGAIN if i smoke weed im like ‘honey no i dont’ and we just talked about drugs for a while and when i left because i had to gtfo she like gave me an awkward hug and like i sent a text later that night bc im courteous and im like ‘hey i had a great time today’ (i didnt) ‘lmk if you ever want to meet up again!!’ and she just. ignored me lol.

Single? Taken?

im currently in a polyamorous relationship with myself and my anxiety

If taken, talk about your girlfriend/wife!

:)

If single, what are you looking for in a potential girlfriend/wife?

someone who’s able to make me laugh and deal with my bad ideas and will let me cook for her and wants to travel the world with me

Describe your dream wedding

its small. outside. maybe in a field or in front of a lake. i dont personally want a big ballgown, just a short white dress will do. lavenders everywhere. R A I N B O W  C A K E. reception where we slow dance to all the sappy romance songs. its great.

Do you want kids?

not really, but ive considered being a foster parent. i feel like im here to do good; i don’t want to have my own biological children, and im not sure i want to have the permanent responsibility of adopting a kid, but i feel i could handle fostering once we’re financially stable and have the room to accept children into our home.

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

spain, definitely. somewhere in the north. i want to have a small farm with goats and chickens and vegetables and i want to be away from this american mess.

Favorite lesbian movie?

well ysee…………. the only two explicitly lesbian movies ive seen have been ‘all about E’ and ‘blue is the warmest color’ and i didnt like either of the lmfaoooo i prefer watching lesbian television shows tbqh (or, most commonly, just rewriting all the female characters in my head to be sapphic sooooooo dont @ me)

Favorite lesbian novel/story?

i mean same as above, i dont read as much as i like to. however, i did read “georgia peaches and other forbidden fruit” and that was Really Good and i did read another that was slightly better, but i forget the name but it was about a pakistani (?) girl who was struggling to come out to her parents bc they were very traditionalist but she joins the theater and her like really elite school and the girl she had a crush on basically outs her and is a bitch about it and GOD i wish i could remember it because it was really good

Favorite lesbian song?

ummmmmmmmmmmm i just recently listened to ‘honey’ by kehlani and that was pretty good and pretty gay, but my personal favorite is ‘girls’ by beatrice eli bc holy shit what a Mood

Favorite lesbian musician?

i love mary lambert and beatrice eli.

What lesbian stereotypes do you fit into, if any?

ummmmm now that im thinking of them i cant think of any. i used to play softball and soccer? i love cats. i immediately start planning out the next five years of our lives together anytime im remotely interested in a girl?

Ever been assumed to be nothing more than a gal pal?

i mean………………. no

If a woman wanted to woo you, what would a surefire way to accomplish that?

well bake cookies w me and lets go for a walk & go out and watch the stars at night in the bed of a truck

Be positive! What do you like most about being a lesbian?

I LOVE LOVING GIRLS!!!!!! I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT BEING A LESBIAN!!!!!! GIRLS ARE FANTASTIC!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!

Are you more of a cat person or a dog person?

why not both

idk ive never had a cat but i know i lov them

Turn ons?

i.......... dont know

yes

im gay

Turn offs?

long nails youch theyre pretty to look at but i mean at what price

not having anything to talk about

putting yourself down like a lot (i went on a date w this one girl and that was all she did like the entire date like......... im sorry ? :(???)

Do you usually ask other women out or do you wait for them to ask you?

if im being honest i would love for someone to ask me out but since that is Very Unlikely, i tend to be the one to message first and initiate dates and stuff

What is your dream career?

i want to be a psychological researcher in the field of social comparative psychology how sick is that!!!!! just play with dogs all day and record whether or not they boop their noses on a screen

also i wanna be a farmer and a bookstore owner but thats Farther down the line like , when im 50

Talk about your interests or hobbies!

im honestly such a psych nerd i love psychology what the fuck!! its so interesting like ppl are weird man idk brains are weird

im also having a really big green day phase like billie .. he so smol... and also anyone who wants to bash warning or the trilogy can fight me ok those are like My Favorite Albums

im going to a concert in february to see declan mckenna, a Giant Meme

im getting a tattoo w some lyrics of declan’s actually its gonna be sick

What is the most attractive quality a woman can have?

yes

idk for me its being able to have quick, witty, skillful jokes i just love listening to girls talk and tell stories and jokes like wow im gay

also long curly hair? thats always a Solid Look

Do you love easily or does it take time for you to warm up to someone?

i mean. do we really wanna open this can of worms rn

too late, its open

i get those microcrushes where you like see a girl and youre like ‘WOW IM GAY DATE ME’ however once it comes to actually being in a relationship i throw my full weight behind it and worry that im being too suffocating or that im pushing my boundaries etc and ive been told that makes me come off really cold and uncaring so lol choose ur own adventure, you decide

Ever fallen for your best-friend?

unfortunately

Ever fallen for a straight girl?

can you even call yourself a lesbian if you havent

The L-Word: yes or no? (love it or hate it?)

i havent seen it, im such a fake lesbian

Favorite comfort food?

mac n cheese

or pizza

or cheesy potatos

OR CHEESY TOAST

scientific conclusion: im a fatass

Coffee or tea?

coffer

Vegetarian? Vegan? None of the above?

im vegetarian!! have been on and off for like two years now

Do you have any pets?

i have one pup sittin right next to me and shes the prettiest girl in the world

Early-riser or night-owl?

yes

idk i get up at like 9 which is early for me but not as early as like. 5. so

more like night-owl. thanks teenage hormones!

What is your sign?

pisces

Can you drive?

yes

can i drive well?

no

but i do have a sense of direction so thats cool

Who was your first lesbian crush?

tbh.................... my best friend, but i didnt realize it was a crush at the time

the first Gay Crush i had that i knew was a crush was on my close friend at the time, now my ex girlfriend

At what age did you know you were a lesbian?

uhhhhhhhhhh lesbian specifically, like 15-16. queer, i knew in like fall semester freshman year (so like 13??)

At what age did you come out (if you have)?

i mean, i come out to people all the time. first time i came out explicitly as a lesbian was when i was like 15 or 16 (actually i came out to a close straight friend and my ex and they both said ‘congrats’ like it was weird but very nice) and the first time i came out as queer/questioning was to my then-best friend at like 13 and i came out to my mom (involuntarily) at like 17? ish?

Are you crushing on anyone at the moment (celebrity or otherwise)?

yes im crushing on every girl simultaneously at all times

just kidding

(not really)

i dont really have any explicit crushes that i can think of im just really gay

Talk about how your day went

it was fine. got free froyo so that was cool. found out i made an A on my bio practical, so that was cool too. however, i wore a crop top and it was like 55 degrees out and raining so i looked like a total Idiot but yk follow ur slutty gay dreams amiright ladies

Talk about your dreams/aspirations for the future

most of mine are career-centric, but a few are personal.

i wanna go to costa rica in may, i wanna go to yale over the summer, i wanna go to NYC pride in june, i wanna go to spain after i graduate, i wanna go to grad school, i wanna be a psychological researcher, i wanna move to spain or england or hell even france, i wanna have my own farm with the woman i love, i wanna own an LGBT bookstore/library, i wanna just live a quiet life near the sea and not have to worry so much after a while.

Least favorite gay celebrity?

this is a weird one to end on, but iiiiiiim not sure i have one? i can tell you ellen page is probably my favorite, but i cant think of many i dislike so